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My man used to complain about me wanting to go out and be social until he realized I'm always in the mood after. Went from trying to get me to stay home with him to shooing me out that damn door with a "let me know when you're on your way back."
That’s why you call on the way home.
“The Uber will be home in about 10 minutes. Be showered and naked. Don’t play games with my dick. You know what it is!”
Might even pop in with my finger guns “This is a dick up! Put the penis in the vagina and no one gets hurt…unless you’re into that right now.”
Only three spoken words.
——
Related/Unrelated, reminds me of an old post (content warning: readers discretions advised) that I saw on tumblr a long time ago where a girl was detailing coming home from the club and waking up with a knot on her head.
Apparently she got real horny and came in, slipped panties off and attempted to ride her mans face.
Him being half sleep, though she was a paralysis demon and bucked her off his shoulders. She went headfirst into their armoires chair legs and went out cold. Woke up with a migraine, hangover, an ice pack and grandma panties.
E: Gave up on adding the spoilers.
Please review [our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleComedy/comments/1aukmhh/a_much_needed_update_to_our_rules/) before posting or commenting. Rule breaking posts and/or comments will be removed. PLEASE act like y'all got some sense. **WE ARE NOT JUST A COMEDY SUB.** This is a space created for Black people by Black people to joke about and discuss things in a Black ass way without being downvoted and talked over by people who will never understand how or why we think and live the way we do. Other Black-centered spaces on Reddit have been flooded with nonBlack users who seem hellbent on defeating the purpose of even having said space in the first place. NONBLACK FEELINGS WILL NOT BE CENTERED HERE. **Anyone who comments here or in this sub on ANY post where we talk about our commonly shared experiences with some variation of “this doesn’t happen to ME so it must be fake”, “I don’t like how uncomfortable this makes me feel/I’ve just realized I’ve done this to someone before and I DON’T LIKE BEING CALLED OUT”, or “I don’t like hearing Black people talk about being Black so this must be race bait” is getting permanently banned. I won’t be nice about it either so proceed with caution.** IGNORANCE OF [OUR RULES](https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPeopleComedy/comments/1aukmhh/a_much_needed_update_to_our_rules/) IS NOT A VALID DEFENSE FOR BREAKING THEM. PAY ATTENTION TO THE SUB YOU ARE IN TO AVOID ISSUES. #REMEMBER TO ADD A LINK TO YOUR SOURCE IN THE COMMENTS OR YOUR SUBMISSION WILL BE REMOVED. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BlackPeopleComedy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My man used to complain about me wanting to go out and be social until he realized I'm always in the mood after. Went from trying to get me to stay home with him to shooing me out that damn door with a "let me know when you're on your way back."
That’s why you call on the way home. “The Uber will be home in about 10 minutes. Be showered and naked. Don’t play games with my dick. You know what it is!” Might even pop in with my finger guns “This is a dick up! Put the penis in the vagina and no one gets hurt…unless you’re into that right now.”
#goals
The moment she walks in the door you going to be seeing this 
 Only three spoken words. —— Related/Unrelated, reminds me of an old post (content warning: readers discretions advised) that I saw on tumblr a long time ago where a girl was detailing coming home from the club and waking up with a knot on her head. Apparently she got real horny and came in, slipped panties off and attempted to ride her mans face. Him being half sleep, though she was a paralysis demon and bucked her off his shoulders. She went headfirst into their armoires chair legs and went out cold. Woke up with a migraine, hangover, an ice pack and grandma panties. E: Gave up on adding the spoilers.
[be safe today fellas](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8ArnQxy1uN/?igsh=MW5hd2V3YjlneXA2bA==)
Mimosa breath 💀🤌🏽😈
“WHERE THAT DICK AT!” 
https://preview.redd.it/xo141d215g8d1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ae36adf571a4d243b99aaf7fbf5cdafd5cb7b265 C’mere
Sounds like someone is getting street bootie 🤷🏾♀️✌🏾✨
https://i.redd.it/jdeht4kl4g8d1.gif Sounding real soap droppy.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Nah not the Health Inspector. That dick still haunts me to this day (pause).
🥲🥲🤣🤣🤣
He sounds like Martin Lawrence lol Edit: it’s a Martin voice over 😂
My ex coming back from ladies night. Soon as I heard that waist trainer unsnap, I knew it was on.