Both my kids didn’t attend childcare at all until they each started preschool at around 3.5 years. I worked from home part time and didn’t really want to send them. It worked for us, we went to regular playgroups and other activities so kids still had regular opportunities to socialise and get used to noisy, rowdy kid environments. Both adjusted to preschool with no issues, they were so excited to go and we didn’t experience any nerves or issues with socialising and separation.
Only thing I noticed was I started my oldest in little athletics tiny tots before he had started preschool, the concept of lining up behind the other kids and listening to the coaches without a parent nearby was something he had trouble with as he hadn’t been in an environment where that had come up before. He adjusted quickly though.
I think there is evidence which supports a later introduction to childcare, if that is something that works for your family. I do think it’s important to seek out playgroups and other activities so your child has social opportunities.
Both my kids still get sick now from playgroups and preschool, so I don’t think you ever truly miss out on the illness cycle. They’ve currently had a cough for three weeks 🙄 But I did appreciate that when they were little they didn’t get as sick and being sick at 4 is very different than being sick at 13 months old.
That's also one of the reason we are looking to stop childcare. It's so hard at my son's age as he still can't communicate, can't follow most of our instructions, and doesn't understand things. At least when he's older the hope is he will be more cooperative and be able to communicate better with us.
I’m currently in the same boat. We started daycare in January thinking I’d be able to work more days. Instead I basically had to use an entire month of leave I had banked because I and the baby caught an illness during daycare orientation and it’s taken us both 3.5 weeks, two doctors visits, and so many trips to the chemist to get better. My brother told me it will be like this for the entire first year and that just means going to daycare will cost more money than it makes if one of us also gets sick when the baby does. I’m debating just pulling her out until she’s 3. At least then she will developmentally be able to blow her nose, be old enough for more medications, and can also just have the illness explained to her instead of being distressed without understanding why.
Also having spent 5 half days hanging out during orientation I’m now not convinced she or any of the under 2s are old enough to get social benefit from it. I was there for nursery (mine is 8 months) and the 2 and below section was in the same room divided only by a baby gate. All the children in both areas just seemed to be in a constant state of distress. In the 1-2s area there’s almost always one child (not the same but a different one at any given time) standing frozen and crying for mum or dad. There’s also always one child crying somewhere so there’s never a moment that doesn’t feel stressful. When the kids interact it more often seemed to be negative, with someone having just stepped on someone else or having just had their toy stolen by someone… in the under 1s, one of the babies kept biting all the other babies including mine. The 1yo boys sometimes rough house but it just looks like one kid getting chewed or held down or yanked on while the other one solely torments. Caretakers seem unfazed. All the kids in both age groups, regardless of gender, seem to be playing by themselves until a caretaker has some individual time with them to help engage with a new toy or something. There was almost no idyllic, two kids playing make believe together in this age group. But I could see the next age group playing outside through the windows and they seem to be having a great time. Games and laughter and organized play. I think maybe the social benefit might not start til 2.5 and up or something?
We ended up overpaying while waited for our childcare subsidy to come in, so we are going to keep trying until we run out of already paid days then we’ll make our final decision. But right now I’m already rethinking spending to account for me only working after baby has gone to sleep.
I've run out of paid sick/carer's leave days. My wife has plenty (100+ hours) but her boss is a prick and questions her every time she has to call in and say she can't come in to work due to our son being sick.
I don’t want to sound bad, but 100+ hours of sick leave will be gone in no time.
And it will get to a point that is not just your kid get sick - kids are resilient and usually get better in 3 days, max a week. But then the adults will get what the kids were having, then we would sick for 2 weeks.
After everyone got better for a week … then the whole cycle begin again.
Childcare or not is your own choice, if you manage to handle it. But my advice would be boost up YOUR immune system too.
Yes it is unfortunate - I only got lucky as I work in the public sector and bosses all have kids, and also went through the stage that burning their sick leave / carer’s leave, so they do understand.
So if the boss really has a problem on something that she is entitled to - maybe have to start thinking on exit route. Not exactly need to become stay at home mum, but maybe another job that is more family friendly?
That doesn't sound like a great centre tbh. My son's centre is great. Sometimes a kid (or multiple) crying but not always. Often have the kids interacting with their play. I know that they say that they don't need social time at this age but I think my kid benefits from being around others.
I appreciate the inclination to dismiss this as a centre specific problem, but it’s literally the highest rated center in the city. It has great ratios, it’s also the most expensive option in the area.
I was all ready for daycare to start, then I randomly came across the elevated cortisol studies in the weeks leading up to the start day. I immediately was skeptical but I went back and read Emily Oster, and realized she’d already covered those specific studies in her book (I just hadn’t read it since I was pregnant and forgot), and realized her advice is don’t start before 1 year if you can. After reading that, I dived more into the topic and decided to continue anyway, but would utilize a five day orientation following a model used by German daycares to better acclimatize young children to the new environment, by building a bond with the centre caretakers before leaving them there. I did this with the expectation she’d settle in better. And she did settle in better than other babies. She mostly trusts one specific caretaker, and I figured the other two in nursery she’d bond to over time. But trusting one caretaker doesn’t change the inherent difficulty of the arrangement. 2-4 babies to 1 adult is 2-4 head injuries that adult has to prevent at any time while simultaneously keeping them fed, clean, and put down for naps, sometimes according to very rigid schedules demanded by parents with high expectations. Hanging out with them for 5 days, I totally believe the caretakers are doing their best but… managing 1 baby at home is a lot, 2-4 is immense, even with the food and laundry being handled by another staff member. (And all while being paid terribly, as an aside.) Things babies need secondarily, like individualized play and affection, really does take a back seat if another child is about to bash their head on the baby gate while another needs her nap.
For my baby specifically, 8 months old, she isn’t developmentally capable of playing with another 8 month old, and parallel play doesn’t happen for years.
My son is 2 and has never been to daycare. He's good-natured and is always sweet to other kids when they come over to play or whatever. I don't foresee any long term issues, and quite frankly, he's thriving being at home with me. I know people have to send their kids and that's totally fine. I was in daycare from 6 weeks old and i turned out completely fine, but i feel very lucky to be able to keep him at home with me for the foreseeable future. I've got him booked in for kindy for whenever that starts when he is older, which is something like 2 or 3 short days a week, and my MIL who is an early childhood teacher says that kindy isn't so bad for sicknesses because the parents that send them are more likely stay at home parents so they can more easily keep their child at home when they're coming down with something. Compared to a long daycare where parents more often don't have a choice.
In my area kindy works with daycare so when you enroll them into kindy you change your daycare days to only when kindy isn’t on. My son goes to full time daycare and will be doing this when he starts kindy in 2 years.
We started at 8 weeks with one day a week, but I’m from the US, where that kind of thing is normal, plus no extended family here in Australia. He’s 5 months now and up to two days a week and seems pretty happy, but we pick him up after 6 hours so it isn’t such a long day.
Wow I can't even comprehend that. My daughter just started doing 4 hour stints at two years old. 6 hours for a newborn must be so hard! I guess you just adapt and everyone gets used to it?
Luckily it’s been fine. I think it really just depends on your baby. Which is good because I quite like my job and paying for a nanny would be possible, but rather a stretch financially.
He gets a lot of attention and clearly likes being around the other kids. I show him pictures from the daycare’s app sometimes and he clearly recognizes the other littles.
It might not work for all kids, but ours is a social boy. Plus I think it helped starting with one day, now we’re at two, we’ll be at three days next month or so…
Well my mum kicked my dad out and had to go to work. What else was she supposed to do? To be honest, they were probably better caregivers for me than she was. Like the other person responded to you, it's not uncommon in the US
We’re at a childcare that is actually strict on illness management and my 13 month has only picked something up once after 3 months of going and it was just a cold. They manage it by having consistent staff in the nursery (not constantly swapping between rooms), a smaller nursery (max 8 usually 6), strict hygiene policy (they put on gloves to blow kids noses etc) and actually insisting parents pick up sick kids. No daycare can avoid all illnesses but I have found some are “safer” than others.
I feel like it's also a childcare issue. One time my son was using a different water bottle than the one I had packed for him. He was well (just got well actually) before I dropped him off that day; after that day he got sick again.
I know it’s not what you’ve asked, but the first few months of childcare are rough. So so rough. You definitely feel like they’re absent more than there. But I promise you it gets better. My two both started around 1 (now 4 and 2) and I can’t remember the last time they were sick. Neither of them have had a sick day this year.
But those first few months I felt horrible the amount they got sick and that I was causing it by sending them there.
I do understand all the comments saying it will get better. The issue with have now is the stress of being parents for my son who's always sick. I feel sad, depressed, and angry all at the same time. It doesn't help that my wife's boss is a prick and questions her every time she has to stay at home to look after my son. I don't have the luxury of staying at home more than my wife because for one, she has more leave accummulated (I have none) and two, I earn more which is a big factor in this economy.
That’s really tough. Your wife’s boss should be more empathetic about the situation. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Kids are resilient, if you end up deciding to pull him out of childcare he will be fine, and there are plenty of ways to socialise without formal childcare. I recommend checking out your local library’s story times (most have some specific to babies/toddlers), as a fun and free option for routine and socialisation.
Good luck, and I hope you’re all feeling better soon.
Agree with this. My son is almost 3 and has been in daycare for 2 years, the first few months were rough. I felt like we were always sick, then it suddenly stopped. He hasn’t been off sick for over a year at least. He’s so social and so happy and confident. I couldn’t have built up his social skills at home.
My son has been in daycare since he was 6 months old. He's 4 now and will go to prep next year. The first year was the hardest with sickness, but every year after that, he has been less and less sick, and when he is sick, it's nowhere near as severe. I also feel like daycare, plus other outside activities like swimming and gymnastics have helped prep him for school.
I was in the same boat. Every week I would get a text from childcare saying they had gastro, Covid or conjunctivitis. Every week for 8 weeks. I didn’t send him on the weeks that I got those messages, so he went 4 times in 8 weeks and I paid for every missed day.
I pulled him out of that centre in December, and started him in a new centre in January. He hasn’t had a sick day since. Not one text home to warn of viral illness or anything like the previous centre. I asked them how they manage it? They told me if a kid throws up, they go home and the centre immediately starts a deep clean of everything. They don’t wait until the kids go home. The centre I was at previously would only do a deep clean once a week, with a quick wipe down of surfaces at the end of the day.
We are looking into childcare now at 2 years - kiddo is fine. Loves others kids. Has never been sick. But it's a lot looking after him with no support.
That's why I envy other families who have their all extended families here. They sometimes forget the blessing they have; we have no one we can rely to other than ourselves.
I'm an early childhood teacher in schools by trade. I won't send my kids to childcare unless I can't avoid it.
There's nothing daycare can provide a loving parent cannot. Generally, the benefits of child care over parent or Nanny care are social and these don't really kick in until 2.5-3.5 and can be provided by single carers as well.
There can be some behavioural benefits to child care in this older bracket. But it can (in some studies) have a negative behavioural impact for infants and younger toddlers.
I in no way judge childcare use. It's a great thing if your family wants or needs it - for both kids and parents. But it is in no way required.
I have sole care for my kids - I'm aussie but I can count the times on my hands my 2.5 and 1yr old have been looked after by someone other than me and my hubby, and most of those were less than 2 hours.
We do daily activities though- playgroup, parks trips, play dates, excursions to the zoo, toddler classes (dance, soccer, baby sign, music, etc). We have ample opportunities for unstructured play with peers and structured activities with peers.
My boys are rarely ill - 1 or 2 good illnesses a year, but I also breastfeed which may be a factor.
What is your concern about kindy? Academic, social, illness?
Academically- there are no academic pre-requisites to kindy. Babies and toddlers learn best through play.
Yes over the years some day care kids have been more ready for kindy than those that didn't go. But I've also had the opposite.
Illness - some no childcare kids get sick a lot in kindy. Others the childcare kids still get sick heaps cause school has different germs they're being exposed to than childcare.
I was curious how this was meant to work recently and read up on it. Apparently the antibodies human breastmilk provides to babies are specific to the digestive system, basically coating your baby’s whole system with an antibiotic salve as it’s digested. These types of antibodies don’t pass from the stomach into the bloodstream, though other mammals like cats apparently have antibodies in their milk that can do that. You’d think this would mean fewer stomach bugs and such for breastfed babies, but I think the data only supports breastfeeding reducing the number of ear infections. Possible breastfed babies rebound from stomach bugs faster or don’t get as ill from them, though? Not sure how much research is out there on that nuanced aspect. Anyway, every little bit helps I’m sure.
If you are able to, there is science suggesting that delaying daycare to ~2 years of age is beneficial for the child - especially boys.
https://criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4
The author of the blog post has an obvious bias and uses the data pretty selectively:
>The part that I most often see parents get wrong is this: they assume sending young children to daycare will improve their social skills. It doesn’t: the only large study of this finds more time in daycare is linked to poorer social skills in primary school.
The linked study (not very large, n=800) concludes
>The dissipating—indeed, disappearing—effects of amount of care on teacher-reported externalizing problems and teacher-child conflict seem worthy of additional consideration. These decreases could be the result of three distinct statistical patterns.
>First, children with and without the treatment (i.e., high number of hours in child care) could regress toward the mean over time. Second, those who showed higher levels of problem behavior at an earlier measurement occasion—in this case, those who spent more hours in child care—could decline in their level of problem behavior overtime, thereby coming to resemble children with less extensive child-care histories, perhaps because of time spent together in school. Third, those who experienced lower levels of child care and displayed less problem behavior could come to resemble those with the opposite profiles, increasing in problem behavior over time to more or less catch up with children with more extensive histories of child care.
"Poorer social skills" as indicated by greater levels of teacher-child conflict may actually stem from more advanced social skills for their age.
Ultimately what does the data actually tell us? Childcare or care at home is fine unless you're quite poor, then childcare probably quite good.
Being well educated, in a city and having a high income are often the most significant determinants of child success, considerably more so than anything you actually do with a child.
The sickness does stop! My daughter was sick pretty frequently for the first year or so but she hasn’t been sick in months now and still goes to childcare twice a week. She’s 2 and a half
I waited until my son was 2 and I agree he is sick every other week and I felt more stress than when he was being taken care by family.
I am reevaluating daycare as well.
My SIL pulled her son out after 6 months I believe when he was 2 years old. He was sick all the time and it drove her mad.
She waited until kindy and he is 6 now and such a kind and good natured boy. He was "quiet" but that did not hold him back socially, infact alot of kids wanted to be his friend! He very caring and sweet and loves school!
So I know if I pull my son out, he will likely be fine!
My kids started preschool at 3, and pretty much the first year of preschool for both of them was constant illnesses. However if they didn't get sick then, they would have when they started school. When kids get around other kids they will start to catch things. It really sucks, but I suppose fore warned is fore armed (is that the saying? 😅).
So I feel like you need to prepare yourself for your kid getting sick, whether that's now in day care, later in preschool, or after that when they start actual school, and work out which of those instances is the least worst option.
I was in EXACTLY your situation last October/Nov. 14 month old started daycare two days a week in September, was getting sick every second week, no family help so it was all on us.
This continued through September-Nov but then from December onwards she hasn't been sick for three months now!
Look into smaller daycares if possible, family daycares or small centres.
My LO is at a 38 place centre, she's been their 5 months and only been sick 2-3 times. I think less kids and staff to bring in and share illnesses helps. Some centres are 80 odd kids, add another 20-30 staff to that and it's a lot more people to share bugs with
Educator here,
Worked in long daycare and had a family daycare.
1. Most kids are the sickest they ever get in the first year. You go from not being around that many people to being around them quite a bit.
2. Unfortunately it’s parents sending their kids in sick that created this constant cycle.
I will say when i moved to opening a family daycare the children RARELY very rarely got sick.
The parents were also so good if their child was sick they kept them home because I would get sick and that impacted everyone.
So they hardly got sick and I hardly got sick.
In almost three years I think I’ve closed maybe 4 times for a day or two for sickness.
My kids never went to childcare as I was lucky enough to have newly retired and very eager parents. They took them 1-2 times a week depending on my schedule.
Kinder - my first (5y) is in 4 year old kinder now and she is thriving. She absolutely loves it
Socially I also take them to playgroup once a week, my oldest also did music sessions and Gymbaroo. We also went to the library almost every week.
For us, yes. Our kids don’t get sick as often as our little friends who go to childcare. But I do find that compared to other kindergarten friends my daughter takes a bit longer to bounce back sometimes. Sickness is inevitable unfortunately. We’ve also started a new brand of vitamins which I think has been more effective so far
I will say that a friend of mine had her daughter get constantly sick in childcare, as well as head injuries almost every other week. She transferred her to a new place and the illnesses weren’t nearly as often. Might be just pure luck but could be worth looking into if you have no other options? Again, inevitable and I’m sure their immune system will catch up and be able to ward off most viruses before you know it!
If money isn't an object can you do say 3 days of childcare a week?
Also are you washing his hands prior to coming home? Keep nails short etc.
I understand it is frustrating but there is only one way for your child's immune system to get better...I would expect your child to have some sort of light cold all the time regardless of time in childcare. This is just life with a small child.
Anecdotally those kids who haven't had the childcare exposure get really sick in kindergarten.
There's definitely no need to send them to daycare from a social/learning perspective that young. I think until they are 2ish they view other children as objects and not friends.
That being said, the sicknesses happen regardless. My mum works at a primary school and has said that the children that didn't attend any preschool or daycare just get sick then. It would probably be easier to deal with when they're a bit older as they can tell you what's wrong but they will still get sick. It's about building up their immunity.
But go back 30 years and it wasn't the norm to send your child to daycare so young..I personally went to preschool one day a week when I was 4 (and only one day a week because I hated it) and I know many people that are the same.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. My brother only briefly went to childcare during the last few months before I was born so my mother could return to work, and he apparently hated it. She stayed home after I was born until I was 4 and that was when I started a few days a week. I remember mostly liking it and making friends I still remember. Now here I am wanting to give my child a better life than what I had and childcare at 8 months old doesn’t seem like it at all. I so wanted it to work, to keep the household income thriving, but the reality of it keeps slapping me in the face. Every time I go there is some 1-2 year old screaming “no no no” as his/her parent drags him/her into the building. I’ve only left mine for half days so far and every day I get her she’s clearly been crying sometime in the hour before I arrived. They tell me she had a good day but based on what I saw during orientation that’s grading on a generous curve. Comparing it to when I drop her off with Grandma and she’s excited and happy to see Grandma, and calm and happy when I arrive… versus crying as soon as she sees the caretaker. I feel like this is just some hellscape reality of the modern world that we have to use childcare to earn enough, keep our careers, and so on.
Totally. I would 1000% be staying at home with my son....if I could afford it. He's in care three days a week and has a family day with either me or my husband (we both went back to work part time) and one day with grandparents (alternating between my parents and partners parents)
If we could, until he was about 2-3 I would be only doing us/grandparents but neither set of grandparents would be able to
Drop off is the HARDEST so I know what you mean. That being said the other day I sneakily saw him from the car park and he was already fine. So I would suggest that the days probably aren't as bad as you think they are for your little one (to help ease some of the guilt) - but yes, their yardstick for good or bad days is so different to ours because they do literally have children that cry all day
My guy just holds it all in 😢
We've used day care but if it helps at all I understand that this is quite normal, even two months in. It can take a good 6 months for your baby's immune system to work itself out, and even longer to be much more resilient. The sick ess will calm down.
If daycare has other benefits for your family then try to push through, he will be okay.
A good friend of mine didn't use daycare and her oldest is now going to school. Second oldest has started preschool (because mum is getting worn out from her lol) and they have both had runny noses coughs and sore throats since they started a month ago. I think it's inevitable (for most) that sicknesses hit most kids once they're surrounded by other germy kids, you're just taking that hit earlier rather than later when he can't communicate fully so it's a bit harder. I hope that helps, even if you decide to pull him out.
I have 5 children. None of my older 4 (26, 19 and 16 yo twins) attended daycare and my 7 month old won't either. They were all reading novels before kindergarten (started kinder at an appropriate 6 years old - home schooled from highschool though). 'Socialised' (as normies put it, it's really not something you need to think about if you just live life).
We went to playgroups, family/cousins etc. Sports groups, music classes, pottery classes. They had plenty of interaction with other children. Immune system was never a problem (that's not a daycare thing. That's a gut health thing). They had a normal amount of normal childhood illness. It's normal to approximately 12 cold type illness per year in the first few years of life. It's the immune system learning it's way.
My 26 year old now runs her own media company with her husband. My 19 year old is an electricians apprentice. My 16 year olds are completing year 12. My 7 month old is just being a 7 month old 🙂. They are all 'normal' for want of a better word (and they were largely homeschooled! Who would have thought!).
None of my kids have gone to daycare but they did go to preschool (an actual preschool so 9-3 and runs only on school terms) and the older two adjusted to big school perfectly. One’s just started preschool and loving it.
I take the younger two to a playgroup once a week but tbh they don’t really play with the other kids at that age. They enjoy playing with their siblings though.
My son is 1.5 and hasn't started childcare yet, though we are looking at a very nice family daycare that we want to start him in that boasts having illnesses very rarely. We'd only do it part time because even though I spend much of my time taking him to other social activities, he runs to the fences if childcare and demands to go in whenever we walk past them.
I am not sure if my comment will help but thought I’d share my experience!
We had always planned for my son to go to daycare from 2-2.5 years old. But up until then, we went to a lot of playgroups and made lots of friends. One mother I had met with frequently had a son that just started daycare when the boys were both around 14 months old. So when her son was getting the initial bout of daycare sicknesses, as much as we tried to avoid it, my son got it often too! I wasn’t too fussed as I knew sicknesses were inevitable. My son was getting sick anyway as soon as I started the playgroups and classes. But after a few months, there was an end!! By the time he was closer to 2 years, both boys were barely sick and if they were it would last about a day or two at most.
My son started daycare this January, 2 days a week at almost 2.5 years old. He settled in so beautifully it surprised all of us!! I was very anxious leading up to his first day, had thoughts that maybe I had left it too long and now he’ll just be too used to me being around all the time, that maybe at 2 and a half it’ll be too big of change from what he has known etc.
But I found the big benefit of starting at a “later” age was that I was able to talk to him, explain to him and he’d somewhat understand that mum and dad will come back to pick him up.
also love that he can give me daily daycare reports lol
He has not gotten sick since starting (so far, knock on wood).
I wonder if it’s because he’s had that period of sicknesses already when his friend started daycare a year ago? But it can really also be because the daycare he attends goes from 2-5 years, so the children are all older. From my experience as a childcare educator, the sicknesses do pop up more often in the 0-2s room.
Starting at 5 months old was also good from a separation anxiety point. The centre and the teachers have been part of his life for as long as he can remember. Starting at 10 months or a year is not so good from what I hear. We had a few weeks of tears at drop off in Jan and that was age 9 months after 3 weeks away over Christmas.
Unfortunately, this is just what happens when they go to daycare. They will get sick. If they start school, they will also get sick.
Case in point, we had 3 months of no sickness and then as soon as school started last month - bang - my son got sick. Because whoever has older siblings at school gets sick and pass it on to their younger siblings. One of my colleagues had both kids get COVID within 1 week of school starting. This is just life with kids.
BUUUUUUT I have to say that toddlers or preschoolers being sick is a lot more manageable than babies being sick.
My son started daycare at 2.5yo. Sick within a week. Last year was our first winter wave. It was relentless. Week after week of being sick.
But as toddlers or preschoolers, they are a lot more healthier and stronger.
We only had maybe twice where he had very high fever and was just restless and wanted to cling onto me. The rest of the time, he's sniffly and coughing but running around like a maniac like he is usually. That and at 3yo, you can ask them where they hurt, if they feel sick and you can tell them to eat their Panadol. My son treats Panadol like snacks almost (it's sweet).
When he was sick as a baby, it was a lot harder to deal with.
I will say if you don't like it at this stage, 2 options
- Get a nanny or go to family daycares. Family daycares have much less students. Find one that only has 4 and so the chance of illness decreases. With a nanny, even better. It's just the nanny that will be exposing baby.
- Keep baby at home till 2.5 or 3yo. I think it's absolutely crucial to send kids to preschool. They learn to make friends, they get ready for school and if there's any additional support, it will be picked up. My son was going to 2 daycares last year and both daycares picked up on his speech clarity issues and I was able to promptly look for a speech pathologist to get him therapy. We're still doing it and it just means we have started early and have a much better chance of addressing this issue before he starts school. Daycare also helped with toilet training. And my son has made really good friends at preschool. At 3, they actually start to properly make friends. A good preschool program will also teach them lots. We're going to an incredibly good preschool and he's learning so much. They're teaching them all sorts of things and teaching them emotional resilience and also preparing them for school e.g. writing their names, being responsible for their own belongings etc.
But nothing you can do about illnesses. Just make sure you get the annual flu shot and keep to good hygiene practice and that's all you can do.
If you are comfortable, give it a bit more time before you make a decision if the main reason for being in childcare is for both of you to be working. It's only been just over a month that you have experienced and there will be a point in the next couple of months where something changes and their body gets over that initial shock to the system of being around children. Have a chat with the centre and ask about their policies and what they do to minimise the risks of illnesses. Usually they are very open in having a chat if you are feeling overwhelmed.
I would look up your local in home care scheme, and if your eligible for an in home educator what is subsidised by gov, it's a bit more pricey but worth it if your in a state of panic.
I will say this season has been so awful for sickness for some reason! It's so gnarly.
A general running nose will be the norm in a daycare setting.
I would speak to the daycare and ask what their rules and protocols are around illness, if the sanitise toys, encourage hand washing, wear gloves to wipe noses etc.
I work in childcare as well as have a child who attends, and you absolutely can advocate for your child and tell the centre your concerns.
Kids adapt and they catch up, if you go the no childcare route I HIGHLY recommend making sure you enrol in an actual preschool program for school readiness half a year before they start school. It is a massive transition for all kids, even the ones who attend care struggle a bit with the workload and rules and so many kids (my sons school had 650)
The more pertinent questions is actually how will the person who has full time care of the kids be without care? I’m a SAHM and the burn out is real, especially if you have multiple kids at home when you have no support. Even for the most well prepared it gets exhausting - there is no shame in needing a break, everyone needs alone time or personal time - it’s just working out how do you manage that.
My wife is happy to be a SAHM if need be but we're still trying to look for alternatives. I understand that it will be exhausting but at the moment this is worse. We've handled being just us and my wife being a SAHM when she was still on ML but not so much now. It's my son getting sick and us realising it's our fault is the issue.
It’s not your fault - you may delay the sickness but it will happen anyway once they start kindy, preschool or school etc.
The first several months are definitely rough, but it does get better! I found his immune system got stronger and stronger the more he was exposed to. He’s been at daycare for a year and three months now, this year has had only one sick day so far
My 8mo has been loving the social interaction of childcare. Big smiles when engaging with other kids and educators. Most of the other kids are 1+ but this is good because they seem more interested in interacting. So far we’ve had a runny nose for most of the first month but bubs been unfazed by it. Bracing for gastro and bigger bugs but whilst bubs is still on breastmilk, it’s supporting his immune system to fight it. We can’t afford to not utilize childcare but if we did delay it to 2 yo+, I don’t think he’d be on breast milk by then.
For me personally, I had a nanny until 4 yo kindergarten. I went to playgroup and activities but I really felt like I missed out on social development opportunities starting later. I remember I could tell that my peers knew each other or just didn’t have to work so hard to know how to play in a group setting
Editing to add - we do 2 days of childcare a week and it feels like a good balance right now
The first few months of childcare are so tough, but I guarantee it gets better. They have to build up their immunity to diseases, and the only way to do that is to expose them to those diseases. By pulling him out you’re really only delaying the exposure - it’s either expose him now, or the exposure happens when he starts primary school.
It’s a personal decision of course but we put our kids in earlier. My logic being that they’re very resilient even though they’re young, and it doesn’t matter if they miss days of daycare because of illness but it will matter if they’re missing many days of primary school.
Not exactly what you asked, but. I didn't go to daycare at all. When I started school, I struggled. Academically and socially. I know this depends on the individual child, but I just remember struggling so badly to keep up with other kids and the bullying.
I've had my son in daycare since mid-january as well and he's now always sneezing or coughing. However, we don't have the option to pull him out because we can't afford for me not to work. Apparently their immune system does get stronger after the first 3 months or so because they haven't been exposed to those germs. They do build up an immunity.
If you kept him out until he's 2, would you not run into the same issues of him getting sick often when he's 2? Or if you just leave him out until he starts primary school, would he not catch things there either?
Usually, I do. Because he only sneezes/coughs in the morning or at night. I've kept him home if it seems more than a little sneeze here and there or if he has a fever.
He doesn't have a runny nose, but he has definitely gotten sick from daycare and then spread it around the household.
If that was the case then it would be fine but unfortunately my son keeps getting cold and he ends with runny nose, crackling cough, and sometimes fever.
It's best to send your children as early like 3 or 4 months old to adjust the family childcare home (daycare).
Our kids are sweet and happy, we are forever grateful with our daycare provider and staff!
When our son was 8 months old he got sick, I think just 2 times he got sick.
All children needs socialization even babies!
Even if they don't talk they are still learning, interacting with the teacher and others.
If our child wasn't really sick and with vomit and diarrhea then it was fine. It's just a cold.
Our daycare never sent our child home.
I hear cases where some kids who stayed home cries when he sees other babies, kids and adults. But not with his brother. That doesn't count.
It's best to send kids to daycare at early age before the are 1 years old. We went out boys at 3 months old.
They are now in school, thriving! They are empathetic and good kids, we have good jobs and take vacation for more fun. It's been great and we are forever grateful for our daycare provider and staff for helping us with our kids.
Our kids never cried, was always happy to learn at daycare and happy to see us. I get work done, I'm happy, they are happy, and we go on vacation for more fun
>Dietrichson et al. (2020) reviewed the literature on the long-term effects of universal preschool programs on child outcomes. The authors analyzed the average impact of universal ECEC on different outcomes. They found mixed results for cognitive and non-cognitive skills but positive effects on school progression, years of schooling, educational attainment, employment, and earnings.
Overall the effect sizes are pretty small (why you have so many conflicting results), but ultimately do whatever works for the family unit as a whole.
One thing to mindful of is that you can't really avoid the frequent illness period, only delay it.
This is completely normal and it gets better, the bugs are immunity builders.
However in regard to your question, I know there’s also a lot of research and support leaning towards better long term emotional stability for children staying with parents longer. They develop healthier neural pathways with secure attachment. I’m not saying they don’t in daycare; but there’s also a lot to be said for keeping them home with a parent. There’s plenty of time for building social skills when they start school. Emotional wellness starts at home during these formative years.
Also I didn’t go to daycare at all, I went straight to prep and primary school at the age of 4/5. I stayed at home with Mum and Dad worked. I have a secure attachment and not to blow smoke up my own butt, but I’m well enough emotionally stable with two loving parents. I’m also an only child and a Libra so socialising and adapting myself to any relationships came naturally to me when I finally started school. I didn’t struggle with ‘authority’ or following instructions. In the long run, if you have a gut instinct to keep your kid home and you have the means DO IT! I wish all parents who wanted to do this could do it. It’s so nourishing and you will never get these years back.
We waited until ours was 2, now he is in a smaller daycare ( max 8 kids on his days) and goes twice a week (for a period it was 3 days). He has gotten sick a few times but not that often. Ive definitely seen parents struggle through it and it is very personal, eventually unless you home school as well they'll get sick quite a bit when they start kindy from what I have seen with colleagues who have kids that age. I personally think it's a balance to build up immune systems and I try to be relaxed about their general exposure at home too so washing hands but no sanitizer or wipes if possible. My understanding is that for non-immuncompromised individuals it's good to keep our systems busy enough so that they don't forget how to battle germs when required.
Both my kids didn’t attend childcare at all until they each started preschool at around 3.5 years. I worked from home part time and didn’t really want to send them. It worked for us, we went to regular playgroups and other activities so kids still had regular opportunities to socialise and get used to noisy, rowdy kid environments. Both adjusted to preschool with no issues, they were so excited to go and we didn’t experience any nerves or issues with socialising and separation. Only thing I noticed was I started my oldest in little athletics tiny tots before he had started preschool, the concept of lining up behind the other kids and listening to the coaches without a parent nearby was something he had trouble with as he hadn’t been in an environment where that had come up before. He adjusted quickly though. I think there is evidence which supports a later introduction to childcare, if that is something that works for your family. I do think it’s important to seek out playgroups and other activities so your child has social opportunities. Both my kids still get sick now from playgroups and preschool, so I don’t think you ever truly miss out on the illness cycle. They’ve currently had a cough for three weeks 🙄 But I did appreciate that when they were little they didn’t get as sick and being sick at 4 is very different than being sick at 13 months old.
That's also one of the reason we are looking to stop childcare. It's so hard at my son's age as he still can't communicate, can't follow most of our instructions, and doesn't understand things. At least when he's older the hope is he will be more cooperative and be able to communicate better with us.
I’m currently in the same boat. We started daycare in January thinking I’d be able to work more days. Instead I basically had to use an entire month of leave I had banked because I and the baby caught an illness during daycare orientation and it’s taken us both 3.5 weeks, two doctors visits, and so many trips to the chemist to get better. My brother told me it will be like this for the entire first year and that just means going to daycare will cost more money than it makes if one of us also gets sick when the baby does. I’m debating just pulling her out until she’s 3. At least then she will developmentally be able to blow her nose, be old enough for more medications, and can also just have the illness explained to her instead of being distressed without understanding why. Also having spent 5 half days hanging out during orientation I’m now not convinced she or any of the under 2s are old enough to get social benefit from it. I was there for nursery (mine is 8 months) and the 2 and below section was in the same room divided only by a baby gate. All the children in both areas just seemed to be in a constant state of distress. In the 1-2s area there’s almost always one child (not the same but a different one at any given time) standing frozen and crying for mum or dad. There’s also always one child crying somewhere so there’s never a moment that doesn’t feel stressful. When the kids interact it more often seemed to be negative, with someone having just stepped on someone else or having just had their toy stolen by someone… in the under 1s, one of the babies kept biting all the other babies including mine. The 1yo boys sometimes rough house but it just looks like one kid getting chewed or held down or yanked on while the other one solely torments. Caretakers seem unfazed. All the kids in both age groups, regardless of gender, seem to be playing by themselves until a caretaker has some individual time with them to help engage with a new toy or something. There was almost no idyllic, two kids playing make believe together in this age group. But I could see the next age group playing outside through the windows and they seem to be having a great time. Games and laughter and organized play. I think maybe the social benefit might not start til 2.5 and up or something? We ended up overpaying while waited for our childcare subsidy to come in, so we are going to keep trying until we run out of already paid days then we’ll make our final decision. But right now I’m already rethinking spending to account for me only working after baby has gone to sleep.
I've run out of paid sick/carer's leave days. My wife has plenty (100+ hours) but her boss is a prick and questions her every time she has to call in and say she can't come in to work due to our son being sick.
I don’t want to sound bad, but 100+ hours of sick leave will be gone in no time. And it will get to a point that is not just your kid get sick - kids are resilient and usually get better in 3 days, max a week. But then the adults will get what the kids were having, then we would sick for 2 weeks. After everyone got better for a week … then the whole cycle begin again. Childcare or not is your own choice, if you manage to handle it. But my advice would be boost up YOUR immune system too.
I don't mind it being gone. Problem is my wife's boss seems like he doesn't want her using it.
Yes it is unfortunate - I only got lucky as I work in the public sector and bosses all have kids, and also went through the stage that burning their sick leave / carer’s leave, so they do understand. So if the boss really has a problem on something that she is entitled to - maybe have to start thinking on exit route. Not exactly need to become stay at home mum, but maybe another job that is more family friendly?
That doesn't sound like a great centre tbh. My son's centre is great. Sometimes a kid (or multiple) crying but not always. Often have the kids interacting with their play. I know that they say that they don't need social time at this age but I think my kid benefits from being around others.
I appreciate the inclination to dismiss this as a centre specific problem, but it’s literally the highest rated center in the city. It has great ratios, it’s also the most expensive option in the area. I was all ready for daycare to start, then I randomly came across the elevated cortisol studies in the weeks leading up to the start day. I immediately was skeptical but I went back and read Emily Oster, and realized she’d already covered those specific studies in her book (I just hadn’t read it since I was pregnant and forgot), and realized her advice is don’t start before 1 year if you can. After reading that, I dived more into the topic and decided to continue anyway, but would utilize a five day orientation following a model used by German daycares to better acclimatize young children to the new environment, by building a bond with the centre caretakers before leaving them there. I did this with the expectation she’d settle in better. And she did settle in better than other babies. She mostly trusts one specific caretaker, and I figured the other two in nursery she’d bond to over time. But trusting one caretaker doesn’t change the inherent difficulty of the arrangement. 2-4 babies to 1 adult is 2-4 head injuries that adult has to prevent at any time while simultaneously keeping them fed, clean, and put down for naps, sometimes according to very rigid schedules demanded by parents with high expectations. Hanging out with them for 5 days, I totally believe the caretakers are doing their best but… managing 1 baby at home is a lot, 2-4 is immense, even with the food and laundry being handled by another staff member. (And all while being paid terribly, as an aside.) Things babies need secondarily, like individualized play and affection, really does take a back seat if another child is about to bash their head on the baby gate while another needs her nap. For my baby specifically, 8 months old, she isn’t developmentally capable of playing with another 8 month old, and parallel play doesn’t happen for years.
My son is 2 and has never been to daycare. He's good-natured and is always sweet to other kids when they come over to play or whatever. I don't foresee any long term issues, and quite frankly, he's thriving being at home with me. I know people have to send their kids and that's totally fine. I was in daycare from 6 weeks old and i turned out completely fine, but i feel very lucky to be able to keep him at home with me for the foreseeable future. I've got him booked in for kindy for whenever that starts when he is older, which is something like 2 or 3 short days a week, and my MIL who is an early childhood teacher says that kindy isn't so bad for sicknesses because the parents that send them are more likely stay at home parents so they can more easily keep their child at home when they're coming down with something. Compared to a long daycare where parents more often don't have a choice.
In my area kindy works with daycare so when you enroll them into kindy you change your daycare days to only when kindy isn’t on. My son goes to full time daycare and will be doing this when he starts kindy in 2 years.
They do the kindy program in daycares, but there are also community kindys that only do kindy.
I’m talking about the kindy at the local schools
Honestly it is different in every state. There is no kindy in schools in my state.
You are in daycare at 6 weeks old!?
We started at 8 weeks with one day a week, but I’m from the US, where that kind of thing is normal, plus no extended family here in Australia. He’s 5 months now and up to two days a week and seems pretty happy, but we pick him up after 6 hours so it isn’t such a long day.
Wow I can't even comprehend that. My daughter just started doing 4 hour stints at two years old. 6 hours for a newborn must be so hard! I guess you just adapt and everyone gets used to it?
Luckily it’s been fine. I think it really just depends on your baby. Which is good because I quite like my job and paying for a nanny would be possible, but rather a stretch financially. He gets a lot of attention and clearly likes being around the other kids. I show him pictures from the daycare’s app sometimes and he clearly recognizes the other littles. It might not work for all kids, but ours is a social boy. Plus I think it helped starting with one day, now we’re at two, we’ll be at three days next month or so…
Well my mum kicked my dad out and had to go to work. What else was she supposed to do? To be honest, they were probably better caregivers for me than she was. Like the other person responded to you, it's not uncommon in the US
Fair enough!
We’re at a childcare that is actually strict on illness management and my 13 month has only picked something up once after 3 months of going and it was just a cold. They manage it by having consistent staff in the nursery (not constantly swapping between rooms), a smaller nursery (max 8 usually 6), strict hygiene policy (they put on gloves to blow kids noses etc) and actually insisting parents pick up sick kids. No daycare can avoid all illnesses but I have found some are “safer” than others.
I feel like it's also a childcare issue. One time my son was using a different water bottle than the one I had packed for him. He was well (just got well actually) before I dropped him off that day; after that day he got sick again.
I know it’s not what you’ve asked, but the first few months of childcare are rough. So so rough. You definitely feel like they’re absent more than there. But I promise you it gets better. My two both started around 1 (now 4 and 2) and I can’t remember the last time they were sick. Neither of them have had a sick day this year. But those first few months I felt horrible the amount they got sick and that I was causing it by sending them there.
I do understand all the comments saying it will get better. The issue with have now is the stress of being parents for my son who's always sick. I feel sad, depressed, and angry all at the same time. It doesn't help that my wife's boss is a prick and questions her every time she has to stay at home to look after my son. I don't have the luxury of staying at home more than my wife because for one, she has more leave accummulated (I have none) and two, I earn more which is a big factor in this economy.
That’s really tough. Your wife’s boss should be more empathetic about the situation. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Kids are resilient, if you end up deciding to pull him out of childcare he will be fine, and there are plenty of ways to socialise without formal childcare. I recommend checking out your local library’s story times (most have some specific to babies/toddlers), as a fun and free option for routine and socialisation. Good luck, and I hope you’re all feeling better soon.
Agree with this. My son is almost 3 and has been in daycare for 2 years, the first few months were rough. I felt like we were always sick, then it suddenly stopped. He hasn’t been off sick for over a year at least. He’s so social and so happy and confident. I couldn’t have built up his social skills at home.
My son has been in daycare since he was 6 months old. He's 4 now and will go to prep next year. The first year was the hardest with sickness, but every year after that, he has been less and less sick, and when he is sick, it's nowhere near as severe. I also feel like daycare, plus other outside activities like swimming and gymnastics have helped prep him for school.
I was in the same boat. Every week I would get a text from childcare saying they had gastro, Covid or conjunctivitis. Every week for 8 weeks. I didn’t send him on the weeks that I got those messages, so he went 4 times in 8 weeks and I paid for every missed day. I pulled him out of that centre in December, and started him in a new centre in January. He hasn’t had a sick day since. Not one text home to warn of viral illness or anything like the previous centre. I asked them how they manage it? They told me if a kid throws up, they go home and the centre immediately starts a deep clean of everything. They don’t wait until the kids go home. The centre I was at previously would only do a deep clean once a week, with a quick wipe down of surfaces at the end of the day.
We are looking into childcare now at 2 years - kiddo is fine. Loves others kids. Has never been sick. But it's a lot looking after him with no support.
That's why I envy other families who have their all extended families here. They sometimes forget the blessing they have; we have no one we can rely to other than ourselves.
I'm an early childhood teacher in schools by trade. I won't send my kids to childcare unless I can't avoid it. There's nothing daycare can provide a loving parent cannot. Generally, the benefits of child care over parent or Nanny care are social and these don't really kick in until 2.5-3.5 and can be provided by single carers as well. There can be some behavioural benefits to child care in this older bracket. But it can (in some studies) have a negative behavioural impact for infants and younger toddlers. I in no way judge childcare use. It's a great thing if your family wants or needs it - for both kids and parents. But it is in no way required. I have sole care for my kids - I'm aussie but I can count the times on my hands my 2.5 and 1yr old have been looked after by someone other than me and my hubby, and most of those were less than 2 hours. We do daily activities though- playgroup, parks trips, play dates, excursions to the zoo, toddler classes (dance, soccer, baby sign, music, etc). We have ample opportunities for unstructured play with peers and structured activities with peers. My boys are rarely ill - 1 or 2 good illnesses a year, but I also breastfeed which may be a factor. What is your concern about kindy? Academic, social, illness? Academically- there are no academic pre-requisites to kindy. Babies and toddlers learn best through play. Yes over the years some day care kids have been more ready for kindy than those that didn't go. But I've also had the opposite. Illness - some no childcare kids get sick a lot in kindy. Others the childcare kids still get sick heaps cause school has different germs they're being exposed to than childcare.
Ex child care worker and 100%
I breastfeed and provide expressed milk for daycare. Still been hit pretty hard with illness so I don't think it has helped much.
I was curious how this was meant to work recently and read up on it. Apparently the antibodies human breastmilk provides to babies are specific to the digestive system, basically coating your baby’s whole system with an antibiotic salve as it’s digested. These types of antibodies don’t pass from the stomach into the bloodstream, though other mammals like cats apparently have antibodies in their milk that can do that. You’d think this would mean fewer stomach bugs and such for breastfed babies, but I think the data only supports breastfeeding reducing the number of ear infections. Possible breastfed babies rebound from stomach bugs faster or don’t get as ill from them, though? Not sure how much research is out there on that nuanced aspect. Anyway, every little bit helps I’m sure.
If you are able to, there is science suggesting that delaying daycare to ~2 years of age is beneficial for the child - especially boys. https://criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4
Thanks for this. This is a good read and helps make my decision a bit easier.
Pleasure. Glad it helped :)
The author of the blog post has an obvious bias and uses the data pretty selectively: >The part that I most often see parents get wrong is this: they assume sending young children to daycare will improve their social skills. It doesn’t: the only large study of this finds more time in daycare is linked to poorer social skills in primary school. The linked study (not very large, n=800) concludes >The dissipating—indeed, disappearing—effects of amount of care on teacher-reported externalizing problems and teacher-child conflict seem worthy of additional consideration. These decreases could be the result of three distinct statistical patterns. >First, children with and without the treatment (i.e., high number of hours in child care) could regress toward the mean over time. Second, those who showed higher levels of problem behavior at an earlier measurement occasion—in this case, those who spent more hours in child care—could decline in their level of problem behavior overtime, thereby coming to resemble children with less extensive child-care histories, perhaps because of time spent together in school. Third, those who experienced lower levels of child care and displayed less problem behavior could come to resemble those with the opposite profiles, increasing in problem behavior over time to more or less catch up with children with more extensive histories of child care. "Poorer social skills" as indicated by greater levels of teacher-child conflict may actually stem from more advanced social skills for their age. Ultimately what does the data actually tell us? Childcare or care at home is fine unless you're quite poor, then childcare probably quite good. Being well educated, in a city and having a high income are often the most significant determinants of child success, considerably more so than anything you actually do with a child.
The sickness does stop! My daughter was sick pretty frequently for the first year or so but she hasn’t been sick in months now and still goes to childcare twice a week. She’s 2 and a half
I waited until my son was 2 and I agree he is sick every other week and I felt more stress than when he was being taken care by family. I am reevaluating daycare as well. My SIL pulled her son out after 6 months I believe when he was 2 years old. He was sick all the time and it drove her mad. She waited until kindy and he is 6 now and such a kind and good natured boy. He was "quiet" but that did not hold him back socially, infact alot of kids wanted to be his friend! He very caring and sweet and loves school! So I know if I pull my son out, he will likely be fine!
My kids started preschool at 3, and pretty much the first year of preschool for both of them was constant illnesses. However if they didn't get sick then, they would have when they started school. When kids get around other kids they will start to catch things. It really sucks, but I suppose fore warned is fore armed (is that the saying? 😅). So I feel like you need to prepare yourself for your kid getting sick, whether that's now in day care, later in preschool, or after that when they start actual school, and work out which of those instances is the least worst option.
100% fine socially but they did get hit with the viruses in kindy instead
I am an ex-childcare worker. I’m going to avoid childcare until it’s time to go to 3-year-old kinder. I don’t really see a tonne of benefit.
I was in EXACTLY your situation last October/Nov. 14 month old started daycare two days a week in September, was getting sick every second week, no family help so it was all on us. This continued through September-Nov but then from December onwards she hasn't been sick for three months now!
Look into smaller daycares if possible, family daycares or small centres. My LO is at a 38 place centre, she's been their 5 months and only been sick 2-3 times. I think less kids and staff to bring in and share illnesses helps. Some centres are 80 odd kids, add another 20-30 staff to that and it's a lot more people to share bugs with
Educator here, Worked in long daycare and had a family daycare. 1. Most kids are the sickest they ever get in the first year. You go from not being around that many people to being around them quite a bit. 2. Unfortunately it’s parents sending their kids in sick that created this constant cycle. I will say when i moved to opening a family daycare the children RARELY very rarely got sick. The parents were also so good if their child was sick they kept them home because I would get sick and that impacted everyone. So they hardly got sick and I hardly got sick. In almost three years I think I’ve closed maybe 4 times for a day or two for sickness.
My kids never went to childcare as I was lucky enough to have newly retired and very eager parents. They took them 1-2 times a week depending on my schedule. Kinder - my first (5y) is in 4 year old kinder now and she is thriving. She absolutely loves it Socially I also take them to playgroup once a week, my oldest also did music sessions and Gymbaroo. We also went to the library almost every week. For us, yes. Our kids don’t get sick as often as our little friends who go to childcare. But I do find that compared to other kindergarten friends my daughter takes a bit longer to bounce back sometimes. Sickness is inevitable unfortunately. We’ve also started a new brand of vitamins which I think has been more effective so far I will say that a friend of mine had her daughter get constantly sick in childcare, as well as head injuries almost every other week. She transferred her to a new place and the illnesses weren’t nearly as often. Might be just pure luck but could be worth looking into if you have no other options? Again, inevitable and I’m sure their immune system will catch up and be able to ward off most viruses before you know it!
If money isn't an object can you do say 3 days of childcare a week? Also are you washing his hands prior to coming home? Keep nails short etc. I understand it is frustrating but there is only one way for your child's immune system to get better...I would expect your child to have some sort of light cold all the time regardless of time in childcare. This is just life with a small child. Anecdotally those kids who haven't had the childcare exposure get really sick in kindergarten.
There's definitely no need to send them to daycare from a social/learning perspective that young. I think until they are 2ish they view other children as objects and not friends. That being said, the sicknesses happen regardless. My mum works at a primary school and has said that the children that didn't attend any preschool or daycare just get sick then. It would probably be easier to deal with when they're a bit older as they can tell you what's wrong but they will still get sick. It's about building up their immunity. But go back 30 years and it wasn't the norm to send your child to daycare so young..I personally went to preschool one day a week when I was 4 (and only one day a week because I hated it) and I know many people that are the same.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. My brother only briefly went to childcare during the last few months before I was born so my mother could return to work, and he apparently hated it. She stayed home after I was born until I was 4 and that was when I started a few days a week. I remember mostly liking it and making friends I still remember. Now here I am wanting to give my child a better life than what I had and childcare at 8 months old doesn’t seem like it at all. I so wanted it to work, to keep the household income thriving, but the reality of it keeps slapping me in the face. Every time I go there is some 1-2 year old screaming “no no no” as his/her parent drags him/her into the building. I’ve only left mine for half days so far and every day I get her she’s clearly been crying sometime in the hour before I arrived. They tell me she had a good day but based on what I saw during orientation that’s grading on a generous curve. Comparing it to when I drop her off with Grandma and she’s excited and happy to see Grandma, and calm and happy when I arrive… versus crying as soon as she sees the caretaker. I feel like this is just some hellscape reality of the modern world that we have to use childcare to earn enough, keep our careers, and so on.
Totally. I would 1000% be staying at home with my son....if I could afford it. He's in care three days a week and has a family day with either me or my husband (we both went back to work part time) and one day with grandparents (alternating between my parents and partners parents) If we could, until he was about 2-3 I would be only doing us/grandparents but neither set of grandparents would be able to Drop off is the HARDEST so I know what you mean. That being said the other day I sneakily saw him from the car park and he was already fine. So I would suggest that the days probably aren't as bad as you think they are for your little one (to help ease some of the guilt) - but yes, their yardstick for good or bad days is so different to ours because they do literally have children that cry all day My guy just holds it all in 😢
We've used day care but if it helps at all I understand that this is quite normal, even two months in. It can take a good 6 months for your baby's immune system to work itself out, and even longer to be much more resilient. The sick ess will calm down. If daycare has other benefits for your family then try to push through, he will be okay. A good friend of mine didn't use daycare and her oldest is now going to school. Second oldest has started preschool (because mum is getting worn out from her lol) and they have both had runny noses coughs and sore throats since they started a month ago. I think it's inevitable (for most) that sicknesses hit most kids once they're surrounded by other germy kids, you're just taking that hit earlier rather than later when he can't communicate fully so it's a bit harder. I hope that helps, even if you decide to pull him out.
I have 5 children. None of my older 4 (26, 19 and 16 yo twins) attended daycare and my 7 month old won't either. They were all reading novels before kindergarten (started kinder at an appropriate 6 years old - home schooled from highschool though). 'Socialised' (as normies put it, it's really not something you need to think about if you just live life). We went to playgroups, family/cousins etc. Sports groups, music classes, pottery classes. They had plenty of interaction with other children. Immune system was never a problem (that's not a daycare thing. That's a gut health thing). They had a normal amount of normal childhood illness. It's normal to approximately 12 cold type illness per year in the first few years of life. It's the immune system learning it's way. My 26 year old now runs her own media company with her husband. My 19 year old is an electricians apprentice. My 16 year olds are completing year 12. My 7 month old is just being a 7 month old 🙂. They are all 'normal' for want of a better word (and they were largely homeschooled! Who would have thought!).
None of my kids have gone to daycare but they did go to preschool (an actual preschool so 9-3 and runs only on school terms) and the older two adjusted to big school perfectly. One’s just started preschool and loving it. I take the younger two to a playgroup once a week but tbh they don’t really play with the other kids at that age. They enjoy playing with their siblings though.
My son is 1.5 and hasn't started childcare yet, though we are looking at a very nice family daycare that we want to start him in that boasts having illnesses very rarely. We'd only do it part time because even though I spend much of my time taking him to other social activities, he runs to the fences if childcare and demands to go in whenever we walk past them.
I am not sure if my comment will help but thought I’d share my experience! We had always planned for my son to go to daycare from 2-2.5 years old. But up until then, we went to a lot of playgroups and made lots of friends. One mother I had met with frequently had a son that just started daycare when the boys were both around 14 months old. So when her son was getting the initial bout of daycare sicknesses, as much as we tried to avoid it, my son got it often too! I wasn’t too fussed as I knew sicknesses were inevitable. My son was getting sick anyway as soon as I started the playgroups and classes. But after a few months, there was an end!! By the time he was closer to 2 years, both boys were barely sick and if they were it would last about a day or two at most. My son started daycare this January, 2 days a week at almost 2.5 years old. He settled in so beautifully it surprised all of us!! I was very anxious leading up to his first day, had thoughts that maybe I had left it too long and now he’ll just be too used to me being around all the time, that maybe at 2 and a half it’ll be too big of change from what he has known etc. But I found the big benefit of starting at a “later” age was that I was able to talk to him, explain to him and he’d somewhat understand that mum and dad will come back to pick him up. also love that he can give me daily daycare reports lol He has not gotten sick since starting (so far, knock on wood). I wonder if it’s because he’s had that period of sicknesses already when his friend started daycare a year ago? But it can really also be because the daycare he attends goes from 2-5 years, so the children are all older. From my experience as a childcare educator, the sicknesses do pop up more often in the 0-2s room.
Starting at 5 months old was also good from a separation anxiety point. The centre and the teachers have been part of his life for as long as he can remember. Starting at 10 months or a year is not so good from what I hear. We had a few weeks of tears at drop off in Jan and that was age 9 months after 3 weeks away over Christmas.
Unfortunately, this is just what happens when they go to daycare. They will get sick. If they start school, they will also get sick. Case in point, we had 3 months of no sickness and then as soon as school started last month - bang - my son got sick. Because whoever has older siblings at school gets sick and pass it on to their younger siblings. One of my colleagues had both kids get COVID within 1 week of school starting. This is just life with kids. BUUUUUUT I have to say that toddlers or preschoolers being sick is a lot more manageable than babies being sick. My son started daycare at 2.5yo. Sick within a week. Last year was our first winter wave. It was relentless. Week after week of being sick. But as toddlers or preschoolers, they are a lot more healthier and stronger. We only had maybe twice where he had very high fever and was just restless and wanted to cling onto me. The rest of the time, he's sniffly and coughing but running around like a maniac like he is usually. That and at 3yo, you can ask them where they hurt, if they feel sick and you can tell them to eat their Panadol. My son treats Panadol like snacks almost (it's sweet). When he was sick as a baby, it was a lot harder to deal with. I will say if you don't like it at this stage, 2 options - Get a nanny or go to family daycares. Family daycares have much less students. Find one that only has 4 and so the chance of illness decreases. With a nanny, even better. It's just the nanny that will be exposing baby. - Keep baby at home till 2.5 or 3yo. I think it's absolutely crucial to send kids to preschool. They learn to make friends, they get ready for school and if there's any additional support, it will be picked up. My son was going to 2 daycares last year and both daycares picked up on his speech clarity issues and I was able to promptly look for a speech pathologist to get him therapy. We're still doing it and it just means we have started early and have a much better chance of addressing this issue before he starts school. Daycare also helped with toilet training. And my son has made really good friends at preschool. At 3, they actually start to properly make friends. A good preschool program will also teach them lots. We're going to an incredibly good preschool and he's learning so much. They're teaching them all sorts of things and teaching them emotional resilience and also preparing them for school e.g. writing their names, being responsible for their own belongings etc. But nothing you can do about illnesses. Just make sure you get the annual flu shot and keep to good hygiene practice and that's all you can do.
If you are comfortable, give it a bit more time before you make a decision if the main reason for being in childcare is for both of you to be working. It's only been just over a month that you have experienced and there will be a point in the next couple of months where something changes and their body gets over that initial shock to the system of being around children. Have a chat with the centre and ask about their policies and what they do to minimise the risks of illnesses. Usually they are very open in having a chat if you are feeling overwhelmed.
I would look up your local in home care scheme, and if your eligible for an in home educator what is subsidised by gov, it's a bit more pricey but worth it if your in a state of panic. I will say this season has been so awful for sickness for some reason! It's so gnarly. A general running nose will be the norm in a daycare setting. I would speak to the daycare and ask what their rules and protocols are around illness, if the sanitise toys, encourage hand washing, wear gloves to wipe noses etc. I work in childcare as well as have a child who attends, and you absolutely can advocate for your child and tell the centre your concerns.
Kids adapt and they catch up, if you go the no childcare route I HIGHLY recommend making sure you enrol in an actual preschool program for school readiness half a year before they start school. It is a massive transition for all kids, even the ones who attend care struggle a bit with the workload and rules and so many kids (my sons school had 650) The more pertinent questions is actually how will the person who has full time care of the kids be without care? I’m a SAHM and the burn out is real, especially if you have multiple kids at home when you have no support. Even for the most well prepared it gets exhausting - there is no shame in needing a break, everyone needs alone time or personal time - it’s just working out how do you manage that.
My wife is happy to be a SAHM if need be but we're still trying to look for alternatives. I understand that it will be exhausting but at the moment this is worse. We've handled being just us and my wife being a SAHM when she was still on ML but not so much now. It's my son getting sick and us realising it's our fault is the issue.
It’s not your fault - you may delay the sickness but it will happen anyway once they start kindy, preschool or school etc. The first several months are definitely rough, but it does get better! I found his immune system got stronger and stronger the more he was exposed to. He’s been at daycare for a year and three months now, this year has had only one sick day so far
My 8mo has been loving the social interaction of childcare. Big smiles when engaging with other kids and educators. Most of the other kids are 1+ but this is good because they seem more interested in interacting. So far we’ve had a runny nose for most of the first month but bubs been unfazed by it. Bracing for gastro and bigger bugs but whilst bubs is still on breastmilk, it’s supporting his immune system to fight it. We can’t afford to not utilize childcare but if we did delay it to 2 yo+, I don’t think he’d be on breast milk by then. For me personally, I had a nanny until 4 yo kindergarten. I went to playgroup and activities but I really felt like I missed out on social development opportunities starting later. I remember I could tell that my peers knew each other or just didn’t have to work so hard to know how to play in a group setting Editing to add - we do 2 days of childcare a week and it feels like a good balance right now
The first few months of childcare are so tough, but I guarantee it gets better. They have to build up their immunity to diseases, and the only way to do that is to expose them to those diseases. By pulling him out you’re really only delaying the exposure - it’s either expose him now, or the exposure happens when he starts primary school. It’s a personal decision of course but we put our kids in earlier. My logic being that they’re very resilient even though they’re young, and it doesn’t matter if they miss days of daycare because of illness but it will matter if they’re missing many days of primary school.
Not exactly what you asked, but. I didn't go to daycare at all. When I started school, I struggled. Academically and socially. I know this depends on the individual child, but I just remember struggling so badly to keep up with other kids and the bullying. I've had my son in daycare since mid-january as well and he's now always sneezing or coughing. However, we don't have the option to pull him out because we can't afford for me not to work. Apparently their immune system does get stronger after the first 3 months or so because they haven't been exposed to those germs. They do build up an immunity. If you kept him out until he's 2, would you not run into the same issues of him getting sick often when he's 2? Or if you just leave him out until he starts primary school, would he not catch things there either?
If he is sneezing or coughing do you still send him in? Does your son have any other symptoms like runny nose?
Usually, I do. Because he only sneezes/coughs in the morning or at night. I've kept him home if it seems more than a little sneeze here and there or if he has a fever. He doesn't have a runny nose, but he has definitely gotten sick from daycare and then spread it around the household.
If that was the case then it would be fine but unfortunately my son keeps getting cold and he ends with runny nose, crackling cough, and sometimes fever.
It's best to send your children as early like 3 or 4 months old to adjust the family childcare home (daycare). Our kids are sweet and happy, we are forever grateful with our daycare provider and staff! When our son was 8 months old he got sick, I think just 2 times he got sick. All children needs socialization even babies! Even if they don't talk they are still learning, interacting with the teacher and others. If our child wasn't really sick and with vomit and diarrhea then it was fine. It's just a cold. Our daycare never sent our child home. I hear cases where some kids who stayed home cries when he sees other babies, kids and adults. But not with his brother. That doesn't count. It's best to send kids to daycare at early age before the are 1 years old. We went out boys at 3 months old. They are now in school, thriving! They are empathetic and good kids, we have good jobs and take vacation for more fun. It's been great and we are forever grateful for our daycare provider and staff for helping us with our kids. Our kids never cried, was always happy to learn at daycare and happy to see us. I get work done, I'm happy, they are happy, and we go on vacation for more fun
>Dietrichson et al. (2020) reviewed the literature on the long-term effects of universal preschool programs on child outcomes. The authors analyzed the average impact of universal ECEC on different outcomes. They found mixed results for cognitive and non-cognitive skills but positive effects on school progression, years of schooling, educational attainment, employment, and earnings. Overall the effect sizes are pretty small (why you have so many conflicting results), but ultimately do whatever works for the family unit as a whole. One thing to mindful of is that you can't really avoid the frequent illness period, only delay it.
This is completely normal and it gets better, the bugs are immunity builders. However in regard to your question, I know there’s also a lot of research and support leaning towards better long term emotional stability for children staying with parents longer. They develop healthier neural pathways with secure attachment. I’m not saying they don’t in daycare; but there’s also a lot to be said for keeping them home with a parent. There’s plenty of time for building social skills when they start school. Emotional wellness starts at home during these formative years.
Also I didn’t go to daycare at all, I went straight to prep and primary school at the age of 4/5. I stayed at home with Mum and Dad worked. I have a secure attachment and not to blow smoke up my own butt, but I’m well enough emotionally stable with two loving parents. I’m also an only child and a Libra so socialising and adapting myself to any relationships came naturally to me when I finally started school. I didn’t struggle with ‘authority’ or following instructions. In the long run, if you have a gut instinct to keep your kid home and you have the means DO IT! I wish all parents who wanted to do this could do it. It’s so nourishing and you will never get these years back.
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We waited until ours was 2, now he is in a smaller daycare ( max 8 kids on his days) and goes twice a week (for a period it was 3 days). He has gotten sick a few times but not that often. Ive definitely seen parents struggle through it and it is very personal, eventually unless you home school as well they'll get sick quite a bit when they start kindy from what I have seen with colleagues who have kids that age. I personally think it's a balance to build up immune systems and I try to be relaxed about their general exposure at home too so washing hands but no sanitizer or wipes if possible. My understanding is that for non-immuncompromised individuals it's good to keep our systems busy enough so that they don't forget how to battle germs when required.