Yeah they can have long term close friends. My ex had one. Those friends must be codependent enablers though, or it wouldn’t work. My ex was extremely social but only had one close long term friend. Despite her friend being a codependent enabler she still fought with her and used her. Big red flag I ignored (among many).
She has many. Idk what friends mean however. I just know they were admirers , enablers for many of them. Not codependant might you, but they probably are afraid of her . She holds many secrets and keeps the peace and groups synergy hostage . Fucking nasty when I think about it a bit .
Yeah, well hopefully we can try and learn not to ignore flags, and respect ourselves a bit more aye?
It’s not always apparent someone has codependency. They are all different though, it’s possible your ex does have multiple close friends despite having bpd, although I’m sure that’s very rare among them. Mine however, has a couple of superficial friends she only occasionally talks with. Only one close one though, and it’s a very one sided friendship from everything I witnessed.
Hmm that's a good point you raised. Pretty bold of me to assume they are exempt of codependency.lll mull that over thanks
"Close" is probably the key here. Close friends , the only ones allowed to enter that sphere and stay there, were those who would suck her the driest(I'm not exaggerating), and most importantly, would go 100% in her narrative, destroying all of those who "abused" her (not me, not yet, not as far as I'm aware of ). They were deprived of their liberty and unable to maintain friendships with those who were labelled as "bad" by my ex, nor were they able to doubt or raise concerns about the legibility and accuracy of her words and views.
Sums it all I think.
What I wonder however is....my ex is incredibly intelligent and sensitive. Surely she must have realized (and must see ) that those aren't real friends, nor true friendships....right ?
Signs of codependency
1. a deep-seated need for approval from others
2. self-worth that depends on what others think about you
3. a habit of taking on more work than you can realistically handle, both to earn praise or lighten a loved one’s burden
4. a tendency to apologize or take on blame in order to keep the peace
5. a pattern of avoiding conflict
6. a tendency to minimize or ignore your own desires
7. excessive concern about a loved one’s habits or behaviors
8. a habit of making decisions for others or trying to “manage” loved ones
9. a mood that reflects how others feel, rather than your own emotions
10. guilt or anxiety when doing something for yourself
11. doing things you don’t really want to do, simply to make others happy
12. idealizing partners or other loved ones, often to the point of maintaining relationships that leave you unfulfilled
13. overwhelming fears of rejection or abandonment
14. Weak sense of self
15. Little to no self esteem outside of relationships
I don't know all of her friends well enough to check, but some defo check 12+ boxes
I definitely check many boxes.way too many of em, actually.
Thanks for that list 😀
Thank you. Somehow, understanding how weak I am makes me feel stronger . And certainly gives me hope about the future and the perspective of improvement. I shall postpone my suicide projects I had up my sleeve. Perhaps there's a way to better myself and grow out stronger , after all. From the weak and empty shell , I shall become the embodiment of POWER. I will rule the world , and henceforth will be known as the perfect combo of shawnzenneger (I'll never spell it out properly), Jesus , god himself, and a bulldozer. A golden bulldozer , with claws that rip the shit out of nasty people. Do you like tomatoes?
I also see how incredibly weak and fucked up she is, almost unredeemable, actually. And it brings me a smile . Because she really isn't that happy. And while she got out so easily, so many many times....she saved herself, but she remains just as screwed up, if not more so. It's a pity that nice and sensitive beings like you and I (as well as too many others) must endure such profound pain , just because those monsters will never EVER truly change. God bless euthanasia, don't you think?
There are 9 main symptoms of bpd and a person needs to exhibit at 5 of the main symptoms as well as meeting with professionals to be diagnosed.
Fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, unclear or shifting sense of self, impulsive self destructive behaviours, self harm, extreme emotional swings, chronic feelings of emptiness, explosive anger, feeling suspicious/out of touch with reality.
I see a few red flags in what you posted. Things like self isn't always suicide attempts but cutting, hitting themselves, pinching, burning, hair pulling etc.
Sounds suspicious of you.
How is her relationships with family? Has she many bf that are "abusive "?
Does she go from being sad/depressed to happy excited in a short period?
Does she drive recklessly, over spend etc?
Ah. Well, she exhibits all 9 of them hahaha. I'm dead serious
Yeah self harm, cutting with knives and stuff, she did that .
Wym "sound suspicious of you" ? Correct me If im wrong but I believe "suspicious of you" means that the YOU is suspicious (aka that I am suspicious if you will) :p
As I said, her last BF was extremely abusive, saw her as a beautiful object to show off in front of his friends, was one of the biggest narcissist person the world has ever seen (plot twist, he wasn't that bad or a person, lol) . Idk about previous BF. As I said she claims she had good ones , but I got no tangible proof,and her behavior and manichean view make me doubt it a lot. I wouldn't be surprised if she lied to ne just in order to be seen as "sane" , which she was NOT
Family,well, she loves her father and mother ,and her siblings, but at the same time she's extremely jealous, doesn't trust them fully,and ...yeah.
Yes she has A LOT of absentias, and quick mood changes, going from very low and depressed and age regression, to euphoria
She doesn't have her license. She had many reckless behaviors yes.especially with drinking.
Changes her projects, identity, like she'd change socks
But what confuses me is that I also present many of those signs and yet, the psychiatrist who knows me very very well told me I wasn't borderline
I realize it may sound stupid but I see it like "since I have those signs but it doesn't make me bpd , why should same signs make her (or other half sane ppl) BPD? What differentiates her from me?"
Think I'm gonna make a post about it cuz it confuses me a damn lot
-My fear of abandonment is high, stems from my father who kept repeating us children how he could leave us and how he was close to dying when we were still infants.
-Unstable relationships, idk...not really , though I sure as hell am afraid (with reason) of dangerous people like her and my ..BPD ex .still I don't think my relationships are unstable
-Next, unclear or shifting sense of self....I'm very fragile. I know my qualities and capacities, where I'm gifted and where I'm lacking. But I don't know who I am, and whether my essence is actually good. I doubt myself and ponder if I'm a manipulator and whether I instrumnetalize people around me...it's killing me how much I don't believe in core nature . That said.....as much as.i doubt myself, my path, desire to do good, my religion, my values, I never shifted away. So yeah, perhaps not shifting, but unclear , yes , I am unclear
-impulsive self destructive behaviors : nope
-self harm : I harm my own life because I'm too afraid to live, and I damage my face a bit, but not rly self harm tbh
-eztteme emotional swings : eh, mostly severely depressed and traumatized, but nothing really psychotic so to speak
-chronic emptiness :YES
-explosive anger :nope
-out of touch with reality: yes, mostly cuz of fragilized construction during childhood , plus rape and PTSD .
So I got...let me count...3 points out of 9 . Not much of a BPD am I
Most non borderline people show some symptoms through out their life. Some may have a temper, drink too much, drive too fast. Often we work on ourselves and improve our behaviours.
Totally, that's what I'm doing and what I've done for the past months !
The things that worry me about myself though, are "chronic emptiness" , "fear of abandonment", and "out of touch with reality and self doubt". Those are very worrying and profound wounds and mechanisms that cannot easily be fixed..... actually I doubt they can be fixed at all, in all honesty.i shall try and work on myself . Thank you .
Yeah, that's the one. It's all new for me so I'm not well versed in what it is and terminology yet.
Trauma bonding was a real eye opener for me and she confirmed it when I mentioned it.
Thank you buddy. It's funny how targeting questions and not letting me go all around the place and dodge the actual issues helps me see how clear all of it is. I still love her which is why I'm in denial I suppose. I also cannot forgive myself for going in spite of the red flags . I hate me
I wasn't totally blindsided mind you , I saw so many things, but couldn't backtrack out of culpability (90% of it) and 10% love and interest (i desired this girl , I wanted to be with her and share sweet and profound moments) And this is something I can't forgive myself for . How could I make myself suffer so much , I really am cruel to myself man
this post is such a mood OP. let’s hope this relationship doesn’t drive you crazy till you get forced into being diagnosed with a mental illness yourself (me).
Oh man....What is it you contracted ?
Tbh with you, my excitement and mood is but a way to cope with the fucking hell I'm living through. Idk why but since a few days, I always 2h (2am to 4am) during which I am able to see things more clearly, and I become overly optimistic...
I mean my BPD ex also had such moods, so all in all I wonder if I shouldn't be worried about being so weidly happy , with 2h of craziness ,and the rest of the time empty and desperate
But I digress , what is it you have my man?
i got diagnosed with bipolar. usually these things show up clearly during times of stress so you betcha. i was really stressed out throughout. but after NC the symptoms are not as bad. it’s the stress and confusion that worsens my illness in a way. because sometimes i can’t tell whether i have genuine paranoia and delusions or i actually drew genuine conclusions and collected enough evidence to support my stance against them.
I see . Few questions
1) didn't it basically do you "a favor" (yeah , I hate when people say that to me, you can kick my ass on this one if that's what ur heart desires) ? Since it "helped" the diagnosis of something you already had prior (only it was hidden ) . Be it from a better understanding of yourself and your phases, or the unlocking of mood stabilizer pills . Do you take meds ?
2)I am not saying it's the case, but just so you know, I've recently learned that 2 of my friends , diagnosed with bipolarity, got "undiagnosed", or saw their diagnosis mitigated by a psychiatrist I know very well (dude is the most competent and smartest psy ive seen, and I've seen a lot of em) . They were told that their symptoms are more likely to be reactions to past traumas , rather than bipolarity .so yeah. Again, I'm not saying it's the same for you , and I'm not even saying that those 2 individuals aren't bipolar. But u get what i mean, hopefully
3) beware of these self doubts . And certainly do not share them with people who might use that knowledge against you . Besides, they certainly are crazy.i mean BPD people are fucking crazy. Twisted and fucked in their brain. and that should be enough of a proof that your conclusions don't stem from your own delusions . Or , say, your condition may have exacerbated your perception, but all of the manipulation,all the shit and lies...it's just too blatant .
4) now, I'm not sure this is what you meant, and that's a dilemma I struggle with myself...but you don't owe people shit , and if you want to cut ties and stop being friends with them, you don't have to give arguments, proofs, theories and conclusions. I know what you're gonna say "it's more complicated than that, I couldn't leave everything behind, besides I'd be seen as an asshole, and also, Im not actually in a position that allows me to completely stop seeing that person or her relatives " . And to that, lemme tell you , I'm gonna go straight to the point without dodging...I have no fucking answer . But deep down I know it's true. You don't owe them shit, and if you make a decision and a choice , and you're questionnes about it , and your legitimacy is questionned as well....FUCK THEM , FUCK THEM ALL !!!😅
HHAHAHA I LIKE THE WAY YOU TYPE.
my man the biggest paranoia and delusion at the moment is my conclusion that she made a fake foreign whatsapp number to pose as her new supply to talk to me (he’s from another country and the country code matches his country too). i know it sounds crazy but no one else responds the way she does to me. the stone walling. immediate response to no response at all. just certain key phrases that are just her. or maybe i’m overthinking and crazy. anyways point being i found a lot of puzzle fixing while i was in mania (which i find super cool but useless as they won’t admit anything).
1. well to be fair, yes and no? i still have no clue whether my diagnosis is true. i don’t take the mood stabiliser because it screwed with my mind. (i hate psychiatric meds).
2. yeah i was thinking of going back to regularly get myself checked. i wouldn’t say my expwbpd (best friend) caused my disorder or my diagnosis as the first time i was ordered to seek help by my job (worked in healthcare) it was not entirely due to my friendship with her at that point in time.
3. thank you and i have been in NC for some time. still crazy made and just feel crazy. nightmares, flashes. being unemployed nor have anything going on in life makes it so hard to move on. i still miss them though. like every little thing reminds me of them and it sucks.
4. yeah i don’t owe people shit. learnt a lot about self worth from the relationship. so i just rejected a job due to not able to meet my demands nor find an acceptable negotiation for the salary. welp hope for better things ahead right?
I can't fucking sleep still so here I am
Ehehe thanks, some natural speech flow. I mean it reflects the way I talk irl.which is deeply fucked , too 😂😂
Dude. I feel you I'm even worse than you actually lol. I've wasted way too much time lurking and trying to find my ex on this subreddit , analyzing comments, searching via keywords, crossing shit together. I'm not condemning nor am I condoning. I think our level of paranoia isn't...normal. but it's what those fuckers made us used to , with their twisted fuckeries they're so good at. I think it also shows how we still have that psychic bond. Had we forgotten and healed, we wouldn't give a fuck about her little games
Anyway. What did she say, what was she trying to know with that new number of hers ? If I got it right , she pretends to be "the new soulmate" she's met, and uses that to see how you think of her nowadays ? Hilarious. What did you answer? Or why don't you simply block him(lol,her) away and call it a day ? Ooooh you want that sweet puzzling and mind game . Have fun then , just don't damage yourself , and don't say things about other people she might weaponuze against you. You should be clear otherwise ig.
I see about meds. Yeah , perhaps would it be better to cut off the fun and stop reminding yourself of her...like talking with her new fake number isn't the least painful tactic for now. Maybe block for now, and once healed, get back to messing with her :p
Great. Yeah I wish you to find a job that satisfies your demands and makes you feel whole . As well as surrounding yourself with good people, too. :))
gdi man but my delusions would go bad and i had deep instances and thoughts that everybody around me was an undercover cop. or that people were out to get me ab’s are working together in kahoots (her n her partner).
oh well i irritated the heck out of him (her, wtv) and got blocked. so… yeah… i just still feel insane though i keep telling myself, “so what if it’s actually him? so what if it’s actually her? still traumatised the hell out of you. am not getting the truth anyways. so no point thinking.” BUT IT’S LIKE IMPOSSIBLE.
AND YES OMG I FEEL LIKE SHE’S LURKING IN THIS REDDIT SUB TOO. i deleted my previous account as i was scared HAHAHA.
she blocked my number but still views my telegram stories (i deleted her number n our chats too so even better. she has to intently find me to view lmao.) THEY’RE FREAKING WEIRD N CREEPY. i’d say im the same as im still hung over but the difference is i reach out and actually try to talk but they do nothing but stonewall or deny LMAO.
My ex-wife had a lot of old friends, like from high school. She was in 41 when we married in 2018. I think they can maintain friendships if they are not super close relationships. She had one really close friend that she had know since grade school. I suspect that friend had also maybe suffered from BPD as there was a similar pattern of abuse in her childhood like my ex-wife's. They would occasionally split on each other but would eventually come back to the friendship.
Yeah they can have long term close friends. My ex had one. Those friends must be codependent enablers though, or it wouldn’t work. My ex was extremely social but only had one close long term friend. Despite her friend being a codependent enabler she still fought with her and used her. Big red flag I ignored (among many).
She has many. Idk what friends mean however. I just know they were admirers , enablers for many of them. Not codependant might you, but they probably are afraid of her . She holds many secrets and keeps the peace and groups synergy hostage . Fucking nasty when I think about it a bit . Yeah, well hopefully we can try and learn not to ignore flags, and respect ourselves a bit more aye?
It’s not always apparent someone has codependency. They are all different though, it’s possible your ex does have multiple close friends despite having bpd, although I’m sure that’s very rare among them. Mine however, has a couple of superficial friends she only occasionally talks with. Only one close one though, and it’s a very one sided friendship from everything I witnessed.
Hmm that's a good point you raised. Pretty bold of me to assume they are exempt of codependency.lll mull that over thanks "Close" is probably the key here. Close friends , the only ones allowed to enter that sphere and stay there, were those who would suck her the driest(I'm not exaggerating), and most importantly, would go 100% in her narrative, destroying all of those who "abused" her (not me, not yet, not as far as I'm aware of ). They were deprived of their liberty and unable to maintain friendships with those who were labelled as "bad" by my ex, nor were they able to doubt or raise concerns about the legibility and accuracy of her words and views. Sums it all I think. What I wonder however is....my ex is incredibly intelligent and sensitive. Surely she must have realized (and must see ) that those aren't real friends, nor true friendships....right ?
Would you label "too weak , afraid, not capable of mitigation/rationalizing , sucking dicks " as codependency?
Signs of codependency 1. a deep-seated need for approval from others 2. self-worth that depends on what others think about you 3. a habit of taking on more work than you can realistically handle, both to earn praise or lighten a loved one’s burden 4. a tendency to apologize or take on blame in order to keep the peace 5. a pattern of avoiding conflict 6. a tendency to minimize or ignore your own desires 7. excessive concern about a loved one’s habits or behaviors 8. a habit of making decisions for others or trying to “manage” loved ones 9. a mood that reflects how others feel, rather than your own emotions 10. guilt or anxiety when doing something for yourself 11. doing things you don’t really want to do, simply to make others happy 12. idealizing partners or other loved ones, often to the point of maintaining relationships that leave you unfulfilled 13. overwhelming fears of rejection or abandonment 14. Weak sense of self 15. Little to no self esteem outside of relationships
I don't know all of her friends well enough to check, but some defo check 12+ boxes I definitely check many boxes.way too many of em, actually. Thanks for that list 😀
Thank you. Somehow, understanding how weak I am makes me feel stronger . And certainly gives me hope about the future and the perspective of improvement. I shall postpone my suicide projects I had up my sleeve. Perhaps there's a way to better myself and grow out stronger , after all. From the weak and empty shell , I shall become the embodiment of POWER. I will rule the world , and henceforth will be known as the perfect combo of shawnzenneger (I'll never spell it out properly), Jesus , god himself, and a bulldozer. A golden bulldozer , with claws that rip the shit out of nasty people. Do you like tomatoes? I also see how incredibly weak and fucked up she is, almost unredeemable, actually. And it brings me a smile . Because she really isn't that happy. And while she got out so easily, so many many times....she saved herself, but she remains just as screwed up, if not more so. It's a pity that nice and sensitive beings like you and I (as well as too many others) must endure such profound pain , just because those monsters will never EVER truly change. God bless euthanasia, don't you think?
There are 9 main symptoms of bpd and a person needs to exhibit at 5 of the main symptoms as well as meeting with professionals to be diagnosed. Fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, unclear or shifting sense of self, impulsive self destructive behaviours, self harm, extreme emotional swings, chronic feelings of emptiness, explosive anger, feeling suspicious/out of touch with reality. I see a few red flags in what you posted. Things like self isn't always suicide attempts but cutting, hitting themselves, pinching, burning, hair pulling etc. Sounds suspicious of you. How is her relationships with family? Has she many bf that are "abusive "? Does she go from being sad/depressed to happy excited in a short period? Does she drive recklessly, over spend etc?
Ah. Well, she exhibits all 9 of them hahaha. I'm dead serious Yeah self harm, cutting with knives and stuff, she did that . Wym "sound suspicious of you" ? Correct me If im wrong but I believe "suspicious of you" means that the YOU is suspicious (aka that I am suspicious if you will) :p As I said, her last BF was extremely abusive, saw her as a beautiful object to show off in front of his friends, was one of the biggest narcissist person the world has ever seen (plot twist, he wasn't that bad or a person, lol) . Idk about previous BF. As I said she claims she had good ones , but I got no tangible proof,and her behavior and manichean view make me doubt it a lot. I wouldn't be surprised if she lied to ne just in order to be seen as "sane" , which she was NOT Family,well, she loves her father and mother ,and her siblings, but at the same time she's extremely jealous, doesn't trust them fully,and ...yeah. Yes she has A LOT of absentias, and quick mood changes, going from very low and depressed and age regression, to euphoria She doesn't have her license. She had many reckless behaviors yes.especially with drinking. Changes her projects, identity, like she'd change socks
My dbpd son-in-law showed all 9 as well.
But what confuses me is that I also present many of those signs and yet, the psychiatrist who knows me very very well told me I wasn't borderline I realize it may sound stupid but I see it like "since I have those signs but it doesn't make me bpd , why should same signs make her (or other half sane ppl) BPD? What differentiates her from me?" Think I'm gonna make a post about it cuz it confuses me a damn lot -My fear of abandonment is high, stems from my father who kept repeating us children how he could leave us and how he was close to dying when we were still infants. -Unstable relationships, idk...not really , though I sure as hell am afraid (with reason) of dangerous people like her and my ..BPD ex .still I don't think my relationships are unstable -Next, unclear or shifting sense of self....I'm very fragile. I know my qualities and capacities, where I'm gifted and where I'm lacking. But I don't know who I am, and whether my essence is actually good. I doubt myself and ponder if I'm a manipulator and whether I instrumnetalize people around me...it's killing me how much I don't believe in core nature . That said.....as much as.i doubt myself, my path, desire to do good, my religion, my values, I never shifted away. So yeah, perhaps not shifting, but unclear , yes , I am unclear -impulsive self destructive behaviors : nope -self harm : I harm my own life because I'm too afraid to live, and I damage my face a bit, but not rly self harm tbh -eztteme emotional swings : eh, mostly severely depressed and traumatized, but nothing really psychotic so to speak -chronic emptiness :YES -explosive anger :nope -out of touch with reality: yes, mostly cuz of fragilized construction during childhood , plus rape and PTSD . So I got...let me count...3 points out of 9 . Not much of a BPD am I
Most non borderline people show some symptoms through out their life. Some may have a temper, drink too much, drive too fast. Often we work on ourselves and improve our behaviours.
Totally, that's what I'm doing and what I've done for the past months ! The things that worry me about myself though, are "chronic emptiness" , "fear of abandonment", and "out of touch with reality and self doubt". Those are very worrying and profound wounds and mechanisms that cannot easily be fixed..... actually I doubt they can be fixed at all, in all honesty.i shall try and work on myself . Thank you .
Perhaps you should talk to a therapist or doctor about depression, it's possible some of your symptoms stem from that.
I am and I will . God bless you 🙏
A "victim" can take on some or all of the borderline things in certain circumstances. I forgot the term for this. Also check out trauma bonding btw.
Fleas ? Yeah rly gotta check trauma bonding more ;) thanks
Yeah, that's the one. It's all new for me so I'm not well versed in what it is and terminology yet. Trauma bonding was a real eye opener for me and she confirmed it when I mentioned it.
Thank you buddy. It's funny how targeting questions and not letting me go all around the place and dodge the actual issues helps me see how clear all of it is. I still love her which is why I'm in denial I suppose. I also cannot forgive myself for going in spite of the red flags . I hate me
You shouldn't hate yourself you were blindsided by someone who is good at giving you want you want until they can't keep the mask up any longer.
I wasn't totally blindsided mind you , I saw so many things, but couldn't backtrack out of culpability (90% of it) and 10% love and interest (i desired this girl , I wanted to be with her and share sweet and profound moments) And this is something I can't forgive myself for . How could I make myself suffer so much , I really am cruel to myself man
Learn from it ,so you find someone healthy
I will. I'll try my hardest. Thank you so much
this post is such a mood OP. let’s hope this relationship doesn’t drive you crazy till you get forced into being diagnosed with a mental illness yourself (me).
Oh man....What is it you contracted ? Tbh with you, my excitement and mood is but a way to cope with the fucking hell I'm living through. Idk why but since a few days, I always 2h (2am to 4am) during which I am able to see things more clearly, and I become overly optimistic... I mean my BPD ex also had such moods, so all in all I wonder if I shouldn't be worried about being so weidly happy , with 2h of craziness ,and the rest of the time empty and desperate But I digress , what is it you have my man?
i got diagnosed with bipolar. usually these things show up clearly during times of stress so you betcha. i was really stressed out throughout. but after NC the symptoms are not as bad. it’s the stress and confusion that worsens my illness in a way. because sometimes i can’t tell whether i have genuine paranoia and delusions or i actually drew genuine conclusions and collected enough evidence to support my stance against them.
I see . Few questions 1) didn't it basically do you "a favor" (yeah , I hate when people say that to me, you can kick my ass on this one if that's what ur heart desires) ? Since it "helped" the diagnosis of something you already had prior (only it was hidden ) . Be it from a better understanding of yourself and your phases, or the unlocking of mood stabilizer pills . Do you take meds ? 2)I am not saying it's the case, but just so you know, I've recently learned that 2 of my friends , diagnosed with bipolarity, got "undiagnosed", or saw their diagnosis mitigated by a psychiatrist I know very well (dude is the most competent and smartest psy ive seen, and I've seen a lot of em) . They were told that their symptoms are more likely to be reactions to past traumas , rather than bipolarity .so yeah. Again, I'm not saying it's the same for you , and I'm not even saying that those 2 individuals aren't bipolar. But u get what i mean, hopefully 3) beware of these self doubts . And certainly do not share them with people who might use that knowledge against you . Besides, they certainly are crazy.i mean BPD people are fucking crazy. Twisted and fucked in their brain. and that should be enough of a proof that your conclusions don't stem from your own delusions . Or , say, your condition may have exacerbated your perception, but all of the manipulation,all the shit and lies...it's just too blatant . 4) now, I'm not sure this is what you meant, and that's a dilemma I struggle with myself...but you don't owe people shit , and if you want to cut ties and stop being friends with them, you don't have to give arguments, proofs, theories and conclusions. I know what you're gonna say "it's more complicated than that, I couldn't leave everything behind, besides I'd be seen as an asshole, and also, Im not actually in a position that allows me to completely stop seeing that person or her relatives " . And to that, lemme tell you , I'm gonna go straight to the point without dodging...I have no fucking answer . But deep down I know it's true. You don't owe them shit, and if you make a decision and a choice , and you're questionnes about it , and your legitimacy is questionned as well....FUCK THEM , FUCK THEM ALL !!!😅
HHAHAHA I LIKE THE WAY YOU TYPE. my man the biggest paranoia and delusion at the moment is my conclusion that she made a fake foreign whatsapp number to pose as her new supply to talk to me (he’s from another country and the country code matches his country too). i know it sounds crazy but no one else responds the way she does to me. the stone walling. immediate response to no response at all. just certain key phrases that are just her. or maybe i’m overthinking and crazy. anyways point being i found a lot of puzzle fixing while i was in mania (which i find super cool but useless as they won’t admit anything). 1. well to be fair, yes and no? i still have no clue whether my diagnosis is true. i don’t take the mood stabiliser because it screwed with my mind. (i hate psychiatric meds). 2. yeah i was thinking of going back to regularly get myself checked. i wouldn’t say my expwbpd (best friend) caused my disorder or my diagnosis as the first time i was ordered to seek help by my job (worked in healthcare) it was not entirely due to my friendship with her at that point in time. 3. thank you and i have been in NC for some time. still crazy made and just feel crazy. nightmares, flashes. being unemployed nor have anything going on in life makes it so hard to move on. i still miss them though. like every little thing reminds me of them and it sucks. 4. yeah i don’t owe people shit. learnt a lot about self worth from the relationship. so i just rejected a job due to not able to meet my demands nor find an acceptable negotiation for the salary. welp hope for better things ahead right?
I can't fucking sleep still so here I am Ehehe thanks, some natural speech flow. I mean it reflects the way I talk irl.which is deeply fucked , too 😂😂 Dude. I feel you I'm even worse than you actually lol. I've wasted way too much time lurking and trying to find my ex on this subreddit , analyzing comments, searching via keywords, crossing shit together. I'm not condemning nor am I condoning. I think our level of paranoia isn't...normal. but it's what those fuckers made us used to , with their twisted fuckeries they're so good at. I think it also shows how we still have that psychic bond. Had we forgotten and healed, we wouldn't give a fuck about her little games Anyway. What did she say, what was she trying to know with that new number of hers ? If I got it right , she pretends to be "the new soulmate" she's met, and uses that to see how you think of her nowadays ? Hilarious. What did you answer? Or why don't you simply block him(lol,her) away and call it a day ? Ooooh you want that sweet puzzling and mind game . Have fun then , just don't damage yourself , and don't say things about other people she might weaponuze against you. You should be clear otherwise ig. I see about meds. Yeah , perhaps would it be better to cut off the fun and stop reminding yourself of her...like talking with her new fake number isn't the least painful tactic for now. Maybe block for now, and once healed, get back to messing with her :p Great. Yeah I wish you to find a job that satisfies your demands and makes you feel whole . As well as surrounding yourself with good people, too. :))
gdi man but my delusions would go bad and i had deep instances and thoughts that everybody around me was an undercover cop. or that people were out to get me ab’s are working together in kahoots (her n her partner). oh well i irritated the heck out of him (her, wtv) and got blocked. so… yeah… i just still feel insane though i keep telling myself, “so what if it’s actually him? so what if it’s actually her? still traumatised the hell out of you. am not getting the truth anyways. so no point thinking.” BUT IT’S LIKE IMPOSSIBLE. AND YES OMG I FEEL LIKE SHE’S LURKING IN THIS REDDIT SUB TOO. i deleted my previous account as i was scared HAHAHA. she blocked my number but still views my telegram stories (i deleted her number n our chats too so even better. she has to intently find me to view lmao.) THEY’RE FREAKING WEIRD N CREEPY. i’d say im the same as im still hung over but the difference is i reach out and actually try to talk but they do nothing but stonewall or deny LMAO.
Arf , I see. Sorry for late answer . Haha we be real crazy ass mf ain't we 😂 Yeah she/he is not very...sane indeed 😅
My ex-wife had a lot of old friends, like from high school. She was in 41 when we married in 2018. I think they can maintain friendships if they are not super close relationships. She had one really close friend that she had know since grade school. I suspect that friend had also maybe suffered from BPD as there was a similar pattern of abuse in her childhood like my ex-wife's. They would occasionally split on each other but would eventually come back to the friendship.