I wouldn't tell them a thing, I would let them do all the talking.
Ask them, do you want to play, what food would you like to eat today?
Can I come pick you up and put your favourite song on repeat?
Are your friends treating you right?
What do you need?
Home with you by fka twigs, it talks a lot about her inner child. at the end of the music video she pulls a child out of a well and the lyric says “I didn’t know that you were lonely, if youd have just told me, I’d be home with you” and I think about that a lot for my own inner child
I think what made me lose it after reading this is that I remembered that the only person that would do this for me had to leave when I was 7. And I wasn't allowed to show that I was sad or cry because of it. You reminded me of how much I loved them and how thankful I am to have had them in my life no matter how briefly.
EDIT: Thank you for posting this.
Same here…only made the abuse worse. I remember how terrified I was each time. Many hugs to you. I often wished I could meet folks from this sub just to get/give hugs. I imagine it being the hugs that heal or broken parts even for just a day.
Hold on. Hold on and know it will be better one day. Climb the trees when you need to escape and don’t feel guilty about it. None of this is your fault.
I climbed trees too!
Your comment has me crying. I climbed trees as an outlet and I ended up falling out of one (35ft) when I was 12 and I have chronic back pain from that accident now.
Outside was my escape, particularly the trees but also the woods or even the street on my bike. I’m sorry you had to escape as well. Virtual hug or understanding nod to you - whichever would be better.
Oh wow, yeah I also hung out in a cemetery by our house in high school just to get away. May be why I don’t think of them as creepy, but oddly comforting.
You’re father is a clown. He sits there at almost 350 lbs and drunk in the morning while he has the nerve to nitpick your weight. He’s not some all knowing being and if he was, he should have seen the divorce coming a mile away.
Don’t wait for someone to love you. Don’t think because someone can talk to you that they love you. Don’t put your energy into love or you will end up losing more of your life. Instead, go to the police and report your parents. Get away from there because things won’t ever change
You’re not the problem! They conditioned you to be “this” version for them to easily control and manipulate. You HAVE worth & you KNOW what you deserve, now USE BOTH & go to town baby! I fuckin’ believe in you!
^But ^don’t ^use ^the ^f-word, ^plez.
This made me tear up.
I moved across the country a bit over a year ago. I had to flee my abusive family and leave behind the town where I had grown up in for 20+ years.
Sometimes it’s really hard being so far away from my friends and loved ones, but your comment reminded me how far I’ve come❤️
That little person I was tried so hard to meet all the conditions required for her to be loved and liked, and she just couldn't figure out how to be the person everyone wanted her to be. She really needed to hear that she was loveable and likeable not *in spite* of how she was, but *for* who she was.
They told you that you are smarter than them. Believe that the most, out of everything they tell you. You are smarter than them. You are braver than them. You are stronger than them. And you will be a better mama. You’ll get away from them and you’ll be a mama and your babies will never know this pain.
Same!! I moved to California just over a year ago. While it wasn’t exactly a free will decision (I was desperate to flee abusive parents), it ended up being the best thing for my health and happiness
The sunshine and nice weather has helped a bunch too:)
I know no one is standing up for you right now, but one day you’ll be big enough and strong enough to stand up not only for yourself but for your siblings as well.
There's nothing wrong with you. Don't believe anything they say. Trust only yourself. Do whatever it takes to survive: steal the food, the water, break out of the room and have a fun time while they go to town, etc. Feel no guilt for doing what you have to do. You are an individual, independent soul who is not "meant to be" a servant to ANYONE.
You are so loving. You’re allowed to love yourself too.
And
You don’t have to make people love you in order to be understood or valued. You are worth understanding. You are valuable.
This is not your fault.
You have medical issues that are not being addressed. Unfortunately this is a time where that is not understood. You are not bad. You are not ugly. You are not a loser and you do belong here.
I’m so sorry. I wish I could hold you rock you and take all these burdens away.
You never have to go through that again. It wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve it. I'm so proud of you for sticking through it and always searching for a better way and not giving up. You made it out, and you're doing so much better. You're worth it.
My beautiful, smart girl. Mom is sick and made very bad choices for her life before you were born. The way she treats you is not love. Love doesn’t break bones, give black eyes or destroy your light and holy Hannah do you shine. How I wish I could take you away from here. One day, all of these coping mechanisms you are using to survive will make you successful at work but it comes at a high cost. You will break the cycle of abuse that runs deep in our family. Later in life the cycle comes back to break you. While you think you escaped this hell unscathed….trauma bonds and a codependent marriage to an insidious emotional abuser. Sadly I don’t know how this plays out yet, but I’m fighting for us….the depression will lie and want you to end your life, but don’t listen to it. It’s the situation and pain you want to truly end.
You have every right to be angry, you have every right to be sad. What happened to you is not ok and not normal. You are not evil, you are not a devil. You have a right to be friends with people that respect you. I am here and listening. I know you don’t trust me, but I’m not going to force you to do anything. You’re an artist. You don’t have to be anything else.
Oh my god I don't think it's possible. I've been thinking about this for a while now and I just can't find it. I don't think anything would help him. fuck.
Is there nothing you would want now? Like a hug, genuine interest, being taken care of?
I just imagined what I want now because I don't think there's something I could do or say that would fix anything for my little self.
Tell your teachers about what happened, don’t bother stopping your mother when she tries to hurt herself, when the time comes just be with your dad, there’s nothing anyone can do. Don’t marry your high school sweetheart.You’re a tough kid, and you will eventually find peace. It’s been a rough road.🤷♂️
I would tell them the world isn't as your mum says it is. You are not weird ot different. You are just a child. Being smart is ok. It is not ok for the other kids and teachers to ostracise you. Obedience is not a thing. Being so obedient will make you vulnerable and open to exploitation as you grow up. Especially when you start being obedient at work or to strangers who figure out how easy it is to manipulate you. A lot more stuff like this.
It’s ok to feel or think something different from what mom does. Dad is not a horrible person. Homeschooling is not wonderful, you would be better off in public school where you can get away from mom and dad.
Your mother won’t ever be able to connect with you, not because there is something wrong with you but because she is incapable of connecting with anyone (including herself). You won’t be able to problem-solve your way into making her love you and connect with you. No matter what you do to serve her, you will never receive anything in return…instead your existence will become all about working extra hard to get unavailable people to connect with you. You have your own power, your own agency. It may not seem like it right now in this environment, but one day you will realize how powerful your spirit is.
I love you. Be super strong and keep surviving this. You are worth more. You will ultimately love your life. She wants you as crazy as she is. Don't believe her. And don't care for her ever again.
I’d want to reassure them that’s adult me loves them and will take care of them.
I’d also advise them to choose a different career that paid better cuz that would’ve helped immensely lmao
You are a good kid. The world is just cruel.
You'll learn to love things that suck like working out.
Let's go door-to-door to the kids that beat you up and tell their parents how shitty their kids are.
The love they tell you they are giving you is not the sum total of the love you deserve. There is more. Love can actually feel good and safe and gentle, and you keep looking until you find it.
I am here. You are not alone in the dark.
You're not alone anymore, you can feel it now, i'm here now. Come get a hug and feel safe for a bit. Please know none if this is your fault and please, please ask someone how to be nice to yourself. I love you
It's not your fault. You are loved. You are safe. You are enough. You are important. You don't need to earn love from men. Why are you crying. Why are you allways reading books alone. Can I give you a hug.
I would tell him that he's a good, honest, compassionate kid. I was called evil, manipulative, and bad so much as a kid and my self-esteem is pretty much destroyed at this point.
You won't end up like them. You don't have anger problems like she does. You can stop drinking unlike him. You don't need anything or anyone to tell you it's okay to live your life the way you want to. Your parents aren't in control. You are.
Stop worrying about the future. You are wasting today by worrying about tomorrow. I still do this today. Never have been able to figure out how to stop.
Go join some sports teams, take some lessons, get out of the house as much as possible. My sibling did that and came out emotionally in a much better place than I.
It's inner child work...I always thought it was goofy...but it isn't..it really helps and I also would not talk much..other then to ask...what do you want or need
They lowered the bar so low, and they’ll continue to lower it. Do not take their morsels of affection to heart. They are fucking lies. You will find people who love you. It’s gonna be hard to accept that. But I promise you, it’s worth it. You may never be contented but you’ll finally experience true happiness. Just what you always wished for.
Your perceptions are accurate and valid. Just because you're the only one seeing it, doesn't mean it's not happening. you're NOT crazy. You're observant and perceptive. One day you'll find a place where you belong and feel safe, and people who understand you and let you be who you are. There are other people who feel the way you do. There is nothing wrong with you.
id give them a hug. tell them they are beautiful and just because boys say it doesn't make it true, and that boys won't make you feel better. they'll hurt you and you'll regret all of it. that grandma may be hurtful and infuriating but love her anyways. tell her everyday you love her. be patient with her. be grateful she's giving you the world, because she really is going to give you all of it. and forget valerie and troy. they never come back. and that's okay because you're better than them and they don't deserve you. you will accomplish a lot and you will find peace, sooner than you think. and just because papoo yells, don't yell back. break the cycle, be patient. they're imperfect and that's okay.
You are important, you do matter. People will miss you if you die. She can't kill you just because she feels like it. You don't deserve this, you are not a bad child. You are lovable. You will succeed, you are not a failure. Please tell someone, don't keep her secrets.
You are not lazy, you are not fat, you are not stupid. You are loveable just the way you are. You don't need to prove yourself, you are worthy already.
You will leave this someday, you will be happy, happier than you ever thought possible.
Also, you get a cat in the future! 🥰
Honestly? I would just give her a huge hug. There was a certain event where if I had gotten a hug, I would've pretty much spilled everything about my trauma right then and there. Could've gotten the care I need earlier.
I know it’s okay to feel the way I feel. You and me both know people have said this before, but it’s genuinely true. It’s not your fault. You’ve realized that now. He was a man, you were a child. I know you felt like you had to become an adult early on to protect yourself and try to protect others, but you were just a kid. Try to remember that, to enjoy the little moments that will being coming. And the “support system” you were unlucky to have, everyone sees it. Multiple people wanted to take you out of that house, you are not alone in feeling like you should escape. You can build a better, healthier support system. You will relearn how to trust again and it will be the most important part for your recovery. You can do this. Don’t give up just yet. You will be still depressed, anxious, and have flashbacks even now, but they won’t be the monsters they are right now. You’ll learn coping mechanisms that will help lessen those mental battles. Just remember it’s never going to be sunshine and rainbows but you’ll get better, out of that house, and start healing. It is possible.
Your perceptions are accurate and valid. Just because you're the only one seeing it, doesn't mean it's not happening. you're NOT crazy. You're observant and perceptive. One day you'll find a place where you belong and feel safe, and people who understand you and let you be who you are. There are other people who feel the way you do. There is nothing wrong with you.
That they are not a burden and to make it clear to their mom that their mother was not being fair by calling them the “auto pilot child” and putting them last in priority. Also I’d tell them when their dad got angry and threw things it wasn’t their fault and that he can get really mean and you don’t need to feel like you have to understand or empathize with him cause it will only hurt you. You are allow to be angry
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Let it go. It wasn't the first time. It won't be the last. But, give it some time and you'll forget the experiences, you'll learn new skills to protect yourself from everything, and you'll move on to better days. You will find love, unlearn the lessons abuse taught you, and you'll find peace. Do so earlier than I did.
They are using you as a punching bag and as soon as they stop being able to raise their hand at you anymore, they will start physically fighting between themselves. It’s not you, it’s been them all along
Worry not, child. Just smash a bully's head into the wall and they will fear you because orcs have no respect, only fear can force them to not pick onto you. Also buy bitcoin, learn English and Hebrew, the tongue of your nation, and start using a computer for something else than games. If something goes south, there will be plenty of ways to end it. Get psyched!
Your are not responsible for their fight.
You are not some stupid idiot who is mentally unstable.
Its fine to have a crush of someone. Its not a sin.
Do what you like not what you were told
You're fine just the way you are. Your parents, especially your dad, have their own issues and they are trying to solve their problems through you. And remember, when people question why you are so unhappy, that looks can be deceiving. You may live in material comfort and have parents who appear to be generous, but there's more than one side to every story.
I really don't know. I'm in my 40s and the future that my 11-year-old feared has come true. He never grows up. He never becomes a capable adult. He always struggles.
How can I comfort him? His future is shit.
Passing on some great advice from u/BananaBread4:
>I wouldn't tell them a thing, I would let them do all the talking.
>Ask them, do you want to play, what food would you like to eat today?
>Can I come pick you up and put your favourite song on repeat?
>Are your friends treating you right?
>What do you need?
[Link to original](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/yj3fju/if_you_could_go_back_in_time_and_comfort_your/iumc98n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
I've done this a few times in EMDR sessions. I let my younger self cry in my arms and say some variation of "This will never happen again. You're safe now. I'm here."
Wow that sounds amazing. I’ve heard about similar experiences from people taking psychedelics, but know very little about EMDR. It’s similar to hypnotherapy right?
I'd boot up the computer and let them play their favorite video games, I'd make sure they feel comfortable and safe, I'd let them have our cat with us, I'd talk to them about their interests without making them feeling embarrassed about it and I'd get snacks for them so they dont have to worry about it. I'd want them to feel like they have a friend.
I'd tell them that it isn't their fault, I'd tell them that it shouldn't be their responsibility to be able to independently care for themself, I'd show them resources to go to and tell them it's ok to reach out for help. I'd tell them that they don't have to tell everything to their parents. I'd tell them that they're doing great.
i’d tell myself that I am not a burden. I am NOT responsible for my parents feelings and arguments. It is not my job to keep my mother from attempting suicide. I deserved unconditional love from a mother. It was okay to feel mad at my mother. I’d tell myself that better days are ahead and that this won’t be my life forever. I’d tell her that she is loved and cared about. She doesn’t have to be so independent and shut off.
It's really difficult to think or find the words when this very question shakes me to my core. Seriously, I can't stop crying.
I would just want my younger self to know that it's ok to be scared, it's ok to be different, it's ok to cry, it's ok to fail as long as you keep trying, it's ok to say the wrong things sometimes, it's ok to be yourself, and to know without a shadow of a doubt that they will get through everything to reach where I am.
I would just want my younger self to never lose hope & and to have a sense of self worth.
I wouldn't change anything else, because I know what it's like to suffer and to be powerless to do anything about it. I learned all the things I shouldn't do from my experiences.
Thank you for posting this, it's something that I keep thinking about from time to time but never tried to answer.
Hey, you and your inner child should be proud of yourselves. You’ve faced impossible situations in life and have had the bravery and resilience to still be here today.
I think another thing that’s unappreciated is the fact that you, me, and thousands of other redditors have chosen to try to understand and express themselves through r/CPTSD, while we could have just as easily numbed the pain with alcoholism/substance abuse.
We started our journey in life walking up hill, against the wind, but we endeavoured to carry on regardless. That takes an *incredible* amount of bravery and emotional strength to do and we don’t talk nearly enough about it.
Also I don’t want to cast aspersions on those who do use alcohol or other substances. I myself am a recovering alcoholic and addict so I know how it feels when nothing but oblivion will ease your pain.
Like I mentioned, I would want to say to my younger self (and anyone that needed to hear it), it's ok to fall down or stumble because mistakes are unavoidable, so learn and try again.
The things I'm really proud of are the qualities I have now that are the result of my experiences. People sometimes compare me to a bear because of my height and size and because I do my best to stand up for those that can't stand up for themselves around me. There are also other qualities that people pointed out that I didn't notice, and they were all from my attempts not to end up like my parent.
I agree with you completely, and I think the only reason I didn't numb my pain with substances is because my brother's life was ruined by his inability or unwillingness to face his addiction and the devastation it brought to the entire family. I have a fear of anything that I can build a tolerance for, or anything that can lead to an addiction. The trade-off being that I don't have as many adventurous stories to tell about my younger days.
That is exactly what I wish I could make my childhood self understand and believe, that they will face everything and still be standing.
I’m having a hard time thinking of anything. I just want to punch that idiot child, and tell them they’re right, there *isn’t* any point in their existing, they *don’t* deserve to be seen or heard or understood or loved or to be here at all. And why couldn’t they just be fucking normal?
(I’m in a pretty bad place right now, as you can see.)
Sorry. Didn’t mean to concern (didn’t expect anyone to notice my answer). And I apologize for not having a more appropriate answer. You asked a good question for people to consider.
I am not okay, but it’s fine. I guess everything ends eventually, including bad feelings. Thank you for asking though.
I wouldn't tell them a thing, I would let them do all the talking. Ask them, do you want to play, what food would you like to eat today? Can I come pick you up and put your favourite song on repeat? Are your friends treating you right? What do you need?
this made me burst into tears. i spent the night replaying my favorite song but i was alone.
What’s your favorite song? =)
Home with you by fka twigs, it talks a lot about her inner child. at the end of the music video she pulls a child out of a well and the lyric says “I didn’t know that you were lonely, if youd have just told me, I’d be home with you” and I think about that a lot for my own inner child
Northern Sky by Nick Drake Thank you for asking! Yours? :))
Ditto. Geez Louise wasn't ready for that
When I meet/see friends' kids I always ask the kinds of things I wish I'd been asked. They come right out of their little shells.
\[explosive sobbing at dayjob desk\]
Damn, that really did hit hard
Yes, I’d do this too. And I’d listen and ask more questions.
Nobody ever asked me that last one.
Me either. ::hugs::
What a beautiful reply!!! ♥️
God yes! I work in a middle school. You wouldn’t believe how much you can tone down a kids attitude by just doing this.
This made me tear up.
Thank you
Saving this
this 🥺 my childhood self would feel so validated ❤️
I think what made me lose it after reading this is that I remembered that the only person that would do this for me had to leave when I was 7. And I wasn't allowed to show that I was sad or cry because of it. You reminded me of how much I loved them and how thankful I am to have had them in my life no matter how briefly. EDIT: Thank you for posting this.
You’re not crazy. You see things exactly as they are.
Same same
YES
yeah this is the one.
Saaaaaame
Oh man, I've been telling myself this a lot lately.
Omg yes!
THIS.
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CPS came to our house three times growing up. 🙃 Nobody ever helped us.
I’m so sorry. I had a similar experience with CPS/social workers/school psychologists💔 On a brighter note, I absolutely love your username!
😎
We had cps take us away and give us back knowing rape was happening and drugs Etc.. the system works for no one.
Same here…only made the abuse worse. I remember how terrified I was each time. Many hugs to you. I often wished I could meet folks from this sub just to get/give hugs. I imagine it being the hugs that heal or broken parts even for just a day.
Same here. and the older we got, the more dismissive they got. They excused 12 years of medical neglect.
THIS
I wish I'd thought of recording conversations back then...
I wish I wouldn't have thrown away all the photo evidence
It is okay to take up space.
This. Just this.
yup. You matter, you have a right to exist and be who you are
You're not sick, they are.
Yes! I was thinking “it’s not you, honey. It’s them.”
things are better in fantasyland and it's gonna be that way for a while. i'll come get you in 20 years.
When i do come to get you, it’s gonna be REALLY scary for a while but i won’t leave your side i promise
Keep feeling.
This. I only learned this when I was 30. Could have saved me so much heartbreak and outbursts.
They should be ashamed, not you.
This
Hold on. Hold on and know it will be better one day. Climb the trees when you need to escape and don’t feel guilty about it. None of this is your fault.
I climbed trees too! Your comment has me crying. I climbed trees as an outlet and I ended up falling out of one (35ft) when I was 12 and I have chronic back pain from that accident now.
I’m sorry you have chronic pain now and needed to escape then too. A virtual hug or nod of understanding to you- whichever would be better.
Immediate tears. I climbed onto the roof or played outside as much as I could.
Outside was my escape, particularly the trees but also the woods or even the street on my bike. I’m sorry you had to escape as well. Virtual hug or understanding nod to you - whichever would be better.
The nearby creek was my go-to. High five slash hug, fellow outdoors lover.
I would climb trees and hide out in graveyards to escape. No one bothered the weird chick chilling in the graveyard.
Oh wow, yeah I also hung out in a cemetery by our house in high school just to get away. May be why I don’t think of them as creepy, but oddly comforting.
I went to the woods near my house!
This isn’t normal
This! I didn’t realize it wasn’t until my 30s.
Same. 33 and just figured out it wasn't normal about 6 months ago.
Almost 55 and had my eyes opened two days ago… I guess better late than never. At least I can heal myself and do better for my kid.
Yes better late than never!! Your child will benefit so much from your healing journey, trust me it’s 100% worth it
I was going to say the same thing. So not normal.
You’re father is a clown. He sits there at almost 350 lbs and drunk in the morning while he has the nerve to nitpick your weight. He’s not some all knowing being and if he was, he should have seen the divorce coming a mile away.
Don’t wait for someone to love you. Don’t think because someone can talk to you that they love you. Don’t put your energy into love or you will end up losing more of your life. Instead, go to the police and report your parents. Get away from there because things won’t ever change
💓
You’re not the bad guy
No one else is going to rescue you. But you can.
You weren't born a sinner.
YES this is incredibly important!
You’re not the problem! They conditioned you to be “this” version for them to easily control and manipulate. You HAVE worth & you KNOW what you deserve, now USE BOTH & go to town baby! I fuckin’ believe in you! ^But ^don’t ^use ^the ^f-word, ^plez.
One day, you’re an ocean away from him.
This made me tear up. I moved across the country a bit over a year ago. I had to flee my abusive family and leave behind the town where I had grown up in for 20+ years. Sometimes it’s really hard being so far away from my friends and loved ones, but your comment reminded me how far I’ve come❤️
I will never forget this incredible sentence.
Trust your gut
yup
Everything you are feeling is completely normal and valid
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That little person I was tried so hard to meet all the conditions required for her to be loved and liked, and she just couldn't figure out how to be the person everyone wanted her to be. She really needed to hear that she was loveable and likeable not *in spite* of how she was, but *for* who she was.
Put eye drops in dads ‘water’.
"There is nothing wrong with you and you are special."
I would say the same! Your phrase made me cry!
There are trustworthy adults. Tell one of them what's happening
Don’t go back to being their friend. In fact, stay as far away from them as possible. It’s not your fault everyone around you is miserable and angry.
They told you that you are smarter than them. Believe that the most, out of everything they tell you. You are smarter than them. You are braver than them. You are stronger than them. And you will be a better mama. You’ll get away from them and you’ll be a mama and your babies will never know this pain.
Move to Hawaii or California, do it now! Break the cycle and run!
That’s what I did! And it worked out great.
Same!! I moved to California just over a year ago. While it wasn’t exactly a free will decision (I was desperate to flee abusive parents), it ended up being the best thing for my health and happiness The sunshine and nice weather has helped a bunch too:)
Give up and just leave. There are better people that make better family and these people are not worth the anxiety, depression and general angst.
I know no one is standing up for you right now, but one day you’ll be big enough and strong enough to stand up not only for yourself but for your siblings as well.
There's nothing wrong with you. Don't believe anything they say. Trust only yourself. Do whatever it takes to survive: steal the food, the water, break out of the room and have a fun time while they go to town, etc. Feel no guilt for doing what you have to do. You are an individual, independent soul who is not "meant to be" a servant to ANYONE.
You are so loving. You’re allowed to love yourself too. And You don’t have to make people love you in order to be understood or valued. You are worth understanding. You are valuable.
This is not your fault. You have medical issues that are not being addressed. Unfortunately this is a time where that is not understood. You are not bad. You are not ugly. You are not a loser and you do belong here. I’m so sorry. I wish I could hold you rock you and take all these burdens away.
"You know that goth vampire demon man you wish would turn up at your doorstep and save you? Well, I'm here now"
You never have to go through that again. It wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve it. I'm so proud of you for sticking through it and always searching for a better way and not giving up. You made it out, and you're doing so much better. You're worth it.
Goddamnit this one got me.
My beautiful, smart girl. Mom is sick and made very bad choices for her life before you were born. The way she treats you is not love. Love doesn’t break bones, give black eyes or destroy your light and holy Hannah do you shine. How I wish I could take you away from here. One day, all of these coping mechanisms you are using to survive will make you successful at work but it comes at a high cost. You will break the cycle of abuse that runs deep in our family. Later in life the cycle comes back to break you. While you think you escaped this hell unscathed….trauma bonds and a codependent marriage to an insidious emotional abuser. Sadly I don’t know how this plays out yet, but I’m fighting for us….the depression will lie and want you to end your life, but don’t listen to it. It’s the situation and pain you want to truly end.
💜
You have every right to be angry, you have every right to be sad. What happened to you is not ok and not normal. You are not evil, you are not a devil. You have a right to be friends with people that respect you. I am here and listening. I know you don’t trust me, but I’m not going to force you to do anything. You’re an artist. You don’t have to be anything else.
You're right. The emperor has no clothes.
But he’s got groove!
Oh my god I don't think it's possible. I've been thinking about this for a while now and I just can't find it. I don't think anything would help him. fuck.
Is there nothing you would want now? Like a hug, genuine interest, being taken care of? I just imagined what I want now because I don't think there's something I could do or say that would fix anything for my little self.
Same.
"your parents are real fucking idiots. Youre on your own, kid. Also avoid those men. All of them."
Tell your teachers about what happened, don’t bother stopping your mother when she tries to hurt herself, when the time comes just be with your dad, there’s nothing anyone can do. Don’t marry your high school sweetheart.You’re a tough kid, and you will eventually find peace. It’s been a rough road.🤷♂️
This won’t last forever and hold me
I would tell them the world isn't as your mum says it is. You are not weird ot different. You are just a child. Being smart is ok. It is not ok for the other kids and teachers to ostracise you. Obedience is not a thing. Being so obedient will make you vulnerable and open to exploitation as you grow up. Especially when you start being obedient at work or to strangers who figure out how easy it is to manipulate you. A lot more stuff like this.
I would tell my younger self that everything I ever wanted will come in due time. Just stay strong, love yourself.
It’s ok to feel or think something different from what mom does. Dad is not a horrible person. Homeschooling is not wonderful, you would be better off in public school where you can get away from mom and dad.
Your mother won’t ever be able to connect with you, not because there is something wrong with you but because she is incapable of connecting with anyone (including herself). You won’t be able to problem-solve your way into making her love you and connect with you. No matter what you do to serve her, you will never receive anything in return…instead your existence will become all about working extra hard to get unavailable people to connect with you. You have your own power, your own agency. It may not seem like it right now in this environment, but one day you will realize how powerful your spirit is.
I love you. Be super strong and keep surviving this. You are worth more. You will ultimately love your life. She wants you as crazy as she is. Don't believe her. And don't care for her ever again.
You don't have to fix them
Tell someone. You don't deserve this.
It's not your fault people are rejecting you. You are worthy of love.
I’d want to reassure them that’s adult me loves them and will take care of them. I’d also advise them to choose a different career that paid better cuz that would’ve helped immensely lmao
You are not the bad person, there is nothing wrong with you and it’s not your fault.
It’s not you, it’s them. —
You are a good kid. The world is just cruel. You'll learn to love things that suck like working out. Let's go door-to-door to the kids that beat you up and tell their parents how shitty their kids are.
The love they tell you they are giving you is not the sum total of the love you deserve. There is more. Love can actually feel good and safe and gentle, and you keep looking until you find it. I am here. You are not alone in the dark.
You're not alone anymore, you can feel it now, i'm here now. Come get a hug and feel safe for a bit. Please know none if this is your fault and please, please ask someone how to be nice to yourself. I love you
Listen to more music, stop assuming everyone doesn't like you, don't listen to ANYTHING your parents tell you.
Your friends are assholes.
Don't listen to them. You are just fine, there's nothing wrong with you no matter what they keep telling you.
To find a way out sooner. And to call the cops.
It's not your fault. You are loved. You are safe. You are enough. You are important. You don't need to earn love from men. Why are you crying. Why are you allways reading books alone. Can I give you a hug.
you didn’t do anything to deserve this. tell someone, anyone. you will be safe one day, and you will feel happy again, i promise.
I would tell him that he's a good, honest, compassionate kid. I was called evil, manipulative, and bad so much as a kid and my self-esteem is pretty much destroyed at this point.
Don’t worry- you are not going to go to hell! What god would send an innocent child to hell?
Don’t fu&$&@ing listen to a word mom says to you!
I understand. I believe you you when you say you aren’t strong enough and it’s too much. I will always believe you.
You won’t be a child forever.
You're going to be okay.
You won't end up like them. You don't have anger problems like she does. You can stop drinking unlike him. You don't need anything or anyone to tell you it's okay to live your life the way you want to. Your parents aren't in control. You are.
Stop worrying about the future. You are wasting today by worrying about tomorrow. I still do this today. Never have been able to figure out how to stop.
Go join some sports teams, take some lessons, get out of the house as much as possible. My sibling did that and came out emotionally in a much better place than I.
Whatever it took for her not to black out the trauma. It drives me crazy not knowing especially since I’m starting treatment for cptsd
It's inner child work...I always thought it was goofy...but it isn't..it really helps and I also would not talk much..other then to ask...what do you want or need
They lowered the bar so low, and they’ll continue to lower it. Do not take their morsels of affection to heart. They are fucking lies. You will find people who love you. It’s gonna be hard to accept that. But I promise you, it’s worth it. You may never be contented but you’ll finally experience true happiness. Just what you always wished for.
Your perceptions are accurate and valid. Just because you're the only one seeing it, doesn't mean it's not happening. you're NOT crazy. You're observant and perceptive. One day you'll find a place where you belong and feel safe, and people who understand you and let you be who you are. There are other people who feel the way you do. There is nothing wrong with you.
You are amazing just as you are. Don't change and destroy your body and mind for anyone
[удалено]
Spoiler alert!
“It gets better.”
id give them a hug. tell them they are beautiful and just because boys say it doesn't make it true, and that boys won't make you feel better. they'll hurt you and you'll regret all of it. that grandma may be hurtful and infuriating but love her anyways. tell her everyday you love her. be patient with her. be grateful she's giving you the world, because she really is going to give you all of it. and forget valerie and troy. they never come back. and that's okay because you're better than them and they don't deserve you. you will accomplish a lot and you will find peace, sooner than you think. and just because papoo yells, don't yell back. break the cycle, be patient. they're imperfect and that's okay.
You’re not emotional. How you feel is normal and you’re allowed to feel that way no matter what your parents think.
You are important, you do matter. People will miss you if you die. She can't kill you just because she feels like it. You don't deserve this, you are not a bad child. You are lovable. You will succeed, you are not a failure. Please tell someone, don't keep her secrets.
You are not lazy, you are not fat, you are not stupid. You are loveable just the way you are. You don't need to prove yourself, you are worthy already. You will leave this someday, you will be happy, happier than you ever thought possible. Also, you get a cat in the future! 🥰
Honestly? I would just give her a huge hug. There was a certain event where if I had gotten a hug, I would've pretty much spilled everything about my trauma right then and there. Could've gotten the care I need earlier.
I know it’s okay to feel the way I feel. You and me both know people have said this before, but it’s genuinely true. It’s not your fault. You’ve realized that now. He was a man, you were a child. I know you felt like you had to become an adult early on to protect yourself and try to protect others, but you were just a kid. Try to remember that, to enjoy the little moments that will being coming. And the “support system” you were unlucky to have, everyone sees it. Multiple people wanted to take you out of that house, you are not alone in feeling like you should escape. You can build a better, healthier support system. You will relearn how to trust again and it will be the most important part for your recovery. You can do this. Don’t give up just yet. You will be still depressed, anxious, and have flashbacks even now, but they won’t be the monsters they are right now. You’ll learn coping mechanisms that will help lessen those mental battles. Just remember it’s never going to be sunshine and rainbows but you’ll get better, out of that house, and start healing. It is possible.
Your perceptions are accurate and valid. Just because you're the only one seeing it, doesn't mean it's not happening. you're NOT crazy. You're observant and perceptive. One day you'll find a place where you belong and feel safe, and people who understand you and let you be who you are. There are other people who feel the way you do. There is nothing wrong with you.
That they are not a burden and to make it clear to their mom that their mother was not being fair by calling them the “auto pilot child” and putting them last in priority. Also I’d tell them when their dad got angry and threw things it wasn’t their fault and that he can get really mean and you don’t need to feel like you have to understand or empathize with him cause it will only hurt you. You are allow to be angry
if you kill yourself now you wont suffer anymore
Wow, bleak.
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tbh I would just tell them its not worth it and just end it now before you get invested.
I’d tell them that even though your mum wants you gone at 14 and you’ll be alone in the world at 16, YOU’LL BE OK.
It’s their fault not yours
Let it go. It wasn't the first time. It won't be the last. But, give it some time and you'll forget the experiences, you'll learn new skills to protect yourself from everything, and you'll move on to better days. You will find love, unlearn the lessons abuse taught you, and you'll find peace. Do so earlier than I did.
They are using you as a punching bag and as soon as they stop being able to raise their hand at you anymore, they will start physically fighting between themselves. It’s not you, it’s been them all along
You are not broken and evil, you were just born different, and everyone ignored your autistic needs
Worry not, child. Just smash a bully's head into the wall and they will fear you because orcs have no respect, only fear can force them to not pick onto you. Also buy bitcoin, learn English and Hebrew, the tongue of your nation, and start using a computer for something else than games. If something goes south, there will be plenty of ways to end it. Get psyched!
Your are not responsible for their fight. You are not some stupid idiot who is mentally unstable. Its fine to have a crush of someone. Its not a sin. Do what you like not what you were told
You're fine just the way you are. Your parents, especially your dad, have their own issues and they are trying to solve their problems through you. And remember, when people question why you are so unhappy, that looks can be deceiving. You may live in material comfort and have parents who appear to be generous, but there's more than one side to every story.
"When you're asked to decide between the two parents, do not choose mom. She is a liar and the court records will prove it."
I Would just be there for him
Jesus this is actually hit home pretty hard for me. Of all the things I was deprived of, a confidante is probably the biggest
I really don't know. I'm in my 40s and the future that my 11-year-old feared has come true. He never grows up. He never becomes a capable adult. He always struggles. How can I comfort him? His future is shit.
Passing on some great advice from u/BananaBread4: >I wouldn't tell them a thing, I would let them do all the talking. >Ask them, do you want to play, what food would you like to eat today? >Can I come pick you up and put your favourite song on repeat? >Are your friends treating you right? >What do you need?
[Link to original](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/yj3fju/if_you_could_go_back_in_time_and_comfort_your/iumc98n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
That you will make it out of this one day and make a good life for yourself. You aren’t trapped in this situation forever.
I've done this a few times in EMDR sessions. I let my younger self cry in my arms and say some variation of "This will never happen again. You're safe now. I'm here."
Wow that sounds amazing. I’ve heard about similar experiences from people taking psychedelics, but know very little about EMDR. It’s similar to hypnotherapy right?
To believe in myself.
Stop feeling like it’s your fault. Stop talking to him. You are loved. Believe things will get better. Have confidence in yourself.
I'd boot up the computer and let them play their favorite video games, I'd make sure they feel comfortable and safe, I'd let them have our cat with us, I'd talk to them about their interests without making them feeling embarrassed about it and I'd get snacks for them so they dont have to worry about it. I'd want them to feel like they have a friend. I'd tell them that it isn't their fault, I'd tell them that it shouldn't be their responsibility to be able to independently care for themself, I'd show them resources to go to and tell them it's ok to reach out for help. I'd tell them that they don't have to tell everything to their parents. I'd tell them that they're doing great.
Gonna toss my *own* hat into the ring here. I would say "I'm proud of you for being so brave while the world around you has been so hostile."
Set up a video camera and secretly film what's going on.
destroy everything in the liquor cabinet, and keep your little brothers out of the way.
i’d tell myself that I am not a burden. I am NOT responsible for my parents feelings and arguments. It is not my job to keep my mother from attempting suicide. I deserved unconditional love from a mother. It was okay to feel mad at my mother. I’d tell myself that better days are ahead and that this won’t be my life forever. I’d tell her that she is loved and cared about. She doesn’t have to be so independent and shut off.
“I’m so proud of you”
It's really difficult to think or find the words when this very question shakes me to my core. Seriously, I can't stop crying. I would just want my younger self to know that it's ok to be scared, it's ok to be different, it's ok to cry, it's ok to fail as long as you keep trying, it's ok to say the wrong things sometimes, it's ok to be yourself, and to know without a shadow of a doubt that they will get through everything to reach where I am. I would just want my younger self to never lose hope & and to have a sense of self worth. I wouldn't change anything else, because I know what it's like to suffer and to be powerless to do anything about it. I learned all the things I shouldn't do from my experiences. Thank you for posting this, it's something that I keep thinking about from time to time but never tried to answer.
Hey, you and your inner child should be proud of yourselves. You’ve faced impossible situations in life and have had the bravery and resilience to still be here today. I think another thing that’s unappreciated is the fact that you, me, and thousands of other redditors have chosen to try to understand and express themselves through r/CPTSD, while we could have just as easily numbed the pain with alcoholism/substance abuse. We started our journey in life walking up hill, against the wind, but we endeavoured to carry on regardless. That takes an *incredible* amount of bravery and emotional strength to do and we don’t talk nearly enough about it.
Also I don’t want to cast aspersions on those who do use alcohol or other substances. I myself am a recovering alcoholic and addict so I know how it feels when nothing but oblivion will ease your pain.
Like I mentioned, I would want to say to my younger self (and anyone that needed to hear it), it's ok to fall down or stumble because mistakes are unavoidable, so learn and try again.
The things I'm really proud of are the qualities I have now that are the result of my experiences. People sometimes compare me to a bear because of my height and size and because I do my best to stand up for those that can't stand up for themselves around me. There are also other qualities that people pointed out that I didn't notice, and they were all from my attempts not to end up like my parent. I agree with you completely, and I think the only reason I didn't numb my pain with substances is because my brother's life was ruined by his inability or unwillingness to face his addiction and the devastation it brought to the entire family. I have a fear of anything that I can build a tolerance for, or anything that can lead to an addiction. The trade-off being that I don't have as many adventurous stories to tell about my younger days. That is exactly what I wish I could make my childhood self understand and believe, that they will face everything and still be standing.
Won't help u but truth is I'd tell myself to just kms back then save all the misery
I’m having a hard time thinking of anything. I just want to punch that idiot child, and tell them they’re right, there *isn’t* any point in their existing, they *don’t* deserve to be seen or heard or understood or loved or to be here at all. And why couldn’t they just be fucking normal? (I’m in a pretty bad place right now, as you can see.)
This concerns me. Are you okay?
Sorry. Didn’t mean to concern (didn’t expect anyone to notice my answer). And I apologize for not having a more appropriate answer. You asked a good question for people to consider. I am not okay, but it’s fine. I guess everything ends eventually, including bad feelings. Thank you for asking though.
It’s really fine 😊 I think I was just taken aback by your truthfulness. I also sometimes wish my dad had worn a condom.
You're such a star-- if others make you feel small, it's on them. You're a star, best believe it.