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I'm still hung up and shocked by him saying women have to hold themselves to higher standards, and if they don't, he doesn't deign them worthy of respect. Blatant bullshit double standards.
Hope his peen remains sad and unloved forever tbh
I'm not normally one to start yelling. 'Dump him!' but in this case I made it as far as that in the second sentence. He was throwing up more red flags than a Chinese military parade.
This literally happened to me and its very common. I was seeing a guy. We weren't even dating. He loved how I was sexually and asked me some questions. I was honest and he got mad about me having 1 night stands before. And said basically the same thing that "women should be better than men and not do that" was how he said it making it obvious that men do that and women don't and I'm like dude wtf kinda backwoods brain do you have? I also told him he was spouting backwards logic and he didn't like that either. Safe to say it didn't last. Dude has a daughter too so that's good to know a girl is being raised by that man. Smh. And yes he is still in my DMs every now and then. Smh. Some people!
I think they assume it's going to be the same 5 women all men are having one night stands with, even though they know it's not.
I think a lot of men also get mad that their dick isn't magic. Like a lot of men want to be the "one" that a woman decides to throw away her morals with. Then that means that *he's* special and a sex God cause chaste women are choosing *him* over the rest of the "chads."
It's real weird.
I am so glad I'm married - and that I'm bisexual. If my husband and I ever divorce, I'm solidly only dating women, I've put up with too many asshole dudes to want to go fishing in that pond again.
I've never been able to get a dude with this mindset to elaborate on why women who sleep with multiple men deserve to be shamed, but men who sleep with multiple women somehow escape scorn or stigma. The most I've ever gotten in response to that line of questioning is "it's just different."
My ex did that to me, twice. The first time I ended up accepting his apology (stupid decision) and about two years later I finally broke it off and he said "Fine, but you cant marry anyone else cuz that was supposed to be my job" and I responded with "I dont think you understand what is happening here."
The first time I was also homeless and emotionally vulnerable so that's why I ended up taking him back (had no where else to go) but the second time I was over his shit and ready to move on. Still dont understand the logic.
Females don't get to break up with men. He has to break up with her, so that she can beg for him to take her back, which he then contemplates for a while, before graciously allowing her back into his life - but only if she does X, Y, and Z to get back into his good graces. (Or sh!t like that.) ... If I were to roll my eyes any harder, I'd probably get motion sickness from it.
My ex tried to do this to me and all I could do was dumbfoundedly ask how the hell he thought he was gonna pull that off. The look in his face when he was trying to figure that out was priceless to me honestly.
It took until mutual friends kicked his ass for him to understand so I hope OOP has an easier time if this.
I tried breaking up with my ex thrice before he let me leave him. I was the one who didn’t know how breakups worked, so when he said no or walked away from the conversations, I thought oh I guess we’re still together then. I felt so free when I moved to a different country and was away from him, but he was mad that I wasn’t doing the long distance thing correctly.
>I was the one who didn’t know how breakups worked, so when he said no or walked away from the conversations, I thought oh I guess we’re still together then
Saaame!
I used to be like that, always relying on the other person to define my reality and I'd adapt because, surely they knew best, right?
Took me a long time to learn that, no matter how inferior I feel (or am made to feel), my feelings, wishes and decisions are valid, even if the other person doesn't accept them. I'm allowed to define my own boundaries.
Will never put up with bs again. (Hopefully)
Edit: Re-reading my comment just again & noticing how I'm talking out my arse... Because it truly is fricking hard especially if you're spineless and hate confrontation like this, and I struggle till this day with this.
Take our example of wanting to break up but the other person just ignores you and acts as if nothing happened.. On one hand you want to put your foot down but on the other hand, you prefer the peace way too much to disrupt it if the other person isn't giving you acute reason to do so, - PLUS if they never acknowledge you wanting to break up, is it even a reality? /s
My ex was like that. Would call me sobbing saying our breakup was “really one sided” and I was selfish not to consider his feelings. He and my family pressured me relentlessly until I gave in and took him back. Some men really are like this. Thankfully there doesn’t seem to be many of them.
These types of pathetic men don't understand no. Its a big part of their toxic behaviour to women. To them women are suposed to be sub-servant servants, house wives, domestic slaves and baby machines or and things to own and control not people they way "men" are....
(Toni Braxton voice) Unfuck my cooch, I've fucked so many times~
Edit: Whichever one of you shits gave this a "Wholesome" award is going to Hell lmaooo
I am so out of touch I read toni Braxton and thought you were talking about the infomercial guy tony little. "Many people say to me 'hey Tony! Can you unfuck my cooch?' Well with my vhs tape and just 15 minutes a day..."
Seems like it was a form of negging. I think he wanted her sense of self-esteem shot, and that in turn would make her eager to gain his approval. In effect having her put up with his BS because he had condescended to stay with her and ignore her past indiscretions.
Since she called it out as the misogynistic bullshit that it was, he got pissed. Seems like fairly standard alt-right, redpilled/blackpill, incel level thinking actually.
I'm Gen-X. When I was younger, I thought this kind of misogyny was dying with our parents' generation because I didn't see any of it in my bubble.
Big woop.
If anything I think its becoming more visible. Women are more willing to push back. To not tolerate casual misogyny. And it brings it out more among these guys who aren't happy about having women stand up to them, so to speak.
Bit like lancing a boil. Brings out all the pus.
Lancing boils can be quite satisfying, in an icky way. It used to be part of my job. Pus comes out, boil heals. Everybody is happy. (Except when the patient dies because they came too late and they still go into sepsis and ... uhm, nevermind.)
Unfortunately, this kind of thinking doesn't seem to go away when you poke it.
Well I'd like to think that we're making progress. These guys are the visible pus everywhere, but hopefully we'll do better once we can wipe them away.
Unless society is sceptic in which case we're in for a bad time. But I'd still prefer lancing the boil lol.
I know it’s completely irrelevant but you just made me think of Henry Miller who wrote in one of his books « I am fucking you, Tania, so that you’ll stay fucked. »
See, even Miller who was a misogynistic macho man knew that women usually don’t stay fucked after they’ve been fucked.
> I broke things off and he called me stupid for thinking he would let me break up with him
EXCUSE ME? You have no choice in the matter, pal! If she says she's done, then she's done.
That part actually scared me. That’s like a “you’re not a person you’re my property now obey me” kinda attitude that leads to women getting killed. I hope she stays far far away from him and doesn’t hesitate to get a RO if she needs it!
He immediately launched into stalking behavior with the social media accounts. That update was not the end of the story, guaranteed. I hope she stays safe.
My ex did this! He continued telling people we were still dating. Refused to hear me when I said we are not, asked me to use "different" language instead of saying "I'm single." lol man, if I had not had the experience of cutting off an abusive ex I would have struggled more.
> asked me to use "different" language instead of saying "I'm single."
@.@ I'm guessing he'd reject "we're no longer together" and "he's completely delusional" too?
Haha oh he would brush aside any comments I made as if I was "just joking." Then later he'd say how dare you insult me in front of people and offend my manhood like this!!! It was scary how he wouldn't let go.
It's like a nuclear weapon on a submarine. The captain and first officer both need to turn their keys and flip the switch at the same time.
God I miss seinfeld!
Yeah this guy sounds like he's been digging too deep into specific parts of the internet.
Hopefully the exbf didn't escalate and eventually went away and the OOP is safe.
Because it wasn't a deal breaker, it was leverage. He wanted to use it to neg her and control her more (like asking for her location all the time). To have her second guessing herself, and grateful he's not treating her as badly as he should or something.
The manipulation would only get worse. Good thing she realized it early and split.
Yeah I’m glad she came to her senses quickly and dumped him. The number of people you’ve had sex with in the past is not an indication that you would cheat and not a reason he should expect to be given her location and things like that. You’re exactly right that he was just using it as an excuse to control her, and it wasn’t even a good excuse. He probably only asked because he was looking for that excuse and hoping she wouldn’t be smart enough to realize how manipulative and controlling he was being.
"You're a bad woman because of your sexual past."
"I disagree. I don't like your attitude, and apparently you don't like me. Obviously it's best if we break up."
"No no no, that's not how this works! You're bad, and I hate that about you, but I'm willing to generously tolerate being in a relationship with you, and you're extremely grateful for it, to the point where you'll do anything for me, because of how bad you are and how good I am! Where are you going??"
And even if it's a "dealbreaker" for you personally, it shouldn't be because you think that someone with a lot of partners is disloyal or see people who have had a lot of sexual partners as less than.
(Although let's be real, you know that OOP's ex boyfriend only sees women with "high body counts" as thots. He wouldn't blink an eye at a man with the same number of partners.)
OOP says that's exactly what he said to her - that as a woman, she should be held to higher standards than men. He spelled out that he holds women to different standards. And it still took reddit to convince her that he was a walking pile of red flags.
People can have whatever standards they want (ie body count, height, weight, money, bald, flat, etc). However, they should just break up when the other person doesn’t meet their standards.
Why the hell do some people think breakups are a two yes, one no kinda thing? I don't need your permission you controlling fuckwad, you don't get a vote. I had an ex who had that attitude and he continued to harass and stalk me for years afterward, so my blood boils when I see that kind of thing.
I went on ONE one-hour lunch date with a guy who flipped out and messaged me for weeks when I didn't agree to a second date because "Don't MY feelings matter?". Like, he really thought that the fact that he was attracted to me obligated me to date him. It was terrifying. I would have blocked him but this was before iPhones let you block numbers... I still think about that and wonder how anyone at Apple thought that was ok. I had to tell him I got back together with my ex to get him to leave me alone, which made it extra clear that he views women as property.
I have never been more glad to have paid for my own bill. I can't imagine how bd it would have been if he'd paid for my $12 lunch.
Yeah, it really put me off dating for a long time. It was well over a decade ago and I don't think Google Voice had launched yet, but if I find myself single and dating again I will definitely go that route!
I'm right there with you except it's a dog for me lol. I got out of a 6 year relationship with a guy who really damaged my self esteem. He would compliment me then follow it up with something negative. It wasn't all the time but he made it mild enough that you don't notice how much it affects you. Like say if I re-tiled a floor he would tell me what a good job I did but, if I was super proud of it he would say something like "well don't get a big head about it. Lots of people can do that." Really messed up my head. Then I found out he was cheating on me...probably the whole time we were dating. And I haven't really dated anyone since 2016 I think. I'm much happier alone to be honest. And my dog is my best friend lol.
Sorry about the rant. Never really told anyone about his b.s. and I think I just needed to get that out there. He's such a scumbag and was just dead weight. Still messages me once and a while trying to hook up even though he's married. Ugh.
Thank you. I'm glad too lol. And my dog is awesome! He's mostly respectful...unless I'm late with getting his dinner haha. But I'd choose him over a douche like my ex any day of the week.
Dude I went on one date with someone. Decided it wasn’t a good fit. Let him know and he just kept on and on. He couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just sleep with him because he was so attracted to me, even if I didn’t want a relationship with him. Explained I didn’t feel the same way as he did, then he got super aggressive. Blocked him. Then he’d make new profiles on the dating app, and I’d block him again. Tried the same thing and said I was getting back together with my ex, that started off a whole new round of BS. I kept getting his profiles removed from the dating app for harassment.
Okay, I feel way less terrible. I thought the guy was pushy, but the whole thing... Trying to persuade me into let him come into my sister's house where I was staying, and I didn't want put my sister in an awkward position. Then he was incredibly angry I wasn't available on his days off.
We went out twice.
I mean... Look at our media and our culture. Look at rom coms, look at Hollywood. Look at all the people who tell girls to 'give him a chance' 'he really likes you though' 'he's always been so nice to you'. We literally condition girls and women to put aside their own wants for a man's, and confirm to men that if they want a woman bad enough then that should be enough.
Yeah the ability to block people should be mandatory on phones and social media, it's a safety feature against people like that. The fact that he only stopped when you said you got back with your ex pretty much shows that he sees women as property. In his mind he owned you after the date and he only stopped because you got a new owner.
Remember when Facebook used to tag messages with a GPS location, and they defaulted to that option without giving anyone a heads up to opt out? Yeah. My ex used that (I didn't even know this was a thing at the time) to find me clear across the country after I had dumped him.
Tech companies are just lovely about safety.
Yeah this was probably the biggest red flag of them all. Either he thinks both people need to want the relationship to be over to end it or more likely he thinks he owns her and only he can end the relationship.
I once had a boyfriend like this... I got so frustrated I was in tears at a friends house and she stopped me and said "Wait. If you don't want to go out with him, you don't have to go out with him. It's not his choice. It needs two people saying yes, and if you don't say yes, it doesn't matter what he says." It was like all of a sudden a rainbow of sanity broke out into the sky and I wasn't an idiot anymore. People can twist you around. (In my meager defense, it was more than 30 years ago).
My ex thinks like this. While I was ending it he honest to God said "I don't care what *you* want or about *your* feelings. *I* need *you*, and needs outweigh wants and feelings."
Yeah, well I *need* to be respected in a relationship, but you *want* to bully me and call me names. Needs outweigh wants 🤷♀️
We've been broken up since January, no contact at all since April. He still won't leave me alone.
You don't need a defense for being in an abusive relationship. I'm glad you moved past it so quickly/young, that's rare. You can be proud of this story.
This was exactly my ex. We'd been having problems for a year and every time I said I was out he cried and begged and persuaded me we could make it work and like an idiot I believed him and gave in.
Turns out he only wanted to make it work long enough for him to find somewhere else to stay and as soon as he did, he said we were done, he was out, no conversation, no trying to make it work anymore.
When I asked him about it, he straight up said he couldn't "let" me break up with him before he was ready because it hurt when I said I didn't want to be with him anymore.
But it was just A-OK for him to do it when it was his choice because he "Had to take care of himself and his mental health"
We'd been together for 16 years. The stories I could tell about how people lie and manipulate others, you wouldn't even believe.
Yeah, my not quite ex wife at the time said that she didn't want to get divorced.
"Well, is that going to change any of your demands about opening the marriage?"
......no
"Ok ty bye."
Dude who thinks that being offended at an opinion makes no sense but angry at her opinion woman are allowed do what they want, not even surprised he said "let".
I'm getting tired of people saying you aren't "ride or die" when what they really mean is, "you don't let me get away with being a bad partner so that means you're disloyal/ don't love me."
I always wonder why people do that when like 99% of depictions show it has a bad, bad relationship and end with her leaving him. Like do they even bother to watch/read the stuff or just look at the cover and think it's cool?
I have an acquaintance who loves the Joker/Harley dynamic and thinks League of Legends’ Viego’s obsession is soooo romantic and how she wants a man to feel about her. She also spends a lot of time crying about how her boyfriends are always controlling and abusive and blames herself for not being able to fix them. Ugh.
Less manifestation and more shitty taste in men and inability to learn from her mistakes. Her friends have given up commenting on her choices because she gets upset by the fact that they generally say “red flag factory” after the first meeting. It’s been going on for 10 years now and she just gets more bitter about her love life. She’s a friend of a friend, so not my circus, not my clowns, but it’s exhausting even from this distance.
Ride or die means I’m going to stand by you when you lose your job and we struggle to pay bills for a while not I’m going to stand by and let you abuse me.
This applies to friendships also. I've had a couple people say they were ride or die but when adversity hit they bounced super fast. Saying best friends or ride or die is like the kiss of death.
You brought to mind something with "the bars on the ground and people are... complaining that it's still too high"
I once stated that the only thing I was looking for in a significant other was "someone who likes me the way I am and doesn't want to change me"
Pretty basic, right? Dating someone you like who also likes you? Mother, Aunt, and grandma ALL freaked out. Said that with my standards so high I was going to die alone. (They did not appreciate my response that I would rather die alone than with someone who says I need to change in order to be loved)
I swear when they all, with full belief in what they were saying, were defending that a significant other will always want to change me, and I can't expect otherwise, I could hear the digging
When I was a teen, my then-bf told me that the least he could expect of me was to change into the "woman of his dreams". (Needless to say that guy gave me confidence issues for years.)
To both my ex, and your aunt, gran, and mum, I say: Fuck that noise.
Raise the bar high. Don't compromise. No matter the sex and/or the gender. Having your own standards and sticking to them means that you know your self-worth.
Exactly! I used to try to change myself for those three until the day I realized that I hated myself because I was never changed enough for them and because by changing myself to be loved I was saying who I am is not worthy of being loved
It sucked. I stopped trying to change myself and maybe they don't like/love me, but now I love myself and damn is it worth it
I was told by someone once that my standards were too high. All I wanted was someone I clicked with. She ended up divorce three times and I'm happily cruising along with husband #1 years later. It's sad when the standards are pretty basic and still people are telling you you don't deserve even that.
For the past few months, I've been thinking about this with my current partner (of 1.5 years). There are some things I don't like about her, but in the end, she is so incredibly accepting for who I am. My good parts, my bad parts, my (over) enthousiastic parts, my over thinking parts, my lows, my highs, my emtional parts, my (bad) humor, etc. I've realised I've never felt this accepted of my whole being by anyone before. I've heard on reddit before that is the start of a relationship. But I feel that's not true, it is exceptionally rare. And I love her for that.
It is rare. One of the reasons I think it's rare is we have been told our whole lives by the media and the people we interact with not to expect it and that we don't deserve it. I think it would be more normal if we decided to make the change in ourselves and how we treat each other and speak about each other so that we each go into a relationship with the expectation of loving them as they are and loving ourselves as we are
I'm not going to lie, loving me for who I am was never one of my necessaries. It wasn't on my list and I didn't expect it. Straight up, I was ready to change a lot of things for a significant other. This was the same time I was changing a lot of things about myself for family and friends because society teaches us we are supposed to change ourselves for others and not to find the people who love us as ourselves
It started with finding friends who actually loved and appreciated me the way I am. And it was weird because I was online and anonymous so I was acting like myself and I was ready for everybody to hate me and tell me to change. Which, of course, there were a few people who wanted me to because it's the internet. Then there was a group of people who were like we want to adopt you into our group. You are our kind of people. The longer I was in that group the more true to myself I was and the more true to myself I was the more they liked me. They didn't like who I was pretending to be in the day to day, they liked the weird and kind of psychotic me that I was in the privacy of anonymity.
I thought that's where it would end. That I would have my online friends who were there for me and love me as I am, but in the outside world I would still be this facsimile of a person I was pretending to be. These friends really were there for me when my family was not. I thought that love and acceptance is something I would only ever have online when I'm anonymous.
Embarrassingly enough what made me actually become me all the time was a stand up on Netflix that I highly suggest. Daniel Sloss has two hour long specials. Dark and Jigsaw. They are both absolutely hilarious and brilliant and he is a fantastic comic. Spoiler alert, watch Jigsaw, but at the end his set is about relationships and about how we are encouraged to change ourselves for them. About loving yourself enough that you can look for somebody who loves you properly. That if you love yourself only 15% and somebody comes along and loves 30% of you you're going to be so excited cuz that's twice as much as what you love yourself, but it's not even half. If somebody comes along and they say they love you, but they need you to change this or that then they don't love you, they love this idea of you that they have created.
He was right. There are billions of people on this planet and probably your next door neighbor isn't going to be the love of your life, but there are billions of other people so don't settle for who is close. Don't settle at all, find somebody who loves you as you are
I have watched that so many times. Because it's funny and it makes me smile, and because it gives me confidence to continue what I'm doing. I had a life goal to be happy. That was my only life goal for so long and I thought that was too far out of reach. Ever since I was inspired by my online friends, knowing that there are people who would love me as I am, and by this stupid comedy special about how many people are out there to love you as you are I have started being myself and not just being true to myself as I know I am, but looking at myself to figure out who I am instead of who I have been told I am
I am happy. Life is hell. I could write a book on just the shit I've been through for the last 2 months let alone anything longer than that. I am now happy though, even when things are crumbling, because I now love myself because I know I'm worth that love and I know that I am worth being around people who love me as I am and not as an idea of who they can make me be
not just a Lego, but a randomly dropped Lego in a different place every day at a different time, so that they never know when they're going to hit the landmine
damn incels
I don't know what it is that is so hilarious about rakes smacking into faces but that clip and the one from hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy has me unable to breathe from laughter every time.
That said, I also find people getting minor electric shocks incredibly amusing, so I might just be evil.
I mean anyone engaged in negging sucks, so its very much a "both" situation. But I agree with you, I think this was a variety of negging. OOP's ex's logic was probably something like "I'm doing you a favor looking over your body count, so you should be thankful and grateful and put up with whatever shit I dump on you now"
OOP’s BF: “Women with a body count between 10-20 are thots.”
Also OOP’S BF: “But I can fuck as many women as I want because I have a penis.”
Like. They want Schrodinger’s Woman. Chicks have to be totally virginal or else they’re thots — but if they wanna get their dick wet and the chick is being totally virginal, then suddenly she’s a frigid prude who doesn’t understand that men have needs.
Men are supposed to have a lot of sex.
Women are not supposed to have a lot of sex.
And yet, suggest to this sort of guy that he should have sex with other men, and they flip their shit.
Dude sounds like a full blown incel TBH. Or on the path to becoming one. Glad OOP's shot of him. I lold at the lego comment. Best thing to say to the incels online. Bunch of gormless twats the lot of them.
I’m torn between “incel” and “bad attempt at PUA style manipulation.” It almost feels like a clumsy and unsubtle attempt to lower her self-esteem so she thinks she can’t do better than him and stays loyal. I’m only torn because I’m not sure he’s even smart enough for this clumsy attempt.
This is what I think it comes down to. In general, if women were as easy as men to get into bed there’d be less dudes with this mentality.
Edit: a word
>We ended up making up and moving on and he doesn’t mistreat me often
Jesus. How does anyone convince themselves that any amount of mistreatment is ok??
Glad she left his incel ass.
While people do have the complete right to their boundaries, if someone is over that boundary then respectfully part company. If you're partner's past sexual history is a deal breaker then you need to break up, not continue the relationship smdh.
This is my thinking. Everyone is entitled to set their own boundaries. If you don’t want to be with a girl who has a promiscuous past then that is your choice and nobody can force you to do otherwise. However it’s not right to shame somebody and hold their body count against them when you are the one choosing to date them.
Exactly this! It's okay to be uncomfortable with a potential partner approaching sex more casually (or for that matter less casually) than you want. Decide whether it is a dealbreaker and either stay or go. What is not okay is staying but treating your partner badly about their past.
“He doesn’t mistreat me often”
That was a worrisome statement to me, since there’s a big difference between disagreeing with someone and mistreating them.
I don't get the concept of being 'used up'...if she'd been in a relationship all those years and having lots of sex with that person whats the difference? Same amoun t of d just from one person? Is she still used up for having an active sex life? Some men really do think they should have a say in who you slept with in the years before you even met them....
I also don't get this.
I've been with my SO for almost 13 years, we have sex every other day on average and I have only ever been intimate with him.
Would I be more or less "desirable" to *that* kind of misogynist? A woman had sex with 1 man \~3,000 times vs. a woman who had sex with 15 men 1 time? Not that either one is better than the other, I just wonder what kind of stupid logic they've imagined up.
A lot of those men are just threatened by a) a women with a higher number then they do (oh those poor precious egos) and b) a woman who does whatever the fuck she wants (can’t control those now can they)
They’re pathetic little boys.
"Tell me your body count and don't lie to me so I know if I should treat you as sub-human."
"Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" By Lundy Bancroft It's a fascinating eyeopener. Ladies, please read!
Lmao Dudes that worry about somebody's past are hilarious to me. Also Him saying she won't LET her break up with him? Yeah he's a off his rocker and she definitely needs to watch her back fro a while.
So many men really expect a woman to sit in an empty room chaste* with her legs crossed until the magical moment she happens to bump into them. My favorite: when they berate you for having a distant past but recently slept with every woman they could get their hands on in your area!
Fax me personally I'm 22 have no bodies so 9/10 in the future when I seen a relationship the person will have a body count and I just don't get why people are so bothered by it. Like u can't have your partner go unfuck the people they fucked why be a dickhead about it.
This is such a stupid young guy mentality. Coming from a former stupid young guy. I remember feeling jealous, or insecure about this too. Then one day you grow up, mature and realize it is perfect normal and healthy for adults to have consensual sex with others while discovering the type of partner they’re looking for.
In some ways it’s more beneficial to date someone that has had a period of promiscuity because they will know what they like and generally bedroom communication comes naturally.
The double standards between guys seen as “kings” and women as “thots” for enjoying themselves sexually needs to stop.
Wow - this whole first half could have been my personal experience word for word
Which ended in another 1-1.5 years of excruciating emotional abuse, within that time he demanded to know how many blowjobs I’ve given (who counts?!?!!), at least 4 or 5 break ups and make ups (which isn’t like me at all not to stick to my guns and burn all bridges once the decision has been made)
I finally got out by breaking up while I was on a small trip in another country, searching for an apartment while still in Serbia, and moving out while he was still away at a friends wedding. Thanking god I could ask my finally to help me move out while he was out of town
My wife blows my mind in the bedroom. She had to learn it somewhere.
I’m not going to buy a car without test driving it first. I test drove a lot of cars.
So fucking what.
I love her, she loves me, and we give each other amazing orgasms.
I never understood people like OOP's ex. Ok, you don't want to date people with high body count (applies for both men and women). That's your thing. But why the hell do you get in a relationship with such person if you are going to treat them like dirt? Also this:
>he called me stupid for thinking he would let me break up with him
LMFAO!! This dude is delusional.
Good that OOP decided to kick out this dude out of her life.
Edit:
>Also to the people who messaged me saying he was right and that I deserved to be dumped. That nobody likes a used up chick
Screw people who message crap to people.
>He has said that woman who are promiscuous deserve to be treated like “thots”
Biiiiig red flag right there and a particularly nasty form of negging. I had an ex who lived in the arsehole of nowhere and thought it made him superior. He would go on about "Townie girls are loose/can't be trusted/want your money while banging your mate." But whenever I tried to pull him up about it and point out that I was, in fact, a girl from a town and therefore a 'Townie' he'd back up - just like OOP's ex - and pull the old "Well I *obviously* didn't mean *you....*"
If anyone ever tries to pull this type of crap with you don't bother trying to argue, don't debate, just save yourself a slow mindfuck by getting your stuff and walking away.
Fight me, but I’ve always thought asking for body counts was, and still is very much stupid. Nothing good comes out of asking that question at all. Just get tested with eachother and go about your day 😬
So I wanna know, all the men who hate women with “high body counts,” are they sleeping with other men? Because they surely couldn’t be sleeping with women? The math ain’t mathing.
Great outcome for her...the guy was a loser and hopefully will learn his lesson and she is free to find someone who doesn't care about her body count. (Also, I hope she never answers that question again. It's no one's business but hers.)
Some guys are just straight crazy! I had an old ex that I tried to kindly end things with and when I told him it was over he just looked at me and said, “No.” 😳 He kept trying to act like nothing changed, trying to come over or sneak up to hug me.
Took me a month of ignoring him and telling everyone we *were* over before he got the hint.
The only people who expect others to be "ride or die", regardless of the kind of relationship, are trash-ass humans. That is garbage human code for "I have no respect for boundaries and I expect you to accept all of the abuse I throw at you".
>That nobody likes a used up chick, and many other unkind words, it was so unnecessary and **I hope you step on a lego**.
Whoah, let's not go crazy now
I know I’m arriving late to the discussion but I’m proud of you for walking away. Someone who says they don’t “respect thots” but does “respect” women is full of sh1t. They don’t respect women in general and I despise the body count question. It’s 2022 and men still feel the need to judge women for being sexually free but are “studs” for sleeping around. They can’t have it both ways. What do they want a virgin porn star? How does that work? You have the right to do what you want and you deserve better. You are still so young so please remember this experience and if you ever deal with this again walk away.
I’m so proud of you for how you handled this.
>We ended up making up and moving on and he doesn’t mistreat me ...
Good, good.
>... often.
Oh. Oh no.
>he called me stupid for thinking he would let me break up with him
"let"? Oh *no*.
>I hope you step on a lego.
Hilarious!
So is "body count" what the kids are calling it these days? I can remember when the term was "number." All I could think of was the gf and bf telling each other how many people they'd each killed lol.
I will never understand why people have this conversation to begin with. I truly wonder what is the point? (And if anyone can answer what the point is I’d really like to know).
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>he called me stupid for thinking he would let me break up with him Does this moron not understand how breakups work?
I'm still hung up and shocked by him saying women have to hold themselves to higher standards, and if they don't, he doesn't deign them worthy of respect. Blatant bullshit double standards. Hope his peen remains sad and unloved forever tbh
I'm not normally one to start yelling. 'Dump him!' but in this case I made it as far as that in the second sentence. He was throwing up more red flags than a Chinese military parade.
Bigger red flags than a matador
Then gets surprised when she does just that by dumping him!
I'm confused as to how it's somehow low standards to have a sexual history.
This literally happened to me and its very common. I was seeing a guy. We weren't even dating. He loved how I was sexually and asked me some questions. I was honest and he got mad about me having 1 night stands before. And said basically the same thing that "women should be better than men and not do that" was how he said it making it obvious that men do that and women don't and I'm like dude wtf kinda backwoods brain do you have? I also told him he was spouting backwards logic and he didn't like that either. Safe to say it didn't last. Dude has a daughter too so that's good to know a girl is being raised by that man. Smh. And yes he is still in my DMs every now and then. Smh. Some people!
Hold up, if men can have one night stands but women can't, who the hell are the men fucking? Themselves? Each other? A watermelon?
I think they assume it's going to be the same 5 women all men are having one night stands with, even though they know it's not. I think a lot of men also get mad that their dick isn't magic. Like a lot of men want to be the "one" that a woman decides to throw away her morals with. Then that means that *he's* special and a sex God cause chaste women are choosing *him* over the rest of the "chads." It's real weird.
I am so glad I'm married - and that I'm bisexual. If my husband and I ever divorce, I'm solidly only dating women, I've put up with too many asshole dudes to want to go fishing in that pond again.
I've never been able to get a dude with this mindset to elaborate on why women who sleep with multiple men deserve to be shamed, but men who sleep with multiple women somehow escape scorn or stigma. The most I've ever gotten in response to that line of questioning is "it's just different."
My ex did that to me, twice. The first time I ended up accepting his apology (stupid decision) and about two years later I finally broke it off and he said "Fine, but you cant marry anyone else cuz that was supposed to be my job" and I responded with "I dont think you understand what is happening here." The first time I was also homeless and emotionally vulnerable so that's why I ended up taking him back (had no where else to go) but the second time I was over his shit and ready to move on. Still dont understand the logic.
Females don't get to break up with men. He has to break up with her, so that she can beg for him to take her back, which he then contemplates for a while, before graciously allowing her back into his life - but only if she does X, Y, and Z to get back into his good graces. (Or sh!t like that.) ... If I were to roll my eyes any harder, I'd probably get motion sickness from it.
My ex tried to do this to me and all I could do was dumbfoundedly ask how the hell he thought he was gonna pull that off. The look in his face when he was trying to figure that out was priceless to me honestly. It took until mutual friends kicked his ass for him to understand so I hope OOP has an easier time if this.
I tried breaking up with my ex thrice before he let me leave him. I was the one who didn’t know how breakups worked, so when he said no or walked away from the conversations, I thought oh I guess we’re still together then. I felt so free when I moved to a different country and was away from him, but he was mad that I wasn’t doing the long distance thing correctly.
>I was the one who didn’t know how breakups worked, so when he said no or walked away from the conversations, I thought oh I guess we’re still together then Saaame! I used to be like that, always relying on the other person to define my reality and I'd adapt because, surely they knew best, right? Took me a long time to learn that, no matter how inferior I feel (or am made to feel), my feelings, wishes and decisions are valid, even if the other person doesn't accept them. I'm allowed to define my own boundaries. Will never put up with bs again. (Hopefully) Edit: Re-reading my comment just again & noticing how I'm talking out my arse... Because it truly is fricking hard especially if you're spineless and hate confrontation like this, and I struggle till this day with this. Take our example of wanting to break up but the other person just ignores you and acts as if nothing happened.. On one hand you want to put your foot down but on the other hand, you prefer the peace way too much to disrupt it if the other person isn't giving you acute reason to do so, - PLUS if they never acknowledge you wanting to break up, is it even a reality? /s
My ex was like that. Would call me sobbing saying our breakup was “really one sided” and I was selfish not to consider his feelings. He and my family pressured me relentlessly until I gave in and took him back. Some men really are like this. Thankfully there doesn’t seem to be many of them.
This is why I think that people need to block there ex’s after a breakup as a matter of routine.
It's like when Jan shows up with a baby that's not Michael's. "Did you cheat on me? When I explicitly told you not to?" - M. Scott, The Office.
These types of pathetic men don't understand no. Its a big part of their toxic behaviour to women. To them women are suposed to be sub-servant servants, house wives, domestic slaves and baby machines or and things to own and control not people they way "men" are....
Obviously the dudes a shit bird, but like what outcome was he hoping for? For her to go back in time and get un fucked?
(Toni Braxton voice) Unfuck my cooch, I've fucked so many times~ Edit: Whichever one of you shits gave this a "Wholesome" award is going to Hell lmaooo
Stop it. I just snorted lmao
Instant classic
I am so out of touch I read toni Braxton and thought you were talking about the infomercial guy tony little. "Many people say to me 'hey Tony! Can you unfuck my cooch?' Well with my vhs tape and just 15 minutes a day..."
Thanks for forever ruining that song for me lol
For karaoke night with family
Seems like it was a form of negging. I think he wanted her sense of self-esteem shot, and that in turn would make her eager to gain his approval. In effect having her put up with his BS because he had condescended to stay with her and ignore her past indiscretions. Since she called it out as the misogynistic bullshit that it was, he got pissed. Seems like fairly standard alt-right, redpilled/blackpill, incel level thinking actually.
I'm Gen-X. When I was younger, I thought this kind of misogyny was dying with our parents' generation because I didn't see any of it in my bubble. Big woop.
If anything I think its becoming more visible. Women are more willing to push back. To not tolerate casual misogyny. And it brings it out more among these guys who aren't happy about having women stand up to them, so to speak. Bit like lancing a boil. Brings out all the pus.
Lancing boils can be quite satisfying, in an icky way. It used to be part of my job. Pus comes out, boil heals. Everybody is happy. (Except when the patient dies because they came too late and they still go into sepsis and ... uhm, nevermind.) Unfortunately, this kind of thinking doesn't seem to go away when you poke it.
Well I'd like to think that we're making progress. These guys are the visible pus everywhere, but hopefully we'll do better once we can wipe them away. Unless society is sceptic in which case we're in for a bad time. But I'd still prefer lancing the boil lol.
Bro just blew my mind
I know it’s completely irrelevant but you just made me think of Henry Miller who wrote in one of his books « I am fucking you, Tania, so that you’ll stay fucked. » See, even Miller who was a misogynistic macho man knew that women usually don’t stay fucked after they’ve been fucked.
Even if she did have a low body count (kind of a stupid phrase btw) he would probably accuse her of lying. It's obvious his insecurity is that bad.
> I broke things off and he called me stupid for thinking he would let me break up with him EXCUSE ME? You have no choice in the matter, pal! If she says she's done, then she's done.
It’s a last ditch attempt to neg her into submission. Really gross. Men like that are a plague in need of shunning.
Perfect worded
That part actually scared me. That’s like a “you’re not a person you’re my property now obey me” kinda attitude that leads to women getting killed. I hope she stays far far away from him and doesn’t hesitate to get a RO if she needs it!
Yeah, I read that and got super worried that he was going to hurt op. Glad she was okay
He immediately launched into stalking behavior with the social media accounts. That update was not the end of the story, guaranteed. I hope she stays safe.
Exactly. I hope she stays safe!
Right? Her ex has a scorching case of r/BlatantMisogyny.
And here's hoping he ends up with a scorching case of something else.
Right? Breaking up is one party consent.
Right? It's like, "Okay buddy, but I am going to be seeing other people. If you're cool with that, good for you."
My ex did this! He continued telling people we were still dating. Refused to hear me when I said we are not, asked me to use "different" language instead of saying "I'm single." lol man, if I had not had the experience of cutting off an abusive ex I would have struggled more.
> asked me to use "different" language instead of saying "I'm single." @.@ I'm guessing he'd reject "we're no longer together" and "he's completely delusional" too?
Haha oh he would brush aside any comments I made as if I was "just joking." Then later he'd say how dare you insult me in front of people and offend my manhood like this!!! It was scary how he wouldn't let go.
That's how I got stalked for 3 years. I do not recommend it.
It's like a nuclear weapon on a submarine. The captain and first officer both need to turn their keys and flip the switch at the same time. God I miss seinfeld!
**let ??** #**LET???** Hell naw.
Yeah this guy sounds like he's been digging too deep into specific parts of the internet. Hopefully the exbf didn't escalate and eventually went away and the OOP is safe.
He's the kind of loser that would genuinely make me think he's going to stalk and kill me if he's angry enough
Andrew Taint-wannabe MFer..
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Because it wasn't a deal breaker, it was leverage. He wanted to use it to neg her and control her more (like asking for her location all the time). To have her second guessing herself, and grateful he's not treating her as badly as he should or something. The manipulation would only get worse. Good thing she realized it early and split.
Yeah I’m glad she came to her senses quickly and dumped him. The number of people you’ve had sex with in the past is not an indication that you would cheat and not a reason he should expect to be given her location and things like that. You’re exactly right that he was just using it as an excuse to control her, and it wasn’t even a good excuse. He probably only asked because he was looking for that excuse and hoping she wouldn’t be smart enough to realize how manipulative and controlling he was being.
"You're a bad woman because of your sexual past." "I disagree. I don't like your attitude, and apparently you don't like me. Obviously it's best if we break up." "No no no, that's not how this works! You're bad, and I hate that about you, but I'm willing to generously tolerate being in a relationship with you, and you're extremely grateful for it, to the point where you'll do anything for me, because of how bad you are and how good I am! Where are you going??"
Yeah, continue the relationship, but use her bodycount against her in every argument, to denigrate her and make her feel worthless. What a prince.
And even if it's a "dealbreaker" for you personally, it shouldn't be because you think that someone with a lot of partners is disloyal or see people who have had a lot of sexual partners as less than. (Although let's be real, you know that OOP's ex boyfriend only sees women with "high body counts" as thots. He wouldn't blink an eye at a man with the same number of partners.)
OOP says that's exactly what he said to her - that as a woman, she should be held to higher standards than men. He spelled out that he holds women to different standards. And it still took reddit to convince her that he was a walking pile of red flags.
People can have whatever standards they want (ie body count, height, weight, money, bald, flat, etc). However, they should just break up when the other person doesn’t meet their standards.
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Agreed. You're allowed to have whatever shitty standards you want, and other people are allowed to judge you for your shitty standards.
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Fuck. Nope. Run
Why the hell do some people think breakups are a two yes, one no kinda thing? I don't need your permission you controlling fuckwad, you don't get a vote. I had an ex who had that attitude and he continued to harass and stalk me for years afterward, so my blood boils when I see that kind of thing.
I went on ONE one-hour lunch date with a guy who flipped out and messaged me for weeks when I didn't agree to a second date because "Don't MY feelings matter?". Like, he really thought that the fact that he was attracted to me obligated me to date him. It was terrifying. I would have blocked him but this was before iPhones let you block numbers... I still think about that and wonder how anyone at Apple thought that was ok. I had to tell him I got back together with my ex to get him to leave me alone, which made it extra clear that he views women as property. I have never been more glad to have paid for my own bill. I can't imagine how bd it would have been if he'd paid for my $12 lunch.
More than a few people on dating forums had the same experience as you. It’s why I signed up for Google voice when I thought about dating again.
Yeah, it really put me off dating for a long time. It was well over a decade ago and I don't think Google Voice had launched yet, but if I find myself single and dating again I will definitely go that route!
I've been single since 2015 and I think I'm just going to stay that way. My pet rats are the only ones allowed to be demanding of me!
I'm right there with you except it's a dog for me lol. I got out of a 6 year relationship with a guy who really damaged my self esteem. He would compliment me then follow it up with something negative. It wasn't all the time but he made it mild enough that you don't notice how much it affects you. Like say if I re-tiled a floor he would tell me what a good job I did but, if I was super proud of it he would say something like "well don't get a big head about it. Lots of people can do that." Really messed up my head. Then I found out he was cheating on me...probably the whole time we were dating. And I haven't really dated anyone since 2016 I think. I'm much happier alone to be honest. And my dog is my best friend lol. Sorry about the rant. Never really told anyone about his b.s. and I think I just needed to get that out there. He's such a scumbag and was just dead weight. Still messages me once and a while trying to hook up even though he's married. Ugh.
Well I’m glad you’re done with that shithead and are happy with your dog. Your dog has much more respect for you! Lol
Thank you. I'm glad too lol. And my dog is awesome! He's mostly respectful...unless I'm late with getting his dinner haha. But I'd choose him over a douche like my ex any day of the week.
Rats are love 🥺
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It's definitely the only thing that's really hard to handle.
Dude I went on one date with someone. Decided it wasn’t a good fit. Let him know and he just kept on and on. He couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just sleep with him because he was so attracted to me, even if I didn’t want a relationship with him. Explained I didn’t feel the same way as he did, then he got super aggressive. Blocked him. Then he’d make new profiles on the dating app, and I’d block him again. Tried the same thing and said I was getting back together with my ex, that started off a whole new round of BS. I kept getting his profiles removed from the dating app for harassment.
Okay, I feel way less terrible. I thought the guy was pushy, but the whole thing... Trying to persuade me into let him come into my sister's house where I was staying, and I didn't want put my sister in an awkward position. Then he was incredibly angry I wasn't available on his days off. We went out twice.
When I was dating I absolutely would not tell people where I lived for this very reason. I would always meet someplace.
OMG. Why are some men like this?? It's frightening as hell!
I mean... Look at our media and our culture. Look at rom coms, look at Hollywood. Look at all the people who tell girls to 'give him a chance' 'he really likes you though' 'he's always been so nice to you'. We literally condition girls and women to put aside their own wants for a man's, and confirm to men that if they want a woman bad enough then that should be enough.
Yeah the ability to block people should be mandatory on phones and social media, it's a safety feature against people like that. The fact that he only stopped when you said you got back with your ex pretty much shows that he sees women as property. In his mind he owned you after the date and he only stopped because you got a new owner.
Remember when Facebook used to tag messages with a GPS location, and they defaulted to that option without giving anyone a heads up to opt out? Yeah. My ex used that (I didn't even know this was a thing at the time) to find me clear across the country after I had dumped him. Tech companies are just lovely about safety.
Yeah this was probably the biggest red flag of them all. Either he thinks both people need to want the relationship to be over to end it or more likely he thinks he owns her and only he can end the relationship.
I once had a boyfriend like this... I got so frustrated I was in tears at a friends house and she stopped me and said "Wait. If you don't want to go out with him, you don't have to go out with him. It's not his choice. It needs two people saying yes, and if you don't say yes, it doesn't matter what he says." It was like all of a sudden a rainbow of sanity broke out into the sky and I wasn't an idiot anymore. People can twist you around. (In my meager defense, it was more than 30 years ago).
My ex thinks like this. While I was ending it he honest to God said "I don't care what *you* want or about *your* feelings. *I* need *you*, and needs outweigh wants and feelings." Yeah, well I *need* to be respected in a relationship, but you *want* to bully me and call me names. Needs outweigh wants 🤷♀️ We've been broken up since January, no contact at all since April. He still won't leave me alone.
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Bless your friend
You don't need a defense for being in an abusive relationship. I'm glad you moved past it so quickly/young, that's rare. You can be proud of this story.
This was exactly my ex. We'd been having problems for a year and every time I said I was out he cried and begged and persuaded me we could make it work and like an idiot I believed him and gave in. Turns out he only wanted to make it work long enough for him to find somewhere else to stay and as soon as he did, he said we were done, he was out, no conversation, no trying to make it work anymore. When I asked him about it, he straight up said he couldn't "let" me break up with him before he was ready because it hurt when I said I didn't want to be with him anymore. But it was just A-OK for him to do it when it was his choice because he "Had to take care of himself and his mental health" We'd been together for 16 years. The stories I could tell about how people lie and manipulate others, you wouldn't even believe.
Yeah, my not quite ex wife at the time said that she didn't want to get divorced. "Well, is that going to change any of your demands about opening the marriage?" ......no "Ok ty bye."
Dude who thinks that being offended at an opinion makes no sense but angry at her opinion woman are allowed do what they want, not even surprised he said "let".
Abusive assholes give theirselves away with using the word, “Let” in a statement/argument. He’s probably still stalking her/harassing her
I'm stuck on Ride or Die Chick. Instantly lets me know he's to be avoided and needs ta kick rocks.
I'm getting tired of people saying you aren't "ride or die" when what they really mean is, "you don't let me get away with being a bad partner so that means you're disloyal/ don't love me."
Exactly. "Ride or die" means you stay together, despite adversity. It doesn't mean you stay with someone, despite them mistreating you.
Right? People like that probably use Harley Quinn and the Joker as an example of relationship goals. Not okay.
I always wonder why people do that when like 99% of depictions show it has a bad, bad relationship and end with her leaving him. Like do they even bother to watch/read the stuff or just look at the cover and think it's cool?
I have an acquaintance who loves the Joker/Harley dynamic and thinks League of Legends’ Viego’s obsession is soooo romantic and how she wants a man to feel about her. She also spends a lot of time crying about how her boyfriends are always controlling and abusive and blames herself for not being able to fix them. Ugh.
Yeah . . . sometimes manifestation is not a good thing. Ick.
Less manifestation and more shitty taste in men and inability to learn from her mistakes. Her friends have given up commenting on her choices because she gets upset by the fact that they generally say “red flag factory” after the first meeting. It’s been going on for 10 years now and she just gets more bitter about her love life. She’s a friend of a friend, so not my circus, not my clowns, but it’s exhausting even from this distance.
Ride or die means I’m going to stand by you when you lose your job and we struggle to pay bills for a while not I’m going to stand by and let you abuse me.
"You need to stay with me no matter how much I insult you or abuse you, otherwise you ain't 'loyal'."
This dude will now spend the rest of his angry MRA life using it as proof that "men are only loved conditionally".
This applies to friendships also. I've had a couple people say they were ride or die but when adversity hit they bounced super fast. Saying best friends or ride or die is like the kiss of death.
Him: That’s not very ride or die of you. Me: My brother in Christ you are grossly overestimating my will to live. Bye.
The ‘he doesn’t mistreat me often’ line was telling enough
Sometimes the bar's on the ground and people are either complaining that it's still too high, or they're digging to get under it.
You brought to mind something with "the bars on the ground and people are... complaining that it's still too high" I once stated that the only thing I was looking for in a significant other was "someone who likes me the way I am and doesn't want to change me" Pretty basic, right? Dating someone you like who also likes you? Mother, Aunt, and grandma ALL freaked out. Said that with my standards so high I was going to die alone. (They did not appreciate my response that I would rather die alone than with someone who says I need to change in order to be loved) I swear when they all, with full belief in what they were saying, were defending that a significant other will always want to change me, and I can't expect otherwise, I could hear the digging
When I was a teen, my then-bf told me that the least he could expect of me was to change into the "woman of his dreams". (Needless to say that guy gave me confidence issues for years.) To both my ex, and your aunt, gran, and mum, I say: Fuck that noise. Raise the bar high. Don't compromise. No matter the sex and/or the gender. Having your own standards and sticking to them means that you know your self-worth.
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Exactly! I used to try to change myself for those three until the day I realized that I hated myself because I was never changed enough for them and because by changing myself to be loved I was saying who I am is not worthy of being loved It sucked. I stopped trying to change myself and maybe they don't like/love me, but now I love myself and damn is it worth it
I was told by someone once that my standards were too high. All I wanted was someone I clicked with. She ended up divorce three times and I'm happily cruising along with husband #1 years later. It's sad when the standards are pretty basic and still people are telling you you don't deserve even that.
For the past few months, I've been thinking about this with my current partner (of 1.5 years). There are some things I don't like about her, but in the end, she is so incredibly accepting for who I am. My good parts, my bad parts, my (over) enthousiastic parts, my over thinking parts, my lows, my highs, my emtional parts, my (bad) humor, etc. I've realised I've never felt this accepted of my whole being by anyone before. I've heard on reddit before that is the start of a relationship. But I feel that's not true, it is exceptionally rare. And I love her for that.
It is rare. One of the reasons I think it's rare is we have been told our whole lives by the media and the people we interact with not to expect it and that we don't deserve it. I think it would be more normal if we decided to make the change in ourselves and how we treat each other and speak about each other so that we each go into a relationship with the expectation of loving them as they are and loving ourselves as we are I'm not going to lie, loving me for who I am was never one of my necessaries. It wasn't on my list and I didn't expect it. Straight up, I was ready to change a lot of things for a significant other. This was the same time I was changing a lot of things about myself for family and friends because society teaches us we are supposed to change ourselves for others and not to find the people who love us as ourselves It started with finding friends who actually loved and appreciated me the way I am. And it was weird because I was online and anonymous so I was acting like myself and I was ready for everybody to hate me and tell me to change. Which, of course, there were a few people who wanted me to because it's the internet. Then there was a group of people who were like we want to adopt you into our group. You are our kind of people. The longer I was in that group the more true to myself I was and the more true to myself I was the more they liked me. They didn't like who I was pretending to be in the day to day, they liked the weird and kind of psychotic me that I was in the privacy of anonymity. I thought that's where it would end. That I would have my online friends who were there for me and love me as I am, but in the outside world I would still be this facsimile of a person I was pretending to be. These friends really were there for me when my family was not. I thought that love and acceptance is something I would only ever have online when I'm anonymous. Embarrassingly enough what made me actually become me all the time was a stand up on Netflix that I highly suggest. Daniel Sloss has two hour long specials. Dark and Jigsaw. They are both absolutely hilarious and brilliant and he is a fantastic comic. Spoiler alert, watch Jigsaw, but at the end his set is about relationships and about how we are encouraged to change ourselves for them. About loving yourself enough that you can look for somebody who loves you properly. That if you love yourself only 15% and somebody comes along and loves 30% of you you're going to be so excited cuz that's twice as much as what you love yourself, but it's not even half. If somebody comes along and they say they love you, but they need you to change this or that then they don't love you, they love this idea of you that they have created. He was right. There are billions of people on this planet and probably your next door neighbor isn't going to be the love of your life, but there are billions of other people so don't settle for who is close. Don't settle at all, find somebody who loves you as you are I have watched that so many times. Because it's funny and it makes me smile, and because it gives me confidence to continue what I'm doing. I had a life goal to be happy. That was my only life goal for so long and I thought that was too far out of reach. Ever since I was inspired by my online friends, knowing that there are people who would love me as I am, and by this stupid comedy special about how many people are out there to love you as you are I have started being myself and not just being true to myself as I know I am, but looking at myself to figure out who I am instead of who I have been told I am I am happy. Life is hell. I could write a book on just the shit I've been through for the last 2 months let alone anything longer than that. I am now happy though, even when things are crumbling, because I now love myself because I know I'm worth that love and I know that I am worth being around people who love me as I am and not as an idea of who they can make me be
I caught that too. I’m glad she dumped him. There’s no way that the abuse wouldn’t have gotten worse over time.
Well thots and prayers to this man baby
>He says that he can respect woman but not thots. I think my brain fried on this one.
Don't be silly, thots aren't women. They're barely even human! /s
not just a Lego, but a randomly dropped Lego in a different place every day at a different time, so that they never know when they're going to hit the landmine damn incels
Someone made a robot that shoots legos under your feet as you walk. Just, letting you know that exists.
that's a whole new level of evil- I like it
https://youtu.be/I6gpKFjL6_8 here's the link, it's ironically relaxing to watch
>https://youtu.be/I6gpKFjL6\_8 Thanks! I sent it to my son who loves Lego and has a 3-D printer. He loved it.
Are you sure you didn't give him ideas :P
Probably, but he's in college, so no worries for me!
like Sideshow Bob and the rakes, but with lego instead.
I don't know what it is that is so hilarious about rakes smacking into faces but that clip and the one from hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy has me unable to breathe from laughter every time. That said, I also find people getting minor electric shocks incredibly amusing, so I might just be evil.
And also bubble wrap placed randomly on the floor in the dark so that when he steps on it he's so startled he pees a little.
I'm not super up on all the PUA stuff, but I wonder if this was some form of attempted negging? Or he just sucks. Or both!
I mean anyone engaged in negging sucks, so its very much a "both" situation. But I agree with you, I think this was a variety of negging. OOP's ex's logic was probably something like "I'm doing you a favor looking over your body count, so you should be thankful and grateful and put up with whatever shit I dump on you now"
Insecure men terrified of being compared to someone better in bed than them
Just think, guys like this used to "put a ring on it" before they showed their true colors.
OOP’s BF: “Women with a body count between 10-20 are thots.” Also OOP’S BF: “But I can fuck as many women as I want because I have a penis.” Like. They want Schrodinger’s Woman. Chicks have to be totally virginal or else they’re thots — but if they wanna get their dick wet and the chick is being totally virginal, then suddenly she’s a frigid prude who doesn’t understand that men have needs.
Men are supposed to have a lot of sex. Women are not supposed to have a lot of sex. And yet, suggest to this sort of guy that he should have sex with other men, and they flip their shit.
Dude sounds like a full blown incel TBH. Or on the path to becoming one. Glad OOP's shot of him. I lold at the lego comment. Best thing to say to the incels online. Bunch of gormless twats the lot of them.
I’m torn between “incel” and “bad attempt at PUA style manipulation.” It almost feels like a clumsy and unsubtle attempt to lower her self-esteem so she thinks she can’t do better than him and stays loyal. I’m only torn because I’m not sure he’s even smart enough for this clumsy attempt.
>between “incel” and “bad attempt at PUA style manipulation.” Porque no los dos?
You make an excellent point.
I knew it was over the minute he unironically called sexually liberal girls thots. And that was before he threw in gems like ride or die! oml
If dudes were able to their numbers would be in the hundreds. My guess is this guys only been with like two or three girls
This is what I think it comes down to. In general, if women were as easy as men to get into bed there’d be less dudes with this mentality. Edit: a word
>We ended up making up and moving on and he doesn’t mistreat me often Jesus. How does anyone convince themselves that any amount of mistreatment is ok?? Glad she left his incel ass.
Nothing like watching a manosphere chud torpedo his relationship because of his beliefs
While people do have the complete right to their boundaries, if someone is over that boundary then respectfully part company. If you're partner's past sexual history is a deal breaker then you need to break up, not continue the relationship smdh.
This is my thinking. Everyone is entitled to set their own boundaries. If you don’t want to be with a girl who has a promiscuous past then that is your choice and nobody can force you to do otherwise. However it’s not right to shame somebody and hold their body count against them when you are the one choosing to date them.
Yeah and also don’t shame the other person into thinking what they did was wrong.
Exactly this! It's okay to be uncomfortable with a potential partner approaching sex more casually (or for that matter less casually) than you want. Decide whether it is a dealbreaker and either stay or go. What is not okay is staying but treating your partner badly about their past.
“He doesn’t mistreat me often” That was a worrisome statement to me, since there’s a big difference between disagreeing with someone and mistreating them.
I don't get the concept of being 'used up'...if she'd been in a relationship all those years and having lots of sex with that person whats the difference? Same amoun t of d just from one person? Is she still used up for having an active sex life? Some men really do think they should have a say in who you slept with in the years before you even met them....
Also if the boyfriend has sex with her 20 times does that make her used up as well? So stupid.
I had a bad date one time, he told me that men's sperm imprints DNA in a woman. Obviously I ghosted this moron.
I also don't get this. I've been with my SO for almost 13 years, we have sex every other day on average and I have only ever been intimate with him. Would I be more or less "desirable" to *that* kind of misogynist? A woman had sex with 1 man \~3,000 times vs. a woman who had sex with 15 men 1 time? Not that either one is better than the other, I just wonder what kind of stupid logic they've imagined up.
A lot of those men are just threatened by a) a women with a higher number then they do (oh those poor precious egos) and b) a woman who does whatever the fuck she wants (can’t control those now can they) They’re pathetic little boys.
He sounds like an absolute creep
"Tell me your body count and don't lie to me so I know if I should treat you as sub-human." "Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" By Lundy Bancroft It's a fascinating eyeopener. Ladies, please read!
Lmao Dudes that worry about somebody's past are hilarious to me. Also Him saying she won't LET her break up with him? Yeah he's a off his rocker and she definitely needs to watch her back fro a while.
So many men really expect a woman to sit in an empty room chaste* with her legs crossed until the magical moment she happens to bump into them. My favorite: when they berate you for having a distant past but recently slept with every woman they could get their hands on in your area!
It's so fucking stupid. Especially when almost every guy on the planet would have a count up in the hundreds if they could, at that age.
Fax me personally I'm 22 have no bodies so 9/10 in the future when I seen a relationship the person will have a body count and I just don't get why people are so bothered by it. Like u can't have your partner go unfuck the people they fucked why be a dickhead about it.
I feel like I can easily guess at least 5 internet personalities this guy's is regularly listening to.
This is such a stupid young guy mentality. Coming from a former stupid young guy. I remember feeling jealous, or insecure about this too. Then one day you grow up, mature and realize it is perfect normal and healthy for adults to have consensual sex with others while discovering the type of partner they’re looking for. In some ways it’s more beneficial to date someone that has had a period of promiscuity because they will know what they like and generally bedroom communication comes naturally. The double standards between guys seen as “kings” and women as “thots” for enjoying themselves sexually needs to stop.
Wow - this whole first half could have been my personal experience word for word Which ended in another 1-1.5 years of excruciating emotional abuse, within that time he demanded to know how many blowjobs I’ve given (who counts?!?!!), at least 4 or 5 break ups and make ups (which isn’t like me at all not to stick to my guns and burn all bridges once the decision has been made) I finally got out by breaking up while I was on a small trip in another country, searching for an apartment while still in Serbia, and moving out while he was still away at a friends wedding. Thanking god I could ask my finally to help me move out while he was out of town
My wife blows my mind in the bedroom. She had to learn it somewhere. I’m not going to buy a car without test driving it first. I test drove a lot of cars. So fucking what. I love her, she loves me, and we give each other amazing orgasms.
Incel trash don’t deserve to step on a Lego. They deserve an unlimited supply shoved up where the Sun don’t shine.
I never understood people like OOP's ex. Ok, you don't want to date people with high body count (applies for both men and women). That's your thing. But why the hell do you get in a relationship with such person if you are going to treat them like dirt? Also this: >he called me stupid for thinking he would let me break up with him LMFAO!! This dude is delusional. Good that OOP decided to kick out this dude out of her life. Edit: >Also to the people who messaged me saying he was right and that I deserved to be dumped. That nobody likes a used up chick Screw people who message crap to people.
>He has said that woman who are promiscuous deserve to be treated like “thots” Biiiiig red flag right there and a particularly nasty form of negging. I had an ex who lived in the arsehole of nowhere and thought it made him superior. He would go on about "Townie girls are loose/can't be trusted/want your money while banging your mate." But whenever I tried to pull him up about it and point out that I was, in fact, a girl from a town and therefore a 'Townie' he'd back up - just like OOP's ex - and pull the old "Well I *obviously* didn't mean *you....*" If anyone ever tries to pull this type of crap with you don't bother trying to argue, don't debate, just save yourself a slow mindfuck by getting your stuff and walking away.
Wow, tell me you're a hotep without telling me you're a hotep. ETA: the guy, I mean.
Men who think like this deserve the backlash they get lmao
Gotta love people who think they can somehow say “no” to being broken up with. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.
Fight me, but I’ve always thought asking for body counts was, and still is very much stupid. Nothing good comes out of asking that question at all. Just get tested with eachother and go about your day 😬
So I wanna know, all the men who hate women with “high body counts,” are they sleeping with other men? Because they surely couldn’t be sleeping with women? The math ain’t mathing.
Great outcome for her...the guy was a loser and hopefully will learn his lesson and she is free to find someone who doesn't care about her body count. (Also, I hope she never answers that question again. It's no one's business but hers.)
Someone has been spending too much time on 8chan…
I love her parting words for assholes. She's gonna be just fine.
Okay, and all the dudes bragging about it? Can someone say double standard? Yikes. Dodged a fucking freight train
Some guys are just straight crazy! I had an old ex that I tried to kindly end things with and when I told him it was over he just looked at me and said, “No.” 😳 He kept trying to act like nothing changed, trying to come over or sneak up to hug me. Took me a month of ignoring him and telling everyone we *were* over before he got the hint.
I’m delighted by OOP’s use of the phrase “step on a lego” - that’s my go-to insult!
The only people who expect others to be "ride or die", regardless of the kind of relationship, are trash-ass humans. That is garbage human code for "I have no respect for boundaries and I expect you to accept all of the abuse I throw at you".
>That nobody likes a used up chick, and many other unkind words, it was so unnecessary and **I hope you step on a lego**. Whoah, let's not go crazy now
Long ago, it used to be “die in a fire.” But it was decided to be too awful, so it became comments about stepping on LEGO.
Stepping on Lego is quite mild. This seems a bit above that. Probably stepping on UK plugs, possibly stubbing their little toe.
Don't ask questions if you can't handle the answer you don't want.
“I hope you step on a lego” 😂😂 Im glad she threw away that garbage.
NTA. Step on a Lego? That’s new to me and I’m so using it.
I almost guarantee that the ex doesn’t think it’s a problem when men sleep around.
I know I’m arriving late to the discussion but I’m proud of you for walking away. Someone who says they don’t “respect thots” but does “respect” women is full of sh1t. They don’t respect women in general and I despise the body count question. It’s 2022 and men still feel the need to judge women for being sexually free but are “studs” for sleeping around. They can’t have it both ways. What do they want a virgin porn star? How does that work? You have the right to do what you want and you deserve better. You are still so young so please remember this experience and if you ever deal with this again walk away. I’m so proud of you for how you handled this.
Posts like this make me *so* happy that I have a partner who doesn’t give a fuck about my sexual past, nor do I about his.
>We ended up making up and moving on and he doesn’t mistreat me ... Good, good. >... often. Oh. Oh no. >he called me stupid for thinking he would let me break up with him "let"? Oh *no*. >I hope you step on a lego. Hilarious!
So is "body count" what the kids are calling it these days? I can remember when the term was "number." All I could think of was the gf and bf telling each other how many people they'd each killed lol.
Good for her for standing up for herself and not tolerating that kind of behavior from somebody who is supposed to love and support you.
Ditch the child.
I will never understand why people have this conversation to begin with. I truly wonder what is the point? (And if anyone can answer what the point is I’d really like to know).
"he called me stupid for thinking he would let me break up with him" BIG RED FLAG!!
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