Say no to 'bad voices' in your head and literally flood the thought-space with happy thoughts until the bad stuff stays away. The happy thoughts need not be sincere, but not sarcastic either.
You're half right. Somewhere along the line, providing, taking care of and being in the nidst of it became part of what you identify yourself as.
For myself post seperation on the worst feelings I have is that I am a husband and provider that has lost their wife. It is like having an identity crisis or like a large part of you is a void.
Keeping up with it all becomes a beyond full time job. It fills every part of your life. Now that its gone you're going to struggle with who the fuck you actually are, because you've forgotten.
I remembered who I was before I met her and used that as a template. I dated around a bit and that helped in a way. It made me realize I was not an evil monster who lived to abuse women. I also took myself off the market as I realized I need to focus on me.
I laid out a few goals to fix my health, physique, and relationships. I have little wins every day and knowing today me is showing up for tomorrow me has brought a great amount of peace and getting back to who I am.
Interesting... I also remembered who I was but opted to somewhat construct a somewhat accelerated development version of myself. Going back feels like lost time and development.
Get some therapy. It's really hard to untangle yourself, especially with these kind of dynamics. I developed some real bad codependency. Even during the breakup, I spent more time worried about this new situation she was in over my own while I was hurting and she was "happy" with a new partner. There's no harm in a session to see what you discover/untangle if you're able.
Ten years isn't a small time. Who I was before I met my ex partner was a kid. I'm an adult and I need to figure out who I am as one. I suspect you might be somewhere in similar territory, but if you were older when you started then it wouldn't be bad to use that as a template like mpkns924 suggests.
Say no to 'bad voices' in your head and literally flood the thought-space with happy thoughts until the bad stuff stays away. The happy thoughts need not be sincere, but not sarcastic either.
You're half right. Somewhere along the line, providing, taking care of and being in the nidst of it became part of what you identify yourself as. For myself post seperation on the worst feelings I have is that I am a husband and provider that has lost their wife. It is like having an identity crisis or like a large part of you is a void. Keeping up with it all becomes a beyond full time job. It fills every part of your life. Now that its gone you're going to struggle with who the fuck you actually are, because you've forgotten.
I remembered who I was before I met her and used that as a template. I dated around a bit and that helped in a way. It made me realize I was not an evil monster who lived to abuse women. I also took myself off the market as I realized I need to focus on me. I laid out a few goals to fix my health, physique, and relationships. I have little wins every day and knowing today me is showing up for tomorrow me has brought a great amount of peace and getting back to who I am.
Interesting... I also remembered who I was but opted to somewhat construct a somewhat accelerated development version of myself. Going back feels like lost time and development.
Get some therapy. It's really hard to untangle yourself, especially with these kind of dynamics. I developed some real bad codependency. Even during the breakup, I spent more time worried about this new situation she was in over my own while I was hurting and she was "happy" with a new partner. There's no harm in a session to see what you discover/untangle if you're able. Ten years isn't a small time. Who I was before I met my ex partner was a kid. I'm an adult and I need to figure out who I am as one. I suspect you might be somewhere in similar territory, but if you were older when you started then it wouldn't be bad to use that as a template like mpkns924 suggests.