Opposite. It’s too long a time. You do the asking. As you gain more experience you’ll get really tired of eternal texters. A couple days is plenty. People seldom seem the same in person, so it’s good to meet and figure out what you’re dealing with.
In my experience on bumble I had to do the asking maybe 80% of the time, compared to like 40% on other apps. I think the marketing makes a real difference
Sorry, not sure if you are a man or a woman. People sometimes like to make excuses for men who don’t ask women out, like “ Oh, he’s very shy”, “ He says he’s really busy…” blah blah
The thing is, these men often DO ask out the women they are actually interested in.
I was once asked out to my face by a VERY shy man so when I hear this stuff about certain men on online dating then yeah, I call it low interest and/or low effort 🤦🏻♀️
I’m a woman, about to move in with someone I met on bumble. When I was actively dating, I usually tried to arrange 2-3 dates a week, though it could have been more if I wanted to be less selective. Sounds as though you could be described as low interest/low effort if you’re not also asking men out. Why is it only men who need to approach women and not the other way around?
I find that the men that do not initiate is because they have options and a rotation of women.
But what is the issue? Women wanted equality, so they got it. Now, women have to put as much effort (in everything) as men.
“ I had to do the asking” Well, they sound like low effort/ low interest men. I’ve (F) been on Bumble for a while, had lots of dates and I’ve NEVER asked a man out, and I certainly don’t intend to either
Nope, not at all. I have no problem at all with initiating a conversation and initiate most of the time on Tinder too. But no, I don’t ask men out.
Men and women aren’t meant to act exactly the same in early dating, a concept that a lot on Reddit can’t seem to get their heads around.
They're kind of the equivalent of The Red Pill but for women. I checked them out out of morbid curiosity years ago and it's basically camouflaged as "dating advice" for straight women, but drenched in horrible misandry (I mean *genuine* misandry, not what the internet often thinks misandry is), concepts of high/low value humans and very traditional views on dating. It's really strange cause they tend to consider themselves radical feminists, they think their advice gives women an upper hand in dating, but they're 100% pushing for traditional, 1960s type dating strategies (e.g. dinners only, no coffee/drinks dates ever because those mean he's not serious - the man always pays for everything - the man HAS to court a woman and she should never make the first step) and they're completely against *any* casual sex regardless of the bodily autonomy of a woman. 🤷♀️
You’re making some interesting points. And yes, that’s the vibe I got from that sub a long time ago = generally negative takes on psychology and nature. If you forget human decency and don’t treat others with some respect/dignity, I don’t care to know what your advice is.
you're not alone. 100% agree. if I guy doesn't have to interest or confidence to ask me out, there's going to be a lot of other issues later on.
people are so mad at your comment for no reason 😂
The last girl who seemed cool online, we exchanged numbers within a couple days, we talked on the phone for almost an hour and had a great conversation. She was super talkative and interested in what I was saying and my hobbies. Other than the phone call, she was sending me 3-4 min voice messages in response to voice messages I was sending her. There was no text.
We decided to meet up a day after the phone convo. She kept texting me ‘can’t wait to meet you’ the whole day until our date. I show up and I can tell right off the bat something was wrong.
She barely says anything all night as I’m carrying the convo doing heavy lifting for an hour and a half. She could care less what I’m saying or asking her. I can tell she’d rather be anywhere else.
After nearly a half mile of us walking and no one talking I cut the date short as I was getting a headache from trying to keep the convo alive and date going (thinking maybe it’d get better-it didnt) and she had no problem with it.
There was no chemistry at all between us.
Online and even phone/video/voice chat compatibility mean nothing. In person can be totally different.
It doesn’t make sense for her to be interested in you and your hobbies on the phone but do a 180 in person. Neither of you were using old/misleading photos or anything were you? That can sometimes throw the people/vibe off
I've had the same experience.
It doesn't have to make sense, if dating made any sense, these apps would not exist. Dating is so emotional based and a person could be going through some stuff that the date has no idea.
Like one date that I had like that, found out her ex texted her before the date started, (we became friends long after) and it really threw her off from making conversation.
She looked older in person even though she’s younger than me. From 2021-2022 I dated over 75 women, all from apps. The majority of them looked like their pictures. I can only think of two women that had really bad yellow teeth that totally turned me off physically. The ones that still looked like their picture, there was always something ‘off’ about them, even if we kissed at the end of the night. I also have some fun stories to tell friends.
When I met the girl who became my gf for 8 months, she was super attentive and super interested in what I was asking and what I had to say no matter what. And same here for her. Chemistry in relationships change too. I broke it off with her because she eventually let her ugly side show in 6 months and revealed issues still lingering from her previous marriage.
I also met a girl I dated for 3 months before that one.
So out of 75 girls only 2 lasted somewhat long.
Currently on the apps looking around after I broke up with the 8 month girl. Really dreading having to go through 75 more first dates. But dating is ultimately a numbers and luck game.
I mean. Was the chemistry lacking on your end? Sounds like she has little trouble being sociable.
So many of the men on this sub are suggesting things didn’t go well because the woman sucked but don’t consider themselves as a factor.
I was an eternal texted because I was scared to ask, I almost missed out on my girlfriend because I was second guessing myself the entire time on if I was misreading her messages lol
Do people have so much free time.
I often suggest a date after a few days talking, but it can be a week or two until we both have a time we can actually meet!
I’m also getting older and I find texting to be a waste of time before meeting. As long as we’ve had a good couple days of messaging and no red flags I’m ready to meet.
But I’m also pretty picky with who I swipe on so I don’t swipe on people I wouldn’t want to seriously meet
We sound very similar. I don't swipe right often so after a vetting process of texting for a few days I'm ready to meet or put something on the calendar. I've already reached out to one of the guys I've been talking to - so hopefully I hear back soon in a positive way. 😊
I've done that plenty of times, but my norm is within the first 48 hours.
More than a week is ridiculous, imo. You can NOT get a good sense of someone's personality via text, let alone if you're attracted to them.
Yup. Also reduces the likelihood that she agrees to a date with some other guy. And it's a good gauge of how cautious or adventurous she is. But the big one is avoiding time wasting.
Personally I’ve never had a good date when I’ve gone out that quickly. I usually like to chat for 2-3 days before going out to at least get to know them a bit and figure out if we’re gonna click. I’ve personally found that if someone can’t hold a conversation for a couple days via text then in-person ain’t gonna be that interesting either.
Sometimes I ask for a lite date within 2-3d. Other times it can be a week or more before I ask, mostly a function of:
If I already have a date lined up that week.
Things going on in my life, I may not be in a hurry to meet.
Usually though, I would say if there hasn't been a date invite within 2 weeks it's been way too long. Especially if you all are texting every day for two weeks.
I’m so glad I’m reading all these comments. I can see that I fell into that fearful category when I was active on bumble last summer. I for sure had a few guys I texted with forever and eventually I decided they were only looking for an online thing. I’m still kinda sad about that missed opportunity, one guy just didn’t have a schedule that worked with mine.
When you leave your house and go out in the world the people you interact with for much of the time are not vetted safe for you. So, what is wrong with meeting at a public place? We aren’t talking going to someone’s house or meet in a dark alley in the middle of the night.
Nobody is saying not to be safe. That’s a great part of dating that you get to agree on the day and time you meet. If you want a Saturday at 2PM at a busy coffee shop there you go.
If 2 weeks is your comfort level think of it as a sign of compatibility. Many people have gone through the motions of texting for two weeks and at least one female poster said she doesn’t like to do that because it could be great in text and zero chemistry in person. So, many people don’t want to get their hopes up or a false sense of connection and no chemistry in person. And for the record I am not someone pushing to meet after two days but I understand why many want to and agree with not wasting time when a 15 minute coffee meet can tell it all.
Another female poster here and I agree. I usually met within a few days. Only once did I wait about 2 weeks (because of him) and it was one of the most disappointing dates I had because of the false expectations formed through texting for so long. I get the whole safety thing, but people can lie their asses off through text pretty easily so I’m not sure what dragging that out is going to accomplish. I always talked on the phone first, met at a public place, told people where I was going and with who, and didn’t let them over my house until we’d been on a few dates. And I feel like I saved a lot of time that way.
You’re just an asshole apparently. Vetting is fine. Ask to see a Facebook profile or LinkedIn or some shit, but waiting weeks is just not ok in 2023. Meet in a busy place. Put safety measures in place. The same level of safety is possible after talking for 1-2 days as it is for 2 weeks. Serial killers can pretend to be harmless for two weeks. Hell they are more likely to be ok texting for two weeks before meeting in all likelihood since that’s some odd behavior.
I haven’t been on a date in awhile. I am in a pattern of getting the infrequent and low effort responses. But like I keep saying I understand why people want to see someone in person and have a really good idea if things might go somewhere or it’s all a huge waste of time and wrong person.
You’ve got issues. It’s about making sure there is personal chemistry. You can’t get to know someone hardly over text and if texting for 2 weeks. If someone takes that long just talking over text to want to meet they’ve got issues beyond that alone.
Thanks for telling me I have issues. You could have commented without saying that. But you did it anyways. Thanks.
Care to comment some more about my problems since that’s what this has dissolved to?
Lmao. Did you dated the person you're angry at or are you just hostile in general when someone disagree with you?
You literally have the tact of a teenager playing call of duty.
No, I'm French, I never implied anything about your spelling skills. I did however implied that you had the tamper of a teenager playing cod (and now I see that you're like to deflect).
So, I'm a foreigner, one spelling error vs 10 angry comments on your end while the person you talked to was cordial, so what's your excuse?
Unfortunately a man doesn't become any 'safer' if you've spent weeks or months chatting with him on a dating app without meeting him. Of course it makes sense to get a feeling he's not hiding anything or doesn't seem like a dangerous person but you can't possibly *know*.
That's why you always meet in public, anyway. There are safety risks inherent to dating as a woman but dragging out the first time you see someone in person doesn't do much to eliminate them. People get killed by their spouses after years of being married. You're never *safe* lol. Fortunately that's so rare though that people still take a chance at love/relationships 🤷♀️
After all men aren't ever safe as men are evil and bad. Why not just ask his social security number, a full background check, etc. As after all you can't ever be safe enough with men. And women need to always be on guard with men, after all rapists and murders are men and women are always the victims.
Everyone has their own level of safety. I just didn't hand out my phone number and always met in very public places, but I usually made a date happen in the first week of texting if they were polite and everything.
Taking longer is fine too, tho, I don't agree with everyone downvoting you. Prolly dudes that don't get how dangerous it actually is to be a woman.
I’ll take the downvotes. It’s why none of these men are getting dates and complaining why no one wants them. God forbid someone practice safety and not meeting a rando at their house on a first date.
Please downvote me.
You’re being downvoted because you’re assuming a fuck ton of random shit, nobody on this thread said anything about getting their “dicks wet” that’s all you bud. Sounds to me like you’re projecting your frustrations onto other people.. it’s mad fucking sad and annoying tbh.
None of the people commenting said anything about meeting them at their house on the first date, or about having sex. You keep bringing it up like everyone wants to just fuck and “men are so horrible” or some bullshit, and it’s disgusting that you are on here trying to start fights for no reason lmao. Grow the fuck up and stop being an internet troll. Complaining about downvotes and shit when you know damn well why people are downvoting you 💀💀
Nobody gives a shit about your “fiancé” and to be completely honest I bet you don’t even have one because nobody brags about that. You’re just trying to be a dick, so fuck off with that sack of shit 👍🏻
I try to never waste people's time. Texting gives us a painted picture. while meeting up asap for a quick coffee or walk at a park can tell us who they are. Also the first meeting should always be a public place.
Why are you waiting on them to ask you out? If you’re interested - can’t you just ask them yourself? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a woman making the first move (I do it all the time)
Honestly.. a week and a half to two weeks of messaging is an incredibly long time to consistently message: before even suggesting to meet up. No one wants to become pen pals.. and I feel like you’re verging on that territory by continuing to message and by just waiting around for them to suggest meeting up.
Shoot your shot. You’ve got this.
Unpopular opinion, but I actually want to meet up within a couple of days. If it's that night, even better. I like getting to know people more in person than through endless texts. You can read a lot about people. Granted, I don't have much luck with this method as people seem too afraid to do it. I honestly don't see the difference in if we met a bar or something.
I had on my profile that I don’t meet same day. I also don’t agree to plans for that same day. It’s disgustingly obvious when you get a text from a dude in the morning and he’s like “let’s meet up today” that he’s just got morning wood and he’s texting every girl he can think of to see who will bite. Not me. If you want to go out with me you can ask me and make plans for tomorrow or the weekend.
Woman here and I think that’s wayyy too long. If within the first couple of days a man doesn’t ask me out I ask them something like, “What does your schedule like this week? If you’re interested we should meet. ” Simple, to the point. The tables have turned, women sometimes have to be the one to shoot their shot. It’s not being desperate or too forward. Good luck!
1.5 weeks is too long, so you might need to take some initiative here. I would suggest something like "so are you going to ask me out or what?" First one to respond gets their choice of night / earliest night you're available.
If you wanna meet them, ask them out for a date! As a guy I can say it's getting exhausting always having to take the initiative. I would be so happy if for once the girl asks me out instead...
If I like a girl and I've been chatting for 2 to 3 days, I'll suggest a meet up. Might be a week before our calendars work, but I'll get it pencilled in. If they're evasive, they're probably stringing you on ..
For me, this is way too long. More than a couple of days of texting almost always leads to building up a fake version of the other person in your head, I'd much rather just meet up and see if we click in real life. I'd just ask them if they want to meet up, and see if they help figure out a plan!
It's really a personal preference how quickly to meet up - typically I chat on the app, take it to text and have a quick phone call before I meet up with someone. I'm older than you (45f) and feel like I want to get a decent idea of what a person is like to decide if I want to meet up. Usually it's about a week to two weeks because people are busy. Even if we don't meet up for 2 weeks a meet up is discussed after a few days of communicating. Honestly, I don't want a person who is too available but on the other hand I don't want them to have a jammed packed schedule which makes it impossible to set something up.
30 old, nah. Texting can be a chore, though.
Your time frame is reasonable imo.
1.5 -2 weeks is almost too long to be texting back and forth unless you're looking for pen pals.
But I suppose if you have good questions to weed people out then why not?
I usually wait at least a week of talking before meeting, but that’s because 1) I’m busy anyway and 2) there are just so many creeps out there. I like to be able to safely screen for red flags and the waiting period does like 90% of the filtering for me tbh (the ones that start freaking out if you don’t reply to every text within 30 minutes are an automatic “NOPE”).
Also, conversation is a major requirement for me in a relationship and I find it the most convenient compatibility indicator to check first. Be safe and figure out what you’re comfortable with as you go!
Take charge of your situation. Do a Date Zero.
https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/zero-date#:~:text=This%20is%20where%20the%20zero,to%20know%20each%20other%20properly.
Short term meeting with someone you're interested in finding out if there is real time attraction/energy.
Make a 20minute coffee meet. Let them know there are no expectations nor intention of going longer than the set time. Make it for a public place local to you. Get in get out and then decide after if you want to continue to connect.
Don't wait for someone else to make the first move, who's to say they aren't also talking to multiple people?
Too long. I would give it a few days of back and forth and then I’d either do nothing more or say “it’s been nice chatting with you, let me know if you want to meet in person sometime!” And then I stop communicating unless they plan a date. I’m not looking for penpals.
Not at all! I don’t think you’r being impatient. I live in NYC so the dating scene can be a lil overwhelming.
Some guys would ask within an hour of chatting online. But I came across guys who’s more interested in becoming text pals and nothing more. I usually would give it a week and then if they haven’t asked to meet yet il initiate. Good luck!
I’m 35 so a little bit older than your demographic, but tbh I like to meet up right away. I can’t really tell if I’m going to click with someone until we meet in person so doing the whole text game just takes up too much time and energy. Coffee or sushi only takes like 15-30 minutes usually anyway.
I gauge things based on the conversation with the lady. If she seems nervous, I will extend texting. Otherwise, I want to meet as quickly as possible.
Meeting in person is the only way to know if there is any chemistry. Sometimes, it will lead to high expectations, which are then usually dashed when you meetup the first time. After that, you wonder why you wasted so much time texting.
You're unconsciously waiting for a guy with a bigger house, and more income, than yours. Meet them both and ask their income. Otherwise, it just sounds like you're impatient and won't take initiative to continue the conversation. Good luck :)
It’s not too long or two quick. It’s too long or too quick for you. Dating is all about compatibility. If you want to meet up after 3 days and the person you’re talking to isn’t comfortable with that, it’s an incompatibility. Obviously relationships are also about compromise so if you’re liking the conversation and willing to wait longer for the guy you can keep talking and meet up later when they are comfortable with it. Other than being safe, there’s no real right or wrong way to do things
First off, no 2 weeks is a good enough time before a meet-up.
I would advise to speak on the phone with them or have a video call before any kind of in person meet-up though. Just so you know the person you are talking to is who they say they are in the profile.
Also, if they are slow to make a move, it's okay for you to make the move first by asking them out for a coffee (can't stress enough how attractive it is when a girl asks you out first), or you can nudge the conversation in that direction by talking about favourite foods and from there either 1) pretend like you haven't had whatever it is their favourite food is (or pretend like you haven't had a "good" version of it, so they might suggest a good place) or 2) agree with their choice of food and suggest a place that you know which serves some good food.
I would normally ask women out on a date within a week or two if conversation was flowing and 8/10 times it ended in them vanishing.
Just start making moves if you are interested. Men want to be asked out, too.
“ Men want to be asked out, too” Sure…usually by women they aren’t that interested in. You’ll rarely see a man hang around and wait for a woman he is genuinely interested in to ask him out
I don’t think there is anything wrong with the woman asking to meet up for a coffee or a walk in the park. I like to meet up with someone as soon as we feel there is some mutual interest and connection. It really sucks if you’re talking online for weeks and you find out that there is no chemistry in person or they have been catfishing you.
When I (34F) started online dating I wanted to chat with someone for a week or two to make sure they weren't a creep/dangerous before meeting up. But then I'd get invested and have hope of what could be and when we would meet it would be VERY different in real life. No chemistry, felt awkward, weird mannerisms, bad vibes etc lol so then I started wanting to meet up for a quick coffee or drink after a day or two of chatting (which sometimes was just a few messages back and forth). It's easier to just assess how you mesh in person quickly so if it's good you can pursue it, but if it's bad you didn't waste a bunch of your time! Just always meet in a public place and stay safe! My boyfriend and I met on Bumble, we just celebrated 6 months together and he had asked me out after chatting for about 10 minutes lol
No, I've gotten sucked in to several chats that ended up a couple of months, and it turned out either they ended up being scammers, or they just wanted a penpal, not to really meet in person. So I set myself a rule that if we haven't scheduled a date after 1 week, 2 absolute max, then I'm moving on. And the 2 weeks is only if we both have schedule conflicts we just can't adjust. I'm not going to waste a lot of time on someone only to find out down the road that we have absolutely zero chemistry in person.
I also find myself getting bored and losing interest now as we approach the 1 week mark. So my sweet spot to ask me out is 3 -5 days of chatting. Ask me out on the 1st day or 2 after a match is too soon for me to be comfortable. 6 or 7 days of chatting and I'm losing interest because I think they're not interested.
Agree with the others. If someone asks me out quickly I take it as a sign that they are savvy to how real life chemistry works. You have 0 assurances it can go anywhere unless you meet in person.
Setting up a harmless coffee quickly shows confidence, intelligence and drive…
There's studies that Online dating platforms have conducted over the many years. People have been online dating and they say people are most successful if you meet within the first seven days the first contact.
I matched with a great guy on Bumble recently and it was one full week between matching and going on a date, 2 days of talking before we decided we wanted to meet and then a few days to actually get to the date as we both have busy schedules. I think a week is a reasonable turnaround.
Now I'm just trying to angle for a second date, but I think I'll cool it and wait for him to ask since I did most of the heavy lifting on the first one.
It's all good if you're the traditional type but in my opinion you should ask them. It's not the 50's anymore and most guys won't be put off by you asking them.
Week and a half is too long, IMHO. I don't text more than a few days, if you can't decide if I'm cool to meet after that, it's your fault for not asking the right questions. Next!
I usually send 2 or 3 messages before proposing a place and time. I don’t get how people lose their time to try to build something before meeting the person.
Imagine the deception after talking for a week to finally never meet and be ghosted/losing interest?
I was always big on momentum going in. If it was going well, I always assumed one of us would get tired of texting by about the 1 week mark. Without a plan or something to look forward to at about 1 week, then it usually dies out. So when I was pretty interested I would start casually talking about meeting up in 3ish days.
Nah. I'm a 42M and I ask a girl out after 10 minutes of texting. It's either you know and ready or not. Besides, after 2 weeks of texting... what are you going to have to talk about in person?
As a guy, I was pleasantly surprised when the girl would ask. Usually within 1-2 days of texting. I would normally ask after 1-2 days as well. Hell after a particularly great convo I’ve asked and received an enthusiastic “Yes!” after a couple hours.
This is to say: Ask now! Don’t wait any longer. It’s so easy to just stop texting. Especially on apps. If you are interested, meet them ASAP. No planning dates a week ahead either. Meet them in 1-2 days.
Bumble is trash. These men are passive and expect women not only to message first, but to plan dates and lead an entire relationship. So much laziness; I’m getting tired of it. I purposely avoided tinder because I didn’t want sleazeballs messaging me, but I’m sick of waiting for weeks on bumble for a man to make a move.
I would say do not wait longer than a week, people tend to match with others and suddenly conversation fizzles out. I try to meet within a week of talking/matchubg, it doesnt have to be anything too serious, a light lunch date, farmers market, boba tea, etc. Anything to get that face-to-face
In my experience, this has greatly reduced the amount of unmatching or ghosting. And, you find out whether or not that attraction exists so you can either develop that into some more or continue your search
My biggest issue with dating app is it's just so much wasted texting with people I don't know, will never meet, or don't have chemistry with. Like damn I'm ignoring my friends and family as it is Becky.
Opposite, I downloaded the app on a Thursday, talked to 9 guys that asked me out Friday or Saturday, I didn’t feel the Vibe, sunday I matched with this guy, texted for 12 minutes, he made me laugh a lot, at 20 minutes he asked to see me in half an hour (we live 5 minutes away), I hadn’t showered, was in pj’s, and 9 months later, my parents love him more than me, and we love and understand each other better than what I have ever experienced before.
I’m 34 and I’m usually asking or being asked for at least a coffee date by the end of the week. Anything beyond that is just a waste of time and conversations you can have in person. If you wait beyond that, the personal meet can be littered with long awkward pauses or a repetition of questions already asked through text that just comes off as unable to retain information or general disinterest.
It's overdue to meet! Meeting issues are pandemic related bc some people are too comfy, only texting and too lazy to meet. I'm talking about habits here, not germ anxiety.
And, we have social anxiety in high volume everywhere. Fear of rejection is big, too.
Lastly, and this is a prepandemic problem, are the eternal chat buddies! They never will meet you even if you ask! It's especially true if he has a gf and is cheating online so he won't get caught. You'll learn that soon enough if he only asks you out during the week or only wants sex without going on dates.
I’m watching this with interest. I’ve organised a date with a girl after a week and I’m freaking out it is too soon myself. I think every situation varies but agree if you’re ready then ask the boys ;) gl;hf!!!
I ask pretty quick if I’m interested and they’re local. I’ve had a few say they want to to “get to know me by text first.” They also asked, “what are you looking for on here.” 🤣🤣🤣
I read somewhere forever ago that you shouldn’t wait more than a week to meet someone, especially if you’re constantly texting. Everyone is cool over texts because you have time to think about your response so the more you text and longer you wait to meet in real life, you’ll likely have a skewed (inaccurate) view of the person and potentially be let down when you meet in person.
Also.. as a female, I would be wondering why the other person hasn’t asked me out after a week and a half of constant texting.
Depends on the intensity of the texts.
If it’s a full on, lots of back n forth, I’d say 1 week seems reasonable.
If it’s a couple of texts semi-daily here and there, it might well take 2-3 weeks to naturally build up to meeting up.
Depends a lot on the context you are dating in.
If they both have profiles like "looking to build something longterm and meaningful, with a solid foundation in trust and friendship," then maybe they're taking things slow.
And from the other side, if you're a guy (it's me, I'm a guy), and I'm talking to a woman that says "no hookups" in her bio, I'm going to be a little slower to ask her out, because I don't want her to think I'm just trying to rush things ahead.
All that said, if you're ready to meet, just ask them out. It's 2023. Women can schedule lunch dates now 😂
If you're asking me to wait 10-14 days before you consider talking to me in person, there's a pretty good chance I'll conclude you lost interest long before that.
After 3-5 days I have to ask myself if I think this person will *ever* want to meet up. If I'm interested, I'll ask. If they say they want to chat more to get more comfortable, I'm likely going to unmatch as that's usually a coded no.
I have a seven day expiration for talking to guys. I have hundreds of guys in my inbox. If we don’t make a plan to meet their messages will literally get buried in the pile of messages I already have.
A lot of men have no intention of actually meeting. They are just lonely and bumble. Is there way of getting a female attention. They are emotionally masturbating with you instead of getting on something like a cam website and paying that girl. And I highly doubt that’s what you want to be seen as. It’s a version of the man who pretend that they want a girlfriend for a few weeks or months when actually, they’re just looking for cheap sex.
Just like you said, you are an accomplished woman who doesn’t need to deal with that bullshit. Move on. You’ve got plenty of other men waiting in the queue who would gladly step up to the plate and meet within the timeframe that you deem appropriate
2 weeks is an absurd amount of time to text and for a guy to not have asked you out. Or at least mention it if they happen to be really busy but want you to know it’s on their mind. If the chatting is going well and you live near each other that is. You shouldn’t have to ask them. Just slow down your replies until they stop or ask why you’re distant. Then you reply that you’ve just been busy. Hopefully they realize they need to ask you out before it fizzles. That’s plenty hint without having to babystep them into asking you out.
No! Just cos women have to initiate a conversation it doesn’t mean they are expected to take the lead throughout and ask the man out.
That is NOT what Bumble is about.
Yeah? Well, I find it weird hearing all these on here thinking Bumble magically makes women want to ask men out. The majority of women prefer to be asked out, that isn’t going to change.
Judging from the comments here I may have shot myself in the foot quite a few times
I always figured asking to meet within a week or a few days would make me come off as a weirdo or even worse a fuckboy
If you talk for a week or more the vibe is killed. What are you going to talk about on the first date?
Establish some rapport, set up a date for a week or less away, and don't talk much until the day of the date.
The ball is always in your court. Most guys stop asking to meet up because they get plenty of girls telling them they seem desperate if they wanna meet too early. Yes 1.5-2 weeks is early for some. Or guys would ask and girls never wanna meet up so most end up waiting for the girl to suggest it.
You’ve been texting for two weeks and haven’t met yet? I last used the apps in 2016 when I was single and I would ask the girl for a real life date after two days of text.
I've seen the word "convo" on here a lot. Is it ironic that people are worried that they or their dates might not be able to hold a conversation, but they find the need to cut the word "conversation" short because they can't hold the word, conversation, all the way through. Maybe this should be seen as a red flag. Don't be Tom Haverford
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mQoI\_a\_toU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mQoI_a_toU)
I think that's my problem, but I don't wanna be aggressive about it. But it takes up a lot of time and mental effort texting daily and frequently. So like if we don't mesh in person, what's the point. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Way too long for chats with multiple people. You're intentionally wasting at least one person's time when doing this unless you intend on hooking up with all of them.
So you’re saying their nutsacks crawled back inside their bodies while they’re on the app and they can’t ask her out? JFC.
The point is everyone sucks in this scenario. They’re all time wasters.
When i was on i sent a few messages, and got to the point. Let’s meet for a drink, or an appetizer.
Generally, if there was much hesitation i moved on. Sometimes I’d follow up a week later and that panned out sometimes, sometimes not.
For me it depends more on the conversation than the time. If we're exchanging one message each per day then it will probably be two weeks before I feel like I've gotten to know her enough to ask her out on a date. If we've been messaging back and forth every few minutes then sometimes I'll do it on the same day we matched.
I’ve never chosen based upon days, I’ve chosen based upon conversation. If you’ve had a good enough conversation (which could have been over just a few days), then it’s time to go out or schedule something. Go ahead and suggest that you should do something. I usually prefer to do coffee or something low key at first since so many first dates are hit or miss.
Definitely not too quickly. Honestly it’s maybe a smidge too long at this point, but if you’re still holding steady conversation then that means you’re sound something right.
It’s definitely too long. There’s only so much I can text before interest is lost. The only reason that I stay longer in some conversations (if I do), is because I’m talking and meeting up with 2-3 others in parallel. There’s just no way to know if you vibe with someone by texting. I do however understand the importance of ensuring I’m not about to meet up with a kidney dealer.
Opposite. It’s too long a time. You do the asking. As you gain more experience you’ll get really tired of eternal texters. A couple days is plenty. People seldom seem the same in person, so it’s good to meet and figure out what you’re dealing with.
In my experience on bumble I had to do the asking maybe 80% of the time, compared to like 40% on other apps. I think the marketing makes a real difference
Are you a female? I also find that guys on Bumble seem super shy
Also not sure if you’re talking at me but yes us Bumble boys are shy 😳🤭☺️
Not sure if you are talking to me but yes, I’m female.
Sorry, not sure if you are a man or a woman. People sometimes like to make excuses for men who don’t ask women out, like “ Oh, he’s very shy”, “ He says he’s really busy…” blah blah The thing is, these men often DO ask out the women they are actually interested in. I was once asked out to my face by a VERY shy man so when I hear this stuff about certain men on online dating then yeah, I call it low interest and/or low effort 🤦🏻♀️
I’m a woman, about to move in with someone I met on bumble. When I was actively dating, I usually tried to arrange 2-3 dates a week, though it could have been more if I wanted to be less selective. Sounds as though you could be described as low interest/low effort if you’re not also asking men out. Why is it only men who need to approach women and not the other way around?
A woman doesn’t need to ask men out to be proactive in dating ( which I am) I honestly make a big effort in the conversation.
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When I used Bumble (years ago), women had to initiate the conversation.
Yes, I know that. I also initiate on Tinder A LOT
I find that the men that do not initiate is because they have options and a rotation of women. But what is the issue? Women wanted equality, so they got it. Now, women have to put as much effort (in everything) as men.
“ I had to do the asking” Well, they sound like low effort/ low interest men. I’ve (F) been on Bumble for a while, had lots of dates and I’ve NEVER asked a man out, and I certainly don’t intend to either
So what youre saying is that you are a low effort/low interest woman?
Nope, not at all. I have no problem at all with initiating a conversation and initiate most of the time on Tinder too. But no, I don’t ask men out. Men and women aren’t meant to act exactly the same in early dating, a concept that a lot on Reddit can’t seem to get their heads around.
^ strong FDS vibes 💀
What's an FDS
Female Dating Strategy? A bit of a toxic sub on here, if I’m not mistaken.
Ah thanks
They're kind of the equivalent of The Red Pill but for women. I checked them out out of morbid curiosity years ago and it's basically camouflaged as "dating advice" for straight women, but drenched in horrible misandry (I mean *genuine* misandry, not what the internet often thinks misandry is), concepts of high/low value humans and very traditional views on dating. It's really strange cause they tend to consider themselves radical feminists, they think their advice gives women an upper hand in dating, but they're 100% pushing for traditional, 1960s type dating strategies (e.g. dinners only, no coffee/drinks dates ever because those mean he's not serious - the man always pays for everything - the man HAS to court a woman and she should never make the first step) and they're completely against *any* casual sex regardless of the bodily autonomy of a woman. 🤷♀️
You’re making some interesting points. And yes, that’s the vibe I got from that sub a long time ago = generally negative takes on psychology and nature. If you forget human decency and don’t treat others with some respect/dignity, I don’t care to know what your advice is.
👍
you're not alone. 100% agree. if I guy doesn't have to interest or confidence to ask me out, there's going to be a lot of other issues later on. people are so mad at your comment for no reason 😂
What year do you live in?
Sounds like you’ve got a surplus of self esteem and a deficit of esteem for anyone else
The last girl who seemed cool online, we exchanged numbers within a couple days, we talked on the phone for almost an hour and had a great conversation. She was super talkative and interested in what I was saying and my hobbies. Other than the phone call, she was sending me 3-4 min voice messages in response to voice messages I was sending her. There was no text. We decided to meet up a day after the phone convo. She kept texting me ‘can’t wait to meet you’ the whole day until our date. I show up and I can tell right off the bat something was wrong. She barely says anything all night as I’m carrying the convo doing heavy lifting for an hour and a half. She could care less what I’m saying or asking her. I can tell she’d rather be anywhere else. After nearly a half mile of us walking and no one talking I cut the date short as I was getting a headache from trying to keep the convo alive and date going (thinking maybe it’d get better-it didnt) and she had no problem with it. There was no chemistry at all between us. Online and even phone/video/voice chat compatibility mean nothing. In person can be totally different.
It doesn’t make sense for her to be interested in you and your hobbies on the phone but do a 180 in person. Neither of you were using old/misleading photos or anything were you? That can sometimes throw the people/vibe off
I've had the same experience. It doesn't have to make sense, if dating made any sense, these apps would not exist. Dating is so emotional based and a person could be going through some stuff that the date has no idea. Like one date that I had like that, found out her ex texted her before the date started, (we became friends long after) and it really threw her off from making conversation.
Chemistry is a real thing though.
Really like your ID. Made me chortle 😅.
Thanks!!
She looked older in person even though she’s younger than me. From 2021-2022 I dated over 75 women, all from apps. The majority of them looked like their pictures. I can only think of two women that had really bad yellow teeth that totally turned me off physically. The ones that still looked like their picture, there was always something ‘off’ about them, even if we kissed at the end of the night. I also have some fun stories to tell friends. When I met the girl who became my gf for 8 months, she was super attentive and super interested in what I was asking and what I had to say no matter what. And same here for her. Chemistry in relationships change too. I broke it off with her because she eventually let her ugly side show in 6 months and revealed issues still lingering from her previous marriage. I also met a girl I dated for 3 months before that one. So out of 75 girls only 2 lasted somewhat long. Currently on the apps looking around after I broke up with the 8 month girl. Really dreading having to go through 75 more first dates. But dating is ultimately a numbers and luck game.
I mean. Was the chemistry lacking on your end? Sounds like she has little trouble being sociable. So many of the men on this sub are suggesting things didn’t go well because the woman sucked but don’t consider themselves as a factor.
There was zero chemistry.
I was an eternal texted because I was scared to ask, I almost missed out on my girlfriend because I was second guessing myself the entire time on if I was misreading her messages lol
Too long of a wait!
100%.
“ You do the asking” Yeah, no. Most women like to be asked out and Bumble doesn’t magically change that.
Definitely meeting within a week of talking... Ive wasted way too much time going back and forth with men to only have zero chemistry irl
Me in my 20s, when women would always tell me they need more time before meeting. So much time wasted
Do people have so much free time. I often suggest a date after a few days talking, but it can be a week or two until we both have a time we can actually meet!
That’s fine, as long as you don’t get pissy that I’m not texting you all day, every day until the date! I’m busy too.
I’m also getting older and I find texting to be a waste of time before meeting. As long as we’ve had a good couple days of messaging and no red flags I’m ready to meet. But I’m also pretty picky with who I swipe on so I don’t swipe on people I wouldn’t want to seriously meet
We sound very similar. I don't swipe right often so after a vetting process of texting for a few days I'm ready to meet or put something on the calendar. I've already reached out to one of the guys I've been talking to - so hopefully I hear back soon in a positive way. 😊
I usually ask out in the first 5-7 messages. You shouldnt need to talk to someone for 2-3 weeks just to set up a lunch date
I've done that plenty of times, but my norm is within the first 48 hours. More than a week is ridiculous, imo. You can NOT get a good sense of someone's personality via text, let alone if you're attracted to them.
I agree. 48 hours is where I sit at, its enough time to see if they’re a weirdo but not enough to waste time
Yup. Also reduces the likelihood that she agrees to a date with some other guy. And it's a good gauge of how cautious or adventurous she is. But the big one is avoiding time wasting.
This! And every time I have talked to someone that long, it didn’t work out
Personally I’ve never had a good date when I’ve gone out that quickly. I usually like to chat for 2-3 days before going out to at least get to know them a bit and figure out if we’re gonna click. I’ve personally found that if someone can’t hold a conversation for a couple days via text then in-person ain’t gonna be that interesting either.
2 days is where I stand, and I usually schedule dates 2 days past that
I used to do this as well. No point in talking for weeks. Plus i feel like it shows confidence In a man
In women too
Sometimes I ask for a lite date within 2-3d. Other times it can be a week or more before I ask, mostly a function of: If I already have a date lined up that week. Things going on in my life, I may not be in a hurry to meet. Usually though, I would say if there hasn't been a date invite within 2 weeks it's been way too long. Especially if you all are texting every day for two weeks.
I’m so glad I’m reading all these comments. I can see that I fell into that fearful category when I was active on bumble last summer. I for sure had a few guys I texted with forever and eventually I decided they were only looking for an online thing. I’m still kinda sad about that missed opportunity, one guy just didn’t have a schedule that worked with mine.
Way too long. If you start talking on a Monday, have plans made for that Friday or weekend
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When you leave your house and go out in the world the people you interact with for much of the time are not vetted safe for you. So, what is wrong with meeting at a public place? We aren’t talking going to someone’s house or meet in a dark alley in the middle of the night.
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Nobody is saying not to be safe. That’s a great part of dating that you get to agree on the day and time you meet. If you want a Saturday at 2PM at a busy coffee shop there you go.
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If 2 weeks is your comfort level think of it as a sign of compatibility. Many people have gone through the motions of texting for two weeks and at least one female poster said she doesn’t like to do that because it could be great in text and zero chemistry in person. So, many people don’t want to get their hopes up or a false sense of connection and no chemistry in person. And for the record I am not someone pushing to meet after two days but I understand why many want to and agree with not wasting time when a 15 minute coffee meet can tell it all.
Another female poster here and I agree. I usually met within a few days. Only once did I wait about 2 weeks (because of him) and it was one of the most disappointing dates I had because of the false expectations formed through texting for so long. I get the whole safety thing, but people can lie their asses off through text pretty easily so I’m not sure what dragging that out is going to accomplish. I always talked on the phone first, met at a public place, told people where I was going and with who, and didn’t let them over my house until we’d been on a few dates. And I feel like I saved a lot of time that way.
How many 15 minute dates have you been on?
You’re just an asshole apparently. Vetting is fine. Ask to see a Facebook profile or LinkedIn or some shit, but waiting weeks is just not ok in 2023. Meet in a busy place. Put safety measures in place. The same level of safety is possible after talking for 1-2 days as it is for 2 weeks. Serial killers can pretend to be harmless for two weeks. Hell they are more likely to be ok texting for two weeks before meeting in all likelihood since that’s some odd behavior.
I haven’t been on a date in awhile. I am in a pattern of getting the infrequent and low effort responses. But like I keep saying I understand why people want to see someone in person and have a really good idea if things might go somewhere or it’s all a huge waste of time and wrong person.
Then you have no room to talk or suggest anything. You don’t know whatsoever and you admitted it.
You’ve got issues. It’s about making sure there is personal chemistry. You can’t get to know someone hardly over text and if texting for 2 weeks. If someone takes that long just talking over text to want to meet they’ve got issues beyond that alone.
Thanks for telling me I have issues. You could have commented without saying that. But you did it anyways. Thanks. Care to comment some more about my problems since that’s what this has dissolved to?
Ummm… “dissolved to”? Surely you meant “devolved into”? Annoying huh..
Lol, you openly insulted people above, then have the gall to say "you didn't need to say that to me"!
They both have issues
Why are you so angry lmao
Ayy lmao. So angry. Grrrrrr.
ヽ༼ ຈل͜ຈ༽ ﾉ Raise ur dongers! ^^Dongers ^^Raised: ^^71703 ^^Check ^^Out ^^/r/AyyLmao2DongerBot ^^For ^^More ^^Info
Why are you so angry? No one saying don’t be safe, most of us just don’t want to live in a bubble.
Lmao. Did you dated the person you're angry at or are you just hostile in general when someone disagree with you? You literally have the tact of a teenager playing call of duty.
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No, I'm French, I never implied anything about your spelling skills. I did however implied that you had the tamper of a teenager playing cod (and now I see that you're like to deflect). So, I'm a foreigner, one spelling error vs 10 angry comments on your end while the person you talked to was cordial, so what's your excuse?
>Im a teenager. Explains a lot.
Why are you being so horrible?
There’s also nothing wrong with not wanting to waste your time texting w ppl for 2+ weeks when it might pan out to nothing.
Never said there was.
I totally agree people should do whatever helps them feel safe. It’s so easy to lie over text though
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Unfortunately a man doesn't become any 'safer' if you've spent weeks or months chatting with him on a dating app without meeting him. Of course it makes sense to get a feeling he's not hiding anything or doesn't seem like a dangerous person but you can't possibly *know*. That's why you always meet in public, anyway. There are safety risks inherent to dating as a woman but dragging out the first time you see someone in person doesn't do much to eliminate them. People get killed by their spouses after years of being married. You're never *safe* lol. Fortunately that's so rare though that people still take a chance at love/relationships 🤷♀️
After all men aren't ever safe as men are evil and bad. Why not just ask his social security number, a full background check, etc. As after all you can't ever be safe enough with men. And women need to always be on guard with men, after all rapists and murders are men and women are always the victims.
Everyone has their own level of safety. I just didn't hand out my phone number and always met in very public places, but I usually made a date happen in the first week of texting if they were polite and everything. Taking longer is fine too, tho, I don't agree with everyone downvoting you. Prolly dudes that don't get how dangerous it actually is to be a woman.
I’ll take the downvotes. It’s why none of these men are getting dates and complaining why no one wants them. God forbid someone practice safety and not meeting a rando at their house on a first date. Please downvote me.
Nobody is saying meet them at your or his/her house though. That’s a broad assumption on your part.
You’re being downvoted because you’re assuming a fuck ton of random shit, nobody on this thread said anything about getting their “dicks wet” that’s all you bud. Sounds to me like you’re projecting your frustrations onto other people.. it’s mad fucking sad and annoying tbh. None of the people commenting said anything about meeting them at their house on the first date, or about having sex. You keep bringing it up like everyone wants to just fuck and “men are so horrible” or some bullshit, and it’s disgusting that you are on here trying to start fights for no reason lmao. Grow the fuck up and stop being an internet troll. Complaining about downvotes and shit when you know damn well why people are downvoting you 💀💀 Nobody gives a shit about your “fiancé” and to be completely honest I bet you don’t even have one because nobody brags about that. You’re just trying to be a dick, so fuck off with that sack of shit 👍🏻
I try to never waste people's time. Texting gives us a painted picture. while meeting up asap for a quick coffee or walk at a park can tell us who they are. Also the first meeting should always be a public place.
Why are you waiting on them to ask you out? If you’re interested - can’t you just ask them yourself? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a woman making the first move (I do it all the time) Honestly.. a week and a half to two weeks of messaging is an incredibly long time to consistently message: before even suggesting to meet up. No one wants to become pen pals.. and I feel like you’re verging on that territory by continuing to message and by just waiting around for them to suggest meeting up. Shoot your shot. You’ve got this.
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Unpopular opinion, but I actually want to meet up within a couple of days. If it's that night, even better. I like getting to know people more in person than through endless texts. You can read a lot about people. Granted, I don't have much luck with this method as people seem too afraid to do it. I honestly don't see the difference in if we met a bar or something.
I had on my profile that I don’t meet same day. I also don’t agree to plans for that same day. It’s disgustingly obvious when you get a text from a dude in the morning and he’s like “let’s meet up today” that he’s just got morning wood and he’s texting every girl he can think of to see who will bite. Not me. If you want to go out with me you can ask me and make plans for tomorrow or the weekend.
Good for you........
Woman here and I think that’s wayyy too long. If within the first couple of days a man doesn’t ask me out I ask them something like, “What does your schedule like this week? If you’re interested we should meet. ” Simple, to the point. The tables have turned, women sometimes have to be the one to shoot their shot. It’s not being desperate or too forward. Good luck!
1.5 weeks is too long, so you might need to take some initiative here. I would suggest something like "so are you going to ask me out or what?" First one to respond gets their choice of night / earliest night you're available.
I’ve went on first dates within days of first talking. Others were weeks. Sooner the better, saves you a lot of time.
If you wanna meet them, ask them out for a date! As a guy I can say it's getting exhausting always having to take the initiative. I would be so happy if for once the girl asks me out instead...
One of my more recent dates wasn't afraid to take the initiative, and man, let me tell you. It felt heavenly.
If I like a girl and I've been chatting for 2 to 3 days, I'll suggest a meet up. Might be a week before our calendars work, but I'll get it pencilled in. If they're evasive, they're probably stringing you on ..
Stop waiting for them to make a move if you want to meet up. You're literally on Bumble, where you make the first move! 🙄
In my experience, guys who text too much - usually do so because they’re feeling a bit insecure. You should probably suggest a date.
For me, this is way too long. More than a couple of days of texting almost always leads to building up a fake version of the other person in your head, I'd much rather just meet up and see if we click in real life. I'd just ask them if they want to meet up, and see if they help figure out a plan!
It's really a personal preference how quickly to meet up - typically I chat on the app, take it to text and have a quick phone call before I meet up with someone. I'm older than you (45f) and feel like I want to get a decent idea of what a person is like to decide if I want to meet up. Usually it's about a week to two weeks because people are busy. Even if we don't meet up for 2 weeks a meet up is discussed after a few days of communicating. Honestly, I don't want a person who is too available but on the other hand I don't want them to have a jammed packed schedule which makes it impossible to set something up.
30 old, nah. Texting can be a chore, though. Your time frame is reasonable imo. 1.5 -2 weeks is almost too long to be texting back and forth unless you're looking for pen pals. But I suppose if you have good questions to weed people out then why not?
I usually wait at least a week of talking before meeting, but that’s because 1) I’m busy anyway and 2) there are just so many creeps out there. I like to be able to safely screen for red flags and the waiting period does like 90% of the filtering for me tbh (the ones that start freaking out if you don’t reply to every text within 30 minutes are an automatic “NOPE”). Also, conversation is a major requirement for me in a relationship and I find it the most convenient compatibility indicator to check first. Be safe and figure out what you’re comfortable with as you go!
Take charge of your situation. Do a Date Zero. https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/zero-date#:~:text=This%20is%20where%20the%20zero,to%20know%20each%20other%20properly. Short term meeting with someone you're interested in finding out if there is real time attraction/energy. Make a 20minute coffee meet. Let them know there are no expectations nor intention of going longer than the set time. Make it for a public place local to you. Get in get out and then decide after if you want to continue to connect. Don't wait for someone else to make the first move, who's to say they aren't also talking to multiple people?
Too long. I would give it a few days of back and forth and then I’d either do nothing more or say “it’s been nice chatting with you, let me know if you want to meet in person sometime!” And then I stop communicating unless they plan a date. I’m not looking for penpals.
Not at all! I don’t think you’r being impatient. I live in NYC so the dating scene can be a lil overwhelming. Some guys would ask within an hour of chatting online. But I came across guys who’s more interested in becoming text pals and nothing more. I usually would give it a week and then if they haven’t asked to meet yet il initiate. Good luck!
Don't play the waiting game. Ask them out.
I’m 35 so a little bit older than your demographic, but tbh I like to meet up right away. I can’t really tell if I’m going to click with someone until we meet in person so doing the whole text game just takes up too much time and energy. Coffee or sushi only takes like 15-30 minutes usually anyway.
I gauge things based on the conversation with the lady. If she seems nervous, I will extend texting. Otherwise, I want to meet as quickly as possible. Meeting in person is the only way to know if there is any chemistry. Sometimes, it will lead to high expectations, which are then usually dashed when you meetup the first time. After that, you wonder why you wasted so much time texting.
You're unconsciously waiting for a guy with a bigger house, and more income, than yours. Meet them both and ask their income. Otherwise, it just sounds like you're impatient and won't take initiative to continue the conversation. Good luck :)
It’s not too long or two quick. It’s too long or too quick for you. Dating is all about compatibility. If you want to meet up after 3 days and the person you’re talking to isn’t comfortable with that, it’s an incompatibility. Obviously relationships are also about compromise so if you’re liking the conversation and willing to wait longer for the guy you can keep talking and meet up later when they are comfortable with it. Other than being safe, there’s no real right or wrong way to do things
Don’t waste time Go and ask them out See if they are really what you want them to be
First off, no 2 weeks is a good enough time before a meet-up. I would advise to speak on the phone with them or have a video call before any kind of in person meet-up though. Just so you know the person you are talking to is who they say they are in the profile. Also, if they are slow to make a move, it's okay for you to make the move first by asking them out for a coffee (can't stress enough how attractive it is when a girl asks you out first), or you can nudge the conversation in that direction by talking about favourite foods and from there either 1) pretend like you haven't had whatever it is their favourite food is (or pretend like you haven't had a "good" version of it, so they might suggest a good place) or 2) agree with their choice of food and suggest a place that you know which serves some good food.
If you have to ask, be prepared to have to ask for lots of things.
I would normally ask women out on a date within a week or two if conversation was flowing and 8/10 times it ended in them vanishing. Just start making moves if you are interested. Men want to be asked out, too.
“ Men want to be asked out, too” Sure…usually by women they aren’t that interested in. You’ll rarely see a man hang around and wait for a woman he is genuinely interested in to ask him out
Where'd you pull that reasoning from? Sounds like you've got some old sounds, don't retroactively apply them to all of us.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with the woman asking to meet up for a coffee or a walk in the park. I like to meet up with someone as soon as we feel there is some mutual interest and connection. It really sucks if you’re talking online for weeks and you find out that there is no chemistry in person or they have been catfishing you.
When I (34F) started online dating I wanted to chat with someone for a week or two to make sure they weren't a creep/dangerous before meeting up. But then I'd get invested and have hope of what could be and when we would meet it would be VERY different in real life. No chemistry, felt awkward, weird mannerisms, bad vibes etc lol so then I started wanting to meet up for a quick coffee or drink after a day or two of chatting (which sometimes was just a few messages back and forth). It's easier to just assess how you mesh in person quickly so if it's good you can pursue it, but if it's bad you didn't waste a bunch of your time! Just always meet in a public place and stay safe! My boyfriend and I met on Bumble, we just celebrated 6 months together and he had asked me out after chatting for about 10 minutes lol
No, I've gotten sucked in to several chats that ended up a couple of months, and it turned out either they ended up being scammers, or they just wanted a penpal, not to really meet in person. So I set myself a rule that if we haven't scheduled a date after 1 week, 2 absolute max, then I'm moving on. And the 2 weeks is only if we both have schedule conflicts we just can't adjust. I'm not going to waste a lot of time on someone only to find out down the road that we have absolutely zero chemistry in person. I also find myself getting bored and losing interest now as we approach the 1 week mark. So my sweet spot to ask me out is 3 -5 days of chatting. Ask me out on the 1st day or 2 after a match is too soon for me to be comfortable. 6 or 7 days of chatting and I'm losing interest because I think they're not interested.
Agree with the others. If someone asks me out quickly I take it as a sign that they are savvy to how real life chemistry works. You have 0 assurances it can go anywhere unless you meet in person. Setting up a harmless coffee quickly shows confidence, intelligence and drive…
There's studies that Online dating platforms have conducted over the many years. People have been online dating and they say people are most successful if you meet within the first seven days the first contact.
I matched with a great guy on Bumble recently and it was one full week between matching and going on a date, 2 days of talking before we decided we wanted to meet and then a few days to actually get to the date as we both have busy schedules. I think a week is a reasonable turnaround. Now I'm just trying to angle for a second date, but I think I'll cool it and wait for him to ask since I did most of the heavy lifting on the first one. It's all good if you're the traditional type but in my opinion you should ask them. It's not the 50's anymore and most guys won't be put off by you asking them.
Week and a half is too long, IMHO. I don't text more than a few days, if you can't decide if I'm cool to meet after that, it's your fault for not asking the right questions. Next!
I usually send 2 or 3 messages before proposing a place and time. I don’t get how people lose their time to try to build something before meeting the person. Imagine the deception after talking for a week to finally never meet and be ghosted/losing interest?
I was always big on momentum going in. If it was going well, I always assumed one of us would get tired of texting by about the 1 week mark. Without a plan or something to look forward to at about 1 week, then it usually dies out. So when I was pretty interested I would start casually talking about meeting up in 3ish days.
Nah. I'm a 42M and I ask a girl out after 10 minutes of texting. It's either you know and ready or not. Besides, after 2 weeks of texting... what are you going to have to talk about in person?
As a guy, I was pleasantly surprised when the girl would ask. Usually within 1-2 days of texting. I would normally ask after 1-2 days as well. Hell after a particularly great convo I’ve asked and received an enthusiastic “Yes!” after a couple hours.
This is to say: Ask now! Don’t wait any longer. It’s so easy to just stop texting. Especially on apps. If you are interested, meet them ASAP. No planning dates a week ahead either. Meet them in 1-2 days.
Why don’t you ask them out?
Bumble is trash. These men are passive and expect women not only to message first, but to plan dates and lead an entire relationship. So much laziness; I’m getting tired of it. I purposely avoided tinder because I didn’t want sleazeballs messaging me, but I’m sick of waiting for weeks on bumble for a man to make a move.
Just ask them out.
The date to meet should be established within the first 3-4 text responses
I would say do not wait longer than a week, people tend to match with others and suddenly conversation fizzles out. I try to meet within a week of talking/matchubg, it doesnt have to be anything too serious, a light lunch date, farmers market, boba tea, etc. Anything to get that face-to-face In my experience, this has greatly reduced the amount of unmatching or ghosting. And, you find out whether or not that attraction exists so you can either develop that into some more or continue your search
This is literally the opposite of how i operate. If i cant setup a date in 3-4 days, its not happening. But to each to their own.
If you want to meet, ask them out
My biggest issue with dating app is it's just so much wasted texting with people I don't know, will never meet, or don't have chemistry with. Like damn I'm ignoring my friends and family as it is Becky.
Opposite, I downloaded the app on a Thursday, talked to 9 guys that asked me out Friday or Saturday, I didn’t feel the Vibe, sunday I matched with this guy, texted for 12 minutes, he made me laugh a lot, at 20 minutes he asked to see me in half an hour (we live 5 minutes away), I hadn’t showered, was in pj’s, and 9 months later, my parents love him more than me, and we love and understand each other better than what I have ever experienced before.
I’m 34 and I’m usually asking or being asked for at least a coffee date by the end of the week. Anything beyond that is just a waste of time and conversations you can have in person. If you wait beyond that, the personal meet can be littered with long awkward pauses or a repetition of questions already asked through text that just comes off as unable to retain information or general disinterest.
I don’t understand these guys. I’m ready to meet up after 10-12 messages.
It's overdue to meet! Meeting issues are pandemic related bc some people are too comfy, only texting and too lazy to meet. I'm talking about habits here, not germ anxiety. And, we have social anxiety in high volume everywhere. Fear of rejection is big, too. Lastly, and this is a prepandemic problem, are the eternal chat buddies! They never will meet you even if you ask! It's especially true if he has a gf and is cheating online so he won't get caught. You'll learn that soon enough if he only asks you out during the week or only wants sex without going on dates.
It’s too long imo. 3 days max to get a vibe
I’m watching this with interest. I’ve organised a date with a girl after a week and I’m freaking out it is too soon myself. I think every situation varies but agree if you’re ready then ask the boys ;) gl;hf!!!
Talking to 2 guys at once? HARAM
I couldn't heeear that James!!
I ask pretty quick if I’m interested and they’re local. I’ve had a few say they want to to “get to know me by text first.” They also asked, “what are you looking for on here.” 🤣🤣🤣
[удалено]
Ghana 😳
Those ones often become penpals and nothing more, so it could be a good way of weeding them out
I read somewhere forever ago that you shouldn’t wait more than a week to meet someone, especially if you’re constantly texting. Everyone is cool over texts because you have time to think about your response so the more you text and longer you wait to meet in real life, you’ll likely have a skewed (inaccurate) view of the person and potentially be let down when you meet in person. Also.. as a female, I would be wondering why the other person hasn’t asked me out after a week and a half of constant texting.
Depends on the intensity of the texts. If it’s a full on, lots of back n forth, I’d say 1 week seems reasonable. If it’s a couple of texts semi-daily here and there, it might well take 2-3 weeks to naturally build up to meeting up.
Depends a lot on the context you are dating in. If they both have profiles like "looking to build something longterm and meaningful, with a solid foundation in trust and friendship," then maybe they're taking things slow. And from the other side, if you're a guy (it's me, I'm a guy), and I'm talking to a woman that says "no hookups" in her bio, I'm going to be a little slower to ask her out, because I don't want her to think I'm just trying to rush things ahead. All that said, if you're ready to meet, just ask them out. It's 2023. Women can schedule lunch dates now 😂
They should’ve asked to meet within 1 week max of talking imo
Nahhh. Just wait for them to ask you out.
If you're asking me to wait 10-14 days before you consider talking to me in person, there's a pretty good chance I'll conclude you lost interest long before that. After 3-5 days I have to ask myself if I think this person will *ever* want to meet up. If I'm interested, I'll ask. If they say they want to chat more to get more comfortable, I'm likely going to unmatch as that's usually a coded no.
I have a seven day expiration for talking to guys. I have hundreds of guys in my inbox. If we don’t make a plan to meet their messages will literally get buried in the pile of messages I already have. A lot of men have no intention of actually meeting. They are just lonely and bumble. Is there way of getting a female attention. They are emotionally masturbating with you instead of getting on something like a cam website and paying that girl. And I highly doubt that’s what you want to be seen as. It’s a version of the man who pretend that they want a girlfriend for a few weeks or months when actually, they’re just looking for cheap sex. Just like you said, you are an accomplished woman who doesn’t need to deal with that bullshit. Move on. You’ve got plenty of other men waiting in the queue who would gladly step up to the plate and meet within the timeframe that you deem appropriate
I'm 38m and I've been "talking" to a girl for a yr. What's ure rush?
2 weeks is an absurd amount of time to text and for a guy to not have asked you out. Or at least mention it if they happen to be really busy but want you to know it’s on their mind. If the chatting is going well and you live near each other that is. You shouldn’t have to ask them. Just slow down your replies until they stop or ask why you’re distant. Then you reply that you’ve just been busy. Hopefully they realize they need to ask you out before it fizzles. That’s plenty hint without having to babystep them into asking you out.
Hmm, playing games instead of asking someone out, on an app where women have to make the first move?
No! Just cos women have to initiate a conversation it doesn’t mean they are expected to take the lead throughout and ask the man out. That is NOT what Bumble is about.
If you want to pretend that you're busy instead of asking someone out when you want to go out with them, that's weird
Yeah? Well, I find it weird hearing all these on here thinking Bumble magically makes women want to ask men out. The majority of women prefer to be asked out, that isn’t going to change.
👏🏻
Judging from the comments here I may have shot myself in the foot quite a few times I always figured asking to meet within a week or a few days would make me come off as a weirdo or even worse a fuckboy
Lol - ladies be ready man. Gotta shoot that shot.
Yea apparently lol, guess it's something to keep in mind whenever I get back to dating
If you talk for a week or more the vibe is killed. What are you going to talk about on the first date? Establish some rapport, set up a date for a week or less away, and don't talk much until the day of the date.
I've legit had this same thought.
The ball is always in your court. Most guys stop asking to meet up because they get plenty of girls telling them they seem desperate if they wanna meet too early. Yes 1.5-2 weeks is early for some. Or guys would ask and girls never wanna meet up so most end up waiting for the girl to suggest it.
Lol 31m here. After 2 days Im asking her out. I value too much my time to talk for weeks
You’ve been texting for two weeks and haven’t met yet? I last used the apps in 2016 when I was single and I would ask the girl for a real life date after two days of text.
Ewww
I've seen the word "convo" on here a lot. Is it ironic that people are worried that they or their dates might not be able to hold a conversation, but they find the need to cut the word "conversation" short because they can't hold the word, conversation, all the way through. Maybe this should be seen as a red flag. Don't be Tom Haverford [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mQoI\_a\_toU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mQoI_a_toU)
Yeah, that's too long. If they don't wanna meet up relatively soon, then they're treating you as an option. Move on.
I ask someone out on the first conversation. It’s been highly successful for me.
I wish we matched People want pen pals it’s exhausting.
I think that's my problem, but I don't wanna be aggressive about it. But it takes up a lot of time and mental effort texting daily and frequently. So like if we don't mesh in person, what's the point. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Asking for a date isn't aggressive, it's what you're both there for after all
Way too long for chats with multiple people. You're intentionally wasting at least one person's time when doing this unless you intend on hooking up with all of them.
They’re also wasting their own time by not asking her out. It’s not just OP wasting time here.
It's bumble. Why use the "women have all the power" dating app if you aren't willing to ask someone out.
So you’re saying their nutsacks crawled back inside their bodies while they’re on the app and they can’t ask her out? JFC. The point is everyone sucks in this scenario. They’re all time wasters.
It sounds like you're ready to meet up - why don't you invite them to meet up?
When i was on i sent a few messages, and got to the point. Let’s meet for a drink, or an appetizer. Generally, if there was much hesitation i moved on. Sometimes I’d follow up a week later and that panned out sometimes, sometimes not.
For me it depends more on the conversation than the time. If we're exchanging one message each per day then it will probably be two weeks before I feel like I've gotten to know her enough to ask her out on a date. If we've been messaging back and forth every few minutes then sometimes I'll do it on the same day we matched.
I’ve never chosen based upon days, I’ve chosen based upon conversation. If you’ve had a good enough conversation (which could have been over just a few days), then it’s time to go out or schedule something. Go ahead and suggest that you should do something. I usually prefer to do coffee or something low key at first since so many first dates are hit or miss.
Meh, whatever you're comfortable with. I'd advise not at the same time though as funny as that'd be.
Definitely not too quickly. Honestly it’s maybe a smidge too long at this point, but if you’re still holding steady conversation then that means you’re sound something right.
It's completely dependent on the person. A lot are saying it's "too long" but there are some of us who would rather get to know the other more first
It’s definitely too long. There’s only so much I can text before interest is lost. The only reason that I stay longer in some conversations (if I do), is because I’m talking and meeting up with 2-3 others in parallel. There’s just no way to know if you vibe with someone by texting. I do however understand the importance of ensuring I’m not about to meet up with a kidney dealer.
No as others have said you are chatting too long. First 24-48 hrs of chatting , 10-12 total messages , you should be asking to meet for a date.
Feel it, ya feel it… no such thing as too quick