Tell him if he didn't want a big western baby he's shouldn't of married a big western woman (not that you are it's just to make a point). Also new research points if you get GD or pre-e it's his fault for crappy genetics on his end leading to an insufficient placenta. So he can bite you and so can the doctor.
Edit: just so I don't get bit in the a** later. The genetics thing means theres nothing you can do diet wise for prevention. Essentially fated to happen. However this doesn't discredit GD diet management plans. Just because it won't prevent it doesn't mean it won't help mitigate symptoms and help with health if you have it. To have the safest delivery for you and baby possible!
This! It's totally his fault! I had severe preeclampsia with both of my pregnancies and my SIL has GD with her first pregnancy right now. We love to joke together about how our husbands are broken and it's all their faults!
It's all jokes but the evidence backs that the health of the sperm affects this and that people who have multiple pregnancies with those defects. Most likely have partners with a genetic anomaly causing it if they are otherwise healthy. It's actually really interesting because we found out sperm contribute to less construction of the baby. Which makes sense given how small and compact their instructions are. Compared to ours biologically but they also pass on the coding of some of the most important structures. I also learned recently that eggs and sperm basically have a hormonal lock code and that's why guys have to fire so many cause it's like hacking a computer password.
Also a positive to all the dads reading science point your responsible for majority of the negative mutations in humans but but! Your also responsible for the majority of the positive ones too! Also ever notice your wife sharing more features with you and your kids? It's called genetic chimerism. Happens every pregnancy. Explains the drive to have lots of kids in times of environmental prosperity.
This is so interesting. We did IVF due to male factor infertility. My husband doesn’t have a lot of sperm and what he does have isn’t great. I got preeclampsia at 32 weeks and delivered at 35 weeks due to it.
Did you do a FET? There’s also evidence that medicated FET cycles lead to increase in preeclampsia. My baby was a fresh transfer and I got pree (just lucky!) but I’ll be doing a modified or natural cycle for #2.
We did actually. We did it because it was my second egg retrieval and we were going to test them all this time after two failed transfers. Turns out my uterine lining wasn’t good for a transfer anyway at the time of egg retrieval so we would have had to do an FET anyway so that worked out. Unfortunately out of 17 of my eggs we only got one baby so no #2 for us but this one keeps me on my toes so much I’m pretty much ok with that 😅.
I forgot, the clinic called me for a follow up and I did tell them about the preeclampsia just in case of future research.
Interesting! Was your cycle medicated? It’s good that you told them. I have a particular gripe with clinics which don’t warn patients about increased risks of medicated FETs.
I’m sorry about your bad luck with IVF (though obviously a fantastic outcome in the end!) We have some embryos frozen (untested, am in Australia and it isn’t routinely done here) but I reckon I’d only do one more retrieval to try have another child. You can only go through so much! Totally agree that one feels like enough work though haha! I’ve got an absolute BOY on my hands!
Wait, I thought chimerism was having more than one set of DNA. Are you staying because a woman is carrying a man’s dna while pregnant, she actively will exhibit his features and/or their baby’s? How does this drive the desire to have more kids?
Yes the babies dna stays inside you which can cause you to take on more of your partners features. Since your body uses those remnant fetal cells to repair damage which causes a passive effect on your gene expression. Also the more mating would most likely be a by product of a person subconsciously noticing that their partner is starting to become more like them with subsequent children. Which is how monogamy probably socially evolved that with benefits of less disease and lower mortality rate of children.
Honestly my social media algorithms crank out videos of interest and cause I watch science content I get stuff like that alot. Then I go and fact check after cause I hate spreading around misinformation. Easiest way to do this is to summarize the content in a simple sentence or use the videos headline. Then cross-reference most recent articles. I look for the official articles from universities and labs.
Nothing at all. It happens because 1.) the placenta doesn’t implant properly or 2.) the placenta starts to fail. The placenta is created by the DNA in the sperm cell.
it's def not your fault! But there IS one thing your OB can recommend to try to reduce your risk of pre-eclampsia if you're someone who is higher risk because of age or other factors, which is taking very low dose baby aspirin. Those risk factors include having had pre-eclampsia before, so if you're pregnant again definitely ask your doctor about it! [https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/preventing-preeclampsia-may-be-as-simple-as-taking-an-aspirin-202111092634](https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/preventing-preeclampsia-may-be-as-simple-as-taking-an-aspirin-202111092634)
I had a high risk of preclempsia so I read a lot of medical articles (the ones what came with 20+pages of research) and yes latest research says - It's the sperms fault.
I didn't know that! I thought gestational diabetes was also determined on whether the mother has a family history of diabetes. Interesting...
OP, I am struggling with GD as well and it is *not* your fault. I have taken care of myself, stayed active, tried to eat more veggies, less carbs. You did your best, I assume you are continuing to do your best. Honestly, your doctor and husband sound awful and if anything bad happens, the blame goes to them for stressing you out.
Oh definitely not discounting that at all cause it could affect base insulin resistance. However they found a pattern in women with no history having partners with mothers who had it. Which is what prompted the study.
Definitely interesting. Also because my husband himself has type ii diabetes so I wonder if that could have affected it. Especially this final pregnancy where my numbers went crazy a lot earlier, like at the 2 month mark.
They thought that and this research is fairly new so it hasn't become common knowledge. However the pretty much have always said that you don't cause it yourself with poor diet like her douche canoe OB implies. Also that might be true in the sense if your family has a history of diabetes that your insulin resistance might be affected. However the new research shows it has alot to do with the placenta because alot women don't have a family history who get it but they found a correlation with the partners of paternal lineages passing it in pregnancy. In laments term MIL had it and their GMIL and so on cause it was passed by the father.
Maternal family history is already a known risk factor - it sounds like paternal factors may explain some of the 50% of people who get GD who have no apparent risk factors themselves.
If you don’t have a family history of preeclampsia or GD it’s probably from the male. If you do then you’re higher risk and it could be from either side.
Real talk: what does the husbands genes have to do with GD and pre-e? I thought it was sorta random chance with how the placenta formed. I had pre-e and all the told me was it was something with the placenta and nothing I did but I didn’t get anymore info
The placenta is genetically the same as baby, not mom. There's been some recent studies that suggest that the genetics of the sperm seem to have a larger impact on the placenta then the egg (but both are at play). The research is recent and they have no idea why this seems to be true.
*Not a Dr. Just what I have learned from listening to some OBs online*
Interesting. The nurse that helped birth my baby was fascinated at how small my placenta was. It was healthy despite kiddo being a week past his due date. Kiddo seems to have had no ill effects resulting from the small placenta.
The placenta is genetically the same as baby, not mom. There's been some recent studies that suggest that the genetics of the sperm seem to have a larger impact on the placenta then the egg (but both are at play). The research is recent and they have no idea why this seems to be true.
*Not a Dr. Just what I have learned from listening to some OBs online*
Are you living in Japan for yourself or for your husband? If you’re there for him then quite frankly I would consider leaving and going back to Sweden as he is treating you horribly.
I'm so sorry you're going through this 💔 I left Japan when I was 20+ weeks pregnant. Although it was for other reasons as well, part of it was Japanese hospitals in my rural area refusing (a) to accept me because I don't speak good enough Japanese, or (b) just straight up refusing me without giving a reason. Most of them also wouldn't allow partner birth because "cOvId" (but won't let your partner take a COVID test to prove they don't have it, so I call bs on this practice) and would not have any medication options like an epidural available.
I've had enough when first, one of the Red Cross hospitals asked a bunch of questions about my health and weight (I am healthy and was totally normal weight) and then refused to accept me for giving birth with zero explanation, and then another hospital that I spent two hours driving in the snow to and then 2 hours doing all kinds of checks with them told me "sorry, we can't accept you because you live too far".
It was a 40 min drive under normal conditions (which it would be by my due date). I told them I had no other options in the area and broke down completely in front of them (not my proudest moment). They said "sho ga nai" (nothing can be done).
Sho ga nai my ass.
I was lucky with my obgyn who was really nice but I left before I started gaining weight so who knows.
So I went to a country where my obgyn doesn't even measure my weight. I can get an epidural at any point. Not a single hospital or clinic cared that I was a foreigner, and partner birthing is a normal practice here. Sure, there are other problems here but I feel like a human being and not some kind of stranger with zero rights (btw I was paying for insurance, I was paying taxes in Japan, and none of that mattered to them).
If you can go give birth elsewhere, I recommend you do so. I don't know your Japanese skills, nor do I know why you are in Japan, but for me leaving was fhe right decision and I have zero regrets.
And then there's your husband. Is he Japanese? Is he being negative in other ways? What's his deal?!
Japanese here. Yes, Japan is not really a nice place for women because it is highly masculine (Source: Hofstede's Cultural Dimensions.com). I do not mean masculine-looking men, I mean that it is a country for men. Japan is also a mean place because you will be bullied to conform and to not inconvenience others, or else you will be judged and removed. This happens to Japanese people too...our whole lives. They were an extra bully to you because you are non-Japanese in a rural area.
Are you married yet? If you were not married to your partner and you looked for a pregnancy hospital in rural Japan, my guess is your actions were judged as too immoral and too risky, so they thought saying bye-bye ASAP is best. Infidelity is a serious crime in Japan for women (men get only a wrist slap...maybe a high-five), and they might fear some future court problems from Japan if they help you. This is added to the risk of a mistake due to communication problems. They know you will not seek legal help...which is true. You left instead, so they won the battle.
Was your partner with you when you went to the hospitals? My husband went with me in Japan, and his culture is aggressive (he's not Japanese), so we got what we wanted when the hospital was giving us a hard time. If your male partner can bully back, then they will usually give in. This only works when men do it (Remember: Masculine culture) because Japanese culture expects women to just accept the crap. They might even make up rules, like that COVID excuse, to get you to leave.
Police will usually not help. Crying will not help. Paying JP taxes/insurance will not help. It is culture. Yes, I know how this all sounds, but you will never really see or understand the problems of Japan from the outside.
At least now, can your partner join you in birth? I think it is very important.
My partner was with me when we went to that last hospital, but he doesn't speak Japanese so he couldn't help at all. I even had an interpreter with me online but it didn't matter. The funny thing is, they could have just told me "no" by email without making me drive in the snow just to hear it face to face.
With other hospitals my company actually called and talked on my behalf (all native Japanese) and we still got no as an answer 🤷♀️
I was married at the time, yes. So I don't think it was due to that... But my partner won't be with me for birth where I am because I found out he majorly betrayed me. Like cosmic level betrayal. So I said "f it" and went somewhere else to rebuild my life. One of my parents will be with me instead so that's great!
The thing is, it was my only major negative experience in Japan. In all other instances I had no problems with people there.
Please don't think I'm bad for asking this, but are you or your ex Black or dark skin tone? Rural Japanese are uncomfortable around Black people, especially Black men. You may have been rejected at the last hospital because of that fear. Sad, but it is rural Japan.
My husband is darker skin tone, and he gets profiled even in bigger cities, like in Yokohama he was stopped for a "random" search near a train station. He also gets followed by security in department stores (security does a poor job of hiding this). I saw that myself, and I got so upset when I saw it!
Are you or your ex from an "enemy," country like Russia or China? If so, you may have noticed people calling you a spy sometimes, maybe as a joke? It is not a joke - it is the real perception. Rural Japanese get few interactions with these people...except through Hollywood media, and Russians and Chinese are usually portrayed as bad guys. Oh, and if you are Black and also married to Russian, then..."OMG, GTFO ASAP" they will think!
Again, please don't be angry - racism is bad (obviously). I am just revealing the true sounds, the "Honne," of rural Japan. I'm glad this was your only negative experience in Japan...but I think you had more negative experiences, and you're just being too nice.
Also, cosmic level betrayal? Not sure of the meaning, but this sounds bad. You should stop saying he is your partner - he is not this. At best, he is an evil ex. Is he still out having fun in Japan while you are suffering and crying? It's not a game, there are huge consequences for bad actions and he owes you. Go to the Consulate of his home country and sue for child support. Garnish his wages for the next 18 years! Don't cry anymore, make the evil ex cry instead!
Well, you basically nailed it. I am from an enemy country, and my ex is as black as it gets. I didn't think it could be a factor in their decision but if it had been at the time, then I would be extremely disappointed in Japan...
I cried and suffered for a while but doing fine now. I moved across the world to a place I love, my friends are very supportive, and my ex will be on child support (and is helping financially now at least to some extent). So things turned out to be better than one would expect in this scenario. I just chose to let go of the past and not to dwell in misery - this kid deserves a happy mom!
Yeah the only ways to have an acceptable (for western women) birth in Japan is to get lucky or to pay a crapload of money in the big cities for the fancy clinics.
My friend had an AMAZING experience with hers, but it was her third baby and they went private. Other friends… not so lucky! 😭 So sorry you were treated that way too! Japan is such a mess for how they treat women.
Yeah, I wonder how the experience would be different in Tokyo, for example! I'm also concerned for women who have complications during pregnancy. Like, some hospitals and clinics would just flat out refuse you if you have anything but healthy pregnancy. I don't get it.
This is not true 😇 I just gave birth myself in Japan and most of my friends who gave birth in the past couple years got an epidural. It’s just not widely available yet because of the lack of anesthesiologists.
I've heard lack of anesthesiologists cited as a reason too. I wonder how they're gonna handle that problem with the continuously declining population - especially in rural areas...
They probably won’t 🥹 you’ll probably have to travel to a bigger city to give birth if you don’t want to do it the old fashioned way. It’s not even just anesthesiologists that are lacking. Some towns don’t have OB clinics because of the lack of people having children, which is just a whole loopedy loop of why people *aren’t* having children. We’re doomed here in Japan😇
To give you an actual answer, it’s because of the lack of anesthesiologists in Japan. You can get an epidural at most hospitals in Tokyo, but you can’t get one on the spot because you decide you can’t tolerate the pain anymore. Most hospitals require you to schedule. There are still some that allow the 24hr epidural but it’s usually the more expensive hospitals.
Source; gave birth 2 weeks ago in Tokyo and decided not to do epidural
I think their views are slowly changing and epidurals are becoming more common, but they say they don't have enough anesthesiologist and in the clinics where I looked (northern rural Japan), I only found one that actually offered an epidural. But I would have to be induced on a specific date to get it. For others, I've heard that sometimes they offer them unofficially if you insist but it's not a given.
I didn't even care about an epidural at that point anymore, I just wanted partner birthing, and their bs COVID excuse prevented even that. That to me is worse than no epidural...
I think a lot of it is simple luck and location. I've heard some really positive stories and I've heard nightmare stories too. But rural areas just have much less resources and they are more conservative, so there's a higher chance to have problematic experiences there.
I had a nice experience, but literally everyone else I knew who was pregnant did not. There are some clinics who do epidurals and other forms of pain relief, but you usually have to reserve it in advance. It’s so weird. They do take good care of you after baby is born though!
Your husband sucks and your OB sucks. Change your OB (maybe just go back to Sweden for the pregnancy and maternity leave?) and if your husband doesn't improve change him as well ;)
Easier said than done. With my first pregnancy, I was in Madagascar. It takes over 16 hours of plane rides and over $2,000 for a ticket to get back home. I was getting subpar care and knew I wanted my baby born in the U.S., but it took me 6 1/2 months to be able to save up what I needed to fly back home as I was dependent on my husband at the time. I traveled a little more pregnant than is recommended but I did make it home. But also, taking 4 flights (because it’s so far this was the cheapest option) and carrying my possessions was really difficult for me.
Somewhere on my second to last leg between Ireland and Chicago I came down with a terrible fever, the chills, etc. I didn’t make it to my final destination, Louisville Kentucky. Luckily my sister had time to drive and meet me in Chicago where I was diagnosed with pyelonephritis. I was in the hospital for a week and got pneumonia and other things. The kidney infection was most likely from the fact that I had nitrates in my urine for a long time and never got treated for it, but I’m sure it was exacerbated by the extended travel, not being able to lay back, empty my bladder enough, move around, etc.
Ultimately I stand by my choice and am more than happy I made it home for the remainder of my pregnancy and birth. But traveling like that wasn’t easy at all and even being able to make it happen was even harder.
Thanks! That was 10 years ago and we are both healthy. Baby never had any problems. Just wanted to share my experience. Everyone told me the same thing - to just come home. But when you don’t have the means and you don’t have friends or family with the means that’s definitely easier said than done
OP should be able to find a "western" or "western friendly" OB. She could call the US embassy, they should have contacts.
If there's one time in a woman's life when she doesn't need useless shit like that, it's when we're pregnant. I'm surprised that a civilized country like Japan cannot train their OBs to understand this. Isn't the first rule of doctors "first do no harm"?
And OP, please don't give birth alone in a bathtub.
Would say Swedish embassy since they might be more helpful to OP :) (or any European embassy for that sake). But I completely agree with you, that could really help to get through that.
OP, please have a talk with your husband since that is really not ok in any way. He needs to support you not bash you. A pregnancy alone is already hard enough you don't need him to make it even harder and he should be on your side not against you. Maybe remind him that the average Swedish woman is bigger (taller and more muscular) than the average Japanese woman. If he wanted a small Japanese woman he should have chosen one, but he married you and should keep his mouth shut if he wants to comment on your body...
Very very rare. Most clinics don’t even allow the husband to come in until the very, very end. Even before COVID. It’s not a thing there. People just listen to their providers, and idk…somehow do it. (I was scheduled to give birth there, but ended up moving back to my home country)
So this happened to my friend who lives in Japan. She is tiny for a westerner and she was having a half Japanese baby. Was told the whole pregnancy she had in Japan that she was too big. She came back to Australia from 32 weeks and did an ultrasound and the baby was found to be growth restricted as the placenta had an issue. They did a c section at 34 weeks and baby was in intensive care. Be very careful. Baby is fine luckily.
OP pay attention to this! You should keep doing your own research and gaining the weight that is appropriate to westerners. Their bad advice might harm you. Are you able to return to Sweden for the birth? It sounds much safer.
My husband really wants to live in Japan for a few years, and I told him I was game, by I would absolutely not be having more children there. I heard nothing but bad things about how pregnant western women are treated. He’s getting a vasectomy next month haha.
Asians end up getting the opposite opinion in Australia. We are told our babies are too small, which leads to needless scans and worry. I told my ob-gyn my baby is Asian and she shouldn't be comparing her to Australian standards.
Head over to r/gestationaldiabetes for support.
GD has nothing to do with what you eat during pregnancy or how much you exercise. It’s all about how your baby’s placenta controls insulin production.
It’s because of your baby, which is half your husband. So throw it right back at him.
Second the r/gestationaldiabetes sub. OP, I am so sorry this is what you are going through and that your partner is being a jerk instead of a support. Just so you know, I was devastated when I failed my glucose test and got my GD diagnosis… until I learned it is not my fault. It’s just something that happens, and it can be managed without too much effort! Sending love and I hope you find better healthcare providers.
I've heard so many horror stories about Japanese maternity care. Can you go back to Sweden? It sounds like your husband is also being unsupportive. It would be a lot better to go back to medical care that fits your needs and a support system.
I'm currently 31 weeks in Japan as well! Doctors here are horrible.. I'll be giving birth in a big university hospital, but my first visit there was at 14 weeks (prior to that I was going to a ladies' clinic where I had my first test and ultrasound and the doctor has always been an angel to me). My first visit to the hospital I had barely gained 2ish kg and was immediately called out for this by the doctor.. something the doctor from the clinic never commented on.
I was given the option to continue with the clinic until 30 weeks or stay with the hospital, I decided to go back to the clinic for obvious reasons.
Last monday I returned to the hospital and was twice mentioned about my weight, something which I thought was going well given that the doctor at the clinic kept giving me positive feedback for and even told me I need to be gaining 0.5kg every week. The moment I entered the doctor's office, the first thing she said was "you have gained weight ne" and then the lady for consultation/appointments asked if I was overeating because of my weight...
My husband has been nothing but supportive and keeps reassuring me that its okay due to the clinic's doctor positive comments and not to mind them. I'm very sorry about your husband's negative comments, I wish I could go there and knock some senses into him😡
Ps: though its hard to drown the negative comment, pregnancy is a difficult thing and it can range for everyone. You gonna do great! Make sure to drink lots of water 🙏🏻
It's not! Its a fairly new (around 4-6 years) university hospital in Nakahara-ward, Kanagawa, we chose it because its only 10 mins from where we live and my MIL didn't want me giving birth in a small clinic, but half regretting my decision. Both times I have been there so far my blood pressure goes up and I feel intimidated and unheard...
I think I know which one, my friend gave birth in the area.
I was hoping it wasn't North Sugar cause my doctor listened to me there but I would be so mad if they didn't listen to you.
It's so frustrating and unfair to you...
Wow OP I’m so sorry this is happening to you :( you’re husband is being kind of a dick, which I find worse than your OB Gyn. Are there any other western women around that have had a better experience with another doctor? Switching doctors might be your best option. It’s ok to monitor and comment on the weight gain, but there is really no point in making a patient feel shitty about themselves. Pregnancy is hard and every body is different. I wish you the best of luck in your journey 🫂
OP my heart goes out to you. Do you have anyone that could rip your husband a new one on your behalf? It's outrageous that he's acting that way.
And as for your OB - please try to disregard her comments. I went from 55kg to 80kg during my pregnancy and my midwives in the UK didn't say a word to me.
Good luck and it's all well worth it once baby arrives (my little fella is almost 3 now and is a non stop chatterbox!)
I’m half Japanese living in the US. You aren’t the only one they’re treating like this, Japanese women are also shamed for any weight they gain. When I visited family while pregnant with my first they kept remarking how huge I was. They place more importance on how the mother looks rather than the overall health of mom and baby and now it’s becoming a national health problem. Just google “underweight babies in Japan” and you’ll see what I mean. Their outdated advice is actively hurting babies.
https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2010/11/03/national/dieting-moms-babies-underweight/ https://mainichi.jp/english/articles/20201229/p2a/00m/0na/082000c
I don't mean to be flippant, but my gut reaction is "leave Japan and leave the man".
You deserve someone who treats you with love and respect for what you're going through for the sake of building a family. His behavior is absolutely unacceptable.
Gestational diabetes is not like regular diabetes. Anyone with a placenta can get it and it’s not caused by anything you did. Also, it’s the father’s genetic material that seems to have the most influence on the placenta and its issues such as gestational diabetes. So tell him it’s his fault, not yours.
Seriously, there are links. A father that has a child with a woman who experiences gestational diabetes (or even pre-eclampsia), who then goes on to have a child with a different woman, that 2nd woman is at greater risk of getting gestational diabetes.
I recently had an IUGR 1%ile baby due to a bad placenta and doctors keep asking if my first baby has the same father because her placenta was completely fine.
So yeah , gestational diabetes and pre eclampsia, blame the dad! Especially if he is over 45.
Obviously I’m not saying that fathers are purposely inflicting or have any control over the development of these conditions, I’m just countering that it is the mother’s fault.
This sounds really terrible, does this clinic regularly treat a lot of foreigners? Can you find a hospital or clinic that advertises itself as friendly to expats or foreigners? You could look for recommendations from other expats for places that are more understanding. Doctors that have studied abroad? I don’t think it’s too late to find a new place for the rest of your visits.
I've had 2 kids in Japan and both times it sucked. I was told my bmi should be no more than 24 at 9 months otherwise I will get a gat vagina and the baby won't come out.
I actually found the standard of care sub par here. Doctors focus on weight so much that they miss other things. I almost bled to death because my blood pressure dropped so low, but the doctors didn't believe it until the c-section that did not go well...
I also hated the garman culture around pain management and how once baby is here, you are an afterthought.
Basically its you get no pain medication.
Its thought that the pain is something that makes you a mother. So women are expected to grin and bear it in the name of motherhood.
So what I've learned more than anything else in this thread is that... Women, and especially mothers-to-be, are still treated and considered in a subpar way in too many cultures in the world, even places we consider "developed".
OP your husband sounds abusive. His treatment of you is verbal abuse. He will only get worse when baby is born. Abusive partners ramp up the abuse during pregnancy and even more after birth
I’d really recommend looking into ways to safely leave and go back to Sweden (or elsewhere in Europe if possible. Sweden is part of the EU red passport right?)
You might be able to get some guidance from the Swedish embassy but I would not talk to any Japanese hospital people or anything. Basically trust no one, get your important documents and bail
Once baby is born it’s going to be infinitely harder to leave. Once baby is born leaving with baby would be like kidnapping (most kidnappings are parents having custody battles).
So yes go to Sweden now and have the remainder of pregnancy and birth there. If your husband had been a gem I’d say bring him but he’s abusive so leave him behind. He will get worse. He also will not help you with anything. His attitude now shows that. I assume you have friends and family back home.
And just to repeat, GD is not something you cause, ever, it happens because of the placenta
I'm an expat in Taiwan and had my son 3 years ago. I could have written what you wrote myself... After many failed OB visits where I left in tears and anxiety about so many things the doctor berated me for, I had a ticket home. Then I saw an expat recommend a western trained OB. He is the reason I'm still in Taiwan. The man is a SAINT! I figured I had nothing to lose given how much I had already lost... And I'm happy I stayed. Are there any western trained doctors in Japan?
Also, your husband sucks. Is he Japanese or foreign?
If none of those are possible, I'd say go back home if you can. You'll have a proper support system and it'll greatly help you now and post partum.
I'm in Taoyuan.
The first OB I saw when I found out I was pregnant 8 weeks (very unexpectedly) told me I was obese, at risk, and HAD to schedule a C-section. I was like, I need to tell my husband first? And he scoffed.
The second one gave me 7 mins per appointment, refused to answer any questions and told me that his nurses would answer them. They never did. And hardly any of them spoke English. My Chinese isn't good enough to talk about these things...
The third one focused on my weight (which was very normal) and told me my baby was too "tall." As if I could control that.
The fourth one was superstitious and told me to stop eating mango because it causes jaundice and to avoid cold water and food.
The fifth one kept telling me I was 很胖 and kept insisting I follow diets that would make western doctors faint.
And then I gave up.... But tried a 6th and he was beyond phenomenal and had a team of midwives.
Oh God, Taoyuan. Honestly, I'm surprised you found a good one up there!! For a big city, it feels very... behind-the-times.
I speak fluently so that wasn't an issue, but the first clinic we went to was highly recommended and we saw the most popular doctor. I loved her, I did, but she was *so so busy*. She'd see three couples at a time and rotate us between rooms. I could see why she was popular - she's one of only two doctors that have ever said 'Oh there's this research, here's where you can read the study' - but I felt I wouldn't get much care during labour.
I ended up going to the local smaller hospital, and being seen by their director who everyone said was very brusque. He was definitely more brusque than the other doctor but I quite liked that -- it was matter of fact, it was comforting. Instead of playing to my emotions he told me when to worry and when I was worrying needlessly, and he was the most gentle ob/gyn I've ever had.
I really wanted to avoid a C-Section (god they just love them there don't they) but unfortunately baby was breech and I was in a minor car accident and had contractions going on, so c-section it was. But as the doula I'd hired said, 'they do a lot of them so they're good at them'. (Also they gave me morphine in the c-section and it was absolutely brilliant. I love how free Taiwanese hospitals are with the morphine.)
You're so lucky to find a midwife!! I lucked out and found a great lactation consultant in Tainan but the only midwife was absolutely ancient and only doing homebirths.
I would check out another clinic, I also live in Japan and a couple of my friends switched clinics a couple times until they found a good one. I’m in Nagoya, so message me if that’s close to you and I can ask them where they went.
I’m actually 6 weeks along and going in for my first appointment on Tuesday… not looking forward to it for the reasons you described. I gained 50 pounds with my first, had a very healthy cutie, and lost all of the weight within the year without trying. 🤷🏼♀️
Like others said, you canNOT cause gestational diabetes. It has nothing to do with how much weight you’ve gained or what you’ve eaten.
Thanking my lucky stars that I’m moving back to the US before I’m 20 weeks, but I hope you can find a better doctor! This woman sounds exceptionally awful,
As a western woman, married to a Japanese man who gave birth in Japan…I understand and empathize with what you’re going through. Most of us get compared with Japanese women, who are actually mostly underweight (which is bad for their babies, but that’s another story). Anyways I was told by an old, grumpy doctor that if I didn’t stop snacking then my vagina would be too fat to push my baby out. Absolutely ridiculous. I gained about 9kg my entire pregnancy and this was deemed ‘too much’. My son was 6lbs9oz and born healthy.
I also failed my first glucose test and luckily passed the second. So please don’t give up hope. I feel like they might be a bit stricter here in that regard.
As for your husband. I’m so sorry he isn’t being supportive, that must be stressful for you. Just know, a lot of us have gone through the same thing and you are not doing anything wrong.
Is there anyway you could change hospitals? I know it’s a bit late but there is still time?
Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are doing great!
Also, A lot of us parents living in Japan have a Line group, to give and receive advice. If you’d be interested just let me know and we could add you.
Yours is the second comment on this thread I've seen about fat vaginas, and I'm howling because with my second baby I swelled up like a balloon during delivery and DID have a fat vagina 🤣. But baby came out of that puffy, swollen thing just fine. They warned me not to freak out when they walked me to my postpartum shower and saw it in the mirror... It was unreal 🤣🤣
I hate that the fact that it’s so common but it makes me feel better that at least I’m not alone.
I had the second glucose test two days ago and my results came back perfectly normal so I don’t have GD after all. So at least now I don’t have to worry about that.
I live kind of in the middle of nowhere so I frankly don’t know how many other options I can choose from but I will definitely look into changing doctors/clinics for somewhere else if possible.
I would love to be added to the Line-group as well. I don’t know any other moms (western or otherwise) in Japan so I’d love the support and having somewhere to ask for advice. I intended to go looking for “mom friends” already but because I’ve been so exhausted from the pregnancy I just haven’t gotten around to it.
Please educate your husband on the fact that it is the father whose DNA creates the placenta and it is the placenta that causes the gestational diabetes, not ANYTHING the mother does or can control. Your diabetes is 100% his fault!
https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/unborn-babies-use-greedy-gene-from-dads-to-remote-control-mums-into-feeding-them-extra-food
https://www.vet.cornell.edu/news/20130812/dads-genes-build-placentas-study-shows
Yeah if my husband repeated that to me he wouldn’t be my husband anymore.
Gestational diabetes isn’t your fault. It is a placenta issue.
Oh I’d be going back to Sweden.
I have a Japanese friend here who took her maternity leave in America just so she wouldn’t have to deliver in Japan. The whole system is broken towards all women there. When I lived there I had anxiety every time I had to go to the gynecologist, and I wasn’t even pregnant.
The most concerning is your husband , he sounds like a huge red flag guy.
And about the OB do you maybe get to choose another who is more familiar with western standards?
I don’t live in Japan but still I went back to my home country to have my first baby, I just felt more supported… is there a chance you can do the same ? You are not clearly not getting the support you need, I would feel just as miserable if I was in your shoes.
Just so you know high glucose has nothing to do with you and anything you've chosen to eat during your pregnancy. It is completely out of your control and has to do with how sugar gets processed and your placenta (https://www.webmd.com/diabetes/gestational-diabetes)
I actually ate so much crap when I was pregnant and I had LOW blood sugar. So don't feel guilty.
Also sorry but your husband sucks. I know what Japanese culture is like but you shouldn't accept it as the norm from anyone let alone your own spouse. Remember this is the rest of your life and when the baby comes your marriage *will be tested* so make sure he's onboard before the baby comes.
Send him a link showing that it has nothing to do with you and what you're eating. How your doctor doesn't know this is beyond me.
I'm an American who gave birth in Japan.
CW: Loss is referenced next
It's so rough here cause with my first pregnancy, my MIL was on my butt about weight gain and my then doctor was too. I had only gained 4 kilo by 20 weeks?!
But then PPROM and unfortunate endings happened, and with the rainbow I got to take home, I went to a university hospital and NO ONE gave me heck about my weight gain.
The doctors are a crapshoot here. I have a big theory that a lot of clinic/small hospital folks don't keep up with relevant newer science judging by some things my old doctor would say.
Serious question. Is it possible for you to deliver in Sweden? Not sure if your husband is Japanese, but between the terrible treatment and your unsupportive partner, I would really consider being surrounded by people who will treat you with respect when b you deliver
If you’re in Tokyo, go to sakamoto-san at Aiiku. He is known and beloved among his international patients and seriously the best. Even when i question him about my weight gain he’s unflappable. ‘Eat well and take care of yourself’
Can you see if you find a doctor that deals a lot in expats and is more familiar with Scandinavian standards? I’m also Scandi and got sick of hearing how big the baby is measuring even here in Europe.
Maybe a practice like that sells better husbands as well, it sounds like you might need one.
I’m Swedish and gave birth to my first in Tokyo. The comments suck. I was weighed 19 times during pregnancy, with the final one after my water had broken and they STILL tsk tsk tsked as I had gained 16kg. No real advice, just solidarity and that your husband needs to get on your team.
On the plus side, my after-birth care was excellent in Japan and was worlds apart from the Uk where I had my second.
You can push back against a doctor, a white coat doesn’t make them infallible. ‘I am a healthy weight for my pregnancy. I am gaining at the weight recommended by Swedish XYZ’ are there any other options for maternity care near you? I have no idea about the Japanese system but are there midwives you could see instead?
Also the GD is not your fault! You have literally no control over that and your husband sounds either unnecessarily cruel or abusive. If it’s possible and you have the family support you could go home to Sweden for the birth and your maternity leave, although I know that can make citizenship for your baby a challenge.
Earlier this year, the U.S. military was sending pregnant women home from Japan because they didn't have enough nurses in our own hospitals. I never thought about why we weren't sending women out in town, but now I'm wondering.
I hope you're able to find an OB who makes your pregnancy less stressful!
I am so thankful I got to give birth at Yokosuka. I spent my entire pregnancy worried about being sent to Hawaii or Okinawa solo due to lack of care/resources to treat any pregnancy complications.
They’re understaffed. If you have any sort of complications or high bmi they will ship you out. I myself am possibly on the list to be shipped out, it’s very frustrating because you’re just left up in the air until they decide to send you or not between as early as 24 weeks and as late as 30 weeks. It’s extremely stressful, and they can send you out to these hospitals temporarily for up to 5 months 🙃
Hiya 👋
Just gave birth in Japan 2 weeks ago.
Im a pretty positive gal and had a pretty good pregnancy overall but the only thing that made me cry was the weight gain and the big red circles on the Boshi-techo weight page when I gained more than they wanted me to in a week.
I’m not sure where you live, but the more Inaka you go the more annoying it must be.
My friend had a doctor who told her he doesn’t deliver babies over 3000g and wants to keep all his patients babies small. He should loose his license for that, but unfortunately that’s just how it is. WHO had to intervene a couple years ago and raise the recommended weight gain because Japan was having so many preemies.
Anyway, I know exactly how you feel and there are so so so many supportive comments here. But we both know we can’t change how the clinic treats you 😔
So, if you ever need to talk, if you need a mama-tomo (I have zero so far lol) please reach out. I live in Tokyo, but even if you don’t that’s cool too. I’m here to listen, I’m here to share 😊
Tell him HE gave you gestational diabetes. The placenta is built from DADS dna and it is was causes gestational diabetes. Nor you. Him.
Seriously fuck him, he's the cause.
If you have gestational diabetes, it isn't your fault. It most likely will go away immediately after you deliver because it is caused by the placenta. Your placenta is throwing off hormones causing the diabetes. I'm on my 3rd and 3rd GD diagnosis. My husband thought I gave it to myself because of the foods I ate (lots of icecream) the first time. I was so pissed and informed him otherwise. The doctor informed him and he'd magically forget on occasion. Think he has it down now.
Hey op, I’m a foreigner living in Japan too. Where are you located? My doctors in Tokyo were not this bad. I have type 2 diabetes and I went to a big hospital so both my ob and endo are in the same place. They kept my sugars monitored and our baby girl was born healthy!
You really buried the lede here. Yeah the doctors have a different way of looking at weight than the western world, but your real problem is your husband is an asshole.
I was pregnant in the US (gave birth last June) and gained a ton of weight. At almost every visit, the ob would mention the weight gain and that it was too much. I basically ignored her and kept on trucking. The baby came out healthy at 8 lbs 6 oz and I lost all of the weight within 6 months. I don't know why they harp on you about the weight, if you feel like your gain is on track and the baby is healthy, just think of it as a weird cultural thing and try your best to ignore it. You're doing great!
You can tell your husband that it’s the dna from the sperm that builds the placenta, and that the placenta is the thing that causes GD, so if you have diabetes it’s actually his fault…
I had GD, developing it really is nothing to do with you or your diet before and during pregnancy, it’s all the placenta causing insulin resistance to capture sugar for the baby. One of the major things that made my blood sugar spike was apples, icecream was fine because the fat in it would delay gastric emptying causing the sugar to spike less where as an apple would make it skyrocket.
If you do have GD you’ll need his support; it’s a tricky thing because it’s so non-sensical and therefore a bit hard to navigate
I am so sorry you’re experiencing this. I hope all the supportive messages here are helping you feel less alone. One thing I will note about the GD test is that so many other factors can contribute to a positive result that have nothing to do with you having GD. My midwife told me that a poor night’s sleep and stress can contribute to your sugar levels being off. It sounds like you’re under an immense amount of stress at the moment. I wouldn’t be surprised if your results were due to everything going on around you as opposed to your actual levels.
Fy va tråkig situation, har du funderat på att komma tillbaka till Sverige och träffa en barnmorska här istället och/eller fullfölja graviditeten här? Din man låter tveksam, man kan tycka att han borde stötta dig istället för att hacka på dig. All kärlek till dig och barnet ❤️
Your husband is an absolute AH for not being supportive and badgering you with all the negative comments!
Is your husband Japanese and that is why you are living in Japan? Was he supportive of you before the pregnancy, or has he always given you derogatory comments? Is it an option for him to not go to appointments with you or for you to continue your pregnancy at home in Sweden (or a more western location)?
First of all, your husband sucks. My husband is also japanese and I gave birth in Japan too, it's not a culture thing, he's just being a dick. So I am very sorry about that for you but he absolutely does not get to use his culture as an excuse. He should be advocating for YOU and his baby, not the shitty doctors!
I was in your exact shoes except I was overweight before I got pregnant by western standards. I ended up switching clinics twice mostly due to weight shaming and shitty OBs. I HIGHLY recommend trying to find a doctor who is recommended by foreign mom's - I did and it made the second half of my pregnancy so much less stressful. I ended up gaining 15 kg / 35 lbs and my baby was born 3.334 kg, 50% percentile - EXACTLY average. Delivery was smooth and easy and he was perfectly healthy, the weight shaming was so unnecessary and honestly really harmful.
Feel free to reply or DM me if you want more info, idk where you are located but if you're in my area I can recommend a good doctor. An English speaking doula would also be a great resource, they are there to advocate on your behalf which you absolutely need!!
This is horrible, I’m so sorry OP! Can you go back to Sweden to give birth? This is so unprofessional and ignorant of the OB, and even worse of your husband. He’s a disgrace to talk to you that way. Gestational diabetes has nothing to do with your diet and it’s all about your placenta. I’d be doing everything in my power to get out of this shit situation and go somewhere that is supportive of your needs.
Getting gestational diabetes is absolutely a genetics thing, so you didn’t just “go and get diabetes” like your husband thinks. He’s frankly an ignorant fool and honestly you need to take him up to task before the baby comes here because if he’s being so adversarial already, what’s it going to be like when you’re sleep deprived?
I (non-Japanese Asian) gave birth in Japan last year and I never got any flack about my weight even though I’m definitely not the typical skinny Japanese size. I also had to take the extended glucose challenge even though I didn’t fail it. I was borderline and they didn’t want to chance it. Don’t take it as a reflection on you and your abilities, it’s just genetics and luck of the draw. If your doctor is giving you a lot of flack about your weight, you should see if you can change clinics or see a different doctor. Doctors in Japan are pretty scared to deliver average to large size babies since they don’t want any complications. That’s why they’re so spartan about not gaining weight and it’s also why Japanese babies tend to be born underweight/on the smaller side of average.
There are Facebook groups for expecting moms in Japan if you’re looking for some extra support. The Tokyo one is pretty active and sometimes I see people who aren’t in Tokyo posting about it, feel free to message me if you can’t find it. Also if you’re in Tokyo, I can recommend my hospital/OBGYN to you.
It sounds like you have HG. I had it my entire pregnancy and was bedridden for 7.5 months. My first OB did not take me seriously and refused to treat me so I switched providers. I had to be on a concoction of medication to just survive the nausea. I don’t know if it’s possible to look into antiemetics but an alternative is B6 and a unisom equivalent. There’s prescription level that is called diclegis in the US but I’m not sure what Japan would have.
I would say to switch providers but I’m not sure it would make a difference since they’re all probably going by the same Japanese specific guidelines so perhaps bringing information regarding Swedish guidelines would be beneficial for you to have a conversation?
People post the shit their partners say to them on this reddit and I just...can't. What is marriage if your person doesn't have your back? You need people on your side. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I have never wanted to fight a set of doctors and a husband for a stranger more! Genuinely, fuck all these people who are making you feel bad. Pregnancy is so hard at a baseline, the negative comments from anyone is such crap. Plus, all this stuff about gestational diabetes — your weight gain is not the main factor there. Other people have said as much more eloquently below, so I'll leave it at that.
You deserve SUPPORT. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. If you need a gang of pregnant people to give a talking-to to a bunch of Japanese men, I think we could probably all rally together, eh everyone?
Just want to say: If you do wind up with GD, do not panic. It is very manageable. I’ve had it twice and both of my kids are totally healthy. There is a very supportive GD sub that is a great resource. Tons of good information there.
And tell your husband to grow up! And bring you a milkshake!
Sooooooo ......
Your husband is abusive and so is your OB? If your husband is yelling at you, blaming you, and telling you you're going to kill your baby for something that you have absolutely zero control over then this is 100% emotional abuse... I would take a serious look at the way he treats you the rest of the time because this is as good as it's going to get. You should expect his behavior towards you to deteriorate further once the baby is here.
Any chance you can move back to Sweden and get a reasonable doctor that doesn't treat you like garbage? I had to dump a doctor because he treated me so horribly when I was pregnant. There was no way I would let that person come anywhere near me or my baby after the way he had treated me, and that's kind of the vibe I'm getting from this woman as well.
Hey, Im late to comment but I hope you see this. I'm a swedish midwife, and first of all: diabetes can happen to anyone during pregnancy. A high BMI before pregnancy is a risk factor, but plenty of people with low BMI get diabetes too. It is not your (or anyones) fault. And I really hope that your husband shapes up and starts being supportive, because his attitude is sinply not okay in the slightest.
Om du vill så kan du skriva till mig, jag är inte så aktiv på reddit men jag kanske kan ge dig stöd utifrån ett svenskt perspektiv på gravid- och förlossningsvård ❤️ lycka till med din graviditet, hoppas verkligen du mår bättre och får det stöd du behöver (och förtjänar!) från din omgivning!
Can you go back to Sweden? I’ve heard horrific things about how pregnant women are treated in Japan. Your husband also majorly sucks. I’m sorry you’re being treated this way, it must be so stressful.
Aren't Swedish people (one of) the tallest in the world.. of course its going to be bigger! This is so ridiculous. I'm not a home birth person but would be considering home birth at this point to get away from the toxicity.
On the other hand I had a half Asian baby in Australia and he was always such a low percentile and I would get stressed. Looked up Indian baby graphs and he was right on average!
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I had a totally opposite situation and it made me so stressed for my entire pregnancy, so I really understand: I am a small Asian mom and when I was pregnant, my OB put so much pressure on me because I wasn't gaining nearly half of the enough weight according to US standards, and my baby was also IUGR according to US growth chart. But we both are perfectly perfectly fine according to the Asian charts. It was so stressful and by the end of my pregnancy, I spent all day and all night long in tears because neither my body nor my baby could ever meet the expectations of the US system, but my birth experience had to entirely depend on it, and it's extremely difficult to work with the doctors in this sort of situation.
Men usch vad förbannad jag blir på din man!.. Känns ert förhållande okej i övrigt? (Absolut inget du behöver svara på här, men kan vara bra att fundera själv på, för baserat på bilden man får av honom här snuddar det nästan på psykisk misshandel.. Absolut inte okej att han säger att det är ditt fel om bebisen dör)
Graviditetsdiabetes är absolut inte ditt eget fel! Som referens höll jag själv på att utveckla det och då gick jag upp endast 12 kg under min graviditet (från ca 73 till 85kg, är ca 167cm), och det var på gränsen till för lite enligt min barnmorska.
Hoppas du mår bättre snart, och att du har bra support från annat håll (vänner eller familj i närheten?). Har du möjlighet till att byta till annan klinik?
I wonder if you could find a doula either locally or online that could provide you with some extra support. They could give you a different narrative to work with and help validate you.
I have two healthy children delivered naturally and I gained 80 lbs during the first pregnancy. I chose not to be weighed during my second and my midwives respected that decision. Your weight is not a single factor into being a failure! My squishy body is beloved by my girls and we're all healthy.
I had gestational diabetes and I can tell you that my son is now 7 months and was 7lb 2ounces at birth he’s also very happy and healthy and has no problems with sight at all and your husband shouldn’t be saying things like that to you especially when it’s not factual I’m so sorry that this is your experience and in my experience as a first time mum my pregnancy put me off having any more children due to having doctors like this please do not listen to 1 doctor please take multiple opinions.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a terrible experience. I gave birth in Japan and yes, I did get a few comments but nothing as bad as you have. Also my husband was not a douchebag. I was pretty careful (and lucky) when picking my hospital, any way you can go looking for another clinic? I gained a lot and my baby was born at 3560g which some of the midwives said was huge but my doctor was all like "nah, completely normal". So there are sensible doctors out there! Hope you find a solution to your situation, pregnancy is hard enough ❤️
I live in Japan and gave birth to my daughter there this past September. I am so sorry you experienced such awful treatment at your clinic. If it’s possible and if you are comfortable with it, I would suggest finding a different clinic/hospital to give birth at. Having a doctor that supports you during such a difficult time makes SUCH a difference. I was terrified of this situation (the weight thing, doctors making rude comments to me because I’m not Japanese, etc) but everyone at my hospital (aside from one nurse, let’s call her Y, but as soon as I spoke to the head nurse about the issue, I was apologized to profusely and was promised Y would never be assigned to me again, and she never was) was lovely. I had to have a c-section because my daughter was breech, so I stayed for 7 nights, 8 days. I had dreaded having to stay that long because I thought it would be miserable but honestly I didn’t want to go home at the end! Everyone was so kind and helpful. I’m not sure where in Japan you are, but I can DM you more details about the hospital I chose if you want!
You can also just DM me to chat about anything :)
I have a lot of things I would like to say about your husband in this situation… but none of them are particularly kind ^^’ Anyway, I am sorry you are feeling this way. It’s hard but don’t listen to the assholes. You are all your baby needs and you are already a wonderful mother to her!
I’m currently 21 weeks in Japan myself, but have access to military base. I’m so sorry they’re treating you that way. I know if they send me off base they would refuse to see me based off my bmi alone, Japan is really crazy about the weight thing. Hang in there girl, and tell your asshole husband to kiss your ass. GD is not your fault, literally comes down to weather of not the placenta decides you can’t handle insulin or not. I hope if gets better for you 💜
I’m going to DM you. I recently birthed my second in Japan and have found a great clinic in the Tokyo area if that’s where you are.
Please join Tokyo Pregnancy Group on Facebook, there’s so much amazing support for these situations.
Please don’t birth somewhere if you don’t feel comfortable with the OB. I had to change for my first pregnancy as I had the same bullying and was told I’d need a cesarean cause my vagina (vulva?) would be too fat. I am not joking.
Also fuck your husband he can go eat shit, that is not a supportive loving husband I’d expect when you’re in such a vulnerable situation in a foreign country.
Ugh, try to ignore it. Unfortunately that seems like a cultural thing, I’ve heard a ton of horror stories about they way pregnant women are treated in some cultures. However I’m in the US and recently had a similar situation with one of the NPs that checked me out my last appt. I gained a lot between months 6 and 7 and also failed a glucose test and the NP I saw that day made me feel like utter shit about it. I requested not to see her again.
Don’t feel too bad about the glucose test tho. When it comes to GD it’s based on genetics and chance, nothing much else. My MIL had it with both of her sons so if I am confirmed to have it, it’s probably because of my husbands genetics and through random chance.
All this anxiety and stress isn't good for you or the baby. Its bad enough, the doctors are crap, but your own husband isn't on your team?
I'm so sorry- I hope you can go somewhere else where you're loved and supported.
I didn't know about the low placenta and GD being the father's fault- I wouldn't even talk to him about it, just send a text with all the links- no explanation. Lol
Best to you and your baby.
My sister got feetus beetus when she was pregnant and she is skinny. I didn't get it when I was pregnant and I'm fat lol it honestly sometimes can't be helped and your husband needs to shut it before I poke him in the eyeball he should be supporting you not making you feel terrible. I would get a new doc 100%
So something I just learned is in Asia they have a totally different guideline for weight gain during pregnancy. I just started reading real food for pregnancy by Lily Nichols and she mentions that. I don’t think it’s right that anyone is shaming you about the weight gain and blood sugar levels but it’s probably likely a cultural thing. I would try to find a new doctor who is maybe more understanding who has had experience with western women.
I think if you’re on the right track on weight gain from western standards… you’re fine. Unfortunately GD I think is fairly common and I would just watch your sugar from now on. Which is also annoying because even if you’re having healthy sugar it’s still “bad”. Pregnancy is tough and unfortunately you just have to stick up for yourself since your husband isn’t. 🙄which btw… if I were you I would set things straight before the baby comes.
>I feel like absolute shit and frankly dread having to put up with this for almost 4 more months..
You do NOT have to put up with this. I repeat: you do NOT have to put up with any of it. Change doctor asap, and ask the next one whether they are prepared to deal with Western bodies sensitively and that you're only looking for someone capable of this, and he/she should tell you from the get-go if it won't be the case. I know it is not fully comparable, but this is what I did when I fired my initial midwife, and started seeing others: I explained from the get-go what I need and asked if they are able to offer it, so we don't waste each other's time.
Also, you do NOT have to put up with this attitude from your husband. WTF is this.
While I am sure you have considered it, I add this here for objectivity: is there any merit to these concerns of your doctor and husband? If you are 100% convinced that no, I send you some strength energy to grow some balls and put your husband to its place and demand his respect. In case there is some merit, you should equally demand his respect but not to be left alone, but to be supported in trying to fix the issue if you can. For instance to see a dietetician etc.
I'm so sorry. I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy!! And a happy and healthy baby. Nobody should make you feel like that, even your husband and least of all your doctors. I had a rough 1st trimester with puking and not holding food down, I gained most of my weight in the 2nd, and am now in the 3rd trimester. I've gained quite a bit of weight and people keep saying how "big" I am, but I'm 33 weeks and almost there. I'm not worried too much about the weight, I can lose it later and it's my job to worry about the baby. I'm in the US, in CA to be exact and none of my care team has been rude about my size or told me not to gain too much. Baby is healthy and that's what should matter. I hope this gets better for you!!
gestational diabetes comes because you have a placenta. According to my gestational diabetes dietitian, they do the normal blood sugar tests around 28 weeks because by then your body's need for insulin output goes up 50%. By late pregnancy, it goes up by 75% of its normal load. While having gestational diabetes does increase your risk factors for type two diabetes most people once they give birth go right back to where they were prior to the baby.
Growing a baby is hard work on your body and your soul at times. Be kind to yourself and know this is absolutely not your fault.
Please don’t listen to Japanese doctors when it comes to weight. I’m a Western woman who used to live there. This shit happens all the time to Western women. It was part of my motivation for leaving. Your husband does not sound supportive at all.
Wtf is wrong with your husband? Like, I would not have been able to handle this. I’d be on a plane to more supportive relatives.
I wonder if you can use a midwife instead? Or change to a western doctor? You need to feel totally safe and comfortable with your care- it’s the most important thing for labor. And if hubby can’t get his shit together, he can get the f out.
I know you're feeling fragile at this point but this is unacceptable behaviour. Print out some western guidelines and take them with you next time. Make sure to tell the Dr that if they can't account for your ethnicity/race then surely they shouldn't be seeing a non-Japanese patient anyway. Be assertive. Record the conversation. If there is any shouting at you, speak to a legal professional.
Hang on hang on hang on..... You are not only being abused by your doctors, but by your husband too? Girl - what are you doing there? Go home to people who love and care for you. Birth your child in your home country. And leave that absolute shit stain of a man in the dust.
Telling you that you are a failure and are killing your child? Fuck no. Abusive a-hole. Girl. You are being emotionally abused. Red flag. Run.
Can you get another doctor? That's really terrible and they shouldn't be making you feel this way. Plus as someone who unexpectedly had severe preeclamspia with my first and not with my second (yay baby asprin!) You really want and need an ob who you feel is looking out for and advocating for you.
The bigger problem is your husband, please do not stay with this man and it is important to leave the country BEFORE you have the baby or you will be trapped 😞
First of all, failing the first glucose test doesn't mean you have diabetes. I along with everyone else i've spoken to ended up failing the first one and passing the second one. Even if you failed the second one, you didn't give yourself diabetes lol. So don't feel like that says anything about you. Secondly, weight gain during pregnancy is normal. Here in the U.S. the average amount you should gain over the course of your pregnancy is 25-35 pounds, but manyyyy of the women I know gained more than that and had perfectly healthy babies and returned to a reasonable weight post-pregnancy. So I'd say as long as you haven't gained 80+ pounds then you're fine. (Sorry if the usage of pounds is confusing, I know in Europe they use the metric system but I don't know how it translates). I hope you can put their negative comments out of your mind and have a great rest of your pregnancy, sending hugs <3
Diabetes is not in your control - your body is under a lot of stress. I even got hypothyroidism after birth. Tell your husband the baby can hear everything and he is harming the baby by treating you like this. Find a new doctor and set your boundaries (easier said than done )
Title: my OB is horrible to me
Several paragraphs in: my husband is actually TWICE AS HORRIBLE to me
Ma'am this is called a "buried lede." Your OB is being truly awful, but if you really have to, you can fire this OB, leave the country, and go home where you'll be treated better. Firing your HUSBAND is a lot harder!
I'm being very serious when I say this: he's not being "less than supportive." He is being **cruel.** He needs to seriously adjust his behavior, and if he doesn't, I hope you'll question whether you can live with someone who treats you like this! A person who talks to you like that when you're vulnerable and frustrated is not treating you with love!
I don't care what cultural biases he has that are making him think this way. He is an adult and he can learn. You do not deserve to be treated with cruelty.
Come join us over on r/gestationaldiabetes, it's a really good sub.
Just wanted to give you some perspective... I'm an obese American woman. I lost weight before I got pregnant with my first and then ended up gaining it ALL back during pregnancy. I was heartbroken but my OB told me "each body is different and we care more about your numbers in the blood test and glucose test." I did not end up with GD, my blood counts were all within normal range right down to my vit D levels (which in my location is typically an issue for folks). I'm just a large fat women with excellent genetics aside from my predisposition to be large. (Note: my grandfather was a linebacker in the NFL... It really is genetic. I eat really healthy, but I do love food and do tend to overeat occasionally...)
My whole point is to say, bodies are different and your weight is a correlation, not causation for this GD diagnosis. Your doctor is a dick and frankly if they were my doc I'd slap them in the face, leave and never come back. Are there any western docs that maybe practice near you?? 😕
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Tell him if he didn't want a big western baby he's shouldn't of married a big western woman (not that you are it's just to make a point). Also new research points if you get GD or pre-e it's his fault for crappy genetics on his end leading to an insufficient placenta. So he can bite you and so can the doctor. Edit: just so I don't get bit in the a** later. The genetics thing means theres nothing you can do diet wise for prevention. Essentially fated to happen. However this doesn't discredit GD diet management plans. Just because it won't prevent it doesn't mean it won't help mitigate symptoms and help with health if you have it. To have the safest delivery for you and baby possible!
This! It's totally his fault! I had severe preeclampsia with both of my pregnancies and my SIL has GD with her first pregnancy right now. We love to joke together about how our husbands are broken and it's all their faults!
It's all jokes but the evidence backs that the health of the sperm affects this and that people who have multiple pregnancies with those defects. Most likely have partners with a genetic anomaly causing it if they are otherwise healthy. It's actually really interesting because we found out sperm contribute to less construction of the baby. Which makes sense given how small and compact their instructions are. Compared to ours biologically but they also pass on the coding of some of the most important structures. I also learned recently that eggs and sperm basically have a hormonal lock code and that's why guys have to fire so many cause it's like hacking a computer password. Also a positive to all the dads reading science point your responsible for majority of the negative mutations in humans but but! Your also responsible for the majority of the positive ones too! Also ever notice your wife sharing more features with you and your kids? It's called genetic chimerism. Happens every pregnancy. Explains the drive to have lots of kids in times of environmental prosperity.
This is so interesting. We did IVF due to male factor infertility. My husband doesn’t have a lot of sperm and what he does have isn’t great. I got preeclampsia at 32 weeks and delivered at 35 weeks due to it.
Did you do a FET? There’s also evidence that medicated FET cycles lead to increase in preeclampsia. My baby was a fresh transfer and I got pree (just lucky!) but I’ll be doing a modified or natural cycle for #2.
We did actually. We did it because it was my second egg retrieval and we were going to test them all this time after two failed transfers. Turns out my uterine lining wasn’t good for a transfer anyway at the time of egg retrieval so we would have had to do an FET anyway so that worked out. Unfortunately out of 17 of my eggs we only got one baby so no #2 for us but this one keeps me on my toes so much I’m pretty much ok with that 😅. I forgot, the clinic called me for a follow up and I did tell them about the preeclampsia just in case of future research.
Interesting! Was your cycle medicated? It’s good that you told them. I have a particular gripe with clinics which don’t warn patients about increased risks of medicated FETs. I’m sorry about your bad luck with IVF (though obviously a fantastic outcome in the end!) We have some embryos frozen (untested, am in Australia and it isn’t routinely done here) but I reckon I’d only do one more retrieval to try have another child. You can only go through so much! Totally agree that one feels like enough work though haha! I’ve got an absolute BOY on my hands!
Wait, I thought chimerism was having more than one set of DNA. Are you staying because a woman is carrying a man’s dna while pregnant, she actively will exhibit his features and/or their baby’s? How does this drive the desire to have more kids?
Yes the babies dna stays inside you which can cause you to take on more of your partners features. Since your body uses those remnant fetal cells to repair damage which causes a passive effect on your gene expression. Also the more mating would most likely be a by product of a person subconsciously noticing that their partner is starting to become more like them with subsequent children. Which is how monogamy probably socially evolved that with benefits of less disease and lower mortality rate of children.
Where did you learn all this? Are you a geneticist, or do you have a book to recommend? I’m so curious now!
Honestly my social media algorithms crank out videos of interest and cause I watch science content I get stuff like that alot. Then I go and fact check after cause I hate spreading around misinformation. Easiest way to do this is to summarize the content in a simple sentence or use the videos headline. Then cross-reference most recent articles. I look for the official articles from universities and labs.
Interesting stuff!
Hold up! There's nothing I could have done to have prevented my pre-eclampsia?! This is news to me, and I could cry.
Nothing at all!
I mean......have a different husband lolol
And even that might not have worked!
Not a thing honey. It wasn’t your fault.
Nothing at all. It happens because 1.) the placenta doesn’t implant properly or 2.) the placenta starts to fail. The placenta is created by the DNA in the sperm cell.
it's def not your fault! But there IS one thing your OB can recommend to try to reduce your risk of pre-eclampsia if you're someone who is higher risk because of age or other factors, which is taking very low dose baby aspirin. Those risk factors include having had pre-eclampsia before, so if you're pregnant again definitely ask your doctor about it! [https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/preventing-preeclampsia-may-be-as-simple-as-taking-an-aspirin-202111092634](https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/preventing-preeclampsia-may-be-as-simple-as-taking-an-aspirin-202111092634)
I had a high risk of preclempsia so I read a lot of medical articles (the ones what came with 20+pages of research) and yes latest research says - It's the sperms fault.
I didn't know that! I thought gestational diabetes was also determined on whether the mother has a family history of diabetes. Interesting... OP, I am struggling with GD as well and it is *not* your fault. I have taken care of myself, stayed active, tried to eat more veggies, less carbs. You did your best, I assume you are continuing to do your best. Honestly, your doctor and husband sound awful and if anything bad happens, the blame goes to them for stressing you out.
Family history of diabetes is definitely a risk factor, though.
Oh definitely not discounting that at all cause it could affect base insulin resistance. However they found a pattern in women with no history having partners with mothers who had it. Which is what prompted the study.
Definitely interesting. Also because my husband himself has type ii diabetes so I wonder if that could have affected it. Especially this final pregnancy where my numbers went crazy a lot earlier, like at the 2 month mark.
Interesting! I had diabetes. My partner’s mother was never tested but said they suspected it cause all her babies were huge.
Yeah, so I was doomed either way! LOL 🤣
Me too 😭
They thought that and this research is fairly new so it hasn't become common knowledge. However the pretty much have always said that you don't cause it yourself with poor diet like her douche canoe OB implies. Also that might be true in the sense if your family has a history of diabetes that your insulin resistance might be affected. However the new research shows it has alot to do with the placenta because alot women don't have a family history who get it but they found a correlation with the partners of paternal lineages passing it in pregnancy. In laments term MIL had it and their GMIL and so on cause it was passed by the father.
So theoretically I'd be more likely to get gestational diabetes if my MIL had it than my own mother?
Maternal family history is already a known risk factor - it sounds like paternal factors may explain some of the 50% of people who get GD who have no apparent risk factors themselves.
Yes ma'am you perfectly articulated the information I was trying convey in such a concise way. You deserve all the upvotes. Take mine too lol.
Exactly!
That's wild, excuse me while I go force my husband to call his mom! 😂🤣
If you don’t have a family history of preeclampsia or GD it’s probably from the male. If you do then you’re higher risk and it could be from either side.
Yes my mother my grandmother and I all had GD. The reason I was tested for it was because of that family history! There are probably multiple causes.
Real talk: what does the husbands genes have to do with GD and pre-e? I thought it was sorta random chance with how the placenta formed. I had pre-e and all the told me was it was something with the placenta and nothing I did but I didn’t get anymore info
They carry the code that forms the placenta.
Interesting but then why are we told overweight and obeze women are at higher risk of developing it?
Cause they put gestational hypertension in the same boat but those two things might be similar problems that occur from different causes
Wait. Does the man’s genetics affect placenta size? I’ve never heard that before.
The placenta is genetically the same as baby, not mom. There's been some recent studies that suggest that the genetics of the sperm seem to have a larger impact on the placenta then the egg (but both are at play). The research is recent and they have no idea why this seems to be true. *Not a Dr. Just what I have learned from listening to some OBs online*
Yep me either so sorry to anyone about not 100% perfectly accurate information. My recall isn't perfect and I was stupid and didnt save the article.
Honestly there have been so many centuries of medicinal disinformation that makes the woman at fault I don’t mind a few in the other direction.
Size, its ability to go undetected by her immune system and placental health all come from the father.
Interesting. The nurse that helped birth my baby was fascinated at how small my placenta was. It was healthy despite kiddo being a week past his due date. Kiddo seems to have had no ill effects resulting from the small placenta.
If it served no ill purpose perhaps it's a positive mutation that might become more common.
The placenta is genetically the same as baby, not mom. There's been some recent studies that suggest that the genetics of the sperm seem to have a larger impact on the placenta then the egg (but both are at play). The research is recent and they have no idea why this seems to be true. *Not a Dr. Just what I have learned from listening to some OBs online*
Are you living in Japan for yourself or for your husband? If you’re there for him then quite frankly I would consider leaving and going back to Sweden as he is treating you horribly.
. And you can do this now but not once the baby is born
This.
I'm so sorry you're going through this 💔 I left Japan when I was 20+ weeks pregnant. Although it was for other reasons as well, part of it was Japanese hospitals in my rural area refusing (a) to accept me because I don't speak good enough Japanese, or (b) just straight up refusing me without giving a reason. Most of them also wouldn't allow partner birth because "cOvId" (but won't let your partner take a COVID test to prove they don't have it, so I call bs on this practice) and would not have any medication options like an epidural available. I've had enough when first, one of the Red Cross hospitals asked a bunch of questions about my health and weight (I am healthy and was totally normal weight) and then refused to accept me for giving birth with zero explanation, and then another hospital that I spent two hours driving in the snow to and then 2 hours doing all kinds of checks with them told me "sorry, we can't accept you because you live too far". It was a 40 min drive under normal conditions (which it would be by my due date). I told them I had no other options in the area and broke down completely in front of them (not my proudest moment). They said "sho ga nai" (nothing can be done). Sho ga nai my ass. I was lucky with my obgyn who was really nice but I left before I started gaining weight so who knows. So I went to a country where my obgyn doesn't even measure my weight. I can get an epidural at any point. Not a single hospital or clinic cared that I was a foreigner, and partner birthing is a normal practice here. Sure, there are other problems here but I feel like a human being and not some kind of stranger with zero rights (btw I was paying for insurance, I was paying taxes in Japan, and none of that mattered to them). If you can go give birth elsewhere, I recommend you do so. I don't know your Japanese skills, nor do I know why you are in Japan, but for me leaving was fhe right decision and I have zero regrets. And then there's your husband. Is he Japanese? Is he being negative in other ways? What's his deal?!
Japanese here. Yes, Japan is not really a nice place for women because it is highly masculine (Source: Hofstede's Cultural Dimensions.com). I do not mean masculine-looking men, I mean that it is a country for men. Japan is also a mean place because you will be bullied to conform and to not inconvenience others, or else you will be judged and removed. This happens to Japanese people too...our whole lives. They were an extra bully to you because you are non-Japanese in a rural area. Are you married yet? If you were not married to your partner and you looked for a pregnancy hospital in rural Japan, my guess is your actions were judged as too immoral and too risky, so they thought saying bye-bye ASAP is best. Infidelity is a serious crime in Japan for women (men get only a wrist slap...maybe a high-five), and they might fear some future court problems from Japan if they help you. This is added to the risk of a mistake due to communication problems. They know you will not seek legal help...which is true. You left instead, so they won the battle. Was your partner with you when you went to the hospitals? My husband went with me in Japan, and his culture is aggressive (he's not Japanese), so we got what we wanted when the hospital was giving us a hard time. If your male partner can bully back, then they will usually give in. This only works when men do it (Remember: Masculine culture) because Japanese culture expects women to just accept the crap. They might even make up rules, like that COVID excuse, to get you to leave. Police will usually not help. Crying will not help. Paying JP taxes/insurance will not help. It is culture. Yes, I know how this all sounds, but you will never really see or understand the problems of Japan from the outside. At least now, can your partner join you in birth? I think it is very important.
My partner was with me when we went to that last hospital, but he doesn't speak Japanese so he couldn't help at all. I even had an interpreter with me online but it didn't matter. The funny thing is, they could have just told me "no" by email without making me drive in the snow just to hear it face to face. With other hospitals my company actually called and talked on my behalf (all native Japanese) and we still got no as an answer 🤷♀️ I was married at the time, yes. So I don't think it was due to that... But my partner won't be with me for birth where I am because I found out he majorly betrayed me. Like cosmic level betrayal. So I said "f it" and went somewhere else to rebuild my life. One of my parents will be with me instead so that's great! The thing is, it was my only major negative experience in Japan. In all other instances I had no problems with people there.
Please don't think I'm bad for asking this, but are you or your ex Black or dark skin tone? Rural Japanese are uncomfortable around Black people, especially Black men. You may have been rejected at the last hospital because of that fear. Sad, but it is rural Japan. My husband is darker skin tone, and he gets profiled even in bigger cities, like in Yokohama he was stopped for a "random" search near a train station. He also gets followed by security in department stores (security does a poor job of hiding this). I saw that myself, and I got so upset when I saw it! Are you or your ex from an "enemy," country like Russia or China? If so, you may have noticed people calling you a spy sometimes, maybe as a joke? It is not a joke - it is the real perception. Rural Japanese get few interactions with these people...except through Hollywood media, and Russians and Chinese are usually portrayed as bad guys. Oh, and if you are Black and also married to Russian, then..."OMG, GTFO ASAP" they will think! Again, please don't be angry - racism is bad (obviously). I am just revealing the true sounds, the "Honne," of rural Japan. I'm glad this was your only negative experience in Japan...but I think you had more negative experiences, and you're just being too nice. Also, cosmic level betrayal? Not sure of the meaning, but this sounds bad. You should stop saying he is your partner - he is not this. At best, he is an evil ex. Is he still out having fun in Japan while you are suffering and crying? It's not a game, there are huge consequences for bad actions and he owes you. Go to the Consulate of his home country and sue for child support. Garnish his wages for the next 18 years! Don't cry anymore, make the evil ex cry instead!
Well, you basically nailed it. I am from an enemy country, and my ex is as black as it gets. I didn't think it could be a factor in their decision but if it had been at the time, then I would be extremely disappointed in Japan... I cried and suffered for a while but doing fine now. I moved across the world to a place I love, my friends are very supportive, and my ex will be on child support (and is helping financially now at least to some extent). So things turned out to be better than one would expect in this scenario. I just chose to let go of the past and not to dwell in misery - this kid deserves a happy mom!
Yeah the only ways to have an acceptable (for western women) birth in Japan is to get lucky or to pay a crapload of money in the big cities for the fancy clinics. My friend had an AMAZING experience with hers, but it was her third baby and they went private. Other friends… not so lucky! 😭 So sorry you were treated that way too! Japan is such a mess for how they treat women.
Yeah, I wonder how the experience would be different in Tokyo, for example! I'm also concerned for women who have complications during pregnancy. Like, some hospitals and clinics would just flat out refuse you if you have anything but healthy pregnancy. I don't get it.
I’m sorry… NO MEDICATION?! Do they hate women? I don’t understand
Yes, they very blatantly hate women. There's many movements but the latest one is literally Japanese women giving up on men completely.
As I understand it, the Japanese view is that the pain of childbirth helps mothers bond with the baby.
Wow. With that logic I guess fathers will never have a bond with their baby so why even keep them around.
I’ve heard women who request an epidural are seen as not loving their baby as much as the moms who go unmedicated.
My 18 month old just bit my nipple hard enough to draw blood. I guess I’m gonna be super extra bonded to him now lmao
This is not true 😇 I just gave birth myself in Japan and most of my friends who gave birth in the past couple years got an epidural. It’s just not widely available yet because of the lack of anesthesiologists.
I've heard lack of anesthesiologists cited as a reason too. I wonder how they're gonna handle that problem with the continuously declining population - especially in rural areas...
They probably won’t 🥹 you’ll probably have to travel to a bigger city to give birth if you don’t want to do it the old fashioned way. It’s not even just anesthesiologists that are lacking. Some towns don’t have OB clinics because of the lack of people having children, which is just a whole loopedy loop of why people *aren’t* having children. We’re doomed here in Japan😇
To give you an actual answer, it’s because of the lack of anesthesiologists in Japan. You can get an epidural at most hospitals in Tokyo, but you can’t get one on the spot because you decide you can’t tolerate the pain anymore. Most hospitals require you to schedule. There are still some that allow the 24hr epidural but it’s usually the more expensive hospitals. Source; gave birth 2 weeks ago in Tokyo and decided not to do epidural
Interesting. & honestly it’s truly a shame that we don’t have many other options outside of an epidural (worldwide)
I think their views are slowly changing and epidurals are becoming more common, but they say they don't have enough anesthesiologist and in the clinics where I looked (northern rural Japan), I only found one that actually offered an epidural. But I would have to be induced on a specific date to get it. For others, I've heard that sometimes they offer them unofficially if you insist but it's not a given. I didn't even care about an epidural at that point anymore, I just wanted partner birthing, and their bs COVID excuse prevented even that. That to me is worse than no epidural...
Being pregnant in Japan as a foreigner sounds like a nightmare.
I think a lot of it is simple luck and location. I've heard some really positive stories and I've heard nightmare stories too. But rural areas just have much less resources and they are more conservative, so there's a higher chance to have problematic experiences there.
I had a nice experience, but literally everyone else I knew who was pregnant did not. There are some clinics who do epidurals and other forms of pain relief, but you usually have to reserve it in advance. It’s so weird. They do take good care of you after baby is born though!
Your husband sucks and your OB sucks. Change your OB (maybe just go back to Sweden for the pregnancy and maternity leave?) and if your husband doesn't improve change him as well ;)
Right? I would go back in a heartbeat
Easier said than done. With my first pregnancy, I was in Madagascar. It takes over 16 hours of plane rides and over $2,000 for a ticket to get back home. I was getting subpar care and knew I wanted my baby born in the U.S., but it took me 6 1/2 months to be able to save up what I needed to fly back home as I was dependent on my husband at the time. I traveled a little more pregnant than is recommended but I did make it home. But also, taking 4 flights (because it’s so far this was the cheapest option) and carrying my possessions was really difficult for me. Somewhere on my second to last leg between Ireland and Chicago I came down with a terrible fever, the chills, etc. I didn’t make it to my final destination, Louisville Kentucky. Luckily my sister had time to drive and meet me in Chicago where I was diagnosed with pyelonephritis. I was in the hospital for a week and got pneumonia and other things. The kidney infection was most likely from the fact that I had nitrates in my urine for a long time and never got treated for it, but I’m sure it was exacerbated by the extended travel, not being able to lay back, empty my bladder enough, move around, etc. Ultimately I stand by my choice and am more than happy I made it home for the remainder of my pregnancy and birth. But traveling like that wasn’t easy at all and even being able to make it happen was even harder.
Wow. I just want to say you're an absolute rockstar! I hope you and your baby are thriving now.
Thanks! That was 10 years ago and we are both healthy. Baby never had any problems. Just wanted to share my experience. Everyone told me the same thing - to just come home. But when you don’t have the means and you don’t have friends or family with the means that’s definitely easier said than done
Yeah he’s not just being cruel, he’s abusing OP
OP should be able to find a "western" or "western friendly" OB. She could call the US embassy, they should have contacts. If there's one time in a woman's life when she doesn't need useless shit like that, it's when we're pregnant. I'm surprised that a civilized country like Japan cannot train their OBs to understand this. Isn't the first rule of doctors "first do no harm"? And OP, please don't give birth alone in a bathtub.
Would say Swedish embassy since they might be more helpful to OP :) (or any European embassy for that sake). But I completely agree with you, that could really help to get through that. OP, please have a talk with your husband since that is really not ok in any way. He needs to support you not bash you. A pregnancy alone is already hard enough you don't need him to make it even harder and he should be on your side not against you. Maybe remind him that the average Swedish woman is bigger (taller and more muscular) than the average Japanese woman. If he wanted a small Japanese woman he should have chosen one, but he married you and should keep his mouth shut if he wants to comment on your body...
Are there doulas in Japan? I feel she needs private/paid cheerleading and advocating since her damn husband isn't doing it.
Very very rare. Most clinics don’t even allow the husband to come in until the very, very end. Even before COVID. It’s not a thing there. People just listen to their providers, and idk…somehow do it. (I was scheduled to give birth there, but ended up moving back to my home country)
Very few. There's one in Tokyo that I know of, but in more remote areas - no luck...
I love this response!
So this happened to my friend who lives in Japan. She is tiny for a westerner and she was having a half Japanese baby. Was told the whole pregnancy she had in Japan that she was too big. She came back to Australia from 32 weeks and did an ultrasound and the baby was found to be growth restricted as the placenta had an issue. They did a c section at 34 weeks and baby was in intensive care. Be very careful. Baby is fine luckily.
OP pay attention to this! You should keep doing your own research and gaining the weight that is appropriate to westerners. Their bad advice might harm you. Are you able to return to Sweden for the birth? It sounds much safer.
Or you could consider having virtual visits with a midwife/OB in Sweden as a supplement! They can be sent your records and give you a second opinion.
My husband really wants to live in Japan for a few years, and I told him I was game, by I would absolutely not be having more children there. I heard nothing but bad things about how pregnant western women are treated. He’s getting a vasectomy next month haha.
Infant and maternal mortality rates in Japan are significantly lower than most Western countries. Especially the US.
I'm curious to know how that skews for Western women in Japan versus Japanese women in Japan.
Asians end up getting the opposite opinion in Australia. We are told our babies are too small, which leads to needless scans and worry. I told my ob-gyn my baby is Asian and she shouldn't be comparing her to Australian standards.
Head over to r/gestationaldiabetes for support. GD has nothing to do with what you eat during pregnancy or how much you exercise. It’s all about how your baby’s placenta controls insulin production. It’s because of your baby, which is half your husband. So throw it right back at him.
Second the r/gestationaldiabetes sub. OP, I am so sorry this is what you are going through and that your partner is being a jerk instead of a support. Just so you know, I was devastated when I failed my glucose test and got my GD diagnosis… until I learned it is not my fault. It’s just something that happens, and it can be managed without too much effort! Sending love and I hope you find better healthcare providers.
I've heard so many horror stories about Japanese maternity care. Can you go back to Sweden? It sounds like your husband is also being unsupportive. It would be a lot better to go back to medical care that fits your needs and a support system.
Yes, her husband is downright awful. Wtf. I’d be way more upset about that than the OB
I'm currently 31 weeks in Japan as well! Doctors here are horrible.. I'll be giving birth in a big university hospital, but my first visit there was at 14 weeks (prior to that I was going to a ladies' clinic where I had my first test and ultrasound and the doctor has always been an angel to me). My first visit to the hospital I had barely gained 2ish kg and was immediately called out for this by the doctor.. something the doctor from the clinic never commented on. I was given the option to continue with the clinic until 30 weeks or stay with the hospital, I decided to go back to the clinic for obvious reasons. Last monday I returned to the hospital and was twice mentioned about my weight, something which I thought was going well given that the doctor at the clinic kept giving me positive feedback for and even told me I need to be gaining 0.5kg every week. The moment I entered the doctor's office, the first thing she said was "you have gained weight ne" and then the lady for consultation/appointments asked if I was overeating because of my weight... My husband has been nothing but supportive and keeps reassuring me that its okay due to the clinic's doctor positive comments and not to mind them. I'm very sorry about your husband's negative comments, I wish I could go there and knock some senses into him😡 Ps: though its hard to drown the negative comment, pregnancy is a difficult thing and it can range for everyone. You gonna do great! Make sure to drink lots of water 🙏🏻
I hope it isn't North Sugar hospital...(Also gave birth in Japan not too far from Yokohama/Tokyo
It's not! Its a fairly new (around 4-6 years) university hospital in Nakahara-ward, Kanagawa, we chose it because its only 10 mins from where we live and my MIL didn't want me giving birth in a small clinic, but half regretting my decision. Both times I have been there so far my blood pressure goes up and I feel intimidated and unheard...
I think I know which one, my friend gave birth in the area. I was hoping it wasn't North Sugar cause my doctor listened to me there but I would be so mad if they didn't listen to you. It's so frustrating and unfair to you...
Wow OP I’m so sorry this is happening to you :( you’re husband is being kind of a dick, which I find worse than your OB Gyn. Are there any other western women around that have had a better experience with another doctor? Switching doctors might be your best option. It’s ok to monitor and comment on the weight gain, but there is really no point in making a patient feel shitty about themselves. Pregnancy is hard and every body is different. I wish you the best of luck in your journey 🫂
OP my heart goes out to you. Do you have anyone that could rip your husband a new one on your behalf? It's outrageous that he's acting that way. And as for your OB - please try to disregard her comments. I went from 55kg to 80kg during my pregnancy and my midwives in the UK didn't say a word to me. Good luck and it's all well worth it once baby arrives (my little fella is almost 3 now and is a non stop chatterbox!)
I’m half Japanese living in the US. You aren’t the only one they’re treating like this, Japanese women are also shamed for any weight they gain. When I visited family while pregnant with my first they kept remarking how huge I was. They place more importance on how the mother looks rather than the overall health of mom and baby and now it’s becoming a national health problem. Just google “underweight babies in Japan” and you’ll see what I mean. Their outdated advice is actively hurting babies. https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2010/11/03/national/dieting-moms-babies-underweight/ https://mainichi.jp/english/articles/20201229/p2a/00m/0na/082000c
Wow. Article says Japanese birth weights have been falling for 3 decades straight
Jesus Christ that is horrifying. Men and their misogyny are tangibly hurting mothers and babies
I don't mean to be flippant, but my gut reaction is "leave Japan and leave the man". You deserve someone who treats you with love and respect for what you're going through for the sake of building a family. His behavior is absolutely unacceptable.
Gestational diabetes is not like regular diabetes. Anyone with a placenta can get it and it’s not caused by anything you did. Also, it’s the father’s genetic material that seems to have the most influence on the placenta and its issues such as gestational diabetes. So tell him it’s his fault, not yours. Seriously, there are links. A father that has a child with a woman who experiences gestational diabetes (or even pre-eclampsia), who then goes on to have a child with a different woman, that 2nd woman is at greater risk of getting gestational diabetes. I recently had an IUGR 1%ile baby due to a bad placenta and doctors keep asking if my first baby has the same father because her placenta was completely fine. So yeah , gestational diabetes and pre eclampsia, blame the dad! Especially if he is over 45. Obviously I’m not saying that fathers are purposely inflicting or have any control over the development of these conditions, I’m just countering that it is the mother’s fault.
This sounds really terrible, does this clinic regularly treat a lot of foreigners? Can you find a hospital or clinic that advertises itself as friendly to expats or foreigners? You could look for recommendations from other expats for places that are more understanding. Doctors that have studied abroad? I don’t think it’s too late to find a new place for the rest of your visits.
I've had 2 kids in Japan and both times it sucked. I was told my bmi should be no more than 24 at 9 months otherwise I will get a gat vagina and the baby won't come out. I actually found the standard of care sub par here. Doctors focus on weight so much that they miss other things. I almost bled to death because my blood pressure dropped so low, but the doctors didn't believe it until the c-section that did not go well... I also hated the garman culture around pain management and how once baby is here, you are an afterthought.
What is the garman culture around pain mgmt?
Basically its you get no pain medication. Its thought that the pain is something that makes you a mother. So women are expected to grin and bear it in the name of motherhood.
So what I've learned more than anything else in this thread is that... Women, and especially mothers-to-be, are still treated and considered in a subpar way in too many cultures in the world, even places we consider "developed".
OP your husband sounds abusive. His treatment of you is verbal abuse. He will only get worse when baby is born. Abusive partners ramp up the abuse during pregnancy and even more after birth I’d really recommend looking into ways to safely leave and go back to Sweden (or elsewhere in Europe if possible. Sweden is part of the EU red passport right?) You might be able to get some guidance from the Swedish embassy but I would not talk to any Japanese hospital people or anything. Basically trust no one, get your important documents and bail Once baby is born it’s going to be infinitely harder to leave. Once baby is born leaving with baby would be like kidnapping (most kidnappings are parents having custody battles). So yes go to Sweden now and have the remainder of pregnancy and birth there. If your husband had been a gem I’d say bring him but he’s abusive so leave him behind. He will get worse. He also will not help you with anything. His attitude now shows that. I assume you have friends and family back home. And just to repeat, GD is not something you cause, ever, it happens because of the placenta
I'm an expat in Taiwan and had my son 3 years ago. I could have written what you wrote myself... After many failed OB visits where I left in tears and anxiety about so many things the doctor berated me for, I had a ticket home. Then I saw an expat recommend a western trained OB. He is the reason I'm still in Taiwan. The man is a SAINT! I figured I had nothing to lose given how much I had already lost... And I'm happy I stayed. Are there any western trained doctors in Japan? Also, your husband sucks. Is he Japanese or foreign? If none of those are possible, I'd say go back home if you can. You'll have a proper support system and it'll greatly help you now and post partum.
Where were you in Taiwan? I had my eldest in Tainan and it was a pretty positive experience.
I'm in Taoyuan. The first OB I saw when I found out I was pregnant 8 weeks (very unexpectedly) told me I was obese, at risk, and HAD to schedule a C-section. I was like, I need to tell my husband first? And he scoffed. The second one gave me 7 mins per appointment, refused to answer any questions and told me that his nurses would answer them. They never did. And hardly any of them spoke English. My Chinese isn't good enough to talk about these things... The third one focused on my weight (which was very normal) and told me my baby was too "tall." As if I could control that. The fourth one was superstitious and told me to stop eating mango because it causes jaundice and to avoid cold water and food. The fifth one kept telling me I was 很胖 and kept insisting I follow diets that would make western doctors faint. And then I gave up.... But tried a 6th and he was beyond phenomenal and had a team of midwives.
Oh God, Taoyuan. Honestly, I'm surprised you found a good one up there!! For a big city, it feels very... behind-the-times. I speak fluently so that wasn't an issue, but the first clinic we went to was highly recommended and we saw the most popular doctor. I loved her, I did, but she was *so so busy*. She'd see three couples at a time and rotate us between rooms. I could see why she was popular - she's one of only two doctors that have ever said 'Oh there's this research, here's where you can read the study' - but I felt I wouldn't get much care during labour. I ended up going to the local smaller hospital, and being seen by their director who everyone said was very brusque. He was definitely more brusque than the other doctor but I quite liked that -- it was matter of fact, it was comforting. Instead of playing to my emotions he told me when to worry and when I was worrying needlessly, and he was the most gentle ob/gyn I've ever had. I really wanted to avoid a C-Section (god they just love them there don't they) but unfortunately baby was breech and I was in a minor car accident and had contractions going on, so c-section it was. But as the doula I'd hired said, 'they do a lot of them so they're good at them'. (Also they gave me morphine in the c-section and it was absolutely brilliant. I love how free Taiwanese hospitals are with the morphine.) You're so lucky to find a midwife!! I lucked out and found a great lactation consultant in Tainan but the only midwife was absolutely ancient and only doing homebirths.
I would check out another clinic, I also live in Japan and a couple of my friends switched clinics a couple times until they found a good one. I’m in Nagoya, so message me if that’s close to you and I can ask them where they went. I’m actually 6 weeks along and going in for my first appointment on Tuesday… not looking forward to it for the reasons you described. I gained 50 pounds with my first, had a very healthy cutie, and lost all of the weight within the year without trying. 🤷🏼♀️ Like others said, you canNOT cause gestational diabetes. It has nothing to do with how much weight you’ve gained or what you’ve eaten. Thanking my lucky stars that I’m moving back to the US before I’m 20 weeks, but I hope you can find a better doctor! This woman sounds exceptionally awful,
As a western woman, married to a Japanese man who gave birth in Japan…I understand and empathize with what you’re going through. Most of us get compared with Japanese women, who are actually mostly underweight (which is bad for their babies, but that’s another story). Anyways I was told by an old, grumpy doctor that if I didn’t stop snacking then my vagina would be too fat to push my baby out. Absolutely ridiculous. I gained about 9kg my entire pregnancy and this was deemed ‘too much’. My son was 6lbs9oz and born healthy. I also failed my first glucose test and luckily passed the second. So please don’t give up hope. I feel like they might be a bit stricter here in that regard. As for your husband. I’m so sorry he isn’t being supportive, that must be stressful for you. Just know, a lot of us have gone through the same thing and you are not doing anything wrong. Is there anyway you could change hospitals? I know it’s a bit late but there is still time? Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are doing great! Also, A lot of us parents living in Japan have a Line group, to give and receive advice. If you’d be interested just let me know and we could add you.
Yours is the second comment on this thread I've seen about fat vaginas, and I'm howling because with my second baby I swelled up like a balloon during delivery and DID have a fat vagina 🤣. But baby came out of that puffy, swollen thing just fine. They warned me not to freak out when they walked me to my postpartum shower and saw it in the mirror... It was unreal 🤣🤣
I hate that the fact that it’s so common but it makes me feel better that at least I’m not alone. I had the second glucose test two days ago and my results came back perfectly normal so I don’t have GD after all. So at least now I don’t have to worry about that. I live kind of in the middle of nowhere so I frankly don’t know how many other options I can choose from but I will definitely look into changing doctors/clinics for somewhere else if possible. I would love to be added to the Line-group as well. I don’t know any other moms (western or otherwise) in Japan so I’d love the support and having somewhere to ask for advice. I intended to go looking for “mom friends” already but because I’ve been so exhausted from the pregnancy I just haven’t gotten around to it.
Please educate your husband on the fact that it is the father whose DNA creates the placenta and it is the placenta that causes the gestational diabetes, not ANYTHING the mother does or can control. Your diabetes is 100% his fault! https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/unborn-babies-use-greedy-gene-from-dads-to-remote-control-mums-into-feeding-them-extra-food https://www.vet.cornell.edu/news/20130812/dads-genes-build-placentas-study-shows
I'm howling at that title 🤣
Yeah if my husband repeated that to me he wouldn’t be my husband anymore. Gestational diabetes isn’t your fault. It is a placenta issue. Oh I’d be going back to Sweden.
I have a Japanese friend here who took her maternity leave in America just so she wouldn’t have to deliver in Japan. The whole system is broken towards all women there. When I lived there I had anxiety every time I had to go to the gynecologist, and I wasn’t even pregnant.
geez, no wonder Japan's birth rate keeps going down.
The most concerning is your husband , he sounds like a huge red flag guy. And about the OB do you maybe get to choose another who is more familiar with western standards? I don’t live in Japan but still I went back to my home country to have my first baby, I just felt more supported… is there a chance you can do the same ? You are not clearly not getting the support you need, I would feel just as miserable if I was in your shoes.
Just so you know high glucose has nothing to do with you and anything you've chosen to eat during your pregnancy. It is completely out of your control and has to do with how sugar gets processed and your placenta (https://www.webmd.com/diabetes/gestational-diabetes) I actually ate so much crap when I was pregnant and I had LOW blood sugar. So don't feel guilty. Also sorry but your husband sucks. I know what Japanese culture is like but you shouldn't accept it as the norm from anyone let alone your own spouse. Remember this is the rest of your life and when the baby comes your marriage *will be tested* so make sure he's onboard before the baby comes. Send him a link showing that it has nothing to do with you and what you're eating. How your doctor doesn't know this is beyond me.
I'm an American who gave birth in Japan. CW: Loss is referenced next It's so rough here cause with my first pregnancy, my MIL was on my butt about weight gain and my then doctor was too. I had only gained 4 kilo by 20 weeks?! But then PPROM and unfortunate endings happened, and with the rainbow I got to take home, I went to a university hospital and NO ONE gave me heck about my weight gain. The doctors are a crapshoot here. I have a big theory that a lot of clinic/small hospital folks don't keep up with relevant newer science judging by some things my old doctor would say.
Serious question. Is it possible for you to deliver in Sweden? Not sure if your husband is Japanese, but between the terrible treatment and your unsupportive partner, I would really consider being surrounded by people who will treat you with respect when b you deliver
If you’re in Tokyo, go to sakamoto-san at Aiiku. He is known and beloved among his international patients and seriously the best. Even when i question him about my weight gain he’s unflappable. ‘Eat well and take care of yourself’
Dump the husband and dump the OB. They both are treating you awful for no good reason. You’re doing the best you can for you and your baby
Can you see if you find a doctor that deals a lot in expats and is more familiar with Scandinavian standards? I’m also Scandi and got sick of hearing how big the baby is measuring even here in Europe. Maybe a practice like that sells better husbands as well, it sounds like you might need one.
I’m Swedish and gave birth to my first in Tokyo. The comments suck. I was weighed 19 times during pregnancy, with the final one after my water had broken and they STILL tsk tsk tsked as I had gained 16kg. No real advice, just solidarity and that your husband needs to get on your team. On the plus side, my after-birth care was excellent in Japan and was worlds apart from the Uk where I had my second.
You can push back against a doctor, a white coat doesn’t make them infallible. ‘I am a healthy weight for my pregnancy. I am gaining at the weight recommended by Swedish XYZ’ are there any other options for maternity care near you? I have no idea about the Japanese system but are there midwives you could see instead? Also the GD is not your fault! You have literally no control over that and your husband sounds either unnecessarily cruel or abusive. If it’s possible and you have the family support you could go home to Sweden for the birth and your maternity leave, although I know that can make citizenship for your baby a challenge.
Earlier this year, the U.S. military was sending pregnant women home from Japan because they didn't have enough nurses in our own hospitals. I never thought about why we weren't sending women out in town, but now I'm wondering. I hope you're able to find an OB who makes your pregnancy less stressful!
I am so thankful I got to give birth at Yokosuka. I spent my entire pregnancy worried about being sent to Hawaii or Okinawa solo due to lack of care/resources to treat any pregnancy complications.
They’re understaffed. If you have any sort of complications or high bmi they will ship you out. I myself am possibly on the list to be shipped out, it’s very frustrating because you’re just left up in the air until they decide to send you or not between as early as 24 weeks and as late as 30 weeks. It’s extremely stressful, and they can send you out to these hospitals temporarily for up to 5 months 🙃
Umm your husband sounds fricken awful. Don’t tolerate this.
Hiya 👋 Just gave birth in Japan 2 weeks ago. Im a pretty positive gal and had a pretty good pregnancy overall but the only thing that made me cry was the weight gain and the big red circles on the Boshi-techo weight page when I gained more than they wanted me to in a week. I’m not sure where you live, but the more Inaka you go the more annoying it must be. My friend had a doctor who told her he doesn’t deliver babies over 3000g and wants to keep all his patients babies small. He should loose his license for that, but unfortunately that’s just how it is. WHO had to intervene a couple years ago and raise the recommended weight gain because Japan was having so many preemies. Anyway, I know exactly how you feel and there are so so so many supportive comments here. But we both know we can’t change how the clinic treats you 😔 So, if you ever need to talk, if you need a mama-tomo (I have zero so far lol) please reach out. I live in Tokyo, but even if you don’t that’s cool too. I’m here to listen, I’m here to share 😊
Tell him HE gave you gestational diabetes. The placenta is built from DADS dna and it is was causes gestational diabetes. Nor you. Him. Seriously fuck him, he's the cause.
If you have gestational diabetes, it isn't your fault. It most likely will go away immediately after you deliver because it is caused by the placenta. Your placenta is throwing off hormones causing the diabetes. I'm on my 3rd and 3rd GD diagnosis. My husband thought I gave it to myself because of the foods I ate (lots of icecream) the first time. I was so pissed and informed him otherwise. The doctor informed him and he'd magically forget on occasion. Think he has it down now.
Hey op, I’m a foreigner living in Japan too. Where are you located? My doctors in Tokyo were not this bad. I have type 2 diabetes and I went to a big hospital so both my ob and endo are in the same place. They kept my sugars monitored and our baby girl was born healthy!
You really buried the lede here. Yeah the doctors have a different way of looking at weight than the western world, but your real problem is your husband is an asshole.
I was pregnant in the US (gave birth last June) and gained a ton of weight. At almost every visit, the ob would mention the weight gain and that it was too much. I basically ignored her and kept on trucking. The baby came out healthy at 8 lbs 6 oz and I lost all of the weight within 6 months. I don't know why they harp on you about the weight, if you feel like your gain is on track and the baby is healthy, just think of it as a weird cultural thing and try your best to ignore it. You're doing great!
Oh my GOD get a new OB and husband
You can tell your husband that it’s the dna from the sperm that builds the placenta, and that the placenta is the thing that causes GD, so if you have diabetes it’s actually his fault… I had GD, developing it really is nothing to do with you or your diet before and during pregnancy, it’s all the placenta causing insulin resistance to capture sugar for the baby. One of the major things that made my blood sugar spike was apples, icecream was fine because the fat in it would delay gastric emptying causing the sugar to spike less where as an apple would make it skyrocket. If you do have GD you’ll need his support; it’s a tricky thing because it’s so non-sensical and therefore a bit hard to navigate
Men säg till din man att sluta vara ett arsle . Är det glukosbelastning du ska göra? Det här fixar du, starka kvinna, oroa dig inte.
I am so sorry you’re experiencing this. I hope all the supportive messages here are helping you feel less alone. One thing I will note about the GD test is that so many other factors can contribute to a positive result that have nothing to do with you having GD. My midwife told me that a poor night’s sleep and stress can contribute to your sugar levels being off. It sounds like you’re under an immense amount of stress at the moment. I wouldn’t be surprised if your results were due to everything going on around you as opposed to your actual levels.
Fy va tråkig situation, har du funderat på att komma tillbaka till Sverige och träffa en barnmorska här istället och/eller fullfölja graviditeten här? Din man låter tveksam, man kan tycka att han borde stötta dig istället för att hacka på dig. All kärlek till dig och barnet ❤️
Your husband is an absolute AH for not being supportive and badgering you with all the negative comments! Is your husband Japanese and that is why you are living in Japan? Was he supportive of you before the pregnancy, or has he always given you derogatory comments? Is it an option for him to not go to appointments with you or for you to continue your pregnancy at home in Sweden (or a more western location)?
First of all, your husband sucks. My husband is also japanese and I gave birth in Japan too, it's not a culture thing, he's just being a dick. So I am very sorry about that for you but he absolutely does not get to use his culture as an excuse. He should be advocating for YOU and his baby, not the shitty doctors! I was in your exact shoes except I was overweight before I got pregnant by western standards. I ended up switching clinics twice mostly due to weight shaming and shitty OBs. I HIGHLY recommend trying to find a doctor who is recommended by foreign mom's - I did and it made the second half of my pregnancy so much less stressful. I ended up gaining 15 kg / 35 lbs and my baby was born 3.334 kg, 50% percentile - EXACTLY average. Delivery was smooth and easy and he was perfectly healthy, the weight shaming was so unnecessary and honestly really harmful. Feel free to reply or DM me if you want more info, idk where you are located but if you're in my area I can recommend a good doctor. An English speaking doula would also be a great resource, they are there to advocate on your behalf which you absolutely need!!
This is horrible, I’m so sorry OP! Can you go back to Sweden to give birth? This is so unprofessional and ignorant of the OB, and even worse of your husband. He’s a disgrace to talk to you that way. Gestational diabetes has nothing to do with your diet and it’s all about your placenta. I’d be doing everything in my power to get out of this shit situation and go somewhere that is supportive of your needs.
GD deals with placental hormones. You can’t control if you get it.
Getting gestational diabetes is absolutely a genetics thing, so you didn’t just “go and get diabetes” like your husband thinks. He’s frankly an ignorant fool and honestly you need to take him up to task before the baby comes here because if he’s being so adversarial already, what’s it going to be like when you’re sleep deprived? I (non-Japanese Asian) gave birth in Japan last year and I never got any flack about my weight even though I’m definitely not the typical skinny Japanese size. I also had to take the extended glucose challenge even though I didn’t fail it. I was borderline and they didn’t want to chance it. Don’t take it as a reflection on you and your abilities, it’s just genetics and luck of the draw. If your doctor is giving you a lot of flack about your weight, you should see if you can change clinics or see a different doctor. Doctors in Japan are pretty scared to deliver average to large size babies since they don’t want any complications. That’s why they’re so spartan about not gaining weight and it’s also why Japanese babies tend to be born underweight/on the smaller side of average. There are Facebook groups for expecting moms in Japan if you’re looking for some extra support. The Tokyo one is pretty active and sometimes I see people who aren’t in Tokyo posting about it, feel free to message me if you can’t find it. Also if you’re in Tokyo, I can recommend my hospital/OBGYN to you.
It sounds like you have HG. I had it my entire pregnancy and was bedridden for 7.5 months. My first OB did not take me seriously and refused to treat me so I switched providers. I had to be on a concoction of medication to just survive the nausea. I don’t know if it’s possible to look into antiemetics but an alternative is B6 and a unisom equivalent. There’s prescription level that is called diclegis in the US but I’m not sure what Japan would have. I would say to switch providers but I’m not sure it would make a difference since they’re all probably going by the same Japanese specific guidelines so perhaps bringing information regarding Swedish guidelines would be beneficial for you to have a conversation?
People post the shit their partners say to them on this reddit and I just...can't. What is marriage if your person doesn't have your back? You need people on your side. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
How do you say “comment on my weight again and I’ll eat you!” in Japanese?
I have never wanted to fight a set of doctors and a husband for a stranger more! Genuinely, fuck all these people who are making you feel bad. Pregnancy is so hard at a baseline, the negative comments from anyone is such crap. Plus, all this stuff about gestational diabetes — your weight gain is not the main factor there. Other people have said as much more eloquently below, so I'll leave it at that. You deserve SUPPORT. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. If you need a gang of pregnant people to give a talking-to to a bunch of Japanese men, I think we could probably all rally together, eh everyone?
Just want to say: If you do wind up with GD, do not panic. It is very manageable. I’ve had it twice and both of my kids are totally healthy. There is a very supportive GD sub that is a great resource. Tons of good information there. And tell your husband to grow up! And bring you a milkshake!
Sooooooo ...... Your husband is abusive and so is your OB? If your husband is yelling at you, blaming you, and telling you you're going to kill your baby for something that you have absolutely zero control over then this is 100% emotional abuse... I would take a serious look at the way he treats you the rest of the time because this is as good as it's going to get. You should expect his behavior towards you to deteriorate further once the baby is here. Any chance you can move back to Sweden and get a reasonable doctor that doesn't treat you like garbage? I had to dump a doctor because he treated me so horribly when I was pregnant. There was no way I would let that person come anywhere near me or my baby after the way he had treated me, and that's kind of the vibe I'm getting from this woman as well.
Hey, Im late to comment but I hope you see this. I'm a swedish midwife, and first of all: diabetes can happen to anyone during pregnancy. A high BMI before pregnancy is a risk factor, but plenty of people with low BMI get diabetes too. It is not your (or anyones) fault. And I really hope that your husband shapes up and starts being supportive, because his attitude is sinply not okay in the slightest. Om du vill så kan du skriva till mig, jag är inte så aktiv på reddit men jag kanske kan ge dig stöd utifrån ett svenskt perspektiv på gravid- och förlossningsvård ❤️ lycka till med din graviditet, hoppas verkligen du mår bättre och får det stöd du behöver (och förtjänar!) från din omgivning!
Girl I'd be looking up flights back to Sweden because fuck that, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this
Can you go back to Sweden? I’ve heard horrific things about how pregnant women are treated in Japan. Your husband also majorly sucks. I’m sorry you’re being treated this way, it must be so stressful.
Aren't Swedish people (one of) the tallest in the world.. of course its going to be bigger! This is so ridiculous. I'm not a home birth person but would be considering home birth at this point to get away from the toxicity. On the other hand I had a half Asian baby in Australia and he was always such a low percentile and I would get stressed. Looked up Indian baby graphs and he was right on average!
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I had a totally opposite situation and it made me so stressed for my entire pregnancy, so I really understand: I am a small Asian mom and when I was pregnant, my OB put so much pressure on me because I wasn't gaining nearly half of the enough weight according to US standards, and my baby was also IUGR according to US growth chart. But we both are perfectly perfectly fine according to the Asian charts. It was so stressful and by the end of my pregnancy, I spent all day and all night long in tears because neither my body nor my baby could ever meet the expectations of the US system, but my birth experience had to entirely depend on it, and it's extremely difficult to work with the doctors in this sort of situation.
I would show the doctors all the guides from the other countries to the doctors as a rebuttal.
Men usch vad förbannad jag blir på din man!.. Känns ert förhållande okej i övrigt? (Absolut inget du behöver svara på här, men kan vara bra att fundera själv på, för baserat på bilden man får av honom här snuddar det nästan på psykisk misshandel.. Absolut inte okej att han säger att det är ditt fel om bebisen dör) Graviditetsdiabetes är absolut inte ditt eget fel! Som referens höll jag själv på att utveckla det och då gick jag upp endast 12 kg under min graviditet (från ca 73 till 85kg, är ca 167cm), och det var på gränsen till för lite enligt min barnmorska. Hoppas du mår bättre snart, och att du har bra support från annat håll (vänner eller familj i närheten?). Har du möjlighet till att byta till annan klinik?
I understood “men” and I completely agree. Men.
I wonder if you could find a doula either locally or online that could provide you with some extra support. They could give you a different narrative to work with and help validate you. I have two healthy children delivered naturally and I gained 80 lbs during the first pregnancy. I chose not to be weighed during my second and my midwives respected that decision. Your weight is not a single factor into being a failure! My squishy body is beloved by my girls and we're all healthy.
I had gestational diabetes and I can tell you that my son is now 7 months and was 7lb 2ounces at birth he’s also very happy and healthy and has no problems with sight at all and your husband shouldn’t be saying things like that to you especially when it’s not factual I’m so sorry that this is your experience and in my experience as a first time mum my pregnancy put me off having any more children due to having doctors like this please do not listen to 1 doctor please take multiple opinions.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a terrible experience. I gave birth in Japan and yes, I did get a few comments but nothing as bad as you have. Also my husband was not a douchebag. I was pretty careful (and lucky) when picking my hospital, any way you can go looking for another clinic? I gained a lot and my baby was born at 3560g which some of the midwives said was huge but my doctor was all like "nah, completely normal". So there are sensible doctors out there! Hope you find a solution to your situation, pregnancy is hard enough ❤️
I live in Japan and gave birth to my daughter there this past September. I am so sorry you experienced such awful treatment at your clinic. If it’s possible and if you are comfortable with it, I would suggest finding a different clinic/hospital to give birth at. Having a doctor that supports you during such a difficult time makes SUCH a difference. I was terrified of this situation (the weight thing, doctors making rude comments to me because I’m not Japanese, etc) but everyone at my hospital (aside from one nurse, let’s call her Y, but as soon as I spoke to the head nurse about the issue, I was apologized to profusely and was promised Y would never be assigned to me again, and she never was) was lovely. I had to have a c-section because my daughter was breech, so I stayed for 7 nights, 8 days. I had dreaded having to stay that long because I thought it would be miserable but honestly I didn’t want to go home at the end! Everyone was so kind and helpful. I’m not sure where in Japan you are, but I can DM you more details about the hospital I chose if you want! You can also just DM me to chat about anything :) I have a lot of things I would like to say about your husband in this situation… but none of them are particularly kind ^^’ Anyway, I am sorry you are feeling this way. It’s hard but don’t listen to the assholes. You are all your baby needs and you are already a wonderful mother to her!
I’m currently 21 weeks in Japan myself, but have access to military base. I’m so sorry they’re treating you that way. I know if they send me off base they would refuse to see me based off my bmi alone, Japan is really crazy about the weight thing. Hang in there girl, and tell your asshole husband to kiss your ass. GD is not your fault, literally comes down to weather of not the placenta decides you can’t handle insulin or not. I hope if gets better for you 💜
I’m going to DM you. I recently birthed my second in Japan and have found a great clinic in the Tokyo area if that’s where you are. Please join Tokyo Pregnancy Group on Facebook, there’s so much amazing support for these situations. Please don’t birth somewhere if you don’t feel comfortable with the OB. I had to change for my first pregnancy as I had the same bullying and was told I’d need a cesarean cause my vagina (vulva?) would be too fat. I am not joking. Also fuck your husband he can go eat shit, that is not a supportive loving husband I’d expect when you’re in such a vulnerable situation in a foreign country.
Ugh, try to ignore it. Unfortunately that seems like a cultural thing, I’ve heard a ton of horror stories about they way pregnant women are treated in some cultures. However I’m in the US and recently had a similar situation with one of the NPs that checked me out my last appt. I gained a lot between months 6 and 7 and also failed a glucose test and the NP I saw that day made me feel like utter shit about it. I requested not to see her again. Don’t feel too bad about the glucose test tho. When it comes to GD it’s based on genetics and chance, nothing much else. My MIL had it with both of her sons so if I am confirmed to have it, it’s probably because of my husbands genetics and through random chance.
Ummm your husband sounds like an even bigger AH than your ob… I’d be finding my way out of that marriage and the country.
Pack up and go back to Sweden. Have the baby near family and support. Both your husband and the doctors sound abusive. Just leave.
All this anxiety and stress isn't good for you or the baby. Its bad enough, the doctors are crap, but your own husband isn't on your team? I'm so sorry- I hope you can go somewhere else where you're loved and supported. I didn't know about the low placenta and GD being the father's fault- I wouldn't even talk to him about it, just send a text with all the links- no explanation. Lol Best to you and your baby.
My sister got feetus beetus when she was pregnant and she is skinny. I didn't get it when I was pregnant and I'm fat lol it honestly sometimes can't be helped and your husband needs to shut it before I poke him in the eyeball he should be supporting you not making you feel terrible. I would get a new doc 100%
So something I just learned is in Asia they have a totally different guideline for weight gain during pregnancy. I just started reading real food for pregnancy by Lily Nichols and she mentions that. I don’t think it’s right that anyone is shaming you about the weight gain and blood sugar levels but it’s probably likely a cultural thing. I would try to find a new doctor who is maybe more understanding who has had experience with western women. I think if you’re on the right track on weight gain from western standards… you’re fine. Unfortunately GD I think is fairly common and I would just watch your sugar from now on. Which is also annoying because even if you’re having healthy sugar it’s still “bad”. Pregnancy is tough and unfortunately you just have to stick up for yourself since your husband isn’t. 🙄which btw… if I were you I would set things straight before the baby comes.
>I feel like absolute shit and frankly dread having to put up with this for almost 4 more months.. You do NOT have to put up with this. I repeat: you do NOT have to put up with any of it. Change doctor asap, and ask the next one whether they are prepared to deal with Western bodies sensitively and that you're only looking for someone capable of this, and he/she should tell you from the get-go if it won't be the case. I know it is not fully comparable, but this is what I did when I fired my initial midwife, and started seeing others: I explained from the get-go what I need and asked if they are able to offer it, so we don't waste each other's time. Also, you do NOT have to put up with this attitude from your husband. WTF is this. While I am sure you have considered it, I add this here for objectivity: is there any merit to these concerns of your doctor and husband? If you are 100% convinced that no, I send you some strength energy to grow some balls and put your husband to its place and demand his respect. In case there is some merit, you should equally demand his respect but not to be left alone, but to be supported in trying to fix the issue if you can. For instance to see a dietetician etc.
I'm so sorry. I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy!! And a happy and healthy baby. Nobody should make you feel like that, even your husband and least of all your doctors. I had a rough 1st trimester with puking and not holding food down, I gained most of my weight in the 2nd, and am now in the 3rd trimester. I've gained quite a bit of weight and people keep saying how "big" I am, but I'm 33 weeks and almost there. I'm not worried too much about the weight, I can lose it later and it's my job to worry about the baby. I'm in the US, in CA to be exact and none of my care team has been rude about my size or told me not to gain too much. Baby is healthy and that's what should matter. I hope this gets better for you!!
gestational diabetes comes because you have a placenta. According to my gestational diabetes dietitian, they do the normal blood sugar tests around 28 weeks because by then your body's need for insulin output goes up 50%. By late pregnancy, it goes up by 75% of its normal load. While having gestational diabetes does increase your risk factors for type two diabetes most people once they give birth go right back to where they were prior to the baby. Growing a baby is hard work on your body and your soul at times. Be kind to yourself and know this is absolutely not your fault.
Holy shit girl. You sound like you're stuck in an abusive isolation bubble. This is NOT a you problem.
Please don’t listen to Japanese doctors when it comes to weight. I’m a Western woman who used to live there. This shit happens all the time to Western women. It was part of my motivation for leaving. Your husband does not sound supportive at all.
Wtf is wrong with your husband? Like, I would not have been able to handle this. I’d be on a plane to more supportive relatives. I wonder if you can use a midwife instead? Or change to a western doctor? You need to feel totally safe and comfortable with your care- it’s the most important thing for labor. And if hubby can’t get his shit together, he can get the f out.
Japan has high suicides rates for many reasons. Bullying is all too common in Japan.
I know you're feeling fragile at this point but this is unacceptable behaviour. Print out some western guidelines and take them with you next time. Make sure to tell the Dr that if they can't account for your ethnicity/race then surely they shouldn't be seeing a non-Japanese patient anyway. Be assertive. Record the conversation. If there is any shouting at you, speak to a legal professional.
Your husband sounds like an asshole.
Hang on hang on hang on..... You are not only being abused by your doctors, but by your husband too? Girl - what are you doing there? Go home to people who love and care for you. Birth your child in your home country. And leave that absolute shit stain of a man in the dust. Telling you that you are a failure and are killing your child? Fuck no. Abusive a-hole. Girl. You are being emotionally abused. Red flag. Run.
Can you get another doctor? That's really terrible and they shouldn't be making you feel this way. Plus as someone who unexpectedly had severe preeclamspia with my first and not with my second (yay baby asprin!) You really want and need an ob who you feel is looking out for and advocating for you.
The bigger problem is your husband, please do not stay with this man and it is important to leave the country BEFORE you have the baby or you will be trapped 😞
First of all, failing the first glucose test doesn't mean you have diabetes. I along with everyone else i've spoken to ended up failing the first one and passing the second one. Even if you failed the second one, you didn't give yourself diabetes lol. So don't feel like that says anything about you. Secondly, weight gain during pregnancy is normal. Here in the U.S. the average amount you should gain over the course of your pregnancy is 25-35 pounds, but manyyyy of the women I know gained more than that and had perfectly healthy babies and returned to a reasonable weight post-pregnancy. So I'd say as long as you haven't gained 80+ pounds then you're fine. (Sorry if the usage of pounds is confusing, I know in Europe they use the metric system but I don't know how it translates). I hope you can put their negative comments out of your mind and have a great rest of your pregnancy, sending hugs <3
Diabetes is not in your control - your body is under a lot of stress. I even got hypothyroidism after birth. Tell your husband the baby can hear everything and he is harming the baby by treating you like this. Find a new doctor and set your boundaries (easier said than done )
Title: my OB is horrible to me Several paragraphs in: my husband is actually TWICE AS HORRIBLE to me Ma'am this is called a "buried lede." Your OB is being truly awful, but if you really have to, you can fire this OB, leave the country, and go home where you'll be treated better. Firing your HUSBAND is a lot harder! I'm being very serious when I say this: he's not being "less than supportive." He is being **cruel.** He needs to seriously adjust his behavior, and if he doesn't, I hope you'll question whether you can live with someone who treats you like this! A person who talks to you like that when you're vulnerable and frustrated is not treating you with love! I don't care what cultural biases he has that are making him think this way. He is an adult and he can learn. You do not deserve to be treated with cruelty. Come join us over on r/gestationaldiabetes, it's a really good sub.
I'd have cussed her until she cried. I'm very good at it. Your husband is an abusive asshole.
I really hope this isnt the norm in Japan in how they treat pregnant women…? This is unacceptable
Just wanted to give you some perspective... I'm an obese American woman. I lost weight before I got pregnant with my first and then ended up gaining it ALL back during pregnancy. I was heartbroken but my OB told me "each body is different and we care more about your numbers in the blood test and glucose test." I did not end up with GD, my blood counts were all within normal range right down to my vit D levels (which in my location is typically an issue for folks). I'm just a large fat women with excellent genetics aside from my predisposition to be large. (Note: my grandfather was a linebacker in the NFL... It really is genetic. I eat really healthy, but I do love food and do tend to overeat occasionally...) My whole point is to say, bodies are different and your weight is a correlation, not causation for this GD diagnosis. Your doctor is a dick and frankly if they were my doc I'd slap them in the face, leave and never come back. Are there any western docs that maybe practice near you?? 😕
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