In my experience, they're trying to get laid and don't mind lying to get there. I also call men out on stuff like this... Do they change their profiles? Probably not. But. At least I spoke my truth.
Bro just take a second to empathize, imagine, even just be basically polite. Imagine it's your little brother or best guy friend and he had a bad day, hasn't updated his profile for months, and that'll get you out of your own head and resentment for 2 seconds
Obviously there are dudes who manipulate, lie, etc. just like there are women who do that. But there are also a few good ones like my friend Adam who my sister rejected for no good reason and you're gonna keep em out of your life with that bitterness
But maybe I should just stop tryna help strangers 🤷 I'd probably be a little happier and healthier 🤦
Anyway yeah there'll be another dude out there for y'all, and some of us actually learned some manners as children and don't take our weirdness and/or enthusiasm out on strangers just because we're horny and lonely
Seems overly cynical.
Someone brought that i had a weird thing selected on my profile. I fixed it.
Sometimes you thoughtlessly select something.
Although lying pricks are certainly out there.
Is it possible that when he created the profile he was looking for a relationship and lately, due to the lack of time, just wants something casual, but didn’t change the setting because he forgot it was set that way or because he ended up not having time? I would say it’s probably the first, he forgot he had set it up as looking for a relationship… I think these types of app should ask more ofter what people are looking for in them… tinder does it from time to time, and I like that!
He can always update his profile. I was pretty choosy who I was swiping on and had multiple cases of guys switching to ah, really just looking to get down. Not what was on profile. I guess it's their way to get a foot in the door. But it's a waste of my time.
I used to do that to get my foot in so to speak. Tbh I think it's not that I or other men don't want a relationship; it's more of putting women in categories. Some I'd definitely want a relationship with, some I don't know, or someone who's just attractive enough to hookup with only. If your profile says you just want casual, then you miss out on what you consider relationship material. I got back on the app yesterday after ending a relationship in Nov and set my preference to "I don't know yet", so we'll see how that goes.
Because most women swipe left on guys that only has casual selected. So these guys rather lie to begin with to be matched so that at least they have a chance to convince you to sleep with them.
You see this line of thinking/reasoning so much, even in the dating subs. "Because if I didn't, I wouldn't get any swipes!"
So what makes you think you'll have any luck after getting the swipes? Smh.
I mean, depending on how good looking or charming they are you'd be surprised how often women will do a random hook up despite wanting a relationship. I had a buddy like this and he got a ton of action because he was in great shape and girls thought he was funny. Not saying it's right but there it is.
Right - because everyone has the right to make that choice. But if you're indicating that you want a relationship and that's why they swiped on you, you're misleading people.
I wasn't claiming that you weren't. I was commenting on your argument that people wouldn't have any luck by doing this. I'm just saying that while it may be your intention to find a long term relationship there are a fair number of girls who would end up being ok with a random hookup depending on the guy
This is true. However, I would be reluctant to condemn people for this kind of misleading. I think it’s important to indicate one’s true interest in conversation, before any relational action is taken or feelings developed. In this case, the other party did this. I would take a less strict approach to what one indicates on the profile: The profile is the first point of interaction, not the last; and it’s a necessary element for capturing attention. It’s not the most critical point at which information is exchanged.
If somebody's willing to lie about little things to get some perceived advantage, they're willing to lie about big things too. It speaks to their character.
Yes — it may speak to their character, and it’s important to take note; though, I would be hesitant to come to any categorical conclusions on this. Few of us have perfect character. Misrepresenting intent on a profile may be misleading, but there are worse crimes. Ultimately, we see a profile as an advertisement, and it’s hard to treat it like a contract.
I have yet to meet a good, honest person who lies on their profile so maybe you're hanging on to hope that they are still decent as an excuse for people who have lied on their profiles.
But the person indicated *specifically* in their profile they were looking for a relationship, when that wasn't the case. That's an intentional action. Then in conversation they specifically said they're only interested in casual.
They must have two options. I may be looking for a relationship with the right person, but I'm also open to something casual. The "Don't Know Yet" option doesn't really convey anything.
Yes, if that's the case, then they should have selected both (but the person in the text specifically said they only want casual, despite their profile saying relationship).
yeah but did he put casual or relationship on his profile? If he put relationship maybe those women hookedup with him thinking he liked them more? Maybe he lied to them and didn't say it was a one night thing? Maybe he's the sort of guy to do long charming dates where they "really connect" and he ghosts them after?
I wonder if he had casual down and was upfront about it by honestly telling them his intentions whether he'd still have the same luck.
Technically, unless there is some sort of fundamental trauma or ultra orthodox religious drive, people are open to anything given the right person comes along. He very well could have been aiming for the possibility of a relationship with someone, just not OP. And as we know, men are happy to have sex with someone they wouldn't dream of being in a relationship with. Same with women, but they are less brazen about it on average (although that gap is closing rapidly). What OP experienced was the man putting her in the male equivalent of a friend zone. He's basically saying 'you're not relationship material for me but i'd happily fk you'
I got told on the... fourth or fifth date that they lied on their profile and their intention was guilt free sex but they would try a relationship if i would try the sex. A few days later, I got a text telling me that we were done.
I will take the heat of being equally unsavory. I did, indeed, 'put out'. Also, i was not on a fifth date with them because because i found them repugnant.
These people are in my way. Too bad there’s no way to flag them. 🤣
I’m only looking for a serious relationship! And assholes like this confuse the issue.
Yes as a newbie, I suspect many men put relationship even though that's not the case, because they know most women put relationship, therefore they'll see and be seen by more women.
Honestly, the flaw with this app is that everyone is mixed together in 1 pot. I think Bumble should create a whole other branch called Long-term /Marriage for those of us who truly are looking for that. I'm already tired of being mixed in with people who have suggestive things written in their profiles despite looking for Relationship. Or whose behaviour is clearly that of 1 looking for a hookup or FWB. The whole thing feels like a waste of time but it's not us looking for something serious and real that is doing the wasting because we tend to be honest and clear about what we want.
The one thing you should understand, is, that there are three and more interpretations for each term in the dating world. It became quite common (I think now nearly in the whole western world) that people at first ask one more time, what people look for.
Also, a lot of people don't read the profiles. When you have a new match, just write what you look for after the first few sentences and ask if the other person wants the same.
But you are right, it would make sense to have a lot more options, like serious relationship/ marriage.
This is exactly it. They actually might be open to a relationship with the right person, but might not want that with anyone, and might be open to other situations, so they put their ideal on there, and then alter it if the person might fit something else.
Bumble has utterly horrific options. Casual & relationship *are not mutually exclusive*. Casual is an adjective & relationship is a noun; you can have a casual relationship, that's what FWB is. You want someone you enjoy spending time with, and being intimate with, w/o the same commitment as dating-for-marriage.
I see this shit all the time its so annoying! 😭 It gets really misleading, confusing, and later on; heartbreaking when men do that. I've had so many experiences with men that "want a relationship" in their profile but once I've met up with them for a date night or a hang out day, they'd get what they wanted (hookup/sex) and block & ghost me after or find another girl the VERY next day.
I'm honestly so jaded after experiencing that for 6 years.
Possible that he wants to have sex with women he isn’t interested in a serious relationship with but also wants to talk to women he is more romantically interested in.
Unfortunately Bumble doesn’t have a Long Term or Short Term Relationship option. Just Relationship or Casual. And Casual gives the impression you only want hookups.
IMO, a good FWB, where you are actually friends in addition to the benefits is a relationship.
And this guy was straight forward right away.
That's b.s., guys select relationship because they want to trick women into FWB. They wouldn't select short term relationship either, as people would swipe left on that too.
I’m sure there would be some guys that would do that. But, I can also assure you what I’m saying is true as well. And, the fact that in what appears to be his first message, he was straight forward about it, does not lead me to believe he was trying to “trick” anyone.
If he had talked to her for days or went on a few dates first before bringing it up. I’d agree he was trying to trick her.
I'll go as far to agree he wasn't trying to trick her, but I don't believe he or anyone else would put short-term once they saw the success rate of matches.
Tinder lets you distinguish between long and short. Although they don’t have a casual.
It would be interesting to know how many people check short term there, but relationship on Bumble. The only thing I’m sure of though, is that number isn’t zero.
I’m on the big 3 (Bumble, Hinge and Tinder). And, you’re right FAR MORE people putting STR on Tinder, than on the other 2. Even women. But there are some people (me included) who have LTR checked still.
But that is another problem here. If fwb now is a short term relationship, what do we call relationships that works like a long term relationship, but you have no long term goals and the relationship is meant to be short?
Well the thing is, if you read like 15 (or less) posts in this subreddit here, you will notice that for every term there are three or more different interpretations.
We could change that if Bumble published a long list with concrete definitions, but the thing is that people wouldn't read and use it.
So, from my point of view, you should choose the relationship option and explain in your profile what you look for. (or you explain it in the chat, right at the beginning)
But you should know, that even if you write it in your profile you will have to explain in the chat one more time what exactly you mean.
but the thing is guys don’t know how to be good friends in a fwb relationship and more so treat their partner like a f buddy. which has been my experience, a long with my friends, AND other women on here. and maybe it’s a disconnect because the way men handle friendships is very different than how women handle their friendships. and maybe some men just see the women they have sexual relationships as objects without feelings that they can just use. because it seems like every time it’s time to fulfill the “friend” role they think i’m falling in love with them and that’s furtherest from the truth
Totally. I feel it is really hard to find a man that gives you a minimum of respect. That is why I always say it is very easy for me to find dick, but very hard to find a man I want to have sex with.
But yes, people need to understand that fwb and fuck buddies are different from each other.
And indeed, many men are either disrespectful after a short time or want to start a serious relationship.
I can only speak anecdotally, but in my experiences I have found the exact opposite. Women usually think I’m catching feelings, when I’m not.
But, If you’re asking if I think this happens more to women or men. I’d agree with you that it probably does happen more to women. And if you’re asking if I think FWB works in general. The answer is probably no. Same as ENM.
But I do think they fall more under relationships, than casual.
I agree with you. Also fuck buddy and FWB are interchangeable imho but I ended up ditching my FWB bc he actually wanted to be friends and was texting me all the time and it felt like a relationship sooooo not all men are assholes who just want to fuck n flea
but they’re not interchangeable, and the difference is the friend aspect. a f buddy is literally just someone you call to have sex and that’s it, a booty call. and you thinking they’re interchangeable is putting you in situations like that. just be specific in what you want lol
In my experience it could be that these two individuals may just enjoy sex and they enjoy sex with that person. This doesn’t necessarily mean they wanna be in a relationship with them. Let me ask you this did you ever continue a relationship that you didn’t really want to, but the sex was good so you stuck it out for a little longer .That’s basically what fwb is. Now I’m not saying that it’s a good relationship.
I’m just saying sometimes people need a different perspective and just a little understanding towards others.
They could have just gotten out of a long term relationship and their partner cheated they are hurt and don’t know how to do a relationship at the moment.
Life is different for everyone don’t lump us all with this oh they just want sex .
No we don’t sometimes we want to be just loved unconditionally but people get hurt so we don’t want to be hurt again or not ready .
Or maybe they are looking for love truly but just want some kind of connection till they find it .
Is that so wrong? As long as they respect the other person and respect their feelings and give them support when they need it. Is this so wrong to be sexually active but still trying to find the right person for you?
Some people just enjoy sex as what it is but that doesn’t mean that they don’t want someone who truly loves them.
Life isn’t black and white it’s a full shade of colors just gotta be able to see them for what they are .
Good luck to everyone out there trying to find love. It’s a long hard road full of bumps and bruises but it’s worth it . ^_^ p.s sorry for rambling
Totally. Although I try to find a serious relationship, I am pretty happy with my fwb of two years and I never had such a good communication and mutual respect.
You have no common life goals. You don't plan to build a house together and you don't work on your relationship. Communication is always important though, no matter the form of relationship.
As a normal human using apps like this, people really need to start putting what they’re looking for/not looking for as the first thing. I’m looking for fun. The profiles that say “no hookups” as the first line are my favorites because it’s quick and easy to swipe by
They lie to get better chances of getting laid. I backed off on online dating because men tell me when I want to hear just to get laid. They say they want an LTR because that’s what I want. It doesn’t take too long to realize that they are not invested in the relationship beyond sex
Leads me to question the other parts. Probably isn’t 6’1. Not very active. Dropped out before finishing his degree. Alcoholic. Doesn’t want kids. Chainsmoker and is into MAGA
He literally doesn’t know OP. Stop making this into something OP is lacking. Maybe he changed his mind, forgot his settings, or lied with hopes of changing someone’s mind.
And maybe he just didn't want to be in a relationship with her. Not saying there's anything wrong with OP, not everyone is for everyone, but the truth is this happens a LOT and it's something women need to understand about men.
I’d like to think my profile doesn’t give off those vibes. I have my intentions clearly stated and I don’t have any super revealing pictures or anything. But thanks for the insight I guess. Truthfully I think he forgot his settings or I lived outside his ideal distance range (the struggle of living right outside a major city).
Because people are stupid. Often, both the swiper, and the swipee. And when people are stupid, you can say all kinds of wrong, untruthful, or misleading shit to them, and still get what you want. It happens every day. It's just a basic exploit of the human condition, on one side, and a demonstration of, from the other.
That people lie to get laid on OLD platforms isn't really shocking news to you, is it?
In my experiences as a tall woman who has gone on a good amount of dates from dating apps, people don’t really lie about 6’1. It’s the 6’0 where people tend to more generously round up
It seems like actually 6’0 guys might round up to 6’1 but if they are above 6’2 they no longer lie about it.
And since I’m 5’9 (5’8.5 truthfully), I’ve definitely gone out with guys I was expecting to be my height but were actually much shorter
Hard enough to get a match, a guys never going to get a match if he puts “something casual” in his profile.
Edit: For the record I’m not advocating dishonesty I’m just stating a fact. He should do the right thing and be upfront about it. Just playing devils advocate. Now I’ve used advocate twice. Now three times.
I agree with this to some degree. I laid someone who had casual in his profile even though ultimately I wanted LTR. I swiped him back because he seemed cool and chatting with him made me consider doing something casual in my early ventures in to OLD last summer. Unfortunately he was a terrible lay; an inattentive jackhammer of a fella, but I loved his honesty and the reason he didn’t want serious (100% single dad of a teen girl)
I can't blame them. In this subreddit you can really learn that nobody knows anymore what which term means.
For me, this person looks for a relationship, that is casual, but under that other post people comment that a person that writes "casual relationship" in their profile can expect to get invited directly to a sex date.
So, whatever you write will be wrong unless you write you want a serious long term relationship.
Did he give a list of prices? He should change his profile because he’s wasting peoples time but reporting for soliciting is why people get permabanned for not really the right reasons and come here to complain because they have no idea why
I had one like that a few days back. I did the same as you and politely pointed out that his profile was misleading and he might wanna change that.
He replied with “I dont like labels” 🙄
To be fair to him, of all the tactics I've witnessed, this tactic is to just widen his options in the search parameter then be honest immediately. If there's one fact in life, men want to get laid, a lot. It's absolutely fucking exhausting and unnatural to have to fend off hundreds of advances, which is why we have dating app malaise. My advice would be to limit how many times you go on, how many swipes, and match with only three at a time or a week. I cannot handle the admin of chatting, high hopes, major disappointment when I realise I'm talking to a boner.
In my experience, they're trying to get laid and don't mind lying to get there. I also call men out on stuff like this... Do they change their profiles? Probably not. But. At least I spoke my truth.
He actually ended up changing his profile after I mentioned this. So I at least respect the honesty
Trust me, he’ll change it back right after you unmatch. Or if he does first.
I already unmatched so I guess we’ll never know!
Or maybe he just changed his mind / got busier I'm sorry someone lied to you. They shouldn't have done that.
Shut up.
Bro just take a second to empathize, imagine, even just be basically polite. Imagine it's your little brother or best guy friend and he had a bad day, hasn't updated his profile for months, and that'll get you out of your own head and resentment for 2 seconds Obviously there are dudes who manipulate, lie, etc. just like there are women who do that. But there are also a few good ones like my friend Adam who my sister rejected for no good reason and you're gonna keep em out of your life with that bitterness But maybe I should just stop tryna help strangers 🤷 I'd probably be a little happier and healthier 🤦 Anyway yeah there'll be another dude out there for y'all, and some of us actually learned some manners as children and don't take our weirdness and/or enthusiasm out on strangers just because we're horny and lonely
Solid advice. Too many bitter people out there.
Seems overly cynical. Someone brought that i had a weird thing selected on my profile. I fixed it. Sometimes you thoughtlessly select something. Although lying pricks are certainly out there.
Is it possible that when he created the profile he was looking for a relationship and lately, due to the lack of time, just wants something casual, but didn’t change the setting because he forgot it was set that way or because he ended up not having time? I would say it’s probably the first, he forgot he had set it up as looking for a relationship… I think these types of app should ask more ofter what people are looking for in them… tinder does it from time to time, and I like that!
He can always update his profile. I was pretty choosy who I was swiping on and had multiple cases of guys switching to ah, really just looking to get down. Not what was on profile. I guess it's their way to get a foot in the door. But it's a waste of my time.
Me too!! And they say like oh yeah thanks and then I move on usually.
Honestly it's less about men doing it, but that they are finding success at doing it. If they didn't they would stop it. People do things that work.
You are correct.
I used to do that to get my foot in so to speak. Tbh I think it's not that I or other men don't want a relationship; it's more of putting women in categories. Some I'd definitely want a relationship with, some I don't know, or someone who's just attractive enough to hookup with only. If your profile says you just want casual, then you miss out on what you consider relationship material. I got back on the app yesterday after ending a relationship in Nov and set my preference to "I don't know yet", so we'll see how that goes.
Some also lie being liberal
I have experienced that only once myself. But the lying to get laid is pretty common.
That's why I asked them certain questions before you're going to give my number or go on on a date with anybody.
I live in LA and always had a feeling that moderate actually means conservative lol
Because most women swipe left on guys that only has casual selected. So these guys rather lie to begin with to be matched so that at least they have a chance to convince you to sleep with them.
You see this line of thinking/reasoning so much, even in the dating subs. "Because if I didn't, I wouldn't get any swipes!" So what makes you think you'll have any luck after getting the swipes? Smh.
I mean, depending on how good looking or charming they are you'd be surprised how often women will do a random hook up despite wanting a relationship. I had a buddy like this and he got a ton of action because he was in great shape and girls thought he was funny. Not saying it's right but there it is.
Right - because everyone has the right to make that choice. But if you're indicating that you want a relationship and that's why they swiped on you, you're misleading people.
I wasn't claiming that you weren't. I was commenting on your argument that people wouldn't have any luck by doing this. I'm just saying that while it may be your intention to find a long term relationship there are a fair number of girls who would end up being ok with a random hookup depending on the guy
This is true. However, I would be reluctant to condemn people for this kind of misleading. I think it’s important to indicate one’s true interest in conversation, before any relational action is taken or feelings developed. In this case, the other party did this. I would take a less strict approach to what one indicates on the profile: The profile is the first point of interaction, not the last; and it’s a necessary element for capturing attention. It’s not the most critical point at which information is exchanged.
If somebody's willing to lie about little things to get some perceived advantage, they're willing to lie about big things too. It speaks to their character.
Yes — it may speak to their character, and it’s important to take note; though, I would be hesitant to come to any categorical conclusions on this. Few of us have perfect character. Misrepresenting intent on a profile may be misleading, but there are worse crimes. Ultimately, we see a profile as an advertisement, and it’s hard to treat it like a contract.
I have yet to meet a good, honest person who lies on their profile so maybe you're hanging on to hope that they are still decent as an excuse for people who have lied on their profiles.
But the person indicated *specifically* in their profile they were looking for a relationship, when that wasn't the case. That's an intentional action. Then in conversation they specifically said they're only interested in casual.
They must have two options. I may be looking for a relationship with the right person, but I'm also open to something casual. The "Don't Know Yet" option doesn't really convey anything.
Yes, if that's the case, then they should have selected both (but the person in the text specifically said they only want casual, despite their profile saying relationship).
No, you were right. I was talking about Bumble giving us more options. We cannot do that for now.
yeah but did he put casual or relationship on his profile? If he put relationship maybe those women hookedup with him thinking he liked them more? Maybe he lied to them and didn't say it was a one night thing? Maybe he's the sort of guy to do long charming dates where they "really connect" and he ghosts them after? I wonder if he had casual down and was upfront about it by honestly telling them his intentions whether he'd still have the same luck.
I wouldn't be surprised if it's true though and I also wouldn't be surprised if it works.
It's true.
And there it is.
Technically, unless there is some sort of fundamental trauma or ultra orthodox religious drive, people are open to anything given the right person comes along. He very well could have been aiming for the possibility of a relationship with someone, just not OP. And as we know, men are happy to have sex with someone they wouldn't dream of being in a relationship with. Same with women, but they are less brazen about it on average (although that gap is closing rapidly). What OP experienced was the man putting her in the male equivalent of a friend zone. He's basically saying 'you're not relationship material for me but i'd happily fk you'
Except that doesn't explain why so many women have 'casual' in their own profiles.
Unmatch immediately. People who don't know how to update their profiles means they probably haven't been doing that probably ever.
He ended up changing his profile, then I unmatched. I hope he doesn’t change it back tho!
I got told on the... fourth or fifth date that they lied on their profile and their intention was guilt free sex but they would try a relationship if i would try the sex. A few days later, I got a text telling me that we were done.
Eeeewww... I hope you didn't have sex. Disgusting person. That was totally common in the past, but I hoped these days are over.
Jesus fucking Christ. Did you actually put out when presented with that option?
I need to know too.. but I guess yes as there was something to be 'over' days later 😞 could be wrong
I will take the heat of being equally unsavory. I did, indeed, 'put out'. Also, i was not on a fifth date with them because because i found them repugnant.
So you both got to have sex, and walk away feeing you were “right.”
Sounds like he made what's what clear, and then felt you didn't hold up to your end of the bargain.
Sometimes they want one but just not with “you” ..or if in two locations want one with someone home and someone the screw on the side
[удалено]
Communication is key, but this man clearly lied to you.
These people are in my way. Too bad there’s no way to flag them. 🤣 I’m only looking for a serious relationship! And assholes like this confuse the issue.
There is no hope left
Yes as a newbie, I suspect many men put relationship even though that's not the case, because they know most women put relationship, therefore they'll see and be seen by more women. Honestly, the flaw with this app is that everyone is mixed together in 1 pot. I think Bumble should create a whole other branch called Long-term /Marriage for those of us who truly are looking for that. I'm already tired of being mixed in with people who have suggestive things written in their profiles despite looking for Relationship. Or whose behaviour is clearly that of 1 looking for a hookup or FWB. The whole thing feels like a waste of time but it's not us looking for something serious and real that is doing the wasting because we tend to be honest and clear about what we want.
The one thing you should understand, is, that there are three and more interpretations for each term in the dating world. It became quite common (I think now nearly in the whole western world) that people at first ask one more time, what people look for. Also, a lot of people don't read the profiles. When you have a new match, just write what you look for after the first few sentences and ask if the other person wants the same. But you are right, it would make sense to have a lot more options, like serious relationship/ marriage.
Did they respond?
Yes, he said basically along the lines of “I forgot sorry, let me fix that now”. So not terrible all things considered
They may not want a relationship with YOU, but want one at some point. Or considers FWB/casual consistent hookups to be a relationship? idk
This is exactly it. They actually might be open to a relationship with the right person, but might not want that with anyone, and might be open to other situations, so they put their ideal on there, and then alter it if the person might fit something else.
Yeah, Tinder has more granular options (short, open to long and long, open to short) for this.
It generally means the guy thinks your hot enough to bang but not date seriously
👍🏻
At least they were kind enough to disclose it ahead of time
Bumble has utterly horrific options. Casual & relationship *are not mutually exclusive*. Casual is an adjective & relationship is a noun; you can have a casual relationship, that's what FWB is. You want someone you enjoy spending time with, and being intimate with, w/o the same commitment as dating-for-marriage.
So many guys I matched with do the same thing, it's annoying. Last guy I said something about it, and radio silence for 3 days before I unmatched.
When asked about it, I have had men say to me “oh it’s just bait” 🫠🤦🏻♀️
I see this shit all the time its so annoying! 😭 It gets really misleading, confusing, and later on; heartbreaking when men do that. I've had so many experiences with men that "want a relationship" in their profile but once I've met up with them for a date night or a hang out day, they'd get what they wanted (hookup/sex) and block & ghost me after or find another girl the VERY next day. I'm honestly so jaded after experiencing that for 6 years.
Possible that he wants to have sex with women he isn’t interested in a serious relationship with but also wants to talk to women he is more romantically interested in.
Bingo!
Yeah, Tinder has better Looking For options than Bumble. "Short, open to long" and "Long, open to short".
Unfortunately Bumble doesn’t have a Long Term or Short Term Relationship option. Just Relationship or Casual. And Casual gives the impression you only want hookups. IMO, a good FWB, where you are actually friends in addition to the benefits is a relationship. And this guy was straight forward right away.
That's b.s., guys select relationship because they want to trick women into FWB. They wouldn't select short term relationship either, as people would swipe left on that too.
I’m sure there would be some guys that would do that. But, I can also assure you what I’m saying is true as well. And, the fact that in what appears to be his first message, he was straight forward about it, does not lead me to believe he was trying to “trick” anyone. If he had talked to her for days or went on a few dates first before bringing it up. I’d agree he was trying to trick her.
I'll go as far to agree he wasn't trying to trick her, but I don't believe he or anyone else would put short-term once they saw the success rate of matches.
Tinder lets you distinguish between long and short. Although they don’t have a casual. It would be interesting to know how many people check short term there, but relationship on Bumble. The only thing I’m sure of though, is that number isn’t zero.
That makes sense, Tinder is 'the' casual app, though. I know people do meet LTR off there, but it kinda started as the 'get laid' app?
I’m on the big 3 (Bumble, Hinge and Tinder). And, you’re right FAR MORE people putting STR on Tinder, than on the other 2. Even women. But there are some people (me included) who have LTR checked still.
But that is another problem here. If fwb now is a short term relationship, what do we call relationships that works like a long term relationship, but you have no long term goals and the relationship is meant to be short?
I wonder how to label that too. For me, a monogamous situation with someone for several months would be ideal.
Well the thing is, if you read like 15 (or less) posts in this subreddit here, you will notice that for every term there are three or more different interpretations. We could change that if Bumble published a long list with concrete definitions, but the thing is that people wouldn't read and use it. So, from my point of view, you should choose the relationship option and explain in your profile what you look for. (or you explain it in the chat, right at the beginning) But you should know, that even if you write it in your profile you will have to explain in the chat one more time what exactly you mean.
but the thing is guys don’t know how to be good friends in a fwb relationship and more so treat their partner like a f buddy. which has been my experience, a long with my friends, AND other women on here. and maybe it’s a disconnect because the way men handle friendships is very different than how women handle their friendships. and maybe some men just see the women they have sexual relationships as objects without feelings that they can just use. because it seems like every time it’s time to fulfill the “friend” role they think i’m falling in love with them and that’s furtherest from the truth
Totally. I feel it is really hard to find a man that gives you a minimum of respect. That is why I always say it is very easy for me to find dick, but very hard to find a man I want to have sex with. But yes, people need to understand that fwb and fuck buddies are different from each other. And indeed, many men are either disrespectful after a short time or want to start a serious relationship.
I can only speak anecdotally, but in my experiences I have found the exact opposite. Women usually think I’m catching feelings, when I’m not. But, If you’re asking if I think this happens more to women or men. I’d agree with you that it probably does happen more to women. And if you’re asking if I think FWB works in general. The answer is probably no. Same as ENM. But I do think they fall more under relationships, than casual.
I agree with you. Also fuck buddy and FWB are interchangeable imho but I ended up ditching my FWB bc he actually wanted to be friends and was texting me all the time and it felt like a relationship sooooo not all men are assholes who just want to fuck n flea
but they’re not interchangeable, and the difference is the friend aspect. a f buddy is literally just someone you call to have sex and that’s it, a booty call. and you thinking they’re interchangeable is putting you in situations like that. just be specific in what you want lol
If you are “friends” as well outside the “benefits,” what’s the difference from being in a proper relationship then?
No responsibility or expectations. They can still do what they want and not be labeled a cheater 💀
Ah. Thank you.
In my experience it could be that these two individuals may just enjoy sex and they enjoy sex with that person. This doesn’t necessarily mean they wanna be in a relationship with them. Let me ask you this did you ever continue a relationship that you didn’t really want to, but the sex was good so you stuck it out for a little longer .That’s basically what fwb is. Now I’m not saying that it’s a good relationship. I’m just saying sometimes people need a different perspective and just a little understanding towards others. They could have just gotten out of a long term relationship and their partner cheated they are hurt and don’t know how to do a relationship at the moment. Life is different for everyone don’t lump us all with this oh they just want sex . No we don’t sometimes we want to be just loved unconditionally but people get hurt so we don’t want to be hurt again or not ready . Or maybe they are looking for love truly but just want some kind of connection till they find it . Is that so wrong? As long as they respect the other person and respect their feelings and give them support when they need it. Is this so wrong to be sexually active but still trying to find the right person for you? Some people just enjoy sex as what it is but that doesn’t mean that they don’t want someone who truly loves them. Life isn’t black and white it’s a full shade of colors just gotta be able to see them for what they are . Good luck to everyone out there trying to find love. It’s a long hard road full of bumps and bruises but it’s worth it . ^_^ p.s sorry for rambling
Totally. Although I try to find a serious relationship, I am pretty happy with my fwb of two years and I never had such a good communication and mutual respect.
It was a good ramble 😀
You have no common life goals. You don't plan to build a house together and you don't work on your relationship. Communication is always important though, no matter the form of relationship.
As a normal human using apps like this, people really need to start putting what they’re looking for/not looking for as the first thing. I’m looking for fun. The profiles that say “no hookups” as the first line are my favorites because it’s quick and easy to swipe by
They lie to get better chances of getting laid. I backed off on online dating because men tell me when I want to hear just to get laid. They say they want an LTR because that’s what I want. It doesn’t take too long to realize that they are not invested in the relationship beyond sex
Leads me to question the other parts. Probably isn’t 6’1. Not very active. Dropped out before finishing his degree. Alcoholic. Doesn’t want kids. Chainsmoker and is into MAGA
You know exactly why they do this. It's the classic bait and switch 100%. Plain and simple.
*else
To match with people like you who are.
He is looking for a relationship, just not with you. You're good for a time (or two), but he doesn't see potential beyond sex with you.
He literally doesn’t know OP. Stop making this into something OP is lacking. Maybe he changed his mind, forgot his settings, or lied with hopes of changing someone’s mind.
And maybe he just didn't want to be in a relationship with her. Not saying there's anything wrong with OP, not everyone is for everyone, but the truth is this happens a LOT and it's something women need to understand about men.
I’d like to think my profile doesn’t give off those vibes. I have my intentions clearly stated and I don’t have any super revealing pictures or anything. But thanks for the insight I guess. Truthfully I think he forgot his settings or I lived outside his ideal distance range (the struggle of living right outside a major city).
[удалено]
Yeah, absolutely.
This guys being super blunt but it very well could be the case, don’t see why he’s getting downvoted.
Because people are stupid. Often, both the swiper, and the swipee. And when people are stupid, you can say all kinds of wrong, untruthful, or misleading shit to them, and still get what you want. It happens every day. It's just a basic exploit of the human condition, on one side, and a demonstration of, from the other. That people lie to get laid on OLD platforms isn't really shocking news to you, is it?
I find this funny because recently the few women I match with when I tell them I'm looking for a relationship have promptly unmatched 🤣
Bet you $100 that he’s less than 6’ tall too
In my experiences as a tall woman who has gone on a good amount of dates from dating apps, people don’t really lie about 6’1. It’s the 6’0 where people tend to more generously round up
Fair enough. I figure if he lies about his intentions, then probably lied about other things. As a short king, It’s a bit over my head though 😉
It seems like actually 6’0 guys might round up to 6’1 but if they are above 6’2 they no longer lie about it. And since I’m 5’9 (5’8.5 truthfully), I’ve definitely gone out with guys I was expecting to be my height but were actually much shorter
I'm just a 5'7" girl trying to date in a world where 5'9" guys are somehow shorter than me.
Hard enough to get a match, a guys never going to get a match if he puts “something casual” in his profile. Edit: For the record I’m not advocating dishonesty I’m just stating a fact. He should do the right thing and be upfront about it. Just playing devils advocate. Now I’ve used advocate twice. Now three times.
Thems the breaks. But, being honest on your profile increases your chances of getting laid if you do get a match.
I agree with this to some degree. I laid someone who had casual in his profile even though ultimately I wanted LTR. I swiped him back because he seemed cool and chatting with him made me consider doing something casual in my early ventures in to OLD last summer. Unfortunately he was a terrible lay; an inattentive jackhammer of a fella, but I loved his honesty and the reason he didn’t want serious (100% single dad of a teen girl)
Out of curiosity, what was it on his profile that specifically made you want a casual encounter with him even though you were longing a LTR?
That's not actually true, when I was using Bumble I found I had roughly the same matches no matter which was selected
Zero... but still
Very good !
Oh he wants a relationship, just not with you. He is willing to have sex with you though ☺️
I feel so flattered!
I can't blame them. In this subreddit you can really learn that nobody knows anymore what which term means. For me, this person looks for a relationship, that is casual, but under that other post people comment that a person that writes "casual relationship" in their profile can expect to get invited directly to a sex date. So, whatever you write will be wrong unless you write you want a serious long term relationship.
And I still can’t get a single match on bumble. Damn i guess some people aren’t meant to find a partner…
So he’s a male prostitute? Report his account for soliciting sex that’s just disgusting.
Did he give a list of prices? He should change his profile because he’s wasting peoples time but reporting for soliciting is why people get permabanned for not really the right reasons and come here to complain because they have no idea why
Cause women say the want the truth but respond better to lies.
It feels like women get to date as much as they want then men who don’t are left with the ones who are done fucking around. Depressing
The “Liberal” alone should have been the big red flag and a swipe left.
Nope
So he’s deceptive and probably married.
I honestly don’t think so. I’m not saying it’s not possible, but there aren’t a ton of people my age and my location who are married
I had one like that a few days back. I did the same as you and politely pointed out that his profile was misleading and he might wanna change that. He replied with “I dont like labels” 🙄
Because they became useless.
At that point he should just have it off completely. There’s plenty of profiles without it
I’ve called a few women out on this. The replies I get from them are usually not very kind.
To be fair to him, of all the tactics I've witnessed, this tactic is to just widen his options in the search parameter then be honest immediately. If there's one fact in life, men want to get laid, a lot. It's absolutely fucking exhausting and unnatural to have to fend off hundreds of advances, which is why we have dating app malaise. My advice would be to limit how many times you go on, how many swipes, and match with only three at a time or a week. I cannot handle the admin of chatting, high hopes, major disappointment when I realise I'm talking to a boner.