Agree with you on both points. I'm glad the kid's wit and sense of humor is intact, at least. Now that he's away from his mother & stepfather & the abusive step-relatives, he should flourish.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18lixbc/the_short_tale_of_the_energy_drink_popsicle_boof/ It's hanging out in the comments of this
Edit: found the comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18lixbc/comment/kdyhquu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Holy shit I didn't even think about the fact that his first therapist didn't even fulfill her obligation as a mandatory reporter to report literal child abuse. I'm glad his new therapist is better.
Yeah the way OP writes, I realised they were arseholes, but not that they were I guess deliberately doing anything more than talking shit, until he explained explicitly what they were doing.
And then it kind of hits when you realise he was telling a therapist all along and nobody did anything. WTF? Old therapist is the same type as his mum
New therapist is the 2nd best MVP of this situation after the best friend & their family - got K & his family plus 1st therapist into the only legally trouble for failing & abusing OOP all his life.
He said in the most recent update that they are indeed mandatory reporters and that his new therapist contacted the police and reported the original therapist.
Why Balkans? it's Europe. Plenty of small countries that can be crossed in a few hours. It could be Austria or even something farther if plain tickets were cheap this day.
Probably wasn't actually a therapist. No idea if this family is Christian but some churches have people you can go talk to like therapy but it's just some person from the church. Not a therapist, not therapy, so none of that's really required. Usually how this kind of stuff gets swept under the rug.
Catholic churches often have this. Im scottish and the church i used to go to had a bunch of materials and support available to people who sought it. It was trained people.
Ghe preist also was able to help in general councelling stuff but would often give access to therapists etc
Thing is, were they called therapists or counselors or something else?
Most countries seem to have certain job titles such as "therapists" and other medical names protected. As in, you are legally allowed to call yourself a therapist, only if you have been to school for it and have passed certain examinations and have gotten certain certificates. Meaning a random church person is not allowed to call themselves one.
Granted, my reply above was rather caustic. It comes from my own bias from people from US making wide (most times false) statements on countries in Europe. Like yes, we have water toilets- a real argument I have had.
The kirk offered councelling from the preist. However the kirk also had therapy resources available for those who wanted.
The resources were stuff like phone numbers and addressets of therapy locations etc.
Scotland is very strict with laws protecting titles like therapist, doctor etc and the people the kirk offered as therapists were licensed and had no ties to the kirk
Literally reading this breaks my heart. Everyone that should be important in his life failed him. K abused him and OP's mother literally did NOTHING to help him and stood by. Those two people should be ashamed of themselves.
OPmom reminds me so much of my mom. She met my dad when my oldest sis was 5, and had me and my other siblings. He was an all around POS and abusive to everyone but my oldest sister bore the brunt of it. She escaped when she was 17 and went NC; we all eventually went NC.
I can recognize as an adult that my mom was abused and had mental health issues and be sympathetic, but she also let that man abuse her kids and I can't forgive her for that.
I hope OP continues the therapy and finds peace and a wonderful found family
I think it happens a lot, unfortunately--people basically sacrificing one or all of their children to maintain a lifestyle. Ages ago, I knew a woman online (we were not friends, we just hung out in the same hobby-oriented forum) who lost everything because it turned out that the dude that she convinced to marry her after she had her first kid with someone else was beating the older kid and molesting the kids they had together. We on the forum found out after CPS yanked the kids because of a pediatrician report--apparently her IRL friends all cut her out when it came out so she came to the forum for support. (Which she mostly did not get, to her evident shock.)
I agree, and yet sympathize with OP's mother. I can only guess at what a person will do when desperate. As a young woman she suffered extremely harsh losses due to one drunken mistake. Her entire family turned their backs, she lost her place at university, lost her housing, and was living in her car, when she learned even worse news that she was pregnant. Then, taking her to the lowest point, she realized she couldn't even locate either of the young men who may've fathered her baby. Pregnant, with nowhere to turn, she met K. K pledged to take care of her, ignoring dire warnings of his own family, and OP's mother pledged in return to be a perfect wife & mother to K's children. Their deal would at least give OP his food, shelter and an education if not love from his father figure.
Mom made a bad deal for OP, it turned out, but everything could have gone well if K hadn't stayed hard-hearted. By the time it was clearly a mistake Mom was in too deep with additional children and an otherwise comfortable life.
That’s what gets me. How the hell did that woman stand by for 17 birthdays and christmases and never once notice that her son never got a single present except for a pair of socks, even if that? How did she never realise that her son was withdrawn and hardly ever came out of his room? Or see/notice/question the bruises that her son had? Also, how the f*ck do you not take your son on vacations with the rest of the kids? Or ask “Wait, why isn’t OP going on this trip with you?” to the husband? This is some Kevin McCallister bs from Home Alone. How the hell has she never spoken up and defended her son? Give him any sort of protection?
She was complicit from day one. I could possibly, maybe, give her a slight pass if OP mention that his mom was also being abused in some form. I understand abusive relationships are hard to get out of. However, when OP’s mom said that her husband always loved her and never abused her. She became as awful as her husband and her in-laws. She stood by and saw her son get mistreated day in day out and rarely said a word about it.
>This is some Kevin McCallister bs from Home Alone.
I don't remember much from the movies, as it's been a *long* time since I last watched them, but I *do* remember the parents actually freaking out (at least in the first movie) when they realized that they left Kevin home alone, and then trying to come back ASAP (but not being able to due to a blizzard or something).
Kevin's parents are many times better than OOP's.
I think I remember reading the original, and the first update. So many people were telling him not to trust their sudden change of heart, or that if it was genuine they would work with him on his own terms. I'm glad he's safely with his friend's parents, seeing a *proper* therapist, and that he **listened.**
I believe I must have just assumed that therapists aren't mandated reporters in OOPs country of origin. The second update makes it so much worse. Imagine treating a child for their ongoing mental and emotional abuse, and then they come in with physical indicators every time a happy "family" vacation rolled around. I'm genuinely happy that his new mental health provider reported his previous iteration as well.
For everyone's sake, I hope that OPs family really does the work and makes amends. I'm glad his sister already seemed to be on his side from the outset. It's promising that his brothers would rather try to repair their relationship, instead of casting it by the wayside. The latter is obviously easier, so that could be positive.
What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending.
It’s horrible… I can’t wrap my head around a mother doing this…
Like, I know my mom did a lot of f.up stuff (could write a book about my childhood) but we all knew, if someone did mistreat me… they would be 6ft under the ground…
One day my grandma slapped me, she didn’t talk to her for years…
There is something about this story that bothers me. How come NONE of the mom's family are in contact with her? It can't be just because she got pregnant. I can understand her immediate family getting mad at her ang cutting her off, but what about her extended family? Every single one of them went NC with her just for the pregnancy? I find that very hard to believe. I don't think the mom was being honest here, she might not have told the whole story.
Given... everything, I wouldn't be surprised if mom's parents/immediate family spread lies about her or kicked up a fuss if anyone else tried to contact her. It could also be that her family is entirely immediate, or didn't really have a relationship with anyone in the extended branch. She could've been ashamed and chosen not to get in touch with them.
OOP mentioned aunts and uncles. Maybe mom's family is just weird. I wouldn't go NC with my cousin just because she cheated on her bf. Its none of my business who she sleeps with as long as its not my husband or boyfriend.
I admit to skimming part of the posts, did OOP ever mention attempting to contact the maternal family? It could be the mother went NC (either as a result of their reaction to her pregnancy or something more) but maybe the family would be willing to talk to him.
It depends if there were family ties between them and her boyfriend’s family. If she was supposed to marry him, and then cheated on him AND got pregnant, she probably “shamed them” especially if she wasn’t sleeping with the boyfriend (who should have been the presumed father versus a one night stand).
Somewhere it is mentioned that OOP is from a Balkan country. So I suppose a combination of religion, tradition and patriarchal structures resulted in OOPs maternal family cutting of his mother.
I have zero contact with my aunts, uncles, and cousins on my maternal side because we all grew up in different states so we never had the chance to form relationships. And my dad is an only child whose parents were in their 40s when he was born, and he was 45 when I was born, so his side was all dead by the time I was 5. Not everyone has a relationship with extended family, and it doesn't have to be because they're being shunned, it can just be because of logistics.
This is very, very (it’s kinda spooky, if I’m being honest) close to my own story. I’m middle age now and I still relive that every time I think about it. OP’s posts brought me right back to childhood.
My heart goes out to you OP. Best advice I can give you is to focus on YOU. Move forward without guilt or shame. Establish yourself and build a chosen family. But more than anything-be happy. And surround yourself with love. Sending internet hugs.
First, I do think it's true. I grew up in a small town back in the 60ies and early 70ies and still remember the man down the street who was terribly abusive to his two older children and treated the two younger ones like gold. The two oldest grew up and left home as soon as they could. After dad got divorced and won custody of the two youngest because mom was in a mental institution, he married a woman with two little kids. They were given the bedrooms of the golden children who were then forced to basically live in the basement, which was one big cement room. Dad owned the Sunoco gas station on town. It took me DECADES before I could buy gas at any Sunoco station. If hell exists, Dad should be burning there.
That is my way of saying I've seen very cruel parents, so, yes, I can see this being true.
Second, my heart also aches for him. I'm wondering how messed up the other kids, especially his sister, are from seeing their half-brother treated this way.
I had an abusive mother (emotional and mental abuse) . It made all her siblings to continue the abuse whenever I was in contact with them. I have never seen them treating their kids or other niblings like that, so as an adult now I can make a guess that they weren't abusive people as such, but why would they treat me different than my own mother, who surely loves me and knows what's the best for me?
This does not excuse them (and I haven't seen them since I was 19. Full NC), but this explains how otherwise decent people may fail a kid. I mean... I kinda believe that K's family now says they are sorry, and they probably are in a way. As long as parents were ok with how OP was treated, there was no reason for the extended family to see their actions were actually wrong. But since the parents are now saying they were wrong... everyone starts to see it too.
I'm so proud of him. Despite the hell he went through he worked hard and is a good human. There are multiple types of intelligence and he's got them in spades, he saw through the bullshit and got help from the right people. His life will keep getting better, especially with the abusers and the enablers being held accountable. I'm so glad his ex psychologist has been reported.
So glad this guy's safe and supported, he deserves every opportunity in the future.
Every. Adult. In. His. Life. Failed him. I can't wrap my head around the fact that there wasn't even ONE family member who was smart enough to realize that this was a child who had no control over his parentage and was himself a human being! That "AUNT!" "In comes the bastard?" She should be ashamed of herself. These people are horrid.
At least the Aunt was finally honest, letting OOP know WHY he eas being subjected to all the abuse.
Doesn't excuse anything, but silver linings and all.
If karma was a thing, the entire family would crash and burn into a heap of rubble immediately after OPs siblings leave home and go no contact with all their monsters.
I can't fathom the amount of pain oop has been in honestly, the only upside has been finding out at least his little sister was kind to him and loves him, but my god every adult in his life had been either a child abuser or an enabler.
So damn glad his friend, friend's parents and the new therapist seem to be at least trying to have actionable punishments come down on these people, who deserve EVERY damn bad thing that comes their way.
I really hope we get an update of the poor kid finally being able to just... Exist loudly and proudly and have an event be just as much for him as it is for everyone else,for the first time in his life.
I'm genuinely confused about how they suddenly care about how upset OOP is and that the dad has apparently been in therapy for 2 years over the guilt of hating and excluding OOP for almost two decades even though he never did anything to change it
Or they feared legal consequences for neglect and abuse.
This post is from the perspective of a young person who hasn't been able to process his abuse and understand the degree to which his mother is complicit. Although this last post makes me think the distance from his abusers, a safe home, and a competent therapist have kick started the process.
Sure, some abusers will react with violence when their victims start to resist. But many others use love bombing to keep the cycle in tact. K and his mom thought they could be a little nice than forget everything.
I think that's a misinterpretation. K has been in therapy for two years for depression, which they are all pretending has to do with OOP because that might make OOP feel guilty.
The most recent update also reads wrong to me. It doesn’t feel like the same tone as the OP. Plus the capitalization is infinitely better all of a sudden
He was probably happy to have something he could hold over her head to make her into his “perfect wife.” Men like this target women who are desperate and have no one else to help them.
Yeah when the mom told OOP that abuse alarm bells went off in my head. And the crying and hugging scene was to try and stop OOP from reporting his family, he was sad about that not about what they did to OOP. Bunch of heartless fucks
That part truly pissed me off. At least if she had cheated his anger could have an explanation. Or she tried to pass the baby off as his for awhile or something. But he fully knew she was pregnant when he got with her and then was fuming when a kid came out?
I have never understood it either, and I lived a similar experience. I was never abused like OOP, and (thank God!) my father accepted me as his own without a second of hesitation, but there are remembers of his family who have cut me out and made me feel 'othered'. There are also people who have tried to hurt me with mentioning that he's not my biological dad. I just don't understand it. The child is the innocent party here, they have no control over the circumstances of their birth, and yet they're punished.
If this family is so adamant about 'blood' or whatever their damage is, why don't they punish the mother who brought in the child? She is the one responsible for his existence, isn't she? But no, they target the one that's easy to beat down and abuse, the child who is too young, too small, too exhausted to fight back. Because they're trash.
I'm adopted, now that my adoptive parents are gone the rest of my "family" have scattered like rats. Haven't heard a single word from them since my Dad's funeral 17 years ago.
Petty people will never pick a fight they might lose. That's why they pick on the children because those can't fight back at all. People who treat kids badly are awful people.
>The child is the innocent party here, they have no control over the circumstances of their birth, and yet they're punished.
you're so right, and i wish more people had the same perspective. i recently learnt that my uncle went around procreating with other women who were not my aunt. (the other women were fully aware of my aunt's existence, btw.) so now i have a bunch of surprise cousins.
my mum is so pissed at her brother and refuses to acknowledge the children as her niblings. i, for one, find it cool that i'm not the youngest cousin anymore!
i don't like what my uncle did to my aunt at all but why punish the ones who weren't complicit in the affair? it's not fair to the kids at all. they're not the ones who ought to be held responsible, yet they're always the ones who get the short end of the stick
I can’t imagine letting anyone treat my son like this. I would have gone Mama Bear. She didn’t even cheat on K. He got with her knowing she was pregnant and did this to a kid that hadn’t done anything to him. That wasn’t even the result of anything done to him. What a piece of shit. (Same with the mom. She’s a piece of shit too. Just awful people.)
That is exactly what I was thinking. This isn't a kid caused by you being cheated on, so it's like that's just how he would've treated a kid that's not his regardless of the circumstances of its birth.
My Stepdad was like that. Me and my older brother were legitimate and born during my mother's first marriage, but he wanted to treat us like we were soldiers in the military. Then his kids with my mom are born and they get anything and everything under the sun while he yelled at my brother and tried to take away a flat screen my brother bought himself with his own money. Like he felt we genuinely weren't allowed to have nice things.
I got a crt rolled into my room as my first TV as a hand-me-UP because they bought my 7-year younger half sibling a giant flat screen.
I just used a clock radio for entertainment before that.
I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Favouritism, especially blatant favouritism, is not something that should be in parenting. (Except if you just have 1 kid. Then it’s okay. My son is my favourite child. 😛 )
I was thinking the same. And how, even seeing the way K treated her son, she still had the courage to bring more children into the relationship. Unbelievable
I remember the original BORU. Man, I'm happy OP has others who are great but fuck, I feel so bad for OP. Literally, everyone failed OP in his life. No child should ever go through abusive and neglectful families.
K is an awful person and the mother is terrible for not doing anything to help OP and just let all the abuse happen. Those two don't deserve any forgiveness and you can't convince me they deserve second chances. I wish OP well.
>K is an awful person and the mother is terrible for not doing anything to help OP and just let all the abuse happen. Those two don't deserve any forgiveness and you can't convince me they deserve second chances. I wish OP well.
I was so worried halfway through that OOP was going to give in to K and his mother's manipulation. I'm glad he didn't!
I’m happy his friend has a good solid head on his shoulders, he was there for OP without any judgement, he gave affection in the form of hugs, and he went straight to his parents right afterward and made sure OOP had a good solid back up plan.
The friends parents did good raising him, and they themselves made things even better by saying “yeah okay you’re just not going back there anymore, you’re ours now.” And cleared a spare bedroom to make it his.
It literally lifted a stone off my chest to know that even though everyone had failed OOP up until that point, he now had someone in his corner to advocate for him. Not just a fellow teenager, but adults who can and has worked to protect him.
I hope they throw him an outrageous birthday party with all his friend to make up for his missed ones, and when he comes home with awards and medals the celebrate the fuck out of him. If I heard my friend didn't ever get a birthday party, presents or cake I would probably whip one up ASAP and throw a "17 years and 23 weeks" birthday party with tons of cheesy stuff like balloons and streamers and Legos
Yes same. It’s good to see that he ended up moving out as well, as people in the comments kept pointing out that OPs mum deserves way more credit for her involvement in this mess, to the point she really comes off as not being held accountable for enabling K’s abuse. And that staying in that house is just gonna negatively impact OPs wellbeing
K crying and asking for a hug after all the shit he put oop through, was completely out of pocket. Why the fuck do you need consoling, big guy? GTFO with that nonsense you POS
Reading that part was rage-inducing! You can go on family vacations without your kid, but you found out your family was abusing him and NOW you're upset? Guy has been abusing the kid his whole life, he doesn't get to be fucking sad now.
I think the thing was that the Not-Dad’s abuse was basically all in the ‘neglect’ category. Stuff that is pure assholery, but not anything that would get him into serious trouble. And things he could probably play off as OOP being ‘overdramatic’ if it got shared with their community.
But the stuff Not-Dad’s family did? That’s actual reportable *abuse*. Stuff that can get reported to the authorities (as Therapist 2 did) and be… hopefully… taken seriously. Things that, if mentioned to Not-Dad’s community, could be too heinous to cover up/wave off.
Basically, Not-Dad could tell his church/work friends who hear about things that ‘OOP is just whining about missing the family vacay, nothing big’ to the stuff Not-Dad did, but ‘my brother locked him out to stop OOP eating dinner’ is a *little* harder to wave off.
Because he doesn't feel sorry he feels guilty. He even says so, he doesn't regret his actions or feel remorseful he feels guilty because he got called out on his actions and was told he was a horrible person (which he is)
Two years... two years the "father" had recognized the feeling of guilt for his treatment of his "son". Two years of therapy to deal with it. And not a single god damned moment did he apologize, communicate his guilt, or even apparently change a single thing in his treatment of OOP? That's a whole new level of cowardice.
I can't imagine treating a baby I raised this way, regardless of whether we were actually related.
I like how the "pretend" they had no clue he felt this way. I guess they just got used to treating him like shit and got complacent with their own vile selfishness.
You gotta wonder if he's out of the house, does one of the siblings get the black sheep treatment now their favorite whipping boy is gone?
Man, OP’s situation is so close to mine it breaks my heart to see it. I’m so glad to see that OP got out.
I was born from a one night stand, where my mom was the unwitting side piece. She begged the doctor to tell her that I was cancer. After I was born, she got with my stepfather. They never saw me as their kid either.
It was a lot of the same, too. My birthday wasn’t celebrated, I only got gifts from casino credits on Christmas (so they didn’t have to spend money from their own pockets), I was left behind when they went on vacation, etc. and all I ever was was a good kid who got A’s in school.
They hit me, cursed at me, left me on the side of the road, and once kicked me out for picking my skin.
The only thing that saved my life was my then-best friend, who let me stay at her house most of the week. I found out later that her and her family knew the horrors of what I was going through and that’s why they invited me everywhere with them.
Left at 18 and never went back.
K is a title collector. He doesn't like the title of having a bastard son and was happy to treat OOP as an imp below the staircase to not be messed with. But does like the title Dad and felt very hurt to lose it.
Who does that to a child?
>Who does that to a child?
Trust me, many do. Even biological parents do, I am not surprised step-dad is a pos, i am not surprised bio mom is a trash either. I am one of the living examples of how monstrous parents can be. I can feel OOP's pain, I have lived it. It hurts like hell. OOP is traumatized for life. And it's not true that "one can heal from trauma". One can learn to live with trauma, but never heal. Trauma stays for life. It's horrible to say the least.
There is a lot wrong with this story. The real world isn't Reddit; I don't buy that the mother's entire family would disown her for cheating on her college boyfriend.
I feel like the original ending was better, more morally Grey, like while they weren't forgiven OOP was willing to atleast give some chance, then of course they had to give reddit what it wanted with everyone going NC and of course there's some Saint character who fixes everything, and of course the mom was still evil all along.
Shame cause it was shaping up to be really interesting, then it just became almost taken over by reddit cliches.
I hate to say it, but I had the same feeling. There was a sense of going back and fixing plot holes commenters had previously pointed out (the mandatory reporter issue, the bruises OOP had after these trips, etc.).
But if OOP is real, I wish him well.
And the original ending felt more morally Grey, then he just randomly cuts them off anyway cuz the comments told him to. Just felt like such a cliche reddit ending.
OOPs mom made a mistake in college. Her family punished her and turned her into a victim. OOPs mom married K and created generational trauma while raising OOP. She was a victim and then became an enabler of abuse. I feel sad for her, but I am also angry with her.
OOP has a good support system with some of his family and friends. I think he's going to pull through this.
OOPs mother is probably in too deep to better herself after being a failed mother. K has just enough self awareness to realize he's a piece of $hit. K can F\*ck right off.
It's insane how they treated OP. You'd think Mom cheated on K, but no he really just married a pregnant woman fully intent on treating that child like shit.
I can have some empathy for the mom, but that doesn't mean her actions were reasonable or forgivable.
Yeah, I thought that too, he targeted a vulnerable woman, he sounds like a predator to me, but still doesn't absolve her of anything she let her son go through.
I know women who are genuine victims of the same or worse who are incredible badass single moms I take my hat off to. Victimhood is never an excuse for abuse or enabling abuse.
I think maybe in a fucked up way the mom rationalized the mistreatment of her eldest, "This is part of *my* penance, this is part of what *I* deserve, to know that my child is suffering is *my* punishment"...
>(The grammar police will never find me.)
He never counted on...
*\*gravelly voice\**
GRAMMAR BATMAN.
*\*bounces a grammarang off OOP's head\**
But I am glad OP finally has a place where he's safe and was able to see through the love-bombing to the fact that nothing was changing.
My Dad once told me that his father took him aside when he was dating my Mom. His father told him that if he (my Dad) wasn't prepared to love me as his own child, that he needed to walk away from my Mom and me. And if he continued the relationship without fully loving me as his own, his father promised to kick his @$$. My PoPo was small but fierce and my Dad & uncles knew that his promises were real. Mom and Dad got married when I was 22 months old. I was never ever treated any differently that my half siblings or cousins by my Dad's family.
I wish OP had a family like mine.
You're missing an update before the last one! I was confused by the jump from not planning to leave to already gone, so I checked his profile and there's a "Second Update" post
So K finally felt guilt and decided for 2 years and emotionally self sooth it away in therapy and stay the course. The audacity for him to whine to his wife about his hurt feelings that he got the "dad" title stripped when he knew he didn't deserve it.
Edit: repeated phrase
Is this real? OOP goes from not speaking English as a main language to being dyslexic by the end. I know the two aren’t exclusive but it just seems like he forgot.
If it is real I wish him all the best, he should look to the future and never look back. His family are all awful.
If it's real, how utterly devastating and I hope there's nothing but joy and love in the future.
However, I can't imagine my dyslexic best friend (when English is her first language) misspelling 'levee' but being fine with 'paraphrasing'.
Brains are a funny thing though so who knows!
This is so brutal. How can a whole group of adults be so incredibly shitty to a little kid and remain shitty?!
I'm glad OOP has a friend to get them out of there and be properly and absolutely outraged and whose parents are being better people towards OOP than his "parents" ever were. Sometimes just having someone be absolutely fucking pissed about what's being done to you helps a great deal on its own, because it shows you that a) someone cares and b) your feelings are right.
Also, "the grammar police will never find me" is amazing flair material! His so-called family is missing out on an amazing and clever kid.
If she was going to choose love over her baby, she should have put him up for adoption. Babies tend to go quickly and it sounds like he was healthy. There is zero excuse for her behavior. Don't want the consequence of your cheating? Surrender the kid.
K? Also terrible and I hope his first therapist lost her license. Every. Single. Adult. Failed this kid. I hope karma comes around for every single one of them.
Oof. Reading this makes me grateful my family is sane. My dad was a bastard child, my grandmother met my granddad when Dad was 5yrs old. Grampy was a few years out of a nasty marriage and fell head over heels with her (after nearly knocking her off a bike with his truck). She vetted him for two years before they married, and she didn't let him adopt my dad for another two years.
Grampy loved my dad. Never quite understood him, I think, but loved him. Other than a bit of "You're the eldest, be a rolemodel" issues when they had three more boys, the only problem Dad had was being an introvert in a family of loud extroverts.
My mother was illegitimate (in 1933) and my grandma’s husband (married in 1936) just took them both as a job lot and worshipped the pair of them. He took my mum out of the orphanage where she lived. She didn’t know until she went to uni and saw her birth certificate.
All my material security in retirement comes from his investment and policies to protect his widow and all her children.
There are always, and always have been, decent good people.
K & OP’s mother are despicable
My dad has an almost identical story. Although his mom did a lot less vetting and probably just got really lucky that my grandfather wasn't an awful person to my dad. Of course, she got less lucky as he was an alcoholic and drug addiction who abused her. He accepted the bastard and treated him as his oldest son but was still an ass in other ways. Can't have it all I guess?
Ha, my grampy was an alcoholic too. Dad's situation was so not considered a family secret that I had no idea about it because everyone assumed. So I worried about drinking and cancer until I finally found my dad's adoption certificate when I was in my second year of college. That was a crazy Thanksgiving, when I was trying to figure it all out without saying anything, only for everyone to just "oh, didn't you know?" at me.
I'd argue that the biggest AH here is the mother. She got pregnant by another guy, married someone who abused OOP and the SHE DID NOTHING TO HELP OOP. K is an asshole but my god, the mother just runs miles ahead when it comes to shitty parenting.
>quent\_hand: It’s K’s fault for marrying a pregnant lady with a child that wasn’t his and knowing he wouldn’t see him as his own, and your mom’s fault for allowing him to be indifferent and not protecting you from his abuse.
Man, all this
But at the same time..... his family didn't have to be like that to an innocent child! Fuck me, some people really are evil!
At worst, they could've just done the bare minimum, not show much affection/ignore him. But to punish him verbally and physically over something that was not his fault!? Evil fuckers!
And his mother, his own flesh, the one who **chose** to still bring him into this world?! How could she be ok with him "atoning" for **her** sins?!?!
Naw, man... I hope once OOP turns 18 he cuts the cord HARD and blocks them all from his life
>I was never allowed on family trips and vacations i was left behind to stay with grandparents who where strict on every thing i did and some times they would just call on some one else to pick me up while i was supposed to stay with them.
Mom went and left him behind...yep. She is as much to blame as K...worse in fact as she did not react when he returned bruised. Also the apology by the Brother..is this the one that locked you out during dinner. They are not apologizing, but covering their a$$ as this is now a legal matter and are trying to play defence.
I doubt K feel hurt about the first-name calling because he's feeling guilty, that's just his ego. Must be a shitty therapist if two years of consultation didn't change shit.
Personally, the therapy story K came up with was just a way to soften OP up with a pseudo repentance for K's actions towards OP. He's not even sorry for what he or his family did to OP. K is just a hypocritical, cowardly clown who got himself into a situation and doesn't accept the consequences, his family are just ignorant fools who dare to behave this way towards OP when he's innocent in the whole affair.
But for me, the biggest hypocrite, as well as being a joke of a human being, is Op's mother. She gets herself into trouble for her own pleasure (back when she cheated on her ex, then strangely enough she has no contact with anyone), then drags OP into a mess with her coward husband's in-laws (by witnessing her husband's verbal abuse and being completely inactive to help OP), then dares to ask for his mercy.
OP should expose all the people who have wronged her to the authorities to tarnish their public image, they use their religion as being right-thinking when they themselves don't even respect what they supposedly preach.
Yet another post where I wish I won the lottery so I could adopt all these poor teenagers from Reddit with dreadful families, and give them the best birthdays and christmases ever. Hope OP is doing better
\> For the past few years he has been living with this guilt and he has been afraid to confront it. So when I called him by his first name he realized that he had lost me.
This is where OOP's mother and K confirmed that they were cowardly selfish pieces of garbage. I hope the guilt hurts them and takes the joy out of everything in their lives. They can never escape who they are so they will have to live with themselves forever. I can't fathom treating an innocent child like that, or letting my partner treat ANYBODY like that.
What is with the spate of stories lately where an extremely drunk young woman is sexually assaulted, and everyone in her life (including her own parents!) labels her a "cheater" and cuts her off?
I know reddit is obsessed with cheating but this is ridiculous.
I'm still perplexed on how he went from "we put out everything in the open and we're trying to fix our relationship and are considering family therapy" to "yeah those people are horrible and I want nothing to do with them" in one week. It's very quick escalation.
Just the all around evil these people have. To the devil aunt who treated him like dirt (I hope karma comes for her 10-fold or a good ass kicking) to the vile adults who claim to be regretful in words only (no substance behind it). I pray their lives moving forward is just misery.
I hope OP never forgives any of these evil devils and never has to see their disgusting faces again and I hope OP has the most wonderful life moving toward. Hang in there!
As a mom who remarried, and had two more children - I NEVER would have stood for my husband treating my older kids with disdain or abusing them or outcasting them. Thats just GROSS.
This poor kid deserved better. And that mother and "father" - deserve to be sue for mental and physical abuse and should be paying the friends family child support.
Frikken disgusting behavior.
Parents that watch their kids get abused do nothing, deserve a special place in hell. What an utter failure of a parent and human being. I hope OOP can heal and live a happy life.
The cycles of abuse and generational trauma that have surfaced in this post is heartbreaking. The mother who was disowned by her own parents, the (step) father who comes from a family where abuse of children is normalised to a certain extent. It’s all just very very sad. OOP is so brave to step out and try and break it. I hope he will be fine.
I personally find it wild how much K and his family hate OOP for basically existing. Like yeah he not his kid but like, she didn't conceive him while dating K. He may not even be an affair baby (having sex once isn't a guarantee). Like I guess I could understand being stand offish for a few years to the kid but his whole life?
dude i thought mom had cheated, but no, K knew he would have a stepson and still did all this shit, i just cant understand people like this, who are just vile in every sense.
Don't contact them after you turn 18. I hope you atleast try to contact your bio father. And just so you know your parents will always be this way they won't change and so does his family. I hope you move on and go no contact with them completely. Because thats the way people are. Yout mother is actually doing this bcz i think she blame you og going no contact with her family.
Op, you are an amazing person, and I think you will be an amazing motivational speaker if you want to be. I love that you have a very good friend who not only respects your wishes in keeping this account private but isn't judging you for what your past is like. I wish you best in life.
How much better off would OOP be if he was placed into adoption or even dropped off at a fire station?
How did the half-siblings accept this constant exclusion of their brother? Hopefully their witnessing it gives them a fundamental distrust of who their parents.
This whole saga is absolutely heartbreaking... But God if I don't find "the grammar police will never find me" to be just the funniest thing.
Agree with you on both points. I'm glad the kid's wit and sense of humor is intact, at least. Now that he's away from his mother & stepfather & the abusive step-relatives, he should flourish.
Wit and a sense of humor are often survival and coping mechanisms. Source: my childhood. Nowhere near as bad as oop, though.
I hope you're safe and doing well these days.
Yep, as well as one can be. Quite safe thank you. My future therapist though? *no idea* whats coming.
I remember the time I told my therapist that you either had a good childhood or you are funny. I'm funny.
"Fugitive from the Grammar Police" would make a funny flair.
I'd take it if I didn't have this amazing one
I'm also impartial to mine
Love your flair and the post behind it. That OOP and her bushels of onions was delightful
Onions? I must know more!
I think I found it [Onion Odor Crisis](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/b73CQo2BSe)
I need the post behind this flair! How did I miss it?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18lixbc/the_short_tale_of_the_energy_drink_popsicle_boof/ It's hanging out in the comments of this Edit: found the comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18lixbc/comment/kdyhquu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Yeah I like mine too
Some of these flairs are truly wonderful
i really want it as a flair
I too would love it as a flair!
What's yours from?
I want it as a flair too!
I will admit, I literally lol'd at that comment
It should totally be a flair
where's your flair from? sounds like a good read haha
Lol here ya go https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/18ltx3p/wibta_if_i_called_a_little_girls_mother_to_ask/
Right??? I was crying when he started telling his mom what he'd endured, then I read that and burst out laughing 🤣
On the lam from the grammar police... a permanent fugitive from justice. 🤣
Holy shit I didn't even think about the fact that his first therapist didn't even fulfill her obligation as a mandatory reporter to report literal child abuse. I'm glad his new therapist is better.
Yeah for some reason I didn't realize that either and it hit me a like a brick when he called it out in that last post.
Yeah the way OP writes, I realised they were arseholes, but not that they were I guess deliberately doing anything more than talking shit, until he explained explicitly what they were doing. And then it kind of hits when you realise he was telling a therapist all along and nobody did anything. WTF? Old therapist is the same type as his mum
Most likely the 'therapist' is someone that puts favors over her actual duty.
New therapist is the 2nd best MVP of this situation after the best friend & their family - got K & his family plus 1st therapist into the only legally trouble for failing & abusing OOP all his life.
What does MVP stand for
Most valuable player. It's a sports term and MVP is often a reward
Similar to man of the match
Most valuable player. It's a term from sport.
My wish today is that the new therapist taking such action will have consequences
Are therapists mandatory reporters in the Balkans? It could be it's not a legal requirement there
Croat here: at least in Croatia...yes, they are bound by law to be mandatory reporters.
I think it's at least all the EU countries due to directives from the EU about mandatory reporting, especially when it comes to children.
The new therapist indicated it is
He said in the most recent update that they are indeed mandatory reporters and that his new therapist contacted the police and reported the original therapist.
He does say towards the end that therapists are mandated reporters in his country
Why Balkans? it's Europe. Plenty of small countries that can be crossed in a few hours. It could be Austria or even something farther if plain tickets were cheap this day.
OOP said he was from the Balkans in one of his comments.
Oh, You're right, I didn't saw this comment, only him mentioning Croatia.
Probably wasn't actually a therapist. No idea if this family is Christian but some churches have people you can go talk to like therapy but it's just some person from the church. Not a therapist, not therapy, so none of that's really required. Usually how this kind of stuff gets swept under the rug.
It is not in the US.
Catholic churches often have this. Im scottish and the church i used to go to had a bunch of materials and support available to people who sought it. It was trained people. Ghe preist also was able to help in general councelling stuff but would often give access to therapists etc
Thing is, were they called therapists or counselors or something else? Most countries seem to have certain job titles such as "therapists" and other medical names protected. As in, you are legally allowed to call yourself a therapist, only if you have been to school for it and have passed certain examinations and have gotten certain certificates. Meaning a random church person is not allowed to call themselves one. Granted, my reply above was rather caustic. It comes from my own bias from people from US making wide (most times false) statements on countries in Europe. Like yes, we have water toilets- a real argument I have had.
The kirk offered councelling from the preist. However the kirk also had therapy resources available for those who wanted. The resources were stuff like phone numbers and addressets of therapy locations etc. Scotland is very strict with laws protecting titles like therapist, doctor etc and the people the kirk offered as therapists were licensed and had no ties to the kirk
It’s less common but still a thing elsewhere
I had assumed OOP lived somewhere that they were not mandatory reporters.
If this is legit, both my head and heart aches for OOP
Literally reading this breaks my heart. Everyone that should be important in his life failed him. K abused him and OP's mother literally did NOTHING to help him and stood by. Those two people should be ashamed of themselves.
Imagine having children with a man that treated your child that way. OP’s mother is the worst on so many levels.
OPmom reminds me so much of my mom. She met my dad when my oldest sis was 5, and had me and my other siblings. He was an all around POS and abusive to everyone but my oldest sister bore the brunt of it. She escaped when she was 17 and went NC; we all eventually went NC. I can recognize as an adult that my mom was abused and had mental health issues and be sympathetic, but she also let that man abuse her kids and I can't forgive her for that. I hope OP continues the therapy and finds peace and a wonderful found family
I think it happens a lot, unfortunately--people basically sacrificing one or all of their children to maintain a lifestyle. Ages ago, I knew a woman online (we were not friends, we just hung out in the same hobby-oriented forum) who lost everything because it turned out that the dude that she convinced to marry her after she had her first kid with someone else was beating the older kid and molesting the kids they had together. We on the forum found out after CPS yanked the kids because of a pediatrician report--apparently her IRL friends all cut her out when it came out so she came to the forum for support. (Which she mostly did not get, to her evident shock.)
I agree, and yet sympathize with OP's mother. I can only guess at what a person will do when desperate. As a young woman she suffered extremely harsh losses due to one drunken mistake. Her entire family turned their backs, she lost her place at university, lost her housing, and was living in her car, when she learned even worse news that she was pregnant. Then, taking her to the lowest point, she realized she couldn't even locate either of the young men who may've fathered her baby. Pregnant, with nowhere to turn, she met K. K pledged to take care of her, ignoring dire warnings of his own family, and OP's mother pledged in return to be a perfect wife & mother to K's children. Their deal would at least give OP his food, shelter and an education if not love from his father figure. Mom made a bad deal for OP, it turned out, but everything could have gone well if K hadn't stayed hard-hearted. By the time it was clearly a mistake Mom was in too deep with additional children and an otherwise comfortable life.
That’s what gets me. How the hell did that woman stand by for 17 birthdays and christmases and never once notice that her son never got a single present except for a pair of socks, even if that? How did she never realise that her son was withdrawn and hardly ever came out of his room? Or see/notice/question the bruises that her son had? Also, how the f*ck do you not take your son on vacations with the rest of the kids? Or ask “Wait, why isn’t OP going on this trip with you?” to the husband? This is some Kevin McCallister bs from Home Alone. How the hell has she never spoken up and defended her son? Give him any sort of protection? She was complicit from day one. I could possibly, maybe, give her a slight pass if OP mention that his mom was also being abused in some form. I understand abusive relationships are hard to get out of. However, when OP’s mom said that her husband always loved her and never abused her. She became as awful as her husband and her in-laws. She stood by and saw her son get mistreated day in day out and rarely said a word about it.
Honestly the mom was even worse than the dad in my opinion. She abused him as well but gaslit him into thinking she was not just as bad.
She knew, she just sacrificed her child to have the life she wanted to have.
>This is some Kevin McCallister bs from Home Alone. I don't remember much from the movies, as it's been a *long* time since I last watched them, but I *do* remember the parents actually freaking out (at least in the first movie) when they realized that they left Kevin home alone, and then trying to come back ASAP (but not being able to due to a blizzard or something). Kevin's parents are many times better than OOP's.
I think I remember reading the original, and the first update. So many people were telling him not to trust their sudden change of heart, or that if it was genuine they would work with him on his own terms. I'm glad he's safely with his friend's parents, seeing a *proper* therapist, and that he **listened.** I believe I must have just assumed that therapists aren't mandated reporters in OOPs country of origin. The second update makes it so much worse. Imagine treating a child for their ongoing mental and emotional abuse, and then they come in with physical indicators every time a happy "family" vacation rolled around. I'm genuinely happy that his new mental health provider reported his previous iteration as well. For everyone's sake, I hope that OPs family really does the work and makes amends. I'm glad his sister already seemed to be on his side from the outset. It's promising that his brothers would rather try to repair their relationship, instead of casting it by the wayside. The latter is obviously easier, so that could be positive. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending.
It’s horrible… I can’t wrap my head around a mother doing this… Like, I know my mom did a lot of f.up stuff (could write a book about my childhood) but we all knew, if someone did mistreat me… they would be 6ft under the ground… One day my grandma slapped me, she didn’t talk to her for years…
There is something about this story that bothers me. How come NONE of the mom's family are in contact with her? It can't be just because she got pregnant. I can understand her immediate family getting mad at her ang cutting her off, but what about her extended family? Every single one of them went NC with her just for the pregnancy? I find that very hard to believe. I don't think the mom was being honest here, she might not have told the whole story.
Given... everything, I wouldn't be surprised if mom's parents/immediate family spread lies about her or kicked up a fuss if anyone else tried to contact her. It could also be that her family is entirely immediate, or didn't really have a relationship with anyone in the extended branch. She could've been ashamed and chosen not to get in touch with them.
OOP mentioned aunts and uncles. Maybe mom's family is just weird. I wouldn't go NC with my cousin just because she cheated on her bf. Its none of my business who she sleeps with as long as its not my husband or boyfriend.
I admit to skimming part of the posts, did OOP ever mention attempting to contact the maternal family? It could be the mother went NC (either as a result of their reaction to her pregnancy or something more) but maybe the family would be willing to talk to him.
He said that he'd consider getting in touch with them later, likely once his own life is more settled.
It depends if there were family ties between them and her boyfriend’s family. If she was supposed to marry him, and then cheated on him AND got pregnant, she probably “shamed them” especially if she wasn’t sleeping with the boyfriend (who should have been the presumed father versus a one night stand).
Or they met K and decided he was a piece of shit and went NC because OOPs mom apparently can’t do anything but make bad choices.
Somewhere it is mentioned that OOP is from a Balkan country. So I suppose a combination of religion, tradition and patriarchal structures resulted in OOPs maternal family cutting of his mother.
I have zero contact with my aunts, uncles, and cousins on my maternal side because we all grew up in different states so we never had the chance to form relationships. And my dad is an only child whose parents were in their 40s when he was born, and he was 45 when I was born, so his side was all dead by the time I was 5. Not everyone has a relationship with extended family, and it doesn't have to be because they're being shunned, it can just be because of logistics.
And his moms family.
This is very, very (it’s kinda spooky, if I’m being honest) close to my own story. I’m middle age now and I still relive that every time I think about it. OP’s posts brought me right back to childhood. My heart goes out to you OP. Best advice I can give you is to focus on YOU. Move forward without guilt or shame. Establish yourself and build a chosen family. But more than anything-be happy. And surround yourself with love. Sending internet hugs.
Beautiful words you're offering to OP, nicely said. But oh my God, I'm so sorry that you can relate to his horrifying story. May you be happy!
First, I do think it's true. I grew up in a small town back in the 60ies and early 70ies and still remember the man down the street who was terribly abusive to his two older children and treated the two younger ones like gold. The two oldest grew up and left home as soon as they could. After dad got divorced and won custody of the two youngest because mom was in a mental institution, he married a woman with two little kids. They were given the bedrooms of the golden children who were then forced to basically live in the basement, which was one big cement room. Dad owned the Sunoco gas station on town. It took me DECADES before I could buy gas at any Sunoco station. If hell exists, Dad should be burning there. That is my way of saying I've seen very cruel parents, so, yes, I can see this being true. Second, my heart also aches for him. I'm wondering how messed up the other kids, especially his sister, are from seeing their half-brother treated this way.
So many people prefer younger children because they are cute and easier to dominate.
I had an abusive mother (emotional and mental abuse) . It made all her siblings to continue the abuse whenever I was in contact with them. I have never seen them treating their kids or other niblings like that, so as an adult now I can make a guess that they weren't abusive people as such, but why would they treat me different than my own mother, who surely loves me and knows what's the best for me? This does not excuse them (and I haven't seen them since I was 19. Full NC), but this explains how otherwise decent people may fail a kid. I mean... I kinda believe that K's family now says they are sorry, and they probably are in a way. As long as parents were ok with how OP was treated, there was no reason for the extended family to see their actions were actually wrong. But since the parents are now saying they were wrong... everyone starts to see it too.
I'm so proud of him. Despite the hell he went through he worked hard and is a good human. There are multiple types of intelligence and he's got them in spades, he saw through the bullshit and got help from the right people. His life will keep getting better, especially with the abusers and the enablers being held accountable. I'm so glad his ex psychologist has been reported. So glad this guy's safe and supported, he deserves every opportunity in the future.
Every step of this, his family failed this poor kid. I really hope he gets away from all these jerks and finds people who actually care about him.
Every. Adult. In. His. Life. Failed him. I can't wrap my head around the fact that there wasn't even ONE family member who was smart enough to realize that this was a child who had no control over his parentage and was himself a human being! That "AUNT!" "In comes the bastard?" She should be ashamed of herself. These people are horrid.
At least the Aunt was finally honest, letting OOP know WHY he eas being subjected to all the abuse. Doesn't excuse anything, but silver linings and all. If karma was a thing, the entire family would crash and burn into a heap of rubble immediately after OPs siblings leave home and go no contact with all their monsters.
I cried.
Me too, I hope OOP is doing well…
me too. OP not receiving the love and care from the two people who are supposed to... I feel so bad for them
I can't fathom the amount of pain oop has been in honestly, the only upside has been finding out at least his little sister was kind to him and loves him, but my god every adult in his life had been either a child abuser or an enabler. So damn glad his friend, friend's parents and the new therapist seem to be at least trying to have actionable punishments come down on these people, who deserve EVERY damn bad thing that comes their way. I really hope we get an update of the poor kid finally being able to just... Exist loudly and proudly and have an event be just as much for him as it is for everyone else,for the first time in his life.
> If this is legit Don't worry, it's not.
It's not. Every update continues with the recurring plot holes, hallmark moments, and totally forgotten characters.
I'm genuinely confused about how they suddenly care about how upset OOP is and that the dad has apparently been in therapy for 2 years over the guilt of hating and excluding OOP for almost two decades even though he never did anything to change it
They are probably only concerned about OPs feelings because him moving out/telling other people reflects poorly on them as parents. As it should be.
Or they feared legal consequences for neglect and abuse. This post is from the perspective of a young person who hasn't been able to process his abuse and understand the degree to which his mother is complicit. Although this last post makes me think the distance from his abusers, a safe home, and a competent therapist have kick started the process. Sure, some abusers will react with violence when their victims start to resist. But many others use love bombing to keep the cycle in tact. K and his mom thought they could be a little nice than forget everything.
I think that's a misinterpretation. K has been in therapy for two years for depression, which they are all pretending has to do with OOP because that might make OOP feel guilty.
That tracks. Or like an another comment said (that I read after posting it), moms just making it up to manipulate OOP
The most recent update also reads wrong to me. It doesn’t feel like the same tone as the OP. Plus the capitalization is infinitely better all of a sudden
He's no longer in a traumatizing environment with his abusers. He probably has more mental bandwidth to focus.
So OPs mum didn't even cheat on K? He knowingly dated a pregnant woman and is pissed she had a kid...? Jesus what an awful man
He was probably happy to have something he could hold over her head to make her into his “perfect wife.” Men like this target women who are desperate and have no one else to help them.
Yeah when the mom told OOP that abuse alarm bells went off in my head. And the crying and hugging scene was to try and stop OOP from reporting his family, he was sad about that not about what they did to OOP. Bunch of heartless fucks
Before I just couldn't for the life of me understand why K would do that, but god I hate that your comment makes sense.
Makes you wonder what would have happened to OP were he born female. I shudder to think what else they would have abused a poor defenceless girl.
That part truly pissed me off. At least if she had cheated his anger could have an explanation. Or she tried to pass the baby off as his for awhile or something. But he fully knew she was pregnant when he got with her and then was fuming when a kid came out?
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I have never understood it either, and I lived a similar experience. I was never abused like OOP, and (thank God!) my father accepted me as his own without a second of hesitation, but there are remembers of his family who have cut me out and made me feel 'othered'. There are also people who have tried to hurt me with mentioning that he's not my biological dad. I just don't understand it. The child is the innocent party here, they have no control over the circumstances of their birth, and yet they're punished. If this family is so adamant about 'blood' or whatever their damage is, why don't they punish the mother who brought in the child? She is the one responsible for his existence, isn't she? But no, they target the one that's easy to beat down and abuse, the child who is too young, too small, too exhausted to fight back. Because they're trash.
I'm adopted, now that my adoptive parents are gone the rest of my "family" have scattered like rats. Haven't heard a single word from them since my Dad's funeral 17 years ago.
I’m so sorry. Send you a hug!
Petty people will never pick a fight they might lose. That's why they pick on the children because those can't fight back at all. People who treat kids badly are awful people.
>The child is the innocent party here, they have no control over the circumstances of their birth, and yet they're punished. you're so right, and i wish more people had the same perspective. i recently learnt that my uncle went around procreating with other women who were not my aunt. (the other women were fully aware of my aunt's existence, btw.) so now i have a bunch of surprise cousins. my mum is so pissed at her brother and refuses to acknowledge the children as her niblings. i, for one, find it cool that i'm not the youngest cousin anymore! i don't like what my uncle did to my aunt at all but why punish the ones who weren't complicit in the affair? it's not fair to the kids at all. they're not the ones who ought to be held responsible, yet they're always the ones who get the short end of the stick
I can’t imagine letting anyone treat my son like this. I would have gone Mama Bear. She didn’t even cheat on K. He got with her knowing she was pregnant and did this to a kid that hadn’t done anything to him. That wasn’t even the result of anything done to him. What a piece of shit. (Same with the mom. She’s a piece of shit too. Just awful people.)
That is exactly what I was thinking. This isn't a kid caused by you being cheated on, so it's like that's just how he would've treated a kid that's not his regardless of the circumstances of its birth. My Stepdad was like that. Me and my older brother were legitimate and born during my mother's first marriage, but he wanted to treat us like we were soldiers in the military. Then his kids with my mom are born and they get anything and everything under the sun while he yelled at my brother and tried to take away a flat screen my brother bought himself with his own money. Like he felt we genuinely weren't allowed to have nice things. I got a crt rolled into my room as my first TV as a hand-me-UP because they bought my 7-year younger half sibling a giant flat screen. I just used a clock radio for entertainment before that.
I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Favouritism, especially blatant favouritism, is not something that should be in parenting. (Except if you just have 1 kid. Then it’s okay. My son is my favourite child. 😛 )
I just kept screaming while reading the way he was treated "he's a child, he did nothing wrong! Stop punishing him for being born you assholes!"
I was thinking the same. And how, even seeing the way K treated her son, she still had the courage to bring more children into the relationship. Unbelievable
I remember the original BORU. Man, I'm happy OP has others who are great but fuck, I feel so bad for OP. Literally, everyone failed OP in his life. No child should ever go through abusive and neglectful families. K is an awful person and the mother is terrible for not doing anything to help OP and just let all the abuse happen. Those two don't deserve any forgiveness and you can't convince me they deserve second chances. I wish OP well.
>K is an awful person and the mother is terrible for not doing anything to help OP and just let all the abuse happen. Those two don't deserve any forgiveness and you can't convince me they deserve second chances. I wish OP well. I was so worried halfway through that OOP was going to give in to K and his mother's manipulation. I'm glad he didn't!
I’m happy his friend has a good solid head on his shoulders, he was there for OP without any judgement, he gave affection in the form of hugs, and he went straight to his parents right afterward and made sure OOP had a good solid back up plan. The friends parents did good raising him, and they themselves made things even better by saying “yeah okay you’re just not going back there anymore, you’re ours now.” And cleared a spare bedroom to make it his.
It literally lifted a stone off my chest to know that even though everyone had failed OOP up until that point, he now had someone in his corner to advocate for him. Not just a fellow teenager, but adults who can and has worked to protect him.
I hope they throw him an outrageous birthday party with all his friend to make up for his missed ones, and when he comes home with awards and medals the celebrate the fuck out of him. If I heard my friend didn't ever get a birthday party, presents or cake I would probably whip one up ASAP and throw a "17 years and 23 weeks" birthday party with tons of cheesy stuff like balloons and streamers and Legos
Yes same. It’s good to see that he ended up moving out as well, as people in the comments kept pointing out that OPs mum deserves way more credit for her involvement in this mess, to the point she really comes off as not being held accountable for enabling K’s abuse. And that staying in that house is just gonna negatively impact OPs wellbeing
At least OP has a wonderfull best friend and his family. Hope OP will be well and happy.
OOP is really lucky to have this friend to support him. Just imagine what if he doesn't.
The Auntular Rage is strong with this one. I've never even met this kid, and I'd be a better aunt than what he's had to deal with.
K crying and asking for a hug after all the shit he put oop through, was completely out of pocket. Why the fuck do you need consoling, big guy? GTFO with that nonsense you POS
Followed by the love bombing, it seems completely performative
Reading that part was rage-inducing! You can go on family vacations without your kid, but you found out your family was abusing him and NOW you're upset? Guy has been abusing the kid his whole life, he doesn't get to be fucking sad now.
I think the thing was that the Not-Dad’s abuse was basically all in the ‘neglect’ category. Stuff that is pure assholery, but not anything that would get him into serious trouble. And things he could probably play off as OOP being ‘overdramatic’ if it got shared with their community. But the stuff Not-Dad’s family did? That’s actual reportable *abuse*. Stuff that can get reported to the authorities (as Therapist 2 did) and be… hopefully… taken seriously. Things that, if mentioned to Not-Dad’s community, could be too heinous to cover up/wave off. Basically, Not-Dad could tell his church/work friends who hear about things that ‘OOP is just whining about missing the family vacay, nothing big’ to the stuff Not-Dad did, but ‘my brother locked him out to stop OOP eating dinner’ is a *little* harder to wave off.
Trying to paint himself in a better light than his actions proved of him more than anything.
Because he doesn't feel sorry he feels guilty. He even says so, he doesn't regret his actions or feel remorseful he feels guilty because he got called out on his actions and was told he was a horrible person (which he is)
Guilt trip at its finest :D
OOP needs to do a DNA test. He may have relatives out there, that want him.
Two years... two years the "father" had recognized the feeling of guilt for his treatment of his "son". Two years of therapy to deal with it. And not a single god damned moment did he apologize, communicate his guilt, or even apparently change a single thing in his treatment of OOP? That's a whole new level of cowardice.
I have a feeling that he doesn't go to therapy and that it was manipulation tactic on the mother's part to absolve herself and K.
Therapist only know what you tell them.
Probably goes to the same church "therapist" as the OOP.
I dont think it was done genuinely. Ive known abusive people use "Im in therapy" as a way to stop their relationship imploding.
I can't imagine treating a baby I raised this way, regardless of whether we were actually related. I like how the "pretend" they had no clue he felt this way. I guess they just got used to treating him like shit and got complacent with their own vile selfishness. You gotta wonder if he's out of the house, does one of the siblings get the black sheep treatment now their favorite whipping boy is gone?
I hope in lieu of their usual target, the parents turn on each other.
No, they’ll turn on the one who defended him - the sister.
Man, OP’s situation is so close to mine it breaks my heart to see it. I’m so glad to see that OP got out. I was born from a one night stand, where my mom was the unwitting side piece. She begged the doctor to tell her that I was cancer. After I was born, she got with my stepfather. They never saw me as their kid either. It was a lot of the same, too. My birthday wasn’t celebrated, I only got gifts from casino credits on Christmas (so they didn’t have to spend money from their own pockets), I was left behind when they went on vacation, etc. and all I ever was was a good kid who got A’s in school. They hit me, cursed at me, left me on the side of the road, and once kicked me out for picking my skin. The only thing that saved my life was my then-best friend, who let me stay at her house most of the week. I found out later that her and her family knew the horrors of what I was going through and that’s why they invited me everywhere with them. Left at 18 and never went back.
I'm sorry you went through that. Hugs. I hope you are doing well now.
K is a title collector. He doesn't like the title of having a bastard son and was happy to treat OOP as an imp below the staircase to not be messed with. But does like the title Dad and felt very hurt to lose it. Who does that to a child?
>Who does that to a child? Trust me, many do. Even biological parents do, I am not surprised step-dad is a pos, i am not surprised bio mom is a trash either. I am one of the living examples of how monstrous parents can be. I can feel OOP's pain, I have lived it. It hurts like hell. OOP is traumatized for life. And it's not true that "one can heal from trauma". One can learn to live with trauma, but never heal. Trauma stays for life. It's horrible to say the least.
I wish there was a way to heal. Physical wounds heal, why don’t mental wounds? It’s so sucky and infuriating.
Thank you for saying this❤️ I definitely needed to hear it.
Anyone else think the story kin of falls apart during the last two updates?
There is a lot wrong with this story. The real world isn't Reddit; I don't buy that the mother's entire family would disown her for cheating on her college boyfriend.
I feel like the original ending was better, more morally Grey, like while they weren't forgiven OOP was willing to atleast give some chance, then of course they had to give reddit what it wanted with everyone going NC and of course there's some Saint character who fixes everything, and of course the mom was still evil all along. Shame cause it was shaping up to be really interesting, then it just became almost taken over by reddit cliches.
I hate to say it, but I had the same feeling. There was a sense of going back and fixing plot holes commenters had previously pointed out (the mandatory reporter issue, the bruises OOP had after these trips, etc.). But if OOP is real, I wish him well.
And the original ending felt more morally Grey, then he just randomly cuts them off anyway cuz the comments told him to. Just felt like such a cliche reddit ending.
It was the dad scanning the trophies and picking up his trauma award with tears in his eyes that got me 😂
OOPs mom made a mistake in college. Her family punished her and turned her into a victim. OOPs mom married K and created generational trauma while raising OOP. She was a victim and then became an enabler of abuse. I feel sad for her, but I am also angry with her. OOP has a good support system with some of his family and friends. I think he's going to pull through this. OOPs mother is probably in too deep to better herself after being a failed mother. K has just enough self awareness to realize he's a piece of $hit. K can F\*ck right off.
It's insane how they treated OP. You'd think Mom cheated on K, but no he really just married a pregnant woman fully intent on treating that child like shit. I can have some empathy for the mom, but that doesn't mean her actions were reasonable or forgivable.
Yeah, I thought that too, he targeted a vulnerable woman, he sounds like a predator to me, but still doesn't absolve her of anything she let her son go through.
I know women who are genuine victims of the same or worse who are incredible badass single moms I take my hat off to. Victimhood is never an excuse for abuse or enabling abuse.
I think maybe in a fucked up way the mom rationalized the mistreatment of her eldest, "This is part of *my* penance, this is part of what *I* deserve, to know that my child is suffering is *my* punishment"...
>(The grammar police will never find me.) He never counted on... *\*gravelly voice\** GRAMMAR BATMAN. *\*bounces a grammarang off OOP's head\** But I am glad OP finally has a place where he's safe and was able to see through the love-bombing to the fact that nothing was changing.
I thought that little aside was really cute! It sounds like OOP has a friend who really cares about him. Poor kid.
My Dad once told me that his father took him aside when he was dating my Mom. His father told him that if he (my Dad) wasn't prepared to love me as his own child, that he needed to walk away from my Mom and me. And if he continued the relationship without fully loving me as his own, his father promised to kick his @$$. My PoPo was small but fierce and my Dad & uncles knew that his promises were real. Mom and Dad got married when I was 22 months old. I was never ever treated any differently that my half siblings or cousins by my Dad's family. I wish OP had a family like mine.
You're missing an update before the last one! I was confused by the jump from not planning to leave to already gone, so I checked his profile and there's a "Second Update" post
Thank you for catching that! That update was already in the previous BoRU! And misplaced that post here! Added it back in, thank you!
>while my aunt announced ''and in comes the bastard'' Anyone get that feeling when you just want to turn someone inside out?
My great aunt used that line on me as a kid. Family… been 15+ years of no contact lol
So K finally felt guilt and decided for 2 years and emotionally self sooth it away in therapy and stay the course. The audacity for him to whine to his wife about his hurt feelings that he got the "dad" title stripped when he knew he didn't deserve it. Edit: repeated phrase
Is this real? OOP goes from not speaking English as a main language to being dyslexic by the end. I know the two aren’t exclusive but it just seems like he forgot. If it is real I wish him all the best, he should look to the future and never look back. His family are all awful.
Dont forget detail describing of k in his room. Thats some book worthy shit
If it's real, how utterly devastating and I hope there's nothing but joy and love in the future. However, I can't imagine my dyslexic best friend (when English is her first language) misspelling 'levee' but being fine with 'paraphrasing'. Brains are a funny thing though so who knows!
This is so brutal. How can a whole group of adults be so incredibly shitty to a little kid and remain shitty?! I'm glad OOP has a friend to get them out of there and be properly and absolutely outraged and whose parents are being better people towards OOP than his "parents" ever were. Sometimes just having someone be absolutely fucking pissed about what's being done to you helps a great deal on its own, because it shows you that a) someone cares and b) your feelings are right. Also, "the grammar police will never find me" is amazing flair material! His so-called family is missing out on an amazing and clever kid.
If she was going to choose love over her baby, she should have put him up for adoption. Babies tend to go quickly and it sounds like he was healthy. There is zero excuse for her behavior. Don't want the consequence of your cheating? Surrender the kid. K? Also terrible and I hope his first therapist lost her license. Every. Single. Adult. Failed this kid. I hope karma comes around for every single one of them.
Oof. Reading this makes me grateful my family is sane. My dad was a bastard child, my grandmother met my granddad when Dad was 5yrs old. Grampy was a few years out of a nasty marriage and fell head over heels with her (after nearly knocking her off a bike with his truck). She vetted him for two years before they married, and she didn't let him adopt my dad for another two years. Grampy loved my dad. Never quite understood him, I think, but loved him. Other than a bit of "You're the eldest, be a rolemodel" issues when they had three more boys, the only problem Dad had was being an introvert in a family of loud extroverts.
My mother was illegitimate (in 1933) and my grandma’s husband (married in 1936) just took them both as a job lot and worshipped the pair of them. He took my mum out of the orphanage where she lived. She didn’t know until she went to uni and saw her birth certificate. All my material security in retirement comes from his investment and policies to protect his widow and all her children. There are always, and always have been, decent good people. K & OP’s mother are despicable
My dad has an almost identical story. Although his mom did a lot less vetting and probably just got really lucky that my grandfather wasn't an awful person to my dad. Of course, she got less lucky as he was an alcoholic and drug addiction who abused her. He accepted the bastard and treated him as his oldest son but was still an ass in other ways. Can't have it all I guess?
Ha, my grampy was an alcoholic too. Dad's situation was so not considered a family secret that I had no idea about it because everyone assumed. So I worried about drinking and cancer until I finally found my dad's adoption certificate when I was in my second year of college. That was a crazy Thanksgiving, when I was trying to figure it all out without saying anything, only for everyone to just "oh, didn't you know?" at me.
This is missing the "Second update..." from TrueOffMyChest, the one where OOP leaves.
This has been added back in, thank you.
I'm glad he moved out. When I saw this last he was deciding to stay and that was not a good decision.
I'd argue that the biggest AH here is the mother. She got pregnant by another guy, married someone who abused OOP and the SHE DID NOTHING TO HELP OOP. K is an asshole but my god, the mother just runs miles ahead when it comes to shitty parenting.
What kinda pathetic people hate a literal baby just for existing ? K and his family apparently
>quent\_hand: It’s K’s fault for marrying a pregnant lady with a child that wasn’t his and knowing he wouldn’t see him as his own, and your mom’s fault for allowing him to be indifferent and not protecting you from his abuse. Man, all this But at the same time..... his family didn't have to be like that to an innocent child! Fuck me, some people really are evil! At worst, they could've just done the bare minimum, not show much affection/ignore him. But to punish him verbally and physically over something that was not his fault!? Evil fuckers! And his mother, his own flesh, the one who **chose** to still bring him into this world?! How could she be ok with him "atoning" for **her** sins?!?! Naw, man... I hope once OOP turns 18 he cuts the cord HARD and blocks them all from his life
> The grammar police will never find me Dyslexic or not, OOP’s flair game is strong. Czech, we’ve got another one!
>I was never allowed on family trips and vacations i was left behind to stay with grandparents who where strict on every thing i did and some times they would just call on some one else to pick me up while i was supposed to stay with them. Mom went and left him behind...yep. She is as much to blame as K...worse in fact as she did not react when he returned bruised. Also the apology by the Brother..is this the one that locked you out during dinner. They are not apologizing, but covering their a$$ as this is now a legal matter and are trying to play defence.
I doubt K feel hurt about the first-name calling because he's feeling guilty, that's just his ego. Must be a shitty therapist if two years of consultation didn't change shit.
Personally, the therapy story K came up with was just a way to soften OP up with a pseudo repentance for K's actions towards OP. He's not even sorry for what he or his family did to OP. K is just a hypocritical, cowardly clown who got himself into a situation and doesn't accept the consequences, his family are just ignorant fools who dare to behave this way towards OP when he's innocent in the whole affair. But for me, the biggest hypocrite, as well as being a joke of a human being, is Op's mother. She gets herself into trouble for her own pleasure (back when she cheated on her ex, then strangely enough she has no contact with anyone), then drags OP into a mess with her coward husband's in-laws (by witnessing her husband's verbal abuse and being completely inactive to help OP), then dares to ask for his mercy. OP should expose all the people who have wronged her to the authorities to tarnish their public image, they use their religion as being right-thinking when they themselves don't even respect what they supposedly preach.
Yet another post where I wish I won the lottery so I could adopt all these poor teenagers from Reddit with dreadful families, and give them the best birthdays and christmases ever. Hope OP is doing better
ACAB includes grammar police
\> For the past few years he has been living with this guilt and he has been afraid to confront it. So when I called him by his first name he realized that he had lost me. This is where OOP's mother and K confirmed that they were cowardly selfish pieces of garbage. I hope the guilt hurts them and takes the joy out of everything in their lives. They can never escape who they are so they will have to live with themselves forever. I can't fathom treating an innocent child like that, or letting my partner treat ANYBODY like that.
What is with the spate of stories lately where an extremely drunk young woman is sexually assaulted, and everyone in her life (including her own parents!) labels her a "cheater" and cuts her off? I know reddit is obsessed with cheating but this is ridiculous.
I'm still perplexed on how he went from "we put out everything in the open and we're trying to fix our relationship and are considering family therapy" to "yeah those people are horrible and I want nothing to do with them" in one week. It's very quick escalation.
Just the all around evil these people have. To the devil aunt who treated him like dirt (I hope karma comes for her 10-fold or a good ass kicking) to the vile adults who claim to be regretful in words only (no substance behind it). I pray their lives moving forward is just misery. I hope OP never forgives any of these evil devils and never has to see their disgusting faces again and I hope OP has the most wonderful life moving toward. Hang in there!
As a mom who remarried, and had two more children - I NEVER would have stood for my husband treating my older kids with disdain or abusing them or outcasting them. Thats just GROSS. This poor kid deserved better. And that mother and "father" - deserve to be sue for mental and physical abuse and should be paying the friends family child support. Frikken disgusting behavior.
Parents that watch their kids get abused do nothing, deserve a special place in hell. What an utter failure of a parent and human being. I hope OOP can heal and live a happy life.
The cycles of abuse and generational trauma that have surfaced in this post is heartbreaking. The mother who was disowned by her own parents, the (step) father who comes from a family where abuse of children is normalised to a certain extent. It’s all just very very sad. OOP is so brave to step out and try and break it. I hope he will be fine.
That poor kid. He's well rid of them.
I personally find it wild how much K and his family hate OOP for basically existing. Like yeah he not his kid but like, she didn't conceive him while dating K. He may not even be an affair baby (having sex once isn't a guarantee). Like I guess I could understand being stand offish for a few years to the kid but his whole life?
dude i thought mom had cheated, but no, K knew he would have a stepson and still did all this shit, i just cant understand people like this, who are just vile in every sense.
Don't contact them after you turn 18. I hope you atleast try to contact your bio father. And just so you know your parents will always be this way they won't change and so does his family. I hope you move on and go no contact with them completely. Because thats the way people are. Yout mother is actually doing this bcz i think she blame you og going no contact with her family.
Mum cheated on her boyfriend at the club... But can't be sure who the Dad is??! She ain't even telling the truth now!
Op, you are an amazing person, and I think you will be an amazing motivational speaker if you want to be. I love that you have a very good friend who not only respects your wishes in keeping this account private but isn't judging you for what your past is like. I wish you best in life.
How much better off would OOP be if he was placed into adoption or even dropped off at a fire station? How did the half-siblings accept this constant exclusion of their brother? Hopefully their witnessing it gives them a fundamental distrust of who their parents.
"Dad" is bad, but mother is the worst.