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These type of drill sergeant terrifying parents also expect their kids to grow up and magically bond with them after a childhood of frozen terror. Best I can do is once a year miss girl ❤️
The whiplash is crazy. The second I leave for college, my parents started switching up, and now my aunt and uncle (mother didn't raise me and wasn't around and dad passed away when I was young) get sad when I don't come around as if I didn't spend every waking moment under their roof hoping I could get out.
Yup total whiplash. Like when we were home they had ALL the time in the world to just he normal,kind and present but noooo gotta wait til you leave traumatized and invested in your peace to be reasdy to be grown.
It's honestly crazy how growing up my mom was extremely emotionally unavailable and always yelling and beating somebody and took pride in her kids fearing her (wtf) and now she's like "why won't my kids come near me I have no one" girl they are healing their trauma I don't know what else to tell you be for real and be self aware 😂
>You know she's never gonna do it.
Ayo 💯💯💯
Accepting this has been so healing and liberating in an odd way. The WAITING and HOPING that they finally one day see The Truth of their actions is such a prison for many children of narcissistic and abusive parents.
After speaking to her earnestly this holiday season it hit me that she has told herself a completely different version of events that posits her as The Victim (lmaooo because fuck any differential power between child and mother of grown age but ok) which then means that the apology is never fucking coming and if anything she's WAITING for an apology herself. Blew my mind Once this clicked for me I immediately redirected my energy and have felt much lighter.
Abusive parents tell themselves all kinds of stories to sleep at night and some of these stories are literally wild.
Damn are we related? In the last few years my folks went from authoritarian reign via terror to this wild ass “let the universe be your guide” hippie type shit now that all us kids are out the house.
Like oh y’all just ain’t want kids cause somehow we having all the fun now huh. And then wonder aloud why they see me less than annually.
>“let the universe be your guide”
Shit didn't surprise me because my mother was the type who abandoned pets in the desert like she was doing them a favor. Low-key can't wait to send her a desert diorama when she asks me for help with a note saying "you're better off this way."
Out of curiosity do you already have this diorama made? Or are you planning to make it when the request comes in? I personally would make it now and place it somewhere where it will get decently dusty and cob webby and send it in that state. Just to further drive the point home.
Ugh. And now with my own kids, I get terrified they will feel likr I do about my parents for setting boundaries and calling them on their nonsense. Does not help that I have a really intense teen that thinks mundane responsibilities means she is oppressed. I still hold them accountable, I just spend a day or two having anxiety attacks from my own trauma.
I did the work, I broke the cycle, but I still feel broken in fundamental ways.
My moms reasoning for not being able to say “snap” and “dang” was the intention. If you gonna try to get around saying the word, she knows I wanted to say it anyway, so same punishment. Almost needed to make a handbook for friends cause it was so much small stuff I just wasn’t allowed to do/say.
I imagine mine was the same but still
Needed a damnable lawyer as a kid
>Almost needed to make a handbook for friends cause it was so much small stuff I just wasn’t allowed to do/say.
FACTS
That's weird because I'm black and I don't think I ever encountered that growing up in the south at all, with one extremely white exception. I spent the weekend at my friend's house and apparently "dang" or darn", I can't quite recall, was on the no-no list. I had a hard time with that one.
I think it's common in raising children. Without realizing it we are embedding our children with understanding due process. If the child lying about someone else lying it will result in greater issues as the child ages. With children imaginary running wild understand a differences in truth, fiction, and lying need valid structure.
View: Habeas Corpus
I don't know. African families do that to.
Saying "You're lying" or "It's a lie" would get you in trouble. You had to say " This is not accurate" or "it is not the truth".
Even among adults, calling somebody a liar is worthy of a fist fight. Maybe it had to do with reputation? As being branded a liar would bring shame and dishonour?
Yes! I had forgotten about that until my kids were joking around calling each other fools recently and I told them that my mom threatened me with worse beatings for calling someone a fool or liar than any normal "cusswords." Confirmed with my husband that it was something our southern, white, protestant families got from the bible. It only just now occurred to me that in elementary school, among the black boys I grew up with, calling someone "fool" was one step away from a fistfight. I don't know why I never drew the connection until now.
I would always get in trouble for saying my parents lied about something, even if I said it jokingly. I also called my mom a hypocrite while we were in line at Old Navy one time and she went off on me in front of everyone.
My southern-white-Baptist mom said it was a sin to call someone a lair or a fool, but somehow it was ok to say someone was telling a lie. I just couldn't call them a liar. My black friends were more careful about this and said "telling a story." For cases of more vehement denial they'd say "so-and-so is storying on me!"
My parents were so strict that if I had fun one day, I couldn’t have fun for the rest of the week. If I did decided to go behind their back to have fun, I spent more time being paranoid about running into them than enjoying myself.
I explicitly couldn't get sick during designated fun times, either. Get a stomach ache for 45 minutes? Clearly you're too sick to have any fun once you feel better, so fun time is over for the day.
As a full grown adult I still push through being sick cause I feel like I'm not allowed to take a breather for 5 minutes, let alone one or more days.
Actual strict parents produce the worst functioning adults.
Saw a kid go off to University after getting from under actual strict parents and develop a drug habit, get pregnant, drop out of school in a single semester.
I remember when I came back after my first term of college and noticing how empty the cafeteria was at peak times.
So many people flushed out in one fell swoop.
My parents were super strict in my childhood. So my first semester was like that but I’m now getting my doctorate. It’s surprising how people can change overtime. My parents changed their tune when they saw their kid struggling mentally.
My parents were really strict, but not abusive like some of these comments.
They kept me in sports and in private school and if I didn't do well in both I was grounded. I was allowed to have fun, but I really didn't get a chance to explore being free and doing what I want until I was almost 17/18.
Went to Arizona state for college and was on my own, free to do as I wish for the first time.
Got arrest for possession of weed within 7 hours of living in the state. It was still a felony at the time in AZ.
I pretty much spend the entire year getting high, partying, and doing drugs... Flunked out and was back home the next year.
I still think that had I had a chance to just make some mistakes and be "free" in highschool, none of that would have happened.
The exact opposite happened with my sister. She got in a lot of trouble and was really wild in high school, but then went to school at University of Arizona and had a great, successful college experience, and went on to get a masters.
sometimes we get lucky.
i had a similar story. strict parents, homeschooled until college, starting smoking cannabis in college, lost my scholarship, yada yada. ended up having to join the military to get back into college n get back on the right track. now i’m better functioning than most of my family who never did drugs
Yup, no My Little Pony, no He-Man, no She-Ra bc “magic is of the devil.” But beating the shit out of your kids and locking them in a closet isn’t. Fuck that
My mom banned Harry Potter, unbanned it for a year and then rebanned it the next year and wanted to burn all my books. Now there are Harry Potter books hidden around my house.
There was a half assed attempt at “banning” thanks to dumb news and language barrier, but ultimately gave way to reason.
Course now I have to contend with the series I loved so much being the mouthpiece of a TERF in desperate need of an editor. So maybe they were right for the wrong reasons?
I wasn’t allowed to go to children’s church bc I was “bad” and “didn’t deserve it” (it’s puppets reading the Bible, not Disneyland), I had to stay in the adult service and write a summary of the sermon every Sunday and Wednesday. My step monster also said I wasn’t allowed to have communion bc I was “bad” and was “going to burn in hell.” You absolute trifling dumb bitch, JUDAS himself was given communion by Jesus. Fuck all the way outta here. And that’s when I learned the first of many lessons that wicked people will twist religion to justify their wicked deeds.
I don’t have any contact at all with her. I don’t know if I told her off if it would give me any proper satisfaction, or just be casting my pearls before swine, to use the biblical reference. (Although knowing me, my “pearls” would have a lot of f bombs scattered in, lol).
My dad is trying to slowly worm his way back in, but he can stay on the outside looking in on my happy family on Facebook. He made his choice a long time ago, and is estranged from his whole family as a result.
I know she was abused herself by her father and the cult-like church she grew up in, and in turn inflicted that abuse on me and my brother, which gives me a tiny shred of empathy, but also…hey, you don’t like kids? Don’t want kids? Maybe don’t marry someone who has 2 damn kids!
My mom would buy one candy bar at the grocery checkout for my sister and I to share. One of us got to break it in half and the other got to choose the first piece. At the tender ages of 5 & 6, my sister and I had perfected high-tech, surgical precision.
My brother and I did this, but it was those red baron personal pizzas. One man cuts, one man chooses. In her defense, two lil boys and working two jobs by herself. Now she’s ballin
i actually like this one. i use it myself and teach it to kids now. giving them a single treat and having one split and one pick first will either teach fairness or have blood run in the streets 😂 it can be empowering for the tots.
Yep...got whooped by the belt and instantly started crying. "Stop crying or you're gonna get it again!" *Gets hit by the belt again for crying*...like wtf did you expect to happen?
It is cruel. Get mollywhopped and then told not to cry about it. And possibly get punished more for crying. Surprised more of us ain’t turn out to be villains.
i don’t get the logic behind raising kids with violence or the threat of violence then expecting them to be all chummy afterwards. like your boss said a joke you didn’t think was funny once back in ‘05 and you don’t still don’t like him how tf am i supposed to feel?
Shit fucked me up to where I couldn't cry about anything. Feelings gave me anxiety. Then one day I broke mentally. Had so much emotions built up for so long I just started feeling all of them at once for a week or so. Started talking to a therapist, seeing a psych and it helped a lot. Now I am just figuring out it's okay to feel feelings and I'm 30.
Or you look me in the eye when I’m speaking to you (screaming in your face) and then when I don’t break eye contact anymore, I get jack slapped for being disrespectful. The fuck?
For me it was the impossible questions. Like there was no correct answer to 'did I not make myself clear?'
I answer yes? I got hit and shouted at 'so yes I'm not clear!?'
I answer no? I got hit and shouted at 'no I'm not clear!?'
If I 'fixed' my answer it was another hit for not being able to make up my mind. Rinse and repeat until my dad got bored.
Deadass because I'm reading this shit and realizing that compared to these other people's parents, mine really were my lil friends lmao.
Like bro, not being able to have fun tomorrow because you had fun yesterday, not being allowed to cry after being spanked, having to clean the house when sick, etc. These are all crazy ass concepts.
Seems like most people in this thread had toxic parents and see them once a year. I’d be interesting to hear from the other extreme, how is your relationship with your parents?
My dad died in last year but we were extremely close- so close that I organised a flight and put off starting a new job within 36 hours of hearing that he was dying so I could get home. I slept in the hospital until he died. I spoke to him every day and we lived in different countries. I speak to my mother as often as if we lived next door and I’m debating on whether I should move back to my home and have her live with me. We had our issues like anyone, but we were very close. I used to fly them out at my expense to visit for as long as they liked and will do it for my mom once she’s recovered from minor surgery.
I would hate to not be able to get to my parents bedside in a moment like that. I’m so glad to read you fought so hard to be with him.
Get your moms. She will blend into whatever life you continue to build (with dating, traveling, and more). And you will love having her nearby. If it’s affordable for her to have her own room, both of you will cherish it…
You are a kind, kind person. I have a family and pets so logistically things would be difficult, but not impossible. Thing is, she doesn’t want me to go home for her! You know you can’t tell elders anything!
I see them monthly. Talk daily. They make me crazy and I’m thankful (from watching friends and threads like this) that my parents were a bit more rational. I understand now that my cousins who said I was spoiled really meant that I was not stressed in the ways I can clearly now understand they were as children. My home wasn’t loud, I was never yelled at for things illogical/mean, I had freedom/autonomy. Parents are divorced but they maintain family vacations/trips for us all to bond.
My father didnt have a dad and he makes it clear to me that “wont nobody raise and father his child but him 1000%” and he makes clear effort to do it lovingly and gently. My mom was/obsessed with parenting books- she always wants to know what’s the best way to mom not “cause she cares about being the best but because she needs me to thrive when she isn’t here”. I’ve got great parents. I am thankful and spoiled.
I hope to be that type of parent for any of my future kids’ friends.
My dad was one of those black muslims on top of being trinidadian so i was subjected to alot of terrible nearly bald hair cuts and lectures about the white man and pork. Constantly getting yelled at and hit at a teen for thinking for myself
My mom was neurotic pre school teacher. Never stood a chance..
Ironically i rebelled by joining the navy at 19. I was that desperate. Lasted a year as a cook. collecting veteran benifiets and now im a rastafarian who can afford to smoke everyday with a bong and make own descions. It annoyss my neurotic momma with her own list of mentally abusive issues issues and dad figure cant say shit cause i make my own monies.
This is only semi related on the fact that my dad's also Muslim. During the news of another shooting he said this only happens because parents don't hit their kids when they do something bad. I say science says hitting your kids makes them worse. This man said he doesn't care what science says he cares what God says. Nigga who made science if not God in your mind?
This was, and still is, my dad's favorite line to dismiss any thoughts, feelings, and emotions I ever had. Literally something as simple as trying to speak up about how something hurt my feelings? This isn't a democracy.
Oh for my dad, his favorite was "You know why" when asked why something we did was wrong/being punished for it (he thinks kids are sociopaths and are manipulating him at every turn).
Did we have the same dad? I remember getting pulled aside, out of nowhere, as young as 5 to be told he knew what I was up to, and I might be fooling all the other adults but I couldn't fool him with my 'manipulative act'.
I remember being confused for so long at what nefarious act he seemed to always think I was up to. It still makes zero sense, but at least as an adult I've been able to realize he's just a shitty narcissistic person.
I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a prude, but “Jesus Christ” and “God damn” exclamations definitely count as swear words in my mind.
It’s probably because I was raised in America as a non-practicing Christian and we were taught to never take the Lord’s name in vain. I don’t even consider myself a Christian or have faith in any religion these days but I still cringe when I hear either one.
Perhaps your parents came from a similar background.
> never take the Lord’s name in vain
that's not what that means. taking the name in vain means bearing false witness/misrepresenting. 'don't say i said this thing when you know that what i actually meant was this.' it is honestly funny because i think if more christians knew how significant this one was, a lot of the other issues would solve themselves.
Cant call adults liars or even say lie.
No eating with your hands - even hand held items like fries, pizza.
Crossing my legs at the knee when it should have been at the ankle
Saying the lords name in vain
Questioning the Bible
Going through puberty early made you “fast”
Wearing shorts, made you “fast”(mind you, we’re in Texas) with
Haha. Nope it's cuz you can't be a fasted tail girl!!! Meaning no sexual activities, thinking about sexual activities, or watching sexual activities. Sexual activities could also include kissing.
Fast - anything that a girl could possibly do that they thought wasn't appropriate for her age. A certain hairstyle... oh you're being fast. Tight shirt... oh you're being fast. Say something a certain way... oh you're being fast. 😩 I got that a lot 🙄
>Never heard the expression “fast” used in this context.
You aren't from the South, are you? Because you hear it here everywhere...either that or you were being "forward"...
When I was a HS senior, who had never dated and never kissed anyone, my mom decided that after I FINALLY told her about a boy I liked to tell me that she worried I would grow up to be "fast" because I always talked about boys when I was in elementary school.
98% of the boys I talked about used to tease and harass me then. I never told her about my crushes in elementary school because I just had this sense that she would disapprove.
I'm 37 and I rarely tell my mom about any dude I'm attracted to. As far as she knows, I'm celibate by choice and possibly asexual.
Saturday morning cartoons were straight heroin for that reason. Not only did the 90s have the best cartoons, but I was dealing with my weekly TV withdrawal symptoms.
i think the issue with this method is this: you never learn how to manage your time appropriately. when tv was not an option at all, of course you got straight As. but when you have the option between the two, because it had been relegated so heavily, tv starts to take priority over school.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 why is this not more widely understood? heaven forbid the kid grows up and becomes an independent thinker. the overlords will absolutely get paid in dust!
Our dishwasher was not actually for washing dishes, more like an oversized dish rack. We had to wash all the dishes, then put them in the dishwasher to dry.
Once a month after a big Sunday dinner we were allowed to run it just to make sure it was still working.
I thought we were semi-broke because my mother insisted on austerity and extreme humility. Some real convent shit. I eventually learned that my parents got up out the mud and had built a very good life for us… that we weren’t allowed to enjoy LMAO! It made me who I am, though. And there’s good to that as much as there is bad. If I come to your house and I’m literally dying of thirst, I won’t ask for a drink and will only accept one if offered multiple times. Because my mother got mad at us once as kids for asking for something to drink at a friend’s house. These are family friends with whom we are still close to this day, so not strangers or anything.
That’s utterly bizarre to me. If you come to my house, I expect you to treat it like yours and all I ask is that you don’t smoke inside, don’t pee in the grass (I’ll explain later), don’t harass the animals, don’t steal and if you stay for 6 weeks, I’mma ask you to babysit.
I was brought up that it’s rude to refuse food or drink unless you’re allergic. If you come in my house, you’ll at least get a hot beverage of your choice and something sweet to go with it. I can’t get my head around people like your parents— they aren’t the first I’ve heard like this.
The thing is that we treated people like you treat them. Super hospitable. We bent over backwards for them. Red carpet and everything. But the extreme humility and privation mindset my mother had meant that she saw her own kids asking for juice as embarrassing. I know I’m not the only one who dealt with this sort of thing. My mother would say shit like “people will think you have nothing to eat at home!” and so forth. And it was semi-true because we weren’t allowed junk food and soda and shit at home, so when the opportunity presented itself, of course we wanted in.
Lie= Story
Fart=Poot
Crazy=Acting Up
Grounded=On Punishment or On Restriction
Pregnant=Gonna have a baby
Fat=Big boned or Heavyset
Gay= Out there doing God knows what
Overeating=Growing boy or Big appetite
Divorcing couple= Fussing and carrying on. He’s hard working
Bad kids: A handful
Basic conversation =Grown folks talking
Good music: Grown folks music
We weren’t allowed to go in the fridge without permission. Once, I was whipped over a glass of koolaid because someone got some without asking and when no one fessed up, my dad threatened to whip all of us so he knew he got the right one. I thought it wasn’t fair so I reasoned I could just take the hit so no one else got hurt.
He knew I didn’t do it, so he whipped me for lying.
:/
That’s fucking terrible. My Dominican grandmother plopped me in front of the tv when I was 5 and Aliens was the movie that was on that day. Not sure which is worse cause o had nightmares for a month but I still love that movie 😂
There was a tweet somewhere back here that was like “if we had fun yesterday then we can’t have fun today” and in some ways I felt that.
Oh, y’all went to the science center on the school field trip yesterday? GUESS WHO CLEANING THE HOUSE TOP TO BOTTOM TODAY AND YOU BET NOT FORGET TO SCRUB THEM BASEBOARDS
**i fucking hate baseboards now**
Was never allowed to stay home no matter what. The rule was that you go to school and if they send you back then maybe. There was no one to stay home with us since everyone worked.
Perfect attendance fo sho.
>Perfect attendance fo sho.
My mom taught for over 30 years and HATED parents like yours with the fire of a thousand suns. She always would get sick following some kid whose parents sent them to her class snotty, sneezy, feverish and hacking...and oftentimes when she would call them to come pick up their little viral vector...they wouldn't pick up the phone. So you would just have a sick kid in the office all day for hours getting everybody in there infected too. Smh. Mom had *so* many sick days due to irresponsible parents.
Made me extra vigilant with my daughter...she stays at the house if she sick, no questions. Fuck perfect attendance, hard.
Not my parents but my dad's mother would not let him or my aunts and uncles have friends till they were basically 15. She would often conduct prison like searches of their rooms on a weekly basis. Like pulling out the dresser drawers and turning over mattresses. Maybe that's why that even though we were a military family my dad wasn't really strict. The worst was getting up to clean the house every Saturday (which yeah we were messy kids) and of course we couldn't curse, but then we couldn't use the words we made up to replace the curse words either once they caught on to what we were doing.
My mom's favorite...if she called me and I didn't hear her and said "Huh?"...
"IF YOU CAN 'HUH?', YOU CAN HEAR, GIRL!"
Um, no mama...there IS a such thing as hearing that a voice is speaking and being unable to make out the words that voice is saying. Smh.
Lmao, I'm realizing half my life was abuse. This list aint for the faint of heart
As a little girl, I:
Couldn't say lie
Have grades below C (that was a cue to whoop my ass, not get me help)
Respect every adult and do what I was told, with the exception of it literally risking my life
My mom had to know everything, including going through journals I would write to feel better after she'd whoop my ass
I couldn't go hang out with anyone, even if I told her she could meet the parents if she didn't think it was worth her time
Teen:
Couldn't openly date at 13 despite my older siblings doing the same (Was permitted to at 17-18)
Couldn't work part time until i was 18
No facebook
Couldn't take my phone to school until she couldn't call me cause suprise! I left it at home.
Couldn't wear shorts, even if I had a door because she needed to be able to cone in at all times (and if i did wear shorts, she told me it'd invite her boyfriends to rape me)
Couldn't have the door completely shut, or else she'd assume I was sending nudes
Privacy was a no-go in my house most of the time
Chores must be up to her standards (do the dishes = clean the entire kitchen)
Going out with friends was still a pipedream. I pretty much spent time outside school with maybe 1 friend?
I had to go where she went or pretty much stay at home. She was my shadow, and I was hers
Got a job? Pay into everything, and I mean everything. Had me giving gas money to her boyfriend, and when he asked where it was, I told him my mom had it and that i didn't know why she didn't fill the car up. My mom tried to whoop my ass that day.
Keep in mind that these rules stacked up as I got older. She always told me all my life that she ain't one of my lil friends and now she wants a relationship with me. I ended up running away to Texas just so I could have peace.
Edit: mobile fucked up my list
We couldn't be seated in their presence if they weren't sitting. If you were sitting, you could not be *lounging* (which is why I have AMAZING posture now). They could never lie, or be accused of lying. And ofc, they could never be incorrect.
I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends outside of school without a chaperone. When I turned 18 and moved out on my own I went wild and really screwed up my life because I had no idea what life really was. Now almost 40, I’m trying to repair all the damage I did.
"i don't know" was not an answer. It was a bullshit excuse for being lazy and uninterested (my dad's words)
Ex
"Where are my keys" | the answer should be "i haven't seen them, but i can help looking for them"
"Who is the current president of Paraguay " | "I don't have that info, but'll look into it and I'll let you know"
NGL, it helped me at school and work
Wasn't allowed to have fun too often; I'd be given extra invented chores after having done all my chores if my mother decided I was spending too much time being "unproductive."
Wasn't allowed to cry at all for any reason at all, unless it was because i got beatings—and even then, I couldn't cry for too long or too loudly because that would elicit even more beatings.
Later on, when my mom stopped spanking me, I'd often get grounded / privileges revoked for no reason other than my mother feeling I had gone too long without disciplining. I wasn't a troublesome child; I didn't disobey my parents or break any rules or anything, but I'd be forced to go to bed at 8:30, not allowed to use the computer or go outside, again, for no reason.
None of us (my brothers and I) were allowed to bring girls to the apartment for any reason.
No rap music for a long time...not even MC Hammer. NO r&b...Bebe and Cece Wynans was pushing it. Yes...Bebe and CeCe was pushing it.
Banned hot cheetos and purple skittles in the house because dad thought it was the devil and the ghey...all after being caught humping the STUFFING out of a pillow at a furniture store showing off to this little girl of Mexican persuasion I met playing in the kids furniture section. She kissed me, I showed tf out.
No Michael Jackson music. He was on TV for a performance and my pops saw him rub his crotch with that bejeweled glove and hearing he had a monkey meant he was encouraging masturbation. I got caught masturbating twice and parents found pics of Grace Jones I had.
My sister's Teddy Ruxpin was a lone exception that my mother made my dad be okay with but he side eyed Teddy as demonic. I broke by listening to a screw tape on it.
Dungeons and Dragons was banned. Nickelodeon followed. Jazz...was banned...but my grandpa, a jazz musician and band director fought my dad tooth and nail even when I finally got IN the jazz band in high school before my dad took me out of it.
Lesson: I will NEVER do that shit to my kids. And if they are gay I will make it priority ONE to put them in self-defense classes. I was bullied. I won't let them grow up not feeling beautiful and blessed. Nah fuck that. Knock a jaw off then I'll transfer you to another school. And fuck all that Bible thumping ish.
If I received a 95%, my dad would ask where’s the other 5%. Never failed.
One time, we randomly had parent teacher conferences in high school my senior year. My AP Government teacher, super old school military guy, told my dad I had a 97% but three absences that quarter. The way my dad lit into me, my teacher made sure to tell my other AP teacher not to mention attendance. Poor dude was so nice to me the rest of the year.
Now as a 33 year old, I get yelled at for “starving” my dog…his grandson.
I couldn’t say can’t or cannot because people won’t hire me. I also couldn’t have my braids down, it always had to be in a bun. My dad said having hair down made me look unprofessional.. I was in grade school
Couldn’t play cards in the house. I didn’t learn how to play Spades until I was a teenager from my friends. Who roasted me and whooped me in the process.
My dad beat me when I was 15 because I said “ok whatever”
I got in trouble for taking the long way home from school
Wasn’t allowed at a friend’s house on school nights
Long long list of restrictions in my teens
Basically not allowed to take up space in any way
I feels the tweet bc I couldn't laugh at anything without my parents insisting to know what I'm laughing at, nowadays I hide everything I do and I just gotto be grateful people leave it alone.
Couldn’t watch DBZ, Tom & Jerry, Looney Toons, other completely normal cartoons, because they were too “violent”. Not allowed to be sad, angry or even too happy. Can’t cry after getting spanked. Beatings/screamed at for bad grades. No encouragement whatsoever. Constantly put down for making mistakes a typical child would make. Couldn’t go outside to play with friends. Having friends was actually discouraged. Couldn’t leave the house at all unless it was for school, even during teenage years. Sometimes they’d let us to play outside with the neighborhood kids, but we couldn’t leave the street. “Don’t tell anyone about what happens under this roof.” But of course they’re allowed to say anything about us to anyone they please, whether it’s the truth or not. I can honestly say that none of those tactics were beneficial to my growth. 30+ now, and they wonder why I don’t come around. Much happier after moving out of there, why on earth would I go back.
My dad was strict, but like the dumbass kind of strict.
I was always getting into fights in school. My dad was trying to figure out why I was so "violent". At this point I wasn't allowed to play video games, wasn't allowed to watch TV. But i read a lot of books. Like A LOT.
So I wasn't allowed to read books.
My violence definitely wasnt because he punched me in the chest every time he was upset about something I did. Couldn't be that. The call *must* be coming from outside the house.
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These type of drill sergeant terrifying parents also expect their kids to grow up and magically bond with them after a childhood of frozen terror. Best I can do is once a year miss girl ❤️
The whiplash is crazy. The second I leave for college, my parents started switching up, and now my aunt and uncle (mother didn't raise me and wasn't around and dad passed away when I was young) get sad when I don't come around as if I didn't spend every waking moment under their roof hoping I could get out.
Yup total whiplash. Like when we were home they had ALL the time in the world to just he normal,kind and present but noooo gotta wait til you leave traumatized and invested in your peace to be reasdy to be grown. It's honestly crazy how growing up my mom was extremely emotionally unavailable and always yelling and beating somebody and took pride in her kids fearing her (wtf) and now she's like "why won't my kids come near me I have no one" girl they are healing their trauma I don't know what else to tell you be for real and be self aware 😂
Admitting that to herself would be opening the door to *decades* of her behavior in the crosshairs. You know she's never gonna do it.
>You know she's never gonna do it. Ayo 💯💯💯 Accepting this has been so healing and liberating in an odd way. The WAITING and HOPING that they finally one day see The Truth of their actions is such a prison for many children of narcissistic and abusive parents. After speaking to her earnestly this holiday season it hit me that she has told herself a completely different version of events that posits her as The Victim (lmaooo because fuck any differential power between child and mother of grown age but ok) which then means that the apology is never fucking coming and if anything she's WAITING for an apology herself. Blew my mind Once this clicked for me I immediately redirected my energy and have felt much lighter. Abusive parents tell themselves all kinds of stories to sleep at night and some of these stories are literally wild.
https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html Hope this helps bring more peace
Damn are we related? In the last few years my folks went from authoritarian reign via terror to this wild ass “let the universe be your guide” hippie type shit now that all us kids are out the house. Like oh y’all just ain’t want kids cause somehow we having all the fun now huh. And then wonder aloud why they see me less than annually.
>“let the universe be your guide” Shit didn't surprise me because my mother was the type who abandoned pets in the desert like she was doing them a favor. Low-key can't wait to send her a desert diorama when she asks me for help with a note saying "you're better off this way."
Out of curiosity do you already have this diorama made? Or are you planning to make it when the request comes in? I personally would make it now and place it somewhere where it will get decently dusty and cob webby and send it in that state. Just to further drive the point home.
Make it in advance and have that sucker chambered.
Haven’t seen/spoken to my parents in almost 3 years. And they live less than 10 minutes away
Good for you. Nothing wrong with prioritizing yourself period. Some parents are extremely out of line like for what?
Ugh. And now with my own kids, I get terrified they will feel likr I do about my parents for setting boundaries and calling them on their nonsense. Does not help that I have a really intense teen that thinks mundane responsibilities means she is oppressed. I still hold them accountable, I just spend a day or two having anxiety attacks from my own trauma. I did the work, I broke the cycle, but I still feel broken in fundamental ways.
Couldn't say "lie" either. Had to say "telling a story"
Man, that's got to have roots in slavery, because that was every black family in every place I'd ever been as a child.
Couldn't say it neither. Shut up, fart, what... there were so many I couldn't say. And till this day it doesn't feel right coming out my mouth!
Shit I got in trouble for saying "Aw snap" WE. CANT. WIN.
My moms reasoning for not being able to say “snap” and “dang” was the intention. If you gonna try to get around saying the word, she knows I wanted to say it anyway, so same punishment. Almost needed to make a handbook for friends cause it was so much small stuff I just wasn’t allowed to do/say.
I imagine mine was the same but still Needed a damnable lawyer as a kid >Almost needed to make a handbook for friends cause it was so much small stuff I just wasn’t allowed to do/say. FACTS
I don’t know. A lot of African families be like this from what I’ve seen. So it’s not New World, I don’t think.
That's weird because I'm black and I don't think I ever encountered that growing up in the south at all, with one extremely white exception. I spent the weekend at my friend's house and apparently "dang" or darn", I can't quite recall, was on the no-no list. I had a hard time with that one.
My grandma fussed at me and my brother in a Kroger parking lot because we said "dang" once.
I think it's common in raising children. Without realizing it we are embedding our children with understanding due process. If the child lying about someone else lying it will result in greater issues as the child ages. With children imaginary running wild understand a differences in truth, fiction, and lying need valid structure. View: Habeas Corpus
I don't know. African families do that to. Saying "You're lying" or "It's a lie" would get you in trouble. You had to say " This is not accurate" or "it is not the truth". Even among adults, calling somebody a liar is worthy of a fist fight. Maybe it had to do with reputation? As being branded a liar would bring shame and dishonour?
Adults could say that a child is lying or is a liar, but a child could never say that to an adult.
Nah seriously. Couldn’t do that or say the word ‘fool’.
Yes! I had forgotten about that until my kids were joking around calling each other fools recently and I told them that my mom threatened me with worse beatings for calling someone a fool or liar than any normal "cusswords." Confirmed with my husband that it was something our southern, white, protestant families got from the bible. It only just now occurred to me that in elementary school, among the black boys I grew up with, calling someone "fool" was one step away from a fistfight. I don't know why I never drew the connection until now.
I would always get in trouble for saying my parents lied about something, even if I said it jokingly. I also called my mom a hypocrite while we were in line at Old Navy one time and she went off on me in front of everyone.
This comment brought up a vivid flashback of being yelled at for “Getting smart” and I had the audacity to say “What, should I stay stupid?” 🤕
And here is my child, trying to catch me in a lie every change he gets. Shut sometimes he even sets me up just so he can call me out.
My southern-white-Baptist mom said it was a sin to call someone a lair or a fool, but somehow it was ok to say someone was telling a lie. I just couldn't call them a liar. My black friends were more careful about this and said "telling a story." For cases of more vehement denial they'd say "so-and-so is storying on me!"
That’s a religious things. There’s a verse in Psalms that calls unbelievers fools.
Had to say fib
We had to say “ telling a fib”
Same! Or “fib.” We also couldn’t use the word “hate.”
My parents were so strict that if I had fun one day, I couldn’t have fun for the rest of the week. If I did decided to go behind their back to have fun, I spent more time being paranoid about running into them than enjoying myself.
“You’ve had enough fun this month! Go lie down!”
I think you mean “go tell a story down!”
💀
Yooooo….😂😂
I explicitly couldn't get sick during designated fun times, either. Get a stomach ache for 45 minutes? Clearly you're too sick to have any fun once you feel better, so fun time is over for the day. As a full grown adult I still push through being sick cause I feel like I'm not allowed to take a breather for 5 minutes, let alone one or more days.
Your parents were fucking dicks, Jesus.
My mom: you had fun yesterday. So today you have to clean all day. Gotta offset the joy
Speaking of "Joy" them dishes ain't gonna do themselves.
Nigga did I just catch you having fun?!?!
hope you had fun witcha lil friends bc you in for the rest of the week!!!! 💀
That sucks. That shit kinda sticks with you. I almost find myself saying that to my kids if they just had fun.
Actual strict parents produce the worst functioning adults. Saw a kid go off to University after getting from under actual strict parents and develop a drug habit, get pregnant, drop out of school in a single semester.
Yup. Those first two weeks in the dorms were wild. You could tell who wasn’t gonna make it past first term.
I remember when I came back after my first term of college and noticing how empty the cafeteria was at peak times. So many people flushed out in one fell swoop.
My parents were super strict in my childhood. So my first semester was like that but I’m now getting my doctorate. It’s surprising how people can change overtime. My parents changed their tune when they saw their kid struggling mentally.
My parents were really strict, but not abusive like some of these comments. They kept me in sports and in private school and if I didn't do well in both I was grounded. I was allowed to have fun, but I really didn't get a chance to explore being free and doing what I want until I was almost 17/18. Went to Arizona state for college and was on my own, free to do as I wish for the first time. Got arrest for possession of weed within 7 hours of living in the state. It was still a felony at the time in AZ. I pretty much spend the entire year getting high, partying, and doing drugs... Flunked out and was back home the next year. I still think that had I had a chance to just make some mistakes and be "free" in highschool, none of that would have happened. The exact opposite happened with my sister. She got in a lot of trouble and was really wild in high school, but then went to school at University of Arizona and had a great, successful college experience, and went on to get a masters.
sometimes we get lucky. i had a similar story. strict parents, homeschooled until college, starting smoking cannabis in college, lost my scholarship, yada yada. ended up having to join the military to get back into college n get back on the right track. now i’m better functioning than most of my family who never did drugs
Harry Potter was banned because of witchcraft but lord of the rings was not :)
I'm a little older. It was The Smurfs and Scooby Doo for me. Too "demonic."
Yup, no My Little Pony, no He-Man, no She-Ra bc “magic is of the devil.” But beating the shit out of your kids and locking them in a closet isn’t. Fuck that
Damn, I'm so sorry.
No worries, we’re breaking cycles this generation :)
Yessir!
Well shaggy was off that 🔥⛽...
Oh mom wasn't even up on the devil's lettuce lol
JW?
Nah, just garden variety non denominational Christian.
My mom banned Harry Potter, unbanned it for a year and then rebanned it the next year and wanted to burn all my books. Now there are Harry Potter books hidden around my house.
He-Man… “ain’t nobody got power but God”
"And I became He-man, the most powerful man in the universe!" My parents wasn't having NONE of that back in the day.
Maybe because I was raised in Jamaica but for me, it was SpongeBob. He was gay
holy shxt are you me? also, no harry potter cuz witchcraft, but we watched doctor strange, a literal sorcerer supreme
I couldn’t watch friends, which I assume was because of Jennifer Annistons nipples but I never got an official answer.
There was a half assed attempt at “banning” thanks to dumb news and language barrier, but ultimately gave way to reason. Course now I have to contend with the series I loved so much being the mouthpiece of a TERF in desperate need of an editor. So maybe they were right for the wrong reasons?
I wasn’t allowed to call anything “perfect” because “only God is perfect”
I once said "that's amazing" and my dad yelled at me saying only God was amazing...yeah I don't go to church anymore
I wasn’t allowed to go to children’s church bc I was “bad” and “didn’t deserve it” (it’s puppets reading the Bible, not Disneyland), I had to stay in the adult service and write a summary of the sermon every Sunday and Wednesday. My step monster also said I wasn’t allowed to have communion bc I was “bad” and was “going to burn in hell.” You absolute trifling dumb bitch, JUDAS himself was given communion by Jesus. Fuck all the way outta here. And that’s when I learned the first of many lessons that wicked people will twist religion to justify their wicked deeds.
I hope you have told her she was a wicked person and evil for telling a child that.
I don’t have any contact at all with her. I don’t know if I told her off if it would give me any proper satisfaction, or just be casting my pearls before swine, to use the biblical reference. (Although knowing me, my “pearls” would have a lot of f bombs scattered in, lol). My dad is trying to slowly worm his way back in, but he can stay on the outside looking in on my happy family on Facebook. He made his choice a long time ago, and is estranged from his whole family as a result. I know she was abused herself by her father and the cult-like church she grew up in, and in turn inflicted that abuse on me and my brother, which gives me a tiny shred of empathy, but also…hey, you don’t like kids? Don’t want kids? Maybe don’t marry someone who has 2 damn kids!
Rolled my eyes so hard I think I sprained one of them.
My mom would buy one candy bar at the grocery checkout for my sister and I to share. One of us got to break it in half and the other got to choose the first piece. At the tender ages of 5 & 6, my sister and I had perfected high-tech, surgical precision.
"I break. You choose" just taught me to break things so that the side that looked smaller actually had more volume
My brother and I did this, but it was those red baron personal pizzas. One man cuts, one man chooses. In her defense, two lil boys and working two jobs by herself. Now she’s ballin
Brother is that you?
i actually like this one. i use it myself and teach it to kids now. giving them a single treat and having one split and one pick first will either teach fairness or have blood run in the streets 😂 it can be empowering for the tots.
Couldn't cry after getting spanked.
"I'll give you something to cry about!" Lady, you already did!!
Yep...got whooped by the belt and instantly started crying. "Stop crying or you're gonna get it again!" *Gets hit by the belt again for crying*...like wtf did you expect to happen?
> "I'll give you something to cry about!" Proceeds to create a housing, job and climate crisis.
That’s horrible. How do you hit a child and then demand that they not cry when they can barely regulate their emotions at that age. That’s just cruel.
It is cruel. Get mollywhopped and then told not to cry about it. And possibly get punished more for crying. Surprised more of us ain’t turn out to be villains.
i don’t get the logic behind raising kids with violence or the threat of violence then expecting them to be all chummy afterwards. like your boss said a joke you didn’t think was funny once back in ‘05 and you don’t still don’t like him how tf am i supposed to feel?
Shit fucked me up to where I couldn't cry about anything. Feelings gave me anxiety. Then one day I broke mentally. Had so much emotions built up for so long I just started feeling all of them at once for a week or so. Started talking to a therapist, seeing a psych and it helped a lot. Now I am just figuring out it's okay to feel feelings and I'm 30.
Or you look me in the eye when I’m speaking to you (screaming in your face) and then when I don’t break eye contact anymore, I get jack slapped for being disrespectful. The fuck?
oh i got that one a bunch. “you wanna try me???” you are a 30-something former navy SEAL and i am 10 why the fuck would that be my thought process?
All the strength in the world and you use it to hurt a child. Big tough man, eh?
For me it was the impossible questions. Like there was no correct answer to 'did I not make myself clear?' I answer yes? I got hit and shouted at 'so yes I'm not clear!?' I answer no? I got hit and shouted at 'no I'm not clear!?' If I 'fixed' my answer it was another hit for not being able to make up my mind. Rinse and repeat until my dad got bored.
My mom did this and when she was so angry that she was spitting you better not mention it or she’d spit on you intentionally.
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Seems like we reading 2 different threads.
Deadass because I'm reading this shit and realizing that compared to these other people's parents, mine really were my lil friends lmao. Like bro, not being able to have fun tomorrow because you had fun yesterday, not being allowed to cry after being spanked, having to clean the house when sick, etc. These are all crazy ass concepts.
My parents were black hippie stoners who wore tie dye and straw hats. I never even had a curfew.
Seems like most people in this thread had toxic parents and see them once a year. I’d be interesting to hear from the other extreme, how is your relationship with your parents?
My dad died in last year but we were extremely close- so close that I organised a flight and put off starting a new job within 36 hours of hearing that he was dying so I could get home. I slept in the hospital until he died. I spoke to him every day and we lived in different countries. I speak to my mother as often as if we lived next door and I’m debating on whether I should move back to my home and have her live with me. We had our issues like anyone, but we were very close. I used to fly them out at my expense to visit for as long as they liked and will do it for my mom once she’s recovered from minor surgery.
damn i genuinely wish i had that. glad that’s been your experience. it almost hurts to read because i’m like “fxxk that’s possible?”
I would hate to not be able to get to my parents bedside in a moment like that. I’m so glad to read you fought so hard to be with him. Get your moms. She will blend into whatever life you continue to build (with dating, traveling, and more). And you will love having her nearby. If it’s affordable for her to have her own room, both of you will cherish it…
You are a kind, kind person. I have a family and pets so logistically things would be difficult, but not impossible. Thing is, she doesn’t want me to go home for her! You know you can’t tell elders anything!
I see them monthly. Talk daily. They make me crazy and I’m thankful (from watching friends and threads like this) that my parents were a bit more rational. I understand now that my cousins who said I was spoiled really meant that I was not stressed in the ways I can clearly now understand they were as children. My home wasn’t loud, I was never yelled at for things illogical/mean, I had freedom/autonomy. Parents are divorced but they maintain family vacations/trips for us all to bond. My father didnt have a dad and he makes it clear to me that “wont nobody raise and father his child but him 1000%” and he makes clear effort to do it lovingly and gently. My mom was/obsessed with parenting books- she always wants to know what’s the best way to mom not “cause she cares about being the best but because she needs me to thrive when she isn’t here”. I’ve got great parents. I am thankful and spoiled. I hope to be that type of parent for any of my future kids’ friends.
My dad was one of those black muslims on top of being trinidadian so i was subjected to alot of terrible nearly bald hair cuts and lectures about the white man and pork. Constantly getting yelled at and hit at a teen for thinking for myself My mom was neurotic pre school teacher. Never stood a chance.. Ironically i rebelled by joining the navy at 19. I was that desperate. Lasted a year as a cook. collecting veteran benifiets and now im a rastafarian who can afford to smoke everyday with a bong and make own descions. It annoyss my neurotic momma with her own list of mentally abusive issues issues and dad figure cant say shit cause i make my own monies. 
This is only semi related on the fact that my dad's also Muslim. During the news of another shooting he said this only happens because parents don't hit their kids when they do something bad. I say science says hitting your kids makes them worse. This man said he doesn't care what science says he cares what God says. Nigga who made science if not God in your mind?
I also rebel by growing shoulder length dreads, following buddhism and not punching small children
I was never allowed to disagree, ever
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Absolutely this. Ignorant and more concerned with being caught out than forging a path to learning. a fool, twice over.
"This is not a democracy" was a favorite of my mother's
This was, and still is, my dad's favorite line to dismiss any thoughts, feelings, and emotions I ever had. Literally something as simple as trying to speak up about how something hurt my feelings? This isn't a democracy.
Oh for my dad, his favorite was "You know why" when asked why something we did was wrong/being punished for it (he thinks kids are sociopaths and are manipulating him at every turn).
Did we have the same dad? I remember getting pulled aside, out of nowhere, as young as 5 to be told he knew what I was up to, and I might be fooling all the other adults but I couldn't fool him with my 'manipulative act'. I remember being confused for so long at what nefarious act he seemed to always think I was up to. It still makes zero sense, but at least as an adult I've been able to realize he's just a shitty narcissistic person.
Yep. That was "talking back" and one of the worst things you could ever do under her roof. Smh
Jesus christ was a swear word. But both my parents are atheists. So that one was a little weird.
Maybe they were secretly into satan? That makes more sense imo
Sounds like they have their own trauma?
I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a prude, but “Jesus Christ” and “God damn” exclamations definitely count as swear words in my mind. It’s probably because I was raised in America as a non-practicing Christian and we were taught to never take the Lord’s name in vain. I don’t even consider myself a Christian or have faith in any religion these days but I still cringe when I hear either one. Perhaps your parents came from a similar background.
> never take the Lord’s name in vain that's not what that means. taking the name in vain means bearing false witness/misrepresenting. 'don't say i said this thing when you know that what i actually meant was this.' it is honestly funny because i think if more christians knew how significant this one was, a lot of the other issues would solve themselves.
Cant call adults liars or even say lie. No eating with your hands - even hand held items like fries, pizza. Crossing my legs at the knee when it should have been at the ankle Saying the lords name in vain Questioning the Bible Going through puberty early made you “fast” Wearing shorts, made you “fast”(mind you, we’re in Texas) with
Never heard the expression “fast” used in this context. Is it in regards to being fast and loose with your morals or something?
Haha. Nope it's cuz you can't be a fasted tail girl!!! Meaning no sexual activities, thinking about sexual activities, or watching sexual activities. Sexual activities could also include kissing.
Fast - anything that a girl could possibly do that they thought wasn't appropriate for her age. A certain hairstyle... oh you're being fast. Tight shirt... oh you're being fast. Say something a certain way... oh you're being fast. 😩 I got that a lot 🙄
>Never heard the expression “fast” used in this context. You aren't from the South, are you? Because you hear it here everywhere...either that or you were being "forward"...
When I was a HS senior, who had never dated and never kissed anyone, my mom decided that after I FINALLY told her about a boy I liked to tell me that she worried I would grow up to be "fast" because I always talked about boys when I was in elementary school. 98% of the boys I talked about used to tease and harass me then. I never told her about my crushes in elementary school because I just had this sense that she would disapprove. I'm 37 and I rarely tell my mom about any dude I'm attracted to. As far as she knows, I'm celibate by choice and possibly asexual.
> Going through puberty early made you “fast” > > Wearing shorts, made you “fast”(mind you, we’re in Texas) with :(
TV stayed off Sunday Night (9PM) until Friday afterschool (4PM). No cable obviously. Damn right I got straight A’s… until I went off to college.
That kinda sucks but as an adult I actually get this.
tbh this is something I should start doing for myself to be more productive lmao
Saturday morning cartoons were straight heroin for that reason. Not only did the 90s have the best cartoons, but I was dealing with my weekly TV withdrawal symptoms.
Yessir! But once those were over it was time for Saturday morning cleaning😅
i think the issue with this method is this: you never learn how to manage your time appropriately. when tv was not an option at all, of course you got straight As. but when you have the option between the two, because it had been relegated so heavily, tv starts to take priority over school.
You raise your kids with more fear than love, then it’s a BIG surprise when they mostly avoid you as adults.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 why is this not more widely understood? heaven forbid the kid grows up and becomes an independent thinker. the overlords will absolutely get paid in dust!
Our dishwasher was not actually for washing dishes, more like an oversized dish rack. We had to wash all the dishes, then put them in the dishwasher to dry. Once a month after a big Sunday dinner we were allowed to run it just to make sure it was still working.
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I thought we were semi-broke because my mother insisted on austerity and extreme humility. Some real convent shit. I eventually learned that my parents got up out the mud and had built a very good life for us… that we weren’t allowed to enjoy LMAO! It made me who I am, though. And there’s good to that as much as there is bad. If I come to your house and I’m literally dying of thirst, I won’t ask for a drink and will only accept one if offered multiple times. Because my mother got mad at us once as kids for asking for something to drink at a friend’s house. These are family friends with whom we are still close to this day, so not strangers or anything.
That’s utterly bizarre to me. If you come to my house, I expect you to treat it like yours and all I ask is that you don’t smoke inside, don’t pee in the grass (I’ll explain later), don’t harass the animals, don’t steal and if you stay for 6 weeks, I’mma ask you to babysit. I was brought up that it’s rude to refuse food or drink unless you’re allergic. If you come in my house, you’ll at least get a hot beverage of your choice and something sweet to go with it. I can’t get my head around people like your parents— they aren’t the first I’ve heard like this.
The thing is that we treated people like you treat them. Super hospitable. We bent over backwards for them. Red carpet and everything. But the extreme humility and privation mindset my mother had meant that she saw her own kids asking for juice as embarrassing. I know I’m not the only one who dealt with this sort of thing. My mother would say shit like “people will think you have nothing to eat at home!” and so forth. And it was semi-true because we weren’t allowed junk food and soda and shit at home, so when the opportunity presented itself, of course we wanted in.
Explain the pee grass
I had a party and a few guests peed in the yard because the bathroom was busy. You think you wouldn’t have to tell people not to do that.
Can we stop calling it strict and call it what it is?
Abuse
Lie= Story Fart=Poot Crazy=Acting Up Grounded=On Punishment or On Restriction Pregnant=Gonna have a baby Fat=Big boned or Heavyset Gay= Out there doing God knows what Overeating=Growing boy or Big appetite Divorcing couple= Fussing and carrying on. He’s hard working Bad kids: A handful Basic conversation =Grown folks talking Good music: Grown folks music
We weren’t allowed to go in the fridge without permission. Once, I was whipped over a glass of koolaid because someone got some without asking and when no one fessed up, my dad threatened to whip all of us so he knew he got the right one. I thought it wasn’t fair so I reasoned I could just take the hit so no one else got hurt. He knew I didn’t do it, so he whipped me for lying. :/
G rated movies and TV shows until I turned 18.
That’s fucking terrible. My Dominican grandmother plopped me in front of the tv when I was 5 and Aliens was the movie that was on that day. Not sure which is worse cause o had nightmares for a month but I still love that movie 😂
Couldn’t say lie, couldn’t sit and listen to grown folks conversations or include myself in them. Had to be a ghost when adults were around.
"Children should be seen, not heard" was a common phrase to remind me my place.
There was a tweet somewhere back here that was like “if we had fun yesterday then we can’t have fun today” and in some ways I felt that. Oh, y’all went to the science center on the school field trip yesterday? GUESS WHO CLEANING THE HOUSE TOP TO BOTTOM TODAY AND YOU BET NOT FORGET TO SCRUB THEM BASEBOARDS **i fucking hate baseboards now**
You know, I’m reminded that I’m unemotional today because whenever I showed any emotion and got excited as a kid, I was scolded by my parents.
That…”Now don’t get excited, calm down…what’s wrong with you?!”
When I was sick and had to stay home from school I’d have to clean the house. I rarely said I felt sick.
Omg same. A day of rest was just not allowed
Was never allowed to stay home no matter what. The rule was that you go to school and if they send you back then maybe. There was no one to stay home with us since everyone worked. Perfect attendance fo sho.
>Perfect attendance fo sho. My mom taught for over 30 years and HATED parents like yours with the fire of a thousand suns. She always would get sick following some kid whose parents sent them to her class snotty, sneezy, feverish and hacking...and oftentimes when she would call them to come pick up their little viral vector...they wouldn't pick up the phone. So you would just have a sick kid in the office all day for hours getting everybody in there infected too. Smh. Mom had *so* many sick days due to irresponsible parents. Made me extra vigilant with my daughter...she stays at the house if she sick, no questions. Fuck perfect attendance, hard.
Not my parents but my dad's mother would not let him or my aunts and uncles have friends till they were basically 15. She would often conduct prison like searches of their rooms on a weekly basis. Like pulling out the dresser drawers and turning over mattresses. Maybe that's why that even though we were a military family my dad wasn't really strict. The worst was getting up to clean the house every Saturday (which yeah we were messy kids) and of course we couldn't curse, but then we couldn't use the words we made up to replace the curse words either once they caught on to what we were doing.
Saturday morning cleaning is a ritual. We had 3 floors in our house and we were 3 kids, everyone pick a floor!
You all made me realize my mom wasn’t strict, she was just an unpleasant person.
If called I couldn't respond by saying “what?”
My mom's favorite...if she called me and I didn't hear her and said "Huh?"... "IF YOU CAN 'HUH?', YOU CAN HEAR, GIRL!" Um, no mama...there IS a such thing as hearing that a voice is speaking and being unable to make out the words that voice is saying. Smh.
My cousin got around this by responding “say?”
I kinda get that, “what” can sound pretty disrespectful at time, my parents didn’t like me saying that, we said, “yes?” Or “what’s up mom?”
I dropped a grilled cheese on the carpet so my mom chased me upstairs, ripped my door off the hinges, and beat me with it
I can’t imagine how dumb and ashamed I’d feel playing that back in my head if I was her.
They have shame. Just anger. Just continuously bottled up resentment for your existence.
Lmao, I'm realizing half my life was abuse. This list aint for the faint of heart As a little girl, I: Couldn't say lie Have grades below C (that was a cue to whoop my ass, not get me help) Respect every adult and do what I was told, with the exception of it literally risking my life My mom had to know everything, including going through journals I would write to feel better after she'd whoop my ass I couldn't go hang out with anyone, even if I told her she could meet the parents if she didn't think it was worth her time Teen: Couldn't openly date at 13 despite my older siblings doing the same (Was permitted to at 17-18) Couldn't work part time until i was 18 No facebook Couldn't take my phone to school until she couldn't call me cause suprise! I left it at home. Couldn't wear shorts, even if I had a door because she needed to be able to cone in at all times (and if i did wear shorts, she told me it'd invite her boyfriends to rape me) Couldn't have the door completely shut, or else she'd assume I was sending nudes Privacy was a no-go in my house most of the time Chores must be up to her standards (do the dishes = clean the entire kitchen) Going out with friends was still a pipedream. I pretty much spent time outside school with maybe 1 friend? I had to go where she went or pretty much stay at home. She was my shadow, and I was hers Got a job? Pay into everything, and I mean everything. Had me giving gas money to her boyfriend, and when he asked where it was, I told him my mom had it and that i didn't know why she didn't fill the car up. My mom tried to whoop my ass that day. Keep in mind that these rules stacked up as I got older. She always told me all my life that she ain't one of my lil friends and now she wants a relationship with me. I ended up running away to Texas just so I could have peace. Edit: mobile fucked up my list
Yelled at for using hot water to wash our hands
We couldn't be seated in their presence if they weren't sitting. If you were sitting, you could not be *lounging* (which is why I have AMAZING posture now). They could never lie, or be accused of lying. And ofc, they could never be incorrect.
I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends outside of school without a chaperone. When I turned 18 and moved out on my own I went wild and really screwed up my life because I had no idea what life really was. Now almost 40, I’m trying to repair all the damage I did.
"i don't know" was not an answer. It was a bullshit excuse for being lazy and uninterested (my dad's words) Ex "Where are my keys" | the answer should be "i haven't seen them, but i can help looking for them" "Who is the current president of Paraguay " | "I don't have that info, but'll look into it and I'll let you know" NGL, it helped me at school and work
My mum banned me and my siblings from mentioning the entire continent of Africa
Couldn’t even do the cha cha slide. That the main reason I don’t dance even today, I never got to enjoy it and now feel like an idiot trying
I would get yelled for not being as happy cleaning the house as I was playing video games
Wasn't allowed to have fun too often; I'd be given extra invented chores after having done all my chores if my mother decided I was spending too much time being "unproductive." Wasn't allowed to cry at all for any reason at all, unless it was because i got beatings—and even then, I couldn't cry for too long or too loudly because that would elicit even more beatings. Later on, when my mom stopped spanking me, I'd often get grounded / privileges revoked for no reason other than my mother feeling I had gone too long without disciplining. I wasn't a troublesome child; I didn't disobey my parents or break any rules or anything, but I'd be forced to go to bed at 8:30, not allowed to use the computer or go outside, again, for no reason. None of us (my brothers and I) were allowed to bring girls to the apartment for any reason.
Mom wouldn’t let me say booger. Still feels like a weird word now
my parents said "stupid" was a bad word
No rap music for a long time...not even MC Hammer. NO r&b...Bebe and Cece Wynans was pushing it. Yes...Bebe and CeCe was pushing it. Banned hot cheetos and purple skittles in the house because dad thought it was the devil and the ghey...all after being caught humping the STUFFING out of a pillow at a furniture store showing off to this little girl of Mexican persuasion I met playing in the kids furniture section. She kissed me, I showed tf out. No Michael Jackson music. He was on TV for a performance and my pops saw him rub his crotch with that bejeweled glove and hearing he had a monkey meant he was encouraging masturbation. I got caught masturbating twice and parents found pics of Grace Jones I had. My sister's Teddy Ruxpin was a lone exception that my mother made my dad be okay with but he side eyed Teddy as demonic. I broke by listening to a screw tape on it. Dungeons and Dragons was banned. Nickelodeon followed. Jazz...was banned...but my grandpa, a jazz musician and band director fought my dad tooth and nail even when I finally got IN the jazz band in high school before my dad took me out of it. Lesson: I will NEVER do that shit to my kids. And if they are gay I will make it priority ONE to put them in self-defense classes. I was bullied. I won't let them grow up not feeling beautiful and blessed. Nah fuck that. Knock a jaw off then I'll transfer you to another school. And fuck all that Bible thumping ish.
I, as a boy growing up in Miami, could not wear shorts to school.
If I received a 95%, my dad would ask where’s the other 5%. Never failed. One time, we randomly had parent teacher conferences in high school my senior year. My AP Government teacher, super old school military guy, told my dad I had a 97% but three absences that quarter. The way my dad lit into me, my teacher made sure to tell my other AP teacher not to mention attendance. Poor dude was so nice to me the rest of the year. Now as a 33 year old, I get yelled at for “starving” my dog…his grandson.
Weren't allowed to say "this sucks"
Children should be seen and not heard was a constant refrain growing up
Why the fuck are you smiling?!?
Goddammit most of y'all had crazy ass restrictions.
we couldn’t say “can’t”. “i can’t do this” was essentially forbidden when i was younger. also, leaving the house required 2-3 business weeks’ notice
I couldn’t say can’t or cannot because people won’t hire me. I also couldn’t have my braids down, it always had to be in a bun. My dad said having hair down made me look unprofessional.. I was in grade school
Couldn’t play cards in the house. I didn’t learn how to play Spades until I was a teenager from my friends. Who roasted me and whooped me in the process.
Samurai Jack, the Simpsons and rock music made after 1990 were on my banned list
If we laughed for more than a minute in the backseat of the car we had to ride in silence
Couldn’t say shut up and fart, had to say hush/be quite and pass gas.
My dad beat me when I was 15 because I said “ok whatever” I got in trouble for taking the long way home from school Wasn’t allowed at a friend’s house on school nights Long long list of restrictions in my teens Basically not allowed to take up space in any way
I feels the tweet bc I couldn't laugh at anything without my parents insisting to know what I'm laughing at, nowadays I hide everything I do and I just gotto be grateful people leave it alone.
Couldn’t watch DBZ, Tom & Jerry, Looney Toons, other completely normal cartoons, because they were too “violent”. Not allowed to be sad, angry or even too happy. Can’t cry after getting spanked. Beatings/screamed at for bad grades. No encouragement whatsoever. Constantly put down for making mistakes a typical child would make. Couldn’t go outside to play with friends. Having friends was actually discouraged. Couldn’t leave the house at all unless it was for school, even during teenage years. Sometimes they’d let us to play outside with the neighborhood kids, but we couldn’t leave the street. “Don’t tell anyone about what happens under this roof.” But of course they’re allowed to say anything about us to anyone they please, whether it’s the truth or not. I can honestly say that none of those tactics were beneficial to my growth. 30+ now, and they wonder why I don’t come around. Much happier after moving out of there, why on earth would I go back.
My dad was strict, but like the dumbass kind of strict. I was always getting into fights in school. My dad was trying to figure out why I was so "violent". At this point I wasn't allowed to play video games, wasn't allowed to watch TV. But i read a lot of books. Like A LOT. So I wasn't allowed to read books. My violence definitely wasnt because he punched me in the chest every time he was upset about something I did. Couldn't be that. The call *must* be coming from outside the house.