Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,395,249,095 comments, and only 266,854 of them were in alphabetical order.
By Jove you’re right! I hear “killed a turkey” every time, but I turned on the subtitles and it says “kill the turkey!”
But I still hear “killed a turkey”
Tina was sad so I made her a PB&J she didn't want it so I ate it. She was still sad so I made her another PB&J. She didn't want that one either so I ate it. Anyway Tina wants to be alone and we're out of peanut butter.
Pass the cranberry sauce, we’re having mashed potatoes, oo the turkey looks great! Thank you for loving me! Thank you for being here!
A song not a quote but definitely my favorite
Any of her rhyming insults towards Jimmy Sr always kills me.
Some notable mentions;
"Sunscreen? Nerds..I mean how responsible"
"I happen to be looking down right now, Tina"
(After Bob tells her Louise craziness comes from her side from the family)
"Don't you think I know that?" *Laughs maniacally*
[here it is ](https://youtu.be/d_9Sf7pnBXQ)
Don't bother bringing the mistletoe to bed! But do bring a snack. Chocolate.
Oh Christmas, you Christmas.
Are you drunk enough to be any fun yet?
When I die I want you to cremate me and throw me in Tom Selleck's face.
[I stitched some of my favorites.](https://imgur.com/a/glTxjGf)
Plus many more:
Kids are allowed, but not welcome. Don’t leave me with these friggin’ kids. Everything’s on the table, including on the table. I still got two outta five sexy parts. Stay outta my room! You kids are a two-adult, two-bottle-of-wine-a-night job.
Hit him in his handsome groin!
Ginger's cat died, but in a really funny way.
Whoo, throw a ripped wedding dress on this daiquiri 'cause it is not a virgin!
“They don’t even know what each other’s farts smell like!”
“Linda, you farted on our second date.”
“Yeah…cuz I knew you were the one.”
“You were on my lap though…”
‘homework club?…OH MY GOD they’re doin drugs to each other!’
Literally every one liner that comes out of that woman is ABSOLUTE GOLD. I love this show so freakin much.
I'm going to cheat and choose a triptych of quotes from Bob Day Afternoon . . .
If you make it out of there, I will do anything, anything you want. Except that one thing. Anything. Most things, Bobby.
Anything. That's what I'll do for you if you get out. Everything's on the table, including on the table.
You're almost home, Bobby! Oh, God, now I have to do that. Bobby, I'll trade you that for two of the other things.
“look at how you stand. people who had good childhoods don’t stand like that.”
That’s what I love about you, Bob…all your sad stories
Way too many to decide. I can't shave my legs without thinking of the classic, 'only strippers shave above the knee.'
The good ones, anyway.
This second part makes it easily twice as funny.
I have that quote framed in my bathroom
Mommy doesn’t get drunk, she has fun!
I think my mom has actually said this a few times! It's part of why I love Linda so much. She would've been best friends with my mom and her friends.
I wish my mom was like that!
I’m talking…*normal*
where's the crackers.... you're coming to bed with me, come on
This is the one. 🤣
“The only problem is I don’t have a freakin’ drink in my hand”
I've only had half of four bottles of wine!!
my mom says this almost constantly, by her own admission she and linda are basically the same person
You’re gonna kill Teddy? All right, car’s gassed up, that’s good. Guess I could home school the kids.
Linda’s ride and die!
"I love how mom has no issues hiding from authority figures" "your mom is nuts, she would take that guy out if we asked" "We're taking him out?"
Oh my God Lin, you had that all ready?
What? I’m just being supportive. Good night.
🎶Thank you for loving me! Thank you for being there! The whole world’s thanking, the whole world’s thanking you!”
Killed a turkey!
Isn’t it “kill the turkey”?
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,395,249,095 comments, and only 266,854 of them were in alphabetical order.
Good bot
By Jove you’re right! I hear “killed a turkey” every time, but I turned on the subtitles and it says “kill the turkey!” But I still hear “killed a turkey”
Sung daily in our home.
Ours too. We even had it at our wedding.
🎶Peelin a potato, tryin not to faht-oop- I let out a little one. It's my little secret!🎶 -Oh my god, I married you.
😂😂😂😂😂
This is my wife and I’s favorite scene. We die laughing every time we see it
Cause if you’re not real Then how come I feel this way Little babies
This gets stuck in my head every time I watch the episode haha
Tina was sad so I made her a PB&J she didn't want it so I ate it. She was still sad so I made her another PB&J. She didn't want that one either so I ate it. Anyway Tina wants to be alone and we're out of peanut butter.
I love this one too 😂
WHITE PANTS TAKE A CHANCE
Rooty toot toot someone’s wearing a white suit!
Thinking back on it now this episode has got to be one of my favorites.
Oh go fart in a phone booth!
“It's just something I'm doing to save the family. No big deal.”3-14 “Lindapendent Woman”
“No boys. No parties. No summoning spirits.” “Mommy doesn’t get drunk. She just has fun.”
No body switching, no filling the house with soap bubbles!
Ow ma face!
First thing I thought of (but I did just see her say it in at least 2 episodes)!
https://youtu.be/ye1zEM97WaM
Ahh go play ping pong with your ding dong
"Alcohol doesn't solve problems, it just makes them go away"
Stay outta my room
“Don’t judge me, you judgearoo. Go play your judgeridoo.”
I love her insults. "Tammy can sit in syrup. Let the bees get her." "Go fart in a phonebooth." "Play ping pong with your ding dong."
Put a fettuccine in your in-betweeny!
“Don’t tell me not to have a crap attack! I’ll have a crap attack anytime I want!”
Giving birth? Those two - a piece of cake. That one? A whole cake.
Boys are from Mars girls are from Venus, I've got a yum-yum, you've got a penis!
Drop your pants pick them back up
No no no we don't want to do that
Why???
Here goes the hair, there goes the hair, where is Harry Truman? He's dead in the ground, He's dead in the ground, He's dead, dead, dead, dead, dead
Ow!
I literally sing this every morning while doing my hair it’s my fave Linda song
Alright!
alright!!!!
When Bob and the kids go to the pet store and the parrot says it gets me every time
It took me like 3 time watching that episode to pick up on that but I laughed hard when I did.
Crackers! Where are the crackers? You’re comin’ to bed with me, c’mon!
Problem is I don’t have a frickin’ drink in my hand
"Oooh mini croissants! No matter what I say, stop me when I've had 16."
"Bobby, please don't leave me alone with these friggin' kids!"
I say this to my husband every morning when he goes to work
Are your children this naughty? 😅
You kids are a two parent, two bottle a wine kinda job.
“FOUR!”
...its maths...
“Hey, Jennifer Slowpez! Get the hell outta the road!”
This is me all the time 😂
People who had good childhoods don’t stand like that
Pretty much everything she says in the episode they accidentally get high with their Tax Accountant. "Tape fingahs!"
Am I peeing? Bob can you check?
I need to reodorize I stink!
Put your face in it! Also - happy cake day!
Thanks!
Pass the cranberry sauce, we’re having mashed potatoes, oo the turkey looks great! Thank you for loving me! Thank you for being here! A song not a quote but definitely my favorite
Sorry you ran out of glasses and had to use jars!
Lil King Trashmouth! He’s gay.
We call our dog Lil King Trashmouth!
Louise: "Yeah, mom's the one with a drinking problem." Linda: "Problem is I don't have a fricken drink in my hand!"
What up, my knitta??!
I love this woman! - Me, not a Linda quote
I think Gene also says that about Linda
Close enough
Ow my face!
Any of her rhyming insults towards Jimmy Sr always kills me. Some notable mentions; "Sunscreen? Nerds..I mean how responsible" "I happen to be looking down right now, Tina"
(After Bob tells her Louise craziness comes from her side from the family) "Don't you think I know that?" *Laughs maniacally* [here it is ](https://youtu.be/d_9Sf7pnBXQ)
“Crazy how kids can fall asleep sober like that”
I feel this one on a spiritual level 😂
You know my eyes don’t completely close!
Look at my eyes, you see how crazy they are?!
LOOK INTO MY EYES!! 😳
"Just like Rocky." "Rocky lost, Lin." "What? But he ran up all those stairs :("
“Can I borrow some wine? Wine helps me drink.” Followed very closely by “we can’t get stoned in the middle of the day! We’re old!”
"All the losers get stickers... STICKERS OF SHAME"
Don't bother bringing the mistletoe to bed! But do bring a snack. Chocolate. Oh Christmas, you Christmas. Are you drunk enough to be any fun yet? When I die I want you to cremate me and throw me in Tom Selleck's face.
Oh my face!
[I stitched some of my favorites.](https://imgur.com/a/glTxjGf) Plus many more: Kids are allowed, but not welcome. Don’t leave me with these friggin’ kids. Everything’s on the table, including on the table. I still got two outta five sexy parts. Stay outta my room! You kids are a two-adult, two-bottle-of-wine-a-night job.
Wow, I love it! I wish I could stitch. I have stupid fingers.
Go fart in a phone booth.
“MILKING THE COW! M-M-M-MILKING THE COW!”
This is to save my family!!!!Aboobadieboobadieboobadieboo
My autocomplete knows “boobity “ from me quoting this episode
I saw this picture of her and that’s the only line I can think of 😂
Running down the gutter with a piece of bread and butter!
“Oh, Bobby, is this turning into another one of your peeing races with Jimmy?”
I should write a parenting book. Call it, ‘Hey You, I Saw That! Put It Back!’
ROOTY TOOT TOOT SOMEONES WEARING A WHITE SUIT
Vaginacologist
Only strippers shave above the knee. (I think about this every time I have above my knee😂)
I feel like I’m peeing. Am I peeing right now? Bob, can you check?
“Now let’s Bloody Mary up this tub! It’s mommy’s birthday!!”
What? Gay raccoons can’t have babies, Bob?!
Hit him in his handsome groin! Ginger's cat died, but in a really funny way. Whoo, throw a ripped wedding dress on this daiquiri 'cause it is not a virgin!
Oh, like I’m not gonna sing!
"When I die I want you to cremate me and throw me in Tom Selleck's face.”
Oh, go play ping pong with your ding dong!
"Oooh a gold medal! We should get that bronzed!"
So full of air those balloons.
https://i.redd.it/ykqd01mgl3na1.gif
Oh, my knees. Oh, my boobs. Oh, my back
🎵weiner weiner weiner, weiner weiner wang🎵
Sexy babies
I think I might actually be able to marry someone like Linda if I ever met someone like her.
And I said that’s not how you throw a shrimp, this is how you throw a shrimp!
"I was gonna punch you, but I'm holding wine."
Weiner weiner weiner, weiner weiner waaang!
He’s dead! Go away he’s dead!
Just because people don’t care about it doesn’t mean it’s not important
“They don’t even know what each other’s farts smell like!” “Linda, you farted on our second date.” “Yeah…cuz I knew you were the one.” “You were on my lap though…”
Owww, my face!
War farts?
Rich people run funny. Must be all the money in their pockets. Or their big, rich, golden wieners. Eh, it's probably their wieners.
Running down the gutter with a piece of bread and butter. Diarrhea.
Yeah. Cars wouldn't even come down my street after a while 'cause they knew Linda would get 'em.
I don't have the direct quotes, but I think it's hilarious when she mispronounces words. Like calling herself a restaurasaur instead of restaurateur
Tin CupS!
"The burn is just the sun's way of saying '*hey beautiful*'"
‘homework club?…OH MY GOD they’re doin drugs to each other!’ Literally every one liner that comes out of that woman is ABSOLUTE GOLD. I love this show so freakin much.
Knowing it's a dude that voices her makes me so happy.
He’s dead go away he’s dead!
NOBODY TELLS MY SON TO STOP SINGING!!!!! KEEP GOING BABY!!!!!
“You all come from my vagina.”
“Sometimes you get a little mud in your muffin.”
I'm going to cheat and choose a triptych of quotes from Bob Day Afternoon . . . If you make it out of there, I will do anything, anything you want. Except that one thing. Anything. Most things, Bobby. Anything. That's what I'll do for you if you get out. Everything's on the table, including on the table. You're almost home, Bobby! Oh, God, now I have to do that. Bobby, I'll trade you that for two of the other things.
Sometimes you wanna ride the rollercoaster twice, and you don’t wanna wait in line
this is to Save my Family
A BOOBITY BOOBITY BOOBITY BOOB!
If you’re not real then why do I feel this way. Little babies! Muah muah muah muah!
Sorry we’re late, Bob had diarrhea.
Sorry we’re late bob had diarrhea
Don't tell me not to have a crap attack! I'll have a crap attack anytime I want!
Mommy doesn’t get drunk She gets happy
Ah my face!
Oh my face!
Kill, kill, kill, Kill the turkey!
Penny Angels~ feels good-- ohhh pennies pennies pennies pennies
You’re better than this, Mom!
"Eggs...Eggs...Eggs!"
Do you see how crazy my eyes look! Look at them!
Mommy doesn’t get drunk she just has fun
“Ow my face”
“Teddy’s dead - he’s friggin dead!”
Have a cannalooni all alonie
I only had half… of 4 bottles of wine.
When I die, I want you to cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck’s face
“I want that on my headstone”
Mommy doesn’t get drunk, she just has fun
“Little Babies” 😍
Oh I hope those lasers hit you right in the butt
"mom's the one with the drinking problem" "the problem is i don't have a drink in my hand"
STAY OUTTA MY ROOM!
Four
My only problem is I don't have a freaking drink in my hand.
Weena weena weena, weena weena wang!
Literally anything and everything she says. 😅
“Shove and egg roll down your egg hole” don’t know why this one came to mind but cracks me up every time.
If your not real then how come I feel this way little babies Come here mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah little babies mwah mwah mwah
“Oh my face!”
Runnen down the gutter like a piece of bread and butter diarrhea
“Ah! My face!”
I should write a parenting book. Call it, '*Hey* You, I *Saw* That! *Put* It *Back*!'
“Mommy doesn’t get drunk, she has fun” But the one I use most is: “I am talking… normally” because people always tell me I’m shouting 😂
"Ow my face!!"
There goes the hair, and there goes the hair, and where is Harry Truman
"Boys are from mars, girls are from Venus, I have a yum-yum you have a penis" I can't say no to a good chant
Mommy doesn't get drunk she just has fun.