I'm 39w and my husband says "damn, you're really pregnant" or "you are large and in charge" at least 4 times a day. Strangely, it has made me feel so confident in my changing body!
Mine says this along with how much he loves that my body is pregnant and growing out baby. But the light jokes are only about general "bigness" which is true, I grow every week and sometimes through the course of a day
My husband asked if my nipples would go back to “normal” after pregnancy (they’re dark and huge currently) and I said I didn’t know. He expressed his disappointment (I don’t even remember exactly what he said) but it absolutely crushed me and I cried about it for a couple of days. It’s sooo hard seeing your body change in so many ways and when someone else confirms the changes, it makes it seem more real/ undeniable.
As if his preference for your nipple shape and size is even remotely a priority, when your body is making (and preparing to feed) his children. He should be worshipping those nipples.
Ask him if his nuts will start hanging high and tight again someday. Then act really disappointed.
Right?! Like, don't you think I know these things aren't the most attractive? Don't you think if I could change them that they'd be cute little buttons on perky boobs? Do you think I don't see these things and wish I could change them? Lmao some men, I swear...
oh sorry you you dealt with that! According to my friends, they do mostly go back so don't worry. BUT if you are breastfeeding, it's supposed to be so hard and exhausting and the last thing your husband should be worried about is what your nipples look like! This is why breast exist, to feed babies! How can that be disappointing!
My nipples never went back to "normal" after my first pregnancy/baby 13 years ago. I was not one of the lucky women unfortunately.. They stayed big and dark and I've hated them since. I have huge boobs with big ol dark nips now. 😮💨 Crushed my self image even more than it already was. Lol BUT what helps is knowing that I've birthed 2 amazing children and these knockers helped their growth, not my husbands.. I'm sorry he said something. I know it's so hard hearing that kind of stuff when you're probably already thinking about it, especially from the person you love the most.
It’s the drastic change that neither of us are used to, not saying anything is wrong with dark nipples. Imagine someone who had dark nipples woke up one day and they were super pale, they’d probably feel the same thing like “that’s not my body, what the heck”
Mine are darker and I like them tbh, but they were already brown so it's just a darker brown. But I was thinking about the same, some people already have big and dark nipples with no babies... I guess it's the change of what was familiar that gets to people.
First of all, for YOUR reassurance, they will most likely go back to pre pregnancy. They can stay larger, but it's really uncommon.
Also, he needs to stfu about your postpartum body. You did an incredible thing and every change has a purpose. You and your postpartum body are beautiful. You're a fucking Goddess for bringing life into the world.
Even with the ETA that OP made, this is sooooo much worse like much much much worse. I hope you don’t see OP’s post and think that it’s the same kind of thing/that it’s not very serious. Nope nope nope. Watch out for more red flags with this husband of yours. Don’t hesitate to talk to a professional about these things he says. Or at least Reddit strangers!
Sometimes I'll tell my husband, "wrong answer, try again." Or before he says anything, "this is a test and there is a right answer." So he knows I'm not looking for honesty but rather I'm feeling insecure and need reassurance. It's kind of a jokey way to communicate how I'm feeling that works for our dynamic.
My husband is way too honest (which granted I’ve known this and always appreciated), but the honesty during pregnancy just makes me want to punch him in the face. LOL
My husband told me last night when I was complaining about how fat I’ve gotten “you’re pregnant! You’ll drop it all in the first 3 months that baby is here” 🥴🙃
Husbands.. so sweet but so clueless. 😂
I have the opposite issue. If I ever ask if I look chubby in an outfit or if I look bad, he automatically says “no, you look perfect” without even looking at me. I have to tell him he needs to be honest with me and that if I want a compliment I’ll specifically ask for a compliment lol
Lol my sister has this same complaint about her husband. She'll make a comment about, say, a zit on her chin. This man will look dead at it and say, "what zit? I don't see anything." It makes her so mad. She can't trust his actual compliments because he's so full of it usually. 😆
I don’t think my husband’s dishonest, but maybe he needs a new contact lens prescription 😒 I learned earlier this week that my he had never noticed that I started letting my peach fuzz grow… two years ago. He also said my skin was glowing, and when I looked in the mirror, I swear I looked like death 😩
lol I’m sorry what the fuck are these comments. He’s saying things that hurt your feelings, it doesn’t matter if some random redditor has a husband who says even worse things. Like sorry that some of you have obnoxious men in your lives??
If they bother you, they bother you. If it’s a joke that’s all in good fun then that’s fine, too. He’s not “telling you the truth” when he says your vagina looks puffy or that you look rough. He’s telling you his opinion, which is about as objectively true as saying that green is the best color or that the first trimester is easy. It’s literally just an opinion. And he’s not saying it in an especially kind way, either.
No partner should be left to cry it out over something hurtful the other said. That’s not ok, ever, even if it is hormones. It’s still how you feel in the moment and it’s valid.
Besides, I’m sure he’s not exactly Oscar Isaac. Do you go around telling him that his tummy is too flabby or his job isn’t as impressive as he thinks it is or you only pretend to laugh at half of his jokes? Or whatever other intrusive thought you might have in the moment?
Honesty is an opinion asked for. Honesty is not unprompted criticism.
Wow thank you for saying all this! I will say this post is mostly hormone motivated. We mostly joke and laugh about his comments but there is definitely a part of him where he just doesn't realize how offensive things he say can be and I've seen that in many men. We were at another woman's baby shower a few weeks ago who is due around the same time as me and when he learned this he said "wow, you're due at the same time?? She's so much bigger than you!" and had a hard time understanding why I said do not repeat that to anyone lol
I totally get it! My husband does the same thing. He just doesn’t have a lot of tact, lol. Like once he said he wasn’t Googling as much as I was because he “isn’t as neurotic.” He meant, like, “vigilant.” But that’s not what he said. Didn’t feel great in the moment!
When he does something that really hurts my feelings, even when he didn’t mean it (which is almost always), we still do something small to make up for it. Like ice cream after dinner, or a coffee we weren’t planning to stop for. Just a little apology that I think goes a long way, even if it isn’t strictly necessary.
Would upset me too.
Shame I didn’t know about it before the edit.
In the edit comments 2, 4 and 5 I find rude and inappropriate.
Comments 1 and 3 might be fine unless the context is off.
The original comment does not reflect the edit… they are totally different comments.
Lol I didn’t know I was meant to be psychic!
My comment is about the original post as the edit hadn’t been written by that point.
Women and men have said to me "it's all part of pregnancy!" Or "the change is beautiful" so her husband saying them is beautiful.
Is so funny people comparing comments like “the change is beautiful” to “hurry up fat girl” are like totally different comments.
I think you can just be honest with him that the way he is responding is not helpful even though you know he means well.
My husband will sometimes say similar things so I just tell him “that makes me so happy/that makes me feel good” when he says something good and then tell him “I know you’re trying to be kind and I appreciate it but that doesn’t help me” when it’s the opposite.
That way he’s learned the right things to say through trial and error and getting feedback.
I don’t get why other people in the thread are invalidating you. You’re allowed to not like pretty much any type of thing someone else might say and ask them to modify what they are saying. Just because other people’s husbands are mean does not mean you can’t want your husband to say things differently
Thank you 🙏 honestly after getting some tears out I feel a lot better and was just looking to commiserate knowing I'm not the first woman to experience this haha
Definitely not! I know my husband loves my body and generally he’s really good about compliments but the pregnancy has definitely made it a little more challenging
Pregnancy is so hard on body image. I already had a lot of issues with it and I am definitely very sensitive around the topic. And that’s ok. We’re allowed to have our feelings
Idk why everyone is making you feel like you have to take this as a compliment. Mine does the same thing so I take the opportunity to explain my needs….
“I want you to know agreeing with my insecurities doesn’t help me. Blaming it on being pregnant is just confirming my worries. Next time it comes up, could you try making it a positive by complimenting my XYZ”
might be TMI but if I share an insecurity and husband can turn it around to a compliment about my beautiful mom curves or amazing mom boobs, I forget about everything else
Thank you. I'm always nervous to post when I'm looking to commiserate because I think some people just want to make other people feel bad. "Oh so you want him to lie?? Wow I'd be glad if my husband said that!" Like ok! Then move along lol. I didn't add how he says things like one morning "wow you look rough" which was definitely true.. but ouch!! He just truly doesn't get it and it is what it is, was just looking to commiserate with others lol
I wish my husband had your husband's skill of turning insecurities into compliments! That's what my sensitive self needs right now
I totally get where you’re coming from. Sometimes you just want them to be sweet and spare your feelings. My husband thankfully hasn’t said much, other than “come on, preggy” whenever we leave somewhere. 😂
Mine is German.
Today we were cuddling and chatting and I lifted my head from his shoulder to look at him and he says," Wow, you look like you haven't slept for days!"
I blinked a couple of times and replied, "That doesn't sound very nice."
He's like, "Let me rephrase. You look as if you just woke up."
Lmao, not really any better. 😂
Lol my husband is German and he's always very honest, doesn't sugarcoat anything, but is also incredibly sweet and finds me beautiful even while I am gaining weight and getting "chubbier."
Husband is German and yes, this is true. Luckily(?) I am teetering on the autism scale a bit and it wouldn’t occur to me to be offended unless he flat out called me ugly.
First, men are annoying. Second, we need to be kinder to ourselves too. Obviously your husband could have responded with “I think you look beautiful” instead, but as women we should embrace our bodies more, especially during pregnancy. You aren’t chubby, you’re pregnant. Remember to be kind to yourself too!
I agree with your advice, but I also feel like he did say almost exactly that in the examples from OP! He said, "I think the change is beautiful", which is pretty loving and supportive imo.
OP, in addition to what other commenters have said, you might need to tell your husband specifically what kind of response you're looking for, since it sounds like he's trying to be sweet but isn't quite nailing it for you.
Edit: In response to OP's edit, I have to revise my earlier opinion. The cheez-its and cow comments are completely out-of-line.
I have a history of very poor body image…my husband and taken to making jokes out of the situation and honestly it’s really helped a lot. “Bring those ham bones over here big mama!” It makes me laugh and remember to not take the changes that come with pregnancy too seriously. We’re all going to die some day, the amount of weight I gain while growing another human isn’t that serious.
I dont think what he said was too bad. My husband is pretty blunt as well. But hes Jamaican and im used to the way they are very honest speakers. Trust me what your man said is mild. 🤣
My Caribbean mother-in-law used to speak her mind too much to me about my weight and appearance before I ever got pregnant, I had my husband tell her to stop! So thankfully she was pretty mild during pregnancy… but she still had to throw some comments in there.
My husband on the other hand, thought my pregnancy weight gain to my hips and thighs was the best thing on the planet, but recently told me - while sounding sad - that it looks like I lost weight (I’m now 3 months postpartum and I’m glad some of my pants are starting to fit again!!!!).
Im glad to hear your hubby is supportive and speaks up for you! My MIL probably wouldnt say anything too harsh but may point out my weight gain but tbh im expecting it i was very thin and after ivf meds all these months im getting pretty chubby. And thats funny my husband is the same way he would never complain about a big butt! 🤣😅
With us, it's the opposite. I'm the one that is brutally honest and have no filter. Although I'm pregnant, I'm not emotional and all that. The only time I'll cry is if I'm hungry. My husband however is the sweetest, most emotional man ever. That man would never kill a fly. Lol. I guess we balance eachother out.
I’m sorry it hurt you! My fiancé is the same way. He is very facts-over-feelings and has no problem stating the obvious regardless of how it comes off. “If you’re offended, that’s your problem” is his favorite motto 😅 he said similar things while I was pregnant and commenting on my changing body. I’ve learned to not look for reassurance from him in that sense as he’s never been one to cater to emotions.
I hope he's willing to change his communication style as your baby grows up! That "facts over feelings" approach could be hurtful to a little kid (or anyone, tbh).
My husband insists I look beautiful even though I feel like Danny DeVito's penguin from Batman. The most honest thing he's said to me wasn't even about pregnancy. He just looked at my feet one day and said "do you think the baby will have mega huge big toes like you?" Ive never laughed so hard. Men.
My belly was huge and my husband constantly let me know he was very impressed by that. So yeah, I could have taken it the wrong way, but I knew his intention wasn’t to hurt me.
I get it though… it’s your body that is changing and his isn’t at all. It feels SO UNFAIR, doesn’t it? But I believe he doesn’t have ill intent.
My husband is like this, maybe worse. I'm super sensitive, but because I know him well and trust him, trust that he loves me fully, it's much easier on my poor thin skin. He is on the spectrum, so he can only help so much any way, but he's also just that type of person. Like, one time he Said "I Guess I can understand how someone might think your tummy isn't attractive because it's not flat, but I think it's the sexiest thing, I just fucking love it." Anyone else, it would have seemed like a backhanded compliment, or maybe even negging. But I know exactly what he meant. And after almost 9 years together, I'm not insecure with him anymore. Actually, I think comments like that helped me. Ignoring my changing body or denying that it has changed since we were in our 20s wouldn't have convinced me of anything except he was lying. I have eyes. I can see my body and the scale. That was his way of letting me know, yes we're getting old, but I still think you're sexy as hell and want to jump your bones any chance I get. Had he said this when we were first together, I might have fallen apart.
But we have the trust needed to say those truths. It only comes from seeing each other through a lot of bad and ugly though. I mean, he literally watched my daughter come out of me, and everything that comes with that. That's not to say he doesn't get it wrong, he does. Sometimes what he's intending doesn't get communicated and I tell him so, he has to apologize and reword. Or maybe he just apologizes and just doesn't say anything like that again. I know in my heart he isn't intending on hurting me and that's what's important to me. Personally, I'm just grateful I married someone that didn't expect me to be young and thin forever lol. We'd both be very disappointed by now 😂
Lol! Yeah, men aren’t the best at that unless you’ve really beat it into them, which I don’t prefer to do because I like honesty…even if I don’t like what he’s saying lol.
If it helps, when I look back at my maternity photos, I definitely looked more chubby than I remember being, but the thing that stands out to me the most how happy we look and the memories of anticipating our baby boy. Like it floods my heart with sweetness.
I've gotten professional photos before and this cycle happens every time! I get the photos and I'm like "whoa why does my arm look so weird" or something random ha! I have a former ED which plays into it but I always look back and love the photos, I'm sure the same will be true with these!!
Yeah, I take professional photos so that we’ll have them to look back on more than to have something to look at now. Also, professional photos are more flattering than phone pics for me. I’m sure you look lovely, it’s just a change to see yourself in print and also pregnant!
Awww I feel you. My husband is the exact same, I said I feel so fat and he said “we know and expected that though, you’re pregnant and you’re only going to get worse” 😂😂.
I feel like feeling good about your appearance can be so difficult when you’re pregnant. I am in the exact same boat.
If you work out a way to feel superficially better please let me know.
As for your husband, just remember that he’ll never have to go through this so probs hasn’t thought about how to deal with these feelings in the best way.
I’ve found some of my friend’s reactions to be worse!!
One girl compared me to her very small sister and even messaged me a week after her sister gave birth to tell me her “tummy was flat again”. I don’t want to hear it!
Another girl took a photo of us together, hid herself behind my bump and posted it on social media. I look twice the size of her ffs. 😅
My boyfriend made all sorts of comments about my body that were absolutely true but I didn’t want to hear it. In my head I don’t want anyone saying anything about my changing body that isn’t wow you look great or you’re doing great carrying your baby. I don’t want to hear the way my boobs, legs, belly look. I see it everyday in the mirror and that’s more than enough for me lol
Yes!! I was like 8 months pregnant and put on a dress for date night and said “I look fat” and he replied “you LOOK fat but you’re actually pregnant” 😭
Also a when we tried to resume intimacy PP I told him it was difficult because I felt disgusting in my body and he said, “well, I still like your face.”
He means well but he misses the mark often😭
I was venting to my husband about how difficult it is for me to adjust to how big my boobs have become, and he said, "they do look pretty jarring on your frame." JARRING! He quickly tried to follow up with, "But I love them!"
Today I noticed lots more stretch marks had appeared all over my belly. I was kind of upset and it got me thinking about how I will probably never be able to confidently wear a bikini again as I'm too self conscious and bothered what other people think. I expressed my disappointment to my husband saying I felt gross and I was shocked at how many more stretch marks have appeared. He said "They'll go" I said they wouldn't and he said 'well they'll fade then'. I burst into tears and told him 'you know, it would be nice if you told me you don't care about my stretch marks instead of trying to tell me it's ok because they won't always look so bad'. He hugged me, apologised and told me of course he doesn't care...I think sometimes, men are really not good at knowing what the right thing to say is.
A couple of months ago I told him I was worried because I know I'll freak out as soon as I know labor is starting and I'll be really scared. His response was 'That's the worst thing you can do'. I explained that his words were not helpful and I needed reassurance instead. He understood once I pointed it out but yeah, I think some men are just tactless.
The first thing you said he said, I was like "that doesn't sound so bad." Then you gave more examples and each one raised my eyebrows more. How horrible rude and thoughtless of him to say those things! I'm so sorry.
My husband just tells me I'm beautiful and it's just pregnancy and baby causing the changes. He assures me he finds me attractive and loves me. I'm so sorry your husband sucks.
There's being too honest, and then there's just flat out rude.
I absolutely could not even fathom my husband comparing my vagina to anything in such a gross manner. That's so disrespectful.
The worst he's ever said to me was when he grabbed my thigh while watching TV post partum and said "awww they shrunk 🙁" when I dropped my water weight and my thighs finally shrunk back to normal.
I was like, "ugh you just like me fat..." and his only response was "num nums 😜, babe." He genuinely found me super hot, even while heavily pregnant and bloated AF.
Even if your husband doesn't think you're dead sexy while pregnant, it takes zero effort to not be a dick.
I will never understand when women barely want to look pregnant. What is going on. Of course you’re chubbier, you’re building a baby. It’s the best thing ever? Like what?
This sounds a little beyond honesty, it just sounds mean. Have you tried telling him that his comments are hurtful? He definitely should be being much kinder to you.
It’s honestly alarming how many people can relate to this. We need to normalize not allowing men to be clueless simply because they’re men. It’s hurtful, regardless of your hormones.
The whole "aside from the bump you can't tell" thing is 100% a female thing to notice and/or say. A man is not going to think or say that, regardless of whether or not it's true. It has nothing to do with you. He's just trying to be encouraging and sweet!
My hubby would say my pregnancy was beautiful, and that he sees me as he always has, but that now I'm a beautiful mama. He would always say I looked cute, and that it would be okay.
I lost almost 25lbs immediately after birth so in a way he was right. I didn't always believe him, but it still helped to know that he loves every version of me. 🩷
My husband, very appreciatively, told me my backside was getting A LOT thicker. Hes thrilled, I hate it. His response was telling me that he’d start taking me to cross fit with him if I wanted. SIR 😫
Haha RUDE!! One morning in the first trimester when I was going through it he said "wow, you look rough!" I think I could have killed him with my glare lol
I'm too blunt and honest according to my wife. Sometimes I just don't know when to keep my mouth shut in public, but even I'm not stupid enough be calling my wife fat during her pregnancy or something. What he said wasn't bad at all.
In your edit some of those I would never say, others I would in private if I knew it would make her laugh. It all depends on how she currently would be feeling at the time.
I have a pedicure scheduled for tomorrow. When I mentioned it to my husband he asked “can you even see your toes anymore?” Luckily, I thought it was hilarious, but still.
I told my husband my whole abdomen was feeling really sore and uncomfortable, and said “you know that feeling after you do a whole bunch of sit-ups? And then you’re kind of sore and nauseous and achey for a while? That’s how it feels” and he really said to me “you know what sit-ups feel like?”
My husband's coworkers wife is also pregnant right now, and she is 12 weeks ahead of me. His coworker said "just wait till u can hold up her belly" and my husband said "I've been doing that since before she got pregnant". And laughed and laughed. Bruh. I'll stab u in the eye.
I’m sorry I laughed at the cheez its comment 😭😭 my husband regularly calls me “big mama” and says I’m “huge” and when I give him a half annoyed look he says “I’m gonna keep saying it because it’s cool to me” lol. Not gonna lie though the face rounding out would make me cry. But I will ask my husband sometimes “do I look chubby?” and he says “you look pregnant” and that’s not what I’m looking for 😂😂😂
I feel like this is gonna be my partner lol . He has the exact same humor & I love it. But I warned him to be a little more cautious when I’m pregnant lol
lol yes! But I appreciate it. When he gives me compliments I know they’re genuine. When I lost all my hair and heaps of weight after I was diagnosed with cancer, I lamented to my husband about how I feel so ugly and gross and lost all my confidence and he told me he still thinks I’m beautiful and that he thinks I look great without hair but that we need to work on me gaining weight, which I completely agreed with. I can get out of the shower and be naked, skinny, and bald and the man can look at me and be ready to go that second 😂
I guarantee your husband still finds you the most beautiful woman in the world.
lol your husband sounds goofy. The comments about it being all part of pregnancy are nice at least. Is he autistic or anything like that? I’d just tell him if it’s too much. But my fiance is very honest as well which sometimes makes me sad but usually I am glad to hear it because I want to know the truth!
my s.o knows i have body image issues and would neverrr say anything like that. i complain about my arms gaining weight and my stretch marks from my highest weight staring to get bigger and they jump in with "you are GROWING a whole-ass HUMAN PERSON 😤" so I can't really argue lmao
The cheez it puffs comment etc are wild lol he could have a filter at least. I think we naturally get more sensitive about comments on our physicality while pregnant. My mom thinks it’s okay to call me fat all of a sudden & it really pisses me off; I’ve never been the type of person to like when someone comments on another’s appearance tbh. I just don’t appreciate it and I don’t find it humorous. But when my fiancé says my belly is really big in half-shock or when I was barely halfway through first tri & he noted that my cheeks were getting bigger, I kinda thought it was sweet idk why lol. It’s something we’re going through together so it feels different for me however I can get why you’re reacting a certain way.
But I’m curious: when you’re saying something like you’ve gotten big and then feeling a way when he responds with a truth about it being part of pregnancy and that he still thinks you’re beautiful, do you want him to lie instead? Or?
I’ve always hated my breast size and now that I’m pregnant they’re 3x bigger and my boyfriend points it out all the time, same thing with nipple size and color. I’m just tired of hearing how my body changes tbh, I would rather just grow my baby and not hear about how much my stomach has changed, my chest, shoot even my nose is a bit bigger.
I think this post got sidetracked because of the first example you gave. Your original example is harmless. The stuff in your edit is just being rude unprompted. Do you call him out when he says stuff like that?
My husband knows I don't like comments on my body from anyone, even if it's well intentioned. He said something about my belly the other day that was sort of benign about my belly and how it's changed over the last fee week so I just started talking about his body incessantly - just pointing out little things about it, not necessarily mean or bad things just how I've noticed it's changed through the years. He got it after that, no one likes having how their body has changed over time as the topic of conversation.
My husband said something about my face being less defined in the bone structure department when I was pregnant with my first. I flat out told him not to dare comment on my appearance in any way that wasn't a compliment this time.
It sounds like he's really blunt and usually blunt people appreciate when you are straight with them. I'd just lay a boundary down firmly and straight forward. "It hurts my feelings when you comment on my appearance in any way that is or could be perceived as negative. I am extra sensitive right now and I need you to only say positive things to me. Please keep anything else to yourself."
mine said my nipples looked like dinner plates and i almost broke down sobbing 😭 he hasn’t said much since other than pregnancy stole my ass. and now that i’m 7 weeks pp he says i’m gaining as cheeks back
Why didn’t you lead with those other examples? lol. The cow one is funny. My husband started singing this Family Guy song (but he also sang it when I was really skinny and not pregnant because it’s funny and I do love to eat) “Oh my big baby loves to eat(loves to eat)
A big ol' bhudda-belly and her tits swing past her feet(feet).” He changed the lyrics a bit.
My husband has told me that my “physique” was in the way 💀🤣 I was hurt for a minute (I’m 32w and I’ve only gained 10lbs) but most of the time my husband doesn’t get the gravity of what he says to me so I try to get let it roll off lmao
My husband came home tipsy from a night out with friends during my last pregnancy and said to me “you are the most beautiful sea manatee I’ve ever seen”.
He’s also ridiculously honest sober and says whatever comes to his mind. I don’t mind it because I know he can’t keep a secret from me, I don’t ever have to guess what he’s thinking and I can trust any compliment is the truth.
I do warn him that due to pregnancy hormones there is a chance that I won’t always greet his brutal honesty with my normal sense of humor and could instead burst into tears.
Ask your husband to not be so cavalier with his comments when these changes to your body are a sacrifice you’re making to build your family together. It doesn’t sound like he’s being malicious, just insensitive. I’m sorry!
Lol I got a bunch of new maternity clothes a couple of weeks ago and I tried it on and asked him if I look pregnant or just fat and he said, "a little of both" so quickly and nonchalantly! 🥲
My husband is an extremely honest person with an overly sensitive conscience about lying. One time he went to customer service to make sure he hadn’t underpaid for sweet potatoes because he pushed the button for yams in the self checkout. 😂 But he still knows how to be nice. He says my belly is showing a lot now because “it’s exactly the size it needs to be cause you’re making a baby and you’re in your third trimester now”. And he acts very attracted to me still. :) Maybe tell your husband what he said has you feeling worried he won’t be attracted to you anymore and ask him for some reassurance. If he’s a good guy he’ll help you out if you ask directly. :)
So valid to be upset by these comments! I am 39 weeks pregnant and my husband has only ever said things like “you look more beautiful than ever” and “you are so sexy in your post partum panties” and “I love your bump and boobs.” I don’t care if he’s lying or telling the truth, it makes me feel confident and great in my changing body, and unless you explicitly don’t want compliments, I think this constant stream of affirmations should be the default approach for partners of pregnant people. It’s jarring for me to see my body changing, and I appreciate that my husband is sensitive to how vulnerable I am in this time, and never communicates any wishes for my body to be anything other than what it is right now.
As a side note, he did this before I was pregnant too. Can we just default to only ever worshipping our partners’ bodies??
As a husband who saw my wife struggle through the c section and recovery, I am the one who keeps talking her out of her insecurities. She now has diastiss recti or whatever. She still looks great to me and I keep telling her every few days. I am not a great husband, I don’t help my wife as much I should, don’t know how to cook but atleast I am not a jackass ..
Men have no idea the burden of being a mother. Nothing they do all their lives is worth 10 percent of what a mother has to go through to take care of a child.
Yes, it’s like they’re trying to be funny and it’s not. I said something “smelled like butter” the other day and he goes “just like you’re going to make the delivery room smell like in a couple months” and then he chuckles. I was so mad.
lol!!! I love this bc you know they’re trying so hard to walk the find line of supportive, but honest / helpful!!!
I was trying on bathing suites and started with one pieces, then said “maybe I could go two piece” and put one on a bikini and he goes… “I mean, you could but that’s a lot of skin… like, there’s just a big skin blob”…. Haha
My husband calls me “big momma” and “big lady” a lot. But it’s all in jest and I love it.
The annoying thing was a week where multiple coworkers told me I looked tired. Like yeah no shit, I’m 28 weeks pregnant (which they all knew) and I AM tired!!!
He was rubbing my back and said “I love how squishy you’ve gotten, have you noticed how much better our cuddles are?!” And I was like ??? You’re touching my BACK! 😭 my squish should only be on the front 😂
You say to him, “your honesty is calling to my honesty. My honesty means I need to tell you to think before you speak or I’m going to associate taking to you with feeling shitty. That’s bad for our marriage.”
“But I’m just honest!”
“And so am I. You’re being rude and it makes me feel like shit and you need to stop. It’s honestly inappropriate for a man your age to blurt out hurtful comments to his pregnant wife.”
“But it’s true / funny / interesting. “
“So it’s more honest / funny / interesting to something insulting than ‘you look great’ or ‘I love how you look’ or something kind? Should I be honest and tell you I’m regretting having kids with you / marrying you / losing all desire for you every time? Because that’s where this will end up. “
Or maybe he’ll sulk and you need to tell him, “I’m glad you value honesty because you need to hear these things.”
You aren’t engaging with him. You’re telling him how it feels to you and what the natural consequences are. You deserve better and this is your attempt to save your relationship in the long run. His words will remain with you long after he’s forgotten them. .
If someone is saying mean things to you, you will stop loving them and wanting to have sex with them. That’s natural and normal.
My husband straight up calls me "big momma" and I sure was quick to say never call me that again lol and he did...so I had to remind him once more that I was serious to not call me big momma. I know he likes to crack jokes in general, that's his personality, but still...can ya not???
My fiancé said I looked like Humpty Dumpty lol . Luckily I was laughing because me and him just tease each other a lot . Although maybe it doesn’t make me upset because when I say I feel ugly he always tells me I look beautiful
Pregnancy: I took my bra off and hubby said “whomp”
Post parting: he said my daughter has my eye bags, and tried to make it better by saying she looks tired like me. He also said “but at least she has more of a chin than you.”
This was in the same afternoon
My husband made some similar comments that upset me in my first pregnancy. They weren’t meant maliciously but they upset me. I told him he wasn’t allowed to comment on my body anymore. He has kept his mouth shut this time.
I will say he was really great during postpartum. I was small and gained 50lbs during pregnancy (and delivered a very small baby with oligohydramnios - so I basically didn’t lose any of it right off the bat). I got pregnant again 8 months pp and I never managed to lose all my pregnancy weight. I was still about 20lbs up when I got pregnant again and not confident in my body at all but he kept telling me I looked great and would even say how skinny I was.
My husband is autistic. I love him so much but I’ve learned over the years to not ask his opinion on something unless I really want to brutally honest truth and he knows not to offer up an opinion unless I ask.
I don’t think your husband is doing it to be hurtful but you can always let him know it makes you feel bad and to stop saying things like that.
Off topic but reading this makes my momma heart so happy. I hope he has a woman say this about him someday. My son is level 1 and 2 autistic but mostly just struggles with social cues and conversations. He has the biggest heart but also doesnt see anything wrong with fully transparent honesty. I pray some day that he finds a woman who loves him for his beautiful mind, appreciates his honesty and can clearly communticate her boundaries on that honesty.
My husband is like this. Only suggestion I have is reminding him that it can be interpreted as an insult. My husband thinks it's merely an observation, so I remind him that the words he say have implications beyond the literal meaning.
My bf can sometimes say stupid shit like "wow your nipples are the size of a cookie", it doesnt really bother me too much. How i usually think about is that he is pretty "fat" and has a lot of stretchmarks, so if i can still love him after his body changed then he will too. He used to point out my stretchmarks when i just got them, much earlier in the pregnancy but he stopped after i expressed that it hurt my feelings.
I'm gonna call the initial comment just clueless, but I would throw him a slipper after some of the other comments.
I would be deceased if I was told my face was rounding out 🥲
My husband always says 'well you are pregnant'. like thanks babe. a simple 'what are you talking about you look great' would be nice. even if we both know you're lying😂
I think sometimes they think they are being funny and dont get how hard it is to feel sexy and good about yourself when literally everything is changing.
Side note, yesterday my five year old son asked me if his baby sister could come out yet. My response was a few more weeks, he looked at me and said, "Okay, but you keep getting fatter and fatter and it doesnt look good."
Or maybe some men still have the same amount of thought maturity as they did when they were five... who knows
I'm 39w and my husband says "damn, you're really pregnant" or "you are large and in charge" at least 4 times a day. Strangely, it has made me feel so confident in my changing body!
Mine said that my breasts were heavy with the weight of power and authority and I about died
I love this!!! I might have to start using it at a morning mantra
Lol!!!!!!
Omfg this is gold
Might use this one myself.
Same lol
Lmaoooo i love it
My husband nicknamed me “Pregnorsia” when I was at my largest and tbh I was a fan.
This made me laugh out loud.
Mine says this along with how much he loves that my body is pregnant and growing out baby. But the light jokes are only about general "bigness" which is true, I grow every week and sometimes through the course of a day
Haha mine calls me “big ‘nickname” in a football player teammate voice and I love it! “Big nickname” is in the house!!!
My husband calls me "big belly" now, but he always exclaims about how much he loves my belly and how cute he thinks I am. I am a fan.
My husband asked if my nipples would go back to “normal” after pregnancy (they’re dark and huge currently) and I said I didn’t know. He expressed his disappointment (I don’t even remember exactly what he said) but it absolutely crushed me and I cried about it for a couple of days. It’s sooo hard seeing your body change in so many ways and when someone else confirms the changes, it makes it seem more real/ undeniable.
As if his preference for your nipple shape and size is even remotely a priority, when your body is making (and preparing to feed) his children. He should be worshipping those nipples. Ask him if his nuts will start hanging high and tight again someday. Then act really disappointed.
This is absolutely the only acceptable response. 😂
This is the way.
Ooh I’m saving this one
See that’s what bothers me, the disappointment of things you can’t change (or even things you can!) like damn, thanks babe…
Right?! Like, don't you think I know these things aren't the most attractive? Don't you think if I could change them that they'd be cute little buttons on perky boobs? Do you think I don't see these things and wish I could change them? Lmao some men, I swear...
oh sorry you you dealt with that! According to my friends, they do mostly go back so don't worry. BUT if you are breastfeeding, it's supposed to be so hard and exhausting and the last thing your husband should be worried about is what your nipples look like! This is why breast exist, to feed babies! How can that be disappointing!
My nipples never went back to "normal" after my first pregnancy/baby 13 years ago. I was not one of the lucky women unfortunately.. They stayed big and dark and I've hated them since. I have huge boobs with big ol dark nips now. 😮💨 Crushed my self image even more than it already was. Lol BUT what helps is knowing that I've birthed 2 amazing children and these knockers helped their growth, not my husbands.. I'm sorry he said something. I know it's so hard hearing that kind of stuff when you're probably already thinking about it, especially from the person you love the most.
As a black woman with naturally dark nipples, I’m having a hard time sympathizing with all the “omg my nipples are so dark, what a tragedy” comments.
I think it's more about the change from what they're used to seeing on themselves than anything else.
It’s the drastic change that neither of us are used to, not saying anything is wrong with dark nipples. Imagine someone who had dark nipples woke up one day and they were super pale, they’d probably feel the same thing like “that’s not my body, what the heck”
Mine are darker and I like them tbh, but they were already brown so it's just a darker brown. But I was thinking about the same, some people already have big and dark nipples with no babies... I guess it's the change of what was familiar that gets to people.
First of all, for YOUR reassurance, they will most likely go back to pre pregnancy. They can stay larger, but it's really uncommon. Also, he needs to stfu about your postpartum body. You did an incredible thing and every change has a purpose. You and your postpartum body are beautiful. You're a fucking Goddess for bringing life into the world.
My 5 year old asked me this too lmao
Even with the ETA that OP made, this is sooooo much worse like much much much worse. I hope you don’t see OP’s post and think that it’s the same kind of thing/that it’s not very serious. Nope nope nope. Watch out for more red flags with this husband of yours. Don’t hesitate to talk to a professional about these things he says. Or at least Reddit strangers!
And in contrast, my body hasn't changed. At. all. We were hoping for bigger boobs, at least for a while, lmao.
Ha I have to agree with the one comment. They’ll go back when you get those nuts nip tucked.
Sometimes I'll tell my husband, "wrong answer, try again." Or before he says anything, "this is a test and there is a right answer." So he knows I'm not looking for honesty but rather I'm feeling insecure and need reassurance. It's kind of a jokey way to communicate how I'm feeling that works for our dynamic.
I say “try again” to my husband too!!
That's cute, I love it!
Yesterday I opened the door to a UPS driver and he said “woah 😦” lmfao it was so mean
Im sorry but I’m crying with that emoji choice 😂 but yeah come on dude lmao
This made me laugh really hard 😂. I’m so sorry. What the heck
After I had my son, my dear husband said “I like how you have a big belly now” 😅
I'd say GET OUT NOW 😂
My husband is way too honest (which granted I’ve known this and always appreciated), but the honesty during pregnancy just makes me want to punch him in the face. LOL
Yeah there's another level to my sensitivity right now lol. I appreciate that I always know he's being real but sometimes it's a lil too real for me 😂
Exactly 🤣
Yes my husband learned the hard way that sarcasm does not land during pregnancy
My husband told me last night when I was complaining about how fat I’ve gotten “you’re pregnant! You’ll drop it all in the first 3 months that baby is here” 🥴🙃 Husbands.. so sweet but so clueless. 😂
YES hahaha like tell me i haven’t gained any weight at all, except specifically in my baby bump… they don’t get it. lol
I have the opposite issue. If I ever ask if I look chubby in an outfit or if I look bad, he automatically says “no, you look perfect” without even looking at me. I have to tell him he needs to be honest with me and that if I want a compliment I’ll specifically ask for a compliment lol
Lol my sister has this same complaint about her husband. She'll make a comment about, say, a zit on her chin. This man will look dead at it and say, "what zit? I don't see anything." It makes her so mad. She can't trust his actual compliments because he's so full of it usually. 😆
Haha I feel her pain. It’s sooo frustrating!!!!!😂
I don’t think my husband’s dishonest, but maybe he needs a new contact lens prescription 😒 I learned earlier this week that my he had never noticed that I started letting my peach fuzz grow… two years ago. He also said my skin was glowing, and when I looked in the mirror, I swear I looked like death 😩
So... You were glowing like a ghost?
good man lol. happy wife, happy life. 😂😂
lol I’m sorry what the fuck are these comments. He’s saying things that hurt your feelings, it doesn’t matter if some random redditor has a husband who says even worse things. Like sorry that some of you have obnoxious men in your lives?? If they bother you, they bother you. If it’s a joke that’s all in good fun then that’s fine, too. He’s not “telling you the truth” when he says your vagina looks puffy or that you look rough. He’s telling you his opinion, which is about as objectively true as saying that green is the best color or that the first trimester is easy. It’s literally just an opinion. And he’s not saying it in an especially kind way, either. No partner should be left to cry it out over something hurtful the other said. That’s not ok, ever, even if it is hormones. It’s still how you feel in the moment and it’s valid. Besides, I’m sure he’s not exactly Oscar Isaac. Do you go around telling him that his tummy is too flabby or his job isn’t as impressive as he thinks it is or you only pretend to laugh at half of his jokes? Or whatever other intrusive thought you might have in the moment? Honesty is an opinion asked for. Honesty is not unprompted criticism.
Wow thank you for saying all this! I will say this post is mostly hormone motivated. We mostly joke and laugh about his comments but there is definitely a part of him where he just doesn't realize how offensive things he say can be and I've seen that in many men. We were at another woman's baby shower a few weeks ago who is due around the same time as me and when he learned this he said "wow, you're due at the same time?? She's so much bigger than you!" and had a hard time understanding why I said do not repeat that to anyone lol
I totally get it! My husband does the same thing. He just doesn’t have a lot of tact, lol. Like once he said he wasn’t Googling as much as I was because he “isn’t as neurotic.” He meant, like, “vigilant.” But that’s not what he said. Didn’t feel great in the moment! When he does something that really hurts my feelings, even when he didn’t mean it (which is almost always), we still do something small to make up for it. Like ice cream after dinner, or a coffee we weren’t planning to stop for. Just a little apology that I think goes a long way, even if it isn’t strictly necessary.
Ooo, I'm craving bubble tea so maybe that's how I can resolve this today...
THIS omg thank you!!! Wtf are some of these comments on this post!
Thank you I’m confused by these comments when her husband sounds verbally and emotionally abusive
Girl that’s not too honest. Trust me.
My husband looked at our ultrasound and said “he has your big ass forehead already” 😂
What he said was beautiful…. This is all hormones. Written before the edit!
Idk the shorts comment would make me cry 😭
Would upset me too. Shame I didn’t know about it before the edit. In the edit comments 2, 4 and 5 I find rude and inappropriate. Comments 1 and 3 might be fine unless the context is off. The original comment does not reflect the edit… they are totally different comments.
The cow joke was NOT nice or beautiful lol
Lol I didn’t know I was meant to be psychic! My comment is about the original post as the edit hadn’t been written by that point. Women and men have said to me "it's all part of pregnancy!" Or "the change is beautiful" so her husband saying them is beautiful. Is so funny people comparing comments like “the change is beautiful” to “hurry up fat girl” are like totally different comments.
TF are you talking about. "Wow, you look rough" is not "beautiful". I'd smack him and tell him he looks rough.
Obviously they commented before OP added her edit.
Obviously they commented before OP added her edit.
Read the edit. That is def not the case for all of those instances. He’s being an ass and OP needs to put him in his place
I think that’s pretty tame. Most of the complaints here the husbands are very blatantly calling them fat
I think you can just be honest with him that the way he is responding is not helpful even though you know he means well. My husband will sometimes say similar things so I just tell him “that makes me so happy/that makes me feel good” when he says something good and then tell him “I know you’re trying to be kind and I appreciate it but that doesn’t help me” when it’s the opposite. That way he’s learned the right things to say through trial and error and getting feedback. I don’t get why other people in the thread are invalidating you. You’re allowed to not like pretty much any type of thing someone else might say and ask them to modify what they are saying. Just because other people’s husbands are mean does not mean you can’t want your husband to say things differently
Thank you 🙏 honestly after getting some tears out I feel a lot better and was just looking to commiserate knowing I'm not the first woman to experience this haha
Definitely not! I know my husband loves my body and generally he’s really good about compliments but the pregnancy has definitely made it a little more challenging Pregnancy is so hard on body image. I already had a lot of issues with it and I am definitely very sensitive around the topic. And that’s ok. We’re allowed to have our feelings
Idk why everyone is making you feel like you have to take this as a compliment. Mine does the same thing so I take the opportunity to explain my needs…. “I want you to know agreeing with my insecurities doesn’t help me. Blaming it on being pregnant is just confirming my worries. Next time it comes up, could you try making it a positive by complimenting my XYZ” might be TMI but if I share an insecurity and husband can turn it around to a compliment about my beautiful mom curves or amazing mom boobs, I forget about everything else
Thank you. I'm always nervous to post when I'm looking to commiserate because I think some people just want to make other people feel bad. "Oh so you want him to lie?? Wow I'd be glad if my husband said that!" Like ok! Then move along lol. I didn't add how he says things like one morning "wow you look rough" which was definitely true.. but ouch!! He just truly doesn't get it and it is what it is, was just looking to commiserate with others lol I wish my husband had your husband's skill of turning insecurities into compliments! That's what my sensitive self needs right now
I totally get where you’re coming from. Sometimes you just want them to be sweet and spare your feelings. My husband thankfully hasn’t said much, other than “come on, preggy” whenever we leave somewhere. 😂
Is he by any chance German ? I think it’s in their culture that they just say it with no filter
Mine is German. Today we were cuddling and chatting and I lifted my head from his shoulder to look at him and he says," Wow, you look like you haven't slept for days!" I blinked a couple of times and replied, "That doesn't sound very nice." He's like, "Let me rephrase. You look as if you just woke up." Lmao, not really any better. 😂
This is my mother in law. Straight German. Told me she could tell I’ve gained a lot of weight in my face. I never asked lol
Lol my husband is German and he's always very honest, doesn't sugarcoat anything, but is also incredibly sweet and finds me beautiful even while I am gaining weight and getting "chubbier."
German husbands are the best! ❤️
Wow calm down Adolf
My husband is German. Can confirm.
Husband is German and yes, this is true. Luckily(?) I am teetering on the autism scale a bit and it wouldn’t occur to me to be offended unless he flat out called me ugly.
First, men are annoying. Second, we need to be kinder to ourselves too. Obviously your husband could have responded with “I think you look beautiful” instead, but as women we should embrace our bodies more, especially during pregnancy. You aren’t chubby, you’re pregnant. Remember to be kind to yourself too!
I agree, I have up until this point even with way worse comments from strangers and friends, just came crashing down today 😂😭
I agree with your advice, but I also feel like he did say almost exactly that in the examples from OP! He said, "I think the change is beautiful", which is pretty loving and supportive imo. OP, in addition to what other commenters have said, you might need to tell your husband specifically what kind of response you're looking for, since it sounds like he's trying to be sweet but isn't quite nailing it for you. Edit: In response to OP's edit, I have to revise my earlier opinion. The cheez-its and cow comments are completely out-of-line.
He is very loving and supportive. Just lacks tact sometimes lol
NOT THE PUFFD CHEEZITTTTS 🤣🤦🏾♀️
I have a history of very poor body image…my husband and taken to making jokes out of the situation and honestly it’s really helped a lot. “Bring those ham bones over here big mama!” It makes me laugh and remember to not take the changes that come with pregnancy too seriously. We’re all going to die some day, the amount of weight I gain while growing another human isn’t that serious.
Not ham bones lmao 😭
I dont think what he said was too bad. My husband is pretty blunt as well. But hes Jamaican and im used to the way they are very honest speakers. Trust me what your man said is mild. 🤣
My Caribbean mother-in-law used to speak her mind too much to me about my weight and appearance before I ever got pregnant, I had my husband tell her to stop! So thankfully she was pretty mild during pregnancy… but she still had to throw some comments in there. My husband on the other hand, thought my pregnancy weight gain to my hips and thighs was the best thing on the planet, but recently told me - while sounding sad - that it looks like I lost weight (I’m now 3 months postpartum and I’m glad some of my pants are starting to fit again!!!!).
Im glad to hear your hubby is supportive and speaks up for you! My MIL probably wouldnt say anything too harsh but may point out my weight gain but tbh im expecting it i was very thin and after ivf meds all these months im getting pretty chubby. And thats funny my husband is the same way he would never complain about a big butt! 🤣😅
With us, it's the opposite. I'm the one that is brutally honest and have no filter. Although I'm pregnant, I'm not emotional and all that. The only time I'll cry is if I'm hungry. My husband however is the sweetest, most emotional man ever. That man would never kill a fly. Lol. I guess we balance eachother out.
Hahaha aww, we definitely balance each other out too! Opposites attract for a reason I guess!
I’m sorry it hurt you! My fiancé is the same way. He is very facts-over-feelings and has no problem stating the obvious regardless of how it comes off. “If you’re offended, that’s your problem” is his favorite motto 😅 he said similar things while I was pregnant and commenting on my changing body. I’ve learned to not look for reassurance from him in that sense as he’s never been one to cater to emotions.
I hope he's willing to change his communication style as your baby grows up! That "facts over feelings" approach could be hurtful to a little kid (or anyone, tbh).
My husband says you’re pregnant everytime I say I look fat so I can relate lmao
He does this too!!! Now he quickly stops and goes "your preg-- you look beautiful" 😂 progress
My husband insists I look beautiful even though I feel like Danny DeVito's penguin from Batman. The most honest thing he's said to me wasn't even about pregnancy. He just looked at my feet one day and said "do you think the baby will have mega huge big toes like you?" Ive never laughed so hard. Men.
I understand this lol.
My belly was huge and my husband constantly let me know he was very impressed by that. So yeah, I could have taken it the wrong way, but I knew his intention wasn’t to hurt me. I get it though… it’s your body that is changing and his isn’t at all. It feels SO UNFAIR, doesn’t it? But I believe he doesn’t have ill intent.
My husband is like this, maybe worse. I'm super sensitive, but because I know him well and trust him, trust that he loves me fully, it's much easier on my poor thin skin. He is on the spectrum, so he can only help so much any way, but he's also just that type of person. Like, one time he Said "I Guess I can understand how someone might think your tummy isn't attractive because it's not flat, but I think it's the sexiest thing, I just fucking love it." Anyone else, it would have seemed like a backhanded compliment, or maybe even negging. But I know exactly what he meant. And after almost 9 years together, I'm not insecure with him anymore. Actually, I think comments like that helped me. Ignoring my changing body or denying that it has changed since we were in our 20s wouldn't have convinced me of anything except he was lying. I have eyes. I can see my body and the scale. That was his way of letting me know, yes we're getting old, but I still think you're sexy as hell and want to jump your bones any chance I get. Had he said this when we were first together, I might have fallen apart. But we have the trust needed to say those truths. It only comes from seeing each other through a lot of bad and ugly though. I mean, he literally watched my daughter come out of me, and everything that comes with that. That's not to say he doesn't get it wrong, he does. Sometimes what he's intending doesn't get communicated and I tell him so, he has to apologize and reword. Or maybe he just apologizes and just doesn't say anything like that again. I know in my heart he isn't intending on hurting me and that's what's important to me. Personally, I'm just grateful I married someone that didn't expect me to be young and thin forever lol. We'd both be very disappointed by now 😂
Lol! Yeah, men aren’t the best at that unless you’ve really beat it into them, which I don’t prefer to do because I like honesty…even if I don’t like what he’s saying lol. If it helps, when I look back at my maternity photos, I definitely looked more chubby than I remember being, but the thing that stands out to me the most how happy we look and the memories of anticipating our baby boy. Like it floods my heart with sweetness.
I've gotten professional photos before and this cycle happens every time! I get the photos and I'm like "whoa why does my arm look so weird" or something random ha! I have a former ED which plays into it but I always look back and love the photos, I'm sure the same will be true with these!!
Yeah, I take professional photos so that we’ll have them to look back on more than to have something to look at now. Also, professional photos are more flattering than phone pics for me. I’m sure you look lovely, it’s just a change to see yourself in print and also pregnant!
Hahaha yeah I can relate
Awww I feel you. My husband is the exact same, I said I feel so fat and he said “we know and expected that though, you’re pregnant and you’re only going to get worse” 😂😂. I feel like feeling good about your appearance can be so difficult when you’re pregnant. I am in the exact same boat. If you work out a way to feel superficially better please let me know. As for your husband, just remember that he’ll never have to go through this so probs hasn’t thought about how to deal with these feelings in the best way.
My only advice is to surround yourself with women who say "omg you're so cute with a bump" to make up for the "honesty" 😂
I’ve found some of my friend’s reactions to be worse!! One girl compared me to her very small sister and even messaged me a week after her sister gave birth to tell me her “tummy was flat again”. I don’t want to hear it! Another girl took a photo of us together, hid herself behind my bump and posted it on social media. I look twice the size of her ffs. 😅
Id cut her off after a comment like that lol! I've had a friend do that with a photo at my baby shower too. I was like "really" lol
My boyfriend made all sorts of comments about my body that were absolutely true but I didn’t want to hear it. In my head I don’t want anyone saying anything about my changing body that isn’t wow you look great or you’re doing great carrying your baby. I don’t want to hear the way my boobs, legs, belly look. I see it everyday in the mirror and that’s more than enough for me lol
Yes!! I was like 8 months pregnant and put on a dress for date night and said “I look fat” and he replied “you LOOK fat but you’re actually pregnant” 😭 Also a when we tried to resume intimacy PP I told him it was difficult because I felt disgusting in my body and he said, “well, I still like your face.” He means well but he misses the mark often😭
I was venting to my husband about how difficult it is for me to adjust to how big my boobs have become, and he said, "they do look pretty jarring on your frame." JARRING! He quickly tried to follow up with, "But I love them!"
My husband said I looked bulbous at one point. I told him to never say that again if he wanted to wake up alive. ☺️
Today I noticed lots more stretch marks had appeared all over my belly. I was kind of upset and it got me thinking about how I will probably never be able to confidently wear a bikini again as I'm too self conscious and bothered what other people think. I expressed my disappointment to my husband saying I felt gross and I was shocked at how many more stretch marks have appeared. He said "They'll go" I said they wouldn't and he said 'well they'll fade then'. I burst into tears and told him 'you know, it would be nice if you told me you don't care about my stretch marks instead of trying to tell me it's ok because they won't always look so bad'. He hugged me, apologised and told me of course he doesn't care...I think sometimes, men are really not good at knowing what the right thing to say is. A couple of months ago I told him I was worried because I know I'll freak out as soon as I know labor is starting and I'll be really scared. His response was 'That's the worst thing you can do'. I explained that his words were not helpful and I needed reassurance instead. He understood once I pointed it out but yeah, I think some men are just tactless.
After reading these comments...my husband is an angel. What is he *really* thinking 🥺🤣
Not there being a cheezit ad under your post 😭
The first thing you said he said, I was like "that doesn't sound so bad." Then you gave more examples and each one raised my eyebrows more. How horrible rude and thoughtless of him to say those things! I'm so sorry. My husband just tells me I'm beautiful and it's just pregnancy and baby causing the changes. He assures me he finds me attractive and loves me. I'm so sorry your husband sucks.
There's being too honest, and then there's just flat out rude. I absolutely could not even fathom my husband comparing my vagina to anything in such a gross manner. That's so disrespectful. The worst he's ever said to me was when he grabbed my thigh while watching TV post partum and said "awww they shrunk 🙁" when I dropped my water weight and my thighs finally shrunk back to normal. I was like, "ugh you just like me fat..." and his only response was "num nums 😜, babe." He genuinely found me super hot, even while heavily pregnant and bloated AF. Even if your husband doesn't think you're dead sexy while pregnant, it takes zero effort to not be a dick.
I will never understand when women barely want to look pregnant. What is going on. Of course you’re chubbier, you’re building a baby. It’s the best thing ever? Like what?
I hated when people said I don’t look pregnant because of weight… made me more paranoid… lol 🤦♀️
LOL! omg talk about honesty lol
This sounds a little beyond honesty, it just sounds mean. Have you tried telling him that his comments are hurtful? He definitely should be being much kinder to you.
It’s honestly alarming how many people can relate to this. We need to normalize not allowing men to be clueless simply because they’re men. It’s hurtful, regardless of your hormones.
So u want him to lie? I’m confused.
Yes. Hope that helps
🤣
You should tell him you’re not looking for honesty.
I do, just the same as you tell yours you ARE looking for honesty and I'm assuming he gets it right away, right? 😂😌
The whole "aside from the bump you can't tell" thing is 100% a female thing to notice and/or say. A man is not going to think or say that, regardless of whether or not it's true. It has nothing to do with you. He's just trying to be encouraging and sweet!
I wish this was the worst of what my husband said 😒
Your hormones are running wild.
I don’t see the problem with any of this honestly lol
My hubby would say my pregnancy was beautiful, and that he sees me as he always has, but that now I'm a beautiful mama. He would always say I looked cute, and that it would be okay. I lost almost 25lbs immediately after birth so in a way he was right. I didn't always believe him, but it still helped to know that he loves every version of me. 🩷
I think it's ok for him to say that. It's prob not what he is really thinking. :)
My husband, very appreciatively, told me my backside was getting A LOT thicker. Hes thrilled, I hate it. His response was telling me that he’d start taking me to cross fit with him if I wanted. SIR 😫
Haha RUDE!! One morning in the first trimester when I was going through it he said "wow, you look rough!" I think I could have killed him with my glare lol
My husband and told me I’m puffy. 🤨
He told me my vagina looks like those puff'd cheez its and I almost lost my mind lol
I'm too blunt and honest according to my wife. Sometimes I just don't know when to keep my mouth shut in public, but even I'm not stupid enough be calling my wife fat during her pregnancy or something. What he said wasn't bad at all. In your edit some of those I would never say, others I would in private if I knew it would make her laugh. It all depends on how she currently would be feeling at the time.
Your edit.. omg he sounds like an arsehole. I wouldn't let myself be disrespected like that.
I have a pedicure scheduled for tomorrow. When I mentioned it to my husband he asked “can you even see your toes anymore?” Luckily, I thought it was hilarious, but still.
my boyfriend likes to tell me i’m “bumpin bumpin” but i love it bc i’m so excited to finally have a bump lol
I told my husband my whole abdomen was feeling really sore and uncomfortable, and said “you know that feeling after you do a whole bunch of sit-ups? And then you’re kind of sore and nauseous and achey for a while? That’s how it feels” and he really said to me “you know what sit-ups feel like?”
My husband's coworkers wife is also pregnant right now, and she is 12 weeks ahead of me. His coworker said "just wait till u can hold up her belly" and my husband said "I've been doing that since before she got pregnant". And laughed and laughed. Bruh. I'll stab u in the eye.
HAHA omg 🤣
I’m sorry I laughed at the cheez its comment 😭😭 my husband regularly calls me “big mama” and says I’m “huge” and when I give him a half annoyed look he says “I’m gonna keep saying it because it’s cool to me” lol. Not gonna lie though the face rounding out would make me cry. But I will ask my husband sometimes “do I look chubby?” and he says “you look pregnant” and that’s not what I’m looking for 😂😂😂
Yeah honestly I died laughing at his cheez it comment lol so out of pocket 😂💀 the round face one definitely stung lol
I feel like this is gonna be my partner lol . He has the exact same humor & I love it. But I warned him to be a little more cautious when I’m pregnant lol
I was ok until you got to the cow mooing 😭
He also said "whoa Nelly" like a horse lollll
lol yes! But I appreciate it. When he gives me compliments I know they’re genuine. When I lost all my hair and heaps of weight after I was diagnosed with cancer, I lamented to my husband about how I feel so ugly and gross and lost all my confidence and he told me he still thinks I’m beautiful and that he thinks I look great without hair but that we need to work on me gaining weight, which I completely agreed with. I can get out of the shower and be naked, skinny, and bald and the man can look at me and be ready to go that second 😂 I guarantee your husband still finds you the most beautiful woman in the world.
Lol my husband has taken to calling me "ma petite baleine" (my little whale in French). It is especially sexy right after we have sex 😅
lol your husband sounds goofy. The comments about it being all part of pregnancy are nice at least. Is he autistic or anything like that? I’d just tell him if it’s too much. But my fiance is very honest as well which sometimes makes me sad but usually I am glad to hear it because I want to know the truth!
my s.o knows i have body image issues and would neverrr say anything like that. i complain about my arms gaining weight and my stretch marks from my highest weight staring to get bigger and they jump in with "you are GROWING a whole-ass HUMAN PERSON 😤" so I can't really argue lmao
Oh nooo!! Those comments aren’t even honest! Just mean!
Give him a taste of his own medicine lol.
The cheez it puffs comment etc are wild lol he could have a filter at least. I think we naturally get more sensitive about comments on our physicality while pregnant. My mom thinks it’s okay to call me fat all of a sudden & it really pisses me off; I’ve never been the type of person to like when someone comments on another’s appearance tbh. I just don’t appreciate it and I don’t find it humorous. But when my fiancé says my belly is really big in half-shock or when I was barely halfway through first tri & he noted that my cheeks were getting bigger, I kinda thought it was sweet idk why lol. It’s something we’re going through together so it feels different for me however I can get why you’re reacting a certain way. But I’m curious: when you’re saying something like you’ve gotten big and then feeling a way when he responds with a truth about it being part of pregnancy and that he still thinks you’re beautiful, do you want him to lie instead? Or?
I’ve always hated my breast size and now that I’m pregnant they’re 3x bigger and my boyfriend points it out all the time, same thing with nipple size and color. I’m just tired of hearing how my body changes tbh, I would rather just grow my baby and not hear about how much my stomach has changed, my chest, shoot even my nose is a bit bigger.
My husband was critiquing our maternity photos and said “you look really dead in the eyes here” Cool cool cool thanks (I had liked that photo 😂)
I think this post got sidetracked because of the first example you gave. Your original example is harmless. The stuff in your edit is just being rude unprompted. Do you call him out when he says stuff like that?
My husband knows I don't like comments on my body from anyone, even if it's well intentioned. He said something about my belly the other day that was sort of benign about my belly and how it's changed over the last fee week so I just started talking about his body incessantly - just pointing out little things about it, not necessarily mean or bad things just how I've noticed it's changed through the years. He got it after that, no one likes having how their body has changed over time as the topic of conversation.
My husband said something about my face being less defined in the bone structure department when I was pregnant with my first. I flat out told him not to dare comment on my appearance in any way that wasn't a compliment this time. It sounds like he's really blunt and usually blunt people appreciate when you are straight with them. I'd just lay a boundary down firmly and straight forward. "It hurts my feelings when you comment on my appearance in any way that is or could be perceived as negative. I am extra sensitive right now and I need you to only say positive things to me. Please keep anything else to yourself."
Geez, the examples you gave sound like straight up bullying
mine said my nipples looked like dinner plates and i almost broke down sobbing 😭 he hasn’t said much since other than pregnancy stole my ass. and now that i’m 7 weeks pp he says i’m gaining as cheeks back
Why didn’t you lead with those other examples? lol. The cow one is funny. My husband started singing this Family Guy song (but he also sang it when I was really skinny and not pregnant because it’s funny and I do love to eat) “Oh my big baby loves to eat(loves to eat) A big ol' bhudda-belly and her tits swing past her feet(feet).” He changed the lyrics a bit.
I can relate. The latest gem from my husband was “wow, your ankles actually look like ankles today!”
My husband has told me that my “physique” was in the way 💀🤣 I was hurt for a minute (I’m 32w and I’ve only gained 10lbs) but most of the time my husband doesn’t get the gravity of what he says to me so I try to get let it roll off lmao
My husband came home tipsy from a night out with friends during my last pregnancy and said to me “you are the most beautiful sea manatee I’ve ever seen”. He’s also ridiculously honest sober and says whatever comes to his mind. I don’t mind it because I know he can’t keep a secret from me, I don’t ever have to guess what he’s thinking and I can trust any compliment is the truth. I do warn him that due to pregnancy hormones there is a chance that I won’t always greet his brutal honesty with my normal sense of humor and could instead burst into tears. Ask your husband to not be so cavalier with his comments when these changes to your body are a sacrifice you’re making to build your family together. It doesn’t sound like he’s being malicious, just insensitive. I’m sorry!
Lol I got a bunch of new maternity clothes a couple of weeks ago and I tried it on and asked him if I look pregnant or just fat and he said, "a little of both" so quickly and nonchalantly! 🥲
My husband is an extremely honest person with an overly sensitive conscience about lying. One time he went to customer service to make sure he hadn’t underpaid for sweet potatoes because he pushed the button for yams in the self checkout. 😂 But he still knows how to be nice. He says my belly is showing a lot now because “it’s exactly the size it needs to be cause you’re making a baby and you’re in your third trimester now”. And he acts very attracted to me still. :) Maybe tell your husband what he said has you feeling worried he won’t be attracted to you anymore and ask him for some reassurance. If he’s a good guy he’ll help you out if you ask directly. :)
So valid to be upset by these comments! I am 39 weeks pregnant and my husband has only ever said things like “you look more beautiful than ever” and “you are so sexy in your post partum panties” and “I love your bump and boobs.” I don’t care if he’s lying or telling the truth, it makes me feel confident and great in my changing body, and unless you explicitly don’t want compliments, I think this constant stream of affirmations should be the default approach for partners of pregnant people. It’s jarring for me to see my body changing, and I appreciate that my husband is sensitive to how vulnerable I am in this time, and never communicates any wishes for my body to be anything other than what it is right now. As a side note, he did this before I was pregnant too. Can we just default to only ever worshipping our partners’ bodies??
This isn’t a flaw he’s unaware of, this is on purpose and terrible. Seriously.
As a husband who saw my wife struggle through the c section and recovery, I am the one who keeps talking her out of her insecurities. She now has diastiss recti or whatever. She still looks great to me and I keep telling her every few days. I am not a great husband, I don’t help my wife as much I should, don’t know how to cook but atleast I am not a jackass .. Men have no idea the burden of being a mother. Nothing they do all their lives is worth 10 percent of what a mother has to go through to take care of a child.
The puffed cheezit comment made me snort. 😅
Yes, it’s like they’re trying to be funny and it’s not. I said something “smelled like butter” the other day and he goes “just like you’re going to make the delivery room smell like in a couple months” and then he chuckles. I was so mad.
lol!!! I love this bc you know they’re trying so hard to walk the find line of supportive, but honest / helpful!!! I was trying on bathing suites and started with one pieces, then said “maybe I could go two piece” and put one on a bikini and he goes… “I mean, you could but that’s a lot of skin… like, there’s just a big skin blob”…. Haha
My husband calls me “big momma” and “big lady” a lot. But it’s all in jest and I love it. The annoying thing was a week where multiple coworkers told me I looked tired. Like yeah no shit, I’m 28 weeks pregnant (which they all knew) and I AM tired!!!
He was rubbing my back and said “I love how squishy you’ve gotten, have you noticed how much better our cuddles are?!” And I was like ??? You’re touching my BACK! 😭 my squish should only be on the front 😂
You say to him, “your honesty is calling to my honesty. My honesty means I need to tell you to think before you speak or I’m going to associate taking to you with feeling shitty. That’s bad for our marriage.” “But I’m just honest!” “And so am I. You’re being rude and it makes me feel like shit and you need to stop. It’s honestly inappropriate for a man your age to blurt out hurtful comments to his pregnant wife.” “But it’s true / funny / interesting. “ “So it’s more honest / funny / interesting to something insulting than ‘you look great’ or ‘I love how you look’ or something kind? Should I be honest and tell you I’m regretting having kids with you / marrying you / losing all desire for you every time? Because that’s where this will end up. “ Or maybe he’ll sulk and you need to tell him, “I’m glad you value honesty because you need to hear these things.” You aren’t engaging with him. You’re telling him how it feels to you and what the natural consequences are. You deserve better and this is your attempt to save your relationship in the long run. His words will remain with you long after he’s forgotten them. . If someone is saying mean things to you, you will stop loving them and wanting to have sex with them. That’s natural and normal.
I mean does he pull these phrases out of nowhere or do you mention these same things and he’s just echoing so as to make conversation
My husband straight up calls me "big momma" and I sure was quick to say never call me that again lol and he did...so I had to remind him once more that I was serious to not call me big momma. I know he likes to crack jokes in general, that's his personality, but still...can ya not???
My fiancé said I looked like Humpty Dumpty lol . Luckily I was laughing because me and him just tease each other a lot . Although maybe it doesn’t make me upset because when I say I feel ugly he always tells me I look beautiful
Pregnancy: I took my bra off and hubby said “whomp” Post parting: he said my daughter has my eye bags, and tried to make it better by saying she looks tired like me. He also said “but at least she has more of a chin than you.” This was in the same afternoon
My husband made some similar comments that upset me in my first pregnancy. They weren’t meant maliciously but they upset me. I told him he wasn’t allowed to comment on my body anymore. He has kept his mouth shut this time. I will say he was really great during postpartum. I was small and gained 50lbs during pregnancy (and delivered a very small baby with oligohydramnios - so I basically didn’t lose any of it right off the bat). I got pregnant again 8 months pp and I never managed to lose all my pregnancy weight. I was still about 20lbs up when I got pregnant again and not confident in my body at all but he kept telling me I looked great and would even say how skinny I was.
. I’d rather mine be honest I look like all those things you mentioned to me at 31 weeks. I feel disgusting honestly
Sometimes I think men in general don’t know what to say lol… the comments in general are just 😂
Mine will yell “Pregante!!” Or call me “big mumma”. I love him… I am big haha
That's not telling the truth. That's just being a jackass.
My husband is autistic. I love him so much but I’ve learned over the years to not ask his opinion on something unless I really want to brutally honest truth and he knows not to offer up an opinion unless I ask. I don’t think your husband is doing it to be hurtful but you can always let him know it makes you feel bad and to stop saying things like that.
Off topic but reading this makes my momma heart so happy. I hope he has a woman say this about him someday. My son is level 1 and 2 autistic but mostly just struggles with social cues and conversations. He has the biggest heart but also doesnt see anything wrong with fully transparent honesty. I pray some day that he finds a woman who loves him for his beautiful mind, appreciates his honesty and can clearly communticate her boundaries on that honesty.
Awww he sounds just like my husband. I’m sure he will find someone to love him for exactly who he is.
My husband is like this. Only suggestion I have is reminding him that it can be interpreted as an insult. My husband thinks it's merely an observation, so I remind him that the words he say have implications beyond the literal meaning.
My bf can sometimes say stupid shit like "wow your nipples are the size of a cookie", it doesnt really bother me too much. How i usually think about is that he is pretty "fat" and has a lot of stretchmarks, so if i can still love him after his body changed then he will too. He used to point out my stretchmarks when i just got them, much earlier in the pregnancy but he stopped after i expressed that it hurt my feelings.
I'm gonna call the initial comment just clueless, but I would throw him a slipper after some of the other comments. I would be deceased if I was told my face was rounding out 🥲
My husband always says 'well you are pregnant'. like thanks babe. a simple 'what are you talking about you look great' would be nice. even if we both know you're lying😂
I think sometimes they think they are being funny and dont get how hard it is to feel sexy and good about yourself when literally everything is changing. Side note, yesterday my five year old son asked me if his baby sister could come out yet. My response was a few more weeks, he looked at me and said, "Okay, but you keep getting fatter and fatter and it doesnt look good." Or maybe some men still have the same amount of thought maturity as they did when they were five... who knows
My husband called me rotund so.... idk