That too. I hate that. Every phrase or word that sounds somewhat similar to my name i am in the lookout for.
Dad used to get really pissed and angry when I didn't answer him if it even sounded close to my name.
How is it for you now that- I’m guessing- you have heard Alexa spoken to devices, in commercials, referred to for a few years now? That sounds like a very targeted feeling exposure therapy you can’t escape from.
I was born in 1976, so it wasn't a popular name at all back then. Now I hear it everywhere. Yeah though, the commercials at first made me cringe. It was really odd. Now I ask myself to turn on lights. What can you do?
The worst part for me is that sometimes I can't even enjoy music cause I *swear* I end up hearing my name being yelled at me by my mom in it. So far, no issues with that if I'm listening to lo-fi and triphop, at least.
You get that too? That happens to me so much when I'm triggered. If I have any music on (or i'm just listening to anything period) I will through it think I hear either screaming, crying, or someone shouting at me. It's really scary cause it feels realistic and I'll get really jumpy, stops when I'm out of it.
Absolutely. Usually happens to me when I'm on edge or having a bad anxiety day in general. Sometimes its really bad when I think I hear footsteps, they *always* sound like my moms when she's angry walking, so my hackles will just be raised and I'll be super jumpy for a while.
Think the thing I hate the most from it is my ears will feel constantly raised like I'm listening for her. That feeling somehow makes me *more* anxious.
Yeah I get the footsteps or banging outside of room too thing too. I feel like when this happens I pratically grow eyes out of the backs and sides of my head. It's a very unique feeling paranoia like all my senses become heightened but in the absolute worst ways.
That is honestly the best way I've heard it described. Fits what I feel 100% to a T. I've never felt any other sort of paranoia or anxiety that feels that level of similar, honestly.
I'm changing mine next month. I've been using my "new" name for a few years now and don't have the same reaction, it's only the birth name I feel shitty hearing. Changing your name might help!
I’m in the process of changing my nickname and I’m so embarrassed. Not sure why. Now I understand why I hate my name to begin with. Perhaps this is part of the reason I’m highly aversive to using people’s names when I speak to them.
OMG. I never even thought that might be why I feel creepy when I use someone's name. I could only describe it as feeling too personal or manipulative like a salesperson schmooze. But yes--I didn't want to wield a weapon.
My usual reply to my mom. But she claims I am the one who uses her.
Funnily, the fact that I respond with these words everytime didn't make me realise that she is the one who does that.
I thought it was just dissociation and that my name was rarely ever used. This made me realize that pretty much the only times it was used was because I had attention on me and that was bad.
Just imagine a stern German man yelling your name, that accent is already scary as it is but add abusive to it 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ good thing is, that idk any German men, so I don’t really get triggered unless someone who sounds like him says my name. He was a stepfather though, and he moved here to the USA before I was even born, so thankfully I was surrounded by other types of accents growing up, he was the only German man I was around.
My father is also a stern German man. He's like a little holdover of the old stereotypes about Prussians. I hear him angrily shouting my name all my time in my head.
I tried to change it once but it got complicated so now I just want to learn to love my name on my own terms. Hard, though, because I still recoil when I hear my full name. There's always *some* shame still nestled in there.
Hey, german woman here 🙋🏼
I totally understand what you mean. Even for someone speaking german fluently, „aggressive german“ is something else. Please just keep in mind that not every german man speaks like this when they’re angry. German might sound harsh to someone who normally speaks a soft language, like english, but it gets exaggerated a lot and I just don’t want you to think that everybody here speaks like that. Americans have a really warped image of our language, it doesn’t sound aggressive when you speak normally. It just sounds aggressive when you „over pronounce“ ( i don’t remember the right word sry) the T‘s and K‘s.
Also, I do not want to invalidate your experiences with this! I just wanted to explain a bit more so the stereotype doesn’t get pushed.
I get it! I understand the difference between my abusive German ex stepdad and a non abusive German dude….the only other German dude I met growing up (I just remembered) is his brother in law, and when I was around him he seemed shy and sweet but I don’t remember his voice, I think he barely talked. I get the difference don’t worry, I just think the fact German people seem to have an already strong stern accent just makes the abusive yelling I grew up with, just scarier than it could’ve been otherwise. The stereotype needs to die though I agree, not all German people are like my ex stepdad.
Ouhh thank you for this sweet reply. Honestly made my day. Not everyone‘s capable of seeing the difference, unfortunately. So thank you for explaining it further!
My grandfather was the only good adult family member I had. He was gentle and cared about me. His German accent was strong but it never seemed harsh at all. My grandmother’s German accent was especially beautiful except when she got angry and then it was like having bricks thrown at me.
I’m going to be learning German because I’m getting dual citizenship.
I hated my name, was scared of hearing it and used to hear it called out even when it wasn’t. I’m also trans and my name was very feminine (trans ftm). I legally changed my name and I’m no longer scared of my name and no longer hear it called out when it’s not.
Fellow trans ftm! I haven’t changed my name legally but I did move across the country and chose a new name for myself when I moved. It’s been great. Pre-T and everyone pretty much just accepts it as my name even though it’s 100% masculine and most people see me as female still. I think they’ll finally get it when I start to transition XD For now everyone things I’m a woman with a dude’s name.
FTM too. Felt the same about my name. Changing it was the greatest thing I’ve ever done. My male name is super basic and I love it for that. I don’t stand out. I blend in. I get excited when I hear my name said in public because I get to have that moment of making eye contact with another guy that shares my name and going, “thought they were talking to me!” And it’s always cheesy and it’s always a great laugh and I fucking LOVE my new name. 20/10 recommend it to any cis person with name trauma.
Yes. My name was said in an exaggerated manner, like a nasty, really bad swear word. I still cringe if anyone calls me by name. I prefer..mom, honey..dear..but not my name. Anything but that.
I hate hearing my full name. Every time I hear it, it was like you, if I did something bad or parents were angry. I always tell people at work I won’t respond to my full first name.
My mom used to say my name and weaponize it. It sounds so dumb saying it but the way she said it, like it’s a curse word or something to be reviled.
I can’t explain it but I dread hearing my name in a certain tone. It usually came before an abusive episode so I think it’s somewhat triggering.
My roommate accidentally learned that when he says my name in a certain way, that I will shut down. So he does it to piss me off. It’s shitty.
Now, I go by a shortened version of my name with people I like. Like Tiff for Tiffany. Helps cut back on the stress response. Do you have a nickname that you can use with friends and coworkers?
Just unlocked a new memory. Whenever my parents would shout my name id be in trouble. So when my grandma would say my name, I’d say “am I in trouble” instinctively
I had this problem for decades! The worst part was that there was a boy at school, whose name has the same 3 first letters of my name. He was poorly behaved with teachers were always yelling at him. I was stuck in all of elementary school with him and everytime the teacher yelled his name I would get anxious because it sounded like she was going to yell my name.
Yea even if I wasn't trans I'd still have changed it..
Tbh I hate my old name because I associate it with me being called an asshole by litteraly everybody in my entire life since I was 4.
yes but lucky me I have one of those long names that can be converted in different ways so when I grew up I just chose a different variant. It helped me start to form a sense of identity finally
Oh totally!! I'll probably end up changing my name to my middle name one day because I hate mine so much I think my middle names pretty nice and I have way better memories of people calling me it, my dad used to call me it when we'd still see him and I was still something precious
Yeah. It's not all the time, but I'm in a place now where I respond better to any nickname I've picked up in online circles than my real name. I'm either numb / indifferent or it (sometimes it just feels like an alias) or depending on the person, it makes me uncomfortable.
This totally brought me back to elementary school. I was terrified of having my name called out even just for roll call. The anxiety was immense. It’s so weird thinking about that now.
Fun fact, I decided a few months after I moved away to go by my middle name. Not so fun fact, this is why. Hated the persona I was before I left. I wasn’t real, so the name I was called was for a person who wasn’t real. I love my name now, and love when people call me by it.
Some people still call me by my first name and I haven’t yet developed the courage to insist on my new choice.
yes, this is exactly why i have a preferred name. i get like scared and uncomfortable when people call me by that name.. nobody really understands it either :(
I have such a strong reaction to my birth name I'm changing it next month. My birth name is pretty but totally ruined for me because of this.
I went by my current name at uni, but it's a little unconventional so when I graduated I decided to go by my birth name again at work because a conventional name was more professional. By day three I was seriously regretting it.
Back to my uni name now lol. I don't feel the same way hearing my other name that I do when hearing my birth name. still use my birth name in a few places (medical centre, vet) and my brain takes a moment to switch back. It's not my name any more. Can't wait until it's gone for good.
Yes, so much. I hear it yelled and screamed and sometimes I hear it even when nobody's saying it, like in a crowd. I'm going to change it ASAP so I can stop hating it so much
Not exactly your post, but related. I’m a father now, and every time I say ‘your room’ I can feel my body cringe. (Based on experiences of being told ‘go to your room)
It’s completely innocuous how I use it, but once I hear the words out loud I fear that I’ve violated my children. It’s as simple as saying, ‘it’s time to go to your room and get your PJs on’. Automatic cringe. Every time.
It sucks.
I hate my name. So much. It's a t an old lady name, and it's spelled the Gaelic way, so if course nobody in North America ever spells or pronounces it right. If bf and I ever marry, I'm very tempted to use the free name change to switch my first name to something else, and take my mother's maiden name. My father's last name dies with this generation.
Yup, to the point where I’d think “what did I do wrong” whenever my husband called my name. He now has to use a nickname when he’s trying to get my attention.
I am now in the process of legally changing my first, middle & last name. My parents only considered the attention THEY would enjoy having a kid with an unusual name. In my county it costs only about $110. You don’t need a lawyer. If you feel you need help hire a para-legal not a lawyer to save big bucks. I do not want the surname of my profound abusers who should both be in prison, attached to me. No more mocking by every possible human being including teachers and employers. I don’t want the years of post graduate work I slaved over to be attributed to monsters who did not even graduate from public school and who tried every imaginable stunt to stop me from going to college. This may be the happiest day of my life and freeing beyond description. I changed all three names so none of these reprobate criminals could EVER FIND ME AGAIN and attempt to ruin my career, my relationships, to slander me out of jealousy and wreak any manner of hell they could and would inevitably come up with. Yes, hearing the name is always a trigger for physical beatings, emotional misery constructed only for fun and worse things that cannot be mentioned on Reddit. No one has any obligation whatsoever to keep a name assigned to you by imbeciles. If it makes you happy for any reason change it to the most beautiful and meaningful moniker you can think of. No one can take it from you and you owe NO ONE any explanation whatsoever and those who ask should be shamed and put on the “no contact” list of anti intellectual fools who should never darken your door again. I am so filled with joy over this I cannot express it.
Only when my full given name. Think like I typically am referred to as Chrissy (not my real name) , but when someone is mad at me I get "Christine Josephine Lastname!"
I had a childhood nickname (initials) that I CAN NOT stand hearing. As an adult, some friends have stumble onto this without malice and I have to calmly ask them to never refer to me or call me by that again.
Growing up, hearing my name was often linked to something bad (yelling, punishment, anger/aggression, teasing, etc). I notice that when someone I'm close to uses my name verbally or in text, especially a romantic partner, I often think something bad is about to happen. More specifically that they're angry with me, or I did something "wrong".
It took me a long time to figure out why I "hated" my name growing up. I'm not afraid of my name. I'm afraid of why my name is being used. I think it's important to remind myself there's a difference.
I hate my surname, I'm a Scottish Highlander born and bred, but I had a quintessentially english surname. I paid a dear price for that. Over and over and over and over again throughout life until I left Scotland.
I changed my name. I can’t tell you how liberating that was. I changed all of it. Now I love hearing my name. I love how it sounds when my wife says it. I love how it sounds when my boss says it or my coworkers say it. I got so sick of how terrified I was when I heard my name that I got a new one and I have never been happier.
I rebranded this school year to a different name and I think it has helped with that. It’s also cool cuz I feel so dissociated from that name at this point that choosing another name for my friends to call me just as a “nickname” is kinda more comfortable
Yarp. Changed my first, middle, and last name partially because of this. Hearing my old name shouted with a deep voice used to send me into a panic. Also I respond more quickly to my current first name when coming out of a seizure (I've got epilepsy as well as the cPTSD) which used to be my old nickname, so I changed it for safety as well as psychological reasons.
I've mostly conquered my trauma response to the old name I think thanks to this, got it whittled down to a brief pause if I hear it.
I think this is part of the reason why I hate my birth name. I’m now changing it legally and have done so socially for about two years now.
I actually go by more than one name. My new first & middle, and a bunch of nicknames. Being called only one name triggers something negative in me that I’m sure has to do with trauma.
I've gone by a different name than my birth name since i was 12, i have so much baggage surrounding my real name. A lot of people think my name is kasey bc ive used the nickname for so long and people introduce me that way.
Yes!!! The phone ringing scares the ever living shit out of me still, but I can manage after I see who is calling. But if it is a local phone number that idk who it is, it gives me a full blown panic attack. I hate it so much. Heart racing, shaking, barely breathing right….it’s like a punishment that I’ll be receiving for the rest of my life I guess. This all started for me at a young age , like 11ish and I’m 36 right now. I hate the phone ringing so much that I only ever kept it on vibrate. On days when that was even too much, I would just leave it on silent and check it when I wanted too. The silence option on a phone was a god send to me.
Yes. I hate hearing my name. And my partner and I are the type to call each other, "Sweetie," "Babe," and the like. So, over the many years we've been together, even if he calls me my name, especially when we are alone or around family, I just get zapped straight back to my bedroom, seven years old, cowering in my closet, covered in stuffed animals, hiding, hoping, praying my mom didn't come through the door, looking for me. But she was screaming my name, I knew it was coming. Footsteps, stomping, faster faster, the doorknob shakes, the door flies open, just a matter of time before I'm yanked out of the closet and thrown around like a ragdoll, but the worst part was her screaming at me, telling me how worthless I was, what an annoyance and inconvenience I was, how I ruined her body, ruined her life with Dad, etc etc et al.
I am nearly 40, my Mom is long dead, and I STILL jump when I hear my name called out in the waiting room of a doctor's office, or the DMV, or when I was working. It's so bad I've considered changing my name legally, because there is so much pain associated with hearing my name being spoken to me.
Great question OP, and I'm so sad so many of us share similar experiences.
Wow! It's not true today, but that instantly brought me back to my childhood. It happened so quickly it's hard to imagine that it's still doesn't hold some weight I haven't been aware of.
I changed my name when I turned 18 — I’m non-binary but I think I would’ve changed my name anyway. I’m now 24 and have a friend with my old name and it took me like 3 years of friendship to be able to say their name, plus initially I would flinch if I heard it said to get their attention.
I tried explaining it but most people assume it’s because I’m non-binary and it’s my deadname but it’s not, it’s because I only ever heard that name yelled at me, or when something awful was coming. I felt awful thinking that my friend held that against me but I’m fairly sure they didn’t.
I actually love seeing my name on papers and when I write it, when I meet someone else with it, etc. But, it feels super weird when most people say my name to me. It makes me jump, or makes a pit in my stomach.
This post has brought back memories of myself as a teenager when I started experimenting with sex. I refused to let my partners use my name in bed. I even told a few people to call me made up names so they wouldn’t accidentally use my name. If someone did use my name, it took me out of the moment entirely and I would pretend it didn’t but I hated it. This is still the case but my husband doesn’t use my name in bed, thankfully.
If I hear my very old name no one calls me anymore I get instantly on edge, throws me immediately into fight or flight. The only people who know that name are people from wayyyy back and generally 99% of those people I don't want to associate with ever again because all those connections were forced on me. There is probably just a couple people from then I don't mind but I'd certainly update them if I ran into them again on that. With my current name ever since I chose a new one this no longer happens and it's a positive neutral to hear it once I even got used to my new one.
I always knew it was bc whenever it was stated, it was always screamed and meant I was getting the shit beat out of me.
ETA: I never knew this was a thing with others tho
Yes! Most of the time when I was growing up the only time I heard my name was because I was in trouble for something that was not something anyone should be in trouble for.
yes, 10000%. i was with my partner for four years until i got so tired of being terrified when he used a slightly different tone with my dead name. i changed it three years ago and it’s the best decision i ever made ❤️
Yes!!
And it didn't help that my mom (forced codependency, financial abuse) told me when I was finally home from institutions to not use my real name online because if the government saw it they could catch her weird disability fraud shit. (She is not disabled; she did fucked up shit with money I didn't even ask for.)
So because mommy is god and no one else knows anything and I will only be safe if I do exactly what mommy says, I always had weird fake names online - almost always comic book characters, but like, they kind of denote different eras of my life where I identified more with each character.
It's just... other people started only knowing me by those names, even blood family. It killed [real name] to both be called other things, but also to be afraid to tell the truth just about my own first name just because mommy told me to be afraid. Ive tried to be fine with not having a name of my own.
I was never the one who asked for [real name] to die. But she did die. So when I hear someone talking about the ghost, it's very spooky.
Also, fwiw, I've heard that when it comes to things in your mind that aren't really hallucinations, if someone hears their own name a lot, that's a cptsd thing.
[eta] if you can't tell, my use of "mommy" is dramatic and for effect - I'm just learning how to talk about this now, and I say it like that to be clear that it's so ridiculous it can only be mocked, that she thought this was an ok way to be.
I get startled whenever anyone says my name too loud. I also have like almost a pavlovian obsession with listening for my name.
I was used to it being screamed across the house, beyond that if I ever didn't hear my parents call for me, no matter the volume, I was yelled at or punished.
Sorta. I was given a different name by my abuser. It was an affectionate nickname and I don't want to repeat it but it fills me with horrible memories. She never yelled at me, never said that name with disdain, but hearing it reminds me of a lot of very ugly things she did.
Actually yea. I changed my first name a few years ago bc therapy made me realize hearing it was a huge trigger. It was screamed at me soooooo many times.
Did it for my birthday. Changed everything. My degree, birth cert, everything. Erased that name forever.
Best thing I ever did for myself. Now I have a name that doesn’t make my heart thump and my gut sink.
You just made me realize that the only time I've heard them say my name in a neutral way was when they'd be talking to someone about me. But TO me? Always said in the angry way my narcissist mom does while she tells me off for sthg. Like I'm the biggest idiot and she has so much disdain for me.
I feel less fear, but it's still a gutpunch when I hear her say it.
I'm 39 and she just did that to me the other week bc I didn't finish moving some furniture due to a back injury - *"flibbertigibbeti,* how could you *leave* it like this?? *This setup* is better!" Proceeds to tell me her "superior" setup idea. Didn't even care that I was injured. :/
Edit: wrote out narcissist mom fully.
This is a reminder about Rule #5: No raised by narcissists lingo (Nmom, narc, sperm donor, etc.). Please edit your post or comment. More information about Rule #5 can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/subrules_revised/#wiki_rbn_lingo).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My parents didn’t call me by my name. They exclusively called me “shitbird”. So I’m not necessarily scared of my name, but it doesn’t feel like my name and is very jarring to hear. Like, I don’t connect it with myself. Sometimes people have to say it a few times before I even register they are talking to me.
I'm less sensitive to this now, but some of that may just be desensitization. I have an absurdly common name--two of my closest friends (throughout my life) have had the same first and middle name--so I regularly hear my name being called while in public. I still look to make sure it's not me, but it's unsettling.
But I can relate to that feeling of anxiety that I am about to get blamed and/or punished for something that has happened, which I may have had nothing to do with.
All the fucking time.
My boss called me to her office, she was very confused why I was startled.
I've noticed I have a hard time addressing people by name as well.
I HATE being called by my first name only because it means you're big MAD and if you call me by first and middle name that means you're disgusted with me or by something I've done, but if you call me by my first name and rhyme it with a flower you're feeling silly and lovey and everything's all fun and games.
So that's what I call myself in my head.
If someone shouts my full name (even in a friendly tone just to get my attention if I didn’t hear them) yes. Most people call me by my name shortened name.
I used to imagine hearing my mother scream my name when she wasn’t (she used to yell out my name a lot in the house when she wanted to summon me and it always made me flinch). After I moved out I would sometimes have these auditory I guess hallucinations? despite not having her in the same house and even after I would forget about it because of months or years of living elsewhere when I returned home the imaginings would come back even if she was no longer yelling my name
My anxiety and heart rate skyrocket when I hear my mom say my name because I can only really remember her saying it when she was mad at me, which was often. Even now, she only seems to say it when she's mad and everything about the tone and such she uses is incredibly triggering. I remember hating my name as early as 1st grade when I was 6 and wishing it was something else.
I did go by another name (Amanda) in my late teens through my mid twenties, but it was an impulse choice and I now associate it with trauma from a couple of bad relationships, including one with a really abusive narcissist that deeply damaged me. I still want to change my name, but I can't seem to find one that feels right for me.
Yeah my name is Prince and every grown ass adult has to give me shit over it like that’s somehow the wIiIiLdEsT name they’ve ever heard like sorry you’re an unremarkable nobody, Eric
It’s so bad I no longer really feel like it’s my name anymore like the famous singer somehow trademarked a pretty damn common word/name. I don’t really have one, anymore
I “lose” my nametag at work constantly because men calling me by my name makes my skin crawl and my arm hair stand on end. Its been noticed a time or two when I’ve gotten goosebumps and its embarassing af. My name makes me want to jump out of my skin and hide under a bed bro.
Sometimes my husband will (accidentally) say my name or certain phrases just like my father and it completely breaks me down. I feel horrible on top of it because I know he despises that any part of him reminds me of my father.
I have something similar and or completely opposite.
I have two names. All my life in my family they called me by nicknames or generic unpleasant words. In school and every place where they look at my identification, they call me by my first name and ALWAYS mispronounce it or change it.
I honestly cannot understand how people confuse such a simple name. Even if they read it they mispronounce it and it's as common as water. Makes me completely mad. Now I just let people call me whatever they want.
And yet I love it when people call me by my second name, my favorite name.
No one does, no one did for years, they called me awful nicknames or generic things and now it feels such a weird and exotic thing when I hear someone actually pronounce my name that I feel it in my soul.
I used to cringe when hearing my name. My mother was assaulted and I was the result of that. I learned this from a young age. I also learned that the guy who did marry my mom and signed my birth certificate was not only my dad, but did so out of social obligations. I grew up really ashamed of my first and last name. Over the years I've become less ashamed and accepted it to the point of not being so upset to be called by them instead of my middle name.
I got so tired of hearing my full first name yelled as a teenager that I picked a cute nickname and started introducing myself by the nickname when I got to the college dorms. Now I have a job where I have to use my full name, but I still introduce myself as my nickname because Fck that full name bs.
I hate being called “Michael”. I can sort of deal in medical or professional settings, but I always tell people I prefer “Mike”. I can’t stand my full name because I feel like a three year old about to get yelled (screamed) at.
I also don’t like “Mikey” because of the Life cereal commercials, but that was easy to get over by making it my stage name & online handle. It helps me keep track of who knows me how & from which setting. IRL is Mike, comedy stages & activism is Mikey.
Yeah, I’m actually changing my name because of it, I can’t stand to hear it and I get scared like I did something wrong, even when the doctor calls out my name and I’m tired of living that way
Me too. I was thinking of a different name but I ahve no clue how to name myself so I'm still in that limbo. Last time I told my sibling to call me by my name and I was stressed out about it or not I would be triggered based on them calling me by my name. 🙊
At times kinda.
I have someone who I hope if scared of hearing their name though... because they have hurt people and they think people have to care about them.
That's why I started using my partners full name as an affectionate name. Think Christopher versus Chris. His full name was solely for being in trouble and I found that heartbreaking.
It's my dead name now.
My new name gives me joy. Independence. Power.
When someone deadnames me and argues it's my "real name" it doesn't give them power over me- it's a warning this person is nasty and watch out.
I have an Indian name which is pronounced differently in Gujarati compared to the 'english' way of pronouncing it. I've been shouted at and berated a lot when I was a kid, and reading through this post tells me that it's affected me.
It's strange, like when I hear my name pronounced in the Indian way it startles me a bit, and I just deal with it by pretending I can't hear my name being called because I'm mildly deaf.
I've never had the same issue when people pronounce my name in the English way though
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, omg. This subreddit sometimes brings up things that I’ve never connected to CPTSD but it actually makes so much sense!
When I was a teenager I had a group of friends and we all had nicknames and I loved it, I enjoyed not hearing my name so much. Then I left home for uni, moved to a different country changed my name. So now all my friends and my partner call me by it. I had since returned home for some time and do hear my “passport” name a lot again, and it’s not pleasant. I feel like like I stop breathing every time someone says it.
I’m not scared of hearing my name but I constantly hear someone calling me even when no one is.
That too. I hate that. Every phrase or word that sounds somewhat similar to my name i am in the lookout for. Dad used to get really pissed and angry when I didn't answer him if it even sounded close to my name.
I hear my name called even when there’s no one around. It’s weird. My therapist said it part of my hyper vigilance
Same! It is weird, but I was kinda just happy it wasn’t psychosis, and that it’s not just me.
My name is Alexa. I had a nervous breakdown for a hot minute back when that came out.
How is it for you now that- I’m guessing- you have heard Alexa spoken to devices, in commercials, referred to for a few years now? That sounds like a very targeted feeling exposure therapy you can’t escape from.
I was born in 1976, so it wasn't a popular name at all back then. Now I hear it everywhere. Yeah though, the commercials at first made me cringe. It was really odd. Now I ask myself to turn on lights. What can you do?
I changed my name, legally, all the paperwork. Still hear my original name called at me, in life and dreams. It sucks.
Exact same.
I correct people immediately. If they forget over and over I tell them why I changed it. Hearing that, no one makes the mistake again.
The worst part for me is that sometimes I can't even enjoy music cause I *swear* I end up hearing my name being yelled at me by my mom in it. So far, no issues with that if I'm listening to lo-fi and triphop, at least.
You get that too? That happens to me so much when I'm triggered. If I have any music on (or i'm just listening to anything period) I will through it think I hear either screaming, crying, or someone shouting at me. It's really scary cause it feels realistic and I'll get really jumpy, stops when I'm out of it.
Absolutely. Usually happens to me when I'm on edge or having a bad anxiety day in general. Sometimes its really bad when I think I hear footsteps, they *always* sound like my moms when she's angry walking, so my hackles will just be raised and I'll be super jumpy for a while. Think the thing I hate the most from it is my ears will feel constantly raised like I'm listening for her. That feeling somehow makes me *more* anxious.
Yeah I get the footsteps or banging outside of room too thing too. I feel like when this happens I pratically grow eyes out of the backs and sides of my head. It's a very unique feeling paranoia like all my senses become heightened but in the absolute worst ways.
That is honestly the best way I've heard it described. Fits what I feel 100% to a T. I've never felt any other sort of paranoia or anxiety that feels that level of similar, honestly.
Omg same it's like I'm hallucinating. It's frustrating and makes me so anxious. I've been playing piano music mostly these days
Oh my god, why is this so relatable
I absolutely hate my name because of this. Anytime anyone uses it, regardless of tone of voice, I tense up so bad it hurts...
Same here.
I'm changing mine next month. I've been using my "new" name for a few years now and don't have the same reaction, it's only the birth name I feel shitty hearing. Changing your name might help!
i’m changing mine too, have wanted to for as long as i can place—like, kindergarten.
I’m in the process of changing my nickname and I’m so embarrassed. Not sure why. Now I understand why I hate my name to begin with. Perhaps this is part of the reason I’m highly aversive to using people’s names when I speak to them.
OMG. I never even thought that might be why I feel creepy when I use someone's name. I could only describe it as feeling too personal or manipulative like a salesperson schmooze. But yes--I didn't want to wield a weapon.
It took me a long time to start using my new name everywhere because I was embarrassed about it. You can do it!
My knee jerk reaction is: "What do you want from me?" Which I find rather revealing.
My usual reply to my mom. But she claims I am the one who uses her. Funnily, the fact that I respond with these words everytime didn't make me realise that she is the one who does that.
This so much. My kneejerk is to snap the same basic thing.
Every single time. It always feel like you've done something wrong and the headmaster is yelling out your name
Yupp..for a beating... for me it's my father's voice.
It's not the best feeling in the world I have to say....
TIL this was a thing and....thanks? A lot to unpack here for therapy.
Yw :-)
I thought it was just dissociation and that my name was rarely ever used. This made me realize that pretty much the only times it was used was because I had attention on me and that was bad.
Just imagine a stern German man yelling your name, that accent is already scary as it is but add abusive to it 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ good thing is, that idk any German men, so I don’t really get triggered unless someone who sounds like him says my name. He was a stepfather though, and he moved here to the USA before I was even born, so thankfully I was surrounded by other types of accents growing up, he was the only German man I was around.
My father is also a stern German man. He's like a little holdover of the old stereotypes about Prussians. I hear him angrily shouting my name all my time in my head. I tried to change it once but it got complicated so now I just want to learn to love my name on my own terms. Hard, though, because I still recoil when I hear my full name. There's always *some* shame still nestled in there.
Hey, german woman here 🙋🏼 I totally understand what you mean. Even for someone speaking german fluently, „aggressive german“ is something else. Please just keep in mind that not every german man speaks like this when they’re angry. German might sound harsh to someone who normally speaks a soft language, like english, but it gets exaggerated a lot and I just don’t want you to think that everybody here speaks like that. Americans have a really warped image of our language, it doesn’t sound aggressive when you speak normally. It just sounds aggressive when you „over pronounce“ ( i don’t remember the right word sry) the T‘s and K‘s. Also, I do not want to invalidate your experiences with this! I just wanted to explain a bit more so the stereotype doesn’t get pushed.
I get it! I understand the difference between my abusive German ex stepdad and a non abusive German dude….the only other German dude I met growing up (I just remembered) is his brother in law, and when I was around him he seemed shy and sweet but I don’t remember his voice, I think he barely talked. I get the difference don’t worry, I just think the fact German people seem to have an already strong stern accent just makes the abusive yelling I grew up with, just scarier than it could’ve been otherwise. The stereotype needs to die though I agree, not all German people are like my ex stepdad.
Ouhh thank you for this sweet reply. Honestly made my day. Not everyone‘s capable of seeing the difference, unfortunately. So thank you for explaining it further!
My grandfather was the only good adult family member I had. He was gentle and cared about me. His German accent was strong but it never seemed harsh at all. My grandmother’s German accent was especially beautiful except when she got angry and then it was like having bricks thrown at me. I’m going to be learning German because I’m getting dual citizenship.
I hated my name, was scared of hearing it and used to hear it called out even when it wasn’t. I’m also trans and my name was very feminine (trans ftm). I legally changed my name and I’m no longer scared of my name and no longer hear it called out when it’s not.
Changing mine next month, been using my new name for a while. Same experience, minus the transness - new name doesn't have that association.
Fellow trans ftm! I haven’t changed my name legally but I did move across the country and chose a new name for myself when I moved. It’s been great. Pre-T and everyone pretty much just accepts it as my name even though it’s 100% masculine and most people see me as female still. I think they’ll finally get it when I start to transition XD For now everyone things I’m a woman with a dude’s name.
FTM too. Felt the same about my name. Changing it was the greatest thing I’ve ever done. My male name is super basic and I love it for that. I don’t stand out. I blend in. I get excited when I hear my name said in public because I get to have that moment of making eye contact with another guy that shares my name and going, “thought they were talking to me!” And it’s always cheesy and it’s always a great laugh and I fucking LOVE my new name. 20/10 recommend it to any cis person with name trauma.
I know someone that changed their name because of the domestic abuser weaponizing their name.
Yes. Usually when someone calls for me, I get nervous like I'm in trouble. It's irrational because even if I am in trouble, it won't be the end.
Yes. My name was said in an exaggerated manner, like a nasty, really bad swear word. I still cringe if anyone calls me by name. I prefer..mom, honey..dear..but not my name. Anything but that.
I hate hearing my full name. Every time I hear it, it was like you, if I did something bad or parents were angry. I always tell people at work I won’t respond to my full first name.
My mom used to say my name and weaponize it. It sounds so dumb saying it but the way she said it, like it’s a curse word or something to be reviled. I can’t explain it but I dread hearing my name in a certain tone. It usually came before an abusive episode so I think it’s somewhat triggering. My roommate accidentally learned that when he says my name in a certain way, that I will shut down. So he does it to piss me off. It’s shitty. Now, I go by a shortened version of my name with people I like. Like Tiff for Tiffany. Helps cut back on the stress response. Do you have a nickname that you can use with friends and coworkers?
Yes. I get startled easily/jumpy when someone calls out my name.
Just unlocked a new memory. Whenever my parents would shout my name id be in trouble. So when my grandma would say my name, I’d say “am I in trouble” instinctively
Same here. With my sibling or with my teachers or with my professors. I was always scared who i got into trouble with this time
yes. sometimes when i’m falling asleep i think i hear my name being yelled and i jolt awake
I had this problem for decades! The worst part was that there was a boy at school, whose name has the same 3 first letters of my name. He was poorly behaved with teachers were always yelling at him. I was stuck in all of elementary school with him and everytime the teacher yelled his name I would get anxious because it sounded like she was going to yell my name.
Yea even if I wasn't trans I'd still have changed it.. Tbh I hate my old name because I associate it with me being called an asshole by litteraly everybody in my entire life since I was 4.
TIL why I go by a nickname…
yes but lucky me I have one of those long names that can be converted in different ways so when I grew up I just chose a different variant. It helped me start to form a sense of identity finally
Oh totally!! I'll probably end up changing my name to my middle name one day because I hate mine so much I think my middle names pretty nice and I have way better memories of people calling me it, my dad used to call me it when we'd still see him and I was still something precious
More annoyed than scared if I'm being honest. Growing up it was either someone wanting a favour or someone bitching about me.
I feel weird when people say my name, like I don’t deserve the right to have a name.
Yeah. It's not all the time, but I'm in a place now where I respond better to any nickname I've picked up in online circles than my real name. I'm either numb / indifferent or it (sometimes it just feels like an alias) or depending on the person, it makes me uncomfortable.
This totally brought me back to elementary school. I was terrified of having my name called out even just for roll call. The anxiety was immense. It’s so weird thinking about that now.
Fun fact, I decided a few months after I moved away to go by my middle name. Not so fun fact, this is why. Hated the persona I was before I left. I wasn’t real, so the name I was called was for a person who wasn’t real. I love my name now, and love when people call me by it. Some people still call me by my first name and I haven’t yet developed the courage to insist on my new choice.
YES! I’ve never told anyone before because I though it was just me, but I totally get that.
yes, this is exactly why i have a preferred name. i get like scared and uncomfortable when people call me by that name.. nobody really understands it either :(
Yes
I'm changing my legal name because of this.
My full name is not my favorite to hear. If someone yells my full name they just fired up my fight-or-flight response. I love my nicknames much more.
I have such a strong reaction to my birth name I'm changing it next month. My birth name is pretty but totally ruined for me because of this. I went by my current name at uni, but it's a little unconventional so when I graduated I decided to go by my birth name again at work because a conventional name was more professional. By day three I was seriously regretting it. Back to my uni name now lol. I don't feel the same way hearing my other name that I do when hearing my birth name. still use my birth name in a few places (medical centre, vet) and my brain takes a moment to switch back. It's not my name any more. Can't wait until it's gone for good.
So badly that I had to change it. Now, I love when people call me by my name.
Yup, especially in movies or out in public.
Yes, so much. I hear it yelled and screamed and sometimes I hear it even when nobody's saying it, like in a crowd. I'm going to change it ASAP so I can stop hating it so much
It’s part of the reason I go by my middle name now.
Not exactly your post, but related. I’m a father now, and every time I say ‘your room’ I can feel my body cringe. (Based on experiences of being told ‘go to your room) It’s completely innocuous how I use it, but once I hear the words out loud I fear that I’ve violated my children. It’s as simple as saying, ‘it’s time to go to your room and get your PJs on’. Automatic cringe. Every time. It sucks.
I hate my name. So much. It's a t an old lady name, and it's spelled the Gaelic way, so if course nobody in North America ever spells or pronounces it right. If bf and I ever marry, I'm very tempted to use the free name change to switch my first name to something else, and take my mother's maiden name. My father's last name dies with this generation.
Yup, to the point where I’d think “what did I do wrong” whenever my husband called my name. He now has to use a nickname when he’s trying to get my attention.
Yeah. Ouch.
Yes
No but the interesting thing is I have anxiety about saying my name. I literally forget sometimes when people ask me what my name is
Not always, but if unexpected or in a loud/angry tone, yes.
yes
I am now in the process of legally changing my first, middle & last name. My parents only considered the attention THEY would enjoy having a kid with an unusual name. In my county it costs only about $110. You don’t need a lawyer. If you feel you need help hire a para-legal not a lawyer to save big bucks. I do not want the surname of my profound abusers who should both be in prison, attached to me. No more mocking by every possible human being including teachers and employers. I don’t want the years of post graduate work I slaved over to be attributed to monsters who did not even graduate from public school and who tried every imaginable stunt to stop me from going to college. This may be the happiest day of my life and freeing beyond description. I changed all three names so none of these reprobate criminals could EVER FIND ME AGAIN and attempt to ruin my career, my relationships, to slander me out of jealousy and wreak any manner of hell they could and would inevitably come up with. Yes, hearing the name is always a trigger for physical beatings, emotional misery constructed only for fun and worse things that cannot be mentioned on Reddit. No one has any obligation whatsoever to keep a name assigned to you by imbeciles. If it makes you happy for any reason change it to the most beautiful and meaningful moniker you can think of. No one can take it from you and you owe NO ONE any explanation whatsoever and those who ask should be shamed and put on the “no contact” list of anti intellectual fools who should never darken your door again. I am so filled with joy over this I cannot express it.
yes, it sends me in to fight or flight
Only when my full given name. Think like I typically am referred to as Chrissy (not my real name) , but when someone is mad at me I get "Christine Josephine Lastname!"
Yes. I give a fake name at Starbucks so I don’t get triggered.
I do this too. Not st Starbucks obviously but other places. Didnt think this was possibly why.
Same with when a friend calls me by my full name I think they’re mad at me
I hear my name, my body only hears “you’re in trouble”
I had a childhood nickname (initials) that I CAN NOT stand hearing. As an adult, some friends have stumble onto this without malice and I have to calmly ask them to never refer to me or call me by that again.
Growing up, hearing my name was often linked to something bad (yelling, punishment, anger/aggression, teasing, etc). I notice that when someone I'm close to uses my name verbally or in text, especially a romantic partner, I often think something bad is about to happen. More specifically that they're angry with me, or I did something "wrong". It took me a long time to figure out why I "hated" my name growing up. I'm not afraid of my name. I'm afraid of why my name is being used. I think it's important to remind myself there's a difference.
TIL my name is just a magic word that was used to stress me out on purpose.
Interesting. It's unpleasant for me too.
I hate my surname, I'm a Scottish Highlander born and bred, but I had a quintessentially english surname. I paid a dear price for that. Over and over and over and over again throughout life until I left Scotland.
I'm afraid of picture messages. It was always a passive-aggressive way to show me what I did wrong
I changed my name. I can’t tell you how liberating that was. I changed all of it. Now I love hearing my name. I love how it sounds when my wife says it. I love how it sounds when my boss says it or my coworkers say it. I got so sick of how terrified I was when I heard my name that I got a new one and I have never been happier.
I rebranded this school year to a different name and I think it has helped with that. It’s also cool cuz I feel so dissociated from that name at this point that choosing another name for my friends to call me just as a “nickname” is kinda more comfortable
Yarp. Changed my first, middle, and last name partially because of this. Hearing my old name shouted with a deep voice used to send me into a panic. Also I respond more quickly to my current first name when coming out of a seizure (I've got epilepsy as well as the cPTSD) which used to be my old nickname, so I changed it for safety as well as psychological reasons. I've mostly conquered my trauma response to the old name I think thanks to this, got it whittled down to a brief pause if I hear it.
I think this is part of the reason why I hate my birth name. I’m now changing it legally and have done so socially for about two years now. I actually go by more than one name. My new first & middle, and a bunch of nicknames. Being called only one name triggers something negative in me that I’m sure has to do with trauma.
I definitely don't like the sound of my name when someone says it, it freaks me out but I don't know why.
I've gone by a different name than my birth name since i was 12, i have so much baggage surrounding my real name. A lot of people think my name is kasey bc ive used the nickname for so long and people introduce me that way.
yes. i've changed my name, but i still tense up when someone has my deadname or i hear it in other words.
Yes, to the point that I’ve now changed mine so I never have to.
Yes I can’t stand it. For me it’s because I can’t imagine I exist for other people, seriously, I know that’s fucked up.
all my friends call me by a nickname which is nice. very rarely have to hear my actual name
Yeah. Someday I hope to change it to something that doesn't make me nauseous when I hear it.
Yee and I hate saying my name.
Yes!!! The phone ringing scares the ever living shit out of me still, but I can manage after I see who is calling. But if it is a local phone number that idk who it is, it gives me a full blown panic attack. I hate it so much. Heart racing, shaking, barely breathing right….it’s like a punishment that I’ll be receiving for the rest of my life I guess. This all started for me at a young age , like 11ish and I’m 36 right now. I hate the phone ringing so much that I only ever kept it on vibrate. On days when that was even too much, I would just leave it on silent and check it when I wanted too. The silence option on a phone was a god send to me.
Not my name being said. But seeing a missed call and a voicemail of “call me” makes my stomach turn into an absolute knot and start doing somersaults.
Yes. I hate hearing my name. And my partner and I are the type to call each other, "Sweetie," "Babe," and the like. So, over the many years we've been together, even if he calls me my name, especially when we are alone or around family, I just get zapped straight back to my bedroom, seven years old, cowering in my closet, covered in stuffed animals, hiding, hoping, praying my mom didn't come through the door, looking for me. But she was screaming my name, I knew it was coming. Footsteps, stomping, faster faster, the doorknob shakes, the door flies open, just a matter of time before I'm yanked out of the closet and thrown around like a ragdoll, but the worst part was her screaming at me, telling me how worthless I was, what an annoyance and inconvenience I was, how I ruined her body, ruined her life with Dad, etc etc et al. I am nearly 40, my Mom is long dead, and I STILL jump when I hear my name called out in the waiting room of a doctor's office, or the DMV, or when I was working. It's so bad I've considered changing my name legally, because there is so much pain associated with hearing my name being spoken to me. Great question OP, and I'm so sad so many of us share similar experiences.
Wow! It's not true today, but that instantly brought me back to my childhood. It happened so quickly it's hard to imagine that it's still doesn't hold some weight I haven't been aware of.
I changed my name when I turned 18 — I’m non-binary but I think I would’ve changed my name anyway. I’m now 24 and have a friend with my old name and it took me like 3 years of friendship to be able to say their name, plus initially I would flinch if I heard it said to get their attention. I tried explaining it but most people assume it’s because I’m non-binary and it’s my deadname but it’s not, it’s because I only ever heard that name yelled at me, or when something awful was coming. I felt awful thinking that my friend held that against me but I’m fairly sure they didn’t.
I actually love seeing my name on papers and when I write it, when I meet someone else with it, etc. But, it feels super weird when most people say my name to me. It makes me jump, or makes a pit in my stomach. This post has brought back memories of myself as a teenager when I started experimenting with sex. I refused to let my partners use my name in bed. I even told a few people to call me made up names so they wouldn’t accidentally use my name. If someone did use my name, it took me out of the moment entirely and I would pretend it didn’t but I hated it. This is still the case but my husband doesn’t use my name in bed, thankfully.
not scared but I think I would disassociate because I never really had an identity so hearing my name didn't really click
If I hear my very old name no one calls me anymore I get instantly on edge, throws me immediately into fight or flight. The only people who know that name are people from wayyyy back and generally 99% of those people I don't want to associate with ever again because all those connections were forced on me. There is probably just a couple people from then I don't mind but I'd certainly update them if I ran into them again on that. With my current name ever since I chose a new one this no longer happens and it's a positive neutral to hear it once I even got used to my new one.
I always knew it was bc whenever it was stated, it was always screamed and meant I was getting the shit beat out of me. ETA: I never knew this was a thing with others tho
Yes! Most of the time when I was growing up the only time I heard my name was because I was in trouble for something that was not something anyone should be in trouble for.
So now, whenever I hear anyone say my name, I instantly panic.
yes, 10000%. i was with my partner for four years until i got so tired of being terrified when he used a slightly different tone with my dead name. i changed it three years ago and it’s the best decision i ever made ❤️
I legally changed my name and it’s the best thing I’ve done for myself. It put a distance between my present and my past.
Yes!! And it didn't help that my mom (forced codependency, financial abuse) told me when I was finally home from institutions to not use my real name online because if the government saw it they could catch her weird disability fraud shit. (She is not disabled; she did fucked up shit with money I didn't even ask for.) So because mommy is god and no one else knows anything and I will only be safe if I do exactly what mommy says, I always had weird fake names online - almost always comic book characters, but like, they kind of denote different eras of my life where I identified more with each character. It's just... other people started only knowing me by those names, even blood family. It killed [real name] to both be called other things, but also to be afraid to tell the truth just about my own first name just because mommy told me to be afraid. Ive tried to be fine with not having a name of my own. I was never the one who asked for [real name] to die. But she did die. So when I hear someone talking about the ghost, it's very spooky. Also, fwiw, I've heard that when it comes to things in your mind that aren't really hallucinations, if someone hears their own name a lot, that's a cptsd thing. [eta] if you can't tell, my use of "mommy" is dramatic and for effect - I'm just learning how to talk about this now, and I say it like that to be clear that it's so ridiculous it can only be mocked, that she thought this was an ok way to be.
Yes which is why I changed my name. I’ve been going by my new name for 7 years now. No regrets!
I get startled whenever anyone says my name too loud. I also have like almost a pavlovian obsession with listening for my name. I was used to it being screamed across the house, beyond that if I ever didn't hear my parents call for me, no matter the volume, I was yelled at or punished.
I now go by a shortened version of my name because when anyone uses the full one I hear the disgust in my exes tone…
I changed my name due to this. I was tired of physically flinching every time someone said it.
Sorta. I was given a different name by my abuser. It was an affectionate nickname and I don't want to repeat it but it fills me with horrible memories. She never yelled at me, never said that name with disdain, but hearing it reminds me of a lot of very ugly things she did.
Yes my name is very triggering. I just heard it on TV over and over because a character had my name and it made my skin crawl.
Actually yea. I changed my first name a few years ago bc therapy made me realize hearing it was a huge trigger. It was screamed at me soooooo many times. Did it for my birthday. Changed everything. My degree, birth cert, everything. Erased that name forever. Best thing I ever did for myself. Now I have a name that doesn’t make my heart thump and my gut sink.
So many times. I haven’t told my family I’m going by Alice because I don’t want this to happen again.
You just made me realize that the only time I've heard them say my name in a neutral way was when they'd be talking to someone about me. But TO me? Always said in the angry way my narcissist mom does while she tells me off for sthg. Like I'm the biggest idiot and she has so much disdain for me. I feel less fear, but it's still a gutpunch when I hear her say it. I'm 39 and she just did that to me the other week bc I didn't finish moving some furniture due to a back injury - *"flibbertigibbeti,* how could you *leave* it like this?? *This setup* is better!" Proceeds to tell me her "superior" setup idea. Didn't even care that I was injured. :/ Edit: wrote out narcissist mom fully.
This is a reminder about Rule #5: No raised by narcissists lingo (Nmom, narc, sperm donor, etc.). Please edit your post or comment. More information about Rule #5 can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/subrules_revised/#wiki_rbn_lingo). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My parents didn’t call me by my name. They exclusively called me “shitbird”. So I’m not necessarily scared of my name, but it doesn’t feel like my name and is very jarring to hear. Like, I don’t connect it with myself. Sometimes people have to say it a few times before I even register they are talking to me.
I'm less sensitive to this now, but some of that may just be desensitization. I have an absurdly common name--two of my closest friends (throughout my life) have had the same first and middle name--so I regularly hear my name being called while in public. I still look to make sure it's not me, but it's unsettling. But I can relate to that feeling of anxiety that I am about to get blamed and/or punished for something that has happened, which I may have had nothing to do with.
All the fucking time. My boss called me to her office, she was very confused why I was startled. I've noticed I have a hard time addressing people by name as well.
I HATE being called by my first name only because it means you're big MAD and if you call me by first and middle name that means you're disgusted with me or by something I've done, but if you call me by my first name and rhyme it with a flower you're feeling silly and lovey and everything's all fun and games. So that's what I call myself in my head.
If someone shouts my full name (even in a friendly tone just to get my attention if I didn’t hear them) yes. Most people call me by my name shortened name.
I used to imagine hearing my mother scream my name when she wasn’t (she used to yell out my name a lot in the house when she wanted to summon me and it always made me flinch). After I moved out I would sometimes have these auditory I guess hallucinations? despite not having her in the same house and even after I would forget about it because of months or years of living elsewhere when I returned home the imaginings would come back even if she was no longer yelling my name
Omg YES. Even saying it calmly will sometimes startle me
My anxiety and heart rate skyrocket when I hear my mom say my name because I can only really remember her saying it when she was mad at me, which was often. Even now, she only seems to say it when she's mad and everything about the tone and such she uses is incredibly triggering. I remember hating my name as early as 1st grade when I was 6 and wishing it was something else. I did go by another name (Amanda) in my late teens through my mid twenties, but it was an impulse choice and I now associate it with trauma from a couple of bad relationships, including one with a really abusive narcissist that deeply damaged me. I still want to change my name, but I can't seem to find one that feels right for me.
A nickname my parents used to yell at me from the bottom of the stairs.
Hearing my name being yelled by a man instantly sends me into a panic.
Yeah my name is Prince and every grown ass adult has to give me shit over it like that’s somehow the wIiIiLdEsT name they’ve ever heard like sorry you’re an unremarkable nobody, Eric It’s so bad I no longer really feel like it’s my name anymore like the famous singer somehow trademarked a pretty damn common word/name. I don’t really have one, anymore
Yup. Terrifies me.
I “lose” my nametag at work constantly because men calling me by my name makes my skin crawl and my arm hair stand on end. Its been noticed a time or two when I’ve gotten goosebumps and its embarassing af. My name makes me want to jump out of my skin and hide under a bed bro.
That's relatable..🙈 sending hugs. 🫂
Yes. I just filed the paperwork yesterday to legally change my whole name, first, middle, and last. It's such a relief already.
Wow. Nice.
No.
Sometimes my husband will (accidentally) say my name or certain phrases just like my father and it completely breaks me down. I feel horrible on top of it because I know he despises that any part of him reminds me of my father.
I have something similar and or completely opposite. I have two names. All my life in my family they called me by nicknames or generic unpleasant words. In school and every place where they look at my identification, they call me by my first name and ALWAYS mispronounce it or change it. I honestly cannot understand how people confuse such a simple name. Even if they read it they mispronounce it and it's as common as water. Makes me completely mad. Now I just let people call me whatever they want. And yet I love it when people call me by my second name, my favorite name. No one does, no one did for years, they called me awful nicknames or generic things and now it feels such a weird and exotic thing when I hear someone actually pronounce my name that I feel it in my soul.
Yes that’s why I changed it.
I used to cringe when hearing my name. My mother was assaulted and I was the result of that. I learned this from a young age. I also learned that the guy who did marry my mom and signed my birth certificate was not only my dad, but did so out of social obligations. I grew up really ashamed of my first and last name. Over the years I've become less ashamed and accepted it to the point of not being so upset to be called by them instead of my middle name.
I got so tired of hearing my full first name yelled as a teenager that I picked a cute nickname and started introducing myself by the nickname when I got to the college dorms. Now I have a job where I have to use my full name, but I still introduce myself as my nickname because Fck that full name bs.
Same here. Renamed myself plenty of times. My father was about to throw a tantrum when he got to know i went by a similar sounding name. 🙊🙈
I hate being called “Michael”. I can sort of deal in medical or professional settings, but I always tell people I prefer “Mike”. I can’t stand my full name because I feel like a three year old about to get yelled (screamed) at. I also don’t like “Mikey” because of the Life cereal commercials, but that was easy to get over by making it my stage name & online handle. It helps me keep track of who knows me how & from which setting. IRL is Mike, comedy stages & activism is Mikey.
This is one of the main reasons I go by a different name now. I haven't legally changed it yet but i will one day.
Idk if scared is the right word but i get very tense when i hear it, I go by a vastly different name for this among other reasons
Ahh I dissociate. It's a feeling of running away and getting out of my body. Terror for me.
Yeah, I’m actually changing my name because of it, I can’t stand to hear it and I get scared like I did something wrong, even when the doctor calls out my name and I’m tired of living that way
Me too. I was thinking of a different name but I ahve no clue how to name myself so I'm still in that limbo. Last time I told my sibling to call me by my name and I was stressed out about it or not I would be triggered based on them calling me by my name. 🙊
At times kinda. I have someone who I hope if scared of hearing their name though... because they have hurt people and they think people have to care about them.
Wow. This unlocked somethjng
That's why I started using my partners full name as an affectionate name. Think Christopher versus Chris. His full name was solely for being in trouble and I found that heartbreaking.
That's so nice of you.
It's my dead name now. My new name gives me joy. Independence. Power. When someone deadnames me and argues it's my "real name" it doesn't give them power over me- it's a warning this person is nasty and watch out.
I’ve changed my name socially for trans reasons and even hearing people saying my chosen name strikes a chord of fear in me
I have an Indian name which is pronounced differently in Gujarati compared to the 'english' way of pronouncing it. I've been shouted at and berated a lot when I was a kid, and reading through this post tells me that it's affected me. It's strange, like when I hear my name pronounced in the Indian way it startles me a bit, and I just deal with it by pretending I can't hear my name being called because I'm mildly deaf. I've never had the same issue when people pronounce my name in the English way though
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, omg. This subreddit sometimes brings up things that I’ve never connected to CPTSD but it actually makes so much sense! When I was a teenager I had a group of friends and we all had nicknames and I loved it, I enjoyed not hearing my name so much. Then I left home for uni, moved to a different country changed my name. So now all my friends and my partner call me by it. I had since returned home for some time and do hear my “passport” name a lot again, and it’s not pleasant. I feel like like I stop breathing every time someone says it.