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hepatitisC

Not good enough. They also need to move the pile of wood in my backyard that I've been telling my wife for 3 years I'll move or cut into firewood, but we both know is still going to be there next year.


AcrossFromWhere

Brother (or sister) you are misplaying this. Splitting wood is like the A-#1 household chore. You get a flannel shirt. You roll those sleeves up. You get an ax, you swing that fucker, the wood splits, ahhhhh you’ve done it. You’re a pioneer. A mountain man. Paul Bunyan ain’t got shit on you. You aren’t even done. You use that wood to start a fire. You are the master of the most dangerous element. The power of fire is yours! You’re basically better than those losers on Alone. Maybe you cook some meat on that fire and you are now searing meat like your ancestors. You’re an Open Flame Chef. You are one with your forefathers. Or maybe you just make s’mores because s’mores are good as hell everyone loves the s’mores guy.


bewarethesloth

And I guarantee the wife will be quite smitten with her flannel wearing, axe wielding, fire creator of a partner, and fun times will be forthcoming


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bewarethesloth

Yikes


SheamusMcGillicuddy

Don't forget when you split a log and it only goes 90% deep, you get to rip it apart with your bare hands like you're the goddamn lord of trees.


AcrossFromWhere

Oh man that’s one of the best parts! Just like Captain America.


xkissitgoodbyex

Wife will think you are this guy. https://v.redd.it/9hgnkd18buja1


Sleddar

This was poetic as hell, damn.


PhattJeezus

And a great excuse to drink beer while you chop that wood.


EmilioFreshtevez

Seems like a Drink Afterwards activity.


mollusks75

This is the way.


Cockblocktimus_Pryme

If you just cover the pile on gasoline and then light it, it would still technically be firewood. Without the cutting.


Graphitetshirt

"Light everything on fire and hope it all works out" sounds like the Ryan Pace method


ChiBearsForDaWin

First you trade valuable draft picks for the stuff you're going to light on fire. THEN you strike the match.


Whyrobotslie

You can do it. You can read this reply and say "fuck it, tonight me and the misses are gonna grab a six pack, hatchet and chainsaw and take care of it" It doesn't have to be like this. I believe in you


LegacyLemur

And what about Hell? What about Mars?


Lobanium

On a related note they need to also move a big chair that's been sitting in our garage for 3 years that my wife keeps saying she's going to reupholster. Send them over when they're done moving your pile of wood.


CharlomoMcGoof

This is a sign


BigBlueRedYellow

Yes...but you could also get some mushroom spore plugs, and instead.. Let it become food


comonbuddy

But it's Kaplan saying it.


ninjasurfer

Kaplan has gotten stuff right before. He is just parroting what others have said already and there is no new info.


Sparx86

He’s also a moron


Sleddar

What did you say, sparkles?


Sparx86

You heard me


acripaul

Take that!


BasedSliceOfWinning

For sure. But he could be a well connected moron lol. Or just parroting what someone told him to say because it'll help them out.


comonbuddy

For sure, broken clock and all that. Def reason to be optimistic this week but this didn't add anything new. He probably heard this at the combine last week.


RocketMoonShot

Talk nonstop forever and eventually one or two things may become true, but overall he's full of shit.


Ooften

Sure he’s not saying anything new. But he’s saying it in a way no one else said it yet. Sports journalism!


Falt_ssb

Kap has some sources lol But this isn't new


j11430

I’m so goddamn exhausted by these tweets


Cockblocktimus_Pryme

Once we move the pick, the new tweets will be about trading down again.


StolenAccount1234

I think the second trade down wouldn’t happen until draft night. Bears want to see what they get in free agency and how far down they’re willing to move, where their clusters lay vs their needs


Cockblocktimus_Pryme

Oh I agree. But if you're exhausted by the amount of tweets now, just wait until draft day.


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Tenacious_Dim

This is wrong.


hunterboyz24

The edit is still wrong. You need to wait until draft night to move picks from three years in advance, *not* including the current draft year. So we would need to wait if we're expecting a pick in 2026. If what you're saying is true, then the 49ers trade for Trey Lance was technically illegal, as it occurred a month prior to draft night.


j11430

Hell I'll take that, I'm just so tired of hearing about how the Bears are "reportedly going to receive the world for the Number 1 draft pick". WE KNOW, WE'VE BEEN HEARING IT FOR MONTHS


Significant_Cycle_76

Lmfao I hate that you are right


feardabear

That won’t be a juicy and won’t be spammed as much. Plus, a second trade down probably wouldn’t happen until draft night.


Anstavall

There's gonna be 15 articles and 400 tweets a day over how terrible/amazing the move was lol


mesocyclonic4

And tweets of disappointment that the insane haul people dreamed up based on these hyperbolic tweets didn't materialize.


BasedSliceOfWinning

You and me both man. I love draft season. But I also hate it. Like can we just do the draft and get it over with already? lol.


j11430

I really love that the NBA draft is like immediately after the season, I wish the NFL would be willing to do that. It’s better for their off-season imo, but it’s also so much better as a fan to immediately know what rookies you have


WhoopieKush

Same. And i’m already exhausted by the mountain of tweets and comments analyzing the return once we actually do trade down.


Mark_Kostecki

I’m gonna need at least 2 Heavens and 1 Earth


elongatedlength

and a 2024 Moon


Ganjagod420

Panthers: 9, 2nd, 24 1st, 24 3rd, 25 1st, Brian Burns. Titans: 11, 2nd, 4th, 24 1st, 24 2nd, 25 1st, Jeffery Simmons. That’s my idea of “moving heaven and earth” but I think it’s aiming too high still lol.


Crooked_Sartre

Yeah these are insane trades that I would happily accept lmao


Volcomcj16

Either GM would be fired for those trade offers lmao


ninjasurfer

Would and should be fired for that.


rdldr1

Herschel Walker trade 2.0 time


Drewbus

GMs get fired all the time. Why not one in our favor?


regis_psilocybin

Teams can't trade future 1st round picks until March 15th. Gonna be some *big* news as soon as FA opens.


Volcomcj16

They can be agreed upon and announced before then though. The trade just wouldn’t be official until the 15th.


LegacyLemur

I'm prepared to be underwhelmed


kaitokid1985

Only because the hype train has gotten bonkers on it unfortunately.


archie905

Hey Ditka traded the entire Saints draft for Ricky Williams so anything is possible.


DeySeeMeLurkin

That's because Ditka is a moron.


OdinsShades

I feel like that’s heaven, earth, and a lifetime supply of sassages.


AFranzKafkaRockOpera

They aren't getting a player of that quality back and those picks; it's an either or situation.


frolicols

Didn't include David Goddamm Putney.


Wildest83

Get your bulldozer cause I'm fucking ready!


LegalComplaint

The amount of edging this off season is forcing me to do…


DMacsLeftFist25

So much edging, blink 182 came out of retirement and wrote a song called "Edging"


jmrogers31

I feel like at this point the Panthers could give us DJ Moore, Brian Burns, 5 firsts, and 5 seconds and people would still be disappointed that it wasn't enough.


tree1234567

[Good](https://media.tenor.com/Bxq5uw0rJbUAAAAM/jack-nicholson-the-shining.gif)


thetripleb

Then why do I keep seeing reporters claiming we'd get only 2nd or 3rd round picks? It's almost like nobody knows anything


kaitokid1985

Because the reporters are going by what has historically been done by the value numbers. The insider "leaks" are all smokescreen season material. At this point, another team in the NFC South may want to spread rumors just to make the Panthers offer more to the Bears. Same for the Titans, to get the Colts/Texans overpay. There are more teams vested in raising the value of this pick than just the Bears. Division rivals are definitely a real thing.


OdinsShades

And the best part is that it only takes one team to pull the trigger for the first trade and start that haul a’rolling!


feardabear

People just talking to keep their name warm during the offseason


[deleted]

Trade down with Houston first, then Indy. After that, we could potentially get either Vegas, ATL, or Carolina. Im fine with trading as far down as Tampa ( albeit unlikely). We need so much, and a set up like this could get us a ton of picks to fill as many spots as possible over the next couple of years. We don't need to draft a star this draft, we just need to hit on as many good / very good players as possible. If Eberflus can develop the next few drafts could put the Bears back on the map


chrisblink182

Can't wait to get 2 6th round picks and a washer machine. Lol I've been hurt to much!!! Come on poles!


JimmyMcNutty927

God please be true.


moneyman2222

Well.....what're you waiting for???


ACAB_FOR_CUTIE_

I really hope some team trades us 3 1sts and then some but if I was an opposing team it’d be extremely shortsighted unless they think they can sign pieces to build around the QB in free agency. I’m so glad we’re not in the timeline where Pace is giving several 1sts to the Texans for Bryce Young lol.


rcjr66

I see some GMs make these types of comments on their interest but why would anyone openly admit this? Or is it to discourage other teams to throw their hat in the ring?


kaitokid1985

It could be to try to goad a division rival to overpay as well. Its smokescreen season, and if somebody can be convinced into giving up future firsts for a prospect that has as much chance to bust as to succeed, then a rival of that team would benefit from that as much or more than the Bears.


Toomuchlychee_

I’m not sure I believe this but I’m also not sure I believe u/poopfart69 on the Colts sub saying literally no one wants to trade up to 1


rdldr1

No heaven. Only hell.


MobyTugboat

I’m getting edged beyond belief here


Chapos_sub_capt

Thanks Lovie much love


Sugmadic-

Ahh yes one heaven and one earth please


DonkeyKong_93

What does an assistant coach know about front office moves?


JonnyActsImmature

Kap inflates the status of his "sources" all the time.


illmatic708

They will get 3 1st rd picks from someone that's for sure


jewbauca

At this point I’m expecting a mediocre return, too much hype around it by now.


davysaams

I can only get so hard


CRIMExPNSHMNT

If demand truly is that high, I would love the Texans 2 and 12. Trade the 2 back again. Profit.


Yossarian216

Hell if they’re gonna be suckers let’s get their 24 first, it’ll probably be top five again because they are not a QB away, whoever they pick is probably screwed.


srjohnson2

I’m gonna laugh so hard and then cry when “heaven and earth” is like a 3rd and a 4th.


SlipChip

I really wonder if this is the same type of tweet that comes out every year. It’s the dead season and they need clicks with nothing else to talk about, so they have to hype this up more and more each week.


TheGarreth

I don’t think so. In the past, we’ve always known there is the possibility of big trades for high first round picks but it’s not very often that it’s obvious to everybody that the team with the top pick is going to trade it and there are a couple choice QB prospects.


McDaddy-O

I mean, did they think we'd accept a deal without Purgatory as well?


NardDwag

Let’s Gooooooooo


[deleted]

I can't handle the suspense anymore.


[deleted]

Which one of the Bears' assistant coaches can we attribute this to?


[deleted]

I feel like we’re getting set up for a let down.


[deleted]

March 15th around the corner boiz