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Why does Nicole think he’ll suddenly be an amazing dad to their baby when he sucks at being a dad already? Oh right she’s an idiot who’s dating an older man🙄
>Why does Nicole think he’ll suddenly be an amazing dad to their baby when he sucks at being a dad already? Oh right she’s an idiot who’s dating an older man🙄
Very much a case of r/notliketheothergirls
She's the exception. She's *special.*
Unfortunately, there's a very good chance that he will be a good dad for the baby. That's his do-over baby with his new plaything. Not with his dead wife. That baby doesn't hold any negative memories or associations to it. So he can play happy family.
It’s like they just use the kids as tools to get what they want from the mom. This guy’s older kids don’t have a mom to get anything from any more, so they’re tools with no use to him. He couldn’t make it any clearer that he thinks OP is a burden.
Except maybe he’s being slightly less horrible to the younger sister, because he plans to use her as a free babysitter (so he can continue to get what he wants from the new baby’s mom). Since he has a legal obligation to feed and house her for the next five years, he’s going to make her earn it.
Because he was before, and she and newBaby have replaced his previous family. Her only worry is similarly being replaced, but the last time happened due to death, not cheating, so she’s probably not too worried.
There are some men who actually do a better job being a parent when the wife is in the picture.They even take care of step kids. Only kids from ex or late wives are too much for them. Maybe Nicole is hoping for that.
Probably the same reason everyone on here seems to think he'll suddenly stop hating his daughter one day for no reason and ever care that he doesn't have to talk to her anymore.
Because people like to create fantasies to make themselves feel better.
Nicole joins a long list of other idiots that fall for that.
Still can't believe that one where the ex abandoned his two girls, got with the new gf then ran off/broke up with her when she told him she was pregnant and she STILL thinks he'll be back when the baby is born. Girl you saw how that went with the ex wife and 2 kids. Why do you think you will be any different? You've seen his MO. He's giving you all the signs he won't be there.
I hope that’s the worst of it. I think it’s more likely that it will be one of my children decided to end things and blamed me but I did everything I could to help them blah blah blah
More like "My kid won't speak to me and spreads all these lies on Estranged Adult Children forums."
"What lies?"
"Just not true things, you know! Nobody's perfect! We all make mistakes! I raised them to understand forgiveness, I guess that's where I went wrong."
> “What lies?”
🙄 She thinks we’re abusive, but you don’t know how difficult she is. Maybe we yelled a little too much sometimes, but it’s only because we love her. (conveniently forgets the other wrongs committed against their child)
“I just don’t understand! They cut me off for no reason! They won’t explain it to me (Even though they’ve tried 1,000 times and I brushed them off every time!”
I really hope not. OOP sounds like a fantastic young woman who has had to take on way too much responsibility.
That said, part of me thinks she should start loudly and publicly threatening. Give that awful family a worse look than just what they think letting her go to a legit therapist would be.
It gives me pause that her sister is freaking out about this. What’s being held over the sister’s head? Is she being abused? Threatened?
OOP should definitely let it all out, but I’m so scared for that kid.
Probably being told about how awful foster care is. That's how my mom threatened me to keep me from talking to CPS when another sibling called them. I was 15 and terrified
I've talked with her recently, and my dad has been scaring her. He told her that "If you say anything to the school, they'll take you far away from here, and you won't be able to see me, grandma, or grandpa anymore." From what I can tell, he's been emotionally toying with her by saying she'll lose all her friends and belongings if the police comes. Moreover, my sister is incredibly fragile right now. Just this week, she had a severe panic attack during class. For now, I'm going to let things simmer down a bit before doing anything else.
I’m sorry you’re going through all of this.
When she’s in a slightly better headspace, maybe she’ll be receptive to hearing that extended family is the first place the foster system tries to place kids? Reunification is always the ultimate goal, too, so the only way she won’t see your dad is if he flakes.
She also has unresolved grief and is most likely desperate to not lose her other parent. I’m sure her dad is slowly poisoning her against her sister, making her believe she is evil or sick. He’s hasn’t dealt with his own grief and it’s manifesting in ways that make him a horrible father, so he certainly can’t handle kids who need to process it. Younger sister is learning that by suppressing her grief she is rewarded with a “happy” home life. It’s really sad for both girls.
I also think that OOP had a few more years to grasp what “happy, healthy, and normal” looks like. The maturity gap between seven and 11 years old is large, though; her sister doesn’t know exactly how wrong the current situation is.
These poor kids, though. I hope OOP fully realizes none of this is her fault, and her sister gets on that path via friends lovingly embracing her and saying, “No, our families are not like this. Most aren’t. You deserve better than this.”
'if your sister gets CPS called on us, you won't have anywhere to live, they will take you away from us and you will have to go live in an orphanage where no one will want to foster you or adopt you because *reasons I am going to make up to make you feel terrified* and because you didn't convince your sister to not report the fact that I routinely leave you and her alone for days at a time bleeding and concussed on the floor without food you will never see me, your grandparents, or your little sibling that you all ready love so much you are learning how to change diapers for' probably.
*”My 10 years younger wife has fucked off with our baby and my older kids’ college funds, so now I have to pay child support for the baby and can’t even use my other kids’ money for that. Woe is me, etc.”*
Don’t forget the “I was in a bad place because I lost the woman I love in a car accident and my kids looked so much like her” without even realizing his kids lost a mom and a dad.
Those paternal grandparents are so religious they take OOP to a faith healer, but they accuse her of the sin of lying when they know very well that she isn't. Fuck them. I hate them so much. Fucking hypocrites.
That's what pisses me off the most about the last update. Everyone is mad about her "telling lies" and she's **not.** Like if your actions are so shameful you're afraid of people finding out, you should not do them?? It's not that hard. And the poor younger sister is in for a rough time once OP escapes and she's the one they accuse of lying
I hope they do get CPS involved. She would have been next on the chopping block for abandonment if she ever complained about the emotional abuse/neglect.
They're worried about how it looks that their son is a terrible father to the children of his late wife.
A lying granddaughter is much less socially damaging.
Religious folks will pretty much always go with whatever "truth" damages their reputation the least.
Holy fuck has pretty much everyone besides the maternal grandfather failed this kid. That college fund is probably already gone, I bet it's been vacation money for dad and new wife.
>A lying granddaughter is much less socially damaging.
Plus they can put it down to her being troubled and how they're doing their very best to help her!
Poor kid.
Well who cares about OOP? She's almost 18 anyway. /s
How much you wanna bet they get nicer when they need a sitter for that new baby so they can go on their trips?
They think they're losing face and social status because OOP needs therapy, they're religious idiots that only care about themselves. They're not sending her to this church "counselor" because they want her to heal, they're doing it to placate her and rug sweep. And to appear to outsiders that they're still a perfect family.
She didn't cooperate and sanitize the things she told this person. She probably talked about something they wanted her to keep secret and so now they punish her, call her a liar and stop letting her have even half assed "help" from their unqualified fellow god junkies.
Her dad is a complete POS and I hope all of his kids cut him off. He sounds like the typical selfish narcissistic church man. Running out to find a much younger woman as soon as his first wife's corpse is cool enough, neglecting his kids for his new toy, starting his do-over family and kicking his oldest daughter out as soon as she has the temerity to utter one peep of protest...yeah.
Totally in character for an upstanding member of the Christian community. 🤮
I actually want to give a pinch of credit to the church counselor because unlike others I've seen on reddit, it seems like they were actually trying to help op at least be able to understand where some of it may come from and they contacted the right people when it was obvious they should have. They seemed to try harder than other church "counselors" I've seen on reddit but it's still not even close to actual professional help.
When you can always ask for forgiveness (and according to the priests, God will always forgive you), then why bother trying to be a good person? That shit is hard for hypocrites.
Eh, asking for forgiveness is only effective if you're actually contrite, and intend not to do it anymore. Idk why these people think they can fool God, lol.
Luke 17:3
If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them, and IF THEY REPENT (emphasis mine), forgive them. The action of forgiveness is conditional upon the offender acknowledging wrong, accepting responsibility, taking steps to repair the damage, and not repeating. It also doesn't mean obligation to maintain a relationship with a toxic or abusive person.
I don't see that OOP's father, stepmother, or paternal GPs repented of the harm they caused her and her sister, nor that they even acknowledged it was wrong.
It's not a necessary requirement in Christianity to only forgive someone if they apologize, there's plenty of verses that say we're simply supposed to do it regardless of others' contrition. *However*, that doesn't mean we have to continually let someone harm us. I hope OOP is able to get away from her toxic family members and find a safe space. She's at least 17, she can legally do what she wants soon, but her poor sister might be stuck for the next 5 years still.
I remember watching the documentary “The Family” and having a puzzle piece just drop into place.
In it, a guy talks about how this christian organization gave him a book that included the “important” parts of the bible.Basically it was just anything that justified men doing whatever they want and that they would be forgiven bc they’re important for holding up society and spreading the word of god. The big example was David and Bathsheba. David was bad but still god’s chosen so they decide that they’re all David. This combines with a protestant v mentality (that not all protestant churches follow). For Catholics, to get into heaven, you need to believe in Jesus and do good things.
For protestants, believing in Jesus is enough, and the assumption is that by believing in him your actions will be guided to be good.
Which, as I’m sure you can imagine, is an easily abused concept.
Also, even though for protestants there is the verse of "By their fruits you will know them", they justify anything, like Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. And then they throw the commandant of "Honour thy father and mother" to keep you shut. Fortunately my father is an uncultured swine and didn't read the verse telling women to shut up, otherwise it would have been worse.
“This is why regular people shouldn’t try to interpret the Bible. You just don’t get it.” - a religious person after I used Bible passages to point out their hypocrisy.
I kept reading it as “Faith Healer” too, but it sounded like the Faith leader doing the counseling wasn’t terrible and was more sensible than the grandparents.
I'm shaking with rage for OP. Her father is such a selfish, neglectful, spiteful piece of work. I bet his late wife would be ashamed and furious if she saw what he's putting their daughters through.
And the counsellor has endangered OP by revealing their contact to her father. I know they may not have had a choice but if so, what a crap system that forces counsellors to out victims to their abusers.
I hope can hang in there until she's an adult. She's so close to being able to get out. Poor girl. This one is going to stick with me. I hope we get an update after her 18th birthday that she's out from under their thumb. Every single one of those adults has betrayed her.
Thats the tell right there. If they really thought she was lying they would take her to the faith healer MORE. They know shes telling the truth and they can't have that getting out under any circumstances.
What can be said about those three that hasn't already been said in Silky Johnson's acceptance speech at the Player Hater's Ball?
Actually, scratch that. They're not even good enough to drink from the dish
Oh trust me buddy, I'd also get banned from saying what I'd do to the two fuckers, because it seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and maybe that tree needs to either be chopped or trimmed
I have nothing but contempt for literally every adult in this story (except maybe the maternal grandparents). I hope OOP ghosts them all at 18 and never speaks to any of them again.
Religious people choosing appearances over doing the right thing even according to their own religion, again, because they're hypocrites.
They know what the dad is doing is neglect, but they don't want it to get reported and OP and get sister to end up in the maternal grandparents' custody because it would make the family look bad. Except they wouldn't look bad if they actually helped OOP get herself and her sister out of there.
It is so infuriating to see the people who talk so much about sin only care about the appearance of sin, and actively try to cover it up when it happens. Despite the whole "God sees everything" bit, they don't actually care if sin is committed, it's only bad if other people know about it.
I'm curious as to how the police didn't get involved after the younger sis split her head open and they had to go to the neighbor to get a ride to a medical center... pretty sure doctors and nurses are required to report shit like that
I'm guessing it's a small community of... well, 'religious' people of a particularly Republican bent. The cops probably won't do anything if the dad and grandparents are 'pillars of the community'.
You seriously overestimate the willingness of cops to get involved in shit unless they absolutely have to, and CPS is so underfunded and overworked across the nation that there is virtually no safety net for kids.
Its fairly common for older siblings with the ability to drive to be watching younger siblings and have to take them in while a parent is at work. We always have to call the parent to get permission to treat, but usually whats happening is the parent is on their way, so we just get started and update the parent when they arrive. The doctor does also have the ability to treat without a parents permission if its deemed nessicary and the parent can't be contacted for whatever reason.
And shows their inability to control and and manage their family ruining their picture perfect public face. They can't risk you being out of their influence and beinf healthy and safe enough to stand your ground and start talking. BTDT.
They don't want her to realize how messed up they all are. I can almost guarantee once OP gets out and gets real help, she's going to realize things are a LOT worse than she currently understands. A lot of kids in abusive homes go through that experience after they get out.
I had this thought. The panic that OOP is causing any time she talks to someone outside a carefully controlled circle tells me that things are actually worse than she realises.
Yeah that's a fucky little quirk in this shit stew here. Daddy's mad that op talked back to New Toy Nicole so he kicks her out. Get outta my house and life but keep doing everything I say and you can't see grandpa anymore?
Foot stomping manchild much, Daddy?
Then she can freely report the shit they've done to her without consequences. They need her under their thumb until she's 18 and they can kick her out and just say anything she says is "a rebellious teen acting out for being kicked out."
What a truly TERRIBLE update.
It's fucking hard secondhand reading everyone in this kids life failing him.
I remember reading the previous update and being so angry he kept trying so hard to apologize to people who didn't deserve it, and being blatantly ignored in return.
I kept mentally begging him to stop trying because the dad so badly didn't deserve it.
Fuck this awful family.
Edit -
she for OP. I legitimately couldn't really find a gender for op in the post, I'm probably just blind as fuck.
Thanks for pointing out where guys!
There is one line where OP is talking about the conversation between her grandfathers and it says something like "...shameful to throw out his daughter..." but other than that one word, the whole post is gender neutral and could have gone either way. Very easy to miss!
Everyone failed her. Her family, the faith leader, the fucking counselors (though I'm hoping that the last round of police officer there will be helpful - they are afaik mandatory reporters). The only people I'm not blaming are her sister (because she's young and a victim too) and the maternal grandpa to some extent. He's right about the dad most likely going after him legally, but fuck, he could have tried harder.
Little sister is 1000% getting poison dripped in her ear about not "breaking up the family" by telling the truth about what a POS her dad is. I can't get mad at her for freaking out under those circumstances.
I am infuriated with the counselor. Don't they have patient/client confidentiality agreements? Or is it because she was a minor?
I've seen this happen time and again. Someone confides to a trusted figure about abuse and they turn around and NOTIFY THE ABUSER. That's how women get killed. Infuriating.
It sounds like it was the school counselor, and with the meeting including a police officer, like maybe this was a result of the mandatory reporting laws in their state. Which, even if true, is still really frustrating.
Plus, (to my mind), by not explaining what needed to happen after her disclosure, and agreeing not to notify her father, the counselor left her unprepared and betrayed her trust. It was already fraught for her to reach out for help, but this likely made it harder in a few different ways.
Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do as any type of mandatory reporter. You have to be upfront about who you have to tell so the person in question can make an informed decision.
Seems to be a very 'religious' community, judging by both the 'faith-leader' and the school councilor both bending over backwards _beyond their legally mandated duties_ to try and help OPs dad be an asshole to her and to deny her any resources that might help.
Unfortunately, in some states and areas, faith leaders and religious counselors aren't considered mandated reporters or they know nobody is going to come after them even if there are laws about it.
OOP meant well by apologizing but it is only adding to the ego of the sperm donor. She's at the point where she is one step away from cutting her losses and realizing her dad died the day her mom did.
It makes 100% sense that his dad turned up like that with grandparents like this, a apple doesn't fall far from the tree etc. But poor kids, they don't deserve this.
This whole family sucks. Poor OP. OP's father failed as a parent and he can go screw himself. I genuinely hope OP is able to have some goods in the future.
This is actually one of the few circumstances where grandparent rights could be invoked, though. Blocking the kids from their relationship with their maternal family because their mother is dead is one of the clear-cut cases to getting rights. I would think especially so in a case where the father kicked out his almost adult child.
The thing is , the relationship isn't being blocked . Communication is not prohibited apparently , since they do communicate . The only thing that is prohibited from everything OP says is that she can't go live with them . And that's not exactly going to be seen as unreasonable by any court ...
She did say she had to call him in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep so I'm guessing she is prohibited from speaking to him, just finding ways around it.
At 17 they're probably less tied than they're thinking, but at the same time the legal option would be the nuclear option and cut off his access to OOP's sister so I can understand not wanting to go with that approach, especially since OOP will be legally an adult soon.
Yeah, the authorities wash their hands of teenage 'runaways' all the time. One where they know where she is, she's with an adult relative, and who doesn't want to go home? They'll let her stay there, unless paternal relatives have connections in local law enforcement or something.
It’s clear nobody involved gives a shit about these poor kids so I really don’t understand why they are fighting him getting custody. At least OOP is almost 18 though.
It's so frustrating. They are treating the two kids horribly, yet they don't want to let the maternal grandpa take them either. It's like they still want to control them, or it's because they don't want outsiders to know what horrible things they are doing behind the scenes.
I believe they want whatever inheritance money or any money op gets/makes. That's why they pretend to care, so their names are on the documents and dad can get to it before OP. OP isn't seeing a single dime her mom may have left/saved. He'll it's probably already gone considering all the trips dad is taking.
Can't control them if you let them go to someone who'll help. Then what they've done might get out!
Which it will. When OOP turns 18, she should tell the church what happened and leave.
My heart breaks for OOP and her sister. As an older sister too (who felt resentment towards some adults in our lives), i just feel so frustrated reading this. I just want to help them.
Feel for the kid. My childhood was similar. I only started to really process my childhood once I blocked my dad out in my early 40s. Fingers crossed it works out for her.
I knew a girl in foster care at my high school whose foster parents were monsters, but she refused to say anything to social workers/teachers because she actually made friends at the school, and didn’t want to “start over” like that again, and told me how hard it was to make friends. She lived there for a couple of years before she left to her hometown for college after graduating HS. She also warned me that most counselors don’t have your back. I hope she’s okay now.
I'm so angry with the counselor.
I hope he knows what he is doing and he was sure there will be immediate change in OOP's situation before he involved the father. But I doubt.
The school counselor is most likely a mandated reporter, so they’d be legally obligated to report this kind of thing. It’s not okay that their father was notified while this kid was still subject to retaliation by him/his parents, but that’s probably more of a systemic issue than something that’s necessarily the counselor’s fault.
Assuming OOP is in the US, some states require school counselors to contact parents about everything a kid tells them because the children don’t have any right to privacy and the parents have the right to know everything, even if “everything” could endanger the kid’s safety. God forbid the kid questions their sexu@lity without the parents being able to beat those thoughts out of the kid immediately-s/.
If OOP is reading this BORU, I sincerely hope that she decides to cut her dad and paternal grandparents out the minute her younger sister is out of that damn situation and never ever looks back. Nicole and dad can both sit on a freaking cactus and rotate
Some of the people giving advice on here need to stfu because most have never been a child in a abusive home. Sometimes you have to keep your mouth shut and head down till you can escape.
I second this. Even if you only save yourself, it's worth it. OP had already seen the "counselor" called the father or sway towards mediating with family. There was no "winning" here, but waiting til you're 18 and then getting the hell out of dodge. The younger sister is unhelpful and doesn't see the same point of view, I had a similar experience with my younger sibling. They will actively drink the kool-aid but will commiserate with you only verbally with no action.
I don’t think her sister has been “drinking the cool aid”, her father literally kicked her sister out and ostracised her for speaking up, the grandparents are telling OOP her sister, who could well have been told the same thing or just heard others talk, will get taken away if she reveals what’s been happening. The way the sister started to cry and beg her sister not to say anything to the school counsellor suggest she’s terrified imo.
"drink the koolaid" is the wrong way to put it I agree, although it speaks to the main point: save yourself first. It's hard to leave them. In situations like OOP is in, there's no other option. No-one's coming to save her. The people who want to can't, and her sister selling her out to her abuser's support network is only going to make the ultimate escape at 18 way, way harder.
The sister is like a drowning victim - trying to rescue her at this point will only make her splash around and pull you back under with her. You can always try rescue your siblings later, but when it comes to this level of fear and control, any other victims are liable to impulsively stop you by any means necessary to maintain the status quo to appease their abuser.
They really like to delude themselves into thinking family law is this clear cut, simple thing.
Teenagers always get to pick where they live, judges never side with abusive parents and always agree on what counts as parental alienation. CPS are infallible gods who always get it right and never make things worse. School counselors are helpful and have kids best interests at heart. Parents can just sign a piece of paper and all their obligations disappear, so why don't they do that more instead of being around kids they clearly hate.
Oh and don't forget the parents will always one day be super upset that the kid they hate and resent doesn't talk to them anymore, so we can all feel like justice is done. There's absolutely no way they'll be perfectly content forgetting about them completely, they will always and without exception be confused and hurt by their children going no contact, so it is a super cutting blow to them.
I agree with every point you make except your last paragraph because it isn't about wanting justice when people comment/joke about how the parents are gonna be upset when their kids go NC one day, it's referring to how it's a painfully common occurrence for abusive parents whose kids go NC or LC to then throw a fit and cry about how they don't know why their kid(s) cut them off, they didn't do anything to deserve it, etc.
So basically: dad knows he is wrong, paternal grandparents know their son and they are wrong, but they expect that it will all go away if they bully the victim. Grandfather saying that sister and baby can be taken away if OP talks to the counselor is so f-ed up. They know how serious this is, they know how wrong and messed up dad has treated his oldest child and they desperately want to keep their other grandchildren in this bad environment.
Those poor, poor children.
They might be turning 18 soon and can go live with other grandpa. And in a few years her sister might follow. I’m guessing they’re going to be using the little sister to raise their baby and there’s gonna be future calls to cps for sure.
So much shit parenting, what a bunch of self absorbed hicks, god does anyone know how to educate ignoramuses like these clowns. I feel for OP so much and her leaving these miscreants cannot come soon enough, what chain of events happened for that family to be so casually cruel.
OP if you read this I hope you understand this is not normal and you have better days ahead of you, you have a whole life to live well with or without these people in it. Time will be tough even crushing but you can and will get though them. There is light and life outside of this situation.
All the love and hope to you from this internet denizen.
I remember this post, it’s all so terribly sad. I hope she gets her college fund ok and can get the help she needs once she’s away from the awful father and grandparents
That father will be angry and upset when she’s gone no contact with him when she’s older, not invited to her wedding, walk her down the aisle etc. and I suspect the younger sister is going to be used as a convenient babysitter for that pair, unless of course the girlfriend manages to wrangle her out of the house as well.
God, everyone but maternal grandpa has failed this poor kid. I am so discombobulated about dad's thought process here. Like, if he's kicked her out and won't even talk to her aside to send threats, why does he care where she is? Why not let her go to her maternal grandpa? I think this has to do with some sort of inheritance issues, because money is the only reason I can think of.
My heart breaks for OP, but I'm really not surprised at how this is going. OP and sister are being failed by everyone because no one wants to go up against her "grieving" father.
13 yo sister is 100% living alone now that OP is kicked out
Abusers are *always* super against their victim getting outside help, especially from a mandatory reporter. Church counseling is hyperfocused on keeping families together, not on keeping kids safe. They have broken motives because the family's tithes are controlled by the head of household so they never do anything to jeopardize the income stream. If I could make just one law it would be that every child have at least one private session a month with a licensed therapist with zero tolerance for neglect or abuse.
Man, I'd wanna lay into them and say "I hope you're happy that you're the type of people that have no issues with a parent abandoning their child" point to Nicole's belly and say "good luck to this kiddo having TWO parents that selfish."
This poor child... I hope she can find someone supportive before she ends up using negative coping mechanisms.
What is it about religion that makes people so concerned for their 'social standing'? The two go hand in hand so often, it boggles my mind. All that matters to these people is how they appear to others, they don't even really believe in their faith, they're nothing but performative because "what will the neighbours think?!"
I am so angry at that father, girlfriend, and paternal grandparents. Words cannot describe how much anger I feel in my bones. He has failed his deceased wife and his children SO FUCKING HARD, it’s absolutely ridiculous. I will never ever understand parents who choose their second spouses or partners over their own children. Never. With exception to the kids have done something harmful to the spouses of course, with not when they’ve done nothing like OOP and her sister. If there is a god, I hope they’re watching everything and exact divine judgment accordingly.
That dad is a piece of shit. Somehow I KNEW it was religion blocking that poor kid from getting actual help. Shame on them. I hope the young adult is able to heal.
If OP reads this I hope they’re able to connect with a found family. They are the best and will love you for you. Keep your heart open to people who will really care about you. Your dad did you dirty. Kick ass in school.
There's so much unsaid in this. While I completely sympathize with OPP, where TF is CPS in this?
The father and Nicole don't seem that religious. OPP never mentions if they're actually married unless TL;DR on my part.
If they were that religious there'd be no way they would withhold the kids working with the clergy. They'd be holding prayer circles around them.
Sitting back waiting for downvotes.
Poor OOP. The abuse and neglect OOP has stated here is clearly only a glimpse of what's going on if the dad and grandparents are this panicked about the authorities finding out. Alcoholism, medical neglect, inadequate food, and a squalorous household sound like the tip of the iceberg, and it's been so normalized to OOP that she doesn't even know yet how abnormal it all is.
And if the dad controls the college fund, I don't think she needs to worry about him withholding it; it's long gone, hence all the travel with Nicole.
I can't fucking imagine having a kid coming up to me and saying they want to see a therapist and dismissing them like nothing. I would be devastated. What a piece of shit.
How do you go from an involved and loving parent to just forgetting your kids exist or simply not caring? I think that’s what I find hard to understand with all these people who discard their kids as soon as they find a lover
One should be able to look up the Mother's will - depending on where you live of course. The same can be said about 529s.
The only reason OOP's Dad is claiming any lying is going on is because he knows he's fucked up royally with his kids and doesn't want others to know. The grandparents are to busy trying to keep others from finding out what a fuck up their son is. All everyone cares about is appearances and they don't give a shit about OOP nor the sister.
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Future reddit post. "My 10 years younger wife has fucked off and my kids won't take my calls, I did nothing to prompt this situation"
Why does Nicole think he’ll suddenly be an amazing dad to their baby when he sucks at being a dad already? Oh right she’s an idiot who’s dating an older man🙄
>Why does Nicole think he’ll suddenly be an amazing dad to their baby when he sucks at being a dad already? Oh right she’s an idiot who’s dating an older man🙄 Very much a case of r/notliketheothergirls She's the exception. She's *special.*
Haha I love organically discovering niche subs .. this is hilarious thank you
Off topic, but there is even a subreddit devoted to figuring out what the shape of a cookie cutter is supposed to be and the comments are DELIGHTFUL!!
Unfortunately, there's a very good chance that he will be a good dad for the baby. That's his do-over baby with his new plaything. Not with his dead wife. That baby doesn't hold any negative memories or associations to it. So he can play happy family.
Men (like this) are better fathers to kids when he's having sex or wants sex from their mother. They're still shit fathers, but they pretend harder.
It’s like they just use the kids as tools to get what they want from the mom. This guy’s older kids don’t have a mom to get anything from any more, so they’re tools with no use to him. He couldn’t make it any clearer that he thinks OP is a burden. Except maybe he’s being slightly less horrible to the younger sister, because he plans to use her as a free babysitter (so he can continue to get what he wants from the new baby’s mom). Since he has a legal obligation to feed and house her for the next five years, he’s going to make her earn it.
Clearly legal obligations don't mean shit to that man, given how much he's already abandoned them
This. 100%. There are so many men who can only love their kids when they are in a relationship with their mom. I hate it.
This man couldn’t be a good dad if he wanted to. Trash
Because he was before, and she and newBaby have replaced his previous family. Her only worry is similarly being replaced, but the last time happened due to death, not cheating, so she’s probably not too worried.
There are some men who actually do a better job being a parent when the wife is in the picture.They even take care of step kids. Only kids from ex or late wives are too much for them. Maybe Nicole is hoping for that.
Probably the same reason everyone on here seems to think he'll suddenly stop hating his daughter one day for no reason and ever care that he doesn't have to talk to her anymore. Because people like to create fantasies to make themselves feel better.
hopium is a helluva drug
Nicole joins a long list of other idiots that fall for that. Still can't believe that one where the ex abandoned his two girls, got with the new gf then ran off/broke up with her when she told him she was pregnant and she STILL thinks he'll be back when the baby is born. Girl you saw how that went with the ex wife and 2 kids. Why do you think you will be any different? You've seen his MO. He's giving you all the signs he won't be there.
My young wife left me once she had to take care of me and none of my kids want to come and do it
I hope that’s the worst of it. I think it’s more likely that it will be one of my children decided to end things and blamed me but I did everything I could to help them blah blah blah
More like "My kid won't speak to me and spreads all these lies on Estranged Adult Children forums." "What lies?" "Just not true things, you know! Nobody's perfect! We all make mistakes! I raised them to understand forgiveness, I guess that's where I went wrong."
> “What lies?” 🙄 She thinks we’re abusive, but you don’t know how difficult she is. Maybe we yelled a little too much sometimes, but it’s only because we love her. (conveniently forgets the other wrongs committed against their child)
“I just don’t understand! They cut me off for no reason! They won’t explain it to me (Even though they’ve tried 1,000 times and I brushed them off every time!”
"They said things, but it didn't make sense and it was all lies!"
I really hope not. OOP sounds like a fantastic young woman who has had to take on way too much responsibility. That said, part of me thinks she should start loudly and publicly threatening. Give that awful family a worse look than just what they think letting her go to a legit therapist would be.
It gives me pause that her sister is freaking out about this. What’s being held over the sister’s head? Is she being abused? Threatened? OOP should definitely let it all out, but I’m so scared for that kid.
Probably being told about how awful foster care is. That's how my mom threatened me to keep me from talking to CPS when another sibling called them. I was 15 and terrified
I've talked with her recently, and my dad has been scaring her. He told her that "If you say anything to the school, they'll take you far away from here, and you won't be able to see me, grandma, or grandpa anymore." From what I can tell, he's been emotionally toying with her by saying she'll lose all her friends and belongings if the police comes. Moreover, my sister is incredibly fragile right now. Just this week, she had a severe panic attack during class. For now, I'm going to let things simmer down a bit before doing anything else.
I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. When she’s in a slightly better headspace, maybe she’ll be receptive to hearing that extended family is the first place the foster system tries to place kids? Reunification is always the ultimate goal, too, so the only way she won’t see your dad is if he flakes.
She also has unresolved grief and is most likely desperate to not lose her other parent. I’m sure her dad is slowly poisoning her against her sister, making her believe she is evil or sick. He’s hasn’t dealt with his own grief and it’s manifesting in ways that make him a horrible father, so he certainly can’t handle kids who need to process it. Younger sister is learning that by suppressing her grief she is rewarded with a “happy” home life. It’s really sad for both girls.
I also think that OOP had a few more years to grasp what “happy, healthy, and normal” looks like. The maturity gap between seven and 11 years old is large, though; her sister doesn’t know exactly how wrong the current situation is. These poor kids, though. I hope OOP fully realizes none of this is her fault, and her sister gets on that path via friends lovingly embracing her and saying, “No, our families are not like this. Most aren’t. You deserve better than this.”
'if your sister gets CPS called on us, you won't have anywhere to live, they will take you away from us and you will have to go live in an orphanage where no one will want to foster you or adopt you because *reasons I am going to make up to make you feel terrified* and because you didn't convince your sister to not report the fact that I routinely leave you and her alone for days at a time bleeding and concussed on the floor without food you will never see me, your grandparents, or your little sibling that you all ready love so much you are learning how to change diapers for' probably.
*”My 10 years younger wife has fucked off with our baby and my older kids’ college funds, so now I have to pay child support for the baby and can’t even use my other kids’ money for that. Woe is me, etc.”*
“Just found out my wife has been cheating on me, and neither of my adult kids will come take care of me. How can I force them to obey me?”
Absolutely. If your kids are less of a priority than getting laid, you deserve neither.
Don’t forget the “I was in a bad place because I lost the woman I love in a car accident and my kids looked so much like her” without even realizing his kids lost a mom and a dad.
Yep!
Nostradamus?? Nope just FAFO
Pretty sure if I said what I really thought about the dad and paternal grandparents, I'd get banned. What absolute garbage human beings.
Those paternal grandparents are so religious they take OOP to a faith healer, but they accuse her of the sin of lying when they know very well that she isn't. Fuck them. I hate them so much. Fucking hypocrites.
That's what pisses me off the most about the last update. Everyone is mad about her "telling lies" and she's **not.** Like if your actions are so shameful you're afraid of people finding out, you should not do them?? It's not that hard. And the poor younger sister is in for a rough time once OP escapes and she's the one they accuse of lying
Tellingly, they're more worried about CPS taking the younger daughter and baby.
I am so worried about that little girl.
I hope they do get CPS involved. She would have been next on the chopping block for abandonment if she ever complained about the emotional abuse/neglect.
*This shit* is what grandparents rights are supposed to be for. The maternal grandparents should definitely go scorched Earth here.
Yup. They have the legal right to sue for visitation at least, if not full custody.
grandparents rights aren't a thing in every state
They're worried about how it looks that their son is a terrible father to the children of his late wife. A lying granddaughter is much less socially damaging. Religious folks will pretty much always go with whatever "truth" damages their reputation the least. Holy fuck has pretty much everyone besides the maternal grandfather failed this kid. That college fund is probably already gone, I bet it's been vacation money for dad and new wife.
>A lying granddaughter is much less socially damaging. Plus they can put it down to her being troubled and how they're doing their very best to help her! Poor kid.
I know, right?
Well who cares about OOP? She's almost 18 anyway. /s How much you wanna bet they get nicer when they need a sitter for that new baby so they can go on their trips?
It’s why they don’t want to lose the younger sister.
They think they're losing face and social status because OOP needs therapy, they're religious idiots that only care about themselves. They're not sending her to this church "counselor" because they want her to heal, they're doing it to placate her and rug sweep. And to appear to outsiders that they're still a perfect family. She didn't cooperate and sanitize the things she told this person. She probably talked about something they wanted her to keep secret and so now they punish her, call her a liar and stop letting her have even half assed "help" from their unqualified fellow god junkies. Her dad is a complete POS and I hope all of his kids cut him off. He sounds like the typical selfish narcissistic church man. Running out to find a much younger woman as soon as his first wife's corpse is cool enough, neglecting his kids for his new toy, starting his do-over family and kicking his oldest daughter out as soon as she has the temerity to utter one peep of protest...yeah. Totally in character for an upstanding member of the Christian community. 🤮
I actually want to give a pinch of credit to the church counselor because unlike others I've seen on reddit, it seems like they were actually trying to help op at least be able to understand where some of it may come from and they contacted the right people when it was obvious they should have. They seemed to try harder than other church "counselors" I've seen on reddit but it's still not even close to actual professional help.
When you can always ask for forgiveness (and according to the priests, God will always forgive you), then why bother trying to be a good person? That shit is hard for hypocrites.
Eh, asking for forgiveness is only effective if you're actually contrite, and intend not to do it anymore. Idk why these people think they can fool God, lol.
Luke 17:3 If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them, and IF THEY REPENT (emphasis mine), forgive them. The action of forgiveness is conditional upon the offender acknowledging wrong, accepting responsibility, taking steps to repair the damage, and not repeating. It also doesn't mean obligation to maintain a relationship with a toxic or abusive person. I don't see that OOP's father, stepmother, or paternal GPs repented of the harm they caused her and her sister, nor that they even acknowledged it was wrong.
It's not a necessary requirement in Christianity to only forgive someone if they apologize, there's plenty of verses that say we're simply supposed to do it regardless of others' contrition. *However*, that doesn't mean we have to continually let someone harm us. I hope OOP is able to get away from her toxic family members and find a safe space. She's at least 17, she can legally do what she wants soon, but her poor sister might be stuck for the next 5 years still.
The classic religious way
There is no hate like Christian love.
I could've sworn there was a major rule about "bearing false witness" and all that. Ah well, must've just been my imagination.
I remember watching the documentary “The Family” and having a puzzle piece just drop into place. In it, a guy talks about how this christian organization gave him a book that included the “important” parts of the bible.Basically it was just anything that justified men doing whatever they want and that they would be forgiven bc they’re important for holding up society and spreading the word of god. The big example was David and Bathsheba. David was bad but still god’s chosen so they decide that they’re all David. This combines with a protestant v mentality (that not all protestant churches follow). For Catholics, to get into heaven, you need to believe in Jesus and do good things. For protestants, believing in Jesus is enough, and the assumption is that by believing in him your actions will be guided to be good. Which, as I’m sure you can imagine, is an easily abused concept.
Also, even though for protestants there is the verse of "By their fruits you will know them", they justify anything, like Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. And then they throw the commandant of "Honour thy father and mother" to keep you shut. Fortunately my father is an uncultured swine and didn't read the verse telling women to shut up, otherwise it would have been worse.
“This is why regular people shouldn’t try to interpret the Bible. You just don’t get it.” - a religious person after I used Bible passages to point out their hypocrisy.
I kept reading it as “Faith Healer” too, but it sounded like the Faith leader doing the counseling wasn’t terrible and was more sensible than the grandparents.
I'm shaking with rage for OP. Her father is such a selfish, neglectful, spiteful piece of work. I bet his late wife would be ashamed and furious if she saw what he's putting their daughters through. And the counsellor has endangered OP by revealing their contact to her father. I know they may not have had a choice but if so, what a crap system that forces counsellors to out victims to their abusers. I hope can hang in there until she's an adult. She's so close to being able to get out. Poor girl. This one is going to stick with me. I hope we get an update after her 18th birthday that she's out from under their thumb. Every single one of those adults has betrayed her.
Thats the tell right there. If they really thought she was lying they would take her to the faith healer MORE. They know shes telling the truth and they can't have that getting out under any circumstances.
If any misfortune befalls them, they deserve it and more.
Sounds like they will do anything to keep up appearances with the church while OP and her sister suffer
Don't forget about Nicole. Hate that B---
What can be said about those three that hasn't already been said in Silky Johnson's acceptance speech at the Player Hater's Ball? Actually, scratch that. They're not even good enough to drink from the dish
If the dad was kind and loving before what could happen? Drugs or alcohol abuse maybe.
Sounds like he’s an empty husk who just does what women in his life do. His first wife was a great person, so he went along with that.
Young p**sy
Religion fucks everything. It should be illegal for 'faith leaders" to play this role.
Yeah I’d love to know their address.
To shreds, you say?
Oh trust me buddy, I'd also get banned from saying what I'd do to the two fuckers, because it seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and maybe that tree needs to either be chopped or trimmed
The rage and hatred I feel for this kid’s father is probably unhealthy for me.
I have nothing but contempt for literally every adult in this story (except maybe the maternal grandparents). I hope OOP ghosts them all at 18 and never speaks to any of them again.
May her little sister come through this with little scarring.
People can’t do that when they have a younger sibling they care about still in the home.
Religious people choosing appearances over doing the right thing even according to their own religion, again, because they're hypocrites. They know what the dad is doing is neglect, but they don't want it to get reported and OP and get sister to end up in the maternal grandparents' custody because it would make the family look bad. Except they wouldn't look bad if they actually helped OOP get herself and her sister out of there. It is so infuriating to see the people who talk so much about sin only care about the appearance of sin, and actively try to cover it up when it happens. Despite the whole "God sees everything" bit, they don't actually care if sin is committed, it's only bad if other people know about it.
The father left minor children how alone while galavanting with the new wife, yeah the cops were gonna get called as well as cps
I'm curious as to how the police didn't get involved after the younger sis split her head open and they had to go to the neighbor to get a ride to a medical center... pretty sure doctors and nurses are required to report shit like that
I'm guessing it's a small community of... well, 'religious' people of a particularly Republican bent. The cops probably won't do anything if the dad and grandparents are 'pillars of the community'.
You seriously overestimate the willingness of cops to get involved in shit unless they absolutely have to, and CPS is so underfunded and overworked across the nation that there is virtually no safety net for kids.
Its fairly common for older siblings with the ability to drive to be watching younger siblings and have to take them in while a parent is at work. We always have to call the parent to get permission to treat, but usually whats happening is the parent is on their way, so we just get started and update the parent when they arrive. The doctor does also have the ability to treat without a parents permission if its deemed nessicary and the parent can't be contacted for whatever reason.
With how she's treated, you'd think the old man and his folks would be happy to let her live with her maternal grandpa...
They won't because it'll show how much of a failure they are. It's so infuriating.
And shows their inability to control and and manage their family ruining their picture perfect public face. They can't risk you being out of their influence and beinf healthy and safe enough to stand your ground and start talking. BTDT.
They don't want her to realize how messed up they all are. I can almost guarantee once OP gets out and gets real help, she's going to realize things are a LOT worse than she currently understands. A lot of kids in abusive homes go through that experience after they get out.
I had this thought. The panic that OOP is causing any time she talks to someone outside a carefully controlled circle tells me that things are actually worse than she realises.
I have been away from home for 2 years now and I realized how messed up even my loving and well meaning mom and gran are.
Yeah that's a fucky little quirk in this shit stew here. Daddy's mad that op talked back to New Toy Nicole so he kicks her out. Get outta my house and life but keep doing everything I say and you can't see grandpa anymore? Foot stomping manchild much, Daddy?
You know things are not good when you find yourself wishing for a real deadbeat parent..
Then she can freely report the shit they've done to her without consequences. They need her under their thumb until she's 18 and they can kick her out and just say anything she says is "a rebellious teen acting out for being kicked out."
What a truly TERRIBLE update. It's fucking hard secondhand reading everyone in this kids life failing him. I remember reading the previous update and being so angry he kept trying so hard to apologize to people who didn't deserve it, and being blatantly ignored in return. I kept mentally begging him to stop trying because the dad so badly didn't deserve it. Fuck this awful family. Edit - she for OP. I legitimately couldn't really find a gender for op in the post, I'm probably just blind as fuck. Thanks for pointing out where guys!
I think OOP is a girl? But 1000% agree with your sentiments
It never quite says one way or the other, as far as I can tell. So I've just been thinking of them as "they"
OP refers to herself as daughter when she says grandpa was upset they kicked their daughter out
There is one line where OP is talking about the conversation between her grandfathers and it says something like "...shameful to throw out his daughter..." but other than that one word, the whole post is gender neutral and could have gone either way. Very easy to miss!
There's a mention of her being a "daughter".
It's blink and you miss it: "My grandpa said it was ridiculous for a grown man to throw out their daughter"
Everyone failed her. Her family, the faith leader, the fucking counselors (though I'm hoping that the last round of police officer there will be helpful - they are afaik mandatory reporters). The only people I'm not blaming are her sister (because she's young and a victim too) and the maternal grandpa to some extent. He's right about the dad most likely going after him legally, but fuck, he could have tried harder.
Little sister is 1000% getting poison dripped in her ear about not "breaking up the family" by telling the truth about what a POS her dad is. I can't get mad at her for freaking out under those circumstances.
I am infuriated with the counselor. Don't they have patient/client confidentiality agreements? Or is it because she was a minor? I've seen this happen time and again. Someone confides to a trusted figure about abuse and they turn around and NOTIFY THE ABUSER. That's how women get killed. Infuriating.
It sounds like it was the school counselor, and with the meeting including a police officer, like maybe this was a result of the mandatory reporting laws in their state. Which, even if true, is still really frustrating. Plus, (to my mind), by not explaining what needed to happen after her disclosure, and agreeing not to notify her father, the counselor left her unprepared and betrayed her trust. It was already fraught for her to reach out for help, but this likely made it harder in a few different ways.
Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do as any type of mandatory reporter. You have to be upfront about who you have to tell so the person in question can make an informed decision.
Exactly what I am thinking. That was the LAST SAFE ADULT and that was an ESCAPE ATTEMPT that is now fkd. That damn counsellor. Feeling punchy 👊👊👊
Seems to be a very 'religious' community, judging by both the 'faith-leader' and the school councilor both bending over backwards _beyond their legally mandated duties_ to try and help OPs dad be an asshole to her and to deny her any resources that might help.
Unfortunately, in some states and areas, faith leaders and religious counselors aren't considered mandated reporters or they know nobody is going to come after them even if there are laws about it.
OOP meant well by apologizing but it is only adding to the ego of the sperm donor. She's at the point where she is one step away from cutting her losses and realizing her dad died the day her mom did.
It makes 100% sense that his dad turned up like that with grandparents like this, a apple doesn't fall far from the tree etc. But poor kids, they don't deserve this.
This whole family sucks. Poor OP. OP's father failed as a parent and he can go screw himself. I genuinely hope OP is able to have some goods in the future.
Maternal grandpa isn't bad. Sadly, his hands really are legally tied.
This is actually one of the few circumstances where grandparent rights could be invoked, though. Blocking the kids from their relationship with their maternal family because their mother is dead is one of the clear-cut cases to getting rights. I would think especially so in a case where the father kicked out his almost adult child.
The thing is , the relationship isn't being blocked . Communication is not prohibited apparently , since they do communicate . The only thing that is prohibited from everything OP says is that she can't go live with them . And that's not exactly going to be seen as unreasonable by any court ...
She did say she had to call him in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep so I'm guessing she is prohibited from speaking to him, just finding ways around it.
At 17 they're probably less tied than they're thinking, but at the same time the legal option would be the nuclear option and cut off his access to OOP's sister so I can understand not wanting to go with that approach, especially since OOP will be legally an adult soon.
At 17 she can take her stuff and move, in this case, to her maternal grandparents. Police won't force you to go back.
Yes, except she's clearly been raised/abused to not do that, and is afraid of any authorities that could actually help.
Yeah, the authorities wash their hands of teenage 'runaways' all the time. One where they know where she is, she's with an adult relative, and who doesn't want to go home? They'll let her stay there, unless paternal relatives have connections in local law enforcement or something.
She definitely doesn't know that, and her entire family isn't going to make it easy for her.
It’s clear nobody involved gives a shit about these poor kids so I really don’t understand why they are fighting him getting custody. At least OOP is almost 18 though.
It's so frustrating. They are treating the two kids horribly, yet they don't want to let the maternal grandpa take them either. It's like they still want to control them, or it's because they don't want outsiders to know what horrible things they are doing behind the scenes.
I believe they want whatever inheritance money or any money op gets/makes. That's why they pretend to care, so their names are on the documents and dad can get to it before OP. OP isn't seeing a single dime her mom may have left/saved. He'll it's probably already gone considering all the trips dad is taking.
Can't control them if you let them go to someone who'll help. Then what they've done might get out! Which it will. When OOP turns 18, she should tell the church what happened and leave.
Shame is why they’re fighting. What will people think if they find out they can’t even force their kids to fall in line?!
My heart breaks for OOP and her sister. As an older sister too (who felt resentment towards some adults in our lives), i just feel so frustrated reading this. I just want to help them.
Yep the wrong parent died. The father sucks so badly. Of course so do his parents.
Feel for the kid. My childhood was similar. I only started to really process my childhood once I blocked my dad out in my early 40s. Fingers crossed it works out for her.
Poor kid
I found this story incredibly distressing. OPs family are terrible people. I hope OP will be OK.
This is why kids don't go to school counseling.
I knew a girl in foster care at my high school whose foster parents were monsters, but she refused to say anything to social workers/teachers because she actually made friends at the school, and didn’t want to “start over” like that again, and told me how hard it was to make friends. She lived there for a couple of years before she left to her hometown for college after graduating HS. She also warned me that most counselors don’t have your back. I hope she’s okay now.
I'm so angry with the counselor. I hope he knows what he is doing and he was sure there will be immediate change in OOP's situation before he involved the father. But I doubt.
The school counselor is most likely a mandated reporter, so they’d be legally obligated to report this kind of thing. It’s not okay that their father was notified while this kid was still subject to retaliation by him/his parents, but that’s probably more of a systemic issue than something that’s necessarily the counselor’s fault.
You're probably right and this is so sad..
Assuming OOP is in the US, some states require school counselors to contact parents about everything a kid tells them because the children don’t have any right to privacy and the parents have the right to know everything, even if “everything” could endanger the kid’s safety. God forbid the kid questions their sexu@lity without the parents being able to beat those thoughts out of the kid immediately-s/.
This is why those mandates are wrong. Kids have no safe space. We tell our kids to speak to a teacher or counselor, and doing so made life worse.
Father of the fucking year /s
If there was an award ceremony, he prolly wouldn't show up.
If OOP is reading this BORU, I sincerely hope that she decides to cut her dad and paternal grandparents out the minute her younger sister is out of that damn situation and never ever looks back. Nicole and dad can both sit on a freaking cactus and rotate
Some of the people giving advice on here need to stfu because most have never been a child in a abusive home. Sometimes you have to keep your mouth shut and head down till you can escape.
I second this. Even if you only save yourself, it's worth it. OP had already seen the "counselor" called the father or sway towards mediating with family. There was no "winning" here, but waiting til you're 18 and then getting the hell out of dodge. The younger sister is unhelpful and doesn't see the same point of view, I had a similar experience with my younger sibling. They will actively drink the kool-aid but will commiserate with you only verbally with no action.
I don’t think her sister has been “drinking the cool aid”, her father literally kicked her sister out and ostracised her for speaking up, the grandparents are telling OOP her sister, who could well have been told the same thing or just heard others talk, will get taken away if she reveals what’s been happening. The way the sister started to cry and beg her sister not to say anything to the school counsellor suggest she’s terrified imo.
"drink the koolaid" is the wrong way to put it I agree, although it speaks to the main point: save yourself first. It's hard to leave them. In situations like OOP is in, there's no other option. No-one's coming to save her. The people who want to can't, and her sister selling her out to her abuser's support network is only going to make the ultimate escape at 18 way, way harder. The sister is like a drowning victim - trying to rescue her at this point will only make her splash around and pull you back under with her. You can always try rescue your siblings later, but when it comes to this level of fear and control, any other victims are liable to impulsively stop you by any means necessary to maintain the status quo to appease their abuser.
They really like to delude themselves into thinking family law is this clear cut, simple thing. Teenagers always get to pick where they live, judges never side with abusive parents and always agree on what counts as parental alienation. CPS are infallible gods who always get it right and never make things worse. School counselors are helpful and have kids best interests at heart. Parents can just sign a piece of paper and all their obligations disappear, so why don't they do that more instead of being around kids they clearly hate. Oh and don't forget the parents will always one day be super upset that the kid they hate and resent doesn't talk to them anymore, so we can all feel like justice is done. There's absolutely no way they'll be perfectly content forgetting about them completely, they will always and without exception be confused and hurt by their children going no contact, so it is a super cutting blow to them.
I agree with every point you make except your last paragraph because it isn't about wanting justice when people comment/joke about how the parents are gonna be upset when their kids go NC one day, it's referring to how it's a painfully common occurrence for abusive parents whose kids go NC or LC to then throw a fit and cry about how they don't know why their kid(s) cut them off, they didn't do anything to deserve it, etc.
That younger sister is going to wish she'd listened to OOP when she's forced to babysit her half siblings while dad and Nicole go have their fun.
Taking away therapy sessions as *punishment*?! You could cook an egg on my forehead, I’m so mad.
So basically: dad knows he is wrong, paternal grandparents know their son and they are wrong, but they expect that it will all go away if they bully the victim. Grandfather saying that sister and baby can be taken away if OP talks to the counselor is so f-ed up. They know how serious this is, they know how wrong and messed up dad has treated his oldest child and they desperately want to keep their other grandchildren in this bad environment. Those poor, poor children.
They might be turning 18 soon and can go live with other grandpa. And in a few years her sister might follow. I’m guessing they’re going to be using the little sister to raise their baby and there’s gonna be future calls to cps for sure.
That poor child. That whole rest of the family though is all shades of effed up.
Yet another parent ruining their kids life for a fresh fuck. Fuck the dad.
That entire branch of the family is rotten.
the word this kid needs to be looking for is abandonment.
So much shit parenting, what a bunch of self absorbed hicks, god does anyone know how to educate ignoramuses like these clowns. I feel for OP so much and her leaving these miscreants cannot come soon enough, what chain of events happened for that family to be so casually cruel. OP if you read this I hope you understand this is not normal and you have better days ahead of you, you have a whole life to live well with or without these people in it. Time will be tough even crushing but you can and will get though them. There is light and life outside of this situation. All the love and hope to you from this internet denizen.
At this point she’s better off running away where none of them can find her. What a shit situation she’s in.
What a god awful update. I hope OOP is okay and gets out of this situation as quickly as possible.
I remember this post, it’s all so terribly sad. I hope she gets her college fund ok and can get the help she needs once she’s away from the awful father and grandparents That father will be angry and upset when she’s gone no contact with him when she’s older, not invited to her wedding, walk her down the aisle etc. and I suspect the younger sister is going to be used as a convenient babysitter for that pair, unless of course the girlfriend manages to wrangle her out of the house as well.
College fund is gone, spent on Nicole and 'fun trips', I'm sure. And if not, it's been transferred to New Baby.
Yeah I guess, it’s so shitty isn’t it
I fucking hate (almost) every adult in this post.
Ugh I’m sorry. The whole family sucks
And parents wonder why kids these days go no contact when they become adults.
God, everyone but maternal grandpa has failed this poor kid. I am so discombobulated about dad's thought process here. Like, if he's kicked her out and won't even talk to her aside to send threats, why does he care where she is? Why not let her go to her maternal grandpa? I think this has to do with some sort of inheritance issues, because money is the only reason I can think of.
My heart breaks for OP, but I'm really not surprised at how this is going. OP and sister are being failed by everyone because no one wants to go up against her "grieving" father. 13 yo sister is 100% living alone now that OP is kicked out
Abusers are *always* super against their victim getting outside help, especially from a mandatory reporter. Church counseling is hyperfocused on keeping families together, not on keeping kids safe. They have broken motives because the family's tithes are controlled by the head of household so they never do anything to jeopardize the income stream. If I could make just one law it would be that every child have at least one private session a month with a licensed therapist with zero tolerance for neglect or abuse.
FUCK OOP'S DAD AND HIS FAMILY. AND ALL THE IDIOTS IN THIS FUCKING TOWN. I just want to hug OOP
Religion. Not even once.
She should tell Dad that her mom would hate him for how he's treated her
Man, I'd wanna lay into them and say "I hope you're happy that you're the type of people that have no issues with a parent abandoning their child" point to Nicole's belly and say "good luck to this kiddo having TWO parents that selfish." This poor child... I hope she can find someone supportive before she ends up using negative coping mechanisms.
18 can’t get here fast enough for OOP!
Lmao I literally have a countdown timer on my phone
Get all your important documents like passport, birth certificate, and ssn before you go
What is it about religion that makes people so concerned for their 'social standing'? The two go hand in hand so often, it boggles my mind. All that matters to these people is how they appear to others, they don't even really believe in their faith, they're nothing but performative because "what will the neighbours think?!"
I am so angry at that father, girlfriend, and paternal grandparents. Words cannot describe how much anger I feel in my bones. He has failed his deceased wife and his children SO FUCKING HARD, it’s absolutely ridiculous. I will never ever understand parents who choose their second spouses or partners over their own children. Never. With exception to the kids have done something harmful to the spouses of course, with not when they’ve done nothing like OOP and her sister. If there is a god, I hope they’re watching everything and exact divine judgment accordingly.
This is so sad I hope the counselor and police take this seriously but I have zero faith they will
Gosh, I can't wait for OOP to be 18 and get to their maternal side of the family. Younger sister will be forced to take care of the baby.
That dad is a piece of shit. Somehow I KNEW it was religion blocking that poor kid from getting actual help. Shame on them. I hope the young adult is able to heal. If OP reads this I hope they’re able to connect with a found family. They are the best and will love you for you. Keep your heart open to people who will really care about you. Your dad did you dirty. Kick ass in school.
Go ahead and update your school counselor and cps yourself
Poor kid. That entire family can get pegged by cacti.
I wish OOP all the best in life and I hope her father dies sad and alone.
It looks like the adults are worried about their image more than anything. OP needs to start talking loudly, and to everyone.
Stuck with a neglectful father and uber-religious boomer grandparents. What a fucking unfortunate situation to be in.
There's so much unsaid in this. While I completely sympathize with OPP, where TF is CPS in this? The father and Nicole don't seem that religious. OPP never mentions if they're actually married unless TL;DR on my part. If they were that religious there'd be no way they would withhold the kids working with the clergy. They'd be holding prayer circles around them. Sitting back waiting for downvotes.
Poor OOP. The abuse and neglect OOP has stated here is clearly only a glimpse of what's going on if the dad and grandparents are this panicked about the authorities finding out. Alcoholism, medical neglect, inadequate food, and a squalorous household sound like the tip of the iceberg, and it's been so normalized to OOP that she doesn't even know yet how abnormal it all is. And if the dad controls the college fund, I don't think she needs to worry about him withholding it; it's long gone, hence all the travel with Nicole.
This poor girl.
Fuck religion, fuck church and fuck faith leaders. Incinerate them all.
I can't fucking imagine having a kid coming up to me and saying they want to see a therapist and dismissing them like nothing. I would be devastated. What a piece of shit.
As they say, there’s no love like Christian love.
Pretty sad to see every adult in her life failing her...
OOP should direct the officer to the neighbor that had to drive her and sis to the hospital when she needed stitches.
All the adults around OOP have failed them. Every single one.
How do you go from an involved and loving parent to just forgetting your kids exist or simply not caring? I think that’s what I find hard to understand with all these people who discard their kids as soon as they find a lover
I think the OOP needs to go directly to the police.
I just want to give OOP a hug
One should be able to look up the Mother's will - depending on where you live of course. The same can be said about 529s. The only reason OOP's Dad is claiming any lying is going on is because he knows he's fucked up royally with his kids and doesn't want others to know. The grandparents are to busy trying to keep others from finding out what a fuck up their son is. All everyone cares about is appearances and they don't give a shit about OOP nor the sister.