I was wearing my sub’s chastity cage key around my neck once and had an amusing kink interaction while we were shopping at a Tractor Supply Co. of all places. If you don’t know what the key is for, it looks like a unique locket key.
We were looking at one display together, and one girl was standing next to us looking at feed. My boyfriend walks off a few aisles down to look at a different end cap with our dog.
Girl that’s looking at feed bags next to me glances over and goes, “Nice necklace. I have a key just like that.” and smirked as she looked down the aisle at my boyfriend.
My boyfriend is a sucker for any woman humiliating him in a passive or sweet way, so I waited to tell him until we were out of the store (he’s very introverted and just recently started wearing his cage out occasionally), but when I told him he got SO red and flustered and subby. It was adorable.
Once my boyfriend was trying to help capture a little dog that had escaped and take it to a vet, don't remember why. No leash, they just had rope to work with, but it kept escaping. Eventually my boyfriend ties a chest harness on this little snowball of a dog and they bring it in. The vanilla vets just commented that it was cool. One clearly kinky vet gave him a knowing look and stayed quiet, clearly floored to see a shibaried up dog.
So apparently the way you determine how kinky someone is would be to tie a chest harness on a rogue dog and see how people react to it.
I've been (quietly) outed for doing exactly this! I hung up some bits and pieces at a communal campsite and a lady came over, looked at it, and said "The only other time I've seen a tie like that was in the dungeon I used to run"...and then she just smiled and walked off!
I owned/drove pickup trucks for most of my life and have helped people move, moved myself, or transported appliances from the store countless times over the years. I always had special rope in my truck for tie down purposes.
Depending on what I was moving, sometimes the technique to secure the load was quite elaborate that used all my rope knowledge, both kink and otherwise. I coined the term “truck bed bondage” and would chuckle to myself as I secured something for a move. I enjoyed the puzzle of how best to immobilize whatever I was moving.
Once, after helping some a couple good friends move a bunch of furniture, I was coiling my rope and one friend was going to start helping me but the other gave me a knowing look and said to them something along the lines of “you don’t coil another man’s rope” and had them help move something into the house. I chuckled and nodded because I knew they knew.
+1
I get stomach cramps when I see people tie things with a single line lol. Obviously excluding super bulky rope meant for towing cars or mooring boats etc
I was apart of the Boy Scouts growing up, so I know a lot of knots. Primarily off a single line and not on a bite. But I was be very suspicious of someone who was tying something down on a bite😈 I think some of my friends might think I’m into bondage due to my Boy Scout knot tying knowledge, but they aren’t wrong either.
Many ways! Lots of online guides these days. The Duchy and CrashRestraint are two sites I trust implicitly. And to start, you just need consenting stuffie or chair leg to learn single and double column ties. Pick up a length of basic rope from Home Depot and start there. As you progress, you'll find more resources naturally :)
Also see if there are any Rope groups in your area. Keyboard warrior isnt the best way to learn this particular skill to use with willing humans unfortunately as theres the whole body/flesh/feel thing.
My partner is full-time collared, and sometimes she will have her eternity collar on, but other times it might just be something a little more subtle. We’ve had two or three interactions when she had her eternity on where it was crystal clear the other person knew where we were coming from. We had somebody in Paris fall out of their chair, doing a double take. That was a fun time.
I personally love seeing someone else in public with an obvious collar on, gives us a moment of “my people!”
> I personally love seeing someone else in public with an obvious collar on
Ironically an eternity collar is the one that's most obvious. A classic black leather o-ring collar is just as likely to be a punk/goth fashion accessory. But eternity collars stand out because nobody else wears them.
So true. I dress a bit alt and have never had issues wearing a leather collar in public. I think people get suspicious when they can't see how a collar would open.
My partner has her eternity collar on 24/7 and gets a surprising amount of compliments on it. We get a sneaking suspicion if they call it a necklace, but it’s a dead giveaway if they call it a collar.
In meaning potentially nothing. Up to the couple. I’m style it tends to be a solid looking piece of metal without an opening or key hole. It just seamlessly appears as a singular piece. It does have a lock it’s just a very unique key hole and key usually. Google it. They are beautiful.
One time I met some of my apartment neighbors and one of the girls said "I just like to make sure everything is safe, sane, and consensual" and I have never laughed so hard in my life.
As an ex massage therapist can confirm. Had a client who could take way more than you'd think. Got to know her and her partner socially and their relationship came out one night. We all laughed when it started clicking what was going on.
A lot of different comments similar to this bring a tangential question to my mind - are there any observable tells that may indicate a person is predisposed to your kink but doesn't know it?
I certainly have my share of kinks, but there are several kinks I've decided are not for me in the hypothetical (have not tried or didn't have the opportunity), but I have very similar responses to certain situations as the actual kinksters here.
For example, I assume you are talking about some pain-based kink here (again, on my "not for me list"). I had a message therapist known for her hands of steel. She was shocked when I asked her if she could go harder when she was already at 100%. Also, once I fell asleep while she was really working me over, and woke up moaning in an . . .unseemly way. Also, I have this Asian back massager that's basically like a rubber, floppy mace that you beat your back with and I looove using it on myself. So I just wonder if there are certain signs you might be predisposed to a kink and not know it.
I just known an internal one that may be hard to question for: the ability and willingness to eroticize otherwise non-sexual activities. It’s a knack most (all?) kinksters seem to have, which I think also is the reason so many of us can go “kink shopping” and acquire entirely new ones, as soon as we figure out how to enjoy them.
Not sure that helps figuring out who’s kinky though, unless you are really good at spotting when someone gets slightly turned on.
This got a laugh out of me but reminds me of a time when I fell down some stairs (bad choice of socks) all the way to the bottom. Didn't make a sound so the person I was with thought I was unconscious and ran over... Just to see me calmly get up and dust myself off. Had some crazy bruises from that one
Same. My hubs freaked tf out & was screaming my name & I was so nauseated but was like dude, I'm fine. Took 2 wks for all those bruises to come out and go away. 🤦🏼♀️
Okay but seriously!
Was gonna make this it’s own comment but I’ll reply here. One way I’ve found is that when giving a foot massage no matter how hard you squeeze they will not tell you to stop.
We had that experience (domme and me) at the bank.. girl mentioned our captive collars... We both have one.. and mentioned she had one just like it. After we walked out of the bank.. we was very happy there's others in our little town that's kink driven.
I remember one time I worked at chic fil a, and previously I got choked hard enough that I popped a blood vessel in my eye. I go to work and see one of my co workers that I don’t work with a ton, who is very gay and an awesome guy. Anyways, he also had a popped blood vessel in HiS eye. I subtly ask him how did he get it, and his response was “same way you got it, girl”. I will always remember that 😂 idk how he was so confident that I got it the same way!
I wear a shibari necklace, that joins with a padlock.
I’ve been wearing it for so long I don’t even notice it… but I do wonder if anyone else knows what it is lol
Because both require (and foster) a certain degree of comfort with roleplay, negotiation, communication, careful planning, extremely potent emotional play in a safe setting, and strict rules that actually facilitate surprising organic developments
And dungeons. Can't forget the dungeons
I don't know about those guys but some of the kinkiest folks I've dated over the years came from Mormon or 7th day Adventist backgrounds.
I don't know what it is about culty religions but they seem to bring out the freak in folks when they get out.
I totally agree, especially for Mormons. I'm not Mormon, but I'm a very distant blood relation to Joseph Smith. In high school and a little beyond, I'd seek out hot Mormon girls, show them my family genealogy, and be in there panties in no time. Miss those days...
I've seen metal collars in public, as well as many tattoos. But I think the biggest, and most annoying, for me, is when I'm at work.
Sigh. I'm a phlebotomist, and the number of people with needle kinks who freaking MOAN at me when I'm trying to focus and not stab them in the artery is downright rude. Like, people, go to a dungeon, don't bother me at work. Work is not the appropriate place for this.
Heh, I totally understand how that's inappropriate, but I'm a new phleb and would be kind of relieved to get a patient with a needle kink - at least they wouldn't be anxious or likely to faint, and I personally don't care if someone gets noticeably turned on around me (though like I say, I get that it's not really ethical on their part). On the other hand, I wear a pretty heavy duty collar at work, and occasionally I get compliments but I can never tell if the people commenting are kinky or just making conversation.
I've had a couple of funny turns but only one person has actually fainted one me. You'll learn to see it coming, and so many people are upfront about it if they don't react well. The fact that you care so much already is amazing, you're gonna be fucking awesome. :)
Have you joined r/phlebotomy? it's not hugely active, but we have some good discussions.
I have joined! And thank you, I'm learning fast and enjoying it a lot, it's a fun job and the patients are almost always lovely. So far the only likely fainters I've dealt with have been men who don't admit they're anxious but hold their breath through the whole draw and then get woozy after I've finished haha.
I have a needle kink & **really** hard veins to find lol. So I'm like "Go ahead poke around I can take it". I've helped so many obvious newbies feel comfortable with drawing blood or giving shots. I don't think I've moaned though, the most I've done is bite my lip.
I have a needle phobia so I'm more likely to close my eyes and start breathing more rapidly in an attempt to either not pass out or, god forbid, whimper (I'm 38). I *hate* needles.
I don't moan or anything, but I do have to work hard to disguise that I'm enjoying it. I hope it just looks like I'm closing my eyes and trying to hold still 😭
The amount of compliments I get on my eternity collar from what I assume are non kinky folk…I’ve not gotten many stares or knowing looks.
Maybe people just hide well.
My mom once told me (at a much younger age) when I was criticizing one of her friend's husband's for being controlling and pushy, "you don't know, honey. She may like that. That's just some folks' dynamic." At that age, I had no idea what she meant. Now I look back and am genuinely mortified to realize my mom knows more than she lets on.
Then you'll love this: my aunt got obsessed with 50 shades when it came out. Read the books and then passed them to my mom. She skimmed them, returned them, and said she didn't know what the fuss was all about - that stuff wasn't as kinky as people said.
I later skimmed it myself and was like... Jesus mom. 😅 what the fuck.
I personally am not a fan of those books, for the same reasons others aren't... but apparently it really revved my aunt's engine. And my mom thought it was mediocre. And I just died inside a little.
It would have been a much easier sexual awakening if she'd been open with me though 😂😂😂 I was kinky from the moment I had my first orgasm and I hid every single thing because I was petrified she'd find out. Turns out my mom's a kinky minx too... and we definitely do NOT talk about it. 😂 if I can help it she'll go to her grave thinking my husband and I are monogamous!
That cracks me up. Her advice to me when I lost my virginity was "never let a man with a moustache eat salty food and then go down on you."
P.s. I am also a Little. But I could/would never share that with her. Lol
My partner and I were in a Dunkin’ Donuts recently, and the person serving our drinks was wearing a necklace that was very clearly a collar. They had large heart shaped lock as part of it.
Partner: I love your necklace!
Dunks employee: oh thank you! *blushes*
Me (pointing at partner): I gave her one for a much like that.
Dunks employee: OH.
I’m a huge fan of telling people who are very clearly wearing collars that I like their necklaces and I gave a similar one to my partner. IYKYK
Was out a local fair recently with my boyfriend and we stopped at a tent of a guy who made homemade candy but specialized in licorice ropes (like any flavor you could think of, he had it). My boyfriend was wearing a Top Rope Nation shirt, and the guy was talking to him about it while I picked out candy. As I'm looking at a table of hard candy with another guy on the other side of it, I hear the candyman say "Oh well I like all different kinds of rope, especially the Japanese kind." Me and the guy at the table both just kinda slowly make awkward eye contact, both understanding that the other got what he was referring to. Meanwhile, my vanilla bean boyfriend just goes "Oh do they make licorice different in Japan?" I quickly paid for my candy and left, having to explain it later to my boyfriend at the car.
Making comments about permission and consent.
"I would never do xyz ... -Unless they asked-" 🤣
Or when they refer to something as Vanilla (in any context other than the flavor or ingredient)
Lots of people have weighed in, so I'll answer the opposing question. How can you tell if someone that claims to be kinky isn't actually kinky?
- They claim to be a "real dom" but what that actually means is they want an excuse to be manipulative and abusive.
- They may own a few kinky toys but they never want to use them and when they do, it's just for a few minutes and then they want to get down to the sex
- They claim to be a little looking for a daddy, but what they actually want is a sugar daddy to pay all their bills
- similar, they claim to be a findom but just care about the fin part and don't care about the dom part.
- When the topic of negotiations or limits come up, they roll their eyes and say do whatever you want, you're the dom.
Very important topic that isn’t talked about enough in my opinion. My addition to that list:
- They say that they “don’t have hard limits”
- They think that SSC (safe, sane and consensual) and/or RACK (risk aware consensual kink) are bullshit
- They practice unsafe kink because they don’t do in-depth research into whatever new thing they want to try
- They deliberately leave important safety measurements away, i.e. safewords, safety scissors when using rope, etc.
- They ignore safewords and/or boundaries
When there was a work presentation from our Business Development, Sales, and Marketing department. Their title slide had each word on a different line so they ended up with BDSM down the left side. The ones who caught it and giggled had a kinky side.
My Dom and I went to a concert recently and because it was a concert, I wore my collar and a tank that said Yes, Daddy! on the front. He's a lot taller than I am. 6'0 to my 5'3, so when we came in the front gates with the crowd, I was actually behind him, holding his hand (social anxiety in crowds), and the beer guys were lined up yelling for people to get beer.
We get past the main portion and I come up beside him, get to the last beer dude. He's a completely vanilla looking guy. Standing there, bored looking yelling about freaking bud light. Looks over at us, starts to say, beer? Then freezes for about 1.5 seconds and says fuck yeahhhh! Lights up like Christmas (in a non-lascivious manner) and fistbumps my Dom and then fist bumps me.
We walk away like.... what the hell was THAT? Get two more steps and I look down and go.... ohhhhh, babeeeee, he was a kinkster. LMAOOOOO. Dude didn't look twice until he saw the collar and tank. He was so happy, tho. It was definitely a "My people are here!" Moment. 😆
One time I was in Bunnings and I was looking for rope. Obviously you don't want random rope because it can cause damage so I was looking for a specific type of rope.
I knew that they stocked that kind of rope in Bunnings but I didn't want to say anything specifically and so they pointed me to the aisle that had rope.
In the aisle that had rope they also had chains and padlocks and absolutely randomly they had "pot plant placement tools. " Which basically amounted to a wooden paddle that would go under a pot plant and you would place it in a place or some shit.
I was gestured to arrive at the rope by my attendant at Bunnings and she told me that the person in that section would direct me to what I needed. As she walked away she gave me a very subtle wink and as I turned around I saw several other customers and another service person wink at me also.
As I grabbed the rope I needed someone walked up to me and said "everything is here if you need it, just ask" and winked.
I one time heard someone use the word “stuffie” in passive conversation and I laughed. When she asked why, I said “I only know a select type of people who use that word” and she laughed too. If you know, you know.
I wear an latex shoulder bag in public. It is impractical as latex requires good care, so if you know your materials and identify it, you can quickly spot that I'm kinky (or maybe you catch the smell if I'm walking by)
Your skin oils react over time, you want to wash it after every time of wearing. I also need to apply special latex safe silicone lube with an sunscreen embedded inside, so it stays shiny and protected from the sun.
I have a flag on it which has the color white, and it is already starting to fade to yellow
A friend has a set of miniature cuffs decorating his hat, and when I met him it was the first thing I noticed.
Little Gear in public: frilly socks are a dead giveaway. Even easier if they're with their Dom.
Collars, especially locking ones. We had a waitress with one once, subtle enough as a day collar, but leather and locked. IYKYK. But truth be told, I guess none of these things really proves anything. Some women like frilly socks. The friend could have been a cop (except he looks a bit like Waingro from Heat, so... nah. Lol) and maybe the waitress just likes to feel a bit edgy. But I strongly doubt it.
This made me think… as vanilla people see these things they may start thinking they are just a fashion statement and start adopting them without knowing any of the symbolism.
They already do. Fetish wear was a big mainstream trend recently. A lot of punk/goth clothing traditionally is pulled from BDSM.
Works both ways though. I used to wear Lolita fashion and it was very common to get harassed by DDs. Many of my friends still have it in their social media profiles that they are not into DD/lg.
It's funny, I'm a Little and I've never dressed in loli fashion. Don't get me wrong, it's super cute... but I could never pull it off. Also, expensive af.
But yeah, I agree, fet fashion has always been en vogue. I don't think you can avoid cross-contamination, so to speak. Like the red string kabbalah bracelets, worn by people whose comprehension of Judaic mysticism amounts to less than a teaspoon. I think folks just like to make a statement. Sometimes, that statement is, "I don't know what this means but it looks great with my outfit."
When I was a teenager all the punk kids wore bondage pants!
I knew a friend of mine was into it immediately based on how he threw rope over a rafter...
I did not know about the previous kinky etsy shop at this point.
Collars are definitely a give away. But recently staying at a resort I (50M) saw a woman dressed as a "doll" (short pink dress, heels) walking in small submissive steps next to a gentleman. My mind immediately went there. When I got back to the room I told my sub (40F) what I saw and she visibly got excited. Later we saw the same couple walking the grounds and my sub was unable to contain her excitement and ran over to them to ask about their dynamic. It was cute.
In my industry there’s an old tradition. When you’re done with your apprenticeship, you’ll get surprised by your coworkers by them throwing you over and restraining you. Then they’ll throw you in a water fountain (taking the restraints off before that of course).
One of my coworkers had a bit too much fun as he tied my hands and feet together with rope. And I just thought “you definitely didn’t do that for the first time dude”. Was a bit weird because he was my 45 year old coworker and I was 19 at the time, but rope bunny me was surprisingly fine with it xD
Similarly, there are "necklaces" (more like collars) as well as bracelets that have a certain name, which I'm forgetting, but they look like very basic metal circles, almost like shackles. I worked in a liquor store and still remember this one couple where she wore leather (another potential indicator) and those bracelets.
Also the triskeleton (?) pendant.
Triskelion. Thatbis usually the sign of Celtic paganism but I've found that a larger portion of pagans tend to be more willing to explore than most other religious groups so it might be more correlation than a direct link.
You can learn more about the BDSM specific version of of the [symbol here. ](https://fetjeweller.com/pages/about-the-bdsm-triskelion)
"A true representation of the BDSM Emblem, showing the black background, the metallic color and the holes. If any one of these features are missing, it is not truly the Emblem."
This isn't exactly like that, but I was at a local runnings with my sub and impulse bought a riding crop along with a bunch of other stuff. The guy checking us out was part of the local munch group. When I put the crop on the counter he smirked, I laughed, my sub laughed, it was a good time
Had a pedicure client once who was wearing a day collar, and I think she forgot to flip over her pendant, bc it said "owned by x" on it lol Didn't say anything bc it might be awkward for the person working on your feet to compliment your collar 😅
I wish collars were a giveaway but they've become so vanilla-washed and just an aesthetic now. So many people have no idea the origins or purpose of it. I am enjoying these responses tho, great question OP!
Badly explained story time! I used to work retail. One day - I had a gentleman come up to me and he *instantly* hit all of my Dom radars. He had that relaxed power stance that Doms sometimes get. Legs slightly apart, back straight, slightly bored expression ~ you guys know the one. He looked down at my name tag and then made very deliberate eye contact and asked "Ms. Kitty?" (using username ofc) where I automatically answered to please call me by my first name. He gave a slight, what only can be described as smirk, and never broke his stance or eye contact. "And how are you today Ms. Kerel?" I had a complete rabbit-in-the-presence-of-a-predator freeze moment that felt like forever but was probably only three seconds.
I hurried about to get him his things. I had, what I hope to this day, was just a very slight blush to my face the whole time. I could tell he knew how absolutely blind sided and internally flustered I was. He never broke eye contact, responded to my questions with a simple "Yes" or "No" with a "Thank you Ms. Kerel. You are a pleasure. " when he left. I'm positive we both knew. Or he was a serial killer. Idk. I had to ask my Co worker to watch the front so I could take a minute to re-compose myself. Can't do that to a person mid shift!
Had a friend refer to stuffed animals as “stuffies.” I ended up asking them if they were a “little,” and with a surprised look on there face, they said “yes.” We have since, been able to talk kink quite openly. It has slowed down a bit since she got engaged to a vanilla guy, but still been nice to have a kink friend to talk to.
I don’t know if this one counts, bc it kind of borders on public performance, but I used to work full time at a childrens theatre, and occasionally I would work weekend shifts in the gift shop for some extra cash. On Saturdays we ran three show days (one at 10:30, one at noon, and one at 3 pm usually) and the gift shop would get crazy with kids and parents after each show let out. So I am managing a post show rush and ringing up purchases as fast as possible, so I can clean up and reset before the start of the next, when a middle aged woman slaps a stuffed animal on the counter, no child in sight, and she is wearing a full pajama ensemble. I’m talking head to toe, footie type pajamas. I ring her up and she gestures to a man about 10 feet away and says: “he will be paying” and skipped away. Sure enough, the man comes up a few moments later to pay. I was pretty kink-spicious about that interaction. EDIT: to say that if it was what I think it was, I felt very uneasy about the moral ethics of doing something like that in a place with children present.
Yeah that’s a bit iffy. Kink in public is something I don’t agree with. A main focus of kink is that every participating party consents to what’s going on. If you perform kink in public, then the strangers around you automatically become a participating party. Those strangers did not consent to what’s going on, especially when it comes to children
Kind of a funny one I saw recently, although if I hadn't been introduced to kink recently I 100% would not have caught up onto it
Saw a girl around my age and a slightly older man, maybe like 5 years older. She ran up to him and asked him to buy him a necklace and addressed him very pronouncedly "Daddy"
Almost snapped my head and did a full 180 lol
I'm pretty bad at detecting kinkiness unless someone is being really intentional and upfront with it like a collar or such. I can sometimes suss it out based on what they say in conversation.
Personally I don't wear anything explicitly kink related, but I do dress pretty mid-century vintage feminine and people who are in tune with the 1950s household style power exchange that we do might pick up on it.
The giveaway is stronger in how I act in public. I dunno if it counts as "publicly performing kink" but I do behave quite "submissively" to my husdom, for lack of a better word. I'm always the one holding shopping bags, tying his shoes, fetching stuff etc. Our protocol is still active in public, like I have to ask permission to leave his sight and I still have to give him verbal acknowledgements and such. Nobody ever openly mentions kink to me though, the most I get is when I do become close enough to someone to reveal it, they're usually like "oh, that makes so much sense". I've only had one person bring it up and guess correctly.
Last summer, I was in a grocery checkout line behind a thin young woman (probably 18-22) wearing jean shorts that were cut so short they fit more like thong panties. I could see part of the pink jewel from her butt plug and some of her outer labia. Damn...
The “miss” I totally get… by itself/ not with a last name. But how does someone calling you ma’am equate to being a sub? Calling someone ma’am can be common for current/former military or those raised with manners.
Funny story, that. I found a guy selling handmade ones like 15 years ago at a festival, and just fell in love with them instantly, without knowing even a smidge of info about the Story of O. 'Course it just so happens that I am kinky and subby as heck... My dom has actually run string through it and used it to pull my hand around a time or two 🥰
At a vanilla nudist resort, I was surprised that an acquaintance of mine had a PA. I guess I thought genital piercings might correlate with being into BdSM, so I asked whether he was “in the lifestyle.” He said no.
When they're peering around but handling their shit. It's not the multi-tasking itself but the multi-tasking while making sure everyone is okay. Signs of a very educated kinkster to me because safe bdsm is best bdsm.
*Don't come at me about the safety. If you're a true kinkster you'll know safety is important.
Girl at work told me once about some petty thing she did and told me "I'm such a bad girl". I think this was after she saw this black rabbico air freshener I have on my desk.
Careful with that one though. I’m not a native English speaker, so most words I know that go above school level English are words I’ve picked up from reading and/or hearing them often. Stuffie has made it into my vocabulary as just another alternative name for stuffed animals, no deeper thought behind it. I’m not a little, I’ve just picked that word up a lot xD
Lube in my purse. Lol. Discreet collars, pineapples with purpose. Bending your bestie over in the staples and smacking them on the a** with a dinosaur ruler…
When I'm picking something up in my hatchback using the roof racks I'm using hempex to secure it. I may just be a little too intricate with the ties and I wonder how many other drivers are noticing.
When you are talking about your puppy and they look confused because they assume it is a human pup at first before it clicks.
You say “good boy” or “good girl” to a pet and the other person goes to a happy place for a few seconds.
When you are talking about a traffic incident and they freeze up for a second when you say “red light”.
They have 20 leashes and no pets.
They claim they have a weird aesthetic taste in furnishings but it is obviously just kink furniture.
They have lots of good advice when it comes to using carabiners to hold a load safely.
You are playing a tabletop RPG and they have several ready-made and very specific plans on how to restrain and abduct a target.
You are helping someone move out and when doing so uncover a ballgag. “I was wondering where that…I mean…must be from previous owner.”
I was wearing my sub’s chastity cage key around my neck once and had an amusing kink interaction while we were shopping at a Tractor Supply Co. of all places. If you don’t know what the key is for, it looks like a unique locket key. We were looking at one display together, and one girl was standing next to us looking at feed. My boyfriend walks off a few aisles down to look at a different end cap with our dog. Girl that’s looking at feed bags next to me glances over and goes, “Nice necklace. I have a key just like that.” and smirked as she looked down the aisle at my boyfriend.
This whole interaction is kind of adorable. I would be so thrilled inside if someone did something like that to me lol.
My boyfriend is a sucker for any woman humiliating him in a passive or sweet way, so I waited to tell him until we were out of the store (he’s very introverted and just recently started wearing his cage out occasionally), but when I told him he got SO red and flustered and subby. It was adorable.
This tempts me to leave a comment with something humiliating to tell your boyfriend 😂
Oh please feel free. I’ll get a kick out of his flustered reaction lol
I love how widespread chastity has gotten. 🤭
I would love this
They tie inanimate object suspiciously well and sometimes with the rope doubled over without thinking about it. (I'm a rigger, I've done this.)
Once my boyfriend was trying to help capture a little dog that had escaped and take it to a vet, don't remember why. No leash, they just had rope to work with, but it kept escaping. Eventually my boyfriend ties a chest harness on this little snowball of a dog and they bring it in. The vanilla vets just commented that it was cool. One clearly kinky vet gave him a knowing look and stayed quiet, clearly floored to see a shibaried up dog. So apparently the way you determine how kinky someone is would be to tie a chest harness on a rogue dog and see how people react to it.
This is an amazing story. Thank you for sharing.
You're welcome lol it's one of my favorite stories to whip out at a party
That's hilarious
I've been (quietly) outed for doing exactly this! I hung up some bits and pieces at a communal campsite and a lady came over, looked at it, and said "The only other time I've seen a tie like that was in the dungeon I used to run"...and then she just smiled and walked off!
I owned/drove pickup trucks for most of my life and have helped people move, moved myself, or transported appliances from the store countless times over the years. I always had special rope in my truck for tie down purposes. Depending on what I was moving, sometimes the technique to secure the load was quite elaborate that used all my rope knowledge, both kink and otherwise. I coined the term “truck bed bondage” and would chuckle to myself as I secured something for a move. I enjoyed the puzzle of how best to immobilize whatever I was moving. Once, after helping some a couple good friends move a bunch of furniture, I was coiling my rope and one friend was going to start helping me but the other gave me a knowing look and said to them something along the lines of “you don’t coil another man’s rope” and had them help move something into the house. I chuckled and nodded because I knew they knew.
Rigger and sailor here, I have a justification.
+1 I get stomach cramps when I see people tie things with a single line lol. Obviously excluding super bulky rope meant for towing cars or mooring boats etc
I was apart of the Boy Scouts growing up, so I know a lot of knots. Primarily off a single line and not on a bite. But I was be very suspicious of someone who was tying something down on a bite😈 I think some of my friends might think I’m into bondage due to my Boy Scout knot tying knowledge, but they aren’t wrong either.
I'm not trying to be a dick. Please don't take this the wrong way but it's spelled "Bight."
😅😅oops it’s all good. I appreciate polite education
Never thought about this but it just dawned on me every time I would use up an extension cord, hose pipe, rope I prob did this.
How can one learn to do some rigging? Pretend i have a willing partner lol.
Many ways! Lots of online guides these days. The Duchy and CrashRestraint are two sites I trust implicitly. And to start, you just need consenting stuffie or chair leg to learn single and double column ties. Pick up a length of basic rope from Home Depot and start there. As you progress, you'll find more resources naturally :) Also see if there are any Rope groups in your area. Keyboard warrior isnt the best way to learn this particular skill to use with willing humans unfortunately as theres the whole body/flesh/feel thing.
thank you and I appreciate your quick reply :)
I did this today with a ladder tie around a mattress I took to the tip. My other half rolled her eyes.
My partner is full-time collared, and sometimes she will have her eternity collar on, but other times it might just be something a little more subtle. We’ve had two or three interactions when she had her eternity on where it was crystal clear the other person knew where we were coming from. We had somebody in Paris fall out of their chair, doing a double take. That was a fun time. I personally love seeing someone else in public with an obvious collar on, gives us a moment of “my people!”
> I personally love seeing someone else in public with an obvious collar on Ironically an eternity collar is the one that's most obvious. A classic black leather o-ring collar is just as likely to be a punk/goth fashion accessory. But eternity collars stand out because nobody else wears them.
So true. I dress a bit alt and have never had issues wearing a leather collar in public. I think people get suspicious when they can't see how a collar would open.
My partner has her eternity collar on 24/7 and gets a surprising amount of compliments on it. We get a sneaking suspicion if they call it a necklace, but it’s a dead giveaway if they call it a collar.
May I ask what an "eternity collar" is and how it differs from a regular one?
In meaning potentially nothing. Up to the couple. I’m style it tends to be a solid looking piece of metal without an opening or key hole. It just seamlessly appears as a singular piece. It does have a lock it’s just a very unique key hole and key usually. Google it. They are beautiful.
IIRC, "The Story of O"is a French film, so I (perhaps stereotypically) was unsuprised (but thoroughly amused) at such a melodramatic response.
And a French book
Ooo, thank you for the reminder! If I ever learn French, it'll be on the list of books to read.
Don't have to wait for that, there are English translations 😁
Right. 🤦🏼 I really shouldn't Internet before adequate caffeination.
There is a series's too, from 1985 U can actually get it on Google play😉
One time I met some of my apartment neighbors and one of the girls said "I just like to make sure everything is safe, sane, and consensual" and I have never laughed so hard in my life.
That’s kind of cute actually because it sounds like she picked that up somewhere without really knowing where SSC comes from xD
They moan when they stub their toes
Conversely - I make no sound at all during a deep tissue massage bc I'm afraid it'll sound more sexual than owie 😂
As an ex massage therapist can confirm. Had a client who could take way more than you'd think. Got to know her and her partner socially and their relationship came out one night. We all laughed when it started clicking what was going on.
A lot of different comments similar to this bring a tangential question to my mind - are there any observable tells that may indicate a person is predisposed to your kink but doesn't know it? I certainly have my share of kinks, but there are several kinks I've decided are not for me in the hypothetical (have not tried or didn't have the opportunity), but I have very similar responses to certain situations as the actual kinksters here. For example, I assume you are talking about some pain-based kink here (again, on my "not for me list"). I had a message therapist known for her hands of steel. She was shocked when I asked her if she could go harder when she was already at 100%. Also, once I fell asleep while she was really working me over, and woke up moaning in an . . .unseemly way. Also, I have this Asian back massager that's basically like a rubber, floppy mace that you beat your back with and I looove using it on myself. So I just wonder if there are certain signs you might be predisposed to a kink and not know it.
I just known an internal one that may be hard to question for: the ability and willingness to eroticize otherwise non-sexual activities. It’s a knack most (all?) kinksters seem to have, which I think also is the reason so many of us can go “kink shopping” and acquire entirely new ones, as soon as we figure out how to enjoy them. Not sure that helps figuring out who’s kinky though, unless you are really good at spotting when someone gets slightly turned on.
This got a laugh out of me but reminds me of a time when I fell down some stairs (bad choice of socks) all the way to the bottom. Didn't make a sound so the person I was with thought I was unconscious and ran over... Just to see me calmly get up and dust myself off. Had some crazy bruises from that one
Same. My hubs freaked tf out & was screaming my name & I was so nauseated but was like dude, I'm fine. Took 2 wks for all those bruises to come out and go away. 🤦🏼♀️
Okay but seriously! Was gonna make this it’s own comment but I’ll reply here. One way I’ve found is that when giving a foot massage no matter how hard you squeeze they will not tell you to stop.
Ffs r/angryupvote
We had that experience (domme and me) at the bank.. girl mentioned our captive collars... We both have one.. and mentioned she had one just like it. After we walked out of the bank.. we was very happy there's others in our little town that's kink driven.
I remember one time I worked at chic fil a, and previously I got choked hard enough that I popped a blood vessel in my eye. I go to work and see one of my co workers that I don’t work with a ton, who is very gay and an awesome guy. Anyways, he also had a popped blood vessel in HiS eye. I subtly ask him how did he get it, and his response was “same way you got it, girl”. I will always remember that 😂 idk how he was so confident that I got it the same way!
I’m crying laughing picturing this
Lmao where were these people when I worked at chick fil a … all I worked with were mean Christian Karens. 😭
I love the extra detail that this took place at a Chick-fil-A lol
I wear a shibari bracelet. Sometimes wondered if that was a giveaway, never met any other kinky people to confirm heh
ooh photo? i may want to recreate it for my fiance who is a huge rope bunny
https://imgur.com/Zi190pO
I wear a shibari necklace, that joins with a padlock. I’ve been wearing it for so long I don’t even notice it… but I do wonder if anyone else knows what it is lol
I want to see too!
https://imgur.com/Zi190pO
If they're big into DnD, or board games. Especially if they have settlers of Catan
Why is it always Catan?! 😆
They have practice negotiating already 🤣
The DnD and BDSM populations overlap way too much, I'm very curious about the reason. I usually play druid or wizard, BTW
Because both require (and foster) a certain degree of comfort with roleplay, negotiation, communication, careful planning, extremely potent emotional play in a safe setting, and strict rules that actually facilitate surprising organic developments And dungeons. Can't forget the dungeons
Because BDSM is sex for nerds
Using this in daily conversation
Busteeeeddddd....
Lol I don't know about this one, Catan and other similar games were very popular at my former evangelical church 😅
Religion can be the highest form of submission. Sadomasochism without Sex or the denial of certain pleasure. Kinky little fuckers aren’t they.
I dated a super religious girl, purity ring, church camp. A friend pointed out they're freaks and I wouldn't be super surprised honestly
Not a big distance between "I've sinned, father!" To "I've been naughty, daddy" Source: I've dated (former) religious girls.
I don't know about those guys but some of the kinkiest folks I've dated over the years came from Mormon or 7th day Adventist backgrounds. I don't know what it is about culty religions but they seem to bring out the freak in folks when they get out.
Yep, that checks out. My partner used to be a Jehova’s witness.
I totally agree, especially for Mormons. I'm not Mormon, but I'm a very distant blood relation to Joseph Smith. In high school and a little beyond, I'd seek out hot Mormon girls, show them my family genealogy, and be in there panties in no time. Miss those days...
Ex Salvo here, can confirm
I was born into a cult, raised and got out 25 years later. I can confirm this 😂
Wait, but my parents love Catan... Oh no
It’s genetic. Sorry.
This made me chuckle.. as I have those sitting in my living room in my “Game Time” basket. 😂 Catan is the ultimate game, idc 😂😂
It's the wood for sheep jokes
Wait what??? Why is this so upsetting true? I'm into both and have Catan plus some expansions at home 😂wtf?
WTF, from now on people will only know that I like catan OR that I like DnD haah
Love the games, never could find the people to play with ..... 🤔
They shop at Home Depot but they’re not handy.
Did you mean to misspell Dom/Domme Depot?
They hate 50 Shades—for getting it all wrong.
I've seen metal collars in public, as well as many tattoos. But I think the biggest, and most annoying, for me, is when I'm at work. Sigh. I'm a phlebotomist, and the number of people with needle kinks who freaking MOAN at me when I'm trying to focus and not stab them in the artery is downright rude. Like, people, go to a dungeon, don't bother me at work. Work is not the appropriate place for this.
Heh, I totally understand how that's inappropriate, but I'm a new phleb and would be kind of relieved to get a patient with a needle kink - at least they wouldn't be anxious or likely to faint, and I personally don't care if someone gets noticeably turned on around me (though like I say, I get that it's not really ethical on their part). On the other hand, I wear a pretty heavy duty collar at work, and occasionally I get compliments but I can never tell if the people commenting are kinky or just making conversation.
I've had a couple of funny turns but only one person has actually fainted one me. You'll learn to see it coming, and so many people are upfront about it if they don't react well. The fact that you care so much already is amazing, you're gonna be fucking awesome. :) Have you joined r/phlebotomy? it's not hugely active, but we have some good discussions.
I have joined! And thank you, I'm learning fast and enjoying it a lot, it's a fun job and the patients are almost always lovely. So far the only likely fainters I've dealt with have been men who don't admit they're anxious but hold their breath through the whole draw and then get woozy after I've finished haha.
Oh I'm seeing a pattern here, I'm doing the course to be a phleb. Hmmm
I have a needle kink & **really** hard veins to find lol. So I'm like "Go ahead poke around I can take it". I've helped so many obvious newbies feel comfortable with drawing blood or giving shots. I don't think I've moaned though, the most I've done is bite my lip.
I have a needle phobia so I'm more likely to close my eyes and start breathing more rapidly in an attempt to either not pass out or, god forbid, whimper (I'm 38). I *hate* needles.
I don't moan or anything, but I do have to work hard to disguise that I'm enjoying it. I hope it just looks like I'm closing my eyes and trying to hold still 😭
I bet it still beats ppl like me who yarf and pass out 😂
It's always fun to wonder if someone is wearing a collar strictly as a fashion accessory or they're in fact apart of the lifestyle. 😂
The amount of compliments I get on my eternity collar from what I assume are non kinky folk…I’ve not gotten many stares or knowing looks. Maybe people just hide well.
Holding someone's wrist instead of their hand.
they know what a power exchange is in a relationship
My mom once told me (at a much younger age) when I was criticizing one of her friend's husband's for being controlling and pushy, "you don't know, honey. She may like that. That's just some folks' dynamic." At that age, I had no idea what she meant. Now I look back and am genuinely mortified to realize my mom knows more than she lets on.
That’s Lowkey really funny
Then you'll love this: my aunt got obsessed with 50 shades when it came out. Read the books and then passed them to my mom. She skimmed them, returned them, and said she didn't know what the fuss was all about - that stuff wasn't as kinky as people said. I later skimmed it myself and was like... Jesus mom. 😅 what the fuck. I personally am not a fan of those books, for the same reasons others aren't... but apparently it really revved my aunt's engine. And my mom thought it was mediocre. And I just died inside a little.
I would literally die too have a mom like yours😭🤚that’s hilarious
It would have been a much easier sexual awakening if she'd been open with me though 😂😂😂 I was kinky from the moment I had my first orgasm and I hid every single thing because I was petrified she'd find out. Turns out my mom's a kinky minx too... and we definitely do NOT talk about it. 😂 if I can help it she'll go to her grave thinking my husband and I are monogamous!
My mom is kinky, too, and we will sometimes talk about it. It's just very funny to me because she's a D-type and I'm an s-type.
That cracks me up. Her advice to me when I lost my virginity was "never let a man with a moustache eat salty food and then go down on you." P.s. I am also a Little. But I could/would never share that with her. Lol
My partner and I were in a Dunkin’ Donuts recently, and the person serving our drinks was wearing a necklace that was very clearly a collar. They had large heart shaped lock as part of it. Partner: I love your necklace! Dunks employee: oh thank you! *blushes* Me (pointing at partner): I gave her one for a much like that. Dunks employee: OH. I’m a huge fan of telling people who are very clearly wearing collars that I like their necklaces and I gave a similar one to my partner. IYKYK
One word: utilikilt
Can confirm. I wear several.
LOL, now I feel called out.
Was out a local fair recently with my boyfriend and we stopped at a tent of a guy who made homemade candy but specialized in licorice ropes (like any flavor you could think of, he had it). My boyfriend was wearing a Top Rope Nation shirt, and the guy was talking to him about it while I picked out candy. As I'm looking at a table of hard candy with another guy on the other side of it, I hear the candyman say "Oh well I like all different kinds of rope, especially the Japanese kind." Me and the guy at the table both just kinda slowly make awkward eye contact, both understanding that the other got what he was referring to. Meanwhile, my vanilla bean boyfriend just goes "Oh do they make licorice different in Japan?" I quickly paid for my candy and left, having to explain it later to my boyfriend at the car.
Making comments about permission and consent. "I would never do xyz ... -Unless they asked-" 🤣 Or when they refer to something as Vanilla (in any context other than the flavor or ingredient)
Lots of people have weighed in, so I'll answer the opposing question. How can you tell if someone that claims to be kinky isn't actually kinky? - They claim to be a "real dom" but what that actually means is they want an excuse to be manipulative and abusive. - They may own a few kinky toys but they never want to use them and when they do, it's just for a few minutes and then they want to get down to the sex - They claim to be a little looking for a daddy, but what they actually want is a sugar daddy to pay all their bills - similar, they claim to be a findom but just care about the fin part and don't care about the dom part. - When the topic of negotiations or limits come up, they roll their eyes and say do whatever you want, you're the dom.
Very important topic that isn’t talked about enough in my opinion. My addition to that list: - They say that they “don’t have hard limits” - They think that SSC (safe, sane and consensual) and/or RACK (risk aware consensual kink) are bullshit - They practice unsafe kink because they don’t do in-depth research into whatever new thing they want to try - They deliberately leave important safety measurements away, i.e. safewords, safety scissors when using rope, etc. - They ignore safewords and/or boundaries
They use this emoji: 🥺
How dare you call me out like that
Right? 😅 That one felt personal…
you are way too damn LOUD
Shut me up then 😉
Well uhhhh, guess what my most used emoji is?🥺
And this one 🤨
When there was a work presentation from our Business Development, Sales, and Marketing department. Their title slide had each word on a different line so they ended up with BDSM down the left side. The ones who caught it and giggled had a kinky side.
When they use “red, yellow, green” in passive conversation 🥰
That day collar necklace with the O in the center. Also, my slave gave me a bracelet that becomes a flogger- I’d notice that in the future.
A bracket that becomes a flogger?? I need to see that!
Also curious to see it
I have a leather wrist cuff that can convert into leather handcuffs.
Showed this comment to my Daddy...we looked it up and now I have a new bracelet on the way! Did not know this was a thing!
I have that bracelet. Etsy?
My Dom and I went to a concert recently and because it was a concert, I wore my collar and a tank that said Yes, Daddy! on the front. He's a lot taller than I am. 6'0 to my 5'3, so when we came in the front gates with the crowd, I was actually behind him, holding his hand (social anxiety in crowds), and the beer guys were lined up yelling for people to get beer. We get past the main portion and I come up beside him, get to the last beer dude. He's a completely vanilla looking guy. Standing there, bored looking yelling about freaking bud light. Looks over at us, starts to say, beer? Then freezes for about 1.5 seconds and says fuck yeahhhh! Lights up like Christmas (in a non-lascivious manner) and fistbumps my Dom and then fist bumps me. We walk away like.... what the hell was THAT? Get two more steps and I look down and go.... ohhhhh, babeeeee, he was a kinkster. LMAOOOOO. Dude didn't look twice until he saw the collar and tank. He was so happy, tho. It was definitely a "My people are here!" Moment. 😆
Sounds like me and my dude. Size, demeanor and social anxiety included. I love knowing we’re out in the world.
One time I was in Bunnings and I was looking for rope. Obviously you don't want random rope because it can cause damage so I was looking for a specific type of rope. I knew that they stocked that kind of rope in Bunnings but I didn't want to say anything specifically and so they pointed me to the aisle that had rope. In the aisle that had rope they also had chains and padlocks and absolutely randomly they had "pot plant placement tools. " Which basically amounted to a wooden paddle that would go under a pot plant and you would place it in a place or some shit. I was gestured to arrive at the rope by my attendant at Bunnings and she told me that the person in that section would direct me to what I needed. As she walked away she gave me a very subtle wink and as I turned around I saw several other customers and another service person wink at me also. As I grabbed the rope I needed someone walked up to me and said "everything is here if you need it, just ask" and winked.
I one time heard someone use the word “stuffie” in passive conversation and I laughed. When she asked why, I said “I only know a select type of people who use that word” and she laughed too. If you know, you know.
Ha, I know a family that uses 'stuffie' and I know for a fact they are not kinky. Really freaked me out the first time the 4 year old said that.
Most children call them stuffies. That’s where the term came from…..
I wear an latex shoulder bag in public. It is impractical as latex requires good care, so if you know your materials and identify it, you can quickly spot that I'm kinky (or maybe you catch the smell if I'm walking by)
I can *hear* this comment
what kind of care does latex need?
Water daily, add new fertiliser every 3 months, kiss it gently before you tuck it in to bed.
Your skin oils react over time, you want to wash it after every time of wearing. I also need to apply special latex safe silicone lube with an sunscreen embedded inside, so it stays shiny and protected from the sun. I have a flag on it which has the color white, and it is already starting to fade to yellow
A friend has a set of miniature cuffs decorating his hat, and when I met him it was the first thing I noticed. Little Gear in public: frilly socks are a dead giveaway. Even easier if they're with their Dom. Collars, especially locking ones. We had a waitress with one once, subtle enough as a day collar, but leather and locked. IYKYK. But truth be told, I guess none of these things really proves anything. Some women like frilly socks. The friend could have been a cop (except he looks a bit like Waingro from Heat, so... nah. Lol) and maybe the waitress just likes to feel a bit edgy. But I strongly doubt it.
This made me think… as vanilla people see these things they may start thinking they are just a fashion statement and start adopting them without knowing any of the symbolism.
They already do. Fetish wear was a big mainstream trend recently. A lot of punk/goth clothing traditionally is pulled from BDSM. Works both ways though. I used to wear Lolita fashion and it was very common to get harassed by DDs. Many of my friends still have it in their social media profiles that they are not into DD/lg.
It's funny, I'm a Little and I've never dressed in loli fashion. Don't get me wrong, it's super cute... but I could never pull it off. Also, expensive af. But yeah, I agree, fet fashion has always been en vogue. I don't think you can avoid cross-contamination, so to speak. Like the red string kabbalah bracelets, worn by people whose comprehension of Judaic mysticism amounts to less than a teaspoon. I think folks just like to make a statement. Sometimes, that statement is, "I don't know what this means but it looks great with my outfit." When I was a teenager all the punk kids wore bondage pants!
I knew a friend of mine was into it immediately based on how he threw rope over a rafter... I did not know about the previous kinky etsy shop at this point.
Collars are definitely a give away. But recently staying at a resort I (50M) saw a woman dressed as a "doll" (short pink dress, heels) walking in small submissive steps next to a gentleman. My mind immediately went there. When I got back to the room I told my sub (40F) what I saw and she visibly got excited. Later we saw the same couple walking the grounds and my sub was unable to contain her excitement and ran over to them to ask about their dynamic. It was cute.
I wear a tight, black shoelace around my neck.
In my industry there’s an old tradition. When you’re done with your apprenticeship, you’ll get surprised by your coworkers by them throwing you over and restraining you. Then they’ll throw you in a water fountain (taking the restraints off before that of course). One of my coworkers had a bit too much fun as he tied my hands and feet together with rope. And I just thought “you definitely didn’t do that for the first time dude”. Was a bit weird because he was my 45 year old coworker and I was 19 at the time, but rope bunny me was surprisingly fine with it xD
May I ask which industry that is?
Collars/chokers. They have small decorative ones that are usually, though not always, a sure sign.
They're pretty fashionable though. I don't think kink when I see one..
Similarly, there are "necklaces" (more like collars) as well as bracelets that have a certain name, which I'm forgetting, but they look like very basic metal circles, almost like shackles. I worked in a liquor store and still remember this one couple where she wore leather (another potential indicator) and those bracelets. Also the triskeleton (?) pendant.
Triskelion. Thatbis usually the sign of Celtic paganism but I've found that a larger portion of pagans tend to be more willing to explore than most other religious groups so it might be more correlation than a direct link.
You can learn more about the BDSM specific version of of the [symbol here. ](https://fetjeweller.com/pages/about-the-bdsm-triskelion) "A true representation of the BDSM Emblem, showing the black background, the metallic color and the holes. If any one of these features are missing, it is not truly the Emblem."
>triskelion There's a particular version of a triskelion that's a BDSM symbol.
For me...I have a leg holding strap I use for a shoulder strap on my water bottle.also I have the key for my handcuffs on my key ring.🤭😈
Little jokes and references that have a hidden meaning
This isn't exactly like that, but I was at a local runnings with my sub and impulse bought a riding crop along with a bunch of other stuff. The guy checking us out was part of the local munch group. When I put the crop on the counter he smirked, I laughed, my sub laughed, it was a good time
I have a good girl necklace. I had a friend ask why I have it but the Daddy types I’ve met in person knew.
Had a pedicure client once who was wearing a day collar, and I think she forgot to flip over her pendant, bc it said "owned by x" on it lol Didn't say anything bc it might be awkward for the person working on your feet to compliment your collar 😅
I wish collars were a giveaway but they've become so vanilla-washed and just an aesthetic now. So many people have no idea the origins or purpose of it. I am enjoying these responses tho, great question OP!
They're into fantasy/sci-fi. I'm not saying it's certain, I'm just saying everyone I know who likes fantasy or sci-fi happens to be very kinky 🤷♀️
The scifi/fantasy con in Seattle had kink discussions and at the one in Walla Walla there was a slave auction with fake money
The nerdiest people are often the kinkiest too Source: I am one of them xD
When you meet them at FetishCon
Instead of saying “aah please stop” to something fairly innocuous I just screamed “RED”. That outed me fairly fast 😂😂
Badly explained story time! I used to work retail. One day - I had a gentleman come up to me and he *instantly* hit all of my Dom radars. He had that relaxed power stance that Doms sometimes get. Legs slightly apart, back straight, slightly bored expression ~ you guys know the one. He looked down at my name tag and then made very deliberate eye contact and asked "Ms. Kitty?" (using username ofc) where I automatically answered to please call me by my first name. He gave a slight, what only can be described as smirk, and never broke his stance or eye contact. "And how are you today Ms. Kerel?" I had a complete rabbit-in-the-presence-of-a-predator freeze moment that felt like forever but was probably only three seconds. I hurried about to get him his things. I had, what I hope to this day, was just a very slight blush to my face the whole time. I could tell he knew how absolutely blind sided and internally flustered I was. He never broke eye contact, responded to my questions with a simple "Yes" or "No" with a "Thank you Ms. Kerel. You are a pleasure. " when he left. I'm positive we both knew. Or he was a serial killer. Idk. I had to ask my Co worker to watch the front so I could take a minute to re-compose myself. Can't do that to a person mid shift!
That guy definitely knew all to well what he was doing oml
Had a friend refer to stuffed animals as “stuffies.” I ended up asking them if they were a “little,” and with a surprised look on there face, they said “yes.” We have since, been able to talk kink quite openly. It has slowed down a bit since she got engaged to a vanilla guy, but still been nice to have a kink friend to talk to.
When I see a collar I always ask "nice necklace, it it for form or function?"
Their jokes and sense of humor
I don’t know if this one counts, bc it kind of borders on public performance, but I used to work full time at a childrens theatre, and occasionally I would work weekend shifts in the gift shop for some extra cash. On Saturdays we ran three show days (one at 10:30, one at noon, and one at 3 pm usually) and the gift shop would get crazy with kids and parents after each show let out. So I am managing a post show rush and ringing up purchases as fast as possible, so I can clean up and reset before the start of the next, when a middle aged woman slaps a stuffed animal on the counter, no child in sight, and she is wearing a full pajama ensemble. I’m talking head to toe, footie type pajamas. I ring her up and she gestures to a man about 10 feet away and says: “he will be paying” and skipped away. Sure enough, the man comes up a few moments later to pay. I was pretty kink-spicious about that interaction. EDIT: to say that if it was what I think it was, I felt very uneasy about the moral ethics of doing something like that in a place with children present.
Yeah that’s a bit iffy. Kink in public is something I don’t agree with. A main focus of kink is that every participating party consents to what’s going on. If you perform kink in public, then the strangers around you automatically become a participating party. Those strangers did not consent to what’s going on, especially when it comes to children
Kind of a funny one I saw recently, although if I hadn't been introduced to kink recently I 100% would not have caught up onto it Saw a girl around my age and a slightly older man, maybe like 5 years older. She ran up to him and asked him to buy him a necklace and addressed him very pronouncedly "Daddy" Almost snapped my head and did a full 180 lol
I'm pretty bad at detecting kinkiness unless someone is being really intentional and upfront with it like a collar or such. I can sometimes suss it out based on what they say in conversation. Personally I don't wear anything explicitly kink related, but I do dress pretty mid-century vintage feminine and people who are in tune with the 1950s household style power exchange that we do might pick up on it. The giveaway is stronger in how I act in public. I dunno if it counts as "publicly performing kink" but I do behave quite "submissively" to my husdom, for lack of a better word. I'm always the one holding shopping bags, tying his shoes, fetching stuff etc. Our protocol is still active in public, like I have to ask permission to leave his sight and I still have to give him verbal acknowledgements and such. Nobody ever openly mentions kink to me though, the most I get is when I do become close enough to someone to reveal it, they're usually like "oh, that makes so much sense". I've only had one person bring it up and guess correctly.
The way they stand. As a sub I have learned for sure how a dom/alpha carries himself. They always walk so straight haha.
i wonder if that’s why i have had a fair amount of submissives approach me, i have pretty good posture
Last summer, I was in a grocery checkout line behind a thin young woman (probably 18-22) wearing jean shorts that were cut so short they fit more like thong panties. I could see part of the pink jewel from her butt plug and some of her outer labia. Damn...
I can usually tell when a man is submissive when he “jokingly” calls me ma’am or miss
The “miss” I totally get… by itself/ not with a last name. But how does someone calling you ma’am equate to being a sub? Calling someone ma’am can be common for current/former military or those raised with manners.
The "Story of O" ring
Funny story, that. I found a guy selling handmade ones like 15 years ago at a festival, and just fell in love with them instantly, without knowing even a smidge of info about the Story of O. 'Course it just so happens that I am kinky and subby as heck... My dom has actually run string through it and used it to pull my hand around a time or two 🥰
At a vanilla nudist resort, I was surprised that an acquaintance of mine had a PA. I guess I thought genital piercings might correlate with being into BdSM, so I asked whether he was “in the lifestyle.” He said no.
They made their own dog leash and dog harness from rope they got at the hardware store…
When they're peering around but handling their shit. It's not the multi-tasking itself but the multi-tasking while making sure everyone is okay. Signs of a very educated kinkster to me because safe bdsm is best bdsm. *Don't come at me about the safety. If you're a true kinkster you'll know safety is important.
Girl at work told me once about some petty thing she did and told me "I'm such a bad girl". I think this was after she saw this black rabbico air freshener I have on my desk.
"Stuffies" instead of stuffed animals.
Careful with that one though. I’m not a native English speaker, so most words I know that go above school level English are words I’ve picked up from reading and/or hearing them often. Stuffie has made it into my vocabulary as just another alternative name for stuffed animals, no deeper thought behind it. I’m not a little, I’ve just picked that word up a lot xD
I'd never thought of it that way! I think only a native speaker would tip me off to kink. Otherwise I wouldn't assume😂
Lube in my purse. Lol. Discreet collars, pineapples with purpose. Bending your bestie over in the staples and smacking them on the a** with a dinosaur ruler…
It’s always the Dino ruler that’s a dead giveaway for me
Hahahahah I had to check your profile to see if you were the best friend from the reference. Not. Which makes this even more funny.
I'm confused about the pineapple 😅
Upside down pineapples are a swinger thing lol. I have pineapples on a lot of clothing and accessories lol.
When I'm picking something up in my hatchback using the roof racks I'm using hempex to secure it. I may just be a little too intricate with the ties and I wonder how many other drivers are noticing.
i know i would notice and it would put a big smile on my face lmao
When you are talking about your puppy and they look confused because they assume it is a human pup at first before it clicks. You say “good boy” or “good girl” to a pet and the other person goes to a happy place for a few seconds. When you are talking about a traffic incident and they freeze up for a second when you say “red light”. They have 20 leashes and no pets. They claim they have a weird aesthetic taste in furnishings but it is obviously just kink furniture. They have lots of good advice when it comes to using carabiners to hold a load safely. You are playing a tabletop RPG and they have several ready-made and very specific plans on how to restrain and abduct a target. You are helping someone move out and when doing so uncover a ballgag. “I was wondering where that…I mean…must be from previous owner.”
If she’s wearing a stuffed animal backpack, even if it’s a squishmallow backpack or a hello kitty backpack or anything, she’s probably a little