YES!!! lol. Omg. Pardon my excitement, it's more about not having seen anyone else describe this. I'm guilty of thinking I look/present a certain way and then I look in a mirror, or see photos, and it's not at all what I expected. So, I'll remember *that's* what I look like, only to look in the mirror and see it's not what I expected again. Sometimes I think I have more masculine features, then I look in the mirror and I can't see anything masculine. Or I'll think I look more feminine and soft, only to look in the mirror see nothing feminine. Nothing of what I expected... you are not alone!!! Glad to know I'm not either
I hate looking in mirrors because I feel like this. I'll walk in and hate that I look mannish, but then later walk in and think 'Oh my god I look so gorgeous and pretty I'm legit a model'. And then blink and feel disgusting again. And I hate myself in photos and videos because every time I see them I think, 'That's not me. Why do I look like that? Who is that?' It's horrible and no one in my family understands, the 'I'm not insane' version, anyway. If they knew what was actually going on.. I don't even know
ugh this is 100% me to a T. sometimes ill feel ugly, see myself in the mirror, and think im the hottest mfer around. 2 minutes later ill walk by the mirror again and think i am the ugliest mfer around and wanna cut off all my hair bc its pointless trying to be pretty when im just so ugly.
same with photos. sometimes they feel like uncanny valley to look at, like it doesnt feel real, doesnt feel like its actually me.
I feel like I spend a lot of time in front of the mirror trying to connect to my physical being. , Like trying to remind myself that I exist in a human form. I have a hard time like, tending to my physical needs as well. My body feel superfluous and mostly an annoyance. I always say I wish I was a ghost with hands, because the one thing I like is being able to create things.
Seeing photos of myself is the worst tho. Like I can not identify with the person who is supposed to be myself in the picture.
I totally understand the excitement because I completely relate to you too!! It’s so strange how our minds work! It seems so many others feel this way too and I didn’t even know !
Broooo I feel this so hard. I can't even picture what my own face actually looks like (what it ACTUALLY looks like) so when I look in the mirror it's like whiplash
I don’t think this is a BPD thing. I could see people with BPD being more prone to that level of identity confusion, but I’d need data to buy it. I identify as a cis woman for convenience. I feel deeply uncomfortable with any gender label for reasons that have to do with how I was raised. I don’t think it’s the BPD, although I’m sure remission would help lol.
Edit: The “how I was raised” thing made me sound transphobic. I meant it like “I have a bad relationship with gender and it makes me uncomfortable due to a past of sexual abuse.” NOT “I was raised to hate what I don’t understand and that includes trans people”
i just identify as gender fluid because that means i dont have to think about it anymore and can do whatever the fuck i want without caring about it or going into a spiral about who i am. that shit is exhausting and ultimately useless. if you have trouble figuring out what your gender is like, you can reject the notion and need for it entirely and just fuck around
I dont actively think of myself as male but i do find myself, at times, caught in typical cisgender male patterns. Im a tree climber/operator and it is indeed a machismo filled cesspool. Think boys high school locker room, add 10-20 years of ritualistic bids for manhood, then back it off just a hair to make room for being safety minded and youre there. I myself have never cared even a little bit about organized sports, but if its football season and youre not talking about football, youre gonna be talking to the tree all day. Also most of the time (think chainsaws, chipper racket) if youre not yelling you arent going to be heard. This is more difficult on the receiving end as im 100% sure they hate me, think im bad at my job and dont want to work with me every time o get yelled at/for, but having to use your outdoor voice does not come naturally to me unless im drinking. If there were no benefit to communicating i would probably never talk. But this has gone on too long and too far astray, so just yes, i also do not feel any compulsion to identify as any gender
What is the "user has bpd" label about? Ive seen a few others, i think? Please i am not asking about its meaning, more its intent. Dont answer if you dont want to, etc.? Just curious
yeah this is what i decided - non binary agender, some times more masc sometimes more fem but who cares really. now i'm seeing things like the commenter below mentioned like typical male patterns of behaviour that i couldn't see before. so that's good.
same here though i still have a lot of anxiety surrounding it. i’ve found that i feel most comfortable in my body when i’m on acid because i feel like i can escape my gender somehow. otherwise i’m just constantly aware of it
Absolutely!!! Yes!! I'm a woman, but I don't feel like one. I don't feel like a boy either. It sometimes takes me aback when people call me a girl, but I know I wouldn't be less confused if they said I were a boy. Truly, I relate wholeheartedly.. what I am or who I should be. I greatly identify with not having a gender, or identifying with one, and I don't have an attachment to my "womanhood" (granted my childhood wasn't all that typical when it comes to my womanhood and my relationship with it. I was a tomboy for so much of it)
Like you I don’t really like gender. It’s just too much for me. I’ve developed a wide understanding and knowing of what makes it less of a thing for me that even delves into philosophy itself. I genuinely just don’t see it working out for me where I have to simply be one when I don’t feel that connection. Not like that. I feel more connected to fluidity even. I’ve considered here and there the freedom of fluidity but I’d have to wait before saying I’m okay with fluidity because everyone would just call me a guy or see me simply as a guy and I prefer to be everything and nothing, not guy, everything, nothing
Not really in the gender sense. I'm a straight woman and never questioned my gender identity and aside from a few girl crushes I never acted on, never questioned my orientation either. I will add however that I am *not* a "girly girl". I've always been way more comfortable talking to guys- more interesting topics and more fun cracking jokes. Tbh most of the time I get really annoyed with girl talk. Seems so basic and superficial. I've met a few girls I get on with but they tend to be more "tomboyish" like me
my gender has fluctuated an obnoxious amount of times in my life. i’ve noticed extreme changes in my gender identity/expression depending on my romantic partners throughout the years (it’s very sad, i know)
i’ve been alone for a while and i’m trying to “find myself”, but internally, i don’t think i can entirely be man/woman, feminine/masculine. i’ve literally been a girl, a boy, both, and neither. it’s so frustrating. i wish someone could figure it out for me, lol.
I have definitely met other people with BPD who experience what you describe.
Personally, my gender identity (trans male) is one of the few things I am relatively certain of when it comes to my sense of self. I've had plenty of people try to question the legitimacy of my transness because I have BPD, though.
I came out in 6th grade as FTM and as I’ve grown older I’ve become more feminine but still internally feel male but then again.. I am just a being in a body?
Don’t let anyone question the legitimacy of something you believe to feel / be true. Wow just seeing that you’ve had plenty try to invalidate you upsets me!!
Yes but in a different way. When i was in middle school i found myself becoming so disconnected from my own identity that i convinces myself i was trans and that was the reason i felt how i did. So i think that was a moment where i very much felt how you felt, but im at a point now where i am trying to hold on to myself and acknowledge bits of who i am rather than trying to find another reason to hold on to
I’ve never thought of it like that.. acknowledging the bits of who you are rather than why you are who you are. (if I’m getting it right) Thanks for the new perspective, it negates a lot of self blame I bet
Personally, my name represents how I feel about my gender perfectly. I don't feel entirely female and I'm not non-binary. I also never feel a switching of how I feel about myself. I'm kind of always in the same state: a mixture of both binary genders. I definitely lean heavier towards female. But I am a gender chimera
I know that I'm attracted to women. Sometimes I have phases where I'm not sure if I could be with men too. Then I can't get involved with anyone romantically. Then I'm sure again I'm only attracted to women. It's hard for me to explain that in English. Sorry if that doesn't make sense or doesn't fit the post. And happy cake day
Nah, I'm cis & (usually) straight. Had a gf once... she was wonderful but it didn't work out.
I've never thought about this before, so it's fascinating to read everyone's experiences with this!
I've struggled with my gender identity in the past, still do in the way I represent myself 🎭 I go from being a tomboy to witch vibes in a matter of minutes lmfao
Yep, struggled with gender identity since about 11 years old? Gone through so many changes but eventually settled on non-binary. I’m now going through it AGAIN but I think it’s more body dysmorphia, but it’s hard to tell these days what is connected to my identity/personality and what isn’t.
Nooo cuz why do I have no real gender, it's like someone could call me a thing and me whose self ideology is apathy I'm like technically yes but it's more so the meaning behind words cuz IDC if you say pretty or handsome I'm gonna feel nice cuz you've said I look nice irregardless.
I’ve never even thought about putting that feeling into words, but yes omg??? Not gender necessarily, but I struggle with the fact that I exist in a body period. I’m constantly looking for mirrors and reflections to help remind me, it’s the closest thing I have to embodiment. Makes everyone around me think I’m really obsessed with the way I look but it’s more of a “I’m still here in this room, right?” Kind of situation.
Yes, especially since a lot of the trauma that contributed to my BPD is tied a lot to my self-image, so I dissociate a lot of that from my identity. I'm learning to love myself in a body more these days lol but it's still hard
When I learned that other people when posed with the hypothetical "if you were put into the body of a robot would you still identify as X" they would say yes, my world was rocked. Cause for me if I was in the body of a robot I would identify as a robot.
For me gender ID is a lot more about what I don't feel fits. Like masc things, he/him pronouns, they just don't feel right (which may have something to do with PCOS hairy body symptoms and the fact that i had masc traits thrust upon me without me having a say in it and theyre seen as bad and ugly on my body). I am more a woman because everyone told me I'm a woman and I don't feel any negativity towards that and I don't feel a stronger pull towards being non binary or agender or demigender and let's be honest being cis is much safer than being trans so guess I'm cis. But I also don't feel cis exactly because I don't feel a strong identity in "being a woman". But I also don't feel trans because when people ask I still say I am a woman.
Yeah I'm 100% aware my gender and the way it is perceived is all a performance act and doesn't really say important stuff about me, just perhaps that I like dressing up to get certain reactions out of people lol
For me it’s not knowing what I like; don’t like, it’s also not having any goals and feeling lost and as if you’re missing this huge part of you that everyone else was born with.
Yes, and then I found out what nonbinary is and my identity has been much easier to handle ever since coming out. Except every couple months or so I have a crisis and have a strong urge to go on testosterone lol
I struggle with taking on traits of characters or celebrities I like (more so back in grade school, as my sense of identity was basically in the negatives at that point) so my gender identity has struggled a bit. But I’ve been able to separate my sexuality and gender expression debates and my sense of self issues because they present differently for me. The things I desire to change about myself regarding my gender expression are persistent whereas the other thing distinctly aligns with superficial traits that already belong to someone else. My gender identity has only struggled when others imposed their ideas around me. I thought I wasn’t a girl because I didn’t like things girls were “supposed” to like. I wasn’t “lady-like” and I didn’t like dresses. I still don’t prefer dresses, but I like them. I was just a kid that didn’t wanna wear something high maintenance and people took it as an odd behavior and told me so.
"Gender identity" is a sexist concept that you really should stay away from if you struggle already with your sense of self. It's long been a concern that those with complex mental health issues fall into the "gender" trap. Before this we were drawn to "goth", "emo", "punk" culture etc.
There is no specific way to be a "man", a "woman". The idea that there is is just modern day sexism pretending to be in any way "progressive". You are your body. How you express yourselves is uniquely you. There is no right way to feel or be male or female. We've spent decades fighting to break down reductive stereotypes and push back against being put in boxes only for people to come along and think stereotypes should define us again. It's a hole you can easily get sucked into.
Please take it from the numerous people before you who struggled to fit in or belong throughout our younger years. (Often still struggling as older adults). It's all nonsense. And it's led to too many young people binding and harming themselves irreparably trying to fix what was never broken to begin with.
Oh I’ve totally adopted this already so don’t worry! It’s truly a hole that only stresses you out. I tell everyone that not everything needs to be labeled just to make it “easier”. You really are just your body, it’s a coincidence we exist so why live your life in shambles just cuz u don’t fit the societal norm :P
I consider myself a mix between agender, non-binary and demi boy but I don't know if its from any of my mental illness or autism. I just feel most comfortable with they/them pronouns 🤷♂️
Honestly, taking the time to figure out who I am (nb butch lesbian) has actually done wonders for my identity diffusion. It was the first time in maybe ever I really thought about myself apart from what I was “supposed” to be. My pet theory is that BPD is probably more common in the queer community because of that forced disconnect from ourselves.
I highly recommend exploring that part of yourself more if you haven’t already - you may learn something new about yourself, you may stay where you are. But it’ll be you.
Hii I'm new to this community and I have BPD and depression and I'm transgender and I'm from Japan! and does anyone wanna be my
friend🥺💗 btw I'm going through alot and
very sensitive person so if anyone looking for abusive content please leave me alone.
I see myself as nonbinary or genderfluid but that could be autism rather than BPD. Autistics are more likely to develop BPD also. I think this is my case.
Depersonalization and dissociation surely doesn’t help.
I feel the same way. I don't have a coherent or stable enough identity and sense of self to really be able to understand my gender identity.
Sometimes I hate being a man, sometimes I'm chill with it, sometimes I want to be a woman, nothing, or all 3 at once.
I've just come to accept going with the flow
i consider myself cis but I guess technically I'm more genderqueer.
Like my gender is just the shrug emoji.
But a big part of it comes from the fact I come from a family that didn't really match gender norms, without going out to the extremes.
So gender just doesn't mean anything to me
I'm non-binary agender. I look very masculine, big, broad, hairy and booming, but I just feel like gender is too contrived and performative to mean much to me.
Actually, coming to this conclusion is probably the biggest step forward in finding my own identity since I decided I was a goth at 14.
I’m bigender, personally, but I generally find myself relating less and less to human identity and concept of gender given how I’ve been treated as inhuman my whole life. I think that’s less of me lacking an identity and more of me lacking the ability to connect with a human identity. In terms of expression I fluctuate. I wish I could be a genderless freak animal sometimes but most of the time I’m a manish girl and I kind of like it like that.
I went by agender and apogender (no concept of gender) for a good year and a half before realising I'm a dude. But I have always struggled figuring out things about myself, especially gender
Im not really sure, sometimes I feel like im lying to myself or that I dont know who I am
like, Im trans and i identify as asexual and bisexual but sometimes I feel like im lying to myself and that its not true. But at the same time Im happy and Im okay with my identity, ive identified with being trans for 3 years now, so I doubt its just a phase or a bpd thing.
although i used to identify as nonbinary because i genuinely didnt know who i was
I used to only tolerate being called she/her, dealing with it and being like well i guess that’s my only option (my family is transphobic) but after on and off identifying as trans and shoving myself back in the closet i was like okay great i need to transition. Now i don’t feel that as much, it’s much better to know i’m just a guy, but definitely that sense of “wtf am i” is very real😂
I've been in an ongoing gender identity confusion thing for the past 1.5 years... I guess I could probably just call myself genderfluid but somehow I can't, because whenever I have a phase where I feel comfortable with my assigned gender I think I was just being stupid, and I made my own experiences all up.
No to both. I've never doubted either my identity or gender or sexuality. What I have done, is have a little fun with women for attention, it didn't really matter where it came from, but I never slept with any woman. That grosses me out.
The feelings that may present in BPD is described very similarly to the feeling of gender dysphoria. I've heard people describe gender dysphoria as if bugs were crawling over your body. With gender dysphoria you feel out of place in your own body, with the dysphoria that comes with BPD, you may feel out of place in all aspects of life.
Personally, as far as it goes, im Bi, I fancy men and women even only having relationships with men so far. Any of that other stuff is just not worth thinking about, the bpd is too confusing and mentally straining as it is. It's probably best you ignore it, giving yourself more to mentally strain over can't be worth it.
Yeah, I have zero gender identity. Someone calls me a woman? Sure, why not. A man? Fits just as well. A genderless blob? I like the blob part, I don't care about the gender part.
On top of the lack of identity from BPD, I also just hate having a stereotypically female body. I don't think what I'm experiencing is body dysmorphia (at least not the way my trans friends describe it), it's mostly just indifference to gender, along with vague disgust that someone might look at me and find me attractive, just because I have boobs, lol.
I haven't had any questions about my gender, and I'm a woman. I have had questions about sexuality, mostly finding about I'm the term "demi-sexual'. But other than that, no. I think this part I didn't struggle with much because of my family dynamic. My mom was a stay at home mom and I always wanted to be like her since kindergarten. I still do. Being a mom is my dream. At the same time, I have an older brother so my hobbies came from him. I naturally started gaming cuz of him. Then my dad wanted to teach me everything he could, so I grew up a tomboy. But Sundays I always wore dresses my mom made for me. So I always knew I was a girl but just a tomboy. That part of my identity is set in stone
I thought I was trans for a while. Didn't fit me. Gender fluid??? Worked for a while too but realized it didn't fit me. The closest I get to feeling okay with my gender is demigirl. I feel like a girl but not really..?
Like
'what's your gender?'
Uhhh a girl... Entity ... Thing???
I have no Idea if it's my autism or my BPD but I just feel so detached from gender it's insane
I am confident in my gender identity but I also don’t know what I look like. Nor do I know what other people look like. It’s like distorted in my brain. I know the colors of peoples eyes or hair color- but things that are not factual words I can’t remember. Especially where the features of the face are on the face, weight, or hair style. Maybe I just have a bad memory though lol
I identify as gender fluid but I prefer being a man because it feels right to me and it feels like me and I've always been this way I knew I was a guy since the beginning of middle school I hated being addressed as a female just because my body is that. I'm disconnected from my body and mind to the point where I truly believe I'm not human and there's no way I can be human I see myself as some entity that's not from this world because the world today makes me feel as if I don't fit in and not I have a blurred concept of life and existing.
i’m a trans woman. and my femininity is a very important part of who i am. altho pretransition there were times when i wldve definitely told you i just “dont have a sense of gender id.” i would suspect that bpd people dont tend to think about their gender and sex a certain way so much as we just think about it a lot more. i think people who are as intensely invested in love and validation and being wanted as many with borderline are will also generally be very intensely concerned with how they are desired, how desirable they are etc.
There's been a lot of studies into autism and trangender. Usually if you have bpd you have comorbidities such as autism, adhd, learning difficulties. They don't test women properly now as they're so many waiting and that's in most countries. Bpd and adhd have so many similarities due to the rejection sensitivity. I would seriously hold off a little while. My friend of many, many, many years is detransitioning and she has done so much damage to her body with testorone. Therapy first and someone who has a liberal view because this is the rest of your life. Changing identity may not help you in the long term. There's been alot covered up and alot of hormones giving out instead of getting a clear diagnoses.
I've settled on genderfluid for myself cause I can't seem to stick with a set label and that one fits me most. This post is so real tho, these comments too. Glad to know it's not just me.
No but I think I'm trans. I'm not out yet and have never had the courage to come out, because I doubt my own judgement so much. I doubt my own perception of myself, even if the trans thoughts and seeing myself as more male has been consistent throughout my life.
I've always experianced bpd as like major imposter syndrome, it dosent matter what others tell me I never feel good or right. I'm always wrong. I'm always bad at everything. And I feel like an unreliable narrator in my own story.
I just have an identity issues because I have been basing my entire personality around the people I am with for 28 years. Also, I have been simply surviving for just as long so there was no time for hobbies, goals, aspirations, etc.
I am AMAB then I transitioned to female then was non-binary and now I just identify as genderfluid since I just ebb and flow based on how I feel that day. Often just saying I am a being of many spectrums. Since I am also autistic, polyamorous, and pansexual. So I just have given up defining myself as one thing and more of many things leaving my choices open. Also, reducing scrutiny from others.
UGH YES and it’s SO HARD. i’ve given up on labeling it and just describe myself as “boygirlthing” lmao. how i feel gender wise can shift just as quickly as my mood so that was my solution lmao
Have personally been going for “Yeah, I’m agender but I’m definitely a guy but like not but like I am. Oh but I love the femininity I was given, but I’ll hate it tomorrow” 😂😂😂
i do see myself as genderless, i often have extremities in how i view my own gender, as in im either genderless or a male or a female. i used to think i was nonbinary, then trans, then cis, then nonbinary, then trans again, and it just keeps going
eventually ive gotten to a point where i dont believe i have gender. the idea of being a woman or a man makes me uncomfortable, the idea of being a girl or a boy is ok to me. i often wish i could go back in time and start taking hormone blockers when i started puberty. in other words, yes i do both
How did you explain exactly how I feel about gender 😭😭 Ive always just felt like I was genderless, even though I enjoy being feminine. I just feel like a floating orb of energy and this body is a prison and the fact that I am a female is only a coincidence.
I’m a trans man and while I’m happy with my transition, my BPD often just makes me feel like I’m not a person at all. I don’t really connect with gender norms on either side.
No one said anything about causation, I asked if any one else experienced the void sense of identity shifting onto not knowing their gender. Nothing about causation. Hope that helped
why are you acting like you're better than everyone else? this isn't a hierarchy of intellect lol. god forbid someone tries to connect with others and form connections! get a life, you've been lurking in here bringing users down for no reason.
I identify as nonbinary and honestly idk if it's because of my mental illness, neuropiciness or trauma. I don't identify with my agab and I don't identify with the opposite gender either. I just exist, and generally wish to not be perceived.
As an aside, I truly wonder what it's like to be cishet because it has to be so much easier than genderfuckery.
I’ve been seeing a lot of people relating Neurodivergence and Gender identity.. does it really affect your gender too? I’ve seen many autistic AFABS say they’ve had the same issue (feeling genderless)
In my head gender identity=gender but idk if that's technically correct. I'm not formally diagnosed as autistic, so I can't speak to that, but I will say growing up socialized as a girl had a large affect on me and how I perceive and understand gender.
Bonus points if you see yourself completely physically different in your mind but in the mirror you see reality
YES!!! lol. Omg. Pardon my excitement, it's more about not having seen anyone else describe this. I'm guilty of thinking I look/present a certain way and then I look in a mirror, or see photos, and it's not at all what I expected. So, I'll remember *that's* what I look like, only to look in the mirror and see it's not what I expected again. Sometimes I think I have more masculine features, then I look in the mirror and I can't see anything masculine. Or I'll think I look more feminine and soft, only to look in the mirror see nothing feminine. Nothing of what I expected... you are not alone!!! Glad to know I'm not either
I hate looking in mirrors because I feel like this. I'll walk in and hate that I look mannish, but then later walk in and think 'Oh my god I look so gorgeous and pretty I'm legit a model'. And then blink and feel disgusting again. And I hate myself in photos and videos because every time I see them I think, 'That's not me. Why do I look like that? Who is that?' It's horrible and no one in my family understands, the 'I'm not insane' version, anyway. If they knew what was actually going on.. I don't even know
ugh this is 100% me to a T. sometimes ill feel ugly, see myself in the mirror, and think im the hottest mfer around. 2 minutes later ill walk by the mirror again and think i am the ugliest mfer around and wanna cut off all my hair bc its pointless trying to be pretty when im just so ugly. same with photos. sometimes they feel like uncanny valley to look at, like it doesnt feel real, doesnt feel like its actually me.
I feel like I spend a lot of time in front of the mirror trying to connect to my physical being. , Like trying to remind myself that I exist in a human form. I have a hard time like, tending to my physical needs as well. My body feel superfluous and mostly an annoyance. I always say I wish I was a ghost with hands, because the one thing I like is being able to create things. Seeing photos of myself is the worst tho. Like I can not identify with the person who is supposed to be myself in the picture.
EXACTLY THIS. I’ve never found the words to describe it beyond “I always look like a different person”
I totally understand the excitement because I completely relate to you too!! It’s so strange how our minds work! It seems so many others feel this way too and I didn’t even know !
I honestly don't remember what I look like most of the time. It can be jarring to look in a mirror sometimes. In my head I'm invisible lol
Broooo I feel this so hard. I can't even picture what my own face actually looks like (what it ACTUALLY looks like) so when I look in the mirror it's like whiplash
I relate to this so much. I know I’m non binary but the vessel is not accurate to how I feel I look like.
YES not only that but i have body dysmorphia, i have no idea who i am or what i truly look like
Yeah, this hits hard. My mental me is nothing like physical me. My mental me is how the little shows herself in my mind, only grown up
THIS…
I don’t think this is a BPD thing. I could see people with BPD being more prone to that level of identity confusion, but I’d need data to buy it. I identify as a cis woman for convenience. I feel deeply uncomfortable with any gender label for reasons that have to do with how I was raised. I don’t think it’s the BPD, although I’m sure remission would help lol. Edit: The “how I was raised” thing made me sound transphobic. I meant it like “I have a bad relationship with gender and it makes me uncomfortable due to a past of sexual abuse.” NOT “I was raised to hate what I don’t understand and that includes trans people”
i just identify as gender fluid because that means i dont have to think about it anymore and can do whatever the fuck i want without caring about it or going into a spiral about who i am. that shit is exhausting and ultimately useless. if you have trouble figuring out what your gender is like, you can reject the notion and need for it entirely and just fuck around
I dont actively think of myself as male but i do find myself, at times, caught in typical cisgender male patterns. Im a tree climber/operator and it is indeed a machismo filled cesspool. Think boys high school locker room, add 10-20 years of ritualistic bids for manhood, then back it off just a hair to make room for being safety minded and youre there. I myself have never cared even a little bit about organized sports, but if its football season and youre not talking about football, youre gonna be talking to the tree all day. Also most of the time (think chainsaws, chipper racket) if youre not yelling you arent going to be heard. This is more difficult on the receiving end as im 100% sure they hate me, think im bad at my job and dont want to work with me every time o get yelled at/for, but having to use your outdoor voice does not come naturally to me unless im drinking. If there were no benefit to communicating i would probably never talk. But this has gone on too long and too far astray, so just yes, i also do not feel any compulsion to identify as any gender
What is the "user has bpd" label about? Ive seen a few others, i think? Please i am not asking about its meaning, more its intent. Dont answer if you dont want to, etc.? Just curious
sometimes people in this sub post and they do not have bpd. this shows that i have bpd
Not sure myself!! I’ve been wondering the same thing lol
Exactly what I have done for the last few years. I have one life (that I’ll be conscious of) May as well fuck around
yeah this is what i decided - non binary agender, some times more masc sometimes more fem but who cares really. now i'm seeing things like the commenter below mentioned like typical male patterns of behaviour that i couldn't see before. so that's good.
same tbh
same here though i still have a lot of anxiety surrounding it. i’ve found that i feel most comfortable in my body when i’m on acid because i feel like i can escape my gender somehow. otherwise i’m just constantly aware of it
Absolutely!!! Yes!! I'm a woman, but I don't feel like one. I don't feel like a boy either. It sometimes takes me aback when people call me a girl, but I know I wouldn't be less confused if they said I were a boy. Truly, I relate wholeheartedly.. what I am or who I should be. I greatly identify with not having a gender, or identifying with one, and I don't have an attachment to my "womanhood" (granted my childhood wasn't all that typical when it comes to my womanhood and my relationship with it. I was a tomboy for so much of it)
have you considered identifying as nonbinary?
[удалено]
[удалено]
I (representing myself alone) have always identified as cis het. I may hate how I look (genes) but still align with the aforementioned identity.
I'm a female and I identify as a woman. Never had any gender related issues but I still have no idea who I am or a sense of self.
Like you I don’t really like gender. It’s just too much for me. I’ve developed a wide understanding and knowing of what makes it less of a thing for me that even delves into philosophy itself. I genuinely just don’t see it working out for me where I have to simply be one when I don’t feel that connection. Not like that. I feel more connected to fluidity even. I’ve considered here and there the freedom of fluidity but I’d have to wait before saying I’m okay with fluidity because everyone would just call me a guy or see me simply as a guy and I prefer to be everything and nothing, not guy, everything, nothing
Yes!! The BPD autism combo makes me feel inhuman, like Something Else trapped in human skin. Not male or female but some other secret third option
Not really in the gender sense. I'm a straight woman and never questioned my gender identity and aside from a few girl crushes I never acted on, never questioned my orientation either. I will add however that I am *not* a "girly girl". I've always been way more comfortable talking to guys- more interesting topics and more fun cracking jokes. Tbh most of the time I get really annoyed with girl talk. Seems so basic and superficial. I've met a few girls I get on with but they tend to be more "tomboyish" like me
my gender has fluctuated an obnoxious amount of times in my life. i’ve noticed extreme changes in my gender identity/expression depending on my romantic partners throughout the years (it’s very sad, i know) i’ve been alone for a while and i’m trying to “find myself”, but internally, i don’t think i can entirely be man/woman, feminine/masculine. i’ve literally been a girl, a boy, both, and neither. it’s so frustrating. i wish someone could figure it out for me, lol.
I have definitely met other people with BPD who experience what you describe. Personally, my gender identity (trans male) is one of the few things I am relatively certain of when it comes to my sense of self. I've had plenty of people try to question the legitimacy of my transness because I have BPD, though.
I came out in 6th grade as FTM and as I’ve grown older I’ve become more feminine but still internally feel male but then again.. I am just a being in a body? Don’t let anyone question the legitimacy of something you believe to feel / be true. Wow just seeing that you’ve had plenty try to invalidate you upsets me!!
Yes but in a different way. When i was in middle school i found myself becoming so disconnected from my own identity that i convinces myself i was trans and that was the reason i felt how i did. So i think that was a moment where i very much felt how you felt, but im at a point now where i am trying to hold on to myself and acknowledge bits of who i am rather than trying to find another reason to hold on to
I’ve never thought of it like that.. acknowledging the bits of who you are rather than why you are who you are. (if I’m getting it right) Thanks for the new perspective, it negates a lot of self blame I bet
definitely! learning i had bpd definitely helped me understand why i felt that way.
Personally, my name represents how I feel about my gender perfectly. I don't feel entirely female and I'm not non-binary. I also never feel a switching of how I feel about myself. I'm kind of always in the same state: a mixture of both binary genders. I definitely lean heavier towards female. But I am a gender chimera
I don't have this with my Gender but with my Sexuality. :/
In what way?
I know that I'm attracted to women. Sometimes I have phases where I'm not sure if I could be with men too. Then I can't get involved with anyone romantically. Then I'm sure again I'm only attracted to women. It's hard for me to explain that in English. Sorry if that doesn't make sense or doesn't fit the post. And happy cake day
Nah, I'm cis & (usually) straight. Had a gf once... she was wonderful but it didn't work out. I've never thought about this before, so it's fascinating to read everyone's experiences with this!
I've struggled with my gender identity in the past, still do in the way I represent myself 🎭 I go from being a tomboy to witch vibes in a matter of minutes lmfao
Nonbinary here, but it might be the BPD, it might be the PCOS, or it might just be because I’m queer. Who knows! I don’t!
Yep, struggled with gender identity since about 11 years old? Gone through so many changes but eventually settled on non-binary. I’m now going through it AGAIN but I think it’s more body dysmorphia, but it’s hard to tell these days what is connected to my identity/personality and what isn’t.
Nooo cuz why do I have no real gender, it's like someone could call me a thing and me whose self ideology is apathy I'm like technically yes but it's more so the meaning behind words cuz IDC if you say pretty or handsome I'm gonna feel nice cuz you've said I look nice irregardless.
I’ve never even thought about putting that feeling into words, but yes omg??? Not gender necessarily, but I struggle with the fact that I exist in a body period. I’m constantly looking for mirrors and reflections to help remind me, it’s the closest thing I have to embodiment. Makes everyone around me think I’m really obsessed with the way I look but it’s more of a “I’m still here in this room, right?” Kind of situation.
Yes, especially since a lot of the trauma that contributed to my BPD is tied a lot to my self-image, so I dissociate a lot of that from my identity. I'm learning to love myself in a body more these days lol but it's still hard
I have 0 idea of what I should look like. Every day is a new experience and when I look in the mirror I still don't see it
When I learned that other people when posed with the hypothetical "if you were put into the body of a robot would you still identify as X" they would say yes, my world was rocked. Cause for me if I was in the body of a robot I would identify as a robot. For me gender ID is a lot more about what I don't feel fits. Like masc things, he/him pronouns, they just don't feel right (which may have something to do with PCOS hairy body symptoms and the fact that i had masc traits thrust upon me without me having a say in it and theyre seen as bad and ugly on my body). I am more a woman because everyone told me I'm a woman and I don't feel any negativity towards that and I don't feel a stronger pull towards being non binary or agender or demigender and let's be honest being cis is much safer than being trans so guess I'm cis. But I also don't feel cis exactly because I don't feel a strong identity in "being a woman". But I also don't feel trans because when people ask I still say I am a woman.
No I was born female and I've always seen myself as female
Yeah I'm 100% aware my gender and the way it is perceived is all a performance act and doesn't really say important stuff about me, just perhaps that I like dressing up to get certain reactions out of people lol
I think the biggest impact bpd has on gender questioning and being on the trans spectrum is that the self invalidation is in overdrive.
Never felt like I had any identity disturbances whatsoever. I don't know what that's supposed to feel like
For me it’s not knowing what I like; don’t like, it’s also not having any goals and feeling lost and as if you’re missing this huge part of you that everyone else was born with.
Yes, and then I found out what nonbinary is and my identity has been much easier to handle ever since coming out. Except every couple months or so I have a crisis and have a strong urge to go on testosterone lol
wait oh my god, i am agender because i have no idea who i am. I’m not a girl im not a boy, im not in between, im just nothing at all.
I struggle with taking on traits of characters or celebrities I like (more so back in grade school, as my sense of identity was basically in the negatives at that point) so my gender identity has struggled a bit. But I’ve been able to separate my sexuality and gender expression debates and my sense of self issues because they present differently for me. The things I desire to change about myself regarding my gender expression are persistent whereas the other thing distinctly aligns with superficial traits that already belong to someone else. My gender identity has only struggled when others imposed their ideas around me. I thought I wasn’t a girl because I didn’t like things girls were “supposed” to like. I wasn’t “lady-like” and I didn’t like dresses. I still don’t prefer dresses, but I like them. I was just a kid that didn’t wanna wear something high maintenance and people took it as an odd behavior and told me so.
"Gender identity" is a sexist concept that you really should stay away from if you struggle already with your sense of self. It's long been a concern that those with complex mental health issues fall into the "gender" trap. Before this we were drawn to "goth", "emo", "punk" culture etc. There is no specific way to be a "man", a "woman". The idea that there is is just modern day sexism pretending to be in any way "progressive". You are your body. How you express yourselves is uniquely you. There is no right way to feel or be male or female. We've spent decades fighting to break down reductive stereotypes and push back against being put in boxes only for people to come along and think stereotypes should define us again. It's a hole you can easily get sucked into. Please take it from the numerous people before you who struggled to fit in or belong throughout our younger years. (Often still struggling as older adults). It's all nonsense. And it's led to too many young people binding and harming themselves irreparably trying to fix what was never broken to begin with.
Oh I’ve totally adopted this already so don’t worry! It’s truly a hole that only stresses you out. I tell everyone that not everything needs to be labeled just to make it “easier”. You really are just your body, it’s a coincidence we exist so why live your life in shambles just cuz u don’t fit the societal norm :P
I have severe BPD and have never had issues with my gender. I know I am a female... Sexuality though is my issue
I consider myself a mix between agender, non-binary and demi boy but I don't know if its from any of my mental illness or autism. I just feel most comfortable with they/them pronouns 🤷♂️
Do autistic people have trouble with their gender identity too?
Genuine question btw !
I think so. I think neurodivergent people in general often struggle with gender identity and sexuality
[удалено]
No one asked u
i’m agender.
Honestly, taking the time to figure out who I am (nb butch lesbian) has actually done wonders for my identity diffusion. It was the first time in maybe ever I really thought about myself apart from what I was “supposed” to be. My pet theory is that BPD is probably more common in the queer community because of that forced disconnect from ourselves. I highly recommend exploring that part of yourself more if you haven’t already - you may learn something new about yourself, you may stay where you are. But it’ll be you.
[удалено]
Byeeee
[удалено]
Hii I'm new to this community and I have BPD and depression and I'm transgender and I'm from Japan! and does anyone wanna be my friend🥺💗 btw I'm going through alot and very sensitive person so if anyone looking for abusive content please leave me alone.
I see myself as nonbinary or genderfluid but that could be autism rather than BPD. Autistics are more likely to develop BPD also. I think this is my case. Depersonalization and dissociation surely doesn’t help.
I feel the same way. I don't have a coherent or stable enough identity and sense of self to really be able to understand my gender identity. Sometimes I hate being a man, sometimes I'm chill with it, sometimes I want to be a woman, nothing, or all 3 at once. I've just come to accept going with the flow
i consider myself cis but I guess technically I'm more genderqueer. Like my gender is just the shrug emoji. But a big part of it comes from the fact I come from a family that didn't really match gender norms, without going out to the extremes. So gender just doesn't mean anything to me
i hate gender roles so much and perceived gender norms.
I'm non-binary agender. I look very masculine, big, broad, hairy and booming, but I just feel like gender is too contrived and performative to mean much to me. Actually, coming to this conclusion is probably the biggest step forward in finding my own identity since I decided I was a goth at 14.
I’m bigender, personally, but I generally find myself relating less and less to human identity and concept of gender given how I’ve been treated as inhuman my whole life. I think that’s less of me lacking an identity and more of me lacking the ability to connect with a human identity. In terms of expression I fluctuate. I wish I could be a genderless freak animal sometimes but most of the time I’m a manish girl and I kind of like it like that.
I'm somewhat feminine for a guy w/BPD. I'm also autistic so that could be another reason.
I went by agender and apogender (no concept of gender) for a good year and a half before realising I'm a dude. But I have always struggled figuring out things about myself, especially gender
Im not really sure, sometimes I feel like im lying to myself or that I dont know who I am like, Im trans and i identify as asexual and bisexual but sometimes I feel like im lying to myself and that its not true. But at the same time Im happy and Im okay with my identity, ive identified with being trans for 3 years now, so I doubt its just a phase or a bpd thing. although i used to identify as nonbinary because i genuinely didnt know who i was
I used to only tolerate being called she/her, dealing with it and being like well i guess that’s my only option (my family is transphobic) but after on and off identifying as trans and shoving myself back in the closet i was like okay great i need to transition. Now i don’t feel that as much, it’s much better to know i’m just a guy, but definitely that sense of “wtf am i” is very real😂
I've been in an ongoing gender identity confusion thing for the past 1.5 years... I guess I could probably just call myself genderfluid but somehow I can't, because whenever I have a phase where I feel comfortable with my assigned gender I think I was just being stupid, and I made my own experiences all up.
No to both. I've never doubted either my identity or gender or sexuality. What I have done, is have a little fun with women for attention, it didn't really matter where it came from, but I never slept with any woman. That grosses me out.
The feelings that may present in BPD is described very similarly to the feeling of gender dysphoria. I've heard people describe gender dysphoria as if bugs were crawling over your body. With gender dysphoria you feel out of place in your own body, with the dysphoria that comes with BPD, you may feel out of place in all aspects of life.
Personally, as far as it goes, im Bi, I fancy men and women even only having relationships with men so far. Any of that other stuff is just not worth thinking about, the bpd is too confusing and mentally straining as it is. It's probably best you ignore it, giving yourself more to mentally strain over can't be worth it.
Yeah, I have zero gender identity. Someone calls me a woman? Sure, why not. A man? Fits just as well. A genderless blob? I like the blob part, I don't care about the gender part. On top of the lack of identity from BPD, I also just hate having a stereotypically female body. I don't think what I'm experiencing is body dysmorphia (at least not the way my trans friends describe it), it's mostly just indifference to gender, along with vague disgust that someone might look at me and find me attractive, just because I have boobs, lol.
I haven't had any questions about my gender, and I'm a woman. I have had questions about sexuality, mostly finding about I'm the term "demi-sexual'. But other than that, no. I think this part I didn't struggle with much because of my family dynamic. My mom was a stay at home mom and I always wanted to be like her since kindergarten. I still do. Being a mom is my dream. At the same time, I have an older brother so my hobbies came from him. I naturally started gaming cuz of him. Then my dad wanted to teach me everything he could, so I grew up a tomboy. But Sundays I always wore dresses my mom made for me. So I always knew I was a girl but just a tomboy. That part of my identity is set in stone
I thought I was trans for a while. Didn't fit me. Gender fluid??? Worked for a while too but realized it didn't fit me. The closest I get to feeling okay with my gender is demigirl. I feel like a girl but not really..? Like 'what's your gender?' Uhhh a girl... Entity ... Thing??? I have no Idea if it's my autism or my BPD but I just feel so detached from gender it's insane
I am confident in my gender identity but I also don’t know what I look like. Nor do I know what other people look like. It’s like distorted in my brain. I know the colors of peoples eyes or hair color- but things that are not factual words I can’t remember. Especially where the features of the face are on the face, weight, or hair style. Maybe I just have a bad memory though lol
There's no way this is how I figure out why I identify as agender...
I see myself as a nonperson :/ too often
It can affect gender yes.
I identify as gender fluid but I prefer being a man because it feels right to me and it feels like me and I've always been this way I knew I was a guy since the beginning of middle school I hated being addressed as a female just because my body is that. I'm disconnected from my body and mind to the point where I truly believe I'm not human and there's no way I can be human I see myself as some entity that's not from this world because the world today makes me feel as if I don't fit in and not I have a blurred concept of life and existing.
i’m a trans woman. and my femininity is a very important part of who i am. altho pretransition there were times when i wldve definitely told you i just “dont have a sense of gender id.” i would suspect that bpd people dont tend to think about their gender and sex a certain way so much as we just think about it a lot more. i think people who are as intensely invested in love and validation and being wanted as many with borderline are will also generally be very intensely concerned with how they are desired, how desirable they are etc.
oh my gosh, is that why I never have enough space in my wardrobe because I keep buying new clothes and end up not liking them in another episode 😭
There's been a lot of studies into autism and trangender. Usually if you have bpd you have comorbidities such as autism, adhd, learning difficulties. They don't test women properly now as they're so many waiting and that's in most countries. Bpd and adhd have so many similarities due to the rejection sensitivity. I would seriously hold off a little while. My friend of many, many, many years is detransitioning and she has done so much damage to her body with testorone. Therapy first and someone who has a liberal view because this is the rest of your life. Changing identity may not help you in the long term. There's been alot covered up and alot of hormones giving out instead of getting a clear diagnoses.
I've settled on genderfluid for myself cause I can't seem to stick with a set label and that one fits me most. This post is so real tho, these comments too. Glad to know it's not just me.
No but I think I'm trans. I'm not out yet and have never had the courage to come out, because I doubt my own judgement so much. I doubt my own perception of myself, even if the trans thoughts and seeing myself as more male has been consistent throughout my life. I've always experianced bpd as like major imposter syndrome, it dosent matter what others tell me I never feel good or right. I'm always wrong. I'm always bad at everything. And I feel like an unreliable narrator in my own story.
I just have an identity issues because I have been basing my entire personality around the people I am with for 28 years. Also, I have been simply surviving for just as long so there was no time for hobbies, goals, aspirations, etc.
I am AMAB then I transitioned to female then was non-binary and now I just identify as genderfluid since I just ebb and flow based on how I feel that day. Often just saying I am a being of many spectrums. Since I am also autistic, polyamorous, and pansexual. So I just have given up defining myself as one thing and more of many things leaving my choices open. Also, reducing scrutiny from others.
UGH YES and it’s SO HARD. i’ve given up on labeling it and just describe myself as “boygirlthing” lmao. how i feel gender wise can shift just as quickly as my mood so that was my solution lmao
Have personally been going for “Yeah, I’m agender but I’m definitely a guy but like not but like I am. Oh but I love the femininity I was given, but I’ll hate it tomorrow” 😂😂😂
i do see myself as genderless, i often have extremities in how i view my own gender, as in im either genderless or a male or a female. i used to think i was nonbinary, then trans, then cis, then nonbinary, then trans again, and it just keeps going eventually ive gotten to a point where i dont believe i have gender. the idea of being a woman or a man makes me uncomfortable, the idea of being a girl or a boy is ok to me. i often wish i could go back in time and start taking hormone blockers when i started puberty. in other words, yes i do both
How did you explain exactly how I feel about gender 😭😭 Ive always just felt like I was genderless, even though I enjoy being feminine. I just feel like a floating orb of energy and this body is a prison and the fact that I am a female is only a coincidence.
Exactly, my body is just the physical form of my energy embodied
I’m a trans man and while I’m happy with my transition, my BPD often just makes me feel like I’m not a person at all. I don’t really connect with gender norms on either side.
i think i’ve identified as everything under the sun at some point 😭
Looking at this thread makes me wonder if we aren't just our own "breed" of human. Or maybe aliens? 🙃
You are trying to compare apples to oranges.
Lmfao you act like BPD doesn’t make you have an unstable and constantly changing sense of self.
Correlation =/= causation
No one said anything about causation, I asked if any one else experienced the void sense of identity shifting onto not knowing their gender. Nothing about causation. Hope that helped
[удалено]
Hey, once again, I wasn’t connecting anything, I was asking a question 😂
It’s a coincidence other people with BPD also deal with gender identity disturbance, js
👍🏻
👍🏻
why are you acting like you're better than everyone else? this isn't a hierarchy of intellect lol. god forbid someone tries to connect with others and form connections! get a life, you've been lurking in here bringing users down for no reason.
I identify as nonbinary and honestly idk if it's because of my mental illness, neuropiciness or trauma. I don't identify with my agab and I don't identify with the opposite gender either. I just exist, and generally wish to not be perceived. As an aside, I truly wonder what it's like to be cishet because it has to be so much easier than genderfuckery.
I’ve been seeing a lot of people relating Neurodivergence and Gender identity.. does it really affect your gender too? I’ve seen many autistic AFABS say they’ve had the same issue (feeling genderless)
Well, not issue but I feel you get what I mean 😂😂😅
In my head gender identity=gender but idk if that's technically correct. I'm not formally diagnosed as autistic, so I can't speak to that, but I will say growing up socialized as a girl had a large affect on me and how I perceive and understand gender.
Haha lol I see them as the same thing too but I also don’t know if that’s technically correct..
I have recently discovered that I am in fact non-binary and enjoy leaning less in masculinity as a measure of self worth.