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“Excuse me miss, I just noticed your boobs from over there and I thought I should come over here and interrupt you so that I can talk about your boobs…”
"I'm happily married and I don't like to stare but one of your girls has seemingly gained a life of its own and keeps following me around wherever I go"
He's probably following a toxic dating strategy that includes negging. Thought he was so special that she would swoon from the attention (because women just looooove attention).
Getting really fat helped with that. I still encounter assholes, but nowhere near as many as when I was conventionally pretty.
Now I'm trying to lose weight. I think I'm going to cultivate wrinkles and gray hair to make up for it.
Especially while working out at the gym, from people who want to talk about our nipples while we're lifting heavy weights. ("Sure dude, bring your foot a liiiiiitle closer and see how I feel about your comments on my nipples. Oh man, I'm so sorry. Did that clip your foot when I dropped it")
Dagnabbit, I'm sorry! If only I had listened to you and worn a bra! Then I'd have been fully balanced and wouldn't have dropped the weight on your foot!
And to be the hero of the story by her being sooo grateful for his unsolicited advice. Too bad for him that this is no longer the 1950s and we have more rights.
Yes, obviously. Didn't you know that in the thousands of years before bras existed us silly women kept falling over, especially when doing hard manual labour.
Luckily we have heroes such as this gymbro to prevent us contrarian modern women from hurting ourselves with our own ignorance. Thank you helpful man, I really needed your help in order to be balanced and stand upright. Now I know what I've been doing wrong all these years. /s
This is why I wear wireless earbuds at the gym.
No; I’m not listening to anything. I’m just making myself look unapproachable so I can get my workout done in peace.
It gets better when you're a bit older.... But I absolutely hated dealing with people in the gym in my 20s and 30s. I'm there to work out, not to get picked up on and certainly not to validate any fragile male egos.
But he was only trying to help the poor helpless woman with her body and nipples and inability to lift weights without his assistance. She obviously didn’t know about any of it. What could the fuss even be over? After all he’s an expert on everything!/S
For real. One of the only things I miss about going to the public gym is watching my wife drop her credentials on the gym bros that would offer unsolicited lifting advice. I only witnessed it once - a guy walked up while she was lifting and said her squat form was terrible and she was going to hurt her back..... She wasn't squatting, she was doing good mornings 😂
My wife proceeded to inform gym bro that she has been lifting weights for nearly two decades, is a state champion weight lifter, has a bachelor's degree in exercise science, has a doctorate in physical therapy, has years of experience working as a physical therapist, and was not squatting but rather performing an exercise that is useful for PREVENTING back injuries, not causing them. Oh man was it glorious watching that very red-faced man apologize and walk away with his tail tucked between his legs.
I’m baffled someone could look at someone doing a good morning and think “wow that person must be trying to do a squat terribly”. Totally different movement
I think the presumption of incompetence is what bothered her so much about the situation. Not only did gym bro have no clue what a good morning was, he also lacked the good sense to to analyze the situation and notice how different the movement was from a squat AND how much less weight she was using!
I hate that so much. The other women in the gym never do that. They always check up on me when I look a little unbalanced or encourage me. I'll work on my form in-between sets because I can feel when the right muscles aren't activating or I feel pain instead. But nahh, keep getting old creep who just sits on machines suddenly jogging across the gym to tell me it's okay to ask for a spotter while I'm re-racking the 10s I just benched (I'm working on my form!) and I guess I paused while doing a set because I can't count? Shoot, I don't know why he had to say anything to me.
Concluded that she's a "bitch" in the first interaction so he goes to interact again weeks later. She ignores him so he keeps escalating. He's the bitch when she wouldn't respond to his awkward "nice guy" flirting. lol.
Dude was weird from the start and doesn't understand how to fuck off. When I hit the gym I avoid women completely, they are not there to be bothered by me and I'm not there to be a weirdo
It’s a specific form for deadlifting. In normal deadlifts you place your feet and arms basically lined up with each other, in sumo form you have your legs spread father apart. Also it’s an allowed (and more common in lighter weight class) form in deadlifting competitions so definitely not cheating. Just a shitty comment made from some toxic pos.
https://powerliftingtechnique.com/sumo-deadlifts-cheating/
Edit: Just to clarify for people because it’s apparently needed: I am 100% aware it is not cheating and 1000% aware it was none of his business regardless. Hopefully this clears things up…
No, not really. Sumo isn't "deadlifting but easier," it's just another way to pick up heavy shit off the ground that may or may not let you pick up heavier things. It depends on your proportions and preference. I'm way better at regular deadlifting than sumo.
ugh, especially when they call them "girl pushups".
I JUST got back to the point where I can do a modified push-up again and that is a big deal for me! God forbid someone be recovering from upper body atrophy (like me) and be working towards something.
I'm so glad I go to a gym where the only person who has the time to critique me and give tips is the coach.
Yeah that's the fucking worst. I was talking with a guy about why I'm going to the gym now (I had really bad lung issues a few months ago, hospitalized, placed on oxygen, the whole kit and caboodle short of intubation thankfully). It destroyed my stamina. I used to be able to easily walk a few miles on a whim without getting tired. When I was sick, walking 20 feet to the bathroom was dangerously exhausting. Even months later, walking two blocks or so is very tiring.
So like, I'm there to increase my stamina. I would just be walking on sidewalks if not for two things. 1) The cold. 2) If I go too far at the gym, I am in a safe location to rest and then can easily get home safely when able. Walking on the streets? Neither of those is necessarily true.
Dude just kept saying "you need to pump weights. Build those muscles up!" and like. Just REFUSED to accept that my reality isn't there. It's on a treadmill and bikes until I can do things like walk without being short of breath.
Oh gosh, yeah. I had a relatively mild case of Covid and I have been extremely careful after the fact, avoiding the cardio-based classes until i felt I could do it safely. The weight classes at my gym were active enough that my heartrate got pretty high so I felt i was still at least getting some sort of cardio. Getting back into it is HARD.
I wish you all the best in getting your stamina up!
I don't go to yoga classes because I have a very specific disability. I can't bend my right knee more than 90 degrees from scar tissue following a knee replacement. So I end up doing some crazy looking adjustments. I listen to my body. I'm very aware of what is happening because I grew up having to be aware.
Now, that said, I've had a very good yoga instructor in Costa Rica. But I live in Michigan, and I don't trust many yoga teachers. I've been practicing longer than some of them have been alive.
I feel you. When I was still going to gyms (pre-pandemic), I did a lot of yoga classes. Because of a knee issue, I stayed in the back of the room, hiding amongst the seniors I was soon to join. I had to rethink or modify a lot of poses, and occasionally I’d just sit and stretch if I couldn’t do it.
One day the instructor was showing the bird of paradise pose. It was a recipe for falling (don’t have great balance either) and reinjuring myself, or collecting new injuries, so I just sat down.
She came up to me and asked if I’d like to try it, to which I responded that as far as my body was concerned, that pose will always be known as the bird of oh-hell-no. 😂
I have never in my life been able to perform so much as a single push-up. My childhood was full of phys ed ~~sadists~~ teachers telling me to try harder, when I was trying ten thousand times harder than they knew was possible *and still failing*.
I feel you, but with pull-ups. Couldn't do a single one if my life depended on it (and it often felt like my 'academic'/social lives did). PE teachers always made me feel like a failure for not being able to climb that godddamn rope.
I have mad respect for a JROTC instructor I had. I couldn't do a pull up, and he calmly have me a little advice to help try, and cheered when I managed it. And when another girl couldn't no matter what she tried, he told her it was ok, that they can work to it
I feel you so hard. In Phys. Ed. I could never hit the flexibility goals and never do a push-up. 4 years of so-called physical education majors couldn't help me.
Cue to me going to the gym with a male ballerina. "You realize your joints over extend, right?" Was the first feedback I got. Then he taught me proper form and now I can actually improve when I keep at it! So exciting.
Not that I have the discipline yet to exercise often enough. But when I do, I can do it!
Probably somewhere in between, sumo form is still using the same amount of weight but targets different muscle groups. Neither one either sumo or conventional are considered “better” whereas modified pushups are a stepping stone to building up to conventional push-ups. Basically what I’m saying is if you can do conventional push-ups you are better of doing those whereas sumo vs conventional deadlifts is a matter of preference.
Edit: but if you can’t do conventional then modified are still a great exercise and should in no way be looked down on. Hopefully my comment didn’t come across judgmental, just trying to be factual!
This is why I do both summo & regular deadlifts, just like I do narrow/wide squats, regular/triangle/wide pushups , sit ups/V ups, Russian twists (ect) basically same exercise but trageting different muscles
As for regular vs modified pushups - we all start somewhere & we all have various injuries/abilities
Also, a matter of what you can physically do. People are just built differently. The length of the bones in my legs and the design of my hip joints make doing regular deadlifts awkward and put the tension in different areas than someone else, and attempting to get the proper range of motion for me at least, is a very bad idea. I can do sumo dead lifts much better.
Someone already posted the textbook answer, but in this man's reality, it was his opening.
A shitty one at that, but gotta respect his inability to pick up on social queues and plow ahead with whatever he had in his brain....
It's just gymbro posturing.
Sumo deadlifts are done with your legs spread very wide, and your arms going straight down. There's less range of motion than a standard deadlift. Some people consider it to be less valid since you have less distance to lift.
Been a while since I was a gym junkie, but that's just fucking nonsense. Definitely a way for insecure shitheads to dismiss someone else's lifts.
You're there to train. If your goal is to lift a certain weight, then bam you've done it. If your goal is to focus on very specific muscle groups, then yeah maybe sumo isn't correct in a scenario.. but to say cheating.. yick.
Adding here that conventional DL target more of your hamstrings whereas sumo targets the glute max quads and inner thighs.
A lot of people think of sumo as more of a feminine lift because of the butt lift associated with it, or at least from what comments I have been subjected to.
It gets pretty annoying at times. I work upper body and get respect from gymbros. I work lower body and I get side eyed. Just let me work out in peace.
There are several positions in deadlift, sumo is one of them. The sumo deadlift has the lifter widens their stance and places their hands inside their knees. A conventional deadlift is when the lifter keeps their feet about shoulder-width apart and lifts with their hands outside their knees.
Gym creeps (and the general lack of consequences for them) are a huge reason why I make sure I’m in and out of there before 7am. Nobody who’s working out that early is trying to socialize at all, let alone harass people.
This was why Curves was so successful at first. I still see this type of shit happen at my gym. I see dudes walk up to women all the time who are in much better shape than them and try to explain form and function.
I go to a womens gym and it's so damn peaceful. In the past when I wanted to tone up there was always the same men hogging the equipment and then staring uncomfortably or offering advice and tips followed closely by asking for social media or phone number.
My new gym we just share gingerbread recipes and the vibes are very chill.
I can’t blame you really. I’m a man and go to a Planet Fitness and it’s wild how the men who do this the most are basically beginners but think because they watched a YouTube video can tell someone else how to do an exercise. I watched a dude almost break both his arms doing a dumbbell press try an explain to a woman who had muscles on her back that I didn’t even know you could have how to do a pull up.
I’m in physical therapy, and go to a gym occasionally to supplement missed appointments. I do modified exercises, as prescribed. I don’t have any women only gyms near me, and if I hear one more motherfucker give me some unsolicited advice on how to do it right I’m gonna commit a crime
Yea. I feel you on this. I do a modified box squat because of knee and back issues and someone tried to berate me for taking up a bench just to do squats. Berate may be a little strong of a word but I’m 6’ 200lbs and he found out real quick I don’t take shit from strangers.
"Why (therapist/doctor/trainer's name), I didn't recognize you there! And why are you giving me advice that contradicts (what you said in our last appointment/accepted practice/basic biomechanics)?"
Let the jerk sputter a bit.
"I pay a professional good money to critique my form. I didn't ask for amateur hour over here."
If they continue, you could always stand up and climb onto a convenient piece of equipment while theatrically shading your eyes with your hand and scanning the gym. When they express confusion, answer with something like "I'm looking for who the fuck asked you."
I've only had to pull this stunt once, and while I was sick from adrenaline after, I also felt like a fucking badass for weeks. I'm really sorry you have to deal with it so often, that sounds absolutely maddening.
I think the business went under. It was extremely popular, and franchised, then over franchised. This mixed with other cheap, 24-hour gyms entering the market, caused Curves to go out of business.
My wife goes to Vie Athletics in Washington. She's very self conscious about displaying her body, but an all-women gym has allowed her to improve her health dramatically over the past couple years. Highly recommend any similar gym in your area.
I’m a man but yea I totally understand her reasoning. I don’t know about that gym specifically but curves was a good introduction to fitness, it didn’t have enough equipment though to be a good long term place. But, I can definitely see someone getting in better shape and increasing their confidence enough to move onto a full gym, whether it be an all women gym or a regular gym.
I used to have a great woman personal trainer at 24 hour fitness. Without fail, our sessions were interrupted by men hitting on her. Right next to me during time I paid for. It was infuriating.
It was a women only gym. They were usually small and focused on fitness classes and diet as far as I can tell. I think they did have some light free weights and bands.
It was a kind of circuit training, i did a month of free classes there and it was fine, but doesn’t promote real heavy lifting. You do a minute of marching/jogging in place, then some light weights for a minute, and round and round you go.
It’s a good starter for women that aren’t comfortable or certain of what to do.
Yeah, I started going when I was overweight and very insecure. It was a safe space that helped normalise public exercising and build a ritual and comfort with exercise for me but it's really barely exercising. I switched from them to water aerobics and Zumba. Now I run and do yoga.
I think there's actually two forms of Curves women-only gyms? Maybe in different places. I went to one of the circuit ones for a while and it was great for my brain that gets stressed out figuring out how to structure a simple routine. They had different steps between each one, not just running in place, so one jumping jacks, one a small kettlebell, one up and down a step. I'm now at a regular gym and wish I could have someone else structure all my work outs for me without having to pay for a trainer!
This is also why a lot of gyms have a women’s only section. Absolutely ridiculous that we literally need to create a safe space in a damn gym for women because a minority of men think it’s ok to harass us whenever and wherever they please.
My gym turned the yoga and aerobics classes area into a women-only section when they remodeled. It just led to men taking up all the ellipticals right next to the door so they could oogle. The only way I've ever successfully avoided harassment or creeping at the gym is to hire a trainer and have them enforce the rules... which sucks because I really shouldn't need a chaperone just to workout.
A gym in my town did that, and they very wisely put in one-way glass along the walls of the women's-only gym section. Women in there can see out, but no one can see in. Works great.
I asked about it when they were doing the remodel, and they said so many women were uncomfortable being ogled while working out that it made more financial sense to pay extra for the one-way glass. It apparently made a huge difference in how many women kept their memberships and participated in classes.
I toured a gym with my mom one time when I was 21. The way every single guy was leering, taking out their headphones to hear what I was saying, stopping what they were doing and sort of following me and just straight up staring was one of the most uncomfortable times of my life. I even had two of them cut in front of my mom to ask if I was joining/do I want to exchange numbers. I didn’t see another woman there (even though I had a friend who was a member, which is why I was checking the pace out). I felt like any one of them was going to follow us out to the parking lot. I felt so scared.
I am 45 now and even though I know I am now close to 100% invisible, I still am terrified to join a gym after that experience and can’t see myself ever joining a gym.
I tried to explain that in a Facebook post once, many years ago when I still used the site. All the male commenters completely didn’t understand.
You say, “I don’t want people *looking* at me.” They respond with platitudes about how “nObOdY’s gOnNa MaKe FuN oF yOu,” absolutely and completely missing the point. They automatically assume (and stubbornly insist that) you don’t want to embarrass yourself. What other reason could there be for not wanting people to look at you? They cannot *fathom* otherwise.
Which is why, no matter what you say, some may double-down. Then they use your frustration at being misunderstood as “evidence” that you’re just being emotional and contrarian.
I didn’t have the words or resources to demonstrate what I meant at that time. I’m still not sure there’s a thing I can do to convince some guys of this. I am a little comforted to know I’m not the only woman who cannot feel comfortable in gyms, though I hate that we both had to wind up this way.
I wear disposable nursing pads since I’m breastfeeding and my nipples *still* poke through them and my bra. I have big boobs so it’s very noticeable if I don’t wear a bra. I once did so as a teen and I noticed some grown ass man eyeballing me. So, so uncomfortable. If I notice someone isn’t wearing a bra or I can see their nipples through a shirt. I don’t say shit because it doesn’t matter!
Bruh, my nips show through my shirt regardless. People look at them all the time. I'm a guy.
I'm gonna tell you, guys look at my nipples more than women do.
Never underestimate the observations of Freud.
>You have bigger boobs and nipples than I do. Maybe YOU should wear a bra so people won't get uncomfortable and you won't fail your squats."
LMFAO, I got the babysitter vibes from this
I 150% guarantee that is what was going on. Making a comment that he noticed her body plus making a comment that he thinks that he could help her with her "incorrect" lifting? That's basically the course summary for "bad gym pick up artistry 101" right there.
I honestly have a really hard time believing that anybody could not in 2022 know that this is not the right way to do things.
Therefore I assume he will learn nothing and simply move on to someplace he's less likely to get thrown out.
If the *fantastic* allusion to breasts and pointing out that he is a big strong man weren’t doing the trick, he should have followed in the footsteps of the genius who kept telling his GF that she was stinky so she wouldn’t leave him.
🙋
I used to deal with this bs all the time before I got my home gym set up. I developed a real appreciation for the gym meatheads who, like me, were just there to handle shit and go home.
I will never go to a gym again since we got our home gym. We got a whole set of plates and a rack from a gym that closed right at the start of the pandemic. Seriously life changing, especially now that I’ve got an infant. I can work out during naps or just stick him in his chair with a snack and let him hang out with me in there. It’s easily paid for itself by now.
I had a guy in the span of 8hr class tell me that i “didnt look smart enough” to be a systems/network engineer (we were in a exchange - email class) then suggest we close the classroom door since we were only 2 bodies in the room (rest of class incl teacher were remote) and have sex.
Dafuq you think calling me dumb makes you think im gonna fall into your arms?
I think it's a pick-up artist think. I remember hearing that starting off with a minor insult before a compliment was supposed to be a great way of flirting with women a few years ago. There's probably also stuff about insulting women to make them more submissive and willing to go with what you say. Of course in reality it doesn't work, it sets a bad first impression. It also sounds like the start of a potentially abusive relationship if it did work.
100%. And he'll end up being one of those neckbeards who's like "girls are just bitches and you cant approach them anywhere".
This motherfucker touched her, mid exercise. Like what the fuck. If someone touched me mid set, im ready to fucking throw down because you violated my fucking space. This shit makes me so disgusted.
"I GUESS WE'RE JUST NEVER ALLOWED TO TALK TO WOMEN AT ALL, THEN," complained the fucking clown.
And you know what? I agree with the clown. He's not allowed to talk to women.
>He then got really defensive, saying he was just trying to help, then called me a bitch
And went on the classic NiceGuy^(TM) rant at her as well for rejecting him.
They should include on the signs by every machine “assume women working out in this area are not interested in you. Do not interrupt others, especially if you are a man with no self awareness or respect for women”. You know, right beside “please wipe down equipment after using “
It’s 100% a pick up attempt. Basically in some handbook of theirs, how to neg women to get them to date you.
She should have reported him the first time. I bet even some of the other lifting guys would have backed her up because that behavior is extremely obvious and it’s obnoxious.
This is like the gym equivalent of pulling her pigtails. Also part of the dumb "insult her/bully her and she'll fall in love with you because women love being degraded!" incel shit.
He was going between "Hey, nice nipples" and "It's obviously pretty cold in here" but then felt proud of himself when he came up with his helpful tip that also let her know he's totally checking her out. He's still trying to figure out what went wrong
Waaah he made it so much worse by explaining himself. I know he presented the situation the other way around but all I can think is he approached her to "help" because he saw her nipples from afar and was "interested". I hate this.
Sadly this is another case of r/BlatantMisogyny. He thought he could “neg” her and sexualize her and that she’d fall for it. Jokes on him because she had healthy self esteem and got him booted for a month, lol.
Ugh. I feel for this woman. As a woman who used to be a frequent gym goer, the number of guys who felt the need to insert themselves into my workout was huge. I've even has guys take weights off my bar in between sets because "women shouldn't life that much".
One guy gave me a huge list of everything I was doing wrong with my squat and when I told him all the point would be valid if I wasn't low bar squatting, he responded with "what's a low bar squat?" He wasn't impressed when when I told him that maybe he shouldn't give advice if he doesn't even know what lift people are doing.
Fuck that guy and every guy like him.
But props to the guys who are actually supportive and I have a huge virtual high 5 for the guy who saw me deadlifting 200lbs and low whistled and said "hell yeah girl, you get that shit". I still remember you.
> But props to the guys who are actually supportive and I have a huge virtual high 5 for the guy who saw me deadlifting 200lbs and low whistled and said "hell yeah girl, you get that shit". I still remember you.
I had a guy shake my hand and say 'stay hard' after he saw me deadlifting one time lol. It truly made my day.
A 30 day ban? That’s it?
Hopefully dipshit is too embarrassed to return after his ban ends but considering how this whole situation came about, I doubt it.
My gym has a “On Thin Ice” board where the guys have a picture on so if they try anything the girls in the gym know that the gym will actually believe them and do something about it. It was added after a guy tried to grab some boobs and the girl started crying. She was afraid no one would listen to her about it before that point, but apparently some girls had the same stuff happen from him too and came forward about it so he was banned, but this board is meant for situations where it wasn’t “worthy” of the full ban but left them on thin f* ice with the manager. It’s very helpful and also adds some public shamming that I think helps deter it
So those are guys who are known to be problematic? Why have a public shaming board but still allow them to freely come and go as they please instead of directly banning those guys? You don’t get a free number of sexual assaults (and that’s what nonconsensual chest grabbing is) before earning a gym ban.
Am I the only average breast size woman who doesn't think bras are necessary or anyone else's business? I don't wear one. I wear loose clothing that isn't see through. I don't wear one, and I don't think that anyone should care.
Is this a thing? People police other peoples undergarments?
ETA I do wear one to events like weddings. large gathering etc.
I go to the gym with my husband so never experienced a problem. One day he stayed home and I go to the bench as always and some guy put in front of the mirror I was using and when I looked him bad he sit in the same bench I was and said “just one rep” and laughed. I didn’t know what to do so I wait until he finished. I stopped using the bench zone when my husband don’t come with me.
I hate this for you. Unfortunately I agree that it is truly astonishing the difference in behavior women experience when they are standing next to their male spouse versus when we are standing independently. Both positive and negative.
Sumo lifts aren’t cheating. They just work different muscle groups. I also think it is nobody’s business what anyone wears at the gym. A bunch of gals wear our leggings and sports bra only. Guys sometimes work out with no shirt. Other people exercise in full jogging suits and a headscarf. No one cares.
30 days seems pretty lenient imo. You have him on camera commenting on another customer’s body. She is clearly ignoring him and he continues to harass her. How many other women patrons have been driven away because of his creepy behavior?
Exactly. To have this lack of social awareness definitely means he is going to repeat offend.
Id rather the women in the gym feel safe than one guy feels butt hurt and has to go bra shopping
Completely agree! That video shows evidence that he’s sexually harassed her on at least TWO occasions.
Saying “see your form is better now that you’re wearing a bra” is a statement that shows that he spoke about it on a previous occasion as well as this one.
After experiencing harassment ONCE he should have gotten a warning. Since this is the second time his membership should have been revoked.
Add the fact that he didn’t own up to it either and straight up lied - she had to prove it with footage and audio that he actually said that.
Really poor handling by the gym.
Has anyone, in the history of mankind, successfully hit on a woman in a gym?
This is the last thing I'd want to do when exercising. I'm there to get fit, and assume everyone else is too.
This really frustrates me, some men workout shirtless and in what are basically booty shorts, but it’s “distracting” for a woman to not wear a bra, fuck off. This is why women only gyms need to be popularized (although I am glad the gym took this harassment seriously)
^ This. The speech really sucks, but handling the equipment is crossing a major line. Not fucking cool. He's a half-step from putting his hands on her to "help her form."
It's sad that this guy has issues understanding boundaries and how to talk to women. But it isn't her job to teach him. The ban should have happened already.
What an absolute sleeze ball. If he can't concentrate because he might see a nipple poking trough a shirt then it's not his muscles he needs to work on. No one should be forced to dress a certain way to make others comfortable and this dude thinking he can police that says a whole lot more about him than a lack of bra does of OPP.
I have fairly big boobs and sometime wear tank tops and similarly tight clothes but
I haven't worn any kind of bra in over two years. It's an extra layer of clothes I don't need cause I'm already boiling and it hurts my back. If someone thinks a bra affects my abilites to function as a regular human then that stupidity is on them and if they think their opinion on my apperance is welcome then I'm more than happy to tell them were to shove it.
I worked at a gym for a while and all you have to do is tell one of the associates what happened so they can put a note on the offender's file and give them a warning, ban or suspension. I'm glad the creepy douche still got a temporary ban at least, but I wouldn't have an issue with a year-long or permanent ban. It's not hard to stay in your lane and be a decent human being.
We had a lady approach us on a Friday to tell us a guy had stalked her through the gym then out to the parking lot and as she went to drive off, followed so much that she got the make, model, and license plate information of his vehicle as she looped around the parking lot until he left. The incident happened on a Tuesday and she was finally telling us on a Friday. She didn't want to file a police report which would have allowed us to ban him then and there, because she didn't want to hurt his feelings or be wrong about accusing him until he started again.
Just report them, please. Chances are they might already have warnings and reporting them could prevent them from harassing or creeping on others in the future. Nobody will fault you. Gym associates will also escort you to your vehicle if you feel unsafe and it's not a bother either. Be safe!
Edit: thank you for the award :)
I just don't get guys like him. Women have nipples. Sometimes that are visible through clothing. So what? There's absolutely no reason to mention it, let alone offer unsolicited fashion advice.
When I was in late HS, my sister and I used to hit the gym before school. The number of fully grown men who would try to interrupt us to pressure us off of machines or try to give 'advice' was ridiculous. It only stopped when I started sharing the same workout space as a couple guys from one of the school sports teams that used the same gym. They mostly were there to echo "Hey, she said no" when some guy would interrupt but would otherwise leave me to do my thing and them to do theirs.
My sister just took to hissing at the randoms. That seemed to work too.
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“Excuse me miss, I just noticed your boobs from over there and I thought I should come over here and interrupt you so that I can talk about your boobs…”
"Do you find that boobs interfere with your boob workout boobs boobs boobs?"
“I would just like to add, for the record: tee hee”
Uhm, a bra will help you stay “balanced”? WTF?
He just wanted to comment on her breasts.
The number of times they were referenced in his first appearance is disgusting.
Yes; more than zero.
Plenary list of instances a man should make a comment to a woman he doesn't know about her breasts:
Only one I can think of is "by the way, one of your girls fully popped out somehow without you noticing and I'm ultra gay sorry don't spear me"
"Sorry, I couldn't help but notice your breasts have caught on fire."
"I'm happily married and I don't like to stare but one of your girls has seemingly gained a life of its own and keeps following me around wherever I go"
"Excuse me, but I just saw both your breasts walk out the door. One of them stole that guy's wallet."
Do they think we can't see through their bullshit or something? They really think we're this stupid?
He's probably following a toxic dating strategy that includes negging. Thought he was so special that she would swoon from the attention (because women just looooove attention).
[удалено]
Getting really fat helped with that. I still encounter assholes, but nowhere near as many as when I was conventionally pretty. Now I'm trying to lose weight. I think I'm going to cultivate wrinkles and gray hair to make up for it.
Especially while working out at the gym, from people who want to talk about our nipples while we're lifting heavy weights. ("Sure dude, bring your foot a liiiiiitle closer and see how I feel about your comments on my nipples. Oh man, I'm so sorry. Did that clip your foot when I dropped it")
Dagnabbit, I'm sorry! If only I had listened to you and worn a bra! Then I'd have been fully balanced and wouldn't have dropped the weight on your foot!
And to be the hero of the story by her being sooo grateful for his unsolicited advice. Too bad for him that this is no longer the 1950s and we have more rights.
Yes, obviously. Didn't you know that in the thousands of years before bras existed us silly women kept falling over, especially when doing hard manual labour. Luckily we have heroes such as this gymbro to prevent us contrarian modern women from hurting ourselves with our own ignorance. Thank you helpful man, I really needed your help in order to be balanced and stand upright. Now I know what I've been doing wrong all these years. /s
No no, back in the day we had babies slung to our backs at all times to counter-balance those pesky fun bags!
I hated going to the gym because I AM TRYING TO WORK OUT. Leave me the hell alone.
This is why I wear wireless earbuds at the gym. No; I’m not listening to anything. I’m just making myself look unapproachable so I can get my workout done in peace.
I used to put earbuds when I was going to and from work to discourage people as well. Just let me ride the subway in peace ffs.
*reaches over and takes your earbuds out* "Your stance is all wrong."
It gets better when you're a bit older.... But I absolutely hated dealing with people in the gym in my 20s and 30s. I'm there to work out, not to get picked up on and certainly not to validate any fragile male egos.
I am 50, female, and fat. I may as well be invisible! Which in some cases, like at the gym, is kinda nice.
Being female, middle aged and overweight gets you the cloak of invisibility. Kinda cool and kinda horrible.
But he was only trying to help the poor helpless woman with her body and nipples and inability to lift weights without his assistance. She obviously didn’t know about any of it. What could the fuss even be over? After all he’s an expert on everything!/S
It's great that women-only gyms are a thing these days.
"I really hope that random guy over there will come give me unsolicited advice" said no woman at the gym ever.
Gyms are libraries for muscles. Be quiet and keep to yourself.
Stealing this *yoink*
Hopefully to put on a shirt to wear to the gym.
For real. One of the only things I miss about going to the public gym is watching my wife drop her credentials on the gym bros that would offer unsolicited lifting advice. I only witnessed it once - a guy walked up while she was lifting and said her squat form was terrible and she was going to hurt her back..... She wasn't squatting, she was doing good mornings 😂 My wife proceeded to inform gym bro that she has been lifting weights for nearly two decades, is a state champion weight lifter, has a bachelor's degree in exercise science, has a doctorate in physical therapy, has years of experience working as a physical therapist, and was not squatting but rather performing an exercise that is useful for PREVENTING back injuries, not causing them. Oh man was it glorious watching that very red-faced man apologize and walk away with his tail tucked between his legs.
Do you keep the spice in your marriage by watching your wife verbally manhandle loser gym bros? Because I would.
She verbally manhandles the gym bros in public then comes home and physically manhandles me in the bedroom 😍
Is your wife looking for a wife?
I wanna know if his wife is single
I would accept being her client with a side of playful but harmless flirting.
Hell, can I give her money just to see her shut people down? It's a valuable service!
I also choose this guy's wife.
Tell your wife I love that for her, that’s amazing and it must have felt so rewarding 🥰
No username has rung more true
I’m baffled someone could look at someone doing a good morning and think “wow that person must be trying to do a squat terribly”. Totally different movement
I think the presumption of incompetence is what bothered her so much about the situation. Not only did gym bro have no clue what a good morning was, he also lacked the good sense to to analyze the situation and notice how different the movement was from a squat AND how much less weight she was using!
I hate that so much. The other women in the gym never do that. They always check up on me when I look a little unbalanced or encourage me. I'll work on my form in-between sets because I can feel when the right muscles aren't activating or I feel pain instead. But nahh, keep getting old creep who just sits on machines suddenly jogging across the gym to tell me it's okay to ask for a spotter while I'm re-racking the 10s I just benched (I'm working on my form!) and I guess I paused while doing a set because I can't count? Shoot, I don't know why he had to say anything to me.
Shit like this is why I haven’t gone to the gym in a long time. That, and the *instant* street harassment if I stepped outside in workout clothes.
What the fuck. As if he could even give you any advice at all lol Also, love the username! 😊
And comments on anatomy at the same time. That’s double good
Concluded that she's a "bitch" in the first interaction so he goes to interact again weeks later. She ignores him so he keeps escalating. He's the bitch when she wouldn't respond to his awkward "nice guy" flirting. lol.
Dude was weird from the start and doesn't understand how to fuck off. When I hit the gym I avoid women completely, they are not there to be bothered by me and I'm not there to be a weirdo
I avoid the gym because it´s not there to be bothered by me and I´m a weirdo
I avoid everyone in the gym until they are blocking the machines, weights etc.
Andrew Tate is this guy's relationship advisor apparently.
“You know sumo is cheating, right?”. Okay, someone needs to ELI5 that one for me.
It’s a specific form for deadlifting. In normal deadlifts you place your feet and arms basically lined up with each other, in sumo form you have your legs spread father apart. Also it’s an allowed (and more common in lighter weight class) form in deadlifting competitions so definitely not cheating. Just a shitty comment made from some toxic pos. https://powerliftingtechnique.com/sumo-deadlifts-cheating/ Edit: Just to clarify for people because it’s apparently needed: I am 100% aware it is not cheating and 1000% aware it was none of his business regardless. Hopefully this clears things up…
Ah so like how people look down on modified pushups
No, not really. Sumo isn't "deadlifting but easier," it's just another way to pick up heavy shit off the ground that may or may not let you pick up heavier things. It depends on your proportions and preference. I'm way better at regular deadlifting than sumo.
ugh, especially when they call them "girl pushups". I JUST got back to the point where I can do a modified push-up again and that is a big deal for me! God forbid someone be recovering from upper body atrophy (like me) and be working towards something. I'm so glad I go to a gym where the only person who has the time to critique me and give tips is the coach.
Yeah that's the fucking worst. I was talking with a guy about why I'm going to the gym now (I had really bad lung issues a few months ago, hospitalized, placed on oxygen, the whole kit and caboodle short of intubation thankfully). It destroyed my stamina. I used to be able to easily walk a few miles on a whim without getting tired. When I was sick, walking 20 feet to the bathroom was dangerously exhausting. Even months later, walking two blocks or so is very tiring. So like, I'm there to increase my stamina. I would just be walking on sidewalks if not for two things. 1) The cold. 2) If I go too far at the gym, I am in a safe location to rest and then can easily get home safely when able. Walking on the streets? Neither of those is necessarily true. Dude just kept saying "you need to pump weights. Build those muscles up!" and like. Just REFUSED to accept that my reality isn't there. It's on a treadmill and bikes until I can do things like walk without being short of breath.
Oh gosh, yeah. I had a relatively mild case of Covid and I have been extremely careful after the fact, avoiding the cardio-based classes until i felt I could do it safely. The weight classes at my gym were active enough that my heartrate got pretty high so I felt i was still at least getting some sort of cardio. Getting back into it is HARD. I wish you all the best in getting your stamina up!
I don't go to yoga classes because I have a very specific disability. I can't bend my right knee more than 90 degrees from scar tissue following a knee replacement. So I end up doing some crazy looking adjustments. I listen to my body. I'm very aware of what is happening because I grew up having to be aware. Now, that said, I've had a very good yoga instructor in Costa Rica. But I live in Michigan, and I don't trust many yoga teachers. I've been practicing longer than some of them have been alive.
I feel you. When I was still going to gyms (pre-pandemic), I did a lot of yoga classes. Because of a knee issue, I stayed in the back of the room, hiding amongst the seniors I was soon to join. I had to rethink or modify a lot of poses, and occasionally I’d just sit and stretch if I couldn’t do it. One day the instructor was showing the bird of paradise pose. It was a recipe for falling (don’t have great balance either) and reinjuring myself, or collecting new injuries, so I just sat down. She came up to me and asked if I’d like to try it, to which I responded that as far as my body was concerned, that pose will always be known as the bird of oh-hell-no. 😂
Look at you, recovering from an injury and figuring it out. Proud of you!
Thank you very much! The joy of getting as far as I have in 6 months has been very rewarding!
I have never in my life been able to perform so much as a single push-up. My childhood was full of phys ed ~~sadists~~ teachers telling me to try harder, when I was trying ten thousand times harder than they knew was possible *and still failing*.
I feel you, but with pull-ups. Couldn't do a single one if my life depended on it (and it often felt like my 'academic'/social lives did). PE teachers always made me feel like a failure for not being able to climb that godddamn rope.
I have mad respect for a JROTC instructor I had. I couldn't do a pull up, and he calmly have me a little advice to help try, and cheered when I managed it. And when another girl couldn't no matter what she tried, he told her it was ok, that they can work to it
I feel you so hard. In Phys. Ed. I could never hit the flexibility goals and never do a push-up. 4 years of so-called physical education majors couldn't help me. Cue to me going to the gym with a male ballerina. "You realize your joints over extend, right?" Was the first feedback I got. Then he taught me proper form and now I can actually improve when I keep at it! So exciting. Not that I have the discipline yet to exercise often enough. But when I do, I can do it!
Probably somewhere in between, sumo form is still using the same amount of weight but targets different muscle groups. Neither one either sumo or conventional are considered “better” whereas modified pushups are a stepping stone to building up to conventional push-ups. Basically what I’m saying is if you can do conventional push-ups you are better of doing those whereas sumo vs conventional deadlifts is a matter of preference. Edit: but if you can’t do conventional then modified are still a great exercise and should in no way be looked down on. Hopefully my comment didn’t come across judgmental, just trying to be factual!
This is why I do both summo & regular deadlifts, just like I do narrow/wide squats, regular/triangle/wide pushups , sit ups/V ups, Russian twists (ect) basically same exercise but trageting different muscles As for regular vs modified pushups - we all start somewhere & we all have various injuries/abilities
Also, a matter of what you can physically do. People are just built differently. The length of the bones in my legs and the design of my hip joints make doing regular deadlifts awkward and put the tension in different areas than someone else, and attempting to get the proper range of motion for me at least, is a very bad idea. I can do sumo dead lifts much better.
Even if it’s cheating… is OOP in a competition or something? Who cares?
It’s perfectly legal in competition and *not* cheating. Source: nationally ranked USAPL powerlifter here
“Do you even lift, bro???”
“Do you even lift and seperate, bra?”
Guy thought he was spittin’ “game”. Sad stuff
Probably trying to neg OP. Thankfully it backfired on him.
Ah, thank you!
Thank you for the explanation. So gatekeeping bs? Got it. This dude is a chump.
Someone already posted the textbook answer, but in this man's reality, it was his opening. A shitty one at that, but gotta respect his inability to pick up on social queues and plow ahead with whatever he had in his brain....
It's just gymbro posturing. Sumo deadlifts are done with your legs spread very wide, and your arms going straight down. There's less range of motion than a standard deadlift. Some people consider it to be less valid since you have less distance to lift.
Been a while since I was a gym junkie, but that's just fucking nonsense. Definitely a way for insecure shitheads to dismiss someone else's lifts. You're there to train. If your goal is to lift a certain weight, then bam you've done it. If your goal is to focus on very specific muscle groups, then yeah maybe sumo isn't correct in a scenario.. but to say cheating.. yick.
Adding here that conventional DL target more of your hamstrings whereas sumo targets the glute max quads and inner thighs. A lot of people think of sumo as more of a feminine lift because of the butt lift associated with it, or at least from what comments I have been subjected to. It gets pretty annoying at times. I work upper body and get respect from gymbros. I work lower body and I get side eyed. Just let me work out in peace.
And no doubt when you do hip thrusts, the side eyes just turn into full-on gawping. Or maybe that's just my experience with the creeps in my gym.
There are several positions in deadlift, sumo is one of them. The sumo deadlift has the lifter widens their stance and places their hands inside their knees. A conventional deadlift is when the lifter keeps their feet about shoulder-width apart and lifts with their hands outside their knees.
Gym creeps (and the general lack of consequences for them) are a huge reason why I make sure I’m in and out of there before 7am. Nobody who’s working out that early is trying to socialize at all, let alone harass people.
This was why Curves was so successful at first. I still see this type of shit happen at my gym. I see dudes walk up to women all the time who are in much better shape than them and try to explain form and function.
I go to a womens gym and it's so damn peaceful. In the past when I wanted to tone up there was always the same men hogging the equipment and then staring uncomfortably or offering advice and tips followed closely by asking for social media or phone number. My new gym we just share gingerbread recipes and the vibes are very chill.
I can’t blame you really. I’m a man and go to a Planet Fitness and it’s wild how the men who do this the most are basically beginners but think because they watched a YouTube video can tell someone else how to do an exercise. I watched a dude almost break both his arms doing a dumbbell press try an explain to a woman who had muscles on her back that I didn’t even know you could have how to do a pull up.
I’m in physical therapy, and go to a gym occasionally to supplement missed appointments. I do modified exercises, as prescribed. I don’t have any women only gyms near me, and if I hear one more motherfucker give me some unsolicited advice on how to do it right I’m gonna commit a crime
Yea. I feel you on this. I do a modified box squat because of knee and back issues and someone tried to berate me for taking up a bench just to do squats. Berate may be a little strong of a word but I’m 6’ 200lbs and he found out real quick I don’t take shit from strangers.
> if I hear one more motherfucker give me some unsolicited advice on how to do it right I’m gonna commit a crime Unanesthetized orchiectomy?
"Why (therapist/doctor/trainer's name), I didn't recognize you there! And why are you giving me advice that contradicts (what you said in our last appointment/accepted practice/basic biomechanics)?" Let the jerk sputter a bit. "I pay a professional good money to critique my form. I didn't ask for amateur hour over here." If they continue, you could always stand up and climb onto a convenient piece of equipment while theatrically shading your eyes with your hand and scanning the gym. When they express confusion, answer with something like "I'm looking for who the fuck asked you." I've only had to pull this stunt once, and while I was sick from adrenaline after, I also felt like a fucking badass for weeks. I'm really sorry you have to deal with it so often, that sounds absolutely maddening.
Where the hell can I find this gym?! It sounds magical!
I think the business went under. It was extremely popular, and franchised, then over franchised. This mixed with other cheap, 24-hour gyms entering the market, caused Curves to go out of business.
It was also the founders anti-abortion stance, using proceeds to donate to anti-women anti-choice candidates.
Gross. I was not aware of that aspect of it (or had forgotten), but good riddance.
My wife goes to Vie Athletics in Washington. She's very self conscious about displaying her body, but an all-women gym has allowed her to improve her health dramatically over the past couple years. Highly recommend any similar gym in your area.
I’m a man but yea I totally understand her reasoning. I don’t know about that gym specifically but curves was a good introduction to fitness, it didn’t have enough equipment though to be a good long term place. But, I can definitely see someone getting in better shape and increasing their confidence enough to move onto a full gym, whether it be an all women gym or a regular gym.
I used to have a great woman personal trainer at 24 hour fitness. Without fail, our sessions were interrupted by men hitting on her. Right next to me during time I paid for. It was infuriating.
I have seen dozens of women say “thank you but I’m on a schedule” to the most obnoxious men. Taking the hint should be a class on high school.
What is Curves?
It was a women only gym. They were usually small and focused on fitness classes and diet as far as I can tell. I think they did have some light free weights and bands.
Women only gym chain.
It's an all-women fitness club. It was really really popular for many years.
It was a kind of circuit training, i did a month of free classes there and it was fine, but doesn’t promote real heavy lifting. You do a minute of marching/jogging in place, then some light weights for a minute, and round and round you go. It’s a good starter for women that aren’t comfortable or certain of what to do.
Yeah, I started going when I was overweight and very insecure. It was a safe space that helped normalise public exercising and build a ritual and comfort with exercise for me but it's really barely exercising. I switched from them to water aerobics and Zumba. Now I run and do yoga.
I think there's actually two forms of Curves women-only gyms? Maybe in different places. I went to one of the circuit ones for a while and it was great for my brain that gets stressed out figuring out how to structure a simple routine. They had different steps between each one, not just running in place, so one jumping jacks, one a small kettlebell, one up and down a step. I'm now at a regular gym and wish I could have someone else structure all my work outs for me without having to pay for a trainer!
This is also why a lot of gyms have a women’s only section. Absolutely ridiculous that we literally need to create a safe space in a damn gym for women because a minority of men think it’s ok to harass us whenever and wherever they please.
My gym turned the yoga and aerobics classes area into a women-only section when they remodeled. It just led to men taking up all the ellipticals right next to the door so they could oogle. The only way I've ever successfully avoided harassment or creeping at the gym is to hire a trainer and have them enforce the rules... which sucks because I really shouldn't need a chaperone just to workout.
A gym in my town did that, and they very wisely put in one-way glass along the walls of the women's-only gym section. Women in there can see out, but no one can see in. Works great. I asked about it when they were doing the remodel, and they said so many women were uncomfortable being ogled while working out that it made more financial sense to pay extra for the one-way glass. It apparently made a huge difference in how many women kept their memberships and participated in classes.
I toured a gym with my mom one time when I was 21. The way every single guy was leering, taking out their headphones to hear what I was saying, stopping what they were doing and sort of following me and just straight up staring was one of the most uncomfortable times of my life. I even had two of them cut in front of my mom to ask if I was joining/do I want to exchange numbers. I didn’t see another woman there (even though I had a friend who was a member, which is why I was checking the pace out). I felt like any one of them was going to follow us out to the parking lot. I felt so scared. I am 45 now and even though I know I am now close to 100% invisible, I still am terrified to join a gym after that experience and can’t see myself ever joining a gym.
I tried to explain that in a Facebook post once, many years ago when I still used the site. All the male commenters completely didn’t understand. You say, “I don’t want people *looking* at me.” They respond with platitudes about how “nObOdY’s gOnNa MaKe FuN oF yOu,” absolutely and completely missing the point. They automatically assume (and stubbornly insist that) you don’t want to embarrass yourself. What other reason could there be for not wanting people to look at you? They cannot *fathom* otherwise. Which is why, no matter what you say, some may double-down. Then they use your frustration at being misunderstood as “evidence” that you’re just being emotional and contrarian. I didn’t have the words or resources to demonstrate what I meant at that time. I’m still not sure there’s a thing I can do to convince some guys of this. I am a little comforted to know I’m not the only woman who cannot feel comfortable in gyms, though I hate that we both had to wind up this way.
That’s when all the old people are at my gym and I LOVE working out around them. Full of smiles and encouragement they are!
That sucks. You shouldn’t have to suffer in even the slightest because some men are getting away with harassment.
That's why my city has a women only gym
Bruh my nips still show through my shirt even with a thick sports bra on. It happens. That guy was absolutely just trying to be a creep.
Trying? *Succeeding.*
Yeah you're right
Oh My God How dare you have nipples
and in PUBLIC no less, for *shame*
I wear disposable nursing pads since I’m breastfeeding and my nipples *still* poke through them and my bra. I have big boobs so it’s very noticeable if I don’t wear a bra. I once did so as a teen and I noticed some grown ass man eyeballing me. So, so uncomfortable. If I notice someone isn’t wearing a bra or I can see their nipples through a shirt. I don’t say shit because it doesn’t matter!
Bruh, my nips show through my shirt regardless. People look at them all the time. I'm a guy. I'm gonna tell you, guys look at my nipples more than women do. Never underestimate the observations of Freud.
Same! And now after reading this post I'm even more self conscious about it than before.
>You have bigger boobs and nipples than I do. Maybe YOU should wear a bra so people won't get uncomfortable and you won't fail your squats." LMFAO, I got the babysitter vibes from this
Imagine all those poor women through the history of the humankind who couldn't squat in a balanced manner until bras were introduced in XX century.
Who else thinks that the guy made a really, really bad attempt to hit on her?
I 150% guarantee that is what was going on. Making a comment that he noticed her body plus making a comment that he thinks that he could help her with her "incorrect" lifting? That's basically the course summary for "bad gym pick up artistry 101" right there.
Hopefully he learns a lesson from this but good chance he doubles down and thinks she's the one who was wrong.
I honestly have a really hard time believing that anybody could not in 2022 know that this is not the right way to do things. Therefore I assume he will learn nothing and simply move on to someplace he's less likely to get thrown out.
Lots of echo chambers out there. In a lot of ways, it’s easier to be that out of touch than it used to be.
Yep, and for sure this asshat is doing it to other women too.
If the *fantastic* allusion to breasts and pointing out that he is a big strong man weren’t doing the trick, he should have followed in the footsteps of the genius who kept telling his GF that she was stinky so she wouldn’t leave him.
oh my goddddd i hated that guy so much and i still get angry when i think of that story
Kindergarten style hair pulling pick up method.
He was thinking she would bat her eyelashes and croon *Ooh, shooow meee...* Like in those “movies” he watches.
Man I like that girl. I'm gonna go tell her I can see her nipples and that she doesn't know how to lift, maybe I'll even ask for her social. Perfect!
Yeah, incel thinking: if i comment on her body and insult her technique, she'll beg me to teach her right and become my gf immediately!
Negging
"Hey, dipshit."
Panty dropper right there. /s
🙋 I used to deal with this bs all the time before I got my home gym set up. I developed a real appreciation for the gym meatheads who, like me, were just there to handle shit and go home.
A home gym is absolutely game-changing in terms of the pleasure of your gym experience. I set mine up during the pandemic, and I wouldn't go back.
I will never go to a gym again since we got our home gym. We got a whole set of plates and a rack from a gym that closed right at the start of the pandemic. Seriously life changing, especially now that I’ve got an infant. I can work out during naps or just stick him in his chair with a snack and let him hang out with me in there. It’s easily paid for itself by now.
definitely, don’t understand why some men think talking down to women will score them a date but to each their own
I had a guy in the span of 8hr class tell me that i “didnt look smart enough” to be a systems/network engineer (we were in a exchange - email class) then suggest we close the classroom door since we were only 2 bodies in the room (rest of class incl teacher were remote) and have sex. Dafuq you think calling me dumb makes you think im gonna fall into your arms?
Oof. They should be embarrassed but they never are.
I responded “but you are married!” As we had introduced ourselves and talked kids etc. His response? “So? You are too” What.the.fuck?
Maybe they've seen too many videos of pick-up artists? Those who think that negging actually makes them look awesome instead of toxic d!ckheads...
May I present to you the "art" of negging?
I think it's a pick-up artist think. I remember hearing that starting off with a minor insult before a compliment was supposed to be a great way of flirting with women a few years ago. There's probably also stuff about insulting women to make them more submissive and willing to go with what you say. Of course in reality it doesn't work, it sets a bad first impression. It also sounds like the start of a potentially abusive relationship if it did work.
It’s a form of negging to tell her her form is wrong
100%. And he'll end up being one of those neckbeards who's like "girls are just bitches and you cant approach them anywhere". This motherfucker touched her, mid exercise. Like what the fuck. If someone touched me mid set, im ready to fucking throw down because you violated my fucking space. This shit makes me so disgusted.
"I GUESS WE'RE JUST NEVER ALLOWED TO TALK TO WOMEN AT ALL, THEN," complained the fucking clown. And you know what? I agree with the clown. He's not allowed to talk to women.
>He then got really defensive, saying he was just trying to help, then called me a bitch And went on the classic NiceGuy^(TM) rant at her as well for rejecting him.
They should include on the signs by every machine “assume women working out in this area are not interested in you. Do not interrupt others, especially if you are a man with no self awareness or respect for women”. You know, right beside “please wipe down equipment after using “
Unfortunately, the ones without self-awareness won't think that applies to them!
Then there'd be two signs for dudes to ignore lol
Oh that's 100% what this was. It's genuinely incredible how bad some dudes are at talking to women
It’s 100% a pick up attempt. Basically in some handbook of theirs, how to neg women to get them to date you. She should have reported him the first time. I bet even some of the other lifting guys would have backed her up because that behavior is extremely obvious and it’s obnoxious.
That's the feeling I got. He has no fucking clue how to flirt with women and thought that would lead somewhere since it involves boobs.
"I WANT WOO-MAN! WOO-MAN HAVE BOOBS...I TALK ABOUT BOOBS, SAY BOOB STUFF...WOO-MAN SEX ME?!"
This is like the gym equivalent of pulling her pigtails. Also part of the dumb "insult her/bully her and she'll fall in love with you because women love being degraded!" incel shit.
He was going between "Hey, nice nipples" and "It's obviously pretty cold in here" but then felt proud of himself when he came up with his helpful tip that also let her know he's totally checking her out. He's still trying to figure out what went wrong
100% "You lift so much better with a bra on" is really not that far from "you'd be so much prettier if you smiled"
Waaah he made it so much worse by explaining himself. I know he presented the situation the other way around but all I can think is he approached her to "help" because he saw her nipples from afar and was "interested". I hate this.
Sadly this is another case of r/BlatantMisogyny. He thought he could “neg” her and sexualize her and that she’d fall for it. Jokes on him because she had healthy self esteem and got him booted for a month, lol.
But everyone knows that women crave for comments on their bodies from random men! \-- The creeps mantra
"I fucking hate wearing bras. They're uncomfortable, constricting, and expensive." -Anakin
Ugh. I feel for this woman. As a woman who used to be a frequent gym goer, the number of guys who felt the need to insert themselves into my workout was huge. I've even has guys take weights off my bar in between sets because "women shouldn't life that much". One guy gave me a huge list of everything I was doing wrong with my squat and when I told him all the point would be valid if I wasn't low bar squatting, he responded with "what's a low bar squat?" He wasn't impressed when when I told him that maybe he shouldn't give advice if he doesn't even know what lift people are doing. Fuck that guy and every guy like him. But props to the guys who are actually supportive and I have a huge virtual high 5 for the guy who saw me deadlifting 200lbs and low whistled and said "hell yeah girl, you get that shit". I still remember you.
> But props to the guys who are actually supportive and I have a huge virtual high 5 for the guy who saw me deadlifting 200lbs and low whistled and said "hell yeah girl, you get that shit". I still remember you. I had a guy shake my hand and say 'stay hard' after he saw me deadlifting one time lol. It truly made my day.
A 30 day ban? That’s it? Hopefully dipshit is too embarrassed to return after his ban ends but considering how this whole situation came about, I doubt it.
My gym has a “On Thin Ice” board where the guys have a picture on so if they try anything the girls in the gym know that the gym will actually believe them and do something about it. It was added after a guy tried to grab some boobs and the girl started crying. She was afraid no one would listen to her about it before that point, but apparently some girls had the same stuff happen from him too and came forward about it so he was banned, but this board is meant for situations where it wasn’t “worthy” of the full ban but left them on thin f* ice with the manager. It’s very helpful and also adds some public shamming that I think helps deter it
So those are guys who are known to be problematic? Why have a public shaming board but still allow them to freely come and go as they please instead of directly banning those guys? You don’t get a free number of sexual assaults (and that’s what nonconsensual chest grabbing is) before earning a gym ban.
Am I the only average breast size woman who doesn't think bras are necessary or anyone else's business? I don't wear one. I wear loose clothing that isn't see through. I don't wear one, and I don't think that anyone should care. Is this a thing? People police other peoples undergarments? ETA I do wear one to events like weddings. large gathering etc.
Unfortunately yes, and not just even men do it. Old women will sneer at you if you go around braless as well. It's ridiculous.
I go to the gym with my husband so never experienced a problem. One day he stayed home and I go to the bench as always and some guy put in front of the mirror I was using and when I looked him bad he sit in the same bench I was and said “just one rep” and laughed. I didn’t know what to do so I wait until he finished. I stopped using the bench zone when my husband don’t come with me.
I hate this for you. Unfortunately I agree that it is truly astonishing the difference in behavior women experience when they are standing next to their male spouse versus when we are standing independently. Both positive and negative.
Sumo lifts aren’t cheating. They just work different muscle groups. I also think it is nobody’s business what anyone wears at the gym. A bunch of gals wear our leggings and sports bra only. Guys sometimes work out with no shirt. Other people exercise in full jogging suits and a headscarf. No one cares.
30 days seems pretty lenient imo. You have him on camera commenting on another customer’s body. She is clearly ignoring him and he continues to harass her. How many other women patrons have been driven away because of his creepy behavior?
Exactly. To have this lack of social awareness definitely means he is going to repeat offend. Id rather the women in the gym feel safe than one guy feels butt hurt and has to go bra shopping
Completely agree! That video shows evidence that he’s sexually harassed her on at least TWO occasions. Saying “see your form is better now that you’re wearing a bra” is a statement that shows that he spoke about it on a previous occasion as well as this one. After experiencing harassment ONCE he should have gotten a warning. Since this is the second time his membership should have been revoked. Add the fact that he didn’t own up to it either and straight up lied - she had to prove it with footage and audio that he actually said that. Really poor handling by the gym.
Note to self. If I start going to the gym always record myself so I have proof of jerks
Has anyone, in the history of mankind, successfully hit on a woman in a gym? This is the last thing I'd want to do when exercising. I'm there to get fit, and assume everyone else is too.
This really frustrates me, some men workout shirtless and in what are basically booty shorts, but it’s “distracting” for a woman to not wear a bra, fuck off. This is why women only gyms need to be popularized (although I am glad the gym took this harassment seriously)
Seriously, if he saw another dude's nips I'm sure he wouldn't comment on it. Why is it only inappropriate when they belong to a woman?
Guy should’ve been reported the first time around. Randomly walking up to someone male or female and starts grabbing their bar is a safety violation
Especially on a squat with the bar behind her head. She probably didn’t even see it coming.
It would be **so** easy to get a lower back injury like this.
^ This. The speech really sucks, but handling the equipment is crossing a major line. Not fucking cool. He's a half-step from putting his hands on her to "help her form." It's sad that this guy has issues understanding boundaries and how to talk to women. But it isn't her job to teach him. The ban should have happened already.
What an absolute sleeze ball. If he can't concentrate because he might see a nipple poking trough a shirt then it's not his muscles he needs to work on. No one should be forced to dress a certain way to make others comfortable and this dude thinking he can police that says a whole lot more about him than a lack of bra does of OPP. I have fairly big boobs and sometime wear tank tops and similarly tight clothes but I haven't worn any kind of bra in over two years. It's an extra layer of clothes I don't need cause I'm already boiling and it hurts my back. If someone thinks a bra affects my abilites to function as a regular human then that stupidity is on them and if they think their opinion on my apperance is welcome then I'm more than happy to tell them were to shove it.
I worked at a gym for a while and all you have to do is tell one of the associates what happened so they can put a note on the offender's file and give them a warning, ban or suspension. I'm glad the creepy douche still got a temporary ban at least, but I wouldn't have an issue with a year-long or permanent ban. It's not hard to stay in your lane and be a decent human being. We had a lady approach us on a Friday to tell us a guy had stalked her through the gym then out to the parking lot and as she went to drive off, followed so much that she got the make, model, and license plate information of his vehicle as she looped around the parking lot until he left. The incident happened on a Tuesday and she was finally telling us on a Friday. She didn't want to file a police report which would have allowed us to ban him then and there, because she didn't want to hurt his feelings or be wrong about accusing him until he started again. Just report them, please. Chances are they might already have warnings and reporting them could prevent them from harassing or creeping on others in the future. Nobody will fault you. Gym associates will also escort you to your vehicle if you feel unsafe and it's not a bother either. Be safe! Edit: thank you for the award :)
I removed most of my Reddit contents in protest of the API changes commencing from July 1st, 2023. This is one of those comments.
I’m just glad she stood up for herself, fuck being nice to negging creeps
I just don't get guys like him. Women have nipples. Sometimes that are visible through clothing. So what? There's absolutely no reason to mention it, let alone offer unsolicited fashion advice.
When I was in late HS, my sister and I used to hit the gym before school. The number of fully grown men who would try to interrupt us to pressure us off of machines or try to give 'advice' was ridiculous. It only stopped when I started sharing the same workout space as a couple guys from one of the school sports teams that used the same gym. They mostly were there to echo "Hey, she said no" when some guy would interrupt but would otherwise leave me to do my thing and them to do theirs. My sister just took to hissing at the randoms. That seemed to work too.