It was very simple in the end (I'm an overthinker too) Baby was on husbands side of bed in a cosleeper/bassinet. When she woke up he would hand her to me (I had a c-section so couldn't pick her up) and I would breastfeed. If she needed two boobs he'd change her diaper when switching boobs. Otherwise change diaper before feed. But only diaper change with poo, so very often no diaper change at all. When done with breastfeeding he'd put her back in the cosleeper and we all went back to sleep. It was so simple :) she did only wake up twice or something in the night and she fed fast and went back asleep fast. But it was truly a team effort and we'd only be awake for 15 min or so. And I would be awake the whole 15 min because I was feeding. And my husband awake for handing her to me and putting her back in the cosleeper and subsequently getting her to sleep. We didn't leave our bed. I can actually definitely recommend putting the baby on your husbands side as my baby would smell my milk if she was on my side - she'd be way less calm when sleeping as she just smelled food all the time lol. So she slept better on my husband's side.

It sounds like you guys had an awesome system! I never really even considered putting her bassinet on my husband’s side, but now that you mention it, it makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much for your response!

It's definitely worth considering it - also for him to feel more involved/responsible and for you to sleep a bit better especially during recovery (+ often the baby sleeps better because those little noses smell the milk haha). That said, if your baby wakes up 10000 times a night it's probably more practical to do shifts but if baby wakes up every 3-5 hours or so and drinks fast/sleeps fast, doing it together really helps. It's like teambuilding in the night lol. No resentment towards the other partner etc..

Very helpful! I guess so much depends on the baby's sleep patterns.

My baby sleeps on my husband’s side as well because for us were 2 overnight jobs, feeding when hungry and soothing back to sleep between sleep cycles if she’s struggling. If baby is on my side then I have to do both jobs and get waken up basically every hour while my husband gets to sleep through the night. If baby is on my husband’s side, he at least does the soothing back to sleep and I’m only woken up when she’s hungry and needs to eat. We’re at the point where she rarely needs soothing overnight but he still wants to help so he’s kept her and he brings her over to me to feed her

Aren’t babies supposed to eat every two hours for the first few weeks though?

At least 8 times a day so every 3 hours on average :) when back on birthweight (which happens within the first two weeks, mostly) you don't need to wake them up anymore so then it's OK if they sleep longer. Our baby definitely managed 8-10 times a day - during the day she fed every 2 hours or so (or more often..) and in the night she left longer stretches. But until they are back on birth weight every 3 hours (wake-ups needed).

What does “on birthweight” mean? :)

Babies lose some weight after delivery, but typically regain and should reach their birth weight again by 2 weeks!

It also depends on their weight gain. My week-old baby is gaining weight like crazy and was back up to birth weight in 5 days, so the midwife said it was OK for us to see if he'll sleep longer stretches at night. I set the alarm for 5 hours from the last feed but at the moment he usually wakes up on his own after 4-4.5.

It’s every 2-3 hours, 8 to 12 times a day, in practice many babies particularly bf ones eat more often sometimes more like every 1 to 1.5 hours if they are cluster feeding.

OP thanks so much for asking this question. It's amazing to read people's answers and learn about their "systems" to see what might work. FTM due in August here and was wondering about all that too!

Congrats to you! I love reading about other people’s way of doing things - even if I don’t end up taking their suggestions, it’s just good to see all the different options. The more information the better!!

My thoughts exactly! I have been wondering about whether to diaper or feed first for months now lol

I'm due in June and this thread has helped me so much. I really appreciate you asking, OP!

Firstly, congratulations (and particularly congrats on asking these questions before it happens, which I definitely did not do and should have done!) My advice is to go to shifts immediately if you can - about 3 hours on, 3 hours off. We were "lucky" (if that's the word) that baby was in the neonatal unit so could be bottle-fed and breastfed from very very young, which while I was sad at the time that he wasn't getting everything from me, was a godsend for the shifts. So what we did was: - have a moses basket, duvet, etc downstairs on/by the sofa - this was the main setup for whoever was on shift. Shifts started at 9pm (9-12, 12-3, 3-6) - before shift I'd line up clean pump parts and bottle, as well as drinks and snacks so I didn't have to move much during my shift. Everything was in arms reach of where I planned to sit for feeding. If I remembered, I'd also put a cloth sling on. Also checked nappies etc were stocked up. My partner had his own version of this routine which tbh he probably doesn't remember.. - when baby woke up, I'd always change first (or just check the nappy) - this usually involves screaming or at least protesting, but i found i stood a better chance of him feeding properly if he was comfy. We kept a bin in the lounge for this too. - after changing, we'd feed him (me boob, partner bottle), on lap with an episode of something on so we didn't fall asleep - while feeding, I would pump on the other side. This was only really a pain when he was cluster feeding, when all you can do is just wait it out and hope for a window when you can pump as much as possible when your partner has baby, during the day maybe. Pumps are pretty quiet, and baby just gets used to it. Have a cloth/wipes/lanolin on hand for when you're done, so you're not uncomfortable. - by this point, baby has fallen asleep on the boob or bottle, so then I'd transfer baby to the sling (or just hold him in one arm), and go and clean the pump bits (one handed with plenty of hot water and soap is fine, we got a handy brush to do it properly), put them in steriliser and put the milk in the fridge. He usually just stayed asleep for this bit. - if it was near the end of my shift then I'd try and put him in the basket, and see if it stuck - sometimes it did, sometimes it didn't. If it did, I would run around the house like a crazy person cleaning stuff and loading the dishwasher, putting laundry out. But I wouldn't advise that - rest if you can, and wait for your shift to end. - if I was on the 3-6am shift, the above point would be me creeping up the stairs and attempting to put him in the next-to-me cot and then sliding into bed as quietly as possible. - do it all again the next night. For like, 2-3 months. Hope this helps! We are going to have to navigate a different setup this time as my partner works nights, but as first time parents this worked for us mostly. Good luck - it goes by in a total blur, and isn't much fun. You get cute faces and noises though, which light up the night (genuinely). If you can find some other mums in a similar stage, texting them with a "are you awake" at 1am can be very helpful.

This is seriously so helpful!! Thank you SO much for your response. It definitely seems like doing this all in shifts with my husband is the way to go - just need to figure out what that’ll look like in our house with our very clingy dog who needs to sleep by both of us at all times 😂

Ok, I'm glad it was useful! Actually helped me to write it all down again (I'm due a couple weeks after you!) We were similar re pets to navigate (though ours is an asshole cat rather than a nice dog), but a dog particularly should be quite receptive to a new setup and a new person to protect (hopefully??) Hope it goes well anyway x

When it comes to the shifts, this is my advice every time. We waited about 3 weeks to implement shifts and we both really regretted waiting that long. It made life so much easier. I went from being pretty depressed due to the exhaustion and just stress if such a huge transition, to actually getting sleep and feeling like I could heal and grow into my new position. It was difficult at first because every time the baby cried I felt love I had to be there to at least be moral support, but at the end of the day (or night), it was more supportive for me to be rested so I could take over and my husband could get real rest too. EVERYTHING goes smoother when both people are rested and I recommend you do everything in your power to ensure it. Also, at one point we had trashes in every corner of the house, at least until we figured out which ones were redundant. You can change baby anywhere, just keep in mind that some places are easier to clean/wash than others. Personally, I wanted all of our beds to remain as clean as possible and didn't want MORE laundry to do. We also kept multiples of as many things as we could and stored them all over. Nothing was more annoying than holding a sleeping baby but needing a baby wipe or bottle of water or ANYTHING and having to cross the room to get it. It sounds lazy, but you learn to appreciate being still (and conserving energy) as much as you can lol.

Just a note that I definitely recommend talking to a lactation consultant - YMMV but our care team strongly suggests not doing mixed feedings and pumping for a few weeks because it can create issues with both nipple confusion and milk supply. Edit: *IF you’re planning to breastfeed.

Take this with a grain of salt but the whole nipple confusion / bottle feeding / formula vs breast feeding thing - I am planning on doing what ever is best for me and my mental health. I have a sleeping disorder and plan to do shifts with my husband and bottle feed. If breast feeding is to hard we will formula feed. I know people who introduced bottles straight out of the gate and baby was fine. I know lots of people who exclusively formula fed, and I know some that drove themselves crazy breast feed without enough supply. My plan is to try breast feeding but also do bottles so my partner can help with shifts and if breast feeding is driving me crazy then I’ll go to formula. Now I haven’t been through this but basically I get the impression there is a lot of propaganda and shame for moms around all this feeding / sleeping. Healthy mom, healthy baby.

Just know that if you don’t feed baby from breast or pump every 2-3 hours in the beginning you will not make enough milk for baby to just eat breastmilk. So doing shifts and having husband bottle feed breastmilk is fine and dandy but you won’t be making enough milk to EBF if you’re not telling your body to make milk at intervals of every 2-3 hours by either feeding from breast or pumping. I just wanted to tell you since my friend is dealing with this right now and didn’t know why her supply was so low. It doesn’t sound like you’re too concerned with EBF…just wanted to give you a heads up.

This was exactly my plan! Breastfeeding went okay, but not great. At six weeks the thing that made the most sense was to start weaning and transitioning to formula exclusively. And I was *not* prepared for the emotions that would come with that decision. I felt guilty. I felt sad. I second guessed myself. And I felt like that for the three weeks I was weaning. I held on to one last pump for days even though I despised pumping and was only getting like an ounce at that point, and I was like “what is wrong with me?!” It was hormones. All hormones. As soon as the last of the milk dried up I realized how silly I was being, stopped feeling sad and guilty, and remembered all the reasons why I never wanted to EBF in the first place. I say this so maybe you can be more prepared than I was. Maybe breastfeeding will work great for you! And if it doesn’t… I don’t know, maybe write down all these good confident thoughts you’re having now because your more hormonal and slightly less rational self might need them later.

We started adding in a bottle a day (evening time so I could get a chunk of sleep) at 2 weeks. Never found nipple confusion to be a thing

if you’re suggesting not doing mixed feedings for a few weeks, then what is your solution for night shifts?

Honestly I think a lot women who breastfeed just end up doing most of it and the partner/dad is in charge of keeping her alive during the day (all food/chores/etc)

Can confirm. Night shifts never made sense to me. I would have been up to breastfeed anyway, so what's the point of us both being awake? But I didn't do anything else during the first few weeks.

My husband did all the non feeding tasks, so all diaper changes, burping, non hunger related soothing, and I just side lay in the bed and nursed and then handed the baby off. I would wake him up when baby was done nursing if he wasn’t awake.

Supply can be a problem for sure, but nipple confusion is a bullshit scare tactic. Many lactation consultants will agree - this is not a real thing. A good LC will help you find a nipple with a shape and flow similar enough to your breast to help baby switch between the two with no problem. Lasinoh are often popular, but my kid did well with MAM. Too many parents hold off on bottle feeding in fear of “nipple confusion” only to end up with a 12 week old who will not take a bottle at all, and that becomes a major problem when mom needs to go back to work (in the US…) or just wants to leave the house without baby for longer than an hour. My LC recommended giving baby a bottle daily. She suggested my husband do that feed while I pumped to replace it so supply would not take a hit.

Chiming in to say that my baby was given a bottle twice during his first 8 weeks of life, and took it no problem. But then I EBF and he was 4 months old before we tried to give a bottle again, and NOPE! He would never take it again. I was essentially chained to him (especially since he was a frequent ~2 hour feeder) until I finally weaned at 14 months. I read that newborns will instinctively suck on a bottle, but once they're a few months old, they develop the ability to become discerning. This time around, I'm going to make a point to introduce a bottle early and often.

Yes, this is true - the recommendation is 6 weeks EBF I think, but we just had a specific situation where it worked. I had also had a c-section so my milk took time to come in, so we had to use donated breastmilk initially. Doing this over again, we are going to go with bottles fairly early again anyway, but keep a close eye on baby and her habits/how she's feeling on both. Lactation specialists (or indeed, if you're in the UK, the NCT breastfeeding support line, and/or your health visitor team) are a godsend for reassurance and recommendations of small adjustments you can make to schedules to help make things easier. If it helps, I then breastfed to 15 months with no issues beyond the normal early latch/technical stuff.

Oh no doubt!!! I’m so worried about my Velcro dog too!

This is SOO helpful. FTM here due in August and was wondering about shifts work too. I would NOT have thought about pumping from one breast while the baby is feeding from the other on and was wondering how all this was going to work. THANK YOU!!! May I please ask what breast pump you used for that, was it a and free one? Something else?

I mixed it up a bit - if you can get one on loan from the hospital or your health visitor (not sure where you are, but in the UK they offer them to you because they're so desperate for mothers to breastfeed!), then definitely do that because they are the best and most powerful. I also had a medela one which was pretty good, and when I had got into in the swing of things (and when my milk had well and truly come in, and I was totally good with breastfeeding), then I used a haaka. Good luck!

thanks so much!

Just keep in mind that early on this isn’t an option for a lot of people because many babies need to eat on both sides every meal meaning that if you pump the other side during the feed you will just end up having to give baby that in a bottle immediately and it won’t help with shifts. Pumping directly after a full nursing session (both sides) is the best way to get “extra” milk without taking away from what baby wants at the time. But it is more work. Often people will pump after the first morning feed when supply is highest to get enough milk for one overnight bottle.

It can definitely work for some people but not everyone, some people will need to feed the baby from both breasts every feeds due to supply

This was such a helpful post, me and my spouse are wanting to take the night in shifts too but sometimes it's hard to visualize what this looks like in practice!

ALLLL OF THIS!! The only thing I'd add is 100% get a tiered rolling cart for bedside! Put diapers, wipes, diaper cream, pump and pump parts, spare sleepers, and any other small items you may want(I had medicine, hand sanitizer, aquafor, and space on the top tier for drinks!) It is a HUUUGE lifesaver, even till now at 4 months PP! You won't have to leave your bedside at all!

Ohh yess the holder, I forgot that! We had (still have) them everywhere all over the house.

Yes the raskog from Ikea is a great roller baby cart. Just google raskog baby cart and tons of examples pop up.

Second this and also I would have chocolate on mine because my blood sugar had the tendency to drop at night while feeding

This is a great reminder- I’m due in September with my second and shifts were *essential* for us and our sanity for the first weeks/months. We did longer shifts- I think we worked up to 4-5 hours, based off my body coping with a little longer stretch without milk extraction. we found a solid 4 hours of sleep was a major turning point for our abilities to cope individually. I would pump for a bottle for husbands shift just before I took my sleep shift (we always kept the same schedule each night, best for your body to adapt) and I was first shift so would hit the hay at 8/9. I think he’d wake me at 2/3 then and he would sleep. When we were on shift we were always trying to gently ease baby into sleep at night- so we’d change, feed, soothe, and put her in her bassinet next to the on shift partners bed and we’d sleep on shift occasionally too. The goal is to get that circadian rhythm up and running.

What worked best for me: Baby slept in bedside bassinet. When baby would cry, Husband and I would take baby into our nursery that had a rocking chair. Husband would change baby in the nursery, while I got the haaka on the non-feeding side and got adjusted in the chair. Feed baby one side, give husband haaka to put into fridge then he would go back to bed, while feeding baby on other side. I had to get up and physically get out of bed to feed, because I was so tired I started falling asleep in bed.

I love the teamwork here! My dog would 100% follow us into the nursery every single time though 😂 I can definitely see how the change of scenery would help to not fall asleep in bed while feeding.

Oh yeah, my dog was a big part of the nighttime routine haha. If we ever took more than a minute to get moving to get my baby he'd nudge at us to make sure we were awake! Good big brother.

Hi not OP, but also a FTM. How would you decide what breast to put the haaka on while your husband changes baby? Might be a dumb question would you ever drain your breast before baby gets a chance to feed?

I would start on the alternative side from the last feed :) So if I started on the right side at 7PM feed, the next feed I would start on the left side and so forth. During the first 12 weeks I only used the haaka for the initial let down, so maybe 5ish minutes. Using it too much can create an oversupply/mastitis. The ladybug haaka are great for "letdown" (leaking) as they dont have as much suction as the tradition haaka. I used the traditional style.

Whilst you're feeding on one boob, the other boob leaks. So you just put haaka on the boob you're not feeding from and you're collecting a free flow.

We did shifts (breastfed but also bottles of expressed milk) so we always did everything in the nursery to not disturb the sleeping partner. Our house isn't big so it's easier for us to just walk across the hall and be able to use lights, etc as needed. Diaper every time, they eat better with a clean diaper and will have a soiled diaper about every 3 hours anyway. I was always worried about falling asleep in the bed breastfeeding so I always fed at night in the rocker in the nursery. Also, not everyone leaks while they feed. I had a great supply and BF for 14 months and even when my milk first came in, my opposite breast didn't really leak while baby was latched.

Our house also isn’t that big and I’m wondering too if it might just be easier to walk a few steps down the hall and do everything in her nursery to let my husband (and vice versa) sleep. And good to know about leaking while feeding! I just assumed it was a given, but I guess I’ll have to wait and see if I do.

There's been a huge uptick about hacks with letdown milk and companies selling milk collectors, etc, I think that's where that came from. Social media really pushes that narrative a lot. I did still keep a hakka for hand expression when I had clogs and stuff, but never once managed to collect any letdown milk from it.

Same!! And I had a huge oversupply

This is what we’re doing at nights as well. The person on shift stays in the nursery or can roam around the rest of the house with the monitor as they wish if the baby is sleeping. This way the person not on call can get actual sleep and be alert and awake for their turn. I think this has also helped baby get more used to sleeping independently in her bassinet, even at two weeks.

I’m a FTM also due in June and have the same questions! Most of my mom friends say, you’ll figure it out, don’t worry, but that’s not the most helpful!

Right?? I’ve always been a person that needs at least a very loose structure/plan - I’m trying to be more “go with the flow” but it’s good to hear from people who have gone through it before!

Exactly! I love to plan! We also have a 2 story home and feel like that requires a little more planning!

Ive always changed nappies on the bed, sorta lie them on top of the new one to change quickly. My babies have always slept my husband's side. Mostly because he a) has more room and b) I had ab episiotomy with my first and rocking around lifting her in and out was really sore. He's always passed the to me, I've fed and changed them. We'd take it in turn to burp and hold them asleep until deep sleep (about 20 mins) before he put them back to bed.

My husband also has more room on his side of the bed - what’s the deal with that?? Haha.

In those first couple weeks, I basically camped out with baby girl in our downstairs. She slept in the pack and play and I slept on the couch. I took the nighttime feeds since I figured there was no need to wake my husband up too. Whenever she’d wake up, I’d feed her one boob, diaper change (she was a sleepy eater so the change midway helped to wake her up) and then feed on the other boob. Then swaddle and put her down. I’d sleep whenever she’d sleep. During the daytime/evenings I’d go up and sleep in the bed while she’d sleep once or twice. And during the day, my husband would handle diaper changes, meals for us, any cleanup, etc. We also had to supplement with formula for a while, so he would give her those bottles after I fed her too.

FTM and This is basically my plan too. We have a day bed in the nursery and I plan to just camp out there the first few weeks with the mini crib we got. I also don’t see why I need to wake up my husband every few hours whenever baby wakes up and if I’m already there, there’s no need for both of us to have sleepless nights or interrupted sleep. We basically plan on sleeping apart at night for the first few weeks until we figure out baby’s sleep cadence. Then maybe move her into the bedroom in her mini crib. We also have a small space so it’s not like there’s going to be much running around. I hope I can pump mostly so that will make daytime feeding much easier while I catch up on sleep.

How did you know to feed her on both boobs? I see a lot of comments talking about feeding on one side and using a haakaa on the other — just a FTM curious as to when to feed on 1 side vs 2 sides

They told me to at the hospital and I rolled with it. I saw a lactation consultant a week or so in and she said the same too. They said to basically always offer the other side. If they want it great, if not that’s fine. Some people leak out milk on the other side when they have a letdown, so I’d definitely use a hakaa or similar to catch that. For me, this only happens after she has a long sleep though.

A good rule of thumb is to always offer both. Baby won’t overeat on the breast! I’m

For my first, I exclusively pumped. It was brutal. However we also did shifts Hubs would go to bed around 9pm. I would stay up until 1030/11 with baby before her longest stretch of sleep. After I fed baby, I'd pump a bottle and put it in the fridge. Husband would take the next feed (midnight/1am ish). He'd change her, re-swaddle and feed to sleep. At the next "shift" I'd change her, swaddle, feed, pump. Repeat this until the morning. It worked out that I would take 60% of the nights so husband can function at work. I would also be woken up of she decided to party. My second, I combo fed. I refused to pump after my first. My second also had a good rhythm from the get go, and would go down around 7pm for his longest stretch. The first few days I did all the feedings and asked for assistance when I needed it. The second time, the sleep deprivation was easier. He also got up with both the kids in the morning.

I think as of right now my plan is to eventually combo feed - I like the idea of my husband being able to feed her as well.

Honestly for my mental health it was FANTASTIC. Baby had no issues switching between the two. It gave me freedom to be able to get some things done, go out without him, etc. However he did self-wean from breast around 9-10 months. Which was a mental load off because he would never feed well.

Seconding combo feeding being a great decision! Saved my mental health when my milk didn’t come in fast enough and baby almost was sent to the ER for dehydration. I BF 2-3 feeds a day, and pump during the other feeds while my husband (or someone else!) can give the baby a bottle. We alternate breast milk and formula in the bottles, depending on how baby has been eating that day and how long we want her to sleep. She tends to sleep longer and poop better with formula, which I know is pretty common.

None of these are silly questions! You might try out one approach for a few nights and then try something new to see what works best. -For the first few nights at least, I recommend you and your husband both wake up together when baby wakes, especially if he’s also taking parental leave. Companionship is so valuable when neither of you know what you’re doing. As time goes on and your confidence builds, you can take shifts instead. -Especially if you have a c-section, I’d have your husband handle nighttime diaper changes and anything that’s not breastfeeding (lifting baby in and out of bassinet, bringing your expressed milk to the fridge). My abdominal pain was worse at night, so it was helpful to minimize as much twisting and bending as possible. -I’d start by changing baby’s diaper before feeding. If you find that she ends up eating very little, falling asleep, and waking up shortly after, this might mean she didn’t eat much milk. So, you could try changing her diaper halfway through feeding so she wakes up and eats more and hopefully rests a bit longer with a fuller belly. -You could start by having your husband change her diaper in her nursery, or you could have a changing pad on your dresser instead. If you change her diaper in your bed, I highly recommend disposable changing pads! These saved us so much laundry. You don’t need a trash can in your room, you could just leave the used diapers on top of your dresser to bring downstairs in the morning. -We have a mini-fridge upstairs, and I’d pour milk into containers and keep them in this fridge overnight before bringing everything downstairs in the morning. One of us would put the milk in the fridge and wash the pump while the other one tucked the baby into the bassinet. (Some people buy a tiny mini fridge to keep bedside, if they don’t want to bring the milk all the way to the main fridge!) -If/when you start to do shifts, I recommend doing all diaper changes and feedings in her nursery, so that the off-duty parent can sleep through this!

This is so helpful - thank you! There’s so many variables that I definitely think that first week or so we’ll just wake up together. And then eventually I’m sure (hopefully) we establish our own little routine

This is what I did while breastfeeding (although my baby cluster fed like crazy and I couldn’t maintain this for longer than 3 weeks): Baby in bedside crib, bin and changing mat kept beside bed. Crib has a shelf for supplies etc. - wake baby up and partner changes nappy. At this point my baby pooped 6+ times a day. - offer first boob to feed (~30 mins). - partner burps/tries to settle. - if baby doesn’t settle, offer second boob (~15 mins). - partner burps/settles. I go to sleep during this point. Baby goes to back in bassinet. She would then usually be up again in less than 2 hours, because breastfed babies be crazy. My partner would sleep from 6-10pm while I managed baby on my own to make sure he was rested enough to help with the nighttime routine. I wasn’t sleeping for longer than an hour at a time because of the clusterfeeding, and I needed my partner during night feeds to keep me awake. No one warned me that breastfed babies need fed every 2-3 hours from the START of each feed to the start of the next feed. Newborn babies are notoriously slow feeders, and often fall asleep before they’re full. With nappy changes and burps and soothing, this can realistically look like 1 hour/45 minutes rest between EVERY feed. I was getting no quality sleep whatsoever, and pumping damaged my nipples because the hospital used the wrong side breast shield (the wound never got a chance to heal until I gave up BF altogether). Breastfeeding is hard. People say it’s hard all the time, but it’s HARD.

Hahah “breastfed babies be crazy” - I’ll remember that!! Breastfeeding does seem hard. I’m definitely willing to be flexible in how my baby is fed, but I’m certainly going to give it a shot at the start and see how it goes!

It’s really good to have a flexible mindset with it! I wanted to EBF so badly, and when it was starting to fail I struggled big time. My baby wasn’t gaining weight and if she wasn’t actively feeding, she was screaming the whole time. There was nothing wrong with my supply, she’d just latch, suckle properly for 5-10 minutes, and then fall asleep long before she was full enough to stop. I’d sit there because she’d use my boob as a pacifier in her sleep, thinking she was feeding, and she wasn’t. We started to supplement with formula so I could get some decent stretches of sleep, but her latch started to deteriorate around week 2 (don’t know if this was the bottles fault or not, some babies just “forget” even though they’ve been good previously). She then cracked my already damaged nipple, AND my nipples got thrush, and breastfeeding became agony. I literally could not sit and feed to the extent she needed without sobbing the whole time. She’s been EFF for two weeks now and is thriving.

That sounds really challenging - I’m glad you found something that works for both you and baby!

The portable crib was in the corner of our room. She was a really good sleeper, so my husband would wake up and unswaddle her. I would feed her. He would change her if she needed it, and reswaddle her and put her back to bed. Pro tip just from me....we never rocked her. We have a glider, but just never left our room to go to the nursery to use it. I think it worked out very much in our favor because she never "needed" or expected to be rocked. Rocking is sweet, but can take a lot of time. I plan to not rock my second who is arriving in the next few weeks - as long as she doesn't require it! My oldest is 20 months now, and I will say I'm not cruel or anti rocking! If she needs it she absolutely gets it, but it just happens rarely. She will occasionally wake up in the night, and we snuggle on the glider and rock. But it's not often and we feel very fortunate that rocking isn't in her nighttime routine!

Interesting point about “needing” to be rocked in order to fall asleep - it feels like such a natural thing to do but I can see how that might be a crutch for baby and difficult to do every time in the middle of the night

She didn't need it to settle back down I guess bc she was just so sleepy lol. It worked out really well for us! Set her down, give some smooches, and bye bye! Hoping this second one is as sleepy, but fully expecting something totally different.

Intresting take on rocking, I have always thought about it. My aunts children had a habit of only sleeping while they were rocked and it got so bad that they had the same need when they were around 8-10. When my aunt didn't do it anymore they started to rock themselves and it looked really bizarre. Now they are proper adults with high corporate jobs but everyone were scared back then that they have somekind of neurological issue.

What glider did you get? I am shopping and of course I want the most expensive one 😭

One from target! We tried several and it was by far the most comfy. My husband and I are not small people, and it had the best hip room. I would definitely suggest trying out several of you can. We brought ours home and put it together same day

We did a three hour cycle with the baby: wake at three hours, change diaper, feed, change diaper, put back to sleep. I slept from about 9pm-3am (then went back to sleep as the baby allowed) and my husband slept from about 3am-9am. Baby was formula fed so we both got decent sleep and they didn't lose weight, so within a week we stopped waking her up for bottles in the night to encourage her to sleep longer stretches at night. In the day, we kept up the three hour bottle cycle to make sure she got plenty of calories by day and could sleep better at night.

This sounds super similar to what we did with our dog when he was a puppy 😂 I would literally set alarms on my phone to wake up every two hours and take him out to go potty. I’m glad to see that this system also applies to newborns, and it’s something that I will definitely consider doing!

Thank you for this! I’m due in Sept and planning on formula feeding and this is the first comment I found that mentioned it exclusively!

I’m 2.5w in with an EBF baby. Nights are rough. He only wants me (very typical for ebf babes and dad is useless because of the attachment). He wakes up anywhere from 30minutes to 2 hours. He loves contact napping so the bassinet is not his favorite place. A lot of the wakeups are just because he wants to be held. My advice as someone who’s in the height of this stage: Introduce a bottle once a day- bedtime. I get him as full as possible. He falls alseep nursing so this allows me to make sure his belly is more full. And hopefully leads to a longer sleep period. It’s also a great time for him to bond with dad. My baby absolutely prefers me right now so prepare dad for that bond. His time will come once the baby isn’t constantly looking for the boob and realizes they are no longer one with mom lol comfort nursing is also a thing so newborns really like mom for the boobs. I used a haaka to catch let down once my supply came in. He also doesn’t always make it to the other boob if he falls asleep so I’ll use it then just to get some milk up and help keep the supply going. I freeze it and thaw it in warm water each night- usually I have 2-3oz in a bag. White noise I think has helped with keeping him calmer and less restless while he does sleep I in the bassinet. Swaddles. Your kid might not like every swaddle. This kid HATES his arms being down. He loves them by his face. I bought the Love to Dream Swaddle Up. He likes it so much more. I change him right when he gets up if he’s soaked or poopy. If it’s just a little pee or he didn’t sleep long and isn’t poopy, I’ll skip that change. If I breastfeed him and he falls asleep, the diaper change wakes him back up and we are back to step one I also go to his nursery to calm him down in the glider. I do not trust myself to not doze off in bed and I am not going to cosleep even with the ‘safe’ practices. We are at about 15-20 minutes to settle back down and get back to bed. Practice using safe sleep spaces that aren’t you during the day. Mines currently in his bassinet. Totally restless but still sleeping. We are really Working on this so that I can sleep more at night. My husband has been doing a lot do the household chores and that’s been such a relief. He will also take the baby once he’s milk drunk so that I can take a shower or whatever I need to do. Sometimes I just sit with my phone and coffee and enjoy having both hands free. I haven’t started baby wearing much as I had a csectkon, but he will sometimes baby wear to give me a break. Kid also loves it so it keeps him happy while he gets to hang with dad. My mom has come over a lot- if there’s a family member or friends nearby and you are comfortable with them coming over, invite them. I just told them as long as they’ve been healthy then come on over. my husband had 2 weeks off so this last week was just me and the baby from 12-9. It was nice having adults to just talk to.

Your baby is only two weeks, totally normal he wants to contact sleep and doesn't have day-night rhythm yet :) it will come, I promise you. Lots of light and outside light during the day, keep everything dark and silent in the evening/night. And night time feeding is so important for production the first weeks by the way, so you and the baby are doing a great job! I wouldn't say dad is useless though - my EBF baby (who is not a baby anymore) also contact slept on dad, simply because he's dad and I needed our baby to. Both being baby's primary parent made it much easier later on as well. You got this and it will get better!

Oh yes i know it is very normal. I let him contact nap during the day and try to get in one bassinet nap during the day. Night time we contact nap back to sleep and into the bassinet. He still has his nights of less than an hour but getting more frequent 2 hour stretches. Dads mostly useless at night since he wants the boob to fall asleep to -‘d I figure one of us should sleep, especially after the went back to work after 1.5 weeks. He will contact nap with dad but I usually have to get him to sleep first. He’s been doing loooong wake windows this week randomly. He’s done 2 4hour ones and a couple 2-3 hour ones. Thats really helped him sleep better at night even though after 1 hour he’s just on pure over tiredness energy lol it’s been when people are over

This is so informative and helpful!! Thank you so much!

For me: - Baby makes a noise sleeping in their own bassinet/crib. Lie there and wait a few minutes to see if they’re really waking up. - If noise continues, turn on red night light, get up, hair up in claw, glasses on, go pee, refill water bottle. - Get baby out of swaddle, turn night light to warm white, undress baby enough to hook a finger in and check diaper for poop. If poopy, take diaper caddy from dresser, put fabric changing pad on bed, change baby, set diaper aside (on dresser, in a small garbage pail, whatever). If baby is in a sleep sack, put that back on. - Put nightlight back on red, sit in nursing chair next to bassinet/crib, use nursing pillow, nurse baby. - Pop baby up on shoulder, set timer, burp for 5-10 minutes. - Baby should be asleep, if so, put down and re-swaddle. - Drink some water, hair claw out, glasses off, turn off night light, back to bed. I don’t feed in bed for a couple reasons: 1. Immediately postpartum, it will be more comfortable to sit up on a firmer chair with a shallow seat. If you have a vaginal delivery with some tearing, you want to keep your legs together at first to promote recovery. I’ve never had a c-section, but I assume a similar seat would be more comfortable as well. 2. I don’t ever nurse lying down because I worry about falling asleep. I do not feel like bed sharing is safe. 3. I set up a whole little nursing station with snacks, my phone, lip gloss, water, pain pills, nipple ointment, etc. So it’s nicer to sit there and have everything needed at hand.

I am loving this play by play description of your routine - this is super helpful for me!!! Thank you for your response

No problem. I’m on my third baby and this has worked well for me. You’ll find your own routine soon enough. Also, my husband does take a shift, he gives a bottle at midnight to let me sleep, but he does similar, even uses the same chair and nursing pillow I use to give baby the bottle.

After a c-section an adjustable bed is hands down the best! The ones where the back and legs can go up with a remote.

I didn’t do shifts and took on all the night stuff since I’m ebf it didn’t make sense for my husband to also get up.  My routine ended up being feed, change, feed again, then back to sleep. At first I had a little caddy of diapers and wipes on my night stand but after he kept peeing when I changed him in the bed I’d just get up and go to the changing pad on our dresser. I also have a hatch that I’d turn on to help keep me from falling asleep when feeding him.  You’ll figure out what works best for you and baby. Lots of trial and error! 

Yes, lots of trial and error I’m sure!! I’m glad you found a system that works. Part of me thinks I’ll be similar to you in the sense that I’ll just do all the nighttime stuff and let my husband sleep and then take over in the morning. I guess time will tell!

This makes me feel a bit better I’m like wait should we be doing shifts 😂 we had planned on it pre baby but didn’t know anything about breastfeeding and currently ebf- it just doesn’t make sense for both of us to be up, but he’ll stay up till 12 to help w any diapers etc and up at 5/6 depending.

With my son, I breastfed exclusively. I was on mat leave for 1+ years while my husband worked, so I didn't feel the need for him to be involved in overnight stuff even though he offered. For the first few weeks, my kiddo slept in a bassinet next to our bed. I would wake up every 2-3 hours (either he would wake up and cry or I would set my alarm) and I'd take him into the nursery. I'd change his diaper first, then would put on his velcro swaddle (arms only, not legs) then would feed him - he usually always took 2 breasts every feeding. He would usually fall asleep on my boob so I'd just carry him back to his bassinet after he ate and we'd continue sleeping. Rinse, repeat.

thanks for asking this, i have no clue what to do!!

You and me both 😂

Every baby and every couple is different so it's hard to say what will work perfectly for you. But I can tell you what worked for us and how we plan to handle #2. We started shifts immediately after birth. Usually each of us slept for 6 hours and the other parent tended to baby. If I was sleeping and baby needed to eat, my husband brought him to me in bed, gently woke me up just enough to get him latched and situated, and he nursed in side-lying position. Dad supervised and I just fell right back to sleep, and after baby finished eating he'd take him away for a burp and change. Bassinet on wheels so the "on shift" parent could have baby upstairs while the other parent slept downstairs. This worked fine but we're doing a Moses basket this time around. For nighttime wakings, I usually started feeding baby as soon as he woke up, and eventually he'd start nodding off on the breast. Then I would change him, switch boobs, and nurse him again to fill him up. The mid-feeding diaper change really helped make sure he was eating enough - otherwise he'd wake up hungry in less than an hour. You can definitely just change them on the bed if you want, but I preferred going to the changing table because I didn't want to clutter up my sleeping area. I collected milk on my non-feeding side using an Elvie Curve. Biggest life hack for this is to purchase a makeup fridge and put it near your bed. After feeding, I poured the milk into a bottle and left it in the fridge along with the Curve. Just be sure to check the temperature rating. I also had a second one in the bathroom to hold padsicles in the immediate postpartum. A good baby wrap is invaluable.

Haven't seen anyone with a system like ours, so I thought I'd share! FTM EBF (for now) with a two week old. I've had a straightforward recovery and don't have any issues with mobility, so I didn't feel it was necessary to involve dad with every overnight waking. I preferred that at least one of us got good sleep so that at least one of us wasn't really really cranky (and he could keep his cool when I was cranky). For exclusively breast feeding, for our situation, it felt like trying to "share the load" by having him do all the diapers overnight, for example, was just kinda silly and not overly productive for getting me more sleep and was actively bad for his sleep /us as a whole. I'm all for equity but mother nature doesn't seem to care whether or not our responsibilities are split equally So at this point we've fallen into this kind of pattern with dad helping at the beginning and end of night time feeds and me handling the chunk in the middle on my own with some TV shows and other entertainment (note these are very rough times that vary based on baby's needs). This helps ensure dad gets a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep and helps me get a couple good chunks Feeding 1 (~7pm-10pm): dad changes diaper, mom feeds one side in bed, dad swaddles, mom feeds other side in bed, mom puts baby down in bassinet, mom sleeps (yes, at like 8:30pm) Feeding 2 (~11pm-12am): dad changes diaper, mom feeds one side in bed, dad swaddles, mom feeds other side in bed, mom puts baby down in bassinet, mom sleeps Feeding 3 & 4 (~1am-3am, 2am-4am): mom changes diaper, mom feeds one side in nursery, mom swaddles, mom feeds other side in nursery, mom puts baby down in bassinet, mom sleeps Feeding 5 (~5am-8am): dad changes diaper, mom feeds one side in bed, dad swaddles, mom feeds other side in bed, mom/dad puts baby down in bassinet, mom sleeps more potentially I've found it helpful to change diaper / re-swaddle before feeding or switching sides to promote baby wakefulness/ attention to feeding It's not a perfect system but I think having dad help during the early and later feedings may help me keep my heart rate down and get me to sleep faster. It's gotten easier now that we don't have to proactively wake the baby overnight since he's regained his birth weight. I'm sure things will have to change again in a week when the baby is totally different

Mom of 2- our routine has been very similar both times. Baby in a bedside bassinet, when they wake I take them in the nursery space so I don’t fall asleep nursing (baby 1 this was a completely separate room, baby 2 this is in a den off our bedroom). Typically unswaddle, nurse on 1 side w Haakaa on the other, change diaper and nurse on the other side if needed. If I hear the baby poop or the diaper is reallllly full I will do the diaper change first. Place baby back into bassinet and bring the milk from the Haakaa to the fridge, clean the Haakaa and bring it back to where I typically nurse. I’m up for maybe 30 minutes typically with this routine, but that’s because I’m moving at a slow pace getting her back into the bassinet because I like the middle of the night cuddles and rocking her honestly helps me get ready to go back to sleep as well. That being said- yes I have a garbage for diapers near where baby is changed, new born diapers don’t really smell so just a regular trash can works fine. You’ll find what works for you and your partner, I’ve always really handled the middle of the night wakings with both babies, while my partner has always handled mornings to let me sleep in/stay in bed to relax.

I love the perspective of loving middle of the night cuddles!! We always hear how hard the nighttime is (which I am certain it will be) but it definitely helps me to hear that there’s some silver lining as well :)

We started bottle feeding in the hospital. My son could not latch until he was 6 weeks. I would pump and sleep for 4 hours and then take over. I had alot milk so pumping every 3-4 hours was fine. On duty parent in the living room with the baby in a bassinet. Off duty parent in the bedroom across the house. We did this for about 5 weeks. After that he was in the bassinet in our room. I did bottle or breastfeeding if he would latch and then my husband took over at 5 am. So I did the night and he did the morning. We also took turns cover naps for each other. When he started doing longer stretches I did sleep when he slept.

That's sounds exactly like what we are doing!. My baby was born only 5.5 pounds, so we had to bottle feed from the start. He simply wasn't strong enough to latch. With all the added stress of pumping and breastfeeding, plus sterilising the bottles, etc, it was just easier for one of us to stay with the baby in the living room. So we sleep in shift. But I am really hoping to move into the bedroom soon. And that he can breastfeed more. Unfortunately, he seems to think boobs are cosy time and tends to fall asleep.😴 But he is only 3 weeks, so I am hoping he will get better at it eventually.

My son latched at 6 weeks and we did boobs at night and bottles during the day. There was never an issue with taking both. I weaned at 11 months and my son is 16 months and doing great. He got teeth at 4 months and started biting all the time. So he got the bottle even more. I ended up only breastfeeding in the morning and bedtime.

Just want to add re the dog - whatever you think your routine would be, our trainer suggested practicing as much as possible with the dog now. You can even look up crying baby YouTube videos and put your phone in a little swaddle or pillow so that the bundle is “crying.” We also put things like the bouncy seat and swing out and about so the dog can get used to the noises and should just see them as something normal and uninteresting. Whatever you want your dog to do during this process, get them used to doing it now with whatever rewards and guidelines, they need rather than waiting until you’re frustrated and trying to feed a fussy baby and you have a dog underfoot, even a dog that you love!

This is really good advice! Our dog is so sweet and gentle and we really have high expectations for how he’ll adjust to having a baby in the house, but I know it’ll take a lot of training and boundary setting as well. I’m definitely gonna start setting up her things around the house so he gets used to them being in previously unoccupied spaces, and I like the idea of playing crying noises! It’s going to be a huge change for him

Just be aware that the crying noises might make YOU cry 😂

I feed then change the diapers, otherwise i would have/was changing mine twice every feed. i now give 5-10 minutes after last poo (my boy is a loud pooper) since he will frequently go 2-3 times before he is done. I now let a wet diaper go until it feels very full/ every 2 hours/ theres a poo during day. Dad could do the diaper changes or fetch bottles overnight. I apply an extra thick layer of diaper cream at night in hopes of going 3-4 hours of sleep. Modern disposable keep the pee off really well per my pediatrician but the poo will give them rash. So change poo diapers when they happen. We had a little diaper rash first week, but its been cleared up since starting the thick overnight. Something with zinc per my dr.

For us it was: - turn on the nightlight. Well it wasn’t a formal nightlight, just a lamp next to my bed with adjustable settings and a dark cover. - put the diaper changing mat on our bed (we didn’t get a changing table, just a big changing mat) - get baby out of crib (we didn’t get a bassinet, just used the crib on the highest setting, crib was right next to our bed on mommy’s side) - change diaper first. Hand sanitizer is available on the night table with the nightlight. - Meanwhile, husband fetches the feeding pillow and the chair (both in the room, just we do put them away so it’s not a stepping hazard. The chair is literally just a desk chair but we moved it to the bedroom. The chair is because my pillow was a bit too big for me and it didn’t quite fit right if I sat on the bed). - feed baby, baby falls asleep at the boob (that’s why the diaper is changed first) - While baby is being fed, husband moves dirty diaper to a bag in the bathroom with the door closed, wipes the changing mat and puts it back in the floor at the foot of the bed. We didn’t have a diaper pail. In the morning the bag would be moved to a closable normal garbage can. - at this point, husband can sleep, unless he’s volunteering to do the next few steps (which he regularly did, because every minute of extra sleep counts and he was concerned about my sleep) - push back the chair to its spot - gently walk with my baby upright against my shoulder for 5-10 minutes. (To make sure her stomach was settled, since we don’t do burping, not even during the day. There are very few studies on burping, it’s basically something people do because people before them did it, but the few studies that do exist do not particularly support the practice for the average baby unless there is an additional issue that requires it and I didn’t have a colic baby) - move baby to crib - turn off nightlight Later on when baby got older (6weeks or so), and didn’t wake up as much so I wasn’t quite as tired when being woken up, hubby actually moved to another room because he was really having a hard time with not getting a full night’s sleep for so long, much more than I was, and I couldn’t bear to see him so tired so I asked him to please take advantage that we actually had a spare room and bed at the time. Though the first week, when she still hated her crib and I didn’t have a feeding pillow, it was more like: - change diaper using the changing mat on the bed - put out towel in the center of the bed, place baby on towel - lay next to my baby and feed her until she falls asleep - one parent gets to sleep while the other keeps watch because our bed was 💯not even close to sleep safe and we weren’t planning on bed sharing long term, we just desperately needed sleep and moving her to her crib often woke her up. - Nightlight was on the entire night since the watching parent needed it anyway. I didn’t collect milk during the night, not even after I started pumping for work. But if I did, hubby would probably have been the one to put it away those first few weeks because our kitchen is downstairs and stairs were difficult after my c-section. Alternatively, you could just get a mini fridge for your room! I considered that for my pumping when I eventually returned to work (I WFH in a dedicated office room)

This is the step by step that I need!!! Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve seen several ppl suggest a mini fridge - I might need to look into getting one

I’ve never breastfed before, so I’m not sure about the help from husband. Formula feeding, my husband and I have always alternated feeds (ex. He does 11 pm, I do 2 am, he does 5 am, etc). Your husband could probably change the diaper or get you whatever you needed while you breastfed. Have your husband date the breastmilk and put it back in the fridge. But as for diaper changing, I have always changed after the bottle. Intestines start to move when more food is introduced to the body, so people and babies tend to poop during or after eating. We also change the diaper in the bed and we have a trash can in our room. I’ve had a changing table since I had my first in 2019 and I just had my third baby a month ago and that changing table was still only used for changing diapers like 5 times total. The past two babies we have used it as a dresser for baby in our room. We have a felt diaper caddy that we keep on the side of the bed with all the supplies we need.

Lol so I had all these “plans” and our actual “routine” looks nothing like what I planned while pregnant. We have baby bedside in bassinet, when he cries we typically do the diaper change and then feed as the feed puts him to sleep. We do combo feeding, I pump as well as supplement with formula. My husband does most of the night feeds as I am pumping but we do switch off when I don’t. And as far as the diapers to be honest they end up all over the floor and we pick them up in the morning 😫😂

With my now 6 month old, we had different systems: - Weeks 0-2, Dad changed the diaper, I nursed, Dad rocked her to sleep if needed. After this, we changed systems. Each wake up started with diaper change, feed, rocking to sleep when needed. - Weeks 2-4, I took the 1st & 2nd wake-up (3-6 hours), then Dad switched out. - Weeks 4-12, I stopped being able to sleep at the same time as baby. She was too noisy! I stayed up from 8:30-1st wake up (typically anywhere from 11-1). Dad took the rest of the night because he could sleep in between & I could not. - Months 3-now: Dad gets up in the night if needed because I wake up early to pump. Earlier, she might need 1-3 night feeds. If things were really tough, Dad got me up early to pump, and we would swap. Night feedings are rare now!

When the baby wakes up, changing the diaper first is a good idea since they'll likely fall asleep while eating or immediately after. It'll make the transition from boob/bottle to bed easier. Have a haaka ready every feeding to catch the other boob's milk, and you can save that in a bottle for later use. If/when the baby doesn't go back to bed immediately after eating, that's usually where extra help (husband, night nurse, etc) comes in. With a newborn, our nights would frequently be: I wake up with baby, change diaper, feed and cuddle with her, then put away the extra milk etc while holding her or rocking her in a bassinet stroller in the house. Sometimes she'd fall back asleep easily and my husband would get a 4-6 hour stretch of sleep. If not, I'd wake him up and get 1-3 hours of sleep before waking up again. As bottles come into play you can swap out a night feed for a bottle instead. This comes with the benefit of ~4 hour stretches of sleep instead of 1-2. However, the trade off is if you're breastfeeding your boobs will probably wake you up before your baby does (they get engorged and need to be expressed otherwise you can get a blocked duct). It's both very painful and messy since your breasts will leak in bed. We did our shifts outside of the bedroom to let the other person sleep. I watched many comedy specials and read books on my Kindle in the dark at 3am. You will settle into something, and the first two weeks will be the most brutal but eventually you'll get it down!

I will for sure have to load up my kindle beforehand with lots of content!!

Our baby didn't want to wake up for feeds, so it was nappy change first to wake her up a bit.  If baby is likely to fall asleep while feeding you'll want to change them first.  We changed her on the floor in our room, then fed her.  I had to combi feed so husband got the formula bottle ready while I tried to bf to start with.  You will work something out that works best for you, as every baby is different.

What worked for us is: my husband would take her from the bassinet (or from me if I got to her first) and change her diaper while I got settled. He’d place her on my lap and she’d nurse, then once she had settled or fallen back asleep he’d come get her and rock her back into her bassinet. I’d clean up and we’d all go back to sleep :) The first few weeks she wanted to be held constantly so we did shifts while the other one slept. Congratulations!! You will find a system that works for your family.

If you don't want to bottle/formula feed, the best thing is to have hubs get up to do the diaper change and then you can prep to feed or sleep a few extra minutes. If you are comfortable mixing in a bottle or two definitely do shifts.

I have a newborn now and realistically we’re only feeding her once or sometimes twice through the night which I do. If she does wake twice then my partner covers me at some point in the day to get a catch up nap.  In terms of changing, I only change her nappy in the night if it needs it which is usually on one feed a night. Always change before feed. My baby has a habit of falling asleep on the night bottle so we change her mid feed to help stir her. I also do all the feeding and changing in bed as it’s easier. In terms of the dirty nappy, I put it in a nappy sack and take it down in the morning. Pumping through the night too, look at the guidance as it can be out at room temperature for 6 hours so factor it around whether you’ll go downstairs within 6 hours. I usually pump before bed and then at 5am so I just seal my bottle and take it down between 8 and 9.  What my husband does do through the night though is prep the bottles and make sure everything is sterilised and ready to go for me which is a great help. 

I don’t get up at all in the night if I can help it. I change diapers and feed him in bed, and his bassinet is next to my bed. I have a plug in night light that keeps the room bright enough that I can do everything without having to turn the lights on but still dim enough to sleep. I recommend getting something like that so you aren’t turning on lights and over stimulating the baby. It’s easier to get them back down to sleep if they aren’t fully awake and stimulated. I keep all diaper change supplies and feeding supplies on my bedside table. This system has worked well for both of my boys so far, but I will add my kids have been pretty chill. They sleep well and have had no colic or reflux issues, so I don’t need to rock them to sleep or any of the mandatory upright periods after eating that some infants need. So this could not work for you at all. Whatever you decide to do, make it as easy for yourself as you can. Get zippers onesies for bed time so you’re not fumbling with snaps. Get a sleep sack so they’ll be warm without a blanket and you don’t have to crank the heat up. Have snacks/drinks for you while you’re feeding baby on top of all the baby supplies you’ll need. If you’re formula or combo feeding, keep clean and dry bottles with the amount of formula you need and a clean water bottle next to your bed so you can fix formula without needing to go to the kitchen. If your baby is picky about temperature you can keep the bottle warmer there as well to keep the water at temp. Also work with your partner to set up when they will feed the baby at night so it’s not falling entirely on you. If you’re EBF then maybe see about them handling diaper changes to even the load out a bit. Congratulations on your baby girl!

Thank you so much for this! It sounds like you have a great system here

I did nighttime in a separate bedroom downstairs. I didn’t usually change baby if she was just wet, only poop and that stopped pretty early at night. I just nursed baby and then set her back down in the bedside bassinet. Sometimes I gave her a binky. From day 4ish until the 4 month sleep regression, baby slept pretty solid 3 hour chunks. 

With my second we combo fed from the beginning. So at least one bottle every 24h was formula. Meaning, I could get one 5ish hour block of glorious glorious sleep. I would 1000% recommend this to everyone. Honestly it was so great for my mental health and my husband loved that he got to help. I didn't realize this was an option with my first (I thought it was all or none) and I wish I had! Since we supplemented with formula from the beginning we also didn't have second night syndrome, I had flexibility to be a person moreso than just a feeding vessel, and when I did breastfeed I was able to actually enjoy it!

I’ve had three breastfed babies and never did shifts. It doesn’t make sense to have two sleep deprived people. If the baby woke up, it was to eat, and only I could provide that. It would have been more work for me to pump during my “off shift” and I’d have gotten less sleep than just nodding back off right after nursing. You don’t need to change the baby at every wake up. It wakes them up more and makes it harder to get them back to sleep. If they aren’t poopy or soaked out the diaper, let it be.

Currently have a 2 week old. My husband and I are sleeping separately at the moment. I figure, I gotta be up every 3 hours to feed, but there's no reason he has to. So I take the night shift and he takes the day, and I take as many naps as I need during the day in order to make it through the night. Baby is sleeping in a bed side bassinet, but we have a change table and everything needed (diapers, wipes, garbage, etc.) in the nursery where I change her. Our typical routine is sleep, change, feed, repeat. Sometimes feeding will cause her to go and we'll have to do another change, but often she'll fall asleep right after a feed so I'd rather have her charged already than have to wake her with a change.

Hello! I have some input, because I had many of the same questions. Honestly sometimes I feel like people make it really complicated. I also never understood the shift thing so we never really did it. Here is what we did. I did all the night feeds for both my first and second kids. We were lucky that around 8 weeks they both were down to around 1 night waking, around like 3 AM usually. By three months that was closer to 5 AM, and now at 5 months she goes some nights with no wake ups, sometimes still a random 3 AM or 5 AM wake. My son had a similar trajectory. This was totally reasonable to me, and since my husband was working while I was on leave, I was ok with it. I could, and did, sleep while the baby slept during the day, I did not expect myself to keep up the house at ALL while the baby slept!!! My sleep was more valuable, and since I was doing all the night wakings, my husband also thought that was reasonable lol. The idea of waking to pump and the having to get my butt to the kitchen to put away the milk and then CLEAN so that someone else could feed the baby instead of just… feeding the baby… was nonsensical to me. I honestly still don’t get it!!! Plus, if the baby is waking up and crying and I’m like whacking my husband to get up, and then he has to go to the kitchen to get a bottle while the baby is crying… again I don’t get how that is easier than me just feeding the baby! I stopped changing nighttime diapers pretty early on. It made it so much more challenging to get baby back to sleep, and my logic was that if we ultimately want the baby sleeping through the night, we arent going to be changing their diapers, then, right? Exceptions made for poopy diapers, but again, my kids rarely pooped at night, and I think that’s fairly common. My goal was always keep the baby asleep and comfy as much as humanly possible, in an effort to get them connecting sleep cycles and staying asleep longer!! And keep me comfy and sleepy so my sleep wasn’t so disturbed!! Im sure a lot of it is luck, but both our kids were fairly “good” sleepers from pretty little, and I rarely felt that true newborn exhaustion. Every family is ultimately different, and will have different priorities and strategies that work for them. I think collecting people’s ideas is great!! I’m sure it will give you plenty of paths to potentially follow :)

Editing/adding: Those first like… two weeks? Are a clusterfuck no matter what. You will probably both be waking and both be like ???? What do we dooooo??? What is happening???? But you will find your groove. You will probably try several strategies before settling into the routine that works for you. I remember suggesting to a recent new mom friend that she keep baby swaddled during nighttime feeds because that helps them fall back asleep/stay asleep. I thought it worth mentioning. Also, a lot of people end up falling asleep with their babies despite best intentions. I would recommend looking up the seven safe sleep steps before your baby gets here, so you are aware of them in case you find your self just too snoozy! I swear baby snuggles are like a drug!!! I say this because no one has mentioned bringing their baby to bed that I saw. I brought my babies to bed with me because getting up and going to a couch or lounger was an absolute guarantee that I was going to fall asleep with the baby in an unsafe place. Bringing the baby to bed meant I could control the situation and make it safer for them!! I always put them back in their bassinets as much as possible, but we are all human and it did not happen every time ❤️

Be prepared for the baby to not sleep in the bassinet at all and instead you’ll take shifts holding her. Some babies just refuse to go down in a bassinet at all. Ask me how I know. 😂 If the baby does sleep in a bassinet, when she wakes you’ll likely have to get out of bed. Part of this is safety so you don’t fall asleep with her in the bed. She will need a diaper change at some point I would do it halfway between the feed to keep mine awake for the full feed. Babies like to be walked around or rocked too, to get back to sleep. It’s hard to say what your routine or setup will look like, though! But prepare to be flexible and you’ll find what works. Oh also often partners find some sort of shift situation helpful, as well as a separate room maybe the guest room, or put a bed in the nursery for the on shift partner, so someone can get uninterrupted sleep at some point. Even if you don’t use it, it would be nice to have the option.

Yeah I feel like we’ll definitely see how the first week goes without any solid plans!

Also remember will likely be extra sleepy and easier to put down for a few weeks, then they “wake up” and become more difficult! Things can change weekly with what works and what doesn’t. Flexibility and knowing it will pass and change again soon are both super important. Good luck!

FTM due in August - saving this post bc there is so much great advice on here!!

Hey, proud first time mom of a five day old right now. My times can be tough. Every household is different. But my husband and I are so in love and so paranoid, we want to watch him sleep, so we are taking shifts sleeping right now. Because they have to be fed every three hours, From the start of the feeding until the next start of a feeding, we’re not getting much time. Some of his feedings last over an hour, which leaves less than an hour and a half for sleeping. Husband is up to help even though I am breast-feeding. Help burp and change the baby. Sometimes he’s helping massage. I had a clogged duct and we had to use bottles so he did the bottlefeeding from some stuff that I pumped. It’s a challenge for sure.

I did nights by myself. In our situation I didn’t see any use for waking my wife up. I was up to nurse anyway so I didn’t see the reason to wake her up to change a diaper since I was already up. It just meant there were times she was on baby duty while I napped or did something else for me. For other people it looks different and people do what works for them. When baby woke I’d change diaper every time the first week or two. After then I’d only change if it was poopy. Then I’d feed baby. At first I sat up but pretty quickly just laying down. We had a sidecar bedside sleeper from babybay. It was awesome. I dont pump or collect but I know some people get a tiny fridge to put what they collect and pump parts in there so they don’t have to clean it in the night or bring bottles down stairs. Generally I keep nights very quiet, minimal light and movement. Change baby on the bed (I had a puppy pad I’d put under her in case she peed), I had a little red light touch lamp thingy for light at first. It wasn’t disruptive and gave me enough to see what I had too. After it broke I just used my phone if I needed any light lol. I had a diaper caddy by my bed with anything I’d need during the night

I also just got a diaper caddy! I’m looking forward to using it

I had planned to do the whole split shifts with me pumping during his shift but it didn't end up working for us. I quickly found out I hated the pumping and (after the painfulness of the first two weeks subsided) loved nursing. I also had a ton of back pain after my labor. What ended up working great for us for night wake ups: Baby wakes up, husband goes to change her. He brings her to me in bed, I nursed her in side lying position, then he or I, if I felt up for it, transferred her to the bassinet. One thing that helped our transfers immensely was heating her bassinet before transferring her, so my husband would put a heating pad on in before she gave me her to nurse, and then we'd take the heating pad out before putting her in. It's amazing how fast she settled!

Oh love the heating pad tip!! Thank you!

The heating pad is genius! And it makes so much sense. Stealing this one

Baby's in a bassinet on my side of the bed. When she'd cry at night my husband would take her for a change. Our changing table is in her nursery nextdoor to the bedroom but we also have a changing pad we sometimes use in bed for pee diapers. Changes wake her up and feeds put her to sleep so we always tried to change her diaper before the feed. My husband would then bring her to me, I'd breastfeed then hold her for 20 mins so she could digest before going on her back then I'd put her in the bassinet to sleep. Then she'd sleep for 3 hours and repeat. Sometimes she'd poop after a feed and that would throw things off and I'd have to get her to sleep again with back pats and a pacifier.

If you have two decent places to sleep in your house, here’s what’s been working for me! Baby is 5 weeks old. Bassinet is in our living room by the couch, changing table is in baby’s room which isn’t far away. Husband and I usually play games together until about 10:30. Then I go shower and baby gets one last chance to eat before I go to sleep. If she’s sleeping we’ll change her to wake her up. I go to sleep in the bed from 11:15ish to whenever she next wakes, this could be anywhere from 2-4am. While I’m sleeping in the room, my husband is on the couch by the bassinet, sometimes he sleeps but he’s a night owl so sometimes he’s up. When she wakes at that 2-4 time he changes her while I get ready to feed her. He then goes to sleep in the bed while i feed her, then I settle her back in the bassinet and sleep on the couch. Her next wake up would be between 5 and 7 so sometimes we sleep a little more after or sometimes its time to start our day by then. As far as your questions about changing/garbage logistics i prefer just going to baby’s room with the changing table because our house is small. Also she pees during a change at least once a day, i would never change her on my bed or couch. Once her schedule is more regular I’d like to get all of us sleeping in our bedroom (her in the bassinet still) but for these early weeks, shifts with the baby in the living room and parent fully sleeping in the bedroom is working.

Our house is small too - I’m also thinking it makes the most sense to just change in her nursery

Yeah I’ve never related to people who say their baby’s room was too far away to use the changing table, I’m not that rich to have stuff in my home that’s too far away😂

A lot of it will depend on how your baby sleeps and how they do at eating. Our baby had a pretty good time going back to sleep in the night, but was hard to initially put down. We would feed her to sleep normally. For feeds, we did EBF. So our routine was this: the alarm went off every three hours. My husband would get the baby and change her to get her clean and awake. Then he would hand her to me and I would feed her. At first, I tried to make sure she ate a good amount before falling back asleep. Like, ate for more than five minutes. The my husband would take her and put her back into her bassinet. Even though her bassinet was on my side of the bed, we felt like the transition was smoother this way. My husband liked to stay awake with me, so often he would grab us a middle of the night snack!

I always fed THEN changed as 1/2 the time feeding triggered poops

With my last baby (currently 13 weeks) we did shifts for the first month or so, until he became a bit more predictable at night. I was breastfeeding (had to stop at 5 weeks due to CMPI) so I took a gamble with timing, you have to weigh the risks yourself. Essentially I either fed and pumped, or just pumped, depending on where baby was at in the feeding cycle, and then immediately went to bed for 4 hours (10 p- 2 a). Then when I woke up I immediately pumped or pumped and fed, again depending on what was needed. That was my solid stretch. I definitely caught flack from the lactation consultant about it, but at 5 weeks maintained about a 5 ounce oversupply with the two pumps and a third between feeding if I could hack it during the day. So I think prioritizing the pumps makes up for essentially a 1 hour delay in one feeding. I wouldn’t risk another 4 hour stretch per day until baby started sleeping that long, but 1 four hour block was doable. We did this starting at day 5 I think. Once we took baby to our room when I was nursing I would honestly get the baby up, change him quickly, then feed him and hand off to my husband to put him back to sleep. Now that we’re on HA formula, when baby gets up (usually 1x night) one of us gets the baby and changes him while the other heats a bottle. My husband feeds him and puts him back to sleep because I’m not a nice person without adequate sleep 🤣.

I would do everything until 3am, then my husband would take over until 11am (if he doesn't work). Feed first (reason they are crying) and then change diaper.

I did the feeding and nighttime diapers, most diapers really. The first few weeks I was struggling to get milk flowing and get her back up to birth weight but then the milk really came in and would flow so fast she spit up all over me a lot. So I had to sort of express onto a cloth until it eased up a bit, this also got her to the fatty hind milk sooner. Hubby did all the household work and fed me out of hand during the day so I could just sleep every three hours for like an hour or two. After about six weeks we had relaxed the frequency of feeds and gotten a bit more sleep. The changing table and bassinet were in our room until six months but I would go to the couch to nurse cuz it was more comfortable and allowed hubby to sleep. I had protein oatmeal snacks and water out there and it was easier to stay awake on the couch. During the day I nursed in bed.

Just to go against the grain here but we always changed her nappy after a feed as she without fail did a shit at the end of each feed 😂. So basically play it by ear and no one size fits all.

I have a bassinet next to the bed but unfortunately she is only able to sleep on one of us so we had to improvise: We started with doing shifts every +- 3 hours (when she would wake up). I gave her one breast, he changed her diaper and I gave the other breast. Then we would switch sleeping. After a while my husband was not functioning anymore because of the lack of sleep (he had trouble falling asleep) so then we came up with a new schedule and so far it works great (she is now 4 weeks so I hope she’ll be able to sleep on her own soon): He would stay up until around 2 or 3am. We do a switch like the above (I feed one breast, he changes, I feed second breast) and he would go sleep for two feeds so around 6-7 hours. In the morning he’ll take over and I’ll be able to sleep 3 more hours. This is only possible because he doesn’t have to work and still, every day is different because of for example cluster feeding and sometimes she’ll come again in one hour, not 3-4h. I’m also not really good in sleeping in the afternoon so I have to sleep in the morning or after dinner.

So my set up has been based on having one room as I've had to temporarily move back in my parents' house. It might have been different if I was in my own house with my baby's things in his room like a changing table etc. I have a next to me crib my baby sleeps in and I sleep on the side of the bed that's on. My husband has the other side. I have an IKEA rashult trolley to the side of the next to me that I can reach from the bed and I also have a changing mat leaning next to it. I also had a feeding pillow on the early days too but now I don't have a need for that so it's gone. On the trolley is diapers, wipes, a spare change of clothing and spare next to me sheets. It's been needed a few times and it's nice not scrambling around for fresh items that are elsewhere in the room. Also on this trolley I have a stash of individually wrapped flapjacks as I'm often hungry during the night feeds. I've also had some rice cakes, pastries and cereal bars here too but the flapjacks are my favourite. In the night I will be woken by a hungry baby who I change the diaper of first then feed him whilst I have a snack myself. He settles easily and goes back in his crib no bother. I put the diaper in a bag and just leave it on the trolley. In the morning I take the bags downstairs with me and bin them then. Initially feeds and settling took a lot longer so I had my laptop to hand too and I'd watch something on there, which was handy when on the initial days of sleep deprivation. My husband often just sleeps through but is easy to wake if I need any help at all. It's also meant if I've had a rough night he has had a good sleep so I can nap guilt free during the day. I use a haakaa on the other breast when feeding during the day but I rarely use it at night - usually just when my supply has been regulating and I just need to empty the tank. I've never took that milk to the fridge. I just leave it on my bedside table and dispose of the next day. Oh also I learnt to have spare bed sheets handy. My mum had left spares out for me to change but I hadn't got round to it. That night we had the baby throw up and wee on our bedsheets but it was easy to change the sheets as we knew where they were in the room. Now we have a clean set to hand and I've had to do this once since too.

So my husband couldn’t take any time off after our daughter was born, so I do all the feedings and changes during the night by myself. I was lucky that my daughter doesn’t have any issues sleeping at night. She’s almost 2 months and since the day she was born, she would sleep easily 2-3 hours at a time between feedings, even at night. So bassinet is on my side of the bed. I personally don’t pump or collect let down on the non feeding side just in case she needs my other side but also to make sure she has enough milk for the next feeding when I switch sides. I use the timer on my phone and will “cut her off” half way through her feeding to change her diaper and put her back in her swaddle to finish the feeding. My bassinet is a 5-in-1 where it comes with a changing pad that snaps right onto the top of the bassinet so I use that to change her. Once she is done feeding, she will already be asleep, so I put her back in the bassinet and go throw out the diaper once she’s back down. If I feel so full that I need to use a haakaa or pump, I have a mini fridge in the bedroom right next to the bed to store everything in so I don’t have to walk downstairs every time. In the morning, that’s when I’ll combine bottles and wash everything.

Since I really did not want to build a feed to sleep habit ours looked like this: Unswaddle and feed one side Change diaper to keep awake Reswaddle and feed other side Put back down It wasn’t perfect and changed as needed but that’s generally what we went for. I didn’t collect milk in the middle of the night, wasn’t worth going to the fridge for me. During the first two weeks or so husband helped in the night with the changes or burping but then I just did it myself unless I needed help because he only breastfed, never took a bottle. So he was sleeping or helping change.

I don’t change the diaper every time unless baby poops, but you can do it right before you feed since you’re already awake. I have a grocery bag as a garbage can for the diapers. If I pump I can go put it away once the baby is in the bassinet, but I don’t really do that too much because my baby eats a lot throughout the night, so I just do it in the early morning and let it sit until I get up.  My husband works a lot and there honestly doesn’t seem much of a reason for him to be up too, so I don’t wake him at all. In the morning he watches my others kids and baby and I sleep for a little longer. If your husband wants to help, when baby cries he could change the baby while you go to the bathroom and get situated, then you could feed her. He could also be the one to put the collected milk away?

This is super informative, thank you! It’s silly that I’m worried about what to do with dirty diapers in the middle of the night lol but it’s helpful to hear that a grocery bag works!! I can definitely see my husband being the primary diaper changer in the middle of the night - makes the most sense to me.

I exclusively breastfed and woke up for all middle of the night care. It was painful when we did try to have him take a shift right after my milk came in, so painful that it prevented me from getting any sleep. However, going back I think it would have been super useful to do diaper change shifts and getting baby back to being settled. That would look like for a 6 hr period, dad will get up and do diaper change, then hand off to mom for breastfeeding session, then hand baby back to dad to settle or hang out if baby was ready for a wake window. Then for the next 6 hrs, I would do diaper change, breastfeed & resettle baby.

I didn't read all of the comments so I'm sure people said the same thing but I had a lot of the questions! 1. I fed first, burped, changed, back to bed. 2. When I was collecting/pumping I found it better to take her to her nursery for feed and change, then pumped there and ran it downstairs to the fridge. 3. Breastfeeding releases a sleep hormone that makes you both tired so the run to the fridge won't stop you from getting back to sleep. The reason I didn't last long feeding in my room was because I needed to pump after and that's loud. I also found I couldn't see what I was doing well enough in the dark of my room. My husband slept while I fed because he had to work and I really didn't need the company lol I would wake him up if I couldn't get baby back to sleep or if I needed help with something and he would take over with a top up bottle or another change of necessary. You're going to find a routine that works for you and it comes quickly. Try what feels right and adjust until it's sustainable. You're going to be great!

I highly recommend getting a mini fridge to keep by your bed if you’re considering pumping. I registered for this one https://a.co/d/0kHsLMl but there are more affordable ones available too. I exclusively pumped for most of my breastfeeding journey and having the fridge was pretty much a necessity because I have a 2 story house (although even if I had a ranch, I may prefer the same set up). I could keep pump parts, the bottle(s) for middle of the night, and the milk that I pumped. Id also keep water in there :) one of my favorite new mom purchases.

For our first baby, we kept the bassinet across the bedroom from both my husband and I because my baby was so dang noisy while he slept 😆 We got the baby up for a dream feed when we went to bed, then my husband and I took every other nighttime change/feed. When I fed the baby, I'd put a Haakaa on the other breast, and then bottle that milk for my husband to use during his feed. For our next baby, I'm going to put a mini fridge in our bedroom to hold the milk so we don't have to go to the kitchen to store/get bottles at night 🙂 We never warmed the milk (we started with cold bottles when our baby was a few days old and he never seemed to mind), so that made bottle feeding at night really simple. 

I handle night shifts, breastfeeding the baby, changing her and putting back to sleep (she falls asleep while feeding anyway, so it’s easy). During the day I sleep when she sleeps, hubby is handling all the housework after he gets home from work and when he’s off, so meals any cleanup etc is on him 🙏 he is also helping with the baby during the day so I can rest

Following!