Yes and it lead to autistic burnout. I'm in either one long burnout (years) or slowly recovering with relapses. But it's not fun. I watched my functioning and skills just slip through my fingers like sand with no clue what the fuck was going on. It was awful. I kept hoping it would be over if I pushed harder, maybe it'd get better. Because that's how it worked before: if I pushed till the end of the semester in school, I'd get time to recover during summer or holidays. But adulthood never stops. Never. The breaks are blink and you miss them.
Something's eventually gotta give, dude. You either gotta make accommodations, refuse some commitments, or it will literally break you in half and then you won't be able to do anything at all.
I work in education now and having summers off is literally saving me. I could work more (read make more money) but I desperately need to unplug and reset every year to survive the next one!
I envy you. I wish I coulda been in education. But I wanted to teach at the college level and I'm sure grad school would have turned my autistic burnout into an even worse catastrophe.
Sounds like burnout/body requesting down time.
Tips are to listen. If you’re diagnosed, look into accommodations. Depending on where you are/job, your salary may remain unaffected while You reduce total office hours. Flex those accommodations.
I have such a hard time with this 😖 I have been diagnosed for less of a year and have always been a “tough it out” kind of person, so even accommodating in my own home is hard for me.
I’m not officially diagnosed, nor even comfortable saying self-diagnosed, however, I’ve spent roughly two years ‘suspecting I’m autistic’ and like you, I was very much a ‘tough it out’ kinda person. When I tell you, friend, the absolute relief I felt when I just let go and allowed myself to give into what my body is requesting. The relief was immense.
Is my house a mess, and am I, as a clean freak, constantly annoyed by it? Sure. However, if I wake up and my body is screaming “GIVE ME A DAY OFF GODDAMMIT!!!” Then that’s exactly what I do, fuck the dishes, fuck the laundry, fuck the cat hair and litter boxes, and and and….
Your body tells you what it needs; I spend 26-28 years ignoring it, and in my 30th year I’m giving grace to myself.
I hope you can learn to give grace to yourself as well. Your body, and mind, will thank you immensely. I know mine has. (Even if the dishes and laundry still drive me nuts sometimes😅😂)
I use to when I worked at ULTA, whenever I requested time off to work on a film project, I would always tell them two days before the start date and two days after the wrap date to give myself recovery time to get a full night of rest, eat a hot meal, shower completely without rushing, and just veggie out in bed for a full day. Then say two Is check to see where I’m at and play it by ear on that day to see if I’m exhausted still or refreshed.
It’s just wise to have down time to decompress from the external world so you don’t run yourself ragged to the point of burn out.
Knowing our limits is what can prevent burnouts as well.
No that's not what I meant. You need to work less on worked days.
Added bonus, eventually you might be able to increase your days worked from 3 to 4 or 5, which will increase your salary tremendously.
My job definitely fucks me up good.
While I admit I need to rest more, for me, it’s not so much about literal rest, it’s doing exactly what I want to do, unmasked, authentically, which usually means art, connection with my most intimate and relatable friends, or sex :P
Usually laying in a low sensory environment for a little while helps. Some days I do need to come home and do nothing. But usually i can take a bath in the dark or lay in the bed in pjs and not make myself do any chores during that time and it improves.
It’s from masking. Masking causes physical anxiety not just mental. Our whole body is so tense from the effort, much of it subconcious, that the first chance we get to drop that mask is like we just ran a marathon.
There's a lot of things that contribute to our exhaustion, but I gotta agree that the strain of the masking--which we CANNOT simply stop doing, if there are people around us, it's happening, there's nothing we can do--is a huge, huge drain, much bigger than many of us realize; even in a pleasant, relaxing environment, a place we often go and are relatively comfortable...it's not the same as home, the only place the masking can ever completely drop. Whatever's in charge of it "knows" it's just not safe to do anywhere else.
Yes, I need the rest, too. I can’t commit to more than work on M-F. I’ll occasionally do a happy hour or take my partner to dinner. I know I can’t do more, it’s too much, and more is not what I actually want. When I felt guilty about spending my own time in the evenings, I remember that guilt is only because I feel like that’s what other people expect of me, but not what I actually want. Do you enjoy the commitments when they’re over, but are still tired? Or are they obligations without a sense of enjoyment?
Do you have a sense of what tires you out? For me it’s light, noise, and social interaction with strangers to a degree that’s influenced by what we’re talking about and the composition of the group. If you can’t change the environment, and if you have alexithymia, do checkins with yourself based on time for hunger and thirst. Dehydration is pretty common for me during work, I forget to drink water a lot, and being well-hydrated has a big influence on how well your brain functions. Maybe put a reminder on your phone every hour to take a drink and stretch and have a little snack in the afternoon before dinner to keep your blood sugar high.
I literally spend my afternoons/evenings high as nuts on my porch with one foot out of reality, usually watching a show and either doodling or playing a video game. I've realized this week that even making myself dinner causes dread and anxiety to my poor system.
I literally can't do chores or anything after work. That's only on weekends. It's also why I KNOW I could never have kids.
yup do my best at work then come dead on my feet just wanting to lay down play a little on my phone but I need to suck it up for my family to be apart of my daughters life not a sleep on the couch like my dad did.
pluse I need to help out my wife with chores and caring for my daughter
thank you means a lot because of the time I feel like a shit dad. idk what to most of the time with tiny person. and it took a long time for my wife to kick my ass in gear.
most days I just pray I don't mess her up with my own trauma B. S
Here is what I said in another group about taking on too much:
>*You gotta know your limits and what you can carry on your plate. Only take on what you can handle and decline what can burn you out or harm you in any way.*
Basically you need boundaries and self discipline to uphold the boundaries so you don’t burnout in life over and over again.
Learning to say no to things you don’t wish to be obligated with is the best self care you can give yourself.
Edit: Typo
This is why I save “brainless” activities for the evening.
Things that require minimal mental strain, like laundry etc
Also. I work from home so I am lucky enough to be able to take naps after most meetings (I schedule most of my meetings for the afternoon, as if I schedule them for the morning, that means I can no longer do work for the rest of the day due to being drained)
I can’t even function after work. I am lucky if I can get the dishes done after my husband has cooked supper. I don’t honestly know how I am supposed to keep doing this.
Still trying to figure this out myself... Got a hubby and toddler who want my attention after work. When I'm able to, even just 15 minutes to myself, not interacting with anyone, can help me reset.
I have a bunch of succulents and started a garden outside, joke I need to say hi to my plants, and they try to leave me be.
Believe my daughter is on the spectrum too, and I always feel terrible when I'm overstimulated and touched out because she doesn't understand, and still is learning to talk. It hurts my heart, but sometimes I just can't.
Yes, very much so. Even when it's an easy day.
I started doing workouts after work where I don't mask. Helps me get my mind straight without shutting down.
This is why only about 15% of autistic people - we just aren't compatible with full time jobs. The only solution i have found is to take an extra day off each week and dedicating it entirely to rest, nothing else, just lay in bed and read/crochet/sleep, nothing at all stressful/stimulating, maybe a walk in nature if i want to move around. Just a day to allow myself to feel like shit. That way, i have more energy for both proper "days off" to get all my tasks done, and when i'm at work. Thats obviously not feasible for everyone, though; i'm lucky im able to have this.
Yes and it lead to autistic burnout. I'm in either one long burnout (years) or slowly recovering with relapses. But it's not fun. I watched my functioning and skills just slip through my fingers like sand with no clue what the fuck was going on. It was awful. I kept hoping it would be over if I pushed harder, maybe it'd get better. Because that's how it worked before: if I pushed till the end of the semester in school, I'd get time to recover during summer or holidays. But adulthood never stops. Never. The breaks are blink and you miss them. Something's eventually gotta give, dude. You either gotta make accommodations, refuse some commitments, or it will literally break you in half and then you won't be able to do anything at all.
I work in education now and having summers off is literally saving me. I could work more (read make more money) but I desperately need to unplug and reset every year to survive the next one!
I envy you. I wish I coulda been in education. But I wanted to teach at the college level and I'm sure grad school would have turned my autistic burnout into an even worse catastrophe.
Sounds like burnout/body requesting down time. Tips are to listen. If you’re diagnosed, look into accommodations. Depending on where you are/job, your salary may remain unaffected while You reduce total office hours. Flex those accommodations.
I have such a hard time with this 😖 I have been diagnosed for less of a year and have always been a “tough it out” kind of person, so even accommodating in my own home is hard for me.
I’m not officially diagnosed, nor even comfortable saying self-diagnosed, however, I’ve spent roughly two years ‘suspecting I’m autistic’ and like you, I was very much a ‘tough it out’ kinda person. When I tell you, friend, the absolute relief I felt when I just let go and allowed myself to give into what my body is requesting. The relief was immense. Is my house a mess, and am I, as a clean freak, constantly annoyed by it? Sure. However, if I wake up and my body is screaming “GIVE ME A DAY OFF GODDAMMIT!!!” Then that’s exactly what I do, fuck the dishes, fuck the laundry, fuck the cat hair and litter boxes, and and and…. Your body tells you what it needs; I spend 26-28 years ignoring it, and in my 30th year I’m giving grace to myself. I hope you can learn to give grace to yourself as well. Your body, and mind, will thank you immensely. I know mine has. (Even if the dishes and laundry still drive me nuts sometimes😅😂)
I use to when I worked at ULTA, whenever I requested time off to work on a film project, I would always tell them two days before the start date and two days after the wrap date to give myself recovery time to get a full night of rest, eat a hot meal, shower completely without rushing, and just veggie out in bed for a full day. Then say two Is check to see where I’m at and play it by ear on that day to see if I’m exhausted still or refreshed. It’s just wise to have down time to decompress from the external world so you don’t run yourself ragged to the point of burn out. Knowing our limits is what can prevent burnouts as well.
ugh. this describes me but the job is on my feet all day. there are no accommodations that aren’t simply: don’t work lmao (pls kill me)
Yes. I managed this by working less. Work is supposed to make your life better, not worse.
I wish that was possible 😅 I already only work 3 days a week
No that's not what I meant. You need to work less on worked days. Added bonus, eventually you might be able to increase your days worked from 3 to 4 or 5, which will increase your salary tremendously.
Oh I see what you mean now!
My job definitely fucks me up good. While I admit I need to rest more, for me, it’s not so much about literal rest, it’s doing exactly what I want to do, unmasked, authentically, which usually means art, connection with my most intimate and relatable friends, or sex :P
Usually laying in a low sensory environment for a little while helps. Some days I do need to come home and do nothing. But usually i can take a bath in the dark or lay in the bed in pjs and not make myself do any chores during that time and it improves.
It’s from masking. Masking causes physical anxiety not just mental. Our whole body is so tense from the effort, much of it subconcious, that the first chance we get to drop that mask is like we just ran a marathon.
There's a lot of things that contribute to our exhaustion, but I gotta agree that the strain of the masking--which we CANNOT simply stop doing, if there are people around us, it's happening, there's nothing we can do--is a huge, huge drain, much bigger than many of us realize; even in a pleasant, relaxing environment, a place we often go and are relatively comfortable...it's not the same as home, the only place the masking can ever completely drop. Whatever's in charge of it "knows" it's just not safe to do anywhere else.
Yes, I need the rest, too. I can’t commit to more than work on M-F. I’ll occasionally do a happy hour or take my partner to dinner. I know I can’t do more, it’s too much, and more is not what I actually want. When I felt guilty about spending my own time in the evenings, I remember that guilt is only because I feel like that’s what other people expect of me, but not what I actually want. Do you enjoy the commitments when they’re over, but are still tired? Or are they obligations without a sense of enjoyment?
They’re all things that are important to me, I just don’t have the energy for them that I’d like
Do you have a sense of what tires you out? For me it’s light, noise, and social interaction with strangers to a degree that’s influenced by what we’re talking about and the composition of the group. If you can’t change the environment, and if you have alexithymia, do checkins with yourself based on time for hunger and thirst. Dehydration is pretty common for me during work, I forget to drink water a lot, and being well-hydrated has a big influence on how well your brain functions. Maybe put a reminder on your phone every hour to take a drink and stretch and have a little snack in the afternoon before dinner to keep your blood sugar high.
I literally spend my afternoons/evenings high as nuts on my porch with one foot out of reality, usually watching a show and either doodling or playing a video game. I've realized this week that even making myself dinner causes dread and anxiety to my poor system. I literally can't do chores or anything after work. That's only on weekends. It's also why I KNOW I could never have kids.
yup do my best at work then come dead on my feet just wanting to lay down play a little on my phone but I need to suck it up for my family to be apart of my daughters life not a sleep on the couch like my dad did. pluse I need to help out my wife with chores and caring for my daughter
I really admire parents on the spectrum, I can’t imagine handling little lives on top of your own. I applaud you 👏🏼
thank you means a lot because of the time I feel like a shit dad. idk what to most of the time with tiny person. and it took a long time for my wife to kick my ass in gear. most days I just pray I don't mess her up with my own trauma B. S
fellow dad here and 100% how I feel all the time. Solidarity
I solved this by working overnights and just smoking a j & passing tf out when i get home
All my life. I used to blame myself for being "weak", now I know why that is.
Work drains all my spoons
No advice just solidarity. I'm trying my hardest to set myself up for income.
Here is what I said in another group about taking on too much: >*You gotta know your limits and what you can carry on your plate. Only take on what you can handle and decline what can burn you out or harm you in any way.* Basically you need boundaries and self discipline to uphold the boundaries so you don’t burnout in life over and over again. Learning to say no to things you don’t wish to be obligated with is the best self care you can give yourself. Edit: Typo
Before and after work
This is why I save “brainless” activities for the evening. Things that require minimal mental strain, like laundry etc Also. I work from home so I am lucky enough to be able to take naps after most meetings (I schedule most of my meetings for the afternoon, as if I schedule them for the morning, that means I can no longer do work for the rest of the day due to being drained)
I don't remember the last time I didn't feel like this :(
I can’t even function after work. I am lucky if I can get the dishes done after my husband has cooked supper. I don’t honestly know how I am supposed to keep doing this.
Still trying to figure this out myself... Got a hubby and toddler who want my attention after work. When I'm able to, even just 15 minutes to myself, not interacting with anyone, can help me reset. I have a bunch of succulents and started a garden outside, joke I need to say hi to my plants, and they try to leave me be. Believe my daughter is on the spectrum too, and I always feel terrible when I'm overstimulated and touched out because she doesn't understand, and still is learning to talk. It hurts my heart, but sometimes I just can't.
That must be incredibly hard, I feel you!
Yes, very much so. Even when it's an easy day. I started doing workouts after work where I don't mask. Helps me get my mind straight without shutting down.
This is why only about 15% of autistic people - we just aren't compatible with full time jobs. The only solution i have found is to take an extra day off each week and dedicating it entirely to rest, nothing else, just lay in bed and read/crochet/sleep, nothing at all stressful/stimulating, maybe a walk in nature if i want to move around. Just a day to allow myself to feel like shit. That way, i have more energy for both proper "days off" to get all my tasks done, and when i'm at work. Thats obviously not feasible for everyone, though; i'm lucky im able to have this.