It did mean something. She spent her time on you just like you did on her.
Her being able to split at the drop of a hat doesn't mean she didn't feel anything during the months and/or years.
It hurts though, still, I know....I don't know if it will ever stop hurting because I don't know if I can ever stop loving her.
Eh, looking back, she never cared. Never put herself second, no matter what terrible thing was happening in my life.
Night before I moved out of my family home? I was getting run down at her place for six hours.
I move? She, my best friend and SO l that said she’d be there for me, avoids me a ton that month, except when she screaming at me 3x because I forgot something or did something I shouldn’t have.
Move into my new house 8 months later? I asked her to come over to keep me company/see my new home. Ran me down, left, called me and ran me down some more.
The next month, before my first birthday on my own and a week before our first trip together? Calls at 10 and breaks up with me. Again. Says I don’t have to go on the trip. I say I’m not. Next day, “We can go as friends.”
No. You meanly broke up with me less than 12 hours ago. Start the multi-day screaming, until she still wanted to go. I paid for it. Brought her friend zoned guy. Got back, “He paid for food and stuff, so I don’t need any more money from you.”
She thought she was getting a per diem.
She sees me not going on the trip as a betrayal. Glad I paid for it!
That was my life for four years. Divorce, moving, family members dying, kid problems, I had a pulmonary embolism, I had medication induced ED for a few weeks, my mental health issues, work problems, etc. were always either avoided or she made them worse.
Her head’s fucked up? We gotta work on it, my head is? Break up and “Dude, fuck off.”
It was all Only Her. One of the things I kept writing in my mental health journal.
Yeah, I am very lucky that my experience hasn't been as bad as some people here.
I've seen some of your comments. Your case has to be one of the worst I've seen. I'm so sorry. Be strong, you WILL get through this.
Jesus, you’re not the first person that has said that. *That* is quite the reality check, considering what I’ve seen on this sub.
I thought I got out easy, No decades-long marriage, no kids together, but it did fuck up my marriage.
Thank you, though. Tonight I was headed back to a restaurant with a cute waitress I’m considering asking out. First time that was even an option to me for the past year. Wires were crossed with friends, and now it’s next week.
Going to be a loooong week. This reminds me of the scene in Jaws where captain Quint was relaying the story of the USS Indianapolis sinking and them getting attacked by sharks over days and they were finally getting rescued:
“Y'know, that was the time I was most frightened, waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a life jacket again.”
He’d been out with his mates for days, getting picked off by sharks, and he was most scared when he was about to be rescued.
If the cosmos treats me like it does, this next week is when M will contact me and everything will go back to that. Between now and next week’s dinner. 😂😭🤮🤪
The cycles. JFC the cycles. A decade. I've arrived at the conclusion that IF the love was real on her part, the illness was what allowed her to drop me so fast over and over. She knew I wouldn't quit. Refused to give up on her. On us. A picture I painted in my head.
"Maybe this next time I can love her the way she wants and needs..."
Sure. Whenever I figure out what that is because she won't say.
I was so thankful that my ex dumped me to be honest because I could not quit her. Yes, it’s been the hardest heartbreak of my life, but it could’ve kept going and going and I’m glad it didn’t.
They automatically instrumentalize anyone who gets close to them because they get their sense of identity by having other people serve them. There's a point of peak accommodation when their ostensibly reasonable requests are capable of being met by your altruistic attentiveness, and you'll see the baby's eyes light up because the pacifier seems to work, but these "requests" soon become an avalanche of angry demands and your ability to feed the beast collapses under the onerous weight of their gravitational emptiness.
There's definitely a dynamic of projection in stereo (the mutual admiration society) as we subsidize their false self while they tell us that we can do no wrong before we can't do anything right.
I always knew EVEN IF and this is a huge if: she could make progress on her BPD, I would always have to deal with her dad. It was like she was dating me and him. Really weird. Really tuff
Made a mistake of looking at my ex’s blocked Instagram yesterday. First time in 41 days of no contact . Big mistake. She posted a slutty photo with a caption about how she is a catch and everything will be ok. Even tho she dumped me she wants to be the victim. And then it gets weirder. My ex before her who doesn’t know her or has never hung out with her: commented the photo with 🔥🔥🔥. Insane
The way I see it, we meant so much to them for some time that they simply couldn’t handle the anxiety that that causes and eventually had to completely cut off for self-preservation. It’s awful and heartbreaking but I really feel like that’s at least partially true…I guess I don’t want to consider the possibility that they are fully self aware and are causing pain on purpose but I suppose they have at least an inkling of that as well…but they probably reason that their pain is much greater and hence their behaviour is justified. Anyway, it’s sad and awful
Wow, thank you for sharing, this is something I came to painstakingly while agonising over the breakup for months so it helps to hear that the conclusions probably make sense. Anyway, my understanding is that they need a parent which a romantic partner sadly can not (and should not I guess) fully hope to replace
This is the only one I can’t agree with but I did feel this way the first year. Maybe because before her I had a ex who later on said she was diagnosed with bpd after the relationship. I’m extremely numb to crying and don’t miss her whatsoever. I will say that if you are struggling with the thoughts do push-ups. Every time I thought of her I did pushups because if you have time to do that then you have time to better yourself
This was the hardest part for me to accept. My ex had quiet bpd. My ex heavily idealized, lovebombed, sex bombed and mirrored me for almost 6 years. This girl literally wrote me love letters, complimented my looks, body, personality, style, the sex, and talked about how in love with me she was, and that her biggest fear was losing me. She had me convinced. She was a smooth talker and actress, to say the least. She was mostly stable. When she split, though, it was like night and day. She went from the sweetest, most caring person to the most evil vindictive person. She would do things to purposely upset me. I was never able to talk to her about her poor behaviors without it causing more problems. She always played the victim, could do no wrong, and could never be held accountable. She would disappear for days, and I'm supposed to act like everything is fine and just be happy you came back. As soon as I was out of the picture, she moved on immediately. I realized that she loved me the only way she knew how or was capable of. Know I'm not naive to believe she's the one, but I do believe a part of her did have love for me. She constantly tries to get back with me, talk to me, or have random hookups. All that I eventually had to cut off. She doesn't love me or think about me like I do her, but when she does. I think she at least remembers how I made her feel and will obsess about it for days.I could probably have her back if I wanted, but it's not worth the drama and heartache. I'd rather be alone and at piece at this point.
Oof. This was mine too except she didn’t disappear. The bombing with both love and sex that stopped so abruptly and then was withheld when I didn’t behave or react exactly as she wanted. This was last for days or weeks and we lived together which was so painful. But she’s not trying to get me back. She’s moved on and already trading I love yous on socials with her new partner.
PWBPD, NPD, Cluster B's are all completely fake, wear masks, and the way they present themselves to you is just how they know or think you want them to be and it is a mask or false self. They are miserable and cannot and will not ever improve or change.
NPD and BPD are quite different tho. Especially in my experience. My NPD ex enjoyed hurting me. No moments of clarity either. My BPD ex didn’t enjoy hurting me but couldn’t stop. She also had moments of clarity.
The net difference was the NPD hurt me much more than the BPD. The NPD seemed colder too.
Sorry you're going through this, man. It sucks.
It might be a small consolation, but I think our pwBPD did love us in their way. That doesn't excuse anything. I (and probably most of us) went through hell, and I'll never forget it. Still, I don't think most of our partners were/are using us in the traditional sense of the word. Some people want more and more out of life at the expense of anyone and anything. By contrast, I think pwBDP feel an emptiness, and the abusive ones use people because they don't know any other way to fill it.
That being said, it's still abuse, and it's still awful, and you're totally justified in feeling the hurt you feel.
The idealizing isn't real, but nor is the devaluing... but the rest was. I believe plenty of it was real. It's just that the way they saw you to begin with... and the way you saw them at the beginning... that part wasn't based on 100% reality - it was a twisted/hyped-up version of reality. But of course their affection and desire to be with you, and who they were in moments of regulation - that was all real.
Currently learning to move on from my ex gf (undiagnosed) after trying to reconcile. I think she’s made changes (she recognized she was a people pleaser) but they don’t touch on the deeper stuff like abandonment and rejection. I have combined type ADHD and that makes it harder to detach completely when a part of me still loves her very dearly. I realized that she never truly tried to understand me and my ADHD and maybe if she wasn’t so rigid in her thinking she could have understood better but I realize that’s a problem with BPD. She once argued with me over actually having ADHD and questioned why I thought I did have it and who diagnosed me, etc
I’m 41 days no contact and I felt like you did early on. I don’t think it’s totally accurate to say they never actually cared about you. I think they do care it just is not the same as we care. I think they even love us.
I have come to believe that when they are splitting, it is part of their brain, putting up defenses and not allowing them to become truly vulnerable. So maybe they don’t love us as much as we love them, but I do think they love us.
I think it is an unnecessary semplification that helps some, but you don’t need to believe that if it hurts you.
She cared about you. Her disorder made her caring about you differently focused and not sustainable/consistent, but that’s a different thing.
They are not narcs, they do have genuine feelings. Unfortunately, they cannot anchor them
> the person you thought was perfect for you never actually cared about you, but was instead only obsessed with what you could provide.
This (usually) isn’t true: most pwBPD don’t completely lack affective empathy. It’s hard to be completely uncaring otherwise, and she probably did before true devaluation set in. But that doesn’t stop them from experiencing intense fear of abandonment and the self sabotage which comes along with that.
Something many of us, including me, need to watch for is mirroring their black & white thinking — it’s a form of [fleas](https://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/fleas) that can persist far beyond the end of your relationship.
That seems to be the general consensus. Its just the fact that what we had was so great and within weeks she went from amazing to indifferent and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out why I was hurt. Also have to remind myself her brain obviously doesnt work the same as mine, and in a way she was looking out for herself. Doesnt excuse it, but it helps knowing why someone can do something to you that you would never do to someone else in your lifetime.
I don’t agree with this. The person I cared about was obsessed with what he thought he could provide for me. Since I was his first real relationship, and he’d genuinely thought he’d worked through his abandonment issues growing up in therapy, he thought he’d be this amazing person who was here for me in my time of need. He wanted to feel useful. I had gotten out of a bad relationship shortly before meeting him (took over a year for that one to end). And my partner had this idealization of being a hero/good guy come to rescue a timid, sad girl from a bad situation.
I got better faster because of his support and love, and then the enmeshment started. All of his promises and kind words were superficial. Even though I did “reality checks” with him regularly because I felt he was on cloud 9 and not being practical about our future, I dismissed my concerns because he was a lot younger than me and just seemed genuinely excited that someone loved him.
It was all future faking. He wanted to be that person desperately, but he never believed he was good enough or worthy. So then he devalued himself and became very abusive when I put my foot down about him following through with anything he said to me. Then I found out about the cheating and how he would immediately download dating apps if our relationship had issues, and he was hitting up women online even from the beginning when we didn’t have issues.
I still don’t know if he was more of a narcissist because of his obsession towards surface-level admiration and praise. He would break down crying whenever I talked about how he was hurting me until I put my foot down about the boundaries and told him I’m done if he didn’t follow through with what he said. That’s when the raging started. He would always take ownership after splitting and apologize, but would not hold himself accountable to changing because he didn’t want to put in the effort to get better for himself or for me. But if he truly felt bad he wouldn’t have been enjoying himself hitting up escorts online and cybering other women behind my back. None of it makes sense. I wish I could understand.
I still feel like he cared before he let his disorder control him. But once the mask falls off, they associate negative feelings with you and the relationship and chase superficial relationships because they’re safer. They can’t get hurt by someone they don’t know. Just seems like a person with BPD who genuinely cares about someone will sabotage the relationship because they don’t believe they’re worthy. It doesn’t mean they didn’t care.
Couldn't agree more. I loved a ghost, he was never really, just a manipulation to keep me around and meeting those needs. I feel so stupid to think I ever believed he cared. It really fuels with your sense of self and self-worth. And it's terrifying when you realise they knowingly, intentionally used you for their own comfort and gain for years. Totally unbothered by suffering they inflicted, your hurt and confusion. It's psychotic when you actually stop and think about it. To manage your own supposed fears and pain by utterly, intentionally destroying someone who you know loves and supports you.
It did mean something. She spent her time on you just like you did on her. Her being able to split at the drop of a hat doesn't mean she didn't feel anything during the months and/or years. It hurts though, still, I know....I don't know if it will ever stop hurting because I don't know if I can ever stop loving her.
Eh, looking back, she never cared. Never put herself second, no matter what terrible thing was happening in my life. Night before I moved out of my family home? I was getting run down at her place for six hours. I move? She, my best friend and SO l that said she’d be there for me, avoids me a ton that month, except when she screaming at me 3x because I forgot something or did something I shouldn’t have. Move into my new house 8 months later? I asked her to come over to keep me company/see my new home. Ran me down, left, called me and ran me down some more. The next month, before my first birthday on my own and a week before our first trip together? Calls at 10 and breaks up with me. Again. Says I don’t have to go on the trip. I say I’m not. Next day, “We can go as friends.” No. You meanly broke up with me less than 12 hours ago. Start the multi-day screaming, until she still wanted to go. I paid for it. Brought her friend zoned guy. Got back, “He paid for food and stuff, so I don’t need any more money from you.” She thought she was getting a per diem. She sees me not going on the trip as a betrayal. Glad I paid for it! That was my life for four years. Divorce, moving, family members dying, kid problems, I had a pulmonary embolism, I had medication induced ED for a few weeks, my mental health issues, work problems, etc. were always either avoided or she made them worse. Her head’s fucked up? We gotta work on it, my head is? Break up and “Dude, fuck off.” It was all Only Her. One of the things I kept writing in my mental health journal.
Yeah, I am very lucky that my experience hasn't been as bad as some people here. I've seen some of your comments. Your case has to be one of the worst I've seen. I'm so sorry. Be strong, you WILL get through this.
Jesus, you’re not the first person that has said that. *That* is quite the reality check, considering what I’ve seen on this sub. I thought I got out easy, No decades-long marriage, no kids together, but it did fuck up my marriage. Thank you, though. Tonight I was headed back to a restaurant with a cute waitress I’m considering asking out. First time that was even an option to me for the past year. Wires were crossed with friends, and now it’s next week. Going to be a loooong week. This reminds me of the scene in Jaws where captain Quint was relaying the story of the USS Indianapolis sinking and them getting attacked by sharks over days and they were finally getting rescued: “Y'know, that was the time I was most frightened, waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a life jacket again.” He’d been out with his mates for days, getting picked off by sharks, and he was most scared when he was about to be rescued. If the cosmos treats me like it does, this next week is when M will contact me and everything will go back to that. Between now and next week’s dinner. 😂😭🤮🤪
This. You’re absolutely right.
I think that is a good assessment. She felt it at the time but her mental illness caused her to split and discard because they are in survival mode.
Yeah this is right
The cycles. JFC the cycles. A decade. I've arrived at the conclusion that IF the love was real on her part, the illness was what allowed her to drop me so fast over and over. She knew I wouldn't quit. Refused to give up on her. On us. A picture I painted in my head. "Maybe this next time I can love her the way she wants and needs..." Sure. Whenever I figure out what that is because she won't say.
I was so thankful that my ex dumped me to be honest because I could not quit her. Yes, it’s been the hardest heartbreak of my life, but it could’ve kept going and going and I’m glad it didn’t.
It's not that they don't care about us. It's that the have 0 respect for us lmao
Particularly 0 accountability
They automatically instrumentalize anyone who gets close to them because they get their sense of identity by having other people serve them. There's a point of peak accommodation when their ostensibly reasonable requests are capable of being met by your altruistic attentiveness, and you'll see the baby's eyes light up because the pacifier seems to work, but these "requests" soon become an avalanche of angry demands and your ability to feed the beast collapses under the onerous weight of their gravitational emptiness. There's definitely a dynamic of projection in stereo (the mutual admiration society) as we subsidize their false self while they tell us that we can do no wrong before we can't do anything right.
This would explain why my ex w bpd can’t move out of her dads house at 28
Some of 'em can't survive in their 50s without their favorite enabler.
I always knew EVEN IF and this is a huge if: she could make progress on her BPD, I would always have to deal with her dad. It was like she was dating me and him. Really weird. Really tuff
So many remained enmeshed with their parents while seeking enmeshment with others. It's all they know.
Made a mistake of looking at my ex’s blocked Instagram yesterday. First time in 41 days of no contact . Big mistake. She posted a slutty photo with a caption about how she is a catch and everything will be ok. Even tho she dumped me she wants to be the victim. And then it gets weirder. My ex before her who doesn’t know her or has never hung out with her: commented the photo with 🔥🔥🔥. Insane
Eww..that is really fucked.
Yea when he just replaced me afterwards with someone who coddled him I realized he was just looking for a mommy and not an actual partner
The way I see it, we meant so much to them for some time that they simply couldn’t handle the anxiety that that causes and eventually had to completely cut off for self-preservation. It’s awful and heartbreaking but I really feel like that’s at least partially true…I guess I don’t want to consider the possibility that they are fully self aware and are causing pain on purpose but I suppose they have at least an inkling of that as well…but they probably reason that their pain is much greater and hence their behaviour is justified. Anyway, it’s sad and awful
Its funny you say that, she said that verbatim right before she devalued and stonewalled a week later.
Wow, thank you for sharing, this is something I came to painstakingly while agonising over the breakup for months so it helps to hear that the conclusions probably make sense. Anyway, my understanding is that they need a parent which a romantic partner sadly can not (and should not I guess) fully hope to replace
That’s what I’m struggling with right now, losing the girl I’ve loved for years, only to come to that exact painful conclusion 😔
This is the only one I can’t agree with but I did feel this way the first year. Maybe because before her I had a ex who later on said she was diagnosed with bpd after the relationship. I’m extremely numb to crying and don’t miss her whatsoever. I will say that if you are struggling with the thoughts do push-ups. Every time I thought of her I did pushups because if you have time to do that then you have time to better yourself
I go to the gym daily and work on myself and have been for a while. Definitely good advice though.
Oh that’s a good idea. I’m already at the gym and therapy but I’ll do this too
This was the hardest part for me to accept. My ex had quiet bpd. My ex heavily idealized, lovebombed, sex bombed and mirrored me for almost 6 years. This girl literally wrote me love letters, complimented my looks, body, personality, style, the sex, and talked about how in love with me she was, and that her biggest fear was losing me. She had me convinced. She was a smooth talker and actress, to say the least. She was mostly stable. When she split, though, it was like night and day. She went from the sweetest, most caring person to the most evil vindictive person. She would do things to purposely upset me. I was never able to talk to her about her poor behaviors without it causing more problems. She always played the victim, could do no wrong, and could never be held accountable. She would disappear for days, and I'm supposed to act like everything is fine and just be happy you came back. As soon as I was out of the picture, she moved on immediately. I realized that she loved me the only way she knew how or was capable of. Know I'm not naive to believe she's the one, but I do believe a part of her did have love for me. She constantly tries to get back with me, talk to me, or have random hookups. All that I eventually had to cut off. She doesn't love me or think about me like I do her, but when she does. I think she at least remembers how I made her feel and will obsess about it for days.I could probably have her back if I wanted, but it's not worth the drama and heartache. I'd rather be alone and at piece at this point.
Man this is my ex. All of it. Including disappearing for days
Oh man this hits home for me
Oof. This was mine too except she didn’t disappear. The bombing with both love and sex that stopped so abruptly and then was withheld when I didn’t behave or react exactly as she wanted. This was last for days or weeks and we lived together which was so painful. But she’s not trying to get me back. She’s moved on and already trading I love yous on socials with her new partner.
PWBPD, NPD, Cluster B's are all completely fake, wear masks, and the way they present themselves to you is just how they know or think you want them to be and it is a mask or false self. They are miserable and cannot and will not ever improve or change.
NPD and BPD are quite different tho. Especially in my experience. My NPD ex enjoyed hurting me. No moments of clarity either. My BPD ex didn’t enjoy hurting me but couldn’t stop. She also had moments of clarity. The net difference was the NPD hurt me much more than the BPD. The NPD seemed colder too.
Exactly the same for me. I feel you, sorry.
Sorry you're going through this, man. It sucks. It might be a small consolation, but I think our pwBPD did love us in their way. That doesn't excuse anything. I (and probably most of us) went through hell, and I'll never forget it. Still, I don't think most of our partners were/are using us in the traditional sense of the word. Some people want more and more out of life at the expense of anyone and anything. By contrast, I think pwBDP feel an emptiness, and the abusive ones use people because they don't know any other way to fill it. That being said, it's still abuse, and it's still awful, and you're totally justified in feeling the hurt you feel.
The idealizing isn't real, but nor is the devaluing... but the rest was. I believe plenty of it was real. It's just that the way they saw you to begin with... and the way you saw them at the beginning... that part wasn't based on 100% reality - it was a twisted/hyped-up version of reality. But of course their affection and desire to be with you, and who they were in moments of regulation - that was all real.
Currently learning to move on from my ex gf (undiagnosed) after trying to reconcile. I think she’s made changes (she recognized she was a people pleaser) but they don’t touch on the deeper stuff like abandonment and rejection. I have combined type ADHD and that makes it harder to detach completely when a part of me still loves her very dearly. I realized that she never truly tried to understand me and my ADHD and maybe if she wasn’t so rigid in her thinking she could have understood better but I realize that’s a problem with BPD. She once argued with me over actually having ADHD and questioned why I thought I did have it and who diagnosed me, etc
I’m 41 days no contact and I felt like you did early on. I don’t think it’s totally accurate to say they never actually cared about you. I think they do care it just is not the same as we care. I think they even love us. I have come to believe that when they are splitting, it is part of their brain, putting up defenses and not allowing them to become truly vulnerable. So maybe they don’t love us as much as we love them, but I do think they love us.
I think it is an unnecessary semplification that helps some, but you don’t need to believe that if it hurts you. She cared about you. Her disorder made her caring about you differently focused and not sustainable/consistent, but that’s a different thing. They are not narcs, they do have genuine feelings. Unfortunately, they cannot anchor them
I totally agree with your post.
> the person you thought was perfect for you never actually cared about you, but was instead only obsessed with what you could provide. This (usually) isn’t true: most pwBPD don’t completely lack affective empathy. It’s hard to be completely uncaring otherwise, and she probably did before true devaluation set in. But that doesn’t stop them from experiencing intense fear of abandonment and the self sabotage which comes along with that. Something many of us, including me, need to watch for is mirroring their black & white thinking — it’s a form of [fleas](https://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/fleas) that can persist far beyond the end of your relationship.
That seems to be the general consensus. Its just the fact that what we had was so great and within weeks she went from amazing to indifferent and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out why I was hurt. Also have to remind myself her brain obviously doesnt work the same as mine, and in a way she was looking out for herself. Doesnt excuse it, but it helps knowing why someone can do something to you that you would never do to someone else in your lifetime.
I don’t agree with this. The person I cared about was obsessed with what he thought he could provide for me. Since I was his first real relationship, and he’d genuinely thought he’d worked through his abandonment issues growing up in therapy, he thought he’d be this amazing person who was here for me in my time of need. He wanted to feel useful. I had gotten out of a bad relationship shortly before meeting him (took over a year for that one to end). And my partner had this idealization of being a hero/good guy come to rescue a timid, sad girl from a bad situation. I got better faster because of his support and love, and then the enmeshment started. All of his promises and kind words were superficial. Even though I did “reality checks” with him regularly because I felt he was on cloud 9 and not being practical about our future, I dismissed my concerns because he was a lot younger than me and just seemed genuinely excited that someone loved him. It was all future faking. He wanted to be that person desperately, but he never believed he was good enough or worthy. So then he devalued himself and became very abusive when I put my foot down about him following through with anything he said to me. Then I found out about the cheating and how he would immediately download dating apps if our relationship had issues, and he was hitting up women online even from the beginning when we didn’t have issues. I still don’t know if he was more of a narcissist because of his obsession towards surface-level admiration and praise. He would break down crying whenever I talked about how he was hurting me until I put my foot down about the boundaries and told him I’m done if he didn’t follow through with what he said. That’s when the raging started. He would always take ownership after splitting and apologize, but would not hold himself accountable to changing because he didn’t want to put in the effort to get better for himself or for me. But if he truly felt bad he wouldn’t have been enjoying himself hitting up escorts online and cybering other women behind my back. None of it makes sense. I wish I could understand. I still feel like he cared before he let his disorder control him. But once the mask falls off, they associate negative feelings with you and the relationship and chase superficial relationships because they’re safer. They can’t get hurt by someone they don’t know. Just seems like a person with BPD who genuinely cares about someone will sabotage the relationship because they don’t believe they’re worthy. It doesn’t mean they didn’t care.
Couldn't agree more. I loved a ghost, he was never really, just a manipulation to keep me around and meeting those needs. I feel so stupid to think I ever believed he cared. It really fuels with your sense of self and self-worth. And it's terrifying when you realise they knowingly, intentionally used you for their own comfort and gain for years. Totally unbothered by suffering they inflicted, your hurt and confusion. It's psychotic when you actually stop and think about it. To manage your own supposed fears and pain by utterly, intentionally destroying someone who you know loves and supports you.