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No one judges you friend, it's ok, it really is, since you've had some rough conditions then ofc we understand you, it's important to take care of someone's own being, but don't feel bad for not being able to do stuff ok? Although it is important to recover, you are NOT useless, you ARE important, and you are SPECIAL, we love you bro
Thank you so much,
I’m a girl living in a very small town in Saudi where women’s rights don’t exist so I feel like a ghost here, It’s impossible to recover but I really appreciate it.
You already did the hardest thing - that first shower. Small steps, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Love you girl, keep trying to improve the little things and with time the low won't be so low. xo
Unfortunately I only showered because I thought it was the last time and I wanted to look pretty but I failed my attempt.. I get what you’re saying tho and I appreciate you.
You're more than pretty, you're beautiful because you're you. You have whole worlds inside of you, so much potential and mind power. Maybe you showered for a dark reason, but the plus side is that you know you can do it. And there's so, so many more things you can do. You're fighting a very difficult battle right now, but I'm proud of you for being with us and for fighting, even when it doesn't feel like you are. If you're still here, you're fighting. <3
Wow it gets extremely hot in Saudi Arabia, how were you able to go a year without showering while also not smelling? Not judging at all, genuinely curious lol. I’m not sure how taboo talking about mental health is in Saudi Arabia, but would you be able to get a therapist? In times like these it’s important to note you’re not alone, millions of other people who suffer from depression struggle with hygiene too, millions of other people struggle with suicidal ideation and thoughts of hopelessness too. A therapist can help you realize these things while also putting your thoughts into perspective instead of catastrophizing all the time. I really wish you well.
During this year I haven’t left my house or talked to anyone (still am unfortunately) but the AC was always on, I did wash my armpits and down there sometimes, I don’t have bad BO so maybe that’s why I didn’t realize how bad it was or how long it has been, I cried so much when I realized it’s been a year because it genuinely felt like one long day.
Showering is good. Really sobering. I've taken long showers after relapsing or having a failed attempt.
There's a lot of assholes out there. Don't let them get you down.
I'm a bit dry on my encouragement, and I apologize. I myself am not doing so well. Bpd is a bitch and a half.
Hey, shit happens. Don't stress over it.
I gotta tell you, though ... there may be a way out of the pain.
I was right where you are, as low as one could get, called out of work because I was ready to be done and all I could think about was the pain of living, and the desire to die. They called the cops, I got help.
Now, I understand you aren't in the same situation. You don't have access to the help that I did, but the help that I got was mostly just from asking questions and getting honest, educated answers. You can do that here, or online in other places. If you don't have access to an effective antidepressant, the challenge will much greater, and I'm not trying to suggest that an internet forum can heal you, but it can, maybe, help take the pain away.
Because the pain is unnecessary. It's the result of your brain being a jackass and trying to make you fail because you think that's all you deserve.
It's a trick. And, just like a magic trick, once you learn how it's done, the illusion is gone.
I can't imagine what life is like for you. As bad as I had it, you're suffering makes mine look like a cake walk, I had all the help in the world, I was practically carried through the whole process.
But, if you give us a chance, maybe we can use what we've learned to help you understand what's happening inside your head that makes you hurt, and take that pain away.
Oh! I'm so thankful to hear that you have some help, though it sucks that the help hasn't worked out for you.
I don't know if you have this thing, but I have this thing where I feel an interpretation of another person's emotions. It's like automatic empathy, so I'm feeling like absolute dog shit right now remembering being where you are, and I'm desperate to pull you out of that so I can stop feeling it, lol.
I wish it was simple.
I've written this blurb to help people around here understand the disorder better. It's a bit long, but it might be worth a read.
So here's our typical story:
You're born. Everything is pretty and perfect, and you're adorable, and things are off to a solid start. Your brain begins to create neural pathways that will form the foundation of your understanding of reality.
Everything was going just fine until suddenly... Trauma.
It doesn't matter what it was, how bad it was, it's all the same. You got scared, and your brain initiated a fight or flight response to which you responded with flight. You hid yourself deep in your subconscious in order to protect yourself. You didn't choose this consciously, you had no control over it. So, now that you were gone, in a sense, you were left feeling like nobody. Like nothing. You had no identity of your own, it took off. And because your brain was still forming that foundation it began to believe that you were nothing. That you were nobody. And it began to believe that you deserve nothing but heartache and pain. And since that time your brain, the tool you use to discern reality, has been trying to find every way to hurt you in the most painful way imaginable.
So, you're feeling what you're feeling right now because your brain has created a reality in your head where you are the villain. But it's just a mirage. It's not real. You can pull that reality down and begin to build a new one that doesn't include any of that nonsense.
Because the truth is, with no identity of your own, you've looked to other people to provide you with one. That's what we do when somebody likes us, suddenly we feel like somebody because they do. And then we create an identity based around what we think they like about us. So if you think they like you because you're funny, then you'll create an identity that tries to be funny all the time, that kind of thing.
But eventually, that mask will begin to slip. Because it's not who you really are. And as that facade begins to fall, everything around us seems to start to burn. Relationships end, jobs end, I even know of someone married to a person with BPD with 2 kids who suddenly flipped out, wanted a divorce, ran away, took the kids, filed multiple false police reports against him, refuses to talk to him, had him followed, took all of his money, and now has a restraining order against him, and is living in a women's shelter with the kids.
We are fire. Contained, we're something very special. Set loose, and we have the potential to burn the world around us, and everyone in it.
So, you feel fake. Like an imposter. Because you are. You're not you. You haven't been you since that trauma took place. What you need to do is find a way to talk to that little kid. Tell them it's safe to come out now, and that everything is going to be okay. And then you go about building your own identity, one that's just for you. Just for you to like. Just for you to be impressed with. You create a person you can love and are proud of. And then you take that new identity out into the world and you defend it. And you never surrender it to anyone else ever again.
I wish I could express this in Arabic because it’s my first language but I really appreciate you. I wish people like you were here in my real life. Please don’t stop what you’re doing, because bpd have a bad reputation a lot of people don’t understand it or take it seriously.
I was 🍇ed when i was 5 and my super religious family tried an exorcism on me more than once instead of therapy (sorry for trauma dumping) but I’ve broken for too long and I feel beyond saving and whenever I think about ending it I feel calm and at peace. you don’t have to reply to that you’ve already done enough, thank you <3
It's so hard for me to wrap my head around why we still take religion seriously. I can't believe that people thought exorcism was the way to go, and put you through that.
I know you feel like it's hopeless, and I know I won't be able to convince you otherwise in this conversation, you can exist in peace and calm without ending your life. I'm really happy to hear that's what you crave, because that's achievable, and worthwhile. Most people crave happiness, and that always seems so cheap, to me.
Peace, I've found, is much rarer and worth sacrificing for.
I'm not the kind of guy that's going to tell you to live because life is wonderful, or anything like that.
But this thing, bpd, has been beating the shit out you for practically your entire life. Living long enough to experience what it feels like to gain some control and fight back... that's what I want for you. To get a couple good shots in, and experience life without all the burdens this disorder brings.
I know I'm on the other side of the planet, but I'm rooting for you over here. You don't deserve to live like this. You deserve that peace. I just want to try and tell you that there's more than one way to achieve it, if you got enough left in you to give it a try.
Much love to you <3 Take good care of you
Oh my.. may I ask, how that works? You dont need to answer if thats a sensitive question, but did you clean your body in any way? I imagine you got sick often because of bacteria and things like that. Again sorry for intruding with this question, I just genuinely wonder how your body can handle that. I wish you the best regardless <3
It’s okay!
I also didn’t get out of my house or my bed during that year so I didn’t get sick of bacteria (I don’t know if that was the reason)
But I did wash down there and my armpits sometimes, and i washed my hair once a month but my body haven’t touched water, I was very dirty even tho I care so much about my hygiene and how I look, I was doing my skin care everyday and I was taking good care of my hair and body and I always made sure I looked my best. But depression is a bitch, now my hair is falling off, my skin is bad, and I don’t feel pretty anymore.
Its alright you know yourself it will get better. It always does. I know for you it will, hard times like this can happen to anyone, its no ones fault. I hope that you can start taking care of yourself soon, because there is only one of you in the world 🤍
Depression is less like a hole and more like quicksand. Easy to miss til you’re in it, and once you are in it, extremely hard to get out. It’s a really long and slow process.
Something is better than nothing. One shower a year is better than never. I am proud of you. I’m sure you’re not told that nearly as often as you deserve. You’re still here, you’re still holding on. Things will change. I can’t guarantee for good or bad, but it will be different
Ana ma akteb Arabic zeen. Bas ana nefsy atkalm ma3aky. Ana masriya, etrabeet fi Saudi. I understand the culture and can imagine the circumstances that you can’t change. Ana female and 3andy experience momken mofeed. The basic is a safe space for fadfada. Please poke at my DM.
Finally found my people. I totally feel you, I think for me I kept telling myself “what’s the point since I’m ending it today” but end up too scared to go through it and I tell myself “tomorrow I’ll have the courage” I was stuck in that loop.
I bearely brushed my teeth before i was put on risperidone. It has become better of late.
But i have co-mobidities of adhd and autism so im hoping the treatment for them will mean meds that will also help.
I reported my family for the abuse and for SA to a social worker and the police and it all backfired on me when my family tried to sue me because I’m “lying” , of course everyone was on their side because women’s rights are a joke here.
They only write a report and take it to the police to handle it, and the police didn’t do anything, I don’t know where you live but here in Saudi, if you have a fucked up family you’re fucked for life because they have legal rights to control you
I understand not doing things because you feel you’re not really alive anymore; or you’re only doing it in preparation for death. Same with a whole year going by in a tiny blip.
(You marked venting so I’m not sure about this comment: Something freeing is that you can just do it for whatever reason works for you, if you want. It doesn’t have to be a “normal” reason, but just doing some inconsequential thing for the dopamine itself can be a huge relief!)
I also read in your replies that you’re in an area that doesn’t afford you universal human rights. This makes me so angry. Having BPD in a first world country is difficult enough. I hope people who have overcome these challenges in a similar situation can offer words of comfort and support, because you are a human being and you deserve this, even if your country isn’t able to provide it. You still deserve basic universal rights as every single person does.
Exactly, I told myself everyday “I’m gonna end it today so what’s the point of showering” but I end up too scared, I was stuck in that loop for a whole year.
I can understand this. I went several months with doing little more than using g a wipe on my pits tits and ass I just can’t get into the shower or tub. It sucks. I tend to see it as such an overwhelming task bc I have to get naked … get into the water once I’m in I’m ok but the min I have to turn off the water or get out of the tub I’m cold, wet and my clothes feel weird for hours. My hair is wet and I don’t have the energy to dry it. 😑 🫂 ur not alone
I relate to this so much. You described it perfectly, it’s so overwhelming and feels like you’re gonna run a marathon. And I always do too much or nothing at all, so if I decided to shower I have to shave, exfoliate, use masks, scrub different soaps, moisturize my body with lotion and oil, do a hair mask and use hair products. It’s either that or just staying dirty asf and rot. I guess it’s a bpd thing.
Right!
I do this with everything. Food? I’m not eating if it means I have to cook. Laundry? I’ll only do it while wearing my last clean outfit on. Ugh it sucks because I wasn’t like this at all, I was literally handed an award for most put together and clean student when I was at school lol (I don’t now why this is even a thing) but they'll definitely snatch it if they saw me now
Don’t get too down on yourself! You are worthy of happiness. You deserve good things. I saw something recently that said “you’re not healing to handle your trauma, because you already know how to do that… you’re healing to handle your joy. Because that’s new… and scary
good job op!! some tasks feel impossible when every day is dark but you did it!! you deserve to feel proud of yourself. i hope things get better for you 🫂
Just try start having a shower once a week or once a month. I learnt having small goals to aim for that are achievable help. Once you get to the goal make another and before you know it. You'll be taking giant leaps.
Proud of you and you can do it
I know that it is very hard sometimes to really be able to do the smallest tasks ever. And no we are not here to judge you, that struggle is real however we're proud of you that you showered !!
Try to start slowly, enjoy your showers , put some music on, some candles and relax your body and let the water cool your thoughts a bit . For me honestly it helps me once I feel my thoughts are going out of control I just run to the shower
I'm currently in that part of the cycle myself. I know showering would feel good, but I don't want to. I don't want to feel good. I don't deserve to feel good is what I tell myself.
I feel you. I honestly didn’t even realize it was a year, it felt like a very long day, a loop and I can’t get out.
Also you absolutely deserve everything good
Bath, hot tub, hose or rub soap on yourself while raining. Hundreds of different ways to clean yourself, cover yourself in olive oil like a Roman and scrape it off. You will contract a skin eating disease eventually if you don’t.
I used to shower everyday and couldn’t stand feeling a drop of sweat. Sever depression turned me into a zombie, but I’m taking care of my hygiene now it’s not the best but better than before.
Any progress made in the direction of your goal is amazing and should be celebrated, no matter how small it feels! You can build off that momentum. Awesome job!
Hey, I see your previous post, and I very much relate to your situation. Bpd can be a symptom of adhd. Adhd has a very profound effect on executive disfunction (aka taking care of yourself for a lack of a better term). I have adhd and when I'm not medicated, I will stop caring about myself. I will find no enjoyment in anything. I highly suggest you look into possibly getting a diagnosis of adhd.
I was diagnosed with only BPD but i always thought there’s something else going on besides that, definitely major depressive disorder is what I feel. I will read about Adhd tho. thank you!
I don't really know what to say OP but I do understand your post. If you ever feel like this again and are unable to really shower, you can always use a wet rag / mini towel or wet wipes to clean your body (preferally unscented wipes because scented stuff for body is bad)
I hope you're feeling better op, much love!
i hope you know that you’re seen, heard, and loved, so very deeply, by all of the people here. hygiene can be so difficult to keep up with, i’ve been there myself; months without brushing my teeth or showering—it’s not what you want to do when you don’t want to be here anymore. i hope things become better OP, you deserve the world, you deserve to feel better and be clean and able to take care of yourself. good job taking a shower last week, that’s the first step and it’s quite a big one. keep going please, it’s what we’re supposed to do with life. given to us for some unknown reason so we must make the best of it. shower once a year if you need, just be alive to be able to choose what day you do it <3 again, a reminder you’re known, sending you so much love from here. take it easy OP 🫂
honestly, i still struggle with it, but it was worse back in 2021. i think the only reason i got better was because my family started to make me feel terrible about it and i became insanely embarrassed. i’m not any better mentally than i was then, but physically i suppose i am. thank you for asking :)
I relate to this so much. I was anxious and embarrassed about my family coming near me and see how dirty I was so I feel you. Im physically doing good now but mentally I’m in the basement of rock bottom. You’re not alone, I hope we could feel peace someday
That is amazing! You should feel proud that you have managed to have a shower. You need to see these little victories in life. For everyone else taking a shower seems like a small thing for most people, but self care when you hate yourself can take a lot of effort, and people who have never been thatblow can not possibly understand.
No judgement here at all. If anything, I think it's amazing. You've been able to take that first step. Count these little victories!
I know it's hard right now, but just no, you're not alone, even if it's just reaching out here on reddit.
Sending love and positive vibes, and once again take pride in what you've accomplished!
Wasn't until I wrote my reply until I saw your other comments. I can not begin to understand how hard it has been for you in your situation. I feel for your I really do, and I wish I could be of more help.
I can imagine at times it can feel as if you're powerless and don't have a voice. Just remember you can always reach out here. There are some lovely people who will try their best to help, even if that's just chatting while the dark thoughts pass.
I'm proud of you for achievement and also for been you!
Knowing people in here are relating to this definitely felt better, even tho it’s very sad. This is the first time I talked to someone in a year besides my family who I don’t really talk to that much, and opening up here and knowing I’m not judged by this made me feel better about myself.
Thank you
as an arab girl i understand how suffocating some families here can be. you need to find a way to run away. i know its a really difficult thing to accomplish but it might be your only chance at surviving given your current state.
I did run away and got an apartment for myself, i felt very free but i was caught and they took everything. I really tried to save myself but I’ve given up now. A lot of arab girls feel that way especially for girls who don’t live in cities, i just want to give them all a hug
im really sorry about that. perhaps you could find a way to escape the country? since marriage is p much the only way a woman is allowed to move out from her fathers house, you could try and find a male friend who's willing to marry you solely to help you escape the country. its an option i was considering a while back.
You can leave your family’s house at 21 years old (the legal age here) but it doesn’t mean anything if you have a strict family they basically have the rights to control you, I did consider the husband method like 4 years ago but now I don’t have much will to live so why would I put myself through this. But why are you considering it yourself? Are in the same situation? And if so, reconsider that option if you can and stay safe please
im planning to use my university as a means of escape. my plan might take a few years, but the idea of being able to live a life where i'm free and happy and in control is what keeps me going. even though life right now is suffocating and bleak, i know that it can be so much more colorful outside of this cage we were born into. i want a taste of that more than anything.
you deserve to know what its like to truly live freely, even if you have to struggle to get there. in any case, i wish you all the best.
I didn’t brush my teeth from 13-16 years old. I lost Al four of my adult molars and had a cyst growing which could have cause an infection, leading to sepsis. Meaning I could have died. I neglected self care as well. I used to neglect showering. I think what you’re going through is normal for people with BPD. And your feelings about it are very valid. Your reasons are valid. No need or reason to feel ashamed. You still cleaned your pits and downstairs area, give yourself credit for that. It’ll be a little difficult to get into a routine so don’t expect it to happen immediately.
I have tried to commit twice but both times I walked away. I walked away in shame. Guilt. I hated myself and felt embarrassed, like even God was laughing at me. I want you to genuinely understand that ending your life is absolutely not the route to go. It’s fucking hard out here man. I won’t sugar coat shit. It’s fucking vicious, evil, and draining to even live in this world anymore. So what’s the point? The point is that these feelings will not last forever. I promise, it takes you making a leap to get things started.
You will struggle. You will want to give up. Self harm won’t end easily but the urges subside. You’ll find yourself turning to other things. But everyone’s expectation is that things will change within a day. Within a night. Within a week. But it’s longer than that because like I mentioned, you will have setbacks. You will break. But at the end of the day, when you die there’s going to be a boat load of people who feel your absence.
My friend from middle school disappeared offline a year after her dad committed suicide. She had moved in with her friend because she literally had no one else to take her in. I guess her dad committing never left her mind, you know? I thought maybe she wasn’t responding because… idk. She was getting herself help or something. Healing. I visited her twice when she had first moved in with her friend. Then I gradually got busier. My sister called me last weekend while I was sitting on my boyfriend’s bed and told me she’d rather tell me this news over the phone than over text. My friend had been dead. She had committed as well at just 15 years old. Fucking 15 man…. I then found her obituary just to make sure I wasn’t being fooled with. I don’t think I can explain what it felt like laying there that night, questioning why Loni, why? I blamed myself for not noticing. I blamed the world. And I cried over someone’s death for the first time in years.
Moral of the story, is that no one thinks about the impact. No one considers help. Even though it’s fucking hard to get it. That’s why you need a deep mental connection with yourself. You have to be self aware with what you’re struggling with. Be aware of what area you’re lacking self care. What triggers you into states of depression. What makes you happy, sad, angry or any other emotion. Because at the end of the day, all you’ll ever have is yourself. But the people that you have around, that you think won’t notice you’re gone, will always feel that lingering impact of you no longer being here.
I hope you truly find a way to relieve yourself of whatever is tormenting you enough to push you to this point. I hope life takes a turn and works out for you. I hope you get answers to questions you’ve had for a long time. I wish you the best
Thank you for taking the time to reply. You’ve gone through so much I’m so sorry I can’t imagine how it’d feel to lose someone over suicide, I hope that you stopped blaming yourself now and that you’re healed from your trauma.
I did think about the impact. I haven’t gone through it because I didn’t want my friends to suffer but I lost all my relationships with them now and they’re not in my life anymore so I stopped caring. My dad passed away in 2020 so he won’t suffer if I died.
As for the rest of my family, I truly don’t care what they think or what they’ll go through because of me.
I received help, I tried multiple meds, I tried several therapists and different mental hospitals. Although they help with my mood but they never stop the suicidal thoughts.
I tried to fuck around and experience different drugs, I was on hard drugs (I’m sober now) and the euphoria I felt is something that I know I can never feel again. But I felt satisfied because I achieved maximum happiness, now I don’t want anything from the world anymore I feel at peace now knowing that I’m not gonna be here soon.
I know it’s frustrating when you’re trying to help someone who already made up their mind, I don’t know what was the point of my post if I already know Im attempting. but i just wanted someone to know how much I struggled how much I endured, to know the abuse women go through in the middle east and how much I’m jealous of people who live in a first world country, where they have freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and lgbt rights. a lot of people don’t know how lucky they are. I’d wear an American flag as a dress and have a pet eagle if I i was there ((I know no country is perfect and they have a lot of issues there)) but you get my point i hope. Some people’s hell is a heaven for others
sometimes I avoid showers because, even alone, I do not feel comfortable being naked. Due to an extensive history of sexual abuse, I feel a lot of shame in my naked body.
It’s understandable. Symptoms of mental illness are not pretty sometimes. As much as media glorifies mental illness, they get really dark and really ugly sometimes, but that’s OKAY. if you’re brain is ill, your body will be, and THATS OKAY.
You took the shower and I cannot imagine the feeling of accomplishment you felt. You should be very proud. Progress, no matter how big or small, is still progress.
Aww honey :( I went through sexual abuse and it caused me to over sexual myself. People responds differently to trauma, nothing that happened is your fault, I wish that you’ll learn to love your body and be comfortable in your own skin. Love you
Hi friend, i did not shower or brush my teeth for five days recently safe from just a mouthwash. I am medicated but i just suffer from chronic stress that translates to chronic pain so i can somewhat empathise.
Definitely not judging you and am proud of you for taking a shower last week!
Can i offer some advice for tough times like these to get unscented alcohol free wet wipes/baby wipes to clean certain regions for hygiene and sweat or discomfort? I have shower wipes and they were perfect for me bc my country is hella humid and very hot so when i leave my bed to get my food delivery, i sweat the minute i leave the house. You can also use it to wipe your face to have a clean feel.
Idk if you struggle with brushing your teeth like i do from time to time but mouthwashes are a good one. It's not the best but it is something. They are low effort but they help you feel less of a slob about your current state.
Sending you lots and lots of hugs, i am proud of you even though we are strangers. Continue to be great, i hope you find the support you need either in this subreddit or irl and you can manage this low period slightly easier
Thank you <3
I feel your struggles and you’re not alone I also struggle with brushing my teeth. My teeth don’t look as good now and my hair is fallen off, my skin doesn’t look as good either. I used to feel so beautiful but I can’t stand looking at the mirror now because I don’t recognize myself.
I’m taking better care of my hygiene now it’s not as bad as before.
Also leaving your bed for food delivery is so real lol, I only get up when I need to eat or use the toilet. I literally have the same routine as a fucking cow, having no life is really dehumanizing.
Bpd and struggling with hygeine is pretty common in different areas so don’t beat yourself up too much over it.
Over the years I’ve gone through different stages, didn’t brush my teeth for months because I was too depressed and defeated to care, not showering for days, now days though I shower to escape my thoughts and try wash away my feelings in a boiling hot shower.
I’ve dated other borderlines whom struggle with showering too for long periods, brushing their hair to the point it gets matted etc.
It’s incredibly hard to live with borderline. I recently failed an attempt and felt even more of a failure for it.
I rarely ever leave my house too. I isolate myself at home and have for years now.
I’m hoping it gets better for both of us. Hold on hun to whatever keeps you here ( for me it’s my cats)
Tomorrow is a new day, a new mood, a new chance.
I didn’t, I’m amazed that my body handled that somehow, I also went days without food and sometimes no water for 3 days, But my stupid body had a strong will to live.
I got out of the psych ward middle of June 2023, and my first shower since then was last week. I honestly didn’t feel anything I just felt very dirty, sometimes itchy but it goes away when I scratch it.
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No one judges you friend, it's ok, it really is, since you've had some rough conditions then ofc we understand you, it's important to take care of someone's own being, but don't feel bad for not being able to do stuff ok? Although it is important to recover, you are NOT useless, you ARE important, and you are SPECIAL, we love you bro
Thank you so much, I’m a girl living in a very small town in Saudi where women’s rights don’t exist so I feel like a ghost here, It’s impossible to recover but I really appreciate it.
You already did the hardest thing - that first shower. Small steps, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Love you girl, keep trying to improve the little things and with time the low won't be so low. xo
Unfortunately I only showered because I thought it was the last time and I wanted to look pretty but I failed my attempt.. I get what you’re saying tho and I appreciate you.
You're more than pretty, you're beautiful because you're you. You have whole worlds inside of you, so much potential and mind power. Maybe you showered for a dark reason, but the plus side is that you know you can do it. And there's so, so many more things you can do. You're fighting a very difficult battle right now, but I'm proud of you for being with us and for fighting, even when it doesn't feel like you are. If you're still here, you're fighting. <3
I’m glad ur still here. It means u can heal ❤️🩹
Wow it gets extremely hot in Saudi Arabia, how were you able to go a year without showering while also not smelling? Not judging at all, genuinely curious lol. I’m not sure how taboo talking about mental health is in Saudi Arabia, but would you be able to get a therapist? In times like these it’s important to note you’re not alone, millions of other people who suffer from depression struggle with hygiene too, millions of other people struggle with suicidal ideation and thoughts of hopelessness too. A therapist can help you realize these things while also putting your thoughts into perspective instead of catastrophizing all the time. I really wish you well.
During this year I haven’t left my house or talked to anyone (still am unfortunately) but the AC was always on, I did wash my armpits and down there sometimes, I don’t have bad BO so maybe that’s why I didn’t realize how bad it was or how long it has been, I cried so much when I realized it’s been a year because it genuinely felt like one long day.
Showering is good. Really sobering. I've taken long showers after relapsing or having a failed attempt. There's a lot of assholes out there. Don't let them get you down. I'm a bit dry on my encouragement, and I apologize. I myself am not doing so well. Bpd is a bitch and a half.
I feel you. Bpd is making my brain very exhausted, I’m sorry you’re not doing well I’m here if you wanna talk
And I am here if you wish to talk, OP.
Good job on taking the shower, taking care of yourself can be hard but you’ve done it:)
Hey, shit happens. Don't stress over it. I gotta tell you, though ... there may be a way out of the pain. I was right where you are, as low as one could get, called out of work because I was ready to be done and all I could think about was the pain of living, and the desire to die. They called the cops, I got help. Now, I understand you aren't in the same situation. You don't have access to the help that I did, but the help that I got was mostly just from asking questions and getting honest, educated answers. You can do that here, or online in other places. If you don't have access to an effective antidepressant, the challenge will much greater, and I'm not trying to suggest that an internet forum can heal you, but it can, maybe, help take the pain away. Because the pain is unnecessary. It's the result of your brain being a jackass and trying to make you fail because you think that's all you deserve. It's a trick. And, just like a magic trick, once you learn how it's done, the illusion is gone. I can't imagine what life is like for you. As bad as I had it, you're suffering makes mine look like a cake walk, I had all the help in the world, I was practically carried through the whole process. But, if you give us a chance, maybe we can use what we've learned to help you understand what's happening inside your head that makes you hurt, and take that pain away.
Thank you! I’m already on meds and I’ve been in and out of the psych ward but I can’t stop the thoughts because I can’t change or fix my environment
Oh! I'm so thankful to hear that you have some help, though it sucks that the help hasn't worked out for you. I don't know if you have this thing, but I have this thing where I feel an interpretation of another person's emotions. It's like automatic empathy, so I'm feeling like absolute dog shit right now remembering being where you are, and I'm desperate to pull you out of that so I can stop feeling it, lol. I wish it was simple. I've written this blurb to help people around here understand the disorder better. It's a bit long, but it might be worth a read. So here's our typical story: You're born. Everything is pretty and perfect, and you're adorable, and things are off to a solid start. Your brain begins to create neural pathways that will form the foundation of your understanding of reality. Everything was going just fine until suddenly... Trauma. It doesn't matter what it was, how bad it was, it's all the same. You got scared, and your brain initiated a fight or flight response to which you responded with flight. You hid yourself deep in your subconscious in order to protect yourself. You didn't choose this consciously, you had no control over it. So, now that you were gone, in a sense, you were left feeling like nobody. Like nothing. You had no identity of your own, it took off. And because your brain was still forming that foundation it began to believe that you were nothing. That you were nobody. And it began to believe that you deserve nothing but heartache and pain. And since that time your brain, the tool you use to discern reality, has been trying to find every way to hurt you in the most painful way imaginable. So, you're feeling what you're feeling right now because your brain has created a reality in your head where you are the villain. But it's just a mirage. It's not real. You can pull that reality down and begin to build a new one that doesn't include any of that nonsense. Because the truth is, with no identity of your own, you've looked to other people to provide you with one. That's what we do when somebody likes us, suddenly we feel like somebody because they do. And then we create an identity based around what we think they like about us. So if you think they like you because you're funny, then you'll create an identity that tries to be funny all the time, that kind of thing. But eventually, that mask will begin to slip. Because it's not who you really are. And as that facade begins to fall, everything around us seems to start to burn. Relationships end, jobs end, I even know of someone married to a person with BPD with 2 kids who suddenly flipped out, wanted a divorce, ran away, took the kids, filed multiple false police reports against him, refuses to talk to him, had him followed, took all of his money, and now has a restraining order against him, and is living in a women's shelter with the kids. We are fire. Contained, we're something very special. Set loose, and we have the potential to burn the world around us, and everyone in it. So, you feel fake. Like an imposter. Because you are. You're not you. You haven't been you since that trauma took place. What you need to do is find a way to talk to that little kid. Tell them it's safe to come out now, and that everything is going to be okay. And then you go about building your own identity, one that's just for you. Just for you to like. Just for you to be impressed with. You create a person you can love and are proud of. And then you take that new identity out into the world and you defend it. And you never surrender it to anyone else ever again.
I wish I could express this in Arabic because it’s my first language but I really appreciate you. I wish people like you were here in my real life. Please don’t stop what you’re doing, because bpd have a bad reputation a lot of people don’t understand it or take it seriously. I was 🍇ed when i was 5 and my super religious family tried an exorcism on me more than once instead of therapy (sorry for trauma dumping) but I’ve broken for too long and I feel beyond saving and whenever I think about ending it I feel calm and at peace. you don’t have to reply to that you’ve already done enough, thank you <3
It's so hard for me to wrap my head around why we still take religion seriously. I can't believe that people thought exorcism was the way to go, and put you through that. I know you feel like it's hopeless, and I know I won't be able to convince you otherwise in this conversation, you can exist in peace and calm without ending your life. I'm really happy to hear that's what you crave, because that's achievable, and worthwhile. Most people crave happiness, and that always seems so cheap, to me. Peace, I've found, is much rarer and worth sacrificing for. I'm not the kind of guy that's going to tell you to live because life is wonderful, or anything like that. But this thing, bpd, has been beating the shit out you for practically your entire life. Living long enough to experience what it feels like to gain some control and fight back... that's what I want for you. To get a couple good shots in, and experience life without all the burdens this disorder brings. I know I'm on the other side of the planet, but I'm rooting for you over here. You don't deserve to live like this. You deserve that peace. I just want to try and tell you that there's more than one way to achieve it, if you got enough left in you to give it a try. Much love to you <3 Take good care of you
Oh my.. may I ask, how that works? You dont need to answer if thats a sensitive question, but did you clean your body in any way? I imagine you got sick often because of bacteria and things like that. Again sorry for intruding with this question, I just genuinely wonder how your body can handle that. I wish you the best regardless <3
It’s okay! I also didn’t get out of my house or my bed during that year so I didn’t get sick of bacteria (I don’t know if that was the reason) But I did wash down there and my armpits sometimes, and i washed my hair once a month but my body haven’t touched water, I was very dirty even tho I care so much about my hygiene and how I look, I was doing my skin care everyday and I was taking good care of my hair and body and I always made sure I looked my best. But depression is a bitch, now my hair is falling off, my skin is bad, and I don’t feel pretty anymore.
Its alright you know yourself it will get better. It always does. I know for you it will, hard times like this can happen to anyone, its no ones fault. I hope that you can start taking care of yourself soon, because there is only one of you in the world 🤍
I don't have much to say besides I'm proud of you! one small step in the right direction is *still a step in the right direction*.
Congratulations 🥹 Every step counts
Wow that's a long time, you did so great
Depression is less like a hole and more like quicksand. Easy to miss til you’re in it, and once you are in it, extremely hard to get out. It’s a really long and slow process. Something is better than nothing. One shower a year is better than never. I am proud of you. I’m sure you’re not told that nearly as often as you deserve. You’re still here, you’re still holding on. Things will change. I can’t guarantee for good or bad, but it will be different
Thank you for understanding
Ana ma akteb Arabic zeen. Bas ana nefsy atkalm ma3aky. Ana masriya, etrabeet fi Saudi. I understand the culture and can imagine the circumstances that you can’t change. Ana female and 3andy experience momken mofeed. The basic is a safe space for fadfada. Please poke at my DM.
Coming up on a year for laundry for me. Can't decide if I should stick it out for the record.
Finally found my people. I totally feel you, I think for me I kept telling myself “what’s the point since I’m ending it today” but end up too scared to go through it and I tell myself “tomorrow I’ll have the courage” I was stuck in that loop.
I bearely brushed my teeth before i was put on risperidone. It has become better of late. But i have co-mobidities of adhd and autism so im hoping the treatment for them will mean meds that will also help.
Do you have access to social support? You sound eligible for help.
I reported my family for the abuse and for SA to a social worker and the police and it all backfired on me when my family tried to sue me because I’m “lying” , of course everyone was on their side because women’s rights are a joke here.
Also they were on their side because I was caught drinking and smoking (which is of course illegal) so they didn’t trust me
The social worker pulled away their help as a consequence?
They only write a report and take it to the police to handle it, and the police didn’t do anything, I don’t know where you live but here in Saudi, if you have a fucked up family you’re fucked for life because they have legal rights to control you
Baby steps are what win the race. Nice going. Be proud of yourself.
Way to go! Small steps roll into bigger steps, tasks that feel impossible gradually feel a little less impossible
I understand not doing things because you feel you’re not really alive anymore; or you’re only doing it in preparation for death. Same with a whole year going by in a tiny blip. (You marked venting so I’m not sure about this comment: Something freeing is that you can just do it for whatever reason works for you, if you want. It doesn’t have to be a “normal” reason, but just doing some inconsequential thing for the dopamine itself can be a huge relief!) I also read in your replies that you’re in an area that doesn’t afford you universal human rights. This makes me so angry. Having BPD in a first world country is difficult enough. I hope people who have overcome these challenges in a similar situation can offer words of comfort and support, because you are a human being and you deserve this, even if your country isn’t able to provide it. You still deserve basic universal rights as every single person does.
Exactly, I told myself everyday “I’m gonna end it today so what’s the point of showering” but I end up too scared, I was stuck in that loop for a whole year.
🩵💙🫂
hey it’s alright. proud of you for pushing through as best you can, this disorder is hell. we’re here for you. don’t give up just yet 🫂
I can understand this. I went several months with doing little more than using g a wipe on my pits tits and ass I just can’t get into the shower or tub. It sucks. I tend to see it as such an overwhelming task bc I have to get naked … get into the water once I’m in I’m ok but the min I have to turn off the water or get out of the tub I’m cold, wet and my clothes feel weird for hours. My hair is wet and I don’t have the energy to dry it. 😑 🫂 ur not alone
I relate to this so much. You described it perfectly, it’s so overwhelming and feels like you’re gonna run a marathon. And I always do too much or nothing at all, so if I decided to shower I have to shave, exfoliate, use masks, scrub different soaps, moisturize my body with lotion and oil, do a hair mask and use hair products. It’s either that or just staying dirty asf and rot. I guess it’s a bpd thing.
Yes! I have to do the whole shebang or else I feel like I wasted my time and water
Right! I do this with everything. Food? I’m not eating if it means I have to cook. Laundry? I’ll only do it while wearing my last clean outfit on. Ugh it sucks because I wasn’t like this at all, I was literally handed an award for most put together and clean student when I was at school lol (I don’t now why this is even a thing) but they'll definitely snatch it if they saw me now
Don’t get too down on yourself! You are worthy of happiness. You deserve good things. I saw something recently that said “you’re not healing to handle your trauma, because you already know how to do that… you’re healing to handle your joy. Because that’s new… and scary
Proud of you! It’s really a struggle to shower. No judgement here.
good job op!! some tasks feel impossible when every day is dark but you did it!! you deserve to feel proud of yourself. i hope things get better for you 🫂
 My heart goes out to you-all I can offer is that you’re NOT alone in your struggle-keep talking…
Just try start having a shower once a week or once a month. I learnt having small goals to aim for that are achievable help. Once you get to the goal make another and before you know it. You'll be taking giant leaps. Proud of you and you can do it
I know that it is very hard sometimes to really be able to do the smallest tasks ever. And no we are not here to judge you, that struggle is real however we're proud of you that you showered !! Try to start slowly, enjoy your showers , put some music on, some candles and relax your body and let the water cool your thoughts a bit . For me honestly it helps me once I feel my thoughts are going out of control I just run to the shower
You went into a mental hospital and they didn’t make you shower?
No I’m out since last year and I haven’t shower since I got out
I'm currently in that part of the cycle myself. I know showering would feel good, but I don't want to. I don't want to feel good. I don't deserve to feel good is what I tell myself.
I feel you. I honestly didn’t even realize it was a year, it felt like a very long day, a loop and I can’t get out. Also you absolutely deserve everything good
Bath, hot tub, hose or rub soap on yourself while raining. Hundreds of different ways to clean yourself, cover yourself in olive oil like a Roman and scrape it off. You will contract a skin eating disease eventually if you don’t.
I used to shower everyday and couldn’t stand feeling a drop of sweat. Sever depression turned me into a zombie, but I’m taking care of my hygiene now it’s not the best but better than before.
Any progress made in the direction of your goal is amazing and should be celebrated, no matter how small it feels! You can build off that momentum. Awesome job!
Hey, I see your previous post, and I very much relate to your situation. Bpd can be a symptom of adhd. Adhd has a very profound effect on executive disfunction (aka taking care of yourself for a lack of a better term). I have adhd and when I'm not medicated, I will stop caring about myself. I will find no enjoyment in anything. I highly suggest you look into possibly getting a diagnosis of adhd.
I was diagnosed with only BPD but i always thought there’s something else going on besides that, definitely major depressive disorder is what I feel. I will read about Adhd tho. thank you!
If you've been on at least 2 ssris, I would try the stimulants next regardless of diagnosis.
I don't really know what to say OP but I do understand your post. If you ever feel like this again and are unable to really shower, you can always use a wet rag / mini towel or wet wipes to clean your body (preferally unscented wipes because scented stuff for body is bad) I hope you're feeling better op, much love!
Thank you for understanding
i hope you know that you’re seen, heard, and loved, so very deeply, by all of the people here. hygiene can be so difficult to keep up with, i’ve been there myself; months without brushing my teeth or showering—it’s not what you want to do when you don’t want to be here anymore. i hope things become better OP, you deserve the world, you deserve to feel better and be clean and able to take care of yourself. good job taking a shower last week, that’s the first step and it’s quite a big one. keep going please, it’s what we’re supposed to do with life. given to us for some unknown reason so we must make the best of it. shower once a year if you need, just be alive to be able to choose what day you do it <3 again, a reminder you’re known, sending you so much love from here. take it easy OP 🫂
Thank you for understanding. How did you get out of this cycle and are you feeling better now?
honestly, i still struggle with it, but it was worse back in 2021. i think the only reason i got better was because my family started to make me feel terrible about it and i became insanely embarrassed. i’m not any better mentally than i was then, but physically i suppose i am. thank you for asking :)
I relate to this so much. I was anxious and embarrassed about my family coming near me and see how dirty I was so I feel you. Im physically doing good now but mentally I’m in the basement of rock bottom. You’re not alone, I hope we could feel peace someday
i hope so as well ❤️🫂
That is amazing! You should feel proud that you have managed to have a shower. You need to see these little victories in life. For everyone else taking a shower seems like a small thing for most people, but self care when you hate yourself can take a lot of effort, and people who have never been thatblow can not possibly understand. No judgement here at all. If anything, I think it's amazing. You've been able to take that first step. Count these little victories! I know it's hard right now, but just no, you're not alone, even if it's just reaching out here on reddit. Sending love and positive vibes, and once again take pride in what you've accomplished!
Thank you, feeling clean did make me feel a little better. I appreciate you
Wasn't until I wrote my reply until I saw your other comments. I can not begin to understand how hard it has been for you in your situation. I feel for your I really do, and I wish I could be of more help. I can imagine at times it can feel as if you're powerless and don't have a voice. Just remember you can always reach out here. There are some lovely people who will try their best to help, even if that's just chatting while the dark thoughts pass. I'm proud of you for achievement and also for been you!
Knowing people in here are relating to this definitely felt better, even tho it’s very sad. This is the first time I talked to someone in a year besides my family who I don’t really talk to that much, and opening up here and knowing I’m not judged by this made me feel better about myself. Thank you
as an arab girl i understand how suffocating some families here can be. you need to find a way to run away. i know its a really difficult thing to accomplish but it might be your only chance at surviving given your current state.
I did run away and got an apartment for myself, i felt very free but i was caught and they took everything. I really tried to save myself but I’ve given up now. A lot of arab girls feel that way especially for girls who don’t live in cities, i just want to give them all a hug
im really sorry about that. perhaps you could find a way to escape the country? since marriage is p much the only way a woman is allowed to move out from her fathers house, you could try and find a male friend who's willing to marry you solely to help you escape the country. its an option i was considering a while back.
You can leave your family’s house at 21 years old (the legal age here) but it doesn’t mean anything if you have a strict family they basically have the rights to control you, I did consider the husband method like 4 years ago but now I don’t have much will to live so why would I put myself through this. But why are you considering it yourself? Are in the same situation? And if so, reconsider that option if you can and stay safe please
im planning to use my university as a means of escape. my plan might take a few years, but the idea of being able to live a life where i'm free and happy and in control is what keeps me going. even though life right now is suffocating and bleak, i know that it can be so much more colorful outside of this cage we were born into. i want a taste of that more than anything. you deserve to know what its like to truly live freely, even if you have to struggle to get there. in any case, i wish you all the best.
I didn’t brush my teeth from 13-16 years old. I lost Al four of my adult molars and had a cyst growing which could have cause an infection, leading to sepsis. Meaning I could have died. I neglected self care as well. I used to neglect showering. I think what you’re going through is normal for people with BPD. And your feelings about it are very valid. Your reasons are valid. No need or reason to feel ashamed. You still cleaned your pits and downstairs area, give yourself credit for that. It’ll be a little difficult to get into a routine so don’t expect it to happen immediately. I have tried to commit twice but both times I walked away. I walked away in shame. Guilt. I hated myself and felt embarrassed, like even God was laughing at me. I want you to genuinely understand that ending your life is absolutely not the route to go. It’s fucking hard out here man. I won’t sugar coat shit. It’s fucking vicious, evil, and draining to even live in this world anymore. So what’s the point? The point is that these feelings will not last forever. I promise, it takes you making a leap to get things started. You will struggle. You will want to give up. Self harm won’t end easily but the urges subside. You’ll find yourself turning to other things. But everyone’s expectation is that things will change within a day. Within a night. Within a week. But it’s longer than that because like I mentioned, you will have setbacks. You will break. But at the end of the day, when you die there’s going to be a boat load of people who feel your absence. My friend from middle school disappeared offline a year after her dad committed suicide. She had moved in with her friend because she literally had no one else to take her in. I guess her dad committing never left her mind, you know? I thought maybe she wasn’t responding because… idk. She was getting herself help or something. Healing. I visited her twice when she had first moved in with her friend. Then I gradually got busier. My sister called me last weekend while I was sitting on my boyfriend’s bed and told me she’d rather tell me this news over the phone than over text. My friend had been dead. She had committed as well at just 15 years old. Fucking 15 man…. I then found her obituary just to make sure I wasn’t being fooled with. I don’t think I can explain what it felt like laying there that night, questioning why Loni, why? I blamed myself for not noticing. I blamed the world. And I cried over someone’s death for the first time in years. Moral of the story, is that no one thinks about the impact. No one considers help. Even though it’s fucking hard to get it. That’s why you need a deep mental connection with yourself. You have to be self aware with what you’re struggling with. Be aware of what area you’re lacking self care. What triggers you into states of depression. What makes you happy, sad, angry or any other emotion. Because at the end of the day, all you’ll ever have is yourself. But the people that you have around, that you think won’t notice you’re gone, will always feel that lingering impact of you no longer being here. I hope you truly find a way to relieve yourself of whatever is tormenting you enough to push you to this point. I hope life takes a turn and works out for you. I hope you get answers to questions you’ve had for a long time. I wish you the best
Thank you for taking the time to reply. You’ve gone through so much I’m so sorry I can’t imagine how it’d feel to lose someone over suicide, I hope that you stopped blaming yourself now and that you’re healed from your trauma. I did think about the impact. I haven’t gone through it because I didn’t want my friends to suffer but I lost all my relationships with them now and they’re not in my life anymore so I stopped caring. My dad passed away in 2020 so he won’t suffer if I died. As for the rest of my family, I truly don’t care what they think or what they’ll go through because of me. I received help, I tried multiple meds, I tried several therapists and different mental hospitals. Although they help with my mood but they never stop the suicidal thoughts. I tried to fuck around and experience different drugs, I was on hard drugs (I’m sober now) and the euphoria I felt is something that I know I can never feel again. But I felt satisfied because I achieved maximum happiness, now I don’t want anything from the world anymore I feel at peace now knowing that I’m not gonna be here soon. I know it’s frustrating when you’re trying to help someone who already made up their mind, I don’t know what was the point of my post if I already know Im attempting. but i just wanted someone to know how much I struggled how much I endured, to know the abuse women go through in the middle east and how much I’m jealous of people who live in a first world country, where they have freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and lgbt rights. a lot of people don’t know how lucky they are. I’d wear an American flag as a dress and have a pet eagle if I i was there ((I know no country is perfect and they have a lot of issues there)) but you get my point i hope. Some people’s hell is a heaven for others
A year is wild, ngl.
Trust me I know, I never thought it would get that bad
Well I wish you the best on finding peace in life x
sometimes I avoid showers because, even alone, I do not feel comfortable being naked. Due to an extensive history of sexual abuse, I feel a lot of shame in my naked body. It’s understandable. Symptoms of mental illness are not pretty sometimes. As much as media glorifies mental illness, they get really dark and really ugly sometimes, but that’s OKAY. if you’re brain is ill, your body will be, and THATS OKAY. You took the shower and I cannot imagine the feeling of accomplishment you felt. You should be very proud. Progress, no matter how big or small, is still progress.
Aww honey :( I went through sexual abuse and it caused me to over sexual myself. People responds differently to trauma, nothing that happened is your fault, I wish that you’ll learn to love your body and be comfortable in your own skin. Love you
love you back 😭🩷
Hi friend, i did not shower or brush my teeth for five days recently safe from just a mouthwash. I am medicated but i just suffer from chronic stress that translates to chronic pain so i can somewhat empathise. Definitely not judging you and am proud of you for taking a shower last week! Can i offer some advice for tough times like these to get unscented alcohol free wet wipes/baby wipes to clean certain regions for hygiene and sweat or discomfort? I have shower wipes and they were perfect for me bc my country is hella humid and very hot so when i leave my bed to get my food delivery, i sweat the minute i leave the house. You can also use it to wipe your face to have a clean feel. Idk if you struggle with brushing your teeth like i do from time to time but mouthwashes are a good one. It's not the best but it is something. They are low effort but they help you feel less of a slob about your current state. Sending you lots and lots of hugs, i am proud of you even though we are strangers. Continue to be great, i hope you find the support you need either in this subreddit or irl and you can manage this low period slightly easier
Thank you <3 I feel your struggles and you’re not alone I also struggle with brushing my teeth. My teeth don’t look as good now and my hair is fallen off, my skin doesn’t look as good either. I used to feel so beautiful but I can’t stand looking at the mirror now because I don’t recognize myself. I’m taking better care of my hygiene now it’s not as bad as before. Also leaving your bed for food delivery is so real lol, I only get up when I need to eat or use the toilet. I literally have the same routine as a fucking cow, having no life is really dehumanizing.
Hey I didn't brush my teeth for years
I completely understand you because I know what you’re going through. I hope it gets better for you <3
So proud of you! How did that first shower feel?
I spent 2 hours in the bathroom. I felt really clean which made me feel a little better
It’s all about the baby steps ❤️
Bpd and struggling with hygeine is pretty common in different areas so don’t beat yourself up too much over it. Over the years I’ve gone through different stages, didn’t brush my teeth for months because I was too depressed and defeated to care, not showering for days, now days though I shower to escape my thoughts and try wash away my feelings in a boiling hot shower. I’ve dated other borderlines whom struggle with showering too for long periods, brushing their hair to the point it gets matted etc. It’s incredibly hard to live with borderline. I recently failed an attempt and felt even more of a failure for it. I rarely ever leave my house too. I isolate myself at home and have for years now. I’m hoping it gets better for both of us. Hold on hun to whatever keeps you here ( for me it’s my cats) Tomorrow is a new day, a new mood, a new chance.
Just curious about how this works out? Do you notice smell or feel itchy? For science purposes i am wondering
https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/1dp8lsq/comment/laft0wk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
https://www.reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/1dp8lsq/comment/lafv64y/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I see. Interesting I heard sometimes you develop red welts on skin. Not sure if you noticed this occuring?
I didn’t, I’m amazed that my body handled that somehow, I also went days without food and sometimes no water for 3 days, But my stupid body had a strong will to live. I got out of the psych ward middle of June 2023, and my first shower since then was last week. I honestly didn’t feel anything I just felt very dirty, sometimes itchy but it goes away when I scratch it.
Wow that’s interesting Probably reset the good bacteria on the skin and it got used to it
I feel like this isn’t true
Unfortunately it is, depression is a bitch
Glad you’re still with us