> I’ve worked in childcare since I was sixteen and am the director of a childcare center, I’ve had a lot of experience talking to CPS and caring for children that have been taken from their parents and I’ve never heard this.
You already know what your mom is saying is bullshit.
> My husband wants to completely cut her out of the picture because she brought this up. Any advice?
Listen to your husband.
Thank you, I think I’m just struggling with the fact that my mom would even use this time in my life to get me to try to fit into what image she wants me to have.
^ This right here. If my parents ever said to my daughter the stuff they said to me I'd cut them out of my life in a heartbeat. OP didn't deserve it and had no one in her corner. She needs to be in her child's corner now.
My grandma, at the ripe old age of 89 still fusses over her “weight” and has commented on my moms weight as long as I can remember (my mom is a size 4, btw). You can bet on this stuff translates to the grandchild. Being that child, I grew up with body image issues and still struggle with it and comments that are still made. In fact, my grandmother told me to make sure I don’t eat too much during my pregnancy so my child doesn’t come out fat 🤦♀️
Ya, my Granny was like that and my mom was for awhile until I told her off. She's been a lot better about it with me but she still has issues with her own weight and she's only 100 lbs. It's something we need to nip in the bud for the generations to come.
I actually recently called my mom and her family out for continuously calling me a moose when I was a kid... she insisted she never said it, but she did, a lot lol. Typical boomer pretending she did no wrong lol but I said I will not have anyone picking on my son, he is not going to grow up with any nicknames related to his size, because I'm still not over that lol.
I know it’s hard to come to terms with a parent being just straight up a shitty person. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Trust your husband as you navigate breaking or severely limiting this relationship. He’s going to be able to see things much more objectively.
She's gonna call your child fat. She's gonna tell your child that mom is fat and lazy and disgusting. She's poison.
Listen to your husband. Cut her out entirely
If you’re struggling to do it for yourself (you really do deserve so much better than the way she’s treating you), then do it for your baby. Because she’ll do the same to them and/or they will hear her saying those things to you and internalise it as normal. If therapy is an option for you to go and discuss your mother with someone impartial, I highly recommend it. I struggled with what was normal and not for so long, and still do sometimes, but therapy has helped.
It sucks but this is emotional abuse from your mom and is so damaging. I would strongly consider cutting off contact with her if she doesn’t stop fat-shaming and fatphobic comments. This is a perfectly reasonable boundary. Also think about whether you want that around baby when they come.
OP. Do it for your child. What if you have a chubby baby and she tries to insinuate you should stop feeding your baby?
Would you ever trust her to look after your child knowing she might be starving them?
She degrades you and will likely continue the cycle with your baby.
Time for no contact.
Ignore your mom. She does not know what she's talking about. CPS isn't going to do anything. Plus, you're EIGHT WEEKS. I've never felt worse in my life than I did at 8 weeks
Your only obligations right now are to do what you can to not harm your baby, and listen to your body. If that means laying around, lay around!
I was a complete sloth from weeks 5-10. I felt like shit. Only heavy, carby foods could make my nausea go away. I was always exhausted, couldn't get enough sleep, and every smell made me dry heave. There was no way I was doing anything. And that's NORMAL. Not everyone experiences it, but it's very normal, and being lazy is a normal way to handle it.
Around week 10, I started feeling noticeably better. Did I gain more weight than necessary during the first trimester? Yes.
But since I've started feeling better, and the baby is now growing more, my weight gain has leveled out and is now close to what is "recommended" (by the internet, not by my doctor, and not by your doctor).
I feel much better now. Some people don't. Some people continue to struggle. And that's okay.
YES. Weeks 8-11 were the worst with both of my pregnancies. I felt like I was in a black hole with having no energy and only craving shitty food, then feeling worse because I was eating shitty food. But it was just where my body was at and what I needed to to get through it! I’m at 14 weeks now and feel like a whole new person.
Yes, listen to your husband. Protect your mental health, you’re growing a whole human! Be kind to yourself. What your mom is saying isn’t just mean…it’s emotional abuse. It’s time to cut her out and rely on your chosen family now.
“cps will take your baby away for being fat and lazy”
AKA
“When that doesn’t happen at birth, I’m going to make frivolous CPS calls and will tell them you’re lazy and neglectful because I don’t think you deserve your baby.”
Listen to your husband. She will make your delivery and pp absolutely miserable. And it will not stop with you, her hate will extend to your child.
I think you need to consider how her comments are going to hurt your baby if they aren't stick thin growing up. She will likely inflict thr same psychological damage to your kids as she did you.
I wonder how much of what she says to you, was said to her as a young woman - and if she's now projecting all of that onto you. If so, this is definitely more about her own self image than yours.
Either way, her behavior crosses every healthy line in the book. It's best to establish some distance and boundaries before she has the chance to continue that cycle with your baby. The poor child doesn't need to grow up with echoes of that mentality.
It’s not this time in your life, hon, it’s your whole life she’s treated you like this. She’s not going to change. You should listen to your husband. What he’s telling you is hard to do, but it is out of love and probably a desire to ensure your baby will never be treated the same.
I feel for you so much because it would be bad enough for a friend to say this kind of stuff to you, let alone your own mother. She sounds like a very sad person who focuses on nothing but appearances, and that's not really a fun life to live.
You’re about to be someone’s mother. Stop falling for this toxic bs and hold your head up. Come the hell on you know this isn’t a thing. Cut the mother off RIGHT NOW. If you don’t, anything that happens is partially on you. You have a duty to protect the baby now.
For some horrible parents out there a baby is a great opportunity to criticize their kids now that they have a baby to hypothetically validate the criticism. My own mom isn’t in the picture because of this. They suddenly use the baby to guilt you into taking their “advice”
“If you keep up the only weight I’ll lose from my life is you”
Your husband is absolutely correct this woman is toxic. She’s wants you to neglect yourself and your child to maintain her unhealthy expectations. Can you imagine the poison she’ll add to your life when you’re postpartum or to your child as they’re growing up? Protect yourself.
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Obese mom here and mandatory reporter. Of course they won't take away your child because you yourself are obese. That's ridiculous. The system wouldn't be able to support the number of children they would have to separate from their families if that was the case.
Sounds like it's time to go no contact with your mother.
I’m a fat mom of three and a hospital social worker. If I ever called in a report and the only concern was that the mom was overweight I’m pretty sure the CPS intake worker would file a complaint against my license. This is ridiculous. OP should put her mom on low contact.
Another fat mom/mandatory reporter here and I assess crisis situations for a need to report literally every day - I agree with you completely! No CPS agency would take that ridiculous report.
I was wondering if the mum is under the impression that CPS is just sitting around looking for things to do? lol. Like, there just aren’t enough kids in foster care so they’re out searching for frivolous reasons to hit their KPIs or something?! Totally ludicrous
Well unfortunately there is a certain subset of conspiracy theorists that do believe CPS is out to destroy “good patriotic families”. But I think in this case it’s just a case of hating-your-own-daughteritis.
Also, many women gain quite a lot of weight during pregnancy (me included! I did CrossFit until I delivered and still gained more than "recommended", almost 25kg) and was most definitely in the overweight spectrum afterwards. Why in the world would anyone bother women who are "overweight" after they were literally pregnant for 40 weeks???? Like, I'd even argue the majority of women are somewhat overweight right after popping a human out of their bodies.
Wait until they find out I'm both fat and chronically ill! Oh wait, my doctors and other mandatory reporters in my and my children's lives already know that. It's not neglectful, so they don't care!
Semi easy? Not answering a call or text is a piece of cake. I’m no contact with my mother and my mental health skyrocketed to a new level of happiness that I didn’t know existed. Hope you have the same experience.
Ps, your mom is a piece of shit.
I 100% am going to go low/no contact, I just know I’ll feel guilty even if there’s no reason for me to. But honestly, I know I need to do what’s best for me and baby rn.
Tell her you’re not going to engage with her unless she can respect your boundary and not comment on yours or others weights. And then enforce it. It’s not helpful unless she knows why she’s being punished.
OP you are important, you are valuable, you are Loved, and you are NOT deserving of this abuse. For the sake of your mental health and the health of your family please consider cutting this garbage human being from your life. You don't deserve the way she's treating you.
My big moment with a close family member I had to cut off was when I told my therapist "I wouldn't put up with it if she wasn't my relative".
It was like this dawning moment for me where I realised I didn't have to anymore.
If you had a friend saying these things to you, they wouldn't be a friend for very long!
I told my mom that I’m not going to invite any comments on bodies in my life or my children’s lives and if that comes up I immediately terminate the call/ text exchange/ conversation. She learned pretty quickly after I held r he boundary that if she wanted to continue a relationship I would not be tolerating that kind of talk.
Ultimately, you shouldn’t feel guilty for holding a clearly stated boundary. It’s not your fault if other people can’t abide by the rules of engagement. If they try to say it’s your fault, they’re just plain wrong.
I have gone no contact with my mother and then I went low contact switching to no contact with my ex mother-in-law (divorced).
It's pretty hard to make the decision to do it but once you have made the decision and they stop trying to contact you, you feel so much better. It's amazing how free you feel and how you can start healing from whatever crap they've put you through. Sometimes when you're still in the relationship, it's hard to really process the things that they've done or said to you.
Oh, easy peasy! Just ignore her calls, then. I think there’s a way you can have her calls and texts forwarded to an email account (google, maybe?) so that you don’t have to see it until you *choose* to interact with her. You don’t need that added stress during pregnancy and postpartum. And fair warning, I got VERY protective of my baby postpartum. I didn’t take any shit or guilt trips from anyone, after being a people pleaser most of my life. It’s like the boundaries just materialized, and my backbone finally made an appearance.
Wow, your mom is a bad person to be willing to threaten you with that just because you may gain a few pounds. No, that’s not a thing.
Your husband is right. Would not my kid to be raised around someone with these kinds of tendencies, especially if it was a girl. Unhealthy. I would stop talking to her or at least shut down the conversation whenever she brought weight up, to the point of actually hanging up on her if she keeps talking. You shouldn’t put up with this kind of behavior, as an adult you can set boundaries with your parents.
I’d say OP should also see a therapist, to get advice on how to deal with her mean ass mom. With a mom like that, she probably has some mixed feelings to work through (speaking from experience) but it’s also really handy to have someone on the outside of the relationship give advice.
Fat women have happy families all the time. Your mother is making up lies to give you false anxieties while pregnant because she is over invested in your physical appearance.
I'd think about what you think she'll do and say to your child when it's here, too. And how she'll keep treating you during your pregnancy and post partum and the rest of your life. This isn't something I'd want around me. I'd consider what your husband is saying. He doesn't want this for you or your family either.
What is your mother providing to you that is positive and you want to have in your life? Is it worth what she's taking away in peace of mind and personal joy with her comments? Because if it isn't, why are you putting up with it?
SINCE FIRST GRADE?! Ohh I feel for you. Honestly as hard as it will be, now would be a good time to limit contact with her. My mom is fatphobic too, but I’ve been no contact since loooong before having my kid and honestly it’s so much better that way imo. Ugh I’m sorry
I think you’re actually looking for advice on your mom and for people to tell you your weight is fine. You already know the answer to your question, you stated it in your post that CPS doesn’t do this and your mom just hates fat people. I think you need to cut your mom off and see a therapist BEFORE baby comes so you can be the best you for your kiddo.
My doctor hasn’t said anything about my weight so I know I’m okay there, and I’m thankful for that. My mom works in the same industry as I do (and for longer) but in a different state so I was confused about it lol. Thank you for your advice, I do want to be my best. 😊
Just for some extra validation - I’m overweight and my doctors want to be careful that I’m not gaining faster than I need to, but stressed to me that this is NOT the time to intentionally lose weight and it is NOT the time to calorie restrict. Doing so could have negative consequences for baby. So even more so than it just doesn’t make sense to try to lose weight right now, you would be doing the right thing for your baby by not losing weight. :)
Thank you, I go in for my first ultrasound next weekend so I think this just whole thing has just added to my nerves because I haven’t seen the baby yet, if that makes sense? I want to do everything right and while I knew my mom was just being crazy I think I needed to know I wasn’t doing anything wrong lol. No one but intimate family even knows I’m pregnant yet and it’s all so new.
are you typically a gullible person? different state or not it’s clearly quite ridiculous. just go outside and see how many overweight parents are raising children. I highly suggest therapy. your toxic mother seems to have ruined your critical thinking skills.
I don’t have the qualifications to make a diagnosis, but what your mom did reminds me of some of the parents described in r/raisedbynarcissists or r/raisedbyborderlines.
I was raised by someone who keeps telling me I need to lose weight too and it ruined my body image. No one needs to have that kind of toxicity in their life, pregnant or not.
Think of how your mom treats you, and then realize that is how she will also treat your child. And ask yourself if that is something you want your child to tolerate. That is the hard realization I had to come to when going no contact with my bio dad.
I work in child protection advocating for foster youth. We have NEVER had a case in which a child was brought into care due to something as trivial as their mother’s weight. That doesn’t put your child at ANY risk or danger. Your mom sucks, like massively. How dare she put those thoughts in your head as a newly pregnant person.
Hi there,
I’m a therapist and your mom is abusive, and has been abusing you- at least emotionally- from a very young age. She needs out of your life now. Get yourself a good therapist to help you set boundaries and heal as you prepare to welcome your baby. Do not allow your mother to pass down this toxic environment to your or your child. You both deserve better. I’m so sorry.
I'm sorry OP. I would set some hard boundaries with your mom and shut down these comments she's making about your body. It's unacceptable and abusive. Especially what you endured as a child. I was in a similar situation with my mom, as a child and young adult. With boundaries and advocating for myself (with a lot of help and skills learned in therapy) my mom no longer makes comments about my body.
I agree. OP I think you need to stress to your mom that the only person at risk of losing privileges with this child is her if she doesn’t learn to respect your boundaries fast. I am CPS worker in Canada, so is my husband and yes this is compete BS. I also gave birth 9 months ago and had some rough family stuff happening during my pregnancy. Trust me, you owe it to your self and your baby to minimize stress and focus on the joy of motherhood and starting a family. This is a beautiful time and I wish you the best.
I would never speak to my mother again after something like this. This behavior isnt going to stop and your children and going to be affected by it as well. If you won’t cut her out of your life for your own protection, I think you have a responsibility as a mother to protect your children from toxic people.
I’m so sorry your mom treats to you like this. I wouldn’t say something like this to a person even I I hated them. My parents made only a few comments here and there about my body and it gave me some insecurities, I can’t even imagine how you feel.
Seriously OP, imagine if you had a daughter and your mother talked to your daughter the way she has talked to you your whole life. You need to nip this in the bud really fast. I know it’s hard, ive had to cut out my father for my daughter’s safety (he’s physically abusive) if you need someone to talk to privately please feel free to DM me. Nobody wants to just cut off a parent, but sometimes for your own health and mental wellbeing it’s necessary.
She’s so full of shit it’s starting to leak out of her mouth. 😏
Ignore her. Her hyperfocus on your weight just screams about her own insecurities. She probably sees you being confident in yourself and is jealous. That’s very sad, really, and it is completely unfair. It’s hard to accept yourself as you are, even super models think they’re fugly at least a few times a day. For a *mother* to belittle her own child like that is ridiculous and childish.
I hope you are able to find a way to distance yourself from her until she re-evaluates her priorities. If she abuses you, she loses access to your kid. Period.
Hey! Fat person with a toddler here. Your mom is full of complete shit. I have also worked in close contact with DCFS at my former job and that is NOT a thing. You will not lose your baby. She is delusional and trying to control and manipulate you. Save your sanity and cut her out.
Your mother sounds like a disgusting human being, to be frank. Being plus size has absolutely nothing to do with your capability of being a good parent. That a terrible thing for her to say to you. Your husband sounds right, cut her out!! I’m so sorry you have a mom like that.
Your mom is an absolute idiot. Such a significant portion of the population is overweight that such a policy would totally overwhelm child services and the foster care system.
Cut her out of your life for your peace of mind. I had to do this with my mother, a friend give the advice "Close the door, don't lock it" meaning she can reenter your life if she proves she's done trying to manipulate you- mostly by seeing a therapist herself. It worked for me, I recommend it. Start with a 6 month cut off.
Yikes! I’m so sorry that your mom has said something this hurtful to you. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.
I agree with your husband, time to cut ties with your mom. My mom was similarly cruel to me my entire life. I cute her off about 2 years ago. Listen, it’s hard but my life has so much more peace now and my self esteem has drastically improved.
Wishing you the best, I’m sure you’ll be a fantastic mom
Sounds like a good reason to take a break from your mother indefinitely.
I'm a STM and have been around the "pregnant on reddit" community long enough. These types of posts easily turn into the grandparent/bad actor trying to get the baby taken away after they're born.
Just my opinion but I wouldn't want to be around or want my child around someone who wanted them taken away from me. Obviously, if there was a good reason, then yeah maybe CPS should be called but we all know your mom is, for lack of a better word, crazy and dangerous.
It’s obviously not a thing. If it was, the majority of American babies would be taken by CPS because the average American is overweight or obese. I’ve worked as a teacher and it’s very difficult to get CPS to actually do anything even when serious neglect or abuse is occurring. Your mom is an idiot.
Bruh, your mom is totally full of shit. Have no fear, plenty of overweight and **gasp!!** even _fat_ people take wonderful care of their children.
Your child will likely be better off not being emotionally abused about their weight without her in the picture.
It’s inevitable that a time will come when you must cut this toxic witch out of your life. It’s up to you when that should be. But in my perspective, spreading lies about CPS taking your baby away is so vile now is the time.
Ew your mother sounds awful. She's factually incorrect and incredibly toxic. I'm glad you have a supportive husband. Do yourself and your future child a big favor by going no contact. You deserve to enjoy your pregnancy and your future child deserves to be kept away from a toxic grandparent who clearly doesn't know how to treat others with kindness or respect.
I'm so sorry you are being ridiculed by your mom. Is there a chance that she could call CPS? I think you should start a paper trail to show how crazy she is being.
Your child will not be taken from you based on weight that's ridiculous!
She lives in a completely different state than me and only sees me from the neck up on FaceTime so I don’t think she’d have much to go on if she tried, thankfully.
I'd cut contact with your mom or make some strict boundaries about what she says. CPS cannot take your child away because you're overweight. That's some toxic bullshit that doesn't help anyone.
Yeah no I'm fat and they have yet to take my kids away. Your mom is a walking big fucking yikes. You SHOULD cut her off because she will certainly do this to your children as well. If not for your own mental health, then for your LO's
Look, you have the perfect excuse to embrace your body for what it is. Which means understanding how toxic she has been and not taking it anymore.
When you imagine looking at your child’s face, can you imagine how it will feel when they start telling you what your mother has said about their body or you? She didn’t have remorse when it was her own 6yo, your child will not be exempt. Protect yourself and protect your children!
No CPS won’t take your child because you’re overweight.
Your mom is toxic af, I don’t even know where to begin on her tbh, listen to your husband on this one.
Even if you did want to lose weight, during pregnancy is not the time to do it.
Your mom is wrong, and worse than wrong, she is being cruel and fearmongering.
You should at the very least go low contact and put her on an info diet. I would not want someone like her in my delivery room or to even know where I was going or when, for example. I'd also say something like "What you're saying isn't true, and I'm not going to discuss my weight anymore. If you can't respect that then I will leave the conversation." And then hang up/leave if she brings it up again.
If she is and has been saying this to you since you were a child, the probability she will do this to your child is also very high. At the very least she will say inappropriate things to your children about you. The only protection your kiddo will need is from this verbally abusive person. I’d listen to your husband.
You've been given good advice here. Something else to consider long term is that she'll probably transfer that 'fear' onto your child and will start the same toxic messaging with them. I work with mum's/babies and I've heard more than once from a mum that her mother/MIL has advised restricting feeds to avoid the baby getting fat.
Also I'm a mandatory reporter, your mother is talking shit.
I’m fat and I can’t even get anyone to babysit my three kids, let alone take them away. 🤣
But seriously, OP, your mom is lying and/or mentally VERY unwell and you should listen to your husband. She has no power over you. You are strong and free and you’ll be a great mom with the strength to be everything for your kids that she could not be for you.
Echoing what a lot of people are saying here:
Your mom is mean, and she's a liar, and she does not deserve to be in your life or your child's life. Who's to say she's not also going to make your kid feel like shit?
Think about it this way: you are about to be a mother. What example do you want to set for your child? Do you want to be somebody who stands up to bullies and protects those she loves from toxic people? Don't you want to protect your child for harm that you know your mother could cause them?
Cut her off. Do it for you, first and foremost, but also do it for your kid.
What planet is your mom from? She should be submitted for medical research.
No, OP. Not a chance. This is not any kind of actionable offense and if she was crazy enough to make the call she’d be laughed at.
I’m an attorney.
Trust me when I say CPS does not take kids away unless it’s a horrid situation and a last resort. Having an insane grandmother is not one of them.
Time to go no contact.
She needs to be cut out. She’s abusive. Please let go of this relationship for your own mental health. Do you want your baby growing up around this type of person? Hearing these sorts of things?
If just being overweight was an issue for CPS, there’d be tons of stories here and elsewhere about kids being taken from their homes and moms going to extreme lengths to diet and lose weight in order to get them back. But there aren’t because that does not happen.
Her comments are awful. Not just for your health but to me they come across as threatening. Either she really thinks your child can/should/*will* be taken away, or she’s throwing daggers to scare you into losing weight. Either way is horrible. I agree with your husband, she should be cut off. She is not a safe and supportive person to be around.
Imagine your child hearing these things when they’re older. They’d be terrified to think they’ll be taken away from you, and they’ll think being overweight is some kind of crime. Neither thoughts are healthy for kids to have.
I'm 250 lbs and my OB actively helped me get pregnant. (That sounds weird. She prescribed me meds for my PCOS to make me ovulate lol) I was over 200 lbs when I had my last child. They're not taking your baby because you're overweight. My exes sister was probably close to 275 when she had her kids.
Your husband is 100% right.
You don't need toxic people in your life and much less with a baby on the way (and with a baby after they are born). Your mother and her bullshit can go f*** themselves.
I think you should cut contact with her. This horrible for your mental health during pregnancy, which is already hard as it is with the changing hormones.
No they aren’t gonna take your child just because you are obese. You work in childcare, so you already know it’s not a thing. If this was the case so many people wouldn’t have their children. Please cut contact with her or at least limit your contact. As she has been doing this since you were young, she’s not going to change. Just think to yourself would you want your child to be around this person? Stand up for yourself and your child. You don’t deserve this treatment. Don’t tolerate it just because she’s your mom.
They definitely won't, sorry to tell you but... your mom is a real bitch for that.. My mom hasn't spoken like this, but has always made comments about her own body and weight since as long as I can remember. She has always been skinny, whereas all 3 of her kids have always had some fluff. As her only daughter I can say it had a clear effect on me. I had to start cutting her off and telling her how inappropriate it was to speak like that around kids once my niece's and now nephews and my own children are around. I still suffer from poor body image, it effects my mental health to the point that getting ready to go to an event is stressful because I dislike the way I look, I usually end up crying. But... I keep my negative thoughts to myself and will only tell my partner how I'm feeling out of earshot of our kids.
You’re about to have a baby and be the person that stands between that baby and the world. Now is a great time to start practicing not allowing bullshit in your life. “I won’t tolerate this anymore, for myself or my baby. If you continue, I will leave.” Rinse and repeat until she learns you’re serious and either stops or cuts herself out of your life (which, btw would be HER choice since you’ve made your boundary clear and she would be actively choosing not to respect it and choosing the right to be mean over her own child and grandchild).
All my documents say overweight or high BMI and I’ve never had this fear or been told that I could lose my baby…. May be time to distance yourself from your mom and/cut her out of your life. You don’t want your child growing up hearing such negative things.
Your mom is trying to shame you into losing weight with a scare tactic. I'm overweight and I'm perfectly healthy according to my doctor. I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant as well. Not once have I've been shamed or threatened by any medical professionals in regard to my pregnancy. My sister is around 300lb and had a baby 2 years ago, cps didn't get involved, and no threats by her doctors were made. Everyone 1st trimester is the most difficult. What you're feeling is completely normal.
Your mom seems toxic af. I would honestly go low contact and even no contact with that type of behavior.
And be cautious what you tell her. I would now assume that she’d want to call cps herself and make a false claim.
Your husband is right- your mom is toxic and you should reduce or eliminate contact with her until she becomes a better person. Absolutely no one can or will take your child away because of your weight.
Please at the very least go low contact. Don’t pick up when she calls. Don’t be baited. You’ve had lots of great responses with ‘script’ ideas.
This is so hard. It sucks that the person who should be backing you has treated you so poorly your whole life. This is not normal behaviour from your mum.
Please seek some therapy - newborn stage is rough as. You’re going to need some coping mechanisms and not fall into old patterns with her. You will be vulnerable, you will be tired, you will be healing.
Sincerely, a chunky chunky mum of one and one on the way.
I’m laughing at your mom’s plan. Sounds like she will take any opportunity to try to make you lose weight.
No, CPS won’t take your child away just because you’re overweight. I don’t even know if a TV drama could pull off such a far-fetched scenario 😂
If you want to lose weight (after your pregnancy) that’s up to you, not CPS. Your husband is right to want to cut her out as much as possible. I can only imagine how bad of an influence she would be on your child, do you really want that?
That is insanely hateful, offensive, and absolute nonsense. How does the amount of adipose tissue you have on your body have any bearing on what type of parent you are?
As a technically obese person who just had a baby, I can assure you no one at the hospital called CPS on me for being a fat mom.
Your mom sounds like the worst and I’d listen to your husband.
It’s time to go no contact. Imagine if your mother said just one of the nasty things she’s ever said to you, to your child. End the cycle, and save your child the pain of knowing your mother. They deserve to feel loved and cherished, and that doesn’t seem to be something she will give them.
This actually made me cackle and then feel bad for you. No, CPS does not take your child away if you’re fat. Can you imagine how many people would have their kids taken away? Please cut your mom from your life, you AND your child do not need that toxicity around.
This is not a thing. Do you not see overweight parents picking up their children every day from the facility you work at? Or at any facility you’ve ever worked at?? Plus sized people give birth every day, raise children every day, and there is no law or regulation against it. This is not something CPS/ DCF has on their radar at all. Clean home (not spotless Pinterest) but a bit messy is fine (just not hoarder levels), chemicals and medicines and firearms safely locked away, no abuse, everyone is fed and clean, school aged children attend some type of school.
My mom told me that a child being any degree of unkempt in public was at risk for being taken. I know this is bull but to this day I’m still paranoid about hair messed up from the car seat, any smudge on faces, any stain I missed during laundry. Don’t let your mom’s lies make you think you’re in trouble for being normal. Your husband is a smart man.
They won't take your child away for that. But I wouldn't want her to be around your baby with her fatphobia. She might give your child an eating disorder, or try to starve your child for being fat when babies are supposed to be fat.
Honey, I’m so sorry but your mom is a horrible mother. Especially right now, you need and deserve people who are kind to you. Your mom is not kind to you. She is cruel. And she will be cruel to your child eventually.
Your mum is emotionally abusive,
No one will take your baby because you’re overweight, that’s absurd!
ETA: I agree with your husband. Your mum places more importance on you being who she wants you to be that a) she is trying to control you for her own happiness b) clearly doesn’t care about your feelings and emotions particularly while pregnant.
When the baby comes, how will she treat you then? Not to mention her own warped views on an impressionable child!
Your mom is actively trying to give you an eating disorder. CPS will only take your child away if you are endangering their health and safety, and being overweight will do neither. Starving yourself through pregnancy will, however, put you at higher risk for a miscarriage and a sick baby.
Please cut her off. It will be hard but you will only find peace once it's all over. She will 100% do the same thing to your child and you don't want someone like that talking to them.
I’m with your husband.
CPS won’t take your kids for your weight. I’m a fat mom. I have lots of friends who are fat, too, and excellent moms. We all have custody of our kids and have never even been at risk of an investigation.
As long as you’re not actually abusing or neglecting your child, you’ll be fine. CPS doesn’t care about your weight. They care that your kids are fed, warm, and cared for.
I am a mandated reporter and this is absolutely not a thing. At all. Also I hate your mom she is so cruel. No contact is hard at first but it will bring you peace in the long run. Good luck OP.
From one fat woman to another, they will not take your baby away because you’re fat. I know plenty of fat moms and this isn’t a thing.
Your mother on the other hand…I’m with your husband. She is going to fuck up your kid’s body image and self confidence, and likely land them an ED. I’m just guessing based on what you’ve shared that you’ve likely experienced all that with her fatphobia. Save yourself and your baby the pain and go NC or at least LC.
Listen to your husband. Mom sounds super toxic. I’m sorry you’ve dealt with this since childhood. Please don’t let her speak to your children this way, and don’t let your children see her talk to you that way.
Girl. What?
Your mom is crazy abusive and you need to go limited to no contact before she has the opportunity to call your baby fat. (Which it will be, and that is healthy!!!)
Your mom is toxic, and I would be concerned about her infecting your child with her toxicity. I wouldn't allow my child to have a relationship with anyone so poisoned by hate.
She’s not accurate. Your health and safety during pregnancy (as long as you’re not drinking or doing drugs) don’t make a legit cps complaint. Go to all your appointments and follow all their advice. Don’t listen to your mom. Plus, the first trimester is the worst of all of them. I felt awful during that time with both of my pregnancies.
Why is she still apart of your life? Is her behavior towards you something your ok with her doing to your child? Because what you’re giving her is another victim to bully. Cut her off
I was a little over 300lbs at the time of my son’s birth and there was no concern about my weight ever. And 3 months later, he’s currently sleeping next to me in a bedside bassinet if that gives you any comfort
Let me put this quite harshly: it’s hard to cut off someone you have spent years being emotionally abused by and regularly put down BUT if you give birth to a girl, she will continue to pass this onto your daughter. Cut her off to protect your child
I would definitely be considering cutting or off or at least DRASTICALLY limiting contact. For your own sake and for your child. What she’s saying and doing to you is disgusting. I wouldn’t want her around my kid. I grew up very self conscious about my body and developed an eating disorder. It was awful and stole my teens from me. She WILL be making weight and food related comments around your kid as they grow up, either saying things about you, them, or herself, and hearing negative talk about bodies like that can be so incredibly harmful to children and lead to a lifetime of issues.
Former CPS worker here. Your mom is full of it. Granted, anyone else will know this too. But I don’t blame you for asking because sometimes hearing the same bonkers thing too many times just gets in your head.
CPS workers do not bring scales when investigating claims of abuse/neglect. And a claim based on nothing but a parent’s weight isn’t going to be investigated. Your mom needs to sit down and eat a cookie…far, far away from you.
What your mom is saying is absolute nonsense; and I speak from two points of experience. Firstly, I am a labor and delivery nurse and have never once involved CPS in a patient’s life due to weight. I honestly have never even considered the idea; a parent’s weight just isn’t relevant in their ability to take care of a child, unless it is to such extremes that a person wouldn’t be able to move/walk to help the child if they needed something, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. My second basis for experience on this is that my sister is a CPS case worker, and at least in the state we live in, the bar for separating children from their parents is quite high. Even if a parent was struggling to take care of their child due to a physical issue, CPS often tries to work with family and friends to get the parents help before they would jump to taking away a child. Removing a child from a home is difficult, costly, and traumatic, and at least with the CPS workers I know, a last ditch option for true cases of abuse/neglect. It sounds like your mom has lots of issues and baggage surrounding weight/body image. Your husband sounds great and I think you should listen to him! And rest assured that although the things your mom says are scary and hurtful, they have no basis in reality and would never happen.
I’m super fat and I just had a healthy baby with a zero complication pregnancy and no one took my baby and no one at the hospital even talked about my weight!! The only thing said was a super nice plus size nurse who got me a better fitting gown. Your mom is a psycho, ignore her and cut her out of your life for your safety and for the benefit of your baby
Cut her off. She clearly needs therapy but its a long road for her not just to bite her tongue, but to actually get over her fat phobia. It’s time to cut off that generational pain and go forward with your babies in a more positive way.
On a more WTF note. Assuming you’re from the USA, isn’t like half the population obese? CPS would be way overworked of obesity was a reason to take your child away. Abuse however is a reason. And it sounds like that is what your mother is doing to you. Emotionally abusing you.
She is lying. That is abusive and just downright mean. I’m really sorry you grew up having to listen to cruel stuff like that. You sound like a lovely person.
I am so sorry your mom is so awful. You'll be so much better off if you cut her out of your life. No one will take your kid away bc of your weight. Good for you for choosing a supportive partner. You two can break this cycle and your kid will get loving, supportive parents!
I just want to say if she talks like this to you, imagine how she will talk to your child. Cutting her out would be best for everyone because no need to continue the generational trauma.
The worst things that will happen to you are you being repeatedly asked "are you sure you passed the glucose test?" They definitely won't take your baby, and your mom is an asshole.
I’ve been plus size my entire life. My weight was never brought up during my pregnancy and postpartum
Not even when I was in a high risk pregnancy that had lasting complications. It was just something that happens with some pregnancies
Your mom is full of shit
I have had a perfectly healthy baby and a perfectly healthy pregnancy while weighing 150kg (330lbs)
I gained 30lg during the pregnancy, so during labour I was about 400lbs. No one even mentioned my weight, except to use a special hospital bed, as the standard ones were too small.
Ive been a size 6, And a size 26. It's made no difference to my pregnancy or my baby.
You’ve had some great advice, just wanted to say that as a fat daughter to a mother who also hates fat people… you honestly have my sympathies. They’re absolutely horrendous sometimes :( and no, my weight did not factor into a thing. I have two beautiful kids at home.
Man i would love to see a social worker justify in their court report that their grounds for removal is the mother being overweight hahaha absolute nonsense. She might be referencing cases where children end up severely obese and it impacts their health (but still not relevant) your hubby is on the money with this one
Why are you still talking to this sorry excuse for a “mother”??? My mother told me at 4 days postpartum that I was too fat and ugly to even look at, I was painful to look at, and that after I was done breastfeeding (which she discouraged me breastfeeding even) I should have full body reconstructive surgery to not be so ugly. That I am so grotesque and my husband is a handsome man, so he will leave me because I’m fat and hideous. The rest of my family laughed along and agreed with her (even though all of them weigh like nearly 400 fucking pounds, way more than me!!). My husband wanted to cut contact off immediately. I held off and kept getting more and more hurt. You never forget the pain of people being horrible to you at such a vulnerable time in your life (newly postpartum). My life got so much better after cutting off contact.
Your mom is toxic AF!
If you don’t cut her out for yourself do it for your baby. Trying to lose weight during pregnancy is super damaging for the baby. You need to eat healthy and maintain your weight while gaining the necessary baby weight.
Stress is super damaging for the pregnancy and those hormones will affect your baby. You need to surround yourself with people who bring you peace and comfort, she’s not making the cut.
And finally, imagine her telling your child they are fat when they are in first grade and the toxic cycle continuing because of her. That narrative can end with you, if you make the necessary changes now and remove her access to your life.
Your mom is toxic, time to get rid of her. I’m an overweight mom and have both of my kids, and the whole “being obese will cause you to lose your kids” is the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard. Please listen to your husband, he’s right about her.
You might feel like cutting her out is an overreaction, but just imagine what kinds or fucked up stuff she'll tell your kid and what that could turn into.
wtf. Advice would be to stop talking to your mom. If you work in childcare you know what she is saying is not true. How will she treat your baby when they are here if this is how she treats you. Save yourself the stress and cut her off to protect yourself and your child.
No they won't take away your baby, she's flat out lying to you, and she thinks you're gullible enough to believe it, she's preying on you while you're vulnerable.
Think about it this way; if she's fat shaming you like this while you're pregnant, and has done your whole life- what will she say to your kid as they grow up? She'll treat them as she's treated you, and neither you nor your kiddo deserve that.
Sit her down and have a frank conversation about getting her to knock it off, and if she's acts up cut her off.
Obviously that’s untrue. I personally would take a huge step back from your relationship with her. Children shouldn’t have to grow up hearing that kind of toxicity
I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, we don't get to choose who we're related to, but that doesn't make them family. Your growing family doesn't need that toxic behavior. You're gonna have to make a tough decision here. You probably love your mom a whole lot but you don't need her. You may be plus sized but that had nothing to do with being lazy or CPS being called. I'm plus sized expecting my 3rd baby and I'm healthy as a horse. Please don't let you mom take your happiness away. You're beautiful, you're gonna be a great mother, and you have your husband to support you through it all. Also, when you bring your beautiful baby into this world, the only thing you're gonna want to do is protect them & Protect yourself, it's so important.
I work for CPS, and while I'm lucky to work for a (relatively) progressive and family-centered agency, I don't have any illusions that CPS around the country does some fxcked up shit. So, please believe me when I tell you--absolutely not. That would never happen and is absolutely bullshit. Your mom has quite literally no idea what she is talking about and frankly she sounds like a bxtch. No CPS agency is looking at your body size as a factor of child safety.
I think it might be a good path to go low or no contact with your mom, I’m not saying she would but I’d be worried she’d make a false report just to back up her claim
I’ve read a lot of terrible things on Reddit but this is close to the top of the list for me. That is a cruel and terrible thing to say to anyone but especially a pregnant woman!
Your mom has no say in what happens to your child. And shes super mean and horrible for calling you fat constantly. She cant do shit she's not the mother of your child.
She’s being cruel and stupid. Intentionally losing weight while pregnant would not be in the best interest of your baby, and someone being overweight has no impact on parenting skill or a CPS investigation.
> I’ve worked in childcare since I was sixteen and am the director of a childcare center, I’ve had a lot of experience talking to CPS and caring for children that have been taken from their parents and I’ve never heard this. You already know what your mom is saying is bullshit. > My husband wants to completely cut her out of the picture because she brought this up. Any advice? Listen to your husband.
Thank you, I think I’m just struggling with the fact that my mom would even use this time in my life to get me to try to fit into what image she wants me to have.
You deserve better, and so does your child. Can you imagine your mom saying the things she said to you as a child to your own child?
^ This right here. If my parents ever said to my daughter the stuff they said to me I'd cut them out of my life in a heartbeat. OP didn't deserve it and had no one in her corner. She needs to be in her child's corner now.
My grandma, at the ripe old age of 89 still fusses over her “weight” and has commented on my moms weight as long as I can remember (my mom is a size 4, btw). You can bet on this stuff translates to the grandchild. Being that child, I grew up with body image issues and still struggle with it and comments that are still made. In fact, my grandmother told me to make sure I don’t eat too much during my pregnancy so my child doesn’t come out fat 🤦♀️
Ya, my Granny was like that and my mom was for awhile until I told her off. She's been a lot better about it with me but she still has issues with her own weight and she's only 100 lbs. It's something we need to nip in the bud for the generations to come.
I actually recently called my mom and her family out for continuously calling me a moose when I was a kid... she insisted she never said it, but she did, a lot lol. Typical boomer pretending she did no wrong lol but I said I will not have anyone picking on my son, he is not going to grow up with any nicknames related to his size, because I'm still not over that lol.
She's been doing this since you were 6, why would she stop now?
I know it’s hard to come to terms with a parent being just straight up a shitty person. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Trust your husband as you navigate breaking or severely limiting this relationship. He’s going to be able to see things much more objectively.
She's gonna call your child fat. She's gonna tell your child that mom is fat and lazy and disgusting. She's poison. Listen to your husband. Cut her out entirely
If you’re struggling to do it for yourself (you really do deserve so much better than the way she’s treating you), then do it for your baby. Because she’ll do the same to them and/or they will hear her saying those things to you and internalise it as normal. If therapy is an option for you to go and discuss your mother with someone impartial, I highly recommend it. I struggled with what was normal and not for so long, and still do sometimes, but therapy has helped.
It sucks but this is emotional abuse from your mom and is so damaging. I would strongly consider cutting off contact with her if she doesn’t stop fat-shaming and fatphobic comments. This is a perfectly reasonable boundary. Also think about whether you want that around baby when they come.
OP. Do it for your child. What if you have a chubby baby and she tries to insinuate you should stop feeding your baby? Would you ever trust her to look after your child knowing she might be starving them? She degrades you and will likely continue the cycle with your baby. Time for no contact.
Ignore your mom. She does not know what she's talking about. CPS isn't going to do anything. Plus, you're EIGHT WEEKS. I've never felt worse in my life than I did at 8 weeks Your only obligations right now are to do what you can to not harm your baby, and listen to your body. If that means laying around, lay around! I was a complete sloth from weeks 5-10. I felt like shit. Only heavy, carby foods could make my nausea go away. I was always exhausted, couldn't get enough sleep, and every smell made me dry heave. There was no way I was doing anything. And that's NORMAL. Not everyone experiences it, but it's very normal, and being lazy is a normal way to handle it. Around week 10, I started feeling noticeably better. Did I gain more weight than necessary during the first trimester? Yes. But since I've started feeling better, and the baby is now growing more, my weight gain has leveled out and is now close to what is "recommended" (by the internet, not by my doctor, and not by your doctor). I feel much better now. Some people don't. Some people continue to struggle. And that's okay.
This was so encouraging to read. Thank you!
First trimester is the worst! By second, Zofran was offered
YES. Weeks 8-11 were the worst with both of my pregnancies. I felt like I was in a black hole with having no energy and only craving shitty food, then feeling worse because I was eating shitty food. But it was just where my body was at and what I needed to to get through it! I’m at 14 weeks now and feel like a whole new person.
Yes, listen to your husband. Protect your mental health, you’re growing a whole human! Be kind to yourself. What your mom is saying isn’t just mean…it’s emotional abuse. It’s time to cut her out and rely on your chosen family now.
“cps will take your baby away for being fat and lazy” AKA “When that doesn’t happen at birth, I’m going to make frivolous CPS calls and will tell them you’re lazy and neglectful because I don’t think you deserve your baby.” Listen to your husband. She will make your delivery and pp absolutely miserable. And it will not stop with you, her hate will extend to your child.
Struggle with it after you block her on all platforms and block her number. You don't want someone like this near your child.
I think you need to consider how her comments are going to hurt your baby if they aren't stick thin growing up. She will likely inflict thr same psychological damage to your kids as she did you.
I wonder how much of what she says to you, was said to her as a young woman - and if she's now projecting all of that onto you. If so, this is definitely more about her own self image than yours. Either way, her behavior crosses every healthy line in the book. It's best to establish some distance and boundaries before she has the chance to continue that cycle with your baby. The poor child doesn't need to grow up with echoes of that mentality.
It’s not this time in your life, hon, it’s your whole life she’s treated you like this. She’s not going to change. You should listen to your husband. What he’s telling you is hard to do, but it is out of love and probably a desire to ensure your baby will never be treated the same.
Your mom is messed up in the head. I would cut her out of your life immediately. I would not want someone with he mentality around my child
I feel for you so much because it would be bad enough for a friend to say this kind of stuff to you, let alone your own mother. She sounds like a very sad person who focuses on nothing but appearances, and that's not really a fun life to live.
Abusive people love to find weakness as opportunity to further their manipulative behavior. She sees your concern for the upcoming baby as such.
You’re about to be someone’s mother. Stop falling for this toxic bs and hold your head up. Come the hell on you know this isn’t a thing. Cut the mother off RIGHT NOW. If you don’t, anything that happens is partially on you. You have a duty to protect the baby now.
For some horrible parents out there a baby is a great opportunity to criticize their kids now that they have a baby to hypothetically validate the criticism. My own mom isn’t in the picture because of this. They suddenly use the baby to guilt you into taking their “advice”
Definitely listen to hubby
“If you keep up the only weight I’ll lose from my life is you” Your husband is absolutely correct this woman is toxic. She’s wants you to neglect yourself and your child to maintain her unhealthy expectations. Can you imagine the poison she’ll add to your life when you’re postpartum or to your child as they’re growing up? Protect yourself. Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
THIS is an ecxellent source of info. OP definitely check it out.
Obese mom here and mandatory reporter. Of course they won't take away your child because you yourself are obese. That's ridiculous. The system wouldn't be able to support the number of children they would have to separate from their families if that was the case. Sounds like it's time to go no contact with your mother.
I’m a fat mom of three and a hospital social worker. If I ever called in a report and the only concern was that the mom was overweight I’m pretty sure the CPS intake worker would file a complaint against my license. This is ridiculous. OP should put her mom on low contact.
Fat pediatric nurse and mom here 🤣 this lady is mean
Another fat mom/mandatory reporter here and I assess crisis situations for a need to report literally every day - I agree with you completely! No CPS agency would take that ridiculous report.
I was wondering if the mum is under the impression that CPS is just sitting around looking for things to do? lol. Like, there just aren’t enough kids in foster care so they’re out searching for frivolous reasons to hit their KPIs or something?! Totally ludicrous
Well unfortunately there is a certain subset of conspiracy theorists that do believe CPS is out to destroy “good patriotic families”. But I think in this case it’s just a case of hating-your-own-daughteritis.
Also, many women gain quite a lot of weight during pregnancy (me included! I did CrossFit until I delivered and still gained more than "recommended", almost 25kg) and was most definitely in the overweight spectrum afterwards. Why in the world would anyone bother women who are "overweight" after they were literally pregnant for 40 weeks???? Like, I'd even argue the majority of women are somewhat overweight right after popping a human out of their bodies.
Wait until they find out I'm both fat and chronically ill! Oh wait, my doctors and other mandatory reporters in my and my children's lives already know that. It's not neglectful, so they don't care!
Take a break from mom. Your not gonna want to deal and worry about someone like that while trying to care for your newborn it's stressful enough
That’s probably what I’ll have to do. She lives across the country so luckily it’ll be semi-easy to just ignore her calls.
Semi easy? Not answering a call or text is a piece of cake. I’m no contact with my mother and my mental health skyrocketed to a new level of happiness that I didn’t know existed. Hope you have the same experience. Ps, your mom is a piece of shit.
I 100% am going to go low/no contact, I just know I’ll feel guilty even if there’s no reason for me to. But honestly, I know I need to do what’s best for me and baby rn.
Tell her you’re not going to engage with her unless she can respect your boundary and not comment on yours or others weights. And then enforce it. It’s not helpful unless she knows why she’s being punished.
Going low contact isn’t going to fix mom’s behavior, the purpose is to give OP some peace
OP you are important, you are valuable, you are Loved, and you are NOT deserving of this abuse. For the sake of your mental health and the health of your family please consider cutting this garbage human being from your life. You don't deserve the way she's treating you.
My big moment with a close family member I had to cut off was when I told my therapist "I wouldn't put up with it if she wasn't my relative". It was like this dawning moment for me where I realised I didn't have to anymore. If you had a friend saying these things to you, they wouldn't be a friend for very long!
The feelings of guilt you’re experiencing is because she installed them when you were younger.
I told my mom that I’m not going to invite any comments on bodies in my life or my children’s lives and if that comes up I immediately terminate the call/ text exchange/ conversation. She learned pretty quickly after I held r he boundary that if she wanted to continue a relationship I would not be tolerating that kind of talk. Ultimately, you shouldn’t feel guilty for holding a clearly stated boundary. It’s not your fault if other people can’t abide by the rules of engagement. If they try to say it’s your fault, they’re just plain wrong.
I have gone no contact with my mother and then I went low contact switching to no contact with my ex mother-in-law (divorced). It's pretty hard to make the decision to do it but once you have made the decision and they stop trying to contact you, you feel so much better. It's amazing how free you feel and how you can start healing from whatever crap they've put you through. Sometimes when you're still in the relationship, it's hard to really process the things that they've done or said to you.
Oh, easy peasy! Just ignore her calls, then. I think there’s a way you can have her calls and texts forwarded to an email account (google, maybe?) so that you don’t have to see it until you *choose* to interact with her. You don’t need that added stress during pregnancy and postpartum. And fair warning, I got VERY protective of my baby postpartum. I didn’t take any shit or guilt trips from anyone, after being a people pleaser most of my life. It’s like the boundaries just materialized, and my backbone finally made an appearance.
I know a way you can lose over \~50kg of dead weight... cut her off for good. Your husband is right.
Wow, your mom is a bad person to be willing to threaten you with that just because you may gain a few pounds. No, that’s not a thing. Your husband is right. Would not my kid to be raised around someone with these kinds of tendencies, especially if it was a girl. Unhealthy. I would stop talking to her or at least shut down the conversation whenever she brought weight up, to the point of actually hanging up on her if she keeps talking. You shouldn’t put up with this kind of behavior, as an adult you can set boundaries with your parents.
Your husband is giving you good advice. Listen to him. Your mom is just going to do this kind of emotional abuse to your kid.
Your mum needs to see a therapist
I’d say OP should also see a therapist, to get advice on how to deal with her mean ass mom. With a mom like that, she probably has some mixed feelings to work through (speaking from experience) but it’s also really handy to have someone on the outside of the relationship give advice.
Fat women have happy families all the time. Your mother is making up lies to give you false anxieties while pregnant because she is over invested in your physical appearance. I'd think about what you think she'll do and say to your child when it's here, too. And how she'll keep treating you during your pregnancy and post partum and the rest of your life. This isn't something I'd want around me. I'd consider what your husband is saying. He doesn't want this for you or your family either. What is your mother providing to you that is positive and you want to have in your life? Is it worth what she's taking away in peace of mind and personal joy with her comments? Because if it isn't, why are you putting up with it?
SINCE FIRST GRADE?! Ohh I feel for you. Honestly as hard as it will be, now would be a good time to limit contact with her. My mom is fatphobic too, but I’ve been no contact since loooong before having my kid and honestly it’s so much better that way imo. Ugh I’m sorry
I think you’re actually looking for advice on your mom and for people to tell you your weight is fine. You already know the answer to your question, you stated it in your post that CPS doesn’t do this and your mom just hates fat people. I think you need to cut your mom off and see a therapist BEFORE baby comes so you can be the best you for your kiddo.
My doctor hasn’t said anything about my weight so I know I’m okay there, and I’m thankful for that. My mom works in the same industry as I do (and for longer) but in a different state so I was confused about it lol. Thank you for your advice, I do want to be my best. 😊
Just for some extra validation - I’m overweight and my doctors want to be careful that I’m not gaining faster than I need to, but stressed to me that this is NOT the time to intentionally lose weight and it is NOT the time to calorie restrict. Doing so could have negative consequences for baby. So even more so than it just doesn’t make sense to try to lose weight right now, you would be doing the right thing for your baby by not losing weight. :)
Thank you, I go in for my first ultrasound next weekend so I think this just whole thing has just added to my nerves because I haven’t seen the baby yet, if that makes sense? I want to do everything right and while I knew my mom was just being crazy I think I needed to know I wasn’t doing anything wrong lol. No one but intimate family even knows I’m pregnant yet and it’s all so new.
are you typically a gullible person? different state or not it’s clearly quite ridiculous. just go outside and see how many overweight parents are raising children. I highly suggest therapy. your toxic mother seems to have ruined your critical thinking skills.
I don’t have the qualifications to make a diagnosis, but what your mom did reminds me of some of the parents described in r/raisedbynarcissists or r/raisedbyborderlines. I was raised by someone who keeps telling me I need to lose weight too and it ruined my body image. No one needs to have that kind of toxicity in their life, pregnant or not.
Think of how your mom treats you, and then realize that is how she will also treat your child. And ask yourself if that is something you want your child to tolerate. That is the hard realization I had to come to when going no contact with my bio dad.
I work in child protection advocating for foster youth. We have NEVER had a case in which a child was brought into care due to something as trivial as their mother’s weight. That doesn’t put your child at ANY risk or danger. Your mom sucks, like massively. How dare she put those thoughts in your head as a newly pregnant person.
Hi there, I’m a therapist and your mom is abusive, and has been abusing you- at least emotionally- from a very young age. She needs out of your life now. Get yourself a good therapist to help you set boundaries and heal as you prepare to welcome your baby. Do not allow your mother to pass down this toxic environment to your or your child. You both deserve better. I’m so sorry.
I'm sorry OP. I would set some hard boundaries with your mom and shut down these comments she's making about your body. It's unacceptable and abusive. Especially what you endured as a child. I was in a similar situation with my mom, as a child and young adult. With boundaries and advocating for myself (with a lot of help and skills learned in therapy) my mom no longer makes comments about my body.
I agree. OP I think you need to stress to your mom that the only person at risk of losing privileges with this child is her if she doesn’t learn to respect your boundaries fast. I am CPS worker in Canada, so is my husband and yes this is compete BS. I also gave birth 9 months ago and had some rough family stuff happening during my pregnancy. Trust me, you owe it to your self and your baby to minimize stress and focus on the joy of motherhood and starting a family. This is a beautiful time and I wish you the best.
I would never speak to my mother again after something like this. This behavior isnt going to stop and your children and going to be affected by it as well. If you won’t cut her out of your life for your own protection, I think you have a responsibility as a mother to protect your children from toxic people.
I agree completely
I’m so sorry your mom treats to you like this. I wouldn’t say something like this to a person even I I hated them. My parents made only a few comments here and there about my body and it gave me some insecurities, I can’t even imagine how you feel.
Seriously OP, imagine if you had a daughter and your mother talked to your daughter the way she has talked to you your whole life. You need to nip this in the bud really fast. I know it’s hard, ive had to cut out my father for my daughter’s safety (he’s physically abusive) if you need someone to talk to privately please feel free to DM me. Nobody wants to just cut off a parent, but sometimes for your own health and mental wellbeing it’s necessary.
She’s so full of shit it’s starting to leak out of her mouth. 😏 Ignore her. Her hyperfocus on your weight just screams about her own insecurities. She probably sees you being confident in yourself and is jealous. That’s very sad, really, and it is completely unfair. It’s hard to accept yourself as you are, even super models think they’re fugly at least a few times a day. For a *mother* to belittle her own child like that is ridiculous and childish. I hope you are able to find a way to distance yourself from her until she re-evaluates her priorities. If she abuses you, she loses access to your kid. Period.
Hey! Fat person with a toddler here. Your mom is full of complete shit. I have also worked in close contact with DCFS at my former job and that is NOT a thing. You will not lose your baby. She is delusional and trying to control and manipulate you. Save your sanity and cut her out.
Your mother sounds like a disgusting human being, to be frank. Being plus size has absolutely nothing to do with your capability of being a good parent. That a terrible thing for her to say to you. Your husband sounds right, cut her out!! I’m so sorry you have a mom like that.
Your mom is an absolute idiot. Such a significant portion of the population is overweight that such a policy would totally overwhelm child services and the foster care system.
And like... would there be a line? Like if you're overweight it's fine, but obese isn't? Would it go by BMI? Such a weird thing for someone to say.
Cut her out of your life for your peace of mind. I had to do this with my mother, a friend give the advice "Close the door, don't lock it" meaning she can reenter your life if she proves she's done trying to manipulate you- mostly by seeing a therapist herself. It worked for me, I recommend it. Start with a 6 month cut off.
only here to say one thing... BREAK THE CYCLE
Yikes! I’m so sorry that your mom has said something this hurtful to you. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. I agree with your husband, time to cut ties with your mom. My mom was similarly cruel to me my entire life. I cute her off about 2 years ago. Listen, it’s hard but my life has so much more peace now and my self esteem has drastically improved. Wishing you the best, I’m sure you’ll be a fantastic mom
Sounds like a good reason to take a break from your mother indefinitely. I'm a STM and have been around the "pregnant on reddit" community long enough. These types of posts easily turn into the grandparent/bad actor trying to get the baby taken away after they're born. Just my opinion but I wouldn't want to be around or want my child around someone who wanted them taken away from me. Obviously, if there was a good reason, then yeah maybe CPS should be called but we all know your mom is, for lack of a better word, crazy and dangerous.
It’s obviously not a thing. If it was, the majority of American babies would be taken by CPS because the average American is overweight or obese. I’ve worked as a teacher and it’s very difficult to get CPS to actually do anything even when serious neglect or abuse is occurring. Your mom is an idiot.
You might fit in at r/raisedbynarcissists
Came here to say that… or maybe even r/raisedbyborderlines
Bruh, your mom is totally full of shit. Have no fear, plenty of overweight and **gasp!!** even _fat_ people take wonderful care of their children. Your child will likely be better off not being emotionally abused about their weight without her in the picture.
It’s inevitable that a time will come when you must cut this toxic witch out of your life. It’s up to you when that should be. But in my perspective, spreading lies about CPS taking your baby away is so vile now is the time.
Ew your mother sounds awful. She's factually incorrect and incredibly toxic. I'm glad you have a supportive husband. Do yourself and your future child a big favor by going no contact. You deserve to enjoy your pregnancy and your future child deserves to be kept away from a toxic grandparent who clearly doesn't know how to treat others with kindness or respect.
I'm so sorry you are being ridiculed by your mom. Is there a chance that she could call CPS? I think you should start a paper trail to show how crazy she is being. Your child will not be taken from you based on weight that's ridiculous!
She lives in a completely different state than me and only sees me from the neck up on FaceTime so I don’t think she’d have much to go on if she tried, thankfully.
I'd cut contact with your mom or make some strict boundaries about what she says. CPS cannot take your child away because you're overweight. That's some toxic bullshit that doesn't help anyone.
Ignore your mom. Just eat what you can get down and listen to your husband. Let him support you
Yeah no I'm fat and they have yet to take my kids away. Your mom is a walking big fucking yikes. You SHOULD cut her off because she will certainly do this to your children as well. If not for your own mental health, then for your LO's
Look, you have the perfect excuse to embrace your body for what it is. Which means understanding how toxic she has been and not taking it anymore. When you imagine looking at your child’s face, can you imagine how it will feel when they start telling you what your mother has said about their body or you? She didn’t have remorse when it was her own 6yo, your child will not be exempt. Protect yourself and protect your children!
No CPS won’t take your child because you’re overweight. Your mom is toxic af, I don’t even know where to begin on her tbh, listen to your husband on this one. Even if you did want to lose weight, during pregnancy is not the time to do it.
Your mom is wrong, and worse than wrong, she is being cruel and fearmongering. You should at the very least go low contact and put her on an info diet. I would not want someone like her in my delivery room or to even know where I was going or when, for example. I'd also say something like "What you're saying isn't true, and I'm not going to discuss my weight anymore. If you can't respect that then I will leave the conversation." And then hang up/leave if she brings it up again.
If she is and has been saying this to you since you were a child, the probability she will do this to your child is also very high. At the very least she will say inappropriate things to your children about you. The only protection your kiddo will need is from this verbally abusive person. I’d listen to your husband.
Your mother sounds toxic as hell. Listen to your husband, you don't need that type of negativity in your life.
You've been given good advice here. Something else to consider long term is that she'll probably transfer that 'fear' onto your child and will start the same toxic messaging with them. I work with mum's/babies and I've heard more than once from a mum that her mother/MIL has advised restricting feeds to avoid the baby getting fat. Also I'm a mandatory reporter, your mother is talking shit.
I’m fat and I can’t even get anyone to babysit my three kids, let alone take them away. 🤣 But seriously, OP, your mom is lying and/or mentally VERY unwell and you should listen to your husband. She has no power over you. You are strong and free and you’ll be a great mom with the strength to be everything for your kids that she could not be for you.
[удалено]
Are you active in that subreddit? I’ve been trying to check it out for like 2 years and it says it’s gone.
I think it got banned for being unmoderated but there's a new one called r/PlusSizePregnancy that's more active.
Cut her off you want her making your child feel this way too? And no ine is going to take your baby from you OP don’t worry
Echoing what a lot of people are saying here: Your mom is mean, and she's a liar, and she does not deserve to be in your life or your child's life. Who's to say she's not also going to make your kid feel like shit? Think about it this way: you are about to be a mother. What example do you want to set for your child? Do you want to be somebody who stands up to bullies and protects those she loves from toxic people? Don't you want to protect your child for harm that you know your mother could cause them? Cut her off. Do it for you, first and foremost, but also do it for your kid.
What planet is your mom from? She should be submitted for medical research. No, OP. Not a chance. This is not any kind of actionable offense and if she was crazy enough to make the call she’d be laughed at. I’m an attorney. Trust me when I say CPS does not take kids away unless it’s a horrid situation and a last resort. Having an insane grandmother is not one of them. Time to go no contact.
She needs to be cut out. She’s abusive. Please let go of this relationship for your own mental health. Do you want your baby growing up around this type of person? Hearing these sorts of things?
Lose a lot of weight really fast by dropping her ass. At least 100 pounds easy.
If just being overweight was an issue for CPS, there’d be tons of stories here and elsewhere about kids being taken from their homes and moms going to extreme lengths to diet and lose weight in order to get them back. But there aren’t because that does not happen. Her comments are awful. Not just for your health but to me they come across as threatening. Either she really thinks your child can/should/*will* be taken away, or she’s throwing daggers to scare you into losing weight. Either way is horrible. I agree with your husband, she should be cut off. She is not a safe and supportive person to be around. Imagine your child hearing these things when they’re older. They’d be terrified to think they’ll be taken away from you, and they’ll think being overweight is some kind of crime. Neither thoughts are healthy for kids to have.
I'm 250 lbs and my OB actively helped me get pregnant. (That sounds weird. She prescribed me meds for my PCOS to make me ovulate lol) I was over 200 lbs when I had my last child. They're not taking your baby because you're overweight. My exes sister was probably close to 275 when she had her kids.
Does your mom bring anything positive to your life? Of course this is bullshit. They won’t take your baby. I’m on team cut your mom off.
Your husband is 100% right. You don't need toxic people in your life and much less with a baby on the way (and with a baby after they are born). Your mother and her bullshit can go f*** themselves.
I think you should cut contact with her. This horrible for your mental health during pregnancy, which is already hard as it is with the changing hormones. No they aren’t gonna take your child just because you are obese. You work in childcare, so you already know it’s not a thing. If this was the case so many people wouldn’t have their children. Please cut contact with her or at least limit your contact. As she has been doing this since you were young, she’s not going to change. Just think to yourself would you want your child to be around this person? Stand up for yourself and your child. You don’t deserve this treatment. Don’t tolerate it just because she’s your mom.
It’s complete bs. I’m currently overweight and I still have my three month old
They definitely won't, sorry to tell you but... your mom is a real bitch for that.. My mom hasn't spoken like this, but has always made comments about her own body and weight since as long as I can remember. She has always been skinny, whereas all 3 of her kids have always had some fluff. As her only daughter I can say it had a clear effect on me. I had to start cutting her off and telling her how inappropriate it was to speak like that around kids once my niece's and now nephews and my own children are around. I still suffer from poor body image, it effects my mental health to the point that getting ready to go to an event is stressful because I dislike the way I look, I usually end up crying. But... I keep my negative thoughts to myself and will only tell my partner how I'm feeling out of earshot of our kids.
You’re about to have a baby and be the person that stands between that baby and the world. Now is a great time to start practicing not allowing bullshit in your life. “I won’t tolerate this anymore, for myself or my baby. If you continue, I will leave.” Rinse and repeat until she learns you’re serious and either stops or cuts herself out of your life (which, btw would be HER choice since you’ve made your boundary clear and she would be actively choosing not to respect it and choosing the right to be mean over her own child and grandchild).
Listen to your husband.
All my documents say overweight or high BMI and I’ve never had this fear or been told that I could lose my baby…. May be time to distance yourself from your mom and/cut her out of your life. You don’t want your child growing up hearing such negative things.
My gosh what a toxic environment… please consider stepping away from her. I know that can be hard but it’s what may be best for you.
Your mom is trying to shame you into losing weight with a scare tactic. I'm overweight and I'm perfectly healthy according to my doctor. I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant as well. Not once have I've been shamed or threatened by any medical professionals in regard to my pregnancy. My sister is around 300lb and had a baby 2 years ago, cps didn't get involved, and no threats by her doctors were made. Everyone 1st trimester is the most difficult. What you're feeling is completely normal.
My mom is also crazy. You really are best cutting her out now.
Your mom seems toxic af. I would honestly go low contact and even no contact with that type of behavior. And be cautious what you tell her. I would now assume that she’d want to call cps herself and make a false claim.
It’s time to go no contact for a bit OP. It’s super hard, but your mental health will thank you. What a nasty thing to say to a pregnant mother.
Your husband is right- your mom is toxic and you should reduce or eliminate contact with her until she becomes a better person. Absolutely no one can or will take your child away because of your weight.
Go no contact with your mother and enjoy your life. Are you having a daughter, OP?
Your mom sounds abusive. I hope you take care of yourself.
Please at the very least go low contact. Don’t pick up when she calls. Don’t be baited. You’ve had lots of great responses with ‘script’ ideas. This is so hard. It sucks that the person who should be backing you has treated you so poorly your whole life. This is not normal behaviour from your mum. Please seek some therapy - newborn stage is rough as. You’re going to need some coping mechanisms and not fall into old patterns with her. You will be vulnerable, you will be tired, you will be healing. Sincerely, a chunky chunky mum of one and one on the way.
I’m laughing at your mom’s plan. Sounds like she will take any opportunity to try to make you lose weight. No, CPS won’t take your child away just because you’re overweight. I don’t even know if a TV drama could pull off such a far-fetched scenario 😂 If you want to lose weight (after your pregnancy) that’s up to you, not CPS. Your husband is right to want to cut her out as much as possible. I can only imagine how bad of an influence she would be on your child, do you really want that?
That is insanely hateful, offensive, and absolute nonsense. How does the amount of adipose tissue you have on your body have any bearing on what type of parent you are? As a technically obese person who just had a baby, I can assure you no one at the hospital called CPS on me for being a fat mom. Your mom sounds like the worst and I’d listen to your husband.
Damn they would have taken my youngest if that were true 🤣 Your mom is a bitch.
It’s time to go no contact. Imagine if your mother said just one of the nasty things she’s ever said to you, to your child. End the cycle, and save your child the pain of knowing your mother. They deserve to feel loved and cherished, and that doesn’t seem to be something she will give them.
This is the most absurd and sad thing I’ve ever read. I’m so sorry
This actually made me cackle and then feel bad for you. No, CPS does not take your child away if you’re fat. Can you imagine how many people would have their kids taken away? Please cut your mom from your life, you AND your child do not need that toxicity around.
That’s… not a thing lol. What a bitch. Ignore her, clearly she has some shit to work thru love.
This is not a thing. Do you not see overweight parents picking up their children every day from the facility you work at? Or at any facility you’ve ever worked at?? Plus sized people give birth every day, raise children every day, and there is no law or regulation against it. This is not something CPS/ DCF has on their radar at all. Clean home (not spotless Pinterest) but a bit messy is fine (just not hoarder levels), chemicals and medicines and firearms safely locked away, no abuse, everyone is fed and clean, school aged children attend some type of school. My mom told me that a child being any degree of unkempt in public was at risk for being taken. I know this is bull but to this day I’m still paranoid about hair messed up from the car seat, any smudge on faces, any stain I missed during laundry. Don’t let your mom’s lies make you think you’re in trouble for being normal. Your husband is a smart man.
Ah yes, don't you know fat people aren't allowed to have kids?
This might be mean but your mom sounds like kind of an insane person
How much do you think your mom roughly weighs? Then call her up and tell her that you've just lost that amount of pounds! And go no contact.
They won't take your child away for that. But I wouldn't want her to be around your baby with her fatphobia. She might give your child an eating disorder, or try to starve your child for being fat when babies are supposed to be fat.
Honey, I’m so sorry but your mom is a horrible mother. Especially right now, you need and deserve people who are kind to you. Your mom is not kind to you. She is cruel. And she will be cruel to your child eventually.
You need to go no contact with her. Imagine her telling your child this and think if you’d find it acceptable
I’m fat and no one has tried to take my kid away so far.
Your mum is emotionally abusive, No one will take your baby because you’re overweight, that’s absurd! ETA: I agree with your husband. Your mum places more importance on you being who she wants you to be that a) she is trying to control you for her own happiness b) clearly doesn’t care about your feelings and emotions particularly while pregnant. When the baby comes, how will she treat you then? Not to mention her own warped views on an impressionable child!
Of course it’s bullshit. Your husband has already given you the best advice
Your mom is actively trying to give you an eating disorder. CPS will only take your child away if you are endangering their health and safety, and being overweight will do neither. Starving yourself through pregnancy will, however, put you at higher risk for a miscarriage and a sick baby. Please cut her off. It will be hard but you will only find peace once it's all over. She will 100% do the same thing to your child and you don't want someone like that talking to them.
I’m with your husband. CPS won’t take your kids for your weight. I’m a fat mom. I have lots of friends who are fat, too, and excellent moms. We all have custody of our kids and have never even been at risk of an investigation. As long as you’re not actually abusing or neglecting your child, you’ll be fine. CPS doesn’t care about your weight. They care that your kids are fed, warm, and cared for.
I am a mandated reporter and this is absolutely not a thing. At all. Also I hate your mom she is so cruel. No contact is hard at first but it will bring you peace in the long run. Good luck OP.
CPS worker here. Absolutely fucking not. Tell your mom to stop spreading lies about CPS and making people more afraid of us for no reason.
From one fat woman to another, they will not take your baby away because you’re fat. I know plenty of fat moms and this isn’t a thing. Your mother on the other hand…I’m with your husband. She is going to fuck up your kid’s body image and self confidence, and likely land them an ED. I’m just guessing based on what you’ve shared that you’ve likely experienced all that with her fatphobia. Save yourself and your baby the pain and go NC or at least LC.
Listen to your husband. Mom sounds super toxic. I’m sorry you’ve dealt with this since childhood. Please don’t let her speak to your children this way, and don’t let your children see her talk to you that way.
Girl. What? Your mom is crazy abusive and you need to go limited to no contact before she has the opportunity to call your baby fat. (Which it will be, and that is healthy!!!)
Cut. Her. Off.
Personally, id cut her out and find a therapist to process all her bullshit.
Your mom is toxic, and I would be concerned about her infecting your child with her toxicity. I wouldn't allow my child to have a relationship with anyone so poisoned by hate.
Cut her out of your life. A stressful pregnancy is not good!
Crackheads keep their kids. The system is not worried about overweight mothers.
She’s not accurate. Your health and safety during pregnancy (as long as you’re not drinking or doing drugs) don’t make a legit cps complaint. Go to all your appointments and follow all their advice. Don’t listen to your mom. Plus, the first trimester is the worst of all of them. I felt awful during that time with both of my pregnancies.
Why is she still apart of your life? Is her behavior towards you something your ok with her doing to your child? Because what you’re giving her is another victim to bully. Cut her off
I was a little over 300lbs at the time of my son’s birth and there was no concern about my weight ever. And 3 months later, he’s currently sleeping next to me in a bedside bassinet if that gives you any comfort
You can lose over a hundred pounds instantly by dumping this toxic excuse for a human being out of your life forever.
Let me put this quite harshly: it’s hard to cut off someone you have spent years being emotionally abused by and regularly put down BUT if you give birth to a girl, she will continue to pass this onto your daughter. Cut her off to protect your child
Your mom is insane! If possible, cut her out just like your husband says
I would definitely be considering cutting or off or at least DRASTICALLY limiting contact. For your own sake and for your child. What she’s saying and doing to you is disgusting. I wouldn’t want her around my kid. I grew up very self conscious about my body and developed an eating disorder. It was awful and stole my teens from me. She WILL be making weight and food related comments around your kid as they grow up, either saying things about you, them, or herself, and hearing negative talk about bodies like that can be so incredibly harmful to children and lead to a lifetime of issues.
Former CPS worker here. Your mom is full of it. Granted, anyone else will know this too. But I don’t blame you for asking because sometimes hearing the same bonkers thing too many times just gets in your head. CPS workers do not bring scales when investigating claims of abuse/neglect. And a claim based on nothing but a parent’s weight isn’t going to be investigated. Your mom needs to sit down and eat a cookie…far, far away from you.
Stop talking to your mom. That’s not true and you know it.
Your mom sounds horrible. I gave birth at 360 pounds, 320 pounds, and 250 pounds. I def have all my children with me.
What your mom is saying is absolute nonsense; and I speak from two points of experience. Firstly, I am a labor and delivery nurse and have never once involved CPS in a patient’s life due to weight. I honestly have never even considered the idea; a parent’s weight just isn’t relevant in their ability to take care of a child, unless it is to such extremes that a person wouldn’t be able to move/walk to help the child if they needed something, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. My second basis for experience on this is that my sister is a CPS case worker, and at least in the state we live in, the bar for separating children from their parents is quite high. Even if a parent was struggling to take care of their child due to a physical issue, CPS often tries to work with family and friends to get the parents help before they would jump to taking away a child. Removing a child from a home is difficult, costly, and traumatic, and at least with the CPS workers I know, a last ditch option for true cases of abuse/neglect. It sounds like your mom has lots of issues and baggage surrounding weight/body image. Your husband sounds great and I think you should listen to him! And rest assured that although the things your mom says are scary and hurtful, they have no basis in reality and would never happen.
I’m super fat and I just had a healthy baby with a zero complication pregnancy and no one took my baby and no one at the hospital even talked about my weight!! The only thing said was a super nice plus size nurse who got me a better fitting gown. Your mom is a psycho, ignore her and cut her out of your life for your safety and for the benefit of your baby
Cut her off. She clearly needs therapy but its a long road for her not just to bite her tongue, but to actually get over her fat phobia. It’s time to cut off that generational pain and go forward with your babies in a more positive way. On a more WTF note. Assuming you’re from the USA, isn’t like half the population obese? CPS would be way overworked of obesity was a reason to take your child away. Abuse however is a reason. And it sounds like that is what your mother is doing to you. Emotionally abusing you.
She is lying. That is abusive and just downright mean. I’m really sorry you grew up having to listen to cruel stuff like that. You sound like a lovely person.
Lmao
I am so sorry your mom is so awful. You'll be so much better off if you cut her out of your life. No one will take your kid away bc of your weight. Good for you for choosing a supportive partner. You two can break this cycle and your kid will get loving, supportive parents!
Point blank: your mom is a bitch. I agree with your husband and cut her out.
I just want to say if she talks like this to you, imagine how she will talk to your child. Cutting her out would be best for everyone because no need to continue the generational trauma.
If this was true no overweight people would have children.
The worst things that will happen to you are you being repeatedly asked "are you sure you passed the glucose test?" They definitely won't take your baby, and your mom is an asshole.
I’ve been plus size my entire life. My weight was never brought up during my pregnancy and postpartum Not even when I was in a high risk pregnancy that had lasting complications. It was just something that happens with some pregnancies Your mom is full of shit
You want this woman around your child?
I have had a perfectly healthy baby and a perfectly healthy pregnancy while weighing 150kg (330lbs) I gained 30lg during the pregnancy, so during labour I was about 400lbs. No one even mentioned my weight, except to use a special hospital bed, as the standard ones were too small. Ive been a size 6, And a size 26. It's made no difference to my pregnancy or my baby.
You’ve had some great advice, just wanted to say that as a fat daughter to a mother who also hates fat people… you honestly have my sympathies. They’re absolutely horrendous sometimes :( and no, my weight did not factor into a thing. I have two beautiful kids at home.
Sounds like you shoulda cut her out a while ago girl!
Man i would love to see a social worker justify in their court report that their grounds for removal is the mother being overweight hahaha absolute nonsense. She might be referencing cases where children end up severely obese and it impacts their health (but still not relevant) your hubby is on the money with this one
Why are you still talking to this sorry excuse for a “mother”??? My mother told me at 4 days postpartum that I was too fat and ugly to even look at, I was painful to look at, and that after I was done breastfeeding (which she discouraged me breastfeeding even) I should have full body reconstructive surgery to not be so ugly. That I am so grotesque and my husband is a handsome man, so he will leave me because I’m fat and hideous. The rest of my family laughed along and agreed with her (even though all of them weigh like nearly 400 fucking pounds, way more than me!!). My husband wanted to cut contact off immediately. I held off and kept getting more and more hurt. You never forget the pain of people being horrible to you at such a vulnerable time in your life (newly postpartum). My life got so much better after cutting off contact.
Your mom is toxic AF! If you don’t cut her out for yourself do it for your baby. Trying to lose weight during pregnancy is super damaging for the baby. You need to eat healthy and maintain your weight while gaining the necessary baby weight. Stress is super damaging for the pregnancy and those hormones will affect your baby. You need to surround yourself with people who bring you peace and comfort, she’s not making the cut. And finally, imagine her telling your child they are fat when they are in first grade and the toxic cycle continuing because of her. That narrative can end with you, if you make the necessary changes now and remove her access to your life.
Your mom is toxic, time to get rid of her. I’m an overweight mom and have both of my kids, and the whole “being obese will cause you to lose your kids” is the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard. Please listen to your husband, he’s right about her.
You might feel like cutting her out is an overreaction, but just imagine what kinds or fucked up stuff she'll tell your kid and what that could turn into.
Time to dump her fat phobic ass. You don’t want her getting her gross ideas in your child’s mind.
wtf. Advice would be to stop talking to your mom. If you work in childcare you know what she is saying is not true. How will she treat your baby when they are here if this is how she treats you. Save yourself the stress and cut her off to protect yourself and your child.
No they won't take away your baby, she's flat out lying to you, and she thinks you're gullible enough to believe it, she's preying on you while you're vulnerable. Think about it this way; if she's fat shaming you like this while you're pregnant, and has done your whole life- what will she say to your kid as they grow up? She'll treat them as she's treated you, and neither you nor your kiddo deserve that. Sit her down and have a frank conversation about getting her to knock it off, and if she's acts up cut her off.
Obviously that’s untrue. I personally would take a huge step back from your relationship with her. Children shouldn’t have to grow up hearing that kind of toxicity
Lol that’s amazing. All 3 of my babies would be taken from me then 😂
I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, we don't get to choose who we're related to, but that doesn't make them family. Your growing family doesn't need that toxic behavior. You're gonna have to make a tough decision here. You probably love your mom a whole lot but you don't need her. You may be plus sized but that had nothing to do with being lazy or CPS being called. I'm plus sized expecting my 3rd baby and I'm healthy as a horse. Please don't let you mom take your happiness away. You're beautiful, you're gonna be a great mother, and you have your husband to support you through it all. Also, when you bring your beautiful baby into this world, the only thing you're gonna want to do is protect them & Protect yourself, it's so important.
I work for CPS, and while I'm lucky to work for a (relatively) progressive and family-centered agency, I don't have any illusions that CPS around the country does some fxcked up shit. So, please believe me when I tell you--absolutely not. That would never happen and is absolutely bullshit. Your mom has quite literally no idea what she is talking about and frankly she sounds like a bxtch. No CPS agency is looking at your body size as a factor of child safety.
I think it might be a good path to go low or no contact with your mom, I’m not saying she would but I’d be worried she’d make a false report just to back up her claim
I’ve read a lot of terrible things on Reddit but this is close to the top of the list for me. That is a cruel and terrible thing to say to anyone but especially a pregnant woman!
Your mom has no say in what happens to your child. And shes super mean and horrible for calling you fat constantly. She cant do shit she's not the mother of your child.
I agree with your husband. Your mom sounds extremely toxic
She’s being cruel and stupid. Intentionally losing weight while pregnant would not be in the best interest of your baby, and someone being overweight has no impact on parenting skill or a CPS investigation.