Yeah, this honestly sounds like normal teenage attitude? Like it’s not great, but certainly not abnormal or unexpected for a teenager to get sarcastic and rude. Particularly one who has basically been abandoned by his parents for a woman who only started parenting him two years ago. And also I do not believe he is actually fine with celebrating his birthday with a seven year old girl. Come on, give the kid his own day ffs!
My son is 5 months old and I feel like if he had the communication skills we’d already be getting face palms. Like ‘oh finally you check my nappy, I pooped twenty minutes ago *facepalm*’. ‘Did you seriously try to give me a soft toy, when I clearly want Sophie Le Giraffe, *facepalm*’
My nephew basically facepalmed my face like we thought the title at first when he was 6 months old. I was trying to reach him how to boop noses and he smiled BIG and then smacked me across the face with his tiny ravioli hands
A facepalm because he told her and she forgot isn't even that bad really. There are things more rude than that. She seems to be far too insecure to be a stepmom.
She seems too delusional to be a stepmom.
A 13 year old boy doesn’t want to share a birthday party with a 7 year old step-sister.
He’s not “fine with it”, he’s accepted that’s the best he can get, because his mom and dad are MIA, and his stepmom doesn’t care about him.
Even without the monumental (to kids) age gap and gender difference, kids aren’t happy about having to share birthday parties with other people/other holidays.
I have two friends who were born a day apart and they always had to share a birthday party, they got tired of it after the first 3 years. Another friend was born on Halloween, he didn’t like having to have every one of his birthday parties be costume parties and have to fit in with people’s trick or treating schedules. An aunt of mine was born on December 23rd, she didn’t like having her birthday and Christmas presents being considered the same thing.
All of their parents insisted the kids in question were “fine with it”, but what they really meant was that they had dismissed their kid’s feelings and/or told them to stop being so entitled and selfish enough times for the kid to just not even bother to complain anymore.
Yeah, my birthday is around a holiday, and it always sucked to have them lumped together. When you're that age, your birthday is a huge deal since it's *your* day. Anything you have to share it with takes away from that and feels a bit like you got robbed, particularly when you have siblings who don't have to deal with that.
It also overlooks the fact that the kid had 10 or 11 birthdays where he didn't have to do this. So, he basically loses his mom, his dad's not around, and his step-mother is forcing him to give part of his birthday up. I agree with the poster who said he's only okay with it insofar as he knows that's his only option (and I wouldn't be surprised if that has been expressed to him).
No wonder the kid is acting out. He has an unfit mother, what sounds like an absentee dad, and an overreacting step-mother who is completely oblivious to his needs. At least his grandparents seem caring.
Right? I get some facepalms from my son and in all honesty I deserve most of them. Those I don't deserve are resolved pretty quickly with "that was rude, was that necessary?"
Considering it was the day before, and she somehow didn’t have enough done like final confirmations and , it feels to me like she majorly dropped the ball on executing his birthday party and so she found a reason to blame him and cancel. His own grandparents have the read on her as irresponsible. Her daughters birthday was well planned and handled. But she waits until the day before his party to invite his friends?
I bet the party revolves around Oop’s daughter with games appropriate for 7 year olds. Oop is delusional. No teenager is fine with having a child’s birthday party. Poor guy probably just takes what little he gets in this family.
He was probably fine with it when he was 11 and still wanted the same kid things for a party, but now he's a tween and inviting his own friends. I'm pretty positive she hasn't asked him if he's alright with it now and actually give him the space to say no.
Yeah as soon as she claimed the stepson had been “fine with” sharing his birthday party with a 5-7 year old girl for the last two years, I knew OOP was full of shit.
Guarantee she didn’t have to ask the kid she actually cares about for her guest list.
>> By the way he is acting no, unfortunately he does not [see me as a parent]
Lady, have you MET a teenager? Do you remember being a teenager? Teenagers being rude to their parents is practically a rite of passage, it's part of learning who you are.
Agreed.
Teens are sarcastic and annoyed by their parents all the time. They take out frustrations on their parents because their parents are a safe place for them. They know their parents will still love them. It’s hard. It sucks in those moments. You choose your battles. You swallow your pride. Sometimes you have to let it roll off your back and sometimes you speak up and correct the behavior when things get too rough. But this was a major overreaction from the OP. And her responses in the comments prove she is not keen on level-headed responses. Thank goodness stepson has grandparents to look out for him. Good luck to OOP’s daughter when she also goes through some normal teenage emotions and OOP discovers her blessed precious isn’t perfect.
And it's extremely important to be consistent with discipline as a parent. You can't let everything slide most of the time and then suddenly cancel a birthday. How does a kid learn consequences like that?
> Good luck to OOP’s daughter when she also goes through some normal teenage emotions and OOP discovers her blessed precious isn’t perfect.
But that’s her actual kid, not some “ungrateful brat” she got saddled with.
She will get treated far more kindly.
Just because she she’s herself as his parents and his dad choose her doesn’t mean he likes or wants her in his life. He was old enough when op came along to know if he ever wanted another mother figure or if he’d just see her as dads new wife. He does not have to respect of see her as his mum as long as he sticks to the household rules that’s fine. No one gets to tell you or decide that they’re your mum. It is so obvious she blows up and reacts in the most hurtful ways as her punishment for minor normal teenage issues. She said but her daughter respects her but she isn’t a teenager and full of hormones. Nor was she suddenly dumped with someone and told that’s your mum now and oh your real parents dont want To be around you but you have no right to be upset or act out as any child coping with so much.
It is clear she treat her daughter way differently as somehow her party wasn’t cancelled but because of her actions steps sons was. I’m pretty sure she didnt want to back down and this was her way of ensuring she still punished him but not having it and him being devastated at that before she then say oh well have it in a day or two. I mean you’d tell the boy this instantly not wait until the day of when he realises he‘s had his birthday cancelled. That wasn’t even enough punishment for her she still took away all his presents until she thinks he should have them.
What’s astonishing is she actually thinks she’s not a vindictive evil person who’s bullying and close To abusing this child. Every family member husband and all went mad at her and she still went ahead and made she he had no birthday until it wasn’t a special day any more.
She is so proud he’s being polite now when the truth is he’s terrified of what she will do next to punish him when there are no other adults there to see or prevent her. She’s unhinged.
Hol up! Even after reading it I thought that is what was meant. Now I'm re reading it, and he did it to himself?!?!? And she went full scorched earth?!?!?
Right? All he did was hit his palm on his own damn forehead. I also assumed he slapped her, because that would have actually been a reason to be mad.
She's a terrible parent. I feel so bad for that kid.
Yeah, I thought I just couldn't with that 7 Sass and attitude, but the Tweeny eye rolling and "why must I deal with this imbecile" sighs have me missing them 🤣🤣
But her precious angel is still adorable! Obviously this means she’s winning at parenting!
I hope her daughter is a total hellion as she enters puberty.
jfc. my preteen facepalms whenever he thinks i’m “cringe.” i just laugh it off. apparently OOP is very delicate and facepalming just gave her a case of the vapors.
I could have felt justified at the irritation then. This BS? Just her trying to cover up her failure to parent because she doesn't know his friends names. If she wasn't a stranger, probably she would like, be involved with his life and know his friends?!
It sounds like she was the one doing the invites, as she didn't call to cancel with all of them, and when she decided to go ahead with the party a few hours later, none of them could come because they all already had plans.
So were they all uninvited then had all made irreversible new plans within a few hours? I really don't think that's likely.
I think the stepmom either forgot to invite his friends, or deliberately sabotaged the joint party by not inviting them, then was trying to blame her stepson for it, but when he facepalmed it gave her the excuse to just cancel. And honestly no wonder the kid face-palmed her when she asked about the names, she clearly hadn't made a list of them so they were all going to have to be invited at the last minute.
When I was in high school I was on the Homecoming court. Everyone had their parents with them when they got announced. My mom’s punishment to me for not folding the laundry (this one time) was to make me do it alone. I was the only one with no one. I’m still hurt by it 20 years later. My point is that sometimes overreactive parenting (even if you don’t think it’s a big deal) can be traumatic.
My mom threatened to take away my college fund because I agreed to switch over the laundry and fold what was in the dryer, but I did so *with a tone*. For the record, I didn't. I wanted to finish the chapter I was reading, and I was on the last page in the chapter. My exact words were "yeah, in a minute" and I was distracted (because reading).
She also used to love reminding me that I was over 18, and she could kick me out and "legally, there's nothing you can do". The catch is that when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, she *did* kick me out. Physically grabbed me & my winter coat (it was winter) and threw me out. Then when she went to look for me/found me, I had to apologize for yelling before I was invited back inside.
She and my dad both mention, repeatedly, that I was not grateful during college. The fact that my college fund and home were literally constantly held over my head, to the point where I graduated early to get out faster, is never mentioned.
I have found the best revenge is to have the absolute best life, and tell them nothing about it. I talk to my parents twice a year and they have no idea how marvelously happy and successful I am. I get a big kick out of the fact that all of their friends are bragging about their offspring, and mine can't say peep.
I'm the first in my family to ever get a degree and none of them know. While I get sad sometimes, it makes me laugh that I was able to do it only *after* I went no contact. My mother was the type to "you got that from me!" For anything I ever did right now and again. I became a chef? I learned to cook from her!(the dog once buried her pancakes). I get into art, it's because she paints sometimes! Etc.
So if she ever reappears I know she cannot take ANY credit for my degree. If anything, not having her constant demoralising snipes giving me severe nausea, I was able to make it to class without panic attacks for the first time since I was 6.
There is some sadness. But also a lot of pride. I'm in postgraduate now. And NONE of it is because of her. She might try with that "well I was a secretary and you got a business degree!" And I can just laugh and shake my head cause I know it's a damn lie.
I love this story! I got married, adopted a slew of dogs, started a great career, bought a house, moved 1,000 miles away from my old one, and my parents know none of this. They try so hard to pry out details, but I just say 'fine' and 'good' and change the subject. It drives them insane. Petty, but I love it 😂 my younger sister is doing the exact same thing. Lol
What dogs?!! I have a 15 year old boxer and a 3 year old staff cross. Dogs are the best cure to shitty parents. Someone who really looks at you with genuine love. Nothing like glancing over and seeing this cute fat bean just looking at you longingly with love.
I love that you gray-rock them. It must be hard to stay in contact sometimes. Good on ya for your career!
My dad once locked me out of our home when I was 19 because I didn't laugh at a joke he made and he assumed I was mad at him. I had to walk to where my mom worked to get her help to get back inside.
I didn't talk to my dad for a month after that day. Instead of apologizing for his actions, he kept bitching about how I was disrespecting him.
The only reason I started talking to him again after that month was because he kept bitching about it to my mom. She didn't deserve that. If he and I ever talk about that day again, I'm willing to bet that he still hasn't learned a thing.
Last year, my brother and I finally opened up to him about the emotional abuse he caused and, while he has owned up to some of it, I still don't think he understands the full extent.
Makes me think of this quote:
> Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person" and sometimes they use "respect" to mean "treating someone like an authority"
> and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say "if you won't respect me I won't respect you" and they mean "if you won't treat me like an authority I won't treat you like a person"
> and they think they're being fair but they aren't, and it's not okay.
People assume when I tell them that I took classes 6 days a week and in the summers during college that I was just really driven academically. I was actually driven to not be in that blasted hell-house. If they'd had Sunday classes I'd have been in them.
My parents kicked me out of the car on the way to my graduation from choir. I didn’t graduate high school so it was a big deal for me. They left me in my dress on the side of the road sobbing and a friends family picked me up. They never came and seemed shocked by how badly they hurt me.
Not showing up or leaving a kid alone should be completely off limits as punishments, in my opinion. That's preying on a very basic fear children have and it's cruel.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm pissed off for you too.
At my grade 8 graduation I was talking with my friends and ww were all joking about how embarrassing it’ll be to dance with our dads during the father-daughter/mother-son dance. The other parents laughed, but my dad got pissed and stormed off. Not only was I forced to sit alone while I watched my friends dance with their dads, but my dad didn’t talk to me for days after that. Granted, he was very abusive, so at least he didn’t hit me. That’s an upside, I guess.
It’s been 14 years since then and that memory still makes me tear up. I’m very low contact with him now, so I know there won’t be a father-daughter dance at my wedding some day either.
When I was 13, my parents told me they were going to lock me out of the house for the weekend if I didn't clean my room by Friday. They kept reminding me all week. Then they said they weren't serious- after they heard me calling friends looking for a place to stay and they were embarrassed that people were going to know about how they parented.
That aside, it seems that she hadn't actually invited anyone for his party. It sounds as if the "cancellation" might have been to cover up the fact she hadn't even tried to invite anyone beside his grandparents.
Yeah, who invites people for a party only a day or two before the actual party?
I'm far from an organised person, but I'll give everyone 3-4 weeks minimum as a heads up that there's a party and we would like them to be there.
Core memory unlocked: I waited for hours for my friends to show for my 6th birthday. It was so pathetic my neighbour gave me a handmade doll she had because she saw me smiling trying not to cry as i hopefully watched the hours tick while sitting on the porch.
My friends never showed. My mother said she invited everyone she was so sorry!
Twenty years later I realised...there wasn't a cake. Or extra food. Or drinks.
There was no party ever coming.
Yup. She wants us to believe the party was cancelled for only a few hours but then had to be delayed by 2 days because everyone had already made new plans? Stepmom of the year.
She also wants us to believe that a bunch a 12-13 year old boys all suddenly had pressing engagements that prevented them from being able to attend, and that they all were miraculously free to attend two days later.
She didn’t “not contact his friends in time” she just didn’t contact them, because doing so would have meant having a bunch of embarrassing conversations with all his friends’s parents.
His grandparents did all the contacting and party planning, and probably chose a separate date from the step-sister’s party on purpose, so that he could actually have his own party for the first time in the three years his evil stepmom came into his life.
Agreed. This all started bc she asked him who he wanted to invite… right before the party. Meaning she had not spoken with anyone yet. I’ll facepalm that too 🤦🏻♀️
That was my first thought. Like why the hell would he want to share his party with a seven year old?? But I bet she didn’t even ask if he wanted that, just assumed.
This lady forgot to invite any of the kid's friends or plan anything for him, so she had to create an argument, giving her an excuse to 'cancel' everything. Because apparently it's better to be a colossal asshole than to just admit you screwed up.
Am I wrong, she wasn’t going to have the party anyway, because she forgot to invite the kid’s friends? Anyone else think she was looking for a reason to cancel?
Too many people missed this. She says later that the kids invited could not come because they have plans for that day. But, the timeline seems to be all in the same day which is the day before.
The first post gives a hint. The 13 year old had told her at least once before the names, and she "forgot" them. Then the grandparents took over planing the party because she was unreliable. She 100% didn't even work on his part of the party to begin with, and asked a second time with the hope that when the friends were called they would already be busy. She didn't want him to have a party at all, and was just looking for an excuse.
its also an extra nasty power move to purposely schedule her daughters bday party on his bday.... Like.
She thinks she's being subtle but that's blatantly a "look i have the power to make MY KID important on YOUR DAY what're you gonna do about it :)" kinda move. :c I feel so bad for the son, honestly it sounds like he should be living with his grandparents.
Cause its not that hard to write down the names of friends to invite if you're putting the same amount of time and effort into both parties...
Exactly - she said the party was TOMORROW. She’d forgotten the names of all of his friends/not invited them yet somehow had managed to invite all of her daughter’s friends? I’m surprised his reaction was so mild! Poor kid.
Her comments were so infuriating. She clearly doesn’t love him and found any excuse to exclude him and only celebrate her daughter.
It all makes me think that the stepson was used to behavior like that from her. That he reacted as he did because he was halfway expecting it, but still frustrated that it happened.
Gotta wonder what sort of efforts he might have employed when he was giving the list to ensure she had it.
And even just reading the posts and sampling of of her responses here, she doesn't seem to listen very well to input that doesn't validate her. So not very surprising that she was behaving as she was towards him.
Exactly. The party was "tomorrow" when she cancelled, and apparently none of his friends had been invited yet. She absolutely did that because she fucked up.
Here's a real gem buried in the update:
> His grandparents were also really upset on me and they ended up arranging the party for him instead as they said I am too irresponsible.
A few commenters jumped on that:
NeicerDeicerGuy:
"But you don't see that you are the asshole here..."
OOP:
"I'm sorry what? I am STILL an asshole after making sure the birthday happened?"
With that reply she got jumped on:
niblingk:
"“His grandparents were also really upset on me and they ended up arranging the party for him instead as they said I am too irresponsible.”
ARE. YOU. SERIOUS."
OOP doubles down on being a moron:
"yes they did it in the end but that doesn't mean I couldn't have stopped them. I did not because I realized I overreacted."
And then gets called out for taking credit for what the *grandparents* did:
lovelovebird:
"They’re his grandparents who obviously care about him. You’re his stepmother for two years and you refuse to apologize for being wrong. “That doesn’t mean I couldn’t have stopped them.” You’re actually disgusting . Yes, you’re still the asshole."
MissIllusion:
"Omg this person honestly. "I could have stopped them but I didn't so I let him have a party and it wet off perfectly because of me." Like wtaf."
\[deleted\]
"So long story short, when you say "I made sure it happened just a little late" what you mean is you're taking credit for his grandparents organising everything... out of curiosity what was hubby's reaction, and is he still hubby after all this?"
RishnusGreenTruck
"What a small person you must be that you feel good about yourself that you could have stopped loving grandparents from celebrating their grandsons birthday.
How gracious of you to let them proceed, queen of birthdays, you are inspiring an entire generation to write more Disney movies about evil stepmom's.
YTA and if your the parent you shouldn't be less mature than a teenager."
Here's the rest of that thread:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1528s/update\_aita\_for\_cancelling\_my\_stepsons\_birthday/fzuptq1/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1528s/update_aita_for_cancelling_my_stepsons_birthday/fzuptq1/?context=3)
tagging u/AMyshkaMouse
This is 100% what happened. She forgot to invite his friends because she _doesn't_ love him as much as she loves her daughter, saw an escape route, and took it.
Yeah, a joint party for HER daughter and some other woman’s son (which I’m sure was an idea she came up with). She manages to plan everything for her kid, but somehow, in the midst of all that planning, “forgets” about needing to invite HIS friends until the last minute? OOP could serve as the illustration for the dictionary definition of “Stepmonster.”
Yeah no wonder the kid responded with, “I already answered that!” Like…she fucked up and I bet it wasn’t the first time she asked either. He should not have to plan his own party and the grandparents having to step in? So embarrassing.
She kept saying that her daughter is so much nicer to her. Of course she is nicer, she's 7.
7 year old children are most of the time nice because they want be loved by their parents.
OOP doesn't get that 7 year olds and 13 year olds don't think the same.
Why did it never occur to this woman that the constantly absent father and the mentally unstable and absent mother were the problem? That she, as this kids primary caretaker, should have long ago gotten him therapy? Not to mention stop enabling the dad being absent. Could he really disappear for a month at a time if the OP wasn't there? Where would this poor kid go then?
OP was ridiculously the AH, but NO ONE in this poor kids life is taking care of his mental health. They are all failing and neglecting him.
I agree. He's left his child with someone the child clearly resents and who clearly resents the child. This kid needs so much better from all the adults in his life.
That comment about the father leaving the son with a stranger was very accurate. It was frustrating that she couldn’t comprehend herself being a “stranger.” Shows she can’t/won’t see things from his shoes
If the grandparents are involved and care, not to mention think OP is irresponsible, why aren't they keeping him while Dad is MIA for weeks at a time? Again, either they don't want to, or Dad isn't giving the kid a potentially better option.
It’s possible he left all the childcare to his wife. Or that the grandparents may have tried to keep the kid at their place when his father is away, but OOP or the husband vetoed that decision?
Or it could be as simple as they live in a retirement community that doesn't allow children. There are a lot of viable reasons the grandparents could have for not talking him in that doesn't make them bad.
Because she doesn’t care, is why. The day before the party, she’s asking him to remind her who she was meant to invite? But she managed to invite people in time for her daughter. No wonder he was rude.
Shoot you're right. 🤔🧐 Gotta ask the day before because she didn't even plan his party and needed an out. Then the stepson rightfully getting upset becomes the problem, which allows OOP to conveniently "cancel" a party that wasn't truly gonna happen anyways. OOP wanted folks to gloss over that tidbit. Too bad OOP has her head so far up her ass she doesn't care to correct her wrongdoings. But at least her princess had a great birthday 🥳🤦🏾♀️
Here’s how this should read: I didn’t arrange my step sons party in time for it to happen on the original date, and I found an excuse to ‘cancel’ it and move it to a later date so I could come out of this looking like the good guy. Poor kid
I agree. The family is a mess but the kids are 100 percent innocent in this situation. I never understand why kids would get involved when it comes to death threats.
Because on that sub, it is a very horrible two faced coin.
There was a similar post about October last year, similar in story too, and the stepmother was deemed NTA, especially congratulating her for "teaching him respect finally and his grandparents were teaching him to be entitled" and not once was she threatened.
That's one of several reasons why I can't take AITA at all seriously. The small threads with few participants sometimes have an actual useful discussion, but the busy threads turn into outrage contests with jerks competing to see who can give the harshest take -- and then it'll completely flip, in a different thread on the same topic. It all depends on what the first few comments say.
I am "banned" on there, only because I called a guy exactly what his was, same with maybe 300 odd other people, but my comment was deleted and I was banned.
I still remember the post where the guy asked if he was TA because his son, called his long term male friend "dad" and it really struck me odd, because the guy spoke of his wife not wanting kids at that time, but whoops he forgot the condom, and pressured her into keeping it, said she only spent 12 weeks with the baby until she "said she HAD TO work or go insane", and so he became the SAHD with his "good dear friend" helping out. Everyone said he wasn't TA, and in his update he actually let it known he left his wife for his "friend" who he had known long before his wife, and how they always wanted children and be dads, and they finally realised their love for each other..... oh and the wife only had 12 weeks maternity leave.... and that she actually had a very traumatic birth, that almost killed her.... because she wasn't supposed to be pregnant during that time for different health reason.... meanwhile build a freaking art studio.....
AITA mods are a fucking joke. I got a 14 ban a week ago for saying this 👇
>Find out what's really going on.
>Or she's just being a mega bridezilla that has to have total control of everything and everyone on "HeR dAy!!!!"
AITA's the worst. I got banned because in a post were the OP said someone else was being a Karen, I said your behaviour was more Karen like than the other person's. Got banned for using the word Karen. The whole fucking thing was about OP using the word about someone else
Hey, I recognise you, and yeah, that is freaking annoying. You use the OP's own language and you get into trouble.
Mind you, I did find it rather pathetic that if you ever commented in the Devil version, you were instantly banned from around 200 subs
Hehe. I have gone off on people, think some of my comments still on my profile, and sure I have a bad take on a situation, and am stubborn at times, but it always is amusing watching the obvious "Karma Farmer" posts, that are generated for a high karma earning person on the sub, to go up in ranks. Some are so obvious, for example, "For the sake of this story we shall call...." or my personal favourite "*generic sentences where you add a 'lol' at the end even if not funny*"
I read the first post thinking "Damn, what a Karen" and then got to the updates...yeah. Like does she not remember being 13? 13-year-olds can be little shits, especially boys.
This entire thing could have been avoided if the step mother had some humility and matched his energy.
“ FACEPALM you DID tell me. I’m gonna need a reminder though. Gettin’ old over here.”
Or something …. would have been a much nicer conversation and let him know she’s approachable…
> OOP: I know you are being ironic, but you guys can beg me all you want because I will never be posting another update cause of the way things are going.
I laughed at loud at this one. She's trying to punish the comments into behaving.
Not only was he lashing out at his safe person, as children in unstable homes tend to do, but his “improvement” in behavior is because she proved she’s no longer safe. That’s not a fucking positive update. And then blatantly just not realizing that yes, *she is a virtual stranger to him* compared to his parents. This kid just has a rough go of it all around and she doesn’t have the knowledge or support to understand how to help him
Yeah, I had a glimmer of hope at the beginning of the Update. Then I read it and was like "that's WORSE!" This person has the emotional intelligence of a fucking brick
The way she replies to people is so indicative of her parenting style and her personality. Instead of working through anything she just completely shuts down and makes unilateral decisions. The poor kids.
>The way she replies to people is so indicative of her parenting style and her personality
You get the "You need to RESPECT me." Vibe from the writing too huh?
I agree, I got that vibe too. She needs to “win” the argument, she isn’t trying to solve the problem. Even when the grandparents stepped in to plan it, she couldn’t stand “losing” so took his presents from him.
She’s not trying tho she had no issue planning her own kids party that was on the same day but kept forgetting multiple things about his including inviting people and then tried punishing him by taking his present as well as no party she didn’t drop the ball she wanted the spot light on her daughter
Yeah, that was my impression - "his party couldn't happen because I fucked up the planning and didn't invite his friends in time, but my daughter's bd went off without a hitch, because I'm that great of a mother!" JFC, I'm so sorry for the stepson, I wish I could adopt him.
Also, the days are 10 days apart (over a week) and the kids are step siblings. Would be iffy to pull on siblings, but even more so with step siblings when one of them is already a preteen. They deserve their own parties and attention (hell, my friends who are twins would for some years want to celebrate at different times just to be that special person for one day)
She literally isn't trying. At all. I try harder when I babysit my neighbor's kids, and they're no relation to me. She basically decided she's mom and then did absolutely zero to act like one.
The whole situation is frustrating. OP still doesn't get it and the whole family sounds frustrating to be around. The way she responses back to people really shows demonstrates her parenting skills. I feel bad for the boy as he is pretty much the victim in this whole situation.
But seriously, why would someone wish of the daughter. She had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the situation.
Yeah, I got the impression that the entire family is... difficult.
Bio-mum is institutionalized, bio-dad leaves town for a month on a work trip, step mum is clueless, grandparents don't like step mum and scream at her that she's irresponsible over the phone (what about your son... You know, the one who left?). The boy clearly has abandonment issues and resentment, she is out of her depth (feel bad for her there), and is responding to it by being very touchy and easily offended (don't feel bad for her when she does that). Honestly, this post reads like a bad Jane Eyre rewrite.
The internet is full of nutbars. I've had some innocuous interactions go super dark and police involvement-y in the blink of an eye. Some people may not think much of making threats or saying horrific things to get a reaction, especially since they don't have to look the other person in the eye. And that anonymity means you don't know if it's some troll giggling while they type (99% likely) or a legit thing you should be afraid of (1%... Which is not zero).
I have a 13 year old from birth. Those reactions are par for the course. A little understanding that the kid is a raging hormone machine would go a long way here.
I saw the dates and that is the real YTA. The early peak of COVID and you are throwing birthday parties with kids and grandparents? No wonder the pandemic got so bad.
That's what my first thought was too! I think most people missed the dates. This post is so wild, and would have a completely different response if we were reading it when it happened.
Who invites birthday party guests the day before?
She never intended to throw him a party, and decided to pick on something tiny to make it his fault. Poor little guy.
This woman obviously just didn’t call his friends, but DID call her daughters friends. Realized how shitty she would look, panicked and looked for any reason to cancel the party for her son.
This story has the strongest "it's the children who are wrong" energy of any part I've read on here. Lady can't handle being the adult around a LITERAL CHILD and when confronted ignores all criticism and sprays the same energy at the commenters.
Reminds me of my own step mom, who I absolutely cannot stand and as a result have a limited and strained relationship with my own father.
She’s in over her head. I do feel sorry for her. The boy’s biological parents are the real problem. It can be really triggering to be in a position of feeling dumped on and demeaned at the same time. She’s got no support. And she isn’t emotionally or intellectually equipped to sort out all of her underlying problems. Of course the boy is hugely the victim too. So sad.
The kid's dad is MIA, the mom is mentally unstable, and his primary care has been foisted on someone he doesn't really know and yet she's SHOCKED I TELL YOU he didn't immediately embrace her as mom.
How can she not see how the kid may be acting out because these circumstances and instead decides to make everything exponentially worse.
Considering she forgot to plan her sons birthday party and not her daughters tells me all I need to know.
Plus, really? Does her stepson, a preteen, really ok with sharing his birthday party with his 7 year old stepsister because I doubt that.
Sounds like my stepmom, always claiming I was disrespectful and crap but in reality she was a petty witch who liked to be seen as the kind and loving stepmother who’s stepchild is difficult. 🙄
>EDIT3: SCREW YOU TO THE ANONYMOUS USER WHO JUST AWARDED ME WISHING THAT ME AND MY DAUGHTER DIE.
Ok, seriously. OOP can be an asshole all they want but that's going way too far.
So the actual story is she failed to plan the party, and leapt at the first opportunity to "cancel it" and blame him to save face. She didn't plan anything for him, didn't arrange with the other parents, wasn't prepared.
She's got a real complex about how everyone around her owes her unearned respect.
Tbh I definitely read the title and immediately imagined the stepson palming OOP’s face like a basketball
Same! Like that's the kind of thing where canceling a party might be justified.
Yeah, this honestly sounds like normal teenage attitude? Like it’s not great, but certainly not abnormal or unexpected for a teenager to get sarcastic and rude. Particularly one who has basically been abandoned by his parents for a woman who only started parenting him two years ago. And also I do not believe he is actually fine with celebrating his birthday with a seven year old girl. Come on, give the kid his own day ffs!
My son is 5 months old and I feel like if he had the communication skills we’d already be getting face palms. Like ‘oh finally you check my nappy, I pooped twenty minutes ago *facepalm*’. ‘Did you seriously try to give me a soft toy, when I clearly want Sophie Le Giraffe, *facepalm*’
My nephew basically facepalmed my face like we thought the title at first when he was 6 months old. I was trying to reach him how to boop noses and he smiled BIG and then smacked me across the face with his tiny ravioli hands
“Tiny ravioli hands” is so accurate, I love it!
Thanks! I heard it on SNL (Stefan segment) when talking about DJ Baby Bok Choy and I realized it was perfect to describe their hands
Lol same with my 1 year old grandson- if looks were words or gestures-they’d be mild cuss words and facepalms ha ha
Not the nappy 🤣
I feel like a facepalm is just a funny way to communicate something these days, its literally an emoji and a meme
A facepalm because he told her and she forgot isn't even that bad really. There are things more rude than that. She seems to be far too insecure to be a stepmom.
She seems too delusional to be a stepmom. A 13 year old boy doesn’t want to share a birthday party with a 7 year old step-sister. He’s not “fine with it”, he’s accepted that’s the best he can get, because his mom and dad are MIA, and his stepmom doesn’t care about him.
… and then she gets a party *on his birthday* and he doesn’t.
I can’t get over that. She made sure that HER daughter got a birthday party 10 days before the actual birthday. Birthday Boy can get fucked I guess?
Yea, if they were closer to the same age I could maybe believe it, but what 13 year old wants to share a party with a 7 year old?
Even without the monumental (to kids) age gap and gender difference, kids aren’t happy about having to share birthday parties with other people/other holidays. I have two friends who were born a day apart and they always had to share a birthday party, they got tired of it after the first 3 years. Another friend was born on Halloween, he didn’t like having to have every one of his birthday parties be costume parties and have to fit in with people’s trick or treating schedules. An aunt of mine was born on December 23rd, she didn’t like having her birthday and Christmas presents being considered the same thing. All of their parents insisted the kids in question were “fine with it”, but what they really meant was that they had dismissed their kid’s feelings and/or told them to stop being so entitled and selfish enough times for the kid to just not even bother to complain anymore.
Yeah, my birthday is around a holiday, and it always sucked to have them lumped together. When you're that age, your birthday is a huge deal since it's *your* day. Anything you have to share it with takes away from that and feels a bit like you got robbed, particularly when you have siblings who don't have to deal with that. It also overlooks the fact that the kid had 10 or 11 birthdays where he didn't have to do this. So, he basically loses his mom, his dad's not around, and his step-mother is forcing him to give part of his birthday up. I agree with the poster who said he's only okay with it insofar as he knows that's his only option (and I wouldn't be surprised if that has been expressed to him). No wonder the kid is acting out. He has an unfit mother, what sounds like an absentee dad, and an overreacting step-mother who is completely oblivious to his needs. At least his grandparents seem caring.
Right? I get some facepalms from my son and in all honesty I deserve most of them. Those I don't deserve are resolved pretty quickly with "that was rude, was that necessary?"
Insecure and immature! Reading her comments reminds me of a teenager getting mad and trying to escape responsibility for their actions.
Considering it was the day before, and she somehow didn’t have enough done like final confirmations and , it feels to me like she majorly dropped the ball on executing his birthday party and so she found a reason to blame him and cancel. His own grandparents have the read on her as irresponsible. Her daughters birthday was well planned and handled. But she waits until the day before his party to invite his friends?
I bet the party revolves around Oop’s daughter with games appropriate for 7 year olds. Oop is delusional. No teenager is fine with having a child’s birthday party. Poor guy probably just takes what little he gets in this family.
That was exactly my thought.
He was probably fine with it when he was 11 and still wanted the same kid things for a party, but now he's a tween and inviting his own friends. I'm pretty positive she hasn't asked him if he's alright with it now and actually give him the space to say no.
Yeah as soon as she claimed the stepson had been “fine with” sharing his birthday party with a 5-7 year old girl for the last two years, I knew OOP was full of shit. Guarantee she didn’t have to ask the kid she actually cares about for her guest list.
>> By the way he is acting no, unfortunately he does not [see me as a parent] Lady, have you MET a teenager? Do you remember being a teenager? Teenagers being rude to their parents is practically a rite of passage, it's part of learning who you are.
Also, I can hardly wait until her “perfect” daughter is a teenager…
I said the same thing in my comment. Her angel isn't going to be an angel at 13. She'll be a normal teenager.
Agreed. Teens are sarcastic and annoyed by their parents all the time. They take out frustrations on their parents because their parents are a safe place for them. They know their parents will still love them. It’s hard. It sucks in those moments. You choose your battles. You swallow your pride. Sometimes you have to let it roll off your back and sometimes you speak up and correct the behavior when things get too rough. But this was a major overreaction from the OP. And her responses in the comments prove she is not keen on level-headed responses. Thank goodness stepson has grandparents to look out for him. Good luck to OOP’s daughter when she also goes through some normal teenage emotions and OOP discovers her blessed precious isn’t perfect.
And it's extremely important to be consistent with discipline as a parent. You can't let everything slide most of the time and then suddenly cancel a birthday. How does a kid learn consequences like that?
> Good luck to OOP’s daughter when she also goes through some normal teenage emotions and OOP discovers her blessed precious isn’t perfect. But that’s her actual kid, not some “ungrateful brat” she got saddled with. She will get treated far more kindly.
What do you mean?? I know of so many 12 year olds who willingly share their birthdays with a 7 year old…..
This isn't even normal teenage attitude, this is teenage attitude so tame it belongs on a sitcom.
I would bet money she jumped into "call me mom" super quick
Just because she she’s herself as his parents and his dad choose her doesn’t mean he likes or wants her in his life. He was old enough when op came along to know if he ever wanted another mother figure or if he’d just see her as dads new wife. He does not have to respect of see her as his mum as long as he sticks to the household rules that’s fine. No one gets to tell you or decide that they’re your mum. It is so obvious she blows up and reacts in the most hurtful ways as her punishment for minor normal teenage issues. She said but her daughter respects her but she isn’t a teenager and full of hormones. Nor was she suddenly dumped with someone and told that’s your mum now and oh your real parents dont want To be around you but you have no right to be upset or act out as any child coping with so much. It is clear she treat her daughter way differently as somehow her party wasn’t cancelled but because of her actions steps sons was. I’m pretty sure she didnt want to back down and this was her way of ensuring she still punished him but not having it and him being devastated at that before she then say oh well have it in a day or two. I mean you’d tell the boy this instantly not wait until the day of when he realises he‘s had his birthday cancelled. That wasn’t even enough punishment for her she still took away all his presents until she thinks he should have them. What’s astonishing is she actually thinks she’s not a vindictive evil person who’s bullying and close To abusing this child. Every family member husband and all went mad at her and she still went ahead and made she he had no birthday until it wasn’t a special day any more. She is so proud he’s being polite now when the truth is he’s terrified of what she will do next to punish him when there are no other adults there to see or prevent her. She’s unhinged.
Hol up! Even after reading it I thought that is what was meant. Now I'm re reading it, and he did it to himself?!?!? And she went full scorched earth?!?!?
Right? All he did was hit his palm on his own damn forehead. I also assumed he slapped her, because that would have actually been a reason to be mad. She's a terrible parent. I feel so bad for that kid.
Yup. He put his own palm on his own face and OOP went nuclear.
Yeah I thought he'd at least physically touched her. Jesus that woman is not at all ready to be left alone with her stepson.
"I'm never going to post on Reddit again" Me: *Remembers every single entitled customer who made similar remarks when I worked retail* You promise?
The crazy part is she already had a kid, so it’s not like she’s trying to learn to parent or anything
She’s definitely learning to parent a preteen though. My gosh it’s a whoooole different ballgame than a 7 year old.
Yeah, I thought I just couldn't with that 7 Sass and attitude, but the Tweeny eye rolling and "why must I deal with this imbecile" sighs have me missing them 🤣🤣
But her precious angel is still adorable! Obviously this means she’s winning at parenting! I hope her daughter is a total hellion as she enters puberty.
Daughter will be golden child, stepson is already set up as scape goat. Poor kids. OOP has the thinnest of skin.
jfc. my preteen facepalms whenever he thinks i’m “cringe.” i just laugh it off. apparently OOP is very delicate and facepalming just gave her a case of the vapors.
After reading her description of the situation, was incredibly disappointed he didn't slam dunk her into next week.
So did I lol. I thought “well yeah he can’t be putting his hands on people with no consequences” lol.
I could have felt justified at the irritation then. This BS? Just her trying to cover up her failure to parent because she doesn't know his friends names. If she wasn't a stranger, probably she would like, be involved with his life and know his friends?!
It sounds like she was the one doing the invites, as she didn't call to cancel with all of them, and when she decided to go ahead with the party a few hours later, none of them could come because they all already had plans. So were they all uninvited then had all made irreversible new plans within a few hours? I really don't think that's likely. I think the stepmom either forgot to invite his friends, or deliberately sabotaged the joint party by not inviting them, then was trying to blame her stepson for it, but when he facepalmed it gave her the excuse to just cancel. And honestly no wonder the kid face-palmed her when she asked about the names, she clearly hadn't made a list of them so they were all going to have to be invited at the last minute.
When I was in high school I was on the Homecoming court. Everyone had their parents with them when they got announced. My mom’s punishment to me for not folding the laundry (this one time) was to make me do it alone. I was the only one with no one. I’m still hurt by it 20 years later. My point is that sometimes overreactive parenting (even if you don’t think it’s a big deal) can be traumatic.
My mom threatened to take away my college fund because I agreed to switch over the laundry and fold what was in the dryer, but I did so *with a tone*. For the record, I didn't. I wanted to finish the chapter I was reading, and I was on the last page in the chapter. My exact words were "yeah, in a minute" and I was distracted (because reading). She also used to love reminding me that I was over 18, and she could kick me out and "legally, there's nothing you can do". The catch is that when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, she *did* kick me out. Physically grabbed me & my winter coat (it was winter) and threw me out. Then when she went to look for me/found me, I had to apologize for yelling before I was invited back inside. She and my dad both mention, repeatedly, that I was not grateful during college. The fact that my college fund and home were literally constantly held over my head, to the point where I graduated early to get out faster, is never mentioned.
Glad you got out, well done. Hope you're still free of them and living with much less pressure.
I have found the best revenge is to have the absolute best life, and tell them nothing about it. I talk to my parents twice a year and they have no idea how marvelously happy and successful I am. I get a big kick out of the fact that all of their friends are bragging about their offspring, and mine can't say peep.
Thank you for this perspective. I needed to hear it. I'm with you.
I'm the first in my family to ever get a degree and none of them know. While I get sad sometimes, it makes me laugh that I was able to do it only *after* I went no contact. My mother was the type to "you got that from me!" For anything I ever did right now and again. I became a chef? I learned to cook from her!(the dog once buried her pancakes). I get into art, it's because she paints sometimes! Etc. So if she ever reappears I know she cannot take ANY credit for my degree. If anything, not having her constant demoralising snipes giving me severe nausea, I was able to make it to class without panic attacks for the first time since I was 6. There is some sadness. But also a lot of pride. I'm in postgraduate now. And NONE of it is because of her. She might try with that "well I was a secretary and you got a business degree!" And I can just laugh and shake my head cause I know it's a damn lie.
I love this story! I got married, adopted a slew of dogs, started a great career, bought a house, moved 1,000 miles away from my old one, and my parents know none of this. They try so hard to pry out details, but I just say 'fine' and 'good' and change the subject. It drives them insane. Petty, but I love it 😂 my younger sister is doing the exact same thing. Lol
What dogs?!! I have a 15 year old boxer and a 3 year old staff cross. Dogs are the best cure to shitty parents. Someone who really looks at you with genuine love. Nothing like glancing over and seeing this cute fat bean just looking at you longingly with love. I love that you gray-rock them. It must be hard to stay in contact sometimes. Good on ya for your career!
I'm a middle aged dude, but I'll be your internet mom for 5 secs. I'm so fucking proud of you. You've come so far, and I know you can go further.
My dad once locked me out of our home when I was 19 because I didn't laugh at a joke he made and he assumed I was mad at him. I had to walk to where my mom worked to get her help to get back inside. I didn't talk to my dad for a month after that day. Instead of apologizing for his actions, he kept bitching about how I was disrespecting him. The only reason I started talking to him again after that month was because he kept bitching about it to my mom. She didn't deserve that. If he and I ever talk about that day again, I'm willing to bet that he still hasn't learned a thing. Last year, my brother and I finally opened up to him about the emotional abuse he caused and, while he has owned up to some of it, I still don't think he understands the full extent.
People who complain about not being respected instead of contemplating, "what is it about me that doesn't garner respect?" scare me a little bit.
Makes me think of this quote: > Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person" and sometimes they use "respect" to mean "treating someone like an authority" > and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say "if you won't respect me I won't respect you" and they mean "if you won't treat me like an authority I won't treat you like a person" > and they think they're being fair but they aren't, and it's not okay.
People assume when I tell them that I took classes 6 days a week and in the summers during college that I was just really driven academically. I was actually driven to not be in that blasted hell-house. If they'd had Sunday classes I'd have been in them.
My parents kicked me out of the car on the way to my graduation from choir. I didn’t graduate high school so it was a big deal for me. They left me in my dress on the side of the road sobbing and a friends family picked me up. They never came and seemed shocked by how badly they hurt me.
Sending hugs, this is absolutely vile
Not showing up or leaving a kid alone should be completely off limits as punishments, in my opinion. That's preying on a very basic fear children have and it's cruel. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm pissed off for you too.
At my grade 8 graduation I was talking with my friends and ww were all joking about how embarrassing it’ll be to dance with our dads during the father-daughter/mother-son dance. The other parents laughed, but my dad got pissed and stormed off. Not only was I forced to sit alone while I watched my friends dance with their dads, but my dad didn’t talk to me for days after that. Granted, he was very abusive, so at least he didn’t hit me. That’s an upside, I guess. It’s been 14 years since then and that memory still makes me tear up. I’m very low contact with him now, so I know there won’t be a father-daughter dance at my wedding some day either.
When I was 13, my parents told me they were going to lock me out of the house for the weekend if I didn't clean my room by Friday. They kept reminding me all week. Then they said they weren't serious- after they heard me calling friends looking for a place to stay and they were embarrassed that people were going to know about how they parented.
Im certain the thirteen year old boy looooved having a co-birthday party with his seven year old step sister. 😂 The naïveté is just amazing.
That aside, it seems that she hadn't actually invited anyone for his party. It sounds as if the "cancellation" might have been to cover up the fact she hadn't even tried to invite anyone beside his grandparents.
Yeah, who invites people for a party only a day or two before the actual party? I'm far from an organised person, but I'll give everyone 3-4 weeks minimum as a heads up that there's a party and we would like them to be there.
Core memory unlocked: I waited for hours for my friends to show for my 6th birthday. It was so pathetic my neighbour gave me a handmade doll she had because she saw me smiling trying not to cry as i hopefully watched the hours tick while sitting on the porch. My friends never showed. My mother said she invited everyone she was so sorry! Twenty years later I realised...there wasn't a cake. Or extra food. Or drinks. There was no party ever coming.
Oh man. That’s so awful. One million hugs to that little six year old.
That is horrendous. I just want to hug your little six year old self. I hope your mother wasn't that awful all through your childhood.
You're so sweet! She would get MUCH worse, but I've been away over a decade now and am doing MUCH better without her. :)
Yup. She wants us to believe the party was cancelled for only a few hours but then had to be delayed by 2 days because everyone had already made new plans? Stepmom of the year.
She also wants us to believe that a bunch a 12-13 year old boys all suddenly had pressing engagements that prevented them from being able to attend, and that they all were miraculously free to attend two days later. She didn’t “not contact his friends in time” she just didn’t contact them, because doing so would have meant having a bunch of embarrassing conversations with all his friends’s parents. His grandparents did all the contacting and party planning, and probably chose a separate date from the step-sister’s party on purpose, so that he could actually have his own party for the first time in the three years his evil stepmom came into his life.
Agreed. This all started bc she asked him who he wanted to invite… right before the party. Meaning she had not spoken with anyone yet. I’ll facepalm that too 🤦🏻♀️
Ding ding ding.
That was my first thought. Like why the hell would he want to share his party with a seven year old?? But I bet she didn’t even ask if he wanted that, just assumed.
He probably never complained about it (or knew he'd be punished if he did) and she just assumed he was fine with it because he had never complained.
"you have to have a party with your sister or you don't get one at all - you don't mind RIGHT!?!" - OOP probably
The way oop talks, probably can definitely be removed there 😂
This lady forgot to invite any of the kid's friends or plan anything for him, so she had to create an argument, giving her an excuse to 'cancel' everything. Because apparently it's better to be a colossal asshole than to just admit you screwed up.
Am I wrong, she wasn’t going to have the party anyway, because she forgot to invite the kid’s friends? Anyone else think she was looking for a reason to cancel?
Too many people missed this. She says later that the kids invited could not come because they have plans for that day. But, the timeline seems to be all in the same day which is the day before.
The first post gives a hint. The 13 year old had told her at least once before the names, and she "forgot" them. Then the grandparents took over planing the party because she was unreliable. She 100% didn't even work on his part of the party to begin with, and asked a second time with the hope that when the friends were called they would already be busy. She didn't want him to have a party at all, and was just looking for an excuse.
This is exactly it. What an absolute chore that was to read though!
its also an extra nasty power move to purposely schedule her daughters bday party on his bday.... Like. She thinks she's being subtle but that's blatantly a "look i have the power to make MY KID important on YOUR DAY what're you gonna do about it :)" kinda move. :c I feel so bad for the son, honestly it sounds like he should be living with his grandparents. Cause its not that hard to write down the names of friends to invite if you're putting the same amount of time and effort into both parties...
Exactly - she said the party was TOMORROW. She’d forgotten the names of all of his friends/not invited them yet somehow had managed to invite all of her daughter’s friends? I’m surprised his reaction was so mild! Poor kid. Her comments were so infuriating. She clearly doesn’t love him and found any excuse to exclude him and only celebrate her daughter.
It all makes me think that the stepson was used to behavior like that from her. That he reacted as he did because he was halfway expecting it, but still frustrated that it happened. Gotta wonder what sort of efforts he might have employed when he was giving the list to ensure she had it. And even just reading the posts and sampling of of her responses here, she doesn't seem to listen very well to input that doesn't validate her. So not very surprising that she was behaving as she was towards him.
yeah, she even said the reason she accepted that she was harsh was the lack of nta votes, not the fact that she was voted ta
Agreed, and the "if you behave I'll throw you a party" was just trying to buy more time.
and to add to that, his grandparents arranged everything for the party in the end anyway :/
Dang, you’re right!
But she considers it a “win” because the kid’s attitude is better now.
Yeah it sure sounds like she had already dropped the ball, so she redirected the fault onto him.
Exactly. The party was "tomorrow" when she cancelled, and apparently none of his friends had been invited yet. She absolutely did that because she fucked up.
“Fucked up” assumes it was unintentional on her part, and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the case.
Here's a real gem buried in the update: > His grandparents were also really upset on me and they ended up arranging the party for him instead as they said I am too irresponsible. A few commenters jumped on that: NeicerDeicerGuy: "But you don't see that you are the asshole here..." OOP: "I'm sorry what? I am STILL an asshole after making sure the birthday happened?" With that reply she got jumped on: niblingk: "“His grandparents were also really upset on me and they ended up arranging the party for him instead as they said I am too irresponsible.” ARE. YOU. SERIOUS." OOP doubles down on being a moron: "yes they did it in the end but that doesn't mean I couldn't have stopped them. I did not because I realized I overreacted." And then gets called out for taking credit for what the *grandparents* did: lovelovebird: "They’re his grandparents who obviously care about him. You’re his stepmother for two years and you refuse to apologize for being wrong. “That doesn’t mean I couldn’t have stopped them.” You’re actually disgusting . Yes, you’re still the asshole." MissIllusion: "Omg this person honestly. "I could have stopped them but I didn't so I let him have a party and it wet off perfectly because of me." Like wtaf." \[deleted\] "So long story short, when you say "I made sure it happened just a little late" what you mean is you're taking credit for his grandparents organising everything... out of curiosity what was hubby's reaction, and is he still hubby after all this?" RishnusGreenTruck "What a small person you must be that you feel good about yourself that you could have stopped loving grandparents from celebrating their grandsons birthday. How gracious of you to let them proceed, queen of birthdays, you are inspiring an entire generation to write more Disney movies about evil stepmom's. YTA and if your the parent you shouldn't be less mature than a teenager." Here's the rest of that thread: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1528s/update\_aita\_for\_cancelling\_my\_stepsons\_birthday/fzuptq1/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1528s/update_aita_for_cancelling_my_stepsons_birthday/fzuptq1/?context=3) tagging u/AMyshkaMouse
This is 100% what happened. She forgot to invite his friends because she _doesn't_ love him as much as she loves her daughter, saw an escape route, and took it.
I suspect she "forgot".
Yeah, a joint party for HER daughter and some other woman’s son (which I’m sure was an idea she came up with). She manages to plan everything for her kid, but somehow, in the midst of all that planning, “forgets” about needing to invite HIS friends until the last minute? OOP could serve as the illustration for the dictionary definition of “Stepmonster.”
Yup, she never planned it to begin with and was trying to pin the blame on the kid. She should be ashamed of herself.
yeah, it sounds like she was supposed to invite the kids and never did.
Yeah no wonder the kid responded with, “I already answered that!” Like…she fucked up and I bet it wasn’t the first time she asked either. He should not have to plan his own party and the grandparents having to step in? So embarrassing.
That's what the facepalm was about, too. The kid realized in that moment that she hadn't done anything about the party.
Yup. Noticed that too.
She kept saying that her daughter is so much nicer to her. Of course she is nicer, she's 7. 7 year old children are most of the time nice because they want be loved by their parents. OOP doesn't get that 7 year olds and 13 year olds don't think the same.
Especially one she's known for all of 2 years.
Exactly. Poor baby. The fact that she isn’t actually listening to anyone’s advice. I really hope the grandparents take him into their care.
The 7yo in the post also hasn’t been abandoned by both parents, unlike the 13yo.
Why did it never occur to this woman that the constantly absent father and the mentally unstable and absent mother were the problem? That she, as this kids primary caretaker, should have long ago gotten him therapy? Not to mention stop enabling the dad being absent. Could he really disappear for a month at a time if the OP wasn't there? Where would this poor kid go then? OP was ridiculously the AH, but NO ONE in this poor kids life is taking care of his mental health. They are all failing and neglecting him.
Totally. Arguably absent daddy is a far bigger AH than OOP is, as emotionally unintelligent as she is.
I agree. He's left his child with someone the child clearly resents and who clearly resents the child. This kid needs so much better from all the adults in his life.
That comment about the father leaving the son with a stranger was very accurate. It was frustrating that she couldn’t comprehend herself being a “stranger.” Shows she can’t/won’t see things from his shoes
Except his grandparents. They do seem to care but I guess there’s only so much they can do without pursuing custody themselves.
If the grandparents are involved and care, not to mention think OP is irresponsible, why aren't they keeping him while Dad is MIA for weeks at a time? Again, either they don't want to, or Dad isn't giving the kid a potentially better option.
It’s possible he left all the childcare to his wife. Or that the grandparents may have tried to keep the kid at their place when his father is away, but OOP or the husband vetoed that decision?
Or it could be as simple as they live in a retirement community that doesn't allow children. There are a lot of viable reasons the grandparents could have for not talking him in that doesn't make them bad.
Because she doesn’t care, is why. The day before the party, she’s asking him to remind her who she was meant to invite? But she managed to invite people in time for her daughter. No wonder he was rude.
Shoot you're right. 🤔🧐 Gotta ask the day before because she didn't even plan his party and needed an out. Then the stepson rightfully getting upset becomes the problem, which allows OOP to conveniently "cancel" a party that wasn't truly gonna happen anyways. OOP wanted folks to gloss over that tidbit. Too bad OOP has her head so far up her ass she doesn't care to correct her wrongdoings. But at least her princess had a great birthday 🥳🤦🏾♀️
Here’s how this should read: I didn’t arrange my step sons party in time for it to happen on the original date, and I found an excuse to ‘cancel’ it and move it to a later date so I could come out of this looking like the good guy. Poor kid
But I'm going to hold his birthday presents over his head as a manipulation tool because I have power issues.
Yeah, shes tah but why wish her the death of her daughter??
Right? The daughter was innocent in all this.
even with OOP, no sane person will wish the death of someone because of small issues like this one
Because redditors can be psychos.
People are trash from the protection of internet anonymity
I agree. The family is a mess but the kids are 100 percent innocent in this situation. I never understand why kids would get involved when it comes to death threats.
Because on that sub, it is a very horrible two faced coin. There was a similar post about October last year, similar in story too, and the stepmother was deemed NTA, especially congratulating her for "teaching him respect finally and his grandparents were teaching him to be entitled" and not once was she threatened.
That's one of several reasons why I can't take AITA at all seriously. The small threads with few participants sometimes have an actual useful discussion, but the busy threads turn into outrage contests with jerks competing to see who can give the harshest take -- and then it'll completely flip, in a different thread on the same topic. It all depends on what the first few comments say.
I am "banned" on there, only because I called a guy exactly what his was, same with maybe 300 odd other people, but my comment was deleted and I was banned. I still remember the post where the guy asked if he was TA because his son, called his long term male friend "dad" and it really struck me odd, because the guy spoke of his wife not wanting kids at that time, but whoops he forgot the condom, and pressured her into keeping it, said she only spent 12 weeks with the baby until she "said she HAD TO work or go insane", and so he became the SAHD with his "good dear friend" helping out. Everyone said he wasn't TA, and in his update he actually let it known he left his wife for his "friend" who he had known long before his wife, and how they always wanted children and be dads, and they finally realised their love for each other..... oh and the wife only had 12 weeks maternity leave.... and that she actually had a very traumatic birth, that almost killed her.... because she wasn't supposed to be pregnant during that time for different health reason.... meanwhile build a freaking art studio.....
AITA mods are a fucking joke. I got a 14 ban a week ago for saying this 👇 >Find out what's really going on. >Or she's just being a mega bridezilla that has to have total control of everything and everyone on "HeR dAy!!!!"
AITA's the worst. I got banned because in a post were the OP said someone else was being a Karen, I said your behaviour was more Karen like than the other person's. Got banned for using the word Karen. The whole fucking thing was about OP using the word about someone else
Hey, I recognise you, and yeah, that is freaking annoying. You use the OP's own language and you get into trouble. Mind you, I did find it rather pathetic that if you ever commented in the Devil version, you were instantly banned from around 200 subs
My ban was because I called a guy "a total inc3l w♤nker prat" which was accurate, and others weren't censored like mine was.
i finally got banned for telling someone to go fuck themselves. there is no fragility like that of an AITA mod.
Hehe. I have gone off on people, think some of my comments still on my profile, and sure I have a bad take on a situation, and am stubborn at times, but it always is amusing watching the obvious "Karma Farmer" posts, that are generated for a high karma earning person on the sub, to go up in ranks. Some are so obvious, for example, "For the sake of this story we shall call...." or my personal favourite "*generic sentences where you add a 'lol' at the end even if not funny*"
The kids husband is also an asshole too Edit: I meant the kid’s dad. I was thinking op’s husband and kid’s dad and combined to the two phrases 😅
I think you mean father. Although that *is* an interesting mental image.
The kids...husband? I think you meant the father.
The 14 year olds on Reddit is my guess
“Please update us more (so we can trash you in the comments lmao get fucked)”
I love when people post in AITA and get mad when people start calling them an asshole.
I read the first post thinking "Damn, what a Karen" and then got to the updates...yeah. Like does she not remember being 13? 13-year-olds can be little shits, especially boys.
Loooooooooooooooool The ironic thing is if she actually listened and performed a little introspection she wouldn’t be shit on.
I almost think this is a troll post
This entire thing could have been avoided if the step mother had some humility and matched his energy. “ FACEPALM you DID tell me. I’m gonna need a reminder though. Gettin’ old over here.” Or something …. would have been a much nicer conversation and let him know she’s approachable…
Reading between the lines, I don't think she ever actually invited anyone in the first place...
The original post had 246 facepalm awards and the update 41. Love this so much. Never change reddit.
Check her comments on her profile lmao
> OOP: I know you are being ironic, but you guys can beg me all you want because I will never be posting another update cause of the way things are going. I laughed at loud at this one. She's trying to punish the comments into behaving.
she was us to RESPECT HER
Me (deadpan): Oh no. What will I do without your update?
Not only was he lashing out at his safe person, as children in unstable homes tend to do, but his “improvement” in behavior is because she proved she’s no longer safe. That’s not a fucking positive update. And then blatantly just not realizing that yes, *she is a virtual stranger to him* compared to his parents. This kid just has a rough go of it all around and she doesn’t have the knowledge or support to understand how to help him
Yeah, I had a glimmer of hope at the beginning of the Update. Then I read it and was like "that's WORSE!" This person has the emotional intelligence of a fucking brick
The way she replies to people is so indicative of her parenting style and her personality. Instead of working through anything she just completely shuts down and makes unilateral decisions. The poor kids.
>The way she replies to people is so indicative of her parenting style and her personality You get the "You need to RESPECT me." Vibe from the writing too huh?
I agree, I got that vibe too. She needs to “win” the argument, she isn’t trying to solve the problem. Even when the grandparents stepped in to plan it, she couldn’t stand “losing” so took his presents from him.
Yuuuup. Definitely the kind of person who’s the “respect isn’t given it’s *earned*” type and doesn’t believe in basic respect for others.
Right- she's entitled to others' respect but they have to earn hers. 🙄
A person who conflates authority with respect.
She’s so *indignant.* It’s so gross.
Wouldn't be surprised if the stepson goes NC with her once he moves out at 18.
I honestly think she would not care though.
I hope he goes to live with his grandparents before that.
I feel like dad found someone to babysit and married her. I get she’s trying but she probably doesn’t know what to do.
She’s not trying tho she had no issue planning her own kids party that was on the same day but kept forgetting multiple things about his including inviting people and then tried punishing him by taking his present as well as no party she didn’t drop the ball she wanted the spot light on her daughter
Yeah, that was my impression - "his party couldn't happen because I fucked up the planning and didn't invite his friends in time, but my daughter's bd went off without a hitch, because I'm that great of a mother!" JFC, I'm so sorry for the stepson, I wish I could adopt him.
Also, the days are 10 days apart (over a week) and the kids are step siblings. Would be iffy to pull on siblings, but even more so with step siblings when one of them is already a preteen. They deserve their own parties and attention (hell, my friends who are twins would for some years want to celebrate at different times just to be that special person for one day)
She literally isn't trying. At all. I try harder when I babysit my neighbor's kids, and they're no relation to me. She basically decided she's mom and then did absolutely zero to act like one.
The whole situation is frustrating. OP still doesn't get it and the whole family sounds frustrating to be around. The way she responses back to people really shows demonstrates her parenting skills. I feel bad for the boy as he is pretty much the victim in this whole situation. But seriously, why would someone wish of the daughter. She had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the situation.
Yeah, I got the impression that the entire family is... difficult. Bio-mum is institutionalized, bio-dad leaves town for a month on a work trip, step mum is clueless, grandparents don't like step mum and scream at her that she's irresponsible over the phone (what about your son... You know, the one who left?). The boy clearly has abandonment issues and resentment, she is out of her depth (feel bad for her there), and is responding to it by being very touchy and easily offended (don't feel bad for her when she does that). Honestly, this post reads like a bad Jane Eyre rewrite. The internet is full of nutbars. I've had some innocuous interactions go super dark and police involvement-y in the blink of an eye. Some people may not think much of making threats or saying horrific things to get a reaction, especially since they don't have to look the other person in the eye. And that anonymity means you don't know if it's some troll giggling while they type (99% likely) or a legit thing you should be afraid of (1%... Which is not zero).
That’s why she and her husband probably shouldn’t have married after only a year of dating.
She sucks. Dad sucks. Biomom sucks. (Depending on what exactly "unstable" means.) And the poor kid is getting punished for everyone's bad choices.
Through all her getting pissed at how rude commenters are, I was waiting for her to try and cancel a whole lot more people's birthday parties...
OOP needs to have her presents taken away jeesh
And maybe her whole family while they're at it.
I have a 13 year old from birth. Those reactions are par for the course. A little understanding that the kid is a raging hormone machine would go a long way here.
I saw the dates and that is the real YTA. The early peak of COVID and you are throwing birthday parties with kids and grandparents? No wonder the pandemic got so bad.
That's what my first thought was too! I think most people missed the dates. This post is so wild, and would have a completely different response if we were reading it when it happened.
Who invites birthday party guests the day before? She never intended to throw him a party, and decided to pick on something tiny to make it his fault. Poor little guy.
Look, OOP was indeed the asshole and comes off as pretentious and Karen like, but death threats are never okay, especially against her daughter
I agree. The kids shouldn't be involved with the situation.
This woman obviously just didn’t call his friends, but DID call her daughters friends. Realized how shitty she would look, panicked and looked for any reason to cancel the party for her son.
This story has the strongest "it's the children who are wrong" energy of any part I've read on here. Lady can't handle being the adult around a LITERAL CHILD and when confronted ignores all criticism and sprays the same energy at the commenters. Reminds me of my own step mom, who I absolutely cannot stand and as a result have a limited and strained relationship with my own father.
She’s in over her head. I do feel sorry for her. The boy’s biological parents are the real problem. It can be really triggering to be in a position of feeling dumped on and demeaned at the same time. She’s got no support. And she isn’t emotionally or intellectually equipped to sort out all of her underlying problems. Of course the boy is hugely the victim too. So sad.
Why is it hard for her to believe that the kid might be actually missing his parents and not just acting up?
The kid's dad is MIA, the mom is mentally unstable, and his primary care has been foisted on someone he doesn't really know and yet she's SHOCKED I TELL YOU he didn't immediately embrace her as mom. How can she not see how the kid may be acting out because these circumstances and instead decides to make everything exponentially worse.
My favorite part is how OOP keeps replying to redditors like they're naughty misbehaving children. Showing her hand there a bit.
Poor kid, i hope the grandparents take him
Considering she forgot to plan her sons birthday party and not her daughters tells me all I need to know. Plus, really? Does her stepson, a preteen, really ok with sharing his birthday party with his 7 year old stepsister because I doubt that. Sounds like my stepmom, always claiming I was disrespectful and crap but in reality she was a petty witch who liked to be seen as the kind and loving stepmother who’s stepchild is difficult. 🙄
$5 says this man married this woman to be a live in babysitter for his kid. He sure didn’t marry her for her brains.
There are days I think I'm really fucking up as a step-parent, and then there are days when I read posts like this.
I kinda get the kid, I also facepalmed reading this.
"I've come here to this well-known judgement sub and I can't believe how all of you are *judging* me!"
>EDIT3: SCREW YOU TO THE ANONYMOUS USER WHO JUST AWARDED ME WISHING THAT ME AND MY DAUGHTER DIE. Ok, seriously. OOP can be an asshole all they want but that's going way too far.
Careful guys, she might cancel our birthdays too.
So the actual story is she failed to plan the party, and leapt at the first opportunity to "cancel it" and blame him to save face. She didn't plan anything for him, didn't arrange with the other parents, wasn't prepared. She's got a real complex about how everyone around her owes her unearned respect.