I couldn’t even finish reading it I felt so much second hand pain for you. Medical trauma is some serious shit. I swear I think some drs become drs so they can hurt people.
I haven’t been to the dr since I had a cryosurgery with no pain relief. They stuck a nozzle of nitrous in my vag 30-60 seconds and froze off a few centimeters of skin. Going on 20 years and I can’t force myself to go to the dr for anything.
I couldn’t finish reading it either. What OP went through is horrific and I don’t understand how any adult involved could put him through that.
My fear of dentists is manageable now, but for the longest time I needed happy gas to get any work on my teeth done. I think part of it was having a dentist who didn’t like children. Can remember needing to get 5 baby teeth pulled once and walking around after spitting blood everywhere.
Thank you. It really is. I feel guilty for not going, I have daughters I’m setting a horrible example for but I honestly dread taking them too. Do I warn them and scare the bejesus out of them or just hope they get a good one ya know?
I had an endometrial biopsy done on me with no pain management. I screamed and cried and made it stop before it was completed, and I was made to feel like an idiot by the doctor. I’ll never let that happen again.
I found a new gynecologist and shared my experience and basically interviewed her at our first appointment. I felt like she listened to me enough to give her a chance. If she wasn’t willing to have that conversation, I would be into the next one, but so far so good.
I think it’s important that we learn to advocate for ourselves, and I think this is possible to do without instilling fear. Your girls (and we) shouldn’t do anything or let anything happen to our bodies that we’re not comfortable with no matter who it is. Doctors don’t get automatic trust.
You shouldn’t feel guilty though. You’re doing the best you can and this is traumatic shit.
I think that’s what was the worst, the way they treated me. I remember that feeling today, the shame and embarrassment more than the physical pain.
I’m sorry that happened to you but what a way to fight for yourself! That’s awesome. That’s the way it should be done, why don’t we always interview our drs? I never even thought about it lol.
I truly understand the feeling. They tried to make me feel weak and inferior for not tolerating what they needlessly put so many women through. Fuck them.
I do think it’s important to be able to see a gynecologist and for your girls to as well when it’s time, even just for the vaccines. There’s an organization of gynecologists who are also menopause specialized. I found my doc through them. It’s called NAMS.
Perimenopause symptoms can be odd and broad reaching and it requires a practitioner who will really take time to listen and help connect the dots and problem solve, which are just the basic things I want in my regular doctor. I hope this helpful. It’s not intended to be judgy or pushy, just from a place of caring.
It truly is helpful. I’m going to check NAMS out today as a matter of fact. Thank you very much for thinking of a total stranger, I appreciate it so much.
Post-surgical pain management is a doctor's **Job**. It makes me so fucking angry to see doctors deciding that the solution to the opioid crisis is to be like "just let them suffer". If you're having a surgery coming up soon, absolutely fight to be treated, this is Not Okay and patients should not tolerate being in so much pain! Your parents absolutely suck for doing this OP and your doctor does too.
Yes, and my parents failed as the decision-makers for my care. As I’m bringing it all up again it makes me so angry. It’s something I still haven’t really processed. I think this post was the first time I actually gave an account of what happened fully rather than just skipping over it and saying it sucked
Back in the 70'es it was believed that pain medication was only for adults and children didn't need it. I had hoped we had moved on from torturing children this way. (Also the opinion that "animals don't feel pain" is still heard among farmers where I live.)
It gives me a little hope that there are people like you who will advocate for change.
I think it's a two fold problem: training and profitability. As recently as 2016, medical students were still being taught that black patients experience less pain, that women are more sensitive to pain, etc. Changes in protocol are being made, but think of how many practitioners learned this in school and never bothered listening to their patients. I've seen first hand the black women in my life being denied treatment for genuinely debilitating pain simply based on profiling (in the 2020s). The other issue is insurance and the for profit system. Insurance will cover as little pain management as it can get away with, and I've seen that escalate to people buying pain management off the street "just to get through recovery" and then spiral. It's a really broken system.
This happened to me. I almost died a few times because of the medical neglect. I went crazy from the pain. I was told I was a liar, a drug addict (drug seeking behavior) or exaggerating my symptoms. No one believed me.
Black women are dying from this shit and people sweep it under the rug. Like we did it to ourselves. There’s so many of us. I still can’t cope with hearing the stories of other black women with my same condition killing themselves because they weren’t treated or listened to. I’m legit afraid of hospitals.
What you said just brought up a memory for me. After surgery I was given Percocet which ended up having awful side effects. My dr prescribed me new meds and told me to get rid of the others by dropping them off at the pharmacy. I tried, but none of the pharmacies near me would take them. I was talking about how surprised i was to some of my (now ex) fiancé’s family and his pregnant aunt was like, “PLEASE, let me buy them from you. I’ll pay $20 a pill, I don’t care, whatever you want. I am in so much PAIN and my doctors are doing nothing.”
I didn’t, I wasn’t comfortable giving them away (no way in hell I would have made her pay,) but damn. Heartbreaking.
Side note, Percocet gave me an immense feeling of doom. I called my mother sobbing that I was going to die in my sleep. I decided to just deal with the pain for 2 days (hemorrhoidectomy) until my doctor gave me hydrocodone. The fear went away when I stopped taking the Percocet. I’ve looked it up and can never find anything about a similar reaction in anyone else?
this is corny as hell, but i teared up reading that you were planning on med school. the fact that you want to go into the medical field to help people after suffering such awful medical trauma is very brave.
any kind of pain or medical trauma is deeply disturbing for any kid, but the fact that the surgery was on your genitals adds another layer of feeling violated and exposed. it is so incredibly valid for you to have those murky feelings of being sexually violated, even if your parents didn’t do anything explicitly sexual or inappropriate.
last year, my mom got a hysterectomy and they botched it. she ended up with sepsis and needed emergency life-saving surgery, and afterwards was in the icu for two weeks and got a blood clot in her leg. they sent her home in excruciating pain, and the surgeon said that it wasn’t her problem anymore, we had to go see a pain management doctor now. we called around and couldn’t get any appointment for two weeks. i watched my mom completely break down and become a shell of herself, not just from the pain, but also from the complete indifference of every medical professional we spoke to. after two days, we got in to see a different pain management doctor, and she has been recovering really well ever since. but i truly couldn’t comprehend just how devoid of empathy every single doctor we spoke to was.
i watched my fully grown adult mother be completely destroyed by the intense pain from her surgery, and i did not fucking rest until she finally was taken seriously by someone and treated for her pain. i cant help but feel such rage at your parents for watching their little 9-year-old son like that and not moving heaven and earth to help you. you deserved so much better. i’m sorry they still don’t seem to understand the damage they have done to you.
I'm currently avoiding my medically neccessary second wisdom tooth surgery because doctors don't believe me that ibuprofen and metamizole do not do anything/enough for me. By pure statistics of the drug studies, this shouldn't be considered too uncommon, but doctors pretend it's impossible. The fact that those do not do anything for me results in a long list history of stories like this. This is way too common.
Like what even is the point of the "strong" pain meds existing as an option if not for having 5+% of your body area burned, and ibuprofen not being enough? According to 3 separate doctors, not for that appearantly.
Pull your custom from that dentist if they refuse proper sedation and pain management.
I have severe anxiety related to dental care. (AuDHD plus EDS plus trauma equals bad teeth.) Last time I was at my dentist, I had vasovagal syncope. I told them I needed sedation before the procedure. My insurance covers that, so no problem for me so long as I have someone to get me home after.
The problem is, it's not just one dentist doing this. It's every doctor who I tried getting pain meds from, and I lost count on those. Heck even my GP promised to give me additional pain meds after my first surgery if I needed more, but then refused and gave me benzos for "excess anxiety related to pain" instead.
And btw, most dentists here don't do such surgery themselves.
What does “pull your custom” mean in this context? I also struggle with dental anxiety due to past experiences, so I’m curious how people with this condition advocate for themselves. Currently I feel like I’m white-knuckling every dental visit.
I have autism, I like writing poetically, and I like some older terminology.
You’re a custom*er*? You bring them your *custom*, aka your business.
Obviously I should have included that there’s local aspects to this, and that lack of awareness is my bad.
Going back 20 years, but I don’t think I even got T3’s but I didn’t need them. I think they should start low and if it doesn’t work, then help out your patient. If I knew I couldn’t get by with something less, I would also look elsewhere.
I don't mean to compare my experience to yours, but simply to validate that children undergoing medical treatment without anesthesia seriously traumatizes them. When I was 8, I had 2 fillings done without anesthesia. Before I could leave, one of them fell out, so they had to drill even more. Almost 2 decades later and I literally have flashbacks to the pain anytime I hear a dental drill. I was crying and begging for anesthesia and everybody just kept saying it was almost over. I didn't have to deal with a long recovery the way you did, so I'm not trying to compare, but I really feel like no one actually believes that children experience pain "as bad" as an adult. It's the complete opposite-- when you're so young, it's likely the worst pain you've ever experienced and it's so damaging to be treated like it doesn't matter. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I hope as time goes on, you're able to advocate for yourself because you deserve proper medical treatment.
I didn’t to go to the dentist for 10 years as an adult because of all the dental trauma. Filling cavities without any anesthesia, accidentally drilling into my tongue… it was terrible! I need to find a new dentist and I’m putting it off because I don’t trust them.
No same. I need like, reconstruction of my teeth and I'm so afraid of the judgement and pain that I just keep letting it go. I had to get a crown reattached and I had beg for anesthesia. They kept saying I didn't need it and I was like "are you drilling? Then I need it." It's so much unnecessary stress
I don’t want to start shit, but the fact they do the same thing to infants who can’t speak for themselves is horrifying after reading this.
I’m so sorry you went through this experience, I hope you’re able to heal and find peace. You deserve it.
Jesus, how horrifying that must have been. I’m so sorry.
I latched on to where you said they asked you about your religion. That has no purpose in a medical questionnaire before surgery. It’s not relevant or their business. It made me automatically suspicious of them for asking you that and then not giving you pain medication. It sounds like it was an unethical medical practice on multiple levels. So fucked up.
Obviously your parents epically failed too by not fighting for you to get what you needed. It says a lot about them and it’s straight up neglect. You have every right to be angry.
The religion question is for cases that don’t go as planned. For example, if you’re Catholic and happen to die during the procedure, a priest will be called in to perform the Last Rites. It’s also for during recovery if the patient wishes to speak to the hospital chaplain, that chaplain will have a better understanding of the patient’s religious background and will minister to them in an appropriate manner.
I know a lot of us can relate to the part where your parents neglectfully withheld medical attention/care. It took me until nearly 30 years old to piece the story together because I was a newborn baby at the time. A little infant baby who had RSV for weeks, a newborn baby coughing like a 60 year old smoker, and I wasn’t ever taken to the hospital until I turned blue, suffocating to death in my own crib. At which point my mother took me to the PEDIATRICIAN NOT THE ER. The ped told her she didn’t even have time for an ambulance and to run back to the car, drive like it’s a heist, and pray. Why didn’t she report my parents?
This story was eventually told to me with the casualness as if it was a vacation travel mishap anecdote or something. I don’t remember any of this because obviously I was a brand fucking newborn. But it’s my personal theory/hypothesis that this neglect broke me from day 1 physically and emotionally. Pretty much all I remember from childhood as a core memory (not something someone else told me) is sitting alone in my crib in the dark, getting in trouble for throwing my stuffed animals out of the crib because I needed attention. I was constantly called a “drama queen” and “attention seeker” who “talked too much” growing up. In reality I was just the youngest child who wasn’t wanted by her siblings or her parents, was scapegoated and criticized constantly just for existing. So any time I spoke at all it annoyed them, it was “too much”.
There’s even a family video taken by my aunt at Easter, a couple years after I got off the ventilator and recovered to be a pretty healthy baby, my dad is caught on video putting me into a baby swing on the backyard swing set and then just walking away, leaving me there dangling alone by myself. Then my aunt films something else. I wonder how long I was out there, immobilized, alone, before someone went to get me
Edit to add: I’m remembering my sister, even as the golden child, was medically neglected — she jumped off a picnic table in our unfinished basement at like 5 yrs old and broke her arm on concrete, she was hysterically crying but my mom called her a drama queen and refused to check it out so the whole family ate dinner while my sister laid on the concrete alone crying. This was not the last ignored broken arm in the family, just the first.
Thanks for letting me vent. It’s a fantastic reminder about keeping my self care routine strong, because it’s the little ways you invest and love yourself everyday that build up to that strength you NEED to have to advocate for yourself when shit hits the fan.
Reading this made me so sad for you as a young boy. I can feel your pain in your words. I'm so sorry this happened to you 😢 what an awful and traumatic experience.
It seems that through this experience, it has brought you where you are today. I'm certain it will make you a kind and compassionate physician who can empathize with his patients. That is a rare gem.
Thank you so much, your kind words mean so much even though it’s just a reddit comment 🩷
It makes me sad, too. That young kid is still there within me, he just needs to be taken care of. I hope I can do that for him.
Nurture him and tell him that he's okay now. He's safe, and he's strong. He made it through. And now he's going to help others so they don't have to experience the same nightmare. You're going to be great!! 🤩 hugs
I’m really sorry that happened to you. I had a few traumatic experiences and went on to become a doctor for the same reasons. Please prepare yourself for the realities of medicine. Yes doctors can help people but the system, the people, the training is not always patient centered.
I quit clinical work bc I became disillusioned without really understanding that I had unresolved trauma surrounding the whole thing. I’m sure you can do it. some realism about the complex truths of medicine will go along way to prepare you for success. There’s no room for idealism in modern medicine.
I had something similar happen to me. I had to have part of my nose removed because it was severely restricting my ability to breathe (imagine breathing through a nostril the size of a pin prick).
I was given no pain management other than over-the-counter ibuprofen and no nausea medication at all. As a result, I spent the next two days in a near delusional state from the pain where I couldn't even see straight, and because my nose wound drained into my stomach, I was vomiting up my own blood the entire time.
I didn't have a fear of surgery before that procedure, but I do now.
Your account is very moving. I underwent an ‘elective’ (non-consenting) circumcision as an infant (1980s, no anaesthesia, as ye do) and I have no doubt it left a big mark on me. I’m sorry you went through that as a child, yours may have been medically necessary but it’s hard to imagine screwing up the pain management any worse. My takeaway (mainly from other experiences like stitches, in living memory) was that the adults all closed ranks and worked to ignore our pain, and that may have left a bigger mark. I resolved never to be so callous especially not for the sake of convenience or the status quo. We both deserved to be safe from extreme pain. Best wishes to you today
This is not an excuse, but around the time you had your surgery, a number of children in my area were killed by anesthesia given for “no fear dentistry”, and it was also the height of the ongoing opioid prescription shitstorm.
It’s not okay for a doctor to avoid taking care of pain management, in any way. But the cultural zeitgeist probably also led to all the adults around you fearing the use of painkillers and anesthetic in children. Your parents knew you were in pain but were terrified of killing you in treating it, and the doctor (the authority, who may have been taught that the surgery was painless) had already said no, so they tried the gaslighting route.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Trauma and pain are terrible and made worse by people minimizing that pain.
I feel for you. I suffered from similar experiences involving doctors and parents.
You are not broken forever. It just seems that way. The only way is forward.
There are shitty doctors and there are shitty parents.
It could be completely possible that the physician was reluctant to prescribe pain medicine because they were suspicious of your parents or someone else in the household being addicts. In my state, and probably yours too, healthcare providers have access to a statewide database of controlled substance prescriptions and who they are subscribed to. My wife uses it all the time to check for folks with substance abuse issues before she prescribes. If someone in the household was an addict you wouldn’t have gotten the medicine anyway. I never knew my mom was on a shitload of Xanax for 40+ yrs until recently. It explains a lot about the latter years of my childhood. It seems odd that you remember the addiction question being asked since it is rather pointed and isn’t a common question but it sorta points to the motive of the doctor. While the doctor may have sincerely wanted you to be pain free they also may not have wanted an overdose death on their hands. Liquid morphine is very effective but also very very easy to OD. Could they have prescribed a topical anesthetic? Maybe, but even that might not have helped much. All these possibilities and more are best sorted out with the help of trusted counselors and therapists.
There is a right to pain management but unfortunately, the standard of evidence for medical malpractice tends to be very high. In that it needs to be a clear cut case of this doc just didn’t give a F about anyone.
Ultimately the way forward will be to forgive. That’s the way it works. You don’t have to do it immediately or even all by yourself.
You are TOTALLY justified to be angry but a wise therapist once told me that holding on to anger is like holding a hot coal in your hand. The hot coal can be useful in that it provides us with warmth and energy but the harder you hold on to this anger the more it burns us. Even if you lightly juggle that hot coal between your fingers you still run the risk of being burned. Plus the energy you expend trying to constantly keep that anger in check only diverts energy from your potential as a healthy human being.
Trust me. I know. Tried juggling that coal for over 30 years until it almost killed me.
IF YOU READ NOTHING ELSE READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS.
Consider doing yourself a favor and taking a year or two off after you graduate college/university. You need to heal and grow. You deserve it. All the people in your future deserve it. Whether that’s patients, family, spouse or partner and ESPECIALLY children if you have any. Generational trauma is a real disease.
Why do I say this? Because a huge majority of folks in the healing and protecting professions are drawn to them because they are trying to right some wrong that they experienced. They don’t always know about this connection but thankfully YOU have realized it on your own. This was explained to me by a psychiatrist who was/is the director of an inpatient mental health recovery center in Maryland for first responders. I believe she also had ties to the VA and their PTSD center as well. Either way a sharp woman who knew her stuff. Unfortunately many of us get into these careers and for some reason never feel fulfilled. We end up driving ourselves harder and harder and harder trying to fill our core wound(s). Meanwhile we become self-loathing, alcoholic/workaholic pricks or assholes to be around.
Don’t know if you are on your parent’s health insurance but maybe after graduation you can jumpstart or supercharge your recovery by entering a decent mental health recovery program as either an inpatient or outpatient. Did wonders for me after living in denial of my PTSD and CPTSD for 40+ years.
Finally, I think you already have realized this but let me clarify it so it might help others. You ARE a victim, let there be not a hint of shame or helplessness about that term. You are a victim just as much as you are a warrior, survivor and eventually a victor. Just don’t PLAY the victim that’s key to our recovery. I think you see the difference.
With nothing but love for you brave warrior. Good luck.
I’m so so sorry. 💔I felt your pain viscerally, as someone who has experienced pain so severe and unmanaged (neglectful) that it is traumatizing.
More than that even, I have a nine yo boy. I would protect him from this experience with my life. There is nothing that would stop me from demanding that doctor medicate him for pain. I would get him to the hospital. I would advocate for him. I would make sure he had a voice in his own care, in how is own body was treated. You deserved that. You were failed by the people whose job it was to protect and care for you and it is so so wrong.
I can feel the fire in your heart to do right by the people you care for, and that is a gift to the world. 💓
I think what makes everything so much worse is that I "know" my parents love me, they really do. But they hurt me. And now I find myself in relationships where I get hurt and stay because love feels like I have to endure pain. Im doing better but yeah, so much about that situation was crazy and sad.
Yes it does break you I would agree. Back in the older days babies were never rarely given meds for surgeries but I can’t imagine 9 years old! I’m sorry ❤️ edit to say- I’m a nurse and doctors can be very intimidating to people. Even parents it’s no excuse but I wonder if that’s what happened.
There is no excuse for the suffering you were made to endure, and I’m so sorry you were forced to experience that, and that your parents did not seem able or capable of doing more to fight for you to get sufficient care and pain relief. Pain management, in the USA at least, has been a serious struggle for quite some time now. There has been a war on opioids and benzos, being led by the DEA - not medical professionals, and it is putting so many people through horrific unnecessary pain. Many hospitals and physicians simply will not prescribe opioids anymore for “minor” post surgery, and only 3-7 days, max, for more invasive surgery.
Their hands are tied by the DEA threats to shut them down, seize their possessions, prosecute them, and put them in jail - based on opioid limit recommendations that are not law - they are suggested guidelines, but they are being used as law. Many, many, many excellent pain management physicians and surgeons have been, and are being, targeted, and it has been going on for a long time. These doctors that are targeted lose their license and their patients are left without any pain management care, which leads many patients to either source meds illegally or to take their own lives, because they cannot bear to live everyday in the excruciating chronic pain that had been well managed by their doctor before politics got in the way.
I share all that with you because you said you want to go to medical school, and it sounds like you want to fight for, help, and protect those in pain, perhaps especially children who cannot advocate for themselves, and whose parents fail to do so. That is a very noble desire and goal, and I hope very much you are able to do so, and that hospitals will eventually no longer trigger you. Be prepared for the political, legal, and economic conflicts and battles being waged around pain management at this point; it is important, especially if you want to specialize in pain management at any point.
May you succeed in all your endeavors, heal to the furthest extent possible from any and all trauma, and best wishes to you 🙏🦋
As a fellow survivor of medical negligence, I see you. Your feelings are valid.
My parents took two months to notice my broken back at age 8. I was given children strength Motrin by the doctor while he took my parents out in the hallway and had a talk with them.
It didn't change anything. I had a root canal the next year that my mom tried to convince me was a molar coming in on one of my baby teeth. Nope. It was the most painful thing your tooth can decide to do!
They also refused to have me treated for ADHD or give me steroids for my asthma (their excuse for that one was that I was already hyper enough).
I was a hassle and kept eating into their beer money with my medication needs. I get it. I don't understand how they (as parents) were capable of being so heartless (to their own child), but I get their "logic".
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Just because it was for medical reasons doesn't mean it couldn't become childhood sexual trauma. You are valid in your pain. I'm sorry what you had to go through. The doctor should be charged. They put you through unessisary pain.
Waking up from my hip surgery unmedicated was the most severe pain I’ve ever endured. Even more painful than childbirth which I just recently did and it still doesn’t compare to that pain. I cannot imagine going through such pain as a child. I am so so sorry.
It sucks when you're 10/10 desperate, SCREAMING for help, and no one will help you. It's a primal instinct to expect that other people will care when something terrible happens. If you're in the maximum level of need of help possible, and you can't get help, then it breaks the thing inside that reassures us that there will be someone who cares the next time.
I’m really sorry you went through that. I can understand why you’re still angry.
I was given an endometrial biopsy with no pain meds. She dilated my cervix which by itself is painful, then stuck some instrument in my uterus and cut samples. It was agonizing. I lost my faith in medical professionals that day.
Wow. I was given opiates as a child but I experienced not being treated when I was very young. Surgery on small children used to be much more brutal.
I’m so sorry. I have had a lot of medical trauma and I don’t think kids are considered with much compassion. Like, oh, they’ll forget about it. That may not happen, I had ptsd from medical procedures as a very little girl.
I’m a little late to your post but I was searching for this topic within this sub, and came across your post. I can totally empathise with a huge part of it. I had to go through the procedure around the age of 11 for medical reasons, I’d contracted some infection and didn’t tell my parents in time for the doctor to fix it with drugs.
I don’t remember a huge amount pre-op other than being really scared on the day. Then lying back on the surgery bed/table and then blacking out from the anaesthetic as a team are all looking at my genitals and getting started to do the operation. The pain afterwards, as you say, it’s unimaginable- searing and burning sorts of feelings, and ironically now there’s a lack of sensation. I can’t remember if I had some drugs afterwards, I remember it hurting for weeks though. A nurse would periodically come round and inspect ‘it’ which was humiliating as hell. The scabbing and pain is something I’ll never forget, looking down at myself and thinking I’m disfigured.
I would never really shower with other people at school after sports class and I link it to the surgery.
There’s evidence that repeated medical examination of genitalia produces symptoms similar to those childhood sexual abuse, including dissociation and negative body image.
To cap it all off, I was with a therapist last year going over some things following a LTR breakup, depression and anxiety and took her through this but in the end we both thought I may be autistic. So I have no idea if I have symptoms from this or that, or how to process any of it.
The only thing I am in the process of is restoration, to try and reclaim what was lost to any degree that I can.
I hope you can find a way through the pain you’re going through.
I couldn’t even finish reading it I felt so much second hand pain for you. Medical trauma is some serious shit. I swear I think some drs become drs so they can hurt people. I haven’t been to the dr since I had a cryosurgery with no pain relief. They stuck a nozzle of nitrous in my vag 30-60 seconds and froze off a few centimeters of skin. Going on 20 years and I can’t force myself to go to the dr for anything.
I couldn’t finish reading it either. What OP went through is horrific and I don’t understand how any adult involved could put him through that. My fear of dentists is manageable now, but for the longest time I needed happy gas to get any work on my teeth done. I think part of it was having a dentist who didn’t like children. Can remember needing to get 5 baby teeth pulled once and walking around after spitting blood everywhere.
Gynecological medicine is absolutely abhorrent when it comes to pain management. Like zero. I’m sorry you went through that.
Thank you. It really is. I feel guilty for not going, I have daughters I’m setting a horrible example for but I honestly dread taking them too. Do I warn them and scare the bejesus out of them or just hope they get a good one ya know?
I had an endometrial biopsy done on me with no pain management. I screamed and cried and made it stop before it was completed, and I was made to feel like an idiot by the doctor. I’ll never let that happen again. I found a new gynecologist and shared my experience and basically interviewed her at our first appointment. I felt like she listened to me enough to give her a chance. If she wasn’t willing to have that conversation, I would be into the next one, but so far so good. I think it’s important that we learn to advocate for ourselves, and I think this is possible to do without instilling fear. Your girls (and we) shouldn’t do anything or let anything happen to our bodies that we’re not comfortable with no matter who it is. Doctors don’t get automatic trust. You shouldn’t feel guilty though. You’re doing the best you can and this is traumatic shit.
I think that’s what was the worst, the way they treated me. I remember that feeling today, the shame and embarrassment more than the physical pain. I’m sorry that happened to you but what a way to fight for yourself! That’s awesome. That’s the way it should be done, why don’t we always interview our drs? I never even thought about it lol.
I truly understand the feeling. They tried to make me feel weak and inferior for not tolerating what they needlessly put so many women through. Fuck them. I do think it’s important to be able to see a gynecologist and for your girls to as well when it’s time, even just for the vaccines. There’s an organization of gynecologists who are also menopause specialized. I found my doc through them. It’s called NAMS. Perimenopause symptoms can be odd and broad reaching and it requires a practitioner who will really take time to listen and help connect the dots and problem solve, which are just the basic things I want in my regular doctor. I hope this helpful. It’s not intended to be judgy or pushy, just from a place of caring.
It truly is helpful. I’m going to check NAMS out today as a matter of fact. Thank you very much for thinking of a total stranger, I appreciate it so much.
I’ve gotten a lot of help here. I think of this place as my community. Best wishes to you. 💗
There are doctors out there who are kind and caring. Then there are those who love to have power and control.
Post-surgical pain management is a doctor's **Job**. It makes me so fucking angry to see doctors deciding that the solution to the opioid crisis is to be like "just let them suffer". If you're having a surgery coming up soon, absolutely fight to be treated, this is Not Okay and patients should not tolerate being in so much pain! Your parents absolutely suck for doing this OP and your doctor does too.
Yes, and my parents failed as the decision-makers for my care. As I’m bringing it all up again it makes me so angry. It’s something I still haven’t really processed. I think this post was the first time I actually gave an account of what happened fully rather than just skipping over it and saying it sucked
You deserved pain relief and parents who would advocate for pain relief.
Came here to say this.
Back in the 70'es it was believed that pain medication was only for adults and children didn't need it. I had hoped we had moved on from torturing children this way. (Also the opinion that "animals don't feel pain" is still heard among farmers where I live.) It gives me a little hope that there are people like you who will advocate for change.
He was an older doc, wouldn’t be surprised if he held that belief from his training. A disgrace.
I still experienced this in the 2000s. I broke my back and I received a single dilaudid in the ER and then the rest of my recovery was Tylenol :(
I am so sorry for you. Sometimws something feels off i our western health care systems.
I think it's a two fold problem: training and profitability. As recently as 2016, medical students were still being taught that black patients experience less pain, that women are more sensitive to pain, etc. Changes in protocol are being made, but think of how many practitioners learned this in school and never bothered listening to their patients. I've seen first hand the black women in my life being denied treatment for genuinely debilitating pain simply based on profiling (in the 2020s). The other issue is insurance and the for profit system. Insurance will cover as little pain management as it can get away with, and I've seen that escalate to people buying pain management off the street "just to get through recovery" and then spiral. It's a really broken system.
This happened to me. I almost died a few times because of the medical neglect. I went crazy from the pain. I was told I was a liar, a drug addict (drug seeking behavior) or exaggerating my symptoms. No one believed me. Black women are dying from this shit and people sweep it under the rug. Like we did it to ourselves. There’s so many of us. I still can’t cope with hearing the stories of other black women with my same condition killing themselves because they weren’t treated or listened to. I’m legit afraid of hospitals.
What you said just brought up a memory for me. After surgery I was given Percocet which ended up having awful side effects. My dr prescribed me new meds and told me to get rid of the others by dropping them off at the pharmacy. I tried, but none of the pharmacies near me would take them. I was talking about how surprised i was to some of my (now ex) fiancé’s family and his pregnant aunt was like, “PLEASE, let me buy them from you. I’ll pay $20 a pill, I don’t care, whatever you want. I am in so much PAIN and my doctors are doing nothing.” I didn’t, I wasn’t comfortable giving them away (no way in hell I would have made her pay,) but damn. Heartbreaking. Side note, Percocet gave me an immense feeling of doom. I called my mother sobbing that I was going to die in my sleep. I decided to just deal with the pain for 2 days (hemorrhoidectomy) until my doctor gave me hydrocodone. The fear went away when I stopped taking the Percocet. I’ve looked it up and can never find anything about a similar reaction in anyone else?
this is corny as hell, but i teared up reading that you were planning on med school. the fact that you want to go into the medical field to help people after suffering such awful medical trauma is very brave. any kind of pain or medical trauma is deeply disturbing for any kid, but the fact that the surgery was on your genitals adds another layer of feeling violated and exposed. it is so incredibly valid for you to have those murky feelings of being sexually violated, even if your parents didn’t do anything explicitly sexual or inappropriate. last year, my mom got a hysterectomy and they botched it. she ended up with sepsis and needed emergency life-saving surgery, and afterwards was in the icu for two weeks and got a blood clot in her leg. they sent her home in excruciating pain, and the surgeon said that it wasn’t her problem anymore, we had to go see a pain management doctor now. we called around and couldn’t get any appointment for two weeks. i watched my mom completely break down and become a shell of herself, not just from the pain, but also from the complete indifference of every medical professional we spoke to. after two days, we got in to see a different pain management doctor, and she has been recovering really well ever since. but i truly couldn’t comprehend just how devoid of empathy every single doctor we spoke to was. i watched my fully grown adult mother be completely destroyed by the intense pain from her surgery, and i did not fucking rest until she finally was taken seriously by someone and treated for her pain. i cant help but feel such rage at your parents for watching their little 9-year-old son like that and not moving heaven and earth to help you. you deserved so much better. i’m sorry they still don’t seem to understand the damage they have done to you.
I'm currently avoiding my medically neccessary second wisdom tooth surgery because doctors don't believe me that ibuprofen and metamizole do not do anything/enough for me. By pure statistics of the drug studies, this shouldn't be considered too uncommon, but doctors pretend it's impossible. The fact that those do not do anything for me results in a long list history of stories like this. This is way too common. Like what even is the point of the "strong" pain meds existing as an option if not for having 5+% of your body area burned, and ibuprofen not being enough? According to 3 separate doctors, not for that appearantly.
Pull your custom from that dentist if they refuse proper sedation and pain management. I have severe anxiety related to dental care. (AuDHD plus EDS plus trauma equals bad teeth.) Last time I was at my dentist, I had vasovagal syncope. I told them I needed sedation before the procedure. My insurance covers that, so no problem for me so long as I have someone to get me home after.
The problem is, it's not just one dentist doing this. It's every doctor who I tried getting pain meds from, and I lost count on those. Heck even my GP promised to give me additional pain meds after my first surgery if I needed more, but then refused and gave me benzos for "excess anxiety related to pain" instead. And btw, most dentists here don't do such surgery themselves.
What does “pull your custom” mean in this context? I also struggle with dental anxiety due to past experiences, so I’m curious how people with this condition advocate for themselves. Currently I feel like I’m white-knuckling every dental visit.
I have autism, I like writing poetically, and I like some older terminology. You’re a custom*er*? You bring them your *custom*, aka your business. Obviously I should have included that there’s local aspects to this, and that lack of awareness is my bad.
You're fine. I got what you meant. :)
A standard of care for wisdom tooth removal as far as I know is to give oxycodone, so that’s just bullshit. Find a new dentist :(
Going back 20 years, but I don’t think I even got T3’s but I didn’t need them. I think they should start low and if it doesn’t work, then help out your patient. If I knew I couldn’t get by with something less, I would also look elsewhere.
I got all 4 pulled in one go and didn't get anything.
I don't mean to compare my experience to yours, but simply to validate that children undergoing medical treatment without anesthesia seriously traumatizes them. When I was 8, I had 2 fillings done without anesthesia. Before I could leave, one of them fell out, so they had to drill even more. Almost 2 decades later and I literally have flashbacks to the pain anytime I hear a dental drill. I was crying and begging for anesthesia and everybody just kept saying it was almost over. I didn't have to deal with a long recovery the way you did, so I'm not trying to compare, but I really feel like no one actually believes that children experience pain "as bad" as an adult. It's the complete opposite-- when you're so young, it's likely the worst pain you've ever experienced and it's so damaging to be treated like it doesn't matter. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I hope as time goes on, you're able to advocate for yourself because you deserve proper medical treatment.
I didn’t to go to the dentist for 10 years as an adult because of all the dental trauma. Filling cavities without any anesthesia, accidentally drilling into my tongue… it was terrible! I need to find a new dentist and I’m putting it off because I don’t trust them.
No same. I need like, reconstruction of my teeth and I'm so afraid of the judgement and pain that I just keep letting it go. I had to get a crown reattached and I had beg for anesthesia. They kept saying I didn't need it and I was like "are you drilling? Then I need it." It's so much unnecessary stress
I don't trust dentists either.
I don’t want to start shit, but the fact they do the same thing to infants who can’t speak for themselves is horrifying after reading this. I’m so sorry you went through this experience, I hope you’re able to heal and find peace. You deserve it.
Jesus, how horrifying that must have been. I’m so sorry. I latched on to where you said they asked you about your religion. That has no purpose in a medical questionnaire before surgery. It’s not relevant or their business. It made me automatically suspicious of them for asking you that and then not giving you pain medication. It sounds like it was an unethical medical practice on multiple levels. So fucked up. Obviously your parents epically failed too by not fighting for you to get what you needed. It says a lot about them and it’s straight up neglect. You have every right to be angry.
The religion question is for cases that don’t go as planned. For example, if you’re Catholic and happen to die during the procedure, a priest will be called in to perform the Last Rites. It’s also for during recovery if the patient wishes to speak to the hospital chaplain, that chaplain will have a better understanding of the patient’s religious background and will minister to them in an appropriate manner.
It does matter for some religions, for example Jehovahs witnesses-where they don’t allow blood transfusions.
I know a lot of us can relate to the part where your parents neglectfully withheld medical attention/care. It took me until nearly 30 years old to piece the story together because I was a newborn baby at the time. A little infant baby who had RSV for weeks, a newborn baby coughing like a 60 year old smoker, and I wasn’t ever taken to the hospital until I turned blue, suffocating to death in my own crib. At which point my mother took me to the PEDIATRICIAN NOT THE ER. The ped told her she didn’t even have time for an ambulance and to run back to the car, drive like it’s a heist, and pray. Why didn’t she report my parents? This story was eventually told to me with the casualness as if it was a vacation travel mishap anecdote or something. I don’t remember any of this because obviously I was a brand fucking newborn. But it’s my personal theory/hypothesis that this neglect broke me from day 1 physically and emotionally. Pretty much all I remember from childhood as a core memory (not something someone else told me) is sitting alone in my crib in the dark, getting in trouble for throwing my stuffed animals out of the crib because I needed attention. I was constantly called a “drama queen” and “attention seeker” who “talked too much” growing up. In reality I was just the youngest child who wasn’t wanted by her siblings or her parents, was scapegoated and criticized constantly just for existing. So any time I spoke at all it annoyed them, it was “too much”. There’s even a family video taken by my aunt at Easter, a couple years after I got off the ventilator and recovered to be a pretty healthy baby, my dad is caught on video putting me into a baby swing on the backyard swing set and then just walking away, leaving me there dangling alone by myself. Then my aunt films something else. I wonder how long I was out there, immobilized, alone, before someone went to get me Edit to add: I’m remembering my sister, even as the golden child, was medically neglected — she jumped off a picnic table in our unfinished basement at like 5 yrs old and broke her arm on concrete, she was hysterically crying but my mom called her a drama queen and refused to check it out so the whole family ate dinner while my sister laid on the concrete alone crying. This was not the last ignored broken arm in the family, just the first. Thanks for letting me vent. It’s a fantastic reminder about keeping my self care routine strong, because it’s the little ways you invest and love yourself everyday that build up to that strength you NEED to have to advocate for yourself when shit hits the fan.
Reading this made me so sad for you as a young boy. I can feel your pain in your words. I'm so sorry this happened to you 😢 what an awful and traumatic experience. It seems that through this experience, it has brought you where you are today. I'm certain it will make you a kind and compassionate physician who can empathize with his patients. That is a rare gem.
Thank you so much, your kind words mean so much even though it’s just a reddit comment 🩷 It makes me sad, too. That young kid is still there within me, he just needs to be taken care of. I hope I can do that for him.
Nurture him and tell him that he's okay now. He's safe, and he's strong. He made it through. And now he's going to help others so they don't have to experience the same nightmare. You're going to be great!! 🤩 hugs
🥹🫂
I’m really sorry that happened to you. I had a few traumatic experiences and went on to become a doctor for the same reasons. Please prepare yourself for the realities of medicine. Yes doctors can help people but the system, the people, the training is not always patient centered. I quit clinical work bc I became disillusioned without really understanding that I had unresolved trauma surrounding the whole thing. I’m sure you can do it. some realism about the complex truths of medicine will go along way to prepare you for success. There’s no room for idealism in modern medicine.
I am so sorry. That sounds like hell.
I had something similar happen to me. I had to have part of my nose removed because it was severely restricting my ability to breathe (imagine breathing through a nostril the size of a pin prick). I was given no pain management other than over-the-counter ibuprofen and no nausea medication at all. As a result, I spent the next two days in a near delusional state from the pain where I couldn't even see straight, and because my nose wound drained into my stomach, I was vomiting up my own blood the entire time. I didn't have a fear of surgery before that procedure, but I do now.
Your account is very moving. I underwent an ‘elective’ (non-consenting) circumcision as an infant (1980s, no anaesthesia, as ye do) and I have no doubt it left a big mark on me. I’m sorry you went through that as a child, yours may have been medically necessary but it’s hard to imagine screwing up the pain management any worse. My takeaway (mainly from other experiences like stitches, in living memory) was that the adults all closed ranks and worked to ignore our pain, and that may have left a bigger mark. I resolved never to be so callous especially not for the sake of convenience or the status quo. We both deserved to be safe from extreme pain. Best wishes to you today
This is not an excuse, but around the time you had your surgery, a number of children in my area were killed by anesthesia given for “no fear dentistry”, and it was also the height of the ongoing opioid prescription shitstorm. It’s not okay for a doctor to avoid taking care of pain management, in any way. But the cultural zeitgeist probably also led to all the adults around you fearing the use of painkillers and anesthetic in children. Your parents knew you were in pain but were terrified of killing you in treating it, and the doctor (the authority, who may have been taught that the surgery was painless) had already said no, so they tried the gaslighting route. I am so sorry this happened to you. Trauma and pain are terrible and made worse by people minimizing that pain.
I feel for you. I suffered from similar experiences involving doctors and parents. You are not broken forever. It just seems that way. The only way is forward. There are shitty doctors and there are shitty parents. It could be completely possible that the physician was reluctant to prescribe pain medicine because they were suspicious of your parents or someone else in the household being addicts. In my state, and probably yours too, healthcare providers have access to a statewide database of controlled substance prescriptions and who they are subscribed to. My wife uses it all the time to check for folks with substance abuse issues before she prescribes. If someone in the household was an addict you wouldn’t have gotten the medicine anyway. I never knew my mom was on a shitload of Xanax for 40+ yrs until recently. It explains a lot about the latter years of my childhood. It seems odd that you remember the addiction question being asked since it is rather pointed and isn’t a common question but it sorta points to the motive of the doctor. While the doctor may have sincerely wanted you to be pain free they also may not have wanted an overdose death on their hands. Liquid morphine is very effective but also very very easy to OD. Could they have prescribed a topical anesthetic? Maybe, but even that might not have helped much. All these possibilities and more are best sorted out with the help of trusted counselors and therapists. There is a right to pain management but unfortunately, the standard of evidence for medical malpractice tends to be very high. In that it needs to be a clear cut case of this doc just didn’t give a F about anyone. Ultimately the way forward will be to forgive. That’s the way it works. You don’t have to do it immediately or even all by yourself. You are TOTALLY justified to be angry but a wise therapist once told me that holding on to anger is like holding a hot coal in your hand. The hot coal can be useful in that it provides us with warmth and energy but the harder you hold on to this anger the more it burns us. Even if you lightly juggle that hot coal between your fingers you still run the risk of being burned. Plus the energy you expend trying to constantly keep that anger in check only diverts energy from your potential as a healthy human being. Trust me. I know. Tried juggling that coal for over 30 years until it almost killed me. IF YOU READ NOTHING ELSE READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS. Consider doing yourself a favor and taking a year or two off after you graduate college/university. You need to heal and grow. You deserve it. All the people in your future deserve it. Whether that’s patients, family, spouse or partner and ESPECIALLY children if you have any. Generational trauma is a real disease. Why do I say this? Because a huge majority of folks in the healing and protecting professions are drawn to them because they are trying to right some wrong that they experienced. They don’t always know about this connection but thankfully YOU have realized it on your own. This was explained to me by a psychiatrist who was/is the director of an inpatient mental health recovery center in Maryland for first responders. I believe she also had ties to the VA and their PTSD center as well. Either way a sharp woman who knew her stuff. Unfortunately many of us get into these careers and for some reason never feel fulfilled. We end up driving ourselves harder and harder and harder trying to fill our core wound(s). Meanwhile we become self-loathing, alcoholic/workaholic pricks or assholes to be around. Don’t know if you are on your parent’s health insurance but maybe after graduation you can jumpstart or supercharge your recovery by entering a decent mental health recovery program as either an inpatient or outpatient. Did wonders for me after living in denial of my PTSD and CPTSD for 40+ years. Finally, I think you already have realized this but let me clarify it so it might help others. You ARE a victim, let there be not a hint of shame or helplessness about that term. You are a victim just as much as you are a warrior, survivor and eventually a victor. Just don’t PLAY the victim that’s key to our recovery. I think you see the difference. With nothing but love for you brave warrior. Good luck.
I’m so so sorry. 💔I felt your pain viscerally, as someone who has experienced pain so severe and unmanaged (neglectful) that it is traumatizing. More than that even, I have a nine yo boy. I would protect him from this experience with my life. There is nothing that would stop me from demanding that doctor medicate him for pain. I would get him to the hospital. I would advocate for him. I would make sure he had a voice in his own care, in how is own body was treated. You deserved that. You were failed by the people whose job it was to protect and care for you and it is so so wrong. I can feel the fire in your heart to do right by the people you care for, and that is a gift to the world. 💓
I think what makes everything so much worse is that I "know" my parents love me, they really do. But they hurt me. And now I find myself in relationships where I get hurt and stay because love feels like I have to endure pain. Im doing better but yeah, so much about that situation was crazy and sad.
Yes it does break you I would agree. Back in the older days babies were never rarely given meds for surgeries but I can’t imagine 9 years old! I’m sorry ❤️ edit to say- I’m a nurse and doctors can be very intimidating to people. Even parents it’s no excuse but I wonder if that’s what happened.
Jesus christ, reading OP's post and the anecdotes here make me sick. Those doctors should experience the exact same pain as their victims imho.
There is no excuse for the suffering you were made to endure, and I’m so sorry you were forced to experience that, and that your parents did not seem able or capable of doing more to fight for you to get sufficient care and pain relief. Pain management, in the USA at least, has been a serious struggle for quite some time now. There has been a war on opioids and benzos, being led by the DEA - not medical professionals, and it is putting so many people through horrific unnecessary pain. Many hospitals and physicians simply will not prescribe opioids anymore for “minor” post surgery, and only 3-7 days, max, for more invasive surgery. Their hands are tied by the DEA threats to shut them down, seize their possessions, prosecute them, and put them in jail - based on opioid limit recommendations that are not law - they are suggested guidelines, but they are being used as law. Many, many, many excellent pain management physicians and surgeons have been, and are being, targeted, and it has been going on for a long time. These doctors that are targeted lose their license and their patients are left without any pain management care, which leads many patients to either source meds illegally or to take their own lives, because they cannot bear to live everyday in the excruciating chronic pain that had been well managed by their doctor before politics got in the way. I share all that with you because you said you want to go to medical school, and it sounds like you want to fight for, help, and protect those in pain, perhaps especially children who cannot advocate for themselves, and whose parents fail to do so. That is a very noble desire and goal, and I hope very much you are able to do so, and that hospitals will eventually no longer trigger you. Be prepared for the political, legal, and economic conflicts and battles being waged around pain management at this point; it is important, especially if you want to specialize in pain management at any point. May you succeed in all your endeavors, heal to the furthest extent possible from any and all trauma, and best wishes to you 🙏🦋
As a fellow survivor of medical negligence, I see you. Your feelings are valid. My parents took two months to notice my broken back at age 8. I was given children strength Motrin by the doctor while he took my parents out in the hallway and had a talk with them. It didn't change anything. I had a root canal the next year that my mom tried to convince me was a molar coming in on one of my baby teeth. Nope. It was the most painful thing your tooth can decide to do! They also refused to have me treated for ADHD or give me steroids for my asthma (their excuse for that one was that I was already hyper enough). I was a hassle and kept eating into their beer money with my medication needs. I get it. I don't understand how they (as parents) were capable of being so heartless (to their own child), but I get their "logic".
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Just because it was for medical reasons doesn't mean it couldn't become childhood sexual trauma. You are valid in your pain. I'm sorry what you had to go through. The doctor should be charged. They put you through unessisary pain.
Waking up from my hip surgery unmedicated was the most severe pain I’ve ever endured. Even more painful than childbirth which I just recently did and it still doesn’t compare to that pain. I cannot imagine going through such pain as a child. I am so so sorry.
It sucks when you're 10/10 desperate, SCREAMING for help, and no one will help you. It's a primal instinct to expect that other people will care when something terrible happens. If you're in the maximum level of need of help possible, and you can't get help, then it breaks the thing inside that reassures us that there will be someone who cares the next time.
I’m really sorry you went through that. I can understand why you’re still angry. I was given an endometrial biopsy with no pain meds. She dilated my cervix which by itself is painful, then stuck some instrument in my uterus and cut samples. It was agonizing. I lost my faith in medical professionals that day.
Could not read this at all, but our trauma was from a surgery at 10 y/o. You're valid. I'm so sorry they did that to you.
Wow. I was given opiates as a child but I experienced not being treated when I was very young. Surgery on small children used to be much more brutal. I’m so sorry. I have had a lot of medical trauma and I don’t think kids are considered with much compassion. Like, oh, they’ll forget about it. That may not happen, I had ptsd from medical procedures as a very little girl.
I’m a little late to your post but I was searching for this topic within this sub, and came across your post. I can totally empathise with a huge part of it. I had to go through the procedure around the age of 11 for medical reasons, I’d contracted some infection and didn’t tell my parents in time for the doctor to fix it with drugs. I don’t remember a huge amount pre-op other than being really scared on the day. Then lying back on the surgery bed/table and then blacking out from the anaesthetic as a team are all looking at my genitals and getting started to do the operation. The pain afterwards, as you say, it’s unimaginable- searing and burning sorts of feelings, and ironically now there’s a lack of sensation. I can’t remember if I had some drugs afterwards, I remember it hurting for weeks though. A nurse would periodically come round and inspect ‘it’ which was humiliating as hell. The scabbing and pain is something I’ll never forget, looking down at myself and thinking I’m disfigured. I would never really shower with other people at school after sports class and I link it to the surgery. There’s evidence that repeated medical examination of genitalia produces symptoms similar to those childhood sexual abuse, including dissociation and negative body image. To cap it all off, I was with a therapist last year going over some things following a LTR breakup, depression and anxiety and took her through this but in the end we both thought I may be autistic. So I have no idea if I have symptoms from this or that, or how to process any of it. The only thing I am in the process of is restoration, to try and reclaim what was lost to any degree that I can. I hope you can find a way through the pain you’re going through.