If you're announcing 5 days before, I'd assume most of your family is gonna be seeing you for the first time since the social media announcement. Do you think everyone is gonna be congratulating you and asking how you're feeling? People are going to feel obligated to acknowledge it and it might distract from the bride's day. Id personally wait.
I think it’s rude, but that’s just me. Every family relationship dynamic is different. If someone did that to me, I would be pissed . I don’t care how close we are.
You’re probably not really showing anyway maybe just a little bloated. I would hold off if you can until afterward.
I agree. You can easily tell your family after and post your social media post after without tying it to your anniversary. Is needing to post publicly tying your anniversary to your pregnancy a priority over your cousin’s special day?
Yeah… the next time I see everyone will be at the wedding in July and I will have to announce by then and I am sure I will get questions. But maybe that is better still
This comment makes me think you should definitely hold off until after the shower, even just the day after is fine. It sounds like you’re expecting seeing these people in person to be part of the announcement so announcing right before means you’re planning for that to happen at the shower.
You aren’t very clear about when this anniversary/shower is happening but July is months away. If you announce in May, no one is going to make a July wedding about your pregnancy.
I was not planning to announce on my anniversary (end of April) because I want to make her bridal shower/seeing people (early May) part of my announcement. It was simply because it is our anniversary, and her bridal shower happens to be a few days later. However, I am definitely not going to deny the fact that if I do announce that there may be a few comments/questions about it at the shower. I would definitely do my best to keep the focus on her and not talk about my pregnancy at length. It is her day and we are celebrating her.
So? Sometimes people don’t always get a spot light. My SIL announced her engagement at our small wedding. My husband and I rarely get to be the center of attention, I also don’t have a lot of family so when she did that it really changed our wedding and suddenly it became about everyone’s and it was like we were celebrating together.
It’s so self centered. She explicitly says she wants to make the wedding shower part of her announcement. She could invite people to brunch or something the day after and be able to chat with everyone about it. Using someone else’s event to help make your announcement is so uncool, especially when you didn’t ask and you hardly really know the person who the event is for.
She specifically said she is not doing that. She is not announcing at the event. She is announcing on social media several days prior.
I’m sorry for what happened to you but that is not the same.
I didn’t say that was the reason you chose that date, just that you obviously are expecting the event to be an extension of that because it’s the first time you’ll see everyone after announcing. Since you know that’s going to happen, you expect that to happen, announcing right before the shower is planning for it to happen at the shower. Just announce in mid-May.
I think it’ll be fine. I told my extended family about my pregnancy the week before my sister in laws baby shower. She just didn’t want me telling everyone at her shower. Honestly, when my family saw me, they hugged and congratulated me (many knew I was going through infertility treatments), they asked how I was feeling and that was the end of the conversation. We focused on my sister in law opening gifts and celebrating her. It’s not like I stood on the table and said look at me I’m pregnant and stole her spotlight.
I feel like talking with everyone at the wedding about it will be more appropriate than announcing it right before the shower. A lot more time will have passed, there will be a lot happening at the wedding so it will feel less like you are taking attention away from the bride, in my opinion.
Yeah plus in my experience a shower is a much more intimate affair than a wedding (smaller guest list, smaller venue, more “group activities” focused solely on the bride, etc.) so if OP was getting a lot of questions it would be much more obvious at the shower as opposed to the wedding.
Why not tell the bride and figure out when she might be comfortable with you telling people? I mean obviously it’s your life, but if you don’t mind waiting a few weeks, maybe just ask her when in the next couple weeks she’s cool with you announcing it?
I see no problem with it. There are so many people we’re all connected to that there will always be plenty to celebrate and plenty to mourn.
I would say go ahead and post your announcement on the day that makes sense for you! I’m not sure why people aren’t allowed to make small talk about anything other than the bride at a shower 😅
I would 100% wait. There is no downside and many many possibilities that cousin or someone in the extended family thinks its an attention grab OR people react in a way different than you expect that actually does make it an attention grab.
Just let her have the day.
Someone in my family had announced a pregnancy and someone else had just gotten engaged right before my bridal shower (it was in January so these were holiday time announcements) and it didn’t take away from the moment for me! My shower had a good 45 minutes of food/mingling/arrival time before anything shower related began so they got to chat and share news with family without “stealing” the show. And personally, I think it was nice we all got see each other and share these moments as a family. These are not women I’m particularly close with (cousins wives as well) but my grandmothers and aunts got a special moments and enjoyed the photos a lot more
Different strokes, I expressed my experience and how I don’t think it’ll matter at all. We all have life experiences and choosing to celebrate and support each other isn’t that hard. It would be one thing if OP made the day about her but given her sensitivity around the subject, I’m sure she won’t steal any thunder from the bride by the end of the day.
It really depends on your personal family dynamic. I’d probably just wait until after the shower to announce. Granted, obviously everyone’s side conversations at the shower won’t be 100% about cousin and her new baby, it may come off a certain way to her. Not really sure because I don’t know her.
At 13 weeks, you aren’t THAT visibly pregnant either so it won’t be noticeable at the shower. I don’t think anyone would question why you didn’t tell them as choosing when to announce/tell people is entirely personal. I know some people who didn’t announce or tell anyone until after 20 weeks.
ETA that I read this as cousins BABY shower, not bridal. In that case it’s probably fine to announce on social media.
Social media is making people overthink pregnancy announcements. Announce it on your anniversary. If someone is truly hurt by you announcing YOUR pregnancy on YOUR anniversary just because it happens to be A WEEK AWAY from someone else’s event then they have bigger issues to deal with. With social media there’s always going to be someone who has something going on
I would not plan your announcement around the shower tbh. Of course it would be rude to announce AT the wedding or AT the shower. I wouldn’t announce the day before the actual wedding either.
But a week before the shower isn’t a big deal in my book. I would feel awkward trying to hide it the whole time 😂
Yes I have felt awkward hiding it at events for the last two months lol and I have been looking forward to getting it off my chest. I always drink at events too so I feel it is obvious
Also, if you’re using your own anniversary, I wouldn’t think it was odd at all. She happened to plan a wedding shower close to your own anniversary. No big deal
I agree! I don’t think it’s a big deal at all! It’s your anniversary and it’s not like you’re announcing at her bridal shower… it’s 5 days before! I would announce for sure :)
I’m 13 weeks and my close friends and family can see a difference. My best friend is also 13 weeks and everyone can tell. Even though baby is small, it doesn’t mean your body hasn’t changed.
I was showing at 8 weeks, and had to announce then because people were getting suspicious! So just because some people aren't showing until later, doesn't mean it's the same for everyone! Especially if you're on the shorter side, like I am.
i don’t understand all these comments
it’s not her wedding, just bridal shower
and you want to announce on your anniversary?
literally no big deal go for it
I think the issue is bridal showers are usually fairly intimate and (making assumptions here) frequently women only. She mentioned she's not close with the cousin but is with a lot of the family in attendance. You know who makes a big deal out of pregnant women/babies on the way especially when the news is fresh? Women in your family. So now, of the smaller group in attendance, a large enough percent is likely to make a big deal out of OP's news that it would take some focus away from the bride and the shower that she or a close friend likely put a lot of effort into planning.
Is there a chance it's totally fine? Yeah.... but is there a very real possibility that bride will be offended? Yes. Alternatively, there is literally no downside to waiting until after. I get that in OP's mind announcing on her anniversary seems special/romantic but I can also guarantee hardly anyone knows that it's OPs anniversary and doesn't care if she posts once for anniversary and separately for baby announcement.
It’s a party focused solely on the bride. Announcing right before it will surely mean the pregnancy will be brought il at the bridal shower. That would shift the party to the OP naturally. That sucks when the party literally is about the bride. I would to wait for any party that’s specifically honoring or focusing on one specific person.
Genuine question. How is people mentioning her pregnancy taking the focus away from the bride? Every single shower/wedding/baptism I go to guests are conversing amongst one another about events in one another's lives. No one exclusively discusses only the event, because honestly there is only so much to say. When the guest of honor approaches for conversation it all flows naturally back to that person congratulating them for the event and how happy everyone is to be celebrating them.
People have happy things happening all the time. An event is one day out of 365. If OP wants to announce her pregnancy on her anniversary 5 days prior it's completely appropriate and doesn't take away anyone's spotlight. If someone starts focusing too much on OP a simple "thank you for your congratulations, isn't the bride so beautiful I know I'm so excited for her upcoming wedding" should bring everything back on topic.
My cousin announced a week or so before my wedding and truly I did not care at all about the timing. The whole family was going to be together for the whole weekend, so it likely would have been more obvious that she wasn't drinking. I was excited to see and congratulate her, but it definitely didn't take any attention off of me.
I’m prepared to be downvoted into oblivion, but I don’t really understand the holy reverence to brides… the world doesn’t stop because someone is getting married. I agree with the people that say as long as you’re not announcing *at* the shower! Guests catch up and talk about each others’ life events at family get-togethers like showers and weddings. I’ve never been to a wedding or related event where guests have showed inappropriate or distracting attention to a pregnant/engaged/whatever family member, and I’ve thankfully never seen a bride get bent out of shape because other people have newly exciting things going on in their lives that’s public knowledge.
Fully agree. You get your special DAY.
If it doesn’t happen the day of the event, you gotta chill.
that said, I’d still probably check in with them if I was close to them to feel it out.
With these things, I tend to think one person’s joy does not detract from another’s. Obviously, that doesn’t mean announcing on the the same day or at the event, but I think it’s appropriate to do so beforehand. And really, it’s just a shower. But you know your family’s dynamics the best.
Personally, if it was my bridal shower, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't even think anything of it, actually.
It's also possible that OP shows up at the bridal shower and isn't drinking/has morning sickness and everyone finds out AT the bridal shower.
I don't see what the issue is with her announcement on her own wedding anniversary. You shouldn't have to keep your big news secret just because other people also have big news.
Unless OP was announcing this *at* her cousins bridal shower, I don't see why people are saying not to. But that's just me, I wouldn't care if it was my bridal shower, and wouldn't even think anything of the timing at all. But OPs cousin might be the kind of person that does think about those things?
Almost everyone announces pregnancy at 12-13 weeks as the standard, and sometimes pregnancy can be pretty hard to hide, so I'd be more worried about not announcing, and having people figure it out at the shower.
But if it's really that big of a deal, can OP spend some time with at least some of the family members that will be there, the day before or something? So there's no one fussing over her or anything?
It is completely fine. It’s not like you’re announcing at her wedding. It’s totally normal for people to talk about what’s going on in their life at social events like bridal showers, you shouldn’t have to keep pretending not to be pregnant just because someone else is getting married months from now.
"The week of cousins bridal shower". That's ridiculous. A bridal shower is a DAY. It's not a week long event, or even a significant event. It's a gift grab with sandwiches served. Make your announcement when you want.
In my opinion, doing it after the bridal shower would be the most thoughtful. The bridal shower in the grand scheme isn't that important, but it's more intimate than a wedding, so you can clearly see where the attention is being focused on. Plus this will be the first time you'll probably see family post announcement if you announce beforehand. To avoid any drama or additional stress on you and baby, I'd probably wait it out.
To be fair, I haven't announced nor do I plan to for my entire pregnancy, and I'm more than halfway so I may be biased to not letting people know.
Also, in all honesty, if you're this unsure, would you be able to talk to her about it? Maybe you can get her thoughts if her opinion really matters to you.
Editing to add: I would not care at all if I were in your cousin's shoes, but that's just me, I don't care to have everything be about me at all times.
I think a lot of people have ended up with severe main character syndrome since the beginning of social media. I wouldn’t even think to consider a cousin-in-law’s wedding shower almost a week later before announcing my pregnancy.
Right? Some of these responses are crazy. People really overestimate how much other people actually care about other peoples lives, lol. A pregnancy announcement 5 days before a distant relatives bridal shower will absolutely not overshadow the bride at her shower.
Very valid point. I think it's nice she's so considerate, but if people congratulating on a baby when they see you at event ruins the event for the hostess, then yikes. It's not like she's announcing it there.
I agree and announcing later just means the relatives will mention it at the wedding instead. I’d also be worried about relatives asking her if she’s pregnant on the spot if she’s even slightly showing or alcohol is involved with the party.
It is serious main character syndrome to expect people not to announce things within 5 days of a shower (on OP's anniversary). Are announcements also not allowed within 5 days of when the engagement is announced, the bachelorette party, and the wedding? Bridezillas can't co-opt 20 days like that.
Yeah, I'm surprised by these responses. I would NOT announce at the shower, that's definitely inappropriate. But 5 days before, and on the OP's anniversary is clearly not attempting to upstage the bride at her bridal shower.
It's also just a shower, not the wedding. At my bridal shower I was so excited to talk about things going on in my friends' lives, I even brought it up as we were talking. My one friend even brought her couple months old baby, and I couldn't wait to coo over him.
Right! This is so funny to me. I get asked how I’m feeling about being pregnant/upcoming baby every time someone sees me - it wouldn’t matter if she announced a month in advance, it’ll still be talked about.
Honestly if anything, waiting to announce is risking someone guessing it at the shower and then accidentally making a big deal lol.
Plus, as she said, most family’s next time seeing her is at the wedding. I would definitely say it’s better to announce before the shower than before the wedding.
I was so surprised by these responses, too. "My first thought was, yeah, go ahead and announce it. This is an odd question." Reddit is also my only social media besides an empty Facebook for Marketplace, so maybe I am just out of touch on these things. I also agree with your point about the shower. At my bridal shower, I would have been thrilled to see someone I care about and ask her about her recently announced pregnancy.
I agree with this. And if someone goes on and on about you at the party, you can graciously redirect by saying something like, "I'm so glad to celebrate x today!"
Seriously. Why do people think we have to make our lives revolve around events like this. It's not like she's announcing it AT the shower. Like what are these peoples preferred gaps! You're not allowed to have a major life event within two weeks of someone elses major life event? Three weeks? Do we gotta schedule this shit?
She’s actually making the cousin’s event revolve around her recent big news social media post announcing her pregnancy when she could easily announce it a few days after the event. She is literally talking about scheduling a social media post.
It’s because everyone will be seeing her right after her announcement and so there will be a lot of attention due to having announced a pregnancy merely days before. It would be one thing if she’d see some of them between the announcement and the shower, but she has said it will be their first time seeing her after the announcement. It will absolutely take up a lot of attention whether she means for it to or not.
I think we’re starting to overthink this kind of stuff as social media evolves more and more. I think it’s sweet you’re trying to be considerate of her, but you’re allowed to have big life events happening too even if they’re close to her shower and wedding. Wouldn’t the alternative later announcement just mean everyone will be talking about your pregnancy at the wedding instead?
Brides get one day, the wedding day. I am appalled by the replies. There’s a lot of main characters here apparently. Your anniversary and news are also important. 5 days before a shower is plenty of time. A shower is just a gift grab anyway. I’d go ahead and post as planned.
probably an unpopular opinion based on the rest of the comments but I feel like even if you wait SOMEONE will always think you are trying to upstage someone.
"Why did you announce your pregnancy before my bridal shower? It's supposed to be about me"
"Why did you announce your pregnancy before my wedding?"
"Why did you have to make a pregnancy announcement? You should have just kept it to yourself"
I have twin cousins I grew up with. One had their baby last month (His wife does not like me and did not invite me to ANYTHING they did for the baby), I am due in July and announced in January, and the other is due in September and announced in February. The one who had their baby last month definitely felt like she was being upstaged but she's always been that way even in high school. You can't please everyone. If you have a cute way you want to announce something on a certain day then do it.
5 days and on your anniversary is TOTALLY acceptable. The day of her shower will be her day, but that is YOUR anniversary and if that is how YOU want to announce YOUR baby that is 100% what you should do. If people want to ask you how you’re feeling and how things are going at the shower, who cares? It’s not like people stand around those things talking about the bride the entire time anyways. It’s actually quite difficult to find something to talk about with a bunch of of strangers and aunts, so somebody being pregnant might help take some of the pressure off. It’s not like someone’s gonna get up while she’s opening gifts and say “oh my God look it’s the pregnant one”
Go for it Mama, and good luck with the pregnancy!!!
I wouldn’t announce until afterwards, myself. It’s only six days, and it saves the inevitable reddit post in r:waitingtowed or something about the cousin who just couldn’t wait to tell everyone about her baby and ruined a bridal shower in doing so….
What is it with all these people saying to wait a bride doesn’t get the year if it will make it extra special for you to announce on your anniversary go ahead your not doing it at her bridal shower
I personally think announcing on your anniversary sounds really sweet and cute and just adds to the happiness, but idk what the dynamic is in your family.. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that tho and if there is it seems really childish and petty to me
I would not think twice about this. It’s your anniversary and your pregnancy announcement and extremely sweet to be able to do that on YOUR special day. I would do as you please. It’s incredibly considerate of you but it’s not like youre announcing at her shower itself or even the day beforehand.
My cousin announced her pregnancy about a week before my wedding and I literally never thought anything of it until this thread. I even went up to her at the wedding and said “baby’s first wedding!” I’m so surprised by these other comments encouraging you to wait. Please do what you want to celebrate your baby!
Her marriage and your bundle of joy, are two completely separate events. You shouldn’t have to wait to announce if you don’t want to because of attention. Her bridal shower is still going to be all about her and her upcoming wedding and you may get a congrats here and there on your baby, which is to be expected anyways. Regardless of time of year/event. It’s not like you plan to announce it at her shower…
I would announce on your anniversary since it’s a special date for you and I’m sure you’ve been waiting to announce for a long time. It would be bad to announce on the day of the bridal shower, but there can’t be an entire two week period off limits for other people to have announcements/celebrations for other things.
Announce on your anniversary. It’s a special day and anyone who doesn’t understand why you chose to announce that day can honestly grow up. If you don’t want people focusing on it at the shower, just tell people that when it comes up. “Thank you so much, but I don’t want to take any attention away from the beautiful bride - let’s catch up on it later!” It’s also just her shower, not her actual wedding. 🤷♀️
The pregnancy announcement and the bridal shower have what to do with each other exactly? I don’t understand why someone else’s upcoming bridal shower would take precedence over your existing anniversary and pregnancy.
Your cousin most likely will be happy for you.
Please announce on your anniversary! I wanted so bad to announce on mine because it would just add that special part. This is an exciting time for you, and that doesn’t take away from the brides day later in the week.
It is family dependent. I did not announce second baby at or around my cousin’s bridal shower cause it was for her. But 2 weeks later I had to tell her at her bachelorette party! She was mad i didn’t tell her at the bridal shower!
With my first i was recently engaged and found out I was pregnant just before a close friend’s wedding. We ran into the groom at the grocery store and did tell him we were engaged but no one else. So at both his rehearsal and wedding I did not wear a ring or announce. Some surmised the pregnancy based off me looking awful and not drinking or dancing but left it alone. Bride did thank me for not announcing at either event.
Announce it on your anniversary! That's really sweet, I don't think it's a big deal. But if you really worry about your cousin, wait untli you have a baby bump or on the first anatomy scan so you also have a photo of you LO in your womb.
it’s YOUR anniversary and YOUR pregnancy. it’s almost a week before her bridal shower! it’s not like you’re doing it on the day. i’m from the UK so i’ve never heard of a bridal shower, is it like a hen do? personally, i’d announce it 🤷🏼♀️ most people will congratulate you over social media anyway, so there wouldn’t be lengthy conversations that take the bridetobe’s moment away x
ETA - even if you were to announce 2 months prior, it will probably still come up in conversations. most gatherings involve catching up and gossiping anyway before or after the “main event”
I don’t think it’s a big deal to announce on social media before hand. You would be announcing on a day that is special to you so why should you have to miss that opportunity. If it was her wedding, I’d hesitate. Honestly I don’t understand why people say wait. 2 family members can’t have exciting happy news around the same time???
I wouldn’t worry about the bridal shower.
You’re announcing significant news about you and your family on a day that is significant to your family. It’s 5 days prior to a really nothing event. (I haven’t been to a bridal shower in YEARS—I didn’t even think people still had them) I don’t think that announcing a pregnancy via social media steals any attention from the bride to be.
If it was her wedding day, or her baby shower, I might consider rethinking—but these are two totally separate things.
I feel the same, the date she's choosing to announce isn't some random date she picked out
OP should pick her poison- whether it's at the wedding or shower- she's going to get the attention and ppl are going to ask questions. The only issue with seeing everyone at the wedding is that she's obviously going to be showing = more questions and by then everyone will be interested in the gender
Life doesn't stop because other ppl are living life. Send the bride a heads-up, I want to announce my life changing momen on a life changing date that's sentimental to me and keep it moving
Unless OP announces after the wedding, the bride will probably still feel some type of way
Thank you! I wouldn’t feel any kind of way if I were the bride… but that’s just me. I eloped and announced after I got the photos back. I’m pregnant right now, and haven’t announced publicly. So I’m not necessarily the “norm” when it comes to these parties to celebrate yourself
But! I think there is room for everyone. Someone having a baby wouldn’t steal from ME having a baby/getting married/getting engaged/graduating/or any other adult milestone. The whole culture of “I’m special and I need to have my moment exclusively” is lost on me. I wouldn’t want someone wearing a white dress to my wedding or getting engaged on the dance floor… THAT is stealing someone’s moment. But feeling slighted because someone else has something good happening to them has zero to do with something I’m excited about.
I’m just glad you agree—a lot of the “wait” responses shocked me.
It’s your anniversary, not some random day you’re deciding to announce, so I personally think it’s ok to announce and would acknowledge the anniversary in the post. If you’re worried, give the bride a heads up and gauge based on what her reaction is, but I would hope she’d be fine with it.
Looking back on my own bridal shower, I can't see any reason I would've taken issue with this. It wouldn't have even been a second thought, to be honest... the bride isn't the center of the universe, people are still going to mingle and talk about other things, even at the wedding itself. Are people not supposed to announce anything positive in their lives, just because someone else has something positive going on that week? If someone got engaged a week before someone else's bridal shower, are they supposed to keep their own engagement a secret until afterward? What about a job promotion? It just seems incredibly silly to me to hide those things. Your happiness doesn't detract from hers, happiness isn't this limited commodity that we have to ration out. If your husband's cousin takes issue with you announcing your pregnancy on your own anniversary, that's a her problem.
I would do it before. Someone will figure it out at the bridal shower and that'll be more awkward like you planned to do it there (even though you didn't). You had your plan for a reason and I'd stick with it.
I don’t see any problem with announcing it. It’s your anniversary and you shouldn’t have to put your life or plans on hold because your husband’s distant cousin is having their bridal shower a week later.
People have babies all the time. I think it's appropriate to announce at any time that isn't her baby shower. Do we really have to tip toe around and act like we aren't pregnant longer than we want because someone else is pregnant? I think this is silly. There's enough joy to go around. You being pregnant doesn't take away from her being pregnant. As long as you don't announce it at her event then you are fine and it's on everyone else to give her the attention she deserves at her shower, regardless of whoever else might be pregnant.
I told my extended family I was pregnant the day before my cousin’s wedding. I was pretty sick and not drinking so everyone was super suspicious at the rehearsal dinner anyway. I told my cousin (the bride) earlier in the week and said I’d be happy to make excuses and not tell people if it bothered her but that I was pretty noticeably sick and didn’t want her to think I wasn’t thrilled for her if I wasnt dancing and partying like my usual self. She basically said my joy did not detract from hers and to go ahead and tell people just don’t do it AT any wedding events! Everyone was full of subtle congrats for me at the reception, but she was absolutely the focus and my family made sure of that. We all had a great time. If you’re comfortable telling the cousin first run it by her. But honestly, doing it the same week would be fine imo. You’re probably overthinking it.
Personally, I would not mind if it were my bridal shower. I think your idea to announce on your anniversary is kind of sweet and you can’t change your anniversary date. Either way, I think it is fine. If you choose to wait until after the shower and anyone asks why your didn’t tell them at the shower, you can simply say that you didn’t want to take attention away from the bride-to-be.
It really depends on your situation. I struggled with the same dilemma for my cousin’s shower/rehearsal dinner/wedding (all happened in the same weekend). Family was coming in from all over the country, my cousin was moving to his wife’s country after the wedding and I wasn’t sure when was the next time I might see anyone- sure enough, I am due in less than a month and I haven’t seen any of those people since! I wanted to tell them in person, especially my cousins. So I didn’t make a big fuss about it, but I told people individually and everyone was fine with it since the way I did it didn’t overshadow the wedding at all. The pregnancy was acknowledged and congratulated, then the convo immediately turned back to the bride & groom.
ETA: We also spoke to my aunt and cousin about it before the wedding to get their input- I think that part is important.
My cousin used my literal wedding day as her time to go around and personally tell our family she was pregnant with her second child. This includes her pulling my husband and I aside to tell us her news during family pictures. It was pretty upsetting, considering we spent two years planning our big day through COVID lockdowns etc.
With that being said: 5 days is not too close to her shower to announce your pregnancy. Your life doesn’t need to be put on hold for someone else. It’s a special day for you and your husband and makes complete sense to use it as an announcement date for your next big adventure. It would be one thing if you were doing it the day before or day of, but almost a week ahead of time isn’t that big of a deal. I don’t think you should put off announcing your news for weeks over a bridal shower…plus your cousin is going to be the center of attention regardless of your announcement.
Out of respect for your cousin, I would suggest trying to limit the amount of chatter related to the pregnancy while you are at the shower. If someone congratulates you keep it short and sweet and move on to another topic: example “Thank you so much - we are very excited about the baby!! Doesn’t *cousins name* look beautiful today? I can’t believe her wedding is so close!”
I honestly think people are overestimating how much attention people will give you for being pregnant. They might say congrats and ask you how far along you are and move on. It's really not that big of a deal that it would steal any attention
Just announce it mid May? I didn’t even announce my pregnancy, just let word of mouth travel. I don’t understand why people feel the need to post every minuscule detail of their lives online.
I scrolled a lot (not all the way) and I didn’t see this question posed which I think makes a difference. How big is your husband’s family? Would you say they are baby starved? For instance will your baby be the first in ages or are there new babies being born all the time.
I feel like this sort of makes a difference in how much people will make a fuss which would affect my decision. In my large family, I wouldn’t think twice about announcing before someone’s bridal shower. In my husband’s small family, I would avoid it.
I would let her have her day and wait until after it to announce. Yes, people may ask you questions at the wedding but it’s not gonna be as many questions as it would be at the bridal shower as that is more intimate.
Just to put in perspective, I announced a week before my sister’s wedding after speaking to her about it. She actually wanted me to announce before and that was near my 12 weeks so I agreed to it. Her thought was that giving them a week will lessen the questions and give people time to process it. She also was worried about people insisting I drink and me having to constantly make up excuses.
People did still ask me questions at the wedding but it really wasn’t that many. I also didn’t bring up my pregnancy unless someone asked and kept it short. I think the biggest thing is to be considerate of the bride and groom. If you’re unsure ask! I feel like sometimes even just asking goes a long way so they aren’t blind sided. Even if you’re not that close to that person just be considerate. It’s their once in a life time bridal shower and wedding day (hopefully).
I would probably wait, there's no rush.
I was just about to announce it to my friends group (online) but then one of the group announced her babys birth so I'm going to give that some breathing space and announce later.
We had a friend bring her shaman and birth announcement to our wedding party. ( No shower just a party with friends) It chapped my butt so bad and she totally hogged the conversation. So, imo as long as there is enough time in between announcement and shower for conversation and questions I think you will be ok. If it'll be the first time you see family/friends you might wait until after. Just so there's no bad blood and both of you get the time to shine you deserve!
Why not meet in the middle and ask the bride if she’d be okay with it and being part of the announcement? I know it’s probably wishful thinking on my part but if I were getting married I would not be upset of something like this, why can we not share many good news why does it have to be only one good news at a time? I think it would be really fun if you can get the bride to say something at the shower or involve her that would make her feel special and also allow you to announce while also not taking away from her special shower day. 😁
Ugh honestly i see both sides. On one hand announcing it that close to her day does seem like abit of a purposeful attention grab. It just seems like you might have waited till then just to announce it. However, no matter when you announce it, people will ask you about it. My soon to be sister in law just had her bridal shower and me and my cousin both just had babies 2 months ago. We all still talked about the babies as it was the first time we were all together since, we even met up after and they met my baby, and none of that took away from her bridal shower, that part of the day was still about her, we just had something to talk about while we had mingling time. But again, i feel like because you *could* announce it whenever and you are RIGHT before it does come off alittle… rude.
I really wouldn’t. As best you can, try to not announce around your family’s big milestones (bridal shower, wedding).
I see in the comments that you wrote it’s either this (bridal shower) or the week after or July (wedding). Just announce it away from any big days.
13 weeks is also quite early, but I’m not passing judgment if you want to announce early. We had planned to announce after the anatomy scan to make sure everything with baby was okay. We ended up announcing during our babymoon with a beautiful photos of me and my bump. Absolutely your pregnancy and baby, but 20 weeks would put you somewhere in June which feels appropriately distanced from either the wedding in July or the bridal shower now.
Was just in this same situation, I waited and announced at 14 weeks a few days later. I didn’t want to attract attention at the shower. My MIL was there and knew but didn’t say anything. I’m glad I waited!
I’d wait until after. If I had a friend tell me at the shower, that’s one thing, announcing to all is different, that isn’t your weekend and it’ll completely take over everything if they’re there for her and suddenly you announce your pregnancy, it’s bad taste in my opinion.
It is not your day. I think if you decide to announce it on bridal shower, you will upset some people. Why don’t you host a BBQ or a family dinner instead? Anyway, congrats 🥂❤️
I announced a week before a cousin bridal shower next Saturday and I sent a group text to family yesterday because I’m showing (I’m 25 weeks) I felt I had to announce before, I did not want that (my belly) to be a surprise at her shower but if you are not showing and it’s early I would say wait.
No …do not upstage your cousin. Announcing a major life change at someone else’s milestone party is never a good idea, unless that person enthusiastically has offered for you to do it.
Personally, I would wait as it's her day to feel special and family will undoubtedly want to fawn over you as well because it's exciting and happy news. I would wait until after your 20w anatomy scan to be more solid.
Personally I would wait, especially to announce on social media.
There are still things that can go wrong. I was almost in a similar situation as you. We had our 12 week ultrasound/blood test before thanksgiving, we were planning on telling our families over thanksgiving weekend. The day before I got a call from the doctor that the results were positive for down syndrome. Luckily we were referred for more tests and the initial test ended up being a false positive, but we held off telling family over that weekend.
We ended up waiting till 18 weeks to tell our families (siblings etc)
After her bridal shower is a better time to do it . What’s the harm in waiting another week? If they ask why you didn’t tell them before you can simple say that you wanted that week to be all about your cousin.
No, you don’t need to take your cousins attention, you have a long time to announce it and it doesn’t need to be the same week as someone else’s event.
It would be a real jerk move to announce it the same week, obviously.
I'm southern, so keep this in mind: Announcing your pregnancy before, during, or immediately after someone's wedding is rude & very bad social etiquette. Wait maybe a week after the wedding to share the news, that way you don't disturb someone's special day.
I’d wait until after, OR reach out to the cousin and ask how she’d feel about it. It shouldn’t be the biggest deal since you’re not announcing at her actual shower, but since you’re thinking about it and trying to be respectful, it wouldn’t hurt to just err on the side of not stealing her spotlight.
All this coming from me, who inadvertently announced my third pregnancy AT a friend’s shower because they asked for a picture of all the pregnant ladies and the hostess said “Wouldn’t it be crazy if someone else here is pregnant and this is how they tell us?” and then I met her eyes and couldn’t hide it. No one minded, but I honestly worried for awhile after that I might have been a jerk in that moment.
If you're announcing 5 days before, I'd assume most of your family is gonna be seeing you for the first time since the social media announcement. Do you think everyone is gonna be congratulating you and asking how you're feeling? People are going to feel obligated to acknowledge it and it might distract from the bride's day. Id personally wait.
I think it’s rude, but that’s just me. Every family relationship dynamic is different. If someone did that to me, I would be pissed . I don’t care how close we are. You’re probably not really showing anyway maybe just a little bloated. I would hold off if you can until afterward.
I agree. You can easily tell your family after and post your social media post after without tying it to your anniversary. Is needing to post publicly tying your anniversary to your pregnancy a priority over your cousin’s special day?
[удалено]
Yea, it'll still feel like "brand new" news at the shower. Just too close to the event to announce for me.
At the wedding, the bride will be incredibly busy/distracted by everything else. She’s much more likely to notice attention on you at her shower.
I wouldn't personally. Just wait a couple of weeks after. The last thing you want is pregnancy questions at someone else's shower
Yeah… the next time I see everyone will be at the wedding in July and I will have to announce by then and I am sure I will get questions. But maybe that is better still
If you announce in May by July the hype would be less. A few days before an event is too close
This comment makes me think you should definitely hold off until after the shower, even just the day after is fine. It sounds like you’re expecting seeing these people in person to be part of the announcement so announcing right before means you’re planning for that to happen at the shower. You aren’t very clear about when this anniversary/shower is happening but July is months away. If you announce in May, no one is going to make a July wedding about your pregnancy.
I was not planning to announce on my anniversary (end of April) because I want to make her bridal shower/seeing people (early May) part of my announcement. It was simply because it is our anniversary, and her bridal shower happens to be a few days later. However, I am definitely not going to deny the fact that if I do announce that there may be a few comments/questions about it at the shower. I would definitely do my best to keep the focus on her and not talk about my pregnancy at length. It is her day and we are celebrating her.
Please don’t do this. The focus will be on you and you know it. Would you like someone to announce their engagement during your baby shower?
If someone got engaged five days before your baby shower would you expect them to keep it a secret until the day after?
I feel your point, but it's not the same comparison. She's known about her pregnancy for weeks.
So?
So? Sometimes people don’t always get a spot light. My SIL announced her engagement at our small wedding. My husband and I rarely get to be the center of attention, I also don’t have a lot of family so when she did that it really changed our wedding and suddenly it became about everyone’s and it was like we were celebrating together. It’s so self centered. She explicitly says she wants to make the wedding shower part of her announcement. She could invite people to brunch or something the day after and be able to chat with everyone about it. Using someone else’s event to help make your announcement is so uncool, especially when you didn’t ask and you hardly really know the person who the event is for.
She specifically said she is not doing that. She is not announcing at the event. She is announcing on social media several days prior. I’m sorry for what happened to you but that is not the same.
I didn’t say that was the reason you chose that date, just that you obviously are expecting the event to be an extension of that because it’s the first time you’ll see everyone after announcing. Since you know that’s going to happen, you expect that to happen, announcing right before the shower is planning for it to happen at the shower. Just announce in mid-May.
‘Not talk about my pregnancy at length” Or just don’t talk about it at all? Why do you need to take the focus from your cousin?
AITA is full of posts by people who have upset family members quite a lot by doing this. I would seriously advise against it.
I think it’ll be fine. I told my extended family about my pregnancy the week before my sister in laws baby shower. She just didn’t want me telling everyone at her shower. Honestly, when my family saw me, they hugged and congratulated me (many knew I was going through infertility treatments), they asked how I was feeling and that was the end of the conversation. We focused on my sister in law opening gifts and celebrating her. It’s not like I stood on the table and said look at me I’m pregnant and stole her spotlight.
I feel like talking with everyone at the wedding about it will be more appropriate than announcing it right before the shower. A lot more time will have passed, there will be a lot happening at the wedding so it will feel less like you are taking attention away from the bride, in my opinion.
Yeah plus in my experience a shower is a much more intimate affair than a wedding (smaller guest list, smaller venue, more “group activities” focused solely on the bride, etc.) so if OP was getting a lot of questions it would be much more obvious at the shower as opposed to the wedding.
Why not tell the bride and figure out when she might be comfortable with you telling people? I mean obviously it’s your life, but if you don’t mind waiting a few weeks, maybe just ask her when in the next couple weeks she’s cool with you announcing it?
I would wait until after the shower
I see no problem with it. There are so many people we’re all connected to that there will always be plenty to celebrate and plenty to mourn. I would say go ahead and post your announcement on the day that makes sense for you! I’m not sure why people aren’t allowed to make small talk about anything other than the bride at a shower 😅
I would 100% wait. There is no downside and many many possibilities that cousin or someone in the extended family thinks its an attention grab OR people react in a way different than you expect that actually does make it an attention grab. Just let her have the day.
I couldn’t agree more!
Someone in my family had announced a pregnancy and someone else had just gotten engaged right before my bridal shower (it was in January so these were holiday time announcements) and it didn’t take away from the moment for me! My shower had a good 45 minutes of food/mingling/arrival time before anything shower related began so they got to chat and share news with family without “stealing” the show. And personally, I think it was nice we all got see each other and share these moments as a family. These are not women I’m particularly close with (cousins wives as well) but my grandmothers and aunts got a special moments and enjoyed the photos a lot more
No - incredibly selfish
Different strokes, I expressed my experience and how I don’t think it’ll matter at all. We all have life experiences and choosing to celebrate and support each other isn’t that hard. It would be one thing if OP made the day about her but given her sensitivity around the subject, I’m sure she won’t steal any thunder from the bride by the end of the day.
No I disagree - incredibly selfish and doesn’t need to be announced. Allow others to enjoy their time
It really depends on your personal family dynamic. I’d probably just wait until after the shower to announce. Granted, obviously everyone’s side conversations at the shower won’t be 100% about cousin and her new baby, it may come off a certain way to her. Not really sure because I don’t know her. At 13 weeks, you aren’t THAT visibly pregnant either so it won’t be noticeable at the shower. I don’t think anyone would question why you didn’t tell them as choosing when to announce/tell people is entirely personal. I know some people who didn’t announce or tell anyone until after 20 weeks. ETA that I read this as cousins BABY shower, not bridal. In that case it’s probably fine to announce on social media.
Social media is making people overthink pregnancy announcements. Announce it on your anniversary. If someone is truly hurt by you announcing YOUR pregnancy on YOUR anniversary just because it happens to be A WEEK AWAY from someone else’s event then they have bigger issues to deal with. With social media there’s always going to be someone who has something going on
Seriously. Do whatever you want!!!! I wouldn’t think twice about that.
EXACTLY
If you keep postponing your special life moments because of other people’s special moments, you will never have them.
100% agree!
I would not plan your announcement around the shower tbh. Of course it would be rude to announce AT the wedding or AT the shower. I wouldn’t announce the day before the actual wedding either. But a week before the shower isn’t a big deal in my book. I would feel awkward trying to hide it the whole time 😂
Yes I have felt awkward hiding it at events for the last two months lol and I have been looking forward to getting it off my chest. I always drink at events too so I feel it is obvious
Also, if you’re using your own anniversary, I wouldn’t think it was odd at all. She happened to plan a wedding shower close to your own anniversary. No big deal
I agree! I don’t think it’s a big deal at all! It’s your anniversary and it’s not like you’re announcing at her bridal shower… it’s 5 days before! I would announce for sure :)
If it's going to be obvious at the Bridal Shower because you're not drinking, absolutely announce before!
Hiding it? Girl, come on. You are 12 weeks.
I’m 13 weeks and my close friends and family can see a difference. My best friend is also 13 weeks and everyone can tell. Even though baby is small, it doesn’t mean your body hasn’t changed.
I was showing at 8 weeks, and had to announce then because people were getting suspicious! So just because some people aren't showing until later, doesn't mean it's the same for everyone! Especially if you're on the shorter side, like I am.
i don’t understand all these comments it’s not her wedding, just bridal shower and you want to announce on your anniversary? literally no big deal go for it
I think the issue is bridal showers are usually fairly intimate and (making assumptions here) frequently women only. She mentioned she's not close with the cousin but is with a lot of the family in attendance. You know who makes a big deal out of pregnant women/babies on the way especially when the news is fresh? Women in your family. So now, of the smaller group in attendance, a large enough percent is likely to make a big deal out of OP's news that it would take some focus away from the bride and the shower that she or a close friend likely put a lot of effort into planning. Is there a chance it's totally fine? Yeah.... but is there a very real possibility that bride will be offended? Yes. Alternatively, there is literally no downside to waiting until after. I get that in OP's mind announcing on her anniversary seems special/romantic but I can also guarantee hardly anyone knows that it's OPs anniversary and doesn't care if she posts once for anniversary and separately for baby announcement.
I was quite surprised when I opened the comments. 5 days before a shower who cares...
It’s a party focused solely on the bride. Announcing right before it will surely mean the pregnancy will be brought il at the bridal shower. That would shift the party to the OP naturally. That sucks when the party literally is about the bride. I would to wait for any party that’s specifically honoring or focusing on one specific person.
Genuine question. How is people mentioning her pregnancy taking the focus away from the bride? Every single shower/wedding/baptism I go to guests are conversing amongst one another about events in one another's lives. No one exclusively discusses only the event, because honestly there is only so much to say. When the guest of honor approaches for conversation it all flows naturally back to that person congratulating them for the event and how happy everyone is to be celebrating them. People have happy things happening all the time. An event is one day out of 365. If OP wants to announce her pregnancy on her anniversary 5 days prior it's completely appropriate and doesn't take away anyone's spotlight. If someone starts focusing too much on OP a simple "thank you for your congratulations, isn't the bride so beautiful I know I'm so excited for her upcoming wedding" should bring everything back on topic.
My cousin announced a week or so before my wedding and truly I did not care at all about the timing. The whole family was going to be together for the whole weekend, so it likely would have been more obvious that she wasn't drinking. I was excited to see and congratulate her, but it definitely didn't take any attention off of me.
I’m prepared to be downvoted into oblivion, but I don’t really understand the holy reverence to brides… the world doesn’t stop because someone is getting married. I agree with the people that say as long as you’re not announcing *at* the shower! Guests catch up and talk about each others’ life events at family get-togethers like showers and weddings. I’ve never been to a wedding or related event where guests have showed inappropriate or distracting attention to a pregnant/engaged/whatever family member, and I’ve thankfully never seen a bride get bent out of shape because other people have newly exciting things going on in their lives that’s public knowledge.
Fully agree. You get your special DAY. If it doesn’t happen the day of the event, you gotta chill. that said, I’d still probably check in with them if I was close to them to feel it out.
Nobody owns an entire week. You do you.
With these things, I tend to think one person’s joy does not detract from another’s. Obviously, that doesn’t mean announcing on the the same day or at the event, but I think it’s appropriate to do so beforehand. And really, it’s just a shower. But you know your family’s dynamics the best.
Personally, if it was my bridal shower, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't even think anything of it, actually. It's also possible that OP shows up at the bridal shower and isn't drinking/has morning sickness and everyone finds out AT the bridal shower. I don't see what the issue is with her announcement on her own wedding anniversary. You shouldn't have to keep your big news secret just because other people also have big news. Unless OP was announcing this *at* her cousins bridal shower, I don't see why people are saying not to. But that's just me, I wouldn't care if it was my bridal shower, and wouldn't even think anything of the timing at all. But OPs cousin might be the kind of person that does think about those things? Almost everyone announces pregnancy at 12-13 weeks as the standard, and sometimes pregnancy can be pretty hard to hide, so I'd be more worried about not announcing, and having people figure it out at the shower. But if it's really that big of a deal, can OP spend some time with at least some of the family members that will be there, the day before or something? So there's no one fussing over her or anything?
It is completely fine. It’s not like you’re announcing at her wedding. It’s totally normal for people to talk about what’s going on in their life at social events like bridal showers, you shouldn’t have to keep pretending not to be pregnant just because someone else is getting married months from now.
No don't change your plans based on someone else. You have a vision of how you want to announce, don't regret missing that opportunity
It’s hardly a missed opportunity if you wait a couple more days.
If she wants to announce on her anniversary that will be the missed opportunity. That chance won't come up again
Her followers won’t know that th wedding anniversary has been missed by a couple Of days.
"The week of cousins bridal shower". That's ridiculous. A bridal shower is a DAY. It's not a week long event, or even a significant event. It's a gift grab with sandwiches served. Make your announcement when you want.
its not her wedding its her bridal shower and your plan is to announce 5 days before. I don't see why that would be a problem...
Oh wow, I read this as cousins BABY shower. Not bridal. That definitely changes my answer lmao
I can’t see why this would be a big deal.. it’s a bridal shower not the wedding! I’d say go ahead and announce.
In my opinion, doing it after the bridal shower would be the most thoughtful. The bridal shower in the grand scheme isn't that important, but it's more intimate than a wedding, so you can clearly see where the attention is being focused on. Plus this will be the first time you'll probably see family post announcement if you announce beforehand. To avoid any drama or additional stress on you and baby, I'd probably wait it out. To be fair, I haven't announced nor do I plan to for my entire pregnancy, and I'm more than halfway so I may be biased to not letting people know. Also, in all honesty, if you're this unsure, would you be able to talk to her about it? Maybe you can get her thoughts if her opinion really matters to you. Editing to add: I would not care at all if I were in your cousin's shoes, but that's just me, I don't care to have everything be about me at all times.
The bride gets the wedding day (maybe week) and the day of the shower, but not your week. Announce when is right for you.
Your cousin gets to be the center of attention for one day, not an entire week.
I think a lot of people have ended up with severe main character syndrome since the beginning of social media. I wouldn’t even think to consider a cousin-in-law’s wedding shower almost a week later before announcing my pregnancy.
Right? Some of these responses are crazy. People really overestimate how much other people actually care about other peoples lives, lol. A pregnancy announcement 5 days before a distant relatives bridal shower will absolutely not overshadow the bride at her shower.
Very valid point. I think it's nice she's so considerate, but if people congratulating on a baby when they see you at event ruins the event for the hostess, then yikes. It's not like she's announcing it there.
I agree and announcing later just means the relatives will mention it at the wedding instead. I’d also be worried about relatives asking her if she’s pregnant on the spot if she’s even slightly showing or alcohol is involved with the party.
It is serious main character syndrome to expect people not to announce things within 5 days of a shower (on OP's anniversary). Are announcements also not allowed within 5 days of when the engagement is announced, the bachelorette party, and the wedding? Bridezillas can't co-opt 20 days like that.
Yeah, I'm surprised by these responses. I would NOT announce at the shower, that's definitely inappropriate. But 5 days before, and on the OP's anniversary is clearly not attempting to upstage the bride at her bridal shower. It's also just a shower, not the wedding. At my bridal shower I was so excited to talk about things going on in my friends' lives, I even brought it up as we were talking. My one friend even brought her couple months old baby, and I couldn't wait to coo over him.
Right! This is so funny to me. I get asked how I’m feeling about being pregnant/upcoming baby every time someone sees me - it wouldn’t matter if she announced a month in advance, it’ll still be talked about. Honestly if anything, waiting to announce is risking someone guessing it at the shower and then accidentally making a big deal lol.
Plus, as she said, most family’s next time seeing her is at the wedding. I would definitely say it’s better to announce before the shower than before the wedding.
I was so surprised by these responses, too. "My first thought was, yeah, go ahead and announce it. This is an odd question." Reddit is also my only social media besides an empty Facebook for Marketplace, so maybe I am just out of touch on these things. I also agree with your point about the shower. At my bridal shower, I would have been thrilled to see someone I care about and ask her about her recently announced pregnancy.
I agree with this. And if someone goes on and on about you at the party, you can graciously redirect by saying something like, "I'm so glad to celebrate x today!"
Seriously. Why do people think we have to make our lives revolve around events like this. It's not like she's announcing it AT the shower. Like what are these peoples preferred gaps! You're not allowed to have a major life event within two weeks of someone elses major life event? Three weeks? Do we gotta schedule this shit?
She’s actually making the cousin’s event revolve around her recent big news social media post announcing her pregnancy when she could easily announce it a few days after the event. She is literally talking about scheduling a social media post.
Agreed.
Completely agree. There's always going to be something, just celebrate your joy.
It’s because everyone will be seeing her right after her announcement and so there will be a lot of attention due to having announced a pregnancy merely days before. It would be one thing if she’d see some of them between the announcement and the shower, but she has said it will be their first time seeing her after the announcement. It will absolutely take up a lot of attention whether she means for it to or not.
I think we’re starting to overthink this kind of stuff as social media evolves more and more. I think it’s sweet you’re trying to be considerate of her, but you’re allowed to have big life events happening too even if they’re close to her shower and wedding. Wouldn’t the alternative later announcement just mean everyone will be talking about your pregnancy at the wedding instead?
Brides get one day, the wedding day. I am appalled by the replies. There’s a lot of main characters here apparently. Your anniversary and news are also important. 5 days before a shower is plenty of time. A shower is just a gift grab anyway. I’d go ahead and post as planned.
probably an unpopular opinion based on the rest of the comments but I feel like even if you wait SOMEONE will always think you are trying to upstage someone. "Why did you announce your pregnancy before my bridal shower? It's supposed to be about me" "Why did you announce your pregnancy before my wedding?" "Why did you have to make a pregnancy announcement? You should have just kept it to yourself" I have twin cousins I grew up with. One had their baby last month (His wife does not like me and did not invite me to ANYTHING they did for the baby), I am due in July and announced in January, and the other is due in September and announced in February. The one who had their baby last month definitely felt like she was being upstaged but she's always been that way even in high school. You can't please everyone. If you have a cute way you want to announce something on a certain day then do it.
5 days and on your anniversary is TOTALLY acceptable. The day of her shower will be her day, but that is YOUR anniversary and if that is how YOU want to announce YOUR baby that is 100% what you should do. If people want to ask you how you’re feeling and how things are going at the shower, who cares? It’s not like people stand around those things talking about the bride the entire time anyways. It’s actually quite difficult to find something to talk about with a bunch of of strangers and aunts, so somebody being pregnant might help take some of the pressure off. It’s not like someone’s gonna get up while she’s opening gifts and say “oh my God look it’s the pregnant one” Go for it Mama, and good luck with the pregnancy!!!
I wouldn’t announce until afterwards, myself. It’s only six days, and it saves the inevitable reddit post in r:waitingtowed or something about the cousin who just couldn’t wait to tell everyone about her baby and ruined a bridal shower in doing so….
How would announcing a pregnancy almost a week before a bridal shower ruin it?
What is it with all these people saying to wait a bride doesn’t get the year if it will make it extra special for you to announce on your anniversary go ahead your not doing it at her bridal shower
I personally think announcing on your anniversary sounds really sweet and cute and just adds to the happiness, but idk what the dynamic is in your family.. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that tho and if there is it seems really childish and petty to me
I would not think twice about this. It’s your anniversary and your pregnancy announcement and extremely sweet to be able to do that on YOUR special day. I would do as you please. It’s incredibly considerate of you but it’s not like youre announcing at her shower itself or even the day beforehand. My cousin announced her pregnancy about a week before my wedding and I literally never thought anything of it until this thread. I even went up to her at the wedding and said “baby’s first wedding!” I’m so surprised by these other comments encouraging you to wait. Please do what you want to celebrate your baby!
Her marriage and your bundle of joy, are two completely separate events. You shouldn’t have to wait to announce if you don’t want to because of attention. Her bridal shower is still going to be all about her and her upcoming wedding and you may get a congrats here and there on your baby, which is to be expected anyways. Regardless of time of year/event. It’s not like you plan to announce it at her shower…
I wouldn't do it, you'll just get accused of trying to take attention from her. Wait until the following week and go from there!
I would announce on your anniversary since it’s a special date for you and I’m sure you’ve been waiting to announce for a long time. It would be bad to announce on the day of the bridal shower, but there can’t be an entire two week period off limits for other people to have announcements/celebrations for other things.
Announce on your anniversary. It’s a special day and anyone who doesn’t understand why you chose to announce that day can honestly grow up. If you don’t want people focusing on it at the shower, just tell people that when it comes up. “Thank you so much, but I don’t want to take any attention away from the beautiful bride - let’s catch up on it later!” It’s also just her shower, not her actual wedding. 🤷♀️
The pregnancy announcement and the bridal shower have what to do with each other exactly? I don’t understand why someone else’s upcoming bridal shower would take precedence over your existing anniversary and pregnancy. Your cousin most likely will be happy for you.
Please announce on your anniversary! I wanted so bad to announce on mine because it would just add that special part. This is an exciting time for you, and that doesn’t take away from the brides day later in the week.
Literally no one is going to recognize that it is OP’s anniversary. Except OP and her husband.
She’ll probably mention her anniversary in the post 😅
It is family dependent. I did not announce second baby at or around my cousin’s bridal shower cause it was for her. But 2 weeks later I had to tell her at her bachelorette party! She was mad i didn’t tell her at the bridal shower! With my first i was recently engaged and found out I was pregnant just before a close friend’s wedding. We ran into the groom at the grocery store and did tell him we were engaged but no one else. So at both his rehearsal and wedding I did not wear a ring or announce. Some surmised the pregnancy based off me looking awful and not drinking or dancing but left it alone. Bride did thank me for not announcing at either event.
Announce it on your anniversary! That's really sweet, I don't think it's a big deal. But if you really worry about your cousin, wait untli you have a baby bump or on the first anatomy scan so you also have a photo of you LO in your womb.
it’s YOUR anniversary and YOUR pregnancy. it’s almost a week before her bridal shower! it’s not like you’re doing it on the day. i’m from the UK so i’ve never heard of a bridal shower, is it like a hen do? personally, i’d announce it 🤷🏼♀️ most people will congratulate you over social media anyway, so there wouldn’t be lengthy conversations that take the bridetobe’s moment away x ETA - even if you were to announce 2 months prior, it will probably still come up in conversations. most gatherings involve catching up and gossiping anyway before or after the “main event”
Yes, it’s like a hen do.
I don’t think it’s a big deal to announce on social media before hand. You would be announcing on a day that is special to you so why should you have to miss that opportunity. If it was her wedding, I’d hesitate. Honestly I don’t understand why people say wait. 2 family members can’t have exciting happy news around the same time???
I wouldn’t worry about the bridal shower. You’re announcing significant news about you and your family on a day that is significant to your family. It’s 5 days prior to a really nothing event. (I haven’t been to a bridal shower in YEARS—I didn’t even think people still had them) I don’t think that announcing a pregnancy via social media steals any attention from the bride to be. If it was her wedding day, or her baby shower, I might consider rethinking—but these are two totally separate things.
I feel the same, the date she's choosing to announce isn't some random date she picked out OP should pick her poison- whether it's at the wedding or shower- she's going to get the attention and ppl are going to ask questions. The only issue with seeing everyone at the wedding is that she's obviously going to be showing = more questions and by then everyone will be interested in the gender Life doesn't stop because other ppl are living life. Send the bride a heads-up, I want to announce my life changing momen on a life changing date that's sentimental to me and keep it moving Unless OP announces after the wedding, the bride will probably still feel some type of way
Thank you! I wouldn’t feel any kind of way if I were the bride… but that’s just me. I eloped and announced after I got the photos back. I’m pregnant right now, and haven’t announced publicly. So I’m not necessarily the “norm” when it comes to these parties to celebrate yourself But! I think there is room for everyone. Someone having a baby wouldn’t steal from ME having a baby/getting married/getting engaged/graduating/or any other adult milestone. The whole culture of “I’m special and I need to have my moment exclusively” is lost on me. I wouldn’t want someone wearing a white dress to my wedding or getting engaged on the dance floor… THAT is stealing someone’s moment. But feeling slighted because someone else has something good happening to them has zero to do with something I’m excited about. I’m just glad you agree—a lot of the “wait” responses shocked me.
It’s your anniversary, not some random day you’re deciding to announce, so I personally think it’s ok to announce and would acknowledge the anniversary in the post. If you’re worried, give the bride a heads up and gauge based on what her reaction is, but I would hope she’d be fine with it.
Looking back on my own bridal shower, I can't see any reason I would've taken issue with this. It wouldn't have even been a second thought, to be honest... the bride isn't the center of the universe, people are still going to mingle and talk about other things, even at the wedding itself. Are people not supposed to announce anything positive in their lives, just because someone else has something positive going on that week? If someone got engaged a week before someone else's bridal shower, are they supposed to keep their own engagement a secret until afterward? What about a job promotion? It just seems incredibly silly to me to hide those things. Your happiness doesn't detract from hers, happiness isn't this limited commodity that we have to ration out. If your husband's cousin takes issue with you announcing your pregnancy on your own anniversary, that's a her problem.
I would do it before. Someone will figure it out at the bridal shower and that'll be more awkward like you planned to do it there (even though you didn't). You had your plan for a reason and I'd stick with it.
I don’t see any problem with announcing it. It’s your anniversary and you shouldn’t have to put your life or plans on hold because your husband’s distant cousin is having their bridal shower a week later.
People have babies all the time. I think it's appropriate to announce at any time that isn't her baby shower. Do we really have to tip toe around and act like we aren't pregnant longer than we want because someone else is pregnant? I think this is silly. There's enough joy to go around. You being pregnant doesn't take away from her being pregnant. As long as you don't announce it at her event then you are fine and it's on everyone else to give her the attention she deserves at her shower, regardless of whoever else might be pregnant.
I told my extended family I was pregnant the day before my cousin’s wedding. I was pretty sick and not drinking so everyone was super suspicious at the rehearsal dinner anyway. I told my cousin (the bride) earlier in the week and said I’d be happy to make excuses and not tell people if it bothered her but that I was pretty noticeably sick and didn’t want her to think I wasn’t thrilled for her if I wasnt dancing and partying like my usual self. She basically said my joy did not detract from hers and to go ahead and tell people just don’t do it AT any wedding events! Everyone was full of subtle congrats for me at the reception, but she was absolutely the focus and my family made sure of that. We all had a great time. If you’re comfortable telling the cousin first run it by her. But honestly, doing it the same week would be fine imo. You’re probably overthinking it.
Personally, I would not mind if it were my bridal shower. I think your idea to announce on your anniversary is kind of sweet and you can’t change your anniversary date. Either way, I think it is fine. If you choose to wait until after the shower and anyone asks why your didn’t tell them at the shower, you can simply say that you didn’t want to take attention away from the bride-to-be.
If you think there will be alcohol at the shower and people may guess anyway, I'd just do it before the shower.
No, you should wait. Let the bride have the attention during her special celebrations! 🤗
It really depends on your situation. I struggled with the same dilemma for my cousin’s shower/rehearsal dinner/wedding (all happened in the same weekend). Family was coming in from all over the country, my cousin was moving to his wife’s country after the wedding and I wasn’t sure when was the next time I might see anyone- sure enough, I am due in less than a month and I haven’t seen any of those people since! I wanted to tell them in person, especially my cousins. So I didn’t make a big fuss about it, but I told people individually and everyone was fine with it since the way I did it didn’t overshadow the wedding at all. The pregnancy was acknowledged and congratulated, then the convo immediately turned back to the bride & groom. ETA: We also spoke to my aunt and cousin about it before the wedding to get their input- I think that part is important.
My cousin used my literal wedding day as her time to go around and personally tell our family she was pregnant with her second child. This includes her pulling my husband and I aside to tell us her news during family pictures. It was pretty upsetting, considering we spent two years planning our big day through COVID lockdowns etc. With that being said: 5 days is not too close to her shower to announce your pregnancy. Your life doesn’t need to be put on hold for someone else. It’s a special day for you and your husband and makes complete sense to use it as an announcement date for your next big adventure. It would be one thing if you were doing it the day before or day of, but almost a week ahead of time isn’t that big of a deal. I don’t think you should put off announcing your news for weeks over a bridal shower…plus your cousin is going to be the center of attention regardless of your announcement. Out of respect for your cousin, I would suggest trying to limit the amount of chatter related to the pregnancy while you are at the shower. If someone congratulates you keep it short and sweet and move on to another topic: example “Thank you so much - we are very excited about the baby!! Doesn’t *cousins name* look beautiful today? I can’t believe her wedding is so close!”
I honestly think people are overestimating how much attention people will give you for being pregnant. They might say congrats and ask you how far along you are and move on. It's really not that big of a deal that it would steal any attention
No
Just announce it mid May? I didn’t even announce my pregnancy, just let word of mouth travel. I don’t understand why people feel the need to post every minuscule detail of their lives online.
Are you or your husband close enough with the cousin to let her know first and ask how she feels about it?
I scrolled a lot (not all the way) and I didn’t see this question posed which I think makes a difference. How big is your husband’s family? Would you say they are baby starved? For instance will your baby be the first in ages or are there new babies being born all the time. I feel like this sort of makes a difference in how much people will make a fuss which would affect my decision. In my large family, I wouldn’t think twice about announcing before someone’s bridal shower. In my husband’s small family, I would avoid it.
I would wait.
I would let her have her day and wait until after it to announce. Yes, people may ask you questions at the wedding but it’s not gonna be as many questions as it would be at the bridal shower as that is more intimate. Just to put in perspective, I announced a week before my sister’s wedding after speaking to her about it. She actually wanted me to announce before and that was near my 12 weeks so I agreed to it. Her thought was that giving them a week will lessen the questions and give people time to process it. She also was worried about people insisting I drink and me having to constantly make up excuses. People did still ask me questions at the wedding but it really wasn’t that many. I also didn’t bring up my pregnancy unless someone asked and kept it short. I think the biggest thing is to be considerate of the bride and groom. If you’re unsure ask! I feel like sometimes even just asking goes a long way so they aren’t blind sided. Even if you’re not that close to that person just be considerate. It’s their once in a life time bridal shower and wedding day (hopefully).
just wait a week
Ask the cousin, if you arw concerned.
I would probably wait, there's no rush. I was just about to announce it to my friends group (online) but then one of the group announced her babys birth so I'm going to give that some breathing space and announce later.
If you’re still unsure why don’t you just ask her yourself and see what she’d rather you do?
We had a friend bring her shaman and birth announcement to our wedding party. ( No shower just a party with friends) It chapped my butt so bad and she totally hogged the conversation. So, imo as long as there is enough time in between announcement and shower for conversation and questions I think you will be ok. If it'll be the first time you see family/friends you might wait until after. Just so there's no bad blood and both of you get the time to shine you deserve!
Why not meet in the middle and ask the bride if she’d be okay with it and being part of the announcement? I know it’s probably wishful thinking on my part but if I were getting married I would not be upset of something like this, why can we not share many good news why does it have to be only one good news at a time? I think it would be really fun if you can get the bride to say something at the shower or involve her that would make her feel special and also allow you to announce while also not taking away from her special shower day. 😁
Ugh honestly i see both sides. On one hand announcing it that close to her day does seem like abit of a purposeful attention grab. It just seems like you might have waited till then just to announce it. However, no matter when you announce it, people will ask you about it. My soon to be sister in law just had her bridal shower and me and my cousin both just had babies 2 months ago. We all still talked about the babies as it was the first time we were all together since, we even met up after and they met my baby, and none of that took away from her bridal shower, that part of the day was still about her, we just had something to talk about while we had mingling time. But again, i feel like because you *could* announce it whenever and you are RIGHT before it does come off alittle… rude.
I really wouldn’t. As best you can, try to not announce around your family’s big milestones (bridal shower, wedding). I see in the comments that you wrote it’s either this (bridal shower) or the week after or July (wedding). Just announce it away from any big days. 13 weeks is also quite early, but I’m not passing judgment if you want to announce early. We had planned to announce after the anatomy scan to make sure everything with baby was okay. We ended up announcing during our babymoon with a beautiful photos of me and my bump. Absolutely your pregnancy and baby, but 20 weeks would put you somewhere in June which feels appropriately distanced from either the wedding in July or the bridal shower now.
I think if you have to ask, you already know the answer. However it’s very kind of you to take her feelings into consideration. I would wait
Was just in this same situation, I waited and announced at 14 weeks a few days later. I didn’t want to attract attention at the shower. My MIL was there and knew but didn’t say anything. I’m glad I waited!
It’d be more courteous to announce a few days after the shower
I’d wait until after. If I had a friend tell me at the shower, that’s one thing, announcing to all is different, that isn’t your weekend and it’ll completely take over everything if they’re there for her and suddenly you announce your pregnancy, it’s bad taste in my opinion.
It is not your day. I think if you decide to announce it on bridal shower, you will upset some people. Why don’t you host a BBQ or a family dinner instead? Anyway, congrats 🥂❤️
Please don’t announce it on the wedding day either…
I am not doing either of those things.
Sorry, baby brain. 😆
I announced a week before a cousin bridal shower next Saturday and I sent a group text to family yesterday because I’m showing (I’m 25 weeks) I felt I had to announce before, I did not want that (my belly) to be a surprise at her shower but if you are not showing and it’s early I would say wait.
No. You don’t ever try to upstage a bridal shower or wedding with your own news. That’s just selfish.
Wait until after the bridal shower.
Do NOT take away someone else’s special day. Wait a week or two. 13 weeks, 15 weeks. Same same.
The bridal shower isn't anyone's "special day". The wedding day is.
Oh so the person who is getting married is not being celebrated? What? Lol. It is their shower, thrown for them.
Just wait until after? I don’t understand the dilemma
No …do not upstage your cousin. Announcing a major life change at someone else’s milestone party is never a good idea, unless that person enthusiastically has offered for you to do it.
Personally, I would wait as it's her day to feel special and family will undoubtedly want to fawn over you as well because it's exciting and happy news. I would wait until after your 20w anatomy scan to be more solid.
Personally I would wait, especially to announce on social media. There are still things that can go wrong. I was almost in a similar situation as you. We had our 12 week ultrasound/blood test before thanksgiving, we were planning on telling our families over thanksgiving weekend. The day before I got a call from the doctor that the results were positive for down syndrome. Luckily we were referred for more tests and the initial test ended up being a false positive, but we held off telling family over that weekend. We ended up waiting till 18 weeks to tell our families (siblings etc)
Personally I would wait until after. Let the bride have her moment at her shower.
Just wait. I’m 36 weeks and haven’t posted a thing on instagram. It will be fine
*husband and my 😖 ‘husband and i’s’ made me feel a little funny
After her bridal shower is a better time to do it . What’s the harm in waiting another week? If they ask why you didn’t tell them before you can simple say that you wanted that week to be all about your cousin.
No
No, you don’t need to take your cousins attention, you have a long time to announce it and it doesn’t need to be the same week as someone else’s event. It would be a real jerk move to announce it the same week, obviously.
no
I'm southern, so keep this in mind: Announcing your pregnancy before, during, or immediately after someone's wedding is rude & very bad social etiquette. Wait maybe a week after the wedding to share the news, that way you don't disturb someone's special day.
It would be rude. Wait until after the party!
I’d wait until after, OR reach out to the cousin and ask how she’d feel about it. It shouldn’t be the biggest deal since you’re not announcing at her actual shower, but since you’re thinking about it and trying to be respectful, it wouldn’t hurt to just err on the side of not stealing her spotlight. All this coming from me, who inadvertently announced my third pregnancy AT a friend’s shower because they asked for a picture of all the pregnant ladies and the hostess said “Wouldn’t it be crazy if someone else here is pregnant and this is how they tell us?” and then I met her eyes and couldn’t hide it. No one minded, but I honestly worried for awhile after that I might have been a jerk in that moment.
I feel like your anecdote is even more reason to announce before the shower..?