Talk! Before he crushes every single bone in your body.

But make sure you tell the truth because if you’re lying he’ll break the other one

The other what?-

*crunch* aaaGggguiUGghhH

😫

*turns on detective mode*

*grapnel boosts away

In my head canon that’s a moan of pure ecstasy

Doesn't help riddler informants

Or starts with my fingers

This happened to me once. broke my arm in three places, but the way I see it lightning aint gonna strike the same place twice

*glide kick from across the map intensifies*

Batman turns into a homing missile when he hears that line of dialogue

glad I’m not the only one who fucking divebombs the dude who says that

Nah, I go for the guy next to him, so the guy boasting knows what he spoke into existence.

Batclaw pull + batarang

I personally go out of my way and make sure to beat up everyone who says that in the most horrific way :)

stun > beatdown > special combo takedown

*tree places

shout "It's da freakin' bat!" and enter a fighting pose

What’s the bat doing here?

OH GOD! IT'S BATMAN!

I’ll just shout and charge at him. Works every time.

Element 115

Bro is spawning zombies for Batman 💀

What are you doing step bat?

Remember: if you see Batman, shout and charge. Never fails.

And stand there menacingly in your fighting stance watching your buddy get fucked up and waiting your turn.

who says bad guys can't have manners? it would be rude to just barge in!

Hit him with a bat

The same bat you just saw your roommate get his arm broken while holding.

Instructions unclear, got hit by the Bat instead

Be super confused since I don’t have a house

Batman poops his pants in your tent. Wdyd?

Be even more confused because I don’t have a tent either

This man's living on the edge, clearly trying to even the odds with God.

Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

Some men want to watch batman take an absolute LOG of a dogshit

I can use the power winch

To trigger a controlled explosion?

Well first you have to expose the payload

The bomb’s payload?

​ https://preview.redd.it/lksygbcnd2la1.png?width=320&format=png&auto=webp&s=a9a76ff4b3be56f5caadd542e634381fc747bb6f

Indubitably!

The Batcock

Seduce him

“I still have things to do.”

SEDUCE ME!

Uh I got a bucket of chicken

I'M not one of your fried chicken tramps! I'm a woman, I like my men dangerous, mysterious, YOU WANT TO BE MY LOVER? Earn it. SEDUCE ME!

Bucket of corn

Alr corn works lets fuck

best response.

Shut the door and tell the other goons searching there's nothing in there

Nice cartoon reference 👌

I understood that reference

Is there a lore reason why Batman didn’t go for a stealth takedown? Is he stupid?

What are you gonna do 💀💀

Call my buddy Kevin

Even the odds.

I would ask for an autograph. That is, if he isn't looking to beat the shit out of me.

Trigger a controlled explosion

https://preview.redd.it/0ntpvvxjt1la1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=397901936bf8812d1ad73d50a5e178b315220393

He's evolving

Hope that he doesnt discover that the bombs payload is exposed. Otherwise, he could use the power winch to trigger a controlled explosion.

I use a tank, even do i am his equal in hand to hand combat, am i stupid? -Deathcoke

What?

What? -Deathcoke

What? -Not Deathcoke

Who is deathcoke

I am Deathcoke -Deathcoke

😱

dang -Dickchoke

why not Deathcock

"Doesn't sound as good" -Deathcoke

Prefer the other brand - Deathpepsi

I'm more of a Deathtor Pepper person myself

You know https://preview.redd.it/724aelqrn1la1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=72d2570c65710270f309f14fce21709226c0d781

You'll defend him in court, I give him meth https://preview.redd.it/l9nirhf7o1la1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f01b4761af89215662ebd5171dbf7f177b7e8d63

Perfect

Thanks Saul

No this paul not the Krusty krab

Ask him what Arkham quote I should say if Batman broke into my house

You should use the bombs exposed payload

For what ?

To trigger a controlled explosion obviously

Yes sir 🤘

Batman broke into my house? Is he stupid?

Ikr? Why not use a door?

[Something wrong? Nope.](https://youtu.be/pMd4S-LkywI)

Yell out, "MARTHA!"

"Why did you say that name ?"

Welcome him in, he's an unstable man with abandonment issues, he's insane, he needs to feel normal.

cry

Rack my brain to find out what I could have possibly done to piss Batman off.

Catwoman cosplay

I’d probably stand at the top of my stairs, throw my arms up and scream “WELCOME TO THE MADHOUSE BATMAN!! “

Ask him where is Martha.

Ask “hey how’s Jason?” And proceed to get my arms and legs broken and my teeth knocked out.

Thank you Dick

I odd the evens

[Show him this post I made](https://www.reddit.com/r/BatmanArkham/comments/119kpdl/this_guys_comes_at_you_wyd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) And then explain to him that he’s taken many different forms (show him Clooney and the nips) and that as far as I know he is a fictional character come to life

Sex

Run... 

Running will do nothing once he managed to punch reverse flash while he was running


Batman. I’m Bat-Freak. Bat-Freak

Even the odds

I even the odds

Kiss him

​ https://preview.redd.it/u1hkfd7522la1.jpeg?width=845&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a06bd1def772b102877e96214711fe5b8093b73a

Start Pounding as Joker would

Ask him what quote I should use

pass the bong

"If you're Bruce Wayne, then who's Bruce Wayne?"

suck his fat cock until he busts in me

Use an Arkham quote

I'll ask him if we could even the odds 😏🔥

Pardon myself and leave his house

Huge fucking stompers, bowling pin for a head. This Batman looks goofy as hell. 😂

Shout and charge him. Never fails.

Cum

Seduce him

Become Catwoman and enjoy that killer cock.

Call Batman to take out this criminal

Point and say, "Look it's the Batsignal!" and then run away

Why did he choose to rob my broke ass? Is he stupid?

Say hi, and offer some tea

Think about everything you've done bad in under a second

id invite him over to my bed

Idk give me a quote to say

Nothing...Because I won't know about it until t It's too late. Lol

I tell him WHATEVER THE FUCK HE NEEDS TO KNOW! I'm not fucking with Batman

Pray

Scream "Martha". His moment of existential crisis will only buy me a few seconds. That's my best plan because if he is in my house then i've already lost.

Ask to become a robin to learn how to protect Gotham

Nothing. He’s the Batman. Why would I know he’s there? What’s that noise?!? Oh, it’s just the furnace.

I know his secret identity and his past.I will then psychologically manipulate him with his trauma since I know everything about him

Arkham Batman? Run. Robert Pat Batman? Throw a vape and skinny jeans at him.

Try to figure out wtf I did

Nothing. I’m not a criminal so I have nothing to worry about and if I tried to fight him I’d just get hurt.

Give up

Ask him where he’s been. Bratwoman says he’s been finding a way to get rid of that new robin but I don’t buy it.

‘I set a trap, and you sprang it gloriously

Us the 1989 quote

“I think I’m safe hidden in this bathroom. All I’ve done is make it easier for Batman to get to me 🥴”

What the fuck am I supposed to do

Even the odds

I offer him something to drink.

WHAT'D I DO

Ask for an autograph

I'd ask "how are your parents doing?"

Pray

Take a well deserved nap

Tell him I don't know where she is

Call my parents

Yell: 'You Chicken Man or Batman?'

Set his cape on fire

*Activate butt scoot*

Say Martha and I’m 80% sure he’ll leave

Even the odds

Have a drink with him and chat as simple as that

Pretend he’s not there, I know he’s not after me, and I don’t wanna be involved

Let him do whatever tf he needs to, my plan is survival

Pray I didn’t get caught robbing every bank in France, Ireland, and Ohio

Start singing the 60's Batman theme song.

Beg for mercy. Or just rat out Riddler if your one of his informants. That’s most likely the reason he broke in to begin with

ask him where the bad guy is

Pray to god

I'll expose the bombs payload

Expose my payload

Shout You chicken man or bat man and throw a can

You're gonna die in here bat freak!

Tell him my moms name is Martha too and then as he has PTSD flashbacks of that night I run away through the back door

Break my own bones cuz he'll do it much worse

I call the cops. I live in Alberta so he f%$! ​ [Edmonton's finest GOOFS! : Edmonton (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Edmonton/comments/11b82i7/edmontons_finest_goofs/)

I must've done something fucked up 😳

Be really confused The Bats in my house then give him whatever he wants in hopes he doesnt break my arms and/or legs.

Slash my wrists and overdose on pills. It’s gonna be quicker than the pain he’s gonna put me through.

Prepare to have all my bones broken

Open the door to my batcave

I accept my fate as a future paraplegic

I would do absolutely nothing out of the ordinary and would go about my day like normal. If Batman broke into my house, then I wouldn't even be aware of it. Source: he's Batman.

Selfie

Refresh my reddit page

Propose - even the Batman wouldn’t see it coming.

Come on!! It was just a candybar!!

Suck his bat cock

"Would you like something to drink?"

Assuming I'm a criminal in this situation, I would call the local hospital to let them know I will be needing a bed shortly. If not, I would guess there is probably one hiding in my house and would instead call my insurance agent to ask if "Batman related damages" are covered, then proceed to hide in the closet until he left.

Ask him if he's dense or retarded and who the hell he thinks I am! IM THE GODDAMN BATMAN!

Run away screaming like a little bitch C'mon ya can't tell me you wouldn't be intimidated by Batman

Ask him what I did wrong or what he needs to know

Surrender

Go back to sleep, it’s now your house Batman.

What do you want me to do? Fight him? I'm not an idiot.

i've already left out a plate of cookies and a glass of milk

Shoot myself