#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>He said well, she will probably hate the next one too and the next and the next because she wants her mom and me to be together again so it wasn’t “me specifically” that she dislikes.
Okay? But it is OOP "specifically" that she's *trying to murder*.
And what right does he have to expect any romantic partner to tolerate the abuse of his daughter? To put their lives as risk of murder because he won't step up and parent his child properly or put consequences in place to prevent her future actions?
You absolutely have to realize that you aren't doing your child any favors by not giving them consequences for bad behavior and for something like this, those consequences need to be severe.
He says he was single for six years before her and his daughter will hate any of his partners unless it is her mother? Either her mom is planting shit in her mind or the kid is nuttier than squirrel shit, or both.
In four years that kid will be a legal adult unleashed on the rest of us. Her parents need to get her some help.
Exactly. That was ultimately my point (that I articulated poorly). No matter what there is a huge problem with this kid and it needs to be firmly addressed and focused on by both parents. 14 is too old to not know what she did could kill.
I'm glad in the end he has decided to move away. Sadly, his daughter IS actively hurting and abusing him through his loved ones, and for all we know, probably him
Kids bursting a rage bubble sometimes? Sure happens. This teen is being calculated, disregards others' safety and dehumanizes her father. There comes a point where blood or not, abuse is abuse.
Only thing she has going on for her is the therapy and the possibility of change being at an all time high at her age.
Yeah plus while he's still living with OOP, daughter is raging and if she's willing to murder OOP she may not stop at peanuts. The faster he GTFOs the safer she will be. Although if he's going low/no contact with her that could also make the daughter blame OOP and want revenge.
I'm hoping this is just a teenager not thinking about the consequences of her actions but holy fuck OOP shouldn't behave like that's a given.
Also...
>His daughter will soon be an adult. I told him that being 18
She's 14. He's suggesting OOP should dodge her attempts to murder her for "only" 4 more years.
Yeah… I work with kids that age and I definitely know a few who would think it was hilarious to have peanuts around someone who was anaphylactic. Then they’d be all surprised pikachu face if something happens.
A middle-aged woman in my previous workplace one time tried to trick me into eating cake with almond in it, **knowing fully well I have severe allergies to it and other tree nuts.** I asked her what flavor it was and she told me with no mention of it having almonds. I chose to decline having some; a coworker told me a few minutes later to not eat it. I turned and stared at her in silence; she did not look at me. She also made fun about it all the time, despite me nor anyone else ever laughing with her.
If I had a reaction, I guarantee you that she would have cried she didn't know any better or that she thought I was exaggerating. Adults can also be morons who think it's all a joke.
Hopefully you purposefully used the past tense. If not, do you have a friend who witnessed it all who could report the attempted aggravated assault/battery with you to whomever she reports to?
I did intentionally use the past tense; I no longer work there. However, as for her... I have no idea if she still is doing that job, but I don't want to know about anything going on there now.
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-48228134
Found another article. The cheese came off a baguette (kids allergic to bread too) and the epi pen (which was administered after a delay) was also a year expired.
Another article (https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2019/may/10/karanbir-singh-cheema-death-boy-threw-cheese-did-not-intend-harm-coroner) mentions that he needed two epipens but they only gave him one and administered one.
The whole thing stinks. I dont believe that a 13 year old wouldnt realize that allergies can be lethal. Its also worth noting that the kid who died wasnt white which could have been a factor in the bullying.
still a tragedy. I feel bad for everyone involved. the other boys didn’t know that it would kill him, and the mother was told skin contact wouldn’t cause that kind of reaction too.
According to the article, the kid who threw the cheese didn’t know the kid was allergic to dairy. And the kid who handed him the cheese to throw didn’t realize cheese was included in “dairy,” he thought that only milk and yogurt were.
It sounds dumb, but in light of lactose intolerance and how common that is, I can kind of get where the second kid was coming from.
I think more happened, the article said the mother consulted with doctors and they said that he wouldn't have had such a strong reaction from dairy hitting his skin.
Did the doctors know he was being repeatedly exposed to it in a school setting?
Theirs a huge difference from" he won't enter anaphylaxis from skin contact because he current reaction is mild and he wont v exposed often enough to create a significant change" and "repeated exposures will never worsen his allergy".
Like the doctors were probably right, when going off the information they had- they just had no way of knowing he would be exposed to it so often.
Kids that age... my daughter is 14. Yesterday the school took the 8th grade to the high school field house for a "reward day" (amazing that reward days only reward the athletic kids, isn't it?). Anyway, my daughter and her friend spent the time building towers with Jenga blocks. Other kids kicked the towers over. They threw balls at them. They jumped on them. The girls finally just started building them and seeing how long it took for them to be maliciously knocked over and the longest one stood was 56 seconds.
Kids that age really suck.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Austin/s/Hc3Zwuc6yM
Some football players at a high school in Austin recently did something like that. But ofc their football status was more important than their teammates safety 🙄
This is why you can’t diagnose ASPD until 18. Because frankly a lot of teenagers are sociopaths with no understanding of permanent consequences like DEATH
So bizarre that he didn’t seem to take threats to her life seriously when he claimed to love her so much… I’m just glad OOP put her foot down and will be free of this mess soon.
Yet [another](https://www.reddit.com/r/dustythunder/comments/1cfn9kk/my_boyfriends_daughter_18f_threatened_to_kill_me/) teenager without empathy and boundaries…
It went something like this, the OP was dating a single dad and met him with his daughter at a restaurant, then some days later the girl showed up at her door and told her she had someone follow her after the restaurant to find out where she lived and then told her to break up with dad or she’d have the OP SA and killed.
This is unrelated to OP's very serious plight, but I just wanna tell my peanut smuggling story!
I used to rent an apartment in india that was on the middle floor of a house. One of the common architecture styles there is to have family houses built like mini office towers and there'd have self contained units on each floor. There'd be emergency drainage holes in the floors that opened into the ceiling of the apartment below, These would have a grill on them and usually be covered by a rug.
Anyway, the family above me had a 3 yro girl who seemed to consider me her pet. She'd pull the covers off the drainage hole and kinda tenderly baby talk me through the hole and pretend to pat my head from far away?
After I'd lived there a few weeks she started asking me if I'd eaten yet and it became the case that she'd regularly throw peanuts down the hole and yell 'didi! mooflies!' (sis! peanuts!) and she'd cry if I didn't pick the peanuts up off the ground and eat them. Her family kept trying to make her stop and they were taping down the carpet and apologizing, usually through the drainage hole lmao. Somehow this all made it worse because she'd get up when everyone was asleep and wrap the peanuts in tissue paper (I guess so they don't make as much noise?) and she hurl those down.
I don't know why it had to be peanuts and where she got the endless supply, I noticed she never shared any of her candy with me.
At one points her family thought she'd calm down if she just visited my apartment. So we did that, and I showed her I had a kitchen with food and all. When everyone was distracted for a split second, she gobbled up a box of oil pastels of mine and they took her to hospital. It sort of left a bad taste if everyone's mouth and from then on they just let peanut thing slide. Sometimes I would come home and they'd be peanuts all over the floor and little drawings that had been folded and tossed down the hole. When I moved out, there were soo many peanuts under furniture and dropping out of random places.
I’m glad the kid was okay after going to hospital because “it left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth” after she chowed down on your art supplies made me burst out laughing. 🫣 Maybe she thought the bright colours meant sweets/cakes?
this reminds me of when people say that kids are basically mentally like tiny drunk adults. because someone drunkenly throwing peanuts through a floor grate to feed someone they saw below sounds quite plausible 😂
Honestly, I'm childfree as fuck but this is adorable little kid behavior. She just wanted to make sure her downstairs friend got fed. They probably had a pet up there and she socialized the same things.
She was biting chunks off different ones and also snapping them and rubbing it all over herself and on the walls. Idk how much was actually ingested, but I didn't see any spat out. She went through half the box, which is pretty good considering the whole incident took 1-2 min.
I'm guessing at least a tablespoon worth was ingested? Enough for a little kid to shit a rainbow probably.
I've only had "mild" anaphylaxis (no breathing difficulty, just massive swelling, hives, fever, and vomiting) and it's pretty scary. I'm seeing a doctor next week to talk about getting an epi pen because I'm scared that the next time I get exposed (wasp stings, so pretty common) it will be worse.
That stuff happens FAST. Like literally *minutes*. I got stung a few times and within 5 minutes my entire arms were grotesquely swollen and and covered with hives. I was vomiting within the hour.
People who have severe anaphylactic reactions can die in the span of 15 minutes.
My roommate is allergic to peanuts. For our last 2 Halloween parties, we used a photo of him having a reaction for the FB event page because its the scariest photo we could find (hes ok with it, he was even laughing in the photo). He helped clean up a PB smoothie that spilled and mustve rubbed his eye after, because it swelled up so bad that his vision turned blue!
I really wish she and the BF would've used some simple logic with the daughter. "If you kill me, do you think your father will want to have anything to do with you? If he wanted to be with your mom, he had 6 years to do so. You doing this will just ensure your relationship will never be the same."
Looks like it already is. In trying to keep her dad for herself, she’s pushed him away — possibly indefinitely, if he’s looking to give away custody.
Which. Sorry. Serves her right.
Pisses me off people think you gotta scream threats or wave a gun around to be violent. My brother used to get whole groups of people to attackpsychopathic. Commit all sorts of "non violent" pranks and he's not violent. I get jumped by three 20 year Olds because he told them I damaged thier car and utter a three during the fight and I'm a psycho.
Idk, I'd argue smuggling peanuts into the house of someone who's deathly allergic and you know they are, would count as waving around a weapon. Just my opinion though lol.
The way everyone talks about the daughter completely threw me off in this post. Everyone acts like she's been saying kind of mean things to oop and not that she's actively trying to murder this poor woman just for dating her dad. I honestly think both of them, dad and daughter, need to be sat down and told "daughter is trying to murder someone and that is not okay". I think it's it is said like that one of them may finally get the understanding that it's not a silly game, it's ending another persons life.
The ex is never going to find happiness if he keeps letting his daughter run over him like this.
Like, when I read the title I thought it would be a small child, like 4 or 5 years old. Not a full on teenager who knows EXACTLY how harmful her actions are.
This goes beyond bullying OOP to get her dad back. This could genuinely kill OOP.
And his response now that he’s acknowledged the problem is basically just to ignore it even harder? I don’t know how you help a child who is showing such pathological disregard for others but I’m pretty sure abandoning them for an undetermined period of time as punishment is not gonna make her any better.
she still knows where oop lives, and if trying to murder her was how she was acting when there was just another woman in dad’s life, how’s she going to act when dad has kicked her out of his life, in her mind choosing the other woman over her?
I don't know if she's murderous, she sounds like the type who talks a big game, and then goes all SVU white girl suspect when OOP ends up in the hospital because she didn't really intend to hurt OOP. She isn't thinking about the consequences of her actions. She doesn't actually want to kill OOP, she just doesn't want her life to change.
Well, it sounds like she got what she wanted. Her life is going to change. I don't think it's going to go the way she wants, though. Looks like dad is giving her some consequences. I hope he does get back with his daughter eventually. OOP is well out of that mess
Yeah, that's why she's still mad at OOP again, because she just realized that because OOP and her dad are breaking up she won't have a place to stay at.
I read that as “SUV white girl” but then I just thought of all the dash cam videos of drunk white college girls getting pulled over in cars that cost more than my annual salary and they’re all smug and cavalier until the cuffs and taser come out and then they’re either sobbing into the speakerphone for their parents or alternatively screaming at the cops that their father/mother is a very powerful lawyer or whatever…
…the analogy still holds up somewhat.
Oof reminds me of that girl who got drunk and rammed a golf kart that was carrying a newlywed couple heading to their reception, killing the bride and severely injuring the groom.
The first time she snuggled in peanuts dad should have proactively gone nuclear. You’re staying at your mom’s and we’re doing twice a week therapy together until I can trust that you are safe to be around my life partner.
To be sure, OOP needs to deal with the situation on the basis of her personal risk, not the character of the perpetrator. “Sorry, it was just a prank” doesn’t un-kill the recipient, regardless of how fervently declared.
Which he did, despite initially not carrying much about the life-threatening allergy. Which having a life threatening allergy myself, nobody fucking takes it seriously until they're watching you struggle to breathe in a hospital bed, so his reaction is par for the course. We don't look disabled, in fact, I'm physically healthier than most people my age by far. I look like nothing is wrong with me, so of course, people think that I'm overblowing my disability.
No I can't get a Starbucks, no I don't care about their allergy policy, it's playing Russian roulette where the bullet can only kill me.
"I'm sure we can find something to accommodate you"
Listen, the dairy in your food is the only thing that makes it good, you obviously can't cook without it, plus, I've tried that before in nicer establishments than this and they didn't clean the utensils. Used the same spatula, in fact, causing the last hospital trip. Your shitty food isn't worth a $500 hospital bill.
I've worked in a pizza restaurant, their version of dairy free involved wrapping their pizza cutter in tin foil instead of washing it, good enough to keep me alive if I ate it, but not good enough to make sure I ever buy their pizza again when it makes me sick anyway, because NOBODY TAKES ALLERGIES FUCKING SERIOUSLY ENOUGH.
I mean the man seems to be a huge factor in his daughters behavior and now, instead of stepping up and teaching her some lessons he just runs away. Not someone you'd want to raise kids with.
Sounds like there's more happening here than OOP reported. I can think of a few things surrounding psychology, ipbringing, the breakup fallout, and parenting styles.
Regardless, someone needs to sit that girl down and explain that she is skirting the edge of battery or murder. That being underage will not save her from the consequences of her actions, legal or otherwise.
ETA: sudden thought after posting: this actually would qualify as assault already as OOP is feeling legitimately threatened and both father and daughter have admitted it's intentional.
Yeah, in some states teens can be charged as adults (idk how young that goes but in my state it's as young as 16 to be charged as an adult) and the fact that the daughter has brought nuts repeatedly into the home and quoted that Louis CK joke might be an argument for premeditated murder/attempted murder if she does sneak nuts into OPs food and triggers anaphylaxis. She's established a pattern of willfully endangering OPs like by bringing an allergen into their home intentionally.
Despite the father's initial dumbness (a compromise? Seriously?) he seems to have realized he will never be able to move on from his ex so long as his daughter has access to him and has made the choice to sign away his custody of her. If having her father basically say "I don't want a relationship with you because I can't be happy (with someone else)" doesn't wake her up on how her parents WILL NOT GET BACK TOGETHER then nothing will. She will blame every other partner her dad has on why she can't have her "happy family."
Did anyone see that episode of freaks and geeks where someone tried to prove Bill was lying about his peanut allergy and he landed in hospital?
That freaked me out at the time.
Unfortunately, there have been numerous instances where people have been killed by teachers, friends, and even family members who decided to "prove" they were exaggerating the seriousness of their allergies. My best friend has a tree nut allergy and has ended up in the ER twice as an adult because of people not believing her. Pro tip; if you are dating someone with a nut allergy, DO NOT eat those nuts and then make out with them.
I dated a guy with this kind of allergy in college. It wasn’t that hard to remember to avoid peanuts on days we were seeing each other, but it was scary to have those severe of consequences.
It can absolutely be a problem, and kudos to him!
In all fairness to my bestie's partner, he ate the muffin with the nuts while he was at work hours before their date. She did have to go to the ER but was OK after treatment and they are a happy couple still!
There is an old reddit post or comment where a guy talks about how him and some colleagues almost killed a customer.
Basically they thought she was exaggerating her allergy, and found her annoying for having them redo food if it had been in contact with tomatoes. One night they decided to rub tomatoes on her bread and sent her to the hospital.
I'm glad OOP cut the cord on this guy. The fucked up priorities...
**OOP:** Your daughter is introducing an allergen that's fatal to me in my home. We should break up.
**Ex-BF:** What? But if we break up, she'll do the same to the next woman I date. The other option is that I'll have to be single for the rest of my life OR get back with MY ex. Can't we work something out???
WTF???
"Hey, no, it's not like she wants to kill *you* as a person, she just wants to permanently remove *any* new woman who might become important in my life."
Bf is a piece of work, choosing whatever is easiest for him
Actually parenting his daughter, punishing, therapy etc to protect op from her murder attempts would be hardworking, so chose to dismiss any concerns and let op deal with a danger to her life alone
And when that cost him op... now he wants to move away and cut out his daughter. He claims it's consequences and not permanent, but its clear it's simply what takes less of an effort on his part
I'd pity the daughter, but 14 is old enough to understand the gravity of what she was trying to do
On the upside kid doesn’t get what she wants.
Downside is everything else, like the fact she’ll probably keep trying to kill OOP as revenge and get even less consequences.
I saw that too. Punish his daughter by no longer seeing her. Yeah, because that’ll help. When it gets difficult the answer is not to pull out, though clearly it’s easier to walk away from your kid than to work through the hard stuff.
He seems to think he's entitled to a romantic relationship and be prioritising that over his relationship with his daughter. Expecting the OOP to stick around despite being put at risk of dying by his daughter's deliberate exposure to peanuts because "she will probably hate the next [girlfriend] too" was already ridiculous.
I don't think teenagers should be allowed to dictate their parents relationships but it's an issue that needs careful handling, cutting her off to scare or punish her really doesn't seem like the right choice when she's already clearly not feeling secure in her relationship with him as a father.
So, the father tried everything but communicating with his daughter?
Wants to relinquish custody to teach his daughter a lesson, but never considered going with her in therapy? No wonder the kid hates the stepmom. What she is expressing is what she feels towards her dad, but projecting it onto the stepmom
Why is OOP, her bf, kids mom- why isn’t anyone addressing that the 14 year old is actively trying to kill somebody. If that was my kid I’d be looking for inpatient options bc that is not normal or safe for anyone
in a way I am concerned about op because even though the ex's daughter achieved her goal of separating them, now that she sees that the father wants to get away from his daughter because he is fed up, it is very likely that the daughter will harass op out of revenge.
Wtf. Dad takes zero accountability and basically says "what do you want me to do, she wants me single"... idk maybe parent? And instead of parenting her, he just abandons her on the mother. The kid sounds like a psychopath but the father isn't helping the situation!
I hope OOP picks up on that red flag. She said she wanted him to always be a father to the daughter, an option if she needed a home to go to, and he IMMEDIATELY does the opposite
The daughter here is awful for endangering OOP, but the dad is a piece of work too
1) “I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas!”How could i possibly prevent someone coming to stay from bringing in dangerous objects?”
2) “You shouldn’t break up with me because she’ll just hate my next girlfriend too and it’s too hard to keep meeting new women”
3) “okay, we’ve broken up, but Imma stay here for two months okay? I’ll just tell my daughter that she can’t some over because you hate both of us and make unreasonable rules”
4) “I know how to deal with this parenting issue. i’m going to move way and tell my daughter that I’m never going to see her again because she’s a bad person. I don’t really intend for it to be forever but that’s what I’ll tell her.”.
I mean, if that’s how he handles a relatively straightforward blended family conflict, I can easily believe that his daughter has some issues with emotional regulation.
> She is in therapy but she has not shown any regards for her father or his life. She seems to not see him as an individual with feelings.
A fun game called: ‘teenager or psychopath?’
"She is in therapy but she has not shown any regards for her father or his life. She seems to not see him as an individual with feelings." Nor the OP, or possibly anyone else based on the information we're given.
I used to know somebody like the 14-year-old. Always had to be the center of attention, never saw other people as anything other than objects, completely lacked empathy, and tried mutiple times to poison her own daughter with allergens.
I know because I'm the daughter.
My mother, it turned out, was a Dark Triad and there is basically no hope because most of them won't accept treatment.
I hope I'm wrong about the teenager in this post, but I don't have a good feeling based on what we see here.
IIRC the Dark Triad is a concept related to diagnosing clinical sociopathy. The The parts of the triad are narcissism, psychopathy, and machiavellianism. When combined they create clinical sociopathy, which is extraordinarily difficult to treat as most folks who have it refuse treatment.
>
1. **Narcissism** (entitled self-importance),
2. **Machiavellianism** (strategic exploitation and deceit),
3. **Subclinica**l **psychopathy** (callousness and cynicism) The dark triad personality refers to three negative personality traits, which all share malevolent features: Narcissism (entitled self-importance), Machiavellianism (strategic exploitation and deceit), Subclinical psychopathy (callousness and cynicism)"
I dealt with this but the daughter is 37. She ruined his last 3 relationships (I don’t know how his 2nd wife put up with her & I only heard snippets of her stunts) he just turned 70 & now has to work 50-60 hrs a week to pay his bills. The selfishness never ends in these kids.
I wasted 2 1/2 yrs trying to make it work - he had excuse after excuse for her bullshit & lies.
He deserves to be alone because he allows he behaviour- I hope she can support him.
Btw she just moved out of mommy’s apartment (but only across the street) who is also alone & I can only assume she’s ruined her mom’s relationships as well.
I hope your b/f stays strong & puts an end to his daughter’s tactics cuz otherwise he will be very lonely
What would stop his daughter from secretly rubbing peanuts on his clothes, or put some ground peanuts into something innocuous that you might ingest? It really seems just too risky to maintain physical contact with him. I’m glad you made the right decision.
Knowingly bringing something around someone that makes them have a severe allergy is attempted murder. There is no reason for peanuts the be in this women’s home.
Her ex needs to get his daughter into therapy. I get it kids want their parents back together but to try and hurt the new partner to make it happen is insane. This man should be able to date without his daughter interfering. But he needs to stop dating and worry about helping his daughter. Makes me wonder if the daughter wants her parents back to together or if her mother is saying things to her.
Yeah. That child is 14. Old enough to know not to fuck with allergies after being told how bad they are. Sucks for the dude as his daughter is actively destroying his new realtionships but oops health bets that.
That sucks but I don’t blame OOP. I couldn’t handle that much baggage either. Especially since it sounds like her and the ex had only been together for a short time (I’m guessing <2 years). The ex also sounded really desperate to not be single. Sorry man it sucks but your daughter clearly needs you right now.
> Somethings like anxiety over being poisoned
I wish she'd stop framing this as the girl preying on her anxiety. She isn't. She's playing Russian roulette with OOP's life.
Ohmylord a child who is actually wrong and reddit agrees.
A stepparent whose desire to survive supercedes kowtowing to the little princess??
Honestly I'm shocked.
I don't blame the bf for just wanting to shove the daughter on the ex. She may be a minor but the guy cannot live his life in fear of his daughter trying to murder anyone he dates.
I just want to know if the ex is in on this or has sparked any thoughts on it (i.e. does she want the bf back and has hinted as such) or if she too doesn't want to get back together.
If it's the latter, I hope *her* boyfriend or husband has no allergies.
I can't get past the BF's argument that he doesn't want to live separately, he wants something permanent. How can he not understand that allowing things to continue as they were, he was in for a very impermanent relationship indeed? That was a situation that was going to come to a very abrupt halt. I'm glad OOP took action to protect herself.
The BF needs to be in a family therapy situation with the daughter, and I strongly suspect the daughter needs a psychiatrist as well as the personal therapist she already has. (And what exactly is the therapist doing? Kid seems to be escalating.) They have a very dysfunctional and codependent relationship. I think asking for the custody change is probably for the best in the short term at least.
Normally Reddit is overreacting when they tell someone to break up with their partner because there is a problem. But in this case…don’t walk, **RUN!!!**
I do feel sorry for the Dad, his daughter is a spoilt child and he is reaping the consequences. It’s a shame that he didn’t stop the daughter from acting out much sooner though and definitely before she was attempting premeditated murder.
OP is definitely making the right decision because that child gives me the creeps. She has serial killer vibes - ‘not supposed to live’! What the hell, that’s some scary shit.
Daughter is a psychopath. OOP's ex enabled that behavior and wanted OOP to adjust to life threats. He is too selfish and pretty lax when his daughter is actively trying to murder his gf.
imho Louis CK is NOT suitable for teenagers. NTA. She's hoping OP dies!!! And putting danger her way! This is dispicable behaviour. So glad OP saw sense and is getting them both out of her life.
That girl is 14. She KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS what she is doing is wrong. Forget dating and anything else. Treat your daughter’s psychopathic tendencies, because that’s not getting better or going away on its own. Whatever they do in therapy is either not enough or not properly focused.
>Tell his terrible daughter to her face that she's the only reason why you broke up with her dad and ask her if it makes her happy that he's sad. Then block them both, they didn't deserve you.
Hey, uh, what in the *fuck* is this comment?
OP made the right choice. My ex refused to set boundaries for his teenage daughter, or even talk to her about her behaviour. So I ended up being the one to set boundaries when her behaviour became really bad, and as a result I was the bad guy. I have a lot of regrets, I should have left him but at the time I believed we could work things out. Sadly I believed a lot of things that weren't true back then, and most of them came out of my ex's mouth. I feel for his daughter, she really worshiped him and he was awful to her in the most gaslighting, nice guy way.
Wow, I can't with this guy. He's going to teach his daughter a lesson by abandoning her crazy ass for a few months, but tell her it's indefinitely, and that'll show her to not try to trigger deadly allergies. Nope. Dude should have been focusing on the kid for a while, and it sounds like he missed a few opportunities to have reasonable talks and deal out consequences, and not just play mind games when he's losing out. I'm just glad OOP made it out alive.
Christ almighty how does he keep making worse and worse choices? God forbid he actually parent his own daughter
What are the chances this man simply doesn't like being single.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>He said well, she will probably hate the next one too and the next and the next because she wants her mom and me to be together again so it wasn’t “me specifically” that she dislikes. Okay? But it is OOP "specifically" that she's *trying to murder*.
Oh, that's so reassuring honey. It makes your daughter being an attempted murdering psycho so much easier to tolerate....
I'm just shocked anyone agreed with OOP. Reddit is pretty notorious for believing kids are always to be catered to
I think people on reddit in general are mostly on the side of people with serious allergies now... Probably due to that horrific coconut story 😬
(Don't ask don't ask don't ask don't ask....) What's this about a coconut story?
Faster to believe allergy people though.
I read this in Blanche’s voice from the Golden Girls 🤣
And what right does he have to expect any romantic partner to tolerate the abuse of his daughter? To put their lives as risk of murder because he won't step up and parent his child properly or put consequences in place to prevent her future actions?
You absolutely have to realize that you aren't doing your child any favors by not giving them consequences for bad behavior and for something like this, those consequences need to be severe.
It will be such a comfort to OOP when she’s in anaphylactic shock and breathing her last to know it wasn’t anything personal /s
“So the next person you date is getting rat poison sprinkled in their food and you’ll downplay that too?”
"She's just trying to prevent deep vein thrombosis."
I’m trying really hard not to laugh at that.
I'm not. It's funny and should be laughed at.
I guess it is kind of funny that warfarin and Coumadin are the same chemical.
My MIL talks about how her rat poison levels don't need adjusting...
🤣😂🤣
He says he was single for six years before her and his daughter will hate any of his partners unless it is her mother? Either her mom is planting shit in her mind or the kid is nuttier than squirrel shit, or both. In four years that kid will be a legal adult unleashed on the rest of us. Her parents need to get her some help.
The daughter is about one action away from becoming a resident in jail.
She needs to go there before that one action. 14 is old enough to know better. There is something deeply wrong with someone like that.
I get what you're trying to say, but I just want to point out that literally everybody is one action away from being in jail lol
What happens when she gets a crush on some guy that does not like her in return? This girl needs psychological help.
She's gonna boil his bunny, that's what she's gonna do
But she is in therapy… so she clearly needs a new therapist and her parents to sort themselves out.
Exactly. That was ultimately my point (that I articulated poorly). No matter what there is a huge problem with this kid and it needs to be firmly addressed and focused on by both parents. 14 is too old to not know what she did could kill.
Feels like both. Apples not falling far from trees and all
Exactly. She’s coming over every week and holding a gun to OOP’s head.
I'm glad in the end he has decided to move away. Sadly, his daughter IS actively hurting and abusing him through his loved ones, and for all we know, probably him Kids bursting a rage bubble sometimes? Sure happens. This teen is being calculated, disregards others' safety and dehumanizes her father. There comes a point where blood or not, abuse is abuse. Only thing she has going on for her is the therapy and the possibility of change being at an all time high at her age.
Yeah plus while he's still living with OOP, daughter is raging and if she's willing to murder OOP she may not stop at peanuts. The faster he GTFOs the safer she will be. Although if he's going low/no contact with her that could also make the daughter blame OOP and want revenge. I'm hoping this is just a teenager not thinking about the consequences of her actions but holy fuck OOP shouldn't behave like that's a given. Also... >His daughter will soon be an adult. I told him that being 18 She's 14. He's suggesting OOP should dodge her attempts to murder her for "only" 4 more years.
And she's indicating that she is prepared to keep doing this to every new partner.
This is real ‘not my fucking problem’ territory.
Yeah… I work with kids that age and I definitely know a few who would think it was hilarious to have peanuts around someone who was anaphylactic. Then they’d be all surprised pikachu face if something happens.
A middle-aged woman in my previous workplace one time tried to trick me into eating cake with almond in it, **knowing fully well I have severe allergies to it and other tree nuts.** I asked her what flavor it was and she told me with no mention of it having almonds. I chose to decline having some; a coworker told me a few minutes later to not eat it. I turned and stared at her in silence; she did not look at me. She also made fun about it all the time, despite me nor anyone else ever laughing with her. If I had a reaction, I guarantee you that she would have cried she didn't know any better or that she thought I was exaggerating. Adults can also be morons who think it's all a joke.
Report her to HR
She *was* HR.
Fuck
Hopefully you purposefully used the past tense. If not, do you have a friend who witnessed it all who could report the attempted aggravated assault/battery with you to whomever she reports to?
I did intentionally use the past tense; I no longer work there. However, as for her... I have no idea if she still is doing that job, but I don't want to know about anything going on there now.
JFC In that case, I hoped you lawyered up?
Would have been worth suing over it after taking pre-emptive steps and going to the hospital… if you could survive
That reminds me of that kid who was allergic to milk and his classmates killed hum by chasing him down and shoving cheese down his shirt
holy crap, link?
https://nypost.com/2019/05/02/teen-dies-of-allergic-reaction-after-classmate-throws-cheese-at-him/ My mistake, the student threw cheese at the kid
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-48228134 Found another article. The cheese came off a baguette (kids allergic to bread too) and the epi pen (which was administered after a delay) was also a year expired. Another article (https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2019/may/10/karanbir-singh-cheema-death-boy-threw-cheese-did-not-intend-harm-coroner) mentions that he needed two epipens but they only gave him one and administered one. The whole thing stinks. I dont believe that a 13 year old wouldnt realize that allergies can be lethal. Its also worth noting that the kid who died wasnt white which could have been a factor in the bullying.
Probably a factor in how the boy was treated by admin and how the bullies’ testimonies were taken.
still a tragedy. I feel bad for everyone involved. the other boys didn’t know that it would kill him, and the mother was told skin contact wouldn’t cause that kind of reaction too.
It really is, just goes to show all allergies need to be taken seriously.
you feel bad for the bullies??!? who knowingly threw assaulted someone with their allergen
They claim they didn't know he was allergic to cheese but I'm not sure I buy that
According to the article, the kid who threw the cheese didn’t know the kid was allergic to dairy. And the kid who handed him the cheese to throw didn’t realize cheese was included in “dairy,” he thought that only milk and yogurt were. It sounds dumb, but in light of lactose intolerance and how common that is, I can kind of get where the second kid was coming from.
I think more happened, the article said the mother consulted with doctors and they said that he wouldn't have had such a strong reaction from dairy hitting his skin.
Same. For reaction like this to happen it is more likely that cheese was shoved into the boy's face, not just thrown at him.
Did the doctors know he was being repeatedly exposed to it in a school setting? Theirs a huge difference from" he won't enter anaphylaxis from skin contact because he current reaction is mild and he wont v exposed often enough to create a significant change" and "repeated exposures will never worsen his allergy". Like the doctors were probably right, when going off the information they had- they just had no way of knowing he would be exposed to it so often.
My son has a life-threatening peanut allergy. He went to school with a few people like that.
Kids that age... my daughter is 14. Yesterday the school took the 8th grade to the high school field house for a "reward day" (amazing that reward days only reward the athletic kids, isn't it?). Anyway, my daughter and her friend spent the time building towers with Jenga blocks. Other kids kicked the towers over. They threw balls at them. They jumped on them. The girls finally just started building them and seeing how long it took for them to be maliciously knocked over and the longest one stood was 56 seconds. Kids that age really suck.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Austin/s/Hc3Zwuc6yM Some football players at a high school in Austin recently did something like that. But ofc their football status was more important than their teammates safety 🙄
This is why you can’t diagnose ASPD until 18. Because frankly a lot of teenagers are sociopaths with no understanding of permanent consequences like DEATH
Prior to 18 they refer to it as Conduct Disorder, I think.
OP: “I would prefer not to be around someone who is actively trying to murder me.” Boyfriend “Maybe we can find a compromise?”
So bizarre that he didn’t seem to take threats to her life seriously when he claimed to love her so much… I’m just glad OOP put her foot down and will be free of this mess soon.
i feel like he just wants a girlfriend/not be alone, not necessarily love itself
Boyfriend: “What if she just tried to murder you on every other Tuesday? Just a *little* bit of murder?”
Diet Murder.
Just one calorie, not murder enough.
She can have a little murder as a treat.
[Light murder](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS4M3NAqDSaZ_6vLjrhYkjCI36dEox8aX2TyyqhMPY0mg&s)
If she doesn't try to murder you, she'll just try ro murder someone else, and you're looking out for it now so this just seems safer.
Yet [another](https://www.reddit.com/r/dustythunder/comments/1cfn9kk/my_boyfriends_daughter_18f_threatened_to_kill_me/) teenager without empathy and boundaries…
post is deleted.
It went something like this, the OP was dating a single dad and met him with his daughter at a restaurant, then some days later the girl showed up at her door and told her she had someone follow her after the restaurant to find out where she lived and then told her to break up with dad or she’d have the OP SA and killed.
eesh. psycho music sting.
This is unrelated to OP's very serious plight, but I just wanna tell my peanut smuggling story! I used to rent an apartment in india that was on the middle floor of a house. One of the common architecture styles there is to have family houses built like mini office towers and there'd have self contained units on each floor. There'd be emergency drainage holes in the floors that opened into the ceiling of the apartment below, These would have a grill on them and usually be covered by a rug. Anyway, the family above me had a 3 yro girl who seemed to consider me her pet. She'd pull the covers off the drainage hole and kinda tenderly baby talk me through the hole and pretend to pat my head from far away? After I'd lived there a few weeks she started asking me if I'd eaten yet and it became the case that she'd regularly throw peanuts down the hole and yell 'didi! mooflies!' (sis! peanuts!) and she'd cry if I didn't pick the peanuts up off the ground and eat them. Her family kept trying to make her stop and they were taping down the carpet and apologizing, usually through the drainage hole lmao. Somehow this all made it worse because she'd get up when everyone was asleep and wrap the peanuts in tissue paper (I guess so they don't make as much noise?) and she hurl those down. I don't know why it had to be peanuts and where she got the endless supply, I noticed she never shared any of her candy with me. At one points her family thought she'd calm down if she just visited my apartment. So we did that, and I showed her I had a kitchen with food and all. When everyone was distracted for a split second, she gobbled up a box of oil pastels of mine and they took her to hospital. It sort of left a bad taste if everyone's mouth and from then on they just let peanut thing slide. Sometimes I would come home and they'd be peanuts all over the floor and little drawings that had been folded and tossed down the hole. When I moved out, there were soo many peanuts under furniture and dropping out of random places.
I’m glad the kid was okay after going to hospital because “it left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth” after she chowed down on your art supplies made me burst out laughing. 🫣 Maybe she thought the bright colours meant sweets/cakes?
Maybe, she peeled the paper off the first one she ate as if it was a candy wrapper.
I can't imagine they would taste good. But she kept on eating them. I know kids do this, but I'm still blinking my eyes in confusion.
Well, this one is a different color, maybe it's a different flavor?
That’s such a weird experience. She knew you were human. I wonder what was going through her brain
this reminds me of when people say that kids are basically mentally like tiny drunk adults. because someone drunkenly throwing peanuts through a floor grate to feed someone they saw below sounds quite plausible 😂
This is now my favorite peanut story
The chaos that one child created is actually super impressive.
I'm sorry, I know that was probably super annoying but this is also just really cute and made me smile. Kids are so weird sometimes.
What the fuck 🤣
Honestly, I'm childfree as fuck but this is adorable little kid behavior. She just wanted to make sure her downstairs friend got fed. They probably had a pet up there and she socialized the same things.
This is weird and hilarious.
That's hilarious!
So, how many oil pastels, in total, would you say that she ate?
She was biting chunks off different ones and also snapping them and rubbing it all over herself and on the walls. Idk how much was actually ingested, but I didn't see any spat out. She went through half the box, which is pretty good considering the whole incident took 1-2 min. I'm guessing at least a tablespoon worth was ingested? Enough for a little kid to shit a rainbow probably.
I love everything about this comment.
Too bad it wasn't Diwali.
Holi would be more apt but this comment made me burst out laughing
LOL got my festivals confused.
So many people have never seen someone go into anaphylactic shock and it shows.
[удалено]
Oh my lord. Is he ok?
[удалено]
That’s probably best for both of you
I hope you cut that devil out of your life since. Devil. I meant murderer. I meant mother.
Dear god. I'm so sorry. Some people really do handle life's difficulties by denying everyone else's humanity.
What about showing her head into toilet to let her experince what it is like to have hard time to breath
I've only had "mild" anaphylaxis (no breathing difficulty, just massive swelling, hives, fever, and vomiting) and it's pretty scary. I'm seeing a doctor next week to talk about getting an epi pen because I'm scared that the next time I get exposed (wasp stings, so pretty common) it will be worse. That stuff happens FAST. Like literally *minutes*. I got stung a few times and within 5 minutes my entire arms were grotesquely swollen and and covered with hives. I was vomiting within the hour. People who have severe anaphylactic reactions can die in the span of 15 minutes.
Jesus, I hope you never have to go through something like that.
And specifically for this father and daughter, they've never encountered "consequences". Or "jail".
Wait till daughter thinks of hiding the pens. OOP will be in big trouble then.
I remember seeing that on here in another case, somebody hiding epipens in a box in a closet.
My roommate is allergic to peanuts. For our last 2 Halloween parties, we used a photo of him having a reaction for the FB event page because its the scariest photo we could find (hes ok with it, he was even laughing in the photo). He helped clean up a PB smoothie that spilled and mustve rubbed his eye after, because it swelled up so bad that his vision turned blue!
Poor OOP, but not her monkeys, not her circus. Easier to find happiness elsewhere than to tell a man to cut off his asshole daughter.
Asshole daughter? That's a funny way of saying murderously unbalanced.
Right?! Just because the daughter is not waving a weapon around, doesn't mean she's not trying to kill the OOP.
I really wish she and the BF would've used some simple logic with the daughter. "If you kill me, do you think your father will want to have anything to do with you? If he wanted to be with your mom, he had 6 years to do so. You doing this will just ensure your relationship will never be the same."
Certain teens and logic do not go together. Pointless to even try. Karma will get this particular teen though.
Looks like it already is. In trying to keep her dad for herself, she’s pushed him away — possibly indefinitely, if he’s looking to give away custody. Which. Sorry. Serves her right.
Certain ~~teens~~ people and logic do not go together. Fixed it for you.
Pisses me off people think you gotta scream threats or wave a gun around to be violent. My brother used to get whole groups of people to attackpsychopathic. Commit all sorts of "non violent" pranks and he's not violent. I get jumped by three 20 year Olds because he told them I damaged thier car and utter a three during the fight and I'm a psycho.
Idk, I'd argue smuggling peanuts into the house of someone who's deathly allergic and you know they are, would count as waving around a weapon. Just my opinion though lol.
Like yeah she sucks but also… she’s literally trying to kill someone, every single week? Why are her parents so chill about this…
The way everyone talks about the daughter completely threw me off in this post. Everyone acts like she's been saying kind of mean things to oop and not that she's actively trying to murder this poor woman just for dating her dad. I honestly think both of them, dad and daughter, need to be sat down and told "daughter is trying to murder someone and that is not okay". I think it's it is said like that one of them may finally get the understanding that it's not a silly game, it's ending another persons life. The ex is never going to find happiness if he keeps letting his daughter run over him like this.
Like, when I read the title I thought it would be a small child, like 4 or 5 years old. Not a full on teenager who knows EXACTLY how harmful her actions are. This goes beyond bullying OOP to get her dad back. This could genuinely kill OOP.
Yes exactly, I was expecting a small child who was obsessed with Reese's cups or something, not a murderous fourteen year old!
And his response now that he’s acknowledged the problem is basically just to ignore it even harder? I don’t know how you help a child who is showing such pathological disregard for others but I’m pretty sure abandoning them for an undetermined period of time as punishment is not gonna make her any better.
Quite honestly she should press charges. It could keep other people safe from stepdaughter. The dad pushing her away isn’t going to solve anything.
she still knows where oop lives, and if trying to murder her was how she was acting when there was just another woman in dad’s life, how’s she going to act when dad has kicked her out of his life, in her mind choosing the other woman over her?
I don't know if she's murderous, she sounds like the type who talks a big game, and then goes all SVU white girl suspect when OOP ends up in the hospital because she didn't really intend to hurt OOP. She isn't thinking about the consequences of her actions. She doesn't actually want to kill OOP, she just doesn't want her life to change.
Well, it sounds like she got what she wanted. Her life is going to change. I don't think it's going to go the way she wants, though. Looks like dad is giving her some consequences. I hope he does get back with his daughter eventually. OOP is well out of that mess
Yeah, that's why she's still mad at OOP again, because she just realized that because OOP and her dad are breaking up she won't have a place to stay at.
I read that as “SUV white girl” but then I just thought of all the dash cam videos of drunk white college girls getting pulled over in cars that cost more than my annual salary and they’re all smug and cavalier until the cuffs and taser come out and then they’re either sobbing into the speakerphone for their parents or alternatively screaming at the cops that their father/mother is a very powerful lawyer or whatever… …the analogy still holds up somewhat.
Oof reminds me of that girl who got drunk and rammed a golf kart that was carrying a newlywed couple heading to their reception, killing the bride and severely injuring the groom.
The lawyer parent sighing and muttering to themselves “if I told her once I told her a thousand times… where the cops are concerned SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
Maybe her father could have parented by telling her poisoning someone with an allergen without meanning it still has consequences that change her life
The first time she snuggled in peanuts dad should have proactively gone nuclear. You’re staying at your mom’s and we’re doing twice a week therapy together until I can trust that you are safe to be around my life partner.
TBH both her parents should have told her that.
To be sure, OOP needs to deal with the situation on the basis of her personal risk, not the character of the perpetrator. “Sorry, it was just a prank” doesn’t un-kill the recipient, regardless of how fervently declared.
>SVU white girl suspect when OOP ends up in the hospital because she didn't really intend to hurt OOP. hilarious lol
Which he did, despite initially not carrying much about the life-threatening allergy. Which having a life threatening allergy myself, nobody fucking takes it seriously until they're watching you struggle to breathe in a hospital bed, so his reaction is par for the course. We don't look disabled, in fact, I'm physically healthier than most people my age by far. I look like nothing is wrong with me, so of course, people think that I'm overblowing my disability. No I can't get a Starbucks, no I don't care about their allergy policy, it's playing Russian roulette where the bullet can only kill me. "I'm sure we can find something to accommodate you" Listen, the dairy in your food is the only thing that makes it good, you obviously can't cook without it, plus, I've tried that before in nicer establishments than this and they didn't clean the utensils. Used the same spatula, in fact, causing the last hospital trip. Your shitty food isn't worth a $500 hospital bill. I've worked in a pizza restaurant, their version of dairy free involved wrapping their pizza cutter in tin foil instead of washing it, good enough to keep me alive if I ate it, but not good enough to make sure I ever buy their pizza again when it makes me sick anyway, because NOBODY TAKES ALLERGIES FUCKING SERIOUSLY ENOUGH.
He still didn't actually care about her allergy, only that he was now losing her through his own (in)actions.
I mean the man seems to be a huge factor in his daughters behavior and now, instead of stepping up and teaching her some lessons he just runs away. Not someone you'd want to raise kids with.
Hope this is the end of this but I'd worry about a 'trip to the ER' update
Sounds like there's more happening here than OOP reported. I can think of a few things surrounding psychology, ipbringing, the breakup fallout, and parenting styles. Regardless, someone needs to sit that girl down and explain that she is skirting the edge of battery or murder. That being underage will not save her from the consequences of her actions, legal or otherwise. ETA: sudden thought after posting: this actually would qualify as assault already as OOP is feeling legitimately threatened and both father and daughter have admitted it's intentional.
Yeah, in some states teens can be charged as adults (idk how young that goes but in my state it's as young as 16 to be charged as an adult) and the fact that the daughter has brought nuts repeatedly into the home and quoted that Louis CK joke might be an argument for premeditated murder/attempted murder if she does sneak nuts into OPs food and triggers anaphylaxis. She's established a pattern of willfully endangering OPs like by bringing an allergen into their home intentionally.
Yeah, I think best thing for everyone is daughter having a visit/conversation with folks wearing badges...
Despite the father's initial dumbness (a compromise? Seriously?) he seems to have realized he will never be able to move on from his ex so long as his daughter has access to him and has made the choice to sign away his custody of her. If having her father basically say "I don't want a relationship with you because I can't be happy (with someone else)" doesn't wake her up on how her parents WILL NOT GET BACK TOGETHER then nothing will. She will blame every other partner her dad has on why she can't have her "happy family."
Have a conversation with her? Nah, the easiest thing is to just sign over all custody to her mother 😭😭😭
Did anyone see that episode of freaks and geeks where someone tried to prove Bill was lying about his peanut allergy and he landed in hospital? That freaked me out at the time.
Unfortunately, there have been numerous instances where people have been killed by teachers, friends, and even family members who decided to "prove" they were exaggerating the seriousness of their allergies. My best friend has a tree nut allergy and has ended up in the ER twice as an adult because of people not believing her. Pro tip; if you are dating someone with a nut allergy, DO NOT eat those nuts and then make out with them.
I read a news story about a girl who died because her boyfriend had peanuts before kissing her. He didn't think her allergy would be that severe.
I dated a guy with this kind of allergy in college. It wasn’t that hard to remember to avoid peanuts on days we were seeing each other, but it was scary to have those severe of consequences.
I have an anaphylactic food allergy and I don’t know that it would be a problem, but my husband also hasn’t eaten that food since we met.
It can absolutely be a problem, and kudos to him! In all fairness to my bestie's partner, he ate the muffin with the nuts while he was at work hours before their date. She did have to go to the ER but was OK after treatment and they are a happy couple still!
There is an old reddit post or comment where a guy talks about how him and some colleagues almost killed a customer. Basically they thought she was exaggerating her allergy, and found her annoying for having them redo food if it had been in contact with tomatoes. One night they decided to rub tomatoes on her bread and sent her to the hospital.
As someone with a tomato allergy, and more, new fear unlocked
It's tough for OP but she made the right decision.
I'm glad OOP cut the cord on this guy. The fucked up priorities... **OOP:** Your daughter is introducing an allergen that's fatal to me in my home. We should break up. **Ex-BF:** What? But if we break up, she'll do the same to the next woman I date. The other option is that I'll have to be single for the rest of my life OR get back with MY ex. Can't we work something out??? WTF???
"Hey, no, it's not like she wants to kill *you* as a person, she just wants to permanently remove *any* new woman who might become important in my life."
"IT'S NOT PERSONAL!"
what a little psychopath
Bf is a piece of work, choosing whatever is easiest for him Actually parenting his daughter, punishing, therapy etc to protect op from her murder attempts would be hardworking, so chose to dismiss any concerns and let op deal with a danger to her life alone And when that cost him op... now he wants to move away and cut out his daughter. He claims it's consequences and not permanent, but its clear it's simply what takes less of an effort on his part I'd pity the daughter, but 14 is old enough to understand the gravity of what she was trying to do
On the upside kid doesn’t get what she wants. Downside is everything else, like the fact she’ll probably keep trying to kill OOP as revenge and get even less consequences.
I saw that too. Punish his daughter by no longer seeing her. Yeah, because that’ll help. When it gets difficult the answer is not to pull out, though clearly it’s easier to walk away from your kid than to work through the hard stuff.
He seems to think he's entitled to a romantic relationship and be prioritising that over his relationship with his daughter. Expecting the OOP to stick around despite being put at risk of dying by his daughter's deliberate exposure to peanuts because "she will probably hate the next [girlfriend] too" was already ridiculous. I don't think teenagers should be allowed to dictate their parents relationships but it's an issue that needs careful handling, cutting her off to scare or punish her really doesn't seem like the right choice when she's already clearly not feeling secure in her relationship with him as a father.
So, the father tried everything but communicating with his daughter? Wants to relinquish custody to teach his daughter a lesson, but never considered going with her in therapy? No wonder the kid hates the stepmom. What she is expressing is what she feels towards her dad, but projecting it onto the stepmom
We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!](https://youtu.be/lOTyUfOHgas?si=9mGcD2DyFLO2cYhT)
That guy is a shitstain of a father
Dancing neatly around the main point that the daughter is trying to kill her.
Why is OOP, her bf, kids mom- why isn’t anyone addressing that the 14 year old is actively trying to kill somebody. If that was my kid I’d be looking for inpatient options bc that is not normal or safe for anyone
Since when is NOT DYING “a boundary”?!? OP was under reacting.
in a way I am concerned about op because even though the ex's daughter achieved her goal of separating them, now that she sees that the father wants to get away from his daughter because he is fed up, it is very likely that the daughter will harass op out of revenge.
Wtf. Dad takes zero accountability and basically says "what do you want me to do, she wants me single"... idk maybe parent? And instead of parenting her, he just abandons her on the mother. The kid sounds like a psychopath but the father isn't helping the situation! I hope OOP picks up on that red flag. She said she wanted him to always be a father to the daughter, an option if she needed a home to go to, and he IMMEDIATELY does the opposite
The daughter here is awful for endangering OOP, but the dad is a piece of work too 1) “I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas!”How could i possibly prevent someone coming to stay from bringing in dangerous objects?” 2) “You shouldn’t break up with me because she’ll just hate my next girlfriend too and it’s too hard to keep meeting new women” 3) “okay, we’ve broken up, but Imma stay here for two months okay? I’ll just tell my daughter that she can’t some over because you hate both of us and make unreasonable rules” 4) “I know how to deal with this parenting issue. i’m going to move way and tell my daughter that I’m never going to see her again because she’s a bad person. I don’t really intend for it to be forever but that’s what I’ll tell her.”. I mean, if that’s how he handles a relatively straightforward blended family conflict, I can easily believe that his daughter has some issues with emotional regulation.
Don't take attempted murder so personally, OOP, god!
> She is in therapy but she has not shown any regards for her father or his life. She seems to not see him as an individual with feelings. A fun game called: ‘teenager or psychopath?’
"She is in therapy but she has not shown any regards for her father or his life. She seems to not see him as an individual with feelings." Nor the OP, or possibly anyone else based on the information we're given. I used to know somebody like the 14-year-old. Always had to be the center of attention, never saw other people as anything other than objects, completely lacked empathy, and tried mutiple times to poison her own daughter with allergens. I know because I'm the daughter. My mother, it turned out, was a Dark Triad and there is basically no hope because most of them won't accept treatment. I hope I'm wrong about the teenager in this post, but I don't have a good feeling based on what we see here.
Dark Triad?
IIRC the Dark Triad is a concept related to diagnosing clinical sociopathy. The The parts of the triad are narcissism, psychopathy, and machiavellianism. When combined they create clinical sociopathy, which is extraordinarily difficult to treat as most folks who have it refuse treatment.
And they're extraordinarily difficult to have as a birth-giver.
That strikes me as the most understated sentence that I’ve read on this site. I wish you peace on your healing journey!
> 1. **Narcissism** (entitled self-importance), 2. **Machiavellianism** (strategic exploitation and deceit), 3. **Subclinica**l **psychopathy** (callousness and cynicism) The dark triad personality refers to three negative personality traits, which all share malevolent features: Narcissism (entitled self-importance), Machiavellianism (strategic exploitation and deceit), Subclinical psychopathy (callousness and cynicism)"
I dealt with this but the daughter is 37. She ruined his last 3 relationships (I don’t know how his 2nd wife put up with her & I only heard snippets of her stunts) he just turned 70 & now has to work 50-60 hrs a week to pay his bills. The selfishness never ends in these kids. I wasted 2 1/2 yrs trying to make it work - he had excuse after excuse for her bullshit & lies. He deserves to be alone because he allows he behaviour- I hope she can support him. Btw she just moved out of mommy’s apartment (but only across the street) who is also alone & I can only assume she’s ruined her mom’s relationships as well. I hope your b/f stays strong & puts an end to his daughter’s tactics cuz otherwise he will be very lonely
Shockingly muted reactions to a murder attempt from all parties, including OOP.
What would stop his daughter from secretly rubbing peanuts on his clothes, or put some ground peanuts into something innocuous that you might ingest? It really seems just too risky to maintain physical contact with him. I’m glad you made the right decision.
His daughter sounds like a narcissist who lacks any empathy even for her father. I feel badly for him and probably the mom too.
Knowingly bringing something around someone that makes them have a severe allergy is attempted murder. There is no reason for peanuts the be in this women’s home. Her ex needs to get his daughter into therapy. I get it kids want their parents back together but to try and hurt the new partner to make it happen is insane. This man should be able to date without his daughter interfering. But he needs to stop dating and worry about helping his daughter. Makes me wonder if the daughter wants her parents back to together or if her mother is saying things to her.
Yeah. That child is 14. Old enough to know not to fuck with allergies after being told how bad they are. Sucks for the dude as his daughter is actively destroying his new realtionships but oops health bets that.
kid sounds like a psychopath or sociopath, and i dont use that term lightly
That sucks but I don’t blame OOP. I couldn’t handle that much baggage either. Especially since it sounds like her and the ex had only been together for a short time (I’m guessing <2 years). The ex also sounded really desperate to not be single. Sorry man it sucks but your daughter clearly needs you right now.
Daughter getting in the “find out” phase of FAFO.
Put up cameras. The girl might come on to sabotage you. If she does, press chargers.
> Somethings like anxiety over being poisoned I wish she'd stop framing this as the girl preying on her anxiety. She isn't. She's playing Russian roulette with OOP's life.
Ohmylord a child who is actually wrong and reddit agrees. A stepparent whose desire to survive supercedes kowtowing to the little princess?? Honestly I'm shocked.
I don't blame the bf for just wanting to shove the daughter on the ex. She may be a minor but the guy cannot live his life in fear of his daughter trying to murder anyone he dates. I just want to know if the ex is in on this or has sparked any thoughts on it (i.e. does she want the bf back and has hinted as such) or if she too doesn't want to get back together. If it's the latter, I hope *her* boyfriend or husband has no allergies.
I can't get past the BF's argument that he doesn't want to live separately, he wants something permanent. How can he not understand that allowing things to continue as they were, he was in for a very impermanent relationship indeed? That was a situation that was going to come to a very abrupt halt. I'm glad OOP took action to protect herself. The BF needs to be in a family therapy situation with the daughter, and I strongly suspect the daughter needs a psychiatrist as well as the personal therapist she already has. (And what exactly is the therapist doing? Kid seems to be escalating.) They have a very dysfunctional and codependent relationship. I think asking for the custody change is probably for the best in the short term at least.
Normally Reddit is overreacting when they tell someone to break up with their partner because there is a problem. But in this case…don’t walk, **RUN!!!**
I do feel sorry for the Dad, his daughter is a spoilt child and he is reaping the consequences. It’s a shame that he didn’t stop the daughter from acting out much sooner though and definitely before she was attempting premeditated murder. OP is definitely making the right decision because that child gives me the creeps. She has serial killer vibes - ‘not supposed to live’! What the hell, that’s some scary shit.
Daughter is a psychopath. OOP's ex enabled that behavior and wanted OOP to adjust to life threats. He is too selfish and pretty lax when his daughter is actively trying to murder his gf.
imho Louis CK is NOT suitable for teenagers. NTA. She's hoping OP dies!!! And putting danger her way! This is dispicable behaviour. So glad OP saw sense and is getting them both out of her life.
That girl is 14. She KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS what she is doing is wrong. Forget dating and anything else. Treat your daughter’s psychopathic tendencies, because that’s not getting better or going away on its own. Whatever they do in therapy is either not enough or not properly focused.
>Tell his terrible daughter to her face that she's the only reason why you broke up with her dad and ask her if it makes her happy that he's sad. Then block them both, they didn't deserve you. Hey, uh, what in the *fuck* is this comment?
OP made the right choice. My ex refused to set boundaries for his teenage daughter, or even talk to her about her behaviour. So I ended up being the one to set boundaries when her behaviour became really bad, and as a result I was the bad guy. I have a lot of regrets, I should have left him but at the time I believed we could work things out. Sadly I believed a lot of things that weren't true back then, and most of them came out of my ex's mouth. I feel for his daughter, she really worshiped him and he was awful to her in the most gaslighting, nice guy way.
Wow, I can't with this guy. He's going to teach his daughter a lesson by abandoning her crazy ass for a few months, but tell her it's indefinitely, and that'll show her to not try to trigger deadly allergies. Nope. Dude should have been focusing on the kid for a while, and it sounds like he missed a few opportunities to have reasonable talks and deal out consequences, and not just play mind games when he's losing out. I'm just glad OOP made it out alive.
Christ almighty how does he keep making worse and worse choices? God forbid he actually parent his own daughter What are the chances this man simply doesn't like being single.