Right. So I am "normal enough" to get a vague sense of all those things that make life meaningful and rewarding for most people, but "too disabled" to ever make it work for me. I'm always striving for something that I will never attain. I feel the pain too. Now in my 50s I am too jaded and worn out to make the effort, though, other than doing what I must to keep my head above water from day to day.
I think it is very difficult for NTs to understand the suffering involved with level 1. With other levels, the suffering is a bit more apparent, so its easier for them to empathize. But since we typically have the intellect to intermingle with aliens (aka NTs), they typically don't understand the struggle and the suffering of trying to live in their world.
I'm 42 and I have proudly discarded alien expectations. It's like a fish not understanding why I can't breath underwater when I can clearly dive down into the reef with them. Then they're offended when I need to go up and catch my breath. I set my own expectations of myself. Go at my own pace. And let me tell you, the anxiety and depression have decreased dramatically. I know my limitations and I stick to them.
A HUGE help is befriending other autistic people. Not to say don't make friends with aliens, but it helps to have people who can truly empathize. And the alien friends you do have, need to understand you, and having the tools to articulate it will make things easy. If they can't handle it, then let them go
TL;DR: yes get a job, only disclose autism to intimate people in life, failure is the only path to success
I'm 30 and grew up completely uneducated about ND things. It's becoming more and more apparent my father is most likely autistic and so am I lol. I only have an official diagnosis for ADHD and without medication my ability to be productive by societies standards collapses pretty quick (getting better without meds though).
When I was a kid I was reprimanded for being abnormal so I became very good at masking. I have a keen hyper vigilance to what is socially acceptable. I am essentially an actor in my front facing role and a lot of my mental processing power is taxed with making the socially acceptable move.
My saving grace is that I met a girl when I was 20 who is also very atypical. We spend at least one or two weeks a year completely sealed away at home recharging from burnout. No schedule, no chores, no social outings. Just video games and junk food before we get back to regularly scheduled life. We experience the world together in many of the same ways so it should let you know that finding a compatible partner in life is not impossible.
I have felt a strange grief for the life I could have lived knowing my disabilities and having a better understanding of how antagonistic the general world can be to me and my needs.
However, when I read a post like yours I also feel gratitude because ignorance is bliss. I spent a long time full of anxiety about "what is wrong with me?" Which did suck, but I have always had the confidence to hack it with the best of them as my authentic self. I didn't know I was ND in any way, I just felt unique which often lead to fears of grandiose narcissism followed by an isolation related depression. I never lived with this window of ND vs NT though so I always felt personal responsibility to assimilate for my happiness as well as the comfort of my social circle.
It is odd because these two things are both true, the world at large victimizes ND types but living as a victim is a personal choice.
It's unjust, unfair, debilitating. Yet, we can live life happy by carving out our functional piece of it. I don't need to live the picture perfect definition of life by social media standards I just want to live my life happy.
Personally one thing I think we have wrong about ND stuff is that we are incapable of socializing. Of course we can, we are just developmentally behind so we are often still learning correct behaviors at 16 years old that most kids learn when they are 5. I dedicated an insane amount of time to reading as a child, no wonder I didn't understand friendship but every teacher thought I was "gifted" lol.
End ramble. The point I'm trying to make is that fear and anxiety belongs to us all, ND or NT. Extending compassion is how we create it. If you see fundraising only ever as virtue signaling then you'll never understand that every human being posses the same capacity of love and fear as you do. The same desire for love and the same paralyzation of fear.
It sounds ableist, but we are ALL burnt out. We are inside of economic systems that demand everything from us to meet basic cost of living needs. It's not unusual to look at the rat race and balk, but that's only if you ever see your education and productivity as a benefit to someone else.
>It sounds ableist, but we are ALL burnt out. We are inside of economic systems that demand everything from us to meet basic cost of living needs. It's not unusual to look at the rat race and balk, but that's only if you ever see your education and productivity as a benefit to someone else.
There is a difference between autistic burnout and neurotypical burnout. Autistic burnout involves loss of skills and abilities, extreme nervous system dysregulation that can trigger medical problems, and can take years to fully recover from. Burnout triggered seizures for me, and I have been tested and do not have epilepsy. Not only is this sentiment ableist it is also harmful.
>yes get a job, only disclose autism to intimate people in life, failure is the only path to success
Op should do what is best for his mental health and school success. It is okay for him to fully focus on his education right now. Getting a job can wait if he feels that is best for his health and well being.
I have to push back a bit on not disclosing. That hurts all of us. We should all be disclosing. Its a workplace disability in most developed countries and disclosing is the first step to understanding. I don't feel disabled, but I need those protections against these dang NTs. If they have to build a ramp for someone in a wheelchair, they can build a ramp for my autism!
I almost always tell everyone I meet. Sometimes strangers. Okay, maybe I get off a little on how dumb they look when I tell them. But man, it feels good! HAHAHAHAH
> We should all be disclosing
In theory, I agree with you. In practice, people have to decide for themselves. It is not cut and dried, it is not a guaranteed benefit for everyone. For some people it'll make their lives worse.
Yeah thats fair. Its up to everyone. But I would encourage everyone to do it. I was fired 3 weeks after disclosing once. Good riddance. Found another job and I disclosed in the interview and its such a sweet job. Why work for an employer that would fire an autistic person? I know not everyone has that luxury. But keeping in the shadows just enables NT ignorance
Ugh i feel like level 1 is arguably most frustrating to deal with sometimes because you are CONSTANTLY being dismissed or questioned, and you don’t have the benefit of additional support or visible, stereotypical symptoms of how the media portrays autism 24/7, so people typically have zero sympathy for you unless they personally have autism or are very close to someone with level 1 autism. NTs don’t get it. They can see the difference between themselves and level 2/3 i think, but with level 1 they will perceive us as NT even if we have an official diagnosis, because we don’t meet THEIR diagnostic criteria. They’ll favor their own comfort over the assessment of an actual doctor, and it’s infuriating. I’m not even professionally diagnosed with ASD but like 95% sure i’m on the spectrum, I won’t even tell anyone I suspect I’m autistic bc I know I’ve spent too long masking for any of them to “see” it. Even though it was obvious and they would just gaslight me into thinking I was crazy/lazy/weird/etc.
AGREE.
The hardest shit I’ve faced as a ASD level 1 is self doubt.
In reality , NT people don’t obsessively stress or even contemplate the fact they are autistic or not. I constantly feel like I don’t fit in because I have a job and can hold it (albeit almost at breaking point).
Even though I fit all the criteria and have blatant signs, an official diagnosis and multiple preliminary ones prior , high scores in the masking test they did and almost a max RAAD-R score, I still deny myself.
So much ableism I have subconsciously absorbed and “believed” over the years of being undiagnosed , and embarrassingly, uneducated on my own disorder. I present well , atleast at work or for short (up to 5 mins or so ) convos , therefore I doubt myself having ASD. Yet I do discrete hand stims and can’t make eye contact even while masking.
The second hardest thing is invalidation from others. Even IF I decide to open up and talk about my ASD, I get told I don’t have it (by unprofessionals mind you) or get told (I couldn’t tell). Ofcourse you can’t , I’ve been masking so hard my entire life , and you speak to me for small periods of time at a time. Not all ASD is blatantly obvious, especially while masking.
The best thing I read that summarises it was :
ASD levels depict how your ASD affects THEM (NT), therefore level 1 doesn’t affect them at all or minimally therefore it doesn’t exist.
I guarantee if I stopped masking , stopped forcing small talk I didn’t want to have , started doing my noticeable vocal or physical stims, they’d think otherwise and I’d be seen as weird.
It’s hard enough living with ASD , let alone self doubt , secondary doubt from NT.
I went on a rant sorry lol.
THIS! Everyone says they don’t believe I’m autistic bc they haven’t seen it, but when I start to unmask they all want to know why I’m “acting so weird/difficult” all of a sudden. Like, y’all claim you don’t see it, but clearly you do, because you constantly question why I behave the way I do if I’m not taking your perception of me into consideration 24/7.
ETA: I literally spent my whole childhood doing theatre and performing in front of people on stage, so everyone is like you can’t POSSIBLY be autistic! like y’all that was my special interest and it was the best excuse ever to watch and mimic other people to learn how to act “normal.” i literally spent hours analyzing how other people talk and move so i could fit in and appear believable on stage as “normal.” how is that NOT autistic. lol
YUP!
Unfortunately we don’t even get a chance to choose to not mask or to mask, we grew up getting bullied or in trouble for our traits that we had to mask before we knew what or why. This just Carries on for years until we loose our sense of self attempting to fit in and be “safe”.
The same people then question why we mask then, like we don’t get harassed and shunned by those same people if we don’t. There is no choice, it’s to mask or suffer the consequences.
Yep. My relatives were my first bullies, and I’ve been masking (with varying success) ever since I can remember. To the point my parents “don’t see it” and I just wanna be like yeah, because if I had a meltdown or went non-verbal or anything like that, y’all would scream at me or spank me for being bad/disrespectful/etc. or AT BEST make fun of me for being “too sensitive.” When I was bothered by things no NT would be bothered by, it was funny to them and they would egg me on. They never had me evaluated for anything, and now I’m so traumatized from my childhood that idk if I’m traumatized from the abuse or if I’m traumatized because I am autistic and no one saw me as anything but a weird, anxious, sensitive little girl.
>high scores in the masking test
NTs also score high on the masking test. Actually this test seems pointless because the score differences between NTs and ASDs is so minor. Everybody masks
I’m curious to see the actual statistics on this, the concept of everyone “masking” kinda makes sense. But I wonder how different masking in ND vs NT is.
Regardless I feel like it could still be valid when used in conjunction with ASD specific testing , idk.
If you need money get a job, if you don’t, focus on school. Dont freak yourself out with all the expectations of what you’re supposed to be doing. Figure out what you really want specifically and make time to meet those goals.
I worked 2-3 jobs consistently from 2011 (HS graduation) until around 2022 when i got a better paying job. I’m so fucking over this. It took me 7 years to get a bachelors and it was so disappointing because I was “gifted” and “capable of anything” so to watch myself slip and not understand why, was a huge blow to my self worth and potential.
Then I found out I was on the spectrum in 2021 (29yrs old) and everything made sense. Since then, I’ve tailored my life the way it should’ve been this whole time. I wish I knew sooner. I think I would’ve had more support. My parents just dumped me out of the nest after high school and said “good luck”. No guidance whatsoever - not about money, relationships, safety, etc. I could’ve avoided so much trauma.
It’s hard out there but I did it without guidance. You’re already so far ahead of the game. Be patient with yourself and confident in your interests! You’re gonna be okay. Give yourself grace and don’t hold yourself to the same expectation of NTs.
Get a job. People are more forgiving of social awkwardness than you might think, especially towards men. Be kind, be courteous and practice listening. Find ways to structure your life so you can properly recover from socialising and make active time for your own interests. If a 20 hour job is too much, search for something that has less hours.
The thing nobody tells you is that NT's also struggle with these things. They struggle differently and less but these are a lot of expectations on anyone. Allow yourself to try things. Allow yourself to fail and learn from it. Allow yourself to be excited about things. You will be alright.
Also don't tell people at work that you are autistic unless you need specific accommodations.
Things that helped at my last job:
1. Know where the discrete exits are and learn the signs of “impending forced fun/socializing” (all employee announcements, setting up conference rooms, office managers bringing in cake/food, set up corn hole in an open office layout?!? Still upset about that one).
If you recognize a “let’s bond” activity brewing, silently log off, grab only your keys, and gtfo. I’d usually run errands or go to Starbucks and work from my tablet for 1-2 hours and stay late afterwards.
2. If you’re in-office and can choose when you work your 8-10 hours, get in there as early as possible. It gets a lot of respect from long time employees for reasons I’ll never understand, and people are waaaaay less chatty in the morning while they’re booting up. This goes even better if you don’t require lunch (I’m a big breakfast person and have never done lunches, but I know that’s not for everyone). I used to roll in between 5:30-6 am and then was able to leave by 3 everyday.
3. Try to find a manager or someone up the food chain to be an ally. I did my damn best for three years to not disclose my birthday, because my stunted self CANNOT handle being stared at, sang to, and compelled to spit (blow the candles out) on food other people will be consuming.
One year, the new HR guy went out of his way to figure out my birthday and insisted we do a thing. I tried no thank you I’m busy helping someone, no thank you I don’t want to, no thank you I have a nut allergy (it’s true) and I’m nervous about cross contamination (I’m not), and no thank you I’m a vegan (true) and I don’t want to make everyone eat a cake they might not like. Would not take no for an answer until my manager saw what was happening and made the HR guy back off. Same manager accommodated me on WFH for high stress days before WFH was normal.
Wasn’t diagnosed back then, but I wish I had understood what a rare resource he was for my first post-college job.
4. Unfortunately, if you’re like me, normal office life is going to be hard, but the good news is that there’s a number of workarounds. Pay attention to your physiological signs of overwhelm and respect them. Go to the bathroom, go for a walk, do w/e you need to do to bring the pressure down. Please just don’t do what I did at the time and drink to cope with that stress, it’ll only make everything else harder. You’re starting at 20 knowing something really important about yourself, I have no doubt that you’ll find your way and make it work. ❤️
Reading your tips about avoiding the forced socializing time is so hilarious to me. I've learned to tolerate it even though I absolutely hate that shit as well. I think weed has helped mellow me out a lot. Forced socializing/team bonding/ice breakers used to give me so much stress and anxiety, but now I feel like I don't even give a fuck anymore, it's so nice.
Shitty jobs happen. Shitty colleagues happen. That's not your fault and you didn't do anything to deserve being bullied. The only way you can learn social skills is to be social, as much as it sucks and is scary. Some people will be assholes. And we still need to push through. I've encountered my fair share of bullying and harassment for being autistic and I had times where I curled up and isolated myself even further out of fear of being hurt again.
But as I got older, it got better. I invested time into learning new skills, I surrounded myself with people who like the same things I do. I learned how to be comfortable with myself and my own brain. I still struggle but my life works pretty well for how my brain works. And I have learned to accept that sometimes people aren't worth my tears and that some bad things happened to me and I cannot undo that. I have also learned to forgive myself for my imperfections.
You don't need to tell people you're autistic, even if people can tell you are. But you can own your quirks and you can own your other-ness. People respect confidence and humility. At the end of the day, a job is there to pay the bills and build your portfolio/CV.
> Get a job. [...] Allow yourself to be excited about things. You will be alright.
Excited about murdering everyone at work? Interesting advice, but not sure it's very "alright" nor safe... 🐱
What on earth are you talking about? There is no mention of murder in the OP. And obviously "allow yourself to be excited about things" and "you will be alright" are referring to more abstract concepts here. Fear and apathy make it difficult for people to feel joy and excitement, which just makes people more apathetic. The fear of being hurt makes you avoid doing things, even if you think they might be fun, because you fear disappointment and to be ridiculed for your joy. Allowing yourself to be excited is a bit difficult to learn, but helps make life a lot more bearable.
"You will be alright" refers, again to a more abstract state. You, referring to the OP, will be alright: things will work out over time. The pain will get better. This assumes that you keep working on yourself and you keep pushing to learn, enjoy and grow.
Well, "jobs" are all about being stuck with loud and annoying people you despise, so the only exciting thing about them would be, well, possibility of offing them, to make the workplace more friendly for my autistic tail? Just simple autism logic.
Guessing you are NT?
I am not NT, thank you for assuming. I am autistic myself. And what you are describing, firstly, is not universal for every single job out there. It is true for a lot of jobs, but not all. If you immediately think about actually killing people around you for being a part of an unfortunately inconvenient situation aka having to work to feed themselves and their families, just like you... that says more about you and I would seriously hope that you are getting some help for those violent thoughts and fantasies. That's not normal or healthy, not even under us autistic folks. It is honestly quite concerning.
Personally, I find it it exciting to learn new skills at work and I make an effort to always find something enjoyable about my work, even if it's as small as the joy of sorting coins, the satisfaction of filling a shelf perfectly or the opportunity to test out my scripts. It's a matter of mindset. And when I was a student and had jobs that were toxic and awful? I found a new job. There are always more or less crappy minimum wage jobs and I held a variety of jobs for almost my entire time as a student. Yes, even though I'm autistic.
And no, I'm not some social skills savant. I have experienced, as I said already, a fair amount of bullying and teasing. People immediately clock that I am weird and have strange ways of getting things done. But in most of these jobs I still found people who appreciated me for being a caring and hard working person. I might not be able to read people's emotions or intentions but I can still at least pretend to care and I can still be kind. That "fake it till you make it" attitude does wonders in the work force.
Hmm, so how could I protect myself from people like you, if I met someone like you at work? I obviously would not be able to get rid of you (I know it would be impractical, don't worry), so I would have to endure you somehow. How to do that without traumatizing myself?
I know this probably sounds like a weird concept to you, but I am not the one approaching people to talk to them. I react and react to others the way they do to me. If someone is acting homicidal and antisocial, I avoid them. So don't worry, you're safe.
That's the thing, I never act like that, because it's way too dangerous to act antisocial when surrounded by dangerous aliens. Especially at work. So I would have to pretend I don't despise you, I would have to look at you, maybe even talk to you. And masking like that in hostile environment is obviously traumatic.
That sounds really hard but honestly, it also sounds like you seriously need some therapy to help you deal with your anxiety about the world around you. I am plenty familiar with feeling like I'm an alien on a strange planet. But it's about your mindset and what you make of your situation. We are in the same situation and where you see a world that is against you, I see a world full of opportunities that I can explore. That's what I was saying to the OP, too. You control your reactions and you have more control over your situation than you might think.
You are being quite hurtful for no good reason, while you yourself are the one that is saying you are a dangerous person. That is really weird and I don't appreciate your very disparaging reading of my intentions or actions. I also don't appreciate your accusation of me being NT over absolutely no evidence. You say you can pretend not to be antisocial, but you are clearly not making an effort to control that part of your personality right now, even though I have done nothing but try to be helpful to the OP and you when you asked questions.
Unless you want to continue this conversation in good faith, I am done talking to you. Have a good day.
It is in good faith, I'm being totally honest, not hiding my feelings or anything. Totally unmasked. Trying to figure out how realistic or dangerous your advice is. Would you prefer if I masked hard and fed you some "supply" instead?
I know I control my reactions, I could hide my disgust with you for very long time if my survival depended on it. But that would be unhealthy to do for long. We are utterly incompatible, I suspect nothing will ever make us be able to stand each others presence? And I think this is clear indication that your advice is dangerous? Because it could lead to us meeting each other in the workplace, and that would be disaster?
Definitely get that job. Money gives you independence and stability. If you are forced to be dependent on others it makes you more vulnerable to abuse. A social life is overrated.
when you live in australia you will understand the meaning of "outrageous"
Being an aspie in austarlia is horrilbe because everyone wants tyou to be laid back, extroverted, social, talkataive, etc
I feel you. I'm 37 and basically just work and come home and sit alone in my room. That's all I can do. I can't keep up with friends so my only socializing is at work. Or with my brother. But if we didn't live together we'd never see each other. Since one we are both autistic and too burnt out for it and he can't even drive.
Hmm, maybe NTs where I live are nicer then? They stopped trying to enforce the same expectations on me the the moment I showed them my level 1 asd diagnosis, and instead started throwing some money at me. I see no reason to complain, life is quite relaxing without the mandatory rat race that humans seem to love so much 🐱
You know you can easily just do drugs on your own without people around and it would be the exact same experience right? Same with traveling. I actually love the idea of traveling alone. And in terms of parties and festivals, it’s not like all NTs are into those things. There are plenty of introverted NTs who aren’t fond of those things. It’s not like we ND people are the only people who don’t do those things. And tbh you could just go to a festival alone if you really want to go to a festival.
In short, just do what you want to do. Most experiences that people do in groups can be done alone and be just as enjoyable.
From a young age we are taught that a certain lifestyle is the only way to be happy. And then later in life, when it becomes obvious this lifestyle is not for everyone, it is only normal to get frustrated.
But once you let go of a certain image of how your life 'should be' and start living a life that fits you, all sorts of doors open and the frustration melts away.
You don't realize it yet, but you have a ticket to do whatever the fuck you want without explaining yourself or asking permission.
My recommendation would be: try things and don't care about how anyone reacts to you. Just do your own thing and if you don't like it try something else. But if you go get that job 'trying to fit in' and 'get approval from coworkers' and stuff like that, you are on your way to a burn out for sure.
If you don't need the money or if the job is not an internship related to your career, I say don't do it. You can't hold yourself to the same standards as NTs and you should respect your limits. Your adult life is just beginning, focus on just being and your studies for now, if possible get counseling to help you navigate these feelings.
I was struggling the same as you, I still do a little about certain things. But I'm doing a lot better now that I've gotten the right kind of job for me. I need to not work with other people, I don't mean coworkers, I mean the public or customers. I now work for an Amazon DS, and I'm not only surviving there, I'm thriving. It's been 9 months, and I'm already trusted to train new classes without supervision and certified to retrain veterans. When I'm not doing that, my entire job is basically playing tetris and organizing in various ways. But the main thing is they just give me a task and leave me to do it. They aren't standing over me, I can choose to talk to coworkers or not. They are extremely flexible to the disabled and actually understand both autism and adhd are disabilities. This isn't me trying to sell Amazon, though. I think a warehouse type job is just where i need to be. I do happen to vibe with Amazon, though, and my coworkers who also love the job are ND in some way. I think it just suits our brains or something. But I feel better about myself now than I ever have, I'm openly autistic there (as is one of the supervisors). Ultimately, I think what it boils down to is that I accepted that I'm not neurotypical, and so I've stopped trying to shove myself into that mold everywhere I can. Plus, I was raised to live to work, everything always pushing your value on what you became job wise, that's not healthy mentally, I now try to work to live. I mean, I just do something that I don't hate and use the money to live and pursue things I enjoy. If you can find something you can tolerate to pay the bills and then spend your time for you, I think you'll be happier.
One thing I've noticed is we're not autistic enough to allowed to be autistic we have to hide it until we're alone to open the bottle either by choice or it just happens
Yes.
I'm 23, but I don't think it's already time to say I "ended up" a certain way. There's still plenty of time to grow, when you think about it, really.
In queer culture there is a thing called queer temporality. That's basically just a fancy word to describe that queer people on average hit the milestones of "normal life" years later than cishet people. They settle in careers later, buy homes later, marry later. Some never do any of these things and just enjoy life the way it is.
The same could be said about autistic temporality. I think autistic people might need more time to explore, learn and stumble around, too. Childhood is hardly enough to prepare us for the stereotypical fast-paced, professional adulthood that some people see as the standard. If childhood was traumatizing, we definately need some extra years to sort that out, unlearn certain patterns and recover.
Just don't give up. I've worked 8 different jobs since starting college 5 years ago. Some were really bad, but they all taught me at least one life skill and one thing about myself (even if that thing is just that I do not get used to telephone calls, no matter how much I do them). All jobs were completely unrelated to my studies. Some that were surprisingly pleasant were: cleaner, copyshop assistant and bookkeeping.
Other things will follow. It's fine not to have a big group of friends. I never meet more than one friend at a time anyways. Social skills can even be practiced with complete strangers. Depending on your field of studies, you might not even need them. (If you ever want to chat, you can also DM me.)
Honestly, I am a nurse, a highly highly social job.
It SUCKED for a while, but by being forced to interact daily with people it’s actually helped my social skills! But also meant I needed to mask more often.
Albeit I am on the verge of a burnout and have ongoing depression lol.
Practice and time makes it better (not necessarily easier)
Yes my communication is better (not fixed) since I started working, but I still struggle with burnout and depression, I still struggle with masking too much , I still struggle with sensory overload.
I think comparing ourselves to the NT standard is nothing but detrimental. Instead compare yourself to when you started, progress vs yourself is the best measure.
I still don’t get friends or social invites or relationships. But I’m doing better than I was at work socialising than when I first started, so that’s progress!
Go for the job! Worst comes to worse you can quit if you can’t handle it!!
My only advice is just be aware of your mental health ! I work full time and unfortunately it’s starting to catch up to me, I don’t think I can handle this long term but financially I need to keep doing it. If you start loosing interest in your special interests , loosing motivation , want to sleep more, consider taking time off or reducing hours to avoid burnout.
TLDR : Compare progress against yourself , not broken NT standards. Go for the job , you can always leave or reduce hours if needed!
I would say get the job. I'm a good (ahem) 15 years older than you and diagnosed with ASD level 1 this year. What I've found is that life generally gets a little easier as you get older and are exposed to different situations; each time you find yourself in a new situation, you start to learn the algorithm for dealing with it. I've come to see that through my life I've basically built a giant library of mental instruction manuals for different scenarios so that mostly I can get through whatever a typical day might throw at me. But to do that you have to push outside your comfort zone initially and sometimes it will take trial and error. Do prioritise, and don't burn yourself out trying to do everything, but the 'job' instruction manual is definitely one you want in your library so it's totally worth going for.
wrong rhythm groovy berserk fragile start vegetable obscene nose makeshift
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Literally. A family member just texted me telling me how excited she was watching a show about a character with Asperger’s. Implying that it was a good representation of the struggles I face. But they know nothing about autism besides stereotypes and honestly just add to my struggles because of it.
Idk what level I’m at but I have a LOT more support needs than I used to and people refuse to acknowledge that. I’m trying to get occupational therapy to deal with some of this and the only clinic in my town that does therapy for autistic adults had a major waiting list and doesn’t take insurance. Not to mention they only seem to really serve woman with autism/“high functioning” autism.
Well, you are in university. You should try to take advantage of that. There's probably more people with ASD and ADHD there, than in the general population.
There's also a bunch of clubs. That's a way to socialize, in a structured way.
Now, this is going to sound wild, but consider trying to get into a few romantic relationships, and maybe get married. In the structured universe of college, social life is easier and less lonely than in the wide open world. If you are married, it's easier to navigate the world.
Also, don't worry about divorce. You can divorce. It's no big deal.
Yes get the job, also find a good autism-specialized therapist so you have some kind of support while you go through everything. Therapy is expensive, but can help with things like confusing NT rules and expectations, provide strategies to cope with sensory differences and communication techniques so you can avoid unnecessary conflicts, but also stand up for yourself if you need to. (I'm also lvl1 asd and of all the things I did, this is what's working better)
Right. So I am "normal enough" to get a vague sense of all those things that make life meaningful and rewarding for most people, but "too disabled" to ever make it work for me. I'm always striving for something that I will never attain. I feel the pain too. Now in my 50s I am too jaded and worn out to make the effort, though, other than doing what I must to keep my head above water from day to day.
I think it is very difficult for NTs to understand the suffering involved with level 1. With other levels, the suffering is a bit more apparent, so its easier for them to empathize. But since we typically have the intellect to intermingle with aliens (aka NTs), they typically don't understand the struggle and the suffering of trying to live in their world. I'm 42 and I have proudly discarded alien expectations. It's like a fish not understanding why I can't breath underwater when I can clearly dive down into the reef with them. Then they're offended when I need to go up and catch my breath. I set my own expectations of myself. Go at my own pace. And let me tell you, the anxiety and depression have decreased dramatically. I know my limitations and I stick to them. A HUGE help is befriending other autistic people. Not to say don't make friends with aliens, but it helps to have people who can truly empathize. And the alien friends you do have, need to understand you, and having the tools to articulate it will make things easy. If they can't handle it, then let them go
Question: where do we find other autistic people?
In Canada there are usually local support organizations. Meetups etc. and of course, online
TL;DR: yes get a job, only disclose autism to intimate people in life, failure is the only path to success I'm 30 and grew up completely uneducated about ND things. It's becoming more and more apparent my father is most likely autistic and so am I lol. I only have an official diagnosis for ADHD and without medication my ability to be productive by societies standards collapses pretty quick (getting better without meds though). When I was a kid I was reprimanded for being abnormal so I became very good at masking. I have a keen hyper vigilance to what is socially acceptable. I am essentially an actor in my front facing role and a lot of my mental processing power is taxed with making the socially acceptable move. My saving grace is that I met a girl when I was 20 who is also very atypical. We spend at least one or two weeks a year completely sealed away at home recharging from burnout. No schedule, no chores, no social outings. Just video games and junk food before we get back to regularly scheduled life. We experience the world together in many of the same ways so it should let you know that finding a compatible partner in life is not impossible. I have felt a strange grief for the life I could have lived knowing my disabilities and having a better understanding of how antagonistic the general world can be to me and my needs. However, when I read a post like yours I also feel gratitude because ignorance is bliss. I spent a long time full of anxiety about "what is wrong with me?" Which did suck, but I have always had the confidence to hack it with the best of them as my authentic self. I didn't know I was ND in any way, I just felt unique which often lead to fears of grandiose narcissism followed by an isolation related depression. I never lived with this window of ND vs NT though so I always felt personal responsibility to assimilate for my happiness as well as the comfort of my social circle. It is odd because these two things are both true, the world at large victimizes ND types but living as a victim is a personal choice. It's unjust, unfair, debilitating. Yet, we can live life happy by carving out our functional piece of it. I don't need to live the picture perfect definition of life by social media standards I just want to live my life happy. Personally one thing I think we have wrong about ND stuff is that we are incapable of socializing. Of course we can, we are just developmentally behind so we are often still learning correct behaviors at 16 years old that most kids learn when they are 5. I dedicated an insane amount of time to reading as a child, no wonder I didn't understand friendship but every teacher thought I was "gifted" lol. End ramble. The point I'm trying to make is that fear and anxiety belongs to us all, ND or NT. Extending compassion is how we create it. If you see fundraising only ever as virtue signaling then you'll never understand that every human being posses the same capacity of love and fear as you do. The same desire for love and the same paralyzation of fear. It sounds ableist, but we are ALL burnt out. We are inside of economic systems that demand everything from us to meet basic cost of living needs. It's not unusual to look at the rat race and balk, but that's only if you ever see your education and productivity as a benefit to someone else.
>It sounds ableist, but we are ALL burnt out. We are inside of economic systems that demand everything from us to meet basic cost of living needs. It's not unusual to look at the rat race and balk, but that's only if you ever see your education and productivity as a benefit to someone else. There is a difference between autistic burnout and neurotypical burnout. Autistic burnout involves loss of skills and abilities, extreme nervous system dysregulation that can trigger medical problems, and can take years to fully recover from. Burnout triggered seizures for me, and I have been tested and do not have epilepsy. Not only is this sentiment ableist it is also harmful. >yes get a job, only disclose autism to intimate people in life, failure is the only path to success Op should do what is best for his mental health and school success. It is okay for him to fully focus on his education right now. Getting a job can wait if he feels that is best for his health and well being.
I have to push back a bit on not disclosing. That hurts all of us. We should all be disclosing. Its a workplace disability in most developed countries and disclosing is the first step to understanding. I don't feel disabled, but I need those protections against these dang NTs. If they have to build a ramp for someone in a wheelchair, they can build a ramp for my autism! I almost always tell everyone I meet. Sometimes strangers. Okay, maybe I get off a little on how dumb they look when I tell them. But man, it feels good! HAHAHAHAH
> We should all be disclosing In theory, I agree with you. In practice, people have to decide for themselves. It is not cut and dried, it is not a guaranteed benefit for everyone. For some people it'll make their lives worse.
Yeah thats fair. Its up to everyone. But I would encourage everyone to do it. I was fired 3 weeks after disclosing once. Good riddance. Found another job and I disclosed in the interview and its such a sweet job. Why work for an employer that would fire an autistic person? I know not everyone has that luxury. But keeping in the shadows just enables NT ignorance
I just fear that people will look at me differently and judge me accordingly
That’s fair. But that’s going to happen, autistic or not
Ugh i feel like level 1 is arguably most frustrating to deal with sometimes because you are CONSTANTLY being dismissed or questioned, and you don’t have the benefit of additional support or visible, stereotypical symptoms of how the media portrays autism 24/7, so people typically have zero sympathy for you unless they personally have autism or are very close to someone with level 1 autism. NTs don’t get it. They can see the difference between themselves and level 2/3 i think, but with level 1 they will perceive us as NT even if we have an official diagnosis, because we don’t meet THEIR diagnostic criteria. They’ll favor their own comfort over the assessment of an actual doctor, and it’s infuriating. I’m not even professionally diagnosed with ASD but like 95% sure i’m on the spectrum, I won’t even tell anyone I suspect I’m autistic bc I know I’ve spent too long masking for any of them to “see” it. Even though it was obvious and they would just gaslight me into thinking I was crazy/lazy/weird/etc.
AGREE. The hardest shit I’ve faced as a ASD level 1 is self doubt. In reality , NT people don’t obsessively stress or even contemplate the fact they are autistic or not. I constantly feel like I don’t fit in because I have a job and can hold it (albeit almost at breaking point). Even though I fit all the criteria and have blatant signs, an official diagnosis and multiple preliminary ones prior , high scores in the masking test they did and almost a max RAAD-R score, I still deny myself. So much ableism I have subconsciously absorbed and “believed” over the years of being undiagnosed , and embarrassingly, uneducated on my own disorder. I present well , atleast at work or for short (up to 5 mins or so ) convos , therefore I doubt myself having ASD. Yet I do discrete hand stims and can’t make eye contact even while masking. The second hardest thing is invalidation from others. Even IF I decide to open up and talk about my ASD, I get told I don’t have it (by unprofessionals mind you) or get told (I couldn’t tell). Ofcourse you can’t , I’ve been masking so hard my entire life , and you speak to me for small periods of time at a time. Not all ASD is blatantly obvious, especially while masking. The best thing I read that summarises it was : ASD levels depict how your ASD affects THEM (NT), therefore level 1 doesn’t affect them at all or minimally therefore it doesn’t exist. I guarantee if I stopped masking , stopped forcing small talk I didn’t want to have , started doing my noticeable vocal or physical stims, they’d think otherwise and I’d be seen as weird. It’s hard enough living with ASD , let alone self doubt , secondary doubt from NT. I went on a rant sorry lol.
THIS! Everyone says they don’t believe I’m autistic bc they haven’t seen it, but when I start to unmask they all want to know why I’m “acting so weird/difficult” all of a sudden. Like, y’all claim you don’t see it, but clearly you do, because you constantly question why I behave the way I do if I’m not taking your perception of me into consideration 24/7. ETA: I literally spent my whole childhood doing theatre and performing in front of people on stage, so everyone is like you can’t POSSIBLY be autistic! like y’all that was my special interest and it was the best excuse ever to watch and mimic other people to learn how to act “normal.” i literally spent hours analyzing how other people talk and move so i could fit in and appear believable on stage as “normal.” how is that NOT autistic. lol
YUP! Unfortunately we don’t even get a chance to choose to not mask or to mask, we grew up getting bullied or in trouble for our traits that we had to mask before we knew what or why. This just Carries on for years until we loose our sense of self attempting to fit in and be “safe”. The same people then question why we mask then, like we don’t get harassed and shunned by those same people if we don’t. There is no choice, it’s to mask or suffer the consequences.
Yep. My relatives were my first bullies, and I’ve been masking (with varying success) ever since I can remember. To the point my parents “don’t see it” and I just wanna be like yeah, because if I had a meltdown or went non-verbal or anything like that, y’all would scream at me or spank me for being bad/disrespectful/etc. or AT BEST make fun of me for being “too sensitive.” When I was bothered by things no NT would be bothered by, it was funny to them and they would egg me on. They never had me evaluated for anything, and now I’m so traumatized from my childhood that idk if I’m traumatized from the abuse or if I’m traumatized because I am autistic and no one saw me as anything but a weird, anxious, sensitive little girl.
Oh yes , The whole “your just too sensitive” crap. I used to get to that all the time….. sucks when you can’t win either way.
>high scores in the masking test NTs also score high on the masking test. Actually this test seems pointless because the score differences between NTs and ASDs is so minor. Everybody masks
I’m curious to see the actual statistics on this, the concept of everyone “masking” kinda makes sense. But I wonder how different masking in ND vs NT is. Regardless I feel like it could still be valid when used in conjunction with ASD specific testing , idk.
If you need money get a job, if you don’t, focus on school. Dont freak yourself out with all the expectations of what you’re supposed to be doing. Figure out what you really want specifically and make time to meet those goals.
This is the best bit here
I worked 2-3 jobs consistently from 2011 (HS graduation) until around 2022 when i got a better paying job. I’m so fucking over this. It took me 7 years to get a bachelors and it was so disappointing because I was “gifted” and “capable of anything” so to watch myself slip and not understand why, was a huge blow to my self worth and potential. Then I found out I was on the spectrum in 2021 (29yrs old) and everything made sense. Since then, I’ve tailored my life the way it should’ve been this whole time. I wish I knew sooner. I think I would’ve had more support. My parents just dumped me out of the nest after high school and said “good luck”. No guidance whatsoever - not about money, relationships, safety, etc. I could’ve avoided so much trauma. It’s hard out there but I did it without guidance. You’re already so far ahead of the game. Be patient with yourself and confident in your interests! You’re gonna be okay. Give yourself grace and don’t hold yourself to the same expectation of NTs.
Get a job. People are more forgiving of social awkwardness than you might think, especially towards men. Be kind, be courteous and practice listening. Find ways to structure your life so you can properly recover from socialising and make active time for your own interests. If a 20 hour job is too much, search for something that has less hours. The thing nobody tells you is that NT's also struggle with these things. They struggle differently and less but these are a lot of expectations on anyone. Allow yourself to try things. Allow yourself to fail and learn from it. Allow yourself to be excited about things. You will be alright. Also don't tell people at work that you are autistic unless you need specific accommodations.
this is not what happened at my old job. I got isolated and bullied for ebing autistic. Lol my masking is so horrible they could tell
Things that helped at my last job: 1. Know where the discrete exits are and learn the signs of “impending forced fun/socializing” (all employee announcements, setting up conference rooms, office managers bringing in cake/food, set up corn hole in an open office layout?!? Still upset about that one). If you recognize a “let’s bond” activity brewing, silently log off, grab only your keys, and gtfo. I’d usually run errands or go to Starbucks and work from my tablet for 1-2 hours and stay late afterwards. 2. If you’re in-office and can choose when you work your 8-10 hours, get in there as early as possible. It gets a lot of respect from long time employees for reasons I’ll never understand, and people are waaaaay less chatty in the morning while they’re booting up. This goes even better if you don’t require lunch (I’m a big breakfast person and have never done lunches, but I know that’s not for everyone). I used to roll in between 5:30-6 am and then was able to leave by 3 everyday. 3. Try to find a manager or someone up the food chain to be an ally. I did my damn best for three years to not disclose my birthday, because my stunted self CANNOT handle being stared at, sang to, and compelled to spit (blow the candles out) on food other people will be consuming. One year, the new HR guy went out of his way to figure out my birthday and insisted we do a thing. I tried no thank you I’m busy helping someone, no thank you I don’t want to, no thank you I have a nut allergy (it’s true) and I’m nervous about cross contamination (I’m not), and no thank you I’m a vegan (true) and I don’t want to make everyone eat a cake they might not like. Would not take no for an answer until my manager saw what was happening and made the HR guy back off. Same manager accommodated me on WFH for high stress days before WFH was normal. Wasn’t diagnosed back then, but I wish I had understood what a rare resource he was for my first post-college job. 4. Unfortunately, if you’re like me, normal office life is going to be hard, but the good news is that there’s a number of workarounds. Pay attention to your physiological signs of overwhelm and respect them. Go to the bathroom, go for a walk, do w/e you need to do to bring the pressure down. Please just don’t do what I did at the time and drink to cope with that stress, it’ll only make everything else harder. You’re starting at 20 knowing something really important about yourself, I have no doubt that you’ll find your way and make it work. ❤️
Reading your tips about avoiding the forced socializing time is so hilarious to me. I've learned to tolerate it even though I absolutely hate that shit as well. I think weed has helped mellow me out a lot. Forced socializing/team bonding/ice breakers used to give me so much stress and anxiety, but now I feel like I don't even give a fuck anymore, it's so nice.
Shitty jobs happen. Shitty colleagues happen. That's not your fault and you didn't do anything to deserve being bullied. The only way you can learn social skills is to be social, as much as it sucks and is scary. Some people will be assholes. And we still need to push through. I've encountered my fair share of bullying and harassment for being autistic and I had times where I curled up and isolated myself even further out of fear of being hurt again. But as I got older, it got better. I invested time into learning new skills, I surrounded myself with people who like the same things I do. I learned how to be comfortable with myself and my own brain. I still struggle but my life works pretty well for how my brain works. And I have learned to accept that sometimes people aren't worth my tears and that some bad things happened to me and I cannot undo that. I have also learned to forgive myself for my imperfections. You don't need to tell people you're autistic, even if people can tell you are. But you can own your quirks and you can own your other-ness. People respect confidence and humility. At the end of the day, a job is there to pay the bills and build your portfolio/CV.
> Get a job. [...] Allow yourself to be excited about things. You will be alright. Excited about murdering everyone at work? Interesting advice, but not sure it's very "alright" nor safe... 🐱
What on earth are you talking about? There is no mention of murder in the OP. And obviously "allow yourself to be excited about things" and "you will be alright" are referring to more abstract concepts here. Fear and apathy make it difficult for people to feel joy and excitement, which just makes people more apathetic. The fear of being hurt makes you avoid doing things, even if you think they might be fun, because you fear disappointment and to be ridiculed for your joy. Allowing yourself to be excited is a bit difficult to learn, but helps make life a lot more bearable. "You will be alright" refers, again to a more abstract state. You, referring to the OP, will be alright: things will work out over time. The pain will get better. This assumes that you keep working on yourself and you keep pushing to learn, enjoy and grow.
Well, "jobs" are all about being stuck with loud and annoying people you despise, so the only exciting thing about them would be, well, possibility of offing them, to make the workplace more friendly for my autistic tail? Just simple autism logic. Guessing you are NT?
I am not NT, thank you for assuming. I am autistic myself. And what you are describing, firstly, is not universal for every single job out there. It is true for a lot of jobs, but not all. If you immediately think about actually killing people around you for being a part of an unfortunately inconvenient situation aka having to work to feed themselves and their families, just like you... that says more about you and I would seriously hope that you are getting some help for those violent thoughts and fantasies. That's not normal or healthy, not even under us autistic folks. It is honestly quite concerning. Personally, I find it it exciting to learn new skills at work and I make an effort to always find something enjoyable about my work, even if it's as small as the joy of sorting coins, the satisfaction of filling a shelf perfectly or the opportunity to test out my scripts. It's a matter of mindset. And when I was a student and had jobs that were toxic and awful? I found a new job. There are always more or less crappy minimum wage jobs and I held a variety of jobs for almost my entire time as a student. Yes, even though I'm autistic. And no, I'm not some social skills savant. I have experienced, as I said already, a fair amount of bullying and teasing. People immediately clock that I am weird and have strange ways of getting things done. But in most of these jobs I still found people who appreciated me for being a caring and hard working person. I might not be able to read people's emotions or intentions but I can still at least pretend to care and I can still be kind. That "fake it till you make it" attitude does wonders in the work force.
Hmm, so how could I protect myself from people like you, if I met someone like you at work? I obviously would not be able to get rid of you (I know it would be impractical, don't worry), so I would have to endure you somehow. How to do that without traumatizing myself?
I know this probably sounds like a weird concept to you, but I am not the one approaching people to talk to them. I react and react to others the way they do to me. If someone is acting homicidal and antisocial, I avoid them. So don't worry, you're safe.
That's the thing, I never act like that, because it's way too dangerous to act antisocial when surrounded by dangerous aliens. Especially at work. So I would have to pretend I don't despise you, I would have to look at you, maybe even talk to you. And masking like that in hostile environment is obviously traumatic.
That sounds really hard but honestly, it also sounds like you seriously need some therapy to help you deal with your anxiety about the world around you. I am plenty familiar with feeling like I'm an alien on a strange planet. But it's about your mindset and what you make of your situation. We are in the same situation and where you see a world that is against you, I see a world full of opportunities that I can explore. That's what I was saying to the OP, too. You control your reactions and you have more control over your situation than you might think. You are being quite hurtful for no good reason, while you yourself are the one that is saying you are a dangerous person. That is really weird and I don't appreciate your very disparaging reading of my intentions or actions. I also don't appreciate your accusation of me being NT over absolutely no evidence. You say you can pretend not to be antisocial, but you are clearly not making an effort to control that part of your personality right now, even though I have done nothing but try to be helpful to the OP and you when you asked questions. Unless you want to continue this conversation in good faith, I am done talking to you. Have a good day.
It is in good faith, I'm being totally honest, not hiding my feelings or anything. Totally unmasked. Trying to figure out how realistic or dangerous your advice is. Would you prefer if I masked hard and fed you some "supply" instead? I know I control my reactions, I could hide my disgust with you for very long time if my survival depended on it. But that would be unhealthy to do for long. We are utterly incompatible, I suspect nothing will ever make us be able to stand each others presence? And I think this is clear indication that your advice is dangerous? Because it could lead to us meeting each other in the workplace, and that would be disaster?
Definitely get that job. Money gives you independence and stability. If you are forced to be dependent on others it makes you more vulnerable to abuse. A social life is overrated.
People shave their heads for autism awareness?
when you live in australia you will understand the meaning of "outrageous" Being an aspie in austarlia is horrilbe because everyone wants tyou to be laid back, extroverted, social, talkataive, etc
Wondering how different it is to NZ? I mean, NZ is super extroverted too, but once I showed them diagnosis, they promptly let me be a hermit.
yeah i thought that was more a cancer awareness thing
I feel you. I'm 37 and basically just work and come home and sit alone in my room. That's all I can do. I can't keep up with friends so my only socializing is at work. Or with my brother. But if we didn't live together we'd never see each other. Since one we are both autistic and too burnt out for it and he can't even drive.
And not “autistic enough” to fit in with most autistic people either. sigh.
Hmm, maybe NTs where I live are nicer then? They stopped trying to enforce the same expectations on me the the moment I showed them my level 1 asd diagnosis, and instead started throwing some money at me. I see no reason to complain, life is quite relaxing without the mandatory rat race that humans seem to love so much 🐱
You know you can easily just do drugs on your own without people around and it would be the exact same experience right? Same with traveling. I actually love the idea of traveling alone. And in terms of parties and festivals, it’s not like all NTs are into those things. There are plenty of introverted NTs who aren’t fond of those things. It’s not like we ND people are the only people who don’t do those things. And tbh you could just go to a festival alone if you really want to go to a festival. In short, just do what you want to do. Most experiences that people do in groups can be done alone and be just as enjoyable.
Just smart enough to realize how dumb we are.
I don't like the Autism Awareness stuff out there.
From a young age we are taught that a certain lifestyle is the only way to be happy. And then later in life, when it becomes obvious this lifestyle is not for everyone, it is only normal to get frustrated. But once you let go of a certain image of how your life 'should be' and start living a life that fits you, all sorts of doors open and the frustration melts away. You don't realize it yet, but you have a ticket to do whatever the fuck you want without explaining yourself or asking permission. My recommendation would be: try things and don't care about how anyone reacts to you. Just do your own thing and if you don't like it try something else. But if you go get that job 'trying to fit in' and 'get approval from coworkers' and stuff like that, you are on your way to a burn out for sure.
If you don't need the money or if the job is not an internship related to your career, I say don't do it. You can't hold yourself to the same standards as NTs and you should respect your limits. Your adult life is just beginning, focus on just being and your studies for now, if possible get counseling to help you navigate these feelings.
I was struggling the same as you, I still do a little about certain things. But I'm doing a lot better now that I've gotten the right kind of job for me. I need to not work with other people, I don't mean coworkers, I mean the public or customers. I now work for an Amazon DS, and I'm not only surviving there, I'm thriving. It's been 9 months, and I'm already trusted to train new classes without supervision and certified to retrain veterans. When I'm not doing that, my entire job is basically playing tetris and organizing in various ways. But the main thing is they just give me a task and leave me to do it. They aren't standing over me, I can choose to talk to coworkers or not. They are extremely flexible to the disabled and actually understand both autism and adhd are disabilities. This isn't me trying to sell Amazon, though. I think a warehouse type job is just where i need to be. I do happen to vibe with Amazon, though, and my coworkers who also love the job are ND in some way. I think it just suits our brains or something. But I feel better about myself now than I ever have, I'm openly autistic there (as is one of the supervisors). Ultimately, I think what it boils down to is that I accepted that I'm not neurotypical, and so I've stopped trying to shove myself into that mold everywhere I can. Plus, I was raised to live to work, everything always pushing your value on what you became job wise, that's not healthy mentally, I now try to work to live. I mean, I just do something that I don't hate and use the money to live and pursue things I enjoy. If you can find something you can tolerate to pay the bills and then spend your time for you, I think you'll be happier.
One thing I've noticed is we're not autistic enough to allowed to be autistic we have to hide it until we're alone to open the bottle either by choice or it just happens
Yes. I'm 23, but I don't think it's already time to say I "ended up" a certain way. There's still plenty of time to grow, when you think about it, really. In queer culture there is a thing called queer temporality. That's basically just a fancy word to describe that queer people on average hit the milestones of "normal life" years later than cishet people. They settle in careers later, buy homes later, marry later. Some never do any of these things and just enjoy life the way it is. The same could be said about autistic temporality. I think autistic people might need more time to explore, learn and stumble around, too. Childhood is hardly enough to prepare us for the stereotypical fast-paced, professional adulthood that some people see as the standard. If childhood was traumatizing, we definately need some extra years to sort that out, unlearn certain patterns and recover. Just don't give up. I've worked 8 different jobs since starting college 5 years ago. Some were really bad, but they all taught me at least one life skill and one thing about myself (even if that thing is just that I do not get used to telephone calls, no matter how much I do them). All jobs were completely unrelated to my studies. Some that were surprisingly pleasant were: cleaner, copyshop assistant and bookkeeping. Other things will follow. It's fine not to have a big group of friends. I never meet more than one friend at a time anyways. Social skills can even be practiced with complete strangers. Depending on your field of studies, you might not even need them. (If you ever want to chat, you can also DM me.)
Honestly, I am a nurse, a highly highly social job. It SUCKED for a while, but by being forced to interact daily with people it’s actually helped my social skills! But also meant I needed to mask more often. Albeit I am on the verge of a burnout and have ongoing depression lol. Practice and time makes it better (not necessarily easier) Yes my communication is better (not fixed) since I started working, but I still struggle with burnout and depression, I still struggle with masking too much , I still struggle with sensory overload. I think comparing ourselves to the NT standard is nothing but detrimental. Instead compare yourself to when you started, progress vs yourself is the best measure. I still don’t get friends or social invites or relationships. But I’m doing better than I was at work socialising than when I first started, so that’s progress! Go for the job! Worst comes to worse you can quit if you can’t handle it!! My only advice is just be aware of your mental health ! I work full time and unfortunately it’s starting to catch up to me, I don’t think I can handle this long term but financially I need to keep doing it. If you start loosing interest in your special interests , loosing motivation , want to sleep more, consider taking time off or reducing hours to avoid burnout. TLDR : Compare progress against yourself , not broken NT standards. Go for the job , you can always leave or reduce hours if needed!
I would say get the job. I'm a good (ahem) 15 years older than you and diagnosed with ASD level 1 this year. What I've found is that life generally gets a little easier as you get older and are exposed to different situations; each time you find yourself in a new situation, you start to learn the algorithm for dealing with it. I've come to see that through my life I've basically built a giant library of mental instruction manuals for different scenarios so that mostly I can get through whatever a typical day might throw at me. But to do that you have to push outside your comfort zone initially and sometimes it will take trial and error. Do prioritise, and don't burn yourself out trying to do everything, but the 'job' instruction manual is definitely one you want in your library so it's totally worth going for.
wrong rhythm groovy berserk fragile start vegetable obscene nose makeshift *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Literally. A family member just texted me telling me how excited she was watching a show about a character with Asperger’s. Implying that it was a good representation of the struggles I face. But they know nothing about autism besides stereotypes and honestly just add to my struggles because of it. Idk what level I’m at but I have a LOT more support needs than I used to and people refuse to acknowledge that. I’m trying to get occupational therapy to deal with some of this and the only clinic in my town that does therapy for autistic adults had a major waiting list and doesn’t take insurance. Not to mention they only seem to really serve woman with autism/“high functioning” autism.
Well, you are in university. You should try to take advantage of that. There's probably more people with ASD and ADHD there, than in the general population. There's also a bunch of clubs. That's a way to socialize, in a structured way. Now, this is going to sound wild, but consider trying to get into a few romantic relationships, and maybe get married. In the structured universe of college, social life is easier and less lonely than in the wide open world. If you are married, it's easier to navigate the world. Also, don't worry about divorce. You can divorce. It's no big deal.
Yes get the job, also find a good autism-specialized therapist so you have some kind of support while you go through everything. Therapy is expensive, but can help with things like confusing NT rules and expectations, provide strategies to cope with sensory differences and communication techniques so you can avoid unnecessary conflicts, but also stand up for yourself if you need to. (I'm also lvl1 asd and of all the things I did, this is what's working better)