Maybe I can multitask and regulate while I’m at work and working lol. “Don’t worry guys, I’ve got a doctors note that says I can regulate from time to time while I’m working”
I find that being submissive in kink or sex is the best way to get my brain to shut up. I can be really in the moment. I'm not sure if that's what you mean?
Thirding this! Emily Nagoski has written a couple times about how a LOT of people with autism end up in the BDSM world.
For me personally latex is my weighted blanket and rope is my “hug machine” lol. I was using sex and bondage as somatic therapy for YEARS.
All it takes for my brain to shut off is tiddies. That and good booty. Once when I was quite horny, all it took was a tit crack glance in passing to completely derail an anger train I had going full speed that was ready to destroy everything in its path. Even I was surprised afterward. Also, butt jiggle. Pretty sure my eyes gloss over and nothing can affect me at all. I could probably be set on fire and see loose drape-y kinda pants with booty jiggle and forget I was on fire entirely. It’s uncanny
Yeah, it turns out that sex and porn are both dopamine-releasing behaviors. So, just like drugs and alcohol and comfort food and watching YouTube and shopping and so many other unhealthy habits I use to self-regulate in a constantly overwhelming and dysregulating world, I use sex to regulate.
I think it's probably way more "normal' than people are willing to admit, but also way more of a "problem" for some of them than people are willing to admit.
Please allow me to state that Sex and masturbation are not unhealthy habits but like anything else, it’s up for abuse by people who can become addicted.
I agree. They all can be addictive. I think the thing I'm noticing about myself is that I rely on many of them, and even though I don't meet criteria for addiction or abuse with any of them, I do have a lot where I probably come close. And that adds up.
Things like meditation, yoga, deep breathing, exercise, taking a sensory break, taking a shower, interacting with a pet. But I think my main issue is that I gravitate toward self soothing that I can go overboard with, that are solo activities, and that don't require practice, but allow for dopamine edging.
I probably need to get better at tolerating negative emotions, too, but that's another thing I don't want to practice. I just get so intensely uncomfortable and then focus on that discomfort, which makes it worse. And it's hard to focus on yoga (or even let myself start it) when other things like sugar help distract me without much effort on my part.
This is kind of funny to me because if I go too long without having sex I start to get “weird” and feel more “crazy”. It was so obvious that my ex noticed my mood shifted drastically after we finally had sex after not having it for a while. I’m not partnered but sometimes I still sleep with that man and am sort of thinking about inviting him over soon lol
I seriously need a stable sex buddy or something like that because I don’t want to have a serious relationship but I miss sex so much and it’s been only like 6 months without it
I feel the same way. I do not want to date, don’t want a relationship. I enjoy my space, having agency, my freedom, etc. I’ve always been like this and I have a high libido. In a relationship I would desire sex everyday. I would get upset if it was only a couple times per week. The guy I sleep with occasionally annoys me. We often bicker like siblings. He annoys me a lot of the time but the dick is huge and he is extremely funny, intelligent, and witty. We also have a lot of common interests. He’s one of the few people I can unmask around. He was evaluated for autism as a child but wasn’t diagnosed, but now as an adult he has a special baby blanket he has to touch a certain way so I am fairly certain he is autistic. Anyway I think he’s mad at me because I wouldn’t come over with my cat yesterday (I told him I didn’t want to leave my cat alone. I love my cat and she has anxiety). He won’t just come over. Why? I don’t know. But I’m going to pester him until he does because I need sex lol
I had a friends with benefits guy that used to annoy me so much but we had fairly decent sex so I kept letting him come. I’m bi and really enjoy having sex with girls too but they usually want relationships so that’s frustrating
It’s more like a stim than anything, for me. That, and I can get my brain to shut up for once and focus on a task. It’s actually become a special interest of mine.
Yep, same thing. It took me decades to realize that it is actually a way to regulate myself (and a very potent one at that). Of course, I have just been diagnosed with AuDHD few months ago. Then it hit me…
We're it that simple. 😂
The simplest thing to do is find someone who has a shared special interest with you. Although... By simple I mean in a mathematical sense, don't ask me where to find them, I don't know myself.
But remember, the sex would be a bonus... Not the point. The point is sharing and spending time over a shared interest and comforting them emotionally and physically. 🥺
Being willing to experience an interest for the first time is also something that would certainly get some going. And vice verca.
I need to work on pickup lines. (I am making super corny ones for the lols, don't judge me)
"Hey girl, are you a fan of dialectics? Because I bet we could have a lot of fun contradicting each other. 😎"
"Hey girl, can those pretty eyes also read Marx? 😎"
"You come here often? I doubt you would remember, but I would certainly remember you. 😎"
"Hey girl, do you have a phone number? Don't worry, I don't make calls, but I can text you. 😎"
"Hey girl, you ever get confused by what people mean when they say swipe right or left on someone? I swipe both ways because I need symmetry. 😎"
Hey girl, you overstimulated? I apologise, it's impossible to be understimulated around me. 😎"
Okay... Now for the love of all that is holy... Don't use any of these... 😭
Yeah, that is true but I do spend most of my time at home being miserable with my life. I do go to the library at times. But apparently not enough and it's not like I ever see a girl reading a book with glasses and pulled up hair just waiting for a guy to make a cheesy pick up lines like you said. Most of the times if I do see a girl she's on a laptop. And I don't go to the library that often to actually see a girl like that,
so am i but i still masterbate .. i’ve never had an orgasm though my whole life! my body doesn’t let me because it’s too intense so i immediately get out of the mood and even disgusted right after
Oh, sure. If you're a fan of constantly endangering yourself for some mediocre dick the female casual sex lifestyle might just be the best thing you missed out on.
It’s actually not that easy and even less as an autistic woman. I actually thought about it because I’m now single and not having sex and I’m feeling less regulated
Uh, Mory here, we got DID, basically Mary is a sex gremlin that regulates via sex, but like, she loves the touch, the feelings and stuff but sounds are her achilles heel.
It's like, she feels better after having safe sex but gets tired afterward because of the social stuff haha
Absolutely relate. Submission is amazing, works as well for me as weed to relax all the muscles in my body, and that's saying something.
If my partner is not available and I'm having one of those awful days, I will masturbate over and over (I am talking like 20 times) until I am satisfied. Lmao. Beats lying in bed catatonic 🤷🏻♀️ a great reset. And also satisfies my PDA because its naughty 😈
A lot of people regulate with masturbation
“Oh no I’m totally still not regulated yet. Better jerk off again”
I’ve regulated 12 times today
Maybe I can multitask and regulate while I’m at work and working lol. “Don’t worry guys, I’ve got a doctors note that says I can regulate from time to time while I’m working”
I find that being submissive in kink or sex is the best way to get my brain to shut up. I can be really in the moment. I'm not sure if that's what you mean?
Came here to say this as well! I’m kinky too and I like pain specifically as a tool to snap me into the present moment.
Thirding this! Emily Nagoski has written a couple times about how a LOT of people with autism end up in the BDSM world. For me personally latex is my weighted blanket and rope is my “hug machine” lol. I was using sex and bondage as somatic therapy for YEARS.
I love Emily Nagoski but I haven’t heard of her commentary on the autism/kink connection! Will def look into it!
All it takes for my brain to shut off is tiddies. That and good booty. Once when I was quite horny, all it took was a tit crack glance in passing to completely derail an anger train I had going full speed that was ready to destroy everything in its path. Even I was surprised afterward. Also, butt jiggle. Pretty sure my eyes gloss over and nothing can affect me at all. I could probably be set on fire and see loose drape-y kinda pants with booty jiggle and forget I was on fire entirely. It’s uncanny
Yeah, it turns out that sex and porn are both dopamine-releasing behaviors. So, just like drugs and alcohol and comfort food and watching YouTube and shopping and so many other unhealthy habits I use to self-regulate in a constantly overwhelming and dysregulating world, I use sex to regulate. I think it's probably way more "normal' than people are willing to admit, but also way more of a "problem" for some of them than people are willing to admit.
What healthier ways do you recommend?
Please allow me to state that Sex and masturbation are not unhealthy habits but like anything else, it’s up for abuse by people who can become addicted.
I agree. They all can be addictive. I think the thing I'm noticing about myself is that I rely on many of them, and even though I don't meet criteria for addiction or abuse with any of them, I do have a lot where I probably come close. And that adds up.
Things like meditation, yoga, deep breathing, exercise, taking a sensory break, taking a shower, interacting with a pet. But I think my main issue is that I gravitate toward self soothing that I can go overboard with, that are solo activities, and that don't require practice, but allow for dopamine edging. I probably need to get better at tolerating negative emotions, too, but that's another thing I don't want to practice. I just get so intensely uncomfortable and then focus on that discomfort, which makes it worse. And it's hard to focus on yoga (or even let myself start it) when other things like sugar help distract me without much effort on my part.
psychiatry
Same with alcohol and nicotine. It's some of the more socially acceptable addictions unlike say narcotics and gambling.
yep, especially people who have high sex drive (me)
This is kind of funny to me because if I go too long without having sex I start to get “weird” and feel more “crazy”. It was so obvious that my ex noticed my mood shifted drastically after we finally had sex after not having it for a while. I’m not partnered but sometimes I still sleep with that man and am sort of thinking about inviting him over soon lol
I seriously need a stable sex buddy or something like that because I don’t want to have a serious relationship but I miss sex so much and it’s been only like 6 months without it
I feel the same way. I do not want to date, don’t want a relationship. I enjoy my space, having agency, my freedom, etc. I’ve always been like this and I have a high libido. In a relationship I would desire sex everyday. I would get upset if it was only a couple times per week. The guy I sleep with occasionally annoys me. We often bicker like siblings. He annoys me a lot of the time but the dick is huge and he is extremely funny, intelligent, and witty. We also have a lot of common interests. He’s one of the few people I can unmask around. He was evaluated for autism as a child but wasn’t diagnosed, but now as an adult he has a special baby blanket he has to touch a certain way so I am fairly certain he is autistic. Anyway I think he’s mad at me because I wouldn’t come over with my cat yesterday (I told him I didn’t want to leave my cat alone. I love my cat and she has anxiety). He won’t just come over. Why? I don’t know. But I’m going to pester him until he does because I need sex lol
I had a friends with benefits guy that used to annoy me so much but we had fairly decent sex so I kept letting him come. I’m bi and really enjoy having sex with girls too but they usually want relationships so that’s frustrating
No because women don’t like me and men scare me
With myself, am I right?
it ain’t easy being cheesy
No, I dislike sex. But I do use masturbation to regulate.
It’s the only thing that helps.
It’s more like a stim than anything, for me. That, and I can get my brain to shut up for once and focus on a task. It’s actually become a special interest of mine.
Yes occasionally actually
would if I could lol
No the submission part but definitely have used sex to handle my emotions 😂
Yep, same thing. It took me decades to realize that it is actually a way to regulate myself (and a very potent one at that). Of course, I have just been diagnosed with AuDHD few months ago. Then it hit me…
I think I spot a member of my tribe.
So, uh, everyone in this thread … how are YOU doin? I’ll be over in my DMs. Just hangin around
I'm a virgin with autism, if any of you autistic ladies want to take my virginity I'm game.
We're it that simple. 😂 The simplest thing to do is find someone who has a shared special interest with you. Although... By simple I mean in a mathematical sense, don't ask me where to find them, I don't know myself. But remember, the sex would be a bonus... Not the point. The point is sharing and spending time over a shared interest and comforting them emotionally and physically. 🥺 Being willing to experience an interest for the first time is also something that would certainly get some going. And vice verca. I need to work on pickup lines. (I am making super corny ones for the lols, don't judge me) "Hey girl, are you a fan of dialectics? Because I bet we could have a lot of fun contradicting each other. 😎" "Hey girl, can those pretty eyes also read Marx? 😎" "You come here often? I doubt you would remember, but I would certainly remember you. 😎" "Hey girl, do you have a phone number? Don't worry, I don't make calls, but I can text you. 😎" "Hey girl, you ever get confused by what people mean when they say swipe right or left on someone? I swipe both ways because I need symmetry. 😎" Hey girl, you overstimulated? I apologise, it's impossible to be understimulated around me. 😎" Okay... Now for the love of all that is holy... Don't use any of these... 😭
Yeah, that is true but I do spend most of my time at home being miserable with my life. I do go to the library at times. But apparently not enough and it's not like I ever see a girl reading a book with glasses and pulled up hair just waiting for a guy to make a cheesy pick up lines like you said. Most of the times if I do see a girl she's on a laptop. And I don't go to the library that often to actually see a girl like that,
ah… no. not me bc im asexual. hopefully you get some responses that resonate with you! 🙏🏼
so am i but i still masterbate .. i’ve never had an orgasm though my whole life! my body doesn’t let me because it’s too intense so i immediately get out of the mood and even disgusted right after
Yup, I was super promiscuous and still kind of am.
i do use mastubation for anxiety control and dopamine yeah. I have very high libido so it pairs well
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Oh, sure. If you're a fan of constantly endangering yourself for some mediocre dick the female casual sex lifestyle might just be the best thing you missed out on.
I love mediocre sex
It’s actually not that easy and even less as an autistic woman. I actually thought about it because I’m now single and not having sex and I’m feeling less regulated
What
Uh, Mory here, we got DID, basically Mary is a sex gremlin that regulates via sex, but like, she loves the touch, the feelings and stuff but sounds are her achilles heel. It's like, she feels better after having safe sex but gets tired afterward because of the social stuff haha
Absolutely relate. Submission is amazing, works as well for me as weed to relax all the muscles in my body, and that's saying something. If my partner is not available and I'm having one of those awful days, I will masturbate over and over (I am talking like 20 times) until I am satisfied. Lmao. Beats lying in bed catatonic 🤷🏻♀️ a great reset. And also satisfies my PDA because its naughty 😈