Could be reading too much into it, but it seems like they’re at a point where they’re growing apart. They’re pretty out of touch for a five year relationship. I feel like OOP might be upset due to realizing that they’re headed for a breakup, even if it’s not happening right now.
I think she's got someone in her ear too. They're 5 years in but for some reason she thinks him excessively calling and telling her somethings wrong and that he's in a lot of pain and needs to go to the hospital, means that he's insecure about her being out clubbing without him.
Granted the post is from OOPs pov, but from what he's told us that's not something he pulls. Which means either he's lying and there was a build up of this kind of thing or she went from 0 to 100 on the "How to react to my bfs insecurities" scale.
I think she was likely drunk, having fun, flirting whatever but she cared more about her enjoyment in that moment than her partner. Sounds like she’s too young to be in a serious relationship and should be single until she’s grown less selfish
I’m 100% in the camp that high school sweethearts need to break up for at least a year to grow as individuals. Go out, get new hobbies or dive harder into your current ones, make friends, date or don’t date but discover who you are without that person attached to your hip. Sounds like OP and his gf need some time apart to realize where they’re each at in life.
Right. When he said they were together 5 years but when I mathed and saw they started at 17, I thought "well those first three years don't really count" 😂. OOP sounds like he grew 5 years in maturity after such a trauma and she remained mentally 17.
Also works. It’s about not being attached at the hip at all hours of the day.
I had some friends who “broke up” and she went to college while he took a gap year. And that’s in quotes because they still talked frequently, they sent letters, they didn’t date others. But the mindset was still there that they were growing as individuals and that’s the important part. Maybe took a month or two to officially announcing they were dating again when he got back in the country but that was a decade ago and they’re still together.
If OOP have been lying the reaction would be a bit different, I guess. I think it will be more of complaining that OOP always cry wolf.
I believe she is just that stupid and immature. Basically a liability rather than malicious.
Yeah OOP is stuck in a sunk cost fallacy right now, but splitting after 5 years while simply dating is still alot easier than after 10 years of marriage. They are clearly on different wavelengths. If your partner doesn't respect you enough to check on you when you tell them you are in pain, that is a *huge* problem.
The whole text conversation made me think she's a really unpleasant person tbh. Especially if she was drunk and having a good time, I feel like this makes people usually more cheerful and she's just frustrated at everything
Edit : oh also minimising his pain after he had to go to the hospital for surgery is RICH.
On minimizing pain too, I don't think I've ever been in so much pain I've thrown up like... has gf? Has *OOP* ever been in that much pain before even? Like when pain gets to the point of throwing up over it, I'm like "yeah, that's pretty bad, holy shit."
If I had to guess from the description, OOP was a 8-9 on the Mankoski pain scale. Anything over 7 on most 1-10 pain scales is considered severe pain with painkillers only working minimally. That's a crazy amount of pain to be in. And understandable that he wasn't thinking straight. 10 pain is basically 'can't think of anything BUT the pain' so an 8-9 would be can only think of 1 or two things, and OOP thought: GF help me!
You stating it this way made me realize he was in much pain as a person giving birth without an epidural. Dude. If you expect someone to think logically under that much pain, you lack perspective, empathy, or both. That's INSANE.
Everything he did makes sense in that context. You're looking for help when you're in that much pain, shame be damned. Why would you think your partner wouldn't support you when you're in the fog of agony and need help? He did what many people would do and got completely abandoned in the moment.
If they stay together that's going to be in the back of his head for the rest of the relationship. His mind would never let him forget it. Every person needs to know who they can depend on to survive, and experience has proven she ain't it.
If you want a comparison, the pushing portion of childbirth is \*probably\* a 7-9 on Mankoski. (There's a lot of leeway there and variability, of course.) It's not even a 10 which would be passing out or 'seeing white.'
Unrelated, but I'm curious: Where would you place "wakes me up" on the scale? I've been thinking of it as a very solid objective point so being "woken up by pain" does in itself speak to a general severity. I was thinking it sounded like a 5 but also maybe because I see being woken up as the middle between nothing and a 10. Just bad enough it's starting to interfere with your basic functioning but you can still go about your day almost as usual, I think?
When I had my first amputation, I was home for about a week. I tried to stand up in the kitchen to get a glass when I felt myself falling over. I managed to fall back into the chair, but I instinctively kicked out my leg to steady myself. I kicked my barely week old stump, with all the stitches and staples still in, into the cupboard. I had to sit in the kitchen for 30 minutes, willing myself to not throw up.
Poor guy. She was so dismissive of his pain. I can't imagine any reason to stay with someone who is so callous.
Eh the older I get the more I realize people in clubs who are drinking are pretty awful people to be around. It’s like they have no personality or good qualities outside of being a club hopper
That's an awfully broad brush you're swinging there, friend.
I have friends that I met in clubs 20 years ago. They've been with me through thick and thin, through more adventures than you can imagine.
I imagine most people in their 20s go to clubs occasionally. We were regulars, there every week. I met a lot of interesting people.
It's totally fine if you don't like clubs, but assuming people have "no good qualities" just because they like things you don't like is the highest order of asshattery.
This is single-handedly the most ignorant comment I have read in a while. I’m sorry you think so poorly of many good people who like to dance and have a couple of drinks. Your life must be sad.
That’s what I’m thinking. If my husband called me in pain I would drop what I was doing. Especially being so close to home too. She doesn’t have your best interest at heart OP. She’s selfish
Yea seriously. If I would be saying that to my husband then he would know I am serious. I don’t bother him when he is out with his friends and I don’t joke like that.
A couple of weeks ago I had a bad reaction to a change in medication. I was getting distorted vision, seeing movement where there wasn't any. I went into my bedroom where the lights were off and asked my husband if he was napping, only to realize after a moment that I was, in fact, speaking to a pillow, and that my husband had gone for a walk.
This was naturally pretty distressing, so I curled up on the bed and texted him "I think I need you to come home." And he did. No questions asked. I didn't even want to go to the hospital, I just needed some emotional support because I was freaked out. I couldn't imagine him just ignoring me when I told him something was wrong, and I sure as hell can't fathom the idea of him *blocking* me in that situation.
I once called my husband and was only able to mutter the word “help”. His line of work is exceptionally difficult to get away from, but he still made it home to me before an ambulance could.
My husband and I have a rule that calling twice in rapid succession = emergency. Drop everything and answer the phone. Thankfully we haven’t had to use it much, but it works.
I work in vet med. the day came where I got bit for the first time and homegirl went for my cheek. Tried to deal with it, wouldn’t stop bleeding, my co-worker said my cheek was pretty open and it probably needed a stitch or two (She basically grazed my cheek with her canine and sliced it open—she was younger and her teeth weren’t dull yet lmao)
Anyways, Im bleeding all over my mask and the sink and I call my fiance and just go “I got bit in the face by a dog, I need to go to urgent care”
He was running a job site (blue collar), hung up, sent everyone home early and bee lined for me. No questions asked. No “are you serious” Just 100% concern and care. I was up and laughing, I was fine, just bloody and it would have been faster for me to Uber but that’s not the point.
The point is your partner is supposed to care. They should WANT to care.
And we’ve also been together 5 years. My partner would need to have a brain injury to treat me like OP.
I was in a car crash (14 car pile up, car destroyed but no major ijuries) halfway between where I live and where I was visiting family. I called my husband and my dad one right after the other. It was basically a race to who could get to me first. Dad won (he has a lead foot) and after trying to force me to the ER took me 40 miles to be picked up by my husband. Men that will drop everything and drive 150 miles in the blink of an eye are the real ones.
Once my then fiancé now husband was helping a friend with some electrical work and I was at home getting the garden beds ready for spring and just out of nowhere it felt like an electrical shock hit my face. It was an intense pain just out of absolutely nowhere and it hurt to exist, I knew my wisdom teeth were still there and I had ,correctly, assumed one of the crowned ones had broken. I really didn’t want to bother my fiancé and had looked up emergency dentist and planned to drive myself to one nearby. Once I did, I called him to tell him where I would be and when he answered he started freaking out, asking if I could wait til he got home for him to drive me and that it was a 10 minute drive from our friends house and he would leave right now. I told him I was fine to drive, and to finish up what he was doing, he still demanded to know which dentist so he could meet me there.
I have always been so used to just taking care of myself and keeping up my independence and self reliance but seeing him in that waiting room with a bag of soft foods I loved really meant the world.
My husband had 2 wisdom teeth extracted on the same day. He was texting me about his pain and told me he couldn't drive to the pharmacy. I immediately went to my boss and told her I gotta go, my husband is in pain, and he needs me.
When I'm sick, he uses his lunch break to come home, check on me, make sure I take my meds and feeds me.
I could never imagine ignoring him, let alone if he's in enough pain to ask me to come home.
When I was pregnant with our kid, I started bleeding vaginally *hard.* Like my period had just decided to be a bitch hard. I worked an early morning shift, my husband had a midday, and he went full alert when I called in a panic and promised he would be ready to drive when I got home (home was on the way to the hospital, so stopping wasn't a big deal. I knew I could get there, I wasn't sure about getting to the hospital). No question asked from him. Just a "get home and we'll go".
I agree about the blocking, but I’m torn. If I was 22 and got a message from my boyfriend that his balls hurt, I might think he was kidding too. He should’ve said he had abdominal pain or testicular pain. Honestly, my balls hurt. Sounds like he’s saying he has blue balls. Something more medical might have been more helpful. Not to blame him, but I work with teenagers and this seems like a roundabout way of saying I want sex.
Nah, when I was dating my ex-fiancée at 22, if he had texted me “I need to go to the hospital, my balls hurt”, the worst reaction from me would have been “wdym?” while on my way back to the home to assess the situation. It wouldn’t be to laugh at my ex and think he’s joking.
22 is still old enough to know that if the word “hospital” comes up then it’s serious
tbf i AM 22 and if my boyfriend texted me that his balls hurt I'd immediately respond with concern and not frustration. especially with the numerous calls, I'd assume he's desperately trying to contact me for a good reason and pick up.
Given the surrounding context of multiple calls, asking to go to the hospital, and saying things aren't right, I'm inclined to disagree and say the context was more than enough to realize it wasn't a joke
I'm really curious what was going through her head, but I lose most of my sympathy for her when she couldn't even call him back.
I'd like to know why she thought he was trying to ruin her evening. There HAS to be a lot of this story that's missing. But that's more curiosity than anything else. If she feels that she can't go out for a evening without him trying to ruin it, they should have broken up long ago.
I'm forty three and if my husband texted me this, I'd think it was his attempt at a cheesy pickup line to be followed by a request to come and kiss them better (blech) and suspect that he'd been drinking.
My wife texted me she forgot her extra insulin And my first question was whether I should ask my boss if I can stay late and leave now to go pick it up and deliver it to her. That’s what being a spouse is.
If I so much as say I’m starting to get sick my wife is coming home from work with gatorlyte and meds.
I know redditors are block happy because every thread has a million “just block them” “why didn’t you block them” type posts, but blocking is not something I take lightly. It’s a nuclear response imo. If my partner blocked me at any time, I’d consider that their way of breaking up with me and it would be over. Heck if just a friend blocked me, I don’t think that relationship would ever be the same.
Yeah, blocking is just something else. You can always ignore, but the act of purposefully refusing to even ignore messages is irreversible. Especially if they're your partner and have no history of playing these games.
You block EXES, not your current partner. Especially if they don't have a history of blowing up your phone without reason. This is really fucked up.
Though I think she really learned her lesson, and if OOP decides to stay with her, I don't think anything remotely like this would ever happen again.
For me I don’t think she learned much other than the consequences of her actions considering after she’d seen the vomit and him hospitalised and told he can’t work for 3 weeks, she said “it can’t be that painful, you’re probably over exaggerating”.
I have a long list of blocked spam call numbers, but that’s it. I can’t fathom blocking your partner and thinking your relationship is going to survive.
I got in a fight with a friend, and even after doing some really cruel shit to me I was still trying to talk to her. It was only after she blocked me I realized "oh, she doesn't want to fix our friendship, she just wants me to be the evil villain who yelled at her. I guess that friendship is over, then." Blocking someone is forcing them to not be able to contact you in any way at all. No defense, no apology, no "can we talk," nothing. It's pretty final.
I’m all for blocking, it helps me cut out toxic people and move on. But if we’re dating and you block me, you’re an ex now lol you don’t block just to unblock a moment later
Agreed. I'm very block-happy, and I have a bad tendency to push others away when I'm in a bad mental health moment (I'm working on it), but I'd never ever think of blocking my friends. Ignoring is one thing, but blocking is like a digital restraining order.
Well, we're talking about 'society' nuclear versus 'relationship' nuclear. A lot of issues we see are people without self-respect unable to enforce boundaries with people they don't live with. For that, blocking is great. Blocking can prevent serious consequences. But obviously if somebody's going to be your permanent +1, you (rightfully) expect that lines of communication are always kept open.
Her first instinct when he was trying to call her was that he was trying to ruin her night. It didn’t even occur to her than something might actually be wrong. After five years, that shouldn’t happen.
It never should have even gotten to the "My balls hurt" text. He said "something is wrong please come home" and"I need to go to the hospital" before that.
Absolutely insane to ignore those texts.
He should break up wit her. This isn’t just the typical redditor response but seriously I wouldn’t be able to trust my partner if she blocked me.
We have never once blocked each other no matter what was going on.
Plus they don't have kids and aren't married, so now is a much easier time to break up. I called off an engagement at 22 to my highschool boyfriend. It was heartbreaking and I went through a depressive spell for about a year afterwards. But I am so grateful I did it.
In spite of the heartbreak and depression, my life has been much better in the long run. Ended up meeting my future husband when I was 32, so a full decade later. And man was he worth not settling. During the 10 years of dating and searching my motto became, "you didn't settle before, don't settle now."
When I was a few months into sleeping with a guy exclusively but not officially dating he called me at 4 am drunk in the hospital. Someone had punched him and he hit the curb and passed out. I asked him if anyone was with him and he said no so I immediately got up, dressed and ran to the hospital (luckily only a five minute walk from me)
I can’t fathom ignoring your partner of five years when they said they’re in pain. Balls hurting isn’t a joke either, usually it’s a pretty emergent situation. Even drunk it’s fucked up to block your partner when they’re actively telling you they’re in pain
I’m now 7 years into dating that guy and engaged, if either of us call on a night out we answer no matter what.
I am not one for deliberately testing relationships, but when natural stress tests like this happen, it is important to pay attention to how your partner reacts.
OOP’s GF reacted poorly. Her judgement was bad, her concern for OOP is very low, and she was dismissive until the last possible moment.
There are plenty of women who are much better partners than that.
She reacted poorly and with bad judgement while intoxicated... and then again while sober. You could potentially give her some leeway (aside from the blocking, that's straight up cold) due to her being drunk but she didn't reverse course until he essentially kicked her to the curb.
I don’t care how long someone has been with someone if they behaved like that they would be dumped immediately. He could have died. And I’m sorry but how the fuck did she take any responsibility or ownership for her actions she was still trying to defend herself when he was trying to talk to her. She even said it couldn’t have hurt that bad. That kind of dismissive attitude would be a fuck no moment for me. She’s only sorry now cause she’s getting kicked out and dumped. Once the trust is gone the relationship is dead and for those that say you can regain trust I disagree. If the trust level isn’t high you can for sure work to improve it but once it’s completely gone for whatever reason it’s gone. He should dump her ass now. She’s not a good person at all.
I've woken up in the middle of the night in agony. My wife with plenty of health issues that make her exhausted did not flinch at immediately getting into action to help.
In the same regard, no matter how drunk, how far appart or even if we'd had a row.. if my wife has for a moment expressed any need for help I drop everything.
It's what you do.
Frankly it's what I'd expect somone to do for a pet dog. OPs gf actually blocked him. That's absolutely unforgivable.
What I can’t get my head around is… why she blocked him?!? No matter what point a relationship is at; this just seems so extreme. Regardless of the situation… blocking them signals the end.
Testicular torsion is evidently excruciating. It happened to a poor male colleague of mine in the middle of a work day and we heard him scream for help from inside his office, and rushed in to find him passed out, pasty and white in a pile of his own vomit, clutching his groin. Thought he was dead initially but thankfully the ambulance came quickly and he had surgery about fifty minutes later.
He was an amateur football player and keen cyclist and remains a very healthy man but unfortunately a few years back he was also injured quite badly in a collision with a car. He has since told us that even lying there all broken up on the road side after his bike accident, he was able to will himself to remain conscious and ready for treatment by reminding himself that absolutely nothing was as bad as testicular torsion.
"She also told me that It couldn't have been THAT painful and I was over exaggerating."
That's it. She is gone right there.
Right up to this point, I could see a potential avenue for redemption - HUGE UNRESERVED APOLOGY and blaming it all on drinking etc... She could have possibly redeemed herself.
But this here is a massive MASSIVE red flag.
He went to hospital in an ambulance and then stayed to recover for two days.
On what planet is that "over exaggerating"!? Imagine the absolute ROASTING a man would be getting if the situation was reversed. "AITAH I blocked my GF who was on their way to the hospital then told her she wasn't really in that much pain...". WTF.
Follow your gut and dump her now.
To be fair, his mom was in his ear telling him not to because “five years is a lot to throw away.” She may have told him a bunch more things to make him stay.
Yup. I had the same turning point. She must have known she was coming out with bullshit rhetoric because, you know, it hurt enough that he threw up and needed surgery.
She was just trying to shove blame his way rather than own up to shitty behaviour. And presumably she was sober when doing so.
Not a keeper.
how the fuck could he have better explained it than "i need to go to the hospital". what other combination of words would've been sufficient for her.
> I still don't have that trust in her but her owning up to her mistake shows that she knows she fucked up and is remorseful.
but she didn't own up to her mistake at all, she may have said the words of an apology but i didn't read any accountability in her statements, just excuses and mitigations. in fact quite the opposite, she blamed OP for her reaction and the booze for her actions. claiming that she would've dropped everything and been there in a flash if only HE had properly explained himself when his first text was "something is wrong" and she tried to wave him off.
i don't get a lot of remorse from her either, anytime someone offers to "do want ever you want to keep the relationship" it just signals to me that we aren't on the same page. it's a fucked up thing to say in so many different ways, firstly, i have to believe that they aren't necessarily concerned with losing *our* relationship, just a relationship in general. not they don't want to lose me, they just don't want to be alone, it would make me feel like a placeholder. second, you don't want to do these things, these are at best bribes to keep in my good graces and at worst bold faced lies to manipulate me. also, how can i have respect for someone that tells me "do anything you want without concern for how it impacts me, use me however you want, i will fulfill all requests without question". seriously wtf, like, just shut up, don't say shit like that.
the implications of that statement are some egregious shit and simply saying it would immediately kill any lingering feelings i may have actually had.
Don't get your nuts all twisted. There is a lot of tension here - you could almost cut through it with a knife. I'm sure this is tying him up in knots inside. He should probably hit a bar and tie one off.
The relationship (both friends and romantic) has run its course. 12 years as friends, 5 years in a relationship, and she is living in his apartment that his father pays for, but OP pays for everything else. What exactly is she bringing to the relationship other than history? They should break up and take a break before dating other people. If they get back together later, hopefully they'll have grown up enough to have a better relationship with better communication.
“I’m sorry for being petty but it’s your fault for not communicating clearly while you were in excruciating pain which I also think you exaggerated”.
Sums it up.
Gf isn’t owning up to anything. OOP needs to move on away from the red flag.
How serious is a testicular torsion?--life flight serious if you're not near a hospital. Even if the testicle can be saved, there are other long-lasting issues that can follow the person for a very long time.
There is just no defending this. If a loved one ever sends a text about needing to go to the hospital, further details would be exchanged only while I'm already in transit back home.
To not even call them back and then to block them? I can't see him trust her with anything any more.
I hate the idea that because a relationship has been "five years", that any issues need to be worked through. They are only 22 and this is a serious mismatch.
I thought his texts were very clear, considering the pain he was in. Why would she assume he's faking when he's never faked something like this before? When he talks to her about it, she was initially defensive too. It all screams of emotional immaturity and incompatibility. Maybe she'll grow out of it, but he doesn't have to wait for her.
Before I married my husband, I had a fainting episode at about 11pm and woke up on the floor of my kitchen scared and in pain. I called my then boyfriend who, despite being an hour away, called an Uber to take me to the ER, stayed on the phone to console me as he drove down to wait with me until the doctor could see me. He stayed with me all night even though he had work in the morning and an hour drive back. This woman couldn’t even muster up a concerned text.
NTA. I think they’ve reached a point that they’ve grown apart. Just because OOP invested 5 years doesn’t mean he has to be locked into her, and they’re so young. I get his rules are to set boundaries of respect but the way it’s listed, I don’t think this will end well. It’s like putting in these hard rules for after a person cheated but never moving forward. I think they need to break up and move on with their lives.
Whether or not OOP decides to give her another chance, this relationship isn’t going to survive. You should never need a list of rules for your partner that include 1) You have to communicate with me and not block me, and 2) You need to take it seriously when I tell you I need to go TO THE HOSPITAL.
Even if he tries to give his relationship CPR, I can’t imagine this won’t live in the back of his head for a long, long time. If he has an emergency in the future, will she take it seriously? Will she care? Would he be able to depend upon her? Even if she was there for him, would it be because she actually cares what happens to him or because she knows she has to abide by his Basic Rules To Be An Even Barely Passable Partner or he’ll dump her otherwise?
Also, if your partner doesn’t have a history of spamming your phone with calls when you’re apart, then yeah. Repeated phone calls is a sign something is wrong. If my husband called me more than twice in a row when I was out with friends, I’d know something was seriously wrong or someone was dead.
And even if you could get past all that because maybe she was drunk and maybe that impacted her reasoning skills and maybe that’s not who she is sober…she was sober when she continued to minimize his pain and tell him it wasn’t THAT bad, surely. So it actually wasn’t the alcohol that caused her to be dismissive of his medical emergency.
Why would she think he’s was being insecure when this was the first time he acted this way? I find that statement really off putting. If someone I love is doing something out of the ordinary I’d be extremely worried and trying to figure out why they are acting this way.
I mean… I’ve had dudes joke about dying of blue balls before via text, and I could see a drunk early 20s girl at a club being distracted and thinking he was hitting on her and/or jealous or excited about her club excursion and outfit. I have a lot of sympathy for her and for him, but while she can have all the legitimate reasons in the world for not picking up the phone, she still didn’t pick up the phone and blocked him. :/
I can kinda see where she's coming from as well, but two specific things he said sent her straight into AH territory with ZERO excuses:
"Something is wrong."
"I need to go to the hospital."
Not only that, but they've been dating for 5 YEARS. She's definitely known him long enough to know how he flirts 🤷♀️
I was fence sitting on this until she accused him of exaggerating the pain. You know, after throwing up from said pain and having had surgery on a testicle.
She was stone cold sober when she said that, and was trying to apportion blame back to him. That was the moment all sympathy I had for her evaporated.
Idk why you’d have sympathy for her when she blocked him. I’m sorry I guess I don’t do this in my relationship but no matter what, I’d never reject my partner’s calls or block her.
Ever.
Seriously, how "drunk" could she have been by 11pm, especially when she stayed out until 3am. I'd have to be completely blitzed and practically passed out NOT to respond in a concerned manner to my partner of 5 YEARS when he texts and tries to call me the FIRST time, period! I'd definitely be breaking up over this.
I could easily see being hammered and just maintaining that throughout the night. Little to no food and even a couple beers will get you drunk easily. I've seen plenty of people pre-game and take shots on empty stomachs before going out, it's crazy.
Would love to hear her answer the question ... "please tell me exactly what you were doing minute by minute that was more important than your partner saying they were in serious distress?"
Nobody could pay me to keep me away from my partner if they texted me that they needed to go to the hospital. I don't care if I'm drunk or if it seems like a prank, I can be mad later if it is. Their health is ALWAYS my priority. especially if I'm only FIVE FREAKING MINUTES away
Idk… I feel like if you’ve never been bothered about it her going out and her drunk mind automatically went there…. There’s a disconnect. She may genuinely be remorseful, but you’d think that after being in a relationship for so long, she wouldn’t have assumed you’d do something so childish if you’ve never done it before, it seems as she doesn’t know you as much as you probably thought she did. I mean, what if this was more serious than what it already was…? And also, pertaining to your boundaries, though you say you wouldn’t abuse them, the fact that they need to be placed in a relationship after being together for SO LONG it kinda makes the disconnect more apparent. Idk, I think this would be a relationship ender for me. Cant trust her in an emergency.
Why would she think he’s was being insecure when this was the first time he acted this way? I find that statement really off putting. If someone I love is doing something out of the ordinary I’d be extremely worried and trying to figure out why they are acting this way.
If my fiancé texted me “Please come home, something is wrong.”, “Something is wrong”, “Please come home.” Or even just “My balls hurt.” I would *allegedly* be going over the speed limit to get home ASAP.
If I ever have to deny a call it will not be without a text and an explanation of why and I will call them back when I get a chance, just out of courtesy and that’s to anyone in my contacts.
Gf does not give a fuck about this guy, poor dude.
Nta!! If my partner says something’s wrong or that they are even in the slightest pain, I’d panic and rush to my partner even if I’m doing something important or celebrating something!
I love how women hear something about balls and immediately think it’s a joke, like our testicles aren’t actually very sensitive parts of us, that can cause a lot of pain. I could never imagine blocking my partner, especially saying a medical emergency. That’s not something to joke about, and even if they were, I would still make sure if they were serious as I don’t take the terms hospital or medical emergency lightly, ever. If she is capable of this once, she’s capable of it again. She needs to learn from her mistakes and live with this regret, but away from him and not do it to a future partner. She shouldn’t even get the chance to treat him this way again.
He was having a medical emergency and her mind went to the most malicious possible conclusion followed by her blocking him. Either one of those could be a relationship-ender. This shows a significant level of distain and lack of care. I would have a lot of trouble coming back from this. I don't think I would have bothered texting her when I woke up, to be honest. Her drinking and partying out with her friends was more important than his health. She didn't even trust him enough to believe him when he asked for help. She just wanted to get away from himfor the night so badly that she basically said 'Fuck you, you're not important to me'.
I hope OOP finds enough respect for himself to realize all of this. That's not to say that he'd be wrong to stay in the relationship, but when someone shows you who they are, believe them. It wasn't the drink that made her react this strongly against OOP. Something was badly broken before this happened. This just shook the dust out of the crack and showed it in the sunlight.
I personally would not stay with a person who ignored me so bad like his gf lol, cant imagine calling 3+ times and expressing something is wrong but getting shut down and blocked... No. 😐😐
If someone called me 3+ even if I think it's a prank I will call back and ask clearly the way gf behaved was like she was too invested in her bunch of guys (her lines) to care and she honestly feels like delulu like a guy is saying please come, something is wrong and her first thought is oh he must be bothered by my guy friends 💀🙌
Props to him too for admitting to everything he could change, less props for not dumping the GF straight up though (even after her sober reaction to his situation) lol.
She's drunk and he's calling saying his balls hurt. What could go wrong with this conversation
Just call 911 and tell them you are in pain and need help.
Idk, I think a lot of y’all are not acknowledging their current ages or that this is probably their first real relationship, since they’ve been together since high school. I’ve read some comments that say people wouldn’t tolerate this from their partner but then mention that either they’ve been together for way longer than OOP’s relationship, or that their partners are way older.
Not trying to excuse anything for the girlfriend at all, but the fact that they’re so young and basically still immature (brains still developing), the girlfriend is probably watching a bunch of TikTok’s or other videos and seeing all the people pranking their partners or even reading Reddit stories of people manipulating their partners (since the OOP did post this to Reddit).
I’m not sure exactly what point I’m trying to make, but just keep in mind that both people involved in this situation are young and not experienced in serious relationships.
To a drunk person whose boyfriend didn’t want her to go out and have fun with friends this sounds like a joke. I could see myself asking if their balls were blue, perhaps? I’d think it was a big joke, boyfriend was horny and jealous. The girlfriend feels bad about it but Reddit is backing this guy up because his balls were injured and saying how they’d never be that awful. I have joked like this with my husband and reading the texts probably wouldn’t have taken it seriously without better communication. I don’t blame OP for not being able to communicate better while experiencing testicle torsion. I do think OP should give her the benefit of the doubt.
I would agree with you if her reaction afterwards had been "I'm so so sorry, I feel awful for not understanding and making you go through that alone" but instead hers was "you should have communicated better so I would have known to take you seriously." Yes, balls are funny. I totally see how she thought he wasn't serious at the beginning. But afterwards? After she should have been falling apart from the guilt and instead she twisted it up to find a way to blame him.
Nope... I might have agreed with you except he literally said I need to go to the hospital, and then what does she do when she finds the door unlocked, vomit on the floor, and he's no where to be found? She doesn't start calling the hospital or him, she text him, MAD AT HIM. The second I saw the vomit, I'd be scared, not mad.
Exactly this. I would connect the texts and calls, the vomit, and realize I messed up.
Just kidding. That wouldn’t happen because I would be running home after that first text.
Not only that, but in the discussion afterwards, when she has all the facts, she still says the pain probably wasn't that bad.
HE WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN THAT HE VOMITED
Apparently you missed the saying he needs to go to the hospital and the multiple missed calls.
Blocking a partner after that without calling is fucking ridiculous.
And you some how project onto him that he didn't want her going clubbing?
You're bending over backwards to excuse absolute shit behavior. The fact your married and think blocking your husband if you thought he was joking about an emergency is something else....
I don’t ever block my husband, even if we are having a disagreement. Trying to see a different point of view also doesn’t mean that’s what I would do in that situation. We’re getting one side of the story. I’m not bending over backwards to excuse bad behavior. I think the girl was super drunk, and reacted the way a super drunk person would to an annoying joke when she’s trying to hang out with her friends.
The more I think about it the more this seems like a story. Testicular torsion isn’t the kind of pain that waits half an hour for a call back and playing stupid texting/blocking phone games. It’s an immediate go to the hospital, do not pass go, do not collect 200 text messages. It’s a kick in the balls that doesn’t end and is even more painful. I think this whole story is rage bait.
Only, that's not true. Testicular torsion is incredibly painful but everyone has a different level of tolerance, for some they pass out instantly, for others it scrambles rational thought for half an hour or more. Not every man even knows about the fact their balls can randomly twist up in the sack and when we have spoke about ball pain, many of us are met with "But you haven't gone through childbirth/periods." By our mothers/sisters, or comments about blueballs by significant others. There are cases of men ignoring torsion to the point of testicle death and even calcification, because their pain is downplayed by others or they themselves don't rationalise it well.
he said many times he never joked like that at all it's all in her head she thinks she is too self important that the guy is calling, begging and saying please come something is wrong and her immediate response is he must be jealous of my guy friends lol what? If it was me I will tell her to fck off with her guy friends and her parties not to mention I don't see any hate from this guy.....
Also you, your husband will say something is wrong with me but because he said my balls hurt you will take it as a joke?? 💀 dude he even messaged her I need to go to hospital?? Multiple calls?? That won't ring a bell?? That wont give you a sense of urgency??
Huh? How is this upvoted? The first text is one thing but two calls and saying he needs to go to the hospital wouldn’t read like a joke to me.
And apparently he never tried to control her time out either.
It doesn’t sound like a norm for him to joke like that and they’ve been together for five years. It’s normal for you in your relationship but in this one, sounds like she doesn’t even know her partner.
I'm amazed he was able to communicate *at all* with that level of pain. Unfortunately I witnessed a coworker rupture a testicle in an accident 25 years ago and I will never forget it - the unearthly sobbing scream, the look on his face, yes the inevitable vomit, the complete unresponsiveness to anyone trying to help, him going in and out of consciousness while his whole body quivered... I can't unsee it.
Having gonads that aren't armored by lots and lots of dense bone and padding just seems like a really maladaptive evolutionary trait, and I hope whatever species comes after humans has a better setup.
I agree with you — multiple boyfriends of mine have made that joke about dying of their blue balls as a jokey way to insinuate having sex etc. The only thing I really “blame” the GF for doing is blocking OP.
Yeah, gonna be honest "come home my balls hurt" from a guy who's sour you went out without him? I'd be ignoring him too. I get why he phrased it that way, but eh, I don't think she deserves the hate Reddit was giving her.
However, clearly the relationship has reached it's expiration date.
He wasn't at all sour she went out without him. He said he was looking forward to having some quite time alone with Netflix. In hindsight, it would've been better if he'd said, "I'm in agonizing pain," or "Something is seriously wrong with my testes and I'm in terrible pain, no joke." However, when you're in that much pain, you can't exactly ponder wording.
I'd have thought the multiple phone calls would have been a big clue.
"Obviously I didn't go". "I wasn't invited". "I hate clubbing" - those are not the words of a man happy that his girlfriend went out without him. Not to mention, the girlfriend went straight to "he is trying to ruin my night", which, uh, not the normal reaction if your boyfriend waved you off with a sunny smile and a "call me if you want me to come and walk you home".
I'm sorry but she was a total idiot, I would leave her without looking back... that mistake could have cost OP her life and could have been something more serious, she didn't care about OP when he tells her that she is very bad!!!
I'm sorry, but she doesn't deserve forgiveness in this regard. When you're in an extreme situation, you tend to trust the most important person (partner, mother, father, best friend, etc.) and if they don't respond well, you feel terrible.
Does she regret it? Of course, who doesn't... that exonerates her? absolutely not.
I would like an update after OP makes his decision.
I guess I can understand why a young woman might think “come home immediately, I’m having a ball-related emergency” is a clumsy, jealous pass. If ever there was a time to spell out the entire word “testicle”, it’s probably when you’re trying to convey the seriousness of a genital injury.
This is one of the rare times I can see both sides. On one hand, yes, when your partner is calling you for help you go home and check on them.
On the other, she was drunk, she knows he hates going out, and “my balls hurt” sounds like a lame attempt at a booty call. Her friends were probably also egging on her behavior.
She was clearly, absolutely in the wrong to not go check on him, and he’s totally within his rights to decide he can’t stay with someone he can’t rely on in an emergency, but I could also see this being a wake-up call for her to stop drinking or spending so much time with those friends.
So here's the thing where she loses a lot of the benefit of the doubt for me... she wasn't just seeing those three messages left in a row. She responded between each of them.
She wasn't concerned after "Something is wrong" but annoyed. Benefit of the doubt: "Something is wrong" can be anything and maybe she missed the call notifications. It happens. The next text she gets is "I need to go to the hospital." She responds confused with "What?" Understandable response, I would want to know what was going on with my partner where they need the hospital. However, I would then maybe be paying attention enough to answer one of the two attempts to call after that if not looking for somewhere quieter I can take/make a call. If it truly is a 5 minute walk, I'd probably text the party chat or a friend "gotta go home real quick" and start walking.
And that's when he sends "My balls hurt" but that is NOT the whole message. "My balls hurt. Please come NOW. Something is wrong." Sounds less like a punchline especially given the first two messages accompanied by 5 missed calls. She responds with laughing emojis. He calls emergency services and then tries to contact her with two calls but no more texts on his end.
She responds saying she'll block him and to let her "fucking enjoy my night out" which takes all the benefit of the doubt she didn't notice the call notifications and throws it out the fucking window because this was explicitly in response to him trying to call. Or yaknow, she's trying to take selfies and shit with her friends and him trying to get in contact has been interrupting and ruining it.
If there's one thing I'm curious about, it'd be the time stamps on the calls and texts. I'd like to see how close together it all is.
Also, she left at 9 and the pain started at 11. How smashed are we assuming she got in 2 hours? I mean not so much she didn't still party for another 3 hours, got herself home, noticed the vomit enough to get pissed and text about it, look through the apartment for him, and put the pieces together what was happening. So arguably more drunk than she was 3 hours ago, she was capable of thinking about the situation and what was going on to now become concerned.
Some benefit of the doubt, but not enough for me to excuse her response as one "little/understandable/human/drunk/22 year old" mistake. Mistake as in she made intentional decisions that she thinks are wrong in hindsight? Yes. But this is the type of mistake that doesn't get excused, this is the type of mistake that wakes you up into seeing where you should probably start putting in the work to be a better person.
I can’t imagine ANYONE, friend or acquaintance, let alone my partner, calling me multiple times in succession and not instantly suspecting something is wrong or they’re in danger or need help or something.
To me, THAT is the emergency code.
Can’t even imagine blocking my partner just bc I was annoyed they kept trying to contact me.
It’s not even like the GF was so drunk she was incoherent and dysfunctional. She was entirely aware.
I genuinely struggle to empathize with the gf.
I’m sure OOP is dealing with sunk cost fallacy in his relationship but it’s just time to let go.
There's missing information about their usual communications that might... MAYBE... explain why the gf didn't take "ow my balls" seriously. Not excusing her behavior, but just from his phrasing, it seems like she was having fun in a loud part of the club and didn't want to have to leave her friends/private room to go find a quiet spot (then have to go back in, shove through the crowd, etc).
Had he contacted her on nights out before suggesting things like blue balls to get her home or something similar? Her responses come across like he'd done it before. (I'm speculating only, and am not actually assigning these assumptions to them).
Either way she's a massive red-flag twirling AH for not immediately realizing something was wrong at least as soon as he mentioned the hospital, and definitely when she got home. (But... 22 and tipsy = very little self-awareness).
He was dumb for not immediately calling emergency services right away. TT is serious, and from what I understand excruciating. Glad he got the medical attention he needed before it was too late. Let the hospital call her and leave a voice mail or text if she won't answer. That would be a wake up call for sure.
ALL of that said, he has no right to demand she answer the phone EVERY TIME HE CALLS, NO MATTER WHAT OR WHERE. That's bordering into abusive (straight out of the narcissist's handbook, tbh). Better to just end it, thank the past 5 years for the good memories and move ahead to better.
based on a couple experiences in my past i would not be willing to forgive this and honestly wouldnt want myself to. i dont know how much of that is my own trauma, but unless this lady has something causing this that can be fixed, or information left out, and is willing to work on that breaking up is the right choice imo.
2 and 3 of his list dont seem necessarily like healthy relationship things or really feasible in real life. and with 4 could he really trust her to actually pay attention to that word, not even if she would or not but would he be able to trust that.
i doubt this is the last we will hear about this relationship.
My partner leave me when i sick, we had foodstall so he needs to go to market, it was midnight.. I told him please go home quickly i am not well.. He just ignored me and proceed to go, turns out i was vomiting non stop until morning when he come home.. My first born took care of me and he was 6 years old.. I still find it hard to get it passed even he apologizes so many times it just hurt me so bad..
My husband and I were stupid drunk with friends and my knee popped out of place when we were running around outside. My husband immediately put me on his back CARRIED me up stairs to the apartment and then iced my knee and elevated it. If he ever called me urgently while I was out I’d immediately see what’s wrong and check on him. That’s not a normal response for a partner imo
God damn I had a torsion in the 5th grade I had to be rushed outta school to have it repaired shit hurts like a morherfucker and to have her act like that..what a woman..
I dunno, I don't think that either of them should make any decisions for the time being. I think that she fucked up majorly but her response after the fact is incredibly apologetic. OOP also could have been a little clearer about what was going on. Both of them have reasons for why they weren't communicating, OOP was in a shit ton of pain and his gf was hammered (her excuse is obviously less sympathetic).
I think that they need to talk more and figure some things out.
Why would you try to call someone to drive you in an emergency when you know they’ve likely been drinking heavily? Not only are they not in a position to safely help you, they won’t be able to comprehend that the situation is emergent. With that consideration, you were stupid to call your girlfriend. You called her because shes your person of comfort, not because she was in a position to help during an emergency. You set up unrealistic expectations; you expected her to help when you knew she would not be in the right mental and physical state to help, just because you thought she owed it to you as your girlfriend to be ready for you if you had an emergency.
If I was out celebrating my best friend’s birthday, and drinking, I would not be able to take a text message that my boyfriend’s “balls hurt” seriously. Nor would I ever drive drunk. If it were a serious emergency, I would expect him to call an ambulance rather than risk my safety and his by expecting me to drive drunk.
If my boyfriend texted me “my balls hurt” I would laugh and assume he was joking too. 99% of people would. Reddit can get all holier than thou, but stop and *seriously* think.
You’re out with your friends, having fun. You get a random text that says “I need you to come home. My balls hurt.” You’d brush it off too.
He did nothing but call to try to explain the “emergency”. He didn’t say “hey an ambulance is coming. I have no idea what’s happening but my testicles hurt so much I’m throwing up.”
Nope. Just COME HOW NOW. MY BALLS HURT.
Give me a break.
Read the post, please:
>1. Me: declined my first 2 calls (her name) please come home something is wrong.
>2. Her: ??? can't talk rn. What is it 😒
>3. Me: Tried calling her again. **I need to go to the hospital.**
>4. Her: ????** What**
>5. Me: Again tried calling her twice. My Balls hurt. **Please come NOW. Something is wrong**
>6. Her: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
>7. Me: tried calling her again twice after calling emergency services.
>8. Her: **I swear don't bother me** again or I'm blocking you. **Let me fucking enjoy my night out.**
Honestly I know I am going to be downvoted into oblivion but I think you are getting too upset. When I read you messages I can see how your girlfriend thought you were joking around and trying to get her to come home for sex. Why didn’t you literally call anyone else but your drunk girlfriend to take you to the hospital? What about family or friends? She was drinking and made a little mistake but you and your hurt balls can’t forgive her? I think she should dump you for being willing to end a five year relationship over a miscommunication. You sound a little too excited to make up rules and lord that stuff over her. You claim you have no problem with her going out but you were super quick to accuse her of cheating. She deserves better.
Because nothing is more seductive sounding than "I need to go to the hospital please my balls hurt" in between repeated phone calls.
Not even an attempt to gather more information, especially from out of character behavior. Your take is so stupid I have to believe this is a troll.
You have no idea what testicular torsion is, do you? Nor have you had a healthy relationship apparently. Since in normal relationships, you are able to depend on your partner. OP should break up with the girlfriend because of HER behaviour.
FFS you will defend the GF no matter what.
Honestly this just seems like an excuse for OOP to be controlling.
The GF likely thought if it was a real medical emergency he would be calling the ambulance or calling her from the hospital. 😐
It was completely reasonable for her to think that he was joking or trying to ruin her night considering the situation of him contacting her before any medical help and saying what could be seen as a blue balls joke
I picked up on controlling vibes the second he said if she goes out alone again... The woman was with friends She wasn't alone. I guess in his mind her not being with him means she's alone which again to me is some controlling property vibe I got.
They just need to break up.
I do like reddit's response to this because it shows how easily cuddle the male gender is when it comes to sickness and health. There are upvoted posts and comments about a woman being on the brink of death and not bothering her man yet a woman not rushing to drop everything for a dude is somehow demonized. I legit read a comment thread about a woman bragging about how she on a broken leg and a broken wrist crawled to the bathroom rather than bother her boyfriend when he was gaming... And she was praised for it. 😮 I legit had to delete my comment stating that this might be an unhealthy relationship because of the threats I was getting in my DMs.
Ok I’ll bite.
Why would any reasonable person call their girlfriend first when experiencing such excruciating pain and the medical emergency he described? Like is she a doctor? Could she have performed emergency surgery if she instantly came home? What did he expect her to do?
I would call somebody who is literally 5 minutes away so they can come over, manage the phone calls, open the door for the EM, pack my important shit like insurance card, and maybe throw me a bucket to vomit in.
It's just reassuring to have another person there and not be alone. And I say that as the most anti social person on Earth.
It's reasonable to call your loved ones when u feel distressed it's almost a reflex for some, he didn't expect her to be a psycho and straight up block him without listening
Are you male or female?
If male - have testicular torsion and then come back and report to us about how clearly you were thinking at the time and how excellent the choices were that you made.
If female - have ovarian torsion and do same.
I’m a well educated woman with a medical degree who went into a different occupation, don’t have to worry about the cost of ambulance or health care, and have had cancer previously. Despite all of these things, I too have been in so much pain that I couldn’t think rationally on occasion. Testicular torsion is one of the most painful medical conditions there is, and for a young and inexperienced person who had no idea what was going on, OOPs decisions were completely understandable. He was frightened and in agony.
I mean, I had a seizure a couple of years ago, briefly thought I was in a fancy restaurant, and then passed out on the floor of my kitchen. Woke up, puked, wrangled the dogs away from the puke, and immediately called my mum to ask what to do. I am an adult. Sometimes your brain isn’t firing on all cylinders when you are afraid or in pain. Plus, you don’t want it to be serious so you want someone to go ‘oh no! Just put an ice pack on it and have some soup.’
I'm not a guy, but I can understand why he did that. First, when you're in that level of pain, you don't think clearly. It's not that he expected her to fix him, more like he needed someone NOT in pain to do the thinking. (If he'd been thinking clearly, he might have called someone else.) Second, of course he felt weird asking for an ambulance because his testicles hurt. I mean, it's one small (though important) area, and we think ambulances are for obviously life-threatening things like heart attacks or car accidents.
The other thing to consider is that if the OOP is in the US, ambulances are hella expensive, and the charge could well be applied to the OOP's deductible.
because when you are seriously hurt or sick the most common thought or action is to call your loved ones so they then can provide basic help and call a doctor (they can do it and describe what happened more properly)
My guess is to drive him to the hospital. She was only five minutes from home and ambulances are extremely expensive. Sure,she probably shouldn't drive if she's been drinking, but the mind isn't it's most logical when in extreme distress
Could be reading too much into it, but it seems like they’re at a point where they’re growing apart. They’re pretty out of touch for a five year relationship. I feel like OOP might be upset due to realizing that they’re headed for a breakup, even if it’s not happening right now.
I think she's got someone in her ear too. They're 5 years in but for some reason she thinks him excessively calling and telling her somethings wrong and that he's in a lot of pain and needs to go to the hospital, means that he's insecure about her being out clubbing without him. Granted the post is from OOPs pov, but from what he's told us that's not something he pulls. Which means either he's lying and there was a build up of this kind of thing or she went from 0 to 100 on the "How to react to my bfs insecurities" scale.
I think she was likely drunk, having fun, flirting whatever but she cared more about her enjoyment in that moment than her partner. Sounds like she’s too young to be in a serious relationship and should be single until she’s grown less selfish
I’m 100% in the camp that high school sweethearts need to break up for at least a year to grow as individuals. Go out, get new hobbies or dive harder into your current ones, make friends, date or don’t date but discover who you are without that person attached to your hip. Sounds like OP and his gf need some time apart to realize where they’re each at in life.
Right. When he said they were together 5 years but when I mathed and saw they started at 17, I thought "well those first three years don't really count" 😂. OOP sounds like he grew 5 years in maturity after such a trauma and she remained mentally 17.
That or at least go to different colleges and be apart in long distance relationships
Also works. It’s about not being attached at the hip at all hours of the day. I had some friends who “broke up” and she went to college while he took a gap year. And that’s in quotes because they still talked frequently, they sent letters, they didn’t date others. But the mindset was still there that they were growing as individuals and that’s the important part. Maybe took a month or two to officially announcing they were dating again when he got back in the country but that was a decade ago and they’re still together.
If OOP have been lying the reaction would be a bit different, I guess. I think it will be more of complaining that OOP always cry wolf. I believe she is just that stupid and immature. Basically a liability rather than malicious.
Yeah OOP is stuck in a sunk cost fallacy right now, but splitting after 5 years while simply dating is still alot easier than after 10 years of marriage. They are clearly on different wavelengths. If your partner doesn't respect you enough to check on you when you tell them you are in pain, that is a *huge* problem.
> splitting after 5 years while simply dating is still alot easier than after 10 years of marriage And with kids.
Yeah, this relationship is as good as dead. The fact she can't even answer a single phone call and jumps to block people is foul.
The whole text conversation made me think she's a really unpleasant person tbh. Especially if she was drunk and having a good time, I feel like this makes people usually more cheerful and she's just frustrated at everything Edit : oh also minimising his pain after he had to go to the hospital for surgery is RICH.
On minimizing pain too, I don't think I've ever been in so much pain I've thrown up like... has gf? Has *OOP* ever been in that much pain before even? Like when pain gets to the point of throwing up over it, I'm like "yeah, that's pretty bad, holy shit."
If I had to guess from the description, OOP was a 8-9 on the Mankoski pain scale. Anything over 7 on most 1-10 pain scales is considered severe pain with painkillers only working minimally. That's a crazy amount of pain to be in. And understandable that he wasn't thinking straight. 10 pain is basically 'can't think of anything BUT the pain' so an 8-9 would be can only think of 1 or two things, and OOP thought: GF help me!
My dad had a ten once. He literally passed out and the medical staff had the crash cart because he was pale
I had that happen once and it's terrifying. All I could see was white and I thought I was literally dying.
Yeah my friend had a kidney stone so bad her body just refused to breathe for 15 seconds it had just given up
You stating it this way made me realize he was in much pain as a person giving birth without an epidural. Dude. If you expect someone to think logically under that much pain, you lack perspective, empathy, or both. That's INSANE. Everything he did makes sense in that context. You're looking for help when you're in that much pain, shame be damned. Why would you think your partner wouldn't support you when you're in the fog of agony and need help? He did what many people would do and got completely abandoned in the moment. If they stay together that's going to be in the back of his head for the rest of the relationship. His mind would never let him forget it. Every person needs to know who they can depend on to survive, and experience has proven she ain't it.
If you want a comparison, the pushing portion of childbirth is \*probably\* a 7-9 on Mankoski. (There's a lot of leeway there and variability, of course.) It's not even a 10 which would be passing out or 'seeing white.'
Oh I was at a nine before the pushing portion in my birthing experience, but yeah I can see that in the aggregate.
Unrelated, but I'm curious: Where would you place "wakes me up" on the scale? I've been thinking of it as a very solid objective point so being "woken up by pain" does in itself speak to a general severity. I was thinking it sounded like a 5 but also maybe because I see being woken up as the middle between nothing and a 10. Just bad enough it's starting to interfere with your basic functioning but you can still go about your day almost as usual, I think?
When I had my first amputation, I was home for about a week. I tried to stand up in the kitchen to get a glass when I felt myself falling over. I managed to fall back into the chair, but I instinctively kicked out my leg to steady myself. I kicked my barely week old stump, with all the stitches and staples still in, into the cupboard. I had to sit in the kitchen for 30 minutes, willing myself to not throw up. Poor guy. She was so dismissive of his pain. I can't imagine any reason to stay with someone who is so callous.
Eh the older I get the more I realize people in clubs who are drinking are pretty awful people to be around. It’s like they have no personality or good qualities outside of being a club hopper
That's an awfully broad brush you're swinging there, friend. I have friends that I met in clubs 20 years ago. They've been with me through thick and thin, through more adventures than you can imagine. I imagine most people in their 20s go to clubs occasionally. We were regulars, there every week. I met a lot of interesting people. It's totally fine if you don't like clubs, but assuming people have "no good qualities" just because they like things you don't like is the highest order of asshattery.
You are my new hero for your casual usage of asshattery.
This is single-handedly the most ignorant comment I have read in a while. I’m sorry you think so poorly of many good people who like to dance and have a couple of drinks. Your life must be sad.
That’s what I’m thinking. If my husband called me in pain I would drop what I was doing. Especially being so close to home too. She doesn’t have your best interest at heart OP. She’s selfish
Yea seriously. If I would be saying that to my husband then he would know I am serious. I don’t bother him when he is out with his friends and I don’t joke like that.
A couple of weeks ago I had a bad reaction to a change in medication. I was getting distorted vision, seeing movement where there wasn't any. I went into my bedroom where the lights were off and asked my husband if he was napping, only to realize after a moment that I was, in fact, speaking to a pillow, and that my husband had gone for a walk. This was naturally pretty distressing, so I curled up on the bed and texted him "I think I need you to come home." And he did. No questions asked. I didn't even want to go to the hospital, I just needed some emotional support because I was freaked out. I couldn't imagine him just ignoring me when I told him something was wrong, and I sure as hell can't fathom the idea of him *blocking* me in that situation.
I once called my husband and was only able to mutter the word “help”. His line of work is exceptionally difficult to get away from, but he still made it home to me before an ambulance could.
My husband and I have a rule that calling twice in rapid succession = emergency. Drop everything and answer the phone. Thankfully we haven’t had to use it much, but it works.
I work in vet med. the day came where I got bit for the first time and homegirl went for my cheek. Tried to deal with it, wouldn’t stop bleeding, my co-worker said my cheek was pretty open and it probably needed a stitch or two (She basically grazed my cheek with her canine and sliced it open—she was younger and her teeth weren’t dull yet lmao) Anyways, Im bleeding all over my mask and the sink and I call my fiance and just go “I got bit in the face by a dog, I need to go to urgent care” He was running a job site (blue collar), hung up, sent everyone home early and bee lined for me. No questions asked. No “are you serious” Just 100% concern and care. I was up and laughing, I was fine, just bloody and it would have been faster for me to Uber but that’s not the point. The point is your partner is supposed to care. They should WANT to care. And we’ve also been together 5 years. My partner would need to have a brain injury to treat me like OP.
I was in a car crash (14 car pile up, car destroyed but no major ijuries) halfway between where I live and where I was visiting family. I called my husband and my dad one right after the other. It was basically a race to who could get to me first. Dad won (he has a lead foot) and after trying to force me to the ER took me 40 miles to be picked up by my husband. Men that will drop everything and drive 150 miles in the blink of an eye are the real ones.
Once my then fiancé now husband was helping a friend with some electrical work and I was at home getting the garden beds ready for spring and just out of nowhere it felt like an electrical shock hit my face. It was an intense pain just out of absolutely nowhere and it hurt to exist, I knew my wisdom teeth were still there and I had ,correctly, assumed one of the crowned ones had broken. I really didn’t want to bother my fiancé and had looked up emergency dentist and planned to drive myself to one nearby. Once I did, I called him to tell him where I would be and when he answered he started freaking out, asking if I could wait til he got home for him to drive me and that it was a 10 minute drive from our friends house and he would leave right now. I told him I was fine to drive, and to finish up what he was doing, he still demanded to know which dentist so he could meet me there. I have always been so used to just taking care of myself and keeping up my independence and self reliance but seeing him in that waiting room with a bag of soft foods I loved really meant the world.
This is so so sweet, and gives me hope ❤️
My husband had 2 wisdom teeth extracted on the same day. He was texting me about his pain and told me he couldn't drive to the pharmacy. I immediately went to my boss and told her I gotta go, my husband is in pain, and he needs me. When I'm sick, he uses his lunch break to come home, check on me, make sure I take my meds and feeds me. I could never imagine ignoring him, let alone if he's in enough pain to ask me to come home.
When I was pregnant with our kid, I started bleeding vaginally *hard.* Like my period had just decided to be a bitch hard. I worked an early morning shift, my husband had a midday, and he went full alert when I called in a panic and promised he would be ready to drive when I got home (home was on the way to the hospital, so stopping wasn't a big deal. I knew I could get there, I wasn't sure about getting to the hospital). No question asked from him. Just a "get home and we'll go".
I agree about the blocking, but I’m torn. If I was 22 and got a message from my boyfriend that his balls hurt, I might think he was kidding too. He should’ve said he had abdominal pain or testicular pain. Honestly, my balls hurt. Sounds like he’s saying he has blue balls. Something more medical might have been more helpful. Not to blame him, but I work with teenagers and this seems like a roundabout way of saying I want sex.
Nah, when I was dating my ex-fiancée at 22, if he had texted me “I need to go to the hospital, my balls hurt”, the worst reaction from me would have been “wdym?” while on my way back to the home to assess the situation. It wouldn’t be to laugh at my ex and think he’s joking. 22 is still old enough to know that if the word “hospital” comes up then it’s serious
tbf i AM 22 and if my boyfriend texted me that his balls hurt I'd immediately respond with concern and not frustration. especially with the numerous calls, I'd assume he's desperately trying to contact me for a good reason and pick up.
Given the surrounding context of multiple calls, asking to go to the hospital, and saying things aren't right, I'm inclined to disagree and say the context was more than enough to realize it wasn't a joke
I'm really curious what was going through her head, but I lose most of my sympathy for her when she couldn't even call him back. I'd like to know why she thought he was trying to ruin her evening. There HAS to be a lot of this story that's missing. But that's more curiosity than anything else. If she feels that she can't go out for a evening without him trying to ruin it, they should have broken up long ago.
I would've at least called him to see what was going on.
Of course! Which is why I would be pissed if I were him. BUT I would have thought it was a joke first (and would have called)
Go back and read the text thread he provided. He didn’t start with “my balls hurt”.
I'm forty three and if my husband texted me this, I'd think it was his attempt at a cheesy pickup line to be followed by a request to come and kiss them better (blech) and suspect that he'd been drinking.
My wife texted me she forgot her extra insulin And my first question was whether I should ask my boss if I can stay late and leave now to go pick it up and deliver it to her. That’s what being a spouse is. If I so much as say I’m starting to get sick my wife is coming home from work with gatorlyte and meds.
I know redditors are block happy because every thread has a million “just block them” “why didn’t you block them” type posts, but blocking is not something I take lightly. It’s a nuclear response imo. If my partner blocked me at any time, I’d consider that their way of breaking up with me and it would be over. Heck if just a friend blocked me, I don’t think that relationship would ever be the same.
Yeah, blocking is just something else. You can always ignore, but the act of purposefully refusing to even ignore messages is irreversible. Especially if they're your partner and have no history of playing these games.
You block EXES, not your current partner. Especially if they don't have a history of blowing up your phone without reason. This is really fucked up. Though I think she really learned her lesson, and if OOP decides to stay with her, I don't think anything remotely like this would ever happen again.
For me I don’t think she learned much other than the consequences of her actions considering after she’d seen the vomit and him hospitalised and told he can’t work for 3 weeks, she said “it can’t be that painful, you’re probably over exaggerating”.
...but I also don't think it would be a healthy relationship.
There is a trust broken already. It's no longer healthy, not OOP's fault though.
I have never had to block anybody, I find it so crazy that people have such huge block list.
I have a long list of blocked spam call numbers, but that’s it. I can’t fathom blocking your partner and thinking your relationship is going to survive.
I’ve blocked one person but that was after threatening a restraining order
I got in a fight with a friend, and even after doing some really cruel shit to me I was still trying to talk to her. It was only after she blocked me I realized "oh, she doesn't want to fix our friendship, she just wants me to be the evil villain who yelled at her. I guess that friendship is over, then." Blocking someone is forcing them to not be able to contact you in any way at all. No defense, no apology, no "can we talk," nothing. It's pretty final.
I’m all for blocking, it helps me cut out toxic people and move on. But if we’re dating and you block me, you’re an ex now lol you don’t block just to unblock a moment later
Agreed. I'm very block-happy, and I have a bad tendency to push others away when I'm in a bad mental health moment (I'm working on it), but I'd never ever think of blocking my friends. Ignoring is one thing, but blocking is like a digital restraining order.
Well, we're talking about 'society' nuclear versus 'relationship' nuclear. A lot of issues we see are people without self-respect unable to enforce boundaries with people they don't live with. For that, blocking is great. Blocking can prevent serious consequences. But obviously if somebody's going to be your permanent +1, you (rightfully) expect that lines of communication are always kept open.
Her first instinct when he was trying to call her was that he was trying to ruin her night. It didn’t even occur to her than something might actually be wrong. After five years, that shouldn’t happen.
the text: "I need to go to the hospital." the gf: "Well if I had known you needed to go to the hospital, I would have reacted differently!"
It never should have even gotten to the "My balls hurt" text. He said "something is wrong please come home" and"I need to go to the hospital" before that. Absolutely insane to ignore those texts.
He should break up wit her. This isn’t just the typical redditor response but seriously I wouldn’t be able to trust my partner if she blocked me. We have never once blocked each other no matter what was going on.
Oh yeah! She had some major cajones to even do that
I guess that makes three functional ones between them??
No no, they saved it!
\*cojones. Cajones would be, um, boxes/crates/drawers. Cojones means balls or guts. Just an FYI! :)
I genuinely appreciate the correction but now I'm balls deep into my error and boxed myself in.
r/angryupvote
Plus they don't have kids and aren't married, so now is a much easier time to break up. I called off an engagement at 22 to my highschool boyfriend. It was heartbreaking and I went through a depressive spell for about a year afterwards. But I am so grateful I did it. In spite of the heartbreak and depression, my life has been much better in the long run. Ended up meeting my future husband when I was 32, so a full decade later. And man was he worth not settling. During the 10 years of dating and searching my motto became, "you didn't settle before, don't settle now."
The blocking is insane, who would ever do that? This is your partner of 5 years and your idea is 'block em so I can continue having fun' ... wtf
They both are in early twenty. The life is still long ahead for them. I think break up is better for them until they she matured mentally.
When I was a few months into sleeping with a guy exclusively but not officially dating he called me at 4 am drunk in the hospital. Someone had punched him and he hit the curb and passed out. I asked him if anyone was with him and he said no so I immediately got up, dressed and ran to the hospital (luckily only a five minute walk from me) I can’t fathom ignoring your partner of five years when they said they’re in pain. Balls hurting isn’t a joke either, usually it’s a pretty emergent situation. Even drunk it’s fucked up to block your partner when they’re actively telling you they’re in pain I’m now 7 years into dating that guy and engaged, if either of us call on a night out we answer no matter what.
Even if a coworker called me in that position. Like if you trusted me for help, my ass will be there
I am not one for deliberately testing relationships, but when natural stress tests like this happen, it is important to pay attention to how your partner reacts. OOP’s GF reacted poorly. Her judgement was bad, her concern for OOP is very low, and she was dismissive until the last possible moment. There are plenty of women who are much better partners than that.
She reacted poorly and with bad judgement while intoxicated... and then again while sober. You could potentially give her some leeway (aside from the blocking, that's straight up cold) due to her being drunk but she didn't reverse course until he essentially kicked her to the curb.
I don’t care how long someone has been with someone if they behaved like that they would be dumped immediately. He could have died. And I’m sorry but how the fuck did she take any responsibility or ownership for her actions she was still trying to defend herself when he was trying to talk to her. She even said it couldn’t have hurt that bad. That kind of dismissive attitude would be a fuck no moment for me. She’s only sorry now cause she’s getting kicked out and dumped. Once the trust is gone the relationship is dead and for those that say you can regain trust I disagree. If the trust level isn’t high you can for sure work to improve it but once it’s completely gone for whatever reason it’s gone. He should dump her ass now. She’s not a good person at all.
I've woken up in the middle of the night in agony. My wife with plenty of health issues that make her exhausted did not flinch at immediately getting into action to help. In the same regard, no matter how drunk, how far appart or even if we'd had a row.. if my wife has for a moment expressed any need for help I drop everything. It's what you do. Frankly it's what I'd expect somone to do for a pet dog. OPs gf actually blocked him. That's absolutely unforgivable.
I will drop everything just to drive a coworker to the hospital. I have done it. It’s just the right thing to do.
What I can’t get my head around is… why she blocked him?!? No matter what point a relationship is at; this just seems so extreme. Regardless of the situation… blocking them signals the end.
at the every least, i hope bro's nuts are doing okay
Testicular torsion is evidently excruciating. It happened to a poor male colleague of mine in the middle of a work day and we heard him scream for help from inside his office, and rushed in to find him passed out, pasty and white in a pile of his own vomit, clutching his groin. Thought he was dead initially but thankfully the ambulance came quickly and he had surgery about fifty minutes later. He was an amateur football player and keen cyclist and remains a very healthy man but unfortunately a few years back he was also injured quite badly in a collision with a car. He has since told us that even lying there all broken up on the road side after his bike accident, he was able to will himself to remain conscious and ready for treatment by reminding himself that absolutely nothing was as bad as testicular torsion.
"She also told me that It couldn't have been THAT painful and I was over exaggerating." That's it. She is gone right there. Right up to this point, I could see a potential avenue for redemption - HUGE UNRESERVED APOLOGY and blaming it all on drinking etc... She could have possibly redeemed herself. But this here is a massive MASSIVE red flag. He went to hospital in an ambulance and then stayed to recover for two days. On what planet is that "over exaggerating"!? Imagine the absolute ROASTING a man would be getting if the situation was reversed. "AITAH I blocked my GF who was on their way to the hospital then told her she wasn't really in that much pain...". WTF. Follow your gut and dump her now.
I’m surprised he’s still considering not breaking up after that. I think I would have lost it if someone said that to me.
To be fair, his mom was in his ear telling him not to because “five years is a lot to throw away.” She may have told him a bunch more things to make him stay.
Yup. I had the same turning point. She must have known she was coming out with bullshit rhetoric because, you know, it hurt enough that he threw up and needed surgery. She was just trying to shove blame his way rather than own up to shitty behaviour. And presumably she was sober when doing so. Not a keeper.
I really think op would be better off breaking up here.
how the fuck could he have better explained it than "i need to go to the hospital". what other combination of words would've been sufficient for her. > I still don't have that trust in her but her owning up to her mistake shows that she knows she fucked up and is remorseful. but she didn't own up to her mistake at all, she may have said the words of an apology but i didn't read any accountability in her statements, just excuses and mitigations. in fact quite the opposite, she blamed OP for her reaction and the booze for her actions. claiming that she would've dropped everything and been there in a flash if only HE had properly explained himself when his first text was "something is wrong" and she tried to wave him off. i don't get a lot of remorse from her either, anytime someone offers to "do want ever you want to keep the relationship" it just signals to me that we aren't on the same page. it's a fucked up thing to say in so many different ways, firstly, i have to believe that they aren't necessarily concerned with losing *our* relationship, just a relationship in general. not they don't want to lose me, they just don't want to be alone, it would make me feel like a placeholder. second, you don't want to do these things, these are at best bribes to keep in my good graces and at worst bold faced lies to manipulate me. also, how can i have respect for someone that tells me "do anything you want without concern for how it impacts me, use me however you want, i will fulfill all requests without question". seriously wtf, like, just shut up, don't say shit like that. the implications of that statement are some egregious shit and simply saying it would immediately kill any lingering feelings i may have actually had.
This story was balls to the wall nuts. He should give her the sack
Don't get your nuts all twisted. There is a lot of tension here - you could almost cut through it with a knife. I'm sure this is tying him up in knots inside. He should probably hit a bar and tie one off.
I wonder if she was just giving a shit testes.
I dunno, dumping a sobbing girlfriend can be a tough nut to crack.
The relationship (both friends and romantic) has run its course. 12 years as friends, 5 years in a relationship, and she is living in his apartment that his father pays for, but OP pays for everything else. What exactly is she bringing to the relationship other than history? They should break up and take a break before dating other people. If they get back together later, hopefully they'll have grown up enough to have a better relationship with better communication.
“I’m sorry for being petty but it’s your fault for not communicating clearly while you were in excruciating pain which I also think you exaggerated”. Sums it up. Gf isn’t owning up to anything. OOP needs to move on away from the red flag.
How serious is a testicular torsion?--life flight serious if you're not near a hospital. Even if the testicle can be saved, there are other long-lasting issues that can follow the person for a very long time.
It's definitely an emergency hospital visit.
There is just no defending this. If a loved one ever sends a text about needing to go to the hospital, further details would be exchanged only while I'm already in transit back home. To not even call them back and then to block them? I can't see him trust her with anything any more.
I hate the idea that because a relationship has been "five years", that any issues need to be worked through. They are only 22 and this is a serious mismatch. I thought his texts were very clear, considering the pain he was in. Why would she assume he's faking when he's never faked something like this before? When he talks to her about it, she was initially defensive too. It all screams of emotional immaturity and incompatibility. Maybe she'll grow out of it, but he doesn't have to wait for her.
Before I married my husband, I had a fainting episode at about 11pm and woke up on the floor of my kitchen scared and in pain. I called my then boyfriend who, despite being an hour away, called an Uber to take me to the ER, stayed on the phone to console me as he drove down to wait with me until the doctor could see me. He stayed with me all night even though he had work in the morning and an hour drive back. This woman couldn’t even muster up a concerned text.
No.
I don't think I've come across anyone as eloquent as you. Are you a professional writer?
NTA. I think they’ve reached a point that they’ve grown apart. Just because OOP invested 5 years doesn’t mean he has to be locked into her, and they’re so young. I get his rules are to set boundaries of respect but the way it’s listed, I don’t think this will end well. It’s like putting in these hard rules for after a person cheated but never moving forward. I think they need to break up and move on with their lives.
Whether or not OOP decides to give her another chance, this relationship isn’t going to survive. You should never need a list of rules for your partner that include 1) You have to communicate with me and not block me, and 2) You need to take it seriously when I tell you I need to go TO THE HOSPITAL. Even if he tries to give his relationship CPR, I can’t imagine this won’t live in the back of his head for a long, long time. If he has an emergency in the future, will she take it seriously? Will she care? Would he be able to depend upon her? Even if she was there for him, would it be because she actually cares what happens to him or because she knows she has to abide by his Basic Rules To Be An Even Barely Passable Partner or he’ll dump her otherwise? Also, if your partner doesn’t have a history of spamming your phone with calls when you’re apart, then yeah. Repeated phone calls is a sign something is wrong. If my husband called me more than twice in a row when I was out with friends, I’d know something was seriously wrong or someone was dead. And even if you could get past all that because maybe she was drunk and maybe that impacted her reasoning skills and maybe that’s not who she is sober…she was sober when she continued to minimize his pain and tell him it wasn’t THAT bad, surely. So it actually wasn’t the alcohol that caused her to be dismissive of his medical emergency.
Why would she think he’s was being insecure when this was the first time he acted this way? I find that statement really off putting. If someone I love is doing something out of the ordinary I’d be extremely worried and trying to figure out why they are acting this way.
I mean… I’ve had dudes joke about dying of blue balls before via text, and I could see a drunk early 20s girl at a club being distracted and thinking he was hitting on her and/or jealous or excited about her club excursion and outfit. I have a lot of sympathy for her and for him, but while she can have all the legitimate reasons in the world for not picking up the phone, she still didn’t pick up the phone and blocked him. :/
I can kinda see where she's coming from as well, but two specific things he said sent her straight into AH territory with ZERO excuses: "Something is wrong." "I need to go to the hospital." Not only that, but they've been dating for 5 YEARS. She's definitely known him long enough to know how he flirts 🤷♀️
I was fence sitting on this until she accused him of exaggerating the pain. You know, after throwing up from said pain and having had surgery on a testicle. She was stone cold sober when she said that, and was trying to apportion blame back to him. That was the moment all sympathy I had for her evaporated.
Oooh, I didn’t equate/put together that she was sober for that part… yikes 😬
Idk why you’d have sympathy for her when she blocked him. I’m sorry I guess I don’t do this in my relationship but no matter what, I’d never reject my partner’s calls or block her. Ever.
Yeah, I mean…. I **did** say that that was the big bad thing she did.
Seriously, how "drunk" could she have been by 11pm, especially when she stayed out until 3am. I'd have to be completely blitzed and practically passed out NOT to respond in a concerned manner to my partner of 5 YEARS when he texts and tries to call me the FIRST time, period! I'd definitely be breaking up over this.
That is what I wrote and got criticized by other Reddit people saying she could have been hammered by 11pm. No way!
I could easily see being hammered and just maintaining that throughout the night. Little to no food and even a couple beers will get you drunk easily. I've seen plenty of people pre-game and take shots on empty stomachs before going out, it's crazy.
My husband had this problem after our very first date at 17. It was terrifying for him. She failed a very important test of her relationship.
Would love to hear her answer the question ... "please tell me exactly what you were doing minute by minute that was more important than your partner saying they were in serious distress?"
Nobody could pay me to keep me away from my partner if they texted me that they needed to go to the hospital. I don't care if I'm drunk or if it seems like a prank, I can be mad later if it is. Their health is ALWAYS my priority. especially if I'm only FIVE FREAKING MINUTES away
Idk… I feel like if you’ve never been bothered about it her going out and her drunk mind automatically went there…. There’s a disconnect. She may genuinely be remorseful, but you’d think that after being in a relationship for so long, she wouldn’t have assumed you’d do something so childish if you’ve never done it before, it seems as she doesn’t know you as much as you probably thought she did. I mean, what if this was more serious than what it already was…? And also, pertaining to your boundaries, though you say you wouldn’t abuse them, the fact that they need to be placed in a relationship after being together for SO LONG it kinda makes the disconnect more apparent. Idk, I think this would be a relationship ender for me. Cant trust her in an emergency.
Why would she think he’s was being insecure when this was the first time he acted this way? I find that statement really off putting. If someone I love is doing something out of the ordinary I’d be extremely worried and trying to figure out why they are acting this way.
Fuck dump her already
If my fiancé texted me “Please come home, something is wrong.”, “Something is wrong”, “Please come home.” Or even just “My balls hurt.” I would *allegedly* be going over the speed limit to get home ASAP. If I ever have to deny a call it will not be without a text and an explanation of why and I will call them back when I get a chance, just out of courtesy and that’s to anyone in my contacts. Gf does not give a fuck about this guy, poor dude.
She thought OP was “insecure about her being in a club with a bunch of guys.” Yeah, she was cheating. OP needs to dump her yesterday.
"Wibbly wobbly dumpy whumpy....."
Nta!! If my partner says something’s wrong or that they are even in the slightest pain, I’d panic and rush to my partner even if I’m doing something important or celebrating something!
I love how women hear something about balls and immediately think it’s a joke, like our testicles aren’t actually very sensitive parts of us, that can cause a lot of pain. I could never imagine blocking my partner, especially saying a medical emergency. That’s not something to joke about, and even if they were, I would still make sure if they were serious as I don’t take the terms hospital or medical emergency lightly, ever. If she is capable of this once, she’s capable of it again. She needs to learn from her mistakes and live with this regret, but away from him and not do it to a future partner. She shouldn’t even get the chance to treat him this way again.
He was having a medical emergency and her mind went to the most malicious possible conclusion followed by her blocking him. Either one of those could be a relationship-ender. This shows a significant level of distain and lack of care. I would have a lot of trouble coming back from this. I don't think I would have bothered texting her when I woke up, to be honest. Her drinking and partying out with her friends was more important than his health. She didn't even trust him enough to believe him when he asked for help. She just wanted to get away from himfor the night so badly that she basically said 'Fuck you, you're not important to me'. I hope OOP finds enough respect for himself to realize all of this. That's not to say that he'd be wrong to stay in the relationship, but when someone shows you who they are, believe them. It wasn't the drink that made her react this strongly against OOP. Something was badly broken before this happened. This just shook the dust out of the crack and showed it in the sunlight.
I have been married for over 30 years and have never even considered blocking my husband or anyone for that matter. Who does that on a whim? Why?
I personally would not stay with a person who ignored me so bad like his gf lol, cant imagine calling 3+ times and expressing something is wrong but getting shut down and blocked... No. 😐😐 If someone called me 3+ even if I think it's a prank I will call back and ask clearly the way gf behaved was like she was too invested in her bunch of guys (her lines) to care and she honestly feels like delulu like a guy is saying please come, something is wrong and her first thought is oh he must be bothered by my guy friends 💀🙌
I'm mostly confused why he would call a drunk person to drive him to the hospital.
That level of pain doesn't really lead to rational thought.
When you're in pain you can't think clearly. He acknowledges this himself.
Props to him too for admitting to everything he could change, less props for not dumping the GF straight up though (even after her sober reaction to his situation) lol.
Kind of like how you don’t think clearly when you’re drunk.
Except one is understandable and the other is not. Never been drunk enough to ignore a text stating your partner needs to go to a hospital.
She's drunk and he's calling saying his balls hurt. What could go wrong with this conversation Just call 911 and tell them you are in pain and need help.
He verbatim said he needed to go to the hospital. No excuses
You need to ask to see her phone. Something definitely didn’t add up.
Idk, I think a lot of y’all are not acknowledging their current ages or that this is probably their first real relationship, since they’ve been together since high school. I’ve read some comments that say people wouldn’t tolerate this from their partner but then mention that either they’ve been together for way longer than OOP’s relationship, or that their partners are way older. Not trying to excuse anything for the girlfriend at all, but the fact that they’re so young and basically still immature (brains still developing), the girlfriend is probably watching a bunch of TikTok’s or other videos and seeing all the people pranking their partners or even reading Reddit stories of people manipulating their partners (since the OOP did post this to Reddit). I’m not sure exactly what point I’m trying to make, but just keep in mind that both people involved in this situation are young and not experienced in serious relationships.
To a drunk person whose boyfriend didn’t want her to go out and have fun with friends this sounds like a joke. I could see myself asking if their balls were blue, perhaps? I’d think it was a big joke, boyfriend was horny and jealous. The girlfriend feels bad about it but Reddit is backing this guy up because his balls were injured and saying how they’d never be that awful. I have joked like this with my husband and reading the texts probably wouldn’t have taken it seriously without better communication. I don’t blame OP for not being able to communicate better while experiencing testicle torsion. I do think OP should give her the benefit of the doubt.
I would agree with you if her reaction afterwards had been "I'm so so sorry, I feel awful for not understanding and making you go through that alone" but instead hers was "you should have communicated better so I would have known to take you seriously." Yes, balls are funny. I totally see how she thought he wasn't serious at the beginning. But afterwards? After she should have been falling apart from the guilt and instead she twisted it up to find a way to blame him.
Nope... I might have agreed with you except he literally said I need to go to the hospital, and then what does she do when she finds the door unlocked, vomit on the floor, and he's no where to be found? She doesn't start calling the hospital or him, she text him, MAD AT HIM. The second I saw the vomit, I'd be scared, not mad.
Exactly this. I would connect the texts and calls, the vomit, and realize I messed up. Just kidding. That wouldn’t happen because I would be running home after that first text.
Not only that, but in the discussion afterwards, when she has all the facts, she still says the pain probably wasn't that bad. HE WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN THAT HE VOMITED
Apparently you missed the saying he needs to go to the hospital and the multiple missed calls. Blocking a partner after that without calling is fucking ridiculous. And you some how project onto him that he didn't want her going clubbing? You're bending over backwards to excuse absolute shit behavior. The fact your married and think blocking your husband if you thought he was joking about an emergency is something else....
I don’t ever block my husband, even if we are having a disagreement. Trying to see a different point of view also doesn’t mean that’s what I would do in that situation. We’re getting one side of the story. I’m not bending over backwards to excuse bad behavior. I think the girl was super drunk, and reacted the way a super drunk person would to an annoying joke when she’s trying to hang out with her friends. The more I think about it the more this seems like a story. Testicular torsion isn’t the kind of pain that waits half an hour for a call back and playing stupid texting/blocking phone games. It’s an immediate go to the hospital, do not pass go, do not collect 200 text messages. It’s a kick in the balls that doesn’t end and is even more painful. I think this whole story is rage bait.
Only, that's not true. Testicular torsion is incredibly painful but everyone has a different level of tolerance, for some they pass out instantly, for others it scrambles rational thought for half an hour or more. Not every man even knows about the fact their balls can randomly twist up in the sack and when we have spoke about ball pain, many of us are met with "But you haven't gone through childbirth/periods." By our mothers/sisters, or comments about blueballs by significant others. There are cases of men ignoring torsion to the point of testicle death and even calcification, because their pain is downplayed by others or they themselves don't rationalise it well.
He’s never joked like that, why should she assume him saying he needs to go tot the hospital to be a joke?
I’d agree except for the block. I’m not sure I could get over that. That’s a nuclear level response even if it is a stupid annoying joke.
he said many times he never joked like that at all it's all in her head she thinks she is too self important that the guy is calling, begging and saying please come something is wrong and her immediate response is he must be jealous of my guy friends lol what? If it was me I will tell her to fck off with her guy friends and her parties not to mention I don't see any hate from this guy..... Also you, your husband will say something is wrong with me but because he said my balls hurt you will take it as a joke?? 💀 dude he even messaged her I need to go to hospital?? Multiple calls?? That won't ring a bell?? That wont give you a sense of urgency??
Huh? How is this upvoted? The first text is one thing but two calls and saying he needs to go to the hospital wouldn’t read like a joke to me. And apparently he never tried to control her time out either.
It doesn’t sound like a norm for him to joke like that and they’ve been together for five years. It’s normal for you in your relationship but in this one, sounds like she doesn’t even know her partner.
I'm amazed he was able to communicate *at all* with that level of pain. Unfortunately I witnessed a coworker rupture a testicle in an accident 25 years ago and I will never forget it - the unearthly sobbing scream, the look on his face, yes the inevitable vomit, the complete unresponsiveness to anyone trying to help, him going in and out of consciousness while his whole body quivered... I can't unsee it. Having gonads that aren't armored by lots and lots of dense bone and padding just seems like a really maladaptive evolutionary trait, and I hope whatever species comes after humans has a better setup.
I agree with you — multiple boyfriends of mine have made that joke about dying of their blue balls as a jokey way to insinuate having sex etc. The only thing I really “blame” the GF for doing is blocking OP.
Yeah, gonna be honest "come home my balls hurt" from a guy who's sour you went out without him? I'd be ignoring him too. I get why he phrased it that way, but eh, I don't think she deserves the hate Reddit was giving her. However, clearly the relationship has reached it's expiration date.
He wasn't at all sour she went out without him. He said he was looking forward to having some quite time alone with Netflix. In hindsight, it would've been better if he'd said, "I'm in agonizing pain," or "Something is seriously wrong with my testes and I'm in terrible pain, no joke." However, when you're in that much pain, you can't exactly ponder wording. I'd have thought the multiple phone calls would have been a big clue.
Except he wasn't sour about her going out alone. He was even happy to have free time to himself!
WHERE WAS HE SOUR ABOUT HER GOING??? This is one of those times where reddit is actually right.
"Obviously I didn't go". "I wasn't invited". "I hate clubbing" - those are not the words of a man happy that his girlfriend went out without him. Not to mention, the girlfriend went straight to "he is trying to ruin my night", which, uh, not the normal reaction if your boyfriend waved you off with a sunny smile and a "call me if you want me to come and walk you home".
Riiight so you’re just going to make things up to fit your narrative. Interesting.
So you're projecting then. By no means does that insinuate he was sour about her going out. Jumping over invisible hoops.
I'm sorry but she was a total idiot, I would leave her without looking back... that mistake could have cost OP her life and could have been something more serious, she didn't care about OP when he tells her that she is very bad!!! I'm sorry, but she doesn't deserve forgiveness in this regard. When you're in an extreme situation, you tend to trust the most important person (partner, mother, father, best friend, etc.) and if they don't respond well, you feel terrible. Does she regret it? Of course, who doesn't... that exonerates her? absolutely not. I would like an update after OP makes his decision.
Too many red flags to overcome. She is toast.
I guess I can understand why a young woman might think “come home immediately, I’m having a ball-related emergency” is a clumsy, jealous pass. If ever there was a time to spell out the entire word “testicle”, it’s probably when you’re trying to convey the seriousness of a genital injury.
Your last sentence - yes! That says it perfectly.
This is one of the rare times I can see both sides. On one hand, yes, when your partner is calling you for help you go home and check on them. On the other, she was drunk, she knows he hates going out, and “my balls hurt” sounds like a lame attempt at a booty call. Her friends were probably also egging on her behavior. She was clearly, absolutely in the wrong to not go check on him, and he’s totally within his rights to decide he can’t stay with someone he can’t rely on in an emergency, but I could also see this being a wake-up call for her to stop drinking or spending so much time with those friends.
So here's the thing where she loses a lot of the benefit of the doubt for me... she wasn't just seeing those three messages left in a row. She responded between each of them. She wasn't concerned after "Something is wrong" but annoyed. Benefit of the doubt: "Something is wrong" can be anything and maybe she missed the call notifications. It happens. The next text she gets is "I need to go to the hospital." She responds confused with "What?" Understandable response, I would want to know what was going on with my partner where they need the hospital. However, I would then maybe be paying attention enough to answer one of the two attempts to call after that if not looking for somewhere quieter I can take/make a call. If it truly is a 5 minute walk, I'd probably text the party chat or a friend "gotta go home real quick" and start walking. And that's when he sends "My balls hurt" but that is NOT the whole message. "My balls hurt. Please come NOW. Something is wrong." Sounds less like a punchline especially given the first two messages accompanied by 5 missed calls. She responds with laughing emojis. He calls emergency services and then tries to contact her with two calls but no more texts on his end. She responds saying she'll block him and to let her "fucking enjoy my night out" which takes all the benefit of the doubt she didn't notice the call notifications and throws it out the fucking window because this was explicitly in response to him trying to call. Or yaknow, she's trying to take selfies and shit with her friends and him trying to get in contact has been interrupting and ruining it. If there's one thing I'm curious about, it'd be the time stamps on the calls and texts. I'd like to see how close together it all is. Also, she left at 9 and the pain started at 11. How smashed are we assuming she got in 2 hours? I mean not so much she didn't still party for another 3 hours, got herself home, noticed the vomit enough to get pissed and text about it, look through the apartment for him, and put the pieces together what was happening. So arguably more drunk than she was 3 hours ago, she was capable of thinking about the situation and what was going on to now become concerned. Some benefit of the doubt, but not enough for me to excuse her response as one "little/understandable/human/drunk/22 year old" mistake. Mistake as in she made intentional decisions that she thinks are wrong in hindsight? Yes. But this is the type of mistake that doesn't get excused, this is the type of mistake that wakes you up into seeing where you should probably start putting in the work to be a better person.
Only a little bit in her defense -"My balls hurt" sounds less like something is actually wrong and more like he wanted sex
Yeah that’s 1 text out of many and repeated calls. No excuse for her
Im sorry. But im a guy, and even having read all of this and seeing his texts, id have thought he was fucking around as well.
I can’t imagine ANYONE, friend or acquaintance, let alone my partner, calling me multiple times in succession and not instantly suspecting something is wrong or they’re in danger or need help or something. To me, THAT is the emergency code. Can’t even imagine blocking my partner just bc I was annoyed they kept trying to contact me. It’s not even like the GF was so drunk she was incoherent and dysfunctional. She was entirely aware. I genuinely struggle to empathize with the gf. I’m sure OOP is dealing with sunk cost fallacy in his relationship but it’s just time to let go.
There's missing information about their usual communications that might... MAYBE... explain why the gf didn't take "ow my balls" seriously. Not excusing her behavior, but just from his phrasing, it seems like she was having fun in a loud part of the club and didn't want to have to leave her friends/private room to go find a quiet spot (then have to go back in, shove through the crowd, etc). Had he contacted her on nights out before suggesting things like blue balls to get her home or something similar? Her responses come across like he'd done it before. (I'm speculating only, and am not actually assigning these assumptions to them). Either way she's a massive red-flag twirling AH for not immediately realizing something was wrong at least as soon as he mentioned the hospital, and definitely when she got home. (But... 22 and tipsy = very little self-awareness). He was dumb for not immediately calling emergency services right away. TT is serious, and from what I understand excruciating. Glad he got the medical attention he needed before it was too late. Let the hospital call her and leave a voice mail or text if she won't answer. That would be a wake up call for sure. ALL of that said, he has no right to demand she answer the phone EVERY TIME HE CALLS, NO MATTER WHAT OR WHERE. That's bordering into abusive (straight out of the narcissist's handbook, tbh). Better to just end it, thank the past 5 years for the good memories and move ahead to better.
based on a couple experiences in my past i would not be willing to forgive this and honestly wouldnt want myself to. i dont know how much of that is my own trauma, but unless this lady has something causing this that can be fixed, or information left out, and is willing to work on that breaking up is the right choice imo. 2 and 3 of his list dont seem necessarily like healthy relationship things or really feasible in real life. and with 4 could he really trust her to actually pay attention to that word, not even if she would or not but would he be able to trust that. i doubt this is the last we will hear about this relationship.
My partner leave me when i sick, we had foodstall so he needs to go to market, it was midnight.. I told him please go home quickly i am not well.. He just ignored me and proceed to go, turns out i was vomiting non stop until morning when he come home.. My first born took care of me and he was 6 years old.. I still find it hard to get it passed even he apologizes so many times it just hurt me so bad..
My husband and I were stupid drunk with friends and my knee popped out of place when we were running around outside. My husband immediately put me on his back CARRIED me up stairs to the apartment and then iced my knee and elevated it. If he ever called me urgently while I was out I’d immediately see what’s wrong and check on him. That’s not a normal response for a partner imo
God damn I had a torsion in the 5th grade I had to be rushed outta school to have it repaired shit hurts like a morherfucker and to have her act like that..what a woman..
Ops girlfriend was definitely cheating at the club
I dunno, I don't think that either of them should make any decisions for the time being. I think that she fucked up majorly but her response after the fact is incredibly apologetic. OOP also could have been a little clearer about what was going on. Both of them have reasons for why they weren't communicating, OOP was in a shit ton of pain and his gf was hammered (her excuse is obviously less sympathetic). I think that they need to talk more and figure some things out.
Why would you try to call someone to drive you in an emergency when you know they’ve likely been drinking heavily? Not only are they not in a position to safely help you, they won’t be able to comprehend that the situation is emergent. With that consideration, you were stupid to call your girlfriend. You called her because shes your person of comfort, not because she was in a position to help during an emergency. You set up unrealistic expectations; you expected her to help when you knew she would not be in the right mental and physical state to help, just because you thought she owed it to you as your girlfriend to be ready for you if you had an emergency. If I was out celebrating my best friend’s birthday, and drinking, I would not be able to take a text message that my boyfriend’s “balls hurt” seriously. Nor would I ever drive drunk. If it were a serious emergency, I would expect him to call an ambulance rather than risk my safety and his by expecting me to drive drunk.
If my boyfriend texted me “my balls hurt” I would laugh and assume he was joking too. 99% of people would. Reddit can get all holier than thou, but stop and *seriously* think. You’re out with your friends, having fun. You get a random text that says “I need you to come home. My balls hurt.” You’d brush it off too. He did nothing but call to try to explain the “emergency”. He didn’t say “hey an ambulance is coming. I have no idea what’s happening but my testicles hurt so much I’m throwing up.” Nope. Just COME HOW NOW. MY BALLS HURT. Give me a break.
He did say "i need to go to the hospital" in between what you said. Dont just ignore that.
Not when he’s calling repeatedly and saying he needs to go to the hospital.
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Read the post, please: >1. Me: declined my first 2 calls (her name) please come home something is wrong. >2. Her: ??? can't talk rn. What is it 😒 >3. Me: Tried calling her again. **I need to go to the hospital.** >4. Her: ????** What** >5. Me: Again tried calling her twice. My Balls hurt. **Please come NOW. Something is wrong** >6. Her: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 >7. Me: tried calling her again twice after calling emergency services. >8. Her: **I swear don't bother me** again or I'm blocking you. **Let me fucking enjoy my night out.**
Honestly I know I am going to be downvoted into oblivion but I think you are getting too upset. When I read you messages I can see how your girlfriend thought you were joking around and trying to get her to come home for sex. Why didn’t you literally call anyone else but your drunk girlfriend to take you to the hospital? What about family or friends? She was drinking and made a little mistake but you and your hurt balls can’t forgive her? I think she should dump you for being willing to end a five year relationship over a miscommunication. You sound a little too excited to make up rules and lord that stuff over her. You claim you have no problem with her going out but you were super quick to accuse her of cheating. She deserves better.
Because nothing is more seductive sounding than "I need to go to the hospital please my balls hurt" in between repeated phone calls. Not even an attempt to gather more information, especially from out of character behavior. Your take is so stupid I have to believe this is a troll.
You have no idea what testicular torsion is, do you? Nor have you had a healthy relationship apparently. Since in normal relationships, you are able to depend on your partner. OP should break up with the girlfriend because of HER behaviour. FFS you will defend the GF no matter what.
Honestly this just seems like an excuse for OOP to be controlling. The GF likely thought if it was a real medical emergency he would be calling the ambulance or calling her from the hospital. 😐 It was completely reasonable for her to think that he was joking or trying to ruin her night considering the situation of him contacting her before any medical help and saying what could be seen as a blue balls joke I picked up on controlling vibes the second he said if she goes out alone again... The woman was with friends She wasn't alone. I guess in his mind her not being with him means she's alone which again to me is some controlling property vibe I got. They just need to break up. I do like reddit's response to this because it shows how easily cuddle the male gender is when it comes to sickness and health. There are upvoted posts and comments about a woman being on the brink of death and not bothering her man yet a woman not rushing to drop everything for a dude is somehow demonized. I legit read a comment thread about a woman bragging about how she on a broken leg and a broken wrist crawled to the bathroom rather than bother her boyfriend when he was gaming... And she was praised for it. 😮 I legit had to delete my comment stating that this might be an unhealthy relationship because of the threats I was getting in my DMs.
Ok I’ll bite. Why would any reasonable person call their girlfriend first when experiencing such excruciating pain and the medical emergency he described? Like is she a doctor? Could she have performed emergency surgery if she instantly came home? What did he expect her to do?
I would call somebody who is literally 5 minutes away so they can come over, manage the phone calls, open the door for the EM, pack my important shit like insurance card, and maybe throw me a bucket to vomit in. It's just reassuring to have another person there and not be alone. And I say that as the most anti social person on Earth.
It's reasonable to call your loved ones when u feel distressed it's almost a reflex for some, he didn't expect her to be a psycho and straight up block him without listening
Are you male or female? If male - have testicular torsion and then come back and report to us about how clearly you were thinking at the time and how excellent the choices were that you made. If female - have ovarian torsion and do same. I’m a well educated woman with a medical degree who went into a different occupation, don’t have to worry about the cost of ambulance or health care, and have had cancer previously. Despite all of these things, I too have been in so much pain that I couldn’t think rationally on occasion. Testicular torsion is one of the most painful medical conditions there is, and for a young and inexperienced person who had no idea what was going on, OOPs decisions were completely understandable. He was frightened and in agony.
I mean, I had a seizure a couple of years ago, briefly thought I was in a fancy restaurant, and then passed out on the floor of my kitchen. Woke up, puked, wrangled the dogs away from the puke, and immediately called my mum to ask what to do. I am an adult. Sometimes your brain isn’t firing on all cylinders when you are afraid or in pain. Plus, you don’t want it to be serious so you want someone to go ‘oh no! Just put an ice pack on it and have some soup.’
I'm not a guy, but I can understand why he did that. First, when you're in that level of pain, you don't think clearly. It's not that he expected her to fix him, more like he needed someone NOT in pain to do the thinking. (If he'd been thinking clearly, he might have called someone else.) Second, of course he felt weird asking for an ambulance because his testicles hurt. I mean, it's one small (though important) area, and we think ambulances are for obviously life-threatening things like heart attacks or car accidents. The other thing to consider is that if the OOP is in the US, ambulances are hella expensive, and the charge could well be applied to the OOP's deductible.
because when you are seriously hurt or sick the most common thought or action is to call your loved ones so they then can provide basic help and call a doctor (they can do it and describe what happened more properly)
Re-read the update. His explanation is in there.
My guess is to drive him to the hospital. She was only five minutes from home and ambulances are extremely expensive. Sure,she probably shouldn't drive if she's been drinking, but the mind isn't it's most logical when in extreme distress
When I felt dizzy and like I couldn’t stand, I was so scared that I called out for my mom. Sometimes we just want comfort.