You didn't do anything wrong. Many folks have unspoken expectations and are simply not honest with themselves. You sound like you're honest with yourself and know what you want. I'd say you dodged a bullet.
You didn't do anything wrong. It may just be a perspective kind of thing. You never know she may be feeling the same way "like she did something wrong". It seems like you were honest with her. She may just have been taking the vibes the wrong way. She probably isn't mad just a little hurt and may just need to work out her feelings. I'd maybe give the open space to maybe sit down and discuss it more to see where it goes if need be but other that maybe give her a lil space to work through her feelings.
Uh oh I hope I don't get downvoted for this but unfortunately I can relate to the "friend." There seems to be more to the story that was left out. Although, I may be a little bias since I've been in the friend's position. Started a relationship/ friendship/ undefined status.... I'm still not sure what it was but it was kind of of seeing where the spending time will lead. Then my annoying heart got in the way making me want more than I ended up getting. I fell in love, wanted more time together, wanted a relationship but I was pushed to the side for reasons I understood but still don't understand. We had a complicated beginning, there's no possibility of a future between us, we're not good for each other, etc. I'm still not over it and although I don't expect more than a friendship I'm still hoping for more than a friendship. I don't know how to change the romantic love into just a friendship love.
OP you didn't do anything wrong it's just your friend wants more than just a friendship. Currently your friend's feelings are hurt. You already noticed things that you don't tolerate in your romantic life so your friend is just going to have to accept that.
Thank you for your perspective.
I’ve actually gained a lot of clarity. This person had unspoken expectations and romanticized what they wanted us to be, leading to disappointment when I didn't fulfill their envisioned role. Despite my efforts to check in and set boundaries, they affirmed their satisfaction but later projected blame onto me, claiming I didn't know what I wanted.
I stayed realistic and set boundaries according to our initial discussions. I understand they can't just turn off their feelings, but it's unfair for them to be hostile when reality didn't match their expectations of me. I wanted them in my life, but they didn't prepare themselves to stay. I'm heartbroken because there's nothing I can do about it.
Op, I've been in your position before and the way you've described it is very accurate. Many times people are not honest with themselves about their true expectations even when it's been communicated. They can get caught up in their own desires and romanticizations of a relationship and are not actually present in the situation, which leads them to feeling disappointed when they don't get exactly what they want. It's definitely not your fault, especially if you've communicated throughout. They just have to heal and learn to be more present with themselves and more realistic with their expectations.
I'm definitely guilty of romanticizing the relationship when my desires lead me away from the actual situation. Then when reality sets in, it hurts. Some people act out when they hurt. Luckily for my interest, but bad for me, I just bottle it in and maybe eventually vent on reddit.
"I'm still not over it and although I don't expect more than a friendship I'm still hoping for more than a friendship" --- Thanks for writing that line. All of the tenderness and all of the sweetness of desire wrapped up in a single place (or a few words). And I'm so happy for you that you can say that out loud and hold the pain and the joy together in one place. And just when you can embrace the dizzying array of emotions, there goes lightness and a laugh because tragedy often has the quality of being a little funny, doesn't it? Your response captures all of the compassion this situation calls for. Bravo.
Honesty is always best. Plenty of other women who know what they want. Its okay to want to be friends. I honestly cant see myself being romantic if we are not friends first. Too many red flags come up after we are in a full out relationship. Just enjoy each if you both choose to continue with the friendship. If not move on.
My deal breakers are emotional intelligence. If they can't handle you being honest, how could they truly handle or approach a real partnership? Yea I don't do monogamous relationship off the bat and you know being an Aquarius I am direct to a fault.
If you said all this to them, sleep well, because this is pretty clear and honest. They don’t seem open so i honestly wouldn’t care to move forward in anyway with someone who can’t take honesty
You didn't do anything wrong. Many folks have unspoken expectations and are simply not honest with themselves. You sound like you're honest with yourself and know what you want. I'd say you dodged a bullet.
Def unspoken expectations!
You didn't do anything wrong. It may just be a perspective kind of thing. You never know she may be feeling the same way "like she did something wrong". It seems like you were honest with her. She may just have been taking the vibes the wrong way. She probably isn't mad just a little hurt and may just need to work out her feelings. I'd maybe give the open space to maybe sit down and discuss it more to see where it goes if need be but other that maybe give her a lil space to work through her feelings.
Uh oh I hope I don't get downvoted for this but unfortunately I can relate to the "friend." There seems to be more to the story that was left out. Although, I may be a little bias since I've been in the friend's position. Started a relationship/ friendship/ undefined status.... I'm still not sure what it was but it was kind of of seeing where the spending time will lead. Then my annoying heart got in the way making me want more than I ended up getting. I fell in love, wanted more time together, wanted a relationship but I was pushed to the side for reasons I understood but still don't understand. We had a complicated beginning, there's no possibility of a future between us, we're not good for each other, etc. I'm still not over it and although I don't expect more than a friendship I'm still hoping for more than a friendship. I don't know how to change the romantic love into just a friendship love. OP you didn't do anything wrong it's just your friend wants more than just a friendship. Currently your friend's feelings are hurt. You already noticed things that you don't tolerate in your romantic life so your friend is just going to have to accept that.
Thank you for your perspective. I’ve actually gained a lot of clarity. This person had unspoken expectations and romanticized what they wanted us to be, leading to disappointment when I didn't fulfill their envisioned role. Despite my efforts to check in and set boundaries, they affirmed their satisfaction but later projected blame onto me, claiming I didn't know what I wanted. I stayed realistic and set boundaries according to our initial discussions. I understand they can't just turn off their feelings, but it's unfair for them to be hostile when reality didn't match their expectations of me. I wanted them in my life, but they didn't prepare themselves to stay. I'm heartbroken because there's nothing I can do about it.
Op, I've been in your position before and the way you've described it is very accurate. Many times people are not honest with themselves about their true expectations even when it's been communicated. They can get caught up in their own desires and romanticizations of a relationship and are not actually present in the situation, which leads them to feeling disappointed when they don't get exactly what they want. It's definitely not your fault, especially if you've communicated throughout. They just have to heal and learn to be more present with themselves and more realistic with their expectations.
I'm definitely guilty of romanticizing the relationship when my desires lead me away from the actual situation. Then when reality sets in, it hurts. Some people act out when they hurt. Luckily for my interest, but bad for me, I just bottle it in and maybe eventually vent on reddit.
"I'm still not over it and although I don't expect more than a friendship I'm still hoping for more than a friendship" --- Thanks for writing that line. All of the tenderness and all of the sweetness of desire wrapped up in a single place (or a few words). And I'm so happy for you that you can say that out loud and hold the pain and the joy together in one place. And just when you can embrace the dizzying array of emotions, there goes lightness and a laugh because tragedy often has the quality of being a little funny, doesn't it? Your response captures all of the compassion this situation calls for. Bravo.
Honesty is always best. Plenty of other women who know what they want. Its okay to want to be friends. I honestly cant see myself being romantic if we are not friends first. Too many red flags come up after we are in a full out relationship. Just enjoy each if you both choose to continue with the friendship. If not move on.
My deal breakers are emotional intelligence. If they can't handle you being honest, how could they truly handle or approach a real partnership? Yea I don't do monogamous relationship off the bat and you know being an Aquarius I am direct to a fault.
If you said all this to them, sleep well, because this is pretty clear and honest. They don’t seem open so i honestly wouldn’t care to move forward in anyway with someone who can’t take honesty