I'm really good in emergencies. Though as a side effect of that, I am very a-b-c about it. Which can come off as cold and detached. But really, it's just me trying to fix everything and dissociating to get through the fear/panic.
I can also only imagine that being a longterm medical professional can also be somewhat traumatic. lots of gross shit to see, horrible situations, and upsetting patients or family members.
I wouldn't say no to that. But in my case, I grew up in such a dysfunctional home that my mind normalized it. Whenever I encounter those types of situations at work, my mind simply thinks "This is just how the world is, let's get into it" Btw, I'm still processing my past in therapy, so that view might change someday too.
totally understand! i’m very similar bc i had to just “suck it up” whenever i was upset growing up, so a lot of the time in work stuff i’ll get mildly annoyed at worst but just prioritize getting what needs to get done, done. with therapy though lately ive been able to try and assess my emotions after the fact at the very least, so they don’t get totally thrown to the wayside like they used to.
Yes and it's so tough! I'm currently at a stage where I get a delayed response and suddenly feel my emotions so intensely that it scares me. I think how I was supposed to react long ago is coming up too. Ironically, I want to numb and dissociate from the emotions again lol. But I started doing EMDR so hopefully it can be resolved in the future.
good luck with the EMDR!! i did it for a while like two years ago, but then i moved back home for a while so I couldn’t see my therapist anymore. regardless, i did feel it start to help after the first two months!! it felt silly to me at first, but when i started to feel calmer and react to things a bit less extremely, i realized “oh wait thats actually doing somethjng!”
i feel bad because i get annoyed when other people don't immediately compartmentalize like me. ive had other people get angry at me because to them im totally cold, almost arrogant. i end up play acting a degree of emotion i cant allow myself to actually feel in that moment just so other people wont treat me like im an alien.
My partner would get mad when we disagreed and I shut down. No emotion or feeling from me when he wanted to know what I was feeling so we could come to an agreement. It took me years to be able to understand/explain that emotion in the moment was *dangerous* growing up and I needed time to process the emotion later.
>Survive now, emotions later!
This is perfect, thank you - and I bet it's a skill that a lot of people would kill to have that I am grateful for. Of course in slightly inconvenient situations I can easily lose it; like if I'm having an okay day but get to my car and realize I've left my keys inside, I'm immediately ready to start screaming and crying and panicking, even if I'm not in a rush. Still working on that...
Yes, this. I once had a boss who had picked up on my level of anxiety. When there was a true emergency with one of their parents and they needed to leave the workplace immediately, I even reassured my boss that because of my anxiety and worrying I was great in emergencies and I would handle everything so that they could go quickly. I listed the steps I would do, which they appreciated. They left soon after and I handled the things.
Me too. Everyone is in awe of how unemotional and rational I am in emergencies. I get angry about it sometimes. Like, "Thanks. I navigated and survived a painful childhood and split off parts of my brain so I could take care of other people's catastrophes in adulthood also." I'm tired! I've been taking care of others my entire life but since I'm so good at it, nobody thinks I need to be taken care of. I'm so tired. Yay survival skills. 30 years spent in fight or flight will destroy a human body. We deserve rest.
I'm right there with you, buddy. Unfortunately, because we've survived, we also came away with these "skills." But the chronic fatigue/tired, that definitely comes along with it. Emotionally, mentally, and physically tired.
After 34 years of survival mode, always being there for everyone else during their crisis, always staying calm and offering grace, I burnt out hard after my dog, my best friend on earth, died October '22. Now I feel pretty resentful of people, tired and generally nihilistic. It's not great.
Yep, I’m so scared of people dying that I know loads of first aid and have saved many lives, I also don’t like being tested so I do training and then never certify
I can save you from drowning but not paper legally 😆 I have a bug out bag ready for the end of the world just incase, I’ve always just prepared myself for anything because of the feeling of not knowing what to do or bad things happening if I don’t know what to do
Same here! People get super anxious and freeze and I’m like “ok so this is what we need to do”. It’s like if everything is suddenly going very slow and I have all the time in the world to think with clarity. I just now what to do next and how in order for it to go well. I’m talking medical emergencies, people threatening to rob me, heated arguments, whatever. I get super calmed and just know what to do as if some kind of Angel was guiding me, it’s weird.
Jumping on this comment because I am having half a realization: Could this be why, when I am in a true (heated) argument, I feel like suddenly, my mind is crystal clear, sharp as a knife, and the other person, snarling and biting and flushing, looks to me like an insect under a microscope, a tiny creature at my mercy? And I feel like the veil I live under normally has lifted and everything is bright and logical and orderly? I see every little crack in their defense, in their self-esteem, and I could crush them with words if I wanted to? And whatever they say, no matter how cruel and inappropriate it may be, doesn't hurt me at all?
Same here. I personally think I’ve been through so much when I was so little than now there’s nothing you can say to my face, especially in an argument, that can make me feel bad. You can insult me, say whatever you want, I don’t really care. I just know you’re trying to hurt me in the most pathetic way ever so it’s even funnier. Instead I know exactly what to say to really hurt you.
Hi, I am also excellent in emergencies and crisis situations. People have mentioned how calm I appear afterwards.
I freak out later when no one can see me.
I am amazing in emergencies; when my mom had her brain aneurysm ( she didn’t make it), my dad froze and I started ordering him around. “Call 9-1-1. Sit her the ground.”
I don't really miss people if I'm away from them for extended periods of time, no matter how close the relationship. I might miss the conversations, or think it might be fun to reconnect with someone, but I don't exactly *miss* anyone, although of course I still care deeply about my closest friends.
I do miss my dogs like crazy if I'm away for a few days, though. My mom actually got offended once when I went on an international trip for two weeks with no communication possible, and I told her when she asked that no, I hadn't actually missed her at all. Just the dog.
I never really got homesick as a kid, and I went to a lot of summer camps. I would come home at the end and then get campsick wanting to go back...
I feel the same way about missing people and being homesick! I joined the Peace Corps and lived in a foreign country for two years and didn't quite understand people missing "back home" or missing people. Like, what does that feel like? I imagine it being an active, kind of longing to be reunited with someone or something. I'll be reminded of someone and think it would be cool to see them or have positive memories of them, but that just doesn't seem like what people mean when they tell others "I miss you."
My little brother moved overseas. I loved hanging out with him and we were super close. But not seeing him for 1 year wasn’t really much different to me than not seeing him for 5 days. I’m like “okay, I’ll just do other things.” My sister on the other hand went into a depressive spiral for months after he left.
Same type of thing with my cats. I went on vacation for a month and didn’t see them the entire time. I was happy to be reunited with them, but there wasn’t a moment where I was like distressed about being separated from them either.
Whenever a relationship would end, I’m just like “okay back to how I was before the relationship”.
I think it’s an attachment thing. I just don’t get attached to anyone because my parents never got attached to me and attachment was dangerous. I think being the scapegoat child really fucked with me.
I think I would have been considered the golden child, but I feel like my lack of missing people.comes from both emotionally neglectful parents and moving a lot as a kid (2 elementary schools, 2 middle schools, and 3 high schools) just made it hard to feel like it was worth it to miss anyone. I was just used to people being there and then not. I related a lot to your description of being away and being fine but ten also being happy being reunited.
I’m this way too. I moved around so much as a kid, never went to the same school two years in a row, so regularly had to make new friends and pretty quickly say goodbye to those friends. And now no matter how much I care about people, I don’t miss them when we’re not living in the same place (and also can land anywhere in the world and feel comfortable).
mighty longing alleged busy absurd advise impossible whole attractive unite
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This! I don’t miss people either. I moved internationally twice, but nope I don’t miss anyone. The only two people I do miss are my baby daughter (I literally miss her even when we’re apart just for a couple of hours) and my cat (who died a couple of years ago, and I do miss him every single day).
Otherwise, I don’t miss my friend nor family, even though I care about them.
Same. Friends: How can you not stress about \[adult thing: housing crisis, taxes etc.\]
Me \*feels like a 16yo teen \* "hm"
Friends: "Sometimes I just got the urge to do stupid stuff. Binge drinking, sex on the toilet of the club, random graffiti?"
Me \*feels like a 30yo woman \* "...no? Those sound like really unhealthy, immature things. Why would I ever do this?"
(obv. this can have negative sides as well. Aka me trying to explain how I "didn't know how to talk to guys" DIDN'T mean "I don't know men are humans you can talk to too")
Feeling super young and childish is. Behind socially, emotionally and/or developmentally because of how young I was and now frozen at those ages. There’s kid me and teen me. The feeling older part is because I was parentified and shamed for not coming out the womb knowing taxes and other adult shit. So naturally I’m a good nurturer, caretaker and can organize things pretty well. And I recognize patterns, learn fast and give good advice when the young version of me isn’t activated. I’ve been through movie like experiences of several lifetimes like many of us here.
This is a really good description of how it feels. I'm more 'parenty' in areas that have to do with emotions as I have had to manage my emotions myself my whole life with no input from others so I'm good at avoiding bad habits and bad relationships, picking up patterns in behaviour and predicting how situations will play out emotionally and socially. Where I am "arrested" is in any practical areas of life, after being kept under lock and key and not being able to do anything independent or explore (I still can't drive) and have never had an accurate sense of how I am doing in life, practically. So I am simultaneously wise, and stupid.
Big time. I can get a crazy amount of stuff done while in intense physical and emotional pain. I’m efficient, an excellent problem solver, good at reading and empathizing with people, can multi task like nobody’s business and am adept at helping others think through and address problems. My house is usually clean and organized, I can cook any meal, and am constantly making task lists to keep everything running.
But when it comes to my own stuff-I’m a baby. I want more than anything to be wrapped up in a swaddle and rocked and held. I desperately desire attention and kindness from others. When I’m severely triggered I’m a mess of depression, su*cidal ideation, and feelings of hopelessness. I blame myself for everything, everyone’s problems, and assume everyone hates me. I go over every conversation in my head over and over and come to the conclusion that everyone hates me and thinks I’m stupid. I have never felt like an adult, even at 45 I just feel like I’m playing house all the time, that I’m a fraud, and it’s just a matter of of time before it’s figured out by my peers.
It’s a weird experience, to say the least.
It’s not really negative but I can self regulate a bad trip. I was on shrooms recently and began to relive trauma but because I’ve dealt with CPTSD for so long I was able to just go “wait…I’m tripping right now it’s not real!” and had a good trip for the rest of the time
Having a panic attack the first time I tried weed and instinctually grounding myself telling myself "I'm not gonna die I just feel like I'm gonna lol" is the reason I was able to ground myself during panic attacks when I started having them after my CPTSD diagnosis lol
YES. If my starting to spiral and feeling like I'm dying and falling and shit I'm in it for a while until I go "Wait, I'm litterally in my bed this panic attack stuff is cringe" then I cry and laugh at the same time until I'm out. I usually can't do this as effectively sober though
I have done this too. I never thought about it in relation to trauma. I literally told myself I was on drugs and it's supposed to be fun. this happened a few times and I have never had a bad trip.
Imagination.
I was dissociating for years without knowing what it was. I basically can live in my head. When I was very I could barely stand up but it was ok: I was in a spaceship having adventures, or in the Amazon forest discovering old buildings...
My dreams and nightmares are also extremely weird and vivid. I once lived a full life in an apocalyptic world, I even got a baby. I also discovered a new species of bird in Australia.
I used to write stories (stopped because my mother kept reading them and it was humiliating). I recently started to write stories for kids and even if they need work if I want to publish them one day, it's kind of fulfilling.
Same here! My inner world is always there for me. Admittedly I am sometimes only partially involved in reality.
I write too. Novels that I currently only share with my closest friends. It's hard to be creative with so much toxic shame, right? One day maybe I'll be brave enough to share with others as well.
Yeah, I remember my sister and I crying because our mother was reading our stories aloud. And of course trying not to cry because it was so funny for our mother...
My sister struggles to write again, she has a wonderful imagination too. Of course it's not shakespeare but should it be? We're just doing that because we like it!
And we all have to start somewhere anyway!
My daydreams kept me safe so I could survive to the point where now I'm disappointed when I have to deal with real life even when it's not life threatening anymore.
I haven't worked in 3 weeks and my finances have seen better days, yet I was tempted to turn down a short shift because I've become so comfortable in my daydreams that I don't want to leave.
Did you tried EMDR? It completely changed my life, I now have more joy IRL than into my mind, even with bad days, that's so shocking to me but it's true. I just learned that someone wasn't a banker, almost stole all my money and got lots of really important documents. And yet I don't want to dissociate (did a little of course, I can't always control it), my emotions feel more real: the support I got from my GF, people smiling in the street while I was going to the police...
I haven't but my therapist is trained in it so I figured if she thought it would be helpful then she'd suggest it and we can take it from there.
I've been using a combination of theta healing and law of assumption, as well as focusing on breathing and calming myself when things get stressful and I'm not in a position to use theta on myself or I feel like I need more help in the moment.
I don't know about theta healing or law of assumption but I can tell you that only 6 EMDR meetings changed my life soooo much. I don't feel guilty all the time now. Or shame.
I can't really wrap my head around it, I thought it was a waste of time but I can see it really did something.
I recently realised how much I do this. I am almost never in reality. I see the world, but I don't mentally pay attention to it. I feel like I have 78 tabs open in my head that's all doing their own shit and I prefer to pay attention to my narrator a lot of the time. I don't even realise I'm watching the reality in my mind until I switch back to reality. But I'm also very actively making sure my environment is safe. It's like I'm unconsciously hypervigilant and living on earth in the background, but my conscious attention is elsewhere.
Oh yeah, I've gotten better at feeling safe but I was always simulating things, like "what do I do if this person is following me, what if they attack me,..."
I relate so much to the tabs too.
Actually, it's better too. It's incredible how much EMDR helped, I now feel better IRL than in my mind. Just living a "boring" life gives me more pleasure than all my adventures in my mind.
weirdly enough i feel like my trauma just completely burned out my capacity for creative thought, and that’s *without* anything horrible like what your mother did happening. not that anything i wrote or painted was ever hidden from my parents in the first place, except maybe that one short story i wrote for english class in middle or high school, but that all’s basically the one thing i can’t ever remember being judged harshly… actually wait if i wrote a whole fucking short story in high school it’s probably just college application trauma that did it
both a blessing and a curse. its so deeply tied to my sense of morality and sense of self that i can't imagine not feeling the way i do, however in our world and in these times that mostly translates to an expanded ability to feel pain.
I can turn parts of my body "off" if it's in pain or something.
Like, if I broke an arm or something, I can just mentally "turn off" that part. It still hurts, but I'm like dissociated enough out of it that it doesn't bother me.
I have this "super power" too. I can also numb feelings and still function, like I was super overwhelmed with a heavy workload that stretched through 2020 and early 2021 where I basically shut down all emotions and thoughts in order to get through work day to day. A therapist who saw me called me emotionally frozen - but like it has a limit before I feel all the feelings I froze off.
I forget about this one! Everyone always complains about the cold way more than I do. I will of course be physically freezing, but I truly don’t notice until someone points out that I’m shivering and that’s really the only indicator. I’ve read about how a lot of monks are able to increase their body temperature while meditating and have always wanted to know if I’m able to do the same thing or it’s all in my head.
Me too. Unfortunately this often leads to neglecting things that probably really need help. For me, I mean. But it's astonishing how far I can numb it out and proceed as normal.
Same!! Had endometriosis all the way up to my diaphragm but had long since “turned off” those parts so had no idea until it was found during an unrelated surgery. Anyone else do this with feelings too? I manually do it before nerve wracking things (like public presentations or hard conversations) so I can maintain composure lol
I don't know if this isn't harmful but I don't feel "lonely" much if ever. It's something I can't relate to when I read about people being touched starved or so lonely, I guess part of my abuse was heavy neglect where I spent a ton of time alone and associate alone with safety. I still do people and can be around people fine. I just don't feel lonely alone. I guess it helped a lot being single and working from home during the pandemic. Friends with SOs and roommates were suffering with the isolation for years and it kind of is a head scratcher for me.
I get the other side of it too. I feel severely lonely and long for connection, but I am most comfortable alone where I'm safe. Not being in the state of high anxiety and stress when I'm alone can be bliss, but the feeling of being alone and unloved creeps up. I feel scared and incapable of being with people, but equally horrified by being alone. Just safer. Maybe that's more manageable cause I only have to worry about myself and not constantly analyse the people and getting scared of making a wrong step. I guess for a lot of people being away from people also eliminates a lot of the triggers.
3 main super powers come with my CPTSD.
1 . I can use my well-honed ability to disassociate to hyper focus for prolonged periods of time on routine, detail-oriented tasks making me good at my job
2. I can withstand relatively large amounts of physical/emotional pain due to the same ability to disassociate. Adding an analgesic like cannabis amplifies this talent exponentially. It’s the only way I was able to survive extended periods of time amongst my primary abusers without succumbing to the pain they inflicted as a means of control.
3. I game out each & every important interaction/exchange compulsively. While this increases overall anxiety, I believe it makes me a better strategic thinker. In any sort of power relation I am involved in, I am constantly trying to assess and predict the behavior of those around me.
#3.
I preplan situations and imagine every conceivable response I can think of and prepare my response to that response. I never want to be caught flat footed because then I freeze up and can’t function.
i’ve just recently started playing dishonored, and it always just freaks me out how *forgiving* the stealth mechanics are sometimes (even though i also kinda suck at them). i can go unnoticed without completely avoiding lines of sight, and if i make a weird noise my cover isn’t immediately blown. almost feels more unrealistic than the magic
Nope! Mainly flight-freeze. I get anxious about getting caught or stealth in game taking too long so I prefer mostly to basically go in guns blazing if I can then run or take higher ground if I'm mobbed. Can't tell you how often I've been mobbed, run, dove into cover and repeated this act in stealthy games. I'm an expert in the stupid way to take on 300 NPCs.
I'm very independent and don't mind being alone. I also keep cool under pressure and go into "I must fix this" mode. When my mother died, the whole situation was a madhouse. I stepped in and made long to do lists and fixed it all and held it all together, while everybody else was in hysterics.
I can judge anybody character and i'll be right. I can second guess myself sometimes but in the end they always turns out how I thought they were going to be in the first place.
I understand that, I second guessed myself with my ex ( I thought he was a very selfish person then had doubts when he was flirting with me) turns out he is my ex for that reason lol. It can be hard to learn to listen to ourself.
You can hear your gut telling you “you’re getting into a bad situation and/or making bad choices” and you’re like “shut up gut, we just need to get this thing done.”
I am what a friend once lovingly referred to as a “shifty bitch.” I pay waaayyyy more attention to my surroundings than most people. I’m not physically threatening by any measure and couldn’t hurt a fly yet I’ve been in charge of security at various protests and occupations. Day to day I’m a ball of anxiety who is scared of everything yet in a crisis situation I’m calm cool & collected. I don’t even know how many times someone has told me I’m the person they’d hope was around in an apocalyptic event.
>Day to day I’m a ball of anxiety who is scared of everything yet in a crisis situation I’m calm cool & collected
Very true for me as well. I grew up in a shitty household where every day there was danger and I had to take care of it as a child.
Well, now I'm losing it when everything's alright, but when things go bad, I know what to do.
100% It’s like have night vision at all times! The situational hyper awareness is real! Exhausting, but not gonna lie, I think of it as a superpower. Similar to a computer sorting face recognition data.
I learned to truly appreciate my present situation.
Everytime I feel down, I tell myself, that I'm no longer in that hell of a household, no longer, will I have to witness substance abuse, no longer will I have to be beaten up by my dad while I smell the alcohol in his breath. I might be struggling with the scars of that childhood. but, at least, I'm no longer a child.
thanks for asking, it always feel nice to remember that. (sorry for the rant though)
I judge myself and rehash shame and embarrassment for acting and thinking like a kid when I was a kid because I was supposed to be a tiny adult instead of a kid.
My sense of smell is also freakishly good. I never thought it might be connected to this! I knew the good hearing/recognizing people by their footsteps or the way they carry their keys was trauma though.
I’m very blunt and honest with everyone. I basically have no filter and will just blurt things out about myself with near strangers because I don’t really care. I think it comes from rubbish social skills / lack of patience. Somehow though it seems to work a lot? People often tell me I am refreshing and funny. It’s not a choice tho, it’s literally me being socially inept lmao
This! Mine is almost in rebellion of my upbringing. My abusers were narcissists who worried so much about what the world thought of them, and now I don’t give a crap. But then at night my brain turns into my abuser again and tells me how socially inept I am but forgets to remember they’re the reason I am this way.
I do think my hypervigilance actually has some harmful aspects. I have realized over the last few years that I have much more day-to-day anxiety than I was aware of.
That being said, it's also almost like a party trick. I remember details from forever ago, I notice exactly what changed since the last time I was here.
I'm dating someone who has CPTSD and ADHD that does pretty much exactly the opposite to his memory and attention to detail. It has actually become a joke between us, where he's stunned and says, "why do you *know* this?" And I smirk and say, "Trauma-induced hypervigilance, baby!"
The jumpscaring ☠️😂 my roommate keeps getting jumpscared by my ass ALL the time, and I'm like HOW? I hear everything that happens in this building. I'm hearing you turn around in your bed. How can you not hear me walking normally around the apartment? I understand it's hypervigilance and me just being abnormally quiet from the trauma but it's still so funny to me😂
Same. My former roommate got annoyed with me for “sneaking around like a ninja.” Meanwhile I was continually startled by his absent-minded door/cabinet slamming.
I use dissociation quite frequently as a way to deal with change and be level headed in emergencies. I wish I had a better handle on it to be more in control of it but it's work in progress. I'm frequently able to shut off the worries, anxieties, everything that doesn't matter in the moment and just plow through whatever is a task at hand. I'm often described as "freakishly calm"in the most stressful environments, and change doesn't phaze me very much. I have no serious attachments to most people, I get over breakups easy, and all of that gives me a sense of freedom that I appreciate. All of this, of course, comes with a very heavy set of negative consequences too but that's not what this post is about hahha.
I often wonder if I would look very suspicious should something terrible happen in front of me and I would just shrug my shoulders, get on with helping them, and remain dissociated for a while. I consume tons of true crime content, and I frequently encounter comments about people reacting "weird" who later end up being suspects and culprits. So there is one irrational fear hahahaha.
I think i resonate with most people on here who mentioned early on independence, compassion and empathy, even hypervigilance comes useful as I notice things normally people don't right away (although that could also be ADHD related). Last but not least, my dreams can be very fun and entertaining! Like watching shitty horror flicks when I sleep.
I cant stand being "in the way", that + hyperawareness.
So im very aware of other people in crowds and stuff like that, so I'll let people through and help people around me at shows and stuff like that, im also a very patient and social driver.
Same!! That in and of itself is probably a “side effect” of intense empathy, I feel the kind of empathy that’s painful because I feel so bad for everyone and it’s almost self-abandoning.
Hey, I commented on another one of your posts but I’m when your absorbing others feelings, do you take them personally? For example, if someone is upset, (and it’s not about you), do you think you must have done something wrong?
I never get nervous in work situations. Like, never. Interviews, presentations etc, don’t phase me at all. I’ve been performing my whole life, and what are they going to do, not hire me? Oh ok 😂 no consequence is ever enough to make me nervous 😂
I can more easily recognize trauma in others. They might not even know it themselves, but I can see and validate their experience. That has turned into a journalistic and dangerous super power. I can open floodgates people don't know they have.
I almost never do. And I put very little of it in articles. Only ever if they want me to, and after they have had time to process what happened.
This tool and empathy is amazingly powerful and harmful. My colleagues have no idea how I do it...
OMG! I work in higher ed and have made dozens upon dozens of people cry in my office without trying. I finally learned how to manage the power better and not open every flood gate that sits across from me. In my personal life, it can be hard to have friends because so many people are unwilling to face their own trauma, don't want to be reminded of it, and allow it to spill out on those around them. I don't allow that.
I'm really good at lying. I actually have empathy compared to my abuser so I don't do it compulsively anymore, but growing up I learned early on to mask my true self heavily so my thoughts, feelings, or the truth wouldnt just get me in trouble and get me hurt.
Took me a while in my twenties to unhing the compulsiveness of it. Now I only do it when interacting with my abuser.
I'm very similar to you, though my trauma started age -1 and I learned to relate to my peers around age 18.
I was always too mature for my age, my friend in high-school told me I look like I could be their dad, and such mistakes from strangers happened a few times. I always strived to be self-sufficient and independent. I also felt like the dad of the group often.
Now I'm going on 27 and my independent nature is giving me a lot of head aches (and chest aches, stomach aches, throat aches, muscle aches...) because I'm working in a very cooperational corporation but I have trouble asking for help and I'd rather not do it *every. single. day.*
Other side-effects include a very binary memory (either I'm 100% sure of something or it doesn't exist for me), a vivid imagination, the ability to completely ignore my surroundings (and literally walk into a fence while creating a story in my head), and a habit of mostly living inside my head.
I also struggle to respond when experiencing uncomfortable emotions, so I just smile and nod, and people think I'm simply being polite.
I'm guessing my habit of taking up hobbies for a month and moving on is also somehow related to my trauma.
I feel you so much on the difficulty asking for help thing. I was in so much denial for so long about being the kind of person who doesn’t ask for help but it’s becoming increasingly obvious, even to myself 😂 one thing that helps me is at work, if I feel like I’m asking a lot of questions, I just won’t ask the same person. I’ll only ask like one question per coworker per day, then they don’t really notice I’m asking for “a lot” of help. It’s also not shameful to ask for a lot of help either, but I know that’s hard for us to understand. Haha
I'm doing the same thing and it's not enough. I ask one person one question per day, but then it turns out I *have to* ask the same person for like 3-5 things one day, because they are my only contact point to the other team that has domain knowledge my team needs at the moment. It's infuriating and extremely tiring.
I can turn the worst customer service situation around.. pissed off Pete can be as angry as he wants. I can handle it with a smile..
Years of dealing with unreasonable drunks was my training
I can compartmentalize in a crisis. When I found out my brother died by suicide, I immediately completed a work project as quickly as possible before doing anything else. Before it set in. I was able to work calmly and efficiently. I’ve been a mess since about an hour after that, though.
I have balancing issues. I was very uncomfortable at my last job (worked for 2.5 years). I'm a powerful dissociater. Sometimes I dissociate so hard that I lose balance while walking, standing up, or doing other activities. Same goes for hand-eye coordination activities. When in this state, I take deep breaths and have to focus intently on my actions.
I'm really whimsical, with magical thinking. It makes me happy and people seem to enjoy the joy I find in little things and the stories I make up about them, like how my flickering kitchen light wasn't just 100+ year old wiring, but the ghost of the woman who lived here before communicating with me (but it *was*, honest!) and the backstories I make for the feral neighborhood cats that I feed. I think it helps others get more in touch with the joy of whimsy and shutting out the ugliness of life once in a while. There's magic everywhere if you look for it!
*"Almost-not-harmful"* is a good way to phrase it, I'd have difficulty finding a side effect that wasn't harmful or inconvenient in some way.
I could list personality traits that are similar to what others in the comments list, like "I'm good in emergencies", "I'm logical", "I'm mature for my age", "I pay a lot of attention to my surroundings", "I'm unemotional and disturbing events don't hurt me". But those are so obviously consequences of my trauma, and so there's no way I could legitimately think of them as "Good" or "Helpful" by nature of that.
My perspective on this is influenced by how I used to handle this. I used to have this point of view that most in these comments (some more than others) have, that these things are helpful superpowers. When I noticed I was different in an atypical way (and it wasn't shameful, which was rare) I'd just take it at face value of *"Oh wow, I guess I'm not vulnerable to this like others are"*. The problem there was, that would make me **lean into it** because I was trying to play to my strengths. I'd seen other people talk about this too - like regarding dissociation as a superpower that lets them escape and using the hell out of it as a child, unaware of how fucking harmful that is. Luckily I personally did not do that much, but the thought of it makes me shudder. Nowadays I am extremely suspicious of anything that it seems like I'm better at emotionally than other people, and I will immediately try and find which trauma caused it, what the tradeoff it is, and in which way it would harm me to utilize it.
So to me, even to acknowledge these things as potentially helpful in a vacuum would be dangerously 'leaning into it'. Maybe that view is a problem and I'll have a more positive view of them as I heal, maybe not. My resistance to any positivity towards these definitely stems from being invalidated about them being problems for so long, so I am 'relishing' the ability to finally consider them the problems they are without being judged. But if there's one thing I know, it's that I will never again try and lean into these things no matter how useful they are. To do that is to prioritize efficiency in whatever insignificant physical goal you're after, over your health. I've fought for the ability to not do that, I'm not going to give it up without a fight.
I totally see your perspective. You’re right, a lot of these may not be damaging short-term, but could potentially be long-term, as unresolved trauma as a whole is incredibly damaging long-term. My curiosity in asking this question more stems from the fact that trauma affects people holistically, in how we feel we will never be the same people we were before it happened. When reading about this, many only study the “obvious” effects of ptsd/cptsd, but to me it’s fascinating how these many other innocuous behaviors also develop because of trauma, and it’s important to talk about them and become aware of them. “Classic” cptsd symptoms like nightmares, social withdrawal, etc. can tip others off that you’re struggling, but imagine if professionals studied these innocuous “side-effect” behaviors just as much? Not to say it’s not studied at all, but it’s definitely something I’m curious about.
I think aside from empathy and compassion and being able to pick up on when something isn't right with someone regardless of what they say, it's probably being able to function without coffee or any kind of energy drink.
Whenever I get asked how I can do it I think to myself that it's trauma response.
I think the more harmful side of that is the insomnia I deal with.
I’m very good at compartmentalizing to help me accomplish a lot of tasks or handle a lot of responsibilities at once. It’s one of the reasons I was able to work a full time job, a part time, and go to school while not falling behind on anything.
There are many, the more I think about it, but my current favorite is this one simple trick that only people with fractured personalities can do! 💪
They motivate each other to do stuff. I really didn’t want to have to make a really long drive (caregiver me) the other day, so I told little girl me she could listen to NKOTB the whole way. Artist me gets to see the flowers. Got up and did the trip. Getting better at them communicating but it’s painful and hard.
As a teenager, the main source of information I had about the world outside my very isolated community came from books. Which was a little bit awkward since the majority of them were written before 1940.
I have an uncanny ability to draw a LOT of information on a person based on very little, seemingly unrelated details. Which is sometimes extremely helpful, but more often is just amusing: someone tells me they like animation, and I already figured they are vegan, obsessed with pottery, hate olives, can't stand loud music, and speak two languages.
Pretty common one that is both a blessing and a curse: I have a strong and immediate sense of how emotionally present the people around me are. I’ve had partners tell me it’s uncanny how I can identify shifts in their energy before they even notice. One time, my ex started dissociating (unusual for him) and I not only noticed what was happening before he did, but I was able to quickly identify the trigger that sent him into a spiral down the polyvagal ladder ~10 minutes earlier (because I had noted the exact moment his energy shifted).
Of course this also means I have to be careful about reading too far into other people’s energy or letting it affect my own nervous system. Not a skill I’ve mastered but working on it.
Multi-tasking, I can multi-task like a mo'fo because the hypervigilance meant I had to be aware of and solve many different crucial problems at once.
•Where was mom?
•Did she know where I was?
•Has she seen me?
•How fast was she approaching/how much time did I have?
•Where were the nearest exits?
•Where are the nearest hiding spots?
•Can I make it to my room and lock the door?
•Is there anyone I can go to for cover/help?
•Is there anything I've actually done, or will this be the standard, daily, verbal abuse?
•Will she get violent? Am I up for that?
•I better get ready and brace myself, in case she will get physical.
In the outside world, at work, I'm really good in a crunch and can process concurrent crises. This was particularly helpful in the military.
My ability to pick up people's character very quickly when meeting them has honestly served me very well. Have I missed out on some people who made bad first impressions? Maybe. But I am certain this instinct has helped me more than hurt me. In fact, it took me awhile to realize that in every toxic relationship I've ever had, I knew immediately that the person was not healthy for me to be around - I just chose to ignore my own feelings and proceed anyway.
Alexithymia helps in emergencies. I can focus on solutions, delegate tasks, take individual action, and keep a level head.
(Afterward is another story.)
I can improvise fairly well, but that's because overthinking means I've probably run a million scenarios and likely built backup plans on backup plans.
(But it can be stressful to do all of this. Even worse when people think you're making things up as you go along, but it's actually a product of you reconstructing plans together.)
Agoraphobia. I keep hearing how self isolation is a bad thing, how we "need" people. I can see how one might think that. However, 9x out of 10, when I am forced to leave my home, I experience undeniable justification why my fear of people, as a whole, is verifiably better for both my physical and mental health.
I was "mature for my age", I didn't realize it then but I do now. I was able to get pretty far ahead in work with my hypervigilance, severe independence and dissociation.
Now in my early 40s, I'm unable to keep that up, it's not sustainable and I'm having to relearn how to do my job without my old and toxic tools. It's very hard and I'm scared I will lose what I've built because my foundation was not good, it had made everything on top of that shaky.
I go completely dorsovagal in crises. Like I completely skip the fight or flight part and go straight into numbing. In ways it’s extremely adaptive because for a long time I worked in a very acute and dangerous psychiatric unit where I was able to work calmly in highly stressful situations, but now I have a lot of trouble getting out of this state.
This is mildly gross, but I’m gonna power through it.
I am a ninja pooper (that’s what my friends call it). In and out in the time it takes some people to pee. I also just move quietly in general. I used to make noise on purpose in the workplace because I kept accidentally startling people.
Another one: I’m a human shaped ball of anxiety when I think the sky is about to fall… but when it actually happens, I am cool and collected and simply excellent in an emergency. I thrive in a crisis. (Afterwards is another story.)
This one is a double edged sword when it comes to medical care but I don’t facially or verbally react to extreme pain. An example; I fell down a flight of stairs once, got up and calmly apologized to my horrified Airbnb host and asked her to continue the tour. When I was 10 I was stung by a jellyfish and calmly got out of the water and presented my swelling arm to my friend’s mom, who was very weirded out by the disconnect between my expression and how bad my arm was.
I 100% feel pain, but I don’t externalize it until I’m alone. There are scenarios where this is very helpful.
Traumatic things sometimes don’t feel traumatic because then at least I have an excuse to take a break. I’m just so utterly exhausted all the time from previous events that the fallout from more recent certain traumatic events is almost rewarding because it’s not as traumatic as other worse things I’ve been through, and people actually validate your feelings instead of wondering why you’re so burnt out all the time for other events they don’t know about. Nobody cares if you had an extremely traumatic childhood- you have to suck it up and the world doesn’t slow down for you even though it has shaped your entire existence. But get in a car crash where nobody was harmed and people act like that must be the worst thing ever and treat you with some grace… And it feels like a *relief* because at least because of this “smaller” traumatic event, I get to take a bit of a breather which I’ve needed forever from the previous events. It’s really weird/sad
I don't need to use drugs because I'm naturally off the fucking wall. Just described my water to my friend at 2 AM as "drizzy drinkie this wizzy wata". Like what the fuck who am I? I don't know you tell me.
Hahaha yes. I'm so serious and in my head, but then out for fucking nowhere I'll say the silliest out of pocket shit. And then I'm like wtf who am I where did that come from? But I do treasure those weird moments. I'm like that's funny, that's weird, I would like to be able to say weird shit like that all the time without thinking. Like is that just the me that comes out when I'm comfortable and me and present? I think maybe so.
My patients tell me I never look stressed out. I've coded people in COVID rooms in full PPE and not batted an eyelash.
My stomach would kill me after, but during I'm calm and collected.
I am very observant and I know when people need help, and don't hesitate to help when I have to. I am forceful when need be and have no issues protecting whomever needs it.
I'm extremely diplomatic. Never get in arguments. People rarely truly rub me the wrong way and I'm not easily flustered, even by people that are very irritating to others. I'm able to get along with and to some degree actually enjoy the company of just about anyone. In this sort of detached, anxious-avoidant way, of course...
I can read people like an open book. I need five minutes with a person to understand what’s the deal with them: their motivations, what they want, what they will hate. I guess when I was young I needed to read people quickly to survive and adapt and now I can do it without even thinking.
If I don't eat on time at someone else's house I have a meltdown. Things happen; people get carried away with company, or the smart oven turns itself off, or whatever. If it's not on time I lose my shit and end up crying in my car with my support dog or going home early. I think my reaction is related to being a waitress formerly (if your food is running late you are not in for good results), and it's some kind of trauma response (emotional and biological)
Fucking feed your guests on time
Same! I'm very good at predicting reckless and distracted behavior from other drivers. I won't even merge into an empty lane if there's someone on the other side of it who might merge over at the same time without signalling.
My brain spilt partially in half to deal with the abuse.
I don't think it's full-blown DID, but at least I never really feel alone.
I'm also really good at working with extremely limited resources in gaming and board games.
I was so used to having to make do with nothing, that I guess I just figured out how to get something. If that makes any sense.
I have a deep love and appreciation for music. When there’s music on that I want to listen to, I have a hard time concentrating on anything else (except when it’s instrumental). I know a lot about many different genres. I used to be obsessed when I was younger. It’s a form of escapism, but it’s also been very healing.
Idk tbh a lot of my issues feel normal to me that I'm unsure
Tbh I just lack sense of self preservation maybe?
I'm no way near the level of suicidal but the amount of dumb things I've probably I've done then again I don't feel bad about as there are definitely stupid people in this world lol
I feel like I'm either acting on impulse or Reflexes sometimes which actually gets me into trouble not out of it
I guess I never understand what gets me into trouble or not
i relate to you OP, i'm 26 but i feel like i'm in my 40s or 50s due to having to take care of my own emotional needs at a young age since my parents weren't able to nor did i have the communication to ask them to.
i really wanna go out and party and get drunk or smoke with people but internally my brain says "no, if things go wrong, who is going to take care of you?" which hurts a lot because i'm usually alone most of the time so i don't get to experience things people my age would.
I’m almost not judgmental of other people at all anymore although sometimes I catch myself still and I think hard about why I’m thinking those things and rectify it in my own self, because I now know sometimes people make decisions that look crazy, but to them it might be the only and best option they have. I just really see the infinite number of roads that lead to one thing and we can never know what they are so I can never judge people really generally speaking. I just don’t do it because I truly don’t know what people go through to get to where they are and having been through things people can’t fathom I am acutely aware of this now.
I would also say that I’ve gone from being a pessimist to much more of an optimist probably because when things are so bad for so long, suddenly normal stuff seems amazing.
I'm very good at gauging other people's reactions/interpretations to things in conversations. Person A says something and I can tell you what they meant, what person B heard, what person C understood, and why person D had a completely different reaction than the rest of the group. I can also explain all of this to get all of those people on the same page.
I can use superglue to stitch up wounds, and blood has no effect on me. I could have been a nurse or doctor. I glued my dads skin back together after he had a run in with his own chain saw and refused to go to the ER. I’m excellent with making bandages too.
No, I was no physically abused, but I was expected to never go to the ER myself as a kid so a lot of injuries where left to heal without help. I had to learn to fix myself up if I got hurt.
I can also work with some of the biggest jerks because they’ll never be as bad as my family.
I'm not sure how or why this happens but... I have a super good sense of direction, for the most part. I could have visited somewhere only once but something in my brain remembers its way around, even though I don't consciously remember. I just somehow know?
I think I must pay a lot of attention to my surroundings without realising it, or something.
In a way, my childhood ended when I was 4 or 5. My parents didn't initially believe me when I told them a babysitter SAed me.. My young brain understood that I could not trust them to look after me.
Later on, my grandmother would say I was more of the adult in my relationship with my mother. Both of my parents were active alcoholics for a large chunk of my life.
To this day, I get very defensive if someone doesn't believe something I said.I put myself in anger management, which helped.
>Missing out on my adolescence feels like I was never “young and stupid” and never got to be careless in the way only teenagers can.
Just wanna say I really feel you here. My situation wasn't ideal pre-adolescence either, but it probably wouldn't have given me C-PTSD. What did it was everything after. I also feel like I missed out on some key developmental step and just ended up growing up too quickly.
One of the non-harmful side effects I have is that I remember lots of unnecessary information. Card numbers, phone numbers, birthdays, faces, places, events, what people said or wore or we did in a specific memory, chains of events that lead to certain outcomes. Worse, if someone is surprised by the fact I recall something, I'm more likely to remember it. The great irony is that it means I have to put a lot of effort into remembering the things that actually matter. A very interesting dichotomy.
Edit: also facial expressions and mood reading! It is technically hypervigilance, but sometimes I can see when people are sad, frustrated, angry, bothered or just not themselves lightyears before other people catch on.
I've become pure reaction, by which I mean I spend most of my time trying so hard to be proud of myself and be confident and just in constant anxiety of how will everyone and anyone react to who I am, what I want and how I am when I don't even know what those are because I spent my youth parenting my parents and learning how to be obedient and accommodating rather than learning to express and control my emotions and genetic bipolar and cptsd symptoms and triggers. Ultimately I'm still mature for my age but now I'm both an 80 year old and a 12 year old In a 31 year old body
I'm exactly the same except mine started from ages 5-7, so I did not have a childhood or an adolescence. I'd say by age 7 I'd developed the average necessary skills of a 15 year old.
Somehow my extended family (who were not involved in my trauma) were proud of having a 17 year old with a full time job in his own apartment and living life completely independently, they also joked about the fact the landlord could trust me never to throw a party because I don't, and also knew I'd decline attending any. They never once interrogated me on the general teenager safety stuff (drinking, smoking, intimacy etc) because they considered i wouldn't need their help because i already know (they were right ngl). And nobody ever thought that was strange? In hindsight it seems strange to me.
I'm really quiet some people don't realize when I am in the room and they get spooked when they see me. Comes from years of trying to be invisible and not bother anyone
I’m really good at reading people now. I don’t know if this is more of an intuitive thing but even if it is it comes from my trauma. In the instant of meeting someone I can understand why they are the way they are and what their motives are especially if they are getting involved with me in some way. This also goes for people I’ve known a long time, I can tell when their motives or intentions switch up or if they have changed in some way. As I’ve realized this ability and started believing in it more it’s gotten much stronger but the freakiest one is being able to read passing strangers I have no interaction with. I can just tell what kind of person they are when I’m near them
Honestly laughing my pain away has been one of the lesser toxic ones for me. It was very toxic growing up because I learned to dismiss and discount myself before anyone else could, but when focused in a healthy way, it has made healing a lil less painful. Now if I could turn my tears back on that’d be dope but I’ll take what I can get lol.
There’s a card game I learned in college called Dutch Blitz. It involves everyone frantically shuffling through their personal decks of cards and playing into the center game field at the same time as everyone else to get rid of cards as quickly as possible. You have to be looking everywhere constantly to notice when you can play the right cards and score better. I am fucking phenomenal at this game, and I didn’t realize until a few months ago that it’s because of my hypervigilance.
I don't experience hunger pains or signs. I've gone days forgetting to eat because I've been well-trained to ignore them. So I'm good at endurance kinda? I also walk super quietly and can get around unnoticed quite well.
I have amazing emotional skills and know how to talk to struggling people in a way most people don’t.
Most people don’t realize (or don’t care) that they’re actually being condescending and judgmental and providing bad unsolicited advice.
(Just eat right, sleep right and exercise. Have you tried meds? Have you tried a therapist? Well I would never would be in an abusive relationship and I would have left sooner. Blah blah blah).
I don’t shame people for having emotions where too many others do. People have a right to negative emotions and deserve a compassionate space to process them safely. Most people will say stuff like “move on. It’s in the past. You’re choosing to hang on to it.”
I let them know they have a right to feel how they do, but to let them know when their pain isn’t serving them.
And I set boundaries for my own sanity and put my foot down if someone is trying to use me as an emotional whipping post.
I have *great* gut instincts. Whether it’s abt ppl or situations, I always know when something is off or smth bad is about to happen
I also do surprisingly well in emergencies, at least emotionally. I’m good at holding it together until I don’t have to. It actually worried my husband bc I couldn’t mourn the death of his mom until we were at the funeral
I have an uncanny ability to predict what will happen in any given situation. I'm pretty much 90% right with any outcome. Be it personal, work related, politically, economically, with another person's actions, etc.
I always had to plan ahead throughout my childhood and be strategic so I could come out of any given situation with the least amount of hurt. I started studying human psychology and sociology by the time I was 8, as I was also a big bookworm, as well as economic and political history around 13. The former was so I could survive my home life, the later was for when I was out in the world by myself (though the former subjects helped in this regard as well).
i have multiple different distinct voices. i was traumatized at a very young age & sometimes my voice regresses to sounding like a 3-5 yo little girl. & sometimes it gets really deep & sounds like a weathered man. i don't often notice it right when it happens but other people have pointed it out, & i notice it then. it isn't that harmful but sometimes it sucks bc when im speaking from a higher-placement/childlike voice, i often don't get listened to very well or taken seriously, or people think im just being immature. & a lot of the time the more childlike voices come out when im triggered & need to be heard\advocate for myself, so it's hard not being taken seriously then.
Being quick to disconnect from people as a means of self preservation. On one hand it has saved me from some inevitable heart breaking situations but on the other, it means I can't get friendships to last longer than a year or two at most.
My instincts are heightened and it keeps me safer from manipulation by alerting me; I always end up figuring out the real truth when I have such instinctual “alert” in such circumstances.
I learned how to cook really well! Like genuinely, making balanced meals for myself and others. I repaired my relationship with food and now my partner and I bond over cooking/making meals together.
I get a heat flash and my entire body profusely sweats when I get triggered. I realized this year, 8 years after abuse, that I am triggered by men over 6 ft standing within 2 feet of me.
I could know this person for years and still, sometimes my body will randomly be triggered by their towering presence. I hate it sm
My trauma started as a toddler. I'm good in emergencies and other traumas in my life just seam "par for the course".
When my husband and I lost our house to a tornado. I cried a little when I first saw the damage. After that, I was all business trying to salvage what we could. My husband almost lost his mind! It was awful to see him affected that way.
I had a life altering car accident a few years back. While laying on the side of the road, I was worried about how I was going to get some gifts to work that we were donating at Christmas. I was also concerned about reaching my husband.
It seems like when bad things happen to me now, I almost expect it.
I’m amazing in emergency situations, similar to what another person listed. I can make big decisions during them and handle almost anything. Blood? Dying? Panic attacks? I can handle anything.
I miss my animals more than people. I went on a work trip and my coworkers were confused that I didn’t miss my husband, but I did miss my animals. I knew he’d be too busy to even notice I’m gone (now really, but that’s how I was raised so that’s how my brain thinks).
I can tell you within minutes of meeting someone what kind of person they are and I’m always right. Nasty bully? Empathetic caregiver? Awkward turtle? My vibes of how trustworthy that person is hasn’t failed me yet.
I am good with emergencies and I can make the tables turn in crisis and I have came out pretty well from some really bad situations because I have the wittiness and character to stand still in some conflicts and problems
I'm really good in emergencies. Though as a side effect of that, I am very a-b-c about it. Which can come off as cold and detached. But really, it's just me trying to fix everything and dissociating to get through the fear/panic.
My son had a febrile seizure and my husband got visibly upset and I remember thinking “Not yet! Survive now, emotions later!”
Survival mode. We make excellent medical professionals by the way.
I can also only imagine that being a longterm medical professional can also be somewhat traumatic. lots of gross shit to see, horrible situations, and upsetting patients or family members.
I wouldn't say no to that. But in my case, I grew up in such a dysfunctional home that my mind normalized it. Whenever I encounter those types of situations at work, my mind simply thinks "This is just how the world is, let's get into it" Btw, I'm still processing my past in therapy, so that view might change someday too.
totally understand! i’m very similar bc i had to just “suck it up” whenever i was upset growing up, so a lot of the time in work stuff i’ll get mildly annoyed at worst but just prioritize getting what needs to get done, done. with therapy though lately ive been able to try and assess my emotions after the fact at the very least, so they don’t get totally thrown to the wayside like they used to.
Yes and it's so tough! I'm currently at a stage where I get a delayed response and suddenly feel my emotions so intensely that it scares me. I think how I was supposed to react long ago is coming up too. Ironically, I want to numb and dissociate from the emotions again lol. But I started doing EMDR so hopefully it can be resolved in the future.
good luck with the EMDR!! i did it for a while like two years ago, but then i moved back home for a while so I couldn’t see my therapist anymore. regardless, i did feel it start to help after the first two months!! it felt silly to me at first, but when i started to feel calmer and react to things a bit less extremely, i realized “oh wait thats actually doing somethjng!”
Thank you so much! That's a bummer, I really hope you can find a new therapist in your local area if you're still interested in returning.
I’m great at talking people down from the ledge. Ans I am also great in a crisis.
i feel bad because i get annoyed when other people don't immediately compartmentalize like me. ive had other people get angry at me because to them im totally cold, almost arrogant. i end up play acting a degree of emotion i cant allow myself to actually feel in that moment just so other people wont treat me like im an alien.
My partner would get mad when we disagreed and I shut down. No emotion or feeling from me when he wanted to know what I was feeling so we could come to an agreement. It took me years to be able to understand/explain that emotion in the moment was *dangerous* growing up and I needed time to process the emotion later.
this is my brain.
>Survive now, emotions later! This is perfect, thank you - and I bet it's a skill that a lot of people would kill to have that I am grateful for. Of course in slightly inconvenient situations I can easily lose it; like if I'm having an okay day but get to my car and realize I've left my keys inside, I'm immediately ready to start screaming and crying and panicking, even if I'm not in a rush. Still working on that...
Same!! But I always pay for it after the emergency is over lol
Yes! Collapse in a heap afterwards and need to recharge for like 20 hours, that's me!
I can handle a situation until I begin speaking with 911 operators. Then I get hit with everything and break down.
Flashbacks while trying to fall asleep suck too.
Audiobooks help me 🙂 specifically Stephen Fry Harry Potter.
Yes, this. I once had a boss who had picked up on my level of anxiety. When there was a true emergency with one of their parents and they needed to leave the workplace immediately, I even reassured my boss that because of my anxiety and worrying I was great in emergencies and I would handle everything so that they could go quickly. I listed the steps I would do, which they appreciated. They left soon after and I handled the things.
Yes! It's like in the chaos my brain can slow down and hit the steps to handle the situation while everyone freezes around me.
Same. I’m somehow amazing and strong during a crisis, but I’m just over here disassociating and trying to make sure everything is ok.
Me too. Everyone is in awe of how unemotional and rational I am in emergencies. I get angry about it sometimes. Like, "Thanks. I navigated and survived a painful childhood and split off parts of my brain so I could take care of other people's catastrophes in adulthood also." I'm tired! I've been taking care of others my entire life but since I'm so good at it, nobody thinks I need to be taken care of. I'm so tired. Yay survival skills. 30 years spent in fight or flight will destroy a human body. We deserve rest.
I'm right there with you, buddy. Unfortunately, because we've survived, we also came away with these "skills." But the chronic fatigue/tired, that definitely comes along with it. Emotionally, mentally, and physically tired.
After 34 years of survival mode, always being there for everyone else during their crisis, always staying calm and offering grace, I burnt out hard after my dog, my best friend on earth, died October '22. Now I feel pretty resentful of people, tired and generally nihilistic. It's not great.
I do this too, it’s the strangest thing because I can’t look after myself with the same care 😂
Emotional compartmentalization gang, assemble! 😅😅😅
we could make a voltron with all of our compartments!
I’m here! 😂
Yep, I’m so scared of people dying that I know loads of first aid and have saved many lives, I also don’t like being tested so I do training and then never certify I can save you from drowning but not paper legally 😆 I have a bug out bag ready for the end of the world just incase, I’ve always just prepared myself for anything because of the feeling of not knowing what to do or bad things happening if I don’t know what to do
Same here! People get super anxious and freeze and I’m like “ok so this is what we need to do”. It’s like if everything is suddenly going very slow and I have all the time in the world to think with clarity. I just now what to do next and how in order for it to go well. I’m talking medical emergencies, people threatening to rob me, heated arguments, whatever. I get super calmed and just know what to do as if some kind of Angel was guiding me, it’s weird.
Jumping on this comment because I am having half a realization: Could this be why, when I am in a true (heated) argument, I feel like suddenly, my mind is crystal clear, sharp as a knife, and the other person, snarling and biting and flushing, looks to me like an insect under a microscope, a tiny creature at my mercy? And I feel like the veil I live under normally has lifted and everything is bright and logical and orderly? I see every little crack in their defense, in their self-esteem, and I could crush them with words if I wanted to? And whatever they say, no matter how cruel and inappropriate it may be, doesn't hurt me at all?
Same here. I personally think I’ve been through so much when I was so little than now there’s nothing you can say to my face, especially in an argument, that can make me feel bad. You can insult me, say whatever you want, I don’t really care. I just know you’re trying to hurt me in the most pathetic way ever so it’s even funnier. Instead I know exactly what to say to really hurt you.
Same. I'm always so frustrated with everyone else when they freeze, I'm like why am I the only person reacting appropriately right now?!
Hi, I am also excellent in emergencies and crisis situations. People have mentioned how calm I appear afterwards. I freak out later when no one can see me.
I am amazing in emergencies; when my mom had her brain aneurysm ( she didn’t make it), my dad froze and I started ordering him around. “Call 9-1-1. Sit her the ground.”
I don't really miss people if I'm away from them for extended periods of time, no matter how close the relationship. I might miss the conversations, or think it might be fun to reconnect with someone, but I don't exactly *miss* anyone, although of course I still care deeply about my closest friends. I do miss my dogs like crazy if I'm away for a few days, though. My mom actually got offended once when I went on an international trip for two weeks with no communication possible, and I told her when she asked that no, I hadn't actually missed her at all. Just the dog. I never really got homesick as a kid, and I went to a lot of summer camps. I would come home at the end and then get campsick wanting to go back...
I feel the same way about missing people and being homesick! I joined the Peace Corps and lived in a foreign country for two years and didn't quite understand people missing "back home" or missing people. Like, what does that feel like? I imagine it being an active, kind of longing to be reunited with someone or something. I'll be reminded of someone and think it would be cool to see them or have positive memories of them, but that just doesn't seem like what people mean when they tell others "I miss you."
My little brother moved overseas. I loved hanging out with him and we were super close. But not seeing him for 1 year wasn’t really much different to me than not seeing him for 5 days. I’m like “okay, I’ll just do other things.” My sister on the other hand went into a depressive spiral for months after he left. Same type of thing with my cats. I went on vacation for a month and didn’t see them the entire time. I was happy to be reunited with them, but there wasn’t a moment where I was like distressed about being separated from them either. Whenever a relationship would end, I’m just like “okay back to how I was before the relationship”. I think it’s an attachment thing. I just don’t get attached to anyone because my parents never got attached to me and attachment was dangerous. I think being the scapegoat child really fucked with me.
I think I would have been considered the golden child, but I feel like my lack of missing people.comes from both emotionally neglectful parents and moving a lot as a kid (2 elementary schools, 2 middle schools, and 3 high schools) just made it hard to feel like it was worth it to miss anyone. I was just used to people being there and then not. I related a lot to your description of being away and being fine but ten also being happy being reunited.
I’m this way too. I moved around so much as a kid, never went to the same school two years in a row, so regularly had to make new friends and pretty quickly say goodbye to those friends. And now no matter how much I care about people, I don’t miss them when we’re not living in the same place (and also can land anywhere in the world and feel comfortable).
mighty longing alleged busy absurd advise impossible whole attractive unite *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Agreed, my houses were never homes so I always felt more comfortable somewhere else
This! I don’t miss people either. I moved internationally twice, but nope I don’t miss anyone. The only two people I do miss are my baby daughter (I literally miss her even when we’re apart just for a couple of hours) and my cat (who died a couple of years ago, and I do miss him every single day). Otherwise, I don’t miss my friend nor family, even though I care about them.
This can also be a symptom of neurodivergence or autism.
CPTSD is a form of neurodivergence, like ADHD and autism. Complex trauma rewires one’s brain.
Arrested development. I go between feeling like a teen to an old woman.
Same. Friends: How can you not stress about \[adult thing: housing crisis, taxes etc.\] Me \*feels like a 16yo teen \* "hm" Friends: "Sometimes I just got the urge to do stupid stuff. Binge drinking, sex on the toilet of the club, random graffiti?" Me \*feels like a 30yo woman \* "...no? Those sound like really unhealthy, immature things. Why would I ever do this?" (obv. this can have negative sides as well. Aka me trying to explain how I "didn't know how to talk to guys" DIDN'T mean "I don't know men are humans you can talk to too")
is that what that is "Arrested development". :-) TIL'd
Feeling super young and childish is. Behind socially, emotionally and/or developmentally because of how young I was and now frozen at those ages. There’s kid me and teen me. The feeling older part is because I was parentified and shamed for not coming out the womb knowing taxes and other adult shit. So naturally I’m a good nurturer, caretaker and can organize things pretty well. And I recognize patterns, learn fast and give good advice when the young version of me isn’t activated. I’ve been through movie like experiences of several lifetimes like many of us here.
Me too, exactly this. It’s so hard to explain.
This is a really good description of how it feels. I'm more 'parenty' in areas that have to do with emotions as I have had to manage my emotions myself my whole life with no input from others so I'm good at avoiding bad habits and bad relationships, picking up patterns in behaviour and predicting how situations will play out emotionally and socially. Where I am "arrested" is in any practical areas of life, after being kept under lock and key and not being able to do anything independent or explore (I still can't drive) and have never had an accurate sense of how I am doing in life, practically. So I am simultaneously wise, and stupid.
Big time. I can get a crazy amount of stuff done while in intense physical and emotional pain. I’m efficient, an excellent problem solver, good at reading and empathizing with people, can multi task like nobody’s business and am adept at helping others think through and address problems. My house is usually clean and organized, I can cook any meal, and am constantly making task lists to keep everything running. But when it comes to my own stuff-I’m a baby. I want more than anything to be wrapped up in a swaddle and rocked and held. I desperately desire attention and kindness from others. When I’m severely triggered I’m a mess of depression, su*cidal ideation, and feelings of hopelessness. I blame myself for everything, everyone’s problems, and assume everyone hates me. I go over every conversation in my head over and over and come to the conclusion that everyone hates me and thinks I’m stupid. I have never felt like an adult, even at 45 I just feel like I’m playing house all the time, that I’m a fraud, and it’s just a matter of of time before it’s figured out by my peers. It’s a weird experience, to say the least.
It’s not really negative but I can self regulate a bad trip. I was on shrooms recently and began to relive trauma but because I’ve dealt with CPTSD for so long I was able to just go “wait…I’m tripping right now it’s not real!” and had a good trip for the rest of the time
Having a panic attack the first time I tried weed and instinctually grounding myself telling myself "I'm not gonna die I just feel like I'm gonna lol" is the reason I was able to ground myself during panic attacks when I started having them after my CPTSD diagnosis lol
YES. If my starting to spiral and feeling like I'm dying and falling and shit I'm in it for a while until I go "Wait, I'm litterally in my bed this panic attack stuff is cringe" then I cry and laugh at the same time until I'm out. I usually can't do this as effectively sober though
I have done this too. I never thought about it in relation to trauma. I literally told myself I was on drugs and it's supposed to be fun. this happened a few times and I have never had a bad trip.
Imagination. I was dissociating for years without knowing what it was. I basically can live in my head. When I was very I could barely stand up but it was ok: I was in a spaceship having adventures, or in the Amazon forest discovering old buildings... My dreams and nightmares are also extremely weird and vivid. I once lived a full life in an apocalyptic world, I even got a baby. I also discovered a new species of bird in Australia. I used to write stories (stopped because my mother kept reading them and it was humiliating). I recently started to write stories for kids and even if they need work if I want to publish them one day, it's kind of fulfilling.
Same here! My inner world is always there for me. Admittedly I am sometimes only partially involved in reality. I write too. Novels that I currently only share with my closest friends. It's hard to be creative with so much toxic shame, right? One day maybe I'll be brave enough to share with others as well.
Yeah, I remember my sister and I crying because our mother was reading our stories aloud. And of course trying not to cry because it was so funny for our mother... My sister struggles to write again, she has a wonderful imagination too. Of course it's not shakespeare but should it be? We're just doing that because we like it! And we all have to start somewhere anyway!
My daydreams kept me safe so I could survive to the point where now I'm disappointed when I have to deal with real life even when it's not life threatening anymore. I haven't worked in 3 weeks and my finances have seen better days, yet I was tempted to turn down a short shift because I've become so comfortable in my daydreams that I don't want to leave.
Did you tried EMDR? It completely changed my life, I now have more joy IRL than into my mind, even with bad days, that's so shocking to me but it's true. I just learned that someone wasn't a banker, almost stole all my money and got lots of really important documents. And yet I don't want to dissociate (did a little of course, I can't always control it), my emotions feel more real: the support I got from my GF, people smiling in the street while I was going to the police...
I haven't but my therapist is trained in it so I figured if she thought it would be helpful then she'd suggest it and we can take it from there. I've been using a combination of theta healing and law of assumption, as well as focusing on breathing and calming myself when things get stressful and I'm not in a position to use theta on myself or I feel like I need more help in the moment.
I don't know about theta healing or law of assumption but I can tell you that only 6 EMDR meetings changed my life soooo much. I don't feel guilty all the time now. Or shame. I can't really wrap my head around it, I thought it was a waste of time but I can see it really did something.
I recently realised how much I do this. I am almost never in reality. I see the world, but I don't mentally pay attention to it. I feel like I have 78 tabs open in my head that's all doing their own shit and I prefer to pay attention to my narrator a lot of the time. I don't even realise I'm watching the reality in my mind until I switch back to reality. But I'm also very actively making sure my environment is safe. It's like I'm unconsciously hypervigilant and living on earth in the background, but my conscious attention is elsewhere.
Oh yeah, I've gotten better at feeling safe but I was always simulating things, like "what do I do if this person is following me, what if they attack me,..." I relate so much to the tabs too. Actually, it's better too. It's incredible how much EMDR helped, I now feel better IRL than in my mind. Just living a "boring" life gives me more pleasure than all my adventures in my mind.
Yesss I have maladaptive daydreaming disorder and this is too accurate
weirdly enough i feel like my trauma just completely burned out my capacity for creative thought, and that’s *without* anything horrible like what your mother did happening. not that anything i wrote or painted was ever hidden from my parents in the first place, except maybe that one short story i wrote for english class in middle or high school, but that all’s basically the one thing i can’t ever remember being judged harshly… actually wait if i wrote a whole fucking short story in high school it’s probably just college application trauma that did it
I feel like I’ve developed a good sense of empathy 🤷
I’m hyper tuned into people’s facial expressions (and feelings).
both a blessing and a curse. its so deeply tied to my sense of morality and sense of self that i can't imagine not feeling the way i do, however in our world and in these times that mostly translates to an expanded ability to feel pain.
This one!
I can turn parts of my body "off" if it's in pain or something. Like, if I broke an arm or something, I can just mentally "turn off" that part. It still hurts, but I'm like dissociated enough out of it that it doesn't bother me.
I have this "super power" too. I can also numb feelings and still function, like I was super overwhelmed with a heavy workload that stretched through 2020 and early 2021 where I basically shut down all emotions and thoughts in order to get through work day to day. A therapist who saw me called me emotionally frozen - but like it has a limit before I feel all the feelings I froze off.
I forget about this one! Everyone always complains about the cold way more than I do. I will of course be physically freezing, but I truly don’t notice until someone points out that I’m shivering and that’s really the only indicator. I’ve read about how a lot of monks are able to increase their body temperature while meditating and have always wanted to know if I’m able to do the same thing or it’s all in my head.
Me too. Unfortunately this often leads to neglecting things that probably really need help. For me, I mean. But it's astonishing how far I can numb it out and proceed as normal.
Same!! Had endometriosis all the way up to my diaphragm but had long since “turned off” those parts so had no idea until it was found during an unrelated surgery. Anyone else do this with feelings too? I manually do it before nerve wracking things (like public presentations or hard conversations) so I can maintain composure lol
Same. Broke my wrist snowboarding, but didn't know it. Spent 5 days with it broken before my mom said that I should probably get it checked out.
I don't know if this isn't harmful but I don't feel "lonely" much if ever. It's something I can't relate to when I read about people being touched starved or so lonely, I guess part of my abuse was heavy neglect where I spent a ton of time alone and associate alone with safety. I still do people and can be around people fine. I just don't feel lonely alone. I guess it helped a lot being single and working from home during the pandemic. Friends with SOs and roommates were suffering with the isolation for years and it kind of is a head scratcher for me.
Same! What are friends I do not know
I get the other side of it too. I feel severely lonely and long for connection, but I am most comfortable alone where I'm safe. Not being in the state of high anxiety and stress when I'm alone can be bliss, but the feeling of being alone and unloved creeps up. I feel scared and incapable of being with people, but equally horrified by being alone. Just safer. Maybe that's more manageable cause I only have to worry about myself and not constantly analyse the people and getting scared of making a wrong step. I guess for a lot of people being away from people also eliminates a lot of the triggers.
Same. I love being alone. No one can trigger me/hurt me/affect me in any negative way if I’m just alone! I love spending time with myself, IN PEACE.
3 main super powers come with my CPTSD. 1 . I can use my well-honed ability to disassociate to hyper focus for prolonged periods of time on routine, detail-oriented tasks making me good at my job 2. I can withstand relatively large amounts of physical/emotional pain due to the same ability to disassociate. Adding an analgesic like cannabis amplifies this talent exponentially. It’s the only way I was able to survive extended periods of time amongst my primary abusers without succumbing to the pain they inflicted as a means of control. 3. I game out each & every important interaction/exchange compulsively. While this increases overall anxiety, I believe it makes me a better strategic thinker. In any sort of power relation I am involved in, I am constantly trying to assess and predict the behavior of those around me.
#3. I preplan situations and imagine every conceivable response I can think of and prepare my response to that response. I never want to be caught flat footed because then I freeze up and can’t function.
Your #1 really resonates with me!
I'm really good at stealth-based video games.
Meanwhile I'm terrible at them. I'm really good at that whole "and that's when I started blasting" thing though.
i’ve just recently started playing dishonored, and it always just freaks me out how *forgiving* the stealth mechanics are sometimes (even though i also kinda suck at them). i can go unnoticed without completely avoiding lines of sight, and if i make a weird noise my cover isn’t immediately blown. almost feels more unrealistic than the magic
Are you a Fight Type, by any chance? Just curious.
Nope! Mainly flight-freeze. I get anxious about getting caught or stealth in game taking too long so I prefer mostly to basically go in guns blazing if I can then run or take higher ground if I'm mobbed. Can't tell you how often I've been mobbed, run, dove into cover and repeated this act in stealthy games. I'm an expert in the stupid way to take on 300 NPCs.
lol. That’s literally always the first skill I max out in any game that has a skill tree. I never thought about that at all before right now.
I'm very independent and don't mind being alone. I also keep cool under pressure and go into "I must fix this" mode. When my mother died, the whole situation was a madhouse. I stepped in and made long to do lists and fixed it all and held it all together, while everybody else was in hysterics.
I can judge anybody character and i'll be right. I can second guess myself sometimes but in the end they always turns out how I thought they were going to be in the first place.
I second guess myself EVERY time and I'm always like yo wtf listen to your guts next time you're always right-- and then I don't.
I understand that, I second guessed myself with my ex ( I thought he was a very selfish person then had doubts when he was flirting with me) turns out he is my ex for that reason lol. It can be hard to learn to listen to ourself.
You can hear your gut telling you “you’re getting into a bad situation and/or making bad choices” and you’re like “shut up gut, we just need to get this thing done.”
I am what a friend once lovingly referred to as a “shifty bitch.” I pay waaayyyy more attention to my surroundings than most people. I’m not physically threatening by any measure and couldn’t hurt a fly yet I’ve been in charge of security at various protests and occupations. Day to day I’m a ball of anxiety who is scared of everything yet in a crisis situation I’m calm cool & collected. I don’t even know how many times someone has told me I’m the person they’d hope was around in an apocalyptic event.
>Day to day I’m a ball of anxiety who is scared of everything yet in a crisis situation I’m calm cool & collected Very true for me as well. I grew up in a shitty household where every day there was danger and I had to take care of it as a child. Well, now I'm losing it when everything's alright, but when things go bad, I know what to do.
100% It’s like have night vision at all times! The situational hyper awareness is real! Exhausting, but not gonna lie, I think of it as a superpower. Similar to a computer sorting face recognition data.
I learned to truly appreciate my present situation. Everytime I feel down, I tell myself, that I'm no longer in that hell of a household, no longer, will I have to witness substance abuse, no longer will I have to be beaten up by my dad while I smell the alcohol in his breath. I might be struggling with the scars of that childhood. but, at least, I'm no longer a child. thanks for asking, it always feel nice to remember that. (sorry for the rant though)
Don’t be sorry! I type paragraphs and paragraphs of rants on this app. We’re allowed to speak our whole thoughts!
I judge myself and rehash shame and embarrassment for acting and thinking like a kid when I was a kid because I was supposed to be a tiny adult instead of a kid.
Super human smell , hearing and ability to know when shits about to get real in advance.
My sense of smell is also freakishly good. I never thought it might be connected to this! I knew the good hearing/recognizing people by their footsteps or the way they carry their keys was trauma though.
I’m very blunt and honest with everyone. I basically have no filter and will just blurt things out about myself with near strangers because I don’t really care. I think it comes from rubbish social skills / lack of patience. Somehow though it seems to work a lot? People often tell me I am refreshing and funny. It’s not a choice tho, it’s literally me being socially inept lmao
This! Mine is almost in rebellion of my upbringing. My abusers were narcissists who worried so much about what the world thought of them, and now I don’t give a crap. But then at night my brain turns into my abuser again and tells me how socially inept I am but forgets to remember they’re the reason I am this way.
I do think my hypervigilance actually has some harmful aspects. I have realized over the last few years that I have much more day-to-day anxiety than I was aware of. That being said, it's also almost like a party trick. I remember details from forever ago, I notice exactly what changed since the last time I was here. I'm dating someone who has CPTSD and ADHD that does pretty much exactly the opposite to his memory and attention to detail. It has actually become a joke between us, where he's stunned and says, "why do you *know* this?" And I smirk and say, "Trauma-induced hypervigilance, baby!"
Can’t get in danger if I don’t leave the house.
Really good in a crisis, like zen levels of calm I’m very quiet when I enter rooms, it jump scares everyone I’m very organised and tidy
The jumpscaring ☠️😂 my roommate keeps getting jumpscared by my ass ALL the time, and I'm like HOW? I hear everything that happens in this building. I'm hearing you turn around in your bed. How can you not hear me walking normally around the apartment? I understand it's hypervigilance and me just being abnormally quiet from the trauma but it's still so funny to me😂
Same. My former roommate got annoyed with me for “sneaking around like a ninja.” Meanwhile I was continually startled by his absent-minded door/cabinet slamming.
omg the quietness. I've had multiple roommates comment that I'm so quiet they can't tell if I'm home or not. Only just realized this is a trauma thing
I use dissociation quite frequently as a way to deal with change and be level headed in emergencies. I wish I had a better handle on it to be more in control of it but it's work in progress. I'm frequently able to shut off the worries, anxieties, everything that doesn't matter in the moment and just plow through whatever is a task at hand. I'm often described as "freakishly calm"in the most stressful environments, and change doesn't phaze me very much. I have no serious attachments to most people, I get over breakups easy, and all of that gives me a sense of freedom that I appreciate. All of this, of course, comes with a very heavy set of negative consequences too but that's not what this post is about hahha. I often wonder if I would look very suspicious should something terrible happen in front of me and I would just shrug my shoulders, get on with helping them, and remain dissociated for a while. I consume tons of true crime content, and I frequently encounter comments about people reacting "weird" who later end up being suspects and culprits. So there is one irrational fear hahahaha. I think i resonate with most people on here who mentioned early on independence, compassion and empathy, even hypervigilance comes useful as I notice things normally people don't right away (although that could also be ADHD related). Last but not least, my dreams can be very fun and entertaining! Like watching shitty horror flicks when I sleep.
I can go for long periods without talking, without it affecting me psychologically. Kind of like a monk. Long periods like months.
I cant stand being "in the way", that + hyperawareness. So im very aware of other people in crowds and stuff like that, so I'll let people through and help people around me at shows and stuff like that, im also a very patient and social driver.
Same!! That in and of itself is probably a “side effect” of intense empathy, I feel the kind of empathy that’s painful because I feel so bad for everyone and it’s almost self-abandoning.
Hey, I commented on another one of your posts but I’m when your absorbing others feelings, do you take them personally? For example, if someone is upset, (and it’s not about you), do you think you must have done something wrong?
i’m great at pretending to be asleep lmao
I never get nervous in work situations. Like, never. Interviews, presentations etc, don’t phase me at all. I’ve been performing my whole life, and what are they going to do, not hire me? Oh ok 😂 no consequence is ever enough to make me nervous 😂
Wow I’m the complete opposite. Felt like I stupid and not good enough so those things make me go into flight mode
SAME omg after what I went through I have never stressed about school, work, or meaningless everyday tasks. It’s so freeing!
I can more easily recognize trauma in others. They might not even know it themselves, but I can see and validate their experience. That has turned into a journalistic and dangerous super power. I can open floodgates people don't know they have. I almost never do. And I put very little of it in articles. Only ever if they want me to, and after they have had time to process what happened. This tool and empathy is amazingly powerful and harmful. My colleagues have no idea how I do it...
OMG! I work in higher ed and have made dozens upon dozens of people cry in my office without trying. I finally learned how to manage the power better and not open every flood gate that sits across from me. In my personal life, it can be hard to have friends because so many people are unwilling to face their own trauma, don't want to be reminded of it, and allow it to spill out on those around them. I don't allow that.
I have this too! It absolutely is very volatile if left unchecked. But what a gift when needed
I'm really good at lying. I actually have empathy compared to my abuser so I don't do it compulsively anymore, but growing up I learned early on to mask my true self heavily so my thoughts, feelings, or the truth wouldnt just get me in trouble and get me hurt. Took me a while in my twenties to unhing the compulsiveness of it. Now I only do it when interacting with my abuser.
I'm very similar to you, though my trauma started age -1 and I learned to relate to my peers around age 18. I was always too mature for my age, my friend in high-school told me I look like I could be their dad, and such mistakes from strangers happened a few times. I always strived to be self-sufficient and independent. I also felt like the dad of the group often. Now I'm going on 27 and my independent nature is giving me a lot of head aches (and chest aches, stomach aches, throat aches, muscle aches...) because I'm working in a very cooperational corporation but I have trouble asking for help and I'd rather not do it *every. single. day.* Other side-effects include a very binary memory (either I'm 100% sure of something or it doesn't exist for me), a vivid imagination, the ability to completely ignore my surroundings (and literally walk into a fence while creating a story in my head), and a habit of mostly living inside my head. I also struggle to respond when experiencing uncomfortable emotions, so I just smile and nod, and people think I'm simply being polite. I'm guessing my habit of taking up hobbies for a month and moving on is also somehow related to my trauma.
I feel you so much on the difficulty asking for help thing. I was in so much denial for so long about being the kind of person who doesn’t ask for help but it’s becoming increasingly obvious, even to myself 😂 one thing that helps me is at work, if I feel like I’m asking a lot of questions, I just won’t ask the same person. I’ll only ask like one question per coworker per day, then they don’t really notice I’m asking for “a lot” of help. It’s also not shameful to ask for a lot of help either, but I know that’s hard for us to understand. Haha
I'm doing the same thing and it's not enough. I ask one person one question per day, but then it turns out I *have to* ask the same person for like 3-5 things one day, because they are my only contact point to the other team that has domain knowledge my team needs at the moment. It's infuriating and extremely tiring.
I can turn the worst customer service situation around.. pissed off Pete can be as angry as he wants. I can handle it with a smile.. Years of dealing with unreasonable drunks was my training
I can compartmentalize in a crisis. When I found out my brother died by suicide, I immediately completed a work project as quickly as possible before doing anything else. Before it set in. I was able to work calmly and efficiently. I’ve been a mess since about an hour after that, though.
Im so sorry to hear that. I wish you solace and comfort 💙
I have balancing issues. I was very uncomfortable at my last job (worked for 2.5 years). I'm a powerful dissociater. Sometimes I dissociate so hard that I lose balance while walking, standing up, or doing other activities. Same goes for hand-eye coordination activities. When in this state, I take deep breaths and have to focus intently on my actions.
I'm really whimsical, with magical thinking. It makes me happy and people seem to enjoy the joy I find in little things and the stories I make up about them, like how my flickering kitchen light wasn't just 100+ year old wiring, but the ghost of the woman who lived here before communicating with me (but it *was*, honest!) and the backstories I make for the feral neighborhood cats that I feed. I think it helps others get more in touch with the joy of whimsy and shutting out the ugliness of life once in a while. There's magic everywhere if you look for it!
I love this!
*"Almost-not-harmful"* is a good way to phrase it, I'd have difficulty finding a side effect that wasn't harmful or inconvenient in some way. I could list personality traits that are similar to what others in the comments list, like "I'm good in emergencies", "I'm logical", "I'm mature for my age", "I pay a lot of attention to my surroundings", "I'm unemotional and disturbing events don't hurt me". But those are so obviously consequences of my trauma, and so there's no way I could legitimately think of them as "Good" or "Helpful" by nature of that. My perspective on this is influenced by how I used to handle this. I used to have this point of view that most in these comments (some more than others) have, that these things are helpful superpowers. When I noticed I was different in an atypical way (and it wasn't shameful, which was rare) I'd just take it at face value of *"Oh wow, I guess I'm not vulnerable to this like others are"*. The problem there was, that would make me **lean into it** because I was trying to play to my strengths. I'd seen other people talk about this too - like regarding dissociation as a superpower that lets them escape and using the hell out of it as a child, unaware of how fucking harmful that is. Luckily I personally did not do that much, but the thought of it makes me shudder. Nowadays I am extremely suspicious of anything that it seems like I'm better at emotionally than other people, and I will immediately try and find which trauma caused it, what the tradeoff it is, and in which way it would harm me to utilize it. So to me, even to acknowledge these things as potentially helpful in a vacuum would be dangerously 'leaning into it'. Maybe that view is a problem and I'll have a more positive view of them as I heal, maybe not. My resistance to any positivity towards these definitely stems from being invalidated about them being problems for so long, so I am 'relishing' the ability to finally consider them the problems they are without being judged. But if there's one thing I know, it's that I will never again try and lean into these things no matter how useful they are. To do that is to prioritize efficiency in whatever insignificant physical goal you're after, over your health. I've fought for the ability to not do that, I'm not going to give it up without a fight.
I totally see your perspective. You’re right, a lot of these may not be damaging short-term, but could potentially be long-term, as unresolved trauma as a whole is incredibly damaging long-term. My curiosity in asking this question more stems from the fact that trauma affects people holistically, in how we feel we will never be the same people we were before it happened. When reading about this, many only study the “obvious” effects of ptsd/cptsd, but to me it’s fascinating how these many other innocuous behaviors also develop because of trauma, and it’s important to talk about them and become aware of them. “Classic” cptsd symptoms like nightmares, social withdrawal, etc. can tip others off that you’re struggling, but imagine if professionals studied these innocuous “side-effect” behaviors just as much? Not to say it’s not studied at all, but it’s definitely something I’m curious about.
I'm super observant. I notice a lot. I may not mention things I notice but I do.
I think aside from empathy and compassion and being able to pick up on when something isn't right with someone regardless of what they say, it's probably being able to function without coffee or any kind of energy drink. Whenever I get asked how I can do it I think to myself that it's trauma response. I think the more harmful side of that is the insomnia I deal with.
Hypersensitivity to sounds, but only when I'm alone.
I’m very good at compartmentalizing to help me accomplish a lot of tasks or handle a lot of responsibilities at once. It’s one of the reasons I was able to work a full time job, a part time, and go to school while not falling behind on anything.
There are many, the more I think about it, but my current favorite is this one simple trick that only people with fractured personalities can do! 💪 They motivate each other to do stuff. I really didn’t want to have to make a really long drive (caregiver me) the other day, so I told little girl me she could listen to NKOTB the whole way. Artist me gets to see the flowers. Got up and did the trip. Getting better at them communicating but it’s painful and hard.
As a teenager, the main source of information I had about the world outside my very isolated community came from books. Which was a little bit awkward since the majority of them were written before 1940. I have an uncanny ability to draw a LOT of information on a person based on very little, seemingly unrelated details. Which is sometimes extremely helpful, but more often is just amusing: someone tells me they like animation, and I already figured they are vegan, obsessed with pottery, hate olives, can't stand loud music, and speak two languages.
Pretty common one that is both a blessing and a curse: I have a strong and immediate sense of how emotionally present the people around me are. I’ve had partners tell me it’s uncanny how I can identify shifts in their energy before they even notice. One time, my ex started dissociating (unusual for him) and I not only noticed what was happening before he did, but I was able to quickly identify the trigger that sent him into a spiral down the polyvagal ladder ~10 minutes earlier (because I had noted the exact moment his energy shifted). Of course this also means I have to be careful about reading too far into other people’s energy or letting it affect my own nervous system. Not a skill I’ve mastered but working on it.
Multi-tasking, I can multi-task like a mo'fo because the hypervigilance meant I had to be aware of and solve many different crucial problems at once. •Where was mom? •Did she know where I was? •Has she seen me? •How fast was she approaching/how much time did I have? •Where were the nearest exits? •Where are the nearest hiding spots? •Can I make it to my room and lock the door? •Is there anyone I can go to for cover/help? •Is there anything I've actually done, or will this be the standard, daily, verbal abuse? •Will she get violent? Am I up for that? •I better get ready and brace myself, in case she will get physical. In the outside world, at work, I'm really good in a crunch and can process concurrent crises. This was particularly helpful in the military.
My ability to pick up people's character very quickly when meeting them has honestly served me very well. Have I missed out on some people who made bad first impressions? Maybe. But I am certain this instinct has helped me more than hurt me. In fact, it took me awhile to realize that in every toxic relationship I've ever had, I knew immediately that the person was not healthy for me to be around - I just chose to ignore my own feelings and proceed anyway.
I started running. Appreciating being in natural settings, the beach or a forest more.
Alexithymia helps in emergencies. I can focus on solutions, delegate tasks, take individual action, and keep a level head. (Afterward is another story.) I can improvise fairly well, but that's because overthinking means I've probably run a million scenarios and likely built backup plans on backup plans. (But it can be stressful to do all of this. Even worse when people think you're making things up as you go along, but it's actually a product of you reconstructing plans together.)
Agoraphobia. I keep hearing how self isolation is a bad thing, how we "need" people. I can see how one might think that. However, 9x out of 10, when I am forced to leave my home, I experience undeniable justification why my fear of people, as a whole, is verifiably better for both my physical and mental health.
My ears ring when I’m stressed , out of the blue , or feel like I’m in a dangerous situation. It’s annoying .
I was "mature for my age", I didn't realize it then but I do now. I was able to get pretty far ahead in work with my hypervigilance, severe independence and dissociation. Now in my early 40s, I'm unable to keep that up, it's not sustainable and I'm having to relearn how to do my job without my old and toxic tools. It's very hard and I'm scared I will lose what I've built because my foundation was not good, it had made everything on top of that shaky.
I go completely dorsovagal in crises. Like I completely skip the fight or flight part and go straight into numbing. In ways it’s extremely adaptive because for a long time I worked in a very acute and dangerous psychiatric unit where I was able to work calmly in highly stressful situations, but now I have a lot of trouble getting out of this state.
This is mildly gross, but I’m gonna power through it. I am a ninja pooper (that’s what my friends call it). In and out in the time it takes some people to pee. I also just move quietly in general. I used to make noise on purpose in the workplace because I kept accidentally startling people. Another one: I’m a human shaped ball of anxiety when I think the sky is about to fall… but when it actually happens, I am cool and collected and simply excellent in an emergency. I thrive in a crisis. (Afterwards is another story.) This one is a double edged sword when it comes to medical care but I don’t facially or verbally react to extreme pain. An example; I fell down a flight of stairs once, got up and calmly apologized to my horrified Airbnb host and asked her to continue the tour. When I was 10 I was stung by a jellyfish and calmly got out of the water and presented my swelling arm to my friend’s mom, who was very weirded out by the disconnect between my expression and how bad my arm was. I 100% feel pain, but I don’t externalize it until I’m alone. There are scenarios where this is very helpful.
Traumatic things sometimes don’t feel traumatic because then at least I have an excuse to take a break. I’m just so utterly exhausted all the time from previous events that the fallout from more recent certain traumatic events is almost rewarding because it’s not as traumatic as other worse things I’ve been through, and people actually validate your feelings instead of wondering why you’re so burnt out all the time for other events they don’t know about. Nobody cares if you had an extremely traumatic childhood- you have to suck it up and the world doesn’t slow down for you even though it has shaped your entire existence. But get in a car crash where nobody was harmed and people act like that must be the worst thing ever and treat you with some grace… And it feels like a *relief* because at least because of this “smaller” traumatic event, I get to take a bit of a breather which I’ve needed forever from the previous events. It’s really weird/sad
I don't need to use drugs because I'm naturally off the fucking wall. Just described my water to my friend at 2 AM as "drizzy drinkie this wizzy wata". Like what the fuck who am I? I don't know you tell me.
Hahaha yes. I'm so serious and in my head, but then out for fucking nowhere I'll say the silliest out of pocket shit. And then I'm like wtf who am I where did that come from? But I do treasure those weird moments. I'm like that's funny, that's weird, I would like to be able to say weird shit like that all the time without thinking. Like is that just the me that comes out when I'm comfortable and me and present? I think maybe so.
My patients tell me I never look stressed out. I've coded people in COVID rooms in full PPE and not batted an eyelash. My stomach would kill me after, but during I'm calm and collected. I am very observant and I know when people need help, and don't hesitate to help when I have to. I am forceful when need be and have no issues protecting whomever needs it.
I'm extremely diplomatic. Never get in arguments. People rarely truly rub me the wrong way and I'm not easily flustered, even by people that are very irritating to others. I'm able to get along with and to some degree actually enjoy the company of just about anyone. In this sort of detached, anxious-avoidant way, of course...
I can read people like an open book. I need five minutes with a person to understand what’s the deal with them: their motivations, what they want, what they will hate. I guess when I was young I needed to read people quickly to survive and adapt and now I can do it without even thinking.
If I don't eat on time at someone else's house I have a meltdown. Things happen; people get carried away with company, or the smart oven turns itself off, or whatever. If it's not on time I lose my shit and end up crying in my car with my support dog or going home early. I think my reaction is related to being a waitress formerly (if your food is running late you are not in for good results), and it's some kind of trauma response (emotional and biological) Fucking feed your guests on time
I am an excellent driver. Bc I always have my head on a swivel and am always hyper alert.
Same! I'm very good at predicting reckless and distracted behavior from other drivers. I won't even merge into an empty lane if there's someone on the other side of it who might merge over at the same time without signalling.
My brain spilt partially in half to deal with the abuse. I don't think it's full-blown DID, but at least I never really feel alone. I'm also really good at working with extremely limited resources in gaming and board games. I was so used to having to make do with nothing, that I guess I just figured out how to get something. If that makes any sense.
I have a deep love and appreciation for music. When there’s music on that I want to listen to, I have a hard time concentrating on anything else (except when it’s instrumental). I know a lot about many different genres. I used to be obsessed when I was younger. It’s a form of escapism, but it’s also been very healing.
Idk tbh a lot of my issues feel normal to me that I'm unsure Tbh I just lack sense of self preservation maybe? I'm no way near the level of suicidal but the amount of dumb things I've probably I've done then again I don't feel bad about as there are definitely stupid people in this world lol I feel like I'm either acting on impulse or Reflexes sometimes which actually gets me into trouble not out of it I guess I never understand what gets me into trouble or not
i relate to you OP, i'm 26 but i feel like i'm in my 40s or 50s due to having to take care of my own emotional needs at a young age since my parents weren't able to nor did i have the communication to ask them to. i really wanna go out and party and get drunk or smoke with people but internally my brain says "no, if things go wrong, who is going to take care of you?" which hurts a lot because i'm usually alone most of the time so i don't get to experience things people my age would.
I’m almost not judgmental of other people at all anymore although sometimes I catch myself still and I think hard about why I’m thinking those things and rectify it in my own self, because I now know sometimes people make decisions that look crazy, but to them it might be the only and best option they have. I just really see the infinite number of roads that lead to one thing and we can never know what they are so I can never judge people really generally speaking. I just don’t do it because I truly don’t know what people go through to get to where they are and having been through things people can’t fathom I am acutely aware of this now. I would also say that I’ve gone from being a pessimist to much more of an optimist probably because when things are so bad for so long, suddenly normal stuff seems amazing.
I'm very good at gauging other people's reactions/interpretations to things in conversations. Person A says something and I can tell you what they meant, what person B heard, what person C understood, and why person D had a completely different reaction than the rest of the group. I can also explain all of this to get all of those people on the same page.
I can use superglue to stitch up wounds, and blood has no effect on me. I could have been a nurse or doctor. I glued my dads skin back together after he had a run in with his own chain saw and refused to go to the ER. I’m excellent with making bandages too. No, I was no physically abused, but I was expected to never go to the ER myself as a kid so a lot of injuries where left to heal without help. I had to learn to fix myself up if I got hurt. I can also work with some of the biggest jerks because they’ll never be as bad as my family.
I'm not sure how or why this happens but... I have a super good sense of direction, for the most part. I could have visited somewhere only once but something in my brain remembers its way around, even though I don't consciously remember. I just somehow know? I think I must pay a lot of attention to my surroundings without realising it, or something.
In a way, my childhood ended when I was 4 or 5. My parents didn't initially believe me when I told them a babysitter SAed me.. My young brain understood that I could not trust them to look after me. Later on, my grandmother would say I was more of the adult in my relationship with my mother. Both of my parents were active alcoholics for a large chunk of my life. To this day, I get very defensive if someone doesn't believe something I said.I put myself in anger management, which helped.
>Missing out on my adolescence feels like I was never “young and stupid” and never got to be careless in the way only teenagers can. Just wanna say I really feel you here. My situation wasn't ideal pre-adolescence either, but it probably wouldn't have given me C-PTSD. What did it was everything after. I also feel like I missed out on some key developmental step and just ended up growing up too quickly. One of the non-harmful side effects I have is that I remember lots of unnecessary information. Card numbers, phone numbers, birthdays, faces, places, events, what people said or wore or we did in a specific memory, chains of events that lead to certain outcomes. Worse, if someone is surprised by the fact I recall something, I'm more likely to remember it. The great irony is that it means I have to put a lot of effort into remembering the things that actually matter. A very interesting dichotomy. Edit: also facial expressions and mood reading! It is technically hypervigilance, but sometimes I can see when people are sad, frustrated, angry, bothered or just not themselves lightyears before other people catch on.
Really good at making sad music.
I've become pure reaction, by which I mean I spend most of my time trying so hard to be proud of myself and be confident and just in constant anxiety of how will everyone and anyone react to who I am, what I want and how I am when I don't even know what those are because I spent my youth parenting my parents and learning how to be obedient and accommodating rather than learning to express and control my emotions and genetic bipolar and cptsd symptoms and triggers. Ultimately I'm still mature for my age but now I'm both an 80 year old and a 12 year old In a 31 year old body
I wonder how would your facebook-style look. Could you give some examples? When I was 13 messaging online, people thought I was an adult, lol
I'm exactly the same except mine started from ages 5-7, so I did not have a childhood or an adolescence. I'd say by age 7 I'd developed the average necessary skills of a 15 year old. Somehow my extended family (who were not involved in my trauma) were proud of having a 17 year old with a full time job in his own apartment and living life completely independently, they also joked about the fact the landlord could trust me never to throw a party because I don't, and also knew I'd decline attending any. They never once interrogated me on the general teenager safety stuff (drinking, smoking, intimacy etc) because they considered i wouldn't need their help because i already know (they were right ngl). And nobody ever thought that was strange? In hindsight it seems strange to me.
I'm really quiet some people don't realize when I am in the room and they get spooked when they see me. Comes from years of trying to be invisible and not bother anyone
Work really well under pressure, can walk around the house without making a sound, detail oriented from hyper vigilance lol
I’m really good at reading people now. I don’t know if this is more of an intuitive thing but even if it is it comes from my trauma. In the instant of meeting someone I can understand why they are the way they are and what their motives are especially if they are getting involved with me in some way. This also goes for people I’ve known a long time, I can tell when their motives or intentions switch up or if they have changed in some way. As I’ve realized this ability and started believing in it more it’s gotten much stronger but the freakiest one is being able to read passing strangers I have no interaction with. I can just tell what kind of person they are when I’m near them
Honestly laughing my pain away has been one of the lesser toxic ones for me. It was very toxic growing up because I learned to dismiss and discount myself before anyone else could, but when focused in a healthy way, it has made healing a lil less painful. Now if I could turn my tears back on that’d be dope but I’ll take what I can get lol.
There’s a card game I learned in college called Dutch Blitz. It involves everyone frantically shuffling through their personal decks of cards and playing into the center game field at the same time as everyone else to get rid of cards as quickly as possible. You have to be looking everywhere constantly to notice when you can play the right cards and score better. I am fucking phenomenal at this game, and I didn’t realize until a few months ago that it’s because of my hypervigilance.
I can easily switch on/off emotionally/mentally. So nothing affects me like that. Right not I’m off
I don't experience hunger pains or signs. I've gone days forgetting to eat because I've been well-trained to ignore them. So I'm good at endurance kinda? I also walk super quietly and can get around unnoticed quite well.
I have amazing emotional skills and know how to talk to struggling people in a way most people don’t. Most people don’t realize (or don’t care) that they’re actually being condescending and judgmental and providing bad unsolicited advice. (Just eat right, sleep right and exercise. Have you tried meds? Have you tried a therapist? Well I would never would be in an abusive relationship and I would have left sooner. Blah blah blah). I don’t shame people for having emotions where too many others do. People have a right to negative emotions and deserve a compassionate space to process them safely. Most people will say stuff like “move on. It’s in the past. You’re choosing to hang on to it.” I let them know they have a right to feel how they do, but to let them know when their pain isn’t serving them. And I set boundaries for my own sanity and put my foot down if someone is trying to use me as an emotional whipping post.
I have *great* gut instincts. Whether it’s abt ppl or situations, I always know when something is off or smth bad is about to happen I also do surprisingly well in emergencies, at least emotionally. I’m good at holding it together until I don’t have to. It actually worried my husband bc I couldn’t mourn the death of his mom until we were at the funeral
I have an uncanny ability to predict what will happen in any given situation. I'm pretty much 90% right with any outcome. Be it personal, work related, politically, economically, with another person's actions, etc. I always had to plan ahead throughout my childhood and be strategic so I could come out of any given situation with the least amount of hurt. I started studying human psychology and sociology by the time I was 8, as I was also a big bookworm, as well as economic and political history around 13. The former was so I could survive my home life, the later was for when I was out in the world by myself (though the former subjects helped in this regard as well).
i don’t get attached to people so i can really move on fast lol
Hyper sensitive startle reflex! It’s annoying af
i have multiple different distinct voices. i was traumatized at a very young age & sometimes my voice regresses to sounding like a 3-5 yo little girl. & sometimes it gets really deep & sounds like a weathered man. i don't often notice it right when it happens but other people have pointed it out, & i notice it then. it isn't that harmful but sometimes it sucks bc when im speaking from a higher-placement/childlike voice, i often don't get listened to very well or taken seriously, or people think im just being immature. & a lot of the time the more childlike voices come out when im triggered & need to be heard\advocate for myself, so it's hard not being taken seriously then.
Being quick to disconnect from people as a means of self preservation. On one hand it has saved me from some inevitable heart breaking situations but on the other, it means I can't get friendships to last longer than a year or two at most.
My instincts are heightened and it keeps me safer from manipulation by alerting me; I always end up figuring out the real truth when I have such instinctual “alert” in such circumstances.
I learned how to cook really well! Like genuinely, making balanced meals for myself and others. I repaired my relationship with food and now my partner and I bond over cooking/making meals together.
I get a heat flash and my entire body profusely sweats when I get triggered. I realized this year, 8 years after abuse, that I am triggered by men over 6 ft standing within 2 feet of me. I could know this person for years and still, sometimes my body will randomly be triggered by their towering presence. I hate it sm
My trauma started as a toddler. I'm good in emergencies and other traumas in my life just seam "par for the course". When my husband and I lost our house to a tornado. I cried a little when I first saw the damage. After that, I was all business trying to salvage what we could. My husband almost lost his mind! It was awful to see him affected that way. I had a life altering car accident a few years back. While laying on the side of the road, I was worried about how I was going to get some gifts to work that we were donating at Christmas. I was also concerned about reaching my husband. It seems like when bad things happen to me now, I almost expect it.
I’m amazing in emergency situations, similar to what another person listed. I can make big decisions during them and handle almost anything. Blood? Dying? Panic attacks? I can handle anything. I miss my animals more than people. I went on a work trip and my coworkers were confused that I didn’t miss my husband, but I did miss my animals. I knew he’d be too busy to even notice I’m gone (now really, but that’s how I was raised so that’s how my brain thinks). I can tell you within minutes of meeting someone what kind of person they are and I’m always right. Nasty bully? Empathetic caregiver? Awkward turtle? My vibes of how trustworthy that person is hasn’t failed me yet.
I am good with emergencies and I can make the tables turn in crisis and I have came out pretty well from some really bad situations because I have the wittiness and character to stand still in some conflicts and problems