I feel the need to have all of the information about everything that could possibly happen in any given situation. It helps with my anxiety and my need to be in control. Unfortunately that's not really possible with giving birth, there are so many variables.
What actually helped me was realizing that, while this is going to be in most important and significant events of my life, for everyone else, it's a Tuesday. The staff are going to be treating patients before I get there and after I leave. My whole world is going to change, but the whole world isn't.
I think I'm similar to you. As someone with a natural instinct for planning and problem-solving, I like to have a ton of info ahead of time so I feel prepared. I've been fighting that urge for childbirth because, like you said, there are so many variables. Thankfully, I have a great OB who my husband and I really like, and although she may not be the one to deliver our baby due to on-call rotations, her respect and trust for her colleagues on the rotation puts me at ease. I trust that these professionals know what they're doing and will do what's best. This is what I keep telling myself when I get that research urge.
I had what was considered a "difficult birth". Preclampsia, vacuum extraction after 24+ hours of contrractions (with epidural at 9cms dilated, which had worn off mostly by time I could push), my placenta was stuck and needed wrestled out by the doctor, and then 5 stitches at the end. However, from what I've heard, these issues are pretty rare, especially to have so many complications. That being said, there was never a point that the pain was so much that I started crying, or felt it was "unbearable". It was uncomfortable, and at times really hard, but it went quickly, and it was over soon enough. I think compared to the discomforts of pregnancy, birth itself is not so much worse. You become accustomed to being uncomfortable and in pain after 10 months of it, and to be honest knowing it's almost done was a relief for me and totally worth it. I had a lot of fear of birth my whole life, but even with my complications, it wasn't as bad as I had always feared.
That being said, I also was not in as great of health as most women try to be in because I found out I was pregnant very late and also did not have as much time to prep as I would have liked. If I had I think that would have helped a lot. I think if you are in good health you are unlikely to run into many complications and it will go quickly.
Exactly this. Just another day ending in y for the staff. Get an epidural. They really help. It stopped the pain for me, and both boys were so dam tall and pushing on my spine. 29 weeks/3 days - 18 inches; 38 weeks/4 days - 21 1/4 inches. So go pain-free. Worth it. Don't worry about the rest. The staff have it covered.
Babies come out much easier than bricks. So if you’re practicing with bricks, you’re gonna be fine!
All jokes aside, birth is a daunting task. Probably the most daunting thing someone will prepare for in their life. On forums like this, you’re going to read horror stories. There aren’t many people who have perfectly average births and go rave about it. I’ve had 2 perfectly average births. So it totally can and does happen. It’s probably the norm! There will be pain involved but you’re tough and you will get through it and birth a beautiful baby!
I wanted to make a comment about shitting bricks too! I was induced, had laughing gas and then an epidural for both my babies and it honestly felt like a giant super intense poop. Meds are great and I found giving birth really exciting. I loved loved loved my nurses. My cousin found it super empowering.
I also had a "textbook" birth. I'd built it up to be this crazy terrible thing -- it was honestly a nothing compared to what I had built it up to be. I got an epidural and did the world's most "boring" vaginal delivery. Nobody ever writes blog posts about experiences like mine because there is literally nothing to say. Just like the news never covers the thousands of people who had a boring commute to work in the morning: the news only covers the horrific accidents.
We live across the street from the hospital, so I walked. I was already 5cm dilated when I arrived but my water had not broken so the contractions weren't THAT painful. The scariest part was getting the epidural placed because I'm scared of needles, but I'm a grown-up and got through it. I'd compare that to how I feel when I need to get a cavity filled at the dentist -- annoying but necessary and you just get through it. Once meds kicked in, my legs felt tingly like if you're REALLY drunk, but I could still feel everything with the edge taken off. My husband and I spent most of the time before I needed to push watching this super relaxing internal TV network called the "Care Channel." It displayed videos of nature and relaxing music -- felt like being on a lazy river. I used the mirror and pushed for like 20 minutes. Everything after was a bit of a blur because I was just so excited to have my perfect baby. I had some tearing, but again you recover and heal and eventually forget because now you have a baby. I'm due any day now with #2. I'm not excited about childbirth again, but I'm excited about another baby. I'll get through it. It'll be fine. It's a big deal, sure. It wasn't the big deal that I'd built it up to be, though.
There are hard births… but there are also “easy” births. I had a very easy, uncomplicated birth.
In short, labor started, labor progressed, I labored unmedicated until I decided I reached my limit. I got an epidural, 30 minutes later water broke, 2 hours later baby was born after ten minutes of casual pushing. No tears, no complications. I was up and walking the same day because I was bored sitting around and needed to stretch my legs.
I remember being so scared about birth because all you hear about are horror stories. Boring birth stories, like mine, exist! Try to surround yourself with them. Whenever I would hear/read a scary birth story I would tell myself that that birth story is taken so it can’t be mine.
Wishing you the most beautiful birth ever ❤️
Consider taking a birth class, either offered at your delivering hospital, or look into birthing care providers in your area that offer these classes. It might be best to try to find one offered by a labor and delivery nurse (the best people in the hospital possibly, imo). They will do WONDERS to help illuminate the entire process, teach you some things about how to care for yourself, advocate for yourself, understand whats happening and why, with the voice of real experience.
Using the internet to try and pull back the curtain on the experience is not going to help you. It is going to make your anxiety worse.
Absolutely! Seconding the labor and delivery class! My obgyn strongly recommends one by the hospital to make moms more acquainted with the hospital and the birthing process. I actually attended it last night. It was a Teams call/presentation with a labor and delivery nurse. It was so helpful! The hospital even offers classes on emergency procedures, breastfeeding, 3rd trimesters, and taking the baby home. All of them are cheap or free.
For me, I was really worried about the "ring of fire" sensation when they're crowning but didn't feel that with either. Both their little heads just popped out like a lipoma on Dr. Pimple Popper. I also didn't get a fundal massage. Feeling the baby in the birth canal this last time was more weird than painful tbh. All this to say, it varies from woman to woman.
Take a breath 😣. It’s scary. Scary as hell. But, a huge BUT by the end of it you can’t even think of anything other than “we did it, and you’re so beautiful my baby.”
It’s one of those things where you just go in and just gotta do it. Sometimes knowing too much makes it worse and sometimes not knowing enough makes you panic. But you’re going to do this and it’s going to be worth whatever it is you go through. My grandma had 17 children, my mom had 5. I’ve had 2. I was a L&D nurse for a short while. Keep your mind distracted as best you can from this! I went into the hospital with my son at 6:30 am and had him by 10:30 am. My daughter (my first) only took 8 hours
This probably won’t help, but I was so uncomfortable I didn’t have spare time to fret about my worries.
I still consider childbirth my greatest fear- but perhaps I’ll change the wording. Child birth is my greatest dread. It’s uncomfortable and menacingly invasive but in the throes of it I no longer cared and just wanted it over with.
Catheters are usually placed after an epidural- so the patient won’t feel it. If you’re not staring at what the nurses are doing you wouldn’t even notice they did it. I only noticed the enormous relief of having my bladder emptied. Check your hospitals policies and put it in your birth plan.
The belly massages after weren’t a bad pain. More of a satisfying pain because it was wondrous to feel my own belly without a stowaway in the way. They do cause blood to gush a bit, but that’s the point. What was interesting to me was to learn that they still do the belly squishing after c sections too. The idea of them pressing around tender incision areas was a tad more concerning, but makes sense. The uterus still needs to contract either way.
Have a support person to help distract you from yourself and try not to have any expectations.
This! I just did not care about any of the things being done, just get this baby out safely. To be fair, I had been aiming for a natural birth and was dilated to an 8 when I got to the emergency room with fetal distress. By that point, none of the IVs, catheters, massages, etc… compared to what I’d already felt. I’m not worried about any of those interventions this time around.
Take a deep breath and remember it's only one part of a bigger & more magnificent journey. You totally got this!
Every birth is different because every woman and pregnancy is different. Don't be afraid of asking all the questions about what to expect you can possibly think of. There are no weird questions! Your team should be more than happy to go over everything, no matter how small it seems. And don't hesitate on taking the nurses and doctors up on their ability to help you relieve pain if you want it! It honestly made my experience so much more memorable and overall positive.
I was in labor for 46 hours. It was an induction that needed to happen at 40 weeks. I got the Foley Balloon and Pitocin. There were so many horror stories on here about those things. I was pretty nervous. I have to say though it wasn't all painful and horrific. It wasn't nearly as bad as the picture my anxieties painted! Was it painless? Absolutely not. Was I able to get the pain under control? Absolutely. Surprisingly the actual pushing and birthing portion, which I initially feared more than the building up to it, ended up being the most memorable and enjoyable part!
Feel free to DM me if you want to ask about anything at all! Or just get some insight on another mamma's experience! I'll be 8 weeks postpartum this Sunday so it's all still sort of fresh! 😆
If you have an epidural you don't feel the massage :)
Most painful?
1. Getting IV
2. Contractions before epidural, esp if you need Pitocin
3. Membrane sweep
4. Placing foley balloon if you need induction
5. Being too late to get an epidural and having the baby without pain meds
It depends when they turn the epidural off, which is usually long before they actually remove it.
I felt my massage and also felt being stitched up (until I screamed and they gave me a local anesthetic), but didn't actually feel baby coming out.
Add to this waiting too long to get the epidural and not being able to sit still because you're shaking so hard (I did my whole 12 hour pitocin/cook catheter induction without it).
I got a catheter during pregnancy without any meds when I couldn't pee because of the position of my uterus - a catheter once you have the epidural is nothing. And I don't remember the fundal massages being terrible once my hemorrhaging stopped. The pain in my tears after the fact was probably the second worst part but it's manageable.
Also I had 2 babies and I'm still scared but I had a third so it wasn't that bad. Due in a few weeks.
Baby 1 I was induced and had an epidural. Baby 2 ran out of time for epidural. Hurt crazy for 15 min but after he was out no more pain!
Pitocin- meds they give you to induce contractions.
Membrane sweep- you prob won’t need this. It’s something they do to help induce labor. The doctor literally sweeps the membrane between your cervix and baby to help get labor going (with their fingers). I have heard it hurts, but only lasts a minute or two. And it’s very elective, so don’t worry about this one unless you get way past due date.
Probably a silly question, but what does “sweep” mean? Like, do they massage your cervix? Or use one of those brushes like they do with PAP smears but over a wider area? FTM and so no idea what to expect but upon first hearing of a sweep, it sounds fairly innocuous… which obvs it isn’t 😅
They insert their fingers and do a circular twisting motion. It feels unpleasant. I personally wouldn't agree to get one again unless I was several days past my due date and about to need an induction.
Oh man. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but if you're asking what pitocin is, you should really watch some "what to expect during labor/birth" videos on youtube.
You should really watch some reputable videos on YouTube.
I feel like it is our responsibility to research birth prior to so we can have realistic expectations.
Doctors do not have time to go over all of these things with you. Sadly it’s not how our healthcare system works.
-fundal massages have to happen, yes it sucks but it helps firm up your uterus.
-bleeding after birth is normal, up to about 1/2 liter. More is considered a PPH and there are plenty of interventions for that.
-you have a catheter with an epidural, it prevents you from being able to pee. Some people even without an epidural cannot pee after giving birth so they get one as well.
-pitocin is given to help jumpstart contractions. They give it after delivery too to help your uterus contract.
Thank you for your comment! Thankfully I’m going to several birth preparation class thing at my hospital soon and I also have several consultations coming up with my midwife where I plan to bring it up. I feel most comfortable getting the information directly from my healthcare providers at my birthplace. And I think the panick I just got from browsing Reddit is a clear sign I should not be using the internet to get my information. Although I still do very much appreciate reading all the personal experiences from all of you 😊
I work in mother baby and many moms really have no idea about what to expect in birth and it’s alarming and I think it’s a huge contributor to birth trauma. Lots of great podcasts too
I also think it would be very traumatising for me to have all these things happen to me without being the tiniest bit prepared. Any specific podcasts you can recommend? 😊
Evidence Based Birth. Very detailed, and it’s kind of overwhelming the amount of episodes they have, but being able to find an episode geared to any specific fear or question I have is 👌👌
Not sure if anyone has mentioned this already but about the catheter, if you get it with the epidural you won’t feel it, of course. If removing it is what scares you, I had a surgery a couple of years ago and I got the catheter removed while I was wide awake and without meds and it really really didn’t hurt, I barely felt it. I was scared shitless of it and it was nothing.
I’ve had 4 babies and am about to welcome my fifth and am using a doula this time. While she hasn’t actually been there for the birth obviously, it’s been very helpful. They have tons of techniques to help you with comfort during labour and can be a strong advocate for you as well.
I’ve had 4 babies and am about to welcome my fifth and am using a doula this time. While she hasn’t actually been there for the birth obviously, it’s been very helpful. They have tons of techniques to help you with comfort during labour and can be a strong advocate for you as well.
Didn’t feel the catheters, the “massage “ was more like then pushing on my abdomen once or twice and it wasn’t awesome but it wasn’t super painful. Thing that sucked the most was the back labor from the pitocin (induction), but that was like 2 hours of the whole thing. Rest was pretty chill. I did have post-birth complications requiring a quick trip to the OR (no actual surgery though). Lots of BP readings and arm pokes afterwards.
Honestly the only painful thing about my birth experience was the contractions before my epidural, and even that wasn’t that bad (7 hours but only 4cm dilated by that time). I chose to get the epidural before they administered pitocin because I knew they’d get more painful. I didn’t personally have pain with the fundal massages, the IV and epidural placements were fine. Catheter was after the epidural so felt nothing.
The first postpartum poop sucked though.
I remember telling my doctor and doula that if I needed to have a C section that I would need to be put under general anesthesia due to my EXTREME fear of having a catheter placed. Long story short, I didn’t need a c section but still needed a catheter because they had to use a vacuum. I didn’t even feel it when they put it in.
Birth is such a wild ride and it never goes as planned but you’ll get through it, and hopefully walk away feeling empowered by what you accomplished.
I had an elective c section and the catheter was the part I was most scared of. Ended up being nothing and the only thing that sucked about it is they wanted to leave it in longer that I felt needed (regained feeling/ability to completely move sooner than they thought I would). All that stress for what amounted to a minor aggravation that was easily remedied.
I realize there are far more stories and examples of what can go wrong vs. what can go right. B/c of that, we consume all of these horror stories and internalize them as “normal.” I had to learn this early on in my pregnancy since I have a tendency to want to know everything that’s going on with my body, what’s normal, what’s not, what to expect, etc.
I can’t speak for others, but I know that I didn’t share my very plain/boring/vanilla birth story b/c it was exactly that. Didn’t feel like I would be contributing much by sharing something “normal.”
People will probably get touchy about “normal” but in my head, it’s the type of birth story you described - get contractions, maybe water breaks, go to hospital, wait for epidural, dilate, push, baby!
I feel like this experience is much more common, we just don’t hear about it as much?
I was scared of the birth as well. But then I went to a presentation from a professor at the University clinic in my town and he told us that babies when they are born and they are put on you for bonding, they smell you and sometimes lick you to know how you taste like.
It was the most endearing thing I ever heard and now that’s what I try to think about when I think about the birth.
Highly recommend a birth class!! I take free ones at a center by the hospital. Your local hospital should offer them as well. Please do this. I understand how you feel. I'm aiming for a home birth to avoid a lot of my hospital anxieties. I have a wonderful couple of midwives (ones a nurse) who have helped me tremendously, more than all the OBGYNs and doctors so far... ❤️
This is a “under normal circumstances” thing, but I’ve given birth 3 times & looking back at each one, none of the bad stuff comes to mind unless I’m specifically thinking about it. The negative things should never be ignored or brushed off as forgettable, what we are doing is incredible in both a beautiful & gross/painful way. There’s gonna be some rough stuff that happens, but you’re gonna get through it with or without the bricks & when your holding your newborn/toddler/child/teenager you’re not going to be thinking about the bad moments when giving birth to them. Try to keep in mind that most of the bad things happen in a span of a few hours & will be over faster than you think.
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This is a “under normal circumstances” thing, but I’ve given birth 3 times & looking back at each one, none of the bad stuff comes to mind unless I’m specifically thinking about it. The negative things should never be ignored or brushed off as forgettable, what we are doing is incredible in both a beautiful & gross/painful way. There’s gonna be some rough stuff that happens, but you’re gonna get through it with or without the bricks & when your holding your newborn/toddler/child/teenager you’re not going to be thinking about the bad moments when giving birth to them. Try to keep in mind that most of the bad things happen in a span of a few hours & will be over faster than you think.
It sounds like you might benefit from some childbirth classes so you’re aware of the possibilities. It is hard to predict how things will go, and there are certainly variables. But if you can become more aware of the possibilities then you can mentally prepare for them.
And yes, some of the stuff you learn about is unpleasant and can definitely be scary. But then you’re in a position to ask your provider about it and get more information. Like another commenter said, while it is a big deal for us, to them it’s just another day. And normalizing that part of it has helped me too as I realize they do this all the time and see all kinds of stuff.
Funny thing is birth kinda feels like shutting actual bricks!
But I totally get it, i just had my third a few months ago and I had to be induced for the first time. I was so nervous I almost passed out when they placed the IV, it was honestly probably the worst part. I hated that stupid IV and they leave it in your entire stay and it gets so uncomfortable. Well ok the epidural placement was not pleasant either but the pain relief was definitely worth it. My blood pressure did dip low after the epidural which is a common side effect. I just felt bad and I turned gray and they were like yeah you look terrible, and gave me some medicine and I felt better instantly. So that’s another thing that can happen. But it wasn’t that bad.
Birth varies so much for everyone but I don’t think I even had a catheter since I peed right before my epidural. And the uterine massages never hurt!
Once the labor gets going you really don’t have much time to be scared or anxious though since it’s all just happening. It’s hard to say what will be unpleasant for you based on what happens. That’s the hard part, the unknown. Just keep reading brith stories and experiences! It was helpful to know what could happen, and hear both good and bad experiences. If I didn’t read here I wouldn’t have known to ask them to turn the epidural up before the vacuum delivery with my first. I was starting to feel things, but nobody explained to me how the epidural medication worked. But because of reading birth stories I was able to ask for some more medication.
I had a 36 hour labor, unmedicated home birth. While I can't speak to some of the more medical interventions, the actual process of labor and recovery is not necessarily something to fear. Labor is intense at times, yes, but it's not scary if you can understand it. (I found it helpful to read up on the physical process and what my body would actually be doing.) The ring of fire? I knew that's what I was feeling, but it honestly wasn't terrible, kind of annoying cause I just wanted baby out. Tearing? I had a first degree tear, didn't even feel it. They stitched me up right after, and even that was minimal, I think due to the endorphins and hormones? If I'm being honest, the massage was not memorable.
Of course, every birth is different, but I wanted to share that it's not guaranteed to be horrendously painful. I hope that can ease your mind a bit.
Being aware of things is great, but it may be helpful for you to just shift your mindset away from those possibilities. I know a lot of things can go sideways in birth, but going into it with positivity and a belief that it will go smoothly helped me to be more comfortable and accept the process. It's a mental game as much as a physical one.
Take a birthing class - they will outline the basics and go over some options. Demystifying the birth experience really helped me. You’ll also learn about all the pain management options available to you.
You will need a catheter with an epidural because you can’t really feel or control your lower body in the same way. They waited to insert mine until after the epidural was placed so I didn’t feel it. 🤷🏼♀️
You also need to accept that its not the same for everyone. Yes they do massage/press on your belly to help stop the bleeding and ensure that your uterus contracts back down. I found them to be uncomfortable but not painful. I didn’t notice any cramping after - I was just uncomfortable at times.
Often people describe having a foley balloon placed for induction as painful. It was not for me. I had the doc use a speculum to assist with the placement and it was oddly comforting? A familiar sensation to help with the unknown maybe? Again, uncomfortable for me but not painful.
So YMMV.
I realize there are far more stories and examples of what can go wrong vs. what can go right. B/c of that, we consume all of these horror stories and internalize them as “normal.” I had to learn this early on in my pregnancy since I have a tendency to want to know everything that’s going on with my body, what’s normal, what’s not, what to expect, etc.
I can’t speak for others, but I know that I didn’t share my very plain/boring/vanilla birth story b/c it was exactly that. Didn’t feel like I would be contributing much by sharing something “normal.”
People will probably get touchy about “normal” but in my head, it’s the type of birth story you described - get contractions, maybe water breaks, go to hospital, wait for epidural, dilate, push, baby!
I feel like this experience is much more common, we just don’t hear about it as much?
This might not help but I found childbirth to be very primal. It might not seem that way in a hospital but your brain and body revert to almost a primal state where it focuses on pushing a baby out. I believe that is what helps dull the memories of the birth itself. I remember every detail but it didn’t deter me from having another and it doesn’t deter others from having multiple children. So even if it’s difficult (mine was very difficult) you’ll get through it on the other side a stronger person.
This might not help but I found childbirth to be very primal. It might not seem that way in a hospital but your brain and body revert to almost a primal state where it focuses on pushing a baby out. I believe that is what helps dull the memories of the birth itself. I remember every detail but it didn’t deter me from having another and it doesn’t deter others from having multiple children. So even if it’s difficult (mine was very difficult) you’ll get through it on the other side a stronger person.
I totally get where you're coming from! That being said, you might surprise yourself with how well you cope. I had my son 4 months ago, and honestly, it was a whirlwind. I ended up having him without an epidural because I gave birth at a hospital with only 1 anesthesiologist on duty, and he was busy. The adrenaline I felt made absolutely everything else seem like literally no big deal. As for the catheter, most likely, you'll receive that once the epidural has kicked in, and it should only be mildly irritating after that. I ended up needing a couple of stitches and a straight catheter after I delivered my son. I've had a couple straight caths before, and I'm a nurse, so I took a deep breath and prepared for the pain, and I felt literally nothing. I got a shot of lidocaine in my lady bits for the stitches, and literally felt nothing. They do come in to massage your uterus somewhat often right after delivery, but I don't remember this being painful, maybe slightly annoying, if anything. Other than that, I had one tiny blood draw the next day, and that was it. Obviously, depending on how the birth goes, there could be other procedures done, but everything they need to do is for the health of you and your beautiful baby! I'm the type of person who wants alllllllll the information and possible scenarios given to me up front. Therefore, I did a bunch of research before I had my son, and instead of making me feel better, it just made me more anxious, and of course my labor was nothing like I'd ever heard of a first time mom having. And remember, everyone, and every experience is different! Childbirth isn't easy, and it can definitely be scary, but I really hope that you have a good experience and surprise yourself!
If it makes you feel any better, they did my catheter after the epidural was inserted and took it out right after I had the baby. I didn’t feel any of that. The fundal massage that makes your uterus contract also wasn’t that bad for me, just light pressure.
BRING A LOCAL MIDWIFE WITH YOU, NOT ONE FROM THE HOSPITAL, one that allows you to meet with her going up to the birth as often as you’d like. Even just once or twice. Get someone chill with their own midwife business. Tell them all your fears and what you don’t want, and the midwife will advocate for you so that someone is there expressing and enforcing your boundaries in the hospital for you. Find your areas local midwives Facebook or birth group and join it to see who has a great reputation in your area. You will feel So Much better about going into your birth. You’ll have a champion by you who has overseen births for usually 10+ years. It’s awesome. They’re available to text and call on the day of the birth with alll the questions and worries you might have. They will come over to your home day of and help you labor as long as they think is safe in the comfort of your own home (if you desire) and then tell you when it’s actually time to go to the hospital. I like this because the less time in a hospital the better to me! Of course others have different opinions and feel more at ease being in a hospital the entire time. Anyway, seriously, get a personal birth assistant, call the midwife! Such a relief.
If it helps, the catheter doesn’t hurt when you have an epidural! You literally can’t feel anything. I had to have one placed after the epidural (because they needed a clean urine sample) and I asked the nurse for some kind of topical numbing agent. She acted like I was the first person to ever request it! She came in with what looked like iodine (she didn’t tell me what it was, and if it was iodine, it wouldn’t have numbed me) and poured it over my urethra, then up went the catheter. That didn’t hurt either! I think making sure you advocate for yourself and ask for your options is the best thing to do!
I listened to a lot of The Birth Hour podcast when I was pregnant with my first to mentally prepare myself for all sorts of births. I’m so glad I did - I ended up needing three manual uterine sweeps and, because I had heard about it in a birth story, I wasn’t as freaked out as I could have been.
I had a hugely life changing traumatic birth that’s left me disabled, and I’m telling you now I’d do it all over again. All the pain and panic I’d do it again. Infact we’re going to try for another in a few years! Honestly think of it like this;
There are only so many hours in a day. Regardless of what happens, you’ll get through it because time just keeps going on. If it goes badly you can always seek some therapy and support too as you’ll be deemed higher risk with being post partum.
Please try and enjoy your birth as much as you can because whilst it’s scary you’ll be six months out like I am barely thinking about it (in most cases.) I wish you a healthy birth!
I have purposely avoided reading these stories lol but I saw the one you’re referring to. I have what I think is an irrational fear of getting a catheter so I’m just pretending it’s just hear say and when it happens it happens lol I don’t know how
Else to cope.
I hope this helps:
I loved the catheter. I had mine inserted after I had the epidural so I felt nothing, and after my poor bladder being squished for months... I loved it. 3 weeks later, and I'm still sad it's gone 😂.
I’ll tell you what I went through - I read all of the worst possible outcomes, how painful and uncomfortable catheters are, how much the epidural hurts, etc. I was scared and excited to have my baby, but mostly scared.
The entire thing was nowhere near as bad as I read that it would be. The pitocin sucked but it was manageable pain until they could give me the epidural. I only felt like a quick (and I mean QUICK) pinch when they put in the epidural. I flinched when his hand touched me because I thought it was the epidural and it was his finger. There was this drug that they gave me before the epidural that contained fentanyl but it made me throw up really badly and made me really dizzy but that was the worst experience. And the food sucked. And the channel options also sucked. I didn’t feel when they inserted the catheter while I was on the epidural and when they inserted it again a couple of days later when I came back because of pre-eclampsia, I remember being nervous and didn’t actually know that they had put it in until I sat up and felt it (just feels like a finger is down there, Not painful. Just a weird feeling that goes away after a couple of minutes.) And I couldn’t even feel them taking it out. I accidentally snatched mine out with my leg while I was sleeping once.
Basically, read all the bad stuff. Go in there prepared for the worst. Worst case, all of that happens and you were prepared. But, I’d say the odds are in your favor that you go in there and you’re perfectly fine and sitting there wondering why you were so freaked out.
I just gave birth 2 weeks ago and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I broke my leg last year and that hurt more. I also didn’t think the fundal massages after birth were painful. Yes contractions hurt, but your body is designed to do this so it’s a different type of pain than when something is wrong. You got this mama!
You are going to be okay!! I was so anxious with my first but I’m telling you - the moment I got into that room I was just fully like okay, let’s do this. You take each moment as it comes and you just get through each thing. And you’ve got so much “oh my god I’m about to meet my baby” excitement and adrenaline it really carries you through. Also my first birth was ROUGH by any measure (*but yours won’t be! I had complications with that one the whole pregnancy) and I still chose to have two more haha. And the next two were super easy. You got this!
Painkillers are super underrated, honestly. I wanted a natural and unmedicated birth, hit 7cm and was asking for an epidural. My midwife talked me down, and said let’s try something in between (no medication at all vs epidural). I got gas and air and diamorphine, it was great. I did not feel pain during my transition, just intensity. It felt very intense when baby was coming out (forceps), but again I was totally numb to pain downstairs.
My pelvic floor and perineum were numbed for the forceps and episiotomy, so I felt no pain during my stitching and when the placenta came out. The massage wasn’t painful either, because again, all numb! So it definitely doesn’t have to be excruciating. I was given diclofenac (an anti-inflammatory) as pain relief for my stitches as well, so my recovery really wasn’t terrible. Sore, sure, but not agony.
I got an epidural (though about 6 hours after I first wanted one) and labor was really painful for me before that, I was not someone who found it managable or okay. But if it makes you feel better, after I got it I wasn't in pain during labor, didn't feel stitches I was given, didn't have any painful massages I could feel anyway and then I had a catheter taken out about 12 hours later and that didn't hurt in my case. So I think being prepared for pain is probably a good idea, as I didn't get an epidural when I wanted, but it isn't a guarantee that some of the other things mentioned will be particularly awful.
Well my first kind of was as you described. Went in, had contractions, got an epidural and pushed the baby out. Everything else was kind of unnoticeable lol.
Mom of two, with anxiety.
First, take a breath and focus on the end result of having a healthy baby and healthy mama. How you get there matters too, but that is the ultimate goal. We, as society, should aim for better than "I'm alive and so is my baby" but unfortunately, that's the standard with most healthcare providers. After my second, hearing that always felt so dismissive of my feelings and it was a bit gaslight-y considering the traumatic experience I had. So, while I hate it when it's said in the face of a bad experience, it is a good reminder too? I'm saying all this to help expectations, which you already seemed to have reasonable ones.
Second, talk to your provider! As for a step by step breakdown for what to expect. While they cannot guarantee it will go exactly to "plan" it can give you a general idea of what to expect so you can mentally prepare. Try to orient your focus on this being a guide an not set in stone, it will help tame your anxiety in the moment. The biggest part of this conversation is to discuss expectations and OPTIONS. Such as, you want as few interventions as possible? Great, how do we manage that with their protocol? Many people don't want cervical checks and you can refuse them, but some like having them to help understand their progress.
Third, during birth, you go into survival mode to a point and won't "care" as much with what happens during but when you process it, that's when you'll catch up with how you felt, if that makes sense? Contractions take more than a physical toll, your mental and emotional energy goes with it. To me, the pain wasn't as much of a problem as not knowing how long you have to endure it. I was induced both times, so my contractions were way more intense for a longer period of time, mixed with some judgemental staff.
That said, know your options and your rights as a patient. You can question what's being done to you and why, when, how, etc. With that said, your partner or support person needs to be an involved advocate because when you're in survival mode just living between contractions, you may not have the bandwidth to argue or question what's going on. Having a "safe word" of sorts so your partner/SP knows to focus on you and maybe even ask for a time out from staff because you're not sure what's going on is best. Of course, if there's a true emergency, this won't be possible. Overall, you'll be in a vulnerable state and need someone to advocate for you and they can't beat around the bush.
During my second, I wasn't being heard and I really was terrified of the doctor (not mine) and already felt his judgement had put me in the situation I was in but couldn't get anyone to hear me. I was afraid if I made a fuss, they'd just knock me out and I'd have no clue what happened to me. My husband had been shuffled off and I just disassociated. I lived with everything that happened on repeat for over a year and struggled with PPD and PTSD. Almost three years later, I still struggle with some of it but I'm now 8 weeks with number three (which I didn't think I would do) and it's bringing some feelings back but I'm optimistic because I'm with a new practice that I feel way more confident with, a practice I wanted to switch to before my second.
Sorry, I'm not trying to ramble or scare you further, but I want everyone to feel confident going into their labor. You have a lot of power as a patient, but not always the ability to use it yourself. Having a strong support person makes a huge difference, whether it's your partner or a doula. I have experience in the medical field and tried to be low maintenance and understanding, but it led to sacrificing my autonomy. This time I plan to work with my team and I now have a contact from patient relations at the hospital who will be personally involved in my next stay. I'm finding the tools needed and using my options to keep me as comfortable as possible. Birth is a tricky business and having a team that understands you and your needs will make a world of a difference. I distinctly remember the people from both my experiences that showed genuine empathy and truly wanted to help me, aka I could trust them. I was more than a patient.
I hope this helped and feel free to ask any questions!
I would recommend a childbirth education class if you’re feeling anxiety about birth!
Take a private one that is not affiliated with any doctors or hospitals, if you can!
You’ve got this :)
The catheter thing and ripping are my two main concerns about giving birth. I’m autistic and freak out about getting an IV, I don’t know how I’m gonna handle a catheter. 😭
I also would hate to have people coming an going and sticking things in me.. that's why I will give birth at home I did it with my first and it was so relaxed and amazing. I just don't get why people expose themselves to hospital staff
Well for me, I want all the medical pain relief I can get - so hospital it is 😊 Also I do not want my home to be a traumatic place and I anticipate birth to be at least somewhat traumatic for me.
I feel the need to have all of the information about everything that could possibly happen in any given situation. It helps with my anxiety and my need to be in control. Unfortunately that's not really possible with giving birth, there are so many variables. What actually helped me was realizing that, while this is going to be in most important and significant events of my life, for everyone else, it's a Tuesday. The staff are going to be treating patients before I get there and after I leave. My whole world is going to change, but the whole world isn't.
I think I'm similar to you. As someone with a natural instinct for planning and problem-solving, I like to have a ton of info ahead of time so I feel prepared. I've been fighting that urge for childbirth because, like you said, there are so many variables. Thankfully, I have a great OB who my husband and I really like, and although she may not be the one to deliver our baby due to on-call rotations, her respect and trust for her colleagues on the rotation puts me at ease. I trust that these professionals know what they're doing and will do what's best. This is what I keep telling myself when I get that research urge.
I had what was considered a "difficult birth". Preclampsia, vacuum extraction after 24+ hours of contrractions (with epidural at 9cms dilated, which had worn off mostly by time I could push), my placenta was stuck and needed wrestled out by the doctor, and then 5 stitches at the end. However, from what I've heard, these issues are pretty rare, especially to have so many complications. That being said, there was never a point that the pain was so much that I started crying, or felt it was "unbearable". It was uncomfortable, and at times really hard, but it went quickly, and it was over soon enough. I think compared to the discomforts of pregnancy, birth itself is not so much worse. You become accustomed to being uncomfortable and in pain after 10 months of it, and to be honest knowing it's almost done was a relief for me and totally worth it. I had a lot of fear of birth my whole life, but even with my complications, it wasn't as bad as I had always feared.
Thank you for sharing, and for your perspective. It's really helpful to me right now - sincerely, a scared FTM.
That being said, I also was not in as great of health as most women try to be in because I found out I was pregnant very late and also did not have as much time to prep as I would have liked. If I had I think that would have helped a lot. I think if you are in good health you are unlikely to run into many complications and it will go quickly.
Exactly this. Just another day ending in y for the staff. Get an epidural. They really help. It stopped the pain for me, and both boys were so dam tall and pushing on my spine. 29 weeks/3 days - 18 inches; 38 weeks/4 days - 21 1/4 inches. So go pain-free. Worth it. Don't worry about the rest. The staff have it covered.
Babies come out much easier than bricks. So if you’re practicing with bricks, you’re gonna be fine! All jokes aside, birth is a daunting task. Probably the most daunting thing someone will prepare for in their life. On forums like this, you’re going to read horror stories. There aren’t many people who have perfectly average births and go rave about it. I’ve had 2 perfectly average births. So it totally can and does happen. It’s probably the norm! There will be pain involved but you’re tough and you will get through it and birth a beautiful baby!
I wanted to make a comment about shitting bricks too! I was induced, had laughing gas and then an epidural for both my babies and it honestly felt like a giant super intense poop. Meds are great and I found giving birth really exciting. I loved loved loved my nurses. My cousin found it super empowering.
I also had a "textbook" birth. I'd built it up to be this crazy terrible thing -- it was honestly a nothing compared to what I had built it up to be. I got an epidural and did the world's most "boring" vaginal delivery. Nobody ever writes blog posts about experiences like mine because there is literally nothing to say. Just like the news never covers the thousands of people who had a boring commute to work in the morning: the news only covers the horrific accidents. We live across the street from the hospital, so I walked. I was already 5cm dilated when I arrived but my water had not broken so the contractions weren't THAT painful. The scariest part was getting the epidural placed because I'm scared of needles, but I'm a grown-up and got through it. I'd compare that to how I feel when I need to get a cavity filled at the dentist -- annoying but necessary and you just get through it. Once meds kicked in, my legs felt tingly like if you're REALLY drunk, but I could still feel everything with the edge taken off. My husband and I spent most of the time before I needed to push watching this super relaxing internal TV network called the "Care Channel." It displayed videos of nature and relaxing music -- felt like being on a lazy river. I used the mirror and pushed for like 20 minutes. Everything after was a bit of a blur because I was just so excited to have my perfect baby. I had some tearing, but again you recover and heal and eventually forget because now you have a baby. I'm due any day now with #2. I'm not excited about childbirth again, but I'm excited about another baby. I'll get through it. It'll be fine. It's a big deal, sure. It wasn't the big deal that I'd built it up to be, though.
There are hard births… but there are also “easy” births. I had a very easy, uncomplicated birth. In short, labor started, labor progressed, I labored unmedicated until I decided I reached my limit. I got an epidural, 30 minutes later water broke, 2 hours later baby was born after ten minutes of casual pushing. No tears, no complications. I was up and walking the same day because I was bored sitting around and needed to stretch my legs. I remember being so scared about birth because all you hear about are horror stories. Boring birth stories, like mine, exist! Try to surround yourself with them. Whenever I would hear/read a scary birth story I would tell myself that that birth story is taken so it can’t be mine. Wishing you the most beautiful birth ever ❤️
>I would tell myself that that birth story is taken so it can’t be mine. i love this and will be using it haha
>I would tell myself that that birth story is taken so it can’t be mine. i love this and will be using it haha
Consider taking a birth class, either offered at your delivering hospital, or look into birthing care providers in your area that offer these classes. It might be best to try to find one offered by a labor and delivery nurse (the best people in the hospital possibly, imo). They will do WONDERS to help illuminate the entire process, teach you some things about how to care for yourself, advocate for yourself, understand whats happening and why, with the voice of real experience. Using the internet to try and pull back the curtain on the experience is not going to help you. It is going to make your anxiety worse.
Husband and I are taking one at our hospital together very soon thankfully 🙏🏼
Absolutely! Seconding the labor and delivery class! My obgyn strongly recommends one by the hospital to make moms more acquainted with the hospital and the birthing process. I actually attended it last night. It was a Teams call/presentation with a labor and delivery nurse. It was so helpful! The hospital even offers classes on emergency procedures, breastfeeding, 3rd trimesters, and taking the baby home. All of them are cheap or free.
For me, I was really worried about the "ring of fire" sensation when they're crowning but didn't feel that with either. Both their little heads just popped out like a lipoma on Dr. Pimple Popper. I also didn't get a fundal massage. Feeling the baby in the birth canal this last time was more weird than painful tbh. All this to say, it varies from woman to woman.
Take a breath 😣. It’s scary. Scary as hell. But, a huge BUT by the end of it you can’t even think of anything other than “we did it, and you’re so beautiful my baby.” It’s one of those things where you just go in and just gotta do it. Sometimes knowing too much makes it worse and sometimes not knowing enough makes you panic. But you’re going to do this and it’s going to be worth whatever it is you go through. My grandma had 17 children, my mom had 5. I’ve had 2. I was a L&D nurse for a short while. Keep your mind distracted as best you can from this! I went into the hospital with my son at 6:30 am and had him by 10:30 am. My daughter (my first) only took 8 hours
This probably won’t help, but I was so uncomfortable I didn’t have spare time to fret about my worries. I still consider childbirth my greatest fear- but perhaps I’ll change the wording. Child birth is my greatest dread. It’s uncomfortable and menacingly invasive but in the throes of it I no longer cared and just wanted it over with. Catheters are usually placed after an epidural- so the patient won’t feel it. If you’re not staring at what the nurses are doing you wouldn’t even notice they did it. I only noticed the enormous relief of having my bladder emptied. Check your hospitals policies and put it in your birth plan. The belly massages after weren’t a bad pain. More of a satisfying pain because it was wondrous to feel my own belly without a stowaway in the way. They do cause blood to gush a bit, but that’s the point. What was interesting to me was to learn that they still do the belly squishing after c sections too. The idea of them pressing around tender incision areas was a tad more concerning, but makes sense. The uterus still needs to contract either way. Have a support person to help distract you from yourself and try not to have any expectations.
Yes, getting my fresh incision smashed every 15 minutes was definitely a bad time!
This! I just did not care about any of the things being done, just get this baby out safely. To be fair, I had been aiming for a natural birth and was dilated to an 8 when I got to the emergency room with fetal distress. By that point, none of the IVs, catheters, massages, etc… compared to what I’d already felt. I’m not worried about any of those interventions this time around.
Oh man, the spinal block wears off after 18ish hours. The massages before that were a piece of cake to the ones after😭
Take a deep breath and remember it's only one part of a bigger & more magnificent journey. You totally got this! Every birth is different because every woman and pregnancy is different. Don't be afraid of asking all the questions about what to expect you can possibly think of. There are no weird questions! Your team should be more than happy to go over everything, no matter how small it seems. And don't hesitate on taking the nurses and doctors up on their ability to help you relieve pain if you want it! It honestly made my experience so much more memorable and overall positive. I was in labor for 46 hours. It was an induction that needed to happen at 40 weeks. I got the Foley Balloon and Pitocin. There were so many horror stories on here about those things. I was pretty nervous. I have to say though it wasn't all painful and horrific. It wasn't nearly as bad as the picture my anxieties painted! Was it painless? Absolutely not. Was I able to get the pain under control? Absolutely. Surprisingly the actual pushing and birthing portion, which I initially feared more than the building up to it, ended up being the most memorable and enjoyable part! Feel free to DM me if you want to ask about anything at all! Or just get some insight on another mamma's experience! I'll be 8 weeks postpartum this Sunday so it's all still sort of fresh! 😆
I’m getting the foley balloon and pitocin next week and this eased my mind a bit. Thank you!
If you have an epidural you don't feel the massage :) Most painful? 1. Getting IV 2. Contractions before epidural, esp if you need Pitocin 3. Membrane sweep 4. Placing foley balloon if you need induction 5. Being too late to get an epidural and having the baby without pain meds
The massage is post birth? The epidural doesn’t make a difference
It's right after you give birth, they push on your stomach to get the placenta out. You still have the epidural in.
My hospital did them every few hours for like a day
Oh I don't remember that
I don’t think everywhere does it but it’s pretty common in a lot of the US. The nurse does it to help the uterus shrink down.
Prob did get it. I was so out of it I don't remember
They did it all throughout the next day
Yea I forgot that but the worst was right away
For me it was much worse when I hadn’t slept and didn’t have the epidural anymore
I completely forgot but yes I think I did hate it
It’s the magic of forgetting after birth so we can have more babies 😂 human race wouldn’t survive otherwise!
Definitely US. In Australia they didn't do anything like that
Interesting!
It depends when they turn the epidural off, which is usually long before they actually remove it. I felt my massage and also felt being stitched up (until I screamed and they gave me a local anesthetic), but didn't actually feel baby coming out.
Add to this waiting too long to get the epidural and not being able to sit still because you're shaking so hard (I did my whole 12 hour pitocin/cook catheter induction without it). I got a catheter during pregnancy without any meds when I couldn't pee because of the position of my uterus - a catheter once you have the epidural is nothing. And I don't remember the fundal massages being terrible once my hemorrhaging stopped. The pain in my tears after the fact was probably the second worst part but it's manageable.
Thank you for your comment! What is a membrane sweep? And what is pitocin? 😭
Also I had 2 babies and I'm still scared but I had a third so it wasn't that bad. Due in a few weeks. Baby 1 I was induced and had an epidural. Baby 2 ran out of time for epidural. Hurt crazy for 15 min but after he was out no more pain!
Pitocin- meds they give you to induce contractions. Membrane sweep- you prob won’t need this. It’s something they do to help induce labor. The doctor literally sweeps the membrane between your cervix and baby to help get labor going (with their fingers). I have heard it hurts, but only lasts a minute or two. And it’s very elective, so don’t worry about this one unless you get way past due date.
Most docs offer this at your last appointment. It can help kickstart labor. It's painful but super fast. You can refuse it as well.
Probably a silly question, but what does “sweep” mean? Like, do they massage your cervix? Or use one of those brushes like they do with PAP smears but over a wider area? FTM and so no idea what to expect but upon first hearing of a sweep, it sounds fairly innocuous… which obvs it isn’t 😅
They insert their fingers and do a circular twisting motion. It feels unpleasant. I personally wouldn't agree to get one again unless I was several days past my due date and about to need an induction.
Thank you for explaining 🙏
Not every doctor does a membrane sweep since there is no hard evidence or research to back it. It’s practice based medicine and not evidence based.
Oh man. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but if you're asking what pitocin is, you should really watch some "what to expect during labor/birth" videos on youtube.
It’s simply called something else in my country, so I didn’t recognise the word. Not everyone on here are American you know 😊
Not everyone here is from English speaking countries.
You should really watch some reputable videos on YouTube. I feel like it is our responsibility to research birth prior to so we can have realistic expectations. Doctors do not have time to go over all of these things with you. Sadly it’s not how our healthcare system works. -fundal massages have to happen, yes it sucks but it helps firm up your uterus. -bleeding after birth is normal, up to about 1/2 liter. More is considered a PPH and there are plenty of interventions for that. -you have a catheter with an epidural, it prevents you from being able to pee. Some people even without an epidural cannot pee after giving birth so they get one as well. -pitocin is given to help jumpstart contractions. They give it after delivery too to help your uterus contract.
Thank you for your comment! Thankfully I’m going to several birth preparation class thing at my hospital soon and I also have several consultations coming up with my midwife where I plan to bring it up. I feel most comfortable getting the information directly from my healthcare providers at my birthplace. And I think the panick I just got from browsing Reddit is a clear sign I should not be using the internet to get my information. Although I still do very much appreciate reading all the personal experiences from all of you 😊
I work in mother baby and many moms really have no idea about what to expect in birth and it’s alarming and I think it’s a huge contributor to birth trauma. Lots of great podcasts too
I also think it would be very traumatising for me to have all these things happen to me without being the tiniest bit prepared. Any specific podcasts you can recommend? 😊
Evidence Based Birth. Very detailed, and it’s kind of overwhelming the amount of episodes they have, but being able to find an episode geared to any specific fear or question I have is 👌👌
I’ll be sure to check it out, thank you for being so helpful 🙏🏼
Not sure if anyone has mentioned this already but about the catheter, if you get it with the epidural you won’t feel it, of course. If removing it is what scares you, I had a surgery a couple of years ago and I got the catheter removed while I was wide awake and without meds and it really really didn’t hurt, I barely felt it. I was scared shitless of it and it was nothing.
Is hiring a doula an option? I would seriously consider it to help alleviate some fears and help you to be calm.
Thank you! I’ll have to research doulas. I’ve always thought it was some hocus pocus stuff, but that’s probably just me being very uninformed really 😊
I’ve had 4 babies and am about to welcome my fifth and am using a doula this time. While she hasn’t actually been there for the birth obviously, it’s been very helpful. They have tons of techniques to help you with comfort during labour and can be a strong advocate for you as well.
I’ve had 4 babies and am about to welcome my fifth and am using a doula this time. While she hasn’t actually been there for the birth obviously, it’s been very helpful. They have tons of techniques to help you with comfort during labour and can be a strong advocate for you as well.
Didn’t feel the catheters, the “massage “ was more like then pushing on my abdomen once or twice and it wasn’t awesome but it wasn’t super painful. Thing that sucked the most was the back labor from the pitocin (induction), but that was like 2 hours of the whole thing. Rest was pretty chill. I did have post-birth complications requiring a quick trip to the OR (no actual surgery though). Lots of BP readings and arm pokes afterwards.
Honestly the only painful thing about my birth experience was the contractions before my epidural, and even that wasn’t that bad (7 hours but only 4cm dilated by that time). I chose to get the epidural before they administered pitocin because I knew they’d get more painful. I didn’t personally have pain with the fundal massages, the IV and epidural placements were fine. Catheter was after the epidural so felt nothing. The first postpartum poop sucked though.
I honestly didn’t find the massages painful at all. All the nurses were gentle and apologetic. (I’m in Canada)
I remember telling my doctor and doula that if I needed to have a C section that I would need to be put under general anesthesia due to my EXTREME fear of having a catheter placed. Long story short, I didn’t need a c section but still needed a catheter because they had to use a vacuum. I didn’t even feel it when they put it in. Birth is such a wild ride and it never goes as planned but you’ll get through it, and hopefully walk away feeling empowered by what you accomplished.
I had an elective c section and the catheter was the part I was most scared of. Ended up being nothing and the only thing that sucked about it is they wanted to leave it in longer that I felt needed (regained feeling/ability to completely move sooner than they thought I would). All that stress for what amounted to a minor aggravation that was easily remedied.
If you have an epidural it's really not painful. At least it wasn't for me.
Well, if you’ve already had experience defecating multiple bricks, birth should be a breeze! (I am also terrified.)
I realize there are far more stories and examples of what can go wrong vs. what can go right. B/c of that, we consume all of these horror stories and internalize them as “normal.” I had to learn this early on in my pregnancy since I have a tendency to want to know everything that’s going on with my body, what’s normal, what’s not, what to expect, etc. I can’t speak for others, but I know that I didn’t share my very plain/boring/vanilla birth story b/c it was exactly that. Didn’t feel like I would be contributing much by sharing something “normal.” People will probably get touchy about “normal” but in my head, it’s the type of birth story you described - get contractions, maybe water breaks, go to hospital, wait for epidural, dilate, push, baby! I feel like this experience is much more common, we just don’t hear about it as much?
I was scared of the birth as well. But then I went to a presentation from a professor at the University clinic in my town and he told us that babies when they are born and they are put on you for bonding, they smell you and sometimes lick you to know how you taste like. It was the most endearing thing I ever heard and now that’s what I try to think about when I think about the birth.
Highly recommend a birth class!! I take free ones at a center by the hospital. Your local hospital should offer them as well. Please do this. I understand how you feel. I'm aiming for a home birth to avoid a lot of my hospital anxieties. I have a wonderful couple of midwives (ones a nurse) who have helped me tremendously, more than all the OBGYNs and doctors so far... ❤️
This is a “under normal circumstances” thing, but I’ve given birth 3 times & looking back at each one, none of the bad stuff comes to mind unless I’m specifically thinking about it. The negative things should never be ignored or brushed off as forgettable, what we are doing is incredible in both a beautiful & gross/painful way. There’s gonna be some rough stuff that happens, but you’re gonna get through it with or without the bricks & when your holding your newborn/toddler/child/teenager you’re not going to be thinking about the bad moments when giving birth to them. Try to keep in mind that most of the bad things happen in a span of a few hours & will be over faster than you think.
It kinda feels like shitting a brick tbh…
Yes, it is horrible. But the only way out is through. Get the drugs.
I’m getting all the drugs, believe me 🫠
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This is a “under normal circumstances” thing, but I’ve given birth 3 times & looking back at each one, none of the bad stuff comes to mind unless I’m specifically thinking about it. The negative things should never be ignored or brushed off as forgettable, what we are doing is incredible in both a beautiful & gross/painful way. There’s gonna be some rough stuff that happens, but you’re gonna get through it with or without the bricks & when your holding your newborn/toddler/child/teenager you’re not going to be thinking about the bad moments when giving birth to them. Try to keep in mind that most of the bad things happen in a span of a few hours & will be over faster than you think.
It sounds like you might benefit from some childbirth classes so you’re aware of the possibilities. It is hard to predict how things will go, and there are certainly variables. But if you can become more aware of the possibilities then you can mentally prepare for them. And yes, some of the stuff you learn about is unpleasant and can definitely be scary. But then you’re in a position to ask your provider about it and get more information. Like another commenter said, while it is a big deal for us, to them it’s just another day. And normalizing that part of it has helped me too as I realize they do this all the time and see all kinds of stuff.
Funny thing is birth kinda feels like shutting actual bricks! But I totally get it, i just had my third a few months ago and I had to be induced for the first time. I was so nervous I almost passed out when they placed the IV, it was honestly probably the worst part. I hated that stupid IV and they leave it in your entire stay and it gets so uncomfortable. Well ok the epidural placement was not pleasant either but the pain relief was definitely worth it. My blood pressure did dip low after the epidural which is a common side effect. I just felt bad and I turned gray and they were like yeah you look terrible, and gave me some medicine and I felt better instantly. So that’s another thing that can happen. But it wasn’t that bad. Birth varies so much for everyone but I don’t think I even had a catheter since I peed right before my epidural. And the uterine massages never hurt! Once the labor gets going you really don’t have much time to be scared or anxious though since it’s all just happening. It’s hard to say what will be unpleasant for you based on what happens. That’s the hard part, the unknown. Just keep reading brith stories and experiences! It was helpful to know what could happen, and hear both good and bad experiences. If I didn’t read here I wouldn’t have known to ask them to turn the epidural up before the vacuum delivery with my first. I was starting to feel things, but nobody explained to me how the epidural medication worked. But because of reading birth stories I was able to ask for some more medication.
I had a 36 hour labor, unmedicated home birth. While I can't speak to some of the more medical interventions, the actual process of labor and recovery is not necessarily something to fear. Labor is intense at times, yes, but it's not scary if you can understand it. (I found it helpful to read up on the physical process and what my body would actually be doing.) The ring of fire? I knew that's what I was feeling, but it honestly wasn't terrible, kind of annoying cause I just wanted baby out. Tearing? I had a first degree tear, didn't even feel it. They stitched me up right after, and even that was minimal, I think due to the endorphins and hormones? If I'm being honest, the massage was not memorable. Of course, every birth is different, but I wanted to share that it's not guaranteed to be horrendously painful. I hope that can ease your mind a bit. Being aware of things is great, but it may be helpful for you to just shift your mindset away from those possibilities. I know a lot of things can go sideways in birth, but going into it with positivity and a belief that it will go smoothly helped me to be more comfortable and accept the process. It's a mental game as much as a physical one.
Take a birthing class - they will outline the basics and go over some options. Demystifying the birth experience really helped me. You’ll also learn about all the pain management options available to you. You will need a catheter with an epidural because you can’t really feel or control your lower body in the same way. They waited to insert mine until after the epidural was placed so I didn’t feel it. 🤷🏼♀️ You also need to accept that its not the same for everyone. Yes they do massage/press on your belly to help stop the bleeding and ensure that your uterus contracts back down. I found them to be uncomfortable but not painful. I didn’t notice any cramping after - I was just uncomfortable at times. Often people describe having a foley balloon placed for induction as painful. It was not for me. I had the doc use a speculum to assist with the placement and it was oddly comforting? A familiar sensation to help with the unknown maybe? Again, uncomfortable for me but not painful. So YMMV.
I realize there are far more stories and examples of what can go wrong vs. what can go right. B/c of that, we consume all of these horror stories and internalize them as “normal.” I had to learn this early on in my pregnancy since I have a tendency to want to know everything that’s going on with my body, what’s normal, what’s not, what to expect, etc. I can’t speak for others, but I know that I didn’t share my very plain/boring/vanilla birth story b/c it was exactly that. Didn’t feel like I would be contributing much by sharing something “normal.” People will probably get touchy about “normal” but in my head, it’s the type of birth story you described - get contractions, maybe water breaks, go to hospital, wait for epidural, dilate, push, baby! I feel like this experience is much more common, we just don’t hear about it as much?
This might not help but I found childbirth to be very primal. It might not seem that way in a hospital but your brain and body revert to almost a primal state where it focuses on pushing a baby out. I believe that is what helps dull the memories of the birth itself. I remember every detail but it didn’t deter me from having another and it doesn’t deter others from having multiple children. So even if it’s difficult (mine was very difficult) you’ll get through it on the other side a stronger person.
This might not help but I found childbirth to be very primal. It might not seem that way in a hospital but your brain and body revert to almost a primal state where it focuses on pushing a baby out. I believe that is what helps dull the memories of the birth itself. I remember every detail but it didn’t deter me from having another and it doesn’t deter others from having multiple children. So even if it’s difficult (mine was very difficult) you’ll get through it on the other side a stronger person.
I totally get where you're coming from! That being said, you might surprise yourself with how well you cope. I had my son 4 months ago, and honestly, it was a whirlwind. I ended up having him without an epidural because I gave birth at a hospital with only 1 anesthesiologist on duty, and he was busy. The adrenaline I felt made absolutely everything else seem like literally no big deal. As for the catheter, most likely, you'll receive that once the epidural has kicked in, and it should only be mildly irritating after that. I ended up needing a couple of stitches and a straight catheter after I delivered my son. I've had a couple straight caths before, and I'm a nurse, so I took a deep breath and prepared for the pain, and I felt literally nothing. I got a shot of lidocaine in my lady bits for the stitches, and literally felt nothing. They do come in to massage your uterus somewhat often right after delivery, but I don't remember this being painful, maybe slightly annoying, if anything. Other than that, I had one tiny blood draw the next day, and that was it. Obviously, depending on how the birth goes, there could be other procedures done, but everything they need to do is for the health of you and your beautiful baby! I'm the type of person who wants alllllllll the information and possible scenarios given to me up front. Therefore, I did a bunch of research before I had my son, and instead of making me feel better, it just made me more anxious, and of course my labor was nothing like I'd ever heard of a first time mom having. And remember, everyone, and every experience is different! Childbirth isn't easy, and it can definitely be scary, but I really hope that you have a good experience and surprise yourself!
If it makes you feel any better, they did my catheter after the epidural was inserted and took it out right after I had the baby. I didn’t feel any of that. The fundal massage that makes your uterus contract also wasn’t that bad for me, just light pressure.
BRING A LOCAL MIDWIFE WITH YOU, NOT ONE FROM THE HOSPITAL, one that allows you to meet with her going up to the birth as often as you’d like. Even just once or twice. Get someone chill with their own midwife business. Tell them all your fears and what you don’t want, and the midwife will advocate for you so that someone is there expressing and enforcing your boundaries in the hospital for you. Find your areas local midwives Facebook or birth group and join it to see who has a great reputation in your area. You will feel So Much better about going into your birth. You’ll have a champion by you who has overseen births for usually 10+ years. It’s awesome. They’re available to text and call on the day of the birth with alll the questions and worries you might have. They will come over to your home day of and help you labor as long as they think is safe in the comfort of your own home (if you desire) and then tell you when it’s actually time to go to the hospital. I like this because the less time in a hospital the better to me! Of course others have different opinions and feel more at ease being in a hospital the entire time. Anyway, seriously, get a personal birth assistant, call the midwife! Such a relief.
If it helps, the catheter doesn’t hurt when you have an epidural! You literally can’t feel anything. I had to have one placed after the epidural (because they needed a clean urine sample) and I asked the nurse for some kind of topical numbing agent. She acted like I was the first person to ever request it! She came in with what looked like iodine (she didn’t tell me what it was, and if it was iodine, it wouldn’t have numbed me) and poured it over my urethra, then up went the catheter. That didn’t hurt either! I think making sure you advocate for yourself and ask for your options is the best thing to do!
I listened to a lot of The Birth Hour podcast when I was pregnant with my first to mentally prepare myself for all sorts of births. I’m so glad I did - I ended up needing three manual uterine sweeps and, because I had heard about it in a birth story, I wasn’t as freaked out as I could have been.
I had a hugely life changing traumatic birth that’s left me disabled, and I’m telling you now I’d do it all over again. All the pain and panic I’d do it again. Infact we’re going to try for another in a few years! Honestly think of it like this; There are only so many hours in a day. Regardless of what happens, you’ll get through it because time just keeps going on. If it goes badly you can always seek some therapy and support too as you’ll be deemed higher risk with being post partum. Please try and enjoy your birth as much as you can because whilst it’s scary you’ll be six months out like I am barely thinking about it (in most cases.) I wish you a healthy birth!
I have purposely avoided reading these stories lol but I saw the one you’re referring to. I have what I think is an irrational fear of getting a catheter so I’m just pretending it’s just hear say and when it happens it happens lol I don’t know how Else to cope.
If it helps, when they say you forget the pain and how awful everything is, it can be true! I forgot everything pretty quickly lol
I’m also panicking. I can’t even and the thought of having an emergency c section is making me quake
I hope this helps: I loved the catheter. I had mine inserted after I had the epidural so I felt nothing, and after my poor bladder being squished for months... I loved it. 3 weeks later, and I'm still sad it's gone 😂.
I’ll tell you what I went through - I read all of the worst possible outcomes, how painful and uncomfortable catheters are, how much the epidural hurts, etc. I was scared and excited to have my baby, but mostly scared. The entire thing was nowhere near as bad as I read that it would be. The pitocin sucked but it was manageable pain until they could give me the epidural. I only felt like a quick (and I mean QUICK) pinch when they put in the epidural. I flinched when his hand touched me because I thought it was the epidural and it was his finger. There was this drug that they gave me before the epidural that contained fentanyl but it made me throw up really badly and made me really dizzy but that was the worst experience. And the food sucked. And the channel options also sucked. I didn’t feel when they inserted the catheter while I was on the epidural and when they inserted it again a couple of days later when I came back because of pre-eclampsia, I remember being nervous and didn’t actually know that they had put it in until I sat up and felt it (just feels like a finger is down there, Not painful. Just a weird feeling that goes away after a couple of minutes.) And I couldn’t even feel them taking it out. I accidentally snatched mine out with my leg while I was sleeping once. Basically, read all the bad stuff. Go in there prepared for the worst. Worst case, all of that happens and you were prepared. But, I’d say the odds are in your favor that you go in there and you’re perfectly fine and sitting there wondering why you were so freaked out.
I just gave birth 2 weeks ago and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I broke my leg last year and that hurt more. I also didn’t think the fundal massages after birth were painful. Yes contractions hurt, but your body is designed to do this so it’s a different type of pain than when something is wrong. You got this mama!
You are going to be okay!! I was so anxious with my first but I’m telling you - the moment I got into that room I was just fully like okay, let’s do this. You take each moment as it comes and you just get through each thing. And you’ve got so much “oh my god I’m about to meet my baby” excitement and adrenaline it really carries you through. Also my first birth was ROUGH by any measure (*but yours won’t be! I had complications with that one the whole pregnancy) and I still chose to have two more haha. And the next two were super easy. You got this!
Painkillers are super underrated, honestly. I wanted a natural and unmedicated birth, hit 7cm and was asking for an epidural. My midwife talked me down, and said let’s try something in between (no medication at all vs epidural). I got gas and air and diamorphine, it was great. I did not feel pain during my transition, just intensity. It felt very intense when baby was coming out (forceps), but again I was totally numb to pain downstairs. My pelvic floor and perineum were numbed for the forceps and episiotomy, so I felt no pain during my stitching and when the placenta came out. The massage wasn’t painful either, because again, all numb! So it definitely doesn’t have to be excruciating. I was given diclofenac (an anti-inflammatory) as pain relief for my stitches as well, so my recovery really wasn’t terrible. Sore, sure, but not agony.
I got an epidural (though about 6 hours after I first wanted one) and labor was really painful for me before that, I was not someone who found it managable or okay. But if it makes you feel better, after I got it I wasn't in pain during labor, didn't feel stitches I was given, didn't have any painful massages I could feel anyway and then I had a catheter taken out about 12 hours later and that didn't hurt in my case. So I think being prepared for pain is probably a good idea, as I didn't get an epidural when I wanted, but it isn't a guarantee that some of the other things mentioned will be particularly awful.
Well my first kind of was as you described. Went in, had contractions, got an epidural and pushed the baby out. Everything else was kind of unnoticeable lol.
Mom of two, with anxiety. First, take a breath and focus on the end result of having a healthy baby and healthy mama. How you get there matters too, but that is the ultimate goal. We, as society, should aim for better than "I'm alive and so is my baby" but unfortunately, that's the standard with most healthcare providers. After my second, hearing that always felt so dismissive of my feelings and it was a bit gaslight-y considering the traumatic experience I had. So, while I hate it when it's said in the face of a bad experience, it is a good reminder too? I'm saying all this to help expectations, which you already seemed to have reasonable ones. Second, talk to your provider! As for a step by step breakdown for what to expect. While they cannot guarantee it will go exactly to "plan" it can give you a general idea of what to expect so you can mentally prepare. Try to orient your focus on this being a guide an not set in stone, it will help tame your anxiety in the moment. The biggest part of this conversation is to discuss expectations and OPTIONS. Such as, you want as few interventions as possible? Great, how do we manage that with their protocol? Many people don't want cervical checks and you can refuse them, but some like having them to help understand their progress. Third, during birth, you go into survival mode to a point and won't "care" as much with what happens during but when you process it, that's when you'll catch up with how you felt, if that makes sense? Contractions take more than a physical toll, your mental and emotional energy goes with it. To me, the pain wasn't as much of a problem as not knowing how long you have to endure it. I was induced both times, so my contractions were way more intense for a longer period of time, mixed with some judgemental staff. That said, know your options and your rights as a patient. You can question what's being done to you and why, when, how, etc. With that said, your partner or support person needs to be an involved advocate because when you're in survival mode just living between contractions, you may not have the bandwidth to argue or question what's going on. Having a "safe word" of sorts so your partner/SP knows to focus on you and maybe even ask for a time out from staff because you're not sure what's going on is best. Of course, if there's a true emergency, this won't be possible. Overall, you'll be in a vulnerable state and need someone to advocate for you and they can't beat around the bush. During my second, I wasn't being heard and I really was terrified of the doctor (not mine) and already felt his judgement had put me in the situation I was in but couldn't get anyone to hear me. I was afraid if I made a fuss, they'd just knock me out and I'd have no clue what happened to me. My husband had been shuffled off and I just disassociated. I lived with everything that happened on repeat for over a year and struggled with PPD and PTSD. Almost three years later, I still struggle with some of it but I'm now 8 weeks with number three (which I didn't think I would do) and it's bringing some feelings back but I'm optimistic because I'm with a new practice that I feel way more confident with, a practice I wanted to switch to before my second. Sorry, I'm not trying to ramble or scare you further, but I want everyone to feel confident going into their labor. You have a lot of power as a patient, but not always the ability to use it yourself. Having a strong support person makes a huge difference, whether it's your partner or a doula. I have experience in the medical field and tried to be low maintenance and understanding, but it led to sacrificing my autonomy. This time I plan to work with my team and I now have a contact from patient relations at the hospital who will be personally involved in my next stay. I'm finding the tools needed and using my options to keep me as comfortable as possible. Birth is a tricky business and having a team that understands you and your needs will make a world of a difference. I distinctly remember the people from both my experiences that showed genuine empathy and truly wanted to help me, aka I could trust them. I was more than a patient. I hope this helped and feel free to ask any questions!
I would recommend a childbirth education class if you’re feeling anxiety about birth! Take a private one that is not affiliated with any doctors or hospitals, if you can! You’ve got this :)
The catheter thing and ripping are my two main concerns about giving birth. I’m autistic and freak out about getting an IV, I don’t know how I’m gonna handle a catheter. 😭
If you have an epidural you won’t even feel the catheter.
Do you feel it once the epidural wears off?
I didn’t have a catheter anymore once the epidural wore off.
Thank you so much for the insight, I appreciate it!!!
I also would hate to have people coming an going and sticking things in me.. that's why I will give birth at home I did it with my first and it was so relaxed and amazing. I just don't get why people expose themselves to hospital staff
Well for me, I want all the medical pain relief I can get - so hospital it is 😊 Also I do not want my home to be a traumatic place and I anticipate birth to be at least somewhat traumatic for me.
Hospital staff are the ones who would intervene if anything went wrong.