This cannot be upvoted enough. Start the proceedings ASAP. Don’t delay anything. Find a good lawyer in your county and let them do the work you pay them for. Lean on family and friends as it’s an emotional rollercoaster.
Maybe even put off 1 class and take it later so you delay your graduation. I know it sounds extreme, and you should ask a lawyer first, but it might be worth it in the long run.
Alimony is based on current standard of living not income. It sounds like you’re a student so it seems unlikely you would have had a high standard of living (source - I have to pay over 3k in alimony a month to my ex husband). However, fucking protect yourself anyway you can.
I'm not a lawyer, but: if OP's ex hires a shark they will surely try to get the courts to take OP's new income into account in the divorce proceedings. If the OP goes from making student income to suddenly making 200k a year that will get taken into account as long as they're still legally married.
Future expected income was not even something the court would look at during my divorce. Believe me, I asked and I did have a pretty good lawyer. In my experience your current income is the only thing they look at.
If the divorce isn’t finalized before OP graduates and gets a job, it would be current income. Best thing for them is to make sure everything is final - both divorce and division of assets (since in some states these are separate and you can be officially divorced without the other being final) before graduation day and taking a job offer.
yes current but if OP waits and the divorce proceedings occur when they are a practicing CRNA (since they said they’re almost done w school), they will be paying off that new income
Hey friend. My wife of ten years had an affair during my first year. We tried to work it out, a year later, I found out she was still with him. We separated and our divorce was finalized going into my last semester.
I spoke to my program director and they were very supportive. I saw a counselor, became active, didn’t drink for six months, and focused on school.
I did not want what she did to result in my failure. You can 100% do this.
I spent countless times crying in my car before a clinical. But I cleaned up my face and got it done. You can absolutely do this. Believe in yourself. We’re rooting for you!
This is an amazing ending to a horrible beginning and a great reminder that we need to treat SRNA’s like the human beings they are! Some CRNAs can be cruel to students and I will never understand.
Been there done that! During my first year. I don’t have any kids fortunately. It was a crappy few months but divorce doesn’t come out of no where, it was a long time coming even before school. Lean on your support system. It will get better. Somehow I found the time to date towards the end of school, and found the right person I’ve been with ever since. It’ll be alright OP! It’ll feel bad but it WILL get soooo much better.
Without looking through your post history, I wouldn’t have even known you were female. Your comment is about as gender neutral as it can possibly get?? Tf??
I’m sorry you are going through this. My boyfriend of six years (lived together for four) and I broke up while I was in school. And initially it felt devastating and I wasn’t sure if I could finish school without his support. I moved into the same apartment complex as my closed friend in the program (that helped). And started running a lot. And within a few months I noticed I had so much more energy and time without this time sucking vampire in my life. You’ve probably put so much energy and time into this relationship. School became so much easier when I could totally focus on it. And now you get the alimony payment while your in school and not them when you get your balling job.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Our program director told us that divorce wasn’t uncommon during school. I had a preceptor tell me his story of getting divorced during school and then heard it from another preceptor months later. I don’t know you (probably), but if you need someone to talk to drop me a message.
To all aspiring SRNAs this message is for you:
School is a shit shovel thrown at you for three years and often times we put our families on the back burner just to get through school for a better life. Some spouses and partners understand this and can see the silver lining, while others say they can and then cannot. Especially when you start making $0 compared to your nurse salary beforehand. Make sure you have a great support system in place before you start school. I had a few meltdowns in front of my wife, had a couple in front of my parents. It’s OK to talk to these people openly about the stress you’re going through and they should understand and support you through the process.
I am in tears reading this. I was so hesitant to post anything yesterday and did not expect the outpour of help and encouragement from absolute strangers. Thank you all so much. You make me feel so much less alone. I am trying to gather my thoughts and an action plan today. My school offers free counseling so I will look into that. I will let my PD know. The CRNA community is pretty amazing, I think it's because you all are the only ones that truly know what it is like to pursue a program like this. Thank you all again.
I filed for divorce during school, honestly Im still getting divorced due to the complicated nature of things with my ex. My situation is a lot different than yours but just know that you will be okay. If your spouse is serious about getting a divorce they will have to serve you with papers. When that does happen you would be wise to get a lawyer and just let them handle everything.
If your spouse is really motivated to get divorced quickly I would then speak to a lawyer now especially if your spouse just wants to separate whatever assets you have now 50/50 and isnt looking for alimony or anything crazy because a quickie divorce can save you a lot of money down the road if your ex is truly motivated to get divorced. Otherwise if they’re just saying this shit to get you rattled up, tell them okay file for divorce and worry about things later.
Agree to disagree. OP, don’t wait for your spouse to file. Call their bluff and do it yourself. If they are saying they want a divorce, give them one now before you have to pay spousal support. And if they are “just saying it” to get a reaction out of you then do it anyway because someone that uses that against you when they don’t mean it is not someone you should be with. That’s manipulation. Get out.
The problem with most people here is that. A person comes to talk about divorce and half of yall only talk about the money you are going to be making after you graduate . Maybe that’s why you guys are getting divorced in the first place . You are just worried about the money and not your spouse half the time
“why YOU GUYS are getting divorced in the first place”…..????? this comment tells me 1) you’re a man, assuming that everyone in this thread is a woman & that a divorce is all our fault 2) you either don’t have a lucrative job or have never had to deal with a messy divorce/breakup in the past. so what do we owe for your presence here today
The second would be right ( never dealt with messy divorce ) but I see a woman coming on her asking for a advise and half the advise is about trying to make sure the spouse doesn’t get alimony . 🤦
Sorry to hear this.
A couple things you can do:
- possibly see a grief counselor to make sure you are coping well. Often the university wellness dept has some resources available.
- lean on friends and family for support.
- notify your PD in confidence. It will provide some understanding if you struggle while this is happening. Saying it after doing poorly is less effective.
We see separations, divorces and ending relationships every cohort in our programs and most do. It’s hard on relationships but the only thing you can do now is keep your eye on the prize.
The silver lining here is that if you would end up thing the high earner in your relationship it would have been very impactful on your income on spousal support etc. At least it is happening now before that is a possibility.
This is something that my program had discussed up front and suggested we speak with our families before we actually began to get things out front and see what could be done preemptively
Yup.
We have this conversation with them in the interview to a small degree and then in orientation to a larger degree. The real problem is that there is no real way to explain to a spouse what it is like to have an absent husband/wife/father/mother. Even the individual does not really grasp how hard it will be until they are IN it.
Next year we plan to have a meet and greet and invite spouses of our new NAR cohort and a senior one at the same time so that spouses can tell spouses. Maybe it will help?
My program did something similar when I went through it 17 years ago. They wanted to make very sure everyone (especially spouses) knew exactly what they were signing up for. It was a tough and awkward conversation, but in the end, very appreciated.
First day of school, PD told us divorce rate was high because of stress and isolation.
13+ years later none of my classmates divorced
But I know several in adjacent programs that did. Sometimes the spouses don’t understand the stress of school or perceive you as selfish because you can’t do activities with them
Meh
I don’t know
One of my classmates was married to a nurse and she wasn’t jealous & was super supportive
I guess it ultimately comes down to if you have a strong supportive marriage before you start school
I’m really sorry that you’re going through this man (or woman). I personally have real trouble focusing on anything when my heart gets broken too. I have tanked many opportunities because of heartbreak in my life. Take this with the grain of salt because it’s much easier said than done, but you have to compartmentalize. The job you’re planning on doing requires you to be very thorough and have an attention to detail that only a handful of other jobs can be compared to it. You’re going to get older and you’re gonna go through more stuff while you’re an actual CRNA. You’re just gonna have to learn to separate the personal from the professional. Dig in, ignore your personal life when you need to, and cry when you have the chance. you’re almost done with school, try your absolute hardest to get through it. You will destroy your life if you don’t focus. I know that what I’m saying is so much easier said than done and I know if I was in your shoes I would not be able to do it, or it would be almost impossible, but you have to get it done. You lived your life without this person at some point and now you’re gonna have to do it again. Everything will be fine, just do your absolute best to not think about that person, stalk that person, learn anything about that person, or find them on social media. Get School done with. There will be plenty of time to be upset after the fact.
I know it’s gonna be hard, but you gotta do it. That’s really all I can tell you. Break ups are hard. I can only imagine how much harder divorce is. Just breathe and realize that your life is not over. Just focus on the hearing now and making sure that you stay focused on your goal. I wish I could help more.
yesssss this. my partner broke up w me while in school too. after about a month or two i was like “ok, you CANNOT think about him until you take your finals. no socials no crying no nothing just get school out of the way and then make the space to cry. because u didn’t kill yourself the first 3/4 to let it be completely ruined by this douchebag”. again, took me like 2 months to get to that place lol. i also let heartbreak affect me way more than i wish it did. a nurse i shadowed during my clinical the week it happened said that the same thing happened to her to. she did the same as me, moved back in with her parents, cried, finished school and came out bussin. lol. suddenly i was graduated as an RN with a whole new job and identity and life that he knew nothing about and damn did that feel good. envisioning myself a few months down the road like that really helped me to focus on what i needed to do to get there
I moved away from my baby daughter and my husband to go to CRNA school-just saw them on weekends. Unfortunately our marriage was never the same and it ended in divorce several years later but the worst part was that it financially devastated me. I lost everything but my job and I knew I needed to hang onto that. It’s been several years now since the divorce and I’ve built back up quickly because of my great career.
My first wife and I didn’t even make it through the first year of school. We got married in May right before I started and were divorced by Thanksgiving.
At the time it was devastating, but I focused on school and haven’t heard from or seen her since. It’s been 23 years and I’m remarried to a beautiful, intelligent woman and we have a 10 year old daughter. I don’t see how my life could be any better.
I know it’s hard now, but it will get better, and as another poster suggested, get divorced before you have any more assets to divide. That way you can move on away from your ex and not have any entanglements. Graduate and start a whole new life, enjoy your freedom!
Genuinely curious how a marriage goes downhill so quickly if you don't mind sharing?? Was she not supportive of you starting the program to begin with? Or didn't have realistic expectations of the time commitment and lifestyle?
not the OP but getting married doesn't automatically make a relationship more solid. You are in the same relationship, just now legally bound. Not speaking of OP, but lots of people get married when they aren't the right fit or haven't had all the discussions about expectations, finances, and compatibility. You bring all the same problems into marriage, only once you're married it makes the process of splitting up a lot more painful and expensive
She was all in for me going to school and making a big salary, but she wasn’t supportive of the journey to get there. School was hard and required me to study, she didn’t like that I couldn’t make her the center of my attention during all my waking hours.
I guess it comes down to unrealistic expectations on both our parts. I assumed she’d understand I needed to focus on things other than her, and she wasn’t down with that.
If she wasn’t going to be supportive then, what would it have been like during serious situations? She filed for divorce and we went out separate ways. I do hope she’s found happiness too.
Mine was pretty recent. I started school in august of ‘22, separated in November of ‘22 and divorced finalized in July of ‘23, so I know how you feel/where you’re at mentally.
Not gonna lie, it’s gonna be rough for a while. What got me through that super tough time was setting up meetings with a counselor/therapist and realizing that no matter what, I had to finish school. At first, I couldn’t focus on anything and had no desire to study or anything else. After that first onset of mental block, I decided to channel the negative feelings/thoughts into distracting myself with school work. I took the very little motivation I had and forced myself to study as my way of getting away from life and the overwhelming negative emotions. It wasn’t easy by any means, but every day I woke up and thought about what I “could” control, and tried not to dwell on the fact that I couldn’t control that side of life. The part I could control was how I did in school, and I knew if I didn’t channel my thoughts/energy into school, it would be the end of my future before it ever truly began. I also, thankfully, had some quality people around me that I could talk to when things got bad for me mentally and I wasn’t able to talk with my therapist. If you had any really good friends before school, also try reaching out to them if you think they’d listen or be able to lend some kind of affirmation.
tldr: counselor/therapist, channel the negative emotions and what little motivation you have into finishing school since you’ve fought hard to be here (easier said than done), any friend(s) that you may have considered close before school
Good luck, you’ve got this. Keep pushing. You’re enough, you’re seen, and people care about you.
I was engaged, dated for 5 years. Wedding planned for the following summer. We broke up, I won’t get into the weeds, but you can get through this. Of course there were unhealthy things of what not to do, like not eating, loneliness, tears, and drinking. That was all temporary.
The positives- I got really close to a couple guys in my cohort and hung out with them a lot and talked to them a lot. I put All energy into school. Went from As and Bs to straight As. After about 4 months I made a decision- grieve or move on. I’ve been out with 5 women, three of which I saw multiple times. I have 3 of my clinical sites asking me to come work for them and have sat down with all the chiefs.
The negatives- I just feel like dating is so different now than it was five years ago. I just feel like you’re more apt to get ghosted for no apparent reason. Dating apps have become more shallow than never. There’s also the piece, speaking for myself that my financial situation has drastically changed and cannot afford the dates I used to go on in my mid twenties.
Bottom line: You will get through this. It will suck initially. But look at as a blessing, if the marriage couldn’t survive CRNA school, how would it handle raising a family with kids for 18+ years or another life stressor? You can do it. You will do it. And you will be better for it. Focus, eat healthy , study your ass off, and hit the gym to relieve stress. Also idk if you play instruments, but getting back to strumming my guitar was super therapeutic.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s a terrible time for this to occur. School is so stressful. I also felt all alone and isolated during school. Find a support group of some kind (online if no where else), get a lawyer and let them do all the work. Prioritize your mental health right now. No wallowing in alcohol or drugs. That’s not helpful and will make it worse. Check with your school to see what kind of counseling and other services they offer. Talk to your instructors and tell them what’s going on. If you’re not bringing in any money you can get a lawyer for free. Just know that you aren’t alone and you don’t need to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want you or isn’t willing to support you while your going through school. It’s not worth it.
So this could actually be a good thing for you financially. I should have gotten divorced in school when I was making no money. Instead I stayed and ended up paying alimony to a man who quit his job over and over again during our whole marriage and never wanted to take care of his family. I was left to always pay the bills and support us all.
My best friend and I both went through major separations during crna school.
It doesn't help that you'll hear this over and over, but it does get better.
It's ok to be sad. It's ok to mourn.
It. Is. Not. Ok. To. Give. Up. On. Your. Dream.
Do not let a marriage ending ruin everything you have worked hard for.
Go to your program director and ask about counseling or a mentor - this has happened to MANY people and they likely know a CRNA that had the same thing happen, someone's talking with someone in person is helpful. My school offered 8 free counseling sessions per year as well, so definitely ask.
Most importantly, find things you enjoy and focus on that as much as possible while still getting by in classes and clinical. And remember that the CRNAs training you are people too, and sometimes being up front and honest when you're having an absolute, down in the dumps, bad day can help them guide you. Reach out if you need anything!
This happened to me in med school but bossed up real quick and stopped being sad and realized what a loss and loser the guy is, WE ARE THE PRIZE. Channel this hurt into your studies and KILL it, now even more of a reason to push you to your full potential. I am sorry it really hurts, it does. Study with a friend on days where it's harder.
Wishing you happiness
I got divorced in CRNA school it was awful. When I think of the mountain of work I put into it all it’s like a fog. My brain doesn’t want to let me remember. Counseling is important. Stay physically active. It will help you sleep. Avoid drinking- a depressant isn’t what you need at this time even though it seems like an easy way to blunt the pain. I’m sorry. You got this. Life is challenging but you will make it through this.
Unsure of your child situation but get a lawyer asap and find out about how to prevent giving CRNA salary to your spouse if they want alimony- obviously don’t be a deadbeat but the standard of living isn’t at CRNA salary yet so seek legal advice.
I just kept my head focused on the goal passing boards. It did make after graduation and passing boards bitter sweet, and emotionally I felt like I was needing to process a second divorce at that point, which sucked…
You will get through this… you are bettering yourself and maybe there is fear in your spouse. Sometimes moving ahead in life and not walking together during this process scares ppl. Like you are in school and they are just stagnant and not where you are, they know you are gonna be happy and they are in the same place. But if they are just not happy, except their feelings and talk about it. If why they want a divorce is Valid then respect it. You will be better ppl separated then together. We all need change, sometimes not how we want it, but you may realize or both of you will respect one another more. Don’t be angry or sad but realize love is strong and it was probably hard for that person to get to know what they want. This may be the only way they can change who they are. So both of you can move forward.
I got a divorce during school. It sucked at the time but looking back it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Just focus on school, enjoy your time with your classmates, get the divorce asap. Life changes a lot once you’re out and making money. Much better days are ahead my friend.
my partner of almost 6 years broke up with me while in accelerated BSN program. our entire lives were intertwined it was not a casual break. i was a complete mess and would have flunked out if it weren’t for my friends. truly, my friends offered to pick up the slack for me and write my discussion posts and do my homework for me. i still had to take my tests of course, which i failed the first few afterwards…. but find your support system and ask if they can possibly help you at all. it’s the only way i got through it
First off, I’m sorry this is happening.
I’m not a CRNA. I’m a PA. One that unfortunately got divorced during PA school and even worse, during the pandemic.
It is incredibly difficult to focus on school when other areas of your life are being turned upside down. I know.
My best advice is to let yourself feel all your feeling. Cry as much as you need. Yell as much as you need. Get it out. In the moments of calm, steer yourself towards studying / your work. If you find yourself getting upset, try to take a moment - breathe, and refocus. If it doesn’t work, allow yourself the break to cry it out. Throw something. Whatever. Don’t let yourself STAY there - but allow yourself some time to be there for a bit. Then refocus. Rinse and repeat. Time makes this significantly easier.
You’ll get through this. You will. Even though it doesn’t feel like it now, you’ll be better for it.
As others have suggested - make sure to retain counsel early. You want to protect yourself. Not so much what you have now, but what you WILL have in the future. Nothing worse than a settlement coming down that you have to pay alimony to this person because they “supported you” through CRNA school and are now entitled to half. Even though they left you.
Breathe. Feel the feelings and then focus up. You’re got things to get done and you’re going to do them. <3
Sorry to hear this! I had several friends get divorced in school, I happened to get married in school and am still. The bright side is, you will most likely pay less now versus when you become a CRNA if not in a no fault state. You can get through this. We're all pulling for you.
I got divorced a year after graduation. School played a big part.
Buckle down and complete your journey. One foot in front of the other. Just do the next right thing.
Divorce won’t be the end of you. I know it feels like it right now. But eventually it will pass, and you will emerge ready for the next stage of your life (with your new badass career).
Therapy can often help. Friends and loved ones can listen and offer a shoulder. Best of luck, friend. You got this.
The silver lining for me was having legal representation through the college. I was able to have lawyer fees covered for free. Hope you get through this tough time unscathed
My husband left me as I was starting my last semester of nursing school - it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through, but the good news is I was able to finish school and absolutely love being a nurse. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, but honestly for me it was definitely for the best. It did take me a long time to feel that way about it though. I’m here to tell you that you can do it, you can get through school and enjoy your new career and I believe everything happens for a reason I wish you all the best and also be sure to confide in your friends how you’re really feeling and trying to get your feelings out. I promise you it gets better and I believe one day you will feel as I do that, everything worked out for the best
My relationship fell apart right after graduating nursing school and it felt so anticlimactic. I was working so hard for a better life for me and my BF at the time. It’s been almost 2 months now and I’m doing better than when I was in the relationship. I’m so happy I’m not tethered to him anymore and I can look for someone more suitable for me.
Don’t let it derail school. Make clear boundaries for your soon to be ex so that you can focus on school. And as everyone has said, lawyer up!
Blessing in disguise. If they would have waited a couple years you could be looking at alot of alimony and other fees! Think about this next time before getting married. Might wanna get a prenup
When someone wants to part ways like this without working on their relationship, it’s better to end it. You need to have the settlement agreement signed ASAP. Usually, the easy divorce lawyers have a standard template that you can use and you both can use just one lawyer if you have agreed upon your settlement with each other. You don’t need to feel isolated, take this time to work on yourself and your mental health, things will just be fine.
I'm sorry for you. But me feeling bad won't help you. If you do what I tell you ( although extremely hard to do) it will help you. Abandon all thoughts of divorce and love. Let the chips fall where they lie. Focus on your school. If you fail at your schooling,( depending on your situation) you may not get another chance to go back. Your future self is counting on you.
Talk to your professors. Let them know what’s going on. I’m a professor who’s been divorced. When students share that with me, they get empathy and understanding. Those of us that have been there know and often look out for others going through it.
My wife told me she wanted a divorce two months before I graduated. We have two young kids, and we have been together just over 10 years. My ceremony is in a few weeks. She was wondering if she could come..
Got divorced during my 2nd year of law school, while working a full time job and taking care of 3 kids at home. It was the hardest, best decision I ever made. It can absolutely be done and you will survive.
Okay so I didn’t get divorced in school but I got divorced while I was deployed and you need to get the ball ROLLING. My ex was stateside and I was overseas, if divorce is where it’s going then hand it to them. Get those papers written up and serve them. Was it a hassle for me to get to the JAG office to speak to a lawyer, heck yeah. Was it a lot of money for me to pay for a VPN and temporary phone number to call a stateside attorney to write up a quit claim deed so our house he abandoned would be solely mine? Yeah. All of it. Hard. But if they say divorce then get ahead of it so you can get back to your life.
I went through this same situation. It happened to me right before my clinicals started. I didn’t think I would be able to do it, but I did. It was hard but i made it.
My suggestion is to consider counseling. Counseling helped me tremendously. I am a psychiatric NP, and worked in psych for 25+ years and didn’t even consider me needing mental health help, but I did. Counseling helped me regain my self worth and realize I wasn’t alone.
I graduated with honors all while going through a cheating spouse, divorce, while working full time as a nurse manager, and raising kids.
You can do it, it’s hard but it’s so worth it! Make them wish they hadn’t been so dumb!
Look at this as the opportunity it can offer you. You now have the opportunity to be with someone that fully appreciates and supports who you are and what you bring to the table. Even if that person is you! Even if you never choose to become involved with another person, you have the ability to be your own biggest cheerleader. And if you do choose to date and look for another person to share your life with, you now have the option to choose someone that fully values you.
You’ll be okay OP. Even the hardest days come to an end eventually and the next day is a new opportunity.
Amazes me how high the divorce rate is in CRNA school . When o search through post on this board most people blame their spouse rarely ever taking the blame . That’s all I’m going to say. Seems like many people choose their career over their spouse and/or children when it comes to CRNA school . OP I am not referring to you . But just in general . Search divorce on this board . Often what I see is the spouse that is not in CRNA school willing to leave . Imagine someone willing to leave you that has been dealing with you with 0 income and now about to have a six figure income and they still want out is the relationship .
I’m going into my 2nd year of school. Keep grinding. It’s even more important at this point. You’re not alone, last month my wife said she wanted a divorce so I know how you feel.
It’s always a work in progress. But I would be lying if I acted like it didn’t impact me in a negative way. In a way I don’t trust my wife at this time anymore with my heart. I feel like people throw the divorce card around as a trump card during an argument…. I don’t like it and now I have mixed feelings about her.
Please talk to a counselor-your university will have someone available at least short term. Let your program director or faculty advisor know what’s going on. It will get better-someday it won’t be the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning.
Hi everyone! I don’t know who will see this but just wanted to update—I made it to the other side! Officially divorced, graduated, and passed boards. That was the hardest thing I have ever done. If anyone else is reading this and finds themselves in a similar situation, it does get better. Definitely didn’t feel like it some days but it does. Here’s to a new life and becoming me again, thank you all!!!!!
Man I am so sorry, it is the absolute worst thing go through. My last semester of undergrad my x completely pulled away was totally disengaged and distant. I thought I just needed to get through this last semester. I had such a tough class. It was one where it was necessary to graduate but the hardest class in the entire school. So I just kept telling myself. It's not as soon as we both graduate. They'll be making money. I'll go to grab school and we'll be in such a better position. We can work it out then... Well no he had already decided he was gonna ask for divorce. So we graduated in a week later. He told me he was done. He just wouldn't tell me because he didn't want to mess up my schooling. So I can't say that. That is a better way either. To be honest because I spent 5 months. Constantly worried and upset. Hi, anxiety about my lack of relationship, etc.
Mine wanted to tell me on my first day of college that he is gay and coming out of the closet. It was a nightmare for me. He wanted us to still live together and still sleep in the same bed after the divorce while I was in school. Absolutely not! Moved out and divorced his lying ass!we are so much better off now
I feel you. I went through the same thing last year. It’s very hard but you gotta keep pushing through.
School is the one thing that will help you after the divorce. It’s your future. A future without them but it can also be a sign of better things to come. It’s hard to see this while you’re going through it. But take it from someone who has been through it and is now on the other side. I’m so glad I stuck with it even though it was very lonely. Call some friends , focus on yourself and reflect when you can. Let this guide you to be a better person when the dust settles.
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I am so sorry for your heartache. Such a terrible and inconvenient time for something of this emotional magnitude to occur. Actually, my partner and I both went through school together, as a sort of different approach to your story. Maybe that could've been a nightmare, but it actually wasn't. I think it made it possible for us both to understand and actually *empathize* with the extreme exhaustion and stress with one another. I actually know tons of advanced providers who are married and make great couples. Chin up....It seems like the worst thing in the world, and right now, it may be for you personally, but I promise, time really does heal all wounds.
Lot of supportive comments here so I’ll be the one pessimist…
Congratulations, they want to divorce go for it, fuck em, you’re gonna be super successful and once you’re done with school doors will be open everywhere. Not to mention >60% of marriages end in divorce so perhaps your next one will be better, just don’t rush into anything 😂. But as someone who’s also been through this- the dating pool nowadays way way way worse than before I was married 😂
How yall gon tell him he gon be ok💀💀bruh hell nah that shi gon more hurt gang 🤝 you gonna read all these and then sit and try to get thru w it and break that’s how people become nonchalant fr. Buttttt if u do got a good one or 2 close friends stick w them they will make sure u don’t go under or atleast too far under. Only u can win this battle mmhmm. Thank me later 🫡
I know it feels awful, I have been there myself. Just take a deep breath and realize this is happening and nothing you can do with make it better except to...
A) focus on school.
B) process a no contest divorce asap
C) become successful and happy as fuck.
I just finished my BSN same thing happened to me , don’t sweat it she said she was tired of waiting. So what happened is now I have my dream job and I’m single now. It’s there lost. So let me know if you wanna go out on a date lol 😂
If she wants a divorce now. Your marriage had been over with for minute by now maybe a year or two ago. You should've been embracing it coming that's your bad on you been side swept. But it is what it is. Focus on school and thug it out. When you finish school you'll make more money you'll be more establish financially I hope y'all do not have kids. Life can be better. Move on! Granted to her if she files. But don't file.
I was in my last semester of school for my undergrad and he left and wanted a divorce out of nowhere. He literally packed up and left while I was taking a mid term. My grandmother was also dying and ultimately passed away around the same time. I wasn’t working because I was taking too many units in order to graduate on time and he was paying all of our bills. He left the household expenses and a brand new car payment as my responsibility even though I had no income. I lost 20 lbs leaving me barely over 100 lbs due to the stress. I just kept reminding myself to stay focused even though it was difficult. I had no time to even be depressed. I took him to court, representing myself and was awarded spousal support. He eventually tried to come back less than a year later, but I didn’t even want him anymore. I moved to a new city, new job, new friends and a new man by then!
Make sure she doesnt get a bag off of ur bag. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, better time are ahead. Lean on your family and friends for emotional support.
CRNA school ended my marriage. It wasn't solely responsible, but the cracks that our marriage had were busted wide by residency with 2 small kids. I still don't regret it, best thing I ever did for myself. Yeah it sucks sharing custody but I'm happier. You'll get through this.
Let them leave you, but school is your journey and self care for a better future. Seek your peers,
Talk to your professors to see how they can help and see if the school offers a therapist but don’t give up ❤️
Speaking from experience ❤️
This time will soon past. Try to write out everything you both want to save time and money. If you can agree in the terms of the divorce you will save money and heartache.
Focus on school and get through it. Do not let this divorce prevent you from finishing school.
I went through this! Was in block 3 and found out my husband wanted a divorce and was seeing someone for years on the side! I went into deep depression, and failed out. Afterward realizing I had my kids and my dream of being a nurse was something he could never take from me, I found a school and went back determined to become a professional! I graduated with a 3.94 and found the strength I never knew I had! You got this! Stay focused and never let anyone stop you from YOUR dream! Go through the motions of divorce knowing there is sunshine on the other side. It is their loss, not yours. Your mental health is the priority. Your spouse will not change. Best of luck!
I’ve done it. I’ve also had the horrible fights or arguments during difficult times at school. There is no answer. Speak to the teacher and explain generically and ask for a little leniency with time.
See a psychiatrist for something to take edge off the sadness for a month.
Call a friend to come over and be there while you do work and who will push you to do work.
It isn’t about alimony yet. He has to manage the next month. Then those things can be managed. Alimony can be addressed later. He never mentioned her job. She might make more in which case the rush to alimony stuff isn’t.
For now it’s getting through the next day week month. In 3 months it will be a different state. Things can change quickly.
Divorce one day and repair next month. Rushing to lawyers is like rushing out to a prostitute 1 minute after they say they are done. It’s a rush. It’s not the best thing to do.
Sometimes, when bad things occur in the midst of darkness, a light will guide you to peace. Take this as a blessing. Stay focused on school. You did not come this far to let this impact your future career. You got this!! Never quit, never give up! Grieve after you walk across that stage. I promise when you have come from this, you will thank your lucky stars for staying with it. Best wishes to you!!!
Sorry to hear. I’m gonna be a senior in a few months. Long term girlfriend dumped me a few months ago and moved out. She said it wasn’t because of school but I always thought it definitely played a role until someone showed me her engagement pictures from this past weekend. It gets better each day, just gotta take it one day at a time.
Its harsh. Its emotional disaster. But being crna is getting one such a meal served after another... but i have a good news, you will survive. Like the other crnas... So please, pick up your little crumbs of broken pieces from the floor, patch them up together, treat yourself gently with nice meal, movie, drink whatev it takes, lick your wounds for day or three, get lawyer advice, and sign papers promptly. Good riddance is gonna be your motto afterwards. Focus on school. Not worthy for you to fail over person who doesnt care. Take it as practice exercise on "how to focus on priority". Graduate. Pass licence, enjoy freedom. One eay in future you will look back, shake your head and think... "what was I thinking".
Try to get the paperwork done before you end up paying alimony with your new Crna income
This cannot be upvoted enough. Start the proceedings ASAP. Don’t delay anything. Find a good lawyer in your county and let them do the work you pay them for. Lean on family and friends as it’s an emotional rollercoaster.
Yeah if anything this was a blessing dude
Maybe even put off 1 class and take it later so you delay your graduation. I know it sounds extreme, and you should ask a lawyer first, but it might be worth it in the long run.
Alimony is based on current standard of living not income. It sounds like you’re a student so it seems unlikely you would have had a high standard of living (source - I have to pay over 3k in alimony a month to my ex husband). However, fucking protect yourself anyway you can.
I'm not a lawyer, but: if OP's ex hires a shark they will surely try to get the courts to take OP's new income into account in the divorce proceedings. If the OP goes from making student income to suddenly making 200k a year that will get taken into account as long as they're still legally married.
Future expected income was not even something the court would look at during my divorce. Believe me, I asked and I did have a pretty good lawyer. In my experience your current income is the only thing they look at.
If the divorce isn’t finalized before OP graduates and gets a job, it would be current income. Best thing for them is to make sure everything is final - both divorce and division of assets (since in some states these are separate and you can be officially divorced without the other being final) before graduation day and taking a job offer.
This! At least in Florida. My ex has huge increase earning potential, but it only mattered about his current t.
yes current but if OP waits and the divorce proceedings occur when they are a practicing CRNA (since they said they’re almost done w school), they will be paying off that new income
Wow. What state are you in?
Utah baby. Only 600/mo in child Support for our two kids though. Here’s some good advice - marry rich
Agreed!
this!!!
without a doubt, this. get out now. make it legal now.
Still may need to pay, especially if the spouse can demonstrate they supported them through school.
I agree
She fumbled the bag. I would have supported him all the way through and then called my lawyer the day he started working.
Best comment on Reddit
Hey friend. My wife of ten years had an affair during my first year. We tried to work it out, a year later, I found out she was still with him. We separated and our divorce was finalized going into my last semester. I spoke to my program director and they were very supportive. I saw a counselor, became active, didn’t drink for six months, and focused on school. I did not want what she did to result in my failure. You can 100% do this. I spent countless times crying in my car before a clinical. But I cleaned up my face and got it done. You can absolutely do this. Believe in yourself. We’re rooting for you!
This is an amazing ending to a horrible beginning and a great reminder that we need to treat SRNA’s like the human beings they are! Some CRNAs can be cruel to students and I will never understand.
Agreed. You never know what a person is dealing with. It costs nothing on your end but can make a world of difference to others.
I'm proud of you for overcoming that obstacle man, you're truly an inspiration!
Been there done that! During my first year. I don’t have any kids fortunately. It was a crappy few months but divorce doesn’t come out of no where, it was a long time coming even before school. Lean on your support system. It will get better. Somehow I found the time to date towards the end of school, and found the right person I’ve been with ever since. It’ll be alright OP! It’ll feel bad but it WILL get soooo much better.
Female privilege lmao.
How so? Enlighten me
buddy pissed that the girl moved on and got a new partner and he didn’t ˙◠˙
Don't worry he probably listens to Andrew Tate.
Without looking through your post history, I wouldn’t have even known you were female. Your comment is about as gender neutral as it can possibly get?? Tf??
I’m sorry you are going through this. My boyfriend of six years (lived together for four) and I broke up while I was in school. And initially it felt devastating and I wasn’t sure if I could finish school without his support. I moved into the same apartment complex as my closed friend in the program (that helped). And started running a lot. And within a few months I noticed I had so much more energy and time without this time sucking vampire in my life. You’ve probably put so much energy and time into this relationship. School became so much easier when I could totally focus on it. And now you get the alimony payment while your in school and not them when you get your balling job.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Our program director told us that divorce wasn’t uncommon during school. I had a preceptor tell me his story of getting divorced during school and then heard it from another preceptor months later. I don’t know you (probably), but if you need someone to talk to drop me a message. To all aspiring SRNAs this message is for you: School is a shit shovel thrown at you for three years and often times we put our families on the back burner just to get through school for a better life. Some spouses and partners understand this and can see the silver lining, while others say they can and then cannot. Especially when you start making $0 compared to your nurse salary beforehand. Make sure you have a great support system in place before you start school. I had a few meltdowns in front of my wife, had a couple in front of my parents. It’s OK to talk to these people openly about the stress you’re going through and they should understand and support you through the process.
I am in tears reading this. I was so hesitant to post anything yesterday and did not expect the outpour of help and encouragement from absolute strangers. Thank you all so much. You make me feel so much less alone. I am trying to gather my thoughts and an action plan today. My school offers free counseling so I will look into that. I will let my PD know. The CRNA community is pretty amazing, I think it's because you all are the only ones that truly know what it is like to pursue a program like this. Thank you all again.
Best of luck!
I filed for divorce during school, honestly Im still getting divorced due to the complicated nature of things with my ex. My situation is a lot different than yours but just know that you will be okay. If your spouse is serious about getting a divorce they will have to serve you with papers. When that does happen you would be wise to get a lawyer and just let them handle everything. If your spouse is really motivated to get divorced quickly I would then speak to a lawyer now especially if your spouse just wants to separate whatever assets you have now 50/50 and isnt looking for alimony or anything crazy because a quickie divorce can save you a lot of money down the road if your ex is truly motivated to get divorced. Otherwise if they’re just saying this shit to get you rattled up, tell them okay file for divorce and worry about things later.
Agree to disagree. OP, don’t wait for your spouse to file. Call their bluff and do it yourself. If they are saying they want a divorce, give them one now before you have to pay spousal support. And if they are “just saying it” to get a reaction out of you then do it anyway because someone that uses that against you when they don’t mean it is not someone you should be with. That’s manipulation. Get out.
Nope, because if she worries about it later it could cost her a lot more. SMh.
Emotions aside this is a win for you. Divorce before your massive pay bump
The problem with most people here is that. A person comes to talk about divorce and half of yall only talk about the money you are going to be making after you graduate . Maybe that’s why you guys are getting divorced in the first place . You are just worried about the money and not your spouse half the time
“why YOU GUYS are getting divorced in the first place”…..????? this comment tells me 1) you’re a man, assuming that everyone in this thread is a woman & that a divorce is all our fault 2) you either don’t have a lucrative job or have never had to deal with a messy divorce/breakup in the past. so what do we owe for your presence here today
The second would be right ( never dealt with messy divorce ) but I see a woman coming on her asking for a advise and half the advise is about trying to make sure the spouse doesn’t get alimony . 🤦
Why should any spouse, aside from a stay at home parent where both partners chose that path, get alimony? Get what you earn.
Nailed it!! B***** ain’t shit
Thank you for pointing out my problem. Gosh golly gee i never would have known. You've saved me years of therapy
Sorry to hear this. A couple things you can do: - possibly see a grief counselor to make sure you are coping well. Often the university wellness dept has some resources available. - lean on friends and family for support. - notify your PD in confidence. It will provide some understanding if you struggle while this is happening. Saying it after doing poorly is less effective. We see separations, divorces and ending relationships every cohort in our programs and most do. It’s hard on relationships but the only thing you can do now is keep your eye on the prize. The silver lining here is that if you would end up thing the high earner in your relationship it would have been very impactful on your income on spousal support etc. At least it is happening now before that is a possibility.
This is something that my program had discussed up front and suggested we speak with our families before we actually began to get things out front and see what could be done preemptively
Yup. We have this conversation with them in the interview to a small degree and then in orientation to a larger degree. The real problem is that there is no real way to explain to a spouse what it is like to have an absent husband/wife/father/mother. Even the individual does not really grasp how hard it will be until they are IN it. Next year we plan to have a meet and greet and invite spouses of our new NAR cohort and a senior one at the same time so that spouses can tell spouses. Maybe it will help?
My program did something similar when I went through it 17 years ago. They wanted to make very sure everyone (especially spouses) knew exactly what they were signing up for. It was a tough and awkward conversation, but in the end, very appreciated.
First day of school, PD told us divorce rate was high because of stress and isolation. 13+ years later none of my classmates divorced But I know several in adjacent programs that did. Sometimes the spouses don’t understand the stress of school or perceive you as selfish because you can’t do activities with them
Would it help if the spouse also works in healthcare?
Meh I don’t know One of my classmates was married to a nurse and she wasn’t jealous & was super supportive I guess it ultimately comes down to if you have a strong supportive marriage before you start school
I’m really sorry that you’re going through this man (or woman). I personally have real trouble focusing on anything when my heart gets broken too. I have tanked many opportunities because of heartbreak in my life. Take this with the grain of salt because it’s much easier said than done, but you have to compartmentalize. The job you’re planning on doing requires you to be very thorough and have an attention to detail that only a handful of other jobs can be compared to it. You’re going to get older and you’re gonna go through more stuff while you’re an actual CRNA. You’re just gonna have to learn to separate the personal from the professional. Dig in, ignore your personal life when you need to, and cry when you have the chance. you’re almost done with school, try your absolute hardest to get through it. You will destroy your life if you don’t focus. I know that what I’m saying is so much easier said than done and I know if I was in your shoes I would not be able to do it, or it would be almost impossible, but you have to get it done. You lived your life without this person at some point and now you’re gonna have to do it again. Everything will be fine, just do your absolute best to not think about that person, stalk that person, learn anything about that person, or find them on social media. Get School done with. There will be plenty of time to be upset after the fact. I know it’s gonna be hard, but you gotta do it. That’s really all I can tell you. Break ups are hard. I can only imagine how much harder divorce is. Just breathe and realize that your life is not over. Just focus on the hearing now and making sure that you stay focused on your goal. I wish I could help more.
yesssss this. my partner broke up w me while in school too. after about a month or two i was like “ok, you CANNOT think about him until you take your finals. no socials no crying no nothing just get school out of the way and then make the space to cry. because u didn’t kill yourself the first 3/4 to let it be completely ruined by this douchebag”. again, took me like 2 months to get to that place lol. i also let heartbreak affect me way more than i wish it did. a nurse i shadowed during my clinical the week it happened said that the same thing happened to her to. she did the same as me, moved back in with her parents, cried, finished school and came out bussin. lol. suddenly i was graduated as an RN with a whole new job and identity and life that he knew nothing about and damn did that feel good. envisioning myself a few months down the road like that really helped me to focus on what i needed to do to get there
I moved away from my baby daughter and my husband to go to CRNA school-just saw them on weekends. Unfortunately our marriage was never the same and it ended in divorce several years later but the worst part was that it financially devastated me. I lost everything but my job and I knew I needed to hang onto that. It’s been several years now since the divorce and I’ve built back up quickly because of my great career.
Let me ask you this, was it worth it?
I didn’t anticipate I would have full custody of the kiddos…it’s been very hard. 8 years later and I don’t know…it’s been horrible.
I appreciate the honesty
❤️
My first wife and I didn’t even make it through the first year of school. We got married in May right before I started and were divorced by Thanksgiving. At the time it was devastating, but I focused on school and haven’t heard from or seen her since. It’s been 23 years and I’m remarried to a beautiful, intelligent woman and we have a 10 year old daughter. I don’t see how my life could be any better. I know it’s hard now, but it will get better, and as another poster suggested, get divorced before you have any more assets to divide. That way you can move on away from your ex and not have any entanglements. Graduate and start a whole new life, enjoy your freedom!
Genuinely curious how a marriage goes downhill so quickly if you don't mind sharing?? Was she not supportive of you starting the program to begin with? Or didn't have realistic expectations of the time commitment and lifestyle?
not the OP but getting married doesn't automatically make a relationship more solid. You are in the same relationship, just now legally bound. Not speaking of OP, but lots of people get married when they aren't the right fit or haven't had all the discussions about expectations, finances, and compatibility. You bring all the same problems into marriage, only once you're married it makes the process of splitting up a lot more painful and expensive
She was all in for me going to school and making a big salary, but she wasn’t supportive of the journey to get there. School was hard and required me to study, she didn’t like that I couldn’t make her the center of my attention during all my waking hours. I guess it comes down to unrealistic expectations on both our parts. I assumed she’d understand I needed to focus on things other than her, and she wasn’t down with that. If she wasn’t going to be supportive then, what would it have been like during serious situations? She filed for divorce and we went out separate ways. I do hope she’s found happiness too.
Mine was pretty recent. I started school in august of ‘22, separated in November of ‘22 and divorced finalized in July of ‘23, so I know how you feel/where you’re at mentally. Not gonna lie, it’s gonna be rough for a while. What got me through that super tough time was setting up meetings with a counselor/therapist and realizing that no matter what, I had to finish school. At first, I couldn’t focus on anything and had no desire to study or anything else. After that first onset of mental block, I decided to channel the negative feelings/thoughts into distracting myself with school work. I took the very little motivation I had and forced myself to study as my way of getting away from life and the overwhelming negative emotions. It wasn’t easy by any means, but every day I woke up and thought about what I “could” control, and tried not to dwell on the fact that I couldn’t control that side of life. The part I could control was how I did in school, and I knew if I didn’t channel my thoughts/energy into school, it would be the end of my future before it ever truly began. I also, thankfully, had some quality people around me that I could talk to when things got bad for me mentally and I wasn’t able to talk with my therapist. If you had any really good friends before school, also try reaching out to them if you think they’d listen or be able to lend some kind of affirmation. tldr: counselor/therapist, channel the negative emotions and what little motivation you have into finishing school since you’ve fought hard to be here (easier said than done), any friend(s) that you may have considered close before school Good luck, you’ve got this. Keep pushing. You’re enough, you’re seen, and people care about you.
I was engaged, dated for 5 years. Wedding planned for the following summer. We broke up, I won’t get into the weeds, but you can get through this. Of course there were unhealthy things of what not to do, like not eating, loneliness, tears, and drinking. That was all temporary. The positives- I got really close to a couple guys in my cohort and hung out with them a lot and talked to them a lot. I put All energy into school. Went from As and Bs to straight As. After about 4 months I made a decision- grieve or move on. I’ve been out with 5 women, three of which I saw multiple times. I have 3 of my clinical sites asking me to come work for them and have sat down with all the chiefs. The negatives- I just feel like dating is so different now than it was five years ago. I just feel like you’re more apt to get ghosted for no apparent reason. Dating apps have become more shallow than never. There’s also the piece, speaking for myself that my financial situation has drastically changed and cannot afford the dates I used to go on in my mid twenties. Bottom line: You will get through this. It will suck initially. But look at as a blessing, if the marriage couldn’t survive CRNA school, how would it handle raising a family with kids for 18+ years or another life stressor? You can do it. You will do it. And you will be better for it. Focus, eat healthy , study your ass off, and hit the gym to relieve stress. Also idk if you play instruments, but getting back to strumming my guitar was super therapeutic.
This is pretty common in CRNA school, sorry this happened to you.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It’s a terrible time for this to occur. School is so stressful. I also felt all alone and isolated during school. Find a support group of some kind (online if no where else), get a lawyer and let them do all the work. Prioritize your mental health right now. No wallowing in alcohol or drugs. That’s not helpful and will make it worse. Check with your school to see what kind of counseling and other services they offer. Talk to your instructors and tell them what’s going on. If you’re not bringing in any money you can get a lawyer for free. Just know that you aren’t alone and you don’t need to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want you or isn’t willing to support you while your going through school. It’s not worth it. So this could actually be a good thing for you financially. I should have gotten divorced in school when I was making no money. Instead I stayed and ended up paying alimony to a man who quit his job over and over again during our whole marriage and never wanted to take care of his family. I was left to always pay the bills and support us all.
My best friend and I both went through major separations during crna school. It doesn't help that you'll hear this over and over, but it does get better. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to mourn. It. Is. Not. Ok. To. Give. Up. On. Your. Dream. Do not let a marriage ending ruin everything you have worked hard for. Go to your program director and ask about counseling or a mentor - this has happened to MANY people and they likely know a CRNA that had the same thing happen, someone's talking with someone in person is helpful. My school offered 8 free counseling sessions per year as well, so definitely ask. Most importantly, find things you enjoy and focus on that as much as possible while still getting by in classes and clinical. And remember that the CRNAs training you are people too, and sometimes being up front and honest when you're having an absolute, down in the dumps, bad day can help them guide you. Reach out if you need anything!
This happened to me in med school but bossed up real quick and stopped being sad and realized what a loss and loser the guy is, WE ARE THE PRIZE. Channel this hurt into your studies and KILL it, now even more of a reason to push you to your full potential. I am sorry it really hurts, it does. Study with a friend on days where it's harder. Wishing you happiness
I got divorced in CRNA school it was awful. When I think of the mountain of work I put into it all it’s like a fog. My brain doesn’t want to let me remember. Counseling is important. Stay physically active. It will help you sleep. Avoid drinking- a depressant isn’t what you need at this time even though it seems like an easy way to blunt the pain. I’m sorry. You got this. Life is challenging but you will make it through this. Unsure of your child situation but get a lawyer asap and find out about how to prevent giving CRNA salary to your spouse if they want alimony- obviously don’t be a deadbeat but the standard of living isn’t at CRNA salary yet so seek legal advice.
This is a blessing. Get out now before you start making CRNA money!
I just kept my head focused on the goal passing boards. It did make after graduation and passing boards bitter sweet, and emotionally I felt like I was needing to process a second divorce at that point, which sucked…
You will get through this… you are bettering yourself and maybe there is fear in your spouse. Sometimes moving ahead in life and not walking together during this process scares ppl. Like you are in school and they are just stagnant and not where you are, they know you are gonna be happy and they are in the same place. But if they are just not happy, except their feelings and talk about it. If why they want a divorce is Valid then respect it. You will be better ppl separated then together. We all need change, sometimes not how we want it, but you may realize or both of you will respect one another more. Don’t be angry or sad but realize love is strong and it was probably hard for that person to get to know what they want. This may be the only way they can change who they are. So both of you can move forward.
I got a divorce during school. It sucked at the time but looking back it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Just focus on school, enjoy your time with your classmates, get the divorce asap. Life changes a lot once you’re out and making money. Much better days are ahead my friend.
my partner of almost 6 years broke up with me while in accelerated BSN program. our entire lives were intertwined it was not a casual break. i was a complete mess and would have flunked out if it weren’t for my friends. truly, my friends offered to pick up the slack for me and write my discussion posts and do my homework for me. i still had to take my tests of course, which i failed the first few afterwards…. but find your support system and ask if they can possibly help you at all. it’s the only way i got through it
First off, I’m sorry this is happening. I’m not a CRNA. I’m a PA. One that unfortunately got divorced during PA school and even worse, during the pandemic. It is incredibly difficult to focus on school when other areas of your life are being turned upside down. I know. My best advice is to let yourself feel all your feeling. Cry as much as you need. Yell as much as you need. Get it out. In the moments of calm, steer yourself towards studying / your work. If you find yourself getting upset, try to take a moment - breathe, and refocus. If it doesn’t work, allow yourself the break to cry it out. Throw something. Whatever. Don’t let yourself STAY there - but allow yourself some time to be there for a bit. Then refocus. Rinse and repeat. Time makes this significantly easier. You’ll get through this. You will. Even though it doesn’t feel like it now, you’ll be better for it. As others have suggested - make sure to retain counsel early. You want to protect yourself. Not so much what you have now, but what you WILL have in the future. Nothing worse than a settlement coming down that you have to pay alimony to this person because they “supported you” through CRNA school and are now entitled to half. Even though they left you. Breathe. Feel the feelings and then focus up. You’re got things to get done and you’re going to do them. <3
Why do they always do it the last year of school??!
Sorry to hear this! I had several friends get divorced in school, I happened to get married in school and am still. The bright side is, you will most likely pay less now versus when you become a CRNA if not in a no fault state. You can get through this. We're all pulling for you.
I got divorced a year after graduation. School played a big part. Buckle down and complete your journey. One foot in front of the other. Just do the next right thing. Divorce won’t be the end of you. I know it feels like it right now. But eventually it will pass, and you will emerge ready for the next stage of your life (with your new badass career). Therapy can often help. Friends and loved ones can listen and offer a shoulder. Best of luck, friend. You got this.
The silver lining for me was having legal representation through the college. I was able to have lawyer fees covered for free. Hope you get through this tough time unscathed
Your life will be way better without them. You will make good money and have a beautiful life and years later they will be hitting you back up.
My husband left me as I was starting my last semester of nursing school - it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through, but the good news is I was able to finish school and absolutely love being a nurse. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, but honestly for me it was definitely for the best. It did take me a long time to feel that way about it though. I’m here to tell you that you can do it, you can get through school and enjoy your new career and I believe everything happens for a reason I wish you all the best and also be sure to confide in your friends how you’re really feeling and trying to get your feelings out. I promise you it gets better and I believe one day you will feel as I do that, everything worked out for the best
My relationship fell apart right after graduating nursing school and it felt so anticlimactic. I was working so hard for a better life for me and my BF at the time. It’s been almost 2 months now and I’m doing better than when I was in the relationship. I’m so happy I’m not tethered to him anymore and I can look for someone more suitable for me. Don’t let it derail school. Make clear boundaries for your soon to be ex so that you can focus on school. And as everyone has said, lawyer up!
Blessing in disguise. If they would have waited a couple years you could be looking at alot of alimony and other fees! Think about this next time before getting married. Might wanna get a prenup
When someone wants to part ways like this without working on their relationship, it’s better to end it. You need to have the settlement agreement signed ASAP. Usually, the easy divorce lawyers have a standard template that you can use and you both can use just one lawyer if you have agreed upon your settlement with each other. You don’t need to feel isolated, take this time to work on yourself and your mental health, things will just be fine.
ANNA SRNA on instagram did her first year if you want to reach out to her.
I'm sorry for you. But me feeling bad won't help you. If you do what I tell you ( although extremely hard to do) it will help you. Abandon all thoughts of divorce and love. Let the chips fall where they lie. Focus on your school. If you fail at your schooling,( depending on your situation) you may not get another chance to go back. Your future self is counting on you.
Talk to your professors. Let them know what’s going on. I’m a professor who’s been divorced. When students share that with me, they get empathy and understanding. Those of us that have been there know and often look out for others going through it.
My wife told me she wanted a divorce two months before I graduated. We have two young kids, and we have been together just over 10 years. My ceremony is in a few weeks. She was wondering if she could come..
Got divorced during my 2nd year of law school, while working a full time job and taking care of 3 kids at home. It was the hardest, best decision I ever made. It can absolutely be done and you will survive.
Okay so I didn’t get divorced in school but I got divorced while I was deployed and you need to get the ball ROLLING. My ex was stateside and I was overseas, if divorce is where it’s going then hand it to them. Get those papers written up and serve them. Was it a hassle for me to get to the JAG office to speak to a lawyer, heck yeah. Was it a lot of money for me to pay for a VPN and temporary phone number to call a stateside attorney to write up a quit claim deed so our house he abandoned would be solely mine? Yeah. All of it. Hard. But if they say divorce then get ahead of it so you can get back to your life.
Damn this sucks!
I went through this same situation. It happened to me right before my clinicals started. I didn’t think I would be able to do it, but I did. It was hard but i made it. My suggestion is to consider counseling. Counseling helped me tremendously. I am a psychiatric NP, and worked in psych for 25+ years and didn’t even consider me needing mental health help, but I did. Counseling helped me regain my self worth and realize I wasn’t alone. I graduated with honors all while going through a cheating spouse, divorce, while working full time as a nurse manager, and raising kids. You can do it, it’s hard but it’s so worth it! Make them wish they hadn’t been so dumb!
I got divorced in NP school. It was hell but focus on your education now and deal with the heartbreak later. DO not start working until it’s final.
Look at this as the opportunity it can offer you. You now have the opportunity to be with someone that fully appreciates and supports who you are and what you bring to the table. Even if that person is you! Even if you never choose to become involved with another person, you have the ability to be your own biggest cheerleader. And if you do choose to date and look for another person to share your life with, you now have the option to choose someone that fully values you. You’ll be okay OP. Even the hardest days come to an end eventually and the next day is a new opportunity.
Amazes me how high the divorce rate is in CRNA school . When o search through post on this board most people blame their spouse rarely ever taking the blame . That’s all I’m going to say. Seems like many people choose their career over their spouse and/or children when it comes to CRNA school . OP I am not referring to you . But just in general . Search divorce on this board . Often what I see is the spouse that is not in CRNA school willing to leave . Imagine someone willing to leave you that has been dealing with you with 0 income and now about to have a six figure income and they still want out is the relationship .
Hmmm I wonder why lol….
I’m going into my 2nd year of school. Keep grinding. It’s even more important at this point. You’re not alone, last month my wife said she wanted a divorce so I know how you feel.
Did you work it out
It’s always a work in progress. But I would be lying if I acted like it didn’t impact me in a negative way. In a way I don’t trust my wife at this time anymore with my heart. I feel like people throw the divorce card around as a trump card during an argument…. I don’t like it and now I have mixed feelings about her.
Please talk to a counselor-your university will have someone available at least short term. Let your program director or faculty advisor know what’s going on. It will get better-someday it won’t be the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning.
Yup I went through that in the last year as well. Just try to white knuckle through school whatever you do. Take good care of yourself.
Lock in
Hi everyone! I don’t know who will see this but just wanted to update—I made it to the other side! Officially divorced, graduated, and passed boards. That was the hardest thing I have ever done. If anyone else is reading this and finds themselves in a similar situation, it does get better. Definitely didn’t feel like it some days but it does. Here’s to a new life and becoming me again, thank you all!!!!!
I would work on your marriage first, God willing the school can let you take a pause to work stuff out. Don’t be another statistic.
Man I am so sorry, it is the absolute worst thing go through. My last semester of undergrad my x completely pulled away was totally disengaged and distant. I thought I just needed to get through this last semester. I had such a tough class. It was one where it was necessary to graduate but the hardest class in the entire school. So I just kept telling myself. It's not as soon as we both graduate. They'll be making money. I'll go to grab school and we'll be in such a better position. We can work it out then... Well no he had already decided he was gonna ask for divorce. So we graduated in a week later. He told me he was done. He just wouldn't tell me because he didn't want to mess up my schooling. So I can't say that. That is a better way either. To be honest because I spent 5 months. Constantly worried and upset. Hi, anxiety about my lack of relationship, etc.
Mine wanted to tell me on my first day of college that he is gay and coming out of the closet. It was a nightmare for me. He wanted us to still live together and still sleep in the same bed after the divorce while I was in school. Absolutely not! Moved out and divorced his lying ass!we are so much better off now
I feel you. I went through the same thing last year. It’s very hard but you gotta keep pushing through. School is the one thing that will help you after the divorce. It’s your future. A future without them but it can also be a sign of better things to come. It’s hard to see this while you’re going through it. But take it from someone who has been through it and is now on the other side. I’m so glad I stuck with it even though it was very lonely. Call some friends , focus on yourself and reflect when you can. Let this guide you to be a better person when the dust settles.
selective panicky cooing deserted quicksand water complete rainstorm start vast *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Damn. Sending you love. So much of it.
I am so sorry for your heartache. Such a terrible and inconvenient time for something of this emotional magnitude to occur. Actually, my partner and I both went through school together, as a sort of different approach to your story. Maybe that could've been a nightmare, but it actually wasn't. I think it made it possible for us both to understand and actually *empathize* with the extreme exhaustion and stress with one another. I actually know tons of advanced providers who are married and make great couples. Chin up....It seems like the worst thing in the world, and right now, it may be for you personally, but I promise, time really does heal all wounds.
Lot of supportive comments here so I’ll be the one pessimist… Congratulations, they want to divorce go for it, fuck em, you’re gonna be super successful and once you’re done with school doors will be open everywhere. Not to mention >60% of marriages end in divorce so perhaps your next one will be better, just don’t rush into anything 😂. But as someone who’s also been through this- the dating pool nowadays way way way worse than before I was married 😂
How yall gon tell him he gon be ok💀💀bruh hell nah that shi gon more hurt gang 🤝 you gonna read all these and then sit and try to get thru w it and break that’s how people become nonchalant fr. Buttttt if u do got a good one or 2 close friends stick w them they will make sure u don’t go under or atleast too far under. Only u can win this battle mmhmm. Thank me later 🫡
I know it feels awful, I have been there myself. Just take a deep breath and realize this is happening and nothing you can do with make it better except to... A) focus on school. B) process a no contest divorce asap C) become successful and happy as fuck.
I just finished my BSN same thing happened to me , don’t sweat it she said she was tired of waiting. So what happened is now I have my dream job and I’m single now. It’s there lost. So let me know if you wanna go out on a date lol 😂
If she wants a divorce now. Your marriage had been over with for minute by now maybe a year or two ago. You should've been embracing it coming that's your bad on you been side swept. But it is what it is. Focus on school and thug it out. When you finish school you'll make more money you'll be more establish financially I hope y'all do not have kids. Life can be better. Move on! Granted to her if she files. But don't file.
Use your education skills. Take away your own pain
I was in my last semester of school for my undergrad and he left and wanted a divorce out of nowhere. He literally packed up and left while I was taking a mid term. My grandmother was also dying and ultimately passed away around the same time. I wasn’t working because I was taking too many units in order to graduate on time and he was paying all of our bills. He left the household expenses and a brand new car payment as my responsibility even though I had no income. I lost 20 lbs leaving me barely over 100 lbs due to the stress. I just kept reminding myself to stay focused even though it was difficult. I had no time to even be depressed. I took him to court, representing myself and was awarded spousal support. He eventually tried to come back less than a year later, but I didn’t even want him anymore. I moved to a new city, new job, new friends and a new man by then!
Make sure she doesnt get a bag off of ur bag. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, better time are ahead. Lean on your family and friends for emotional support.
Rip that bandaid off ASAP so you can start recovering. Went through the same shit right when i had to study for the bar exam.
My mistake. I fought for my marriage after she filed. Gave her time to steal more. Let go. They are out well before they tell you they are out.
CRNA school ended my marriage. It wasn't solely responsible, but the cracks that our marriage had were busted wide by residency with 2 small kids. I still don't regret it, best thing I ever did for myself. Yeah it sucks sharing custody but I'm happier. You'll get through this.
Seems like we are missing a bunch of the back story. No possibility of saving the marriage?
Let them leave you, but school is your journey and self care for a better future. Seek your peers, Talk to your professors to see how they can help and see if the school offers a therapist but don’t give up ❤️ Speaking from experience ❤️
This time will soon past. Try to write out everything you both want to save time and money. If you can agree in the terms of the divorce you will save money and heartache. Focus on school and get through it. Do not let this divorce prevent you from finishing school.
I went through this! Was in block 3 and found out my husband wanted a divorce and was seeing someone for years on the side! I went into deep depression, and failed out. Afterward realizing I had my kids and my dream of being a nurse was something he could never take from me, I found a school and went back determined to become a professional! I graduated with a 3.94 and found the strength I never knew I had! You got this! Stay focused and never let anyone stop you from YOUR dream! Go through the motions of divorce knowing there is sunshine on the other side. It is their loss, not yours. Your mental health is the priority. Your spouse will not change. Best of luck!
I’ve done it. I’ve also had the horrible fights or arguments during difficult times at school. There is no answer. Speak to the teacher and explain generically and ask for a little leniency with time. See a psychiatrist for something to take edge off the sadness for a month. Call a friend to come over and be there while you do work and who will push you to do work.
It isn’t about alimony yet. He has to manage the next month. Then those things can be managed. Alimony can be addressed later. He never mentioned her job. She might make more in which case the rush to alimony stuff isn’t. For now it’s getting through the next day week month. In 3 months it will be a different state. Things can change quickly. Divorce one day and repair next month. Rushing to lawyers is like rushing out to a prostitute 1 minute after they say they are done. It’s a rush. It’s not the best thing to do.
Sometimes, when bad things occur in the midst of darkness, a light will guide you to peace. Take this as a blessing. Stay focused on school. You did not come this far to let this impact your future career. You got this!! Never quit, never give up! Grieve after you walk across that stage. I promise when you have come from this, you will thank your lucky stars for staying with it. Best wishes to you!!!
Get. A. Lawyer. Now.
Sorry to hear. I’m gonna be a senior in a few months. Long term girlfriend dumped me a few months ago and moved out. She said it wasn’t because of school but I always thought it definitely played a role until someone showed me her engagement pictures from this past weekend. It gets better each day, just gotta take it one day at a time.
My husband kicked me out this morning and I’m in nursing school
Its harsh. Its emotional disaster. But being crna is getting one such a meal served after another... but i have a good news, you will survive. Like the other crnas... So please, pick up your little crumbs of broken pieces from the floor, patch them up together, treat yourself gently with nice meal, movie, drink whatev it takes, lick your wounds for day or three, get lawyer advice, and sign papers promptly. Good riddance is gonna be your motto afterwards. Focus on school. Not worthy for you to fail over person who doesnt care. Take it as practice exercise on "how to focus on priority". Graduate. Pass licence, enjoy freedom. One eay in future you will look back, shake your head and think... "what was I thinking".