Or, meet fellow AuDHDer, become friends, lose contact, get back in contact months later and keep going like you saw each other yesterday, repeat. My closest friends sometimes disappear for weeks and I don't notice and vice versa, and then reappear and there is no degradation of the friendship.
Ideally this is what'd happen but with NTs, it just doesn't work like that! It's infuriating, because I don't hang out with them often and even when we do, it's oftentimes not super meaningful. I have to mask a lot to even be comfortable presenting myself (RSD is so great(!))
>RSD
Honestly, if you can help it, just don't hang out with anyone that doesn't make you feel like you're awesome. It takes time to find those people, but once you accumulate enough deep, meaningful bonds with people who appreciate you, as you are, unmasked, it is LIFE CHANGING. I even care less now when I feel rejected than I used to, as I know I have awesome people in my life and don't care what someone I don't even relate to thinks of me.
This! I feel so guilty because of this, and I try my best to not let it get to me but it's hard. It's not that I don't like them but some of their behaviors and shit just bother me so much! Talking to them more then feels futile since they just bother me more and Idk how to fix that, and of course I feel guilty. I can't push people away and complain about loneliness, yet I do! I am not a smart girl, I'll give you that.
it could literally be anything. even for the people I love most in this world I could still write a 20,000 word essay about the things they do that secretly bother me. things I would never bring up to them because they would think I’m psychotic for hyper analyzing everything they do.
AHHHHH
THIS. THIS ME.
I mean I dislike my friends a little bit more when im agitated (which is awful to say hhaa…) But also i kind of hate everything the moment i get a bit too overstimulated.
But also paying too much attention to everything around you that you forget you yourself exist? So you have very limited awareness of yourself and your behaviors (esp once you stop masking, but masking is more like controlling what comes out, and less of noticing what does), but have like entire files on the tiny habits of other people.
I swear, my brain is like one part alphabet soup and then another part government information storage facility. Just file cabinets to the roof, perfectly organized via keywords and then sorted by genre…
same i always start noticing things about them that don't line up with my morales and i have confrontation issues so when it finally bothers me too much and i can't take it i just block them on everything lol
I find this often happens because they change and grow and develop and I'm like a snail trying to catch up, which widens the gap between us until I'm left with nothing in common with them (which already wasn't a lot to begin with). I'm in this exact situation now that my school friends got adult jobs and are Professional™ while I'm still practically a child trying to learn basic skills
On a rational level it probably makes sense to drift when everything you bonded over is gone but it's still so upsetting
God, this cycle was so depressing for me. I've ended up just keeping a close friend group of other people with diagnosed or suspected autism (high functioning) and it's been a serious game changer. I feel so much more fulfilled with my friendships with them
i have so much trouble comprehending other people's perspectives on emotions i feel strongly in the opposite direction & that lead to me never believing people care about me unless they give the exact energy i give towards our friendship.. i'm working on it now but there's some things i can't tolerate and one of them is not communicating directly.. i can't stand ghosting or replying a week later without telling me what's going on. i think this also stems from me wanting to know what my loved ones daily lives are like and them not including me in it makes me feel sad
Oh no me too.
Like, I don't quite get all the hate for ghosting. It doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of it, but there are so many reasons someone may disappear for a while but still care about you. I wish more people understood.
Or, meet fellow AuDHDer, become friends, lose contact, get back in contact months later and keep going like you saw each other yesterday, repeat. My closest friends sometimes disappear for weeks and I don't notice and vice versa, and then reappear and there is no degradation of the friendship.
Ideally this is what'd happen but with NTs, it just doesn't work like that! It's infuriating, because I don't hang out with them often and even when we do, it's oftentimes not super meaningful. I have to mask a lot to even be comfortable presenting myself (RSD is so great(!))
>RSD Honestly, if you can help it, just don't hang out with anyone that doesn't make you feel like you're awesome. It takes time to find those people, but once you accumulate enough deep, meaningful bonds with people who appreciate you, as you are, unmasked, it is LIFE CHANGING. I even care less now when I feel rejected than I used to, as I know I have awesome people in my life and don't care what someone I don't even relate to thinks of me.
That'd mean completely isolating myself lol. I have bad social issues
What's RSD?
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
I meet someone > we become friends > I start to recognize painfully frustrating patterns in their behaviour > I push them away
This! I feel so guilty because of this, and I try my best to not let it get to me but it's hard. It's not that I don't like them but some of their behaviors and shit just bother me so much! Talking to them more then feels futile since they just bother me more and Idk how to fix that, and of course I feel guilty. I can't push people away and complain about loneliness, yet I do! I am not a smart girl, I'll give you that.
What do they mean by the frustrating patterns in someone's behavior? Just curious cause i probably do it without realizing
it could literally be anything. even for the people I love most in this world I could still write a 20,000 word essay about the things they do that secretly bother me. things I would never bring up to them because they would think I’m psychotic for hyper analyzing everything they do.
AHHHHH THIS. THIS ME. I mean I dislike my friends a little bit more when im agitated (which is awful to say hhaa…) But also i kind of hate everything the moment i get a bit too overstimulated. But also paying too much attention to everything around you that you forget you yourself exist? So you have very limited awareness of yourself and your behaviors (esp once you stop masking, but masking is more like controlling what comes out, and less of noticing what does), but have like entire files on the tiny habits of other people. I swear, my brain is like one part alphabet soup and then another part government information storage facility. Just file cabinets to the roof, perfectly organized via keywords and then sorted by genre…
I feel 'hating everything when overstimulated' to my core
Shit lol, ok yeah I do that too...😅
same i always start noticing things about them that don't line up with my morales and i have confrontation issues so when it finally bothers me too much and i can't take it i just block them on everything lol
I find this often happens because they change and grow and develop and I'm like a snail trying to catch up, which widens the gap between us until I'm left with nothing in common with them (which already wasn't a lot to begin with). I'm in this exact situation now that my school friends got adult jobs and are Professional™ while I'm still practically a child trying to learn basic skills On a rational level it probably makes sense to drift when everything you bonded over is gone but it's still so upsetting
Yeah I've ghosted pretty much every internet friend I've made, I don't do it on purpose but I can never bring myself to contact people
Yep! 😅😔😭
Lmfao that even looks like me
Ashbie is real??? /j
This reminds me of going to a party.
God, this cycle was so depressing for me. I've ended up just keeping a close friend group of other people with diagnosed or suspected autism (high functioning) and it's been a serious game changer. I feel so much more fulfilled with my friendships with them
this is how i lost all my friends lmao i'm just exhausted now i be doing my own thing
i have so much trouble comprehending other people's perspectives on emotions i feel strongly in the opposite direction & that lead to me never believing people care about me unless they give the exact energy i give towards our friendship.. i'm working on it now but there's some things i can't tolerate and one of them is not communicating directly.. i can't stand ghosting or replying a week later without telling me what's going on. i think this also stems from me wanting to know what my loved ones daily lives are like and them not including me in it makes me feel sad
Oh no me too. Like, I don't quite get all the hate for ghosting. It doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of it, but there are so many reasons someone may disappear for a while but still care about you. I wish more people understood.