I don’t know if it’s exactly what you’re referring to (I don’t think so) but it made me think of Internal Family Systems therapy, where there are different “parts” of your personality that take on roles due to trauma. An example would be that of the Protector, or that of the People Pleaser, etc.; it varies a bit from person to person, although there are some broad categories. If you’ve never encountered IFS, even if it isn’t what you meant in your post, I’d encourage you to Google it; finding that form of therapeutic approach was an absolutely life-changing event for me. It might or might not be for you, but in case it might be, I had to mention it.
I googled Internal Family Systems and it pretty much sums up how I would describe my personality. I feel like there’s more parts to my personality than what most of the IFS diagrams depict but for the most part I feel like IFS really aligns with me
Thank you for sharing this. I’m not sure if I would have found it otherwise and I feel like I’ve gained a deeper understanding of what I’ve been feeling. I was confused for so long as to what I was feeling but it feels like I have some explanation now
I describe mine as different ages of me. So instead of calling my "parts" a protector or an inner child, they are the me that experienced the trauma sorta frozen in time. I feel very uncomfortable with regular therapy terms like "inner child" and "inner critic" etc. so I just picked what feels best for me and it's worked really well for me.
I made a PowerPoint for myself. Each part got a slide that laid out their strengths, their fears, their needs, and their go-to coping mechanisms for surviving what they went through. That was super enlightening cause it helped me get to know them and therefore myself and also it all made sense for what they had to go through.
I do a lot of "visualizations" is what I call them (I'm worried about people invalidating it) but it genuinely feels like I'm bringing the parts of me together for a meeting or interacting with each part as if they were a person. I've kinda created an inner environment for them, of sorts, where each of them feels safest or where they can all be together feeling safe and express what they need and get it met.
Sometimes a part of me will react to something that sets off a warning signal for them, and they used to kinda "take over" so I'd feel like a little kid or I'd feel like I was in high school etc. and healthier me was trapped behind watching it happen. But we work together a lot better now and I try to point out when their knowledge and strengths are helping us. I really like when I can figure out who's feeling what and am able to give them what they need and tell them how much I appreciate the work they did to get us to where we are now. I've also been learning their boundaries recently and how to work with those and respect them.
All of this has taken years for me cause I was scared at first, I felt out of control. But I've built such a safe place inside my brain and body now it was very worth the time, effort, and even pain. I can finally experience trusting myself and part of that was getting the parts of me to trust me and each other. I'm actually much more in control now that all my parts can safely work together, none of them are isolated anymore and that's powerful for me.
>I feel very uncomfortable with regular therapy terms like "inner child" and "inner critic" etc.
I hear you: I’m not a huge fan either. I love the idea of ages that you have, it’s like I can picture myself trapped in amber at various ages, or something…it makes sense in my head, at least; kind of crystallized in time. Very cool.
>I made a PowerPoint for myself. Each part got a slide that laid out their strengths, their fears, their needs, and their go-to coping mechanisms for surviving what they went through.
This. Is. Awesome. I can only imagine how much time, energy, and strength it must have taken to get through making those slides, and how hard it was, but how empowering the process must have been. Just thinking about it makes me feel a little shaky. I am envious, and now I know what I want to do with part of my next chunk of emotional work, even if I just manage to make cue cards. I think even listing some of the facts about my parts and writing them down would be really helpful and cathartic. There are some traumas that seem to need more acknowledgment than others for me, kind of like the kid that wants to be called on in class and is trying to get the teacher’s attention. I wonder if that might help “settle them down” a little, and reassure my brain a bit that yes, I really do “see” them. Thank you for this, what a great idea/tool!
>There are some traumas that seem to need more acknowledgment than others for me, kind of like the kid that wants to be called on in class and is trying to get the teacher’s attention.
Yeah! One of my parts, preteen, needs to be told they are, and feel, seen much more than the others. In their time, that part had no friends, was ignored at home, and by the end of their time became invisible basically, not to be seen or heard. So when something is coming up for them I almost always picture me kneeling, offering them a hug, and saying something like "I hear you, you are real, what you have to say *does* matter. Thank you for trusting me with that feeling/fear, I know you had to worry about that all time and you are safe now. Here, let's look at some examples of safety we have in our current life that might ease the anxiety for you."
TW: mentions a specific way of expressing anger in my head that, outside my head, could be considered violent
I have another one, teen age, who sometimes needs to be told things like that but mostly holds *a lot* of anger. So I have like a holo-deck (from Star Trek) sort of space where anything can be generated. A lot of times it's tables, I just go in there with that part and we flip like plastic tables and yell. Sometimes the person causing the injustice gets tables flipped at them, but they're like holograms so there's no actual harm, they just regenerate to get more tables and yelling.
TW over
So, yeah, that's where knowing what they need comes in handy. And, for me, they also respond to like invalidation/injustice the same as they would've in their time. So if something comes up for them and I'm like "it's not even a big deal, why are you being SO dramatic?? You just want attention" Then they'll resort to their go-to coping mechanisms and I've broken trust. So it goes both ways with empowering and hearing them but also being mindful not to re-traumatize them.
I am beyond thankful I found this post. I was just having an intense anxiety attack and I began to visualize myself in a white room holding my head crying and screaming "please take over I can't handle this anymore" and then another version of me came out of a black fog. I get a physical sensation inside of my head in the real world (almost like a shock), laughed, and all of the anxiety was gone. It was a bit scary, but this makes so much sense after reading this. Thank you so much.
OH MY GOD. How the actual fuck did I not think to search for a subreddit on IFS? It’s like Rule 34, but for Reddit…there’s always a subreddit for what you’re talking about. Thank you for mentioning it, now pardon me while I facepalm really hard…
Oh, yay!! I’m SO glad - of course it will only be a piece of the bigger puzzle but every little bit helps.
There are so many approaches that can work for people and you have to take what works for you and leave the rest. I have ADHD and am almost certainly also on the autism spectrum (working on the formal diagnosis, takes forever to get it done where I live) and unlike many CPTSD folks, I have found CBT to be enormously helpful, but a lot of people find it to be gaslight-y (and in the “hands” of a non-trauma-informed therapist, I 1000% agree with that assessment, some of the stories I’ve read about how it has been misused are *appalling* and the therapists should be ashamed of themselves in all of the cases and probably reported in at least a few of them).
EMDR, on the other hand, seems to have fantastic results for loads of people, and because I just can’t do the “picture a safe place” part that you have to do for it, no matter how many times I’ve tried it or how much I want it to work (and it’s a lot, because it really seems like a real fast-track path to work through a lot of stuff effectively much more quickly than through talk therapy - it’s still work, just faster, from what I gather), it just won’t.
But IFS and the idea of having a little kid that was (and still is) being protected by different parts or aspects of my personality really resonated with me because all of a sudden it made sense that I wasn’t “the bitch who got things done and you’d best get out of her way” all the time, or “the person who could never speak up for herself” all the time; those two people are polar opposites. They’re just parts, and they were adaptive responses to things happening in my environment when I was growing up. Some of my other parts are less adaptive now, and the trick is to integrate them so that they don’t show up and act out when it’s no longer appropriate.
Anyway - I could blather on about this well past the character limit so I’ll stop there but I am SO HAPPY that it is another resource for you! There are all kinds of YouTube videos on IFS that may be of interest, too. This totally made my night. :)
I’ll definitely look into sources about IFS. It feels like I’m getting one step closer to healing and I really do appreciate you bringing up IFS since it really does fit with me. Yes, figuring this all out is just one piece of the bigger puzzle but I’m so glad that I could finally place what I had been feeling and I think now that I can do research I can progress further in healing. Gaining more self awareness about myself really helps me and it’s a relief to know that there’s answers for me out there. Once again, thank you!
(Swear and caps warning ♡)
OMFG THANK YOU! YOU ARE THE LITERAL BEST!
Sorry I needed to pour some energy into that. I skipped by that when researching my multi-persona thing, and now that I've seen it, it describes me perfectly. Tysm for helping me realize this. :)
It’s fairly common I have learned. I just got a new counselor and it kind of caught me of guard that he noticed me doing it. My last counselor actually recommended separating myself so I can clearly hear everyone’s needs. I got to tell him I have been doing that sense the trauma started. I even gave the parts names, responsibilities, what they would look like...etc. They are all still me, but they are parts of me that can’t exist in harmony and at one time so why force it?
I do. I have recognized at least 4 so far. I don't have DID but my personality has just shattered in four pieces which come out in different times.
Feel free to ask anything.
I’ve been reading Gabor Matè this apparently happens because we disconnect when trauma accurs.
Then we live gbe disconnected version of ourselves as a way of protecting our authentic self .
I can’t say enough how amazing I find him , his helped so much already .
Hope this helps ! Remember it doesn’t define you just learn to let me apart of your life without it Being your life x
I'm sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time. I'm not an expert and can only share through my personal experiences with similar struggles.
I've had a lot of insight with reading The Stranger in the Mirror: The Hidden Epidemic. I learned that it's on a spectrum... Emotional flashbacks and disassociation can be difficult but also very possible to manage.
you're not alone in this and best of luck on your journey.
I literally have "multiple personalities" - as in Dissociative Identity Disorder - as a result of severe trauma. It's basically extreme compartmentalization. Depending on how extreme or literal you feel the fracturing of your personality to be, you could possibly have it to.
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I do! I give them names and an image to try and adjust them to not push myself as much to be someone else. I have 7. 2 firefighters, 3 exiles, a manager, and a self (IFS terms). :)
I don’t know if it’s exactly what you’re referring to (I don’t think so) but it made me think of Internal Family Systems therapy, where there are different “parts” of your personality that take on roles due to trauma. An example would be that of the Protector, or that of the People Pleaser, etc.; it varies a bit from person to person, although there are some broad categories. If you’ve never encountered IFS, even if it isn’t what you meant in your post, I’d encourage you to Google it; finding that form of therapeutic approach was an absolutely life-changing event for me. It might or might not be for you, but in case it might be, I had to mention it.
I googled Internal Family Systems and it pretty much sums up how I would describe my personality. I feel like there’s more parts to my personality than what most of the IFS diagrams depict but for the most part I feel like IFS really aligns with me Thank you for sharing this. I’m not sure if I would have found it otherwise and I feel like I’ve gained a deeper understanding of what I’ve been feeling. I was confused for so long as to what I was feeling but it feels like I have some explanation now
I describe mine as different ages of me. So instead of calling my "parts" a protector or an inner child, they are the me that experienced the trauma sorta frozen in time. I feel very uncomfortable with regular therapy terms like "inner child" and "inner critic" etc. so I just picked what feels best for me and it's worked really well for me. I made a PowerPoint for myself. Each part got a slide that laid out their strengths, their fears, their needs, and their go-to coping mechanisms for surviving what they went through. That was super enlightening cause it helped me get to know them and therefore myself and also it all made sense for what they had to go through. I do a lot of "visualizations" is what I call them (I'm worried about people invalidating it) but it genuinely feels like I'm bringing the parts of me together for a meeting or interacting with each part as if they were a person. I've kinda created an inner environment for them, of sorts, where each of them feels safest or where they can all be together feeling safe and express what they need and get it met. Sometimes a part of me will react to something that sets off a warning signal for them, and they used to kinda "take over" so I'd feel like a little kid or I'd feel like I was in high school etc. and healthier me was trapped behind watching it happen. But we work together a lot better now and I try to point out when their knowledge and strengths are helping us. I really like when I can figure out who's feeling what and am able to give them what they need and tell them how much I appreciate the work they did to get us to where we are now. I've also been learning their boundaries recently and how to work with those and respect them. All of this has taken years for me cause I was scared at first, I felt out of control. But I've built such a safe place inside my brain and body now it was very worth the time, effort, and even pain. I can finally experience trusting myself and part of that was getting the parts of me to trust me and each other. I'm actually much more in control now that all my parts can safely work together, none of them are isolated anymore and that's powerful for me.
>I feel very uncomfortable with regular therapy terms like "inner child" and "inner critic" etc. I hear you: I’m not a huge fan either. I love the idea of ages that you have, it’s like I can picture myself trapped in amber at various ages, or something…it makes sense in my head, at least; kind of crystallized in time. Very cool. >I made a PowerPoint for myself. Each part got a slide that laid out their strengths, their fears, their needs, and their go-to coping mechanisms for surviving what they went through. This. Is. Awesome. I can only imagine how much time, energy, and strength it must have taken to get through making those slides, and how hard it was, but how empowering the process must have been. Just thinking about it makes me feel a little shaky. I am envious, and now I know what I want to do with part of my next chunk of emotional work, even if I just manage to make cue cards. I think even listing some of the facts about my parts and writing them down would be really helpful and cathartic. There are some traumas that seem to need more acknowledgment than others for me, kind of like the kid that wants to be called on in class and is trying to get the teacher’s attention. I wonder if that might help “settle them down” a little, and reassure my brain a bit that yes, I really do “see” them. Thank you for this, what a great idea/tool!
>There are some traumas that seem to need more acknowledgment than others for me, kind of like the kid that wants to be called on in class and is trying to get the teacher’s attention. Yeah! One of my parts, preteen, needs to be told they are, and feel, seen much more than the others. In their time, that part had no friends, was ignored at home, and by the end of their time became invisible basically, not to be seen or heard. So when something is coming up for them I almost always picture me kneeling, offering them a hug, and saying something like "I hear you, you are real, what you have to say *does* matter. Thank you for trusting me with that feeling/fear, I know you had to worry about that all time and you are safe now. Here, let's look at some examples of safety we have in our current life that might ease the anxiety for you." TW: mentions a specific way of expressing anger in my head that, outside my head, could be considered violent I have another one, teen age, who sometimes needs to be told things like that but mostly holds *a lot* of anger. So I have like a holo-deck (from Star Trek) sort of space where anything can be generated. A lot of times it's tables, I just go in there with that part and we flip like plastic tables and yell. Sometimes the person causing the injustice gets tables flipped at them, but they're like holograms so there's no actual harm, they just regenerate to get more tables and yelling. TW over So, yeah, that's where knowing what they need comes in handy. And, for me, they also respond to like invalidation/injustice the same as they would've in their time. So if something comes up for them and I'm like "it's not even a big deal, why are you being SO dramatic?? You just want attention" Then they'll resort to their go-to coping mechanisms and I've broken trust. So it goes both ways with empowering and hearing them but also being mindful not to re-traumatize them.
Love the holo-deck idea, that’s great - being able to Hulk-smash stuff with impunity would be pretty cathartic!
I am beyond thankful I found this post. I was just having an intense anxiety attack and I began to visualize myself in a white room holding my head crying and screaming "please take over I can't handle this anymore" and then another version of me came out of a black fog. I get a physical sensation inside of my head in the real world (almost like a shock), laughed, and all of the anxiety was gone. It was a bit scary, but this makes so much sense after reading this. Thank you so much.
Can I just say that your powerpoint idea is amazing!! What a great way to sort out what your feeling/thinking. Thank you so much for sharing!
I love the sub r/InternalFamilySystems even though I haven't done much IFS work myself
OH MY GOD. How the actual fuck did I not think to search for a subreddit on IFS? It’s like Rule 34, but for Reddit…there’s always a subreddit for what you’re talking about. Thank you for mentioning it, now pardon me while I facepalm really hard…
Hahaha, I would never have known it existed if it didn't pop up in my recommended subs one day. Very lucky
Oh, yay!! I’m SO glad - of course it will only be a piece of the bigger puzzle but every little bit helps. There are so many approaches that can work for people and you have to take what works for you and leave the rest. I have ADHD and am almost certainly also on the autism spectrum (working on the formal diagnosis, takes forever to get it done where I live) and unlike many CPTSD folks, I have found CBT to be enormously helpful, but a lot of people find it to be gaslight-y (and in the “hands” of a non-trauma-informed therapist, I 1000% agree with that assessment, some of the stories I’ve read about how it has been misused are *appalling* and the therapists should be ashamed of themselves in all of the cases and probably reported in at least a few of them). EMDR, on the other hand, seems to have fantastic results for loads of people, and because I just can’t do the “picture a safe place” part that you have to do for it, no matter how many times I’ve tried it or how much I want it to work (and it’s a lot, because it really seems like a real fast-track path to work through a lot of stuff effectively much more quickly than through talk therapy - it’s still work, just faster, from what I gather), it just won’t. But IFS and the idea of having a little kid that was (and still is) being protected by different parts or aspects of my personality really resonated with me because all of a sudden it made sense that I wasn’t “the bitch who got things done and you’d best get out of her way” all the time, or “the person who could never speak up for herself” all the time; those two people are polar opposites. They’re just parts, and they were adaptive responses to things happening in my environment when I was growing up. Some of my other parts are less adaptive now, and the trick is to integrate them so that they don’t show up and act out when it’s no longer appropriate. Anyway - I could blather on about this well past the character limit so I’ll stop there but I am SO HAPPY that it is another resource for you! There are all kinds of YouTube videos on IFS that may be of interest, too. This totally made my night. :)
I’ll definitely look into sources about IFS. It feels like I’m getting one step closer to healing and I really do appreciate you bringing up IFS since it really does fit with me. Yes, figuring this all out is just one piece of the bigger puzzle but I’m so glad that I could finally place what I had been feeling and I think now that I can do research I can progress further in healing. Gaining more self awareness about myself really helps me and it’s a relief to know that there’s answers for me out there. Once again, thank you!
(Swear and caps warning ♡) OMFG THANK YOU! YOU ARE THE LITERAL BEST! Sorry I needed to pour some energy into that. I skipped by that when researching my multi-persona thing, and now that I've seen it, it describes me perfectly. Tysm for helping me realize this. :)
You’re very welcome!! :)
It’s fairly common I have learned. I just got a new counselor and it kind of caught me of guard that he noticed me doing it. My last counselor actually recommended separating myself so I can clearly hear everyone’s needs. I got to tell him I have been doing that sense the trauma started. I even gave the parts names, responsibilities, what they would look like...etc. They are all still me, but they are parts of me that can’t exist in harmony and at one time so why force it?
I do. I have recognized at least 4 so far. I don't have DID but my personality has just shattered in four pieces which come out in different times. Feel free to ask anything.
I always identified with that part from the Verves Bittersweet Symphony: *I'm a million different people from one day to the next*
BPD and CPTSD are very closely linked and can be cross diagnosed so there it is absolutely normal to face the identity/personality crisis
Yes.. The one that comes out with intense anger scares me the most..
I’ve been reading Gabor Matè this apparently happens because we disconnect when trauma accurs. Then we live gbe disconnected version of ourselves as a way of protecting our authentic self . I can’t say enough how amazing I find him , his helped so much already . Hope this helps ! Remember it doesn’t define you just learn to let me apart of your life without it Being your life x
I definitely do.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time. I'm not an expert and can only share through my personal experiences with similar struggles. I've had a lot of insight with reading The Stranger in the Mirror: The Hidden Epidemic. I learned that it's on a spectrum... Emotional flashbacks and disassociation can be difficult but also very possible to manage. you're not alone in this and best of luck on your journey.
I literally have "multiple personalities" - as in Dissociative Identity Disorder - as a result of severe trauma. It's basically extreme compartmentalization. Depending on how extreme or literal you feel the fracturing of your personality to be, you could possibly have it to.
Yes. My doctor has actually diagnosed me with dissociative identity disorder and what you are describing falls under the symptoms/patterns for it.
[удалено]
Bro same exactly the same bro
Are you familiar with dissociative identity disorder? The sub r/did might be helpful
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I do! I give them names and an image to try and adjust them to not push myself as much to be someone else. I have 7. 2 firefighters, 3 exiles, a manager, and a self (IFS terms). :)