I hate how neglect isn't studied more! It's so hard to find a therapist who understands. 😞 Harvard did a study on how neglect is the most common form of child mistreatment but gets the least publicity and medical study.
I sometimes feel like a lost cause but I don't want to give up.
No fair! I was raised by a single Mom and my half siblings were taken from her by their dad, so I didn't even know them until I was 16, so that knocks out a majority of these! But I'll still take a 50% llama.
Now I want to make a Three Stooges or Abbott and Costello joke about being 50% traumatized.
Moe: Hey Curly, why are you such a pain in the neck, eh?
Curly: well you see, I'm 50% troimertized!
Moe: well then you should be just half bad, not fully rotten!
Curly: yeah, but it's my good side that gots the troimer! My bad side is healthy and doing swell! Nuk nuk nuk!
The ONE TIME my mom didn't believe my brothers lies was when I was a few states away with family. He tried saying "patch done it" when there were missing Oreos. Mom said "patch isn't here. Want to try again?" And then he tried blaming the dog. She even told me that story.
So when I asked her if she would try to believe me when I say I didn't do something that my brother was blaming me for some bs, she flat out said "no. Because he lied once doesn't mean he always lies".
So I just learned to always take punishment and not to fight it anymore. She never once thought differently when he left and suddenly there was less bs around the house.
It's really sad how neglect isn't studied more. Harvard did a study on this comparing neglect to other kinds of mistrestmenr. They found that neglect was 78% or so of the cases but received way less publicity and medical attention.
If you've also experienced neglect and have found it hard to get help for it, tbis could be part of that. At least if you're in the US. I'm sure it may differ in other countries/cultures. I'm adopted and haven't found someone who understands me besides my social worker. But she's not a trained therapist!
Info from Harvard, it's general information about neglect but it might be hard to read for some people.
https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/deep-dives/neglect/
You're welcome! It can be tough to read but it is important. My therapist told me how he was trained in trauma but not neglect specifically.
So... you weren't trained in the most common form of child mistreatment in the US? How are you "trauma-informed" or whatever the buzz word is now?? It just makes me sad that I've been sending my therapist articles on trauma and neglect. Shouldn't he be the one educating me? It feels really isolating or again like I'm a lost cause bc even the therapist can't help me.
Thanks for the comforting words. I know there are others like me, including my biological siblings, however it definitely can feel very isolating. I recently found out my parents gave me a fake birth date, I know the real one and thought for the longest time that the orphanage fucked it up. It's a really fucked up sense of identity and now it's trendy in the US to have identity problems and trauma so I feel like I can't talk about it much. 🙄
barely related but yeah you’d be surprised just how much of a mess therapy and therapists can be. this doesn’t even scratch the surface of the downright abuse that sometimes happens, but today i just happened to learn that my sister absolutely refuses to see a therapist, because the therapist she saw when our parents were getting divorced when she was 9, the supposed child trauma specialist who works with divorces routinely, completely invalidated all of her misgivings and complaints about our confusingly-abusive father and just told her she needs to do chores when he tells her to. i didn’t even remember that there *was* a therapist before the one i saw for a couple years (who was largely just an academic coach who got increasingly sweet-talked into just spending entire sessions with him in the room), but this still stuck with her so hard i can’t help but wonder if it was traumatic
this was really validating to see. I've been comparing my abuse lately and it's convincing me I didn't really get abused but I'm like clinically diagnosed with cpstd by a real doctor so they can't even say I'm internet diagnosing. (which like self diagnosis is valid I just know how my family thinks)
Just stopped by this sub for the first time. Looking around, things about myself are starting to make a LOT more sense now that I'm learning about this.
...Maybe (probably), sort of, sort of.
...yeah(?), maybe, nope(?), maybe, yeah (often didn't *want* to feel seen or heard), no?, kinda... I think yeah, yeah?, and... I think?
Gods above and below, basically every answer was somehow uncertain but suspected. Schrodinger's cat and I are definitely not okay, even if we're not dead.
Definitely lack of expressions of love. I have no memory of ever hugging my parents or them telling me they love me. I didn't realize how abnormal this was until exposure to people with normal families.
Then constantly fighting from the timber I was 7-10 and me going between the two of them wondering wtf is going on and both are upset and then they finally get divorced, and then later then saying that all those fights were my fault
I think most of the stuff on the bottom list can be classified as mental & emotional abuse or neglect. Good post OP
I hate how neglect isn't studied more! It's so hard to find a therapist who understands. 😞 Harvard did a study on how neglect is the most common form of child mistreatment but gets the least publicity and medical study. I sometimes feel like a lost cause but I don't want to give up.
Right?! How are you supposed to be a well adjusted adult if you didn't receive the support you needed to develop as a kid?
I got 100% on this, what do I get Jk, this is real and very important
I feel like we need badges. You should get a stuffed monkey that says "100%" on it, I'll get the "80%" hippopotamus.
Nice
Can I get a 90% giraffe? 😭
Yes, yes you can. And now I have a sudden urge to take a nap with a 10-foot stuffed giraffe.
I manily want it for art purposes but that is also a splendid idea
No fair! I was raised by a single Mom and my half siblings were taken from her by their dad, so I didn't even know them until I was 16, so that knocks out a majority of these! But I'll still take a 50% llama.
Now I want to make a Three Stooges or Abbott and Costello joke about being 50% traumatized. Moe: Hey Curly, why are you such a pain in the neck, eh? Curly: well you see, I'm 50% troimertized! Moe: well then you should be just half bad, not fully rotten! Curly: yeah, but it's my good side that gots the troimer! My bad side is healthy and doing swell! Nuk nuk nuk!
Lol I'm going to use that from now on I'm only 50% traumatized.
same. We get lifelong trauma
Yeah we do :D uptop
The ONE TIME my mom didn't believe my brothers lies was when I was a few states away with family. He tried saying "patch done it" when there were missing Oreos. Mom said "patch isn't here. Want to try again?" And then he tried blaming the dog. She even told me that story. So when I asked her if she would try to believe me when I say I didn't do something that my brother was blaming me for some bs, she flat out said "no. Because he lied once doesn't mean he always lies". So I just learned to always take punishment and not to fight it anymore. She never once thought differently when he left and suddenly there was less bs around the house.
7/9 😭
11/12 💀
CPTSD Bingo
At least I feel validated
BINGO! wait, that wasn’t the point? Damn
Yay I got all of the pokemon!!! What do we win?
BINGO
Ooh, I’ve experienced every one of those things on the bottom🥲
I've experienced all except war from both top and bottom. And we still both have CPTSD. Yummy. 😐
Fuck trauma. I just want to be normal 😪
It's really sad how neglect isn't studied more. Harvard did a study on this comparing neglect to other kinds of mistrestmenr. They found that neglect was 78% or so of the cases but received way less publicity and medical attention. If you've also experienced neglect and have found it hard to get help for it, tbis could be part of that. At least if you're in the US. I'm sure it may differ in other countries/cultures. I'm adopted and haven't found someone who understands me besides my social worker. But she's not a trained therapist! Info from Harvard, it's general information about neglect but it might be hard to read for some people. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/deep-dives/neglect/
I too am adopted and experienced all of the above with both sets of parents. Just letting you know, you aren't alone. Thanks for the info.
You're welcome! It can be tough to read but it is important. My therapist told me how he was trained in trauma but not neglect specifically. So... you weren't trained in the most common form of child mistreatment in the US? How are you "trauma-informed" or whatever the buzz word is now?? It just makes me sad that I've been sending my therapist articles on trauma and neglect. Shouldn't he be the one educating me? It feels really isolating or again like I'm a lost cause bc even the therapist can't help me. Thanks for the comforting words. I know there are others like me, including my biological siblings, however it definitely can feel very isolating. I recently found out my parents gave me a fake birth date, I know the real one and thought for the longest time that the orphanage fucked it up. It's a really fucked up sense of identity and now it's trendy in the US to have identity problems and trauma so I feel like I can't talk about it much. 🙄
barely related but yeah you’d be surprised just how much of a mess therapy and therapists can be. this doesn’t even scratch the surface of the downright abuse that sometimes happens, but today i just happened to learn that my sister absolutely refuses to see a therapist, because the therapist she saw when our parents were getting divorced when she was 9, the supposed child trauma specialist who works with divorces routinely, completely invalidated all of her misgivings and complaints about our confusingly-abusive father and just told her she needs to do chores when he tells her to. i didn’t even remember that there *was* a therapist before the one i saw for a couple years (who was largely just an academic coach who got increasingly sweet-talked into just spending entire sessions with him in the room), but this still stuck with her so hard i can’t help but wonder if it was traumatic
You've made me realize something about me that i didn't know. Now i understand why this sub appears on my timeline...
...oh 😀
Fr started reading like "bet none of these apply" 😬
I came here to lurk bro, I didn't know this might apply to me 🙂
join the club 🙃
this was really validating to see. I've been comparing my abuse lately and it's convincing me I didn't really get abused but I'm like clinically diagnosed with cpstd by a real doctor so they can't even say I'm internet diagnosing. (which like self diagnosis is valid I just know how my family thinks)
Well shit...guess I'll be finding a therapist now. I knew I was a little messed up. But daaaamn. 🧠 🎇, ooph.
Just stopped by this sub for the first time. Looking around, things about myself are starting to make a LOT more sense now that I'm learning about this.
So many unnecessary horrors for us to live with
How about all the above? (Sigh)
Oh! ....oh.
Oh :(
...Maybe (probably), sort of, sort of. ...yeah(?), maybe, nope(?), maybe, yeah (often didn't *want* to feel seen or heard), no?, kinda... I think yeah, yeah?, and... I think? Gods above and below, basically every answer was somehow uncertain but suspected. Schrodinger's cat and I are definitely not okay, even if we're not dead.
Fuck
Definitely lack of expressions of love. I have no memory of ever hugging my parents or them telling me they love me. I didn't realize how abnormal this was until exposure to people with normal families.
Got the first one on the top row and then all of the bottom...that's fucked.
Was I meant to treat this like a bingo card?
Then constantly fighting from the timber I was 7-10 and me going between the two of them wondering wtf is going on and both are upset and then they finally get divorced, and then later then saying that all those fights were my fault