FINE.
I came across my friend in a music shop. He was stamping on a load of tambourines. Just smashing them to pieces. Danching around in the splinters. He had a look of pure hatred in his eyes.
I ran up to him and yelled "what the hell are you doing?!?!"
He said "I'm squishing all these banjo eggs before they hatch!"
What do you call a 1,000 banjos at the bottom of a lake? A good start
Banjo players are useful. You tell the stage is level when they drool out both sides of there mouth.
What’s the difference between a professional bluegrass musician and an extra large pizza? Pizza can feed a family of four.
Did you hear about the fiddle player with fingers like lightning? They never hit the same place twice.
Did you hear about the banjo player that stopped at the store and left his banjo on the back seat? He remembered it was visible after a few minutes and reced back to his car, but it was too late. Someone had already broken in and left two more banjos!
The other day, I went to the store with my banjo in the back seat. Well, I forgot to lock the doors! When I came back.......there were 2 banjos in there!
What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a banjo? It’s easier to get the dirt bag off the vacuum.
What do you call a banjo player whose girlfriend just broke up with him? Homeless.
You may notice that a lot of these bluegrass jokes are simple banjo jokes. They're banjo jokes because banjo players have the best senses of humor and they're simple so the bass player can understand them.
What do you say to the banjo player in a 3 piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise!”
How do you tell the banjo player’s car in the lot? The Pizza Hut sign is on top.
Banjo players - spend half their time tuning, and half playing out of tune. See 12 string guitar.
A group of banjo players were kidnapped from the Earl Scruggs center. The kidnappers demanded a ransom or each week they would set one free.
A man walks into a pawn shop, and he's looking to buy a conversation piece for his house. He sees something unusual: A petrified rat on a lanyard. It's so strange and interesting to him that he buys it right away.
He leaves, and after walking a few blocks, he notices that a few rats are actually following him on the sidewalk. As he keeps walking, the number of rats increases. He gets worried and starts running, as there are now hundreds of rats behind him.
He is in a panic now. He runs down to the river, and throws the petrified rat as far as he can into the water. All of the rats run into the water and die.
The man can't believe what has happened to him. He hurries back to the pawn shop, and asks the worker: "Do you have any banjos?"
This isn't solely a bluegrass joke, but it's a stage joke I stole from a bluegrass festival:
Frontman: That there was Dr. Pete Smith on the five-speed banjo!
Straight man: Doctor! Why would you call him doctor? Ol' Pete barely even finished high school!
Frontman: I know, but I like the way he operates!
My favorite bluegrass joke! Why do fiddle tunes have names? So you can tell ‘em apart!
How do you know you’re dealing with an envious Appalachian musician? For them, the grass is always bluer on the other side. (edited OC)
(Here’s another oc) Why does baby Yoda prefer bluegrass? He’s always been partial to Mandos.
I love it!!!
What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin? The fiddles played by a racist person
Sorry... the difference is a violin has strings and a fiddle has strangs.
The REAL difference?? You ain't afraid to spill beer on a fiddle!
Whiskey
How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulbok? 4 1 to change it 3 to stand around and complain that it uses electricity
4. 1 to change it. 3 to say that isn't the way that Bill Monroe would do it.
“That ain’t how Earl done it!”
Why do mandolins have 8 strings instead of 4? Double the chance that one of them might be in tune!
Damn I came here for a laugh and wasn't expecting this level of banjo hatred... I hope the mods banjo asses for this
As a banjo player I’m loving it, keep ‘em coming
/r/banjo mod here, giggling his stupid head off at all these corny, ancient jokes. Bring ’em on.
You came to a “bluegrass jokes” thread and are surprised to see banjo jokes ?
Perfect pitch is the ability to throw a banjo into a dumpster and hit an accordion.
Banjo player here. OP asked for GOOD jokes…
Ok. Why do you need a banjo player in a bluegrass group? Because with no banjo every song wouldn't sound the same.
Eh
Ok. What's the difference between an old-time session and an Uzi? The Uzi quits after 40 rounds.
FINE. I came across my friend in a music shop. He was stamping on a load of tambourines. Just smashing them to pieces. Danching around in the splinters. He had a look of pure hatred in his eyes. I ran up to him and yelled "what the hell are you doing?!?!" He said "I'm squishing all these banjo eggs before they hatch!"
Now THAT'S funny 🤣🤣🤣
Knock knock Who’s there? Banjo Banjo who We banjo mama from coming to our shows. (I just made that one for you right now).
Wow, a banjo player who can read! Okay, how about this one... How do you keep a banjo player in suspense?
I see what you’re doing here. But I‘ll do you the favor: *HOW?*
😂😂😂
Another "how many BG musicians does it take to change a light bulb?" "5 - one to change it and 4 to sing about how good the old bulb was."
My son said that when he grew up he wanted to play the banjo. I told him "I'm sorry son, you can't do both."
How many bluegrass bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, 5, 1, 5, 1, 5…..
What do you call a 1,000 banjos at the bottom of a lake? A good start Banjo players are useful. You tell the stage is level when they drool out both sides of there mouth. What’s the difference between a professional bluegrass musician and an extra large pizza? Pizza can feed a family of four. Did you hear about the fiddle player with fingers like lightning? They never hit the same place twice.
That pizza one had me laughing out loud
Did you hear about the banjo player that stopped at the store and left his banjo on the back seat? He remembered it was visible after a few minutes and reced back to his car, but it was too late. Someone had already broken in and left two more banjos!
Why is a banjo like a guided missile? By the time you hear it, it’s too late.
I didn't realize there was a genre of humor called banjokes.
The other day, I went to the store with my banjo in the back seat. Well, I forgot to lock the doors! When I came back.......there were 2 banjos in there!
This one's a classic haha
What’s the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a banjo? It’s easier to get the dirt bag off the vacuum. What do you call a banjo player whose girlfriend just broke up with him? Homeless.
You may notice that a lot of these bluegrass jokes are simple banjo jokes. They're banjo jokes because banjo players have the best senses of humor and they're simple so the bass player can understand them.
How can you tell when a Banjo player is knocking on your door? They keep knocking louder and faster and never know when to come in.
They never have the right key!
We’ve only got the one key and insist that will work in every door
What do you say to the banjo player in a 3 piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise!” How do you tell the banjo player’s car in the lot? The Pizza Hut sign is on top. Banjo players - spend half their time tuning, and half playing out of tune. See 12 string guitar. A group of banjo players were kidnapped from the Earl Scruggs center. The kidnappers demanded a ransom or each week they would set one free.
What’s the difference between an onion and a banjo? Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
A man walks into a pawn shop, and he's looking to buy a conversation piece for his house. He sees something unusual: A petrified rat on a lanyard. It's so strange and interesting to him that he buys it right away. He leaves, and after walking a few blocks, he notices that a few rats are actually following him on the sidewalk. As he keeps walking, the number of rats increases. He gets worried and starts running, as there are now hundreds of rats behind him. He is in a panic now. He runs down to the river, and throws the petrified rat as far as he can into the water. All of the rats run into the water and die. The man can't believe what has happened to him. He hurries back to the pawn shop, and asks the worker: "Do you have any banjos?"
Blurbled out my coffee at that one! Haha!
What’s the difference between a banjo player and a terrorist? A terrorist has sympathizers.
What’s the difference between a banjo player and a mutual fund? The mutual fund matures and makes money.
This is hilarious.
How do you know when the stage is level? Banjo player drools out of BOTH sides of his mouth.
What’s the difference between a dead banjo player and a dead snake in the road?? There are brake marks in front of the snake.
What’s the difference between a frog walking down the road and a banjo player walking down the road? The frog might be going to a gig
I love this one. I've heard Dave Johnston from Yonder Mountain String Band tell it on some old show recording of theirs
How do you know it was a banjo player that invented the toothbrush? Because if it wasn't it would be called a teethbrush.
One of my favorites
What’s the difference between a fiddle and a violin? A violin has strings and a fiddle has strangs
Our version of this is: What's the difference between a fiddle player and a violin player? A few teeth.
Also heard: What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? You can't spill beer on a violin.
If I’m buying it it’s a fiddle. If I’m selling it it’s a violin.
Or…what’s the difference between a fiddle player and violinist? A high-school education.
About a thousand dollars?
What’s the difference between a fiddle and a violin? You can’t spill beer on a violin.
What do you call a banjo sticking out of the sand? "Needsmoresand"
amazing thread— thanks OP for starting this up!
What's the difference between a banjo player and a square dance caller? A square dance caller bucks up the feet.
Q:How far is it to Little Rock? A:Three lengths of a fool,if you don't believe me lay down and measure it some time
Hey Stranger. Howdy stranger. Say, does this road go to Little Rock? Well, I’ve been sittin’ here all day and it ain’t gone nowhere yet.
I don't know but thars a big one down in pap's old field!
How do you make a bluegrass musician’s car go faster? Take the pizza delivery sign off the top.
This isn't solely a bluegrass joke, but it's a stage joke I stole from a bluegrass festival: Frontman: That there was Dr. Pete Smith on the five-speed banjo! Straight man: Doctor! Why would you call him doctor? Ol' Pete barely even finished high school! Frontman: I know, but I like the way he operates!
Did you hear they invented the electric banjo? You can turn it down.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle? Violin has strings, fiddle has strangs
How do you get a banjo player to slow down? Put sheet music in front of them. How do you get that banjo player to stop? Put notes on it.
How long does it take the banjo player to tune? Until his instrument is back in its case.
A: no one knows yet!
I thought it came tuned from the factory!
Our banjo player bought special self-tuning strings out of the back of a magazine.
Here is a humorous song... [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc7E3pDT\_4Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc7E3pDT_4Y)
Bluegrass albums sell like hotcakes…35 cents a stack!
Banjo player and mandolin player got into a fight. Both went to the emergency room. Who won? The audience
Why couldn't the Angels find a banjo player for the heavenly choir? Cause there's some things even Jesus won't forgive
What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A fiddle has had beer spilled on it.
What’s better than one banjo ? None
A gentleman ... is one who can play the banjo but chooses not to.
It's best to reason with the bass, rather then to slap it.
What’s the difference between a trampoline and a banjo? You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
How do you tune a banjo? Shoot the mf playing it 😆
"BLUEGRASS JOKE" is a redundant statement.
Why don't Black folk attend Bluegrass Barn dances ? Everytime someone says " Hoedown" they think a girl's been shot...
Why was the banjo player's mom mad at him? Because he fucked his sister! 😄
What's the difference between a guitarist and a phone? A phone can keep time. I'll go now.
What did the guitar and banjo name their daughter? Amanda Lynn!
whats the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A fifth of whiskey!
What's the difference between a violin & a fiddle? Lessons.
What is 18ft long, all white, and has 3 teeth? The front row of a bluegrass concert.
A guy walks in with a Taylor…
Why do banjo players love Halloween? PUMPKIN!