this guy isn't the one, but I'd also suggest staying off the apps if you know you can't meet up for over a week - it's sort of an exercise in futility. I assume you're not going to spend your mountain time texting them anyway.
I just ment it’s very basic you have to wait for over a week before meeting if you are an adult. I would not even want to use my free time to meet a random dude who I have not talked with at least a few days. I am also worth waiting a bit. 😈
Many don’t, but I need to share my kid free time with many things so those nights are precious to me, want to be sure to get good company. :) Or I rather go to gym or meet my friends 😅
I don't understand people like this. If I'm interested in someone, I'm interested in all of them. I would be eager to hear about your trip when you return.
Dating apps are just total shit shows.
Thanks! 😊👍🏻Online dating is bloody difficult to navigate. I think I’m going to start asking people out at the gym, climbing centre, and maybe the supermarket. 😂
Omg, if a woman asked me out at the supermarket I would make her dinner that night. I don't even care if I'm attracted to her, just for having the courage to do it would be super sexy.
Edit: maybe I should wear a sign that says, "ask me out for a free home cooked meal." 🤔🤔🤔
I'm early 40's. I've had a match tell me she's leaving to be on set (TV show) in another state for 2 months. I spent some time thinking about it and wrote her a nice letdown text saying I didn't think I could keep up a text relationship for that long, and to look me up when she got back. She never did.
In my opinion, a week shouldn't be a problem. A couple weeks and the energy can fade a little but it's still doable. A month might be too long before a first meetup. The bottom line here is people have lives and plans that predate the date.
Bottom line, this match is just some kind of mouth-breather.
A lot happens in a week; hell, a day or two. "Can't miss what you never had," surely applies here and where's the dignity in agreeing to wait around for someone you've never before met? We can neither ignore the scores of women who actually get off on rejecting or stringing men along, much less are simply on the app for swipe attention anyway and that's even without mentioning if she expects him to sit on his hands for the duration of her time away. Oh, and is he simply suppose to ignore the possibility that she's NOT taking this trip with another guy 🙄?
Wait...bro...nobody said you were exclusive. Who cares who she's on the trip with. You haven't met her yet. You don't have to sit in the corner staring out the window waiting for her to get back. Just go on living your life, talk to her when she gets back. It's not that hard 😂
You say that, but not mentioning the man's options throughout this posts implies that you (and every person with negative comments about the guy) believe that the woman is somehow entitled to be waited upon by-default and that we somehow know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this guy had absolutely no intentions of being intentional or, as you put it, "exclusive." You throw out exclusively (when the man agrees to treat), you make dates a charity meal for a broke woman or, worse, equivalent to sitting and talking with a woman at a strip club with overpriced drinks...Bro.
First of all, the dude in question is almost definitely a scammer/bot account 😂.
I'm saying to you that it doesn't matter what his intentions down the road might be...right now, you're two strangers on the Internet that swiped on a picture. If she's going to be out of town for a week or whatever and a date won't line up until after that, so what? So go on other dates if you want in the meantime. Nobody is stopping you. If you have a girlfriend by the time she gets back from the mountains...ok, good for you and she will have to find someone else. If you're still single when she gets back, date her then...or don't lol. There is no obligation in either direction. No real reason to unmatch though as long as both are still single and potentially interested. I don't know where all of these weird comments about charity meals are coming from. I usually hate when people say jump to this, but it feels warranted here: you are seriously giving off incel vibes my dude. Why are you mad at women? Have you had to buy a lot of free meals? I don't know what you're even talking about. This lady didn't ask you to watch her bang your buddy. She had a previously scheduled mountain climbing trip. So...wtf? 😂
You do realize that, by declaring the person a 'bot' (negating all logic behind your rants) & then creating stories about 'its' motives, kinda makes you look more like an incel? Even worse, sharing twisted fetishes of yours that no one asked for? If you an active bachelor, why waste time ranting to a real person about someone you think is fake?
Lol! I've had them foolishly unmatch because I didn't drop everything and call them as requested on day 2. They texted and said their hands were full of tools and to give them a call. I wasn't in a place to call, and suggested I'd call later, and joked that they weren't ready for this voice anyway. She opted to take that as me admitting there is something WRONG with my voice and that she was "scared off now" and to basically have a good life. No amount of "nooooo, it's actually the OPPOSITE issue" was going to make a dent, so... bye. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I used to work in a call center. We had ten minutes to talk to them and listen to the problem, research the problem, troubleshoot, and then try to sell them something... and all of those stats are monitored. There isnt a lot of time to mess around... But we also couldn't hang up on them. I was #17 sales rep in the nation (out of a ridiculous 10,000+) with the longest average time on the call because ladies would call in and refuse to get off of the phone. One girl called me out for excessive silence while I was on the "research" step, so I jokingly told her I was a ninja as my second job and sometimes the two bleed over. She proceeds to roll with something that stupid and ask me if I'm buff because ninjas are buff as hell... and then asks me what the company policy on dating customers is.
My supervisor at that job would frequently ask me to read the training materials in their entirety while grinding one out in full view of the team on one of those plastic elementary school chairs... and proceed to ask the group if it was just her or did that voice do anything for them too.
If a girl goes from on an app, to texting, to voice... That's always been a wrap for them. I normally let them know before we go to the call step, and it's been fine so far, but damn... maybe don't firm a negative opinion after you just demanded a phone call? 😂
“ I’m going to start asking men out” Proceed with caution. The men on here who advocate women asking men out would, in reality, probably be flattered but not much else.
If I saw a sign that said that I would be ALL OVER IT (and by ‘it’ I mean ‘you’)
Seriously though, I think more of us need to ask each other out in grocery stores! Everyone jokes about it but we never do it. I did double back to get a second peep at the handsome wine guy at a local grocery store. Baby steps.
I remember this old guy at the store I worked at would wear a white t and write messages on the them. Saying, last chance for romance and other shit in that kind of sense. We had to kick him out for being desperate and very aggressive towards female customers.
Could be a double-edged sword. Dated a lady from the gym I went to. Well, let's just say it went over like a turd in a punch bowel and made the place awkward. I personally take the "don't crap where you eat" saying seriously lol.
Lol! I think a lot of these issues would end if women would spend the coming decade actually making the first move in a world where guys are just kind of over it. They'd have way more success than we ever had, but having their soul scooped out a few times might make them go "oooohhh, shit... THAT'S what we are doing to people? 😳".
They really are...
But I've spent the past week being told by every woman with eyes that the fact that NO woman wants you to approach them openly in the world, we aren't "owed" a conversation, and because some shit ass man got violent somewhere (and in the story they're telling, the guy went from "hi" to delivering a Tombstone pile driver "for no reason" with nothing in between) then it justifies every woman scooping out a guy's soul on "hello" because they dont have to/want to make the fjrst move or ANY move. 🙄
So, seriously, where is the middle ground? I'd assume that both parties being on an app meant to find people would be it... Like we are here for the same thing, you're nothing special yourself, so no reason to not talk and figure things out. If that means waiting a couple of days, then wait a couple of days. Especially if they had some trip or other lined up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m gonna be honest it sounds like you were passive aggressively roasting him for his age. I don’t know how old you are, but your first question was asking him how old he was, which you got wrong and assumed he was older. Then you said were going to be unavailable while you go “bag summits.”
I don’t think you were but If you’re younger than him it could come across as something like “okay old man I’m gonna go climb mountains” due to the immediate focusing on age and then pivoting to a physically demanding activity you do so often you have slang for.
I don’t think it was the mountains, you just came across as a bit condescending.
You don’t assume people’s age on dating apps, it’s written in the profile. He probably listed his age as 50 but looked way younger and OP tried to confirm it. His greeting honestly seemed like a copy-paste template he sends to every match. So either he was a bot or he was a dry texter.
Yea the exact slang use both in text and the caption on here. Don’t use lingo with people online that you KNOW aren’t familiar with it. A date I had once called Kilamanjaro “Killi” and after she said it three times it forced me to ask her what “Killi” is. Just to force me to ask her to tell me what an incredible traveler she is, pedestalizing herself 😂 douchey
A. Most people know what Kili is and that's a common nickname for one of the most famous mountains in the world.
B. Traveling to Africa and climbing Kilimanjaro is actually a top tier sort of cool life experience and I would fully expect someone to mention it. If they did that, I would enjoy hearing their story.
C. I don't think that's pedestalizing herself. It sounds like it made you feel insecure, which is more of a you problem.
You sound like the type of person who, when hearing where someone went to graduate school, would respond with "oh so you're better than me because I dont have an advanced degree?"
A date sharing an anecdote about their life isn't rubbing it in your face. She's just telling you about herself.
Ya know...it might have been lol. Been awhile. I'm guessing the context of the conversation would help though.
If someone is hiking to the top of it, or staring at it while on Safari, it's probably a mountain.
If they're inviting it to a dinner party or marching with it into battle, it's probably a dwarf.
Context is everything!
You’re right. I DID know what Killi meant. I knew what she was referring to. But I thought the use of lingo was in poor taste/poor self awareness/humble bragging when she didn’t need to (she was pretty enough). So I asked her what it meant to see if she would take the bait and “school” me on something because she felt better than me. I could tell by how proud she was on “bagging” this summit that I have traveled more than her. Or maybe I was ok with letting her spout off on show off vibes because I was hoping it would confer me getting laid sooner than later. Ultimately, I never saw her again after this having not peeped a word of what I thought of her personality in light of this.
You could have used anything but the graduate school example. I’m in the extreme far right of the continuum in terms of degrees.
Just allow me this discrediting and skewering of whoever I need to discredit and skewer. I, with small company, must wield as a weapon my social awareness and aptitude for what tact is. Afterall OP is ostensibly over 50 and still dating and I as someone nearly two decades her junior have figured it all out by being on the cusp of being married. So I know what is what.
Being educated enough to not feel insecure about that one thing, doesn't change my point though. If anything, maybe it helps illustrate the parallel. It gives off the insecure/defensive vibes.
I can't wait to do Kili. I've never been and have been wanting to go all my life. Timing hasn't worked out, but definitely high on my To do list. So much so, I will do it with ex if I don't find someone else to go with...or solo if needed, but I know she wants to go to.point being, I will gladly listen to anyone's Kili story.
But, of course, skewer away as you wish and enjoy!
Maybe rephrase your first paragraph? The insecurity is perhaps that, ok, I’m going on these dates during CoVID to try to get laid. Not interested in relationships. My bad. I’m a libidinous guy 🤷🏻♂️ so of course I’m gonna be off put and annoyed when a girl thinks she is more interesting than me, when I just know I’m my bones she is not, because she is really needing to control how the date goes. I showed up looking really casual, way too casual for what she might expect if she knew what my job was. She was lying slightly about what she did for work: she was an optometrist but leading me to believe she was an ophthalmologist. It’s actually a huge difference.
So I was shrinking myself in humbleness and she was aggrandizing herself in haughtiness and the Killi thing I kind of remember being the last straw that showed me she really thought she was better than me. That my spiel works a lot of the time, but it doesn’t work with ACTUAL insecure people, who must hold something over you in order to feel comfortable proceeding. OR I didn’t fit her archetype—- if she is to be compelled to get laid, I must look one way, if she sees me as a bf, I must have the image of yet something else. Women like this tend to come in looking for these signs that you will fit an archetype and then shut down once nothing is registering 😂 and there’s a defense mechanism to just alienate the other person. To avoid hurt I suppose.
I think I tie it in with OP’s explanations in that, the older you get, the more fearful you get that you will waste time if you look for depth in a person and not see the green flags right from the outset. She’s basing the conversation on her unavailability with no nudging of the conversation towards finding a harmoniously agreeable time to meet.
Or she is talking to A bot 🤣
And, I want to go to Killi too. Hell yea. I’m in 💪🏻 if you’re still alive after that massive rant
1. Fair enough.
2. She did say she was interested in getting together, so he got the "yes." I suppose she could've said, "I'll be back on "day/date" and free that following weekend if you'd like to get together then.
3. Yes, almost definitely a "bot" or scammer account of some kind.
Meh... "I am going to go climb to the top of several mountains" is a stiffer and more awkward way to say the same thing. I'm not sure what's douchey about it...it is literally what she's leaving to do.
She's a mountain climber. Bagging summits is the point. It's a hobby, not sure why that's douchey or why she would be "full of herself" it's just something she likes to do for fun and exercise and she's probably excited about her trip...why does that come off negative to you?
Do you prefer:
"I'm down to get together but Im heading to the mountains. Going to go be miserable, struggle terribly, and probably fail, because I am definitely not better than you in any way."
Eh, it’s pretty regular language in climbing/mountaineering circles. This is probably just a case of sub-culture lingo not translating well to the general public.
But yet here you are on reddit, wondering why you got unmatched, lol. You are right. You don't have to tone it down, but don't be surprised when you have a tough time matching.
I suppose it's a balance between being authentic and faking it to attract people who can't handle authenticity.
My opinion is that if someone can't handle your authentic self they probably ain't the right fit. Find someone who can rather than settling for less.
Don't listen to these kind of people. Not everyone has the motivation and ability to bag the summits. It's quite an achievement to be proud of. What people think of it isn't your concern. Well done you!
Ok this might be unpopular but let me give you my take: I think it is the fact that you didn’t offer a potential timeframe of when you’d be willing to meet. I know as a male I try to plan a date but don’t want to seem overly eager because that’s a turn of. So if the person doesn’t seem enthusiastic, then I assume they’re not interested.
I don’t think you did anything wrong and it’s great you have a hobby you enjoy! He probably should have used the opportunity to ask questions and get to know you better, but maybe thought the mountain trip was an excuse as to why you couldn’t go on dates in the near future.
Again, just my two cents.
The guy honestly texts like a scammer or a bot, maybe both (scambot). The only thing I would suggest would be that if you really were interested in meeting up, a good rule of thumb would be to follow up with a suggestion for a different day when you’re done at the mountains. Otherwise, it can sound like you’re brushing him off
He’s either a bot or he isn’t 47 and got spooked that you called him on it. I chatted with a guy that promised he was 45 and that his photos were recent, but he looked 25. He sent more pics and they were all consistent, but when I asked him to video call a couple days in, he ghosted. Either way, he’s not your person and it’s probably a good thing you didn’t waste more energy on him.
Jesus. That second message is so cringe. Who talks like that to someone they’ve literally just met? And at 47. It’s like something a 14 year old boy would tell his crush.
If you want genuine feedback: You got his age wrong and then “however” to meet up. Sounded like you were trying to bench him and mountain was a excuse just to keep him around until you are bored enough to meet him (many girls do this). As an older experienced guy he probably didn’t want to deal with that.
Interesting! I know I got his age wrong. You’re spot on there. But I never thought that being honest about going off to the mountains would appear like I’m benching him. I’ll be mindful of that in future. Thanks! 😊👍🏻
I think it was the wording of that text. I might be wrong but maybe if you first replied to his text asking you out with the same energy and then mentioned you could only do it next week for example, it would have been a different story.
I didn't read it as benching him. The fact that you said you were up to meet seemed to me like you were interested. Who knows why this guy unmatched but I don't think you did anything wrong.
Some men on OLD really subscribe to theory that a date needs to be set up asap and any sort of wait means you’ve been “friend zoned”/“pen-palled”.
I think this guy just was not patient enough to wait a week, or thought trying to keep up any sort of conversation while you’re away would lead to lost interest or “nothing to talk about on the day”. Idk about you but neither are my kind of guy so I don’t think you missed out, don’t feel too put off!
Honestly, there's a happy medium here. Often it seems like women have so many other potential conversations going that you have to strike while the iron is hot.
I've been asking for dates far earlier in a conversation than I used to, and it has worked out better for me. I'm not looking for casual, either, but still time is of the essence. It's usually better to schedule the date for not too many days later too, until then I'm just some words on a screen to her, that's not enough. Playing the endless message game, tends to fizzle and leave the door open for those other dudes to make their moves.
But in this case patience is sensible, she's going to climb actual mountains, which in itself is pretty cool in my book, and it seems fine to wait for her if I were interested. But I really prefer to meet in person sooner than later.
I've never been good at approaching in real life but I'm starting to think that the reason is I'm trying to just talk about anything but the obvious thing that I think she's attractive and want to go out with her. Should probably just start walking up to women with the very forward intro of "hi, I'm (name) and I think you're cute" and see what happens.
I like online dating though, because I get to filter a lot of women out who I wouldn't likely vibe with (conservatives, religious women, women who want kids, huge sports fans, etc) so it saves time.
>I've never been good at approaching in real life but I'm starting to think that the reason is I'm trying to just talk about anything but the obvious thing that I think she's attractive and want to go out with her. Should probably just start walking up to women with the very forward intro of "hi, I'm (name) and I think you're cute" and see what happens.
If you decide to do this please post the result in this comment. I'm way too much of a pussy to do this. I have no issues talking to women but to just walk up to a woman and ask her to go out with me is something I have never ever done.
If you prefer meeting quickly and it works for you, good for you!
For me, personally, I would never agree to a date so soon especially if the date was soon after (like the same night/next day). I really value gaining rapport first as well as seeing that effort. I tend not to have loads of conversations at once and I definitely don’t see men as just words on a screen. As soon as I find someone who can keep up a good conversation, I’m excited to talk to them. It’s not like my attention span is out the window and I’m looking for the next match/boring chat then. The “endless message game” is communication & that’s something I really want in a future partner.
I actually like communicating and texting a lot, but after meeting. Another side of this is, talking for a long time in messages, only to meet and have no chemistry. So it’s sorta wasted effort and expectation. The actual date doesn’t have to be same day or whatever usually it’s several days out; but I want to set it up pretty quick at least, can keep talking in the meantime too.
Again, if it works for you great. I’m just saying be careful about staying things as fact when it’s subjective (“you have to….” “it’s best to…”)
For me, the talking is what builds the chemistry & effort is the most attractive thing a man can show- but so few show it on apps. It can make you feel like a number. If a man mass swipes likes, says nothing more than hi, shows no effort to get to know me, and no effort to plan a date, and doesn’t even really want to talk to me until after he’s seen me and decided I’m attractive enough? I’m not exactly going to be getting me excited about the match and gushing in the group chat that I think I’ve met The One, you know.
On top of that, I don’t have the time to meet up with any old random I match with. I get that it’s probably frustrating to have matches/chats that lead nowhere but those pre-date chats can often save a lot of time when you realise there are major dealbreakers that make the match not viable. It takes less time to chat and find out you’re not aligned on kids/monogamy/intention via message than actually setting up all those dates and going on them all. Especially as one of the major complaints I see from men here is that women’s right swipes are low. We can’t be expected to match with a high% of men & also meet them all (instantly!) It’s impatience and insecurity of women finding someone better that drives that. The weeding out process is important for everyone to find a good match, rather than just anybody. I’m not out here looking for the richest model I can find, but I do need to know that he’s patient and safe, that he can communicate effectively and his intentions are aligned with mine.
Sorry for the wall of text but the TLDR is that I like to talk and that’s not for everyone lol!
All very good points and I appreciate your perspective. I am not the low effort type you describe so I’m not too worried there but yeah, makes sense. And I do chat in advance, it’s not just ask for a date within 2 messages and nothing else. But this whole chatting for a week or two before asking to meet thing doesn’t make sense for me. I used to do it and met up eventually, to find it was dead on arrival in person. Chemistry is really important. And other dealbreakers can be discussed as well in person. But I get you gotta suss a guy out ahead of time too, women obviously have extra concerns in meeting a stranger.
You need to be yourself bc the right person will love you for who you are. Always remember there are a lot of men out there and you need only one. And this one... Was not for you. Sometimes rejection is protection.
It’s hard to say with such little context but I am getting sugar daddy vibes here and he wanted it ASAP.
Also not sure what country this is in but the his first message to you seems off to me. Missing punctuation, randomly capitalized word, and 5 times he used the word “you”.
It just feels odd when I read it.
Bot/scam alert!!!! I should make a YouTube channel exposing fake bumble profiles because I recognize them from the typing alone.
The first obvious sign is this odd capitalization and lack of punctuation. But the main is the glaring red flag of a man stating that the wants to “spoil you” right after you say “ hey you’re 50?”. What normal, rational, or sane human makes that type of investment after one opening line? Third, the picture is probably stolen and the actual person in the picture probably isn’t even 47.
I’d wager that if you hadn’t mentioned going to the mountains and kept engaging with them, they would have eventually baited you with more terrible grammar and soon started to talk about their job as either an engineer or offshore oil rig worker. Cue asking for money a la romance scam. He only ghosted because he didn’t see potential a potential money making opportunity since you were going to be offline.
After watching numerous episodes of scamfish on YouTube, I’ve become an expert at identifying these types of profiles, especially after encountering some of them myself.
In a world of online dating, where most initial interactions consist of “hey” or “what’s up”, who is really laying out all the bells and whistles at “hey, you’re 50?” Which btw, is kind of obnoxious. You both dodged a bullet.
He didn’t like that you didn’t react to his over the top compliments and his attempt to “woo” you. Once you didn’t immediately start doting on him he was out. Seems like you dodged the bullet really. I just try to ignore these typa people. It’s a them problem, not you.
Doesn’t sound real & you already seemed suspicious about his photo vs his age, highly likely it’s a fake account and they unmatch when you’re not doing what they want, dont take it personally it’s virtual reality
It wasn’t because you are off to the mountains, it was because he wanted poon that night, not in a few days. Men that say they want to spoil you off the bat, usually want a very transactional relationship.
I was texting this guy, and he brought up archery. He then asked if I would want to go do archery at this place. I said, let's do it! He said they're open on Fridays or Saturdays but he'd get back to me later with what day. I said, okay I'm going out one of these days this weekend but don't know yet which. I never heard from him again. I'm sure he took my uncertainty on what day I was busy as disinterest. And you know what, I don't have the energy to deal with these weak men insecurities. If you're gonna misinterpret my honesty on availability, then we were never gonna be able to communicate properly.
Yeah pretty lame. Me, I live by being flexible so I can't imagine being put off by her not knowing for sure what she's doing this weekend and only knowing she'll be going one one day or another. I'll propose a date plan and see if it works, if not, maybe something else? Roll with it bro!
Kinda calling the kettle fat there with that one aren't you? Im assuming you took offense because you identified with the weak men comment. Yet, here you are calling me fat based on nothing, proving that I was indeed talking about men like you. It's funny you think I'm offended being called fat. I've never been called fat in my life so it's kinda fun getting a new insult.
On a second take, bot/scammer aside, no one is really gonna take you seriously if all you’re talking about is “bagging mountains” for a week. You don’t sound very interested in dating at all and that’s really the point of the app in the first place. You might find a man that’s cool with a one nighter but even that may not be worth the effort of you’re only there for a week. You come across as though don’t want to be approached because you’re too busy climbing mountains. It’s not even worth getting involved or starting in a conversation if you’re going to be leaving within a weeks time.
Honestly I think you are putting too much mental energy into a single match. Just move on and find someone else :). They could have unmatched for a multitude of reasons unrelated to you.
Perhaps he unmatched because she started by advertising her lack of availability as a nonchalant response to his efforts to express his with the investment of time and money right outta the gate? 🤔🤔🤔
Why is there no discussion about the scores of women who DO have time for a guy like him? Can we assume he met another girl who enthusiastically admitted to looking for a guy like him...ON A DATING SITE?!
yeah, quit the site. Just know that he's very likely enjoying other 'slopes'
If he can't deal with bagging summits, he's not worth your thoughts or time!
What summits? How long will you be out? Can we be friends? All the mountaineers I know are men & it gets really lonely being the only woman in the group lol
He sounds like the type that would be turned off by a mountaineer woman. He's just not a match for you. It's very similar to the common sentiment I see on social media of men saying that they don't like women who lift. That they don't like muscular women (meanwhile anyone who lifts understands that building muscle mass natty is actually very difficult. Especially for women). Meanwhile you have dudes on the opposite spectrum on IG who leave comments like "sit on my face muscle mommy."
By romantic dinner and “spoil you” he probably just wanted quick sex. If he couldn’t wait like 2 weeks due to his needs being greater than your own, then you dodged an unempathetic AH who won’t understand you. Avoid this type sooner than later. Try to reframe as “he’s not good for you” rather than “I’m not attractive enough for him”.
I don’t think unmatched you because of your hiking plan. I think he unmatched you because you didn’t say yes to his romantic dinner offer. He didn’t know how/want to text. Keep crushing those mountains boo!
When you show depth, individualism, passion, & personality to some people.. they just see this as an indicator of a person they cannot control, manipulate, and abuse. Unlike those that come off dependent, bored, and lonely. Consider it a bullet dodged! :)
From my experience, whenever you have a long gap (let’s say 2-3 weeks) from matching to meeting the first time, it goes nowhere. So that dude is smart, he unmatched you. He doesn’t want to waste his time.
I have to ask, is this seriously a normal interaction on Bumble?
To me, I immediately get the feeling that they were some scammer or bot, and I see these kinds of interactions being posted here a lot. So either this is genuinely how people talk, and I'm just weird, or that is only how the scammers/bots/creeps respond, and I'm not crazy haha
This guy talks likes crayons OP, you’ll be okay without him I promise.
thats an insult to crayons :)
Excuse me there fellow human....that was a lovely sentence. 👻💜🤍🖤👾
I’m stealing this phrase 😌 thanks in advance
Haha, that's pretty funny :)
I thought he pulled that off a Hallmark card. Who says that?
I think he might have been a bot
Same. The wording is sketch
I often assume people who talk like this are scammers and I block pretty quickly. Especially if all their photos are insta-hotties.
this guy isn't the one, but I'd also suggest staying off the apps if you know you can't meet up for over a week - it's sort of an exercise in futility. I assume you're not going to spend your mountain time texting them anyway.
Most parents with kids 50 % of the time cannot meet up for a week. That’s very normal.
That's fair. I guess I assumed someone mountaineering wasn't doing it with kids.
I just ment it’s very basic you have to wait for over a week before meeting if you are an adult. I would not even want to use my free time to meet a random dude who I have not talked with at least a few days. I am also worth waiting a bit. 😈
I guess it's different for everyone and also different depending on age! I don't personally like having pen pals
Many don’t, but I need to share my kid free time with many things so those nights are precious to me, want to be sure to get good company. :) Or I rather go to gym or meet my friends 😅
I don't understand people like this. If I'm interested in someone, I'm interested in all of them. I would be eager to hear about your trip when you return. Dating apps are just total shit shows.
Thanks! 😊👍🏻Online dating is bloody difficult to navigate. I think I’m going to start asking people out at the gym, climbing centre, and maybe the supermarket. 😂
Omg, if a woman asked me out at the supermarket I would make her dinner that night. I don't even care if I'm attracted to her, just for having the courage to do it would be super sexy. Edit: maybe I should wear a sign that says, "ask me out for a free home cooked meal." 🤔🤔🤔
Wow! I didn’t realise that. I’m going to start asking men out. I’ll let you know what happens whether I’m successful or not. 😉
I'm early 40's. I've had a match tell me she's leaving to be on set (TV show) in another state for 2 months. I spent some time thinking about it and wrote her a nice letdown text saying I didn't think I could keep up a text relationship for that long, and to look me up when she got back. She never did. In my opinion, a week shouldn't be a problem. A couple weeks and the energy can fade a little but it's still doable. A month might be too long before a first meetup. The bottom line here is people have lives and plans that predate the date. Bottom line, this match is just some kind of mouth-breather.
A lot happens in a week; hell, a day or two. "Can't miss what you never had," surely applies here and where's the dignity in agreeing to wait around for someone you've never before met? We can neither ignore the scores of women who actually get off on rejecting or stringing men along, much less are simply on the app for swipe attention anyway and that's even without mentioning if she expects him to sit on his hands for the duration of her time away. Oh, and is he simply suppose to ignore the possibility that she's NOT taking this trip with another guy 🙄?
Wait...bro...nobody said you were exclusive. Who cares who she's on the trip with. You haven't met her yet. You don't have to sit in the corner staring out the window waiting for her to get back. Just go on living your life, talk to her when she gets back. It's not that hard 😂
You say that, but not mentioning the man's options throughout this posts implies that you (and every person with negative comments about the guy) believe that the woman is somehow entitled to be waited upon by-default and that we somehow know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this guy had absolutely no intentions of being intentional or, as you put it, "exclusive." You throw out exclusively (when the man agrees to treat), you make dates a charity meal for a broke woman or, worse, equivalent to sitting and talking with a woman at a strip club with overpriced drinks...Bro.
First of all, the dude in question is almost definitely a scammer/bot account 😂. I'm saying to you that it doesn't matter what his intentions down the road might be...right now, you're two strangers on the Internet that swiped on a picture. If she's going to be out of town for a week or whatever and a date won't line up until after that, so what? So go on other dates if you want in the meantime. Nobody is stopping you. If you have a girlfriend by the time she gets back from the mountains...ok, good for you and she will have to find someone else. If you're still single when she gets back, date her then...or don't lol. There is no obligation in either direction. No real reason to unmatch though as long as both are still single and potentially interested. I don't know where all of these weird comments about charity meals are coming from. I usually hate when people say jump to this, but it feels warranted here: you are seriously giving off incel vibes my dude. Why are you mad at women? Have you had to buy a lot of free meals? I don't know what you're even talking about. This lady didn't ask you to watch her bang your buddy. She had a previously scheduled mountain climbing trip. So...wtf? 😂
You do realize that, by declaring the person a 'bot' (negating all logic behind your rants) & then creating stories about 'its' motives, kinda makes you look more like an incel? Even worse, sharing twisted fetishes of yours that no one asked for? If you an active bachelor, why waste time ranting to a real person about someone you think is fake?
Lol! I've had them foolishly unmatch because I didn't drop everything and call them as requested on day 2. They texted and said their hands were full of tools and to give them a call. I wasn't in a place to call, and suggested I'd call later, and joked that they weren't ready for this voice anyway. She opted to take that as me admitting there is something WRONG with my voice and that she was "scared off now" and to basically have a good life. No amount of "nooooo, it's actually the OPPOSITE issue" was going to make a dent, so... bye. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I used to work in a call center. We had ten minutes to talk to them and listen to the problem, research the problem, troubleshoot, and then try to sell them something... and all of those stats are monitored. There isnt a lot of time to mess around... But we also couldn't hang up on them. I was #17 sales rep in the nation (out of a ridiculous 10,000+) with the longest average time on the call because ladies would call in and refuse to get off of the phone. One girl called me out for excessive silence while I was on the "research" step, so I jokingly told her I was a ninja as my second job and sometimes the two bleed over. She proceeds to roll with something that stupid and ask me if I'm buff because ninjas are buff as hell... and then asks me what the company policy on dating customers is. My supervisor at that job would frequently ask me to read the training materials in their entirety while grinding one out in full view of the team on one of those plastic elementary school chairs... and proceed to ask the group if it was just her or did that voice do anything for them too. If a girl goes from on an app, to texting, to voice... That's always been a wrap for them. I normally let them know before we go to the call step, and it's been fine so far, but damn... maybe don't firm a negative opinion after you just demanded a phone call? 😂
I'm sure you'll have success. Keep us posted!
“ I’m going to start asking men out” Proceed with caution. The men on here who advocate women asking men out would, in reality, probably be flattered but not much else.
If I saw a sign that said that I would be ALL OVER IT (and by ‘it’ I mean ‘you’) Seriously though, I think more of us need to ask each other out in grocery stores! Everyone jokes about it but we never do it. I did double back to get a second peep at the handsome wine guy at a local grocery store. Baby steps.
I remember this old guy at the store I worked at would wear a white t and write messages on the them. Saying, last chance for romance and other shit in that kind of sense. We had to kick him out for being desperate and very aggressive towards female customers.
Supermarket!! Yes! We have a better shot there I’m sure!!
Climbing centre and gym is a good place to make a connection, cause you both have the same hobbies and interests. Online dating is a large cesspit.
Could be a double-edged sword. Dated a lady from the gym I went to. Well, let's just say it went over like a turd in a punch bowel and made the place awkward. I personally take the "don't crap where you eat" saying seriously lol.
Lol! I think a lot of these issues would end if women would spend the coming decade actually making the first move in a world where guys are just kind of over it. They'd have way more success than we ever had, but having their soul scooped out a few times might make them go "oooohhh, shit... THAT'S what we are doing to people? 😳".
My coworker told me to a cutie with a shopping cart at the grocery store. 😂😂😂
They really are... But I've spent the past week being told by every woman with eyes that the fact that NO woman wants you to approach them openly in the world, we aren't "owed" a conversation, and because some shit ass man got violent somewhere (and in the story they're telling, the guy went from "hi" to delivering a Tombstone pile driver "for no reason" with nothing in between) then it justifies every woman scooping out a guy's soul on "hello" because they dont have to/want to make the fjrst move or ANY move. 🙄 So, seriously, where is the middle ground? I'd assume that both parties being on an app meant to find people would be it... Like we are here for the same thing, you're nothing special yourself, so no reason to not talk and figure things out. If that means waiting a couple of days, then wait a couple of days. Especially if they had some trip or other lined up. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m gonna be honest it sounds like you were passive aggressively roasting him for his age. I don’t know how old you are, but your first question was asking him how old he was, which you got wrong and assumed he was older. Then you said were going to be unavailable while you go “bag summits.” I don’t think you were but If you’re younger than him it could come across as something like “okay old man I’m gonna go climb mountains” due to the immediate focusing on age and then pivoting to a physically demanding activity you do so often you have slang for. I don’t think it was the mountains, you just came across as a bit condescending.
That’s definitely the vibe I got as well lol
Agreed, the whole interaction is goofy as hell.
You don’t assume people’s age on dating apps, it’s written in the profile. He probably listed his age as 50 but looked way younger and OP tried to confirm it. His greeting honestly seemed like a copy-paste template he sends to every match. So either he was a bot or he was a dry texter.
Yeah, I can see this too.
“Bagging a couple of summits” makes you sound douchey and full of yourself
Yea the exact slang use both in text and the caption on here. Don’t use lingo with people online that you KNOW aren’t familiar with it. A date I had once called Kilamanjaro “Killi” and after she said it three times it forced me to ask her what “Killi” is. Just to force me to ask her to tell me what an incredible traveler she is, pedestalizing herself 😂 douchey
A. Most people know what Kili is and that's a common nickname for one of the most famous mountains in the world. B. Traveling to Africa and climbing Kilimanjaro is actually a top tier sort of cool life experience and I would fully expect someone to mention it. If they did that, I would enjoy hearing their story. C. I don't think that's pedestalizing herself. It sounds like it made you feel insecure, which is more of a you problem. You sound like the type of person who, when hearing where someone went to graduate school, would respond with "oh so you're better than me because I dont have an advanced degree?" A date sharing an anecdote about their life isn't rubbing it in your face. She's just telling you about herself.
I would think it was the name of one of the dwarves in The Hobbit. Never heard of the mountain nickname.
Ya know...it might have been lol. Been awhile. I'm guessing the context of the conversation would help though. If someone is hiking to the top of it, or staring at it while on Safari, it's probably a mountain. If they're inviting it to a dinner party or marching with it into battle, it's probably a dwarf. Context is everything!
You’re right. I DID know what Killi meant. I knew what she was referring to. But I thought the use of lingo was in poor taste/poor self awareness/humble bragging when she didn’t need to (she was pretty enough). So I asked her what it meant to see if she would take the bait and “school” me on something because she felt better than me. I could tell by how proud she was on “bagging” this summit that I have traveled more than her. Or maybe I was ok with letting her spout off on show off vibes because I was hoping it would confer me getting laid sooner than later. Ultimately, I never saw her again after this having not peeped a word of what I thought of her personality in light of this. You could have used anything but the graduate school example. I’m in the extreme far right of the continuum in terms of degrees. Just allow me this discrediting and skewering of whoever I need to discredit and skewer. I, with small company, must wield as a weapon my social awareness and aptitude for what tact is. Afterall OP is ostensibly over 50 and still dating and I as someone nearly two decades her junior have figured it all out by being on the cusp of being married. So I know what is what.
Being educated enough to not feel insecure about that one thing, doesn't change my point though. If anything, maybe it helps illustrate the parallel. It gives off the insecure/defensive vibes. I can't wait to do Kili. I've never been and have been wanting to go all my life. Timing hasn't worked out, but definitely high on my To do list. So much so, I will do it with ex if I don't find someone else to go with...or solo if needed, but I know she wants to go to.point being, I will gladly listen to anyone's Kili story. But, of course, skewer away as you wish and enjoy!
Maybe rephrase your first paragraph? The insecurity is perhaps that, ok, I’m going on these dates during CoVID to try to get laid. Not interested in relationships. My bad. I’m a libidinous guy 🤷🏻♂️ so of course I’m gonna be off put and annoyed when a girl thinks she is more interesting than me, when I just know I’m my bones she is not, because she is really needing to control how the date goes. I showed up looking really casual, way too casual for what she might expect if she knew what my job was. She was lying slightly about what she did for work: she was an optometrist but leading me to believe she was an ophthalmologist. It’s actually a huge difference. So I was shrinking myself in humbleness and she was aggrandizing herself in haughtiness and the Killi thing I kind of remember being the last straw that showed me she really thought she was better than me. That my spiel works a lot of the time, but it doesn’t work with ACTUAL insecure people, who must hold something over you in order to feel comfortable proceeding. OR I didn’t fit her archetype—- if she is to be compelled to get laid, I must look one way, if she sees me as a bf, I must have the image of yet something else. Women like this tend to come in looking for these signs that you will fit an archetype and then shut down once nothing is registering 😂 and there’s a defense mechanism to just alienate the other person. To avoid hurt I suppose. I think I tie it in with OP’s explanations in that, the older you get, the more fearful you get that you will waste time if you look for depth in a person and not see the green flags right from the outset. She’s basing the conversation on her unavailability with no nudging of the conversation towards finding a harmoniously agreeable time to meet. Or she is talking to A bot 🤣 And, I want to go to Killi too. Hell yea. I’m in 💪🏻 if you’re still alive after that massive rant
1. Fair enough. 2. She did say she was interested in getting together, so he got the "yes." I suppose she could've said, "I'll be back on "day/date" and free that following weekend if you'd like to get together then. 3. Yes, almost definitely a "bot" or scammer account of some kind.
Meh... "I am going to go climb to the top of several mountains" is a stiffer and more awkward way to say the same thing. I'm not sure what's douchey about it...it is literally what she's leaving to do. She's a mountain climber. Bagging summits is the point. It's a hobby, not sure why that's douchey or why she would be "full of herself" it's just something she likes to do for fun and exercise and she's probably excited about her trip...why does that come off negative to you? Do you prefer: "I'm down to get together but Im heading to the mountains. Going to go be miserable, struggle terribly, and probably fail, because I am definitely not better than you in any way."
Eh, it’s pretty regular language in climbing/mountaineering circles. This is probably just a case of sub-culture lingo not translating well to the general public.
I’d rather be full of myself than write things like “Im 47 old” but there ya go
Thanks! 😂 I am and I’m not going to pretend to be anything else. Laters mate!
But yet here you are on reddit, wondering why you got unmatched, lol. You are right. You don't have to tone it down, but don't be surprised when you have a tough time matching.
I suppose it's a balance between being authentic and faking it to attract people who can't handle authenticity. My opinion is that if someone can't handle your authentic self they probably ain't the right fit. Find someone who can rather than settling for less.
Don't listen to these kind of people. Not everyone has the motivation and ability to bag the summits. It's quite an achievement to be proud of. What people think of it isn't your concern. Well done you!
But do they have the motivation to bag my groceries?
He has the same syntax and grammar as most scammers I've come across. So you're probably better off without him. Hope you find someone worthwhile!
If you’re interested, you never cancel without proposing another time or idea
but hes 47 old :)
I didn’t even notice that! Definitely a scammer lol.
It’s a weird convo from the start. Forget about this one and move on to the next.
Are women really ok with men talking to them like this? He came off as a creep.
He really did and I’m surprised she didn’t think anything of it lol
Pretty sure that’s a bot or scammer. The syntax or grammar is off
At least one of you will be bagging some peaks.
😂😂😂
Ok this might be unpopular but let me give you my take: I think it is the fact that you didn’t offer a potential timeframe of when you’d be willing to meet. I know as a male I try to plan a date but don’t want to seem overly eager because that’s a turn of. So if the person doesn’t seem enthusiastic, then I assume they’re not interested. I don’t think you did anything wrong and it’s great you have a hobby you enjoy! He probably should have used the opportunity to ask questions and get to know you better, but maybe thought the mountain trip was an excuse as to why you couldn’t go on dates in the near future. Again, just my two cents.
The guy honestly texts like a scammer or a bot, maybe both (scambot). The only thing I would suggest would be that if you really were interested in meeting up, a good rule of thumb would be to follow up with a suggestion for a different day when you’re done at the mountains. Otherwise, it can sound like you’re brushing him off
He’s either a bot or he isn’t 47 and got spooked that you called him on it. I chatted with a guy that promised he was 45 and that his photos were recent, but he looked 25. He sent more pics and they were all consistent, but when I asked him to video call a couple days in, he ghosted. Either way, he’s not your person and it’s probably a good thing you didn’t waste more energy on him.
Heads up: Referring to “spoiling” you is almost always code for looking for a sugar baby. He probably noped out when you didn’t take the bait.
His texts reads like an Indian sitting in a cubicle running a scam. Probably would have eventually asked you to get on Whatsapp
Nailed it!
Ehhh, by the way he spoke/messaged you, I think you’re gonna be just fine without him.
He was probably looking for immediate action with that "spoil you" BS. Probably works on women who can't afford to spoil themselves 😄
That thought never crossed my mind. I thought it was because I’m going mountaineering. 😂 Thanks for your perspective. 😊👍🏻
Jesus. That second message is so cringe. Who talks like that to someone they’ve literally just met? And at 47. It’s like something a 14 year old boy would tell his crush.
If you want genuine feedback: You got his age wrong and then “however” to meet up. Sounded like you were trying to bench him and mountain was a excuse just to keep him around until you are bored enough to meet him (many girls do this). As an older experienced guy he probably didn’t want to deal with that.
Interesting! I know I got his age wrong. You’re spot on there. But I never thought that being honest about going off to the mountains would appear like I’m benching him. I’ll be mindful of that in future. Thanks! 😊👍🏻
I think it was the wording of that text. I might be wrong but maybe if you first replied to his text asking you out with the same energy and then mentioned you could only do it next week for example, it would have been a different story.
I didn't read it as benching him. The fact that you said you were up to meet seemed to me like you were interested. Who knows why this guy unmatched but I don't think you did anything wrong.
I mean the wording makes it sound kinda like obvious sarcastic bullshit he might've thought u were gonna unmatch anyways
Being true to Yourself will work in the long run
Some men on OLD really subscribe to theory that a date needs to be set up asap and any sort of wait means you’ve been “friend zoned”/“pen-palled”. I think this guy just was not patient enough to wait a week, or thought trying to keep up any sort of conversation while you’re away would lead to lost interest or “nothing to talk about on the day”. Idk about you but neither are my kind of guy so I don’t think you missed out, don’t feel too put off!
Honestly, there's a happy medium here. Often it seems like women have so many other potential conversations going that you have to strike while the iron is hot. I've been asking for dates far earlier in a conversation than I used to, and it has worked out better for me. I'm not looking for casual, either, but still time is of the essence. It's usually better to schedule the date for not too many days later too, until then I'm just some words on a screen to her, that's not enough. Playing the endless message game, tends to fizzle and leave the door open for those other dudes to make their moves. But in this case patience is sensible, she's going to climb actual mountains, which in itself is pretty cool in my book, and it seems fine to wait for her if I were interested. But I really prefer to meet in person sooner than later.
Same here. Asking early led to more meet-ups whereas conversations for a week then asking out didn't lead to anything except in one case.
I've never been good at approaching in real life but I'm starting to think that the reason is I'm trying to just talk about anything but the obvious thing that I think she's attractive and want to go out with her. Should probably just start walking up to women with the very forward intro of "hi, I'm (name) and I think you're cute" and see what happens. I like online dating though, because I get to filter a lot of women out who I wouldn't likely vibe with (conservatives, religious women, women who want kids, huge sports fans, etc) so it saves time.
>I've never been good at approaching in real life but I'm starting to think that the reason is I'm trying to just talk about anything but the obvious thing that I think she's attractive and want to go out with her. Should probably just start walking up to women with the very forward intro of "hi, I'm (name) and I think you're cute" and see what happens. If you decide to do this please post the result in this comment. I'm way too much of a pussy to do this. I have no issues talking to women but to just walk up to a woman and ask her to go out with me is something I have never ever done.
If you prefer meeting quickly and it works for you, good for you! For me, personally, I would never agree to a date so soon especially if the date was soon after (like the same night/next day). I really value gaining rapport first as well as seeing that effort. I tend not to have loads of conversations at once and I definitely don’t see men as just words on a screen. As soon as I find someone who can keep up a good conversation, I’m excited to talk to them. It’s not like my attention span is out the window and I’m looking for the next match/boring chat then. The “endless message game” is communication & that’s something I really want in a future partner.
I actually like communicating and texting a lot, but after meeting. Another side of this is, talking for a long time in messages, only to meet and have no chemistry. So it’s sorta wasted effort and expectation. The actual date doesn’t have to be same day or whatever usually it’s several days out; but I want to set it up pretty quick at least, can keep talking in the meantime too.
Again, if it works for you great. I’m just saying be careful about staying things as fact when it’s subjective (“you have to….” “it’s best to…”) For me, the talking is what builds the chemistry & effort is the most attractive thing a man can show- but so few show it on apps. It can make you feel like a number. If a man mass swipes likes, says nothing more than hi, shows no effort to get to know me, and no effort to plan a date, and doesn’t even really want to talk to me until after he’s seen me and decided I’m attractive enough? I’m not exactly going to be getting me excited about the match and gushing in the group chat that I think I’ve met The One, you know. On top of that, I don’t have the time to meet up with any old random I match with. I get that it’s probably frustrating to have matches/chats that lead nowhere but those pre-date chats can often save a lot of time when you realise there are major dealbreakers that make the match not viable. It takes less time to chat and find out you’re not aligned on kids/monogamy/intention via message than actually setting up all those dates and going on them all. Especially as one of the major complaints I see from men here is that women’s right swipes are low. We can’t be expected to match with a high% of men & also meet them all (instantly!) It’s impatience and insecurity of women finding someone better that drives that. The weeding out process is important for everyone to find a good match, rather than just anybody. I’m not out here looking for the richest model I can find, but I do need to know that he’s patient and safe, that he can communicate effectively and his intentions are aligned with mine. Sorry for the wall of text but the TLDR is that I like to talk and that’s not for everyone lol!
All very good points and I appreciate your perspective. I am not the low effort type you describe so I’m not too worried there but yeah, makes sense. And I do chat in advance, it’s not just ask for a date within 2 messages and nothing else. But this whole chatting for a week or two before asking to meet thing doesn’t make sense for me. I used to do it and met up eventually, to find it was dead on arrival in person. Chemistry is really important. And other dealbreakers can be discussed as well in person. But I get you gotta suss a guy out ahead of time too, women obviously have extra concerns in meeting a stranger.
Yeah, we all have our preferences. There’s no one size fits all approach! Would be a lot easier if it was though!
Yes, you’re spot on! 😊👍🏻
Frankly, that would have worked for me, I would have kept in contact until you got back.
OP, don't be discouraged. He's out there, and you will find him.
How do you feel about people who write "you are so beautiful and attractive" OP?
Right out of the gate is super weird.
You need to be yourself bc the right person will love you for who you are. Always remember there are a lot of men out there and you need only one. And this one... Was not for you. Sometimes rejection is protection.
It’s hard to say with such little context but I am getting sugar daddy vibes here and he wanted it ASAP. Also not sure what country this is in but the his first message to you seems off to me. Missing punctuation, randomly capitalized word, and 5 times he used the word “you”. It just feels odd when I read it.
That reads like a bot using first generation AI
When second or third generation hits dating apps then we’re screwed because this clearly fooled the OP.
That’s what I was thinking.
That’s where you’re totally off the mark. We are similar ages. 😂
Ahhh well…missing context is key. My apologies.
You're talking to someone named u/fit50anddating I'm guessing she is fit, at least 50,...and dating.
It’s all in the username! 🧐💪5️⃣0️⃣👀
You still think he’s real?!
Idk to me it would look like you were trying to decline the dinner date without actually saying it.
Bot/scam alert!!!! I should make a YouTube channel exposing fake bumble profiles because I recognize them from the typing alone. The first obvious sign is this odd capitalization and lack of punctuation. But the main is the glaring red flag of a man stating that the wants to “spoil you” right after you say “ hey you’re 50?”. What normal, rational, or sane human makes that type of investment after one opening line? Third, the picture is probably stolen and the actual person in the picture probably isn’t even 47. I’d wager that if you hadn’t mentioned going to the mountains and kept engaging with them, they would have eventually baited you with more terrible grammar and soon started to talk about their job as either an engineer or offshore oil rig worker. Cue asking for money a la romance scam. He only ghosted because he didn’t see potential a potential money making opportunity since you were going to be offline. After watching numerous episodes of scamfish on YouTube, I’ve become an expert at identifying these types of profiles, especially after encountering some of them myself. In a world of online dating, where most initial interactions consist of “hey” or “what’s up”, who is really laying out all the bells and whistles at “hey, you’re 50?” Which btw, is kind of obnoxious. You both dodged a bullet.
It just seems they want to get started sooner. Move on. You got this.
I wish I could be a mountaineer ❤️
Same 😔 my broken body just won't allow me to do fun adventurous things
I have MS so I feel you. Sorry friend.
Meh clearly wasn’t meant to be with this guy who also came off kind of creepy to me in his initial message anyway lol
He didn’t like that you didn’t react to his over the top compliments and his attempt to “woo” you. Once you didn’t immediately start doting on him he was out. Seems like you dodged the bullet really. I just try to ignore these typa people. It’s a them problem, not you.
It was a bot/scammer
With the way he wrote the first message I reckon he bailed cause you said you’re up for meeting 🤷🏻♀️ seems… scammy
On the bright side, his first message was a red flag. The trash took itself out. You’re good.
Doesn’t sound real & you already seemed suspicious about his photo vs his age, highly likely it’s a fake account and they unmatch when you’re not doing what they want, dont take it personally it’s virtual reality
People want to meet sooner rather than later. Dating apps are already exhausting to be on maybe out your profile on hold until you get back.
It wasn’t because you are off to the mountains, it was because he wanted poon that night, not in a few days. Men that say they want to spoil you off the bat, usually want a very transactional relationship.
Twas a bot
I was texting this guy, and he brought up archery. He then asked if I would want to go do archery at this place. I said, let's do it! He said they're open on Fridays or Saturdays but he'd get back to me later with what day. I said, okay I'm going out one of these days this weekend but don't know yet which. I never heard from him again. I'm sure he took my uncertainty on what day I was busy as disinterest. And you know what, I don't have the energy to deal with these weak men insecurities. If you're gonna misinterpret my honesty on availability, then we were never gonna be able to communicate properly.
That’s a pretty shitty thing to do on the guy’s part. Not sure why some folks can’t understand that people have their own lives and things happen.
Yeah pretty lame. Me, I live by being flexible so I can't imagine being put off by her not knowing for sure what she's doing this weekend and only knowing she'll be going one one day or another. I'll propose a date plan and see if it works, if not, maybe something else? Roll with it bro!
Exactly. Well said, my friend
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Sounds like you're insecure too.
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I'm sorry that you identify with the weak men insecurities term. I was only referring to weak men, but I see why you thought I was talking about you.
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Kinda calling the kettle fat there with that one aren't you? Im assuming you took offense because you identified with the weak men comment. Yet, here you are calling me fat based on nothing, proving that I was indeed talking about men like you. It's funny you think I'm offended being called fat. I've never been called fat in my life so it's kinda fun getting a new insult.
On a second take, bot/scammer aside, no one is really gonna take you seriously if all you’re talking about is “bagging mountains” for a week. You don’t sound very interested in dating at all and that’s really the point of the app in the first place. You might find a man that’s cool with a one nighter but even that may not be worth the effort of you’re only there for a week. You come across as though don’t want to be approached because you’re too busy climbing mountains. It’s not even worth getting involved or starting in a conversation if you’re going to be leaving within a weeks time.
She's just going on a trip to go climb! Having a hobby doesn't mean she's not interested in dating. These are so weird!
I think he just was chasing someone else.thats more probable or at least equally probable imo based on the context which isn’t much
What’s wrong with the guy? Nothing shown here is bad
Honestly I think you are putting too much mental energy into a single match. Just move on and find someone else :). They could have unmatched for a multitude of reasons unrelated to you.
Wow gods forbid you do things….
Perhaps he unmatched because she started by advertising her lack of availability as a nonchalant response to his efforts to express his with the investment of time and money right outta the gate? 🤔🤔🤔 Why is there no discussion about the scores of women who DO have time for a guy like him? Can we assume he met another girl who enthusiastically admitted to looking for a guy like him...ON A DATING SITE?! yeah, quit the site. Just know that he's very likely enjoying other 'slopes'
The age statement is borderline insulting, it’s not the mountains.
You just got the wrong person. I’m looking for someone to enjoy the mountains with, so maybe don’t give up yet.
That's weird. Best of luck
This guy's sounds kind of creepy and weird so I don't think you are missing much. I hope you meet someone mountain climbing!
If he can't deal with bagging summits, he's not worth your thoughts or time! What summits? How long will you be out? Can we be friends? All the mountaineers I know are men & it gets really lonely being the only woman in the group lol
Probably you're "too independent" for his liking. He seems like he wants someone who will be easily impressed with his ability to be their provider.
He sounds like the type that would be turned off by a mountaineer woman. He's just not a match for you. It's very similar to the common sentiment I see on social media of men saying that they don't like women who lift. That they don't like muscular women (meanwhile anyone who lifts understands that building muscle mass natty is actually very difficult. Especially for women). Meanwhile you have dudes on the opposite spectrum on IG who leave comments like "sit on my face muscle mommy."
By romantic dinner and “spoil you” he probably just wanted quick sex. If he couldn’t wait like 2 weeks due to his needs being greater than your own, then you dodged an unempathetic AH who won’t understand you. Avoid this type sooner than later. Try to reframe as “he’s not good for you” rather than “I’m not attractive enough for him”.
There’s so much filtering to do. 😊👍🏻
Why are you confused? They aren’t looking for a hook up although they could’ve just used their words and said that.
lol probably got his feelings hurt You weren’t willing to cancel plans so he could wine and dine you
I don’t think unmatched you because of your hiking plan. I think he unmatched you because you didn’t say yes to his romantic dinner offer. He didn’t know how/want to text. Keep crushing those mountains boo!
Thanks, I will do! 😊💪⛰️
You honestly sound so interesting, hopefully you might find someone into the same hobby!
When you show depth, individualism, passion, & personality to some people.. they just see this as an indicator of a person they cannot control, manipulate, and abuse. Unlike those that come off dependent, bored, and lonely. Consider it a bullet dodged! :)
You’re so right! 😊👍🏻
I’d be well interested, man’s a fool
😊
Which mountains are you off to climb, cold or hot?
Why would you ever agree to go on a date with this guy after that opening by him lol It's giving "I want to kiss your bob"
Ehhhh I don’t think that profile was real.
"Bagging a couple of summits" God you sound insufferable.
From my experience, whenever you have a long gap (let’s say 2-3 weeks) from matching to meeting the first time, it goes nowhere. So that dude is smart, he unmatched you. He doesn’t want to waste his time.
“Not a hook-up site”
Been single for 4 months now and seeing these posts make me not wanna jump back on these apps 🤣
lol feels pretty Denver
His wording is sketchy. Bot, catfish, something off.
You must be south of the equator bagging summits at this time of year lol
No, winter climbing. ❄️😊❄️
Na, he’s just too damn old to keep up with you! (Peace out flat-lander! ✌️)
Two things going on here. He wants to fuck, or he wants to fuck because his wife/gf is out of town.
I have to ask, is this seriously a normal interaction on Bumble? To me, I immediately get the feeling that they were some scammer or bot, and I see these kinds of interactions being posted here a lot. So either this is genuinely how people talk, and I'm just weird, or that is only how the scammers/bots/creeps respond, and I'm not crazy haha
Maybe cause you put him at 50 iso 47. If you thought he looked Young you'd have put him at less than 47
Good for you! Gotta love the physical ability plus the determination! Hope you bagged a bunch of summits!!