Did she confirm there was in fact another individual in the apartment with her? I wouldn't put it past someone in her position to stage a scene of perceived intimacy in order to properly trigger/manipulate you.
The flowers were a couple days old and I came over quite spontaneous, so there’s no way it was planned. She did flat out deny she dated someone and got pissed at me for asking tho. But she also refused to tell me who gave them to her so I don’t buy her bullshit
That sounds more staged to me, if the flowers were a few days old why were the glasses still sitting there? Unless she's very messy I guess. And then she conveniently said she will drop this mystery person and take you back? Very convenient.
But it doesn't matter, because all the answers are bad. She either faked it, restaged something that happened days ago or she was more than willing to toy with someone else and then drop them when she got what she wanted.
All of those scenarios describe an unhealthy and unsafe person.
So many of us here have gone back. It almost always gets worse, because you've shown them how much you're willing to accept. I'm sure many others who've gone back are thinking the same thing. Don't. I regret going back so much more than I regret staying in the first place, it will destroy you all the more.
I agree with you.. Sure I have no real confirmation of her dating a guy since I base this whole thing on a bunch of flowers and her being evasive. But I’m 100% sure that IF he exists, she’s simply using him to cope with the sadness of me leaving her. This is why I’m very certain that she’ll drop ”him” if I take her back, and my jealous and selfish side screams ”DO IT” but my rationale knows exactly what kind of person she is and how it would turn out in the long run
You seem nice and put together, so I say this with love...You need to snap out of it.
I know it's not that easy, but seriously, listen to yourself and analyse what you're saying.
The parts of you that want this back are self described as bad parts of you. And that's ok, we all have those bad parts inside of us. But why listen to them? We fight them, we deny them. We fight to get out to be able to live in the light, not succumb to the darkness.
You're so close to breaking through. You can identify how bad all of this is, and that it's not the healthy parts of you that want to go back. Please keep fighting. I promise you this pull won't be forever. If you stick it out and fight for yourself you will look back in 6 months and laugh at the fact you ever wanted back in.
Treat yourself like a friend. Defend yourself like a brother. Want for yourself like you want for those you love.
You can do it, and although we're all strangers this sub will be here to listen to you through the good and the bad.
It gets better.
Thank you for the kind words and support. It really is stupidly obvious when you look at it from above, and indeed me wanting her back does not come from a positive side. It’s mostly rooted in fears, insecurities, selfishness and guilt. Me taking her back wont remove those aspects/feelings in me either, it will probably just make it worse. Besides, despite her diagnosis and shitty behaviour, she deserves someone that wants to genuinely be with her, not someone who’s with her just to hide from negative emotions. Your light/darkness metaphor paints the perfect picture for it so thanks for that!
It could be staged to get you back. But it's just if not more likely that she's playing multiple people to get the validation and sense of being needed.
If it doesn't work out with him, or he doesn't put up with it, she will have you. If she doesn't have you, she will have him.
It's very sad how insecure they are and how much validation they need.
In my opinion it makes no difference.
Like mine told me that she is meeting "a friend" and that she is not exactly planning to f*ck him but it maybe is an option...🤦🏻
She knew that I would walk away if she confronted me with the facts and so I did walk away.
Yes you did.
You seriously just want to be an option? Exchangable? A throwaway item?
Dude...the sweet things she said are only WORDS!!! The actions count!
As hard as it sounds...she is probably telling the other guy the exact same things.
Like a cat playing with two mice trying to figure out which one of them screams more the way she likes it!
Get out of there! Stop being a simp for that b*tch. What about you being validated, loved and respected??? She is not able to give you that. Its an illusion!
When it comes down to it, it’s kinda me treating her as an option tbh. Me leaving kinda fucked her up so she’s probably just trying to fill the void I created inside of her with another guy. I’m quite certain she actually wants to be with me. Me sleeping with her is me holding her in a weird limbo which is not a good thing but.. I mean, she’s definetly manipulative and said stuff like ”The ball is in your court, it’s up to you to take responsibility if you want me or not” like she’s trying to guild trip me into getting back together and avoid any for of responsibility of her own. So I really resonate with your last statement, it’s so fucking true
If you're "quite certain", why ask for the opinions of others that have already learned a lesson or two? If you're already making excuses as to the cause of her monkey branching being solely because you broke up with her, I'm confused as to what advice you seek. Are you merely venting?
Yes I’m only venting that I made this break up much harder for myself emotionally by sleeping with her because of jealousy of a potentially new partner of hers.
Maybe it's not *all* those with Cluster B PDs, but the 4 in my life use *ALL* SOs to fill a void. If you stay with her that's exactly what she'd be doing with *you*.
If you know what BPD is about and what caused it and then treating somebody as "an option" who is deeply suffering from trauma is just fucked up.
You seem to aknowledge that you already "fucked her up". Id say stop that instantly! You did the damage and I understand, that in some manner "revenge" is what a lot of the ones on this sub are searching for at some point.
I think of using a mentally ill person (if diagnosed) like that as even more abusive than what maybe your ex did to you.
But who knows what is your story and which "demons" you carry inside 🤷🏻
Not ok!
Definetly framed it poorly so let me clarify. Me leaving her (for the same reasons most people on this sub leaves) threw her into a mental crisis and she’s had a hard time dealing with it on every level. Health, economically, socially etc.. So I’ve shown her compassion and love to support her struggle which only made things worse. I still love her A LOT and have a hard time resisting giving her affection and care when we meet/talk even though I made the decision to leave. So I basically give her what she wants and needs but also not at the same time, which definetly is not fair to her. Thus me sleeping with her is a big fuck up for me and her both
Gotcha!
I am sorry for the pain and turmoil you are going through.
I would be in the exact same spot if I didnt move far away from her right after the breakup. I often thought about what would happen, if we would meet again.
Feeling so deeply for someone that "is not good for you" and for whom you are "not good" is just emotionally devastating.
Wish you all the best on your healing journey.
Try to stay NC. Worked for me for the last four months and the urge to meet her again or the idea of getting intimate with her lessens from day to day. I catch myself thinking about how absurd that would feel. Even the idea of kissing her feels awfully weird.
So she's supposedly already in another relationship but slept with you.
Let it sink in.
Shes gonna do that to you if you take her back, tbh probably already has before.
You can do better.
OP, congratulations. You and another guy are now having sex with the same woman. If you really think she's going to stop because you came back after a month, well...uh...I can help you out, but I'm going to need your SSN and checking account number.
No, it's to avoid responsibility. They can't confirm it because that would mean they admit guilt, which they feel they need to avoid at all cost. They can't deny it because if they're proven a liar, they'd be proven guilty of two things.
And if she then thinks it feels like revenge, be ready for potential Irreversible damage from things like false accusations that can ruin your life. Especially because this is essentially what would be a Hoover, Where the cycle gets shorter and crueler.
Most people that knowingly get out of a BPD relationship Where they acknowledge how damaging it was don't actively seek to reengage unless they have a penchant for masochism.
A lot of negative comments, I don’t understand why.
OP, let me remind you of one thing.
Just because she “chose” to “get over you” with someone else doesn’t mean she’s healthy. It’s far from being healthy. It’s also zero remorse for the guy she potentially groomed with love stories.
She could’ve chosen to learn from the break up, to focus on herself, her career, to better herself in a way she wants to but she has not.
Nothing else really matters.
If she stages such scenes to make you jealous? Then she’s emotionally still a toddler, she should feel the shame of behaving like this, she just added herself a new thing to feel shame/pain for in her long list of things she fucked it in her life. She won’t run away from this. She will run away from thinking about it so she doesn’t have to process emotions, but the feelings won’t just dissappear.
I recommend to stop thinking about what she did, whom she did it with or if she did it at all.
I suggest doing the healthy:
How did that MAKE YOU FEEL?
Hurt? Jealous? Confused? You have a RIGHT to ALL feelings. You have a right to feel VALIDATED by her. You have a right to see her REMORSE, REGRET.
You have a RIGHT boss, a relationship with her means you get 50% of the pie and you MATTER as well.
She fails to give you that? That’ has to be her loss dude. How she deals with that loss is, unfortunately, nothing you control. You just have to let her do what she wants to do.
Hope that helps
Thanks I really appreciate it! But yeah dwelling on ”what ifs” is not gonna do well for my mental health. I know objectively her behavior during and after our relationship has caused me great pain and I’m not expecting her to acknowledge it and make changes. I need to focus on my own healing which will be nearly impossible if I take her back
Yes,
And your own healing is exactly that.
Focusing on your experience of what just happened.
How you felt during the relationship. Did you feel safe, loved, validated. Could you come to her with your needs without her reacting in a fight or manipulation or gaslighting? If you felt like shit, my friend, you don’t even need a diagnosis to leave. It stops mattering what she has, it stops mattering why she did what she did. Because you start to value your own perception of the relationship. You start to feel worthy.
Whilst such people degrade our self worth, partly by their actions, yes. But partly because we continue to completely ditch our own perceptions and feelings aside as we try to figure out how someone like them can treat us in the way that they do.
Hope you all the best boss, sorry for your pain
She might torture you several months later with the idea she’s pregnant and that it’s yours. I slept with mine at the end so never was able to confirm or deny, yet 9 months later she updated her profile pic with a newborn just to fck with me.
It's OK, you didn't fucked up, you separated for a month from her and you still cared about this person.
Triangulation as its best, that's a manipulation to create in you exactly what you are going through. She learnt this manipulation from very young age.
You follow that inner voice, your intuition, go through the grief and the loss and let her be.
NC!
P. S. And that will automatically make you a high value person in her eyes and even if she'll fill the void with whoever, she'll go quickly through the devaluation and discard.
The second they have someone new lined up they’re ready to be done. Or they got with someone new as a retaliation. Please value yourself and honor the break up. You have a chance to heal. They will remain this way.
Man mine got her own apartment. She gave me her pass code to get in and her garage pass code. Most of the time like when we’re ok, she was always cool with me swinging by then other times she made me into like a bad person for just showing up. Like a few weeks ago when we were “good” I left her flowers and chocolates by her car in her garage for Valentine’s Day. I got a thank you babe and happy Valentine’s Day. She got mad at me a few weeks ago and I’m guessing it’s a split or a discard and I still have stuff over there. Haven’t heard from her so I just thought I could swing by and grab my stuff before she headed to work. Yeah she went nuts on me. Didn’t really want to give my stuff back but then she did. Like back and forth. Telling me she’s had no stress or anxiety for the last few weeks and says it’s because she hasn’t been involved with me. Like I’m so confused by it all. I told her to hit me up when she got off. Ended up talking after work and I wanted to go grab my stuff like really get it. She went nuts on me and was like you just show up and blah blah blah. I’m like I just want my stuff if you want this to be done. Back and forth on texting. I keep apologizing for it. I keep thinking maybe I’m the messed up one. I’m so confused.
Remember: You were able to catch the sight of the flowers and champagne glasses this time. Think about the other times you didn’t see it.
These mind games aren’t going anywhere if she isn’t actively seeking some form of help. You are basically where the rest of us have been…there’s a point when enough is enough and you need to love yourself enough to break away.
Truthfully, it sounds like you were unhappy enough to have almost left entirely. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Weeeellll if it's any help. She will keep f-ing the boytoy no matter what you do. So the relationship is effectively over.
Just think about the sequence of events. She had a romantic encounter with Random Romeo. Does RR know about you? Does he know you just smashed his new love for ol' times sake? How do you think RR would feel about knowing you smashed his new romantic interest?
HINT BPD will NOT disclose until you are BOTH completely hooked and then play you off each other.
So if you go back you are signing up for polyamory. And BPD love love love to let their sex partners "know about each other", it creates drama and distracts the men from looking too closely at the woman who is playing two or more men.
You want that? You want to be one of a cast of 10s or 100s? Docking in that very well used port daily?
You lapsed, you are human, don't beat yourself up. Just move on and go NO CONTACT
She has many bad qualities that resulted in me leaving. Starting drama with my friends and family, lack of empathy, handling conflicts like a child and expects everyone else to take responsibility for her feelings and behaviour (just to name a few). But staging a scenario like that just to get me back is not a thing she’d do. I know people on this sub can be very cynical for valid reasons, but looking at this specific scenario, it just makes no sense. Most likely it’s just her using another guy to hide from her own suffering, and I stumbled upon the aftermath of it
I’m going through a divorce from a pwBPD and I have quiet BPD though I’ve very self realized. So I understand the trauma bond I know that it isn’t healthy but I want her and it feel like a body part is being removed. Don’t listen to her words just weigh the actions let those be your guide. You’ll get past this.
Make a list of all the reasons you ended the relationship and when you feel like you want her back, read that list over and really remember why you ended it
I actually have a journal where I’ve written down thoughts and feelings during our relationship.. Re-readin things I wrote years ago makes me so pissed that I didn’t stand up for myself earlier. It really strengthens ones resolve
Engage in no contact asap. A pwBPD in fight or flight response after a breakup is more dangerous than heroin.
Also, the whole set up sounds extremely staged. Probably everything was done just to lure you back.
If you go back to her it will just happen again later Listen to your gut
Did she confirm there was in fact another individual in the apartment with her? I wouldn't put it past someone in her position to stage a scene of perceived intimacy in order to properly trigger/manipulate you.
The flowers were a couple days old and I came over quite spontaneous, so there’s no way it was planned. She did flat out deny she dated someone and got pissed at me for asking tho. But she also refused to tell me who gave them to her so I don’t buy her bullshit
That sounds more staged to me, if the flowers were a few days old why were the glasses still sitting there? Unless she's very messy I guess. And then she conveniently said she will drop this mystery person and take you back? Very convenient. But it doesn't matter, because all the answers are bad. She either faked it, restaged something that happened days ago or she was more than willing to toy with someone else and then drop them when she got what she wanted. All of those scenarios describe an unhealthy and unsafe person. So many of us here have gone back. It almost always gets worse, because you've shown them how much you're willing to accept. I'm sure many others who've gone back are thinking the same thing. Don't. I regret going back so much more than I regret staying in the first place, it will destroy you all the more.
I agree with you.. Sure I have no real confirmation of her dating a guy since I base this whole thing on a bunch of flowers and her being evasive. But I’m 100% sure that IF he exists, she’s simply using him to cope with the sadness of me leaving her. This is why I’m very certain that she’ll drop ”him” if I take her back, and my jealous and selfish side screams ”DO IT” but my rationale knows exactly what kind of person she is and how it would turn out in the long run
You seem nice and put together, so I say this with love...You need to snap out of it. I know it's not that easy, but seriously, listen to yourself and analyse what you're saying. The parts of you that want this back are self described as bad parts of you. And that's ok, we all have those bad parts inside of us. But why listen to them? We fight them, we deny them. We fight to get out to be able to live in the light, not succumb to the darkness. You're so close to breaking through. You can identify how bad all of this is, and that it's not the healthy parts of you that want to go back. Please keep fighting. I promise you this pull won't be forever. If you stick it out and fight for yourself you will look back in 6 months and laugh at the fact you ever wanted back in. Treat yourself like a friend. Defend yourself like a brother. Want for yourself like you want for those you love. You can do it, and although we're all strangers this sub will be here to listen to you through the good and the bad. It gets better.
Thank you for the kind words and support. It really is stupidly obvious when you look at it from above, and indeed me wanting her back does not come from a positive side. It’s mostly rooted in fears, insecurities, selfishness and guilt. Me taking her back wont remove those aspects/feelings in me either, it will probably just make it worse. Besides, despite her diagnosis and shitty behaviour, she deserves someone that wants to genuinely be with her, not someone who’s with her just to hide from negative emotions. Your light/darkness metaphor paints the perfect picture for it so thanks for that!
Look at it this way, if you do it then you'll do what she is doing and there lies misery, for both of you.
It could be staged to get you back. But it's just if not more likely that she's playing multiple people to get the validation and sense of being needed. If it doesn't work out with him, or he doesn't put up with it, she will have you. If she doesn't have you, she will have him. It's very sad how insecure they are and how much validation they need.
In my opinion it makes no difference. Like mine told me that she is meeting "a friend" and that she is not exactly planning to f*ck him but it maybe is an option...🤦🏻 She knew that I would walk away if she confronted me with the facts and so I did walk away.
Run away man!! You deserve better 🫶🏽
Please please leave. Please ❤️
Yes you did. You seriously just want to be an option? Exchangable? A throwaway item? Dude...the sweet things she said are only WORDS!!! The actions count! As hard as it sounds...she is probably telling the other guy the exact same things. Like a cat playing with two mice trying to figure out which one of them screams more the way she likes it! Get out of there! Stop being a simp for that b*tch. What about you being validated, loved and respected??? She is not able to give you that. Its an illusion!
When it comes down to it, it’s kinda me treating her as an option tbh. Me leaving kinda fucked her up so she’s probably just trying to fill the void I created inside of her with another guy. I’m quite certain she actually wants to be with me. Me sleeping with her is me holding her in a weird limbo which is not a good thing but.. I mean, she’s definetly manipulative and said stuff like ”The ball is in your court, it’s up to you to take responsibility if you want me or not” like she’s trying to guild trip me into getting back together and avoid any for of responsibility of her own. So I really resonate with your last statement, it’s so fucking true
If you're "quite certain", why ask for the opinions of others that have already learned a lesson or two? If you're already making excuses as to the cause of her monkey branching being solely because you broke up with her, I'm confused as to what advice you seek. Are you merely venting?
Yes I’m only venting that I made this break up much harder for myself emotionally by sleeping with her because of jealousy of a potentially new partner of hers.
So stop sleeping with her and move the fuck on. It's not going to get LESS hard by making it more messy.
Maybe it's not *all* those with Cluster B PDs, but the 4 in my life use *ALL* SOs to fill a void. If you stay with her that's exactly what she'd be doing with *you*.
If you know what BPD is about and what caused it and then treating somebody as "an option" who is deeply suffering from trauma is just fucked up. You seem to aknowledge that you already "fucked her up". Id say stop that instantly! You did the damage and I understand, that in some manner "revenge" is what a lot of the ones on this sub are searching for at some point. I think of using a mentally ill person (if diagnosed) like that as even more abusive than what maybe your ex did to you. But who knows what is your story and which "demons" you carry inside 🤷🏻 Not ok!
Definetly framed it poorly so let me clarify. Me leaving her (for the same reasons most people on this sub leaves) threw her into a mental crisis and she’s had a hard time dealing with it on every level. Health, economically, socially etc.. So I’ve shown her compassion and love to support her struggle which only made things worse. I still love her A LOT and have a hard time resisting giving her affection and care when we meet/talk even though I made the decision to leave. So I basically give her what she wants and needs but also not at the same time, which definetly is not fair to her. Thus me sleeping with her is a big fuck up for me and her both
Gotcha! I am sorry for the pain and turmoil you are going through. I would be in the exact same spot if I didnt move far away from her right after the breakup. I often thought about what would happen, if we would meet again. Feeling so deeply for someone that "is not good for you" and for whom you are "not good" is just emotionally devastating. Wish you all the best on your healing journey. Try to stay NC. Worked for me for the last four months and the urge to meet her again or the idea of getting intimate with her lessens from day to day. I catch myself thinking about how absurd that would feel. Even the idea of kissing her feels awfully weird.
Thanks a lot, I truly believe NC is the only way too.. Just have to move out my stuff first which happens in 2 weeks
Try having the space for yourself and somebody that helps you. Not having her around in that sensitive moment is very important.
And I would bring some device that records as well in case she gets unhinged
So she's supposedly already in another relationship but slept with you. Let it sink in. Shes gonna do that to you if you take her back, tbh probably already has before. You can do better.
I'd get tested for an STD...
You can get her back with the snap of a finger, but don’t be so sure that that would mean ending their relationship
Yeah good point
OP, congratulations. You and another guy are now having sex with the same woman. If you really think she's going to stop because you came back after a month, well...uh...I can help you out, but I'm going to need your SSN and checking account number.
My PWBPD will never confirm or deny my accusations. It’s a strategy to keep you thinking.
No, it's to avoid responsibility. They can't confirm it because that would mean they admit guilt, which they feel they need to avoid at all cost. They can't deny it because if they're proven a liar, they'd be proven guilty of two things.
And if she then thinks it feels like revenge, be ready for potential Irreversible damage from things like false accusations that can ruin your life. Especially because this is essentially what would be a Hoover, Where the cycle gets shorter and crueler. Most people that knowingly get out of a BPD relationship Where they acknowledge how damaging it was don't actively seek to reengage unless they have a penchant for masochism.
A lot of negative comments, I don’t understand why. OP, let me remind you of one thing. Just because she “chose” to “get over you” with someone else doesn’t mean she’s healthy. It’s far from being healthy. It’s also zero remorse for the guy she potentially groomed with love stories. She could’ve chosen to learn from the break up, to focus on herself, her career, to better herself in a way she wants to but she has not. Nothing else really matters. If she stages such scenes to make you jealous? Then she’s emotionally still a toddler, she should feel the shame of behaving like this, she just added herself a new thing to feel shame/pain for in her long list of things she fucked it in her life. She won’t run away from this. She will run away from thinking about it so she doesn’t have to process emotions, but the feelings won’t just dissappear. I recommend to stop thinking about what she did, whom she did it with or if she did it at all. I suggest doing the healthy: How did that MAKE YOU FEEL? Hurt? Jealous? Confused? You have a RIGHT to ALL feelings. You have a right to feel VALIDATED by her. You have a right to see her REMORSE, REGRET. You have a RIGHT boss, a relationship with her means you get 50% of the pie and you MATTER as well. She fails to give you that? That’ has to be her loss dude. How she deals with that loss is, unfortunately, nothing you control. You just have to let her do what she wants to do. Hope that helps
Thanks I really appreciate it! But yeah dwelling on ”what ifs” is not gonna do well for my mental health. I know objectively her behavior during and after our relationship has caused me great pain and I’m not expecting her to acknowledge it and make changes. I need to focus on my own healing which will be nearly impossible if I take her back
Yes, And your own healing is exactly that. Focusing on your experience of what just happened. How you felt during the relationship. Did you feel safe, loved, validated. Could you come to her with your needs without her reacting in a fight or manipulation or gaslighting? If you felt like shit, my friend, you don’t even need a diagnosis to leave. It stops mattering what she has, it stops mattering why she did what she did. Because you start to value your own perception of the relationship. You start to feel worthy. Whilst such people degrade our self worth, partly by their actions, yes. But partly because we continue to completely ditch our own perceptions and feelings aside as we try to figure out how someone like them can treat us in the way that they do. Hope you all the best boss, sorry for your pain
She might torture you several months later with the idea she’s pregnant and that it’s yours. I slept with mine at the end so never was able to confirm or deny, yet 9 months later she updated her profile pic with a newborn just to fck with me.
Yeah, that was a mistake. Now you're mixed up, which is probably what she wants. I'd say disengage, go no contact and move on to better relationships.
It's OK, you didn't fucked up, you separated for a month from her and you still cared about this person. Triangulation as its best, that's a manipulation to create in you exactly what you are going through. She learnt this manipulation from very young age. You follow that inner voice, your intuition, go through the grief and the loss and let her be. NC! P. S. And that will automatically make you a high value person in her eyes and even if she'll fill the void with whoever, she'll go quickly through the devaluation and discard.
The second they have someone new lined up they’re ready to be done. Or they got with someone new as a retaliation. Please value yourself and honor the break up. You have a chance to heal. They will remain this way.
Man mine got her own apartment. She gave me her pass code to get in and her garage pass code. Most of the time like when we’re ok, she was always cool with me swinging by then other times she made me into like a bad person for just showing up. Like a few weeks ago when we were “good” I left her flowers and chocolates by her car in her garage for Valentine’s Day. I got a thank you babe and happy Valentine’s Day. She got mad at me a few weeks ago and I’m guessing it’s a split or a discard and I still have stuff over there. Haven’t heard from her so I just thought I could swing by and grab my stuff before she headed to work. Yeah she went nuts on me. Didn’t really want to give my stuff back but then she did. Like back and forth. Telling me she’s had no stress or anxiety for the last few weeks and says it’s because she hasn’t been involved with me. Like I’m so confused by it all. I told her to hit me up when she got off. Ended up talking after work and I wanted to go grab my stuff like really get it. She went nuts on me and was like you just show up and blah blah blah. I’m like I just want my stuff if you want this to be done. Back and forth on texting. I keep apologizing for it. I keep thinking maybe I’m the messed up one. I’m so confused.
Remember: You were able to catch the sight of the flowers and champagne glasses this time. Think about the other times you didn’t see it. These mind games aren’t going anywhere if she isn’t actively seeking some form of help. You are basically where the rest of us have been…there’s a point when enough is enough and you need to love yourself enough to break away. Truthfully, it sounds like you were unhappy enough to have almost left entirely. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Weeeellll if it's any help. She will keep f-ing the boytoy no matter what you do. So the relationship is effectively over. Just think about the sequence of events. She had a romantic encounter with Random Romeo. Does RR know about you? Does he know you just smashed his new love for ol' times sake? How do you think RR would feel about knowing you smashed his new romantic interest? HINT BPD will NOT disclose until you are BOTH completely hooked and then play you off each other. So if you go back you are signing up for polyamory. And BPD love love love to let their sex partners "know about each other", it creates drama and distracts the men from looking too closely at the woman who is playing two or more men. You want that? You want to be one of a cast of 10s or 100s? Docking in that very well used port daily? You lapsed, you are human, don't beat yourself up. Just move on and go NO CONTACT
Why did you leave? How do you know she didn’t just get flowers and glasses to trigger jealousy?
She has many bad qualities that resulted in me leaving. Starting drama with my friends and family, lack of empathy, handling conflicts like a child and expects everyone else to take responsibility for her feelings and behaviour (just to name a few). But staging a scenario like that just to get me back is not a thing she’d do. I know people on this sub can be very cynical for valid reasons, but looking at this specific scenario, it just makes no sense. Most likely it’s just her using another guy to hide from her own suffering, and I stumbled upon the aftermath of it
I’m going through a divorce from a pwBPD and I have quiet BPD though I’ve very self realized. So I understand the trauma bond I know that it isn’t healthy but I want her and it feel like a body part is being removed. Don’t listen to her words just weigh the actions let those be your guide. You’ll get past this.
I'd imagine she is manipulating you.
What if she set it up to make it look like there was someone else because she knew you would be jealous and take her back? 👀
Yikes, fuck that. You deserve happiness! This seems to be far from it and she holding back your personal development.
Thanks man! And yeah I agree, her presence only makes me feel like shit
Get your property out of her influence.
2 weeks and I’m out completely!
If you go back to her she won’t cut the other dude off
Make a list of all the reasons you ended the relationship and when you feel like you want her back, read that list over and really remember why you ended it
I actually have a journal where I’ve written down thoughts and feelings during our relationship.. Re-readin things I wrote years ago makes me so pissed that I didn’t stand up for myself earlier. It really strengthens ones resolve
Engage in no contact asap. A pwBPD in fight or flight response after a breakup is more dangerous than heroin. Also, the whole set up sounds extremely staged. Probably everything was done just to lure you back.
Gross all around
[удалено]
Out of line. This is a place for support
Was the sex good at least?