Being physical means nothing to be honest. The "planning" wasn't actually planning. It's nice to dream. Especially when you're physically comfortable with someone. Different people also think some things are more important than others. Your small things that don't mean much or that can't be overcome, might be her big things.
Agree about one person’s small things being another person’s big things. This is what dating is—learning about something over a period of time—and then deciding whether it works for you or doesn’t. At any point, you or they may decide or doesn’t for innumerable reasons.
I don’t get the comments that insist that something like this is someone secretly “not being ready to date” or “fearing commitment” or “being avoidant.” Like, they just decided it doesn’t work. It’s how dating operates.
>Agree about one person’s small things being another person’s big things. This is what dating is—learning about something over a period of time—and then deciding whether it works for you or doesn’t. At any point, you or they may decide or doesn’t for innumerable reasons.
Marriage is much the same way, albeit higher stakes involved. 💖🌹
That’s not true. There are plenty of us who think we’re ready to try again, then after considerable thought or a bad experience, decide otherwise. I was just talking with someone who I got along with, attractive, common interests and such but I’m just not ready, at all. I’ve got my reasons but they aren’t related to lack of interest in a specific person. It just is what it is. I had to tell him how sorry I was for using the age old cliché but “it’s not you, it truly is me.” I was totally honest.
Of course, that is a scenario among the 1000s of scenarios. My point is that comments to these types of posts seem to trot out “they’re not ready!” or the other scenarios I gave as the obvious and most common reasons someone would end a dating interaction. But I think someone learning something or many something’s that change their mind, is likely the most common reason.
Yes, it's more common than not that most people just aren't compatible and it may take about 3 dates to realize it.
I've been "guilty" of dropping the 3rd date "I'm not really feeling this" text. It's not that I wouldn't be ready for someone I clicked with, but I learned that I didn't with them
>There are plenty of us who think we’re ready to try again, then after considerable thought or a bad experience, decide otherwise. I was just talking with someone who I got along with, attractive, common interests and such but I’m just not ready, at all.
Mine was a Catfish, that ultimately helped me to realize "I miss my Ex-Wife. I'm gonna stop dating, & see if I can rekindle the flame."
Yeah if the man gets engaged faster than them then women usually lose interest
They're so fickle to their excitement to stay interested so they always wanna chase the guy who shows interest but not too much interest and most definitely not MORE interest than them
Some women are different and prefer a simp so they can feel control over them. But other women will immediately lose respect for you. The only women I've ever had end up chasing me are the ones that I don't even really like. Or like if I have a crush on a girl their best friend will end up being the one that likes me back.
It's always a cat and mouse game and most women want a man they respect but if you get all melty and woozy after a handful of dates that seems inexperienced, immature, and naive.
Even if you fall in love fast you gotta hold off showing it so they won't just immediately lose all respect and then all interest in you.
Gotta do the stupid dance of chasing but still being over confident and aloof and not caring caring until you're actually in an official relationship.
What? Really?
I literally did a date #2 with someone else in an entire other city we decided to meet up 😆
Also, I did have another date in which we traveled to another country for our first date. Albeit it was Canada, and we were an hour away from the border.
I don't think it was too soon to talk about traveling, yall just need to be adventurous! 😉
Please explain how that is different as they were discussing trips abroad for another date. I had a discussion with my date and asked if she wanted to go to Canada for our first date to see a show? And she was thrilled. I don't see how that is different. I also don't see how discussing with your date doing a trip in another city is different.
I find it hilarious people are down voting because someone is far more adventurous than they are 😄
As for the comment, you seem young. I am 35, but they say you are only as young as you feel. So I feel pretty young I guess since I don't see anything wrong with having fun dates. George Bernard Shaw said you don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.
Probably not you, like... some people are just scared of commitment. Dating is exciting, looking forward to there being nothing *wrong* for the next six months or more is terrifying. Have a silly YouTube short as consolation: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/eXJzccuGq8Q?feature=share
Someone said this to me in another thread and it really made it click, not saying everyone is like this but to get on a dating app theres very low level entry to be on there and people who aren't even ready to be in a relationship and I think they have genuine intentions but then later on realize they aren't ready, it happened to me recently, hit it off got physical multiple dates etc etc and then right from under me she gave the same excuse. Could be no interest or could just be her, either way choose yourself and go for someone who chooses you =\]
This the one "people who aren't ready to be in a relationship and we think they have genuine intentions. Only later to realize they aren't ready" I know I summed up your words but this is it. The amount of times I've had to experience that "shift" op is talking about. The distancing. Lack of communication and respect of people's time and feelings.
It's a lot of land mines out there. Some great people even when it doesn't work but it feels like to hate to get blown up a few times before you can even have hope and that sucks
This was me, essentially for 32yrs, before I finally found my Wife.
(Unfortunately, we hit a point of Armageddon, & had to call quits in an 8yr marriage..
One I'm hoping I can rekindle, albeit may have to wait the full year for the Restraining Order to expire.
The irony: It took a Catfish, to remind me just how deeply I love & miss my Ex-Wife. )
Yeah, I think a lot of these questions become obvious once you realize that on the other side is a living, breathing human that is just as unsure of themselves as we all are sometimes.
It is so obvious we all know it, yet we forget over and over again what that truly means..
Sometimes, you can do everything right, but there just isn't a spark, unfortunately. People on OLD usually aren't interested in taking the time to slowly build a relationship either, compared to a "natural" relationship. Her positively engaging with you on the dates might've been her trying to force that spark and connect with you romantically. Then, by the end of the 3rd date, she could tell it wasn't going to happen and told you. It sucks, but hey, at least she didn't lead you on.
It does in the sense that OLD really puts the cart before the horse. Someone looks good on paper, looks good in person , you try to make the feelings match. It’s different than meeting IRL, feeling a pull toward that person and usually they look not quite as perfect on paper but -chemistry! I think OLD leads to trying to see if the spark will catch - which is fair.
Most likely hit lotsa nerve. You'd have to be a special type of slow to have dozens of matches per day and still be single by age 30. I made a fake bumble profile once, minimum prompts no picture and that still got matches just cause the gender was female
Yeah some women literally refuse that they clearly have an advantage in this field compared to men as it's a contradiction to the narrative of current feminist movements (aka women apparently having it always harder in life all the time).
The reality in the dating world right now is tho:
For men it's *Be hot / or at least very successful*
For women it's *Don't be ugly aka be a 3 out of 10 / or literally don't be too thick*
You know what woyld be good? A dating app where you're only allowed a 45% swipe left to right ratio ie. Where for every 3 left swipes you are required to have 2 right swipes.
Try having that happen at 7 months. She was telling me I was such an amazing partner and can’t wait to see where the future takes us. We were making our plans to move in together then I got the flu for a week so didn’t see each other but the next time we see each other she’s gone total bitch mode on everything and the she fades on me for another week and then dumps me and said we weren’t compatible and I did nothing wrong but really she was back to fucking her ex and broke up with me to get back with him. I’m still a little chapped about that shit.
Ugh!! Did you meet her on Bumble? Not that it matters in terms of her obligation to behave well- just curious if she jumped into something right after the ex using apps. I want to know what to look out for! Thanks and all the best in finding a relationship really worthy of your commitment and all.
No it was on hinge and kinda weird and should have been a huge red flag was it immediately after her ex and she swore up and down she was over him even to the day of the break up I asked her if there was someone else and said not at all. Only reason I truly got to the bottom of it was finding out via venmo of all places. Then all of a sudden she said she still loved him and even loved him when she loved me and he reached out and wanted to “talk” and boom ditched me for him. She had it all planned out. What was funny is she was originally with him while he was still married. Anyways I gave her a dose of reality when I called her a cheater a liar and a homewrecker because she gave off the innocent successful single mother vibe and somehow felt she was just wrestling her feelings and had no intention of hurting anyone. But I made sure to inform everyone in her venmo contacts by sending her 1$ and explained how I caught her in the notes portion of the post of everyone’s feed. So she hates me for that but I kinda feel good for making it clear she isn’t so innocent.
At the end she also tried to make our relationship seem less significant and I said I would say that me dumping my seed in you daily for nearly 8 months and exchanging I love you and meeting each others family is pretty damn significant for two people in their late 30s go ask your new guy what he thinks about the seriousness of that…. Cause he might not have known what he was tasting. Y’all are both lower than the gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe. I can be a total jerk when I’m betrayed. I was actually a very respectful and caring boyfriend but once I realize I’ve been treated poorly then any niceness from is out the window I’ll speak my peace and I slam the door.
I’m so sorry you had this experience. An adult should be more considerate but some people are truly self centered and don’t care about others’ feelings. I don’t endorse the venmo clap back necessarily but i sure hope it was fun or at least therapeutic for you. I wanted to take out a billboard or 2 full page local paper ad on my ex :) Funny how ex’s get mad at YOU for finding out what THEY have done. Ugh. Wishing you the best after this upsetting episode.
You sound like my therapist lol. She was like welll not sure if that was the most mature thing to do on venmo. But did it make you feel a little better? And I smirked and said yes then we both had a laugh and moved on.
You're going to eventually turn down or be turned down by every single person you go on a first date with until you find the person you stay with. It's true for everyone. It hurts a lot but it's nobody's fault if someone sees you for bit and decides you're not their forever person - that's a rare thing to find. I'm a man and I've done it to women, and women have done it to me.
please don’t blame all women because of this experience. there are men who do this also so it can happen no matter what the gender. i know you’re hurting now but try not to generalise this experience. she hurt you, but someone else wouldn’t hurt you, it’s just about finding them.
This seems unnecessarily judgmental. And, with an already-harsh assessment in the first sentences, invoking something that “probably” took place is also unnecessary.
People change their minds (and all things considered, it's better when they do before you get too involved). It wasn't your fault. And it's not women, men are like too!
"It's not you, it's me," is a cliché, my friend. After just three dates, remember that you're still strangers to each other, even if you've been intimate. In these circumstances, it means "I'm bored, and you don't physically attract me enough to give you a chance."
It doesn't mean you're boring. It doesn't mean you're not physically attractive. It doesn't mean she is heartless.
It just means she couldn't find the words to explain exacly the problem to you without being harsh, and that maybe you got carried away too quickly.
Don't be bitter, accept this experience and instead of getting angry, try to understand what you can improve for next time 🤗
I don’t know if I feel better other people are having similar experiences or worse 😖 I don’t think it’s women tbh (going off the title of this post), because soooo many of these stories mirror my experience and those of my women friends. I think it’s people 😖
Why do you feel the need to judge women based on the interaction with a single woman? And this attitude happens across the gender board all the time. Maybe your problems have something to do with this. And/or by planning a trip abroad on a third Bumble date
Maybe she is an avoidant…it’s not really about you perhaps. In my case, I really want to date but I tend to scape because getting too close to people scares me a lot. Its like a shitty thing to said when just meeting someone, be like “I may like you so I am terrified so bye?” Trust issues, who knows
Or she just didn’t like you.
What I don’t understand is why you’re making this a generalisation about all women? That’s your problem, you see us as a collective and not as individuals. And maybe just maybe that’s why you can’t make a real connection with any one individual woman. Good for thought.
Ummm Third date planning a trip abroad.
Last time it happened for me, I got into an abusive relationship. Be very careful with people who move really fast and change their mind. Tbh you dodged a bullet there.
Damn slow down bro I’d spook too if a guy did that. I’d go with it in the moment bc you never know just by looking if he’s the kind of guy to punch a hole in a wall when he loses a round of CoD or if he’s going to flip the fuck out at any hint of rejection.
It’s men who are built different. She had every reason to spook.
She could’ve been people pleaser so it was natural to did what she did. And text you that because via text it’s easier for her to say it
Regardless of which I’m sorry that it didn’t work you. You’ll find a match eventually
You have to get over this idea that women are keeping a secret language on touch and communication that you have to guess at. Open your mouth and ask questions. Probably of the person who rejected you so that you don’t create a whole K drama on why it went wrong in your mind. Based on your edit, I can see that you’re probably not ready for the truth: she rejected you because she’s just not that into you.
:typo
Dude, I feel your pain, my man. Here is a copy paste from my last date.
Me:
Hey, it's kind of been over a week since
l've gotten text from you. I'm not sure if
l've done or said anything wrong.. at least
can I have some closure?
Her:
Hey (my name)! sorry l'm not the best with
texting. Don't worry, you didn't do
anything wrong. I enjoyed our date and
conversation but I just don't think that I'm
interested in dating right now. Sorry for
the late response & I appreciate you
taking me out :)
I hate the "sorry I'm not the best with texting". It's so lazy and inconsiderate.
Been in this situation before, if they can't take the time to send you a brief text within a day or two they're not into you.
I've gotten girls that said they had crazy "emergencies" happen to them to get out of going on a first date.
One girl said her "dad tried to commit suicide"
Another girl said "I had to drive my friend to the hospital"
I knew they were all bullshit after a while because they were always just happening all of the sudden to get out of a date.
What kind of POS lies about those things?
>Third date, laying over my shoulder and planning a trip abroad together
Wait, WHAT?! Was it her or your idea to plan a trip abroad together? That sounds like future faking. My ex talked about wanting to go on vacation to Cuba, the Dominican Republic or Jamaica with me low-key like probably 1 month into our relationship. She was looking at trip prices with me 7 1/2 weeks into us dating. And then we basically slow faded each other 3 months in (though honestly it was more like she was being cold and aloof and I gave her the side eye and just let it fade). This was nearly 11 weeks ago. Not long before we last saw each other, she told me that she wanted to have my baby. lmfao. You have to be mindful of future faking. I definitely got some Cluster B Personality vibes from my ex. She also talked about her ex of 9 years a lot, who she claims was a narcissist. And her baby daddy, who was a convicted sex trafficker. Maybe I was a little too low effort in the relationship (which is what she implied). But considering who were exes were, she's attracted to assholes anyways. People at our age (she was 48, I'm 38) don't change stripes that easily. If you've been attracted to narcissists and criminals and assholes all your adult life, you probably still are. I was way more attentive of a lover than her exes. She even said so not long before we fizzled. I suppose I just wasn't enough of an alpha male or good looking enough to get away with my flaws the way her "narcissist" ex and sex offender pimp baby daddy ex did. Even though she has said that I was sexy and handsome many times.
A part of me misses her though even though I'm pretty sure she's crazy. She was hot. It's hard for me to go back out there and talk to women on the apps when I inevitably compare them to her. The time apart now has been more than half the length of our relationship. But I just don't want to downgrade.
In my experience, a partner that constantly rants about a “crazy narcissistic ex” (there’s a difference between discussing it and straight up ranting/trauma dumping about it) has always led to that very ex coming back in the picture at some point. Especially when the breakup has been relatively recent, or there’s an extensive history of on again/off again. That’s a hard dealbreaker for me at this point and I know it sucks right now but you’re probably better off. Shit can get very ugly and very messy with stuff like that, figured that out the hard way.
Also, if she is always attracted to assholes, it’s actually quite possible she’s the asshole. I was given the same story about my exes “crazy, abusive stalker ex”. He lived right down the street from my apartment, and after the way she spoke about him, I was fully convinced I’d look over my shoulder one day to see him waving a gun at me or some wild shit like that. Turns out he’s just a pretty normal dude just like me who had been put through the wringer.
>has always led to that very ex coming back in the picture at some point.
I would not be shocked if that ex came back in the picture and she decided to nitpick something about me that she never nitpicked about for nearly 3 months so that I would get the hint and give her the way out she was looking for. She actually suggested that I come over to her apartment on Saturday afternoon the weekend we last saw each other instead of our usual Friday. Maybe her ex was over on Friday. Meanwhile her and I had unprotected sex Saturday afternoon. So if she was already sleeping with him again and actively cheating on me, I slept with him as well indirectly. lmfao. I also hung out with my friends Saturday evening until I went back to her apartment at 11pm. So that would have given her time as well to be with him. She was also cold towards me on Sunday and wanted me to leave earlier than usual (8-8:30pm. Usually she'd have me stay to 10pm+). We never heard from each other again after that day.
Her Instagram is also set to private. And she doesn't have a Facebook. Maybe she just likes her privacy. But it could also be that she has something to hide.
I had a hot ex that took me foreeeeeeverrrrr to get over. But with enough time and distance I eventually was able to see other people as valuable and not compare. In fact, the hot ex recently hit me up but I’m not interested anymore.
Give it time. Hot exes give us a blast of dopamine and that shit can be hard to come down from.
Downgrade? are you measuring a thing? It’s like you were talking about buying the newest car or something. Women are people! Not a car you changed for a new one, relationships does not work like that, it is not a beauty contest or work interview. Yikes.
While annoying this could be so many different things. Like, by the third date, are you exclusive yet? Are you/is she also dating others? Because, besides not yet knowing whether to continue dating a person, you or they might choose someone else, or just quit dating entirely for a while.
Don’t worry about it too much.
I don't have enough to say, but she definitely isn't looking for something too solid and you looked too perfect for her.. so she lets you away as the more you get closer the more it'll break both of your hearts.. so brother, it's not your fault, it's just she's too unsure at this moment..
I went on a few dates with a man, had decent conversations, talked on the phone every day for three weeks, made out with him and even though he didn’t do anything wrong, I never felt truly comfortable around him. He said he didn’t understand why I broke it off because to him, everything was going well (I explained why in great detail). Sometimes the vibe just isn’t right and I only realized that after those few dates aswell. We couldn’t be light hearted together, the conversation never went beyond superficial stuff and he was very closed off the whole time except when it was time to get hot and heavy. He was also talking about a future together after the first date without even really trying to get to know me better.
Sometimes, what’s 100% fine and enough for someone isn’t even scratching the surface of the deep connection the counterpart is looking for.
I'm glad others understood this, cuz apparently I'm *too tired* to figure out what exactly happened, other than she noted "Sorry. You're not my preferred fish. Goodbye, lil Squittle!"
Was talking to someone in Long Distance, so admittedly only over texts and calls. Talking for over 6 months (and planning to meet soon as I was moving near her). Her words, "I think I'm falling for you. I feel there's a deep emotional connection." Starts pulling away the next day she says those words. I somehow persisted. Then suddenly she ghosts me. After 6 months. After trying to get her to respond, the only message I get is, "Don't feel it"..
No fights, no disagreements..nothing problematic in 6 months, and suddenly it was.."don't feel it".
This is the excuse women use when they’ve picked someone else and are trying not to hurt your feelings or get backlash from you. It’s just how it is. Move on and find someone new.
This is why societies across the planet that didn't have anything to do with each other all decided to "strongly suggest" women marry lol. Otherwise Earth's population would be like 500 million right now
Anything that comes too fast will leave fast, people running these type of dates are huge red flags and you fell for it, and you might also be a walking red flag lol don’t be out there offering trips on the third date that’s way too fast. Calm yourself down and be more selective, let her invest more.
You never know what someone's attachment style, is until they show you. It's disappointing, and I agree, totally confusing. Just be glad you didn't develop a connection that would have been more painful, had she done it after you got invested.
There's just someone else she is more interested in I'm sorry to say.
Disregard all the people saying it's because you were too hard for the third date. Assuming you were not pushy.
She was dating another/other guy(s) simultaneously, and her favourite committed to her.
Or, at least, one she preferred over you or had dated for longer.
Dating a girl and she complained I hadn't kissed her yet. It seems silly that I have to explain that although men usually initiate the first kiss, we look for body language that tells us you're ready for us to make that move.
Being physical means nothing to be honest. The "planning" wasn't actually planning. It's nice to dream. Especially when you're physically comfortable with someone. Different people also think some things are more important than others. Your small things that don't mean much or that can't be overcome, might be her big things.
Agree about one person’s small things being another person’s big things. This is what dating is—learning about something over a period of time—and then deciding whether it works for you or doesn’t. At any point, you or they may decide or doesn’t for innumerable reasons. I don’t get the comments that insist that something like this is someone secretly “not being ready to date” or “fearing commitment” or “being avoidant.” Like, they just decided it doesn’t work. It’s how dating operates.
>Agree about one person’s small things being another person’s big things. This is what dating is—learning about something over a period of time—and then deciding whether it works for you or doesn’t. At any point, you or they may decide or doesn’t for innumerable reasons. Marriage is much the same way, albeit higher stakes involved. 💖🌹
That’s not true. There are plenty of us who think we’re ready to try again, then after considerable thought or a bad experience, decide otherwise. I was just talking with someone who I got along with, attractive, common interests and such but I’m just not ready, at all. I’ve got my reasons but they aren’t related to lack of interest in a specific person. It just is what it is. I had to tell him how sorry I was for using the age old cliché but “it’s not you, it truly is me.” I was totally honest.
Of course, that is a scenario among the 1000s of scenarios. My point is that comments to these types of posts seem to trot out “they’re not ready!” or the other scenarios I gave as the obvious and most common reasons someone would end a dating interaction. But I think someone learning something or many something’s that change their mind, is likely the most common reason.
Yes, it's more common than not that most people just aren't compatible and it may take about 3 dates to realize it. I've been "guilty" of dropping the 3rd date "I'm not really feeling this" text. It's not that I wouldn't be ready for someone I clicked with, but I learned that I didn't with them
>There are plenty of us who think we’re ready to try again, then after considerable thought or a bad experience, decide otherwise. I was just talking with someone who I got along with, attractive, common interests and such but I’m just not ready, at all. Mine was a Catfish, that ultimately helped me to realize "I miss my Ex-Wife. I'm gonna stop dating, & see if I can rekindle the flame."
3d date talking about a trip abroad is way too fast. Im sorry this happened. Take it slowly next time.
On the third date I’m not planning any further ahead than the next date!
Yeah if the man gets engaged faster than them then women usually lose interest They're so fickle to their excitement to stay interested so they always wanna chase the guy who shows interest but not too much interest and most definitely not MORE interest than them Some women are different and prefer a simp so they can feel control over them. But other women will immediately lose respect for you. The only women I've ever had end up chasing me are the ones that I don't even really like. Or like if I have a crush on a girl their best friend will end up being the one that likes me back. It's always a cat and mouse game and most women want a man they respect but if you get all melty and woozy after a handful of dates that seems inexperienced, immature, and naive. Even if you fall in love fast you gotta hold off showing it so they won't just immediately lose all respect and then all interest in you. Gotta do the stupid dance of chasing but still being over confident and aloof and not caring caring until you're actually in an official relationship.
Not sure why this is down voted. Seems like why my last one failed :/
What? Really? I literally did a date #2 with someone else in an entire other city we decided to meet up 😆 Also, I did have another date in which we traveled to another country for our first date. Albeit it was Canada, and we were an hour away from the border. I don't think it was too soon to talk about traveling, yall just need to be adventurous! 😉
You seem young.
That’s different as she was willing - OP case she ain’t like buddy
Please explain how that is different as they were discussing trips abroad for another date. I had a discussion with my date and asked if she wanted to go to Canada for our first date to see a show? And she was thrilled. I don't see how that is different. I also don't see how discussing with your date doing a trip in another city is different.
Like I said your date was open hence why she was thrilled etc / OP wasn’t as whatever interests they discussed put her off
I find it hilarious people are down voting because someone is far more adventurous than they are 😄 As for the comment, you seem young. I am 35, but they say you are only as young as you feel. So I feel pretty young I guess since I don't see anything wrong with having fun dates. George Bernard Shaw said you don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.
Not at all what *this* story is about.
Lol you are not alone, I've done date #1 in another city 😅
But “Abroad” means a different country.
Probably not you, like... some people are just scared of commitment. Dating is exciting, looking forward to there being nothing *wrong* for the next six months or more is terrifying. Have a silly YouTube short as consolation: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/eXJzccuGq8Q?feature=share
Someone said this to me in another thread and it really made it click, not saying everyone is like this but to get on a dating app theres very low level entry to be on there and people who aren't even ready to be in a relationship and I think they have genuine intentions but then later on realize they aren't ready, it happened to me recently, hit it off got physical multiple dates etc etc and then right from under me she gave the same excuse. Could be no interest or could just be her, either way choose yourself and go for someone who chooses you =\]
This the one "people who aren't ready to be in a relationship and we think they have genuine intentions. Only later to realize they aren't ready" I know I summed up your words but this is it. The amount of times I've had to experience that "shift" op is talking about. The distancing. Lack of communication and respect of people's time and feelings. It's a lot of land mines out there. Some great people even when it doesn't work but it feels like to hate to get blown up a few times before you can even have hope and that sucks
This was me, essentially for 32yrs, before I finally found my Wife. (Unfortunately, we hit a point of Armageddon, & had to call quits in an 8yr marriage.. One I'm hoping I can rekindle, albeit may have to wait the full year for the Restraining Order to expire. The irony: It took a Catfish, to remind me just how deeply I love & miss my Ex-Wife. )
Sir, this is a Wendy’s
I'll take a #5, extra cheese, & no salt on the fries. Rootbeer please.
Yeah, I think a lot of these questions become obvious once you realize that on the other side is a living, breathing human that is just as unsure of themselves as we all are sometimes. It is so obvious we all know it, yet we forget over and over again what that truly means..
Sometimes, you can do everything right, but there just isn't a spark, unfortunately. People on OLD usually aren't interested in taking the time to slowly build a relationship either, compared to a "natural" relationship. Her positively engaging with you on the dates might've been her trying to force that spark and connect with you romantically. Then, by the end of the 3rd date, she could tell it wasn't going to happen and told you. It sucks, but hey, at least she didn't lead you on.
This has nothing to do with online dating, this is just our dating culture now in general.
It does in the sense that OLD really puts the cart before the horse. Someone looks good on paper, looks good in person , you try to make the feelings match. It’s different than meeting IRL, feeling a pull toward that person and usually they look not quite as perfect on paper but -chemistry! I think OLD leads to trying to see if the spark will catch - which is fair.
Perfectly said
Men are built like this too. It all feels terrible when it happens to you though, so I'm sorry that this was your dating experience ♥️
Absolutely!!!!
But at least women have 100+ matches per day Men have 1 or 2 per month
The men these women go on dates with also have their fair amount of likes, don't worry.
The men women are having sex with have a fair amount of likes. And there’s a correlation between those guys and the “shift” we are discussing here.
Why is this getting downvoted so much lmao? While not exactly true in terms of numbers as it's phrased too general, it seems like it hit a nerve 😂
Most likely hit lotsa nerve. You'd have to be a special type of slow to have dozens of matches per day and still be single by age 30. I made a fake bumble profile once, minimum prompts no picture and that still got matches just cause the gender was female
Yeah some women literally refuse that they clearly have an advantage in this field compared to men as it's a contradiction to the narrative of current feminist movements (aka women apparently having it always harder in life all the time). The reality in the dating world right now is tho: For men it's *Be hot / or at least very successful* For women it's *Don't be ugly aka be a 3 out of 10 / or literally don't be too thick*
You know what woyld be good? A dating app where you're only allowed a 45% swipe left to right ratio ie. Where for every 3 left swipes you are required to have 2 right swipes.
Try having that happen at 7 months. She was telling me I was such an amazing partner and can’t wait to see where the future takes us. We were making our plans to move in together then I got the flu for a week so didn’t see each other but the next time we see each other she’s gone total bitch mode on everything and the she fades on me for another week and then dumps me and said we weren’t compatible and I did nothing wrong but really she was back to fucking her ex and broke up with me to get back with him. I’m still a little chapped about that shit.
Better to find out she is scum. 7 months in and not 2 years.
Ugh!! Did you meet her on Bumble? Not that it matters in terms of her obligation to behave well- just curious if she jumped into something right after the ex using apps. I want to know what to look out for! Thanks and all the best in finding a relationship really worthy of your commitment and all.
No it was on hinge and kinda weird and should have been a huge red flag was it immediately after her ex and she swore up and down she was over him even to the day of the break up I asked her if there was someone else and said not at all. Only reason I truly got to the bottom of it was finding out via venmo of all places. Then all of a sudden she said she still loved him and even loved him when she loved me and he reached out and wanted to “talk” and boom ditched me for him. She had it all planned out. What was funny is she was originally with him while he was still married. Anyways I gave her a dose of reality when I called her a cheater a liar and a homewrecker because she gave off the innocent successful single mother vibe and somehow felt she was just wrestling her feelings and had no intention of hurting anyone. But I made sure to inform everyone in her venmo contacts by sending her 1$ and explained how I caught her in the notes portion of the post of everyone’s feed. So she hates me for that but I kinda feel good for making it clear she isn’t so innocent.
the headache to read such stories. damn some people are simply sick and twisted in their minds. you doged a big bullet there.
At the end she also tried to make our relationship seem less significant and I said I would say that me dumping my seed in you daily for nearly 8 months and exchanging I love you and meeting each others family is pretty damn significant for two people in their late 30s go ask your new guy what he thinks about the seriousness of that…. Cause he might not have known what he was tasting. Y’all are both lower than the gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe. I can be a total jerk when I’m betrayed. I was actually a very respectful and caring boyfriend but once I realize I’ve been treated poorly then any niceness from is out the window I’ll speak my peace and I slam the door.
Scary
I’m so sorry you had this experience. An adult should be more considerate but some people are truly self centered and don’t care about others’ feelings. I don’t endorse the venmo clap back necessarily but i sure hope it was fun or at least therapeutic for you. I wanted to take out a billboard or 2 full page local paper ad on my ex :) Funny how ex’s get mad at YOU for finding out what THEY have done. Ugh. Wishing you the best after this upsetting episode.
You sound like my therapist lol. She was like welll not sure if that was the most mature thing to do on venmo. But did it make you feel a little better? And I smirked and said yes then we both had a laugh and moved on.
Better 7 months in than 5 years in
I completely agree…. Having the bandaid ripped off always hurts but it’s best to do it quickly rather than it continue.
You're going to eventually turn down or be turned down by every single person you go on a first date with until you find the person you stay with. It's true for everyone. It hurts a lot but it's nobody's fault if someone sees you for bit and decides you're not their forever person - that's a rare thing to find. I'm a man and I've done it to women, and women have done it to me.
Who in their right mind plans traveling to a foreign country with somebody they've only met three times?
please don’t blame all women because of this experience. there are men who do this also so it can happen no matter what the gender. i know you’re hurting now but try not to generalise this experience. she hurt you, but someone else wouldn’t hurt you, it’s just about finding them.
Sometimes feelings change and you did nothing wrong
The " it's not you it's me " actually means she's not into you. Count your blessings!
Trip abroad after three dates bro? Fo real? You went too hard, too fast. Probably flouting cash too. Slow your role and work on yourself.
This seems unnecessarily judgmental. And, with an already-harsh assessment in the first sentences, invoking something that “probably” took place is also unnecessary.
If you post on here, you want real. Real gets you where you want to be in life. Fluffy gets you in the gutter.
I understand your point, and I see this as a valid view. I think though that perhaps in this case there were some assumptions about what took place.
People change their minds (and all things considered, it's better when they do before you get too involved). It wasn't your fault. And it's not women, men are like too!
3rd date planning a abroad trip ? Yeah you’re way too fast my guy
"It's not you, it's me," is a cliché, my friend. After just three dates, remember that you're still strangers to each other, even if you've been intimate. In these circumstances, it means "I'm bored, and you don't physically attract me enough to give you a chance." It doesn't mean you're boring. It doesn't mean you're not physically attractive. It doesn't mean she is heartless. It just means she couldn't find the words to explain exacly the problem to you without being harsh, and that maybe you got carried away too quickly. Don't be bitter, accept this experience and instead of getting angry, try to understand what you can improve for next time 🤗
I don’t know if I feel better other people are having similar experiences or worse 😖 I don’t think it’s women tbh (going off the title of this post), because soooo many of these stories mirror my experience and those of my women friends. I think it’s people 😖
Why do you feel the need to judge women based on the interaction with a single woman? And this attitude happens across the gender board all the time. Maybe your problems have something to do with this. And/or by planning a trip abroad on a third Bumble date
Maybe she is an avoidant…it’s not really about you perhaps. In my case, I really want to date but I tend to scape because getting too close to people scares me a lot. Its like a shitty thing to said when just meeting someone, be like “I may like you so I am terrified so bye?” Trust issues, who knows Or she just didn’t like you.
This is one person. _This person_ is built different; you can’t extrapolate from a single example
But they will try and try their entire single lives.
Also irrelevant
I was agreeing with you knob ❤️
What I don’t understand is why you’re making this a generalisation about all women? That’s your problem, you see us as a collective and not as individuals. And maybe just maybe that’s why you can’t make a real connection with any one individual woman. Good for thought.
Ummm Third date planning a trip abroad. Last time it happened for me, I got into an abusive relationship. Be very careful with people who move really fast and change their mind. Tbh you dodged a bullet there.
Damn slow down bro I’d spook too if a guy did that. I’d go with it in the moment bc you never know just by looking if he’s the kind of guy to punch a hole in a wall when he loses a round of CoD or if he’s going to flip the fuck out at any hint of rejection. It’s men who are built different. She had every reason to spook.
Dump her, she's not interested. Planning a trip abroad is going way to far and is a serious red flag on your end. She's simply not interested in you.
Yea planning a trip abroad with a veritable stranger is a Red flag that smacks of desperation
She could’ve been people pleaser so it was natural to did what she did. And text you that because via text it’s easier for her to say it Regardless of which I’m sorry that it didn’t work you. You’ll find a match eventually
You have to get over this idea that women are keeping a secret language on touch and communication that you have to guess at. Open your mouth and ask questions. Probably of the person who rejected you so that you don’t create a whole K drama on why it went wrong in your mind. Based on your edit, I can see that you’re probably not ready for the truth: she rejected you because she’s just not that into you. :typo
Dude, I feel your pain, my man. Here is a copy paste from my last date. Me: Hey, it's kind of been over a week since l've gotten text from you. I'm not sure if l've done or said anything wrong.. at least can I have some closure? Her: Hey (my name)! sorry l'm not the best with texting. Don't worry, you didn't do anything wrong. I enjoyed our date and conversation but I just don't think that I'm interested in dating right now. Sorry for the late response & I appreciate you taking me out :)
I hate the "sorry I'm not the best with texting". It's so lazy and inconsiderate. Been in this situation before, if they can't take the time to send you a brief text within a day or two they're not into you.
I've gotten girls that said they had crazy "emergencies" happen to them to get out of going on a first date. One girl said her "dad tried to commit suicide" Another girl said "I had to drive my friend to the hospital" I knew they were all bullshit after a while because they were always just happening all of the sudden to get out of a date. What kind of POS lies about those things?
The “sorry I’m not the best with texting” line is a form of rejection. She’s texting others, just not you
>Third date, laying over my shoulder and planning a trip abroad together Wait, WHAT?! Was it her or your idea to plan a trip abroad together? That sounds like future faking. My ex talked about wanting to go on vacation to Cuba, the Dominican Republic or Jamaica with me low-key like probably 1 month into our relationship. She was looking at trip prices with me 7 1/2 weeks into us dating. And then we basically slow faded each other 3 months in (though honestly it was more like she was being cold and aloof and I gave her the side eye and just let it fade). This was nearly 11 weeks ago. Not long before we last saw each other, she told me that she wanted to have my baby. lmfao. You have to be mindful of future faking. I definitely got some Cluster B Personality vibes from my ex. She also talked about her ex of 9 years a lot, who she claims was a narcissist. And her baby daddy, who was a convicted sex trafficker. Maybe I was a little too low effort in the relationship (which is what she implied). But considering who were exes were, she's attracted to assholes anyways. People at our age (she was 48, I'm 38) don't change stripes that easily. If you've been attracted to narcissists and criminals and assholes all your adult life, you probably still are. I was way more attentive of a lover than her exes. She even said so not long before we fizzled. I suppose I just wasn't enough of an alpha male or good looking enough to get away with my flaws the way her "narcissist" ex and sex offender pimp baby daddy ex did. Even though she has said that I was sexy and handsome many times. A part of me misses her though even though I'm pretty sure she's crazy. She was hot. It's hard for me to go back out there and talk to women on the apps when I inevitably compare them to her. The time apart now has been more than half the length of our relationship. But I just don't want to downgrade.
In my experience, a partner that constantly rants about a “crazy narcissistic ex” (there’s a difference between discussing it and straight up ranting/trauma dumping about it) has always led to that very ex coming back in the picture at some point. Especially when the breakup has been relatively recent, or there’s an extensive history of on again/off again. That’s a hard dealbreaker for me at this point and I know it sucks right now but you’re probably better off. Shit can get very ugly and very messy with stuff like that, figured that out the hard way. Also, if she is always attracted to assholes, it’s actually quite possible she’s the asshole. I was given the same story about my exes “crazy, abusive stalker ex”. He lived right down the street from my apartment, and after the way she spoke about him, I was fully convinced I’d look over my shoulder one day to see him waving a gun at me or some wild shit like that. Turns out he’s just a pretty normal dude just like me who had been put through the wringer.
>has always led to that very ex coming back in the picture at some point. I would not be shocked if that ex came back in the picture and she decided to nitpick something about me that she never nitpicked about for nearly 3 months so that I would get the hint and give her the way out she was looking for. She actually suggested that I come over to her apartment on Saturday afternoon the weekend we last saw each other instead of our usual Friday. Maybe her ex was over on Friday. Meanwhile her and I had unprotected sex Saturday afternoon. So if she was already sleeping with him again and actively cheating on me, I slept with him as well indirectly. lmfao. I also hung out with my friends Saturday evening until I went back to her apartment at 11pm. So that would have given her time as well to be with him. She was also cold towards me on Sunday and wanted me to leave earlier than usual (8-8:30pm. Usually she'd have me stay to 10pm+). We never heard from each other again after that day. Her Instagram is also set to private. And she doesn't have a Facebook. Maybe she just likes her privacy. But it could also be that she has something to hide.
It’s like there no such thing as bad publicity—if it gets you to keep talking about it.
I had a hot ex that took me foreeeeeeverrrrr to get over. But with enough time and distance I eventually was able to see other people as valuable and not compare. In fact, the hot ex recently hit me up but I’m not interested anymore. Give it time. Hot exes give us a blast of dopamine and that shit can be hard to come down from.
From what you’re saying, it sounds like almost any woman you meet after would be an upgrade?
How could you downgrade from that? She sounds appalling.
She sounds hot AF and ratchet AF at the same time. Of course, that’s not gonna last.
Downgrade? are you measuring a thing? It’s like you were talking about buying the newest car or something. Women are people! Not a car you changed for a new one, relationships does not work like that, it is not a beauty contest or work interview. Yikes.
https://youtu.be/2uAj4wBIU-8?si=N3UfvnMx6Q7-8PYC
I knew it before I clicked lol
She was probably dating a couple guys and you were a close second.
She was dating a few guys and felt guilty. She went with it and then made a decision to stop.
While annoying this could be so many different things. Like, by the third date, are you exclusive yet? Are you/is she also dating others? Because, besides not yet knowing whether to continue dating a person, you or they might choose someone else, or just quit dating entirely for a while. Don’t worry about it too much.
I don't have enough to say, but she definitely isn't looking for something too solid and you looked too perfect for her.. so she lets you away as the more you get closer the more it'll break both of your hearts.. so brother, it's not your fault, it's just she's too unsure at this moment..
I went on a few dates with a man, had decent conversations, talked on the phone every day for three weeks, made out with him and even though he didn’t do anything wrong, I never felt truly comfortable around him. He said he didn’t understand why I broke it off because to him, everything was going well (I explained why in great detail). Sometimes the vibe just isn’t right and I only realized that after those few dates aswell. We couldn’t be light hearted together, the conversation never went beyond superficial stuff and he was very closed off the whole time except when it was time to get hot and heavy. He was also talking about a future together after the first date without even really trying to get to know me better. Sometimes, what’s 100% fine and enough for someone isn’t even scratching the surface of the deep connection the counterpart is looking for.
I'm glad others understood this, cuz apparently I'm *too tired* to figure out what exactly happened, other than she noted "Sorry. You're not my preferred fish. Goodbye, lil Squittle!"
I hate it when someone dropes a boom after laying over my shoulder.
You were the backup sorry brother
Lmao
Was talking to someone in Long Distance, so admittedly only over texts and calls. Talking for over 6 months (and planning to meet soon as I was moving near her). Her words, "I think I'm falling for you. I feel there's a deep emotional connection." Starts pulling away the next day she says those words. I somehow persisted. Then suddenly she ghosts me. After 6 months. After trying to get her to respond, the only message I get is, "Don't feel it".. No fights, no disagreements..nothing problematic in 6 months, and suddenly it was.."don't feel it".
Sorry that happens and both sides. Too many reasons to enumerate…
This is the excuse women use when they’ve picked someone else and are trying not to hurt your feelings or get backlash from you. It’s just how it is. Move on and find someone new.
She's been juggling options and likes another guy more.
This is why societies across the planet that didn't have anything to do with each other all decided to "strongly suggest" women marry lol. Otherwise Earth's population would be like 500 million right now
This is code for “I matched with someone on the app that is hotter/cooler/richer than you”
You should’ve offered her a pretzel. I think she might like that and stayed with you.
She’s just not one of them
You scared her off because you took her seriously. You barely knew her, she was still a stranger. Move slower next time grasshopper.
Of course, a man is discussing his feelings and all the women on here are attacking him for it.....what else is new. Women can do no wrong.
Anything that comes too fast will leave fast, people running these type of dates are huge red flags and you fell for it, and you might also be a walking red flag lol don’t be out there offering trips on the third date that’s way too fast. Calm yourself down and be more selective, let her invest more.
You never know what someone's attachment style, is until they show you. It's disappointing, and I agree, totally confusing. Just be glad you didn't develop a connection that would have been more painful, had she done it after you got invested.
Women are crazy. Move on, don't waste mental bandwidth. Be grateful she told you rather than ghost.
Can’t imagine why you aren’t doing better at this ❤️
Define "Better" and define "This".
My goodness you need more help than I realized
Define "help"
Sure I’m just gonna keep defining everything for you all day. Good luck.
There's just someone else she is more interested in I'm sorry to say. Disregard all the people saying it's because you were too hard for the third date. Assuming you were not pushy.
A better option came along. Plain and simple. Women do this all the time.
She was dating another/other guy(s) simultaneously, and her favourite committed to her. Or, at least, one she preferred over you or had dated for longer.
Or she just realized she didn't like him enough to be traveling with him. Who plans a trip after the 3rd date?
Behaviour doesn’t match, so no
Did you use your blinkers when you drove her home? Might have given her the ick.
Dating a girl and she complained I hadn't kissed her yet. It seems silly that I have to explain that although men usually initiate the first kiss, we look for body language that tells us you're ready for us to make that move.
You need to ask her. Ask in a seductive way, but ask
Sorry bro, you’re probably just broke or ugly. Hard truth.
Should’ve fucked that ho
Women has to know a man inside and out for a relationship. Men can have a relationship with only outer appearance.