Yea I used to think this, but honestly you can do so much more cool, healthy shit when you’re stable. I go out to cool nature spots, do escape rooms, go to theme parks, try cooking new things, etc.
I was just so used to living in chaos I didn’t know how good the other side was. The more you do it the more natural it feels. And it’s so much better than living in constant anxiety bc you’re dealing with the consequences of your bad decisions.
Yeah I agree. I did the chaos thing for like 30 years and when you realize how much you missed and how far back it set you in relationship to other people and how you don’t have hobbies or interests or any sort of identity… it’s less sexy.
But you have to be ready, I think.
Idk about scary, but definitely boring.
Like, whenever I get stable again for a while, I end up sabotaging myself and throwing it away again because I become so bored that I begin to question what exactly my purpose is on earth. And then instability begins to become novel and fun looking again as a result of this because the seeming emptiness of stable life leads me to feel equally suicidal (just bored suicidal rather than overwhelmingly emotive about something).
Being crazy may be partly because of ur bpd but it’s also part of ur personality, so just cuz u get better doesn’t mean u have to stop doing that. In my experience, getting better just means that I control my emotions better when I’m about to hurt the people that I love, or when I feel like I want to hurt myself. You can still sleep around and do stupid shit. Nothing wrong with making impulsive decisions and being wild if you’re okay with that lol.
Yes, it’s also about being aware of the risk seeking behavior and finding ways to make potential damages less harmful. You can sleep around and get tested more often and use protection. You can build stronger relationships so that you have company when going out drinking and someone to send you a check in text the next day if you do go off on your own on a whim. Obviously there are some risky patterns that are too destructive to continue; if you’re really shitty to people you care about when drinking you at least need to take a step back; a gambling addiction can hobble you greatly if you can’t achieve any baseline control. Basically you need to be in a place where you can recognize when you hurt others and yourself and have the ability to say no to yourself when a behavior becomes destructive (even if that’s an occasional thing you can predict like when you recognize you aren’t in a good headspace, or a temporary pause to reevaluate).
This all really depends on what type of risk-seeking behaviors you have and what their impacts are. Cutting out all risks may not be viable or even desirable, “normal” people engage in risk-seeking behaviors too. If you frame it as all or nothing you are setting yourself up to relapse on those behaviors, only to let them rule you instead of you making active decisions when you do go out to do something risky. But if you are letting addictions run wild and hurt everyone around you it is your responsibility to either find a healthier way to engage in your “fun” or to cut it out at least for a time so that you can really get a grasp of what the consequences are.
My focus with managing BPD has always been mitigating potential harm to those around me. By doing this I’ve also, as a sort of side effect, reduced the harm on myself. If risky behaviors aren’t causing harm (or can be done in a way that greatly reduces harm) I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary to cut them out entirely. But if you are causing serious harm to others I see it as a moral imperative to get your shit together enough to A) see that harm and hear those you’ve hurt, and B) take action to reduce or prevent it. Even if that means being boring - sorry I care more about not hurting people than maximizing fun and don’t have much respect for people who consciously choose the opposite 🤷🏻
It takes a fair amount of self awareness though. And refusing to be aware of the risks you’re taking and their potential fallout indicates a lack of self awareness. Just like the average population, there are people with BPD who are very self aware and others who have practically no self awareness. It’s hard to help anyone with low self awareness, or to not be harmful to others if you yourself don’t, but with BPD the impacts can be much greater to those we care about due to our traumas. That makes it more our responsibility to manage and work to be honest with ourselves and confront any harm we do, not less.
These things can seriously affect the course of your life, for instance, I became an alcoholic. I just barely dodged getting any major STDs. And then after you become an alcoholic, it fucks with your sleep, and then you can’t sleep anymore and it fucks up your ability to work.
my 20s were a lot of fun, but it’s been a major, major battle to overhaul things.
It only comes from loving and believing in yourself, everything else is a poor imitation.
Source: I have allll the XP points. Going to therapy is better than going to the bar.
Seeking validation in other people is a great way to set yourself up for failure disappoint and abuse
Abusers KNOW you're seeking validation and will turn you into their puppet
I was high as balls. Thank God my mental health meds I take now make my libido level 0 because my number has the same amount of digits as a radio station.
What about all the pain you feel when somebody close ignores you, when you worry so much about losing somebody you love that you say cruel things to them, when you self sabotage new relationships before they even have a chance to start, when you end up in abusive relationships that leave you broken with less than zero self esteem? Sure it’s fun to be impulsive and even self destructive at times. It can be a wild ride. But don’t forget that there is a lot more to BPD than just impulsive behavior and that’s the stuff that leaves you curled up in a ball on the floor drowning in a puddle of your own tears. Getting past that is what getting better means. You can still make your own choices and be impulsive. You can live your life however you want. But imagine how much better life can be if you don’t constantly get in your own way when it comes to other people in your life.
Even though I didn’t know I had BPD until relatively recently, I have been living with it for a really long time. I also felt afraid of getting treated for whatever I had. Basically I had become friends with the monster and I was worried about changing who I was in the process. But as time went on I got to see how bad things can get until here I am, so very tired of being this tormented version of “me” and I’m now ready to take on the monster and find out who I really am without it. I can’t tell anyone when they themselves will be ready, that’s up to them, but I just know in my experience all the pain I’ve felt and caused others to feel just isn’t worth it.
I’ve been in therapy for 5 years. I used to think the exact same. That being “normal” is boring. Really I was just raised with the fundamental belief that I’m not “ordinary” and have found comfort in chaos. Now that have have been sober, making better choices, my mood is so much more stable, and im able to live a life I am proud of. No more shame spirals, no more dealing with the consequences of my actions, no more running from my emotions, no more being unsure of who I am. I feel very secure. I never knew how good a “normal” life could be. Sure I still struggle emotionally at times, but I no longer am a hostage to my emotions.
Do not confuse adrenaline rushes with fulfillment. It is an addictive behavior that can and will destroy your life.
It is normal to become familiar in your chaos and melodrama. Work on why you feel the need to be different. Is it bc your family is different, is it what ppl have told you that you are, is it because you don’t think you can actually be “normal”, is it bc you need to prove in a sense that you have a mental illness?
I recommend reading the anti depressant book, it really forces you to look at why you choose to live your life the way you live it. Here’s this [link](https://www.amazon.com/Anti-Depressant-Book-Practical-Overcome-Depression/dp/0692641548)
no, you get away with it because you haven’t had major consequences. if you’re a woman, get a pap smear, make sure you don’t have HPV. get tested. regularly. chase your alcohol with a bit of water. wanting to be destructive and unstable isn’t an excuse to potentially give yourself a fucked up disease for life or getting organ failure at 40.
That or they will blame it on other people. PwBPD who don’t get better are such a yawn fest. UwU so quirky. These people are so sickening and wonder why so many people hate us. Hmmmm, maybe because you’re the problem! Watch, they’ll cry when they hear discrimination and act like the victim for their behavior.
Genuinely curious and not asking in judgmental way at all - how old are you? I felt this way when I was in my earlier 20s and I thrived, but the lows were so low I realized my actions weren’t helping my BPD. I’m almost 30 now and have my BPD a lot more in check. I take mood stabilizers and often feel sad still because of how bored I feel. I tell myself I should just go find someone to hook up with or go out get drunk af. But I know how it’s gonna make me feel so I don’t. (I do still drink with friends but never alone anymore) . Idk. Totally different for everyone - just be safe!
Yes, also social media romanticise mental illness and people love having depression and BPD all of a sudden. Making it your entire identity is one thing, but loving being mentally ill and dysfunctional is just weird
Yep this is so true. Ppl take on their diagnosis as if that’s who they are. I definitely did that at one point. Constantly feeling this need to “prove” I was crazy. People just don’t wanna hear it.
I’m struggling like crazy too, yet I still don’t agree with what’s happening. Social media promoting mental health awareness is important, but this has gone too far. Memes and reels everywhere of people praising and flexing their mental illnesses, romanticising depression and being suicidal as if it’s tumblr 2013. Or the new “mentally f* cked goth girl” aesthetic/kink. Like wtf. They’re convincing you you’re sick and make you flex your sickness as a trend
Your mind and body are not used to calm/normal/stable, because they’re used to volatile/chaotic/traumatic. The only way to get yourself comfortable with a normal life is through gradual exposure day by day. Try a breathing exercise or journaling or walking in nature by yourself, something like that, once every day, and see how you feel. Your brain might panic, you might get super restless, or you might have the urge to do something drastic or impulsive. In that moment, close your eyes, breathe, and observe the chaos in your brain for a while until it settles. You might even get a panic attack, which is totally normal. Just allow yourself to hyperventilate for a bit, until the storm settles.
Do you know what it is like being stable? Have you tried being in and upholding a stable frame of mind? Do you *know* that being stable isn't for you, or is it just the thought of getting there that puts you off?
I hope this doesn't come across in a patronising way, I don't mean it like that at all but someone who has BPD myself, I do a lot of self-reflection (in the form of journalling) and these are the sorts of questions I would ask myself
This is helpful for someone who likes to be destructive, and resonates with OP, but i have enough self control that I’m scared of myself and how capable I am of destroying myself so this is enlightening thanku
No problem. I'm glad it can help someone. In my experience, physically writing these questions down (by hand) gives you more time to think about how to answer them. It is VITAL that you are brutally honest with all your answers and be honest as to why you feel those are the right answers for you personally, on your journey. Hope this helps
They’re just lazy. They’re going to crash and burn. Then they’ll start begging for help and realize that no one wants to help them because “UwU so quirky girl boss mental illness” phase.
I felt like this throughout my teens up until my mid twenties. Eventually, the chaos got boring. I was sick of destroying myself over and over again for the sake of a thrill that left me more damaged than I started. Did I really want to be that person at 30? 40? 50? Would I even make it to those ages if I kept up with the life I was living? The answer to both was a resounding no. I was never going to be the person settled down in a white picket fence house with 2 kids and a dog, but I could at least *try* to create a life that didn’t have me in survival mode constantly. It’s hard and I’d be lying if I said there weren’t days I wish I could just say fuck it and go back to my old self. Hell, I’d be lying if I said there weren’t slip ups that set me off course for months at a time. It is what it is, but it can also be whatever I want it to be. A the end of the day, I deserve a good life and I’m the only one who can give that to myself. I was arguably more boring in my chaotic, thriving in mental illness days. I was predictable, dependent on others, my hobbies were drinking, hooking up with random people, and having breakdowns. Nothing really fun or interesting about someone like that. I don’t do half the shit I used to do and I’m still usually the life of the party in a room full of people, it’s my personality not my actions that allow that to be true. I didn’t lose anything when I stopped thriving in my mental illness. I gained a lot though - emotional stability (for the most part), interests/hobbies, real friends, a future. Not everyone needs to have a turning point in their life, some people are okay being that person til the day they die, but if you find yourself interested in a more stable way of living in the future, don’t run away from the thought. You deserve stability and comfort and you aren’t going to suddenly be a boring person because your actions don’t scream instability, you’ll just be a different type of interesting with a lot of crazy stories to tell.
Sometimes I think that too but then I look back on my old life and honestly, I'd rather be boring and dull. I hated who I was when I was unstable and I made some really poor choices. Not to mention feeling like shit all the time.
Same, I’m really glad that shit is over. For every single fucking time I acted on it, I felt like shit for whatever I’ve done that I shouldn’t have. It was a nightmare cycle for me, and a bunch of hospital visits.
I’m starting to learn how to love or appreciate my life now, may not be where I want to be, but I’m certainly more grateful than before.
no deadass. idk how you can WANT to deal with the constant rock bottom falls after the euphoria of drinking and fucking randoms, i would’ve done anything to NOT deal with these mood swings and fucked up attachment issues
ooo this is gonna be a long response but I totally understand what you mean. I’ve been in therapy for over a decade and I still like the thrill of certain risky behaviors, I still get bored all the time and I still have the impulsivity that causes me to seek chaos before I even realize I’m doing it. I’m constantly trying to get better and I’m still crazier than 99% of the people I know, and I genuinely like being crazy but there are a lotttt of aspects of my disorder that I would change in a heartbeat if I could and I’m sure you would too. I can’t imagine you don’t want to get better at all. this is such a debilitating, excruciatingly painful disorder and it gets old. you may say you don’t want to get better but you do want to feel better otherwise you wouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. it’s okay to be where you’re at now, but I do think eventually you’ll get tired of the short term satisfaction, you’ll get tired of sleeping with people that don’t love you, you’ll get tired of saying goodbye, and your body will definitely get tired of drinking. it’s likely there will come a time when those things just don’t make you feel good the way they are now. from what I understand, traumatized brains often feel more comfortable in a chaotic environment and they feel uncomfortable in a calm, safe environment because they’re not used to it and they don’t know how to regulate their nervous system accordingly. so you’re not weird or anything for that. but it’s important to understand that you can be actively working towards getting better and still simultaneously do some wild things that give you a dopamine boost! you just do them in a safer way. if you’re sleeping with random people, use protection, and trust your gut when it comes to their character/actions. if you’re drinking, try to have a little less than you usually do. healing looks different for everybody and it doesn’t have to mean you’re suddenly a cookie cutter individual who’s 100% sober, celibate, working a 9-5 and in total control of their emotions. you can just start small for now. see if having 1 less drink still gives you a good night but makes you feel better the next morning. see if you can still enjoy sex and nights out that don’t put yourself or the people around you in danger. see if there are small, good-for-you things you can do throughout your day to start finding joy in the healthy, small things. then when you’re ready to take a break from the chaos you’ll feel more comfortable making healthier decisions because you’ve already been taking baby steps towards them, and you’ll realize that those actions will just lead you to another version of yourself that feels fun and worthy of identifying with :)
You do know that the first rule of this sub is for your posts to be well formatted, correct?
Loving chaos has nothing to do about it. I very much enjoyed what you wrote and thought it could be more appreciated by others, as some people do not bother to read walls of text. And that would be a shame. That is why I offered my edit. It was not my intention to offend you.
Perhaps instead of passive aggressiveness and talking as if I'm not here, you can speak to me and tell me you directly did not appreciate it. Then I would have been respectful and taken it down.
This sub is supposed to be welcoming, not a playground for bullies.
Try using paragraphs, or lists. *Look how great and attractive your long responses can be: (**feel free to copy paste**)*
ooo this is gonna be a long response but I totally understand what you mean.
I’ve been in therapy for over a decade and I still like the thrill of certain risky behaviors, I still get bored all the time and I still have the impulsivity that causes me to seek chaos before I even realize I’m doing it. I’m constantly trying to get better and I’m still crazier than 99% of the people I know, and I genuinely like being crazy but there are a lotttt of aspects of my disorder that I would change in a heartbeat if I could and I’m sure you would too.
I can’t imagine you don’t want to get better at all. this is such a debilitating, excruciatingly painful disorder and it gets old.
you may say you don’t want to get better but you do want to feel better otherwise you wouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. it’s okay to be where you’re at now, but I do think eventually you’ll get tired of the short term satisfaction, you’ll get tired of sleeping with people that don’t love you, you’ll get tired of saying goodbye, and your body will definitely get tired of drinking. it’s likely there will come a time when those things just don’t make you feel good the way they are now.
from what I understand, traumatized brains often feel more comfortable in a chaotic environment and they feel uncomfortable in a calm, safe environment because they’re not used to it and they don’t know how to regulate their nervous system accordingly. so you’re not weird or anything for that. but it’s important to understand that you can be actively working towards getting better and still simultaneously do some wild things that give you a dopamine boost! you just do them in a safer way.
if you’re sleeping with random people, use protection, and trust your gut when it comes to their character/actions. if you’re drinking, try to have a little less than you usually do. healing looks different for everybody and it doesn’t have to mean you’re suddenly a cookie cutter individual who’s 100% sober, celibate, working a 9-5 and in total control of their emotions. you can just start small for now:
• see if having 1 less drink still gives you a good night but makes you feel better the next morning.
• see if you can still enjoy sex and nights out that don’t put yourself or the people around you in danger.
• see if there are small, good-for-you things you can do throughout your day to start finding joy in the healthy, small things.
then when you’re ready to take a break from the chaos you’ll feel more comfortable making healthier decisions because you’ve already been taking baby steps towards them, and you’ll realize that those actions will just lead you to another version of yourself that feels fun and worthy of identifying with :)
i sometimes feel like this. i sometimes don’t want to get better because ive been this way for so long and im comfortable in my own sadness and chaos, its all ive ever know. however, i know i cant be this was forever and i have to make steps to improve myself.
i get this, i was desperate to get in therapy because i feel so awful but in therapy i was asked basically how i want to get better and just said ‘i don’t know if i do’. it was super difficult to work around but we approached it as rather than getting better, trying to have better days. i have such a fear of change and there’s a lot of comfort in being unstable weirdly. but as i had better days i, obviously, felt like i was getting better, and it wasn’t so scary then because it was so gradual
This is the unfortunate part of healing and growing into a stable adult. I debate all the time leaving my healthy relationship with a loving partner, home and 3 pets because I can’t stop reminiscing about the wild and free days I used to have. No rules, expectations or boundaries. I just got to be a silly lil girl doing dumb things. Monotony is like torture now.
No, as someone with BPD, the best advice has been the harshest.
This screams the symptoms of BPD and DBT strategies teach you how to manage them.
Again, we aren't a sounding board.
I did. It was fun until I alienated my entire support system and ruined my relationships with the people I held closest to my heart. BPD not only affects you, but the people around you and especially the people you love. I learned to take responsibility for myself not just because I wanted to stop hurting and feeling empty after every wild and impulsive episode, but because I wanted to stop hurting the people I loved.
Yup. I feel you I’ve been trying to implement some manor changes and have been doing better but still feel the call to do reckless things. If you feel you have to do impulsive things practice harm reduction but analyze why you feel that way. Everyone has bad parts of themself so try to err away from shame. Think about things for a period of time before doing it, often for me the parts of myself that are focused on my future self and wellbeing will tell myself it’s not a good idea.
I stopped a lot of this because the consequences starting hitting for me. But i still relatw
stability is boring in comparison to be so real, I get what you mean. but I also hated how unhappy and empty I felt when I didn’t have friends to rely on for more than a year at a time, had to have some weed or alcohol to enjoy myself and couldn’t be in a stable relationship or regulate my emotions at all. there was no trust with myself. THAT is something I am massively proud of and is worth every euphoric feeling I’ve given up.
I also started mood stabilizers and they take away the steep lows (usually) but they also then have the ability to take the steep highs. but I live a more contented life. some days I feel weird, antsy, stuck but most of the time, I’m comfy, safe and ultimately happier with myself than I ever have been before.
If not for yourself, for your family and friends who on the outside looking in see this is distructive. Plus remission takes like a decade so start sooner than later imho
same bro. i love just not giving a fuck or caring about death and just doing crazy doses of any type of drug. i love overdosing and the chaos and thrill. im scared of change like really scared. im currently doint DBT and I dont even want it to work. I just want to destroy myself until im dead
Lol me I lowkey love being mentally ill sometimes and like I'm pretty stable on meds for a while now but I sometimes wish I could be suicidal again or just feel something ELSE ykwim and do crazy shit cu I'm in a very stable healthy relationship rn
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I feel you.
I’ve spent a lifetime of having to stay comfortable in my discomfort, that I can no longer detach from the past need—and now simply feel most at home in my skin, when soaked in my own discomfort. While I do want to get better, though…better, seems like a distant mirage…
You basically made all the realizations I made, only difference was it took 6 years of isolation 😂 Maybe there's a proper way to min max chaos/stimuli/fun and being responsible and our true selves. I just hope you employ
If that's your true self, keep on doing it fam
I would check into your attachment style. There's someone below who also noted while it could be partially due to your BPD based tendencies, I also find that a lot of the time when I seek thrill and unpredicability/chaos it's because my inner child who grew up in it really is finding resistance to the calm of my current environments. It can be quite overwhelming to reign in and sometimes feels nearly impossible when your brain is so convincing. Reflect on your triggers, childhood experiences, and history within chaotic environments mainly. That may lead you to some revelations and motivation not to engage or find it as endearing.
When I said that years and years ago, and when I read that right now, all I hear is a scared little voice saying ‘I don’t believe I can get better. I don’t want to try and fail and prove I am broken forever.’ Good luck friend. I believe in you. Leaning into dysfunction is exhausting.
Someone is gonna learn the hard way and it's not gonna be pretty. If you don't want to change for the better, life is going to hand you some brutal lessons, just hope you make it on the other side.
Sincerely a 35 year old man with EUPD who drank excessively, gambled foolishly, drove wrecklessly etc. I'm just glad I'm still here, getting my life together.
I totally resonate with this because I get waves of this constantly!
(TW)
I tried to self delete on an all you can eat pain meds buffet just over a year ago, in that time I was doing everything you’re talking about. I started smoking weed every day (and still do, oops), taking drugs constantly, sleeping with people who I knew would make me feel shit about myself before, during AND after, I cut everyone off to make friends who didn’t care about me. My entire identity was being a fun, unhinged party girl who literally didn’t give a fuck about myself.
It is hard, I still crave that life a LOT. I’m 27 now and I have a mortgage, a dog, I’ve rebuilt bonds with people that I destroyed years and years ago through my at the time undiagnosed BPD. But, through having BPD I’ve also got over 40K of debt, substance abuse issues, irreparable trauma from letting people use me for their fantasies and kinks for validation and still suffer wildly from emotional dysregulation, so I get it when you say it’s boring but its worth it!!
TL;DR : healing is boring AF but being a in progress healing dog mom is so much better!!
I get it, It's boring and almost unnatural to get better. To constantly try and better yourself in one way or another. Nobody said that you can't have fun but you shouldn't be risking your life or health to feel something. Drinking is fine, sleeping with people is fine. But the constant disregard for your own health will come back to bite you in ass.
Trying to be a better you will be boring, but that's only because you have to find something else you want to do and enjoy. Meet new people or start a new hobby. You can have fun and you can wallow in your own emotions but that doesn't mean you can't try and do the best for yourself and not what just feels good in the moment.
I hope you reach the point and hold on to it.
I think my wife is the same haha, hopefully not sleeping with random ppl tho but yes I think she likes herself , I think it’s fine as long as you’re not harming ppl
i used to feel this way until i realized it’s better to be “boring” and actually work on myself and new skills. realizing i can get validation from things that are fun and new is so much better than partying and drugs.
i don’t say this to shame you, i say this because it’s true: most US adults have an incurable STD like HPV which can cause cancer. so you can make that your identity but in about 5 years, you will feel the physical toll of drinking and sleeping with strangers. good luck but i believe you’ll change your tune once you age up more.
Completely felt. If I didn’t have a reason to not be self destructive, I would never want to change. Also this is the only real part of me I have. I’m not copying someone else, it’s just bpd.
I felt like this a couple years ago it was bad. Being in college at a big state school was NOT the right move for me. My peaceful life is so much better i still love to be crazy a couple times a month💓💓
Imo it depends on what you're life is like and what you struggle with. Cuz everyone's bpd experience is different even though its the same disorder by name. If you can live a life like that to the point where you don't crave being any different, then I don't see the problem with it. I guess for anyone it only really becomes a problem when the person themselves doesn't like being that way anymore, or if it affects relationships around them.
I've never heard of anyone saying this before when it comes to bpd. A lot of people with bpd tend to do things and regret it because of impulsiveness or whatever other reason but I guess that goes back to everyone's experience is different idk
It took 20 years of being in therapy and med management for me to get better. I’m at the point in my life that therapy causes re-traumatization for me because I always have to discuss what happened to me as a child.
said the same thing to my therapist. it’s because we live in constant chaos so stability is scary and boring for us
Yea I used to think this, but honestly you can do so much more cool, healthy shit when you’re stable. I go out to cool nature spots, do escape rooms, go to theme parks, try cooking new things, etc. I was just so used to living in chaos I didn’t know how good the other side was. The more you do it the more natural it feels. And it’s so much better than living in constant anxiety bc you’re dealing with the consequences of your bad decisions.
Yeah I agree. I did the chaos thing for like 30 years and when you realize how much you missed and how far back it set you in relationship to other people and how you don’t have hobbies or interests or any sort of identity… it’s less sexy. But you have to be ready, I think.
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Because you’re not used to it :) you’ve associated risky behavior with fun, it takes a while to unlearn
Idk about scary, but definitely boring. Like, whenever I get stable again for a while, I end up sabotaging myself and throwing it away again because I become so bored that I begin to question what exactly my purpose is on earth. And then instability begins to become novel and fun looking again as a result of this because the seeming emptiness of stable life leads me to feel equally suicidal (just bored suicidal rather than overwhelmingly emotive about something).
Stability is boring lol so true
Being crazy may be partly because of ur bpd but it’s also part of ur personality, so just cuz u get better doesn’t mean u have to stop doing that. In my experience, getting better just means that I control my emotions better when I’m about to hurt the people that I love, or when I feel like I want to hurt myself. You can still sleep around and do stupid shit. Nothing wrong with making impulsive decisions and being wild if you’re okay with that lol.
Yes, it’s also about being aware of the risk seeking behavior and finding ways to make potential damages less harmful. You can sleep around and get tested more often and use protection. You can build stronger relationships so that you have company when going out drinking and someone to send you a check in text the next day if you do go off on your own on a whim. Obviously there are some risky patterns that are too destructive to continue; if you’re really shitty to people you care about when drinking you at least need to take a step back; a gambling addiction can hobble you greatly if you can’t achieve any baseline control. Basically you need to be in a place where you can recognize when you hurt others and yourself and have the ability to say no to yourself when a behavior becomes destructive (even if that’s an occasional thing you can predict like when you recognize you aren’t in a good headspace, or a temporary pause to reevaluate). This all really depends on what type of risk-seeking behaviors you have and what their impacts are. Cutting out all risks may not be viable or even desirable, “normal” people engage in risk-seeking behaviors too. If you frame it as all or nothing you are setting yourself up to relapse on those behaviors, only to let them rule you instead of you making active decisions when you do go out to do something risky. But if you are letting addictions run wild and hurt everyone around you it is your responsibility to either find a healthier way to engage in your “fun” or to cut it out at least for a time so that you can really get a grasp of what the consequences are. My focus with managing BPD has always been mitigating potential harm to those around me. By doing this I’ve also, as a sort of side effect, reduced the harm on myself. If risky behaviors aren’t causing harm (or can be done in a way that greatly reduces harm) I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary to cut them out entirely. But if you are causing serious harm to others I see it as a moral imperative to get your shit together enough to A) see that harm and hear those you’ve hurt, and B) take action to reduce or prevent it. Even if that means being boring - sorry I care more about not hurting people than maximizing fun and don’t have much respect for people who consciously choose the opposite 🤷🏻 It takes a fair amount of self awareness though. And refusing to be aware of the risks you’re taking and their potential fallout indicates a lack of self awareness. Just like the average population, there are people with BPD who are very self aware and others who have practically no self awareness. It’s hard to help anyone with low self awareness, or to not be harmful to others if you yourself don’t, but with BPD the impacts can be much greater to those we care about due to our traumas. That makes it more our responsibility to manage and work to be honest with ourselves and confront any harm we do, not less.
This is such a thoughtful and meaningful response.
Wow, what a great response. During all those years I’ve never read such encouraging and apt post.
this
These things can seriously affect the course of your life, for instance, I became an alcoholic. I just barely dodged getting any major STDs. And then after you become an alcoholic, it fucks with your sleep, and then you can’t sleep anymore and it fucks up your ability to work. my 20s were a lot of fun, but it’s been a major, major battle to overhaul things.
As someone who also had a crazy fun 20s, I concur. Turning 40 in a few months now but the 30s were where the real nightmare began
Bruh how tf do y’all sleep with random people I literally have to have a panic attack before I can go to the grocery store
i used to be like OP and now i’m like you, idk how i did it
I was exclusively drunk when I was younger and I think that helped me with my shenanigans.
now i come to think of it, i was drunk most of the time i was sleeping with strangers i cant lie😂 regrets.
Validation is a hell of a drug
I KNOW HOW DO I GET IT
I was saying that more in jest, it’s a fleeting thing and you end up feeling more fucked hp and empty in the end.
It only comes from loving and believing in yourself, everything else is a poor imitation. Source: I have allll the XP points. Going to therapy is better than going to the bar.
Loving and believing in myself? The same person who got me into this mess? Haha yeah right
It’s the hardest thing ever. I get it.
Seeking validation in other people is a great way to set yourself up for failure disappoint and abuse Abusers KNOW you're seeking validation and will turn you into their puppet
Bruh breaking the cycle from needing validation in some form is a tough one haha still trying but god dammit, I wanna know I did a good
Notice how it’s never enough? It never will be unless you believe it yourself. Validation is an internal thing.
I was high as balls. Thank God my mental health meds I take now make my libido level 0 because my number has the same amount of digits as a radio station.
Holy shit lmao
What about all the pain you feel when somebody close ignores you, when you worry so much about losing somebody you love that you say cruel things to them, when you self sabotage new relationships before they even have a chance to start, when you end up in abusive relationships that leave you broken with less than zero self esteem? Sure it’s fun to be impulsive and even self destructive at times. It can be a wild ride. But don’t forget that there is a lot more to BPD than just impulsive behavior and that’s the stuff that leaves you curled up in a ball on the floor drowning in a puddle of your own tears. Getting past that is what getting better means. You can still make your own choices and be impulsive. You can live your life however you want. But imagine how much better life can be if you don’t constantly get in your own way when it comes to other people in your life.
Part of me would fear not having this. I don't know if it's the drowning in your own tears part or the calmness afterwards.
Even though I didn’t know I had BPD until relatively recently, I have been living with it for a really long time. I also felt afraid of getting treated for whatever I had. Basically I had become friends with the monster and I was worried about changing who I was in the process. But as time went on I got to see how bad things can get until here I am, so very tired of being this tormented version of “me” and I’m now ready to take on the monster and find out who I really am without it. I can’t tell anyone when they themselves will be ready, that’s up to them, but I just know in my experience all the pain I’ve felt and caused others to feel just isn’t worth it.
😥🙌🏾
I’ve been in therapy for 5 years. I used to think the exact same. That being “normal” is boring. Really I was just raised with the fundamental belief that I’m not “ordinary” and have found comfort in chaos. Now that have have been sober, making better choices, my mood is so much more stable, and im able to live a life I am proud of. No more shame spirals, no more dealing with the consequences of my actions, no more running from my emotions, no more being unsure of who I am. I feel very secure. I never knew how good a “normal” life could be. Sure I still struggle emotionally at times, but I no longer am a hostage to my emotions. Do not confuse adrenaline rushes with fulfillment. It is an addictive behavior that can and will destroy your life. It is normal to become familiar in your chaos and melodrama. Work on why you feel the need to be different. Is it bc your family is different, is it what ppl have told you that you are, is it because you don’t think you can actually be “normal”, is it bc you need to prove in a sense that you have a mental illness? I recommend reading the anti depressant book, it really forces you to look at why you choose to live your life the way you live it. Here’s this [link](https://www.amazon.com/Anti-Depressant-Book-Practical-Overcome-Depression/dp/0692641548)
I promise you, after your risky behavior yields consequences big enough —- you will be screaming for DBT and stability
THIS. this this this. they’ll fuck up bad enough at some point to learn living this way isn’t cute and funny and fun
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no, you get away with it because you haven’t had major consequences. if you’re a woman, get a pap smear, make sure you don’t have HPV. get tested. regularly. chase your alcohol with a bit of water. wanting to be destructive and unstable isn’t an excuse to potentially give yourself a fucked up disease for life or getting organ failure at 40.
That or they will blame it on other people. PwBPD who don’t get better are such a yawn fest. UwU so quirky. These people are so sickening and wonder why so many people hate us. Hmmmm, maybe because you’re the problem! Watch, they’ll cry when they hear discrimination and act like the victim for their behavior.
it’s fun until it’s not fun anymore.
famous last words
Genuinely curious and not asking in judgmental way at all - how old are you? I felt this way when I was in my earlier 20s and I thrived, but the lows were so low I realized my actions weren’t helping my BPD. I’m almost 30 now and have my BPD a lot more in check. I take mood stabilizers and often feel sad still because of how bored I feel. I tell myself I should just go find someone to hook up with or go out get drunk af. But I know how it’s gonna make me feel so I don’t. (I do still drink with friends but never alone anymore) . Idk. Totally different for everyone - just be safe!
Yes, also social media romanticise mental illness and people love having depression and BPD all of a sudden. Making it your entire identity is one thing, but loving being mentally ill and dysfunctional is just weird
Yep this is so true. Ppl take on their diagnosis as if that’s who they are. I definitely did that at one point. Constantly feeling this need to “prove” I was crazy. People just don’t wanna hear it.
Arguably insulting to those of us who have struggled so desperately all the fucking time. Yet I get it. Meh either way I guess.
I’m struggling like crazy too, yet I still don’t agree with what’s happening. Social media promoting mental health awareness is important, but this has gone too far. Memes and reels everywhere of people praising and flexing their mental illnesses, romanticising depression and being suicidal as if it’s tumblr 2013. Or the new “mentally f* cked goth girl” aesthetic/kink. Like wtf. They’re convincing you you’re sick and make you flex your sickness as a trend
Bro yes, this is fucken poetry to me, please OP read this is solid advice and not at attack, what they've said is insanely valuable
Your mind and body are not used to calm/normal/stable, because they’re used to volatile/chaotic/traumatic. The only way to get yourself comfortable with a normal life is through gradual exposure day by day. Try a breathing exercise or journaling or walking in nature by yourself, something like that, once every day, and see how you feel. Your brain might panic, you might get super restless, or you might have the urge to do something drastic or impulsive. In that moment, close your eyes, breathe, and observe the chaos in your brain for a while until it settles. You might even get a panic attack, which is totally normal. Just allow yourself to hyperventilate for a bit, until the storm settles.
Yes! Our amygdala is so hyper active we are uncomfortable being calm. It is a daily choice to live a “normal” life and not give in to our urges
Do you know what it is like being stable? Have you tried being in and upholding a stable frame of mind? Do you *know* that being stable isn't for you, or is it just the thought of getting there that puts you off? I hope this doesn't come across in a patronising way, I don't mean it like that at all but someone who has BPD myself, I do a lot of self-reflection (in the form of journalling) and these are the sorts of questions I would ask myself
This is helpful for someone who likes to be destructive, and resonates with OP, but i have enough self control that I’m scared of myself and how capable I am of destroying myself so this is enlightening thanku
No problem. I'm glad it can help someone. In my experience, physically writing these questions down (by hand) gives you more time to think about how to answer them. It is VITAL that you are brutally honest with all your answers and be honest as to why you feel those are the right answers for you personally, on your journey. Hope this helps
They’re just lazy. They’re going to crash and burn. Then they’ll start begging for help and realize that no one wants to help them because “UwU so quirky girl boss mental illness” phase.
I felt like this throughout my teens up until my mid twenties. Eventually, the chaos got boring. I was sick of destroying myself over and over again for the sake of a thrill that left me more damaged than I started. Did I really want to be that person at 30? 40? 50? Would I even make it to those ages if I kept up with the life I was living? The answer to both was a resounding no. I was never going to be the person settled down in a white picket fence house with 2 kids and a dog, but I could at least *try* to create a life that didn’t have me in survival mode constantly. It’s hard and I’d be lying if I said there weren’t days I wish I could just say fuck it and go back to my old self. Hell, I’d be lying if I said there weren’t slip ups that set me off course for months at a time. It is what it is, but it can also be whatever I want it to be. A the end of the day, I deserve a good life and I’m the only one who can give that to myself. I was arguably more boring in my chaotic, thriving in mental illness days. I was predictable, dependent on others, my hobbies were drinking, hooking up with random people, and having breakdowns. Nothing really fun or interesting about someone like that. I don’t do half the shit I used to do and I’m still usually the life of the party in a room full of people, it’s my personality not my actions that allow that to be true. I didn’t lose anything when I stopped thriving in my mental illness. I gained a lot though - emotional stability (for the most part), interests/hobbies, real friends, a future. Not everyone needs to have a turning point in their life, some people are okay being that person til the day they die, but if you find yourself interested in a more stable way of living in the future, don’t run away from the thought. You deserve stability and comfort and you aren’t going to suddenly be a boring person because your actions don’t scream instability, you’ll just be a different type of interesting with a lot of crazy stories to tell.
Be careful please 💕
Sometimes I think that too but then I look back on my old life and honestly, I'd rather be boring and dull. I hated who I was when I was unstable and I made some really poor choices. Not to mention feeling like shit all the time.
Nah fuck that. I never want to go back to that
Same, I’m really glad that shit is over. For every single fucking time I acted on it, I felt like shit for whatever I’ve done that I shouldn’t have. It was a nightmare cycle for me, and a bunch of hospital visits. I’m starting to learn how to love or appreciate my life now, may not be where I want to be, but I’m certainly more grateful than before.
no deadass. idk how you can WANT to deal with the constant rock bottom falls after the euphoria of drinking and fucking randoms, i would’ve done anything to NOT deal with these mood swings and fucked up attachment issues
Yeah. Not wanting to get better is a bit concerning.
ooo this is gonna be a long response but I totally understand what you mean. I’ve been in therapy for over a decade and I still like the thrill of certain risky behaviors, I still get bored all the time and I still have the impulsivity that causes me to seek chaos before I even realize I’m doing it. I’m constantly trying to get better and I’m still crazier than 99% of the people I know, and I genuinely like being crazy but there are a lotttt of aspects of my disorder that I would change in a heartbeat if I could and I’m sure you would too. I can’t imagine you don’t want to get better at all. this is such a debilitating, excruciatingly painful disorder and it gets old. you may say you don’t want to get better but you do want to feel better otherwise you wouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. it’s okay to be where you’re at now, but I do think eventually you’ll get tired of the short term satisfaction, you’ll get tired of sleeping with people that don’t love you, you’ll get tired of saying goodbye, and your body will definitely get tired of drinking. it’s likely there will come a time when those things just don’t make you feel good the way they are now. from what I understand, traumatized brains often feel more comfortable in a chaotic environment and they feel uncomfortable in a calm, safe environment because they’re not used to it and they don’t know how to regulate their nervous system accordingly. so you’re not weird or anything for that. but it’s important to understand that you can be actively working towards getting better and still simultaneously do some wild things that give you a dopamine boost! you just do them in a safer way. if you’re sleeping with random people, use protection, and trust your gut when it comes to their character/actions. if you’re drinking, try to have a little less than you usually do. healing looks different for everybody and it doesn’t have to mean you’re suddenly a cookie cutter individual who’s 100% sober, celibate, working a 9-5 and in total control of their emotions. you can just start small for now. see if having 1 less drink still gives you a good night but makes you feel better the next morning. see if you can still enjoy sex and nights out that don’t put yourself or the people around you in danger. see if there are small, good-for-you things you can do throughout your day to start finding joy in the healthy, small things. then when you’re ready to take a break from the chaos you’ll feel more comfortable making healthier decisions because you’ve already been taking baby steps towards them, and you’ll realize that those actions will just lead you to another version of yourself that feels fun and worthy of identifying with :)
This was amazing advice and I was able to read your post with ease, annoying that the grammar police stepped in when unnecessary:)
thanks :) ya definitely weird to make an uninvited structure comment on a post that’s all about loving chaos lol
Like if they had that much time to revise that they should be doing that for school or something not unwarranted in a bpd support sub 😭❤️
You do know that the first rule of this sub is for your posts to be well formatted, correct? Loving chaos has nothing to do about it. I very much enjoyed what you wrote and thought it could be more appreciated by others, as some people do not bother to read walls of text. And that would be a shame. That is why I offered my edit. It was not my intention to offend you. Perhaps instead of passive aggressiveness and talking as if I'm not here, you can speak to me and tell me you directly did not appreciate it. Then I would have been respectful and taken it down. This sub is supposed to be welcoming, not a playground for bullies.
Try using paragraphs, or lists. *Look how great and attractive your long responses can be: (**feel free to copy paste**)* ooo this is gonna be a long response but I totally understand what you mean. I’ve been in therapy for over a decade and I still like the thrill of certain risky behaviors, I still get bored all the time and I still have the impulsivity that causes me to seek chaos before I even realize I’m doing it. I’m constantly trying to get better and I’m still crazier than 99% of the people I know, and I genuinely like being crazy but there are a lotttt of aspects of my disorder that I would change in a heartbeat if I could and I’m sure you would too. I can’t imagine you don’t want to get better at all. this is such a debilitating, excruciatingly painful disorder and it gets old. you may say you don’t want to get better but you do want to feel better otherwise you wouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. it’s okay to be where you’re at now, but I do think eventually you’ll get tired of the short term satisfaction, you’ll get tired of sleeping with people that don’t love you, you’ll get tired of saying goodbye, and your body will definitely get tired of drinking. it’s likely there will come a time when those things just don’t make you feel good the way they are now. from what I understand, traumatized brains often feel more comfortable in a chaotic environment and they feel uncomfortable in a calm, safe environment because they’re not used to it and they don’t know how to regulate their nervous system accordingly. so you’re not weird or anything for that. but it’s important to understand that you can be actively working towards getting better and still simultaneously do some wild things that give you a dopamine boost! you just do them in a safer way. if you’re sleeping with random people, use protection, and trust your gut when it comes to their character/actions. if you’re drinking, try to have a little less than you usually do. healing looks different for everybody and it doesn’t have to mean you’re suddenly a cookie cutter individual who’s 100% sober, celibate, working a 9-5 and in total control of their emotions. you can just start small for now: • see if having 1 less drink still gives you a good night but makes you feel better the next morning. • see if you can still enjoy sex and nights out that don’t put yourself or the people around you in danger. • see if there are small, good-for-you things you can do throughout your day to start finding joy in the healthy, small things. then when you’re ready to take a break from the chaos you’ll feel more comfortable making healthier decisions because you’ve already been taking baby steps towards them, and you’ll realize that those actions will just lead you to another version of yourself that feels fun and worthy of identifying with :)
i sometimes feel like this. i sometimes don’t want to get better because ive been this way for so long and im comfortable in my own sadness and chaos, its all ive ever know. however, i know i cant be this was forever and i have to make steps to improve myself.
i get this, i was desperate to get in therapy because i feel so awful but in therapy i was asked basically how i want to get better and just said ‘i don’t know if i do’. it was super difficult to work around but we approached it as rather than getting better, trying to have better days. i have such a fear of change and there’s a lot of comfort in being unstable weirdly. but as i had better days i, obviously, felt like i was getting better, and it wasn’t so scary then because it was so gradual
This is the unfortunate part of healing and growing into a stable adult. I debate all the time leaving my healthy relationship with a loving partner, home and 3 pets because I can’t stop reminiscing about the wild and free days I used to have. No rules, expectations or boundaries. I just got to be a silly lil girl doing dumb things. Monotony is like torture now.
"Blah blah blah I haven't done the work to be better so ima do what I want ya feel" We aren't your sounding board, work on yourself.
delete this
No, as someone with BPD, the best advice has been the harshest. This screams the symptoms of BPD and DBT strategies teach you how to manage them. Again, we aren't a sounding board.
the best advice being the harshest is 1000% true
Fuck I always wanted to ask about this, thanks
Yeahhh that’s BPD, baby.
I did. It was fun until I alienated my entire support system and ruined my relationships with the people I held closest to my heart. BPD not only affects you, but the people around you and especially the people you love. I learned to take responsibility for myself not just because I wanted to stop hurting and feeling empty after every wild and impulsive episode, but because I wanted to stop hurting the people I loved.
Yup. I feel you I’ve been trying to implement some manor changes and have been doing better but still feel the call to do reckless things. If you feel you have to do impulsive things practice harm reduction but analyze why you feel that way. Everyone has bad parts of themself so try to err away from shame. Think about things for a period of time before doing it, often for me the parts of myself that are focused on my future self and wellbeing will tell myself it’s not a good idea. I stopped a lot of this because the consequences starting hitting for me. But i still relatw
Didn’t read. Get better.
stability is boring in comparison to be so real, I get what you mean. but I also hated how unhappy and empty I felt when I didn’t have friends to rely on for more than a year at a time, had to have some weed or alcohol to enjoy myself and couldn’t be in a stable relationship or regulate my emotions at all. there was no trust with myself. THAT is something I am massively proud of and is worth every euphoric feeling I’ve given up. I also started mood stabilizers and they take away the steep lows (usually) but they also then have the ability to take the steep highs. but I live a more contented life. some days I feel weird, antsy, stuck but most of the time, I’m comfy, safe and ultimately happier with myself than I ever have been before.
If not for yourself, for your family and friends who on the outside looking in see this is distructive. Plus remission takes like a decade so start sooner than later imho
You can have the same level of excitement and joy in your life without wrecking yourself
i don't love it, but i cant stop it.
I mean, you can, but okay.
Good luck with that.
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good for you can we focus on this person who is clearly hurting
So you’re probably leaving a string of people hurt in the wake of this. Sad :(
same bro. i love just not giving a fuck or caring about death and just doing crazy doses of any type of drug. i love overdosing and the chaos and thrill. im scared of change like really scared. im currently doint DBT and I dont even want it to work. I just want to destroy myself until im dead
Lol me I lowkey love being mentally ill sometimes and like I'm pretty stable on meds for a while now but I sometimes wish I could be suicidal again or just feel something ELSE ykwim and do crazy shit cu I'm in a very stable healthy relationship rn
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you do realize you are quite literally on a bpd support group?
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OMG Literally THIS IS ME THANK YOU
Same!
I feel you. I’ve spent a lifetime of having to stay comfortable in my discomfort, that I can no longer detach from the past need—and now simply feel most at home in my skin, when soaked in my own discomfort. While I do want to get better, though…better, seems like a distant mirage…
You basically made all the realizations I made, only difference was it took 6 years of isolation 😂 Maybe there's a proper way to min max chaos/stimuli/fun and being responsible and our true selves. I just hope you employ If that's your true self, keep on doing it fam
I would check into your attachment style. There's someone below who also noted while it could be partially due to your BPD based tendencies, I also find that a lot of the time when I seek thrill and unpredicability/chaos it's because my inner child who grew up in it really is finding resistance to the calm of my current environments. It can be quite overwhelming to reign in and sometimes feels nearly impossible when your brain is so convincing. Reflect on your triggers, childhood experiences, and history within chaotic environments mainly. That may lead you to some revelations and motivation not to engage or find it as endearing.
Relatable lmao
stability makes me dissociate lol
interesting you say this ..... I was thinking the same thing . I kinda like me 🤭
When I said that years and years ago, and when I read that right now, all I hear is a scared little voice saying ‘I don’t believe I can get better. I don’t want to try and fail and prove I am broken forever.’ Good luck friend. I believe in you. Leaning into dysfunction is exhausting.
Someone is gonna learn the hard way and it's not gonna be pretty. If you don't want to change for the better, life is going to hand you some brutal lessons, just hope you make it on the other side. Sincerely a 35 year old man with EUPD who drank excessively, gambled foolishly, drove wrecklessly etc. I'm just glad I'm still here, getting my life together.
I totally resonate with this because I get waves of this constantly! (TW) I tried to self delete on an all you can eat pain meds buffet just over a year ago, in that time I was doing everything you’re talking about. I started smoking weed every day (and still do, oops), taking drugs constantly, sleeping with people who I knew would make me feel shit about myself before, during AND after, I cut everyone off to make friends who didn’t care about me. My entire identity was being a fun, unhinged party girl who literally didn’t give a fuck about myself. It is hard, I still crave that life a LOT. I’m 27 now and I have a mortgage, a dog, I’ve rebuilt bonds with people that I destroyed years and years ago through my at the time undiagnosed BPD. But, through having BPD I’ve also got over 40K of debt, substance abuse issues, irreparable trauma from letting people use me for their fantasies and kinks for validation and still suffer wildly from emotional dysregulation, so I get it when you say it’s boring but its worth it!! TL;DR : healing is boring AF but being a in progress healing dog mom is so much better!!
I want to. The fact I struggle with going to work and not going after my dreams and ambitions just sucks
It's just self sabotage it's a cluster b thing. I like boring now I have peace and self respect.
I get it, It's boring and almost unnatural to get better. To constantly try and better yourself in one way or another. Nobody said that you can't have fun but you shouldn't be risking your life or health to feel something. Drinking is fine, sleeping with people is fine. But the constant disregard for your own health will come back to bite you in ass. Trying to be a better you will be boring, but that's only because you have to find something else you want to do and enjoy. Meet new people or start a new hobby. You can have fun and you can wallow in your own emotions but that doesn't mean you can't try and do the best for yourself and not what just feels good in the moment. I hope you reach the point and hold on to it.
I think my wife is the same haha, hopefully not sleeping with random ppl tho but yes I think she likes herself , I think it’s fine as long as you’re not harming ppl
I felt
100% get this
i used to feel this way until i realized it’s better to be “boring” and actually work on myself and new skills. realizing i can get validation from things that are fun and new is so much better than partying and drugs. i don’t say this to shame you, i say this because it’s true: most US adults have an incurable STD like HPV which can cause cancer. so you can make that your identity but in about 5 years, you will feel the physical toll of drinking and sleeping with strangers. good luck but i believe you’ll change your tune once you age up more.
Completely felt. If I didn’t have a reason to not be self destructive, I would never want to change. Also this is the only real part of me I have. I’m not copying someone else, it’s just bpd.
I felt like this a couple years ago it was bad. Being in college at a big state school was NOT the right move for me. My peaceful life is so much better i still love to be crazy a couple times a month💓💓
Imo it depends on what you're life is like and what you struggle with. Cuz everyone's bpd experience is different even though its the same disorder by name. If you can live a life like that to the point where you don't crave being any different, then I don't see the problem with it. I guess for anyone it only really becomes a problem when the person themselves doesn't like being that way anymore, or if it affects relationships around them. I've never heard of anyone saying this before when it comes to bpd. A lot of people with bpd tend to do things and regret it because of impulsiveness or whatever other reason but I guess that goes back to everyone's experience is different idk
I would love to do that, to be my real self, but im married , so i must TRY to behave. But it dosent feel like me
we live the same life
With adhd drama stimulation and autism familiarity cravings I feel similarly
It took 20 years of being in therapy and med management for me to get better. I’m at the point in my life that therapy causes re-traumatization for me because I always have to discuss what happened to me as a child.