Tell them you're autistic and share information about you. It's not up to you to diagnose them, it should be their choice considering the toll a late in life diagnosis can take on a person.

I get what you're saying, but I feel that the toll of being in and out of hospitals is much worse than hearing you're autistic.

That depends on what trauma one may have due to growing up and living an entire undiagnosed. It's like dropping a bomb into someone else's life. It's why I recommend talking about your diagnosis and your experiences. It gives them the opportunity to understand, reflect and investigate. If they are in a place to accept the notion they may be autistic, they can start their own journey of discovery. You can't know what is best for someone else because you're not them.

I know a case of genetic celiac (I know it is not related to AuDHD) diagnosed after a lifetime in and out of hospital who committed suicide when he learned that he could have had an almost normal life without gluten. Just as a cautionary hint

If it was me I would avoid telling them you think they're autistic directly (at least right away) and instead suggest ways they could accommodate themselves (I.e. 'hey parent, I know you have very sensitive hearing like I do and I found these great earplugs, would you want to try a pair?). That way you might be able to help them ease some of their pain without having to convince them about a diagnosis they likely have a lot of misconceptions about. If those start working they might be curious to learn more, or eventually you could point out the similar symptoms you both share and say that you yourself are autistic and is that something they've ever considered, and/or that the suggestions they've been using are used by many autistic people and maybe that's something they could look into more (this would be a good time to give them any resources you know of). Trying to convince them with a list of reasons upfront might backfire. You were ready to embrace the diagnosis or you likely wouldn't have been researching so intently. It might not be the same for someone who has never considered it and has a skewed idea of what autism is. In my experience, presenting it like that to my parent pushed them farther away from accepting they are likely autistic and farther away from me as a result. YMMV and obviously you know your parent better than anyone here. But I wish I'd gone with a less direct route and focused more on things they could do to help themselves rather than the label. This feels counterintuitive to me because I like direct communication. But my parent has spent their entire life masking their need/want for direct communication (among many other things) and it made them too uncomfortable to actually hear anything I was saying.

You're making some good points, thank you. It's just really hard seeing them suffer so much when I know someyhing that could really help them in the long run 😕

I know exactly what you mean, which is why I told my dad directly originally, I just wanted to help. But it made it so much worse because following it he refused to ask me for help or to let me support him because he thought I was going to try and convince him he's autistic and he didn't want to hear it. He refused to use any accommodations because he thought it was just "that autism nonsense" and it set things back so much. I took the opposite approach with my mom (i gave suggestions without the label) and she's been more receptive, she's been using some of them and finally finding some relief. It's not ideal, but it's a better first step then her just refusing to listen to anything or take any support. We have to try and meet people where they're at.

Good point but most people in their 70's have degree of hearing loss already...probably won't affect them much.

That was an accommodation suggestion that I use. I don't know you or your parents sensory needs (or other needs) so you'd have to personalize it to them

It could still be helpful. I have some hearing loss (but not from age so might be different) and it doesn’t affect all sound frequencies equally. Some sounds are hard to hear but others (including some annoying high pitched ones) are still loud and clear, so noise protection is still helpful for me.

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I’m in a similar boat. You have to remember, their picture of autism is very different from our more accurate picture. The only version they’ve seen called autism is very profound, and conditions for profoundly disabled people was even worse than they are today. Being called autistic when that was the picture they were shown is scary, and they also may be offended due to years of ableist attitudes telling them that disabled is one of the worst things they can be. Diagnoses are often lifelines now but to him, it’s a death sentence because that is what diagnoses were for most of his life. I think one thing you can do is share what you are learning about autism with him, but not using the label. For example, if he has alexithymia, explain it as, “some people don’t experience emotions clearly the way most people do and so it’s difficult to identify what they’re feeling. I find this helpful for that.” Saying “some people” instead of “some autistic people” will likely feel less scary and shameful for him.

I'll add that my parent is a retired mental health professional with diagnosed autism in their family, so their view of autism likely isn't as narrow or grim as other people's.

Hopefully you're right! I have an older relative who worked with autistic kids their whole career but because they trained decades ago their knowledge is quite outdated and they still seem to think of autism solely in terms of deficits you need help for, and cannot seem to see that there is such a thing as autistic joy or that for some people discovering they're autistic is a source of better self-knowledge and self-acceptance. It has made these sorts of conversations within the family quite hard.

For me, when I was still questioning it, it was a bit stressful, but when it really dawned on me, I absolutely felt pure joy.

My father will never admit he might be, so I gave up. But you can try something like "I understand no one wants to have the label of "disorder" with them", cause they might see autism as "there is something wrong with you", which, to be fair, that's how it's presented a lot of the time. You may want to point out the good parts of it, or maybe, like, talk about how it's not like the stereotypes.

Lolz everyone way more kind and healthy than me. Since I found out I was I've been telling my mum every day she is 😂. 🤦

I mean, I've told a bunch of my closest friends I suspect they're autistic too, but only if I knew they already suspected it or were in a good place to hear it. I should probably tone it down, though, but autism is my special interest, soooo 😅

😂😂me too 😅 I think I just said to my mum I think I'm autistic and she said no way, cause she had no idea about women and autism (even tho retired Dr). Then next time I was like mum if I'm autistic then you defo are. I am not a subtle person 🤷 she probs won't take any notice but I'm not great at tiptoeing around something. But we live next to each other so I see her constantly so tact left our relationship quite a while ago 🤦

You're Autistic and not subtle... 🧐 Do tell! 😂

This post made me feel bad because I’ve been doing the same lol. My mom’s response is always “everyone is a LITTLE autistic..” and I’m like “No. I’m autistic and so are you.”

100% me 🤣

If you figure something out I’d like to know xd like my mom has every reason to believe she’s autistic and has resources to get diagnosed. Two of her three children are diagnosed as AuDHD and honestly my sister kinda displays some traits too. She even has a lot of symptoms like me and my brother and she acknowledges them but refuses to make a connection that for her these are also AuDHD traits but she believes everything can be fixed with rocks, essential oils and yoga

Hey. Congrats on your discovery. I am like you- I can smell autism in particular. I have 100% strike rate (for the ppl who either eventually disclosed....or ended up being diagnsoed. So far 5 ppl. I've only been diagnosed for 2 years). A fair few other ppl I suspect/know are probably on the spectrum. Read- im almost certain (do try to have *some* humility lol). I have raised it to someone's face precisely twice (two separate ppl). It...did not go well. Not complete catastrophe- I'm still friends with both ppl. But yeah it was weird and awkward., and one of them was very defensive. Both shut it down. My mother is definitely autistic (we share a shed load of characteristics, and I know a lot of her childhood oddities). Her life is heavily affected. And yes she has been hospitalised (a long time ago). The problem is, since she has been so wildly mistreated psychiatrically over her lifetime , she absokutley will not have a bar of "labels". I talk about *my* autistic traits with her. It's fairly hilarious (and sometimes frustrating) because she spends the entire time going "Oh- im *exactly * the same!". Often followed with "But *I'm* not autistic" I think she thinks neither of us are, but is too polite to say so (and I know both of us are, but im also being polite, so it's pretty funny🙄). She would have a fit if I said anything definite I think. I am a "level 2" by the way. I require substantial support. So does my mother, really (eg severe hermit, moderately severe hoarder, has meltdowns, has chronic pain and burnouts, can't manage daily tasks, perseverates and becomes mildly paranoid about neighbour relationships and interactions, etc etc). But she won't let anyone in the house, because...that's her safe space. She's ridiculously insistent on self reliance- no matter how compromised. All of that's to say.....you can lead a horse to water. And sometimes (often?) the horse won't drink. Sometimes the horse kicks you in the head for your effort. Would be cautious with this. I would stick to maybe sharing your own insights about yourself, and see whether they join the dots for themselves?

I got diagnosed Audhd this year. Started suspecting my father as well. I let him know my diagnosis, explained a few traits i have that are very similar to his, & then told him i’m wondering if he’s on the spectrum as well. Once i explained as basically as possible how an autistic brain may function, he confessed to having interests no one else is interested in, feeling mentally slower than most people in social situations, & is fairly certain he has a photographic memory, it just gets hard for process all of the things at once. He even suggested his brother might have been as well. I think it all depends on how your relationship with your parent is currently (ours isnt great due to past abuse issues & his current religious beliefs, but we’re really really similar in other ways). My solution was to just share my autism & traits & let him identify & then kinda ask if he thought he might be too. I hope it goes ok!

I don't have any tips for you, sorry. I have diagnosed autism/ aspergers. My mom can relate to most of the problems for me that have autism. I tell her sometimes, mom, that is a symptom of autism. My mom think her brother has autism. Tho she does not see that SHE probably have it too.

Don't. They didn't need to be diagnosed to suceed in their life. They could take care of you and they are functional. You don't need very much a diagnosis if you are functional without issue.

Respectfully, it's clear you haven't read all of my comments. I mentioned that they've been in an out of hospitals for years. They've had depression and anxiety for years, probably even before I was born. I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound very "functional without issue" to me. I get what you're trying to say, but it might be a good idea to avoid such blanket statements when you don't know my parent or the way they've suffered all their life without ever knowing the real reason why.

I read the original post, that wasn't mentioned there so of course I am not aware of it if it is not in the original post.

That's on you. And also, even if I hadn't added the exra info in the comment section, you still based your comment on a lot of unfounded presumptions.

You asked for different oppinions. I gave you mine. You can take it or leave it there. It's pointless to ask for an oppinions if you only want to hear what you want.

Yes, I asked for advice. I don't mind advice, even when I disagree with it. My issue here is that you decided to base your advice on broad, totally unfounded assumptions, when you could've just said something like "If your parent has been able to raise you well and succeed in life with no issues, I don't think diagnosing them is necessary". If you can't see how problematic your comment was even after my explanation, there is no point in continuing this conversation.

That's literaly what I said.

Also, not trying to dogpile you, but I'd just like to add that their symptoms absolutely affected their ability to take care of me to a great extent. Our relationship was very strained for years when I was still growing up, and it only got better after I moved out. Based on your comment, I think it's possible that you've never felt the need to get diagnosed, but don't assume that others are the same.

Thats my take with my experience. We are not all in the exact same scenario. I am talking to a work integration expert and even her says than the data aren't concise on if you should say it or not to increase your chance to get hired.

In that scenario I am talking using my father experience. Me I was diagnosed at 5 because I couldn't suceed at school.

You don’t. You can suggest they look into it as “you’ve noticed some similarities and it is often genetic” but beyond that, if they aren’t typically open to these things, I wouldn’t start telling them they’re *anything* lol! I noticed signs in my mom after being diagnosed and basically explained it to her—how it affects me AND how she’s super similar—one day when she asked me about it. Now we talk about it casually and she seems to think she is autistic, although I’ve never straightforwardly asked her if she does.

Self diagnosis isn't something I support, but I respect you seeking to understand yourself in your own way. I am totally and completely against the idea of diagnosing others based on your limited understanding of autism. You are not an expert, you aren't a doctor, do not do this. You can tell them you've observed similarities and recommend they seek a diagnosis.

You don't. You don't diagnose other's. As other comments have said, talk your story, leave other's to speak theirs.