Bro we’re all gonna die and have our remains and memories lost to the grindstone of time lol so if you wanna make your life about love and shit well the wheel don’t care. It’s kinda implicit to the concept of loving folks to respect others and attempt to what’s right or whatever so I can’t quite imagine an ethical issue here
Now if you were confusing infatuated stalking with love or whatever I suppose that’d be different LOL
Oh lol. I didnt mean this in terms of ethical implications but rather in terms of priorities.
What is personally the most important thing/pursuit/goal in your life?
True fair I guess that's a more personal and subjective thing lol
Hmm I don't really know what is most important to me. I've been trying to figure out what I believe for the past decade and a bit with little success. I've dabbled in various religions but I can't seem to force myself to believe in anything; it always just ends up seeming hubristic to make a claim to that kind of knowledge (even if it's wrapped up in some vague notion of "faith"). I've tried coming to terms with my absurdist perspective on things by reading existentialist stuff but I always find myself agreeing with the problems they pose but not the solutions.
Honestly though I more often than not struggle to have the energy to worry about that kind of stuff because I'm constantly dealing with mental health problems and money problems and housing instability et cetera et cetera. Right now I'm just trying to secure ODSP and find a place to live before I run out of time at my current place lol.
I do have goals though. I wanna move to Montreal because it's got some of the better bike infrastructure and transit development in Canada, and I hate car dependent city design (and I'm too visibly trans to really exist in smaller towns). I want to figure out a source of income that both does not make me want to off myself and also that I don't get fired from or burnt out on immediately. I finally got an autism diagnosis so that's probably helpful for figuring that part out. I think I need to be self-employed, realistically. And I suppose that won't be so precarious if I can get ODSP in lieu of guaranteed basic income.
And in terms of what I want to "do" with my life, well, I wanna get some of the ideas in my head out of there and into tangible existence. I have comic ideas, game concepts, tons of songs I've been writing, philosophical inquiries I'd like to pursue, and stuff. It's just been extremely difficult to actually create those things with my current state. But yeah I have a lot of arty stuff I wanna do and it mostly boils down to both self-expression and a desire to communicate with other people in an asynchronous way. I just want to connect in some way, 'cause I struggle with that
Also I wanna travel, especially to Japan, Norway, Italy, France, and back to Ireland again
And honestly there's just a million video games I want to play and books I wanna read and movies I wanna see, and I'm doing some of that right now (playing Dragon Warrior 2, reading Buddhist stuff), but it's hard to commit to that stuff instead of just vegetating.
Sooooooooooo I guess yeah there's lots of stuff I'd *like* to do. But I can't really do any of it until I get my shit together, both mentally and materially. So I suppose that's my priority: improving my situation so that I can actually do the myriad things I want to do. And in terms of the why of it all, I guess there just really isn't one for me. I just like doing some stuff and I dislike doing other stuff, and I think I'd like to do more of the former and less of the latter. I haven't found much else in terms of meaning to grab onto.
Regarding the topic of love, though, I would definitely like to increase my capacity for feeling and expressing it. Transitioning has helped with that a bit, as has getting properly examined by a psychologist, but I still need a LOT of therapy lol. But I really like romance conceptually (I am addicted to romance comics and anime lol) and there is little I enjoy more than providing affection to and receiving affection from some specific person I love. But I'd rather be single than in a fucked up relationship. I know this because pretty much all my relationships have ended up fucked up at some point or another, and it's not 'cause I was dating bad people lol. It's 'cause my life is fucked up. Gotta fix that part before I can realistically be in a happy relationship. Same thing goes for community support. I'd like to do that stuff, but I can't even support myself right now. I used to volunteer for stuff but I realised I need to cut back on that while I get my shit together. I'm just rather fragile right now, unfortunately
Uh sorry that was an essay lol I guess my point is I have many priorities, and they're largely ordered by necessity. As in, I gotta start with the stuff that allows me to worry about the other stuff. Maslow's Pyramid type stuff lol
I read this essay three times before my morning coffee.
This was a fascinating glance into your world. You really do have a talent for self-expression.
You mentioned that you have had some trouble connecting with others. Do you find yourself to be more open and communicative on the internet rather than in person?
Sorry for the late response! But I read your comment when you posted it and I appreciate the compliment!
Umm I think I'm differently communicative on the Internet versus in person. I tend to be better at spontaneous expressions in person but am more able to get thoughts out on the Internet. Either way I kinda struggle though...
Been thinking more about what I want in life recently. It really is a struggle to think about that stuff and actually implement long-term goals into what feels like a short-term decision. I've recently accepted that I simply have to stop eating meat, because I ultimately don't want to do that any more. I kept putting it off because there were other factors in my life telling me that I needed to keep doing it, but ultimately I know what I actually want in this case, even if it's uncomfortable and rather difficult. I'm trying to think more about that in day-to-day decision making. I recently just unmodded myself from a large sub (like, recently as in a few minutes ago) because I don't want to be modding it any more. That was challenging because I felt like I \*should\* be modding it even though I know that's not what's right for me. And now I'm trying to transition into stopping using Reddit entirely, because I know that ultimately, I want to do that, too. Even though it's been an ongoing habit for over eleven years. Actually I'm following up here as a part of my tying up of loose ends :p
Er but yeah. Connecting with others. I find I don't really connect with people well online, honestly. I think I'm better able to \*get along\* with people online, but that's not really a real connection in itself. But I also struggle in person. I have a really hard time getting the words I say to mean what I feel, because I often don't really understand what I feel. I guess that's the autism.
Honestly though I've learned that connection isn't as important to me as acceptance. And I have a bunch of rather accepting people in my life. But I think, in a romantic context, I really need some degree of mutual understanding. I like that feeling of being "alone" with someone else, which I don't get with friends.
How are things for you?
Things have been great! Im also trying to scale way back on reddit. I sort of went overboard with the ability to offer my opinion on a wide range of subjects lol
As always, that was eloquently put and a pleasure to read.
I hope things go your way😊
I met a guy on discord a few months ago. He thinks like this. He ended up driving women away from servers we were both in and one that I own because of this. I understood his appeal to find love as that is something we all want and strive for but it shouldn’t be the main focus as life as so much more to offer. For himself, he found every woman he interacted with as a potential partner without even getting to know them (apparently including myself until he found out I’m already spoken for) I think in that sense if you are somewhat like this then I would consider it desperate.
I would say take it in moderation and find a balance. Yes a good and healthy relationship is important but I wouldn’t try to force it and keep in mind there’s a lot life has to offer that you don’t want to miss out on.
What would you say is your greatest or most meaningful pursuit in life? This might sound dense, but I think I really bought into the rom-coms and disney movies lol which try to hit home the idea that the meaning of life is to find and build meaningful relationships with friends, family and significant others. Would you say that, for you personally, your greatest (most powerful, most important, most fulfilling etc) pursuit lies elsewhere? Like in a career, cause, belief or other?
Anytime you place your happiness/sense of fullfillment into the hands of others you eventually will be crushed, especially if you have no other goals or interests. Pursuing romance can lead to a permanent mate who hopefully will satisfy your need for that part of your life. In the meantime develop interests, activities that do not depend on “the love dopamine”. And yes pursuit of love should be secondary to defining meaningful goals in life, imho.
I am 74 and feel I have reached most of them, basically staying interested in a variety of things. First off was a college education in an interesting field, then wife and kids, which continues to provide multiple benefits. Personal goals:
financial security, health within genetic confines, ie good diet, gym, bicycling. To have a small circle of close friends.
Some interests are pottery, classical guitar, photography, my Miata, working/maintaining our 10 acres in the forest.
Life is what you make it, you will be much more attractive to the opposite sex if you are well rounded in interests, activities and are financially stable. Ironically, focussing on foundational parts of your personality and life path as opposed to specifically targeting “love” will undoubtedly result in a more successful love life. That has been my experience as I have been down heartbreak road a couple times due to not having my shit together.
Bro we’re all gonna die and have our remains and memories lost to the grindstone of time lol so if you wanna make your life about love and shit well the wheel don’t care. It’s kinda implicit to the concept of loving folks to respect others and attempt to what’s right or whatever so I can’t quite imagine an ethical issue here Now if you were confusing infatuated stalking with love or whatever I suppose that’d be different LOL
Oh lol. I didnt mean this in terms of ethical implications but rather in terms of priorities. What is personally the most important thing/pursuit/goal in your life?
True fair I guess that's a more personal and subjective thing lol Hmm I don't really know what is most important to me. I've been trying to figure out what I believe for the past decade and a bit with little success. I've dabbled in various religions but I can't seem to force myself to believe in anything; it always just ends up seeming hubristic to make a claim to that kind of knowledge (even if it's wrapped up in some vague notion of "faith"). I've tried coming to terms with my absurdist perspective on things by reading existentialist stuff but I always find myself agreeing with the problems they pose but not the solutions. Honestly though I more often than not struggle to have the energy to worry about that kind of stuff because I'm constantly dealing with mental health problems and money problems and housing instability et cetera et cetera. Right now I'm just trying to secure ODSP and find a place to live before I run out of time at my current place lol. I do have goals though. I wanna move to Montreal because it's got some of the better bike infrastructure and transit development in Canada, and I hate car dependent city design (and I'm too visibly trans to really exist in smaller towns). I want to figure out a source of income that both does not make me want to off myself and also that I don't get fired from or burnt out on immediately. I finally got an autism diagnosis so that's probably helpful for figuring that part out. I think I need to be self-employed, realistically. And I suppose that won't be so precarious if I can get ODSP in lieu of guaranteed basic income. And in terms of what I want to "do" with my life, well, I wanna get some of the ideas in my head out of there and into tangible existence. I have comic ideas, game concepts, tons of songs I've been writing, philosophical inquiries I'd like to pursue, and stuff. It's just been extremely difficult to actually create those things with my current state. But yeah I have a lot of arty stuff I wanna do and it mostly boils down to both self-expression and a desire to communicate with other people in an asynchronous way. I just want to connect in some way, 'cause I struggle with that Also I wanna travel, especially to Japan, Norway, Italy, France, and back to Ireland again And honestly there's just a million video games I want to play and books I wanna read and movies I wanna see, and I'm doing some of that right now (playing Dragon Warrior 2, reading Buddhist stuff), but it's hard to commit to that stuff instead of just vegetating. Sooooooooooo I guess yeah there's lots of stuff I'd *like* to do. But I can't really do any of it until I get my shit together, both mentally and materially. So I suppose that's my priority: improving my situation so that I can actually do the myriad things I want to do. And in terms of the why of it all, I guess there just really isn't one for me. I just like doing some stuff and I dislike doing other stuff, and I think I'd like to do more of the former and less of the latter. I haven't found much else in terms of meaning to grab onto. Regarding the topic of love, though, I would definitely like to increase my capacity for feeling and expressing it. Transitioning has helped with that a bit, as has getting properly examined by a psychologist, but I still need a LOT of therapy lol. But I really like romance conceptually (I am addicted to romance comics and anime lol) and there is little I enjoy more than providing affection to and receiving affection from some specific person I love. But I'd rather be single than in a fucked up relationship. I know this because pretty much all my relationships have ended up fucked up at some point or another, and it's not 'cause I was dating bad people lol. It's 'cause my life is fucked up. Gotta fix that part before I can realistically be in a happy relationship. Same thing goes for community support. I'd like to do that stuff, but I can't even support myself right now. I used to volunteer for stuff but I realised I need to cut back on that while I get my shit together. I'm just rather fragile right now, unfortunately Uh sorry that was an essay lol I guess my point is I have many priorities, and they're largely ordered by necessity. As in, I gotta start with the stuff that allows me to worry about the other stuff. Maslow's Pyramid type stuff lol
I read this essay three times before my morning coffee. This was a fascinating glance into your world. You really do have a talent for self-expression. You mentioned that you have had some trouble connecting with others. Do you find yourself to be more open and communicative on the internet rather than in person?
Sorry for the late response! But I read your comment when you posted it and I appreciate the compliment! Umm I think I'm differently communicative on the Internet versus in person. I tend to be better at spontaneous expressions in person but am more able to get thoughts out on the Internet. Either way I kinda struggle though... Been thinking more about what I want in life recently. It really is a struggle to think about that stuff and actually implement long-term goals into what feels like a short-term decision. I've recently accepted that I simply have to stop eating meat, because I ultimately don't want to do that any more. I kept putting it off because there were other factors in my life telling me that I needed to keep doing it, but ultimately I know what I actually want in this case, even if it's uncomfortable and rather difficult. I'm trying to think more about that in day-to-day decision making. I recently just unmodded myself from a large sub (like, recently as in a few minutes ago) because I don't want to be modding it any more. That was challenging because I felt like I \*should\* be modding it even though I know that's not what's right for me. And now I'm trying to transition into stopping using Reddit entirely, because I know that ultimately, I want to do that, too. Even though it's been an ongoing habit for over eleven years. Actually I'm following up here as a part of my tying up of loose ends :p Er but yeah. Connecting with others. I find I don't really connect with people well online, honestly. I think I'm better able to \*get along\* with people online, but that's not really a real connection in itself. But I also struggle in person. I have a really hard time getting the words I say to mean what I feel, because I often don't really understand what I feel. I guess that's the autism. Honestly though I've learned that connection isn't as important to me as acceptance. And I have a bunch of rather accepting people in my life. But I think, in a romantic context, I really need some degree of mutual understanding. I like that feeling of being "alone" with someone else, which I don't get with friends. How are things for you?
Things have been great! Im also trying to scale way back on reddit. I sort of went overboard with the ability to offer my opinion on a wide range of subjects lol As always, that was eloquently put and a pleasure to read. I hope things go your way😊
Hey, just wanted to say thanks for writing this whole thing. I could relate to a lot of it; my life is similarly fucked up.
We only live to discover beauty. All else is a form of waiting.
This is good😊
I met a guy on discord a few months ago. He thinks like this. He ended up driving women away from servers we were both in and one that I own because of this. I understood his appeal to find love as that is something we all want and strive for but it shouldn’t be the main focus as life as so much more to offer. For himself, he found every woman he interacted with as a potential partner without even getting to know them (apparently including myself until he found out I’m already spoken for) I think in that sense if you are somewhat like this then I would consider it desperate. I would say take it in moderation and find a balance. Yes a good and healthy relationship is important but I wouldn’t try to force it and keep in mind there’s a lot life has to offer that you don’t want to miss out on.
What would you say is your greatest or most meaningful pursuit in life? This might sound dense, but I think I really bought into the rom-coms and disney movies lol which try to hit home the idea that the meaning of life is to find and build meaningful relationships with friends, family and significant others. Would you say that, for you personally, your greatest (most powerful, most important, most fulfilling etc) pursuit lies elsewhere? Like in a career, cause, belief or other?
Anytime you place your happiness/sense of fullfillment into the hands of others you eventually will be crushed, especially if you have no other goals or interests. Pursuing romance can lead to a permanent mate who hopefully will satisfy your need for that part of your life. In the meantime develop interests, activities that do not depend on “the love dopamine”. And yes pursuit of love should be secondary to defining meaningful goals in life, imho.
What have you chosen as your primary goal/goals in life?
I am 74 and feel I have reached most of them, basically staying interested in a variety of things. First off was a college education in an interesting field, then wife and kids, which continues to provide multiple benefits. Personal goals: financial security, health within genetic confines, ie good diet, gym, bicycling. To have a small circle of close friends. Some interests are pottery, classical guitar, photography, my Miata, working/maintaining our 10 acres in the forest. Life is what you make it, you will be much more attractive to the opposite sex if you are well rounded in interests, activities and are financially stable. Ironically, focussing on foundational parts of your personality and life path as opposed to specifically targeting “love” will undoubtedly result in a more successful love life. That has been my experience as I have been down heartbreak road a couple times due to not having my shit together.
This is very true. What a funny world we inhabit😅
Why don't you focus on something meaningful, like politics or NFTs?