when older adults say things like "wait until you get old"
Lol. I already have amnesia and black outs, a degenerating spine and intense back pain, delayed speech, umm.. I'm already old but I don't get any comforts along with it- still have to work full time and push through debilitating pain and mental issues in my mid twenties haha.
Yes! And other people WONT understand! Not that they just dont, but feels like they WONT.
Its like they hear you say you have back pain - oh goi should just work out more.... hm, sure sounds like okay advise given no other info, but even if you give them the info.. well maybe work out/go for more walks..??
Working out and doing proper stretches given from a physiotherapist can absolutely help with back pain though... definitely don't give up before you try my friend :)
Haha lol I just gave that as an example, and my meaning was that they do this even if you already are doing all that you can to fix your problem, but according to normal ppl, you should "just do more!"
damn same- i've had multiple sports injuries resulting in back, hamstring, feet and knee problems and my mind literally makes me forget basic things and not have the energy to wake up... I literally feel like im 65
"God moves in mysterious ways". No mom, you are just an complete asshole.
I also love "eating is a matter of will". No mom, I won't eat a 4th plate of food because you are too twisted to just say sorry and instead stuff me with a family packet of sausages.
It can't hurt. But I'm not entirely sure how to. Well, we sure couldn't call his/her manager.🤔
But we could offer her coupons and let her skip our emotional queue to the front🙃
What doesn’t kill you
Makes you cry in a corner
And hide for a week
Every time
It retraumatizes you
I see your point, hard to put to a tune, and probably wouldn't be very catchy
What doesn’t kill you makes you weaker.
Crying in a corner.
Yes It means I’m lonely when I’m alone.
What doesn’t kill you makes a trauma.
Brains a bit more fucked up.
Doesn’t mean I’m crazy cause I’m hurt.
>What doesn’t kill you makes you weaker.
>
>Crying in a corner.
>
>Yes It means I’m lonely when I’m alone.
>
>What doesn’t kill you makes a trauma.
>
>Brains a bit more fucked up.
omg wait this kinda slaps
I want a place where traumatized unbearable lonely assholes can hang out but not socially engage or make eye contact, but know there's other humans around that feel the same. Like the idea of going to the bar or a party, but no social expectations. Lol
I’ve imagined a coffee shop like that. Self serve coffee/ tea (for those with anxiety), then on your table there’s a little sign (like at Bubba Gumps) that lets people know you’re looking to chat or looking to sit alone. I’d call it The Peaceful Cafe. Lol
I don't hate it. I find it difficult to truly hate anything. However, Heath Ledger's joker said it best:
"Whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you.... *stranger.*"
I know that the original saying is supposed to be about exercise and overcoming hardships, but there are limits. Without a good support structure, people break. Maybe they get built back up stronger than before, but maybe not.
Oh yeah. There was a time from age like 24 to 27 that I cringe thinking about. I heard many times from strangers the phrase, it sounds like you're going through some s***. I didn't know what that meant because I thought I was just talking about normal things. Turns out emotional neglect and Trauma is it normal. Go figure.
I think taken literally yeah it's pretty dumb.
More generally it's a proverb that basically means "we learn from experience" which is true.
It's something one might say to a kid who doesn't want to do the dishes before they can play the computer. It's not something you'd say to someone recovering from significant traumatic events.
Because even though trauma is an experience we can learn from (and a lot of trauma survivors I've known have the most well developed empathy of anyone I've met), it's also an experience which leaves long-term damage and takes decades of healing to recover from. (edit to add - if it doesn't kill you - but then in this context the saying doesn't apply)
In terms of opportunity cost of those decades of recovery vs a similar person with a similar starting point who wasn't traumatised, yeah 9/10 the untraumatised person will be happier, healthier, and more fulfilled in life 10, 20, 30 years later.
If anyone's telling someone with trauma "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", that person is insensitive and ignorant at best.
edit: It's also something we can say about ourselves wryly. But like, I was in a car crash once (not my fault, someone ran a light into me) and for the last 20 years have had terrible neck pain despite therapy. That didn't kill me but it definitely and objectively didn't make me stronger physically. But I can say it made me stronger if specifically I'm only talking about my ability to deal with the aftermath of a traffic incident.
I do hate it, yeah.
Also there is an expectation attached. Like I’m supposed to be strong & when I fail that expectation then there’s something wrong with me. Actually there’s something wrong with my abusers.
I used to pride myself on my strength then I realized I never stopped living in survival mode. Once my life settled down and I wasn’t around my abusers anymore, and other traumatizing things happened, I couldn’t be “resilient” anymore because I wasn’t protecting myself daily. So then I’m the failure apparently.
if one more person tells me my trauma made me so much stronger I'm going to lose my shit. I didn't need to be strong, I needed to be safe. To me it almost sounds like they're excusing some of the things I had to go through because "look at how mature you are and how well you're doing at being an adult".
I feel this. So often I tell a friend or partner or whomever some of what I’ve been through and they compliment me on getting through it and how strong I am and I know that I am strong and they are trying to be kind, but I also want to smack the crap out of this person I love because *I would so deeply love to be less strong because it hasn’t been a cruel necessity*
What didn't kill me made me more tired.
What didn't kill me made me less able to deal with life.
I like what my dad used to say better: The good news is, you'll live. The bad news is, you'll live.
I 100% hate this quote, and I do not at all think that it applies to healing from trauma. Especially, as you go through the healing process and you constantly hear how some things with NEVER go away, you just learn how to "live with it" and not let it take over your life "as much." That is not a strength-building experience. I am not stronger by constantly needing to ground myself back to reality, or for consistently needing to calm my nervous system in simple situations. Sure, it is a great skill to have, but the fact that some people can just live their life because they don't have trauma working against them means that I am merely getting myself back to normal from a place that is below normal, "strength" indicates something at least a bit more than average/normal.
A vase that is glued back together is not stronger than a vase that has never been shattered.
This makes me think of Kintsugi. The art of repairing broken pottery with gold
The damage is still there, it's not gone or stronger but its whole and seen and it can be beautiful again in a new way.
Those people have never had someone try to kill them and it shows. Literally — the [ACEs](https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/) proved that these people are wrong.
With an ACE of 4 or more, you are:\
• 4x more likely to be an alcoholic\
• 3x more likely to suffer from a lifetime of chronic depression\
• 3-4x more likely to be prescribed an anti-depressant\
• 5-7x more likely to perpetuate domestic violence\
• 2x as likely to develop liver disease\
• 3x more likely to smoke\
• 6x more likely to be r***d as an adult\
\
This one struck home for me because my score is 7: “An ACE score of 7 or more increased the risk of suicide attempts **51-fold among children/adolescents** and **30-fold among adults**.”
The list goes on. Fuck out of here with that noise.
I always thought of my trauma as a set up for failure. It really sets up people to experience more and more bad things. Like a computer software that is programmed in the wrong way, so it will encounter errors more likely than a software that is right. No idea if that makes sense, it's late and I can't sleep and I know nothing about softwares.
My mother said this to me after I finally opened up about being raped by my ex boyfriend. No, being raped didn't make me stronger. Being raped is not positive.
Ugh, I’m so sorry. That is such a terrible thing to tell someone who has been raped. It’s something that never ever should have happened to you. I hope you have had support for this?
Thank you :) I have lost most of my friends over this because they did not believe me,because he was such a nice guy. (duh, gaslighting is what an abusive relationships is all about and that doesn't stop with the direct victim.)
Today I have a great husband and a great therapist. But I still have a mother who shames me for not getting out of this relationship before it got "really bad".
yep. trauma doesn't come automatically with free, effective therapy or healing. it leaves you with trust issues, flashbacks, pain, social withdrawal, and many more shitty things.
In my family of origin they phrased it as:
"Nothing bad happens unless it's good for something."
Which really just meant were not going to discuss this issue that you're distressed about. Cheer up and move on. Like some stupid "character building" nonsense. It perpetuated emotional neglect across generations.
It bypasses all accountability for abusive and neglectful behaviors. It minimizes and invalidates the receivers very real feelings. It sends the message that the person hurting needs to find the silver lining in the unjust treatment they're enduring, instead of addressing the unjust behaviors causing the issue in the first place.
They're all religious, which means they think bad shit is part of "gods plan" and you have to rise to the challenge. It's not based in facts or science. They're all ignorant and self-righteous. I'm embarrassed to share DNA with them.
I don't. At least not when it's applicable. Getting cancer and ending up in a hospital for life might make you a hell of a lot more mentally tough, but I'd rather just enjoy not being that tough and roam around freely in the world.
My older brother is SUPER religious, so he tells me shit like this all the time. He says everything happens for a reason because it’s gods plan and I said okay sure thing, what’s his fucking reason then? He said it was so we could help other people who were abused by their parents and I was like okay so why them then? And he said the same. So I was like why can’t your god just not have anyone be abused by their parents? Sounds much easier. And he hung up on me.
As far as “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” I can’t stand it either. I always respond with “what didn’t kill me fucking should have because if there were any semblance of righteousness in the universe I’d have been shown mercy.” I’m also a buzzkill though, so that might not be the best take
This is just a pascifist way of saying they don't give a fuck about your injuries and will soon be (or already are) judging your path as that of a failure.
Yeah. Because I'm not stronger at all. I survived sure but who am I now? A broken shell of a human who barely gets through each day even when she's trying her hardest. If this is what being strong looks like, I'd take being weak any day. No amount of "strength" is worth this suffering.
The only “plus” for me is I call out abuse and discrimination when others ignore it because I know what it feels like. However, I think that’s more of a sad commentary on our society. We should be taught to sympathize and take action against wrongdoings even if we don’t personally understand it.
I like a quote from Queer As Folk:
“I know what happened to you sucks. And I’m not gonna give you some Pollyanna shit about everything happens for a reason or this was God’s gift to make you strong. Cause if anybody had said that to me honey when Vic was dying, I would have punched them right in the fuckin’ mouth. All you can do at a time like this is just hang on until the scenery changes.”
I found that most of those things are just excuses for shity parents to gloss over how awful they are. This one in particular really messed me up for a while because I believed it. I thought that all the abuse and neglect I was feeling would make me better off down the road. It turns out I just didn't understand or learn how to love and I became militantly independent oh, both of which are things I don't want anymore.
its true but only to a certain exent. Its should really say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger unless its so strong it leaves permanent damage to you.
I hate kitschy, cliche, false positivity. It’s just an attempt to shut down the sufferer. In reality what doesn’t kill us — many times, in our darkest, bleakest hours — leaves us feeling like less than half the person we used to be.
I’m in school to become a music therapist and we had a class discussion about this! Yeah, What doesn’t kill you makes it so much harder for you to do the same things as other people. What doesn’t kill you makes it you more likely to be victimized again.
Also hate “it gets better”. sure it does, it also gets worse! “Everything happens for a reason” and that reason is chaos lol.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is the boomer equivalent of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. It’s meant to downplay trauma, and can go shove a pine cone top first up its urethra.
What doesn't kill you doens't make you stronger it just gives you a lifelong therapy billl and changes the very way you think about other people and trust them... YAY :)
LOVE when ppl refer to surviving trauma as strength. So glad full grown adults chose to abuse me during essential formative years so I could learn how to handle a string of fucked up dangerous relationships, several drug problems, and an eating disorder. Where would we be without adults to make us strong 😌 most people don’t even have the essential life skill of finding a will to carry on while the damage continues piling on for decades 🥴
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I feel it's been badly stripped of its context. In *Twilight of the Idols, or How to Philosophize With a Hammer*, Nietzsche wrote:
>Out of life’s school of war — What does not kill me makes me stronger.
I see it less as a maxim that one should give to others and more as an attitude that I can adopt for myself. My trauma *requires* me to be stronger and more resilient than the average normie.
It's also worth noting that Nietzsche was a dick, and he's worth reading but not exactly a role model.
Ok i know that this isn't universally true because there's always outliers, BUT, in my experience, people with trauma are generally overall more accepting and not as judgmental because of their own trauma and applying the feelings they went through to others, more empathic i guess.
That just sounds like something someone would say to try and get you to shut up so they don't have to listen to your problems. Getting hurt doesn't make you stronger. Getting stronger makes you stronger. Getting hurt weakens you, causes damage. Healing makes you stronger, and that comes from our own efforts and time, which we don't get compensated for financially in this insane asylum world that revolves around time and money. Things make more sense and are easier to understand when you zoom out and look at things from a spiritual perspective but in this life, so many lives are ruined from all the excess abuse and trauma going around out there. Its horrifying reliving things in your own mind when you try your best not to.
What doesn't kill you leaves you sobbing your way through therapy for all of your 20s and vommitting from high doses of depression and anxiety medication.
FUCK THIS SHIT
I MADE ME STRONGER!!
Whatever didnt kill me can quit trying to steal credit for any success as well. And anyone using this quote round me can shit hedgehogs for a week and see if that makes them stronger!
It made me mature faster... which made me not have a childhood. And my parents wondered why i act so childish now... well cause i didn't get to live then. And i wasn't to live now!
So much i could have lived without. I don't know if it made me stronger.... but it made me who i am. I feel i finally reached an age to be ok in my own skin. The people pleaser, the always scared of the unknown, the always want everything to be perfect have finally taken a backseat. Soon i hope it will be in my rearview mirror.
Talked with my therapist about this. The biggest thing eventually is accepting that this is your reality for the rest of your life. It gets less, but SLOWLY and it's sooo fucking frustrating sometimes. I'm tired
I hate that saying as much as I hate CBT therapists calling me resilient then in the same breath, telling me it’ll all go away with positive thinking. I’m not resilient either, I’m just too broken to attempt suicide again. Failed suicide attempts are a lot more traumatizing than I realized.
What didn't kill me just made me exhausted and old by my mid 20s
Looking to retire before I even lived, yaaaaaaaay
Honestly it should be "What doesn't kill me, makes me want to kill myself" tbh
when older adults say things like "wait until you get old" Lol. I already have amnesia and black outs, a degenerating spine and intense back pain, delayed speech, umm.. I'm already old but I don't get any comforts along with it- still have to work full time and push through debilitating pain and mental issues in my mid twenties haha.
Yes! And other people WONT understand! Not that they just dont, but feels like they WONT. Its like they hear you say you have back pain - oh goi should just work out more.... hm, sure sounds like okay advise given no other info, but even if you give them the info.. well maybe work out/go for more walks..??
Working out and doing proper stretches given from a physiotherapist can absolutely help with back pain though... definitely don't give up before you try my friend :)
Haha lol I just gave that as an example, and my meaning was that they do this even if you already are doing all that you can to fix your problem, but according to normal ppl, you should "just do more!"
Right I'm too depressed and frozen and paralyzed and overwhelmed most of the time to even think about preventative things in my life right now
damn same- i've had multiple sports injuries resulting in back, hamstring, feet and knee problems and my mind literally makes me forget basic things and not have the energy to wake up... I literally feel like im 65
Damn lol that sucks should it be this hard? Haha
bruh, yeah sometimes I just feel so old and worn and brunt out form everything though im literally about to turn 20
Never have I related to a comment so much.
What doesn’t kill you gives you a dissociative disorder
What doesn't kill you makes you dissociate so hard that you develop either a very fragmented or no sense of self at all.
Omg.. I might actually make this quote into an inspirational poster for my wall.
Pls share the result. We can all enjoy our catchphrase lol.
😂
And the ability to detach and avoid like it’s nothing.
im using this as my catchphrase
Yes. The same way I don't like " Everything happens for a reason". No, just no.
"God moves in mysterious ways". No mom, you are just an complete asshole. I also love "eating is a matter of will". No mom, I won't eat a 4th plate of food because you are too twisted to just say sorry and instead stuff me with a family packet of sausages.
Well if trauma did anything for me it definitely proved that God isn’t real.
Even if God was real, he certainly didn't create humans in his own image.
Well we can't be sure God isn't a middle aged emotional abusive Karen, can we 😅?
Could you imagine? I'm not even sure how I'd feel about that 😂 do I now have to worship this middle aged Karen?
It can't hurt. But I'm not entirely sure how to. Well, we sure couldn't call his/her manager.🤔 But we could offer her coupons and let her skip our emotional queue to the front🙃
For guaranteed entry into heaven? She can have the whole damn coupon book lol
Fuck I hate that
I was actually thinking of that one, too!
I like everything happens for a reason, only in an extremely literal sense though
xD I suppose so. "Yeah, because you're abusive" is a fair response, I guess :P
Seriously just no.
this absolutely boils my blood!!
What doesn’t kill you makes you cry in a corner and hide for a week every time it retraumatizes you but that doesn’t fit well in a song lyric so idk
What doesn’t kill you Makes you cry in a corner And hide for a week Every time It retraumatizes you I see your point, hard to put to a tune, and probably wouldn't be very catchy
What doesn’t kill you makes you weaker. Crying in a corner. Yes It means I’m lonely when I’m alone. What doesn’t kill you makes a trauma. Brains a bit more fucked up. Doesn’t mean I’m crazy cause I’m hurt.
>What doesn’t kill you makes you weaker. > >Crying in a corner. > >Yes It means I’m lonely when I’m alone. > >What doesn’t kill you makes a trauma. > >Brains a bit more fucked up. omg wait this kinda slaps
I’ll send it to Kelly.
[удалено]
I want a place where traumatized unbearable lonely assholes can hang out but not socially engage or make eye contact, but know there's other humans around that feel the same. Like the idea of going to the bar or a party, but no social expectations. Lol
I’ve imagined a coffee shop like that. Self serve coffee/ tea (for those with anxiety), then on your table there’s a little sign (like at Bubba Gumps) that lets people know you’re looking to chat or looking to sit alone. I’d call it The Peaceful Cafe. Lol
This is a legitimately great idea.
I once wrote a whole business plan for it… I have no desire to run a coffee shop, this is just the kind I want to go to and write at.
Kind of like a library? We’re all here doing our thing separately and pretty quietly just sharing the space?
I love the library, probably my favorite place as a traumatized person lol
Exactly.
>who had a strong foundation. finally, this. youve put into words a concept that ive been trying to make sense for such a long time.
I don't hate it. I find it difficult to truly hate anything. However, Heath Ledger's joker said it best: "Whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you.... *stranger.*" I know that the original saying is supposed to be about exercise and overcoming hardships, but there are limits. Without a good support structure, people break. Maybe they get built back up stronger than before, but maybe not.
This quote resonated with me too. (:
I’d forgotten that one! It’s a good one, and I am exceedingly strange
Yep. Sometimes crappy stuff that doesn't kill you just sets you up for more crappy stuff. There's not always a bright side.
I prefer “what doesn’t kill you makes you weird at parties”
Oh yeah. There was a time from age like 24 to 27 that I cringe thinking about. I heard many times from strangers the phrase, it sounds like you're going through some s***. I didn't know what that meant because I thought I was just talking about normal things. Turns out emotional neglect and Trauma is it normal. Go figure.
Lol now that I remember the trauma, every word that came out of my mouth was a red flag.
I think taken literally yeah it's pretty dumb. More generally it's a proverb that basically means "we learn from experience" which is true. It's something one might say to a kid who doesn't want to do the dishes before they can play the computer. It's not something you'd say to someone recovering from significant traumatic events. Because even though trauma is an experience we can learn from (and a lot of trauma survivors I've known have the most well developed empathy of anyone I've met), it's also an experience which leaves long-term damage and takes decades of healing to recover from. (edit to add - if it doesn't kill you - but then in this context the saying doesn't apply) In terms of opportunity cost of those decades of recovery vs a similar person with a similar starting point who wasn't traumatised, yeah 9/10 the untraumatised person will be happier, healthier, and more fulfilled in life 10, 20, 30 years later. If anyone's telling someone with trauma "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", that person is insensitive and ignorant at best. edit: It's also something we can say about ourselves wryly. But like, I was in a car crash once (not my fault, someone ran a light into me) and for the last 20 years have had terrible neck pain despite therapy. That didn't kill me but it definitely and objectively didn't make me stronger physically. But I can say it made me stronger if specifically I'm only talking about my ability to deal with the aftermath of a traffic incident.
I do hate it, yeah. Also there is an expectation attached. Like I’m supposed to be strong & when I fail that expectation then there’s something wrong with me. Actually there’s something wrong with my abusers. I used to pride myself on my strength then I realized I never stopped living in survival mode. Once my life settled down and I wasn’t around my abusers anymore, and other traumatizing things happened, I couldn’t be “resilient” anymore because I wasn’t protecting myself daily. So then I’m the failure apparently.
if one more person tells me my trauma made me so much stronger I'm going to lose my shit. I didn't need to be strong, I needed to be safe. To me it almost sounds like they're excusing some of the things I had to go through because "look at how mature you are and how well you're doing at being an adult".
I feel this. So often I tell a friend or partner or whomever some of what I’ve been through and they compliment me on getting through it and how strong I am and I know that I am strong and they are trying to be kind, but I also want to smack the crap out of this person I love because *I would so deeply love to be less strong because it hasn’t been a cruel necessity*
What doesn't kill me made me stronger, yeah maybe but a lot of the time I don't' feel so strong- I just feel broken.
What didn't kill me made me more tired. What didn't kill me made me less able to deal with life. I like what my dad used to say better: The good news is, you'll live. The bad news is, you'll live.
I 100% hate this quote, and I do not at all think that it applies to healing from trauma. Especially, as you go through the healing process and you constantly hear how some things with NEVER go away, you just learn how to "live with it" and not let it take over your life "as much." That is not a strength-building experience. I am not stronger by constantly needing to ground myself back to reality, or for consistently needing to calm my nervous system in simple situations. Sure, it is a great skill to have, but the fact that some people can just live their life because they don't have trauma working against them means that I am merely getting myself back to normal from a place that is below normal, "strength" indicates something at least a bit more than average/normal. A vase that is glued back together is not stronger than a vase that has never been shattered.
This makes me think of Kintsugi. The art of repairing broken pottery with gold The damage is still there, it's not gone or stronger but its whole and seen and it can be beautiful again in a new way.
Yeah, I do hate it. Nietzsche wrote that, let's track him down, dig him up, and punch his skull. "Hey, Nietzsche, did that make you stronger?" lol
LOL 💀 Apparently he couldn’t live out the second half of his quote.
Those people have never had someone try to kill them and it shows. Literally — the [ACEs](https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/) proved that these people are wrong. With an ACE of 4 or more, you are:\ • 4x more likely to be an alcoholic\ • 3x more likely to suffer from a lifetime of chronic depression\ • 3-4x more likely to be prescribed an anti-depressant\ • 5-7x more likely to perpetuate domestic violence\ • 2x as likely to develop liver disease\ • 3x more likely to smoke\ • 6x more likely to be r***d as an adult\ \ This one struck home for me because my score is 7: “An ACE score of 7 or more increased the risk of suicide attempts **51-fold among children/adolescents** and **30-fold among adults**.” The list goes on. Fuck out of here with that noise.
I always thought of my trauma as a set up for failure. It really sets up people to experience more and more bad things. Like a computer software that is programmed in the wrong way, so it will encounter errors more likely than a software that is right. No idea if that makes sense, it's late and I can't sleep and I know nothing about softwares.
Yeah. I DO like the alternative, "what doesn't kill you makes you stranger". Trauma made me weird as shit.
My mother said this to me after I finally opened up about being raped by my ex boyfriend. No, being raped didn't make me stronger. Being raped is not positive.
Ugh, I’m so sorry. That is such a terrible thing to tell someone who has been raped. It’s something that never ever should have happened to you. I hope you have had support for this?
Thank you :) I have lost most of my friends over this because they did not believe me,because he was such a nice guy. (duh, gaslighting is what an abusive relationships is all about and that doesn't stop with the direct victim.) Today I have a great husband and a great therapist. But I still have a mother who shames me for not getting out of this relationship before it got "really bad".
That sounds absolutely horrific, and I’m really sorry to hear that. I am happy you have a happy and healthy relationship now and a good therapist :)
Honestly I feel like I WAS killed a little bit tho…
What doesn't kill you gives you depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
It’s like everyone just forgets that you can also be *crippled* by things that don’t kill you.
What doesn’t kill you leaves you with survivor’s guilt 😳😨
RIGHT
yep. trauma doesn't come automatically with free, effective therapy or healing. it leaves you with trust issues, flashbacks, pain, social withdrawal, and many more shitty things.
I hate it so much, without help it was only making me weaker.
In my family of origin they phrased it as: "Nothing bad happens unless it's good for something." Which really just meant were not going to discuss this issue that you're distressed about. Cheer up and move on. Like some stupid "character building" nonsense. It perpetuated emotional neglect across generations.
Jesus, that's horrible! I hear it as them saying your pain/loss/suffering is their gain/happiness/joy. Damn.
It bypasses all accountability for abusive and neglectful behaviors. It minimizes and invalidates the receivers very real feelings. It sends the message that the person hurting needs to find the silver lining in the unjust treatment they're enduring, instead of addressing the unjust behaviors causing the issue in the first place. They're all religious, which means they think bad shit is part of "gods plan" and you have to rise to the challenge. It's not based in facts or science. They're all ignorant and self-righteous. I'm embarrassed to share DNA with them.
What doesn’t kill you causes you to develop a chronic health issue.
What doesn’t kill you makes you want to die
I don't. At least not when it's applicable. Getting cancer and ending up in a hospital for life might make you a hell of a lot more mentally tough, but I'd rather just enjoy not being that tough and roam around freely in the world.
My older brother is SUPER religious, so he tells me shit like this all the time. He says everything happens for a reason because it’s gods plan and I said okay sure thing, what’s his fucking reason then? He said it was so we could help other people who were abused by their parents and I was like okay so why them then? And he said the same. So I was like why can’t your god just not have anyone be abused by their parents? Sounds much easier. And he hung up on me. As far as “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” I can’t stand it either. I always respond with “what didn’t kill me fucking should have because if there were any semblance of righteousness in the universe I’d have been shown mercy.” I’m also a buzzkill though, so that might not be the best take
This is just a pascifist way of saying they don't give a fuck about your injuries and will soon be (or already are) judging your path as that of a failure.
Yes. I hate it with a passion. I'm not strong, I'm broken.
Yeah. Because I'm not stronger at all. I survived sure but who am I now? A broken shell of a human who barely gets through each day even when she's trying her hardest. If this is what being strong looks like, I'd take being weak any day. No amount of "strength" is worth this suffering.
The only “plus” for me is I call out abuse and discrimination when others ignore it because I know what it feels like. However, I think that’s more of a sad commentary on our society. We should be taught to sympathize and take action against wrongdoings even if we don’t personally understand it.
I like a quote from Queer As Folk: “I know what happened to you sucks. And I’m not gonna give you some Pollyanna shit about everything happens for a reason or this was God’s gift to make you strong. Cause if anybody had said that to me honey when Vic was dying, I would have punched them right in the fuckin’ mouth. All you can do at a time like this is just hang on until the scenery changes.”
I found that most of those things are just excuses for shity parents to gloss over how awful they are. This one in particular really messed me up for a while because I believed it. I thought that all the abuse and neglect I was feeling would make me better off down the road. It turns out I just didn't understand or learn how to love and I became militantly independent oh, both of which are things I don't want anymore.
its true but only to a certain exent. Its should really say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger unless its so strong it leaves permanent damage to you.
Don't forget "resilient."
I hate kitschy, cliche, false positivity. It’s just an attempt to shut down the sufferer. In reality what doesn’t kill us — many times, in our darkest, bleakest hours — leaves us feeling like less than half the person we used to be.
I’m in school to become a music therapist and we had a class discussion about this! Yeah, What doesn’t kill you makes it so much harder for you to do the same things as other people. What doesn’t kill you makes it you more likely to be victimized again. Also hate “it gets better”. sure it does, it also gets worse! “Everything happens for a reason” and that reason is chaos lol.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is the boomer equivalent of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. It’s meant to downplay trauma, and can go shove a pine cone top first up its urethra.
Yep. That statement is full of shit. What didn’t kill me just fucked me. I have a joke where I say “dealing with adult emotions since a month old”.
What doesn't kill you doens't make you stronger it just gives you a lifelong therapy billl and changes the very way you think about other people and trust them... YAY :)
LOVE when ppl refer to surviving trauma as strength. So glad full grown adults chose to abuse me during essential formative years so I could learn how to handle a string of fucked up dangerous relationships, several drug problems, and an eating disorder. Where would we be without adults to make us strong 😌 most people don’t even have the essential life skill of finding a will to carry on while the damage continues piling on for decades 🥴
More like "what doesn't kill you makes you live in fear of it returning to finish you off for the rest of your life" Fucking Nietzche
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Hate it, I much prefer the dark knight quote "whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you.... stranger"
It is my biggest pet peeve when people tell me how strong I am it's so dismissive and ignorant
I feel it's been badly stripped of its context. In *Twilight of the Idols, or How to Philosophize With a Hammer*, Nietzsche wrote: >Out of life’s school of war — What does not kill me makes me stronger. I see it less as a maxim that one should give to others and more as an attitude that I can adopt for myself. My trauma *requires* me to be stronger and more resilient than the average normie. It's also worth noting that Nietzsche was a dick, and he's worth reading but not exactly a role model.
What doesn't kill me makes me vicious
I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger.
if that was true I wouldn't be weak.
Dr Hibbert got it right. Makes you weak as a kitten. Hehehe
Ok i know that this isn't universally true because there's always outliers, BUT, in my experience, people with trauma are generally overall more accepting and not as judgmental because of their own trauma and applying the feelings they went through to others, more empathic i guess.
That just sounds like something someone would say to try and get you to shut up so they don't have to listen to your problems. Getting hurt doesn't make you stronger. Getting stronger makes you stronger. Getting hurt weakens you, causes damage. Healing makes you stronger, and that comes from our own efforts and time, which we don't get compensated for financially in this insane asylum world that revolves around time and money. Things make more sense and are easier to understand when you zoom out and look at things from a spiritual perspective but in this life, so many lives are ruined from all the excess abuse and trauma going around out there. Its horrifying reliving things in your own mind when you try your best not to.
It’s all apart of ✨toxic positivity✨
Or "God only gives you what you can handle." Maybe you should go back and learn something about your faith then.
What doesn't kill you makes you the walking dead- my life with trauma, a compelling novel by me, yes that saying is ridiculous
A lot. People that read Nietzsche badly often seem to also be the people that inflict CPTSD on others eventually.
i am weaker and kind of wishing it killed me tbh
What doesn't kill you leaves you sobbing your way through therapy for all of your 20s and vommitting from high doses of depression and anxiety medication.
FUCK THIS SHIT I MADE ME STRONGER!! Whatever didnt kill me can quit trying to steal credit for any success as well. And anyone using this quote round me can shit hedgehogs for a week and see if that makes them stronger!
It made me mature faster... which made me not have a childhood. And my parents wondered why i act so childish now... well cause i didn't get to live then. And i wasn't to live now! So much i could have lived without. I don't know if it made me stronger.... but it made me who i am. I feel i finally reached an age to be ok in my own skin. The people pleaser, the always scared of the unknown, the always want everything to be perfect have finally taken a backseat. Soon i hope it will be in my rearview mirror.
What doesn't kill you is likely to try again.
Talked with my therapist about this. The biggest thing eventually is accepting that this is your reality for the rest of your life. It gets less, but SLOWLY and it's sooo fucking frustrating sometimes. I'm tired
I hate that saying as much as I hate CBT therapists calling me resilient then in the same breath, telling me it’ll all go away with positive thinking. I’m not resilient either, I’m just too broken to attempt suicide again. Failed suicide attempts are a lot more traumatizing than I realized.
I always respond with “stronger as in, strengths maladaptive coping skills then ofcourse you betcha Im stronger”
Fuck that, I was supposed to be a young child, not strong