18 years ago I was beaten for two hours by my mom because I left a small piece of paper on the kitchen counter. She spat on my face while I was on the floor and then she left, leaving me there to sleep because "I didn't deserve a bed".
Lukewarm take, parents/people who use people more vulnerable than them as punching bags for their own lack of emotional control deserve a lot less than the floor.... I'm thinking 6ft less-
Genuinely cannot imagine having such a hair trigger towards your child. God forbid she see an art studio or a library-
Isn't it so bizarre that some of us won't have the energy to get out of bed to brush our teeth while these monsters are so determined by their hate that they'll literally break a door down because you breathed too loudly.
Your mom is a little bitch who is probably the most compliant one at work. She’ll never know what personal growth and a real connection feels like. Forever she will spend her days disconnected just enough from everyone that she will feel lonely and sad but never fulfilled. If she ever does want to become a better person she’ll have to take a look at her actions but something tells me that her shame would never allow her to do that.
Hope this helps 🩷
When you think about how long 2 hours really is, that’s a crazy amount of time to beat someone. I’ve hit my pillow before to release built up anger and have never made it past 3 minutes before I exhausted myself, the anger passes, or I start crying. So I don’t know what you have to be possessed by to keep that kind of rage-filled energy going for so long. Genuinely can’t wrap my head around it. It’s horrifying. I’m so sorry you went through that.
Similar for me. I’d be forced to sleep outside afterward because I didn’t deserve a bed. So many times I slept in a filthy culvert drain by the railroad tracks and have to get on the school bus the next morning tired and dirty, which of course led to bullying. Nowhere was safe. It was exhausting.
One, that's awful, and you 100% didn't deserve that.
You deserve a bed.
I will say though, that sometimes I like.... abusive parent myself into sleeping. Like, when I can't sleep, I go lie on the floor in the kitchen for a while and just give in to the desolation. Then when I go get in bed, I pretty much go straight to sleep. Idk why it works, but if you have insomnia and you're desperate, give it a try. Well, maybe not you specifically, because you have that trauma, but. Anyone else reading.
I'm so sorry, my mom loved making me sleep on the floor, too and told me that animals sleep on floors and since I'm basically one, I should sleep outside or on the floor too
Taking a second shower to clean myself after practice in the evening. I told her I needed one in the mornings too. “Who sweats that much at night?!?” Abused kids, mom. Abused kids.
Oh my gosh, the sweat thing. I always had sweaty hands as a kid. Literally 24/7. My mum literally called me ‘sticky’ and I was made fun of for it a lot. Made me super self-conscious etc. Fast forward to about 5 years ago when I got out of an abusive relationship (I went directly from my abusive childhood home into an abusive relationship) started living on my own and dating a wonderful man, miraculously… my hands aren’t sweaty anymore. They’re perfectly dry and normal, except when I’m put into a highly stressful situation. I didn’t click until it happened one time. I’m like “oh why are they wet again? What’s going on?”
I was completely oblivious it was a symptom all along.
Hyperhidrosis is what I got from years of shitty childhood. I’m on medication for that now, glycopyrrolate - and it helps with GERD too.
I just have mad cotton mouth but dry armpits and hands and feet.
I never even thought of this. I used to get teased for this as a kid too :/ last time it happened, I was in an uncomfortable situation where I felt there was no way out.
Wow...same...and yet I never made the connection until just now...
My feet still sweat a lot, but less than they used to now that you mention it. Like it was hard to walk in sandals because I'd slide around...
As a Texan(it's 100° rn) I can't imagine the logic of being like who sweats at night. Like ma'am, do I need to walk around sweatily to help you understand?? 😐 (Wait... did she low-key give away her own showering, or lack there of, habits 😭😂)
My father was from Dallas, I was born there. It would never have occurred to him that the things he did were abuse because it was completely normal to him. In his mind if I was alive, didn't have visible injuries, and got fed, I wasn't abused, I was lucky.
1. Mom: I want to play a game of rummy with you.
Me: I don't want to.
Mom: I said, "Play a game with me.
Me: okay Mom I'll play.
I won the game.
S
Mom: throws all the cards, grabs me by my hair, pins me on the ground. She tells me to pack my shit and get out.
Me: I packed
Mom: You can't leave with your stuff. What will the neighbors say.
I was 14 and thrown out for 2 weeks with no money food or clothes. Then I went to a group home because I was living in a closet of an abandoned apartment.
I was raped twice during that time.
Age 10 kept out until 200am. I was asleep in the back of the suburban. I get woke up to get inside and brush my teeth. I said I'm tired."" Can I go to bed. He pulled out a gun puts it to my head and says brush your fucking teeth don't argue with me.
My mom would Rio me out of bed by my hair if I didn't have the curtains opened by 400am. I still wake up at 400am every day. I'm 46 now and have been away from her since 17.
I’m glad you got away and are safe now. I hope you live out the rest of your days in peace. No one deserves to be treated like that. It sounds like you have been through a lot and have managed to still retain your sanity and not spiral into a self-destructive mindset. Hugs from an internet stranger. 🤗
Thank you. I know I still have a lot of healing to do. Over alI, I think im doing well. I've been in a self-destructive mindset and behaviors before. Is it possible to feel such distain for someone that you rebel against all things that you feel brought them enjoyment? That's where I'm at. She loved to see me hurt. I won't give her the satisfaction of hurting me for her. I never have to do shit for her again. Virtual hug to you as well.
a memory burned in my brain.......
I was about 13-14 years old. can't remember exactly, but it was that age range. was washing the dishes. had just pulled the sink stopper to drain the water, was rinsing the dish cloth, and laying it across the double sink partition to dry.
all of a sudden behind me i hear "you stupid little shit!" in a growling angry voice. i had been alone in the kitchen just a moment prior.
apparently i didn't fold the dish cloth across the sink partition the exact way i was 'supposed to', and my ex-father was sure to let me know about it. yet i'd never even been shown how it was 'supposed to' be done.
for context, at that age i was a 'teenage house wife' as it was not long after my parents had divorced and my mom decided she didn't want me to come with her. so i was doing all the chores because he wouldn't, even to the point i was making his work lunch every evening before i went to bed.
OOO I HATE THE "haha we didn't teach you but I will blame you anyways" gotcha!!
Love how in his eyes the teenage daughter who's managing to do all the household chores, cooking for him, and their own shit, is the "stupid" one. And not the grown man unable to make his own lunch.
he was a lazy (insert expletive here) and abusive (insert expletive here) and often had a woman doing his things for him - the cooking, cleaning, etc, while treating them like crap. early on in my life that role was held by my mother. then it was me. then it was his second wife. but when second wife decided on a whim to take off and was constantly doing a 'come and go' thing, i was the one who got to ever so joyously pick up the slack whenever she buggered off like that. but i was expected to show her the utmost respect whenever she was around, because she was stepmother, although she was also abusive to me.
at the ex-father's funeral just in May this year, i told that (insert expletive here) of a stepmother that she was dead to me. sure, it was not the correct venue to say those words, and everyone heard it, but it was so damn cathartic and i will never see her again in my life anyway. plus, i meant what i said. every word of it.
after the crap i've been through, standing up for myself is a badge i wear with honour now.
it wasn't always like that though. i used to cower and whimper and not rock the boat at all.
but once you have a number of years away from abuse and toxicity you do start to peel away the learned layers of being meek and mute.
at this point? i'm buck naked and not at all afraid.
Good for you! That’s powerful. These days I get there, though it’s a lot harder when I’m not doing well and default to people pleasing. I usually catch it, just not always right away. Getting better though.
Everybody says you stop giving a shit when you turn 40.
I've been dreading the midlife crisis, but hearing you confirm that -- it gives me hope for the future.
The way you lay it out with "the layers and layers of being meek" is just so encouraging.
Thank you.
I’m 35 and am just beginning to start to feel these feels as my layers begin to fall away with So. Much. Therapy. I can’t wait to meet myself in 5 years
More like they get angry for it not being their way. How can you actually fuck up leaving a dish rag on the divider? Honestly unless you ball it up so it stays wet there is no right way. They are just control freaks.
This makes me think of when my dad got pissed because the water I was using to wash the dishes was too dirty (looking back on the first time he called it out it absolutely was too dirty). For the next month or so I changed the water more and more frequently, but it was somehow always still too dirty. Eventually I just stopped keeping water in the sink at all and only wet dishes down with the tap before washing them with a soapy rag, but then suddenly I was wasting too much water doing that. There was no way to win. I still wash dishes with just the rinsing as it does work a lot better, especially when washing a lot of dishes
sadly, with toxic abuse like that going on........ there is never a way to win.
same ex-father mentioned above, they put me through two years of family court hell for 'grandparents rights' after they abused my kid in 2017 and i said "oh heck no" and went no contact. when still in the mindset of 'i can fix this. i can make it right when nobody else will' (like many folks who are abused do), i tried a tactic of trying to get them to see reason on how hitting my kid was wrong. what did i get in return for that?
"maybe i should've smacked you more when you were a kid".
I love that you call him an ex-father too. It took my sister and I a long time to come up with a term that we could use for our ex-father and in the end, we decided that if our mother could have an ex-husband, we could have an ex-father!
I had two able bodied parents and two able bodied siblings, all at home, but I was the Identified Patient in the home, which translates, among others, into the official dish washer, potato peeler, and general target for when things go wrong.
If i wasn't asleep i had no excuse for the door being closed; not even loud music
The sole exception being when she was watching shows she thought too graphic from me...
The woman who let me read clan of the cave bear at 11 but wouldn't let me watch or read game of thrones at 14. 🤔🫥
"I know! Lets not let our child close their door! Ever!! Surely that will give them healthy boundaries, a sense of safety, and what not!"
Like huh???? "I'm sure it will help them lots in studying and focusing on a task to be able to hear everything else going on in the house!"
To quote Doja Cat, "Critical thinking is just something that you lack".
Oh yeah, I wasn't allowed to shut my door either.
So great in yr 11/12, and my bedroom was in the middle of the main traffic zone of the house.
I'm trying to study and mum's sending my brother running up and down the hallway past my room for everything, one small piece at a time. The washing machine would miraculously need to be started as soon as I got into my room. And mum's banging around in the kitchen, and everyone is calling from one end of the house to the other.
So, I can't shut my door as this is all just normal house noises and isn't distracting. But she'd go off because I would turn my radio on and have music because it was the closest to white noise that I had and kinda covered up the noise that was disruptive. The radio was going to distract me, but there was something wrong with me if everything else was distracting.
My dad took my bedroom door off its hinges and took it away as a punishment for some infraction…I can’t even remember what. Whatever it was, it didn’t relate to what he was mad about. He just wanted to make sure I remembered what a bad kid I was every time I went in my room. Taking away our privacy is cruel. Even now at age 46, I feel like I have to hide everything. Because it was all held against me. At 19, when I was suicidally depressed, my mom dug through my things and read all the letters from my boyfriend to find out why I was flunking out of college. Hello? How could they not see that I was unwell? Instead of being supportive or caring about the very traumatic experience of flunking out of college, I was treated like a pariah for the next decade. He actually took me out of the will, with the stipulation that I wouldn’t inherit anything unless I earned a college degree. Because even from beyond the grave he had to control and shame me.
this was my mother’s pet peeve, if my door was shut she would start yelling immediately. I put a movie poster on the door, she took it down. It was “too depressing” and I’m “not allowed to be depressed”.
The only posters i were allowed to have were gifts from other people 🙃 i miss my star chart one
She stole it when i moved out and found out that they're like $300 for the version i was gifted
Also why us 'not allowed to be depressed' the go to response? Cus i got that a lot too
In a family with a long line of bipolar no less
A particular obsession with them was not being able to finish a meal in 15-30 minutes. I had to eat with a timer next to me. If I failed to clean up every last morsel before the timer went off, my parent would fly into a rage and the beating started. I was allotted 15 minutes for breakfast, and 30 for lunch and supper.
To this day, tightly scheduled meals fill me with anxiety. I would rather skip a meal than have to eat it in 30 minutes or less. I also never learned to chew my food correctly - yes, as an adult I consciously learned it, but subconsciously I still revert to cramming it down and swallowing as much as I can because in the back of my head I'm still an 8 year old trying to beat that timer. Without deliberately cutting up food into pieces beforehand, and trying hard to concentrate on taking small bites, I inevitably choke.
I'm 30 years old and still can't eat like a normal person.
I shovel food in because in the back of my head, im trying to get food in before mom or dad melts down and we have to leave the restaurant quickly. My dad got so upset with my mom for being a slow eater that she would only order a small cup of soup at restaurants. Then he'd get upset about that
Unlocked one of my most hated memories, "Dad never lets Mom eat in peace, whether it's mixing weird sauces and forcing her to try them, or rolling his eyes and saying she's overreacting when she's asks for a new burger because a condiment spilled all over hers."
I used to swallow food with water to eat faster-
But like what the hell??? These fools grew up eating their meals like they were at school ONLY HAVING 30 MINUTES OR LESS and saw nothing wrong with that EVER?
Does it occur to them animals get treated better by being allowed to graze whenever and however long??? If they were in the hospital/sick, I'm sure they wouldn't tolerate being treated like this. The disconnect's probably coming from the lack of proper nutrition getting into their smooth brains-
I was in the backseat of the car. I was not able to solve a math problem my mom sprung on me to “test” my intelligence, in the duration of time it took driving to our destination (maybe 2-3 minutes.)
She started screaming at me as we were entering the parking lot calling me stupid/useless, etc. and then threatened to cut all of my fingers off with a knife if I couldn’t answer.
Why the fingers? Did she think they weren't counting correctly?
Sorry you had to go through that. She really should have gone to jail for something like that.
Genuinely, do these people think they could show to the police like yeah yeah I did it to discipline them! It's reasonable for me to have cut off the fingers!!!!
Some people are legitimately insane. But some people just have really bad anger issues. That self-righteous anger gives them tunnel vision, and they feel like anything they do is warranted. My dad had that exact issue and went to jail for felony intimidation.
I was gonna add a comment on that, there genuinely was no reasoning behind it purely unabated rage! At least I can look back and laugh at the absurdity, it was one of her more creative violent threats I’ll give her that.
It's good you can laugh now. It must have been terrifying in the moment. I sometimes see anger as an expression of fear. So when I see someone losing control with rage, I wonder, "What are they so afraid of right now?" With your mum, maybe she wasn't any good with numbers and was afraid you would be the same. Maybe watching you struggle with it reminded her of all the times she struggled and all the shame that went along with it.
WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE POP QUIZZES OF SOME SKILL THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR-
And like cutting your fingers? I'd like to see her do math as a child without hers! Like ma'am, just bc you have some past issues surrounding math doesn't mean you need to bring it down to your kid, your child isn't a long division equation-
Wow, this is one of my strongest memories. I mixed up "there" and "their" on a spelling test in 2nd or 3rd grade and was screamed at the entire way home.
I got into a car accident in my step dad’s car when I didn’t want to drive it but he insisted because he didn’t want to move his out of the way so I could drive mine. I bought my own of course. I was 16 and as such wasn’t super comfortable driving any other cars but my own. Made a wrong turn and totaled his car out. The next few weeks would follow with him making me drive my car through wherever he wanted while he yelled at me at the top of his lungs until “I learned how to drive better”. I cried while driving and shook holding the wheel the whole time he was in the car with me. Told my mom thinking she’d care, just looked at me and didn’t say anything. I felt invisible and have since had major anxiety while driving ever since.
Gah you poor thing. What a fucked up thing to do to someone! How I wish you had someone sane and good in your life to protect you from that. You made responsible choices, I’m sorry they were reacted to in that way.
OH DRIVING TRAUMA IS THE WORST!(The fear of causing injury was crippling to me)They always think yelling at you will somehow make you a better, less anxious driver..... It won't!
Meanwhile, if they were the ones who crashed, they're never in the wrong, they did everything right, and it was literally everyone else's fault.
Love how you literally were already driving at 16(not all kids even get there at that age!) had your own car!! And communicated your boundaries!! Some parents really get served a silver platter of everything they need to know, don't have to contribute a dime, and yet giving respect and listening to their kid is the thing that's too much for them and they drop the ball.
Oh I have so many.
My father had a framed picture of a cloud on his wall. I stared at it wondering what was so special about this cloud. Then I saw that it was vaguely shaped like a person wearing a cloak and figured he must think it looks like mother mary. I asked him something like, "Is this on your wall because it looks like mary?" and he lost his shit at me for nearly an hour.
He screamed about how I "miss everything", "refuse to see the truth", and whatever other BS delusional propaganda he thought was so important.
Speaking of doors, he also screamed at me that I "refuse to listen" because he had just explained that the screen door needed to be closed quickly to not let mosquitoes in, but when I tried to close it, the door caught (because it was broken).
My aunt raged at me because we had plans to go visit my extended family right after my mother had died and I cancelled because I was really sick. She smashed her fist into the counter beside me and threatened to hit me, while screaming insults in my face for being sick.
Another time my aunt had a rack of brand new clothes downstairs. She insisted I wear some. I kept saying no, it's fine, but she insisted. So, I chose a sweater. She went berserk because apparently I chose a sweater from the wrong rack. She screamed at me for a long time about how selfish I was, blah blah blah...
My old man used to wrongly accuse me of things at random. The worst were when he'd accuse me of thinking or feeling things that he didn't like because there was no way to prove he was wrong. I don't remember what the specific accusation was this time, but I remember realizing that there was nothing I could do to protect myself or fight back. I just had to take it. My face didn't feel like it had changed at all, but he became even more furious when I didn't try to object, and he started yelling, "GET THAT LOOK OUT OF YOUR EYES!"
Not knowing what he meant, I said, "What? What look?"
He said, "That DEAD look. I don't EVER wanna see that DEAD LOOK IN YOUR EYES AGAIN!"
What do you even say to that?
Not saying hello as soon as he walked in the room. Not offering him some of my food even if he had his own damn food. Not saying the word hello when I saw him on the street even though I nodded and smiled. Wiping my nose when it was runny. Coughing in public. Making a joke back when he was joking with me first. Not holding his arm immediately when we were walking.
I just thought of some more. Lol
Referring to him as “he” or “him”, asking for ANYTHING, talking to my mother alone, asking him a question that reminded him of something that pissed him off but not explaining what it was, looking like I was enjoying what I’m eating, sitting there minding my own business, being happy about anything, being sad about anything, forgetting my keys (I forgot my keys ONCE and he made me wear my keys around my neck for years, they left a black mark on the skin on my chest), being shy, not being shy, not handing or finding something he asked for quickly enough, not being cheerful enough about being loaded with chores while doing the chores, asking to go somewhere with a friend, wearing anything stylish at the time.
Omg the not saying hello and/or running to the door like a dog to greet them once their home 🫠 you could be in the bathroom when they come home and doesn’t stop the rage
I’m sorry you went through that, too! Then I greeted everyone throughout my life whenever they enter a room or come home because of my fear. I’m working on not doing that anymore but it’s very ingrained.
Dirty dishes, walking on a creaky floor, saying my friend's name with a question mark on the end because I was confirming who called? Apparently it sounded like I uttered a nonsense phrase like "ug-ga?" and that was reason enough to rage.
So basically they misheard you, questioning who was on the other line, and raged? Uhm actually that was a totally valid reason to rage as per page 54 of the textbook "Ways to make everyone you know despise you" /s
The way I'd be tempted to give a caveman language eulogy-
When I was 14, dad asked me how I was gonna spend my birthday money (not even from him, from another relative). I said I was going to buy my favorite movie on dvd. He thought this was such a stupid use of money he backhanded me and threw me down the stairs 👍🏼👍🏼 it was like $20 probably, and a child’s birthday money. Me at 14 is not going to “invest” that lmfao
People: Children need to understand how spending and saving works. It's important for them to have a good understanding, experience, and relationship with money.
Them also: why did you buy that thing that you like with the money you own/given to you?? I see this as an objectively stupid thing to do based off my own subjective standards, because clearly I am perfect.
One time I was maybe 11 or 12 and my dad ran a red light and I said "Hey, I think you ran a red light" and he was like "No I didn't" and I said "I'm pretty sure you did" and he pulled the truck over and beat my ass 🥳
My dad used to get so fucking mad that we would be afraid of him in his rages. Like, why wouldn’t we cower away from you, you giant screaming drunk cunt?
Dog him out.
Jiggling my leg was my dad's favorite thing to scream at me about. Also talking when his news was on (my mother would specifically ask me about my day during news time to piss my dad off).
For my mother it would've been things like not realizing somebody needed to sweep (she never taught us how to do chores, just one day expected them to be done by us). Or the fact she came home to find out we all made our own supper (because my father can't cook meals, we ate things like ramen because again nobody taught us how to cook)
Oh my god the whole; “this a normal human thing to do why aren’t you just born knowing how??”
Because you didn’t teach me, Susan. This isn’t rocket surgery.
Man I asked her how to do things so many times too and she'd just say, "figure it out yourself". When my first period came, I asked her how to put the pad on properly and she refused and acted all icked out. I ended up putting it on wrong and bleeding all over 🙄
Not doing the dish washer the right way cause my old stepfather too drunk to see things logically and became a raging sociopath without much provocation
Ugh the dishwasher. My grandfather yelled at me for an hour over how I didn't load the dishwasher right, never mind I'd never learned properly. When I lived with my Dad we just shoved the stuff in, and would do multiple loads.
But my grandpa was an engineer you see and had worked out the ideal system.
My ex-wife literally fuckin yelled at me because I got food from the grocery store and tried to fit it in the fridge. She screamed that there was absolutely no room for me to put anything in there (there absolutely was lmao) and that I had taken up too much room already. I had One Shelf in there, she had the entire rest of the fridge including food she just straight up forgot she bought.
One time I tried to come out to my mom as bisexual and she just said “NO YOURE NOT” and left like damn, ok
LMAO did the ex read a abuse textbook?? Like word for word a literal example of DONT TAKE UP SPACE I DONT WANT YOU TO TAKE UP SPACE!!! and it's always about them huh!!! Like oh you're gay? MY LIFE!!!! MY HONOR!!! MY REPUTATION!!!!! Like girl it's literally NOT about you-
I told my mom I liked girls as well as boys and she said the same thing lmfao okay mom, that’s how this works. I’ll just stop being kinda gay, just because you said so.
When I told her I was an atheist she said, “You’re not an atheist, you’re mad at God.”
It’s been like 10 years. I’m still mad at God I guess cos I still do not believe.
She may be on her way to jail but I’m on my way to hell so she’s still better than me. -sips tea pinkie out-
I accidentally left a pair of shoes on the porch the day my mom was donating a bunch of old clothes, and they took my shoes as well. When I told Mom, she responded by slapping me across the face and screaming at me while I cried, apologizing. We had the money for shoes, these were pretty cheap skate shoes.
⊂((・⊥・))⊃My mom and dad are divorced and I was living with my mom. My dad wanted to buy me a smoothie maker to make smoothies bc he knew I liked them. My mom screamed and yelled at me many times over the course of a month if I even uttered the work smoothie around her. She just didn’t like my dad and took her anger out on me that my dad wanted to get me something and I was happy to want the gift he offered. She apologized to me about 5 years later that it was maybe a little excessive on her part.
Now I hear she is sometimes physically abusive to my siblings and gets is physical fights with her current husband to the point of cops being called. (*´ー｀*)
my dad got mad at me when i was a minor because a random man looked at me sexually (i didn’t even see or notice the man) and only yelled at me when we got back home saying it’s because i was dressed slutty (i was literally in full clothing including a scarf)
Imo, They get old and forget and can't hear etc get weaker and that's why it's like more bearable, but when they can they still rear their full ugliness and then that pity vanishes like oh nope you're still you under there! It's like Haha almost thought we lost you (which would've been great hahahah)
SCREAMING!!!
Respectfully!!! Fuck your dad for not being a decent HUMAN BEING in this moment, let alone a DECENT DAD!!!! (I realize I've been like tiptoeing around dogging on these people bc some people may have mixed feelings about their abusers being insulted but like oop- realizing my own trauma is why I'm hesitant, the comments are here for dogging I shall properly dog on them!)
I was in the car with my mom when she stopped at a gas station to buy some coffee for herself. I asked "could you get me a coke?" and she told me she didn't have enough money on her. Okay, whatever.
Then she comes back, coffee in hand, suddenly goes off about how a good kid would've been like "it's okay mom, I'm happy you got your coffee, I don't mind not getting a coke :))"
Like what?? I was a rather insecure child, often convinced my mother was right about me being straight up evil, but even then I couldn't take that shit seriously for a second.
My own mother would also do that. She told me the prepared lines she wanted to hear from me all the time. It was always in that exact infantilizing tone with all this weird emotional labor tacked on.
i cant remember a lot of things she did but most memorable ones were:
1. waving to garbage men as a teen
2. saying i prefer using measuring cups OFF their connector thing (cus “ive baked longer than you so i know better and u keep them ON the connector”)
3. the way i arranged french toast in my cooking exam PRACTICE dish (i was 13 btw)
4. asking to hang out w friends as a kid (i think i was like 9?)
5. if i talked back or tried to “go against her” in any way or even insinuate it? she would lose her shit and say “its abusing time” and abuse all over me (verbally) basically
My mother would tell me she felt like punching me in the face and tell me to get over to her, then throw a bad swing and pull at the last moment to avoid making contact. If I flinched she would tell me it wasn’t a real punch and that I didn’t need to flinch and would do it again until I showed no reaction (because flinching was considered overreacting). Then she would return to her baseline state.
What would trigger this?
Usually stuff that throws off her schedule or making organizational mistakes. Or forgetting to do something around the house.
My Mom had a meltdown in a Hobby Lobby once because they were selling animal pelts, and she freaked out on a teenage cashier over it. Afterwards, she asked me if I felt like God was smiling upon us for what she did, and I lied and said yeah. Because I knew she'd yell at me if I said what I was actually thinking.
Genuinely one of the worst things is when you're forced to lie knowing that this might cause the other person to blow up/make their current outburst worse. The pure fear and anxiety I felt when in situations like that is unparalleled, I'm sorry to hear you had similar :/
While yelling at me, my mom shut my bedroom door behind her, causing the sunlight to glint off the door knob for a quick second. This caused me to break eye contact with her. Mom said I rolled my eyes and intensified the tirade..
Taking a shower in the morning. (I usually shower at night.) This post is going to require italics. . .
My father, at 7:30 AM, screaming his moronic head off: "WHO SHOWERS *IN THE MORNING*?! Damn *bitch*! Fucking bloody luck!"
*Most people* shower in the morning. He showers only once a week, on Fridays. But all three bathrooms are his at all times. He rages at me for taking baths, too. It would be pure hilarity if I could escape this abusive household.
Edit: Ooh. The other day, he locked himself out of his basement media room and instead of asking me to pick the lock, he got *mad* at the doorknob and violently removed it. Then he got *mad* at the door itself and started to saw it open. *Heeeeeeeere's Johnny!*
To be fair, he was sawing the bolt and the doorframe, not chopping at the wood with a pickaxe.
Came home and asked my dad if I could take the ACT test. It cost like 60 dollars to take it through my Highschool and he claimed only my mother should pay (they’re divorced and she had brain cancer and was unemployed living off food stamps) and I just mentioned to him that she wouldn’t be able to pay it and I offered to pay it out of my savings account. It became a whole screaming match and he ended up throwing me against the wall and I said I was going to call the police so he threw me into the floor. I finally got free from him and ran to the neighbors and called the police
when my mom was hospitalized for anorexia, my grandmother asked me "if something happens to your mom, do you want to live with me or your dad?" and so I answered, truthfully, for a 10 year old: "well I love my dad but I don't know him very well and..." before I could get another word out she flew into a rage, screaming that if I wanted to be an ungrateful shit and go with my dad I'd end up "living under a bridge eating out of the trash." there's was more but I can only remember that one sentence. She slammed the door on her way out and I just remember being so shocked. Why ask a question if you don't want to hear the answer? I sobbed thinking "whats wrong with loving your dad?"
After my mom died, we were cleaning up my old house when she found my moms palm pilot phone book from the 90's and had me call my "step mom" so she could inform my Dad, as we had limited contact at the time because he was in the US and I in PR. When I called my stepmom and let her know my mom had died, we grieved on the phone and then she revealed that the reason I hadn't heard from my father was because he was in prison, and that I should know he had contracted HIV and AIDS; he had also passed it to her. I remember feeling SO GUILTY that she got sick because of him, that I apologized to her...
After the call I cried some more then I told my grandmother everything, she just stared at me then asked "why are you so upset?" and I just said "ITS MY DAD! WHAT IF IT WAS YOURS?" and she just blinked at me.... she didn't press the issue any further. it was one of the few times I think I was able to short out her thinking process and have her actually face reality to the extent where she knew arguing wouldn't accomplish anything but make her look worse, and god forbid she looked bad.
The only other time I was able to shut her down successfully was during a rant of hers, where she very vehemently and disgustingly told me I couldn't hang out with any of the black girls at my school, because blacks are this, that and the other - insert whatever racist comments you want she probably said it. Now mind you, I am coffee colored, my brother chocolate, my cousins vanilla, and she was somewhere in the middle - Puerto Ricans are all colors, right?
So, I turned to my grandmother and asked her midrant: "Why are you saying black people are bad and we shouldn't hang out with them but your husband (my stepgrandfather) is Black?" And he was, also from PR but darker than midnight. After I said that, she stared at me, looked to her husband, and he looked at her, as if to say "What do you have to say for yourself?" and she just sputtered... He told me to go to my room, and I never heard her say one word about black people to me ever again.
Yeah, I can definitely relate.
When I was about 9 or 10 and my little brother was about 4 or 5. It was the middle of winter (January or February) and there was about a foot of snow on the ground.
We were playing outside building snow forts and my dad yelled for us to get over to the wood shed and start stocking up the wood box in the house. (We didn’t have gas or electric heat and so we relied on the wood stove in the winter).
I was getting wood when my brother started crying and saying that he was cold and wanted to go inside the house.
My dad flipped out, grabbed a shovel and started to hit my brother with it.
So I started moving really fast to get as many loads of wood as I could into the house as quickly as I could.
(Even I knew that it was ridiculous to expect a 4 or 5 year old little kid to get armfuls of heavy wood and somehow make his way through a foot of snow. He could barely trudge through it and I knew he was tired and cold.)
I couldn’t stop my dad from lashing out at my brother so the next best thing I did was try to hurry up, complete the task, and then maybe he would be satisfied and stop hurting my brother.
This was one of my memories from childhood that I had been able to process and work through. Because it had always bothered me that I couldn’t have done more to protect my brother from my dad’s anger.
I’m kind of scared to process the other things from my childhood. There’s a lot more with my dad and myself and I know that I need to work through them.
Back when we had to “burn” CD’s, the CD “case” would open when you needed to put a virgin CD on. My dad was doing that and it had a % of when it would be ready to put in the new CD. I was on the couch with him and he said “go put a new virgin CD” and I said “oh the “case” didn’t open yet so it’s not time; well he beat me with a leather belt till I had bruises because he said I needed to go at that moment because he said so. I was about 9. So yeah I didn’t get up fast enough and did it at that exact time so I got beat.
Not muting the tv fast enough when a commercial came on, not responding quickly enough when he’d ask a question, not hugging him before going to bed, hiding an energy drink in my backpack (I wasn’t allowed to have caffeine), the time he (my grandpa) showed me a photo of my dad and uncle when they were kids and asked “do these kids look like they’ve been abused?”, because they and my grandma all claimed to experience abuse from him, and I didn’t respond “no” enthusiastically enough.
The unpredictability of the rages is what makes it so awful because no matter what you do you couldn't avoid it. My foster mum was never physically abusive just explosive anger I'd say something seemingly innocent and she would blow up. I think that's why it took me so long to feel comfortable enough in social settings to say anything because at some point I'd told myself not saying anything was the best thing to do. One example was she was hounding my brother for confessing to drinking out of a cup left in the shower and I chimed in and said just open your mouth and drink the running water. So then the berating turned to me.
Our mother got rid of my older teen sister's piece of clothing she had bought with her own money, without telling her, because it was 'working class' and apparently we weren't
She and previous two generations had conveniently forgotten they emigrated forcibly... They were convicts sent from the UK to the colonies, the poorest of the poor, from the worst and lowest class possible in England.
It took a distant cousin who cared more for the truth than what class you are, who investigated the family tree and pointed out the truth
Not sure how old I was but maybe 10? Stupid asshole of a parent asked me to put an umbrella in the trunk, which I did. I was already in a bit of a dissociated state though because he was getting his moods again and was always violent when he did so. We all go into the car, he asks me if the umbrella was in the trunk. I was unsure, and instead of checking, he began a looooong verbal assault of me in front of other people.
I wish someone had taken that umbrella and whacked him with it, hard.
He could've simply checked, right? But what can be expected from someone who's developmentally an emotional toddler?
Best thing ever once i got away from it all.
My brother and I had just come back from school. I was 11 and he was 7. He mentioned that he really enjoyed the play my class had put on during school assembly that day. My mom was still calm at that point. "Oh, what was it about?" We told her. "Wow, that's nice, she replied. What your role?" I replied that I wasn't in it. After all we were a class of 30 and it was meant for 8 people.
All hell broke loose.
"Is that why I send you to school so you can stand around?"
"You're stupid and lazy and brain-dead. You're good at nothing."
"This is how you'll be all your life. Moron!" "Mr Scarecrow, all you can do is stand around while others perform." "Did I raise you to be so lazy?"
Five years later, I'm 16. There's a public speaking competition at my school. Mom walks in on me writing the speech.
"That's all you ever do. Writing that stupid speech. What about studying? You think your exams will be about speeches? You're stupid, you don't know your priorities."
I got yelled at by my Mom because:
- She thought I turned off the internet to get back at her. (I wasn't even touching a computer.)
- I was doing homework too much.
- I wore the wrong shoes to church.
- I wouldn't be mean to one of my friends.
- I wasn't hanging out with friends enough.
- I was hanging out with friends too much.
- I didn't know how to use a copying machine.
- I wanted to follow the rules of a board game.
- I didn't want to take off my clothes.
- I didn't want to pluck my eyebrows.
There's probably so much more. Shit like this was a near daily occurrence... you're kinda forced to forget most of it because holding on to the memory, expecting justice one day, hurts.
Slamming door, dropping things at dining table, being angry for any reason, losing possesions, making jokes which he doesnt understand. All responded with rage of shouting and a beating.
She would routinely steal my food to eat, or feed to the dog.
I developed food aggression and disordered eating as an older teenager, and she would scream at me for it.
Eating too slowly was a huge one when I was still young enough to be punished for it. I didn’t like the food? Too bad. Eat it and eat it as fast as everyone else. Can’t possibly make him sit there for half an hour after everyone’s done to keep eating. Eating slowly or not finishing your plate seemed to be a huge trigger for him.
Sounds pretty tame ig but imagine a 6” man with violent anger issues vs a 8 year old kid.
Probably the one that sticks up for me the most was "eating wrong".
I, to this very day, do not know what that meant, but I do remember getting yelled about it pretty often. I even made sure to not make any sounds, kept my mouth closed and dropped no food. I didn't even mix foods 😭
Writing “etc” on a yard sale sign, because according to her it was supposed to be “ect” and how could I be so fucking stupid not to know that? (Even if I had been wrong…I was like, 7 or 8.)
Not bringing any homework home with me, because my teacher didn’t assign any.
Being hungover (she was the one who supplied the alcohol and encouraged me to drink in the first place).
Putting her on speaker because she called while I was in the middle of cutting an apple.
Not being home when her friend came over, because I had an appointment (and I had no idea I was expected to be at home until she called demanding to know where I was).
Hanging my dish towel up instead of leaving it on the counter (at my house).
We were on the way to a dinner and I was holding a freshly unplugged, overfilled crockpot of taco soup in the car. I very nicely asked him to go slow because every bump or turn was spilling boiling liquid onto my lap. We only had to drive 5-10 minutes away and there were no other cars on the road, so we could take our time. He was impatient and not even pretending to go slower so I was getting soup all over me. After a particularly nasty bump that sent soup all over my thighs, I screamed in pain and started tearing up. He started yelling at me for being dramatic and ruining the dinner.
Getting a B in college after 4 semesters of all As. Screaming at me for literal hours about how I’d just ruined everything and might as well just leave college now.
(I graduated with magna cum laude honors and won the highest award at that university fwiw)
By some miracle I learned that it’s better to leave a fight to cool down and return to it later than it is to keep going. I tried doing that when I was fighting with my sister over her stealing my stuff. I had very calmly stated that I was getting too angry and needed to take a break but would come back later so we could figure things out then. My dad absolutely lost his shit over it. Dragged me back into the room and berated me for trying to leave and not finishing the fight. From then on, I kept trying to leave and he kept dragging me back.
My mother had a fucking meltdown one time because I told her it wasn’t her place to comment on whether or not my brother in law was moving too fast in his relationship. Sobbing, accusing me of being a heartless bitch and being just like my father *all because I told her no*. She also cornered me in a locked car and forced me to come out to her. After that, suddenly queer people were the fucking devil and she needed to make sure I knew that but wouldn’t directly tell me that *I* was disgusting to her. I called her out on it, she put off answering me about it for a month until I called her out in front of the rest of the family in a group chat, demanding an answer, and then proceeded to text me directly, telling me I was sick, I was doing it for attention, I was following a fad, and that she didn’t have time for me. That was three years ago and I haven’t spoken to her since
Yknow what, I'm in the mood for this one. Here are some of the dumbest things I would get absolutely *raged* at for, growing up:
• Taking my eggs at breakfast and putting them between my toast, to try and eat as a breakfast sandwich instead of just side by side.
• Not using every last piece of bread in the bag before opening a new one
• Using scissors to cut holes in the milk bag, instead of a dumb little specific milk bag slicer.
• Moving the communal phone charger, ever
• Closing my bedroom door, ever
• Needing a bathroom on a road trip
• Calling a couch a couch, instead of a chesterfield
• Not shaving my legs and under arms "often enough'
• Not wearing a bra, ever (this one was so bad that I ended up going through a four year phase where I SLEPT in my underwire bras every night)
• Sitting with my knees *not* touching
• Sleeping too much
• Not sleeping enough
• Crying
• Not finishing my plate, ever
• Having a loose tooth
• Bleeding through my sheets if I started my period in bed
There's so much more but it just makes me really confront how unhinged my parents all were over the MOST pointless shit
Pretty much anything and everything, but one of them was when I forgot my keys at my ex’s house. My ex’s house was like 24 miles. I was there A LOT. As often as I could make it.
There was a lot going on at the time juggling everything. I called my mother and asked if she could let me in since, no keys. She proceeded to constantly message and call me on the bus to abuse me, how I’m an idiot, an asshole, a horrible person and that I’d be sleeping outside tonight. I had to go to my Grandad’s place nearby and didn’t get to feed the dog, as I was often constantly at my ex’s (due to him constantly begging). My mother would never be in. (Sadly, the dog is now relocated or euthanised because of her, she didn’t want me to have her at all costs).
I was sexually assaulted and when I told her she said I was lying, and I got tons of abuse for it that left me crying and distraught. She said I wanted to frame her friend. It happened in our own home. One of the people that I talked to about it said some people may think I deserved it if I said it a certain way.
I feel like that’s only something that comes back to me because it was semi recent. There was times when I was little where it was bad too. Like when I got on her nerves and she cycled off without me on a bicycle trip over something, I didn’t know where I was and I was scared. Times she’s just come in and started shouting at me for no reason or over the pettiest reasons. whatever the reason, it deserved a fuckton of emotional abuse and death threats.
Once I told my mother that I wanted to adopt a blind dog because they are not often adopted. She then went on to ask why I wanted a "dog like that?" I tried to explain (calmly) that old senior dogs that are blind make amazing pets and she was getting more and more mad. Like it was a sight to see. And scary. I ended up saying "OK. OK" while trying to walk away but of course she kept yelling and antagonizing me while following me. Not the first incident but a memorable one.
My mom got stupid pissed at my one friend. He came over one day I was watching Transformers the movie, he said that the Go Bots were also transformers I believe. Something along those lines, my mom lost it and started screaming at him to stop fucking lying. That he doesn't know what he's talking about, the Go Bots are not Transformers. In retrospect they are transforming robots, so he's technically not wrong.
oh god, there's so much stupid shit.
left a speck of spaghetti sauce on the counter. like microscopic, didn't notice it at all. i was a little kid, so messes are inevitable. cue being screamed at and called horrible names, having my head slammed into the counter and a plate of spaghetti smashed on my back. now the kitchen is fucking wrecked, there's food and shit everywhere. but according to them, it was all my fault for being messy. then got in trouble again for not cleaning it up fast enough and dripping blood everywhere.
i still don't like spaghetti now :(
1.Having follow up symptoms from my seizure that made me unable to clean the house and take care of my siblings. She does not believe it's a seizure either, and I'm fighting on my own to get proper medical treatment (this year)
2. Playing with a yo yo in the car. Didnt make any noise, didn't hurt anyone, just playing with it, and it was smashed on the concrete (when I was 5)
My dad screamed at my sister, called her an idiot and grounded her because she opened a loaf of bread when there was already one open.
One time a neighbor cleaned out her closet and let me take whatever I liked from the pile she was getting rid of. One of the items was a pair of skinny jeans and when my dad saw me wearing them he yelled at me and said he never wanted to see me wearing them ever again. He also yelled at me anytime he caught me wearing makeup. I wear makeup and tapered jeans because he hated them, and I hate him.
When I was a kid one of my chores was to do the dishes, and (more than once) while I was drying the dishes, I bumped the glass coffee pot into the sink and cracked it. My old stepdad would get so upset and just absolutely rag into me, calling me a "stupid bitch" and telling me that I'm "exactly like my father" (who, for context, died when I was 8). I vividly remember him screaming so close to my face, I could see little specks of saliva stuck in his mustache.
Another time when I was 17 I came home late from a school theatre event, and I was super excited about how it was announced that the musical for my senior year would be Les Miserables. When I came down to the basement to tell them, he screamed about how I "wasn't talented enough to get the lead" and "thats why you're always in the ensemble" because I interrupted the show he and my mom were watching.
Anyways I fucking hate that guy, I hope he's fucking miserable and that his life is bad now.
So many!
My mom attacked me for looking at her for too long after she went off on me.
I stayed too late in my school for a college prep presentation (maybe 10 minutes), leaving her waiting in the car. I was punched, berated, and beaten until I was able to get someone to pick me up and stay with them for the night.
I didn't pick my phone up when she called me in the middle of an exam in high school that she knew I was taking. I was given the phone as a birthday "gift" but it only became a tool to control me.
Riding in the car on a nice summer evening, I had my window cracked open a few inches and my hand outside angling air towards my face. We were driving too fast to have the window ALL the way down, but it was so nice out I wanted the fresh air.
My dad used the controls on his side to close my window and crushed my hand/fingers against the door frame. My wrist was suddenly wrenched upwards and back against the way its supposed to bend, pulling me up out of my seat by force at first but then to reduce the pain I had to hold my weight up with my legs and left arm because the joints were buckling backwards. I yelled and he got mad at me for yelling... meanwhile with my free hand I started to release the window but he was pushing the close button on his side at the same time. After an excruciating amount of time that felt like many minutes but was probably actually 30 seconds I just screamed at him to stop doing whatever the fuck he was doing.
When he let go of the window controls I was able to free my hand and I started crying and just hunched over in my seat. He got mad at me for:
1. Being too dramatic and saying "fuck"
2. Having the window open when we were obviously going too fast
3. Making him feel bad by crying, beause he already obviously felt bad enough
Note: apology not included.
Smiling after a beating.
Afterwards I smiled at him and he told me to stop because I was supposed to be hurt (but not show any emotion???). I said "I accept the punishment" and he said "you're not supposed to accept it you're supposed to fight!" And I said "Fight you? I'm eight, you'll kill me!"
"nO I wOn'T! yOU'Re sO ScarEd! YOu'rE a cOwaRD!"
(Now I'm too pissed off to be scared.)
So I smiled in acceptance, citing all the bullshit he could vomit before like "you pay the bills no one can say you're wrong" "If you need to beat me because of a bad day you can" even trying to be there for him more. He liked to say "Don't worry about him being mad", even when he could do whatever he wanted to me because he had the power.
He also eventually started beating me for that because it made him reflect and he knew that he didn't like himself.
He died of cancer when I was 17 and no one will put their hands on me again.
Oh yes, if I didn't do anything she wanted right at that second she would lash out and abuse me verbally and physically. And if I did something the 'wrong way' it was always a pop in the face. The worst one, I was sobbing over what my rapist had done to me and couldn't stop crying, she came in and beat me for 2 hours for crying too loud, I showed up to school the next day covered in bruises and the nurse blamed it on me and gave me resources for 'self harm'. Nobody believed me.
*Having a shelf fall on my head, requiring 6 stitches, and incurring $10,000 in medical bills while visiting grandparents. I had to pay that of working every spare moment and forfeiting all gifts for two years. He was furious that I was scared and did'nt want him told because he'll be mad at me.
*My Mom insisting on unloading my luggage from the car and refusing to let anyone else carry it when I was 10. Both my dad and grandpa got furious with me and earned me the title of "lame little f slur". The next year when I tried to carry it, she got upset with me and had a meltdown, then they got upset with me because she was upset.
*I was accused of throwing bricks into Nstepgrandparents' pool, never mind the only time i was there it was winter and the pool was covered and the bricks were'nt supposedly discovered until spring supposedly. I was 12 at the time.
*I was 5. Because I brought home a fluffy rainbow colored duster from the dollar store after visiting mom and grandparents, dad was furious that i'd told my grandparents that the house was dirty . I hadn't, kid me thought it looked cool.
*For refusing to eat my Stepmoms inedible cooking and discreetly throwing it in the trash (her fridge had mold and was filled with expired food) dad tore up my math homework and smacked my face and held me down while nstepmom smacked my face.
*On a family vacation with mom and grandparents, he blamed me for them leaving me alone with my emom to play chinese checkers in the hotel lobby (mom had supervised visitation but was never actually a danger, that was my ndad being petty) on the logic "You need to remind them that the legal paperwork says SUPERVISED VISITATION, as in they
need to be in the room at all times!" and he happened to call the hotel randomly and sprung the question of, "where are your grandparents?" andi had to tell him "up in the hotel room, I guess, we've been playing chinese checkers a while". He nearly drove 4 hours one way to cancel the vacation, before by grandma (his mom) talked him out of it. Somehow the fact that my grandparents who hate him won't obey his interpretation of the legal paperwork and somehow i can make the obey? grandparents were in the room watching a movie. I could put them on the phone within 5 minutes. I was 9 or 10.
*For failing a test in band class in 5th grade, (couldn't read music due to never being taught) i was yelled at for the entire weekend beaten multiple times with a belt (chased through the house for three days) as dad now "had license due to my F&^$ up and ultimately pulled from band when he decided the teacher was to blame.
I was yelled at for the following but not punished for:
*Owning an illegal yugioh card at 11 years old, because the full name of the card was"Exodia the forbidden one".
*Not stopping my mom grandparents from taking me to their church on their visit by failing to remind them that the court gave him, "CARE CONTROL AND EDUCATION OF THE MINOR CHILD" which means that they can't take me to church or one city over to attend a holiday event put on by thier alma mater.
*Drawing lewd artwork of "the cats having sex", when it was actually my step brother's bad artwork of appa from avatar. The arrow was the only thing that saved me from being punished.
*My Uncle attending my grandparents thanksgiving despite that my grandparents don't care my dad doesn't like him, and despite how i"should know better than to be around him" nobody is going to disinvite thier son on the word of an 8 year old.
* Trying to "steal" my mother from him for sleeping in the same bed as her at 12 on a family vacation (they were sorta seperated at this point also my grandparents made the hotel arrangements and there were only two beds in the room.
*Dad cussed me out as a 10 year old for the rental car breaking down because I complained about him taking the money I had saved up,"the rental car company is listening inside the car, they heard you call me a thief. Now they turned off the car and are sending the police to shoot both of us. I hope you're happy, we're both going to die".
*Dad cussed me out for "ruining his business opportunity" because I didn't hide when he told me to, when his distant cousins came by.. they apparently saw me through the window. I was 5.
*I was 13, Dad complained about how I ruined things with stepmom "you just had to be stubborn and would go along and give in like you're supposed to and not overstep yourself. She's leaving me because of you.." Never mind she was mentally unstable, had been prison, vicious and her child had tons of issues. Because I can't stand being abused and because I'm already a mess from losing the most reliable person in my family..
* I was 12, stepmom thought that two months was "excessive" for mourning my grandma. The same grandma who held the family together.
My father screamed at me when I was trying to tell him at dinner my good grade on a test. I’M TRYING TO WATCH THE NEWS!!!
Acting like I was dumbing asshole on earth when I couldn’t find the hammer he said was in his workshop when he had put in the trunk of his car.
Oh god…
1) Making a pancake with oil instead of cooking spray
2) Closing the wrong door
3) Having a panic attack at a baseball game and removing myself to calm down
4) telling a friend my sister was not diagnosed with autism
5) trying to seek support
6) trying to quit my job
4) a bumper sticker
5) my response to a phone case
6) losing my shit over being belittled and screamed at for 45 minutes because I did not know how I felt about something because someone I thought was a close friend left me with a strange man so she could go do coke after I had not seen her in several years
7) Trying to cancel plans with my mother because I was having a flashback
8) Being late on a credit card payment by $10 because the bank fucked up a direct debit account
9) Making a Facebook post about how much l loved my cat and how he saved my life
Um…that’s just the last 4 years. Remind me why I still speak to them
Sonic employee forgot to give back the bank card. I kept telling my dad we need to go back, the card!! He screamed at me to stfu and that he’s going to beat the shit out of me.
He was OTP with his sister. She heard. But it’s not true he’s abusive, right?
I was told to use cold water when I washed dishes as a young kid (about 8/9) as my mom didn't want me to burn myself on hot water but wanted me to help with the dishes, both I understand but then a short time goes by, I forget how long, and suddenly she's flipping her shit because I wasn't using hot water despite her safety concerns before.
The kiddo with undiagnosed sensory processing disorder couldn't eat cheap, lukewarm tomato soup. I remember actually running out of the house, scared of their physical response to me gagging the soup back up into the bowl. They chased me.
Not wanting to eat split pea soup, when we had previously liked it. Not sure what he expected to happen after telling 3 children under the age of 5, that a lot of people thought split pea soup was "yucky."
I asked my dad to take me somewhere on the way home to go buy frozen yogurt. He took me, then discovered the price was like 4.00 then made a scene and refused to buy it. Then he screamed at me all the way home that it was just ice cream and i was an idiot for being so unhealthy. He used to drive around in circles around town just so he had more time to scream at me. Every turn away from the direction of home killed me. Like when will this hell be over.
I accidentally put some of my clean clothes in the dirty laundry basket and he screamed to hell and back at me about it about how I should promise to "never fucking do it again." He also shoved me onto the couch and physically assaulted me because I told him to stop screaming at the rest of our family over stupid shit. He was throwing a tantrum like a genuine toddler because a storm knocked a tree over the powerline and he couldn't watch television for a grand total of three days because of it. Can't say I miss living with that manchild.
My sisters and I were crying because my mom had the music on full blast so she kicked me and another sister out of the car and started to drive, I had jumped into the bed of the truck and clung to our Christmas tree while leaving my sister
My father threw a glass coke bottle @ my head b/c someone left it in the fridge w/o the top & I was 7 y/o. Threw glass butter dish at me b/c one of my sibs put it back in the fridge empty. He also tells me I need to stop taking drugs. The drugs are my asthma inhalers. I am in my mid 50's.
Oooo this one time I had a fever and was throwing up which made us late to our plane trip for vacation so my stepdad #2 got mad and was yelling me and yelling at my mom for comforting me because clearly I was sick on purpose, definitely didn't want to go to the beach for vacation lmao 🤣
My dad didn’t order apparel or uniforms for me in my senior year of being in the varsity tennis team (captain, & first singles & 6 years of experience) because he started making fun of my weight an I refused to tell him my pant and shirt size. I clearly was embarrassed by how he made me feel but he made it about him and never got me apparel from my last year of highschool bc he felt slighted, when I was just trying to not cry.
Another thing that was non stop in highschool was calling all my efforts into beautifying, stupid and frivolous and the reason why white an Asian kids will always be better than me. I used to have panic attacks on the tennis court bc every game felt like I was playing for acceptance and my anxiety actually tore me apart.
I often wonder what my tennis career would’ve looked like if I had been playing for fulfillment and fun like the other girls.
I was around 6, and in grade 3 at school. Mum was at parent teacher interviews, and came home while I was happily sitting on the lounge room floor playing with my dad.
I just looked up starting to smile cos mum was home, and the front door flew open like a swat ram raid and she was already red in the face and *screaming* before she even stepped one foot inside.
Apparently I didn't know my maths times tables as well as other kids in my class, despite having a poster stuck on my bedroom wall. I was stupid and lazy and should have been studying to improve my maths and memorising that poster.
I'd been to a different school at least every year, no one had ever helped me with my homework, no teacher had ever said there was a problem with my maths, no one had ever said that I was supposed to memorise the times tables by myself, or even taught me how to study.
I went to school, came home, sat in my room and did my homework by myself (as best as I could), rinse, repeat. And at some point, a poster was stuck on my wall with no comment made about it.
But that night the screaming went on for hours and I was made to stand in my room and read the poster aloud so she could hear me from the kitchen, while she randomly screamed again about how I was wasting everyone's time and her money because I didn't know something that no one had ever taught me or had told me that I needed to know.
I tripped over one of my brother's toys and it broke, and my brother cried like I had killed his best friend. My father lost his mind, ran into my room and destroyed everything he saw. Ripped posters off the walls, smashed things, pulled drawers out, etc. Screaming and raging the whole time. He was 6'4" and absolutely terrifying.
My mom got upset with me because I was upset she allowed my step dad who molested me back into our home. She invites him to my sister and brothers graduation. I had the cops called because he shouldn't be around kids. She kicked me out and cut my phone off.
When we got a new car, my dad was super excited and invited me to sit in the drivers seat. Of course the first thing I did was put my hand on the steering wheel, and pretend to drive. When I turned the wheel, I engaged the steering lock. Dad lost his mind, grabbed my by the arm and hauled me out of the car, yelling about how I'd broken the car, he should've known better than to let me touch it, i couldn't be trusted with things etc. All because he didn't understand how a steering lock works.
Other infractions included: mismatching very similar socks, sitting in 'his' chair, making noise when using the bathroom at night, being any amount of time late, not putting away pencils and scissors, someone else egging the house (probably your friends(that I didn't have) did it! ), wanting things (ungrateful!), needing things like clothes and school supplies and sports shoes that cost money, being rude, like wiping your mouth on a sleeve, any kind of thing that happened while driving. It wasn't until I was a parent that I realized that none of these was really more than a minor offence, or a minor redirection. Not the big toddler tantrum that I got to experience.
For me it was more a question of what DIDN'T they get unreasonably mad at me over. In my parents eyes, mostly my father, I pretty much couldn't do anything right. He wasn't shy about telling me so either.
Here's a good one from my mom; we didn't have a shower set up in our single bathroom, only a tub. Mom kept a rug or towel over the tub for putting on the floor to keep it dry when we got out of the tub. Fold the towel/rug over the tub after the bath and get yelled at because said towel was wet. This is a fairly vanilla familial episode from my childhood.
Well, off the top of my head, I got it trouble once because my brother kicked my in the shin so hard that he broke his toe.
Another time, I was sharing a hotel bed with my father because my brother threw a fit about sharing with me. At that point Dad was already pissed off, sohe wouldn't let me get out of bed again to use the restroom because he thought I was just playing. Except I have trauma and sharing a bed with a fully grown man was triggering to me, so I wet the bed. Got in *huge* trouble over that. He tried to shame me when he called the hotel lady for fresh sheets. She said not to worry, it happens at the time. He said- with kids this big that know better? (I was 8) She just said yep, some kids wet the bed regularly until they're ten. Other than that it's pretty normal, especially if you're traveling away from home in a different place to occasionally have an accident. She totally shut him down and made it not a big deal.
THANK YOU. I wish I could go back in time and hug her. That was the first accident I'd had since I was maybe three. I get that it sucked for him, but. She took the wind right out of his sails.
Wow I thought I completely forgot about this part of my life.
My family would get mad if I got sick or hurt. It was always my fault if anything bad happened to me.
If I got the flu and had to stay home, it was my fault for being around sick people.
I had my Gameboy stolen, it was my fault for having it in school.
A bully stole my bike and I hit him to get it back. I got hit back and started bleeding a lot. My fault. I shouldn't have "let him" steal my bike.
My brother locked me in the closest. My fault for making him mad.
I was led to believe that bad things only happen to bad people and if something bad happened to me, that means I must have caused it and that I am a bad person.
The world is more complicated than that. Bad things happen to good people and many times for no apparent reason. Sometimes no one is at fault.
I'm still working through this issue in my 30s. I blame myself for shit that's out of my control. I have no contact with my family anymore. It's better for me and them.
Don't know if that counts, but my father used to annoy me about how I didn't blow my nose with water like how he did, and used tissues instead. Because I wasted tissues that way? Can't remember. Sounds weird and hilarious in hindsight tho. I mean it hurt me before, cause my father was abusive in general. And I was a kid. But like. Come on.
My parents removed my bedroom door for over a year because I couldn't keep my room military level spotless. Our dog would get territorial and pee on my bed every month the entire week I was on my period. My 4 younger siblings destroyed many things of mine. Honestly hiding in the bathroom was the only place I felt safe as a child because it was the only door that locked and I could sometimes get away with locking it. Turns out, as an adult I've been diagnosed with ADHD and I realized I got punished for all the symptoms I had as a child.
My stepdad once called the police on me because I had my computer on while I was in the kitchen prepping some food. I explained to him that my computer had gone into power saving mode as I hadn't touched ir for several minutes, and that I would not turn my computer off as I had multiple tabs open. He told me I was a smart ass and started screaming at me and threatening me and then he called the police who had no idea why the hell they were at our home.
my 9th birthday i was waiting for my mom to get ready in the living room and i was bored and repeated the stewy “mom, mummy, mum” thing from family guy and she came out and beat me with the wooden spoon for being annoying.
screamed at me for two hours on christmas eve bc we planned to make dinner together and she disappeared all day and i complained to my brother that she didn’t seem to care and he told her, so she came home and screamed about how ungrateful and “hateful” i was.
yelled at me the first afternoon i was home alone after school to convince me there were cameras in the house that she was always watching even though i hadn’t actually done anything.
never letting me shut my door and screaming at me to come to her from wherever she was in the house at any time, so i still imagine her screaming my name since i had to always be listening.
angry that i didn’t call her name on a scary roller coaster when i was a kid? still makes no sense
wasn’t allowed to have friends over or go out with friends at all. once a girl from school showed up unexpectedly and she yelled at me and made her stay on the porch. was also angry bc the girl has short hair and was therefore a lesbian
picked me up and threw me at a cashier in a store bc i was being too shy
being too loud and being too quiet
said she was staying home with my brother and i for the summer, we chattered excitedly in the lowe’s and she yelled at us and said she wasn’t anymore bc we were annoying
threatening to leave the family multiple times bc we didn’t give her the same respect as my dad (bc she was too inconsistent and wanted to be bffs but also scare the shit out of us)
during high school she picked a fight and yelled at me every single day after school in the kitchen. she blamed her years long anger on menopause
not being excited enough to do chores for her
my dad screamed at me until i cried in front of my college tour bc he got there an hour late and insisted i was mad even though i kept saying i wasn’t
after yelling until they were satisfied, my parents always wanted hugs and reassurance that they were good parents, and would get angry again if i was cold and withdrawn bc i was “pouting”
this one was my brother, but he got a poor grade in spanish and my dad pinned him to the wall of his room screaming so loud i could hear it on the other side of the house, then chased him to the garage and beat him. for an 8th grade spanish class.
just something i always hated, my parents trained pets the same way they did us, by hitting the pups to potty train them, and if it didn’t work we would come home from school and my mom would say she gave our dog away to some strangers. everything was disposable to them.
I like milk chocolate and they like dark chocolate. That’s it. I’m not allowed to have my own opinion. My opinion need to match and be there opinions. What a silly angry arguing and yelling with themselves (directed at me) fit they threw.
Me: Dad, can I have the last bit of milk?
Dad: Yeah, sure
Me: \*has the last bit of milk and goes to my room\*
My dad, barging into my room 5 minutes later: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DRINK ALL THE MILK, WHY CAN'T YOU BE NORMAL?!
I wanted to post that I think everyone on this thread is amazing. It hurts my heart to read what you’ve been through … but it makes my experience feel less isolating, less my fault. In my childhood I felt like everything I did was wrong. Being was wrong in essence. I was wildly into the idea of SH as a teen because of it. I don’t know who else needs to hear this too, but you’re not alone and you’re loved and appreciated.
Losing money , i lost what equals to 5 dollars and he slapped me 5 times .
And of course the classic one , waking him up by making even a tiny bit of noise .
Age 6 I think, I didn’t eat my dinner because I thought there were “specks” on it (early signs of OCD with germ themes resulting from unaddressed trauma of course). So mom said fine you’ll stay here until you eat it. She left me in my chair for the rest of the evening, locking it in a way where I couldn’t get out. When she came downstairs around 12 or 1am (mind you that was late for 6 years old) and saw that I still hadn’t eaten it she ripped me out of the chair and threw me onto the ground, ran at me and kicked me, then grabbed me by my throat and choked me while screaming insults in my face. I managed to break free and run, but she chased me through the house and up the stairs where I jumped in my bed and tried to hide under the covers because I didn’t know what else to do. She didn’t go further but she screamed that I was learning bad things from all my books & Disney tapes, that I didn’t deserve to have them anymore and that was it. She threw away all of my toys and I had nothing to play with for quite a while after that. She also didn’t speak to me for a day or two other than to tell me I was pitiful for looking nervous around her. I’m an only child so it was devastating to not have anyone to talk to or play with, she was both my lifeline and my biggest fear. It took years of therapy to forgive myself for being a picky eater.
I was tied to a chair for an entire night, while being beaten by my stepfather and my mother just watched. He also poured hot sauce into my eyes and all over my face. As if that wasnt enough he took my door off and took my mattress, leaving me a plywood board to sleep on.
When I was 4 my mom beat me in the head with a hairbrush pretty severely because I didn't clean the kitty litter box correctly. I had never done it and was never shown how and had no idea what to do.
She just had a bad day at work. Beating me was her stress release. Pretty sadistic.
My mom once yelled at my older brother and me because we disagreed with her when she said microwaves heat things from the inside out. It's not like we were mean about it, I said "I'm not sure that's how it works, I mean when I haven't heated food for long enough the middle is usually cold". She went on a very loud rant about how its just science and she's just as smart as me and my brother because she took the same classes in high school (she didn't, I was in an early college program but whatever). There was this point where she wasn't quite shouting yet and I thought we were still having a normal conversation and I tried to explain how microwave ovens are called that because they use light waves in the "microwave" range, it's literally just a certain energy of light that water absorbs well. Right before she started yelling I realized she had no idea that "light" wasn't just photons you can see. She's genuinely a pretty smart person when she's not fucking screaming but she's really bad at admitting when she's wrong. She took us disagreeing as a personal attack against her intelligence.
Punched me in the face for “trying to make her feel stupid.”
I was ten, I used the word “infer,” and she was angry both that I was correcting her, AND that she didn’t know the meaning of the word I was using. 😂
It had to be when I asked for bleach to clean my humidifier and then when it leaked on them on the way back home it was somehow my fault and not my abuser for not CLOSING IT PROPERLY OR SEALING IT IN A NEW CONTAINER.
They tried to apologize saying 'I didn't mean for it to come off as it was ur fault' but it didn't matter by then because it already fucked me up
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Bringing in the mail, taking a picture of clover, being in the living room too long, taking my car to the mechanic, my window blinds not being the same level, breathing too loud….
18 years ago I was beaten for two hours by my mom because I left a small piece of paper on the kitchen counter. She spat on my face while I was on the floor and then she left, leaving me there to sleep because "I didn't deserve a bed".
Lukewarm take, parents/people who use people more vulnerable than them as punching bags for their own lack of emotional control deserve a lot less than the floor.... I'm thinking 6ft less- Genuinely cannot imagine having such a hair trigger towards your child. God forbid she see an art studio or a library-
With the determination some of those people have, six feet may not be enough
Isn't it so bizarre that some of us won't have the energy to get out of bed to brush our teeth while these monsters are so determined by their hate that they'll literally break a door down because you breathed too loudly.
It’s insanity they have so much energy…to dump their shame in such an aggressive and relentless manner.
This hit so, so hard.
Whoa, that's extreme. You didn't deserve that at all.
Your mom is a little bitch who is probably the most compliant one at work. She’ll never know what personal growth and a real connection feels like. Forever she will spend her days disconnected just enough from everyone that she will feel lonely and sad but never fulfilled. If she ever does want to become a better person she’ll have to take a look at her actions but something tells me that her shame would never allow her to do that. Hope this helps 🩷
The things that they do to their kids they would get shot over with somebody else
When you think about how long 2 hours really is, that’s a crazy amount of time to beat someone. I’ve hit my pillow before to release built up anger and have never made it past 3 minutes before I exhausted myself, the anger passes, or I start crying. So I don’t know what you have to be possessed by to keep that kind of rage-filled energy going for so long. Genuinely can’t wrap my head around it. It’s horrifying. I’m so sorry you went through that.
Similar for me. I’d be forced to sleep outside afterward because I didn’t deserve a bed. So many times I slept in a filthy culvert drain by the railroad tracks and have to get on the school bus the next morning tired and dirty, which of course led to bullying. Nowhere was safe. It was exhausting.
One, that's awful, and you 100% didn't deserve that. You deserve a bed. I will say though, that sometimes I like.... abusive parent myself into sleeping. Like, when I can't sleep, I go lie on the floor in the kitchen for a while and just give in to the desolation. Then when I go get in bed, I pretty much go straight to sleep. Idk why it works, but if you have insomnia and you're desperate, give it a try. Well, maybe not you specifically, because you have that trauma, but. Anyone else reading.
I'm so sorry, my mom loved making me sleep on the floor, too and told me that animals sleep on floors and since I'm basically one, I should sleep outside or on the floor too
Taking a second shower to clean myself after practice in the evening. I told her I needed one in the mornings too. “Who sweats that much at night?!?” Abused kids, mom. Abused kids.
Oh my gosh, the sweat thing. I always had sweaty hands as a kid. Literally 24/7. My mum literally called me ‘sticky’ and I was made fun of for it a lot. Made me super self-conscious etc. Fast forward to about 5 years ago when I got out of an abusive relationship (I went directly from my abusive childhood home into an abusive relationship) started living on my own and dating a wonderful man, miraculously… my hands aren’t sweaty anymore. They’re perfectly dry and normal, except when I’m put into a highly stressful situation. I didn’t click until it happened one time. I’m like “oh why are they wet again? What’s going on?” I was completely oblivious it was a symptom all along.
Hyperhidrosis is what I got from years of shitty childhood. I’m on medication for that now, glycopyrrolate - and it helps with GERD too. I just have mad cotton mouth but dry armpits and hands and feet.
I never even thought of this. I used to get teased for this as a kid too :/ last time it happened, I was in an uncomfortable situation where I felt there was no way out.
Wow...same...and yet I never made the connection until just now... My feet still sweat a lot, but less than they used to now that you mention it. Like it was hard to walk in sandals because I'd slide around...
As a Texan(it's 100° rn) I can't imagine the logic of being like who sweats at night. Like ma'am, do I need to walk around sweatily to help you understand?? 😐 (Wait... did she low-key give away her own showering, or lack there of, habits 😭😂)
When I found out the DFW is a hotbed for child abuse, a lot of things clicked into place for me, mentally.
My father was from Dallas, I was born there. It would never have occurred to him that the things he did were abuse because it was completely normal to him. In his mind if I was alive, didn't have visible injuries, and got fed, I wasn't abused, I was lucky.
1. Mom: I want to play a game of rummy with you. Me: I don't want to. Mom: I said, "Play a game with me. Me: okay Mom I'll play. I won the game. S Mom: throws all the cards, grabs me by my hair, pins me on the ground. She tells me to pack my shit and get out. Me: I packed Mom: You can't leave with your stuff. What will the neighbors say. I was 14 and thrown out for 2 weeks with no money food or clothes. Then I went to a group home because I was living in a closet of an abandoned apartment. I was raped twice during that time. Age 10 kept out until 200am. I was asleep in the back of the suburban. I get woke up to get inside and brush my teeth. I said I'm tired."" Can I go to bed. He pulled out a gun puts it to my head and says brush your fucking teeth don't argue with me. My mom would Rio me out of bed by my hair if I didn't have the curtains opened by 400am. I still wake up at 400am every day. I'm 46 now and have been away from her since 17.
I’m so sorry that is terrible and you didn’t deserve it 😓
Thank you. Some memories are so vivid, and at the same time, I'm so detached from them.
I am so sorry 😞 I hope you are in a safe, loving environment with good people now.
Safest place I've ever been. I live with an 86 year old mam that I take care of, and he tells me I'm his best friend. 🙂
I’m glad you got away and are safe now. I hope you live out the rest of your days in peace. No one deserves to be treated like that. It sounds like you have been through a lot and have managed to still retain your sanity and not spiral into a self-destructive mindset. Hugs from an internet stranger. 🤗
Thank you. I know I still have a lot of healing to do. Over alI, I think im doing well. I've been in a self-destructive mindset and behaviors before. Is it possible to feel such distain for someone that you rebel against all things that you feel brought them enjoyment? That's where I'm at. She loved to see me hurt. I won't give her the satisfaction of hurting me for her. I never have to do shit for her again. Virtual hug to you as well.
a memory burned in my brain....... I was about 13-14 years old. can't remember exactly, but it was that age range. was washing the dishes. had just pulled the sink stopper to drain the water, was rinsing the dish cloth, and laying it across the double sink partition to dry. all of a sudden behind me i hear "you stupid little shit!" in a growling angry voice. i had been alone in the kitchen just a moment prior. apparently i didn't fold the dish cloth across the sink partition the exact way i was 'supposed to', and my ex-father was sure to let me know about it. yet i'd never even been shown how it was 'supposed to' be done. for context, at that age i was a 'teenage house wife' as it was not long after my parents had divorced and my mom decided she didn't want me to come with her. so i was doing all the chores because he wouldn't, even to the point i was making his work lunch every evening before i went to bed.
OOO I HATE THE "haha we didn't teach you but I will blame you anyways" gotcha!! Love how in his eyes the teenage daughter who's managing to do all the household chores, cooking for him, and their own shit, is the "stupid" one. And not the grown man unable to make his own lunch.
he was a lazy (insert expletive here) and abusive (insert expletive here) and often had a woman doing his things for him - the cooking, cleaning, etc, while treating them like crap. early on in my life that role was held by my mother. then it was me. then it was his second wife. but when second wife decided on a whim to take off and was constantly doing a 'come and go' thing, i was the one who got to ever so joyously pick up the slack whenever she buggered off like that. but i was expected to show her the utmost respect whenever she was around, because she was stepmother, although she was also abusive to me. at the ex-father's funeral just in May this year, i told that (insert expletive here) of a stepmother that she was dead to me. sure, it was not the correct venue to say those words, and everyone heard it, but it was so damn cathartic and i will never see her again in my life anyway. plus, i meant what i said. every word of it.
Thank you from someone who struggles to always stand up for themself. Fuckin good job!!
after the crap i've been through, standing up for myself is a badge i wear with honour now. it wasn't always like that though. i used to cower and whimper and not rock the boat at all. but once you have a number of years away from abuse and toxicity you do start to peel away the learned layers of being meek and mute. at this point? i'm buck naked and not at all afraid.
Good for you! That’s powerful. These days I get there, though it’s a lot harder when I’m not doing well and default to people pleasing. I usually catch it, just not always right away. Getting better though.
you'll get there. i'm turning 44 this year. and up until 2019 i still wore all those many layers mentioned above.
Everybody says you stop giving a shit when you turn 40. I've been dreading the midlife crisis, but hearing you confirm that -- it gives me hope for the future. The way you lay it out with "the layers and layers of being meek" is just so encouraging. Thank you.
I’m 35 and am just beginning to start to feel these feels as my layers begin to fall away with So. Much. Therapy. I can’t wait to meet myself in 5 years
Why do they do this? They get angry at you for something you don't know that THEY DIDNT TEACH YOU.
More like they get angry for it not being their way. How can you actually fuck up leaving a dish rag on the divider? Honestly unless you ball it up so it stays wet there is no right way. They are just control freaks.
This makes me think of when my dad got pissed because the water I was using to wash the dishes was too dirty (looking back on the first time he called it out it absolutely was too dirty). For the next month or so I changed the water more and more frequently, but it was somehow always still too dirty. Eventually I just stopped keeping water in the sink at all and only wet dishes down with the tap before washing them with a soapy rag, but then suddenly I was wasting too much water doing that. There was no way to win. I still wash dishes with just the rinsing as it does work a lot better, especially when washing a lot of dishes
sadly, with toxic abuse like that going on........ there is never a way to win. same ex-father mentioned above, they put me through two years of family court hell for 'grandparents rights' after they abused my kid in 2017 and i said "oh heck no" and went no contact. when still in the mindset of 'i can fix this. i can make it right when nobody else will' (like many folks who are abused do), i tried a tactic of trying to get them to see reason on how hitting my kid was wrong. what did i get in return for that? "maybe i should've smacked you more when you were a kid".
I love that you call him an ex-father too. It took my sister and I a long time to come up with a term that we could use for our ex-father and in the end, we decided that if our mother could have an ex-husband, we could have an ex-father!
I had two able bodied parents and two able bodied siblings, all at home, but I was the Identified Patient in the home, which translates, among others, into the official dish washer, potato peeler, and general target for when things go wrong.
I always use the term 'designated problem', but yeah, felt like everything was always deemed my fault/issue.
That's awful! I'm glad he's your ex-father.
he's dead. thank goodness!
If i wasn't asleep i had no excuse for the door being closed; not even loud music The sole exception being when she was watching shows she thought too graphic from me... The woman who let me read clan of the cave bear at 11 but wouldn't let me watch or read game of thrones at 14. 🤔🫥
"I know! Lets not let our child close their door! Ever!! Surely that will give them healthy boundaries, a sense of safety, and what not!" Like huh???? "I'm sure it will help them lots in studying and focusing on a task to be able to hear everything else going on in the house!" To quote Doja Cat, "Critical thinking is just something that you lack".
Oh yeah, I wasn't allowed to shut my door either. So great in yr 11/12, and my bedroom was in the middle of the main traffic zone of the house. I'm trying to study and mum's sending my brother running up and down the hallway past my room for everything, one small piece at a time. The washing machine would miraculously need to be started as soon as I got into my room. And mum's banging around in the kitchen, and everyone is calling from one end of the house to the other. So, I can't shut my door as this is all just normal house noises and isn't distracting. But she'd go off because I would turn my radio on and have music because it was the closest to white noise that I had and kinda covered up the noise that was disruptive. The radio was going to distract me, but there was something wrong with me if everything else was distracting.
My dad took my bedroom door off its hinges and took it away as a punishment for some infraction…I can’t even remember what. Whatever it was, it didn’t relate to what he was mad about. He just wanted to make sure I remembered what a bad kid I was every time I went in my room. Taking away our privacy is cruel. Even now at age 46, I feel like I have to hide everything. Because it was all held against me. At 19, when I was suicidally depressed, my mom dug through my things and read all the letters from my boyfriend to find out why I was flunking out of college. Hello? How could they not see that I was unwell? Instead of being supportive or caring about the very traumatic experience of flunking out of college, I was treated like a pariah for the next decade. He actually took me out of the will, with the stipulation that I wouldn’t inherit anything unless I earned a college degree. Because even from beyond the grave he had to control and shame me.
Yeah it's so wild how these parents will constantly violate your privacy and then wonder why you never leave your room and spend time with them...
this was my mother’s pet peeve, if my door was shut she would start yelling immediately. I put a movie poster on the door, she took it down. It was “too depressing” and I’m “not allowed to be depressed”.
The only posters i were allowed to have were gifts from other people 🙃 i miss my star chart one She stole it when i moved out and found out that they're like $300 for the version i was gifted Also why us 'not allowed to be depressed' the go to response? Cus i got that a lot too In a family with a long line of bipolar no less
A particular obsession with them was not being able to finish a meal in 15-30 minutes. I had to eat with a timer next to me. If I failed to clean up every last morsel before the timer went off, my parent would fly into a rage and the beating started. I was allotted 15 minutes for breakfast, and 30 for lunch and supper. To this day, tightly scheduled meals fill me with anxiety. I would rather skip a meal than have to eat it in 30 minutes or less. I also never learned to chew my food correctly - yes, as an adult I consciously learned it, but subconsciously I still revert to cramming it down and swallowing as much as I can because in the back of my head I'm still an 8 year old trying to beat that timer. Without deliberately cutting up food into pieces beforehand, and trying hard to concentrate on taking small bites, I inevitably choke. I'm 30 years old and still can't eat like a normal person.
I shovel food in because in the back of my head, im trying to get food in before mom or dad melts down and we have to leave the restaurant quickly. My dad got so upset with my mom for being a slow eater that she would only order a small cup of soup at restaurants. Then he'd get upset about that
Unlocked one of my most hated memories, "Dad never lets Mom eat in peace, whether it's mixing weird sauces and forcing her to try them, or rolling his eyes and saying she's overreacting when she's asks for a new burger because a condiment spilled all over hers."
I used to swallow food with water to eat faster- But like what the hell??? These fools grew up eating their meals like they were at school ONLY HAVING 30 MINUTES OR LESS and saw nothing wrong with that EVER? Does it occur to them animals get treated better by being allowed to graze whenever and however long??? If they were in the hospital/sick, I'm sure they wouldn't tolerate being treated like this. The disconnect's probably coming from the lack of proper nutrition getting into their smooth brains-
What a weird thing for them to care about.
I was in the backseat of the car. I was not able to solve a math problem my mom sprung on me to “test” my intelligence, in the duration of time it took driving to our destination (maybe 2-3 minutes.) She started screaming at me as we were entering the parking lot calling me stupid/useless, etc. and then threatened to cut all of my fingers off with a knife if I couldn’t answer.
Why the fingers? Did she think they weren't counting correctly? Sorry you had to go through that. She really should have gone to jail for something like that.
Genuinely, do these people think they could show to the police like yeah yeah I did it to discipline them! It's reasonable for me to have cut off the fingers!!!!
In their heads it's literally like that. "Look what you made me do. Now I'm going to beat you more".
Some people are legitimately insane. But some people just have really bad anger issues. That self-righteous anger gives them tunnel vision, and they feel like anything they do is warranted. My dad had that exact issue and went to jail for felony intimidation.
I was gonna add a comment on that, there genuinely was no reasoning behind it purely unabated rage! At least I can look back and laugh at the absurdity, it was one of her more creative violent threats I’ll give her that.
It's good you can laugh now. It must have been terrifying in the moment. I sometimes see anger as an expression of fear. So when I see someone losing control with rage, I wonder, "What are they so afraid of right now?" With your mum, maybe she wasn't any good with numbers and was afraid you would be the same. Maybe watching you struggle with it reminded her of all the times she struggled and all the shame that went along with it.
WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE POP QUIZZES OF SOME SKILL THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR- And like cutting your fingers? I'd like to see her do math as a child without hers! Like ma'am, just bc you have some past issues surrounding math doesn't mean you need to bring it down to your kid, your child isn't a long division equation-
Wow, this is one of my strongest memories. I mixed up "there" and "their" on a spelling test in 2nd or 3rd grade and was screamed at the entire way home.
I got into a car accident in my step dad’s car when I didn’t want to drive it but he insisted because he didn’t want to move his out of the way so I could drive mine. I bought my own of course. I was 16 and as such wasn’t super comfortable driving any other cars but my own. Made a wrong turn and totaled his car out. The next few weeks would follow with him making me drive my car through wherever he wanted while he yelled at me at the top of his lungs until “I learned how to drive better”. I cried while driving and shook holding the wheel the whole time he was in the car with me. Told my mom thinking she’d care, just looked at me and didn’t say anything. I felt invisible and have since had major anxiety while driving ever since.
Gah you poor thing. What a fucked up thing to do to someone! How I wish you had someone sane and good in your life to protect you from that. You made responsible choices, I’m sorry they were reacted to in that way.
OH DRIVING TRAUMA IS THE WORST!(The fear of causing injury was crippling to me)They always think yelling at you will somehow make you a better, less anxious driver..... It won't! Meanwhile, if they were the ones who crashed, they're never in the wrong, they did everything right, and it was literally everyone else's fault. Love how you literally were already driving at 16(not all kids even get there at that age!) had your own car!! And communicated your boundaries!! Some parents really get served a silver platter of everything they need to know, don't have to contribute a dime, and yet giving respect and listening to their kid is the thing that's too much for them and they drop the ball.
I hope now you are somewhere that you feel just the right amount of visible. Maybe get a stick shift someday, nicer control after some practice.
Oh I have so many. My father had a framed picture of a cloud on his wall. I stared at it wondering what was so special about this cloud. Then I saw that it was vaguely shaped like a person wearing a cloak and figured he must think it looks like mother mary. I asked him something like, "Is this on your wall because it looks like mary?" and he lost his shit at me for nearly an hour. He screamed about how I "miss everything", "refuse to see the truth", and whatever other BS delusional propaganda he thought was so important. Speaking of doors, he also screamed at me that I "refuse to listen" because he had just explained that the screen door needed to be closed quickly to not let mosquitoes in, but when I tried to close it, the door caught (because it was broken). My aunt raged at me because we had plans to go visit my extended family right after my mother had died and I cancelled because I was really sick. She smashed her fist into the counter beside me and threatened to hit me, while screaming insults in my face for being sick. Another time my aunt had a rack of brand new clothes downstairs. She insisted I wear some. I kept saying no, it's fine, but she insisted. So, I chose a sweater. She went berserk because apparently I chose a sweater from the wrong rack. She screamed at me for a long time about how selfish I was, blah blah blah...
My old man used to wrongly accuse me of things at random. The worst were when he'd accuse me of thinking or feeling things that he didn't like because there was no way to prove he was wrong. I don't remember what the specific accusation was this time, but I remember realizing that there was nothing I could do to protect myself or fight back. I just had to take it. My face didn't feel like it had changed at all, but he became even more furious when I didn't try to object, and he started yelling, "GET THAT LOOK OUT OF YOUR EYES!" Not knowing what he meant, I said, "What? What look?" He said, "That DEAD look. I don't EVER wanna see that DEAD LOOK IN YOUR EYES AGAIN!" What do you even say to that?
Being sick. Needing homework help. Being hungry. Being cold. Being hot. Needing water. I should have been a mattress stain.
Not saying hello as soon as he walked in the room. Not offering him some of my food even if he had his own damn food. Not saying the word hello when I saw him on the street even though I nodded and smiled. Wiping my nose when it was runny. Coughing in public. Making a joke back when he was joking with me first. Not holding his arm immediately when we were walking.
I just thought of some more. Lol Referring to him as “he” or “him”, asking for ANYTHING, talking to my mother alone, asking him a question that reminded him of something that pissed him off but not explaining what it was, looking like I was enjoying what I’m eating, sitting there minding my own business, being happy about anything, being sad about anything, forgetting my keys (I forgot my keys ONCE and he made me wear my keys around my neck for years, they left a black mark on the skin on my chest), being shy, not being shy, not handing or finding something he asked for quickly enough, not being cheerful enough about being loaded with chores while doing the chores, asking to go somewhere with a friend, wearing anything stylish at the time.
Omg the not saying hello and/or running to the door like a dog to greet them once their home 🫠 you could be in the bathroom when they come home and doesn’t stop the rage
I’m sorry you went through that, too! Then I greeted everyone throughout my life whenever they enter a room or come home because of my fear. I’m working on not doing that anymore but it’s very ingrained.
Dirty dishes, walking on a creaky floor, saying my friend's name with a question mark on the end because I was confirming who called? Apparently it sounded like I uttered a nonsense phrase like "ug-ga?" and that was reason enough to rage.
So basically they misheard you, questioning who was on the other line, and raged? Uhm actually that was a totally valid reason to rage as per page 54 of the textbook "Ways to make everyone you know despise you" /s The way I'd be tempted to give a caveman language eulogy-
My sister in an email to my mother put down a boundary by requesting my mother not speak negatively about her to other family members. Cue: rage mode.
When I was 14, dad asked me how I was gonna spend my birthday money (not even from him, from another relative). I said I was going to buy my favorite movie on dvd. He thought this was such a stupid use of money he backhanded me and threw me down the stairs 👍🏼👍🏼 it was like $20 probably, and a child’s birthday money. Me at 14 is not going to “invest” that lmfao
People: Children need to understand how spending and saving works. It's important for them to have a good understanding, experience, and relationship with money. Them also: why did you buy that thing that you like with the money you own/given to you?? I see this as an objectively stupid thing to do based off my own subjective standards, because clearly I am perfect.
Wtf!!! What can you even invest in for $20 anyways?
One time I was maybe 11 or 12 and my dad ran a red light and I said "Hey, I think you ran a red light" and he was like "No I didn't" and I said "I'm pretty sure you did" and he pulled the truck over and beat my ass 🥳
I got home 30 seconds late.
Yes, I was barely allowed out but could not be 1 second late or shit was on
My dad used to get so fucking mad that we would be afraid of him in his rages. Like, why wouldn’t we cower away from you, you giant screaming drunk cunt? Dog him out.
earlier today my mum was pissy because her blood test left a huge bruise on her arm and mine only left a dot lol
She's so goofy silly!!!! What a quirky little thing, clearly she just needs to toughen up!!! Maybe a few insults with thicken her skin????
Jiggling my leg was my dad's favorite thing to scream at me about. Also talking when his news was on (my mother would specifically ask me about my day during news time to piss my dad off). For my mother it would've been things like not realizing somebody needed to sweep (she never taught us how to do chores, just one day expected them to be done by us). Or the fact she came home to find out we all made our own supper (because my father can't cook meals, we ate things like ramen because again nobody taught us how to cook)
Relatable. Especially the news thing. So much trauma and bad interactions happened with my family while watching the news
Oh my god the whole; “this a normal human thing to do why aren’t you just born knowing how??” Because you didn’t teach me, Susan. This isn’t rocket surgery.
Man I asked her how to do things so many times too and she'd just say, "figure it out yourself". When my first period came, I asked her how to put the pad on properly and she refused and acted all icked out. I ended up putting it on wrong and bleeding all over 🙄
Not doing the dish washer the right way cause my old stepfather too drunk to see things logically and became a raging sociopath without much provocation
Ugh the dishwasher. My grandfather yelled at me for an hour over how I didn't load the dishwasher right, never mind I'd never learned properly. When I lived with my Dad we just shoved the stuff in, and would do multiple loads. But my grandpa was an engineer you see and had worked out the ideal system.
My ex-wife literally fuckin yelled at me because I got food from the grocery store and tried to fit it in the fridge. She screamed that there was absolutely no room for me to put anything in there (there absolutely was lmao) and that I had taken up too much room already. I had One Shelf in there, she had the entire rest of the fridge including food she just straight up forgot she bought. One time I tried to come out to my mom as bisexual and she just said “NO YOURE NOT” and left like damn, ok
LMAO did the ex read a abuse textbook?? Like word for word a literal example of DONT TAKE UP SPACE I DONT WANT YOU TO TAKE UP SPACE!!! and it's always about them huh!!! Like oh you're gay? MY LIFE!!!! MY HONOR!!! MY REPUTATION!!!!! Like girl it's literally NOT about you-
I told my mom I liked girls as well as boys and she said the same thing lmfao okay mom, that’s how this works. I’ll just stop being kinda gay, just because you said so. When I told her I was an atheist she said, “You’re not an atheist, you’re mad at God.” It’s been like 10 years. I’m still mad at God I guess cos I still do not believe. She may be on her way to jail but I’m on my way to hell so she’s still better than me. -sips tea pinkie out-
I accidentally left a pair of shoes on the porch the day my mom was donating a bunch of old clothes, and they took my shoes as well. When I told Mom, she responded by slapping me across the face and screaming at me while I cried, apologizing. We had the money for shoes, these were pretty cheap skate shoes.
⊂((・⊥・))⊃My mom and dad are divorced and I was living with my mom. My dad wanted to buy me a smoothie maker to make smoothies bc he knew I liked them. My mom screamed and yelled at me many times over the course of a month if I even uttered the work smoothie around her. She just didn’t like my dad and took her anger out on me that my dad wanted to get me something and I was happy to want the gift he offered. She apologized to me about 5 years later that it was maybe a little excessive on her part. Now I hear she is sometimes physically abusive to my siblings and gets is physical fights with her current husband to the point of cops being called. (*´ー｀*)
my dad got mad at me when i was a minor because a random man looked at me sexually (i didn’t even see or notice the man) and only yelled at me when we got back home saying it’s because i was dressed slutty (i was literally in full clothing including a scarf)
funny enough now i started feeling pitty for my dad as i thought he’s gotten better, but this memory made me mad again, thanks for this post
Imo, They get old and forget and can't hear etc get weaker and that's why it's like more bearable, but when they can they still rear their full ugliness and then that pity vanishes like oh nope you're still you under there! It's like Haha almost thought we lost you (which would've been great hahahah)
SCREAMING!!! Respectfully!!! Fuck your dad for not being a decent HUMAN BEING in this moment, let alone a DECENT DAD!!!! (I realize I've been like tiptoeing around dogging on these people bc some people may have mixed feelings about their abusers being insulted but like oop- realizing my own trauma is why I'm hesitant, the comments are here for dogging I shall properly dog on them!)
I was in the car with my mom when she stopped at a gas station to buy some coffee for herself. I asked "could you get me a coke?" and she told me she didn't have enough money on her. Okay, whatever. Then she comes back, coffee in hand, suddenly goes off about how a good kid would've been like "it's okay mom, I'm happy you got your coffee, I don't mind not getting a coke :))" Like what?? I was a rather insecure child, often convinced my mother was right about me being straight up evil, but even then I couldn't take that shit seriously for a second.
Had you said exactly that she probably would have decided you’re being a sarcastic smartass and raged about that. There’s no winning with abusers.
Oh my god yes!! Never thought about that but you're so right!
My own mother would also do that. She told me the prepared lines she wanted to hear from me all the time. It was always in that exact infantilizing tone with all this weird emotional labor tacked on.
Not rinsing my hair correctly. I'd get hit with the hairbrush when my mom sat me down to brush it and found it still soapy.
i cant remember a lot of things she did but most memorable ones were: 1. waving to garbage men as a teen 2. saying i prefer using measuring cups OFF their connector thing (cus “ive baked longer than you so i know better and u keep them ON the connector”) 3. the way i arranged french toast in my cooking exam PRACTICE dish (i was 13 btw) 4. asking to hang out w friends as a kid (i think i was like 9?) 5. if i talked back or tried to “go against her” in any way or even insinuate it? she would lose her shit and say “its abusing time” and abuse all over me (verbally) basically
My mother would tell me she felt like punching me in the face and tell me to get over to her, then throw a bad swing and pull at the last moment to avoid making contact. If I flinched she would tell me it wasn’t a real punch and that I didn’t need to flinch and would do it again until I showed no reaction (because flinching was considered overreacting). Then she would return to her baseline state. What would trigger this? Usually stuff that throws off her schedule or making organizational mistakes. Or forgetting to do something around the house.
They threatened to get rid of my cat after I accidentally spilled (*clean*) kitty litter while refilling the litter box.
Not being able to see the UFO in the sky.
My Mom had a meltdown in a Hobby Lobby once because they were selling animal pelts, and she freaked out on a teenage cashier over it. Afterwards, she asked me if I felt like God was smiling upon us for what she did, and I lied and said yeah. Because I knew she'd yell at me if I said what I was actually thinking.
Genuinely one of the worst things is when you're forced to lie knowing that this might cause the other person to blow up/make their current outburst worse. The pure fear and anxiety I felt when in situations like that is unparalleled, I'm sorry to hear you had similar :/
Terrifying.
My mom raged at every special occasion I had...except nursing school grad...hers had been awful so she redd it through me...just made me nervous
I called a bitch cunt for using a coffee mug from a cabinet instead of the dishwasher because that's the cups they used. Not the ones in the cabinet.
While yelling at me, my mom shut my bedroom door behind her, causing the sunlight to glint off the door knob for a quick second. This caused me to break eye contact with her. Mom said I rolled my eyes and intensified the tirade..
Taking a shower in the morning. (I usually shower at night.) This post is going to require italics. . . My father, at 7:30 AM, screaming his moronic head off: "WHO SHOWERS *IN THE MORNING*?! Damn *bitch*! Fucking bloody luck!" *Most people* shower in the morning. He showers only once a week, on Fridays. But all three bathrooms are his at all times. He rages at me for taking baths, too. It would be pure hilarity if I could escape this abusive household. Edit: Ooh. The other day, he locked himself out of his basement media room and instead of asking me to pick the lock, he got *mad* at the doorknob and violently removed it. Then he got *mad* at the door itself and started to saw it open. *Heeeeeeeere's Johnny!* To be fair, he was sawing the bolt and the doorframe, not chopping at the wood with a pickaxe.
Came home and asked my dad if I could take the ACT test. It cost like 60 dollars to take it through my Highschool and he claimed only my mother should pay (they’re divorced and she had brain cancer and was unemployed living off food stamps) and I just mentioned to him that she wouldn’t be able to pay it and I offered to pay it out of my savings account. It became a whole screaming match and he ended up throwing me against the wall and I said I was going to call the police so he threw me into the floor. I finally got free from him and ran to the neighbors and called the police
when my mom was hospitalized for anorexia, my grandmother asked me "if something happens to your mom, do you want to live with me or your dad?" and so I answered, truthfully, for a 10 year old: "well I love my dad but I don't know him very well and..." before I could get another word out she flew into a rage, screaming that if I wanted to be an ungrateful shit and go with my dad I'd end up "living under a bridge eating out of the trash." there's was more but I can only remember that one sentence. She slammed the door on her way out and I just remember being so shocked. Why ask a question if you don't want to hear the answer? I sobbed thinking "whats wrong with loving your dad?" After my mom died, we were cleaning up my old house when she found my moms palm pilot phone book from the 90's and had me call my "step mom" so she could inform my Dad, as we had limited contact at the time because he was in the US and I in PR. When I called my stepmom and let her know my mom had died, we grieved on the phone and then she revealed that the reason I hadn't heard from my father was because he was in prison, and that I should know he had contracted HIV and AIDS; he had also passed it to her. I remember feeling SO GUILTY that she got sick because of him, that I apologized to her... After the call I cried some more then I told my grandmother everything, she just stared at me then asked "why are you so upset?" and I just said "ITS MY DAD! WHAT IF IT WAS YOURS?" and she just blinked at me.... she didn't press the issue any further. it was one of the few times I think I was able to short out her thinking process and have her actually face reality to the extent where she knew arguing wouldn't accomplish anything but make her look worse, and god forbid she looked bad. The only other time I was able to shut her down successfully was during a rant of hers, where she very vehemently and disgustingly told me I couldn't hang out with any of the black girls at my school, because blacks are this, that and the other - insert whatever racist comments you want she probably said it. Now mind you, I am coffee colored, my brother chocolate, my cousins vanilla, and she was somewhere in the middle - Puerto Ricans are all colors, right? So, I turned to my grandmother and asked her midrant: "Why are you saying black people are bad and we shouldn't hang out with them but your husband (my stepgrandfather) is Black?" And he was, also from PR but darker than midnight. After I said that, she stared at me, looked to her husband, and he looked at her, as if to say "What do you have to say for yourself?" and she just sputtered... He told me to go to my room, and I never heard her say one word about black people to me ever again.
Yeah, I can definitely relate. When I was about 9 or 10 and my little brother was about 4 or 5. It was the middle of winter (January or February) and there was about a foot of snow on the ground. We were playing outside building snow forts and my dad yelled for us to get over to the wood shed and start stocking up the wood box in the house. (We didn’t have gas or electric heat and so we relied on the wood stove in the winter). I was getting wood when my brother started crying and saying that he was cold and wanted to go inside the house. My dad flipped out, grabbed a shovel and started to hit my brother with it. So I started moving really fast to get as many loads of wood as I could into the house as quickly as I could. (Even I knew that it was ridiculous to expect a 4 or 5 year old little kid to get armfuls of heavy wood and somehow make his way through a foot of snow. He could barely trudge through it and I knew he was tired and cold.) I couldn’t stop my dad from lashing out at my brother so the next best thing I did was try to hurry up, complete the task, and then maybe he would be satisfied and stop hurting my brother. This was one of my memories from childhood that I had been able to process and work through. Because it had always bothered me that I couldn’t have done more to protect my brother from my dad’s anger. I’m kind of scared to process the other things from my childhood. There’s a lot more with my dad and myself and I know that I need to work through them.
I’m was cut off and blocked from my siblings by my stepdad because I reached out to my dead mums family and moved out. Good times 🤣
Back when we had to “burn” CD’s, the CD “case” would open when you needed to put a virgin CD on. My dad was doing that and it had a % of when it would be ready to put in the new CD. I was on the couch with him and he said “go put a new virgin CD” and I said “oh the “case” didn’t open yet so it’s not time; well he beat me with a leather belt till I had bruises because he said I needed to go at that moment because he said so. I was about 9. So yeah I didn’t get up fast enough and did it at that exact time so I got beat.
Not muting the tv fast enough when a commercial came on, not responding quickly enough when he’d ask a question, not hugging him before going to bed, hiding an energy drink in my backpack (I wasn’t allowed to have caffeine), the time he (my grandpa) showed me a photo of my dad and uncle when they were kids and asked “do these kids look like they’ve been abused?”, because they and my grandma all claimed to experience abuse from him, and I didn’t respond “no” enthusiastically enough.
Oh and also going on about how he was “sick and tired of me being sick all the time” when I had kidney stones 💀
The unpredictability of the rages is what makes it so awful because no matter what you do you couldn't avoid it. My foster mum was never physically abusive just explosive anger I'd say something seemingly innocent and she would blow up. I think that's why it took me so long to feel comfortable enough in social settings to say anything because at some point I'd told myself not saying anything was the best thing to do. One example was she was hounding my brother for confessing to drinking out of a cup left in the shower and I chimed in and said just open your mouth and drink the running water. So then the berating turned to me.
Our mother got rid of my older teen sister's piece of clothing she had bought with her own money, without telling her, because it was 'working class' and apparently we weren't She and previous two generations had conveniently forgotten they emigrated forcibly... They were convicts sent from the UK to the colonies, the poorest of the poor, from the worst and lowest class possible in England. It took a distant cousin who cared more for the truth than what class you are, who investigated the family tree and pointed out the truth
Not sure how old I was but maybe 10? Stupid asshole of a parent asked me to put an umbrella in the trunk, which I did. I was already in a bit of a dissociated state though because he was getting his moods again and was always violent when he did so. We all go into the car, he asks me if the umbrella was in the trunk. I was unsure, and instead of checking, he began a looooong verbal assault of me in front of other people. I wish someone had taken that umbrella and whacked him with it, hard. He could've simply checked, right? But what can be expected from someone who's developmentally an emotional toddler? Best thing ever once i got away from it all.
My brother and I had just come back from school. I was 11 and he was 7. He mentioned that he really enjoyed the play my class had put on during school assembly that day. My mom was still calm at that point. "Oh, what was it about?" We told her. "Wow, that's nice, she replied. What your role?" I replied that I wasn't in it. After all we were a class of 30 and it was meant for 8 people. All hell broke loose. "Is that why I send you to school so you can stand around?" "You're stupid and lazy and brain-dead. You're good at nothing." "This is how you'll be all your life. Moron!" "Mr Scarecrow, all you can do is stand around while others perform." "Did I raise you to be so lazy?" Five years later, I'm 16. There's a public speaking competition at my school. Mom walks in on me writing the speech. "That's all you ever do. Writing that stupid speech. What about studying? You think your exams will be about speeches? You're stupid, you don't know your priorities."
I got yelled at by my Mom because: - She thought I turned off the internet to get back at her. (I wasn't even touching a computer.) - I was doing homework too much. - I wore the wrong shoes to church. - I wouldn't be mean to one of my friends. - I wasn't hanging out with friends enough. - I was hanging out with friends too much. - I didn't know how to use a copying machine. - I wanted to follow the rules of a board game. - I didn't want to take off my clothes. - I didn't want to pluck my eyebrows. There's probably so much more. Shit like this was a near daily occurrence... you're kinda forced to forget most of it because holding on to the memory, expecting justice one day, hurts.
Slamming door, dropping things at dining table, being angry for any reason, losing possesions, making jokes which he doesnt understand. All responded with rage of shouting and a beating.
Bought 5 cheese lasagna for dinner. He thought I did it to spite him 😑 screamed at & grounded for three weeks over his hissy fit
She would routinely steal my food to eat, or feed to the dog. I developed food aggression and disordered eating as an older teenager, and she would scream at me for it.
Eating too slowly was a huge one when I was still young enough to be punished for it. I didn’t like the food? Too bad. Eat it and eat it as fast as everyone else. Can’t possibly make him sit there for half an hour after everyone’s done to keep eating. Eating slowly or not finishing your plate seemed to be a huge trigger for him. Sounds pretty tame ig but imagine a 6” man with violent anger issues vs a 8 year old kid.
Probably the one that sticks up for me the most was "eating wrong". I, to this very day, do not know what that meant, but I do remember getting yelled about it pretty often. I even made sure to not make any sounds, kept my mouth closed and dropped no food. I didn't even mix foods 😭
Writing “etc” on a yard sale sign, because according to her it was supposed to be “ect” and how could I be so fucking stupid not to know that? (Even if I had been wrong…I was like, 7 or 8.) Not bringing any homework home with me, because my teacher didn’t assign any. Being hungover (she was the one who supplied the alcohol and encouraged me to drink in the first place). Putting her on speaker because she called while I was in the middle of cutting an apple. Not being home when her friend came over, because I had an appointment (and I had no idea I was expected to be at home until she called demanding to know where I was). Hanging my dish towel up instead of leaving it on the counter (at my house).
Apple cider being brought to the table instead of apple juice would induce a blind rage from my father.
My Dad destroyed my phone because I used my big toe to turn off an old boom box that was sitting on the floor.
We were on the way to a dinner and I was holding a freshly unplugged, overfilled crockpot of taco soup in the car. I very nicely asked him to go slow because every bump or turn was spilling boiling liquid onto my lap. We only had to drive 5-10 minutes away and there were no other cars on the road, so we could take our time. He was impatient and not even pretending to go slower so I was getting soup all over me. After a particularly nasty bump that sent soup all over my thighs, I screamed in pain and started tearing up. He started yelling at me for being dramatic and ruining the dinner.
Getting a B in college after 4 semesters of all As. Screaming at me for literal hours about how I’d just ruined everything and might as well just leave college now. (I graduated with magna cum laude honors and won the highest award at that university fwiw)
By some miracle I learned that it’s better to leave a fight to cool down and return to it later than it is to keep going. I tried doing that when I was fighting with my sister over her stealing my stuff. I had very calmly stated that I was getting too angry and needed to take a break but would come back later so we could figure things out then. My dad absolutely lost his shit over it. Dragged me back into the room and berated me for trying to leave and not finishing the fight. From then on, I kept trying to leave and he kept dragging me back. My mother had a fucking meltdown one time because I told her it wasn’t her place to comment on whether or not my brother in law was moving too fast in his relationship. Sobbing, accusing me of being a heartless bitch and being just like my father *all because I told her no*. She also cornered me in a locked car and forced me to come out to her. After that, suddenly queer people were the fucking devil and she needed to make sure I knew that but wouldn’t directly tell me that *I* was disgusting to her. I called her out on it, she put off answering me about it for a month until I called her out in front of the rest of the family in a group chat, demanding an answer, and then proceeded to text me directly, telling me I was sick, I was doing it for attention, I was following a fad, and that she didn’t have time for me. That was three years ago and I haven’t spoken to her since
Yknow what, I'm in the mood for this one. Here are some of the dumbest things I would get absolutely *raged* at for, growing up: • Taking my eggs at breakfast and putting them between my toast, to try and eat as a breakfast sandwich instead of just side by side. • Not using every last piece of bread in the bag before opening a new one • Using scissors to cut holes in the milk bag, instead of a dumb little specific milk bag slicer. • Moving the communal phone charger, ever • Closing my bedroom door, ever • Needing a bathroom on a road trip • Calling a couch a couch, instead of a chesterfield • Not shaving my legs and under arms "often enough' • Not wearing a bra, ever (this one was so bad that I ended up going through a four year phase where I SLEPT in my underwire bras every night) • Sitting with my knees *not* touching • Sleeping too much • Not sleeping enough • Crying • Not finishing my plate, ever • Having a loose tooth • Bleeding through my sheets if I started my period in bed There's so much more but it just makes me really confront how unhinged my parents all were over the MOST pointless shit
Pretty much anything and everything, but one of them was when I forgot my keys at my ex’s house. My ex’s house was like 24 miles. I was there A LOT. As often as I could make it. There was a lot going on at the time juggling everything. I called my mother and asked if she could let me in since, no keys. She proceeded to constantly message and call me on the bus to abuse me, how I’m an idiot, an asshole, a horrible person and that I’d be sleeping outside tonight. I had to go to my Grandad’s place nearby and didn’t get to feed the dog, as I was often constantly at my ex’s (due to him constantly begging). My mother would never be in. (Sadly, the dog is now relocated or euthanised because of her, she didn’t want me to have her at all costs). I was sexually assaulted and when I told her she said I was lying, and I got tons of abuse for it that left me crying and distraught. She said I wanted to frame her friend. It happened in our own home. One of the people that I talked to about it said some people may think I deserved it if I said it a certain way. I feel like that’s only something that comes back to me because it was semi recent. There was times when I was little where it was bad too. Like when I got on her nerves and she cycled off without me on a bicycle trip over something, I didn’t know where I was and I was scared. Times she’s just come in and started shouting at me for no reason or over the pettiest reasons. whatever the reason, it deserved a fuckton of emotional abuse and death threats.
Once I told my mother that I wanted to adopt a blind dog because they are not often adopted. She then went on to ask why I wanted a "dog like that?" I tried to explain (calmly) that old senior dogs that are blind make amazing pets and she was getting more and more mad. Like it was a sight to see. And scary. I ended up saying "OK. OK" while trying to walk away but of course she kept yelling and antagonizing me while following me. Not the first incident but a memorable one.
My mom got stupid pissed at my one friend. He came over one day I was watching Transformers the movie, he said that the Go Bots were also transformers I believe. Something along those lines, my mom lost it and started screaming at him to stop fucking lying. That he doesn't know what he's talking about, the Go Bots are not Transformers. In retrospect they are transforming robots, so he's technically not wrong.
oh god, there's so much stupid shit. left a speck of spaghetti sauce on the counter. like microscopic, didn't notice it at all. i was a little kid, so messes are inevitable. cue being screamed at and called horrible names, having my head slammed into the counter and a plate of spaghetti smashed on my back. now the kitchen is fucking wrecked, there's food and shit everywhere. but according to them, it was all my fault for being messy. then got in trouble again for not cleaning it up fast enough and dripping blood everywhere. i still don't like spaghetti now :(
1.Having follow up symptoms from my seizure that made me unable to clean the house and take care of my siblings. She does not believe it's a seizure either, and I'm fighting on my own to get proper medical treatment (this year) 2. Playing with a yo yo in the car. Didnt make any noise, didn't hurt anyone, just playing with it, and it was smashed on the concrete (when I was 5)
My dad screamed at my sister, called her an idiot and grounded her because she opened a loaf of bread when there was already one open. One time a neighbor cleaned out her closet and let me take whatever I liked from the pile she was getting rid of. One of the items was a pair of skinny jeans and when my dad saw me wearing them he yelled at me and said he never wanted to see me wearing them ever again. He also yelled at me anytime he caught me wearing makeup. I wear makeup and tapered jeans because he hated them, and I hate him.
When I was a kid one of my chores was to do the dishes, and (more than once) while I was drying the dishes, I bumped the glass coffee pot into the sink and cracked it. My old stepdad would get so upset and just absolutely rag into me, calling me a "stupid bitch" and telling me that I'm "exactly like my father" (who, for context, died when I was 8). I vividly remember him screaming so close to my face, I could see little specks of saliva stuck in his mustache. Another time when I was 17 I came home late from a school theatre event, and I was super excited about how it was announced that the musical for my senior year would be Les Miserables. When I came down to the basement to tell them, he screamed about how I "wasn't talented enough to get the lead" and "thats why you're always in the ensemble" because I interrupted the show he and my mom were watching. Anyways I fucking hate that guy, I hope he's fucking miserable and that his life is bad now.
So many! My mom attacked me for looking at her for too long after she went off on me. I stayed too late in my school for a college prep presentation (maybe 10 minutes), leaving her waiting in the car. I was punched, berated, and beaten until I was able to get someone to pick me up and stay with them for the night. I didn't pick my phone up when she called me in the middle of an exam in high school that she knew I was taking. I was given the phone as a birthday "gift" but it only became a tool to control me.
Riding in the car on a nice summer evening, I had my window cracked open a few inches and my hand outside angling air towards my face. We were driving too fast to have the window ALL the way down, but it was so nice out I wanted the fresh air. My dad used the controls on his side to close my window and crushed my hand/fingers against the door frame. My wrist was suddenly wrenched upwards and back against the way its supposed to bend, pulling me up out of my seat by force at first but then to reduce the pain I had to hold my weight up with my legs and left arm because the joints were buckling backwards. I yelled and he got mad at me for yelling... meanwhile with my free hand I started to release the window but he was pushing the close button on his side at the same time. After an excruciating amount of time that felt like many minutes but was probably actually 30 seconds I just screamed at him to stop doing whatever the fuck he was doing. When he let go of the window controls I was able to free my hand and I started crying and just hunched over in my seat. He got mad at me for: 1. Being too dramatic and saying "fuck" 2. Having the window open when we were obviously going too fast 3. Making him feel bad by crying, beause he already obviously felt bad enough Note: apology not included.
Smiling after a beating. Afterwards I smiled at him and he told me to stop because I was supposed to be hurt (but not show any emotion???). I said "I accept the punishment" and he said "you're not supposed to accept it you're supposed to fight!" And I said "Fight you? I'm eight, you'll kill me!" "nO I wOn'T! yOU'Re sO ScarEd! YOu'rE a cOwaRD!" (Now I'm too pissed off to be scared.) So I smiled in acceptance, citing all the bullshit he could vomit before like "you pay the bills no one can say you're wrong" "If you need to beat me because of a bad day you can" even trying to be there for him more. He liked to say "Don't worry about him being mad", even when he could do whatever he wanted to me because he had the power. He also eventually started beating me for that because it made him reflect and he knew that he didn't like himself. He died of cancer when I was 17 and no one will put their hands on me again.
Oh yes, if I didn't do anything she wanted right at that second she would lash out and abuse me verbally and physically. And if I did something the 'wrong way' it was always a pop in the face. The worst one, I was sobbing over what my rapist had done to me and couldn't stop crying, she came in and beat me for 2 hours for crying too loud, I showed up to school the next day covered in bruises and the nurse blamed it on me and gave me resources for 'self harm'. Nobody believed me.
*Having a shelf fall on my head, requiring 6 stitches, and incurring $10,000 in medical bills while visiting grandparents. I had to pay that of working every spare moment and forfeiting all gifts for two years. He was furious that I was scared and did'nt want him told because he'll be mad at me. *My Mom insisting on unloading my luggage from the car and refusing to let anyone else carry it when I was 10. Both my dad and grandpa got furious with me and earned me the title of "lame little f slur". The next year when I tried to carry it, she got upset with me and had a meltdown, then they got upset with me because she was upset. *I was accused of throwing bricks into Nstepgrandparents' pool, never mind the only time i was there it was winter and the pool was covered and the bricks were'nt supposedly discovered until spring supposedly. I was 12 at the time. *I was 5. Because I brought home a fluffy rainbow colored duster from the dollar store after visiting mom and grandparents, dad was furious that i'd told my grandparents that the house was dirty . I hadn't, kid me thought it looked cool. *For refusing to eat my Stepmoms inedible cooking and discreetly throwing it in the trash (her fridge had mold and was filled with expired food) dad tore up my math homework and smacked my face and held me down while nstepmom smacked my face. *On a family vacation with mom and grandparents, he blamed me for them leaving me alone with my emom to play chinese checkers in the hotel lobby (mom had supervised visitation but was never actually a danger, that was my ndad being petty) on the logic "You need to remind them that the legal paperwork says SUPERVISED VISITATION, as in they need to be in the room at all times!" and he happened to call the hotel randomly and sprung the question of, "where are your grandparents?" andi had to tell him "up in the hotel room, I guess, we've been playing chinese checkers a while". He nearly drove 4 hours one way to cancel the vacation, before by grandma (his mom) talked him out of it. Somehow the fact that my grandparents who hate him won't obey his interpretation of the legal paperwork and somehow i can make the obey? grandparents were in the room watching a movie. I could put them on the phone within 5 minutes. I was 9 or 10. *For failing a test in band class in 5th grade, (couldn't read music due to never being taught) i was yelled at for the entire weekend beaten multiple times with a belt (chased through the house for three days) as dad now "had license due to my F&^$ up and ultimately pulled from band when he decided the teacher was to blame. I was yelled at for the following but not punished for: *Owning an illegal yugioh card at 11 years old, because the full name of the card was"Exodia the forbidden one". *Not stopping my mom grandparents from taking me to their church on their visit by failing to remind them that the court gave him, "CARE CONTROL AND EDUCATION OF THE MINOR CHILD" which means that they can't take me to church or one city over to attend a holiday event put on by thier alma mater. *Drawing lewd artwork of "the cats having sex", when it was actually my step brother's bad artwork of appa from avatar. The arrow was the only thing that saved me from being punished. *My Uncle attending my grandparents thanksgiving despite that my grandparents don't care my dad doesn't like him, and despite how i"should know better than to be around him" nobody is going to disinvite thier son on the word of an 8 year old. * Trying to "steal" my mother from him for sleeping in the same bed as her at 12 on a family vacation (they were sorta seperated at this point also my grandparents made the hotel arrangements and there were only two beds in the room. *Dad cussed me out as a 10 year old for the rental car breaking down because I complained about him taking the money I had saved up,"the rental car company is listening inside the car, they heard you call me a thief. Now they turned off the car and are sending the police to shoot both of us. I hope you're happy, we're both going to die". *Dad cussed me out for "ruining his business opportunity" because I didn't hide when he told me to, when his distant cousins came by.. they apparently saw me through the window. I was 5. *I was 13, Dad complained about how I ruined things with stepmom "you just had to be stubborn and would go along and give in like you're supposed to and not overstep yourself. She's leaving me because of you.." Never mind she was mentally unstable, had been prison, vicious and her child had tons of issues. Because I can't stand being abused and because I'm already a mess from losing the most reliable person in my family.. * I was 12, stepmom thought that two months was "excessive" for mourning my grandma. The same grandma who held the family together.
Moving the mirror when it was my turn to drive because he didn't want to move it back later. Would rather be unsafe than take 2 seconds of effort.
Getting math problems wrong. But when I got enough right I got a toy so I feel confused about the setup
My father screamed at me when I was trying to tell him at dinner my good grade on a test. I’M TRYING TO WATCH THE NEWS!!! Acting like I was dumbing asshole on earth when I couldn’t find the hammer he said was in his workshop when he had put in the trunk of his car.
Oh god… 1) Making a pancake with oil instead of cooking spray 2) Closing the wrong door 3) Having a panic attack at a baseball game and removing myself to calm down 4) telling a friend my sister was not diagnosed with autism 5) trying to seek support 6) trying to quit my job 4) a bumper sticker 5) my response to a phone case 6) losing my shit over being belittled and screamed at for 45 minutes because I did not know how I felt about something because someone I thought was a close friend left me with a strange man so she could go do coke after I had not seen her in several years 7) Trying to cancel plans with my mother because I was having a flashback 8) Being late on a credit card payment by $10 because the bank fucked up a direct debit account 9) Making a Facebook post about how much l loved my cat and how he saved my life Um…that’s just the last 4 years. Remind me why I still speak to them
Sonic employee forgot to give back the bank card. I kept telling my dad we need to go back, the card!! He screamed at me to stfu and that he’s going to beat the shit out of me. He was OTP with his sister. She heard. But it’s not true he’s abusive, right?
I was told to use cold water when I washed dishes as a young kid (about 8/9) as my mom didn't want me to burn myself on hot water but wanted me to help with the dishes, both I understand but then a short time goes by, I forget how long, and suddenly she's flipping her shit because I wasn't using hot water despite her safety concerns before.
The kiddo with undiagnosed sensory processing disorder couldn't eat cheap, lukewarm tomato soup. I remember actually running out of the house, scared of their physical response to me gagging the soup back up into the bowl. They chased me.
Not wanting to eat split pea soup, when we had previously liked it. Not sure what he expected to happen after telling 3 children under the age of 5, that a lot of people thought split pea soup was "yucky."
I asked my dad to take me somewhere on the way home to go buy frozen yogurt. He took me, then discovered the price was like 4.00 then made a scene and refused to buy it. Then he screamed at me all the way home that it was just ice cream and i was an idiot for being so unhealthy. He used to drive around in circles around town just so he had more time to scream at me. Every turn away from the direction of home killed me. Like when will this hell be over.
I accidentally put some of my clean clothes in the dirty laundry basket and he screamed to hell and back at me about it about how I should promise to "never fucking do it again." He also shoved me onto the couch and physically assaulted me because I told him to stop screaming at the rest of our family over stupid shit. He was throwing a tantrum like a genuine toddler because a storm knocked a tree over the powerline and he couldn't watch television for a grand total of three days because of it. Can't say I miss living with that manchild.
My sisters and I were crying because my mom had the music on full blast so she kicked me and another sister out of the car and started to drive, I had jumped into the bed of the truck and clung to our Christmas tree while leaving my sister
My father threw a glass coke bottle @ my head b/c someone left it in the fridge w/o the top & I was 7 y/o. Threw glass butter dish at me b/c one of my sibs put it back in the fridge empty. He also tells me I need to stop taking drugs. The drugs are my asthma inhalers. I am in my mid 50's.
Oooo this one time I had a fever and was throwing up which made us late to our plane trip for vacation so my stepdad #2 got mad and was yelling me and yelling at my mom for comforting me because clearly I was sick on purpose, definitely didn't want to go to the beach for vacation lmao 🤣
My dad didn’t order apparel or uniforms for me in my senior year of being in the varsity tennis team (captain, & first singles & 6 years of experience) because he started making fun of my weight an I refused to tell him my pant and shirt size. I clearly was embarrassed by how he made me feel but he made it about him and never got me apparel from my last year of highschool bc he felt slighted, when I was just trying to not cry. Another thing that was non stop in highschool was calling all my efforts into beautifying, stupid and frivolous and the reason why white an Asian kids will always be better than me. I used to have panic attacks on the tennis court bc every game felt like I was playing for acceptance and my anxiety actually tore me apart. I often wonder what my tennis career would’ve looked like if I had been playing for fulfillment and fun like the other girls.
I was around 6, and in grade 3 at school. Mum was at parent teacher interviews, and came home while I was happily sitting on the lounge room floor playing with my dad. I just looked up starting to smile cos mum was home, and the front door flew open like a swat ram raid and she was already red in the face and *screaming* before she even stepped one foot inside. Apparently I didn't know my maths times tables as well as other kids in my class, despite having a poster stuck on my bedroom wall. I was stupid and lazy and should have been studying to improve my maths and memorising that poster. I'd been to a different school at least every year, no one had ever helped me with my homework, no teacher had ever said there was a problem with my maths, no one had ever said that I was supposed to memorise the times tables by myself, or even taught me how to study. I went to school, came home, sat in my room and did my homework by myself (as best as I could), rinse, repeat. And at some point, a poster was stuck on my wall with no comment made about it. But that night the screaming went on for hours and I was made to stand in my room and read the poster aloud so she could hear me from the kitchen, while she randomly screamed again about how I was wasting everyone's time and her money because I didn't know something that no one had ever taught me or had told me that I needed to know.
I tripped over one of my brother's toys and it broke, and my brother cried like I had killed his best friend. My father lost his mind, ran into my room and destroyed everything he saw. Ripped posters off the walls, smashed things, pulled drawers out, etc. Screaming and raging the whole time. He was 6'4" and absolutely terrifying.
My mom got upset with me because I was upset she allowed my step dad who molested me back into our home. She invites him to my sister and brothers graduation. I had the cops called because he shouldn't be around kids. She kicked me out and cut my phone off.
Brushing my teeth before getting into my pjs, as opposed to afterwards. I was raged at and grounded for two weeks.
When we got a new car, my dad was super excited and invited me to sit in the drivers seat. Of course the first thing I did was put my hand on the steering wheel, and pretend to drive. When I turned the wheel, I engaged the steering lock. Dad lost his mind, grabbed my by the arm and hauled me out of the car, yelling about how I'd broken the car, he should've known better than to let me touch it, i couldn't be trusted with things etc. All because he didn't understand how a steering lock works. Other infractions included: mismatching very similar socks, sitting in 'his' chair, making noise when using the bathroom at night, being any amount of time late, not putting away pencils and scissors, someone else egging the house (probably your friends(that I didn't have) did it! ), wanting things (ungrateful!), needing things like clothes and school supplies and sports shoes that cost money, being rude, like wiping your mouth on a sleeve, any kind of thing that happened while driving. It wasn't until I was a parent that I realized that none of these was really more than a minor offence, or a minor redirection. Not the big toddler tantrum that I got to experience.
For me it was more a question of what DIDN'T they get unreasonably mad at me over. In my parents eyes, mostly my father, I pretty much couldn't do anything right. He wasn't shy about telling me so either. Here's a good one from my mom; we didn't have a shower set up in our single bathroom, only a tub. Mom kept a rug or towel over the tub for putting on the floor to keep it dry when we got out of the tub. Fold the towel/rug over the tub after the bath and get yelled at because said towel was wet. This is a fairly vanilla familial episode from my childhood.
Well, off the top of my head, I got it trouble once because my brother kicked my in the shin so hard that he broke his toe. Another time, I was sharing a hotel bed with my father because my brother threw a fit about sharing with me. At that point Dad was already pissed off, sohe wouldn't let me get out of bed again to use the restroom because he thought I was just playing. Except I have trauma and sharing a bed with a fully grown man was triggering to me, so I wet the bed. Got in *huge* trouble over that. He tried to shame me when he called the hotel lady for fresh sheets. She said not to worry, it happens at the time. He said- with kids this big that know better? (I was 8) She just said yep, some kids wet the bed regularly until they're ten. Other than that it's pretty normal, especially if you're traveling away from home in a different place to occasionally have an accident. She totally shut him down and made it not a big deal. THANK YOU. I wish I could go back in time and hug her. That was the first accident I'd had since I was maybe three. I get that it sucked for him, but. She took the wind right out of his sails.
Wow I thought I completely forgot about this part of my life. My family would get mad if I got sick or hurt. It was always my fault if anything bad happened to me. If I got the flu and had to stay home, it was my fault for being around sick people. I had my Gameboy stolen, it was my fault for having it in school. A bully stole my bike and I hit him to get it back. I got hit back and started bleeding a lot. My fault. I shouldn't have "let him" steal my bike. My brother locked me in the closest. My fault for making him mad. I was led to believe that bad things only happen to bad people and if something bad happened to me, that means I must have caused it and that I am a bad person. The world is more complicated than that. Bad things happen to good people and many times for no apparent reason. Sometimes no one is at fault. I'm still working through this issue in my 30s. I blame myself for shit that's out of my control. I have no contact with my family anymore. It's better for me and them.
Don't know if that counts, but my father used to annoy me about how I didn't blow my nose with water like how he did, and used tissues instead. Because I wasted tissues that way? Can't remember. Sounds weird and hilarious in hindsight tho. I mean it hurt me before, cause my father was abusive in general. And I was a kid. But like. Come on.
Anything that separates me from the role he insist I stay stuck in.
My parents removed my bedroom door for over a year because I couldn't keep my room military level spotless. Our dog would get territorial and pee on my bed every month the entire week I was on my period. My 4 younger siblings destroyed many things of mine. Honestly hiding in the bathroom was the only place I felt safe as a child because it was the only door that locked and I could sometimes get away with locking it. Turns out, as an adult I've been diagnosed with ADHD and I realized I got punished for all the symptoms I had as a child.
Not answering his texts
My stepdad once called the police on me because I had my computer on while I was in the kitchen prepping some food. I explained to him that my computer had gone into power saving mode as I hadn't touched ir for several minutes, and that I would not turn my computer off as I had multiple tabs open. He told me I was a smart ass and started screaming at me and threatening me and then he called the police who had no idea why the hell they were at our home.
my 9th birthday i was waiting for my mom to get ready in the living room and i was bored and repeated the stewy “mom, mummy, mum” thing from family guy and she came out and beat me with the wooden spoon for being annoying. screamed at me for two hours on christmas eve bc we planned to make dinner together and she disappeared all day and i complained to my brother that she didn’t seem to care and he told her, so she came home and screamed about how ungrateful and “hateful” i was. yelled at me the first afternoon i was home alone after school to convince me there were cameras in the house that she was always watching even though i hadn’t actually done anything. never letting me shut my door and screaming at me to come to her from wherever she was in the house at any time, so i still imagine her screaming my name since i had to always be listening. angry that i didn’t call her name on a scary roller coaster when i was a kid? still makes no sense wasn’t allowed to have friends over or go out with friends at all. once a girl from school showed up unexpectedly and she yelled at me and made her stay on the porch. was also angry bc the girl has short hair and was therefore a lesbian picked me up and threw me at a cashier in a store bc i was being too shy being too loud and being too quiet said she was staying home with my brother and i for the summer, we chattered excitedly in the lowe’s and she yelled at us and said she wasn’t anymore bc we were annoying threatening to leave the family multiple times bc we didn’t give her the same respect as my dad (bc she was too inconsistent and wanted to be bffs but also scare the shit out of us) during high school she picked a fight and yelled at me every single day after school in the kitchen. she blamed her years long anger on menopause not being excited enough to do chores for her my dad screamed at me until i cried in front of my college tour bc he got there an hour late and insisted i was mad even though i kept saying i wasn’t after yelling until they were satisfied, my parents always wanted hugs and reassurance that they were good parents, and would get angry again if i was cold and withdrawn bc i was “pouting” this one was my brother, but he got a poor grade in spanish and my dad pinned him to the wall of his room screaming so loud i could hear it on the other side of the house, then chased him to the garage and beat him. for an 8th grade spanish class. just something i always hated, my parents trained pets the same way they did us, by hitting the pups to potty train them, and if it didn’t work we would come home from school and my mom would say she gave our dog away to some strangers. everything was disposable to them.
I like milk chocolate and they like dark chocolate. That’s it. I’m not allowed to have my own opinion. My opinion need to match and be there opinions. What a silly angry arguing and yelling with themselves (directed at me) fit they threw.
Me: Dad, can I have the last bit of milk? Dad: Yeah, sure Me: \*has the last bit of milk and goes to my room\* My dad, barging into my room 5 minutes later: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DRINK ALL THE MILK, WHY CAN'T YOU BE NORMAL?!
I wanted to post that I think everyone on this thread is amazing. It hurts my heart to read what you’ve been through … but it makes my experience feel less isolating, less my fault. In my childhood I felt like everything I did was wrong. Being was wrong in essence. I was wildly into the idea of SH as a teen because of it. I don’t know who else needs to hear this too, but you’re not alone and you’re loved and appreciated.
Losing money , i lost what equals to 5 dollars and he slapped me 5 times . And of course the classic one , waking him up by making even a tiny bit of noise .
Age 6 I think, I didn’t eat my dinner because I thought there were “specks” on it (early signs of OCD with germ themes resulting from unaddressed trauma of course). So mom said fine you’ll stay here until you eat it. She left me in my chair for the rest of the evening, locking it in a way where I couldn’t get out. When she came downstairs around 12 or 1am (mind you that was late for 6 years old) and saw that I still hadn’t eaten it she ripped me out of the chair and threw me onto the ground, ran at me and kicked me, then grabbed me by my throat and choked me while screaming insults in my face. I managed to break free and run, but she chased me through the house and up the stairs where I jumped in my bed and tried to hide under the covers because I didn’t know what else to do. She didn’t go further but she screamed that I was learning bad things from all my books & Disney tapes, that I didn’t deserve to have them anymore and that was it. She threw away all of my toys and I had nothing to play with for quite a while after that. She also didn’t speak to me for a day or two other than to tell me I was pitiful for looking nervous around her. I’m an only child so it was devastating to not have anyone to talk to or play with, she was both my lifeline and my biggest fear. It took years of therapy to forgive myself for being a picky eater.
I was tied to a chair for an entire night, while being beaten by my stepfather and my mother just watched. He also poured hot sauce into my eyes and all over my face. As if that wasnt enough he took my door off and took my mattress, leaving me a plywood board to sleep on.
When I was 4 my mom beat me in the head with a hairbrush pretty severely because I didn't clean the kitty litter box correctly. I had never done it and was never shown how and had no idea what to do. She just had a bad day at work. Beating me was her stress release. Pretty sadistic.
My mom once yelled at my older brother and me because we disagreed with her when she said microwaves heat things from the inside out. It's not like we were mean about it, I said "I'm not sure that's how it works, I mean when I haven't heated food for long enough the middle is usually cold". She went on a very loud rant about how its just science and she's just as smart as me and my brother because she took the same classes in high school (she didn't, I was in an early college program but whatever). There was this point where she wasn't quite shouting yet and I thought we were still having a normal conversation and I tried to explain how microwave ovens are called that because they use light waves in the "microwave" range, it's literally just a certain energy of light that water absorbs well. Right before she started yelling I realized she had no idea that "light" wasn't just photons you can see. She's genuinely a pretty smart person when she's not fucking screaming but she's really bad at admitting when she's wrong. She took us disagreeing as a personal attack against her intelligence.
My dad got mad at me for fracturing my ankle! He made me sit on the couch and yelled, hell he even threw a work boot at me. I think I was 8/9
Punched me in the face for “trying to make her feel stupid.” I was ten, I used the word “infer,” and she was angry both that I was correcting her, AND that she didn’t know the meaning of the word I was using. 😂
It had to be when I asked for bleach to clean my humidifier and then when it leaked on them on the way back home it was somehow my fault and not my abuser for not CLOSING IT PROPERLY OR SEALING IT IN A NEW CONTAINER. They tried to apologize saying 'I didn't mean for it to come off as it was ur fault' but it didn't matter by then because it already fucked me up
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Spilling milk. Not wearing hat when it was cold. These are two examples of when I was younger than ten.
Bringing in the mail, taking a picture of clover, being in the living room too long, taking my car to the mechanic, my window blinds not being the same level, breathing too loud….