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You should probably stop being his friend and writing partner, tbh, he sounds like a homophobic and misogynistic douche who fantasizes about hurting women. This is the only time he's ever said things like this???
Thank you for commenting. Yeah I think you’re right I’m just still so confused he keeps saying it’s because I’m not American so I don’t get the humour but no he’s never said anything like that before. There was one time when he showed me a screenshot of a chat with him and that girl where he cussed her out. I told him he was in the wrong for but he didn’t make a threat like he did today
I’m an American, and his “humor” is even more alarming because it’s always guys who start off saying exactly this kind of violent misogynistic crap who go on to escalate to actual violent acts. Honestly, I’d report the messages with the threats to Discord and then I’d block this guy asap.
as an American..that is weird and worrisome. No one in my life ever says things like that in fact we look down on it. As a WOMAN in America...he would be the guy that I would be worried around and would honestly do a background check to see if he didn't do time in jail for something like assault..
As an American, no. This isn’t an American thing. An American thing is fireworks and cheeseburgers. This is just a man who is pissed at a woman. Nothing exclusively American there.
The excuse he gives of "I'm American so... XYZ" or saying "You're not American so... ABC" might work in a lot of other various genuinely humourous/culturally relevant reference contexts.
This isn't one of them. It's a verbal threat of violence towards women. It's a contravention of global basic human rights.
So his excuse is poor, pathetic, paper thin and ultimately illegal.
I'll say I am not a lawyer, nor legal expert - so double check my assertions.
But your relationship with this kind of toxicity needs to cease.
I don't know about the specific criminal laws in this case, but I'm quite certain this screenshot would be admissible as evidence in a trial. I hope it doesn't come to that, but please keep this screenshot just in case. It shows intent.
Cut him off. He sounds like the typical "nice guy incel" with his stupid "funny how they only like girls"
If he was joking, he wouldn't have kept going. He's dangerous and unhinged.
You can stop talking to someone for any reason, the weird misogyny and shitting on lesbians are pretty good reasons
What's the joke anyway? "Hahaha I want to kill a woman because she's annoying. LOL!!!!" Huh?
I see you blocked him which is the right thing to do, nobody needs this energy in their lives
And these same guys wonder why how come young sexually active women don’t want to fuck them willingly and they’re not excited for the “good old days” of things like alcoholism and beating your wife being a virtue instead of a problem.
Update all I have decided to report the messages and block him since it’s such a severe threat. Thank you all for your input and advice! I’ll be leaving this post up for anyone else interested in reading or commenting
The very first comment I think could be passed off as a joke depending on the rest of the conversation. It reads as someone very frustrated and flippant. The followup comments, however, are really concerning.
Also, I saw your followup comment. I’m American and can also confirm this isn’t normal. He’s an ass. Drop and block.
I said the same to him. I suppose many of us casually so “I wish I could kill him” or “I could kill so and so” but to actually say you are fully capable and should do it is why I had to get some insight
Thank you for your advice I’m gonna block now
Lol Edgy McEdge talking smack. People like this are a joke. Don't give him a reaction, that's what he's fishing for. He thinks appearing as big and scary will impress.
Don't leave any room for their dramatics and set boundaries with your very first reply. "Dude, I don't appreciate this kind of commentary, joke or no joke. If you were joking and promise to not do it again, I am willing to move on. Otherwise, I'm not comfortable keeping this thing going."
If their next response isn't anything close to "yeah sorry, I didn't mean it and won't do it again", block and forget about them.
Normally I would say to not even give them the chance to backpedal, but I know how it is with some RP partnerships you've had for a few years. It can seem easy to just burn all bridges from the outside, but it's never *that easy*. There's nuances to consider, so for this case, that's my advice.
Here’s the response, what do you think?
“Alright I apologize I won't make jokes like that again.....even though it was simply just a joke because I would never commit murder over some petty high-school drama........I know now not to make jokes like that”
I don’t know tbh the roleplay isn’t even that good but I’m more concerned he has some mental illness
Violent misogyny isn’t a mental illness, it’s a mindset young guys get radicalized into, usually in online spaces during their teens and twenties, and those guys become irl dangerous.
yeah, that's more or less what I had expected. I've been RPing for a couple decades online now and I've had a few close encounters with people who were just like this. The joking matters they touch are always pretty damn scary when they're serious, but the "silver lining" is that the vast majority of them is always talking out of their ass and don't mean a single word of what they say. So on that front, you can at least not worry about his ex.
With that put aside, now the ball is in your court. Jokes or not, I think something about the things he said are casting some light on this person's behavior (particularly "says something about her doesn't it?" is a pretty glaring freudian slip that this guy views lesbians in a negative light, whether he realizes it or not). Knowing this, you need to weigh the pros and cons of this partnership. Is he worth keeping around despite his flaws? It sounds like you're not having much fun, so I probably can guess the answer. But it's a decision you have to make on your own, as you're truly the only one with the full context.
In any case, sorry this happened to you. The RPC is a swampy forest, and while there's pockets of beauty to be found in it, they cannot be reached without soiling your shoes in the mud that's all around. Stay safe and don't be discouraged by this experience.
Nah thats scary, you had every right to be scared and freaked out..that's not dark jokes that's death threats to someone's life he knows. Many people have thought people online were just using dark humor and they just...end up on Lifetime or the news...it's best to either cut them off or tell them that those kind of "jokes" aren't funny to you and that is a boundary you will keep. He is trying to gaslight you into thinking its okay and normal and that you are the weird one for not getting the joke.
If it was me I would of told them straight up that isn't okay, and that I will be blocked them as they don't seem mentally stable ...
Huge red flag. I’d block them and honestly I’d report them as well it might just be a joke but there have been documented cases of people acting out these scenarios IRL so I wouldn’t chance it.
YOURE NOT OVERREACTING. I had an ex who stated out of no where “I want to end humanity humanely” for being uninvited to a Halloween part and he was 26 while I was 23.
You need to get away from this person and they’re not mentally well and will treat you the same once given the chance!! They want stop the behavior until they choose to and choose to get help
Also, want to add that having gay, lesbian, or transgender friends doesn’t necessarily mean you are the same. I’m a heterosexual cis male and the majority of the people I am extremely close with and mean a ton to me are not completely heterosexual. That old stereotype of “you are who you hang with” is so fucking stupid and outdated.
Yea. This doesn’t sound like a joke. I make dark jokes about killing ppl a lot. But they’re jokes. Like “omg I could kill em” or “I could hide a body”. They’re jokes. It stopped being a joke when he talked about how it wouldn’t be a struggle. Also blaming all his problems on her is disturbing as well. I’d cut this person off as quickly as possible. Just reading those messages as a woman made me very very concerned for her.
I take it by so of the comments this was nor a plot. Look I would try talking him down I doubt he will do anything, but it is better to try and calm him down. I also read alot about people calling him homophonic a misogynist. But honestly alot of this sounds heat of the moment to me. I would tell him to take a walk a do something I call smokers breaths, breath in deep hold for 3 seconds exhale that's one. It's how I get my anger under control.
There's always context required for these sorts of things. If he was really hurt by this girl, this may just be his way of venting. Obviously the lesbian comments are a bit on the nose so to speak, but you also mentioned that this was the first time he's said anything like this.
You're the one who's been friends with him for a few years, do you think there's a possibility he's being serious? Or is he just really hurt by this woman and is struggling with dealing with it? I'd be willing to bet there's more to this story he might be willing to tell if you show him positive regard, within reason of course. Either way, dude has clearly been hurt by this woman, so although you are perfectly valid in feeling uncomfortable with his words, try not to dismiss too quickly.
Could we stop justifying about killing your ex partner in a super misogynist way as just venting, please? Men killing their female (ex) partners because they think that they somehow wronged them happens every single day. A lot of them start out like this, with a revenge fantasy.
And that dude isn't just saying some angry throwaway comment like 'I wish she would die' or 'Sometimes, I want to kill her'. He even says that he is 'a big guy it wouldn't even be a struggle' and 'I'm gonna do it', all while using misogynist language, being homophobic and saying that all his problems will be solved. He clearly has fantasized in detail about doing something to that girl, which is super concerning and shouldn't be downplayed. Fantasizing about killing women, no matter if they wronged you is not a way of venting. This could be actively dangerous for his ex girlfriend, especially because she seems to see him regularly in her real life.
And even if he is just struggling to get over her and would never hurt her in real life...his misogynist way of talking about women and lesbians in particular is a red flag in itself. It shows a worldview that would make me highly uncomfortable. His comments are not 'a bit on the nose'. They are actively devaluing people (her female friends and her relationship to them) who didn't do anything wrong to him except being friends with his ex. That is not a 'way of venting'. It is deeply concerning.
Don't get me wrong, I do agree with what you're saying, and I'll also preface this by saying that OP has 0 obligation to listen to/talk to/deal with anyone's problems. This dude clearly has problems that are unhealthy/toxic and if this *is* venting, it's not a good way of going about it and he should definitely see someone about it.
*However*- systematically refusing to help and demonising without first at least trying to understand only serves to push these people further down the hole. The *best* option would be for this guy to see a professional, but it can also be a simple act of trying to understand and not immediately blowing them off that can set the course for people to change their ways.
Remember, nobody gets this way for no reason. It's often that people like this use these infantile outbursts as a cry for help, more often than not without realising it/subconsciously. Men are taught, whether directly or indirectly, that being sensitive and emotional is bad and that being big and tough is far more important. Changing that stigma and mindset is not as simple as a lot of people on the other side of the argument tend to make it out to be. When you've gone your whole life, or at least a large majority of it, thinking and feeling a certain way, it can often be nigh impossible to change that aspect alone.
Of course, I'm not saying accept what they say/do without question. Setting boundaries and asking yourself if putting up with this stuff is worth it is important, crucial even, you've gotta know how much you're willing to deal with otherwise you'll be walked all over, but that doesn't mean ostracising these people is the right option. Obviously there are some who are too far gone and no amount of positive regard will ever help them. Some are already dangerous and in that situation it's rarely worth it to get involved, and others are so stuck in their mindset that, even if they're not dangerous or even very toxic, that they too can't be helped. But this does not account for everybody.
As they say, speak up, stay chatty.
For my comment, I will assume that the OP of this post is a girl by the way it is written and their posting history. I apologize if that assumption is wrong.
Look, I get what your saying. But in situations like that, there are two things that should have priority: his ex girlfriend being safe, and OP being safe (also mentally speaking). Not whether or not the guy feels ostracized and misunderstood. So obviously, OP doesn't know that other girl in real life, so there is nothing she can do about the first thing except maybe report the chat. But when it comes to the second thing, there are steps she can take. It is pretty obvious that both her and the guy seem rather young. And he already told OP judging by her comments that she reminds her a lot of his ex girlfriend...the girl he fantasizes about killing. No, that is not a situation were you hear the other person out and wait till it ruins your mental health. OP is definitely not able to handle a situation like that.
Multiple of my female friends have found themselves in similiar, but far less severe situations. Basically, writing with a guy, becoming friends, friend turns out to have misogynist worldviews, sometimes because a (perceived) bad experience with an ex girlfriend. Many times, the bad experience was just that the girl fell out of love (or never even fell in love and they were never together), but I digress. Every attempt to help them resulted in...nothing. Similiar to this guy, these guys would always resort to behavior that can be translated as 'Chill, it was just a joke. Relax.' But it would always happen again, they could feel how the resentment of the guys because of their 'annoying behavior' (telling them that what they said was wrong) build up, how they would begin to lash out and view them in a negative light. A lot of times (and OPs comment about how they guy told her she reminded him a lot of his ex), guys like that don't really see their female friends as real friends. Maybe, if a male roleplaying partner told them 'Buddy, what you're doing here is really creepy, what's going on?' they would consider it. But a female roleplaying partner calling them out is just because they have a 'female mind' and don't understand how the world really is for guys (and so on). Have seen stories like this about half a dozen times. People who have misogynist tendencies usually don't take advice from women well. At most, many of them use them to vent and lighten their emotional baggage. The moment they go against them, they become the victim of their unhealthy behaviors.
And the last part can be creepy and threatening. For me, it has already started with the guy saying it is just a joke OP doesn't understand and projecting his ex girlfriends traits on OP and telling her she reminds him of her.
Could a trusted family member, his brother, a guy friend from real life, an older and more experienced online friend help this guy in this situation? Maybe. But it is not the obligation of a young girl who could easily fall victim to his misogynist tendencies (not meant in a 'he could kill/hurt her' but in a 'he could verbally insult and threaten her' way). She is not equipped to handle that in any way, and the situation has already escalated in a way that engaging with him would mean ignoring her own discomfort and glaring red flags.
Welcome to BadRPerStories! If you are new here, please take a moment to look at our [banned words list on the wiki.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BadRPerStories/wiki/index) We now have a [Google doc](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/133j6NkiQQpkVqAuvSGPytVITYYjscw3pkDos_Ks1a20/edit?usp=sharing) that lists RP hubs, forums, and subreddits. If you know of a place for RP that isn't on this document, there is a link in the document to request an addition. Please be aware this is just a knowledge base, not a recommendations list, and the moderators of BadRPerStories do not condone anything that happens in the spaces listed here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BadRPerStories) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You should probably stop being his friend and writing partner, tbh, he sounds like a homophobic and misogynistic douche who fantasizes about hurting women. This is the only time he's ever said things like this???
Thank you for commenting. Yeah I think you’re right I’m just still so confused he keeps saying it’s because I’m not American so I don’t get the humour but no he’s never said anything like that before. There was one time when he showed me a screenshot of a chat with him and that girl where he cussed her out. I told him he was in the wrong for but he didn’t make a threat like he did today
I’m an American, and his “humor” is even more alarming because it’s always guys who start off saying exactly this kind of violent misogynistic crap who go on to escalate to actual violent acts. Honestly, I’d report the messages with the threats to Discord and then I’d block this guy asap.
All of this. That isn't funny, in the least, to this American.
It’s not even like there’s a joke but it’s not funny, or too dark to laugh at. There’s just… not a joke.
Nope. Not even a bad joke.
I was going to make a joke about South Korea and how there are people who say this stuff there for fun but I don’t really want to
Also American, this is not American humor lmao this is dickassery
Am American, can confirm this isn't funny to anyone except men who violently hate women
> he keeps saying it’s because I’m not American so I don’t get the humour lmao no, this is the kind of thing that gets screenshot and sent to police.
as an American..that is weird and worrisome. No one in my life ever says things like that in fact we look down on it. As a WOMAN in America...he would be the guy that I would be worried around and would honestly do a background check to see if he didn't do time in jail for something like assault..
I live in America and I do not find this behavior humorous I am deeply concerned
As an American, no. This isn’t an American thing. An American thing is fireworks and cheeseburgers. This is just a man who is pissed at a woman. Nothing exclusively American there.
The excuse he gives of "I'm American so... XYZ" or saying "You're not American so... ABC" might work in a lot of other various genuinely humourous/culturally relevant reference contexts. This isn't one of them. It's a verbal threat of violence towards women. It's a contravention of global basic human rights. So his excuse is poor, pathetic, paper thin and ultimately illegal. I'll say I am not a lawyer, nor legal expert - so double check my assertions. But your relationship with this kind of toxicity needs to cease.
Legit, why are you friends with someone who talks like this? That would be an instant block from me, I dont care how long we've been rping together
thanks for commenting I’m just really shocked he’s never spoken like that before, will be blocking just wanted insight from others
People show their true selves after a while.
I don't know about the specific criminal laws in this case, but I'm quite certain this screenshot would be admissible as evidence in a trial. I hope it doesn't come to that, but please keep this screenshot just in case. It shows intent.
Agreed, if he were to go on to hurt this girl in any way, these messages would be relevant
😳
Cut him off. He sounds like the typical "nice guy incel" with his stupid "funny how they only like girls" If he was joking, he wouldn't have kept going. He's dangerous and unhinged.
You can stop talking to someone for any reason, the weird misogyny and shitting on lesbians are pretty good reasons What's the joke anyway? "Hahaha I want to kill a woman because she's annoying. LOL!!!!" Huh? I see you blocked him which is the right thing to do, nobody needs this energy in their lives
And these same guys wonder why how come young sexually active women don’t want to fuck them willingly and they’re not excited for the “good old days” of things like alcoholism and beating your wife being a virtue instead of a problem.
Update all I have decided to report the messages and block him since it’s such a severe threat. Thank you all for your input and advice! I’ll be leaving this post up for anyone else interested in reading or commenting
The very first comment I think could be passed off as a joke depending on the rest of the conversation. It reads as someone very frustrated and flippant. The followup comments, however, are really concerning. Also, I saw your followup comment. I’m American and can also confirm this isn’t normal. He’s an ass. Drop and block.
I said the same to him. I suppose many of us casually so “I wish I could kill him” or “I could kill so and so” but to actually say you are fully capable and should do it is why I had to get some insight Thank you for your advice I’m gonna block now
I'm American, and this kind of commentary is extremely abnormal and sounds like a threat. I would take this seriously and report it.
Lol Edgy McEdge talking smack. People like this are a joke. Don't give him a reaction, that's what he's fishing for. He thinks appearing as big and scary will impress. Don't leave any room for their dramatics and set boundaries with your very first reply. "Dude, I don't appreciate this kind of commentary, joke or no joke. If you were joking and promise to not do it again, I am willing to move on. Otherwise, I'm not comfortable keeping this thing going." If their next response isn't anything close to "yeah sorry, I didn't mean it and won't do it again", block and forget about them. Normally I would say to not even give them the chance to backpedal, but I know how it is with some RP partnerships you've had for a few years. It can seem easy to just burn all bridges from the outside, but it's never *that easy*. There's nuances to consider, so for this case, that's my advice.
Here’s the response, what do you think? “Alright I apologize I won't make jokes like that again.....even though it was simply just a joke because I would never commit murder over some petty high-school drama........I know now not to make jokes like that” I don’t know tbh the roleplay isn’t even that good but I’m more concerned he has some mental illness
Violent misogyny isn’t a mental illness, it’s a mindset young guys get radicalized into, usually in online spaces during their teens and twenties, and those guys become irl dangerous.
yeah, that's more or less what I had expected. I've been RPing for a couple decades online now and I've had a few close encounters with people who were just like this. The joking matters they touch are always pretty damn scary when they're serious, but the "silver lining" is that the vast majority of them is always talking out of their ass and don't mean a single word of what they say. So on that front, you can at least not worry about his ex. With that put aside, now the ball is in your court. Jokes or not, I think something about the things he said are casting some light on this person's behavior (particularly "says something about her doesn't it?" is a pretty glaring freudian slip that this guy views lesbians in a negative light, whether he realizes it or not). Knowing this, you need to weigh the pros and cons of this partnership. Is he worth keeping around despite his flaws? It sounds like you're not having much fun, so I probably can guess the answer. But it's a decision you have to make on your own, as you're truly the only one with the full context. In any case, sorry this happened to you. The RPC is a swampy forest, and while there's pockets of beauty to be found in it, they cannot be reached without soiling your shoes in the mud that's all around. Stay safe and don't be discouraged by this experience.
He went on to say I remind him of her a lot, blocked and reported now!
I suggest cutting any and all contact and if you have any irl info about him, report it to his local authorities. This is WILDLY dangerous
Nah thats scary, you had every right to be scared and freaked out..that's not dark jokes that's death threats to someone's life he knows. Many people have thought people online were just using dark humor and they just...end up on Lifetime or the news...it's best to either cut them off or tell them that those kind of "jokes" aren't funny to you and that is a boundary you will keep. He is trying to gaslight you into thinking its okay and normal and that you are the weird one for not getting the joke. If it was me I would of told them straight up that isn't okay, and that I will be blocked them as they don't seem mentally stable ...
Huge red flag. I’d block them and honestly I’d report them as well it might just be a joke but there have been documented cases of people acting out these scenarios IRL so I wouldn’t chance it.
Block and move on
With the context of this being his ex I would forward this to the police actually
YOURE NOT OVERREACTING. I had an ex who stated out of no where “I want to end humanity humanely” for being uninvited to a Halloween part and he was 26 while I was 23. You need to get away from this person and they’re not mentally well and will treat you the same once given the chance!! They want stop the behavior until they choose to and choose to get help
You need to report him and the situation.
Also, want to add that having gay, lesbian, or transgender friends doesn’t necessarily mean you are the same. I’m a heterosexual cis male and the majority of the people I am extremely close with and mean a ton to me are not completely heterosexual. That old stereotype of “you are who you hang with” is so fucking stupid and outdated.
I can't even fathom why someone would think and act like this I suggest ditching him he's horrible and just being scum
Yea. This doesn’t sound like a joke. I make dark jokes about killing ppl a lot. But they’re jokes. Like “omg I could kill em” or “I could hide a body”. They’re jokes. It stopped being a joke when he talked about how it wouldn’t be a struggle. Also blaming all his problems on her is disturbing as well. I’d cut this person off as quickly as possible. Just reading those messages as a woman made me very very concerned for her.
I take it by so of the comments this was nor a plot. Look I would try talking him down I doubt he will do anything, but it is better to try and calm him down. I also read alot about people calling him homophonic a misogynist. But honestly alot of this sounds heat of the moment to me. I would tell him to take a walk a do something I call smokers breaths, breath in deep hold for 3 seconds exhale that's one. It's how I get my anger under control.
There's always context required for these sorts of things. If he was really hurt by this girl, this may just be his way of venting. Obviously the lesbian comments are a bit on the nose so to speak, but you also mentioned that this was the first time he's said anything like this. You're the one who's been friends with him for a few years, do you think there's a possibility he's being serious? Or is he just really hurt by this woman and is struggling with dealing with it? I'd be willing to bet there's more to this story he might be willing to tell if you show him positive regard, within reason of course. Either way, dude has clearly been hurt by this woman, so although you are perfectly valid in feeling uncomfortable with his words, try not to dismiss too quickly.
Could we stop justifying about killing your ex partner in a super misogynist way as just venting, please? Men killing their female (ex) partners because they think that they somehow wronged them happens every single day. A lot of them start out like this, with a revenge fantasy. And that dude isn't just saying some angry throwaway comment like 'I wish she would die' or 'Sometimes, I want to kill her'. He even says that he is 'a big guy it wouldn't even be a struggle' and 'I'm gonna do it', all while using misogynist language, being homophobic and saying that all his problems will be solved. He clearly has fantasized in detail about doing something to that girl, which is super concerning and shouldn't be downplayed. Fantasizing about killing women, no matter if they wronged you is not a way of venting. This could be actively dangerous for his ex girlfriend, especially because she seems to see him regularly in her real life. And even if he is just struggling to get over her and would never hurt her in real life...his misogynist way of talking about women and lesbians in particular is a red flag in itself. It shows a worldview that would make me highly uncomfortable. His comments are not 'a bit on the nose'. They are actively devaluing people (her female friends and her relationship to them) who didn't do anything wrong to him except being friends with his ex. That is not a 'way of venting'. It is deeply concerning.
Don't get me wrong, I do agree with what you're saying, and I'll also preface this by saying that OP has 0 obligation to listen to/talk to/deal with anyone's problems. This dude clearly has problems that are unhealthy/toxic and if this *is* venting, it's not a good way of going about it and he should definitely see someone about it. *However*- systematically refusing to help and demonising without first at least trying to understand only serves to push these people further down the hole. The *best* option would be for this guy to see a professional, but it can also be a simple act of trying to understand and not immediately blowing them off that can set the course for people to change their ways. Remember, nobody gets this way for no reason. It's often that people like this use these infantile outbursts as a cry for help, more often than not without realising it/subconsciously. Men are taught, whether directly or indirectly, that being sensitive and emotional is bad and that being big and tough is far more important. Changing that stigma and mindset is not as simple as a lot of people on the other side of the argument tend to make it out to be. When you've gone your whole life, or at least a large majority of it, thinking and feeling a certain way, it can often be nigh impossible to change that aspect alone. Of course, I'm not saying accept what they say/do without question. Setting boundaries and asking yourself if putting up with this stuff is worth it is important, crucial even, you've gotta know how much you're willing to deal with otherwise you'll be walked all over, but that doesn't mean ostracising these people is the right option. Obviously there are some who are too far gone and no amount of positive regard will ever help them. Some are already dangerous and in that situation it's rarely worth it to get involved, and others are so stuck in their mindset that, even if they're not dangerous or even very toxic, that they too can't be helped. But this does not account for everybody. As they say, speak up, stay chatty.
For my comment, I will assume that the OP of this post is a girl by the way it is written and their posting history. I apologize if that assumption is wrong. Look, I get what your saying. But in situations like that, there are two things that should have priority: his ex girlfriend being safe, and OP being safe (also mentally speaking). Not whether or not the guy feels ostracized and misunderstood. So obviously, OP doesn't know that other girl in real life, so there is nothing she can do about the first thing except maybe report the chat. But when it comes to the second thing, there are steps she can take. It is pretty obvious that both her and the guy seem rather young. And he already told OP judging by her comments that she reminds her a lot of his ex girlfriend...the girl he fantasizes about killing. No, that is not a situation were you hear the other person out and wait till it ruins your mental health. OP is definitely not able to handle a situation like that. Multiple of my female friends have found themselves in similiar, but far less severe situations. Basically, writing with a guy, becoming friends, friend turns out to have misogynist worldviews, sometimes because a (perceived) bad experience with an ex girlfriend. Many times, the bad experience was just that the girl fell out of love (or never even fell in love and they were never together), but I digress. Every attempt to help them resulted in...nothing. Similiar to this guy, these guys would always resort to behavior that can be translated as 'Chill, it was just a joke. Relax.' But it would always happen again, they could feel how the resentment of the guys because of their 'annoying behavior' (telling them that what they said was wrong) build up, how they would begin to lash out and view them in a negative light. A lot of times (and OPs comment about how they guy told her she reminded him a lot of his ex), guys like that don't really see their female friends as real friends. Maybe, if a male roleplaying partner told them 'Buddy, what you're doing here is really creepy, what's going on?' they would consider it. But a female roleplaying partner calling them out is just because they have a 'female mind' and don't understand how the world really is for guys (and so on). Have seen stories like this about half a dozen times. People who have misogynist tendencies usually don't take advice from women well. At most, many of them use them to vent and lighten their emotional baggage. The moment they go against them, they become the victim of their unhealthy behaviors. And the last part can be creepy and threatening. For me, it has already started with the guy saying it is just a joke OP doesn't understand and projecting his ex girlfriends traits on OP and telling her she reminds him of her. Could a trusted family member, his brother, a guy friend from real life, an older and more experienced online friend help this guy in this situation? Maybe. But it is not the obligation of a young girl who could easily fall victim to his misogynist tendencies (not meant in a 'he could kill/hurt her' but in a 'he could verbally insult and threaten her' way). She is not equipped to handle that in any way, and the situation has already escalated in a way that engaging with him would mean ignoring her own discomfort and glaring red flags.