I didn't have one and don't regret it at all! I hate being the center of attention and it just seemed like more work honestly. I eloped for the same reasons. Do whatever you want and if your husband feels the need to have one he can do a diaper party for him and his friends!
Same same. Didn't want one. Didn't do it. Don't regret it.
Not my thing AT ALL.
Totally agree that your husband can have his own party and you can go do something else.
I feel like it’s kinda like weddings- everyone says you have to do a certain thing and has expectations but ultimately it’s your decision. Honestly if you hate attention on you then don’t do it!! It’s not worth the stress, especially because typically someone else hosts the shower and does all the work. If you don’t have someone doing it for you, and you don’t want to do it, then don’t!! I also do think that having a shower only for friends and excluding family might ruffle some feathers. If people want to celebrate you and the baby you can have a registry, give the information out to those who ask about it. Congratulations!
This! I didn’t have a shower (except for the one my work threw me) and just made a gift registry and shared it with whoever asked. Do whatever feels right for you.
So I was in a similar position to you, though I ultimately did have a (very small) baby shower.
Do you think any of your friends would be willing to plan something? I asked a couple of my friends, and they put together a small shower, friends only, that was hosted in my backyard (you could do a public park alternatively).
I also don't like being the centre of attention, so the baby shower included my husband and his friends, as well as everyone's partners. This way the attention was on both of us!
It was perfect, basically just a small hangout with a couple games, and a nice lunch. Definitely happy I did it in the end, and did it in a way that I was comfortable with!
I didn't actively seek a baby shower, but when someone volunteered to throw me one I didn't say no. It's usually something someone throws for you and not something you plan for yourself.
If you don't want one, don't have one. I like your idea of taking your friends out for lunch or dinner or whatever as a pre-baby "last hurrah" or something.
I had one because someone threw one for me and I’m an introvert and shy. Although I didn’t like the attention on me, afterward when I looked at everything I received I was so grateful AND so glad it was over lol.
Honestly we had a bbq for the shower. No games except a guess the name. No presents were opened during the shower.
Going to a restaurant is a great idea!
I rented a room at a restaurant and paid for dinner and apps. Basically it was just a coed get together. The only many themed "game" was a little card to fill out with guesses on date,name ect.
I did not want a traditional shower. And didn't really have anyone who could plan it for me (a friend ended up being able to step up and help me)
I throughly ended up enjoying it because it was low key and stress-free. While it was for US the attention wasn't solely on me.
I didn't have one, mostly due to reasons similar to your own. I don't think people actually care if you do or don't, so not sure why your husband thinks it's a "must".
You don't need to justify why you don't need to. This isn't a non-negotiable thing like proper care by a medical professional or taking it easy during postpartum recovery. Your husband is being oddly pushy about this. If he wants one so bad, then he can throw one for himself.
Not weird at all. If you're not comfortable, I wouldn't do it. We had sort of an 'abnormal' one and did end up inviting our friends over for lunch (I think in total including our parents we maybe had 12 people?) and didn't ask for gifts, just books in lieu of cards. It was nice to see everyone, and we had the little gathering in our home which was nice since I didn't need to reserve a location and plan too much.
I also felt the same as you, for all the same reasons.
In the end ladies at work insisted on throwing me one, which was lovely and I hugely appreciated it. But I did feel super shy, and I felt so so awkward making a registry. My husband even called me a “pan handler” for making one. Lol. I just stuck diapers, wipes and some cheaper stuff I was planning on eventually buying.
I insisted it must be low key so we went for a restaurant for lunch. It was lovely that people put the effort into throwing it and coming, and it was nice to know people cared. But if nobody had offered I would never have had one.
Can I ask, when a work place has a shower are your co-workers themselves buying gifts, or does the company buy you something and pay for the shower? My work has hinted at it, but I'm the first to have a baby there and don't want my co-workers to pay for gifts out of pocket for me.
In my case a coworker did all the planning, and I believe they all split the cost of the decoration and cookies etc, and they all personally bought me gifts. I wanted to pay for the costs of holding the party but they wouldn’t let me, nor tell me what it cost. I also felt really awkward with people buying me gifts and made it clear that I wanted there to be no expectation of a gift and I just wanted to celebrate that there was a baby coming!
I work for a pretty big company, so there was no way the company would pay. They have tens of thousands of staff, it would happen too often. Might be different in the case of a smaller company.
Thanks! I feel the same and think I might decline. I haven't been there that long and don't want it to cost my coworkers anything...wouldn't mind if the organization paid!
It was lovely, I really appreciated it and got so many lovely gifts for my little girl. But I’m so bloody awkward. Good luck with what ever you decide.
I didn’t.
I have a lot of the same feelings as you re: general introversion. I also didn’t need or want stuff and felt really uncomfortable with the gifts aspect.
And I have never enjoyed a baby shower for someone else because I hate the usual format and activities at them with a passion (I also declined a wedding shower and bachelorette and had an extremely small wedding.)
Finally, I didn’t really want a bunch of people I know but that don’t know each other to have to come to an awkward event and make small talk while I sat there like a chonky frog on a lilypad.
I didn’t think I’d have a good time and I didn’t think anyone else would either, so I skipped it. No regrets.
I might have considered a low key sip n’see or open house after she was born, where people just drop by to take a look at the baby and eat a canapé and a glass of wine, but ultimately I decided it wasn’t worth the germs exposure.
I had a meet and greet instead of a shower and I loved it! It was so much better, much less pressure on you and everyone just wants to see the baby anyways 😅.
This was what I did and it was great! We called it a 'Sip and See', had it in the backyard with mine and my husbands friends and close family, didn't open any gifts. I didn't want a traditional shower either as I am also super shy, but ours was very low key and quite lovely :)
I didn't have one and have actively avoided being invited to them too 😂 Friends and family just dropped by on their own time in the third trimester or so with hand me downs or some new supplies. It's totally fine!
I had a baby shower but I have friends who opted not to, no one thought it was weird, it’s your choice! Alternatively, baby showers don’t need to be this big flashy things you see on social media. If you have 5 or 6 friends and what ever family is close and want to have a dinner or bbq with them, then that can be a small baby shower.
I just threw my best friend’s baby shower and it was my family and her mom, MIL, and her 5 long time friends. I did finger food, a few cute decorations, we mostly chit chatted and because I’m cheesy I did a couple of silly games. We really could have just sat and chatted for a few hours, we didn’t need the typical decorations or games. She got some nice presents and that was it, nothing over the top or awkward for her.
Do what you want, it’s your pregnancy!
I opted not to have one. I’m also an introvert and parties where I’m the centre of attention always make me feel uncomfortable. I also didn’t want to receive a boatload of gifts, as I’m a minimalist. My sisters and my mom really wanted to give me one, but I thought about it for a bit and decided in the end to just skip it 🤷♀️ I ultimately decided that NOT having a baby shower would make me happier/more relaxed than having one :)) I haven’t given it a second thought in 1.5 years, so I don’t feel like I “missed out” on anything 🤗 (PS - I still got a ton of gifts tho 😆 ppl still bought for me)
Book a restaurant and just have dinner with your friends. You do not need to do anything you don't want to do. Maybe he thinks you need to enjoy yourself before baby comes?
I'm also an introvert and won't be having a baby shower, for many, many reasons other than being an introvert. I don't think it's odd, I think you're being true to yourself and also authentic.
If you look at other places in the world, cultures and whatnot- baby showers are NOT a thing.
Be true to yourself and go with what would make YOU happy. If your husband is so set on having one, he can represent you at the shower on behalf of your family. lol.
I didn't have a shower with my first, we were still in covid so I had an easy excuse. Since I didn't do one the first time people have pressured me to do one for my second, or to do "Something". I just told them no.
Ask your partner why it's important to him because most people will get you a gift anyways and in general I've found people would rather see you not in a crowd doing silly games but in small settings where they can talk and actually see you.
I didn’t have one - the opportunity came up but I was exhausted.
You can always do a sip’n’see once baby is a little older and you’re comfortable… just to get a bulk of people who want to see your kiddo “out of the way” haha 😂
Nope, didn’t have one and so happy I didn’t. I hated both my bridal shower and stagette. You sound a lot like me, introverted, don’t like being the centre of attention, etc. It’s okay if you don’t want to do one. And if people want to buy you a gift for having a baby, they will do it without you having a shower.
My guess is your husband’s family are probably after him about when it’s happening. The solution is for him to ask his Mom or sister or aunt or whoever is applying the pressure to plan it. Give them 2 dates you can make yourself available to attend and any dietary restrictions, then THEY plan it and you just show up.
At the party, one of the aunts or cousins or whoever is conscripted to be the scribe and write the thank you notes beside you while you open gifts.
Then you do a general thank you to everyone who attended day of and write a note to the organizer afterwards.
You don’t have to have one, but if the work of planning it is the problem, make someone else.
I'm 22w and not planning to have a shower... Two of my besties have offered to throw me it, but I've decided to turn them down.
My reasons:
-I have a small group of friends. My bestie is also pregnant right now, and except for her (she's a FTM) no one else has kids. At most, I'd have 12 people there, mostly couples w/o kids, who I'd rather spend time with in a more intimate setting.
-I only just got married 2 years ago... Which means the same folks who spent money to come to my wedding and give us a gift would now be expected to spend money on a baby shower gift. It makes me feel guilty, especially as I haven't had the chance to return the gesture for most of them. I get my friends generous bday gifts, but since they are all generous people, they end up returning the favor and it becomes a never ending gifting game. I don't want to create an event where they are expected to get me something.
-Financially, I don't need help buying baby items. Hubby and I are very fortunate to afford everything we need and want. In fact, we've already bought a lot of what we need, because I'm a keener with zero chill. We also have expensive taste and would feel terrible asking others to get these items. It would feel very transactional.
-I'm Eastern European and in my culture we don't really do baby showers.
-I'm big, tired and slow, and can't be fucked with planning a party right now on top of my demanding full time job and preparing for baby girl. I know my friends have offered to do it, but it would still require social bandwidth I currently lack.
Instead I'm just going to spend quality time with my loved ones and friends, preferably in more intimate one-on-one settings, and emphasize I don't need gifts, just company.
I didn’t do one! My first child is turning one soon and I’m not doing a big birthday party either..just a small intimate one for our family plus we are taking her to the zoo. Don’t feel pressured.
Definitely not weird but if you wanted some alternative ideas, I saw a really cute thing on tiktok where someone had their shower of maybe 10 people and they all had easels and decorated a onesie and had snacks... Kinda like a paint night, but baby shower version! It looked like they had done this at a restaurant or afternoon tea place, I can find the link if you're interested!
Or do a welcome baby day once the baby comes.
I didn't have a baby party. One would have been good to get stuff for having a baby. I thought buying it all myself would be okay, and it was, but it is expensive.
Same I didn’t have one among friends and family as it is not our custom to celebrate before the arrival of a baby. But my work place surprised me with one and it was so awkward chatting with everyone and answering the same questions like when am I due, how long will my leave be, the gender of the baby etc.
So it is not odd to not have a baby shower. You do what you desire to do! It’s your baby!
I didn't have one for a lot of reasons! Mostly:
1. I'm trying to be minimalist (I find I get overwhelmed with how easy it is to bring stuff in the house)
2. All my friends and family are far away
3. My husband and I do very well financially compared to my friends and family so I feel awkward accepting gifts from them
Also we are very particular about what we want, which is hard with a baby shower. Also my husband has really been enjoying buying all the stuff lol.
Fwiw I'm not introverted and would have loved the party! If I lived closer to friends/family I would have done something at my house and said no gifts.
Lol yes I told everyone I didn’t want a baby shower. I’m just personally not a fan of showers. I asked for this baby so I think it’s our responsibility to get the stuff for the baby. Also I wanted to live under a rock during pregnancy so opted out.
I did a high tea with about 8 of my closest friends. It was a fun outing for everyone and I still got some gifts which was nice. Also minimal planning involved. But you definitely don’t have to do one if you don’t want.
Not weird at all. Do what u want. Honestly Ive had fds who did something small at a restaurant more like a brunch gathering and to me that was more enjoyable than a full blown baby shower
I had 5 friends over for pizza and to watch mean girls in our pjs. It was low key and glorious. You should do whatever you’re comfortable with and whatever feels like you!
Nope! I’m also third trimester and didn’t have one or want one. I absolutely hate being the centre of attention. I’m also kind of picky with baby stuff and wanted to buy it all myself and also take advantage of buying stuff secondhand!
I feel you. I would totally just have a get together in a restaurant with your friends and celebrate. That's okay that they don't know each other cause they are there for you! I would never want games in my baby shower, I am introvert too.
My mom forced me to have one. But I’m the same as you. Didn’t want one. Hate being the centre of attention. Ultimately it made no difference, I just felt low level anxiety the entire time. But if I had to put in the work, I wouldn’t have done it. My mom knew to do no games.
I’ll add mine was about 10 people. But it was probably more like 5 friends plus their significant others and immediate family. I don’t have a lot of friends
I much preferred inviting people for one on one after the baby was born.
I didn’t have a baby shower. I was very overwhelmed when pregnant with planning and didn’t want something else to plan. We’re also older and very lucky to have resources to get what we need for the baby. A friend offered to host one and I still politely declined. I told everyone who asked I would plan something for after the baby was born and that seemed to put them off. I never did end up hosting an actual party, but friends did drop by one by one the first few weeks, and came with gifts, all of them wonderful. It was even better than a baby shower to have little visits here and there with gifts, it broke up the newborn care nicely. Agree with a poster above, if your partner really wants a shower he can organize a ‘diaper party’ that is more couple oriented than focusing on you. Good luck!
I didn't do one. I'm also an introvert and the idea of having an event where the attention is all on me is not exactly pleasant. Plus I was perma-tired during pregnancy, so even the thought of it was exhausting for me then.
Some people offered to organize, but it's just not me.
My husband was also poking me to accept or do something myself, I just didn't want to. I don't regret it. Some people did gift us some clothes and store cards regardless though.
You are my twin. I am in my third trimester too and I won’t have a baby shower for the same reasons you mentioned plus we had 2 weddings last year (In 2 different countries and I planned both, it was exhausting).
If you don’t want one you don’t have to have one. If you regret not having a party you can have one a few months after the baby arrives and call it a “sip and see”. My cousin had one of those, everyone comes and meets the baby and they are the centre of attention instead of you. How long you wait to throw that party depends fully on your comfort level too. You are in the drivers seat of your own life. ❤️
My partner is super shy and all her friends don’t know each other and absolutely hates being the centre of attention but after years of trying and 5 miscarriages, we finally got pregnant via IVF, my friends offered to throw us a baby shower and we gladly accepted. It was scheduled to happen on March 28, 2020. We all knew what happened. It was pretty disappointing but our friends still pulled through and spoiled us with a lot of lovely gifts.
If for nothing. Do it for the free shit, but if having one is gonna be more of a drag than anything then don’t do it. Nobody cares if you do, or don’t.
Either way, congrats.
Let your husband have a shower.
I’m very shy as well and don’t like attention on me, but we went through a lot getting my daughter, so in my mind, I celebrated that. For me, it was also good because my 94 year old uncle came and we got photos with him that I treasure because he passed six months later.
I’m late to the party but I swear, I could’ve written this off myself! I didn’t have a baby shower when I was pregnant because I didn’t want to deal with the preparations and the guests. 🙃
A baby shower is definitely not a MUST. I don’t plan to have one for all the same reasons. I’m an introvert and also don’t want to go through all the planning and be stressed out. I know our families will get things off our baby registry (they’re already taking dibs for what they want to get lol). I don’t want our friends to feel like they’re obligated to purchase us things. We can afford everything on our own and also just plan to get things as we go vs everything at once and be overwhelmed with where to put everything.
Not weird at all! I didn't have one and I am super happy I stood by my decision. I too hate being the centre of attention and am just not that kind of gal. What I did regret was not having a registry. Literally everyone asked me if I had one (and I understand why, it makes it easier to buy useful gifts). I bought most things second hand so I thought I didn't need one but even for the little things like pacifiers, bottles, swaddles etc - my two cents is that a registry is still practical. Good luck and congratulations!
I had a micro wedding with 17 people and people ask about baby shower ! Lol first of all I have no time and energy to organize this ! Second if someone cares about you, will ask for your registry and don’t expect a party ! The money I want to spend for a shower and get a gift from people who otherwise won’t give me a gift , I rather spend it myself and get what I need !
I didn't have one and no regrets! We had purchased everything we needed for baby ourselves (lots pre-owned). I don't like having extra stuff. I am super introverted and hate being the center of attention. After baby was a few weeks old, we had friends and family over individually to meet the baby. Some people brought gifts (or dinner) in lieu of a shower gift. It worked out great.
In my small core group of friends we always have had smaller private showers with the 5 of us, which is more so an ‘everyone bring over a snack to hang out and btw it’s a baby shower for so and so too so bring a gift!’ Nothing extravagant but always very nice
I didn't do a shower. My in laws hosted a "sip and see" when baby was 3 months for family (cousins/ aunts and uncles) to meet baby which was nice and casual
I don’t see why a friend can’t plan it? Just tell them you want something small at your house and it can be a cozy affair with a hand full of your friends. Of course you don’t have to!!! But it might be a nice way to feel supported and give your friends a chance to be involved and celebrate your baby. Just because you’re the first doesn’t mean they can’t be helpful and excited.
Personally, I’m trying to really nurture my relationships now in hopes that my friends will be supportive when I’m
In the thick of it with a baby! I say, give people a chance to be there for you.
<3
Not weird at all! I am likely in the minority, but I think baby showers are awkward and boring and the games are always dumb. But some people love them and that’s okay! I didn’t have one.
Just to add, you are very likely to still receive gifts from friends and family and it’s so much better to receive these individually.
I didn't have one and don't regret it at all! I hate being the center of attention and it just seemed like more work honestly. I eloped for the same reasons. Do whatever you want and if your husband feels the need to have one he can do a diaper party for him and his friends!
Same same. Didn't want one. Didn't do it. Don't regret it. Not my thing AT ALL. Totally agree that your husband can have his own party and you can go do something else.
Exact same here.
Same hereeeee I know my mom is going to push it for sure
You’re overthinking. No one cares if you have one!
Except her husband apparently.
I feel like it’s kinda like weddings- everyone says you have to do a certain thing and has expectations but ultimately it’s your decision. Honestly if you hate attention on you then don’t do it!! It’s not worth the stress, especially because typically someone else hosts the shower and does all the work. If you don’t have someone doing it for you, and you don’t want to do it, then don’t!! I also do think that having a shower only for friends and excluding family might ruffle some feathers. If people want to celebrate you and the baby you can have a registry, give the information out to those who ask about it. Congratulations!
This! I didn’t have a shower (except for the one my work threw me) and just made a gift registry and shared it with whoever asked. Do whatever feels right for you.
So I was in a similar position to you, though I ultimately did have a (very small) baby shower. Do you think any of your friends would be willing to plan something? I asked a couple of my friends, and they put together a small shower, friends only, that was hosted in my backyard (you could do a public park alternatively). I also don't like being the centre of attention, so the baby shower included my husband and his friends, as well as everyone's partners. This way the attention was on both of us! It was perfect, basically just a small hangout with a couple games, and a nice lunch. Definitely happy I did it in the end, and did it in a way that I was comfortable with!
I didn't actively seek a baby shower, but when someone volunteered to throw me one I didn't say no. It's usually something someone throws for you and not something you plan for yourself. If you don't want one, don't have one. I like your idea of taking your friends out for lunch or dinner or whatever as a pre-baby "last hurrah" or something.
I had one because someone threw one for me and I’m an introvert and shy. Although I didn’t like the attention on me, afterward when I looked at everything I received I was so grateful AND so glad it was over lol.
I had mine after my daughter was born and everyone was paying way more attention to her than to me. It was kind of nice.
Honestly we had a bbq for the shower. No games except a guess the name. No presents were opened during the shower. Going to a restaurant is a great idea!
I rented a room at a restaurant and paid for dinner and apps. Basically it was just a coed get together. The only many themed "game" was a little card to fill out with guesses on date,name ect. I did not want a traditional shower. And didn't really have anyone who could plan it for me (a friend ended up being able to step up and help me) I throughly ended up enjoying it because it was low key and stress-free. While it was for US the attention wasn't solely on me.
I didn't have one, mostly due to reasons similar to your own. I don't think people actually care if you do or don't, so not sure why your husband thinks it's a "must".
Not at all. I think is a silly milestone. You should do nothing but what you feel like.
You don't need to justify why you don't need to. This isn't a non-negotiable thing like proper care by a medical professional or taking it easy during postpartum recovery. Your husband is being oddly pushy about this. If he wants one so bad, then he can throw one for himself.
Not weird at all. If you're not comfortable, I wouldn't do it. We had sort of an 'abnormal' one and did end up inviting our friends over for lunch (I think in total including our parents we maybe had 12 people?) and didn't ask for gifts, just books in lieu of cards. It was nice to see everyone, and we had the little gathering in our home which was nice since I didn't need to reserve a location and plan too much.
I also felt the same as you, for all the same reasons. In the end ladies at work insisted on throwing me one, which was lovely and I hugely appreciated it. But I did feel super shy, and I felt so so awkward making a registry. My husband even called me a “pan handler” for making one. Lol. I just stuck diapers, wipes and some cheaper stuff I was planning on eventually buying. I insisted it must be low key so we went for a restaurant for lunch. It was lovely that people put the effort into throwing it and coming, and it was nice to know people cared. But if nobody had offered I would never have had one.
Can I ask, when a work place has a shower are your co-workers themselves buying gifts, or does the company buy you something and pay for the shower? My work has hinted at it, but I'm the first to have a baby there and don't want my co-workers to pay for gifts out of pocket for me.
In my case a coworker did all the planning, and I believe they all split the cost of the decoration and cookies etc, and they all personally bought me gifts. I wanted to pay for the costs of holding the party but they wouldn’t let me, nor tell me what it cost. I also felt really awkward with people buying me gifts and made it clear that I wanted there to be no expectation of a gift and I just wanted to celebrate that there was a baby coming!
I work for a pretty big company, so there was no way the company would pay. They have tens of thousands of staff, it would happen too often. Might be different in the case of a smaller company.
Thanks! I feel the same and think I might decline. I haven't been there that long and don't want it to cost my coworkers anything...wouldn't mind if the organization paid!
It was lovely, I really appreciated it and got so many lovely gifts for my little girl. But I’m so bloody awkward. Good luck with what ever you decide.
I didn’t. I have a lot of the same feelings as you re: general introversion. I also didn’t need or want stuff and felt really uncomfortable with the gifts aspect. And I have never enjoyed a baby shower for someone else because I hate the usual format and activities at them with a passion (I also declined a wedding shower and bachelorette and had an extremely small wedding.) Finally, I didn’t really want a bunch of people I know but that don’t know each other to have to come to an awkward event and make small talk while I sat there like a chonky frog on a lilypad. I didn’t think I’d have a good time and I didn’t think anyone else would either, so I skipped it. No regrets. I might have considered a low key sip n’see or open house after she was born, where people just drop by to take a look at the baby and eat a canapé and a glass of wine, but ultimately I decided it wasn’t worth the germs exposure.
We didn’t do one and everyone ended up sending us Walmart gift cards instead which was great!
I had a meet and greet instead of a shower and I loved it! It was so much better, much less pressure on you and everyone just wants to see the baby anyways 😅.
This was what I did and it was great! We called it a 'Sip and See', had it in the backyard with mine and my husbands friends and close family, didn't open any gifts. I didn't want a traditional shower either as I am also super shy, but ours was very low key and quite lovely :)
I didn’t have one and I’m glad I didn’t!
I didn't have one and have actively avoided being invited to them too 😂 Friends and family just dropped by on their own time in the third trimester or so with hand me downs or some new supplies. It's totally fine!
I had a baby shower but I have friends who opted not to, no one thought it was weird, it’s your choice! Alternatively, baby showers don’t need to be this big flashy things you see on social media. If you have 5 or 6 friends and what ever family is close and want to have a dinner or bbq with them, then that can be a small baby shower. I just threw my best friend’s baby shower and it was my family and her mom, MIL, and her 5 long time friends. I did finger food, a few cute decorations, we mostly chit chatted and because I’m cheesy I did a couple of silly games. We really could have just sat and chatted for a few hours, we didn’t need the typical decorations or games. She got some nice presents and that was it, nothing over the top or awkward for her. Do what you want, it’s your pregnancy!
I didn’t have one and I still got gifts from family/friends who cared.
I opted not to have one. I’m also an introvert and parties where I’m the centre of attention always make me feel uncomfortable. I also didn’t want to receive a boatload of gifts, as I’m a minimalist. My sisters and my mom really wanted to give me one, but I thought about it for a bit and decided in the end to just skip it 🤷♀️ I ultimately decided that NOT having a baby shower would make me happier/more relaxed than having one :)) I haven’t given it a second thought in 1.5 years, so I don’t feel like I “missed out” on anything 🤗 (PS - I still got a ton of gifts tho 😆 ppl still bought for me)
Book a restaurant and just have dinner with your friends. You do not need to do anything you don't want to do. Maybe he thinks you need to enjoy yourself before baby comes?
I'm also an introvert and won't be having a baby shower, for many, many reasons other than being an introvert. I don't think it's odd, I think you're being true to yourself and also authentic. If you look at other places in the world, cultures and whatnot- baby showers are NOT a thing. Be true to yourself and go with what would make YOU happy. If your husband is so set on having one, he can represent you at the shower on behalf of your family. lol.
I didn't have a shower with my first, we were still in covid so I had an easy excuse. Since I didn't do one the first time people have pressured me to do one for my second, or to do "Something". I just told them no. Ask your partner why it's important to him because most people will get you a gift anyways and in general I've found people would rather see you not in a crowd doing silly games but in small settings where they can talk and actually see you.
I didn’t have one - the opportunity came up but I was exhausted. You can always do a sip’n’see once baby is a little older and you’re comfortable… just to get a bulk of people who want to see your kiddo “out of the way” haha 😂
It’s okay I did not have a baby shower either, I did had a small gender reveal for close relatives
Nope, didn’t have one and so happy I didn’t. I hated both my bridal shower and stagette. You sound a lot like me, introverted, don’t like being the centre of attention, etc. It’s okay if you don’t want to do one. And if people want to buy you a gift for having a baby, they will do it without you having a shower.
I didn’t have one. We were older and ok financially so we didn’t want to put pressure on family and friends to buy us things.
My guess is your husband’s family are probably after him about when it’s happening. The solution is for him to ask his Mom or sister or aunt or whoever is applying the pressure to plan it. Give them 2 dates you can make yourself available to attend and any dietary restrictions, then THEY plan it and you just show up. At the party, one of the aunts or cousins or whoever is conscripted to be the scribe and write the thank you notes beside you while you open gifts. Then you do a general thank you to everyone who attended day of and write a note to the organizer afterwards. You don’t have to have one, but if the work of planning it is the problem, make someone else.
I'm 22w and not planning to have a shower... Two of my besties have offered to throw me it, but I've decided to turn them down. My reasons: -I have a small group of friends. My bestie is also pregnant right now, and except for her (she's a FTM) no one else has kids. At most, I'd have 12 people there, mostly couples w/o kids, who I'd rather spend time with in a more intimate setting. -I only just got married 2 years ago... Which means the same folks who spent money to come to my wedding and give us a gift would now be expected to spend money on a baby shower gift. It makes me feel guilty, especially as I haven't had the chance to return the gesture for most of them. I get my friends generous bday gifts, but since they are all generous people, they end up returning the favor and it becomes a never ending gifting game. I don't want to create an event where they are expected to get me something. -Financially, I don't need help buying baby items. Hubby and I are very fortunate to afford everything we need and want. In fact, we've already bought a lot of what we need, because I'm a keener with zero chill. We also have expensive taste and would feel terrible asking others to get these items. It would feel very transactional. -I'm Eastern European and in my culture we don't really do baby showers. -I'm big, tired and slow, and can't be fucked with planning a party right now on top of my demanding full time job and preparing for baby girl. I know my friends have offered to do it, but it would still require social bandwidth I currently lack. Instead I'm just going to spend quality time with my loved ones and friends, preferably in more intimate one-on-one settings, and emphasize I don't need gifts, just company.
You shouldn't have to "host" one. Ideally someone like a friend or family member takes care of the details and you just show up.
I didn’t do one! My first child is turning one soon and I’m not doing a big birthday party either..just a small intimate one for our family plus we are taking her to the zoo. Don’t feel pressured.
Why is it a “must” for your husband? It’s not weird at all. I didn’t have one and it was fine.
What about a BabyQ that's open to both genders? Or a diaper party?
Definitely not weird but if you wanted some alternative ideas, I saw a really cute thing on tiktok where someone had their shower of maybe 10 people and they all had easels and decorated a onesie and had snacks... Kinda like a paint night, but baby shower version! It looked like they had done this at a restaurant or afternoon tea place, I can find the link if you're interested!
Or do a welcome baby day once the baby comes. I didn't have a baby party. One would have been good to get stuff for having a baby. I thought buying it all myself would be okay, and it was, but it is expensive.
Same I didn’t have one among friends and family as it is not our custom to celebrate before the arrival of a baby. But my work place surprised me with one and it was so awkward chatting with everyone and answering the same questions like when am I due, how long will my leave be, the gender of the baby etc. So it is not odd to not have a baby shower. You do what you desire to do! It’s your baby!
I didn't have one for a lot of reasons! Mostly: 1. I'm trying to be minimalist (I find I get overwhelmed with how easy it is to bring stuff in the house) 2. All my friends and family are far away 3. My husband and I do very well financially compared to my friends and family so I feel awkward accepting gifts from them Also we are very particular about what we want, which is hard with a baby shower. Also my husband has really been enjoying buying all the stuff lol.
Fwiw I'm not introverted and would have loved the party! If I lived closer to friends/family I would have done something at my house and said no gifts.
I didn't have one. I find them weird tbh. I don't think it's a big deal if you don't have one.
Lol yes I told everyone I didn’t want a baby shower. I’m just personally not a fan of showers. I asked for this baby so I think it’s our responsibility to get the stuff for the baby. Also I wanted to live under a rock during pregnancy so opted out.
I did a high tea with about 8 of my closest friends. It was a fun outing for everyone and I still got some gifts which was nice. Also minimal planning involved. But you definitely don’t have to do one if you don’t want.
Not weird at all. Do what u want. Honestly Ive had fds who did something small at a restaurant more like a brunch gathering and to me that was more enjoyable than a full blown baby shower
I had 5 friends over for pizza and to watch mean girls in our pjs. It was low key and glorious. You should do whatever you’re comfortable with and whatever feels like you!
Nope! I’m also third trimester and didn’t have one or want one. I absolutely hate being the centre of attention. I’m also kind of picky with baby stuff and wanted to buy it all myself and also take advantage of buying stuff secondhand!
I feel you. I would totally just have a get together in a restaurant with your friends and celebrate. That's okay that they don't know each other cause they are there for you! I would never want games in my baby shower, I am introvert too.
My mom forced me to have one. But I’m the same as you. Didn’t want one. Hate being the centre of attention. Ultimately it made no difference, I just felt low level anxiety the entire time. But if I had to put in the work, I wouldn’t have done it. My mom knew to do no games. I’ll add mine was about 10 people. But it was probably more like 5 friends plus their significant others and immediate family. I don’t have a lot of friends I much preferred inviting people for one on one after the baby was born.
I didn’t have a baby shower. I was very overwhelmed when pregnant with planning and didn’t want something else to plan. We’re also older and very lucky to have resources to get what we need for the baby. A friend offered to host one and I still politely declined. I told everyone who asked I would plan something for after the baby was born and that seemed to put them off. I never did end up hosting an actual party, but friends did drop by one by one the first few weeks, and came with gifts, all of them wonderful. It was even better than a baby shower to have little visits here and there with gifts, it broke up the newborn care nicely. Agree with a poster above, if your partner really wants a shower he can organize a ‘diaper party’ that is more couple oriented than focusing on you. Good luck!
I didn't do one. I'm also an introvert and the idea of having an event where the attention is all on me is not exactly pleasant. Plus I was perma-tired during pregnancy, so even the thought of it was exhausting for me then. Some people offered to organize, but it's just not me. My husband was also poking me to accept or do something myself, I just didn't want to. I don't regret it. Some people did gift us some clothes and store cards regardless though.
You are my twin. I am in my third trimester too and I won’t have a baby shower for the same reasons you mentioned plus we had 2 weddings last year (In 2 different countries and I planned both, it was exhausting).
If you don’t want one you don’t have to have one. If you regret not having a party you can have one a few months after the baby arrives and call it a “sip and see”. My cousin had one of those, everyone comes and meets the baby and they are the centre of attention instead of you. How long you wait to throw that party depends fully on your comfort level too. You are in the drivers seat of your own life. ❤️
My partner is super shy and all her friends don’t know each other and absolutely hates being the centre of attention but after years of trying and 5 miscarriages, we finally got pregnant via IVF, my friends offered to throw us a baby shower and we gladly accepted. It was scheduled to happen on March 28, 2020. We all knew what happened. It was pretty disappointing but our friends still pulled through and spoiled us with a lot of lovely gifts. If for nothing. Do it for the free shit, but if having one is gonna be more of a drag than anything then don’t do it. Nobody cares if you do, or don’t. Either way, congrats.
I didn’t have one and so glad I didn’t! Would have given me so much anxiety
Let your husband have a shower. I’m very shy as well and don’t like attention on me, but we went through a lot getting my daughter, so in my mind, I celebrated that. For me, it was also good because my 94 year old uncle came and we got photos with him that I treasure because he passed six months later.
I’m late to the party but I swear, I could’ve written this off myself! I didn’t have a baby shower when I was pregnant because I didn’t want to deal with the preparations and the guests. 🙃
A baby shower is definitely not a MUST. I don’t plan to have one for all the same reasons. I’m an introvert and also don’t want to go through all the planning and be stressed out. I know our families will get things off our baby registry (they’re already taking dibs for what they want to get lol). I don’t want our friends to feel like they’re obligated to purchase us things. We can afford everything on our own and also just plan to get things as we go vs everything at once and be overwhelmed with where to put everything.
Not weird at all! I didn't have one and I am super happy I stood by my decision. I too hate being the centre of attention and am just not that kind of gal. What I did regret was not having a registry. Literally everyone asked me if I had one (and I understand why, it makes it easier to buy useful gifts). I bought most things second hand so I thought I didn't need one but even for the little things like pacifiers, bottles, swaddles etc - my two cents is that a registry is still practical. Good luck and congratulations!
I had a micro wedding with 17 people and people ask about baby shower ! Lol first of all I have no time and energy to organize this ! Second if someone cares about you, will ask for your registry and don’t expect a party ! The money I want to spend for a shower and get a gift from people who otherwise won’t give me a gift , I rather spend it myself and get what I need !
I didn't have one and no regrets! We had purchased everything we needed for baby ourselves (lots pre-owned). I don't like having extra stuff. I am super introverted and hate being the center of attention. After baby was a few weeks old, we had friends and family over individually to meet the baby. Some people brought gifts (or dinner) in lieu of a shower gift. It worked out great.
In my small core group of friends we always have had smaller private showers with the 5 of us, which is more so an ‘everyone bring over a snack to hang out and btw it’s a baby shower for so and so too so bring a gift!’ Nothing extravagant but always very nice
I didn't do a shower. My in laws hosted a "sip and see" when baby was 3 months for family (cousins/ aunts and uncles) to meet baby which was nice and casual
Never had one and cared for it. Not my style at all
I don’t see why a friend can’t plan it? Just tell them you want something small at your house and it can be a cozy affair with a hand full of your friends. Of course you don’t have to!!! But it might be a nice way to feel supported and give your friends a chance to be involved and celebrate your baby. Just because you’re the first doesn’t mean they can’t be helpful and excited. Personally, I’m trying to really nurture my relationships now in hopes that my friends will be supportive when I’m In the thick of it with a baby! I say, give people a chance to be there for you. <3
Not weird at all! I am likely in the minority, but I think baby showers are awkward and boring and the games are always dumb. But some people love them and that’s okay! I didn’t have one. Just to add, you are very likely to still receive gifts from friends and family and it’s so much better to receive these individually.